Archive for Wayne Brady

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/3/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…,” Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Jacksonville, Florida. Tonight, Randy Orton will be Edge’s guest on The Cutting Edge! Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Batista comes out and bitches about the way he lost at Extreme Rules, the silly duct tape finish, which they show on the screen. He whines for a while, and eventually says that tonight, he and John Cena will have a Beat The Clock Challenge to determine who gets to choose the stipulations for their match at Over The Limit. He calls out his opponent, The Miz. Sheamus comes out instead. Sheamus recites his own complaints and grievances, then challenges Batista to put his title shot on the line tonight. Batista says no. Sheamus says he’ll be WWE Champion again soon.

Batista faces The Miz NEXT!

United States Champion The Miz comes out and tells Batista that he still can’t wrestle after Big Show KTFO’d him last week. He has a piece of paper with “Doctor’s Note” written on it. Miz says he has a replacement, his NXT rookie Daniel Bryan!  Miz tells Bryan to not get pinned in 30 seconds.  Bryan says he’s sick of this crap and is going to make Batista tap out.

Beat The Clock Challenge Match: Batista vs. Daniel Bryan (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz).  Batista immediately goes for the Batista Bomb, but Bryan counters into a sunset flip for 2.  Bryan locks in an ankle hold.  Batista kicks free and bails.  When he comes back in, he rams Bryan into the corner and beats him up there.  Bryan gets a sleeper hold, but Batista escapes and kicks Bryan in the face for 2.  Batista whips Bryan into the corner, and then into the opposite corner.  Bryan catches Batista with a boot and clamps on a guillotine, but Batista throws him off Northern Lights suplex style.  Delayed cover gets 2.  Batista throws Bryan out of the ring and follows him out, then hits a spinebuster into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Batista nails a lariat for 2.  Bryan starts fighting back, kicks Batista in the head, then gets kicked in his own head.  Cover gets 2 for Batista.  Bryan connects with some kicks and locks in a crossface.  Batista struggles to get a rope break.  Bryan puts the boots to Batista and has to be pulled off by the referee.  Batista kicks Bryan in the knee, then spears him.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin in 5:08.  Okay, this was kind of awesome for what it was.  After the match, Batista hits another Batista Bomb, just to be a dick about it.  The official time to beat is 5:06.  Batista comes back and delivers a third Batista Bomb.

Later tonight, John Cena will face Chris Jericho in the second Beat The Clock match!  Guest host Wayne Brady is on NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Last week, Edge speared Randy Orton and cost him the #1 Contendership!  Tonight, the Cutting Edge!

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres poses for pictures.  Wayne Brady chats with her.  Jillian Hall sings at him.  Brady gets rid of her, then makes nice with Eve some more.  Eve notices her belt is missing.  Maryse hits her in the face with it and steals it.

Edge talks to some production geek.  The geek says they can’t show any good footage of Edge.  Josh Matthews interrupts to interview him.  Edge says WWE is PG, but he’s rated R, and he’s going to cause controversy.

NXT commercial.

Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out.  They show him trying to hire R-Truth to be his Virgil last week.  Dibiase cuts a promo about it.  He says he’ll hire somebody to slap some sense into R-Truth.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. John Morrison.  Dibiase goes on the attack.  Morrison does his fancy stuff, clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring, and hits a nice springboard 450 splash to the outside.  Dibiase takes the count-out loss in 1:15.  He challenges Dibiase to comeback and restart the match.  Dibiase refuses.  Morrison says if he loses, he’ll be Dibiase’s Virgil.  Dibiase heads back to the ring.  Commercials!  Dibiase holds Morrison in a body scissors and beats him up.  Dibiase slingshots Morrison into the top rope for 2.  Dibiase continues to beat up Morrison.  Morrison connects with one of his fancy kicks and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes fro the Flying Chuck, but Dibiase trips him and covers for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Morrison counters.  Dibiase hits a powerslam for 2.  Dibiase hits a big lariat for 2.  Dibiase hooks Morrison for the Dream Street again, but Morrison kicks off the turnbuckles and lands on top for the pin in 9:44 (think Bret/Piper from WrestleMania VIII).  Fine little match.  Dibiase jumps Morrison from behind after the match.  R-Truth comes down to chase off Dibiase.

Earlier tonight, Batista beat Daniel Bryan!  Next, John Cena takes on Chris Jericho!

Last Friday on Smackdown, Big Show KTFO punched Chris Jericho!

John Cena comes out for the match.  Jericho comes out SUITED UP.  He says beating Cena again(?) tonight would be a waste of time, so he’s putting Wade Barrett in his place.  Barrett says Cena isn’t beating him.

Beat The Clock Challenge Match: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Chris Jericho).  They lock up.  Cena does ground work and tries to get the quick win.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho gets on the apron.  Cena throws Barrett onto Jericho.  Cena throws Barrett back in the ring.  Jericho attacks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Barrett kicks Cena into the announce table, then throws him back in the ring and beats up him.  Barrett does very well, stretches Cena a bit, and mows him down with a big boot for 2.  Barrett continues to beat on Cena as the clock dwindles down.  Cena takes Barrett down and locks in the STF for the win in 4:38.  Fine little match.  Barrett looked good in there against Cena.  Before Cena can announce the gimmick match for the PPV, Sheamus runs in and hits him with the pump kick.

The Cutting Edge TONIGHT!

Another WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Maryse vs. Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella).  Maryse doesn’t have the belt, so I guess she gave it back after she stole it.  They lock up.  Bella does some stuff.  Maryse bails and gets caught between the Bellas.  An enviable position to be in.  Back inside, Nikki goes up top, but Maryse pulls her off.  Cole calls her the Divas Champ, because Cole is retarded.  Maryse hits the DDT for the pin in 1:01.  Whatever.  They show pics of Maryse posing over an unconscious Eve.  Eve comes out, has to struggle to get into the ring, then is held back by the referee while Maryse leaves.  This segment just got demoted from “Whatever” to “Utterly fucking pointless.”

Gail Kim and Alicia Fox are at ringside.  Zack Ryder is in the ring.  He’s single since Rosa was drafted to Smackdown, so that’s why he invited the Divas out here.  He calls out Primo for a rematch of their Superstars match, making some slightly racial remarks.  Wayne Brady appears on the screen and informs that he’ll be facing Mark Henry instead.

Zack Ryder vs. Mark Henry.  Henry slams Ryder a bunch.  Ryder avoids a charge in the corner and kicks Henry’s leg, then hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for 2.  Ryder pounds on Henry.  Henry rams Ryder into the corner and beats him up some more.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 1:51.  Fun little squash.  Henry leaves with the ladies.

Chris Jericho and The Miz complain to each other about them both getting KTFO’d by Big Show.  Jericho has an idea about how they can pay Show back.

They show Edge spearing Orton last week.  Again.  Cutting Edge tonight.  The more they hype it, the less I care.

John Morrison hype video.

Vladimir Kozlov is backstage with Wayne Brady.  Kozlov is pleased that Brady has given him competition.  Santino Marella comes in dressed in 70s clothes.  Wrong Brady.  Santino still wants to tag with Kozlov.  William Regal tells Kozlov they have a match tonight.  They’re back together?  Oh, Santino brings up how Regal betrayed Kozlov.  Santino says he was one of the 7 people who watched ECW.  So me, my friend Cecil, Meltzer, Alvarez, Vinny, MGFanJay, and Santino were ECW’s viewership.  Regal says they’ve sorted it out.  Santino says “Regal, Regal, Regal!” in Brady Bunch fashion.  Oh, and Goldust is dressed in a maid’s outfit.  Brady thinks he’s Alice.  Goldust says “Who’s Alice?” Hilarious segment.

Review of the people who were drafted to Raw in the supplemental draft.

Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty and Natalya are headed our way!

Last Monday, the Hart Dynasty beat Show Miz for the Unified Tag Team Championship!

Chris Jericho and The Miz have joined the announcers.  I think I get Jericho’s plan!

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov.  Regal and Kidd lock up and Regal goes into awesome Regal mode.  Kidd fights back.  Kozlov trips Kidd, who takes a bump to the outside.  Bad guys get heat on Kidd.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Regal knocks Kidd of the apron the knee trembler.  Smith avoids the knee trembler and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:43.  Miz tries to jump Smith, but gets cut off.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Smith.  Miz gives Smith the Skull Crushing Finale.  I approve of the Mizard of Fozz.

More hype for the Cutting Edge, which I actively don’t want to see by this point.

NXT commercial.

Flavor Flav is next week’s guest host.  Fuck.

Justin Roberts introduces Edge for the Cutting Edge.  Edge cuts a promo I don’t give a fuck about.  Wayne Brady comes out and has fun cutting a promo on past guest hosts.  Randy Orton comes out and RKOs Brady.  Edge tries to convince Orton not to RKO him and to reform Rated RKO.  Edge bitches about the people not accepting him as a babyface, but they accepted Orton.  Edge says if Orton doesn’t join him, he’ll spear him every week.  Orton goes for the RKO.  Edge counters and boots him in the face, then goes for the spear.  Orton counters Edge MID SPEAR with the RKO.  Okay, that ruled.  Okay, this segment turned out way better than I expected.  Orton stands tall.  Replays.  Edge and Brady are still laid out.

This Raw turned out to be pretty fun.

WWE Monday Night Raw 4/26/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Richmond, Virginia!  It’s DRAFT TIME!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Unified Tag Team Champions Show Miz come out.  Miz cuts a promo on the Hart Dynasty.  He calls for Bret Hart to come out and hold up his end of the deal, and declare Show Miz the greatest tag team of all time.  Bret’s music cuts off Miz’s catchphrase.  Bret declares that Show Miz are the greatest tag team.  He also declares other ridiculous things, like The Mountie being the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, David Arquette being the greatest World Heavyweight Champion of all time, and Miz being a horse faced idiot.  Okay, that one was true.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Bret Hart & Natalya).  Kidd and Miz lock up aggressively.  They do some good wrestling.  Kidd hits a basement dropkick on Miz for 2, then tags in Smith.  Smith hits the stalling suplex on Miz.  Miz bails, but gets caught between Natalya and Smith.  Smith drops Miz with a shoulder block.  Commercials!  Miz punishes Smith with a rear chin lock.  Smith fights out and hits a backdrop suplex.  Show and Kidd tag in.  Kidd tries to use his speed, but is overwhelmed by Show’s size and strength.  Miz tags in and beats up Kidd.  Kidd gets a quick cradle for 2.  Miz hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kidd finally breaks free of Miz and makes the hot tag to Smith.  Miz and Smith do some cradles.  Awesome.  Smith hits a powerslam for 2.  Miz goes for a pin with his feet on the ropes, but Bret pushes his feet off.  Kidd takes Show out with a dive from the apron.  Smith schoolboys Miz for 2.  Smith tags in Kidd.  Springboard Hart Attack.  Kidd locks Miz in the Sharpshooter for the win in 11:40!  Harts win the titles!  Fun match.  The Harts celebrate.

Something about Sheamus is NEXT!

Highlights of the John Cena/Batista match from Extreme Rules.

During the break, Big Show KTFO’d Miz with the big punch!

Highlights of the Sheamus/Triple H match from Extreme Rules.

Josh Matthews interviews The World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger.  Edge interrupts.  He says he’s next in line for a title shot.

A Divas tag match for a Divas draft pick is NEXT!

Slam of the Week: Eve Torres beating Maryse for the Divas Championship 2 weeks ago.

Michelle McCool & Layla (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Maryse.  Eve and Layla do stuff.  A light “WE WANT MICKIE!” chant breaks out.  Maryse hits Eve.  They brawl outside.  Eve comes back and gets jumped by Layla.  McCool tags in and beats up Eve.  Maryse is actually back on the apron.  Eve makes a comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Maryse tags in, taunts Eve, and eats a boot from McCool for the pin in 4:30.  This was fucking terrible.

Kelly Kelly is drafted to Smackdown.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Oh fuck yes.  They lock up.  Bourne hits a rana and lands some kicks.  Bourne does another head scissors, but Punk turns it into a backbreaker.  Punk lands some kicks to Bourne’s back.  Bourne gets a cradle for 2.  Punk hits a kick jumping kick for 2.  Bourne counters a suplex attempt and lands some kicks, then knees Punk the face.  Bourne hits some sliding blows for 2.  Bourne lands a spin kick that sends Punk out of the ring.  Bourne jumps over Serena to take out Punk and Gallows with a dive.  Back inside, Bourne hits a running knee to the corner.  He goes for the Shooting Star press, but the masked guy runs in and crotches Bourne on the top rope while Serena distracts the referee.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 3:41.  Good little match.

The Big Show is drafted to Smackdown!

Sheamus is headed our way!

The announcers review the draft kicks so far… all 2 of them.

Teddy Long is happy to have Big Show on Smackdown.  Show feigns being pissed, then hugs Teddy and smiles.  Teddy dances.

Sheamus comes to the ring and cuts a promo.  He says he ended Triple H’s career.  Now he wants the WWE Championship back.  Randy Orton comes out.  He talks about his own feuds with Triple H, or whatever.  He wants a title shot too.  Sheamus points out that Orton lost last night.  Orton threatens to RKO and punt Sheamus.  Sheamus says he’s not dealing with losers, and there’s nothing Orton can do to stop him from getting his title shot.  The WWE Champion, John Cena comes out.  Cena says he’s going to introduce tonight’s guest host… but there isn’t one.  He gets a “phone call” from WWE Global telling him there is no host.  Fucking hilarious.  Sheamus says “Quit jokin’, fella!”  Cena says he was told that he’d be the one to determine who got the next title shot.  Cena books Sheamus vs. Orton in a #1 contender match for TONIGHT!  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Orton ducks and goes for the RKO.  Sheamus avoids it and bails.

A battle royal for 3 draft picks is NEXT!


Battle Royal featuring Rey Mysterio Jr., Kane, R-Truth, WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, Shad Gaspard, Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, and Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr.  Kane decks Santino, then everybody brawls.  McIntyre goes to eliminate Yoshi, but gets eliminated himself!  Shad eliminates Yoshi.  Guys continue brawling.  Dibiase almost eliminates Mysterio, but Mysterio hangs on.  Commercials.  Fuck.  Everybody’s still brawling, and nobody has been eliminated.  Mysterio eliminates MVP.  Santino eliminates Shad and R-Truth to save Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Santino.  Henry goes to eliminate Kane, but Mysterio hits the 619.  Kane eliminates Henry.  Dibiase low bridges Kane out of the ring.  Dibiase and Mysterio go at it.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away.  Dibiase saves himself from being eliminated.  Mysterio saves himself from being eliminated.  Dibiase again.  They fight on the apron.  Dibiase ends up booting Mysterio off the apron for the win in 8:54.  Raw wins, with Dibiase and Santino left.  Santino celebrates, then Dibiase hits him with the Dream Street.

John Morrison is drafted to Raw!  So is R-Truth!  Truth and Wisdom can stay together!  The third draft pick for Raw is EDGE!

Orton vs. Sheamus TONIGHT!

KFC Double Down… replay thing: Heath Slater beat Chris Jericho last week on NXT!

Chris Jericho comes down and cuts a promo, bitching about Edge doing the exact same thing to him that he’s been doing to Edge for months.  He calls for Heath Slater to apologize to him for beating him last week, therefore costing him the PPV match against Edge.  Strange logic.  Slater comes down and apologizes for Jericho’s failure to win.  Slater throws Jericho out of the ring just to fuck with him.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian (w/ Heath Slater).  They go at it.  Christian continues Edge’s leg assault from last night.  Jericho bails.  Christian hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Commercials.  They’re still wrestling.  Christian gets a cradle for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline for 2.  Jericho hits the decapitator on the bottom rope.  Christian avoids the Lionsault and makes his comeback.  Jericho counters the Killswitch.  Christian puts Jericho against the middle rope and stands on his back, then jumps out of the ring and hits him with a palm strike.  Christian goes for a missile dropkick, but Jericho catches him and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Christian cradles him for 2.  Jericho hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Christian hits the reverse DDT for 2.  Jericho counters the Killswitch again and goes for the Walls of Jericho again, but ends up catapulting Christian into the turnbuckles.  Christian hits his diving sunset flip.  Jericho locks Christian in the Walls of Jericho.  Christian struggles to the ropes and gets the break.  Jericho bitches to the referee.  Christian hits a palm strike from the apron and goes up top.  Jericho catches him in midair with the Codebreaker for the pin in 9:58.  Good little match.  Jericho beats up Slater and hits him with the Codebreaker after the match.

Kofi Kingston is drafted to Smackdown!  Good, he might actually get pushed there.  He runs down to the ring and hits Jericho with the Trouble In Paradise.

John Morrison takes on Jack Swagger NEXT!  They don’t mention it’s the rubber match, but it is for a draft pick!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Earlier tonight, the Hart Dynasty won the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship!  Then, Big Show KTFO’d The Miz!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison.  They do stuff.  Swagger does his amateur stuff, which is always fun.  Morrison fights back and works Swagger’s arm.  Swagger comes back and beats up Morrison some more.  Swagger grounds Morrison with a side headlock.  Morrison comes back and dropkicks Swagger out of the ring, then takes him out with a dive.  Back inside, Swagger spears Morrison into the corner to hurt his ribs.  Commercials!  Swagger works on Morrison’s shoulder.  Morrison gets a victory roll for 2.  Morrison hits a kick from the apron.  Swagger knees him in the gut and gets an abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Swagger counters a tornado DDT attempt, but Morrison gets his comeback going anyway.  Morrison hits the standing Shooting Star press for 2.  Swagger slams Morrison down and goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Morrison avoids it and catapults Swagger into the turnbuckles for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the knee to the face for 2, as Swagger gets a foot on the bottom rope.  More stuff happens.  Morrison avoids the Doctor Bomb, hits a side Russian leg sweep, and goes for the Starship Pain.  Swagger cuts him off and hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin in 14:28.  Good match, but the ones they’ve had on Smackdown lately are better.

Christian is drafted to Smackdown!  He motions that he wants Swagger’s belt.

Orton vs. Sheamus TONIGHT!

Next week’s guest host is Wayne Brady!

They review the draft picks.

Ted Dibiase Jr. talks to Carlito backstage.  Carlito refuses Dibiase’s offer, whatever that is.  Dibiase welcomes R-Truth to Raw.  He wants R-Truth to be his Virgil.  R-Truth seems to consider it when Dibiase mentions “a lot of money,” then slaps Dibiase.

They show a video of John Cena appreciating the troops.

Orton vs. Sheamus is TONIGHT!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Hornswoggle.  Seriously.  Hornswoggle is for some reason allowed to wear a helmet.  Ziggler chases Hornswoggle around the ring, catches him, and throws him in the ring.  Hornswoggle throws his shoes and helmet at Ziggler and causes Ziggler to get counted out in 39 seconds.  THE MOTHEFUCKING REFEREE WENT STRAIGHT FROM 7 TO FUCKING 10 ON THE COUNT.  FUCK THIS BULLSHIT.  Ziggler puts Hornswoggle in the sleeper after the match.

Chris Jericho is drafted to Raw.  I’m too pissed to be excited.

Randy Orton is headed our way.  Still, fuck Hornswoggle.

Justin Roberts announces the #1 Contender Match.  Batista comes down and says he’s the #1 Contender.  He bitches about losing last night.  Sheamus comes down and calls Batista a loser.  Randy Orton comes down and calls Batista out for being a whiny bitch.  Orton offers to face Batista after he beats Sheamus, and beat him too.  Batista does an overblown laugh.  Sheamus says neither of them deserve a shot.  John Cena comes out and makes it a Triple Threat Match.

Triple Threat Match to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship: Batista vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  Batista bails.  Orton and Sheamus brawl.  Batista comes in to break a cover and throws Sheamus out of the ring.  Batista and Orton brawl.  Orton stomps Batista for like 2 hours.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  They brawl outside.  Batista sends Sheamus into the announce table.  Orton and Batista brawl in the ring some more.  Orton rams Sheamus’ head into the post to keep him from getting back into the ring.  Batista boots Orton in the face for 2.  Sheamus gets back in, but Orton beats him up and throws him out again.  Batista hits a spinebuster on Orton, then signals for the Batista Bomb.  Commercials.  WHAT THE FUCK?  I’ve been begging for a commercial for this whole shitty match, and you finally got to commercial when a guy is about to go for his finish?  Sheamus avoids a knee drop from Orton and covers for 2.  During the break, Orton sent Batista into the post, then got dropped by Sheamus, then Orton whipped Batista into the steps.  Now, Sheamus puts Orton in a hold.  Orton fights out, but gets beaten down some more.  They brawl outside.  Batista drives Orton’s back into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Batista clotheslines Sheamus for 2.  Sheamus sends Batista outside.  Orton comes back in.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2, then puts Orton in a shoulder hold.  Orton makes a comeback on Sheamus.  Batista comes in and Orton fights them both.  Orton powerslams Batista.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MUDER and sends Orton out of the ring.  Batista hits a move on Orton and covers, but Orton pulls him out and sends him into the steps.  Orton covers Sheamus for 2.  Batista comes back in and Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus cuts him off with a knee to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge on Orton.  Orton slips out and Batista spears Sheamus for 2.  Batista sets up the Batista Bomb, but Orton hits the 3.0.  Sheamus hits the kick on Orton.  Orton powerslams Sheamus and hits the RKO.  Edge appears and spears Orton.  Batista pins Orton in 16:47.  The match was boring, and now we have to suffer through Batista/Cena again.  Edge stares at Orton from the ramp as the show closes.

Fuck, this show was long.  There were some pretty good matches and some crap that pissed me off.  Man, Smackdown got raped in the draft.  They lost all of their star power.