Archive for Virgil

WWF WrestleMania V

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  The World Wrestling Federation: What the world is watching!  The Mega Powers EXPLODE at WrestleMania V!  We’re at the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey!  Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

WWF Women’s Champion Rockin’ Robin sings the national anthem.  She’s terrible.

King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Hercules.  After pre-match shenanigans, Haku jumps Hercules from behind to get the early advantage.  Hercules slams Haku around and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Hercules suplexes Haku back into the ring and hits a couple of elbow drops.  Hercules goes after Heenan stupidly and gets beaten up by Haku on the outside.  Haku hits a couple of backbreakers for 2.  Haku bear hugs Hercules.  Hercules breaks out and Haku catches him with a chop, then chokes him against the middle rope.  Hercules hits a cross body for 2.  Hercules ducks a rebound cross body from Haku and makes his comeback.  Hercules hits a powerslam for 2.  Hercules comes off the top rope, but Haku catches him with a superkick and goes for a diving headbutt.  Hercules moves out of the way and hits a backdrop suplex hold for the pin in 6:53.  It was okay.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews The Rockers.

The Twin Towers (w/ Slick) vs. The Rockers.  The Rockers go with the brilliant strategy of running away at first.  Michaels and Boss Man lock up.  Boss Man sets Michaels on the top rope and slaps him.  Michaels hits a missile dropkick.  Both Rockers deck Boss Man.  Michaels decks Akeem on the apron.  Akeem tags in and prances around.  Michaels does a moonwalk.  The Rockers make quick tags attacking Akeem’s arm.  Akeem tags in Boss Man.  The Towers sandwich Jannetty between them.  Towers make quick tags and Jannetty plays face in peril.  Jannetty ducks Akeem, who accidentally decks Boss Man.  Michaels gets the hot tag and runs wild on Akeem.  Rockers hit a double diving shoulder block on Akeem for 2.  Akeem NAILS Michaels with a lariat and tags in Boss Man.  Boss Man goes for a diving splash, but Michaels moves and covers for 2.  Michaels jumps on Boss Man like he’s going for a rana.  Rockers do some double teaming and hit a double missile dropkick.  Well, Jannetty hit his anyway.  Akeem saves and sends Jannetty outside.  Michaels comes off the top, but Boss Man catches him and powerbombs him.  Akeem hits a big splash on Michaels for the pin in 8:06.  Fun match.

Tony Schiavone interviews Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).

Dibiase and Virgil shake hands with Donald Trump during their entrance.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil) vs. Brutus Beefcake.  Dibiase shows off his Million Dollar belt.  Beefcake kicks his ass and throws him around.  Dibiase takes a walk outside, then comes back in and beats up Beefcake.  Beefcake slams Dibiase a bunch and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dibiase comes back in and gets beaten up some more.  Virgil grabs Beefcake’s leg from the outside to let Dibiase get the advantage.  Dibiase chokes Beefcake.  Dibiase hits a diving elbow to the head for 2.  This is getting boring.  Beefcake gets an inside cradle for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream.  Beefcake gets a rope break.  Beefcake beats up Dibiase and locks in the sleeper hold.  Virgil gets on the apron.  Beefcake goes after him and gets decked from behind from Dibiase and sent outside.  Virgil beats up Beefcake on the outside.  Beefcake goes after him and gets jumped by Dibiase.  Both guys get counted out in 10:01.  Beefcake sends Dibiase into the post, then chases Virgil, beats him up, and puts him int he sleeper.  Dibiase tries tos ave and gets his ass kicked.  Beefcake tries to cut Dibiase’s hair, but Dibiase bails.  This sucked.

Footage from the WrestleMania brunch with Lord Alfred Hayes and the Bushwhackers.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers.  The Bushwhackers rip Jimmy Hart’s coat off and tear it up.  The Rougeaus jump them.  Rougeaus end up colliding with Hart, then they go outside and hug.  They have a match and it sucks.  Jacques accidentally knee drops Raymond.  They go outside to regroup.  Bushwhackers stomp around the ring.  Rougeaus double team one of the Bushwhackers behind the referee’s back.  Rougeaus work over whichever Rougeau is in the ring.  Bushwhackers hit the battering ram and a double stomach breaker.  One of them pins Jacques in 5:11.  This was the absolute drizzling shits.

Sean Mooney tries to talk to fans, but the Bushwhackers lick him.

Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer.  Hennig vs. Owen Hart?  I’ll have some of that!  Good wrestling to start.  Perfect slaps Blazer.  Blazer responds in kind.  Blazer hits a couple of slams, dropkicks Perfect out of the ring, and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Blazer hits Perfect with some European uppercuts, then throws him back inside and cranks on his arm.  Blazer hits some more moves.  Man, Owen was such an athlete.  Blazer hits a backbreaker for 2.  Blazer slams Perfect and goes for a diving splash, but Perfect gets his knees up.  Perfect beats on Blazer and locks him in a camel clutch.  Blazer fights back and hits a powerslam for 2.  Blazer hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Blazer gets a crucifix hold for a close 2 count.  Perfect nails Blazer with a forearm and hits the Perfect Plex for the pin in 5:49.  Best match of the night so far.  It’s sad that both of them are dead now.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura to the live crowd like at several other WrestleManias.  I have no idea why.

Footage of Lord Alfred Hayes at a 5K run.  Mr. Fuji enters (in a suit and carrying his cane) to show he’s in good shape.  He finishes.  I smell chicanery.

Run-DMC do the WrestleMania Rap.  I fast forward.

They show the Demolition/Powers of Pain double turn at Survivor Series.

Mean Gene interviews the WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition.

Handicap Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: Demolition (c) vs. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji.  Demolition’s music is dubbed over, which should be a capital offense punishable by hanging.  Demolition pummel Warlord to start.  The heels try to cut off Smash, but Barbarian gets pummeled by Demolition too.  Powers of Pain try to cut off Ax, but fail again.  Barbarian drops Ax with a big boot when he goes after Fuji to finally let the heels get some heat going.  Not that there’s any heat because this crowd is dead.  Ax plays face in peril.  Ax avoids a diving leg drop from Fuji.  Fuji tags in Warlord in time for him to cut off Ax from making the tag.  A moment later, Ax makes the hot tag to Smash anyway.  Not that it’s hot in front of this dead crowd.  Smash cleans house.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Fuji tries to throw salt at Smash, but hits Warlord.  Demolition Decapitation on Fuji.  Ax pins Fuji in 8:55.  This also sucked.

Tony Schiavone tries to interview WWF Champion Randy Savage, but Savage won’t talk to him.

After the introductions for the Dino Bravo/Ron Garvin match, Finkel introduces Jimmy Snuka for no apparent reason at the most random moment possible.  Snuka comes out to the ring, poses, and leaves.

Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. Ron Garvin.  Complete shot in the dark guess here: This will suck.  Bravo jumps Garvin from behind and beats him up.  Bravo tries a powerbomb or something, but Garvin punches him down and covers for 2.  Garvin makes his comeback.  Big splash for 1.  Garvin softly pushes Bravo’s head into the top turnbuckle.  Garvin gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Garvin clamps on a sleeper hold.  Garvin goes for a piledriver, but gets backdropped, holds on, and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Bravo hits the side suplex for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked as well.  Garvin decks Bravo after the match, then gives Martin the Garvin Stomp.

The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Strike Force.  Busters beat up Martin in classic awesome Busters fashion.  Martel fights back.  Strike Force send the Busters outside with a double dropkick.  Martel wrestles with Anderson, which is great stuff.  Martel gets Anderson in the crab hold, but Tully thumbs Martel in the eye immediately.  Tully and Tito tag in.  Strike Force put the Busters in stereo figure-four leglocks.  Tully has an awesome exchange with Tito.  Tito inside cradles Tully for 2 after some Busters double teaming.  Tito accidentally hits Martel with a flying forearm.  Busters work over Tito.  Anderson goes up top, but Tito throws him off Flair-style.  Tito goes to make the tag, but Martin refuses.  Martel leaves.  The Busters tear Santana apart.  Tito tries to fight back but gets cut off.  Busters hit a spiked piledriver.  Anderson pins Santana in 9:17.  Really fun little match.  I love all four of these guys.

Mean Gene interviews Rick Martel.  He says he’s tired of carrying Tito.

Gorilla and Ventura discuss Martel’s heel turn.

Finkel introduces Roddy Piper for Piper’s Pit, but Brother Love comes out instead.  He’s wearing a kilt.  He interviews… himself, playing “Rodney Piper.”  Morton Downey Jr. comes out and insults Love a bunch.  Roddy Piper comes out for real.  Piper makes fun of Love while Downey smokes a cigarette and takes his socks off and throws them out of the ring.  WTF?  This is stupid.  Downey throws cigarettes at Piper.  Brother Love finally leaves or something and Piper talks to Downey.  Piper gets annoyed at Downey blowing smoke in his face.  Piper asks Downey to light a cigarette for him, then sprays him with a fire extinguisher.  18 minutes of retarded filler to waste perfectly good PPV time.  Fuck this shit.

No Holds Barred movie trailer.  I saw that movie when I was 12 and was kind of amused by it.

Sean Mooney interviews Donald Trump at ringside.  Man, Mooney was bad here.

Ventura is mad that Hogan is making movies.  Well, his movies are all pretty terrible.

Mega Powers history video.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.

Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  Big John Studd is the special guest referee.  Andre attacks Roberts as soon as he gets in the ring and sends him into an exposed turnbuckle.  How did it get exposed?  Jake fights back and goes for the snake bag, but Andre cuts him off and puts him in a half assed sleeper or something.  Studd warns Andre about driving his ass into Roberts’ crotch in the corner.  Andre chokes Roberts a bunch.  Andre methodically (see: boring) beats up Roberts.  Roberts fights back and Andre does his “tied up in the ropes” bit.  Roberts beats up Andre.  Andre gets free and beats up Roberts some more.  Roberts fights back.  Andre chops Roberts out of the ring.  Andre keeps attacking Roberts to keep him out of the ring.  Studd and Andre argue.  Roberts gets the snake bag.  Andre and Studd shove each other.  Ted Dibiase attacks Roberts from behind and steals the snake.  Roberts follows Dibiase up the aisle, decks him, and takes the snake back.  Andre chokes Studd.  Jake throws the snake in the ring to run Andre off.  Studd DQ’s Andre to give Roberts the win in 9:40.  This was the absolute drizzling shits in a show full of shit.

Sean Mooney talks to some idiot fan in the cheap seats.

Tony Schiavone interviews Sensational Sherri, who vows to take the Women’s title back and trash talks Miss Elizabeth.

The Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation.  Honky & Valentine aren’t yet known as Rhythm & Blues.  Hart and Honky lock up.  I want to take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone and shove it up his ass.  Hart gets a reverse cradle for 2, then hits some atomic drops.  Valentine tags in and gets one too.  Hart dropkicks Valentine.  Hart tags out and slingshots Neidhart into a shoulder block on Valentine.  Hart tags back in and hits a backbreaker and goes for a diving elbow drop, but Valentine avoids it.  Honky tags in and they double team Hart behind the referee’s back.  Jimmy Hart is so fucking obnoxious.  Bret plays face in peril.  Honky hits the Shake, Rattle, & Roll on Bret.  Valentine goes for the figure-four when some kind of leg gimmick, but Bret blocks it.  Valentine cuts him off from making the tag and hits a gut buster for 2.  Bret catches Honky with a cross body for 2.  Neidhart gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neidhart gets some near falls on Valentine, but Honky saves.  Honky tags in and gets beaten up by the Harts.  Bret hits a suplex for 2, as Valentine saves, then knocks Neidhart off the apron.  Neidhart chases Jimmy Hart around the apron.  Jimmy throws the megaphone in, but Bret catches it and hits Honky in the arm.  This somehow allows Bret to pin Honky in 7:40.  Pretty decent match besides the stupid finish.

Footage of the stupid Rick Rude/Ultimate Warrior pose down from the Royal Rumble.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Awesomely, Rude has the title belt airbrushed on his tights.  Rude knees Warrior in the belt and hurts himself.  Warrior pushes him around.  Warrior bear hugs Rude.  Rude also has Warrior’s face airbrushed on the ass of his tights.  Rude hits a missile dropkick for 1.  Warrior slams Rude a couple of times and goes back to the bear hug.  Warrior bites Rude’s head, hits a back body drop, and goes for the big splash, but Rude gets his knees up.  Rude hits a piledriver for 2.  Rude hits a chin crusher and tries to dance, but his back is hurt.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Rude hits a side Russian leg sweep (Monsoon calls it a neckbreaker) for 2.  Rude pulls Warrior’s arms back.  Warrior reaches the ropes and shakes them, then breaks loose.  Warrior hits a shoulder block and a face buster.  Two face busters.  Warrior hits a backbreaker, then stumbles and drops him.  Not sure what that was supposed to be.  Warrior throws Rude around some more.  Rude avoids a Stinger Splash and goes for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior powers out and hits a clothesline.  Warrior takes Rude outside, then right back in, clotheslines him out, and tries to suplex him back in.  Heenan grabs Warrior’s feet and holds on as Rude lands on top and gets the pin in 9:42.  This was pretty bad.  Warrior hits a horribly sloppy press slam on Heenan after the match.  Poor Brain.  Poor anyone who had to work with that fuck Warrior.

Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  Brown goes on the attack immediately and beats up Duggan.  Duggan fights back, so Brown bails.  Brown gets back the apron and Duggan slingshots him back in.  Bad News headbutts Duggan and rams his head into the turnbuckle.  This only strengthens Duggan.  They fight some more.  They go to the floor.  Bad News sends Duggan into the post.  Back inside.  Duggan avoids the Ghetto Blaster and hits the tackle clothesline.  Brown bails and comes back with a chair.  Duggan grabs his 2×4.  They have a sword fight and get double DQ’d in 3:47.  Duggan hits Brown with the 2×4.  I apologize to the Bushwhackers, Rougeaus, Andre, and Jake.  THIS was the absolute fucking drizzling shits.

Mean Gene interviews The Red Rooster.  Seriously.

Bobby Heenan (w/ The Brooklyn Brawler) vs. The Red Rooster.  Heenan begs off.  Rooster rams his head into the turnbuckle.  Rooster beats up Heenan.  Heenan runs into the middle turnbuckle and Rooster gets the pin in 32 seconds.  Not the worst match on the show.  Brawler attacks Rooster after the match.  When Rooster tries to fight back, Brawler and Heenan run away.

Mean Gene interviews Miss Elizabeth.  She’ll be in a neutral corner for the main event.  She’s sad.

Tony Schiavone is in the empty locker room.

Sean Mooney is out amongst the marks.

WWF Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) vs. Hulk Hogan.  Miss Elizabeth is in a neutral corner.  Savage bails before any contact is made.  He throws a Hulkamania finger in the ring for some reason.  They finally lock up.  Hogan shoves Macho away.  Savage hides on the apron briefly, then they lock up again.  Hogan knocks Savage down with a shoulder block and Savage bails again.  They lock up again and Savage finally gets the advantage working a side headlock.  When Hogan tries to fight back, Savage bails again.  Hogan chases Savage around the ring, then hides behind Elizabeth like a dick.  Back inside, Hogan actually does a wrestling takedown and works a side headlock of his own.  Savage hits a backdrop suplex and goes for an elbow drop, but Hogan avoids it and punches him a bunch.  Hogan wrings Savage’s arm.  Savage thumbs Hogan in the eye and hits the diving double axe handle for 2.  Savage works Hogan’s arm.  Hogan escapes it by sending Savage out of the ring.  I love the way Jesse calls the faces out when they cheat and Monsoon acts like it’s okay.  Hogan drops Savage and hits a couple of elbow drops and a boot scrape.  Savage hits a clothesline for 2.  Hogan is bleeding.  Hogan rallies and hits an atomic drop.  He goes for an elbow drop, but Savage avoids it, rams him into the corner, and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Savage beats up Hogan.  Hogan rams Savage’s head into the turnbuckle and punches him a bunch, then clotheslines him in the corner.  Hogan body slams Savage out of the ring.  Liz goes to check on him, but he gets mad at her.  Savage pulls Hogan out of the ring and tries to ram him into stuff, but fails.  One side of the ring skirt has come off.  Hogan rams Savage’s face into the apron, then picks him up to ram him into the post, but Liz won’t let.  Savage rams Hogan into the post, then Liz checks on Hogan.  Make up your mind, woman!  Savage bitches at Liz and threatens her.  The referee makes her leave.  Good.  Savage hits a diving double axe handle to the floor that rams Hogan’s throat into the barricade.  Savage continues to work on the throat.  Savage slams Hogan and hits a knee drop for 2.  Savage chokes Hogan with his wrist tape, then with his hands.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop.  Hogan throws Savage off the cover and Hulks up.  Punches, big boot, and the leg drop for the pin in 17:55.  Pretty good match that somehow kind of feels like a better match than it is from a wrestling standpoint.  Great storytelling, I guess.  Hogan celebrates.  Replay of the finish.

Other than a few passable matches, this show was long and fucking horrible.

Advertisements

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/21/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE in Bridgeport, Connecticut.  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Vince McMahon comes out and talks about the CHAOS that went down last night.  He blames Bret Hart for not showing up last night or taking any precautions.  He fires Bret as GM.  The new general manager is a computer that emails Michael Cole directives, or something.  Actually, the GM wants to remain anonymous., so he/she/it sends emails to Cole  I like my idea better.  Cole gets an email that says the NXT 7 have been hired and will address the WWE Universe tonight.  The NEW WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  Sheamus says this isn’t how he wanted to win the WWE Championship.  The fuck?  Sheamus says he can’t accept the championship under these conditions.  He teases handing the belt over to Vince, then puts himself over as WWE Champion.  Okay, that was pretty great.  Sheamus thanks the NXT guys for the assist, but says he didn’t need their help.  John Cena comes out.  He’s glad the NXT guys have been signed so he can kick their asses.  He also wants his title rematch tonight.  Sheamus, of course, says no.  Cole says that the Mac has booked Sheamus vs. Cena for the title tonight, with Mr. McMahon was the guest referee.  We’re off to an interesting start!

WWE Slam of the Week: Evan Bourne vs. Chris Jericho from last week.

Evan Bourne vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he’ll leave WWE forever if he loses, and he’s lost to Bourne twice in a row.  Bourne gets some quick 2 counts from cradles.  Jericho bails to avoid a kick.  Commercials.  Jericho has Bourne in a fell nelson on the ground.  During the break, Bourne hit a dive to the outside, then got sent into the barricade.  “LET’S GO EVAN!” chants.  Bourne hits the Bourne Clutch for 2.  Jericho baseball slide dropkicks Bourne out of the ring.  Bourne barely beats the count back in.  Jericho goes for a suplex, but Bourne falls on top for 2.  Bourne nails Jericho with a spin kick and a knee strike, then a running elbow and running kick to the corner.  Cover gets 2.  Bourne goes for a rana, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Bourne turns it into a DDT just like he did last night for 2.  Jericho hits a double arm backbreaker for 2.  Jericho applies a backbreaker hold.  Bourne knees his way out.  Jericho goes to the middle rope and Bourne ranas him off for 2.  Bourne goes for his knee takedown, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho.  Bourne finally makes it to the ropes.  Bourne nails Jericho with a kick from the apron and goes for the Shooting Star press, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin in 10:43.  Really good match.  They did a lot of the same spots from their PPV match last night.  Jericho helps Bourne up just so he can pie face him down.  What a dick!

Tonight, the NXT guys speak!  Also, Sheamus defends the WWE Championship against John Cena, with Mr. McMahon as the referee!  Commercials!

NXT hype!

Bridgeport!

Earlier tonight, the iBooker booked Cena vs. Sheamus for the WWE title with Vince as referee.  We know that already.

Vince McMahon is on the phone, presumably talking to the Raw GM.

Ted Dibiase Jr. apologizes to Virgil (he’s still employed) for embarrassing him last week, then fires him.  He introduces his new manservant… Maryse.  “What are you gonna do for protection?”  “Go to the drug store.”  Awesome.

Josh Matthews interviews Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty and Natalya.  They’re mad about Bret being fired.  Natalya dedicates her match tonight to Bret.

A limo arrives!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

They show the NXT guys putting Bret Hart in a limo that backed into shit last week.

Natalya (w/ Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty) vs. Tamina (w/ Jimmy & Jey Uso).  Tamina goes on the attack immediately.  Natalya fights back and gets distracted by the Usos.  Tamina goes for a Samoan drop, but Natalya turns it into a sunset flip, then goes for the Sharpshooter.  The NXT season 1 rookies (Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, Skip Sheffield, and Heath Slater) come out.  Barrett tries to apologize, but Kidd hits a dive onto a couple of them.  They beat the hell out of the Harts.  Commercials.  The match is presumably a no-contest in about a minute.

The NXT 7 are in the ring.  Otunga apologizes on behalf of the group, saying they only did it to get noticed.  Slater says it was nothing personal.  Gabriel apologizes to Bret Hart and the Hart Dynasty.  Cole very kindly tells us who these guys are.  Young apologizes to his long lost twin, John Cena.  Sheffield apologizes to the fans.  Tarver apologizes to his children.  Barrett says his contract and his PPV title shot have been reinstated by iBooker.  Barrett addresses Sheamus and says he’ll be taking the title soon.  They also have music now.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Cena for the title with Vince McMahon as referee!

WWE.com plug.

John Morrison comes out for a match with Ted Dibiase Jr., but Dibiase says he’s found a replacement since has better things to do tonight (Maryse).

John Morrison (w/ Eli Cottonwood) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Titus O’Neil).  They lock up.  Ryder cheap shots Morrison to get the advantage.  Morrison fights back AND THAT SAME COCK SUCKING REF FROM LAST NIGHT GETS IN THE FUCKING WAY.  The motherfucker is trying to get himself over at the expense of the match.  Ryder does some shit.  Morrison schoolboys him for 2.  Ryder hits a knee drop for 2.  Morrison hits a jawbreaker and a big kick for 2.  Ryder ducks the running knee strike and goes to the apron, then pulls Morrison across the top rope.  Ryder goes for the Rough Ryder, but Morrison powerbombs him and hits the Starship Pain for the pin in 4:24.  It was fine.  I hate that stupid fucking referee.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena backstage.  He doesn’t accept the NXT guys’ apology.  Vince steps in and tells him that neither he nor Sheamus will have any excuses tonight, because he’s the ref.

Great Khali & Eve Torres vs. Primo & WWE Divas Champion Alicia Fox.  The guys start, but Primo immediately tags out.  You can’t blame him for not wanting the headache of trying to work with Khali.  They ladies go at it.  After some shoving,  Eve takes Fox down with a headlock.  Twice.  Eve hits a clothesline for 2.  Fox beats up Eve some.  Eve fights back.  Fox hits a knee to the face for 2.  Fox powers Eve into the corner.  Eve lands a dropkick and a half assed enzuigiri.  Eve hits a moonsault press.  Primmo comes in.  Fox bails.  Eve slaps Primo and tags in Khali.  Primo begs off.  Fox takes her belt and leaves.  Khali chops Primo, then hits the choke bomb for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked.  Eve dancing after the match was the highlight by far.

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

Randy Orton comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’ll put all of the NXT guys in the skull.  He then accepts Barrett’s apology and says he hopes Barrett becomes WWE Champion so he can take the title from him.  WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out.  Miz says the voices in his head are sick of seeing Randy Orton in the main event.  So am I.  Miz says he should get the next title shot because he’s… then he just attacks Orton.  Orton ducks a shot and hits the snap powerslam.  Orton humps the mat.  Miz bails before he can get RKO’d.  Edge runs in and spears Orton.  Edge says “Now, the real fun begins, Randy.”  Ugh, more Orton/Edge?

The main event is NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. John Cena.  Vince McMahon is the special referee, but Jack Doane is also there for some reason.  Oh, apparently Vince is going to be the outside referee.  At least it’s not that fuck head who keeps getting in the way.  Cena tries a go behind, but Sheamus gets the ropes to force a break.  Sheamus forgoes the lock up and kicks Cena in the gut, then beats on him.  Sheamus whips Cena into the corner, then covers for 2.  Sheamus hits a reverse DDT-style backbreaker for 2.  Alternating “LET’S GO CENA!” and “CENA SUCKS!” chants.  Sheamus throws Cena out of the ring.  Commercials.  Cena fights back, then spears the post.  Sheamus hits a clothesline for 2.  Sheamus continues beating on Cena.  Cena uses his retard strength to break a hold.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Cena counters with an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Cena makes his comeback: shoulder block, shoulder block, spinning backdrop thing, Five Knuckle Shuffle.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus pokes Cena in the eyes and hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Cena takes him down and locks in the STF.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus rolls outside.  Cena follows and Sheamus whips him into the steps.  Sheamus throws Cena back in the ring and covers for 2.  Sheamus sets up the steps vertically in the aisle and throws Cena into them.  That’s not a DQ?  Sheamus throws Cena back in the ring and hits the pump kick.  The NXT season 1 guys run in.  Sheamus escapes through the crowd again.  The NXT guys throw Cena over the announce table and throw the table on top of him.  Vince looks pleased.  The match is presumably a no-contest in about 15 minutes.  It was pretty good while it lasted.

Vince calls the NXT guys into the ring.  He takes “partial responsibility” for their actions.  He says next week the GM will reveal… something.  The NXT guys start looking at Vince all evily.  Vine realizes he’s fucked and gives a classic Vince gulp.  They all play it off like it was a joke.  Vince says something insulting to Barrett.  A “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant breaks out.  The guys circle Vince and beat the shit out of him.  They do the usual, with Sheffield hitting a monster lariat and Barrett hitting his shitty front fireman’s carry drop.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Vince.  The NXT guys leave.  Where on Earth is this angle going?

Good show.  I am once again excited to see what happens next week.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/14/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…” video, then cut to the arena.

Wade Barrett is in the ring.  He says the GM ordered him to come out and apologize.  He calls for the other rookies to come in.  Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield, Darren Young, Heath Slater, David Otunga, and Justin Gabriel come in through the crowd.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Justin Roberts leave ringside just to be on the safe side.  Barrett calls for each of the rookies to apologize and they all decline.  Barrett says they’re behaving like animals because they were treated like animals on NXT.  Raw GM Bret Hart comes out and talks about the heinous actions they did last week.  Barrett implies that they disposed of Daniel Bryan because he felt remorse for what they did last week.  Well, I guess that’s as good an explanation as any.  The rookies want contracts and first class treatment.  Hart declines and fires Barrett to boot.  He also lets a “WWF” slip in there.  Hart says if they don’t leave, he’ll have the police take them out.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are the announcers.  They talk about the Fatal 4 Way PPV, and now they’re going to have one on free TV.  How TNA of them!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Four-Way Match for the WWE United States Championship: R-Truth (c) vs. John Morrison vs. Zack Ryder vs. The Miz.  The heels jump on the babyfaces.  Morrison sends Ryder outside, then drops Miz with a dropkick.  Truth and Morrison lock up and go at it.  Truth gets a front cradle,  but Ryder saves.  Miz trips Truth from the outside.  Morrison schoolboys Ryder for 2.  Ryder dives outside at Truth and Miz, but they both move.  Miz catches R-Truth with a boot.  Morrison hits Miz with a sunset flip powerbomb out of the ring and into Ryder.  Commercials.  Morrison drops Miz with a big kick for 2.  Another cover for 2.  Ryder goes up top, but Morrison cuts him off and tries a superplex.  R-Truth powerbombs Morrison, who simultaneously superplexes Ryder.  Truth covers all 3 guys in turn for 2.  Miz cradles R-Truth for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex on Morrison.  Truth hits a scissors kick on Ryder for 2, as Miz saves.  Miz low bridges R-Truth out of the ring, then dropkicks Morrison out too.  Miz hits Ryder with a corner lariat.  Morrison pulls Miz out of the ring and hits him with a lariat.  R-Truth comes back in and hits Ryder with the Lie Detector, but Morrison saves.  Morrison and R-Truth send Miz back out as soon as he comes in.  Truth ducks the Flying Chuck and hits a suplex into a stunner for 2, as Ryder saves.  Ryder avoids Truth in the corner and hits the Rough Ryder.  Morrison knees Ryder out of the ring and hits the Starship Pain.  Miz throws Morrison out of the ring and pins R-Truth in 9:04 to regain the title.  Pretty decent little match.

Tonight, Randy Orton takes on Sheamus!  Yeah, let’s make sure Orton is completely crippled by Sunday!

Randy Orton is backstage.  Josh Matthews comes in to interview him.  He says the NXT guys got off lucky.  Commercials.

Charlotte!

They show Big Show filming an episode of Royal Pains.

Guest host Mark Feuerstein of Royal Pains is backstage with the Bella Twins.  Ted Dibiase Jr. and Virgil come in.  Dibiase offers to buy him a new car if he makes hi co-guest host.  Why the fuck would he do that when the guest host has no power?  Feurstein refuses, then gets all tough when he sees that Big Show has arrived to back him up.  Show challenges them to a tag match.  Dibiase accepts.  The heels leave.  Feuerstein talks about being an ice skater and jumps into Show’s arms.  The Bellas leave.  How exactly is Dibiase supposed to get over when everybody he tries to buy off refuses?  Would his dad have ever gotten over if the people he tried to buy off always refused?

John Cena is headed our way!

WWE Rewind (or whichever one it is): Big Show beat Chris Jericho in a stupid body slam match last week, then beat him 2 other ways.

Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne.  Jericho goes on the attack immediately.  Bourne hits a rana and a sliding kick for 2.  Jericho clotheslines Bourne for 2.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex.  Bourne lands on his feet from a second backdrop suplex attempt and hits a running knee strike.  Jericho rolls through a sunset flip attempt and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Bourne counters.  Bourne gets his weird cradle for 2.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker, but Bourne kicks out!  Jericho puts the boots to Bourne, lightly pushes the referee, and gets DQ’d in 2:49.  Bourne kicks Jericho down from the apron and hits the Shooting Star press.  Good little match while it lasted.

John Cena speaks NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  He thanks Bret Hart for not making him wrestle tonight, then talks about last week’s attack.  He calls for the guys to come out and finish it and promises he won’t press charges.  That’s because John Cena is a man, as opposed to being a big vagina like Michael Cole.  The NXT guys come back out through the crowd.  This week some help shows up for Cena.  Cena, Jerry Lawler, William Regal, Santino Marella, R-Truth, Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Edge, and Sheamus clean house.  Henry, Santino, and R-Truth chase the NXT guys clear out of the building.  I have no idea where they’re going with this angle now.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Sheamus is backstage.  Josh Matthews asks him why he just helped John Cena.  Sheamus says he’s not going to let some rookies ruin his title shot.  He’ll be the one taking out Cena.

WWE Rewind: Divas Battle Royal from last week’s Raw.

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Alicia Fox.  These 4 will have a four-way match for the title at the PPV.  Eve and Maryse start cat fighting immediately.  Maryse lands a kick for 2 after Eve gets distracted by Fox on the apron.  Fox tags in and the heels hit a double face plant on Eve.  Fox covers for 2.  Fox hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  The bad girls get heat on Eve.  Fox accidentally kicks Maryse off of the apron.  Eve hits a neckbreaker on Fox for the pin in 2:31.  Gail, the best worker in the match, stood on the apron the whole time.

Tonight, Cena & Orton face Edge & Sheamus for absolutely no reason given that earlier tonight it was announced as being Orton vs. Sheamus in a singles match and Cena said he had the night off.

The Big Show and Mark Feuerstein get ready for their match, which is next.

This week in WWE History: Don Muraco defeated Pedro Morales for the Intercontinental Championship in Philadelphia on June 20, 1981.

The Big Show & Mark Feuerstein vs. Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. & Virgil.  Dibiase tries to take Show down.  He fails.  Show gives Dibiase the Stink Face, of all things.  Dibiase pokes Big Show in the eye to try to get the advantage, but that fails too.  Dibiase tags in Virgil and bails.  Virgil is like “WTF man?”  Show pulls Virgil into the ring.  Virgil bails out the other side.  Feuerstein throws him back in.  Show slams Virgil, then steps on him.  Show chokeslams Virgil and tags in Feuerstein.  Feuerstein deos the Worm and a half assed elbow drop for the pin in 3:55.  This was silly.  Dibiase stuffs a $100 bill on Virgil’s mouth, then takes it back and leaves.  Stupid segment.

Santino Marella vs. William Regal.  Vladimir Kozlov is the Special Guest Referee.  Santino clows around.  Regal nails him with an elbow smash and sets out to maul a fucker in awesome Regal fashion.  Santino gets a quick pinfall with a handful of tights in 1:20.

Bret Hart comes out and says he’s asked every Raw superstar to come out to the stage, presumably to make sure no shenanigans occur during the main event.  William Regal, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Goldust, Evan Bourne, The Hart Dynasty, John Morrison, Great Khali, Mark Henry, The Miz, R-Truth, Primo, Ted Dibiase Jr., Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, and the Usos all come to the backstage.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Edge & Sheamus vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton.  Cena and Sheamus start.  Sheamus looks particularly pale this week.  They wrestle around.  Orton tags in and grounds Sheamus with a side headlock.  Edge tags in and beats up Orton briefly.  Orton hits the 3.0 and humps the mat, setting up the RKO.  Edge bails.  Commercials.  Cena makes a comeback on Edge.  Fisherman buster gets 2.  Edge bails again and pulls Cena across the top rope.  Sheamus tags in and beats up Cena.  At one point, Super Cena walks most of the way to his corner with Sheamus on his back, but Sheamus manages to cut him off from making the tag.  Edge tags in to continue the punishment.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Edge counters and hits the Edge-O-Matic.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena avoids.  Orton finally gets the hot tag and runs wild on Sheamus.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Edge comes in.  Orton hits him with the RKO.  Sheamus hits Orton with a Polish Hammer, then the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Sheamus keeps the heat on Orton.  Edge tags in to continue the beating.  Cena gets the hot tag and starts to run wild… and it’s a no-contest in about 18 minutes, because…

Cut to the back, where the NXT Season 1 guys are destroying the fuck out of backstage.  Sheffield and Barrett drag Bret Hart into a limo.  The limo backs into some cars in the parking garage.  They pull Hart out of the limo and Barrett tells him they want their contracts by Sunday.  Then they run away.

Lame show with stupid continuity errors.  I hope they don’t fuck up this NXT angle any worse.  We’ll see what happens Sunday.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/7/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Cut straight to the arena, where Raw and Smackdown GMs Bret Hart and Teddy Long make their way to the ring.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Bret Hart welcomes the people to the Viewer’s Choice Raw.  Go to WWE.com and vote.  Joy.  They announce that the fans will pick the opponents for the participants in the Raw Fatal 4 Way match.  Long says they should talk about Randy Orton.  Orton comes out with his arm in a sling.  He says he wants Edge tonight.  Edge comes out to retort.  Long whispers in Bret’s ear.  Bret agrees to leave it up to the fans.  Long says it will be a debate, a sit-up contest, or a one arm match.  Stupid.  They pick the one armed thing.  I already hate this show.  Long announces that the first match is Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show.  It’s either Over The Top Rope Challenge, Submission Match, or Body Slam Challenge.  Stupid, stupid shit.  Big Show comes out.  Commercials.

Matt Striker reveals the results.  Body Slam Challenge wins.  Lawler is an idiot.

Body Slam Challenge: The Big Show vs. Chris Jericho.  Show is amused.  Jericho looks near tears.  Jericho slaps Show.  Show kicks his ass.  Jericho side steps Show in the corner and tries to slam him but fails, of course.  Show beats up Jericho some more.  Show signals for the KO punch.  Jericho bails.  Show grabs him, but Jericho pulls his arm across the top rope.  Jericho tries to work the arm.  Jericho comes off the top and gets caught with a chop.  Jericho tries a cross body, but Show catches him and slams him for the win in 2:52.  That was stupid.  Show puts Jericho in a camel clutch and Jericho taps out.  Show is announced as the winner again.  Show throws Jericho out of the ring to win again.  This was really, really stupid.

Miami!

Who will the Hart Dynasty face?  The Usos (now named John & Jey) (w/ Tamina), The Dudebusters, or Great Khali & Hornswoggle.  We get short promos from all 3.  Ugh.

WWE.com plug.

Striker reveals the winners… Khali & Hornswoggle.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Great Khali & Hornswoggle.  Khali mauls Kidd.  Hornswoggle tags in and goes for the tadpole splash.  Kidd avoids it.  Smith kicks Khali off the apron.  Kidd pins Hornswoggle in 1:18.  This was retarded.  The Usos and Tamina attack the Harts again.  This week, the Harts clean house.

Lawler gets up from the announce table, saying he has a problem.  Cole introduces the Smackdown Rebound, with an angle so shitty is has to be recapped.

Guest hosts the A-Team cast are next.  Well, they can’t make this show any worse.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The stars of The A-Team are introduces.  Only Bradley Cooper comes out.  He greets the crowd and leaves.  What was the fucking point of that.

Jerry Lawler is backstage looking for someone.  Quinton Jackson and Sharlto Copley find him.  Lawler says somebody stole his crown.  They say they’ll find it.  They go outside and encounter the Bella Twins, but stay in character.  Fuck, I hate this show.

Santino Marella comes out.  He’ll face Vladimir Kozlov in… a match, an arm wrestling match, or a dance off.  Fuck.

Vladimir Kozlov comes out.  Striker reveals the results.  It’s a Dance Off.  Shoot me now.

Santino dances… or comes out of the closet, I’m not sure which.  Kozlov does the robot, I think, and some other retarded shit.  “Vintage Kozlov!”  Cole is a moron.  Kozlov is judged the winner.  Kozlov and Santino dance together, then Kozlov shoves him down.  Ugh.  This show is retarded.

All of the divas are backstage.  Will it be a 12 woman tag, a battle royal, or champion vs. champion?  Can I vote for none of the above?

The Divas come out.  Lawler reveals that it’s gonna be a Battle Royal.

Divas Battle Royal featuring WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Tiffany, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool, and WWE Women’s Champion Layla.  They fight.  Rosa gets eliminated by one of the Bellas.  McCool and Layla eliminate Tiffany.  McCool eliminates Kelly.  Gail eliminates Fox, then goes over herself.  LayCool eliminate the Bellas.  Eve fights LayCool  and manages to eliminate them both.  Maryse and Jillian beat down Eve.  They eliminate her.  Jillian declares herself and Maryse co-winners, but Maryse eliminates Jillian to win it in 3:55.  This sucked.  Are you surprised?

Cole and Lawler talk about how great all the stupid bullshit I’ve suffered through tonight were.

Sheamus is backstage.  He encounters Kane, who accuses him of turning Undertaker into a cucumber.  Sheamus says if he had done it, he wouldn’t be shy about it.  Kane calls him a liar and hopes to see him soon.

Who will Sheamus face?  Kane, Mark Henry, or Evan Bourne?

Sheamus comes out.  They show him getting pinned by Evan Bourne in the tag match against Bourne & John Cena last week.  Matt Striker reveals Sheamus’ opponent… Kane (with 88%).  Big surprise, right?

Sheamus vs. Kane.  Kane goes on the attack.  Sheamus cuts him off on the top rope and hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus puts his knee in Kane’s back and pulls on his arms.  What the fuck is that move called?  Kane gets out and boots Sheamus in the face.  Kane hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam, but Sheamus kicks free.  They counter each other until Sheamus hits a reverse DDT backbreaker.  Kane avoids the pump kick and goozles Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus comes back in.  Kane hits the chokeslam.  Sheamus rolls out of the ring.  He decides to take the count-out loss in 7:24.  Kane is pissed.  Best match on the show so far, and it wasn’t good either.

Tonight, Orton vs. Edge in a one armed match.

Who will John Cena face tonight?  Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk?

Miami.

Wade Barrett hype video.

Savannah interviews Wade Barrett.

Ted Dibiase Jr. bitches to Virgil.  Sharlto Copley and Quinton Jackson come in and accuse him of stealing the crown.  Another retarded segment.  Irwin R. Schyster comes in.  He repo’d the crown because Lawler owed back taxes.  There’s a “gas attack” and Copley passes out.  FUCKING RETARDED.

R-Truth and The Miz are headed out for a tag match.  R-Truth’s partner can be Christian, MVP, or John Morrison.  Miz’s partner can be Dolph Ziggler, William Regal, or Zack Ryder.

WWE Classics on Demand plug.

WWE United States Champion R-Truth makes his entrance.  His partner is… John Morrison.  Black Magic and the White Shadow reunite!

Lawler votes for William Regal to be Miz’s partner.  So did I.  Miz comes out and cuts a promo.  His partner is… Zack Ryder.  Really?

WWE United States Champion R-Truth & John Morrison vs. The Miz & Zack Ryder.  Miz and Truth start.  Miz does his jumping around, then tags in Morrison.  They hit a double hip toss.  Morrison nips up and tags Truth immediately back in.  They hit a double suplex.  Miz boots R-Truth in the face and tags in Ryder.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker on Truth, then tags in Miz.  Lots of quick tags.  Miz beats up Truth for a bit.  Morrison tags in and runs wild.  Morrison knees Miz in the face for 2, as Ryder saves.  R-Truth and Ryder are sent outside.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Morrison for the pin in 3:21.  It was okay, but rushed.

Edge bitches to Bret Hart backstage.  Hart encounters Kane, who of course, accuses him of turning Undertaker into a head of lettuce.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

One Arm Match: Edge vs. Randy Orton.  Orton’s arm is in a sling and Edge has an arm tied behind his back.  Orton ducks a clothesline, side steps a boot, and clotheslines Edge.  Orton does the Garvin Stomp.  Orton humps the mat and goes for the RKO.  Edge avoids it and hits a shoulder block.  Edge unties his arm and attacks Orton.  The ref tries to pull him back, then DQs  Edge in 1:35.  Edge goes for the spear, but Orton kicks him in the head, then kicks him out of the ring.  Orton follows Edge outside.  Edge attacks Orton’s arm with a chair.  I don’t think this stupid shit they keep having Orton do is going to be good for his shoulder.  This whole thing was stupid.

Cole and Lawler recap this shitty show, of which there is unfortunately still another hour.  They show “highlights” just to kill time.

John Cena will face either Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk, but voting isn’t until later.  Ugh.

NXT season 2 starts tomorrow.  Joy.

Miami.

Earlier tonight, this show sucked.  It still sucks.  Also, Edge vs. Randy Orton happened.

John Cena and Evan Bourne chat backstage.  Bourne leaves and Savannah interviews Cena.

The stupid A-Team guy wakes up.  Mean Gene Okerlund interviews him.  He’s still in character and things Gene is the old guy character.  Josh Matthews is there too.  This was fucking retarded, just like everything on this fucking show.

Drew McIntyre comes out.  Teddy Long introduces the candidates for his opponent: Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, and a mystery opponent who is obviously Matt Hardy.  I want to see McIntyre vs. Rampage.

Striker reveals McIntyre’s opponent…. the mystery man (with 88%).  It’s Matt Hardy, to the shock of absolutely nobody.

McIntyre says the match isn’t happening because Hardy is suspended.  Teddy Long says Hardy is suspended from Smackdown, not Raw.  I love loopholes.

Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy.  Hardy kicks McIntyre’s ass.  The referees celebrate them.  Hardy clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring and kicks his ass out there.  Back inside, McIntyre drops Hardy with a big boot.  Hardy avoids McIntyre in the corner and McIntyre spears the post.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the pin in 1:26, then bashes McIntyre’s head against the mat.  The referee tries to separate them.  McIntyre finally manages to run away, getting some of his hair pulled out in the process.

Rampage Jackson is handcuffed to a chair backstage.  Dibiase, Virgil, and IRS are holding him captive.  They’re gonna take him to the ring and answer something.  Ugh.  This shit is retarded.

Ted Dibiase Jr., Virgil, and King Irwin R. Schyster have Rampage Jackson handcuffed to the top rope.  Dibiase says even he has a price.  Somebody hired him to capture his character from the A-Team.  It’s “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!  That’s hilarious.  Piper is still holding a grudge. He cuts a typically great Piper promo on Rampage.  The A-Team music plays.  Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okerlund, and Sharlto Copley come out in a golf cart.  Rampage breaks free and hits a spinebuster on Dibiase.  Rhodes hits the Bionic Elbow on IRS.  Piper shoves Virgil into Rampage to get chokeslammed.  Mean Gene interviews the A-Team and Dusty.  Also, they finally recover Lawler’s crown.  At least this segment was funny.  First time in a while one of these stupid guest host segments was funny.

Voting for the Cena match is open now.

Next week the guest host is the guy from Royal Pains.

Cole and Lawler say it’s been a fantastic show.  This is a lie.  Lawler votes for Mysterio to face Cena.  So did I.

Josh Matthews interviews the choices: Rey Mysterio Jr., World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, and CM Punk (w/ The Straight Edge Society).

WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  Striker reveals his opponent, CM Punk.

Non-Title: WWE Champion John Cena vs. CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Cena goes for the mask and Punk bails.  Cena schools Punk some more.  They do some nice counter wrestling.  Cena goes for the mask again and Punk bails again.  Back inside, Punk lands some knees and attacks Cena’s mid-section.  Sweet dropkick to the back of the head gets 2.  Punk applies a figure-four head scissors.  Cena tries to make a comeback, but Gallows trips him.  Commercials.  Cena escapes a hold and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk hits a DDT for 2.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring.  Serena gets her cheap shot in.  Back inside, Punk lands some kicks on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  When he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Wade Barrett comes out to distract him.  He hits it anyway, then goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but gets distracted by Barrett approaching the ring.  The rest of the NXT season 1 guys (Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, David Otunga, Skip Sheffield, Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, and Darren Young) come through the crowd and beat the hell out of the Straight Edge Society, then get in the ring.  Otunga decks the referee.  Cena goes on the attack, but it’s 8 on 1, so he gets destroyed.  The rookies attack Striker and the announcers and demolish the ringside area.  The bell finally rings at 11:58.  I assume it’s a no-contest.  The rookies beat up all of the ringside personnel.  The rookies start tearing the ring apart.  Cena tries to fight back, but gets beaten down again.  The NXT guys take turns hitting moves on him.  They beat the hell out of Punk some more.  Sheffield clotheslines Cena.  Danielson screams “You are not better than me!” at Cena.  Danielson tropes Cena with a kick.  Barrett hits his shitty finish on Cena.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  The NXT guys finally leave, having completely devastated the ring and surrounding area.  Doctors check on Cena.  EMTs come out to stretcher Cena out.  Nobody seems concerned with the dead announcers and such.

This show was the absolute drizzling shits up until the main event, which was a good match.  The ending angle was interesting, and I’m very curious about where this is going.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

Cut straight to the arena, where Edge is beating the shit out of Evan Bourne.  Bourne hits his double knees and lands some kicks.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but Edge avoids it and spears Bourne.  Edge takes the mic and cuts a promo about his Fatal 4 Way opponents.  Randy Orton comes out.  Edge bitches at him while acting all crazy.  Orton hits the RKO, then poses.

Tonight, John Cena & Randy Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus.  Also, guest host Ashton Kutcher.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Ashton Kutcher bitches to Eve Torres about Zack Ryder talking smack about him on Twitter.  He’s going to put a hit on Ryder.  The Miz comes in.  Kutcher tells him that per GM Bret Hart, Miz has a match against Daniel Bryan tonight(!!!).  Miz says he’ll beat Bryan to a bloody pulp.  Some other stupid bickering.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho points at Truth.  Truth dances.  They lock up.  Jericho grabs a side headlock.  Truth hops around and hits a hip toss.  Truth catapults Jericho out of the ring and takes him out with a dive.  Commercials.  Jericho has Truth in a rear chin lock.  Boy, that was unpredictable.  Truth fights out and schoolboys Jericho for 2.  Jericho hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Jericho beats up Truth.  Truth hits a forearm and makes his comeback.  Truth hits a flying head scissors and a big boot for 2.  Jericho hits the bulldog.  Truth avoids the Lionsault.  Jericho avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Truth counters it.  Truth botches a front suplex for 2.  Jericho pokes Truth in the eye behind the referee’s back and hits a clothesline for 2.  Truth does some more break dancing shit.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Truth turns it into a cradle for the pin in 9:47.  Good match.  Jericho looks distraught.

Cena & Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus tonight.

NXT finale is tomorrow!

Last week, Batista quit and Bret Hart was introduced as the new GM.

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are in Bret’s office.  Ryder accuses Bret of being hired to take him out.  Well, he is the Hitman.  The Hart Dynasty and Natalya come in and talk about the Usos, who debuted attacking the Hart Dynasty next week.  Bret tells them to deal with it.

Santino Marella and Eve Torres come out.  They’re in a tag match next.  Eve looks a tit bit nipply tonight.

Santino Marella & WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres vs. William Regal (w/ Vladimir Kozlov) & Maryse.  Santino takes the mic before the match and tries again to talk Kozlov into teaming with him.  Santino says Eve will make love to him.  Eve quickly refutes that.  Whatever.  Maryse and Eve start.  Eve completely whiffs a dropkick.  Regal and Santino come in.  Santino fucks around.  Regal kicks his ass, which is glorious.  Regal hits an Exploder, then locks in the Regal Stretch.  Eve breaks it up.  Maryse tackles her, which distracts the ref.  Kozlov comes in and hits the Iron Curtain on Regal.  Kozlov and Maryse leave.  Santino pins Regal in 2:30.  Fun times.

Bret Hart is headed our way.

Memorial Day dedication.

Raw GM Bret Hart comes out.  He announces next week’s 3 hour Raw, with Raw and Smackdown talent, and they’re taking ideas from fans and wrestlers.  Sure they are.  Ted Dibiase Jr. and Virgil come out.  Dibiase wants to buy the GM job for the night.  Ashton Kutcher appears on the screen and proposes that next week’s Raw be Viewer’s Choice.  Bret agrees.  Vince McMahon comes out.  So much for his character being done after WrestleMania.  Dibiase and Virgil leave while Vince gets in the ring with Bret.  Vince talks to Bret for a while, then says the fans are like children.  He wishes Bret luck, then calls for cheers for himself and prances around the ring.  Stupid segment.

Zack Ryder accuses Randy Orton of being the one to take him out.  They leave.  Edge slams Orton’s locker room door into Orton’s injured shoulder.

University of Texas!

Moments ago, Edge hurt Randy Orton’s bad shoulder.

The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  They show the altercations between Cole and Bryan and Miz and Bryan on NXT last week.  Cole is in fine form tonight.  Danielson is in full MMA mode and it’s awesome.  Miz avoids Danielson in the corner and drops him with a lariat to the back of the head, then kicks his ass, then kicks him in the head for 2.  Miz beats on Bryan some more.  Miz hits a diving double axe handle.  Miz lands some more punches.  Danielson locks on a crossface hold.  Miz turns it into a pinning predicament.  Danielson counters into a crucifix hold for the pin in 2:07.  Cole looks dumbfounded.  Miz jumps Bryan and throws him out of the ring.  Miz tries to make Danielson apologize to Cole.  Danielson rams Miz’s face into the table, then throws him into Cole.  Fucking awesome, everything about this.  Just fucking hate filled awesomeness.

NXT finale is tomorrow!

Cole whines to Lawler.

Slam of the Week: Last Monday, the debuting Uso Brothers and Tamina jumped the Hart Dynasty and Natalya.

The Usos and Tamina are in the ring.  The introduce themselves (using the names Jay and Jimmy Uso).  They talk about their own family history, going back to the Wild Samoans.  They’re not stereotypical Samoans because they act black.  Tamina talks about the lack of respect their families get compared to the Harts.  She’s bitter that her dad, Jimmy Snuka, was in the corner in the main event at WrestleMania I.  The Hart Dynasty and Natalya come out and brawl with them.  They go for the Hart Attack on one of the Usos, but Tamina trips Kidd.  Usos lay out the Harts again and hit their splashes in triplicate.  Good segment.

Earlier tonight, Edge hurt Orton’s shoulder.  Yes, they showed it again.  WILL Orton be able to take part in the main event?

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox come to the ring.  He demands that Kutcher reveal who the hitman is.  Jerry Lawler comes into the ring with a chair, sits down, and leaves.  Great Khali comes out.  Is Kutcher even at the arena?  They’ve only shown him on the screen.  Ryder and Fox bail.  Kutcher says Khali isn’t the hitman.  Goldust comes out.  Not him either.  Ryder begs Kutcher to tell him who it is.  Ashton says he’ll never see it coming.  Fox says she’s tired of the joke, then drops the mic.  Ryder bends over to pick it up.  Fox hits him with her scissors kick.  Stupid segment.

Edge and Sheamus chat backstage.

This Week In WWE History: Junkyard Dog.  This week is the 12th anniversary of his death.

Next week’s guest hosts are the cast of the A-Team: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Sharlto Copley.  The show will be Viewer’s Choice.

Entrances for the main event.  Orton is out of the match from Edge’s attack, which we see for the trillionth time tonight.  John Cena introduces his replacement partner, Evan Bourne!

Edge & Sheamus vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Evan Bourne.  Cena and Edge lock up.  Edge beats up Cena early on.  Bourne takes in and takes down Edge with a cool arm move.  Bourne hits some ranas and a spin kick.  Edge bails.  Commercials.  Cena beats up Sheamus.  Bourne tags in and hits a running taint to the corner for 2.  Edge tags in and beats up Bourne.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bourne, but gets countered.  Sheamus cuts off Bourne from making the tag and nails him with the Polish hammer for 2.  Bourne continues to play face in peril.  Bourne drops Edge and makes the hot tag to Cena.  Cena runs wild on Sheamus, who also tags in.  Cena avoids the pump kick and Bourne kicks Sheamus in the head from the apron.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then avoids a spear from Edge.  Bourne tags in and hits the Shooting Star press on Sheamus for the pin in 11:18!  Yay!  Pretty good little tag match, and it’s awesome to see Bourne get a big win.  Cena and Bourne celebrate.

Good show overall, by Raw standards.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/24/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Cena/Batista Over The Limit highlights, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Toledo, Ohio!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Batista comes to the ring, wounded and helped by referees.  He sits in a wheelchair and demands his spotlight.  He says he only said “I Quit” last night because his life was in danger.  He’s contemplating a lawsuit against John Cena, WWE, and all of the fans.  He says his injuries could keep him out for years.  Everyone cheers.  Then he says he wants a rematch.  Justin Roberts interrupts to introduces the new Raw General Manager, Bret Hart!  Hart says he’s in charge now and at Fatal 4 Way, John Cena will defend the WWE Championship against three opponents that will have to win qualifying matches tonight.  Batista says he’s hurt.  Hart says Batista’s opponent will be another hurt man, Randy Orton.  Batista says Bret can’t make him compete.  Hart says he can either take it or forfeit.  Batista says if Hart does that, he’ll quit.  Bret says Orton wins by forfeit and leaves.  Batista yells about how important he is and quits.  Crowd cheers.  Yay!  Batista leaves as the crowd sings the goodbye song.

WWE.com plug.

Moments ago, Batista quit.

Fatal 4 Way Qualifying Match: Mark Henry vs. Sheamus.  Henry overpowers Sheamus to start and throws him out of the ring.  Sheamus pulls Henry’s arm over the top rope.  Sheamus goes on the attack and works Henry’s arm.  Henry makes a comeback.  Henry hits a big splash for 2.  Sheamus goes up top.  Henry tries to press slam him, but it hurts his arm.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 4:03.  It was a match.

So far, the PPV match is Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus.

Being the new GM, Bret Hart has vacated the United States Championship.  Tonight, The Miz vs. R-Truth for the vacant title!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tonight, Jon Lovitz’s Superstar Search.  Fuch.

Jon Lovitz talks to Mr. McMahon on the phone.  Maryse comes in.  Lovitz thinks she’s the masseuse.  He says he’s been teaching a submission move to Santino.  He speaks French to her.  She’s interested in something.  He blows her off.  She jumps at him and he flinches.  Fucking retarded segment.

Bret Hart talks to Edge, who wants a title shot.  They negotiate.  Chris Jericho comes in.  He also wants a title shot.  Bret says they’ll face John Cena in a Triple Threat Match tonight, and if one of them wins, they’re in the Fatal 4 Way.  Edge says he’s a better champion and Canadian than both Hart and Jericho.  Jericho tells Hart not to make an enemy out of him.  Whatever.

Slam of the Week: Eve Torres beat Maryse to retain the Divas Title at Over The Limit.

Maryse & Alicia Fox vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Fox and Gail go at it.  Maryse tags in and beats up Gail.  Eve gets the hot tag and runs wild on Maryse.  Eve hits a standing moonsault.  Fox saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Fox kicks Eve and Maryse hits the DDT for the pin in 2:04.  Whatever.

Last week, Bret Hart beat The Miz for the United States Championship in a ludicrous match.  Now the title is vacant, but will be decided NEXT!

WWE United States Championship Match: R-Truth vs. The Miz.  R-Truth raps during his entrance and Miz cuts a promo during his.  Miz plays chickenshit, then cheap shots R-Truth to get the early advantage.  Truth responds with his wacky strikes and gets a front cradle for 2.  Miz bails.  Insta-commercials.  Miz beats up Truth on the outside.  Crowd chants “BORING!”  During the break, R-Truth failed a suicide dive and landed on his head.  Back in the ring, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Truth.  Truth hits a spider German suplex for 2.  Truth makes his comeback.  Missile dropkick gets 2.  Complete Shot gets 2.  Truth hits a diving cross body, but Miz rolls through for 2.  Miz hits the reverse DDT backbreaker and goes for the neckbreaker, but Truth gets a backslide for 2.  Truth gets an inside cradle for 2.  Miz avoids the scissors kick, but Truth hits the Lie Detector for the pin (7:14 shown) to win the United States Championship!  Pretty good match.

Earlier tonight, the Batista stuff happened.

Tonight, Cena vs. Jericho vs. Edge.

Josh Matthews interviews the WWE Champion, John Cena.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Jon Lovitz comes out flanked by the Bella Twins.  They’re going to judge this stupid thing.  This guy is so fucking annoying and needs to fuck off and die, then fuck off again.  Great Khali and Ranjin Singh “sing.”  Jillian Hall comes out and Lovitz hits the buzzer before she can do anything.  Thank God for that.  He calls for the fans to show talent.  Some guy named Joe says he can pull his eye out of his face.  The guy pulls his glass eye out.  Gross.  Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. and Virgil come out.  Thank God.  Dibiase offers to buy the guy’s eyeball.  He says he can’t sell it.  Santino Marella comes out.  Marella threatens to use Lovitz’s submission hold to Virgil.  Lovitz babbles.  Marella does the Vulcan nerve pinch thing and takes out Virgil.  He tries it on Dibiase, but fails.  Dibiase hits the Dream Street.  Lovitz declares Dibiase the winner of the talent contest.  Stupidest fucking segment ever.

Cole and Lawler talk about everything that’s going on.  Earlier tonight, Sheamus beat Mark Henry.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov.  Regal clobbers Kidd with an elbow.  Kozlov tags in and hits a powerslam for 2.  Kidd fights out of a Canadian backbreaker and kicks Kozlov in the head.  Smith tags in and beats up Kozlov.  Kozlov counters the running powerslam and tags in Regal.  Smith avoids the knee trembler and makes the tag.  Hart Attack.  Kidd pins Regal in 1:20.  The Uso Brothers and Tamina make their debut by jumping the Hart Dynasty, laying them out, and hitting stereo Superfly splashes.

Josh Matthews interviews the remaining NXT rookies: Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and David Otunga.  Gabriel says Slater should be eliminated.  Barrett agrees.  Slater thinks Otunga should go.  Otunga says Slater should go.

They show the greatness that was Daniel Bryan beating up Michael Cole on NXT last week.  Cole says if Daniel Bryan doesn’t apologize tomorrow night, he’s going to sue him.

Edge and Chris Jericho bicker backstage.

John Cena is headed our way!  The main event is NEXT!

Next week’s guest host is Ashton Kutcher.  He can’t be worse than the fucknut we had to endure tonight.

Triple Threat Fatal 4 Way Qualifying Match: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho.  Cena goes on the attack.  Jericho schoolboys him for 2.  Cena keeps fighting.  He clotheslines Edge out of the ring.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Cena counters and clotheslines him out of the ring too.  Insta-commercials.  Edge and Jericho beat up Cena.  Jericho sends Edge out of the ring and beats up Cena some more.  Suplex gets 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho DDTs him.  Cena avoids Jericho in the corner and Jericho spears the post.  Cena makes his comeback.  He fails the Attitude Adjustment again, I think.  Edge spears Jericho.  Cena locks Edge in the STF.  Jericho puts Cena in the Walls of Jericho.  Edge breaks free.  Jericho puts Edge in the Walls of Jericho.  Cena breaks it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Jericho.  Edge spears Cena.  Delayed cover.  Jericho breaks it and goes for the Walls again.  Edge counters and gets an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho hits Edge with an enzuigiri.  Cena clotheslines Jericho.  Cena and Edge counter each other.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Cena.  Edge spears Jericho for the pin (7:32 shown).  Edge qualifies for Fatal 4 Way.  Sheamus and Randy Orton come out so the Fatal 4 Way participants can all stare at each other.

Okay show overall.  A couple of things were good and some stuff was meh, but the Jon Lovitz stuff was motherfucking horrible.  They need to end the guest host shit NOW.

WWE Over The Limit 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Over The Limit open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Neat set in the modern world where all sets look pretty much the same.  We’re LIVE from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich are the Spanish announcers!  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

The Intercontinental Championship match is on first.  They show Kofi Kingston winning the championship 2 weeks ago on Smackdown, only to have it taken away and returned to Drew McIntyre.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Drew McIntyre (c) vs. Kofi Kingston.  Kofi is in full “You screwed me and I’m pissed, so I’m gonna kick your ass” mode.  Kofi sends McIntyre to the outside and lands a tope suicida.  McIntyre bails to avoid the Boom Drop and ends up ramming Kofi into the post.  McIntyre beats up Kofi.  Gut buster gets 2.  McIntyre applies a shoulder hold.  Kofi makes a comeback and hits a diving cross body for 2.  McIntyre hits another gut buster for 2.  Kofi sends McIntyre’s shoulder into the post.  Boom Drop in the corner.  Cole gets in his obligatory “Controlled frenzy” line.  McIntyre ducks the Trouble In Paradise and goes for the Future Shock.  Kofi counters and hits the SOS for the pin in 6:23 to win the Intercontinental Championship for real this time.  It was okay, not a lot to it.  McIntyre says he’s stopping the PPV until Teddy Long reverses the decision.  Matt Hardy comes out instead and gives McIntyre the Twist of Fate.

The Straight Edge Society are backstage.  They admire Punk’s hair.

Detroit!

They show the incident that started the issues between R-Truth and Ted Dibiase Jr., where Dibiase wanted R-Truth to be his Virgil and got slapped instead.

R-Truth vs. Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Virgil).  They lock up and trade hammerlocks.  Dibiase hides in the ropes to get heat.  Dibiase slaps Truth.  Truth slaps Dibiase and kicks his ass.  Dibiase hides in the ropes again.  Truth hits his flippy kicks and clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring.  Virgil distracts Truth so Dibiase can get the advantage, and eventually succeeds.  Dibiase beats up Truth and throws him out of the ring.  Back inside, Truth fights back.  Dibiase hits a flapjack for 2.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase slaps on a rear chin lock.  Dibiase comes off the top, but Truth catches him with a shot.  Truth goes for a superplex, but Dibiase pushes him off.  Truth crotches Dibiase on the top.  Truth gets rolling on offense.  Truth hits a Flatliner for 2.  Dibiase avoids the scissors kick and hits an electric chair drop for 2.  Truth tries some wonky leg hold, fails miserably, and Dibiase gets a rope break.  Truth hits a suplex stunner for 2.  Truth hits the Lie Detector for the pin in 7:46.  This match felt way longer than it was.  Second boring-ish match in a row.

Teddy Long talks on the phone.  Drew McIntyre barges in and demands that Long reverses the decision and fires Matt Hardy.  Long says no.  McIntyre throws a temper tantrum and tears stuff up.  Long begs him not to tear up a picture of Martin Luther King Jr.  McIntyre says King is a leader and Long is spineless.  Ya know, because throwing a fit after losing fair and square is so brave and noble.

CM Punk/Rey Mysterio video package.

Straight Edge Society Pledge vs. Hair Match: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  All outside parties are banned from ringside.  Punk pledges allegiance to himself.  Mysterio raises his hand and Punk goes on the attack.  Back and forth brawling to start.  Punk back body drops Mysterio out of the ring.  Mysterio ranas Punk into the barricade.  Mysterio holdshim against the barber chair at ringside to taunt him.  Punk avoids the 619 and throws Mysterio out of the ring, crashing into the barber chair.  Mysterio took a nasty bump and sails for a bit while the referee checks a cut on Punk’s head.  The doctor comes in to close the wound.  Dammit, it’s the motherfucking professional wrestling, let the man bleed.  Punk gets back into the ring.  The rana into the barricade looks to be what cut Punk open.  Crowd chants “BORING!”  Punk goes back on the attack and throws Mysterio into the barricade a couple of times, then suplexes him on the floor.  Punk hits the Eddie hilo for 2.  Punk applies a figure-four head scissors.  Mysterio fights back and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Punk kills him with a clothesline for 2.  Punk hits a series of fist drops while reciting the pledge.  Lawler and Striker bickering on commentary is annoying.  Mysterio hits the Code Red for 2.  Mysterio hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away and a weird spinning one for 2.  Punk sends Mysterio into the turnbuckles.  Painful looking face bump.  Punk avoids the 619 and hits the Welcome To Chicago, Motherfucker for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Mysterio counters.  Punk counters the counter and powerbombs Mysterio into the corner.  Punk hits a diving clothesline for 2.  Punk hits a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for a springboard moonsault.  Punk catches him and goes for the Go 2 Sleep again.  Mysterio counters and hits the 619.  Punk avoids the springboard splash.  He lays on Mysterio for the cocky cover, but Mysterio turns it into a crucifix hold for the pin in 13:49.  Good match for the most part.  The mystery SES member attacks Mysterio.  Luke Gallows and Serena come down to help.  Gallows has handcuffs.  Kane comes out and makes the save for Mysterio.  Chokeslam to Punk.  Kane brawls with Gallows.  Mysterio handcuffs Punk to the ropes and hits another 619.  Mysterio kicks the crap out of Punk some more and cuts his hair with the clippers.  Mysterio poses with clumps of Punk’s hair.  Crowd chants “SHAVE HIS CHEST!”  Mysterio leaves.  Serena covers up Punk’s fucked up haircut with a towel.  Mysterio comes back, yanks the towel off, and makes Punk look at himself in a mirror.  Punk is hilariously pissed.  Serena and the hooded guy help Mysterio out of the arena.

The announcers announce Fatal 4 Way, June 20th on PPV!

Backstage, Chris Jericho thanks The Big Show for dumping him, because now he and The Miz have realized Show was dead weight.  Miz stares at Show’s back.  Show threatens to knock them both out repeatedly.

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands video game trailer.

Entrances for the Tag title match.  They show the ridiculous travesty of Bret Hart beating The Miz for the United States Championship on Raw.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Hart Dynasty (c) (w/ Natalya) vs. Chris Jericho & The Miz.  Kidd and Miz start.  Kidd lands some kicks and tags in big David Hart Smith.  Smith hits the stalling suplex for 2.  Smith knocks Miz out of the ring, then backdrops Jericho out as well.  Smith press slams Kidd onto Miz and Jericho.  Kidd works over Miz some more.  Jericho tags in and beats up Kidd.  Kidd lands some kicks on Jericho, then tags in Smith.  Smith hits a leg drop for 2.  Jericho hits a missile dropkick, then baseball slide dropkicks Smith out of the ring.  Miz gets in a cheap shot.  Jericho hits a  backdrop suplex for 2.  Smith hits a sidewalk slam on Jericho.  Miz tags in and cuts off Smith from making the tag.  Smith gets worked over.  Kidd gets the lukewarm tag and runs wild.  Jericho locks Kidd in the Walls of Jericho.  Kidd gets a rope break.  Kidd springboards, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker.  He takes too long to cover and only gets 2.  Jericho argues with the referee.  Jericho trash talks Kidd and gets kicked in the head.  Smith tags in and runs wild.  Smith hits a powerslam on Jericho for 2.  Miz trips Smith and Jericho gets an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho and Miz argue with the referee.  Natalya trips Jericho.  Smith hits the running powerslam for 2.  Miz blind tags in and hits a neckbreaker on Smith for 2.  Miz goes for the Sharpshooter, but Smith gets a cradle for 2.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but gets sent into Jericho.  Smith gets a reverse cradle.  Miz reverses it for 2.  Miz hits the corner clothesline, but Smith holds him up and tags in Kidd.  Hart Attack.  Kidd pins Miz in 10:43.  Pretty good match with some really good false finishes.

WWE’s Best PPV Matches 2009-2010 is available now on DVD!

Detroit!

Edge/Randy Orton video package.

Edge vs. Randy Orton.  Striker tries to make it interesting by talking about the difference in finisher distance, but Lawler blows him off.  They do little.  Orton beats up Edge.  Orton hits the bottom rope decapitator.  They end up outside.  Edge sends Orton into the barricade, then front suplexes him onto it.  Back inside, Edge covers for 2.  Orton fights back.  Edge catches him with a knee to the middle, then locks on a body scissors.  He turns it into a scissored sleeper.  Orton fights out.  Edge front suplexes Orton into the ropes.  Edge goes up top.  Orton cuts him off and eventually hits a superplex.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO!”  “YAY!” chants from the crowd.  Orton hits a snap powerslam for 2.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and covers, but Edge gets his leg on the bottom rope.  Edge goes for the spear, but Orton kicks him.  Orton humps the mat and sells his arm.  He’s been selling it since the bump into the barricade.  Edge rolls out of the ring.  Orton goes outside and Edge gives him some week love taps.  He goes for the spear, but Orton moves and he spears the barricade.  Double count-out in 12:49.  Fucking lame.

The announcers talk about Orton’s injury.

Jack Swagger/Big Show video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. The Big Show.  Swagger goes for a takedown and fails.  Repeat.  Show takes Swagger down and covers for 1.  Swagger bails.  He looks bamboozled.  Show does push ups.  Show beats up Swagger.  Show goes for the chokeslam and Swagger bails again.  Show pulls Swagger to the apron and Swagger pulls Show across the top rope.  Swagger spears Show’s knee, then hits a shoulder block.  Swagger hits 2 springboard Vader Bombs for 2.  Show throws Swagger out of the ring on the kick out.  Show beats up Swagger some more.  Show goes for the chokeslam again.  Swagger kicks Show’s knee.  Show pushes Swagger out of the ring.  Swagger gets the title belt and clocks Show with it to get DQ’d in 5:04.  Swagger clocks Show again for good measure, then beats him with a chair, but Show doesn’t want to stay down.  Show recovers and chokeslams Swagger, then chokeslams him again onto the chair.  Show KTFO’s Swagger with the big punch.  Fun match, and the finish works if the feud is going to continue.  Show leaves and Swagger is helped out by the referees.

Axe Hair something or other!

They show Batista’s repeated destruction of Mark Henry.

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Eve Torres (c) vs. Maryse.  They face off, then Maryse cheap shots Eve and goes on the attack.  Maryse applies a camel clutch.  They end up outside and Maryse lands an errant kick to the post.  Back inside, Eve lands some dropkicks.  Maryse slaps her.  Eve throws her down and hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Eve gets a sunset flip for 2.  Maryse drops Eve for 2.  Maryse screams at the referee.  Eve fights back and hits a Flatliner for 2.  Eve goes for a rolling senton, but Maryse gets her knees up.  Maryse goes for the DDT, but Eve counters and hits sort of a reverse Pedigree for the pin in 5:03.  It was fine, I guess.

John Cena/Batista video package.

“I Quit” Match for the WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs. Batista.  Batista says he made Cena say “I Quit” last week after Raw went off the air, so he’s going to give him a chance to take the easy way out.  Cena teases considering it, then hits Batista with the mic.  Outside quickly.  Cena swings a chair, but Batista ducks and that poor post gets it again.  Really intense brawl.  Batista beats on Cena for a while.  Cena makes his standard comeback.  Batista hangs onto the top rope to avoid the Attitude Adjustment, then uses the referee as a shield, then spears Cena.  Batista locks in the Rings of Saturn.  Cena powers his way out and locks in the STF.  Batista passes out, so Cena pours water on him.  Batista isn’t ready to quit.  And why would he?  He hits a big spinebuster and the Batista Bomb.  Cena isn’t quitting yet either.  Batista clears off the announce tables.  Batista sets up the Batista Bomb from one table to the other.  Cena counters and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Batista counters and hits a running powerslam from the English table through the Spanish table.  Now that’s old school!  Cena still won’t quit.  Batista takes Cena into the crowd.  They end up on a balcony or something.  Batista threatens to throw Cena over if he doesn’t quit.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Cena counters and knocks Batista off the balcony on top of some people.  They brawl around the stage area.  Batista hits Cena in the gut and back with a chair.  Cena still won’t quit.  Batista gets into one of the cars of the stage and backs it into where Cena was.  Cena reappears and beats up Batista.  Attitude Adjustment into the hood of the car.  Batista won’t quit.  Cena says “I was really hoping you would say that.”  Cena sets up the Attitude Adjustment from the top of the car.  Batista quits to give Cena the win in 20:31.  Cena delivers the move anyway and Batista crashes through the stage.  Awesome hate filled brawl.  Cena celebrates in the ring.  When he reaches the ramp, Sheamus appears and drops him with the pump kick.

This show was kind of mediocre overall, but there was some good stuff in there.