Archive for Umaga

WWE Extreme Rules 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by the PPV intro video.  Michael Cole welcomes us to the show as Lillian Garcia introduces the first match.

Fatal Four-Way Match for WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Cole and Lawler are on commentary, and put over Kingston beating MVP for the title this past Monday on Raw.  Typical double team/pair off and brawl stuff early on.  Kofi is awesome.  Cole gets in his “Controlled Frenzy” for the night.  Regal beats the shit out of Kingston, which is always good stuff.  Regal sets up a butterfly suplex on Kofi.  MVP tries to turn it into a Tower of Doom spot, but they botch it.  Kofi and Regal still take the bump, though.  Hardy comes in fresh after staying outside for a bit and tries to pin everyone.  Everyone kicks out.  Matt sets up the Twist of Fate on MVP, but Kofi gets back in the action and punishes Regal and Hardy.  Regal counters the Trouble In Paradise and T-bones Kofi right into Hardy, which Kofi uses to get a near fall.  The match turns into everybody hitting big moves and covering, then someone else breaking up the cover.  Regal hits Exploders on everyone until Kingston catches him the Trouble In Paradise for the pin at 6:42.  Short, but fun and exciting match, and a good way to kick off the show.

Josh Matthews interviews The Big Show, who says John Cena can’t put him in the STF.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham talk about the recent issues between Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio.  Justin Roberts is in the ring to introduce the match.  He introduces Jericho, but Jericho doesn’t come out.  He’s in the merchanidise stand bitching about Mysterio’s merchanidise.  He comes down to the ring through the crowd, talking the whole way.  Mysterio comes out, so now we can have our match.  Ross says that Mysterio is the first masked Intercontinental Champion.  Kane says hello.

No Holds Barred Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio jumps Jericho at the bell and kicks his ass all around the ringside area.  Rey hits a sweet rana off the apron and takes the match in the ring.  Jericho gets the advantage and holds it until Mysterio counters his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Rey hits a 619 around the ringpost to send Jericho off the apron and hits a diving splash on to him.  Back in the ring. Jericho avoids the 619.  Rey gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Jericho rolls it back for one of his own.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and tries a dropkick, but Jericho catches and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Rey turns it into a inside cradle, but can’t get the pin.  Jericho gets the advantage and goes for Rey’s mask.  Rey escapes, then avoids a charging Jericho, who spears the ring post and goes outside.  Rey hits a tope suicida.  Rey does his Speedy Gonzales routine back in the ring.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and does a swank spinning backbreaker for a near fall.  Rey avoids the Lionsault and hits the 619.  He goes for a diving something or other, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker for a very near fall.  Jericho brings a chair into the ring, but Mysterio dropkicks into his face and covers for a near fall.  Mysterio hits a leg drop with the chair for another near fall, then sets the chair up in the corner and hits a drop toehold onto it.  Mysterio uses the chair as a springboard for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio nails him with the chair and goes for the 619, but Jericho manages to yank his mask off.  Mysterio desperately covers his face and allows himself to be pinned with a schoolboy in 14:40, even though anyone who watched WCW from 1999 to 2001 has seen his face.  Jericho wins the Intercontinental Title for the unprecendented 9th time.  Good match.

Randy Savage DVD available this Tuesday!

New Orleans!

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.  Actually, they show the video of Randy Orton killing Ric Flair, then Batista comments on it.  He’s going to do various nasty things to Orton tonight.

Samoan Strap Match: Umaga vs. CM Punk. They show Umaga killing Punk on Smackdown a few weeks ago.  You win here by touching all four corners in succession… secession?  You know what I mean.  Umaga whips Punk with the strap and punishes him in various other nasty ways.  How the hell do you do PBP on a Strap Match?  “He whips the other guy, he uses the strap to hold the other guy back…”  Punk fights back and goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but doesn’t get it.  They both get near falls (I.E. touching 3 turnbuckles but being prevented from touching the fourth.  Umaga goes for the diving splash, but Punk uses the strap to pull him off the top rope.   Punk touches 3 corners, hits the Go 2 Sleep, and touches the fourth for the win at 8:58.  Meh.  Strap matches are kind of a stupid gimmick.

New Orleans again!

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews are ready to announce the ECW Championship match!

Gregory Helms interviews the ECW Champion, Christian.  Christian says he’s going to miss Tommy Dreamer, because he’s not losing his title.  Dreamer comes up and says Christian will indeed be losing the title.  Jack Swagger steps in to say his bit, but Dreamer and Christian leave.  Cut to Tony Chimel who is in the ring to introduce the match.

Triple Threat Hardcore Match for the ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger.  They get in-ring introductions.  They brawl a bit, then Christian and Dreamer bring the plunder in.  Dreamer utilizes the Singapore cane to great effect.  Dreamer is in his element here, and shows why he is called the Innovator of Violence.  Swagger finally gets the advantage on Dreamer and tries to superplex him into a pile of trashcans.  Christian comes in and adds a powerbomb to the equation.  I guess they had to do it since the guys in the four-way fucked up the Tower of Doom spot.  Christian ducks a crutch shot from Swagger and goes for the Killswitch.  Swagger counters and goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Dreamer nails Swagger with the crutch to break it, then bashes him with it again and hits a DDT.  Dreamer covers and gets the pin on Swagger at 9:37 to WIN THE ECW CHAMPIONSHIP!  With no Justin Credible to fuck up the moment. Tommy Dreamer finally gets to enjoy capturing the ECW Championship.  That’s my feel good markout moment of the night.

Chavo Guerrero prepare Vickie for her defense of the Miss WrestleMania crown.  Michael Cole talks about it for a bit, then throws it to Jerry Lawler, who is with the pigs.  “Santina” comes out, followed by Vickie, who says she’s making the match a Handicap Match.  A less than delighted Chavo will be her partner.

Handicap Hog Pen Match for the Miss WrestleMania Crown: Vickie Guerrero (c) & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Santina Marella.  Vickie sends Chavo in to fight while she stays outside in her gown.  Santina and Chavo fight in the muck.  Santina throws Chavo into the pen with the hogs.  Shouldn’t the match be over?  I guess it’s pinfall only.  Santina schoolgirls Chavo for a near fall.  Chavo beats down Santina and tags in Vickie.  Santina tries to slop her, but Chavo jumps him and tries to slop him.  He misses and slops Vickie.  Santina slops Chavo, then pins Vickie for the win at 2:43 to become Miss WrestleMania again.  Gross.  -50 stars.

SummerSlam, August 23 on PPV!

Orton/Batista video package.

Chavo and Vickie walk backstage while everyone in the vicinity holds their nose.  Goldust and Hornswoggle show up to bring the comedy, then run away from the smell.  They find Edge in Vickie’s office.  Vickie tells Edge he’s on his own tonight.  Edge says he wants a divorce.  Poor Vickie.  Divorces are no fun at all, and I don’t imagine being covered in pig shit is either.

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  In-ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton tries to escape immediately, but Batista stops him and goes to work kicking his ass.  Orton avoids a charge and tries to escape again.  Rinse, repeat.  Orton counters the Batista Bomb and tries to escape again, but then decided to go for the punt instead.  Batista avoids it.  Orton avoids the Batista Bomb again.  Batista avoids the RKO.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin at 7:03.  Seriously?  That’s it?  Ah well, at least it was too short to suck.  Fun fact: this is the first time the WWE Championship has changed hands in a Steel Cage match.

Show/Cena video package.

Submission Match:
The Big Show vs. John Cena.  The whole basis of this match is that Show is too big for Cena to put in the STF.  Of course, he goes for it in the first minute and fails.  Of all the Cena/Show matches… this is one of them.  Same old shit, except with more sleeper holds.  About 10 minutes in, Cena avoids the Vader Bomb and tries to slam Show.  Show lands on top and hugs Cena, which is apparently a submission hold.  Show beats up Cena some more and locks in an abdominal stretch.  Cena counters a chokeslam attempt with a DDT and tries the STF again.  He still doesn’t get it.  Show locks in a bearhug.  Cena escapes and drops Show with a neckbreaker.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena avoids it and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  STF fails again.  Show lands the KO punch and knocks Cena out of the ring.  Show goes out and picks him him, but Cena slips off and sends Show into the ring post.  Back in the ring, Cena misses a diving leg drop, then props up one of show’s legs against the ropes and locks in a crossface.  The leg doesn’t stay.  Show submits to this half assed STF at 19:05, even though Show’s feet were under the ropes.  Fucking retarded.

Edge/Hardy video package.

Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship:
Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  In-ring intros.  There are dozens of ladders placed around the ring.  First ouch moment comes 3 minutes in when Jeff backdrops Edge out of the ring and chest first onto a ladder.  Jeff makes the first attempt to climb up to the big gold belt, but Edge stops him, then drops him painfully on the ladder.  That’s one cheap aluminum ladder ruined.  Edge brings in another and sets it in a corner.  Jeff avoids a charging Edge, who spears the ladder.  Match goes on.  Edge creatively sandwiches Jeff in the ladder and locks in a Sharpshooter.  Later, Edge takes a painful front suplex into an open ladder.  Lots of creative painful looking things in this match.  Hardy brings in a really tall ladder.  He hits the Twist of Fate, then goes up the tall ladder with the intent of diving off.  Edge moves out of the way.  The ladder falls over but Jeff grabs hold of the belt.  Edge pulls him down before Jeff can take the belt down.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind off the ladder.  The carnage continues.  They take a huge bump off a ladder at ringside through another one set up on the ring apron and guardrail.  Back in the ring, Hardy climbs for the belt.  Edge climbs another ladder and tries to spear Hardy, but gets caught with a neckbreaker in mid air.  Hardy goes for the gold again.  Edge climbs up the other side and punches Hardy down.  Hardy pulls Edge’s legs through the ladder to trap him.  Edge can do nothing but look on as Hardy pulls the belt down and becomes World Heavyweight Champion at 20:06.  Pretty damn good ladder match.

But wait, it’s not over!  CM Punk comes down and cashes in the Money In The Bank contract!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the 1, 2, HARDY KICKS OUT!  Punk can’t believe it.  Hardy gets a quick inside cradle, but Punk kicks out.  Punk nails a big kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep again and pins Hardy to win the title at 1:02.  PUNK IS WORLD CHAMPION!

Pretty good show for the most part.  Punk and Dreamer winning the gold makes me happy.

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WWE Judgment Day 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a typically cool opening video for the PPV.

Pyro, then Jim Ross welcomes us LIVE to Chicago!  The first man through the curtain is Chicago’s own Mr. Money In The Bank, CM Punk!  Ross and Todd Grisham are your commentary team for this match.  They show Umaga costing Punk his chance to cash in Money In The Bank in Madison Square Garden 3 weeks ago.

CM Punk vs. Umaga.  Punk fires away at Umaga and tries to be abusive and elusive.  Crowd is VERY pro-Punk.  Umaga manages to beat down Punk a bit, but Punk continues to fire back.  Umaga applies a nerve hold.  Punk tries to fight out, but Umaga blasts him with a Samoan headbutt, which will put down anyone.  Umaga continues to punish Punk’s shoulders.  Punk takes a bump off the apron into the guardrail.  Punk tries to get a sunset flip coming back in the ring, but Umaga sits on him, then continues the beatdown.  Punk tries to slam Umaga, who lands on top and gets a near fall.  Umaga goes back to the shoulder.  Umaga goes for a long distance diving headbutt, but Punk avoids it.  It looked like Umaga would have missed it anyway, but I digress.  Punk low bridges a charging Umaga to send him to the outside, then dives out onto him.  Back inside, Punk fires away with strikes, but fails to knock Umaga down.  Punk avoids a charging Umaga in the corner and hits the diving bulldog for a two count, which Umaga throws him off of.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for a close two count.  Punk signals for the Go 2 Sleep, but can’t get Umaga up.  Umaga reverses it into a Samoan drop for a near fall.  Punk avoids the Samoan Spike and nails some kicks.  He goes for the Go 2 Sleep again, but can’t get it.  Umaga nails a superkick which sends Punk into the corner, then ass butts him.  Umaga finishes him off with the Samoan Spike for the clean pin at 11:52.  Well that sucks.  Ok match, though.

Vickie Guerrero is backstage in her office.  Chavo comes in and tells her John Cena has been cleared to wrestle.  Big Show tells her he’s going to take Cena out tonight.  Edge comes in to talk to Vickie.

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews hype up the ECW Championship match, showing how Christian beat Jack Swagger for the title at Backlash.  The rematch is NOW!

ECW Championship Match:
Christian (c) vs. Jack Swagger.  Whoa, in-ring introductions for the ECW Title match.  And hey, Tony Chimel IS still with the company.  I haven’t seen him in so long I was starting to wonder.  Swagger tries to take down Christian, who avoids it.  Christian has been awesome since his return.  Christian goes for the Killswitch early, but Swagger escapes it.  Swagger gets the advantage briefly until Christian sends him outside and hits a dive out onto him.  Swagger manages to get the advantage again and works over Christian’s back to soften him up for the Doctor Bomb.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb, but Christian gets his knees up and tries to mount a comeback.  Christian goes for a splash or a headbutt, but misses.  Swagger gets a sloppy Oklahoma roll for a two count.  Christian takes some punishment, gets an inside cradle for a near fall.  Double clothesline spot.  Christian gets to his feet and goes for a sunset flip, but Swagger traps him and gets a near fall.  Swagger counters the tornado DDT attempt, but Christian hits the reverse version.  Swagger gets a schoolboy, but the referee catches him pulling the tights.  Isn’t that grounds for a DQ in WWE now?  Swagger counters the Killswitch, Christian counters the Doctor Bomb.  Christian gets a reverse cradle and pulls the tights for the win at 9:34.  Okay match, but not nearly as good as their match at Backlash.

Edge comes out of Vickie’s dressing room and chastises Chavo for not doing anything about Santino calling Vickie a pig, then says he has to go defend his World Title.

Shelton Benjamin (w/ Charlie Haas) vs. John Morrison.  Shelton starts in a big way with an Exploder, then works over Morrison a bit.  When Morrison turns the tide, Benjamin bails.  Morrison hits an awesome Shooting Star dive to the outside.  Haas provides the distraction to let Benjamin get the advantage again.  Long resthold sequence from Benjamin.  They finally get up and moving again, then promptly knock heads and go down.  Morrison makes a comeback, then Benjamin takes him down with a backbreaker for a near fall.  Morrison fights back and nails a sweet knee kick for a near fall.  Morrison tries a springboard rana, but it turns into an awkard powerbomb into the turnbuckle.  Morrison avoids the Paydirt and hits a drop toehold in the corner.  Morrison hits a monkey flip, but Benjamin lands on his feet.  Morrison quickly deals with an interfering Haas and avoids Shelton’s Stinger Splash in the corner.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain (split-legged corkscrew moonsault) for the win at 10:09.  Okay match.  I think they could do better.

WrestleMania 25 on DVD this Tuesday!

The Miz comes out.  We finally get to hear from Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole on commentary.  The Miz implies that John Morrison is the Marty Jannetty to his Shawn Michaels, then says since he can’t challenge Cena tonight, he’s going to challenge a substitute.  He insults one of the Chicago Cubs players in the audience, then challenges him to either win a World Series or get in the ring.  Miz claims this somehow makes him 4-0 against Cena.  Santino Marella comes out and reprimands “The Fiz” for insulting a fellow Italian.  Santino compares WWE superstars to animals: Vickie Guerrero to a pig, Vladimir Kozlov to the blue eagle from Seasame Street or something, and “The Fiz” to a jackass.  Miz decks him with a cheap shot and they roll around a bit until Miz drops him with a DDT.  Funny segment.  Oh, wait.  Chavo Guerrero comes down and hits the frog splash on Santino as punishment for making fun of Vickie.

Please, don’t try this at home.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  He says he’ll win the Intercontinental Title tonight.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio tries to go for the 619 quick, ala WrestleMania, but Jericho bails to avoid it, then comes back in to take the fight to Mysterio.  Mysterio hits a cool legdrop on Jericho, then a minute later Jericho dropkicks Mysterio off the ring apron.  Mysterio takes a beating for a bit.  Mysterio fights back and goes for the 619 again, but Jericho counters with a sweet back body drop frop a two count.  Jericho hits an awesome spinning rack backbreaker for a near fall.  Jericho tries to take of Mysterio’s mask, which the announcers put over as the ultimate insult to a luchador.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the Bombs Away, they does his Speedy Gonzalez routine, jumping around and hitting Jericho.  Jericho goes for the Walls, but Mysterio flips out of it.  Jericho catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and tries to turn a rana into the Walls of Jericho but Mysterio headscissors his way out of it.  619 attempt again, but Jericho catches Mysterio’s legs and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio suffers for a bit, but manages to turn it into an inside cradle for a near fall.  Mysterio goes for a Frankensteiner again, but Jericho powerbombs him down for a near fall.  Mysterio finally manages to hit the 619 and follows with the diving splash for the pin at 12:38.  Damn good match.

Orton/Batista video package.

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  Entrances, introductions, and the opening bell.  Orton bails immediately.  When he comes back in, they lock up and Batista grabs a headlock.  Batista knocks Orton down and he bails again.  He comes back in to get his ass kicked some more.  Orton dropkicks Batista off the apron to get the advantage and starts to work him over.  Orton beats down Batista for a while, then hits his sick DDT off the middle rope for a near fall.  Orton stalks Batista and sets up the punt of doom, but Batista wakes up and spears him.  They make it to their feet and trade shots.  Orton gets his ass kicked and bails, demanding that the referee counts him out.  Batista, of course, doesn’t allow that.  He goes out after Orton and manages to throw him back in the ring before the count of ten.  Orton bails again at the first opportunity and grabs a chair.  Batista knocks him off the ring apron before he can use it and bashes Orton’s head against the announce table, then throws him back in and hits a diving shoulder tackle for a near fall.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Orton scampers out, grabs his belt, and tries to leave.  Batista gives chase and throws him back in the ring.  Orton tries to use the belt and get DQ’d, but Batista nails the spinebuster and goes for the Batista Bomb.  Orton escapes and goes for the RKO, but Batista drops him.  Orton avoids a charging Batista, who goes shoulder-first into the ring post.  Orton goes for the RKO again, but Batista shoves him into the ref.  Orton slaps the referee to cause the DQ at 14:41.  Legacy runs in they commence to beat down Batista until RIC FLAIR comes running down to make the face.  Orton takes the Batista Bomb, then Batista and Flair fight off Dibiase and Rhodes.  Legacy bails as Batista and Flair stand tall in the ring.  Better match than I expected.

Extreme Rules, next month on PPV!

Cena/Show video package.

The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena is still hurt from Show chokeslamming him through a searchlight at Backlash.  Show, naturally, attacks Cena’s injured midsection with his huge fists.  Cena fights back, but is overwhelmed.  Rinse, lather, repeat.  After 10 minutes of getting massacred, Cena finally manages to make a comeback.  He drops Show and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena hits the half assed rolling DDT on Show.  Is it really more dangerous for Show to just take the proper DDT?  Cena goes for the STF, but can’t get it.  Show squashed him with a Vader Bomb, but Cena kicks out!  Show goes for another one, but Cena avoids it and goes for the STF again, but still can’t manage it.  He hits his diving Fameasser and goes for the STF again, but Show elbows him in the face until he thinks better of it.  Show hits the Alley-Oop, which he hasn’t done in years.  Cena avoids the KO punch and hits the Attitude Adjustment for the win at 14:57.  Fun match, the story worked well.  Of course in the end, Cena’s retard strength overcomes all.

Terminator: Salvation video game trailer, for whatever reason, followed by a shot of the Sears Tower.

Edge/Hardy video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Entrances, intros, and we’re off!  Jeff shines in the opening minutes, working Edge’s arm.  I’m absolutely certain that won’t come in to play later.  Jeff sends Edge out of the ring and hits the obligatory suicide dive 3 minutes in.  Back in the ring, Jeff misses the Whisper in the Wind and allows Edge to get the advantage.  Edge spears Hardy off the ring apron, then brings him back in the ring to administer the beat down.  Jeff takes the punishment, but fights back and hits a diving cross body for a near fall.  Jeff catches Edge with an inside cradle, ala this past No Way Out, but Edge kicks out.  Jeff locks in a Sharpshooter, of all things.  Edge gets a rope break.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for a near fall.  Edge goes for a powerbomb, but Hardy counters it into a sunset flip for a near fall.  They end up on the outside, where Hardy clears the announce table and takes the protective covering off the barricade.  He tries walking across the barricade, but Edge catches him with a big spear.  Edge makes it back in and waits for the inevitable count-out victory, but Hardy makes it back in the ring before the fatal 10 count!  Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on the ropes and a springboard leg drop.  Jeff covers, but Edge gets a foot on the ropes.  Jeff hits the Whisper in the Wind for a near fall.  Edge bails, but Hardy follows him outside.  Jeff sets up the steps to use as a springboard and hits the Poetry In Motion over the barricade and into the front row.  They go back over the barricade.  Matt Hardy appears and nails Jeff with his cast!  Edge puts Jeff back in the ring and covers, but Jeff kicks out again!  Jeff avoids the spear and goes up for the Swanton Bomb, but Edge meets him hits an AVALANCHE-STYLE EDGECUTION for the pin at 19:54.  Good match.  The finish was pretty sweet.

Decent show, but not as good as Backlash last month.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 1/30/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a highlight package of the Jeff Hardy/Edge match from the Royal Rumble when Matt Hardy turned on his brother and cost him the WWE Championship.

We are in Indianapolis, Indiana, as the ring announcer introduces Matt Hardy.  Matt comes out with a chair and no music.  Matt explains that he’s tired of sharing the spotlight with Jeff.  He says that nobody can prove he was responsible for Jeff’s various accidents as of late.  He spend his whole life taking care of Jeff, but he’s done with that.  He says he spent years trying to get the fans to like him, but they only cared about Jeff.  From now on, Matt only cares about himself.  Matt no longer considers Jeff his partner or his brother.

Instant commercial, then R-Truth makes his way to the ring as Jim Ross finally speaks.  He and Tazz are on commentary.

R-Truth vs. The Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  Zeke stares down R-Truth, then the referee ejects him.  Kendrick cheap shots R-Truth as soon as the bell rings and goes on the offensive.  R-Truth makes a comeback and hits a scissors kick for the win at 2:14.

Tonight: Edge!

WrestleMania hype video, emphasizing WrestleMania I.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  MVP’s losing streak is over, as he won a match last week (I think).  Chavo gets in some shots, then MVP hits an armdrag and works Chavo’s arm a bit.  Chavo comes back with a rolling kick for a 2 count.  MVP beats on Chavo, then Chavo reciprocates in kind.  Chavo hits two amigos, but MVP counters the third.  Chavo goes upstairs, but MVP follows him up and goes for a superplex.  Chavo pushes him off and goes for a frog splash, but MVP moves.  MVP hits a Shining Yakuza kick (Drive By) for the win at 5:11.

Tazz steps in the ring and asks MVP how it feels to be back on a winning streak.  MVP says he’s back, and he wants the United States title back.

Umaga hype video.  He returns NEXT!

No Way Out has Elimination Chamber Matches!  Tonight, Undertaker vs. Mark Henry and Triple H vs. Great Khali vs. Vladimir Kozlov in Qualifying matches!

Umaga makes his way to the ring.  He has new music.  Commercial!

Umaga vs. Jimmy Wang Yang.  Yang tries to use his speed to get the advantage, but Umaga demolishes him.  Samoan Spike gets the win at 1:43.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry is next!

John Morrison says please, don’t try this at home.

Vladimir Kozlov is shown jumping rope and lifting weights.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  They grapple, then Undertaker runs into Henry and is knocked down.  They grapple again and Henry pushes Undertaker into the corner.  They break, then Undertaker fires away with punches.  Taker goes for Old School, but Henry catches him in a bearhug, then beats on him in the corner.  Henry hits a body slam and an elbow drop for a two count.  Taker fights back with more punches.  Taker goes for the chokeslam on Henry, but Atlas distracts him.  Henry sends Taker to the outside.  Taker nails Atlas, then heads back into the ring and hits the chokeslam.  Taker locks in the Gogoplata (whatever the hell it’s being called by WWE) for the submission victory at 5:25.

Next: Edge!

Chris Jericho/Mickey Rourke hype.  I thought Rourke pulled out of doing WrestleMania.

Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero introduces the new WWE Champion, Edge.  He talks about the fans not believing him when he said he wasn’t behind Jeff’s accidents.  He then takes it old school with a five second pose, which his him making out with Vickie while holding up the championship belt.  Big Show’s music hits as he comes down to crash the party.  Show hugs Vickie, then she and Edge leave.

WrestleMania 21 video.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: The Big Show vs. Festus (w/ Jesse).  Festus, as always, gets angry when the bell rings.  He attacks Show, but promptly gets DDT’d.  Festus hits a sort of tornado DDT for a near fall.  Show hits the Alley-Oop that I haven’t seen him do in years.  Show hits the KO punch and gets the pin at 2:39.  Show chokeslams Jesse for good measure after the match.

Eve Torres starts to hype John Cena’s new movie, but Michelle McCool interrupts and berates her.  Eve slaps Michelle, who smiles.

Triple H vs. Khali vs. Kozlov, next!

From The Vault: Clip of the Chavo vs. Mysterio match from No Way Out 2004.  This must be a UK exclusive thing they do.  They show a big chunk of the match.  Chavo wins the Cruiserweight Championship with help from his father, Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Raw Rebound: Orton has explossive diahrea or something, and it made him kick Vince in the head.  Orton will sue Stephanie and the company if he’s fired, so she has Shane beat up Orton and a bunch of other people.  See: horrible ending from Raw.  Finally, it’s main event time.

Triple Threat Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Triple H vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Triple H fights Kozlov, then Khali.  Kozlov nails Khali.  Khali sends Kozlov out of the ring as we go to commercial.  The Miz says please, don’t try this at home.  Triple H and Khali brawl at ringside.  Triple H heads back into the ring to go at it with Kozlov.  Triple H takes a beating, then hits a DDT.  Kozlov hits a fall away slam for a near fall.  Triple H comes back and hits the spinebuster.  Khali lumbers back in and gets Triple H in the head grip.  Kozlov headbutts Khali.  Triple H low bridges Kozlov and sends him out of the ring.  Triple H hits a sloppy Pedigree on Khali for the win at 6:03+ commercials.  Triple H celebrates.  Fin.