Archive for Tony Luke

TNA iMPACT! 8/26/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video of recent happenings.

Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter talk backstage.  Dixie is going to handle some business tonight.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Dixie Carter comes out to her fucking music.  This show already sucks.  She babbles about he TNA is a cult that will not die no matter how much it needs to, then calls out Ric Flair.  Flair styles and profiles and looks as ONLY he can look on his way to the ring.  Flair hits on Dixie.  Dixie talks about whatever, then suspends Flair for 90 days.  Flair asks if Fortune is suspended too.  Dixie says no.  Flair says they’re one in the same.  The rest of Fortune come out: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Willams, Matt Morgan, Kazarian, and Beer Money.  Flair says they’re the best.  Dixie says they were hers first, or something.  Dixie reiterates that Flair is gone for 90 days, but Fortune will continue wrestling.  Flair gets mad and wants to fight.  Some dude jumps in the ring.  Taz says he’s Dixie’s husband Surge.  Fortune beat him up.  Hulk Hogan comes out along with Kurt Angle, The Pope, Ken Anderson, and Jeff Hardy.  Hogan tells Flair to make his boys let Surge go.  Flair threatens to shove Angle’s gold medal up his ass.  Angle and Dixie help Surge to the back.  Hogan and his dudes get in the ring.  Hogan unsuspends Flair.  Well what was the fucking point of all of this bullshit then?  Hogan and Flair bicker.  Hogan books an 8-man tag between his dudes and Fortune.  Flair is pissed.  EV2.0 guys (Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, The FBI, Rhino, and Stevie Richards) come out and brawl with Fortune.  Insta-commercials.  This would have been a good segment without all of the TNA bullshit.

Moments ago, that shit I just wrote happened.

Kurt Angle talks to nobody in particular while Pope, Anderson, and Hardy stand around him.  Why do they do this stupid shit?  TNA used to actually be better about the invisible camera bullshit.

Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan is wearing a Joe action figure as a necklace.  He does lewd things to So Cal Val with it.  Joe comes out and kicks Jordan’s ass.  Joe goes for the Choke.  Orlando hits the corner to break, then grinds on Joe.  The announcers casually mention that Fortune is Abyss’ “They.”  Jordan beats up Joe a bit, then licks the action figure.  Joe makes his comeback and kills a bitch.  Joe hits an Exploder and the Muscle Buster for the pin in 2:29.  Not a bad little TV match.  It’s good to see Joe back killing fuckers.  Jeff Jarrett comes out.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe are still in the ring.  Jarrett talks about bring Joe into TNA 5 years ago.  He asks Joe to be in his corner when he faces Kevin Nash tonight in case Sting interferes.  Joe says he doesn’t choose sides.  He’s on his own team.  Joe leaves.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash.  In 2010.  Nash throws a chair into the ring, then pulls Jarrett out of the ring.  Nash whips Jarrett over the barricade, then rams him into the ring apron.  Finally inside, Nash beats up Jarrett.  Nash brings in the chair, which the referee immediately takes away.  Nash exposes a turnbuckle and goes for the Snake Eyes.  Jarrett slips back and sends Nash into it, then makes his comeback.  Jarrett his Nash with a diving punch, then dives again and gets goozled.  Jarrett fights it, but gets thrown into the exposed turnbuckle, then chokeslammed for a very close 2.  Jarrett jumps on Nash’s back and locks in a sleeper hold.  Nash backs Jarrett into the referee in the corner with the exposed turnbuckle.  Jarrett counters Snake Eyes again, then hits the Stroke, but the referee is taking a nap.  Sting comes in and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash covers for the pin in 5:05.  Not a bad little match.  Sting wants to do some more damage to Jarrett.  Eric Bischoff comes out (to Hogan’s music for some reason) and rips into Sting.  Sting says he wants Hogan.  Bischoff says Hogan is busy.  Sting chokes Jarrett with the bat.  Bischoff makes Hogan out to be a big scary monster.  In 2010.  Hogan appears behind Sting and hits him with a chair, then runs Nash out of the ring with the bat.  The match was fine.  The post-match bullshit was, well, TNA bullshit.

Hulk Hogan talks to Tommy Dreamer backstage.  Hogan asks him to back off of Fortune for the night, but asks him to deal with Abyss by hacking his limbs off, apparently.  Dreamer is fine with this.

Beer Money vs. The FBI.  Jobber entrances for the FBI.  Beer Money immediately beat the fuck out of them.  The FBI get double teamed into oblivion.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  Beer Money double team Guido more anyway.  Roode decks Luke to knock him off the apron.  Guido fights back against Roode, but fails to accomplish anything.  Guido gets an inside cradle for 2.  Guido gets away and makes the hot tag to Luke.  Roode immediately hits the spinebuster and tags in Storm.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Luke and Storm gets the pin in 2:31.  Guido tries to attack, so Storm hits him with the beer bottle.  Storm superkicks Luke to death, then cuts up Guido with the class it looks like.  Beer Money give Guido the DWI.  The FBI got squashed big time.  They must be on their way out.

Big 8-man tag TONIGHT!

The ORIGINAL Beautiful People are headed our way!

Tommy Dreamer tells what’s left of EV2.0 that Abyss needs to be taken care of.  Stevie Richards volunteers.  Seriously?  You’re gonna send STEVIE?  I love Stevie, but come on!

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky come out and talk about how they’re friends again.  Madison Rayne and the biker chick come out.  Rayne threatens to sue them for using her music and the Beautiful People name, which is kind of funny because it was theirs first.  She says she’s all natural unlock those “two silicone whores.”  She babbles on about whatever PMSing bitches babble on about.  She says Velvet is her little bitch.  Velvet takes her down and all 4 get into a big brawl.  Security breaks it up.  Gunner and Murphy overdo it as usual.

The Motor City Machine Guns talk backstage, then play Rock Band.

Earlier today Magnus, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea went clothes shopping.  Oh, so that’s what they do now.  They’re rich now.  They must be running drugs on the side, because they’re not making any money in TNA.  Chelsea ends up with Magnus’ credit card.  Also, they’re now called London Brawling.  Awesome name.

Non-Title: Generation Me vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Jeremy and Sabin start.  Good stuff there as usual.  Jeremy goes for some quick pinning combinations.  Max tags in and they double team Sabin.  Shelley saves.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Max.  Shelley applies a half crab while stepping on Max’s face.  Sabin tags in and hits a flippy fist drop for 2.  Sabin throws Max into Shelley’s boot, then makes the tag.  Shelley goes for quick covers on Max.  Shelley holds Max in a cravat.  Max fights back.  Sabin tags in for more Guns double teaming, but Max avoids it and sends Shelley outside.  Max rolls thrown on Sabin, then makes the hot tag to Jeremy.  Jeremy runs wild and hits a springboard facebuster on Shelley for 2.  After some weird dancing with Max, Jeremy hits a sweet Asai moonsault to the Guns on the outside.  Max spears Sabin.  Bucks hit a double team splash thingy on Sabin for 2.  Lots of stuff is happening.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Sabin gets his knees up.  Stuff happens.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Jeremy.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/splash combo on Max and Sabin gets the pin in 6:03.  Good little match.

Tonight, 8-man tag!

Live event plugs.

Ric Flair yells at Hulk Hogan, who is not present to be yelled at.  I hate this bullshit.  Sting appears and chokes Sting with the bat.  He says he and Nash are have a score to settle with Flair and Fortune.

Shore… coming soon.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was that?

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

Out in the parking garage, Stevie Richards is beating up Abyss.  Abyss beats up Stevie in return.  Abyss swings the nail board, but of course Stevie avoids it.  They brawl some more.  Abyss wins the fight.  Insta-commercials.

Rhino gets in the ring and calls out Abyss.  Abyss comes out with the nail board.  Rhino attacks Abyss and goes for the Gore, but Abyss catches him with a boot.  They brawl around the arena some more.  Rhino hits the Gore to win the fight.  Never send a Stevie to do a Rhino’s job.

AJ Styles yells at no one in particular while Fortune stands behind him.

Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, & Ken Anderson.  Anderson and Kazarian lock up and trade arm lock.  Kazarian slaps him and grabs a side headlock, then scores the knockdown with the shoulder block.  Anderson hits a hip toss and a body slam.  Pope and Styles tag in.  Pope gets rolling with a flying forearm and some Bionic elbows for 2.  Styles gets Pope in the Fortune corner where they beat him him.  Fortune make quick tags and work over Pope.  Morgan tags in and asks for Hardy.  Pope obliges with the tag.  Hardy tries a go behind, then gets dropped with an elbow smash.  Hardy avoids Morgan in the corner and hits some horrible punches and a dropkick.  Styles trips Hardy from the outside.  Hardy rallies, but gets derailed by Morgan.  Styles tags in and slams Hardy, then hits a big knee drop for 2.  Morgan tags back in and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan hits a big vertical suplex for 2.  Williams tags in and beats up Hardy.  Flair trips Hardy from the outside.  Pope gets mad and distracts the referee to let Flair get in his cheap shots.  Styles provokes Anderson to continue the distract.  Back inside, Williams hits a knee drop on Hardy for 2.  Fortune go back to making the quick tags while working over Hardy.  Hardy drops Williams with a shitty clothesline.  Kazarian and Angle tag in.  Angle runs wild because he’s Kurt Angle and he’s fucking awesome.  Angle suplexes fuckers, then locks Kazarian in the ankle lock.  Styles hits Angle with the springboard forearm.  Clusterfuck ensues as everybody comes in and hits their big moves.  Pope blind tags himself in.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Kazarian.  Pope steals Angle’s pin to win it in 8:49.  Good match.  Pope and Angle argue.  Fortune attack.  Beer Money run out to join the fight.  Storm and Styles set up a table.  Tommy Dreamer and Sabu run out to make the save.  Mick Foley comes out and beats up Flair.  Sabu throws a chair at Williams, then puts him through the table with a half assed Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher.  Do they not know any other way to end this show than in a big clusterfuck brawl?

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the show was actually pretty good.  Of course, this is TNA and you have to grade them on a curve.

TNA iMPACT! 8/19/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Moments ago (Tenay says it was 30 minutes ag0), Jeff Hardy and Abyss brawled backstage and into the arena.  Abyss attacked Hardy with a mop apparently used to mop the floor mats.  Also, there’s a vacuum in the ring.  They brawl in the crowd and Hardy throws a chair at Abyss.  They brawl backstage again.  Abyss chokes Hardy with an extension cord.  More brawling.  The security dudes Gunner and Murphy finally break it up.  This went like 5 minutes.

Eric Bischoff comes out with no music.  He talks about the crazy shit that went down at the end of the show last week while they show video clips.  Bischoff kisses Dixie’s ass because that’s an employment requirement for this company now.  He says RVD is all fucked up, so the TNA World Heavyweight Championship is vacant.  Tonight we will see the beginning of a tournament that will end at Bound For Glory, which is 2 months away.

iMPACT! Player of the Week: Magnus.  Really?  This segment goes on for a really long time.  This video is a pre-air version that pops up every week on Thursday afternoons before the show airs.  I’m not sure where it comes from, and I’m not sure if this really long crap airs on the TV version.

Madison Rayne bitches about losing the Knockouts belt last week.  She says she’ll get it back tonight.  The biker chick is with her.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  He’s almost as bad as the NXT chick.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: Rob Terry vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy is still selling the injures from earlier, but immediately goes on the attack.  Terry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry choke throws Hardy off of the top rope.  Hardy hits a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle and some corner dropkicks for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Hardy comes off of the middle rope, but Terry catches him with a clothesline.  Terry hits 2 spin kicks and goes for a running powerslam, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb (he only connects with his legs) for pin in 3:21.  This was bad.

Fortune arrives at the building.

They show the big mess from last week.

Hulk Hogan talks to someone on the phone.  He’s thinking about quitting.  I wish he would.  He doesn’t like the tournament, despite Bischoff saying it was partly Hogan’s idea.  Please, Hulk, QUIT.  He loves whoever he is on the phone with.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: Jay Lethal vs. Ken Anderson.  They bump fists, then lock up.  Anderson grabs a side headlock and scores the knockdown with a shoulder block.  Lethal tries to leapfrog, but Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Lethal counters.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but Lethal counters again.  Lethal hits a hip toss and a basement dropkick for 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Crowd chants “ASSHOLE!” in a cheerful way.  Anderson hits an elbow smash for 2.  Anderson clamps on a front face lock.  Lethal gets out.  Anderson hits a clothesline for 2.  Lethal ducks Anderson and hits a handspring elbow smash.  Anderson avoids a springboard dropkick and hits the Mic Check for the pin in 4:12.  They tried, but it was pretty clunky.  They make friends after the match.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love.  She says she’ll have backup of her own tonight.

Motor City Machine Guns segment from last week’s Reaction.  They’re STILL the TNA World Tag Team Champions.  Another really LONG segment.  They’ll be in action next week.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky) vs. Madison Rayne (w/ biker chick).  Everybody brawls before the match.  Rayne gets Love in the ring and beats her up.  She humps Love’s face into the mat for two 2s.  Rayne throws weak knees and screams.  Love hits a jawbreaker and makes her comeback.  Biker chick grabs Love’s leg, so Velvet kicks her ass.  Velvet trips Rayne.  Love hits a pump kick for the pin in 1:39.  This sucked.  Velvet raises Love’s hand, so maybe they’re finally friends again.  Rayne and biker chick attack them from behind.

Fortune is headed our way!

Music video highlighting Hardcore Justice and the big mess from the end of last week’s show.

Fortune are in the ring.  It’s Ric Flair, TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, Kazarian, Matt Morgan, and Beer Money.  Flair puts over his guys, then talks shit about EV2.  Styles talks about TNA being the house that he built.  Dixie Carter comes out and says she owns the house.  She brings out EV2: Tommy Dreamer, Guido Maritato, Tony Luke, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Mick Foley, Sabu, The Sandman, and Raven.  She says they have contracts now.  Flair says he doesn’t take crap from women.  Dreamer says they’d kick their asses if Dixie didn’t have their balls in her purse.  That’s the way I understood it anyway.  Dreamer and Flair bitch at each other.  Foley and Flair bitch at each other.  Foley yells for them to cut Flair’s mic.  That’s not fair.  Foley says he encouraged Flair to come to TNA, and that’s the biggest regret of his life.  Flair’s mic is still live.  Flair challenges him to roll in thumbtacks.  Foley says he’s Dixie’s bitch.  Again, that’s how I understood it.  Dreamer says they’ll deal with Abyss for what he did to RVD, but then he challenges Styles to a match tonight.  Ugh, this fucking company.

Kurt Angle talks about the World Title tournament.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: TNA X Division Champion Douglas Williams vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle backs Williams into the corner and gives a clean break.  Angle takes Williams over with a side headlock.  Williams kicks Angle in the balls to try to get the advantage, then throws him out of the ring.  Williams follows, lands a European uppercut, and throws him back into the ring.  Williams hits a body slam and some knee drops for 2, as Angle gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Angle throws some punches.  Williams hits a European  uppercut and a side suplex for 2.  Angle comes back and hits a back body drop.  Williams boots Angle in the face.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Williams hits a running knee, then comes off the top with a diving European uppercut for 2.  Angle hits the Rolling Germans for 2.  Angle drops the straps and goes for the Angle Slam.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Angle counters and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 4:53.  Good little TV match, and the best thing on this show by far.

Tonight, Styles vs. Dreamer!

Kevin Nash and Sting are headed our way!  Oh joy, more confusing BS coming up.

Ken Anderson talks to the mirror about the World title tournament.

Sting and Kevin Nash come out to the ring.  Nash puts over Sting, then talks about his love for the business.  So he’s not just about the money now?  He says he’s been called a cancer, but the real cancer is in the back.  He says he’s going to tell the truth.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and accuses Nash of being full of shit and says Sting has skeletons in his closet.  He says the company is better off with Hogan and Bischoff.  Well that is just a bald faced lie.  He says he’s going to beat them with a chair in honor of Hogan and Bischoff.  Hulk Hogan comes out to help him.  Ugh.  Hogan blathers for a while, then they hit the ring.  The lights go out.  Fortune are in the ring!  Again!  They attack Nash and Jarrett.  Hogan and Jarrett are already laid out.  Ugh.  Whatever.

The Pope talks about the World title tournament.

Tommy Dreamer and Raven talk in their locker room.  So they’re back to being friends now when they were mortal enemies less than 2 weeks ago.  Stevie Richards and Tony Luke come in.  Stevie convinces Raven that they need to be Dixie’s bitches.  Luke says he’s know AJ since he was a baby.  Stupid.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope ducks a lock up and lands some ineffective shots.  Pope avoids Morgan in the corner and beats him up.  Pope hits a Vader Bomb elbow drop for 2.  Pope comes off the top, but Morgan catches him by the throat.  Pope breaks free, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Morgan beats up Pope.  He hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  He does it a lot slower than he used to.  Morgan does the sidewalk lazy drop.  Pope goes for a diving sunset flip, but Morgan pulls him him and hits a choke bomb for 2.  Morgan yells at Pope and slaps him.  Morgan chokes Pope against the top rope and hits one of those “run and push the guy into the ropes with your legs” things that I never know how to describe.  Morgan rams Pope’s back into the side of the ring.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint into the post, but Pope avoids it and hits a running knee.  Back inside, Pope gets the pin in 4:34.  This was pretty mediocre, which is better than the the standard for this show.

At No Surrender, it’s Hardy vs. Angle and Anderson vs. Pope in the tournament.

Dreamer vs. Styles is NEXT!

Mick Foley talks about needing time off, even though he just came back from like 4 months off.

Non-Title: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Styles talks trash.  They circle each other, then Styles lands a leg kick.  He tries again, but Dreamer drops him with a punch.  Dreamer back drops Styles to the floor and hits the FMF off of the apron.  Dreamer beats up Styles on the outside.  Back inside, Styles goes on the offensive.  Man, his big AJ tattoo is fugly.  Dreamer hits a running powerslam for 2.  Dreamer lands some chops.  Dreamer hits a pumphandle fall away slam (wrist-clutch Exploder?) for 2.  Styles lands a kick, then hammers Dreamer with punches.  Dreamer’s cut last week is opened up.  Styles beats up Dreamer and yells at the camera that he’ll kill him.  Dreamer gets a sunset flip for 2.  Styles hits a dropkick, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Dreamer hits a backdrop suplex.  Styles hits the Pele kick, then rolls to the apron and goes for the springboard forearm.  Dreamer catches him with an atomic drop, then hits the DDT.  The rest of Fortune come out.  EV2.0 come out and brawl with them on the ramp.  Abyss comes out from under the ring and hits the Black Hole Slam on Dreamer.  Styles pins Dreamer in 6:38.  Ugh.  Whatever.  Abyss eaves through the crowd.  Fortune and EV2.0 keep brawling as security tries to break it up.

Besides a good 5 minutes with Angle/Williams, this show was utter fucking garbage.

TNA iMPACT! 8/12/10: The Whole F’N Show

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

Tonight, it’s the Whole F’N Show!  PPV quality matches, because they acknowledge that this show normally sucks ass!  Hulk Hogan will announce some shit tonight.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: Kurt Angle vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles.  Styles jumps Angle before the bell and puts the boots to him, then throws him out of the ring.  Styles beats up Angle on the outside.  He now has a crappy “AJ” tattoo on his side with the birth dates of his kids.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex on the floor.  Back inside, Angle hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Styles throws Angle’s shoulder into the post, then hits a slingshot double axe handle to the outside.  Back inside, Styles leapfrogs Angle, then lands on his feet from a German attempt.  Styles hits a dropkick for 0, then applies a rear chin lock.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles escapes.  Angle hits a backdrop suplex and some clotheslines.  Styles boots Angle in the corner.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles escapes again.  Obnoxious alternating “This is Awesome!” and “This is Wrestling!” chants from the mutants.  Styles hits a diving forearm smash for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Angle backdrops him and goes for the Angle Slam.  Styles avoids it and hits the Pele kick for 2.  Angle avoids a dive and hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock, but Styles counters out.  Styles tries to springboard, but Angle cuts him off and tries to suplex him in the from the apron.  Styles counters and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles argues with the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for a German.  Styles tries to kick him in the balls, but Angle catches his leg and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 8:19.  Really good match.

Up next, Madison Rayne defends the TNA Knockouts Championship against Angelina Love!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love.  Rayne hides behind the referee, then gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Rayne bounces Love’s head against the mat because that’s all women know how to do.  How about you try a fucking armbar or something, bitch?  Rayne puts Love’s head between her legs and humps the mat.  Cover gets 2.  Love hits a chin breaker and makes her comeback, taking Rayne down by the hair repeatedly.  Love hits a pump kick.  The biker chick rides into the arena to distract the referee.  Velvet Sky hits her with a chair from behind and takes her helmet off, but she has a mask on.  Meanwhile, Rayne hits Love with the belt for 2.  Biker chick runs away.  Love hits the Flatliner for the pin in 3:44 to regain the title.  I’m so sick of this stupid TNA women’s saga.

Still to come, Hulk Hogan’s surprise.  Who gives a fuck?

Mr. Anderson vs. Morgan vs. The Pope is next!  Commercials.

Three-Way Match: Ken Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Anderson is the only one to get a ring entrance, and of course he does his whole 2 minute spiel.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK.”  At who>  Anderson and Pope work together to beat up Morgan.  They start fighting over who is going to get the cover.  Morgan tries a double chokeslam, fails, but drops them both with a double clothesline.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint on Pope and crotches himself on the top rope.  Pope accidentally clocks Anderson with an elbow, then dropkicks Morgan to the floor.  Anderson and Pope brawl.  Anderson hits an elbow drop for 2.  Morgan sits on the floor and watches.  Anderson counters the Codebreaker.  Anderson hits the Mic Check.  Morgan runs in and boots Anderson, then steals the pin in Pope in 3:54.  Whatever.

ShopTNA.com!

Jeff Hardy vs. Shannon Moore.  Moore accepts the open challenge.  That’s a letdown.  They shake hands and lock up.  They trade arm locks.  Moore applies a side headlock, then scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Moore hits some arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They lock up again.  Moore works over Hardy in the corner.  Hardy hits a hip toss and a flippy kick, then chases Moore around the ring, hits his head on turnbuckles, and slides out of the ring.  Back inside, Moore hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Moore hits a suplex for 2.  Moore tries a sunset flip to the floor and ends up tripping Hardy, who hits his face on the apron.  Moore hits a headscissors on the floor.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Moore gets his knees up.  Cover gets 2.  Moore goes for a Frankensteiner off the top, but Hardy holds on to the ropes to avoid it and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:46.  Pretty good match considering I hate TNA Hardy and everything associated with Shannon Moore.

Still to come, RVD vs. Abyss and Hulk Hogan’s letdown!  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 5th – 2/3 Falls Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  Sabin and Storm start.  Storm pokes Sabin in the eye.  They have a good, fast pace wrestling exchange.  The grab each others’ leg and are forced to admit a stalemate.  Shelley and Roode tag in, lock up, then trade chops.  Shelley blocks a cradle attempt and scores a knockdown.  Shelley hits a headscissors.  Roode hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Sabin makes the blind tag and bulldogs Roode.  Guns double team Beer Money.  Sabin covers Roode for 2.  Storm tags in.  Roode trips Sabin from the outside.  Storm nails Sabin with a boot on the apron.  Beer Money work over Sabin.  Roode hits a knee drop on Sabin for 2.  Sabin fights back, drops Roode with an enzuigiri, and makes the tag to Shelley.  Shelley runs wild on Beer Money.  Beer Money go for the catapult DDT, but Shelley avoids it.  Sabin dropkicks Beer Money into a DDT/Complete Shot from Shelley.  Shelley hits Storm with a stomp to the apron.  Roode hits a boot on Shelley.  Sabin springboards from Shelley’s back and dropkicks Roode to the floor.  Guns hit dives onto Beer Money on the floor.  Storm hits Sabin with a DDT OF MURDER on the ap ron.  Shelley goes up top, but Roode cuts him off.  Shelley pushes him down and goes for a double stomp, but Roode avoids it.  Beer Money double team Shelley.  DWI.  Roode pins Shelley in 7:59.  Beer Money continue working on Shelley.  Beer Money hit a double suplex on Shelley.  BEER!  MONEY!  Sabin tags in and hits them with a missile dropkick.  Sabin throws Storm out of the ring.  Double kicks on Roode.  Tag to Shelley.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/diving cross body combo.  Shelley pins Roode in 9:46.  1-1 now.  Roode backdrops Storm outside onto Sabin.  Shelley hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Roode hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  Commercials!  Roode hits a 360 lariat on Sabin.  Beer Money hit a double team move on Shelley for 2.  Beer Money continue working over Shelley.  Storm avoids a Ghetto Stomp from Shelley while tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin and Roode tag in.  Sabin runs wild.  Sabin plants Roode with a springboard tornado DDT for 2.  Storm tags in.  Sabin avoids being double teamed.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Storm.  Sabin covers for 2.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant, and it actually is.  Guns trade superkicks with Storm.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Sabin.  Beer Money hit the catapult DDT.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui on Roode, but Beer Money counter it into a stunner like move.  Beer Money goes for the DWI on Sabin.  Storm accidentally superkicks Roode.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body on Storm for 2.  They hit it again and Sabin pins Storm in 20:54.  Fucking AWESOME match.

Tonight, Hogan’s stupid announcement!  RVD vs. Abyss is next!  Commercials.

Stairway To Janice Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Abyss.  Eric Bischoff is the special guest referee.  RVD rushes the ring to stop Abyss from climbing the ladder to get the nail board before the match even started.  RVD hammers Abyss in the corner.  RVD drives the ladder into Abyss.  Repeat.  RVD hits sort of a stunner onto the ladder.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Abyss moves and RVD hits the ladder.  RVD baseball slide dropkicks the ladder into Abyss.  Commercials.  Abyss has a ladder bridges set up between the apron and the guardrail.  RVD counters a chokeslam attempt.  Abyss clotheslines him back into the ring.  Abyss rams the ladder into RVD’s midsection.  Repeat.  Abyss tries to splash the ladder into RVD, but fails.  Terry Taylor is protecting Dixie Carter in the crowd.  RVD drops Abyss onto the ladder.  RVD tries a monkey flip, but the much heavier Abyss slams him down.  Abyss climbs for the nail board.  RVD climbs the other side of the ladder and they brawl on top.  Abyss chokeslams RVD to the mat, then falls off of the ladder.  Abyss pours thumbtacks and broken glass onto the mat.  Abyss tries to set up a superplex.  If you do that, you’re going to fall on the shit yourself, moron.  RVD counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb, and Abyss falls on his ass on all of the shit.  I warned him!  Abyss catches RVD with a big boot, then brings in a barbed wire board from under the ring.  RVD side steps Abyss, who again takes the bump on his own gimmick.  RVD Rider kicks the board into Abyss, then hits the Rolling Thunder, sandwiching Abyss under the barbed wire board.  RVD climbs the ladder for the nail board.  Abyss pushes the ladder over and RVD takes a bump into the ladder bridge on the outside.  Abyss climbs the ladder and retrieves the nail board.  RVD makes it back inside and Abyss swings the nail board, but RVD moves and Abyss kills a turnbuckle pad.  RVD brings in a chair and hits Abyss across the back.  RVD hits the Van Daminator, sets up Abyss behind the barbed wire board in the corner, and hits the Van Terminator!  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 18:30.  Pretty good for an Abyss gimmick match.  Hulk Hogan comes to the ring as RVD celebrates.  Commercials!

Hulk Hogan and RVD are still in the ring.  Hogan puts over RVD and talks about Hardcore Justice.  He says Dixie invited the EV2 guys here tonight.  Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Tony Luke, Mick Foley, Team 3D, Rhino, Guido Maritato, Sabu, and Bill Alfonso come out.  Hogan puts them over and leaves.  Dreamer, with his face fucked up from the PPV, talks about raising the bar.  Of course, he has to put over Dixie Carter.  The lights go out.  Fortune are in the ring.  AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, and Matt Morgan attack EV2 with canes, hockey sticks, and whatever else they have!  Raven runs out, but Storm hits him with a beer bottle.  The Sandman comes in through the crowd.  Morgan chokes Sabu with a chain.  Doug Williams attacks Sandman.  Storm bloodies Mamaluke’s head.  Abyss reappears and brawls with RVD into the crowd.  Ric Flair comes out to survey the damage his boys have done.  Cut to backstage, where RVD is a disgusting bloody mess.  They’re selling that Abyss hit him with the nail board.  Flair bitches at Dixie.  End of show.

Really good show.  Some good to great matches and a great angle to finish the show.

TNA Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Awesome opening video with photos and voice overs from the former ECW wrestlers.

TNA Wrestling presents Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand.

Ring announcer Stephen DeAngelis introduces Taz.  Taz comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on people who criticized the original ECW.  He finishes with his catch phrase, “Beat me if you can…”  The crowd supplies the “survive if I let you!”  For some reason, the arena lighting is all blue.  I don’t recall ECW ever looking like that.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The FBI of Guido Maritato, Tracey Smothers, & Tony Luke (w/ Sal E. Graziano) vs. Kid Kash, Simon Diamond, & Johnny Swinger.  Guido and Kash start with mat wrestling.  Crowd chants “WHERE’S MY PIZZA?”  Guido and Kash have a nice wrestling exchange, then start shoving each other.  Tony Luke (can’t call him Mamaluke) and Swinger tag in.  Tenay mentions that there are names they can’t legally say.  They have a nice exchange, then Smothers and Diamond tag in and brawl.  Smothers drops an elbow and Diamond bails.  Diamond takes the mic to cut a promo in the middle of the match.  Crowd chants “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  Diamond says “Come in here and make me.”  Diamond blames Kash for their team not being a well oiled machine, then Diamond challenges the FBI to a dance off.  Diamond and Swing dance like mentally challenged, sexually confused men.  Crowd chants “YOU CAN’T DANCE!”  Smothers says Michael Jackson just rolled over in his grave.  The FBI dances.  Seriously?  Big Sal dancing gets a big pop.  Diamond and Swinger jump the FBI and try to take down Sal, but Sal runs through both of them with a clothesline.  Everybody brawls outside just so Kid Kash can wipe everybody out with a huge flip dive.  Luke tries a dive, but Diamond and Swinger cut him off and work him over in the ring.  Kash hits Luke with a backbreaker for 2.  Luke nails Kash with a lariat.  Kash powerslams Luke into the turnbuckles.  Neat.  Guido tags in and cleans house.  Cross body on Kash gets 2.  Guido hits a side Russian leg sweep and a basement dropkick, but Swinger saves.  Tower of Doom spot out of the corner with Luke getting the worst of it.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kash hits the Money Maker on Luke.  Guido hits the Sicilian Slice on Kash.  Diamond goes for a TKO, but Guido turns it into the Killswitch for the pin in 10:43.  Despite the dancing silliness, this was fun stuff.

Tenay and Taz talk.  Tenay says if Joey Styles was available, he would have gladly stepped aside.  Oh, how I wish Styles was available.  They announce that Jerry Lynn is injured, so Rob Van Dam will face Sabu tonight.

“Where are they now?” with Tod Gordon, Gary Wolfe, and The Blue Meanie.

AJ Styles and Angelina Love talk about their memories of ECW.

Al Snow yells at Head, making fun of the legal issues with this show.  Stevie Richards tries to calm him down.  Nova shows up.  Snow makes a Simon Dean reference.  Nova brings in a fake Blue Meanie.  They argue about using a fake guy.  Snow leaves.  Richards says he’s going to prove himself tonight.  A guy with a mini blow up doll shows up picking his nose.  He and fake Meanie pick each others’ noses.  That was retarded.

C.W. Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio.  Sweet wrestling to start.  I’m always happy with that.  Scorpio offers a handshake, but Anderson spits in his hand.  They trade forearms.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Crowd chants “This is wrestling!”  Scorpio does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick.  Scorpio sends Anderson outside and hits him with a dive.  Back inside, Scorpio hits a diving cross body for 2.  Anderson lands a superkick for 2.  Anderson works Scorpio’s arm.  Scorpio does a cool wrap around kick and lands some jabs.  Anderson ducks some kicks and lands a heavy blow that drops Scorpio cold.  Cover gets 2.  Cool cover sequence.  Anderson sends Scorpio to the apron and drops him with a forearm for 2.  Scorpio hits a rolling kick on the corner. then hits the Tumbleweed off the middle rope for 2.  Scorpio goes for a moonsault, but Anderson gets his knees up.  Anderson hits the spinebuster for 2.  Anderson hammers Scorpio.  Scorpio drops him with a kick and and hits a diving moonsault leg drop for the pin in 6:47.  Good little match.  They shake hands and make friends after the match.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Matt Morgan, and Ken Anderson talk about their memories of ECW, or as they call it, “the Philadelphia promotion.”

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso talk backstage.  Alfonso looks old as shit and sounds drunk.  He promises to call it right down the middle tonight, then he blows that obnoxious whistle.

P.J. Polaco vs. Stevie Richards (w/ Nova & Blue Tillie).  Polaco is Justin Credible.  They lock up.  Polaco grabs a side headlock, then scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Repeat in reverse.  They trade chops.  Credible slides and hits his balls on the post.  Credible suplexes Stevie on the floor, then hits him with a slingshot splash.  Back inside, Credible hits a sit-out powerbomb for 2, then a DDT for 2.  Stevie sends Credible outside with a nasty bump.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Nova and Tillie taunt Credible.  Crowd chants “WE WANT MEANIE!”  Stevie beats up Credible back inside.  Stevie hits a sidewalk slam and a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  Credible lands a kick for 2.  Credible hits the Tombstone, but lets him up at 2.  Credible gets distracted by Nova.  Credible taunts Stevie.  Stevie lands the superkick for the pin in 6:32.  Okay little match.  Credible attacks Stevie with the Singapore cane after the match.  The lights go out.  The Sandman appears and hits Credible with the White Russian leg sweep, then canes him.

“Where are they now?” with Francine and her baby daughter.

Taz puts over Francine.  Tenay takes a moment to acknowledge those who are no longer with us, but they don’t mention any names.

Three-Way Elimination Match: Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhino.  They all take turns locking up with each other, then we get a three-way headlock.  Rhino shoulder blocks Snow out of the ring.  Runt schoolboys Rhino for 0, then gets dropped with a clothesline.  Rhino sets up for the Gore, but Snow trips him.  Snow hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Runt.  Rhino beats up Snow, knocks him out of the ring, and beats up Runt.  Runt throws Rhino out of the ring and dives at both of them, but Rhino and Snow catch him and hit a big fall away slam on the ramp.  Back inside, Snow goes for a slingshot leg drop on Rhino, but Rhino avoids it.  Crowd chants “WE WANT HEAD!”  Snow hits the double underhook headbutts, then hits a moonsault press for 2.  They show TNA wrestlers watching backstage.  Rhino suplexes Snow, then Runt hits Snow with a diving double stomp.  Runt goes for the Acid Drop on Rhino, but Rhino tosses him across the ring.  Runt hits a headscissors.  Runt fights both Snow and Rhino.  He tries a double Acid Drop, but they throw him out of the ring.  Snow accidentally bumps the referee, then nails Rhino with Head.  Runt comes in with a chair and pulls the Eddie Guerrero trick.  Snow throws the chair down and plays dead too.  The referee is like WTF?  Heh.  While the referee disposes of the chair, Snow tries to use Head again.  Runt avoids it and hits the Acid Drop for the pin in 5:49.  Rhino immediately Gores Runt for the pin in 6:01.  Fun match.

Mick Foley is backstage reading Hulk Hogan’s new book.  He talks about the Raven/Dreamer feud.

Brutus Magnus and Chris Sabin talk about their ECW memories.

Axl Rotten & Kahoneys (Balls Mahoney) comes out.  Balls says they’re the most hardcore tag team in the business and they don’t have a match, so they issue an open challenge.  A very fat (even for him) Joel Gertner comes out with Team 3D (wearing the old school tie-dye (like Runt in the last match).  Gertner does one of his classic introductions.  Bubba calls Axl & Balls in the ring and says nobody wants to see them have a wrestling match and calls for a South Philadelphia Street Fight!

South Philadelphia Street Fight: Axl Rotten & Kahoneys vs. Team 3D (w/ Joel Gertner).  They brawl.  Bubba and Balls brawl outside while Devon and Axl actually do a tiny bit of wrestling in the ring.  They trade places, with Balls and Bubba brawling in the ring.  They keep doing a split screen so you can see both pairs of dudes fighting, which actually makes it harder to see anything.  Bubba hits Balls with one of the fan’s foam heads.  They all brawl in the crowd for a while.  They come back to the ring and bring in a bunch of weapons.  Balls cracks Bubba with a trash can lid and Bubba does a hilarious Flair flop.  Balls goes for the New Jersey Jam, but Bubba avoids it and nails him with a frying pan.  Axl comes in and beats up Bubba, then cracks him with a cookie sheet.  Axl brawls with Devon.  Bubba drops him with a boot.  Balls comes in twirling a FUCKING LIGHTSABER.  Crowd chants “USE THE FORCE!”  Fucking awesome.  Bubba gets a Lightsaber too and they have a sword fight.  Balls “stabs” Bubba and goes for his big punch, but Bubba hits him in the balls with the saber.  Bubba hits the punches and the bionic elbow.  Axl hits Bubba with a botched reverse DDT for 2.  Devon hits Axl with a reverse neckbreaker for 2.  Balls hits the Ball Breaker on Devon for 2.  Everybody squares off for a chair fight.  Balls and Axl get the better of it and get a double cover for 2.  Balls & Axl go after the referee, who hits them with a double clothesline to no avail.  3D hit Balls & Axl with chairs for 2.  3D hits the Wassup headbutt on Balls’ balls.  Bubba suggests that Devon get the table.  They set up the table, pour on some lighter fluid, and set it on fire.  3D powerbomb Balls through the table and Devon gets the pin in 11:56.  Fun comedy garbage match.  Bubba says they’re the greatest tag team in the world.  The Gangstas come out!  They brawl with 3D, then New Jack hits Gertner with a guitar.  The Gangstas, 3D, Balls, and Axl all hug and make friends.

Raven cuts a really good promo about his kayfabe history with Tommy Dreamer.

Jesse Neal and Kazarian talk about their ECW memories.

Brother Ray, Rob Van Dam, Jerry Lynn, Simon Diamond, Rhino, The Sandman, Stevie Richards, and Tommy Dreamer put over Joey Styles.

The Final Showdown: Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Mick Foley is the referee.  Beulah McGillicutty is sitting in the front row next to Dixie Carter, along with her and Dreamer’s young twin daughters.  That isn’t going to end well.  Foley gives his instructions, which are “do whatever you like.”  Raven kicks Dreamer in the balls before the bell rings to get the jump on him.  Raven beats up Dreamer on the outside, giving him a side Russian leg sweep into the barricade.  Raven brings a chair into the ring and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Dreamer reverses Raven into it.  They brawl outside some more.  Dreamer spits some kid of beverage into Raven’s face, then hits him with the can.  Dreamer sets up 2 chairs side by side and goes for a suplex, but Raven counters and hits the classic drop toe hold into the chairs.  Dreamer is bleeding.  Raven hits him with a chair an dbeats the shit out of him right in front of his kids.  Thankfully, they take the kids away.  Raven swings a chair, but hits the post.  Raven throws Dreamer into the steps.  Dreamer is a bloody mess now.  Raven does his pose to boos, then continues working Dreamer over.  Dreamer counters Raven and hits him with the drop toe hold onto the chair.  Dreamer grabs a sign from a fan that says “Tommy, use my sign” and nails Raven with it.  Dreamer rips the tape off the sign to reveal that it’s a “Dead End” road sign.  Dreamer suplexes Raven onto the sign.  Dreamer brings in a ladder.  Crowd chants “This is hardcore!”  Dreamer beats up Raven and bites his head.  Raven is a bloody mess too.  Dreamer hits the Albert decapitator on the ladder, which was propped up by the middle ropes.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Dreamer sets Raven on the top rope and stands on the ladder.  Raven knocks him down and Dreamer crotches himself on the ladder.  Raven hits something for 2.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Dreamer counters and hits the Spiccoli Driver.  Crowd chants “LOUIE!”  Dreamer puts Raven in the tree of woe and stands on his balls.  Dreamer does the “E-C-W!” taunt and dropkicks the sign into Raven’s face.  Dreamer brings in a spool of barbed wire.  Dreamer does the crossface with the barbed wire.  Ugh.  Nova and Blue Tillie run in and attack Foley and Dreamer.  Nova hits Dreamer with a Flatliner, then helps Tillie to the top rope to go for a diving splash, but Dreamer moves.  Dreamer hits a DDT/neckbreaker on Tillie and Nova.  Raven hits the DDT on Dreamer for 2.  Raven bitches at Foley and shoves him.  Foley kicks Raven’s ass and gives him the Socko claw.  The nose picking dude from earlier comes in and hits a diving leg drop on Dreamer.  Foley kicks his ass and gives him the barbed wire Socko claw.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Foley takes the dude (a fake Lupus, apparently) out of the arena or something.  Raven handcuffs Dreamer.  Raven picks up a chair.  Foley says not to do it because Dreamer is helpless.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!”  Beulah runs out to try to reason with Raven.  Raven cracks Dreamer with the chair, then threatens Beulah.  Foley tries to take the chair away, but Raven low blows him and hits him with the chair.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE A PUSSY!”  Beulah hits Raven in the balls.  Dreamer hits a DDT despite being handcuffed for 2.  Really?  That’s not the finish?  Dreamer goes for it again, but Raven hits him in the knee with a chair.  Raven hits the DDT onto the chair for the pin in 17:00.  Pathetic.  Overbooked garbage wrestling for the sake of overbooked garbage wrestling.  This shit worked in 1995, but I don’t want to see it in 2010.  The bit with Dreamer’s kids was creepy and unnecessary.

Hype for this Thursday’s special iMPACT!

Jeremy Borash and So Cal Val are backstage hyping some shit.  The Gangstas show up.  New Jack tells Val “Once you go black, you get bad credit.”  Mustafa leaves with Val.  Jack says JB is his bitch now.  They leave.  WTF was that?

Taz, Al Snow, Rhino, Mick Foley, Raven, Stevie Richards, Simon Diamond, and Sandman put over Paul Heyman.

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam (w/ Bill Alfonso) vs. Sabu (w/ Bill Alfonso).  Yes, Fonzie is managing both, so he actually goes through the trouble of walking out with both.  Sabu is BALD!  When the hell did that happen?  The morons chant “THIS IS CLASSIC!” before they even lock up.  They kind of lock up, then RVD goes outside to do his thumb pointing.  Alfonso encourages Sabu to do his pointing pose in response.  Fonzie is blowing that fucking whistle.  They finally lock up properly and wrestle a bit.  Stalemate, applause.  They do their poses.  They look like they’re having fun and the morons are enjoying it.  Fonzie throws in a chair and they fight over it.  Sabu throws it into Van Dam’s face, then springboards over it to hit him on the corner.  RVD takes a bump on the chair.  Cover gets 2.  RVD bails and Sabu hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends him into the crowd.  Sabu springboards over the chair and dives onto RVD in the crowd.  I’ve forgotten how bad I always wanted to shove that fucking whistle down Fonzie’s throat.  Back in the ring, cover gets 2.  Crowd chants “YOU FUCKED UP”! for some reason.  Sabu works over RVD and locks in a camel clutch with a chair.  Ouch.  THAT FUCKING WHISTLE.  Sabu tries to springboard over the chair again, but RVD dropkicks it into him.  Sabu is bleeding from the back of the head.  RVD hits a monkey flip that was intended to be on the chair, but they miss.  RVD throws the chair at Sabu’s face for 2.  Sabu hits a lariat for 2.  They both try a springboard and hit each other.  Fonzie comes in and gives them both some water to drink.  Crowd chants “WATER BREAK!”  Re-hydrated, they both bring in tables.  They lock up at ringside, then RVD hits the Rider kick off of the apron.  RVD drops Sabu across the barricade and hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP!  I love that move.  RVD hits a slingshot leg drop to the apron using a chair.  Cover gets 2.  RVD goes up top, but Fonzie throws Sabu a chair to throw at RVD.  Sabu hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and RVD lands on the chair!  Fucking ouch.  Sabu hits the Arabian Facebuster for 2.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL GOT IT!”  Sabu locks in the camel clutch.  Sabu goes for the Triple Jump Moonsault, but RVD sends him face first into the chair.  RVD crotches Sabu on the top rope and has Fonzie hold the chair so he can hit the Van Assassinator (I guess).  RVD hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  I wish Fonzie would swallow that fucking whistle.  RVD sets up one of the tables.  Sabu throws a chair into his face.  Crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  It’s really not.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder with a chair.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  RVD hits the corner dropkick with the chair for 2.  Sabu hits a tornado DDT onto a chair.  Fucking ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Sabu hits the Atomic Arabian Facebuster.  Sabu goes for the Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher through a table, but RVD avoids it.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 17:13.  This was the spot fest you’d expect between these two, but at least they tried hard.  The hug and make friends after the match.

All of the former ECW guys come to the ring for a beer bash.  Even Dixie has a beer in the front row.  Crowd chants “FUCK YOU VINCE!”  Dreamer thanks Tenay and Taz, Atlas Security, the fans, and Dixie.  Brother Ray carries Dixie around the ring and the morons chant “DIXIE!”  This whole fucking company has to be a vanity project for her.  Dreamer says it was one hell of a PPV.

I guess it worked as a nostalgia show.  I didn’t hate anything until the semi-main event, so I guess that’s good.  Let’s just move on with our lives now.