Archive for Tony Atlas

WWE Royal Rumble 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package highlights preview Royal Rumbles, then the Orton/McMahon angle from Raw last Monday.  Short version: Orton kicked Vince in the head.  Hard.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole say that the McMahon family hasn’t released any info about Mr. McMahon’s condition.  Orton will be reprimanded… later.

Castrol GTX presents the Royal Rumble!  The Road to WrestleMania begins tonight!

Fireworks, then Cole and Lawler welcome us to the Royal Rumble, LIVE from Detroit, Michigan!  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker then take over announcing duties for the opening match.

ECW Championship Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  That big silver belt still looks ridiculous on anyone not named Mark Henry.  We call the World title the “Big Gold Belt.”  Can we call this one the “Big Ugly Belt?”  Wow, in-ring introductions for the ECW Title match?  They lock up to start, then Matt starts throwing punches.  Swagger responds by initiating some mat wrestling.  As soon as Matt gets away, though, he goes back to brawling.  Swagger works on Hardy’s arm.  Striker says Swagger is the second youngest ECW Champion ever.  Who was the youngest?  I’ll have to look it up later.  My guess is Mikey Whipwreck.  Swagger hits a big belly to belly suplex for a near fall.  Striker is the new Jim Ross as far as random old school references.  Matt hits a moonsault(!) for a near fall.  Swagger throws Matt into the post and hits the Doctor Bomb to retain the title at 10:28.  Fine match, and thier TV match was pretty good too.  Swagger might be the first guy to have his PPV debut be a successful title defense.  Something else for me to research later!  That’s good, I’m going to have a lot of time to kill this evening.  Matt looks very upset.

Earlier tonight: Randy Orton arrived and all the midcarders snubbed him.  Now: a shot of Detroit to segway into Cole and Lawler being back on commentary for the next match.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Beth Phoenix (c) (w/ Santino Marella) vs. Melina.  I still can’t buy Melina as a smiling babyface.  She needs to hurry up and get done with this “I just came back from injury” babyface run and turn into a bitch again.  They do some stuff, and most of it looks sloppy.  Beth hits a running butt in the corner.  Beth puts Melina in a modified half crab-type move, then uses Melina’s foot to kick her in the head!  That’s nifty.  I guess Melina is too flexible for her own good.  Beth gorrila presses Melina.  Melina tries to counter out of it, but just falls.  Melina wins with a sunset flip-style cradle at 5:57 to win the title.  Bad match with one neat spot saving it from being a complete waste of time.

Michaels/JBL video package.  Oh yeah, that Cena character is somewhere in there too, but he’s not what’s important.  Backstage, JBL tells Shawn that if JBL wins the title tonight, Shawn will get all the money he’s owed and a spot in the Royal Rumble.  JBL leaves and Undertaker comes in.  Taker tells Shawn, “Sometimes, it’s hell to get to heaven.”  Okay.

WrestleMania 25, live on PPV April 5th!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. JBL (w/ Shawn Michaels).  JBL and Shawn come out without the limo.  Ironic, the one time the ramp looks like a street, JBL decides to walk down.  In-ring intros, then the referee gets a cheap thrill by feeling them up.  A minute and a half in, JBL bails to say something to Michaels.  Boring match.  These two have had like 500 matches, and only one of them was good.  Everyone, including me, is just waiting for Michaels to interfere.  10 minutes it, Cena gets JBL in the STF (no U anymore since WWE is kid friendly).  JBL escapes somehow, then hits the Clothesline From Hell for a near fall.  Cena goes for the move with which he goes for the victory, but JBL escapes, then there’s a ref bump.  Both men are down as Shawn gets in the ring.  Shawn superkicks JBL, then superkicks Cena.  Shawn puts JBL in top of Cena and leaves.  Another referee runs down to make the count, but Cena gets a shoulder up at two.  Cena goes for the victory and gets the win at 15:30.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.  It looks cool.

Ross and Tazz take over commentary for the WWE Title match.  Hardy/Edge video package.

WWE Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Edge (w/ Chavo Guerrero).  Jeff enters first, then Vickie Guerrero comes with her awful “Excuse me!” voice and tells Jeff that the match is No DQ.  Edge comes out with Chavo Guerrero as his second.  In-ring intros, the Jeff jumps Edge as soon as the bell rings.  Jeff tries to bring in a chair early, but Edge stops him, so Jeff just beats him up some more.  Edge ends up on the outside and Jeff dives off the apron onto him.  Edge gets back in the ring and Jeff tries to springboard, but Edge knocks him off thanks to a distraction from Chavo.  They do some more stuff, then Edge hugs Jeff on the mat.  Edge tries to bring chairs in the ring, but Jeff spears him off the apron, then hits a suicide dive.  Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on the ring apron.  Jeff pulls a ladder from under the ring and sets Edge up on one of the announce tables.  Jeff climbs up, but Chavo climbs up to stop him.  Chavo gets knocked off, then Jeff dives off the ladder and clotheslines him.  Jeff puts Chavo on the announce table, then dives off the ladder onto him!  That should take care of Chavo!  Back in the ring, Edge exposes the top turnbuckle!  Jeff blocks Edge’s attempt to ram his head into it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for a near fall.  Edge hits (I think) I reverse DDT for a near fall.  Jeff gets a near fall with an inside cradle.  Jeff finally takes the exposed turnbuckle face first.  Edge goes for the spear, but Jeff counters in mid move with the Twist of Fate.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton bomb.  Vickie comes out and tries to prevent it, but Jeff hits it anyway.  Vickie pulls the referee’s leg to stop the count.  Matt Hardy runs down with a chair and tosses Vickie in the ring.  Matt sets up Edge for a one man conchairto from Jeff, then double crosses him and nails his brother with the chair!  SWERVE!  Edge gets the pin and wins his 7th World Title in 3 years.  He’s never won one clean, either.  Anyway, match went about 20 minutes and was pretty good.  Edge and Vickie leave happy, then Matt leaves, then Jeff is helped out by the referees!

No Way Out, live of PPV February 15, with Elimination Chamber matches!

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton.  Orton says he doesn’t know what the repercussions of his kick will be, but as far as he knows, he’s still in the Rumble match.  Jericho steps in and says he approves of what Orton did.  Jericho thinks Orton is going to get fired tomorrow.  He wishes him good luck.

Royal Rumble “by the numbers” match video package.  It’s Rumble time!  Justin Roberts runs down the rules of the Rumble.  If we don’t all know how it works by now, we never well.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is the 2006 Royal Rumble winner, Rey Mysterio!  Ross and Lawler are back together to do commentary for the Rumble.  #2 is John Morrison.  This should be a good opening minute.  They take turns almost being eliminated.  #3 is Carlito.  Carlito spits apple in Morrison’s face.  Carlito hits a nice springboard moonsault on Morrison.  #4 is MVP, who gets a big babyface reaction.  Morrison hits his springboard kick on Carlito, then MVP hits the Drive By on Morrison.  #5 is Great Khali.  Khali destroys everyone.  #6 is Vladimir Kozlov.  He and Khali go right at it.  Kozlov eliminates Khali!  Kozlov dumps MVP as well.  He tries to eliminate Carlito, but Carlito saves himself and eats a Kozlov spinebuster, then Kozlov tosses him anyway.  Kozlov and Mysterio go at it.  #7 is Triple H, the 2002 Royal Rumble winner!!  Triple H goes straight for Kozlov, who he’s been having issues with.  Triple H gives Kozlov the crotch chop, then tosses him.  Morrison goes after Triple H, but gets a knee to the face.  #8 is Randy Orton!  Orton goes for the RKO on Triple H.  Triple H shoves him away and goes for the Pedigree, but eats Morrison’s springboard kick.  Mysterio hits the Bombs Away on Orton, then the 619 on Morrison.  #9 is… Cryme Tyme.  Okay, they’ve got one spot between them so they flip a coin.  JTG wins the coin flip and heads to the ring.  Shad picks up the coin and sees that it was a two headed coin!  #10 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ awful new music).  Dibiase almost eliminates JTG and Morrison, but they both hold on and try to kick each other off of their hand holds.  Mysterio almost eliminates Orton.  #11 is Chris Jericho.  Jericho misses a Lionsault on Triple H.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Triple H prevents it, though.  #12 is Mike Knox (w/ beard).  Of course, he goes right after Mysterio first, then clocks JTG and Morrison for good measure.  #13 is The Miz.  The ring starting to fill up.  Ah, I see why.  Orton RKOs three guys, then gets Pedigreed.  Triple H tosses Morrison into Miz and they’re both eliminated.  #14 is Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Mysterio goes over the top, but uses Miz and Morrison as steps to get back in the ring.  Brilliant spot!  Finlay loves to fight, so he’s having a great time tonight.  #15 is Cody Rhodes (w/ awful music).  The three members of Legacy triple team Triple H, then Finlay.  Mysterio springboards off the ropes and Orton catches him in mid-air with the RKO!  #16 is The Undertaker!  Undertaker beats up everybody and tosses JTG.  Taker beats up Cody.  #17 is Goldust.  Goldust nails Dibiase, then smacks his little brother.  Goldust almost eliminates Cody, but Orton gives him the RKO.  At Orton’s direction, Cody eliminates Goldust.  #18 is CM PUNK!  He tries to do his springboard into the ring, but slips on the ropes.  Hey, those ropes are sweaty by this point!  Triple H goes for the Pedigree on Punk, but Punk counters and nails the Go 2 Sleep!  #19 is Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Henry beats on Taker and others. #20 is Shelton Benjamin.  As Punk and Jericho fight on the top rope, Shelton jumps up and hits a double Paydirt!  Triple H almost eliminates Punk.  #21 is William Regal (w/ Layla)  He goes straight for Punk, who beat him for the Intercontinental Title last Monday.  Mysterio low bridges Mark Henry, leading to the World’s Strongest Man being eliminated.  #22 is Kofi Kingston.  Undertaker eliminates Benjamin.  Jericho is trying hard to eliminate Mysterio.  #23 is Kane.  Taker is bleeding.  He and Kane united to chokeslam Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Kofi as well.  Punk eliminates Regal.  #24 is R-Truth.  #25 is ROB VAN DAM!  He looks out of shape and rusty, but he’s still super crazy over.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash on R-Truth, but doesn’t hit it as Triple H tries to stop him and RVD has to jump over.  #26 is The Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson), who eliminates Kingston, but is promptly eliminated himself by Triple H.  #27 is Dolph Ziggler.  He introduces himself to Kane, who tosses him.  #28 is Santino Marella.  He lasts approximately two seconds before being clotheslined over the top rope and eliminated by Kane.  “I WASN’T READY!” he protests.  Santino is awesome.  #29 is winner of the 1988 Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, to a big pop.  Hacksaw beats up everyone!  #30 is The Big Show!  Show and Undertaker go face to face, but Kane interjects himself and nails Show.  Duggan goes after Show and gets tossed for his trouble.  Duggan shockingly got a nice push in this Rumble and was crazy over.  Show press slams R-Truth out of the ring.  Undertaker tosses Cody, who holds on and saves himself.  Show fails three times to eliminate Punk, but finally nails him with the big punch and Punk falls off the apron to be eliminated.  Knox and Mysterio are eliminated.  Hornswoggle comes in and saves Finlay from getting chokeslammed by Kane.  Kane backdrops Finlay out of the ring to eliminate him.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Kane.  Orton hits his sick DDT on Triple H.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Orton, then gets eliminated by Jericho.  Jericho turns around into the Undertaker.  They go at it, then Taker eliminates Jericho.  Legacy eliminates Kane.  We’re down to six.  Triple H fight Shows as Legacy go after Undertaker.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Undertaker chokeslams Orton, Dibiase, and Rhodes in turn.  Undertaker and Big Show trade punches.  Taker hits the big boot and sends Show out, but Show holds on too!  There’s WAY too much of that in this Rumble.  Orton tries to RKO Taker, but Taker shoves him away.  Undertaker and Show goozle each other on the apron.  Orton RKO’s Show, who falls to floor for the elimination.  Show pulls Taker off the apron to eliminate him.  Taker and Show brawl into the crowd.  Final four: Triple H and Legacy.  Triple H gets triple teamed.  He counters an RKO attempt and goes on the offensive.  He hits the knee facebuster on Cody and the spinebuster on Dibiase.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and tosses Dibiase.  He tosses Cody, but Orton bundles Triple H out from behind to win the Royal Rumble at 58:38.  Orton celebrates his ticket to WrestleMania!

Not the best Rumble PPV by any means, but Edge and Hardy had a good match, and the Rumble itself is always fun.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/2/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Jackpot”

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are our hosts, TAPED from Las Vegas, Nevada!

Tony Chimel introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho.  He’s still champion, he’s the best in the world, he’s genetically superior, etc. etc.  He says after he won, Edge tried to permanently injure him and the people cheered Edge.  Edge comes out.  He wants a rematch RIGHT MEOW!  Jericho says no and tells Edge to get out of “his ring.”  Edge destroys Jericho, rips his suit off, and gives him the Edgecution.  Jericho has his ribs taped from WrestleMania.  Edge spears Jericho.  As Edge is leaving, Jack Swagger runs down, clocks Edge in the back of the head with the briefcase, comes to the ring, and says he’s cashing in Money In The Bank.  A referee runs down, takes forever to move all of the crap out of the ring, then helps Jericho to his feet, but finally we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Jack Swagger.  Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb and gets the pin in 9 seconds to become the World Heavyweight Champion.  Swagger saunters to the back with his new big gold belt.

Australia Tour!

Moments ago, Jack Swagger cashed in Money In The Bank and won the World Championship!

John Morrison & R-Truth vs. Cryme Tyme.  R-Truth and Shad lock up.  Shad overpowers him.  Truth hits a scissors kick and makes the tag.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain on Shad for the pin in 44 seconds.  Wow.  The first 2 matches total less than 1 minute.  JTG checks on Shad.  Shad turns on him and drops him with a big boot, then beats the crap out of him, and gives him the STO.

Jack Swagger encounters Tony Atlas, Slam Master J, and Mickie James backstage.  They congratulate him.  He next comes across Shelton Benjamin and says “Maybe they should call me the Gold Standard now.”

Moments ago, Cryme Tyme lost, then Shad turned on JTG!

Josh Matthews interviews Shad Gaspard.  Shad says there’s no more Cryme Tyme, this is “My Time.”  Maybe he can use Triple H’s 1999-2000 theme.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre and Matt Hardy come out to have a match, which never starts, as McIntyre jumps Hardy, sends him into the post, and drops him with the Future Shock.  McIntyre poses with his belt and leaves.

Video of John Cena filming an episode of True Jackson, V.P.  It airs tomorrow!  Which, as I’m watching this, is today.  I don’t like that show, though.  I prefer iCarly.

The Shawn Michaels Farewell video is NEXT!

Las Vegas!

Earlier tonight, the beginning of the show happened.  They show Jericho throwing a fit that we didn’t see on TV earlier.

Shawn Michaels Farwell video.

Vickie Guerrero talks to Michelle McCool and Layla backstage.  I hate them all.  The WORLD CHAMPION, Jack Swagger walks in.  They applaud him.  He wants to make a State of the Championship Address tonight.  Vickie OK’s it.  Swagger kisses her on the cheek.  Gross.  No offense, spirit of Eddie Guerrero.

Great Khali is in action NEXT!

Australia Tour!

Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler bails.  He tries to be abusive and elusive, but Khali destroys him.  Ziggler pulls Khali across the top rope, then locks on the sleeper hold.  Khali throws Ziggler off.  Ziggler clamps it back on again and puts Khali to sleep for the win in 2:26.  This sucked.  Khali talks.  Ranjin translates, saying Khali has been doing some soul searching, and he’s going home to India and spend time with his family.  He says he’ll become World Champion when he returns.  I hope not.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way!

WWE Smack of the Night: Mysterio vs. Punk from WrestleMania.

The Straight Edge Society comes out.  Being in Las Vegas, Punk’s promo tonight is too easy.  Gallows talks about Punk saving him.  Serena talks about how great Punk is.  It’s also fairly obvious that she is hot for him.  Punk cuts the exact promo you’d expect from him in Vegas.  He wants a rematch with Mysterio, and he’ll put his hair on the line to get it.

Jack Swagger’s State of the Championship Address is TONIGHT!

WrestleMania XXVII will be April 3, 2011 in Atlanta!

“Jackpot” Reel 2 of 2!

WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool & Layla (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Beth Phoenix & Tiffany.  McCool and Tiffany lock up.  McCool shoves her, then poses.  Tiffany does a drop toe hold and a shitting inverted atomic drop, then a move that was the bastard child of a monkey flip and Gail Kim’s finish.  Layla and McCool hit something like a double team Stroke on Tiffany.  I’ll keep my dirty thoughts to myself.  Layla hits a weird leg lariat, then stretches Tiffany with a rear chin lock.  Beth gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Airplane spin to Layla, then Beth knocks McCool off the apron.  Beth hits the Glam Slam on Layla for the pin in 3:07.  It sucked, but it’s over now.  Vickie gets in the ring, but McCool pulls her back.  I want this feud to fuck off and die.  I want to personally kick every member of the Smackdown creative team who contributed to this in the balls.

Teddy Long is backstage watching the show.  Chris Jericho demands that Teddy reverse the decision.  Teddy so no, but offers Jericho his rematch tonight.  Jericho says he’s hurt.  Teddy says they have nothing to talk about.

WrestleMania Encore hype.

WWE.com hype.  I’m so fucking sick that that awful “I Made It” song.

The announcers talk a bit.

Josh Matthews interviews the Hart Dynasty and Natalya.  Jack Swagger steps in and holds up the belt.

Kane comes out and says he’s bored.  He says tonight, he’s going to take on all 8 NXT rookies.

Handicap Elimination Match: Kane vs. Daniel Bryan, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, & Wade Barrett.  Bryan starts with Kane.  He tries, but gets clobbered with Kane’s basement dropkick.  Young tags in and gets killed too.  Barrett, the biggest of the rookies, manages to get in a little offense against Kane.  Kane mows him down with a big boot and pins him at 2:21.  Commercials.  They had to include a plug for Michaels’ new DVD in this video, so there goes  the chance of any resemblance of a match time.  Kane beats up Skip Sheffield.  Slater tags himself in, gets in some licks, and gets chokeslammed and pinned.  Tarver comes in.  Kane goozles him and throws him out of the ring.  Otunga comes in, but wants none of this.  All of the remaining guys bail to talk strategy.  They surround thr ring and try to use their numbers.  Bryan locks Kane in a sleeper and all of the guys beat up Kane.  The ref calls for the bell.  Kane wins by DQ (about 4 minutes shown).  The rookies beat up Kane.  Bryan drops him with a missile dropkick.  Guys drop legs and elbows.  They hold Kane down for Gabriel to hit his 450 splash.  Kane wakes up and the rookies bail.  Kane chases them to the back.  I don’t get the point of this.

Earlier tonight, the opening segment happened.  Swagger’s State of the Championship Address is NEXT!

Australia Tour!

Extreme Rules, sponsored by KFC, is the next PPV!

Tony Chimel introduces the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger!  He reads a prepare statement.  He says he’ll be champion for a long time.  That, I highly doubt.  Chris Jericho comes out.  He wants his belt back.  I’ve never noticed how tall Swagger is until tonight.  Jericho seems almost ready to snap.  That would be hilarious.  Edge comes out.  He wants a title shot too.  He says Swagger wouldn’t be champion without him.  Edge and Jericho bicker.  Teddy Long comes out and books Jericho vs. Edge for next week, with the winner getting a title shot.  Swagger distracts Edge, allowing Jericho to give him the Codebreaker.  Swagger gives Jericho and Edge both the Doctor Bomb.

Good storyline stuff, but a shitty show wrestling-wise.

WWF WrestleMania II (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/22/09.

On we march, with WrestleMania II!

WWE open, since this is from the Anthology.  WWF: The Recognized Worldwide Leader in Sports.  WrestleMania II: What The World Has Come To.  I should mention now that for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to have WrestleMania II from 3 locations: Uniondale, New York, Chicago (Rosemont), Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

First to New York, where Vince McMahon delivers his famous “Welcome to WrestleMania!” line.  Vince introduces his color commentator for the New York portion, Susan St. James.  I see Howard Finkel is the ring announcer for New York.  Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in Chicago for a minute.

Back in New York, some old fat guy interviews Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton), who will be boxing Mr. T tonight.  Piper cuts a typically great promo, with the awesome line “If Mr. T can knock me out in this fight, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit professional wrestling, I would quit tiddlywinks, I would quit dating girls!”  He then turns to Orton and says “I’d stick with you, though.”

Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff.  After the opening bell, they play pre-taped audio comments from both wrestlers.  That strikes me as dumb.  They lock up.  Orndorff gets the better of it at first.  Orndorff gets Muraco on the mat and applies an arm lock.  Susan St. James is horrible on commentary.  Muraco tries to arm drag his way out of it, but Orndorff keeps it clamped on.  Muraco finally hits a Samoan drop to escape the punishment of his arm.  They go out of the ring and brawl to a double count-out at 4:33.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  It started off good, then went downhill.

Mr. T interviews himself.  During this, Finkel finally makes the announcement that the last match was a double count-out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  A pre-taped interview during Savage’s entrance.  This show is so sloppily produced.  Susan likes Steele.  Savage bails as soon as Steele goes after him.  Savage gets back in the ring.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Steele finally gets hold of Savage and bites his leg.  Steele picks up Savage by the neck, chokes him, then drops him.  Steele gets distracted, looking at Elizabeth.  Savage ties him up in the ropes and puts the boots to him.  Savage with a diving crossbody for 2.  Steele throws Savage out of the ring.  Savage crawls under the ring, comes out the other side, and jumps Steele from behind.  Steele bites Savage’s arm.  Steele clubs Savage until Savage gouges his eyes.  Savage slaps Steele with a bouquet of flowers.  Steele bites him again, then hits him with the flowers.  Steele eats the turnbuckle pad.  He feeds some of the stuffing to Savage.  Savage bails.  Who can blame him?  Steele chases him around the ring.  Steele pleads with Elizabeth.  Savage comes off the top with the diving axe handle to the outside.  Back in the ring,  Savage slams Steele and hits the diving elbow, but Steele kicks out at 1.  Steele grabs Savage’s nose, then throws him into the corner.  The ref admonishes Steele.  Savage trips Steele up and gets the Flair pin in the corner at 7:08.  This sucked.  Steele eats another turnbuckle, then chases the referee to the back.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews two of the participants in the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, Bill Fralic and Big John Studd.  During this, we hear Finkel’s annoucement that Savage was the winner and still the Intercontinental Champion.  Gah.

Vince and Susan talk about snakes.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They trade punches.  Wells with a backdrop.  Snake sends Wells to the outside and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Wells hits a shoulder block.  Wells whips Roberts into the corner, then takes him over with a head scissors.  Wells with a knee lift.  Wells with a powerslam for 2.  Snake gouges the eyes, then begs off and bails.  Wells follows him out and back into the ring.  Roberts gets a cheap shot with the knee lift when Wells is still coming through the ropes, then hits the DDT for the pin at 3:05.  Jake puts the snake on Wells after the match.  The match was fine for what it was.

They show an altercation between Roddy Piper and Mr. T that led to tonight’s match, which I believe took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cut to Los Angeles, where Jesse Ventura interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.

Back to Vince and Susan, then to Finkel in the ring to introduce the celebrities for the New York main event.  The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers.  She introduces the judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy.  The special guest timekeeper is Herb.  I don’t know who any of those people are.  The referee is Jack somebody.

Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton and the old fat guy) vs. Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid).  They box.  It sucks.  I’m not a boxing fan anyway, and I really hate lame, worked boxing matches in wrestling.  The first round ends.  They go to their corners.  Round 2 starts.  They box some more.  It still sucks.  I do like Piper’s plaid boxing trunks.  Round 2 ends.  Piper cheap shots T again anyway.  Orton throws a bucket of water on T to boot.  Round 3 starts.  Guess what?  They box!  T punches Piper out of the ring.  He barely makes it back in.  They’re both getting tired.  Round 3 ends.  Just end this shit already.  Piper throws his stool at Mr. T.  Round 4 starts.  They punch each other.  Piper knocks T’s mouthpiece out.  T knocks Piper’s mouthpiece out.  Piper socks the ref, then body slams Mr. T to cause the DQ at 1:17 of the 4th round.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Man, this sucked.

Now on to the Chicago portion of the show.  Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene hype the battle royal.  Gorilla introduces their color commentator for this portion, Cathy Lee Crosby.  Never heard of her either.  Curse my lack of knowledge of low level celebrities from before I was born.  Chet Coppock is the ring announcer for Chicago.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre.  Moolah jumps McIntyre immediately and kicks her ass.  McIntyre fires back with dropkicks and an elbow smash.  McIntyre with a body slam, then comes off the top with a big splash, but Moolah moves out of the way, then covers McIntyre for the pin at the 59 second mark.  Well that was utterly pointless.

Gorilla, Gene, and Crosby hype the battle royal again.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner.  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  The winner gets to wave his flag. Volkoff goes on the offensive early.  Kirchner fights back.  Kirchner knocks down the referee.  While he’s down, Kirchner catches Blassie’s cane and nails Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:35, so he gets to hold up Old Glory.  Match was nothing.

Mean Gene is in the ring to explain the rules for a battle royal.  The timekeeper is the “where’s the beef” lady.  The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

Battle Royal featuring Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre the Giant.  There’s no opening bell, but everyone just starts fighting.  “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins Gorilla and Crosby at the announce table for whatever reason.  Ah, I guess because he was both a football player and a wrestler.  Tonga and one of the football players eliminate each other.  Holmes gets eliminated, I think by Bruno, or maybe Studd.  Brunzell gets tossed.  Perry eliminates Atlas.  A bunch of guys try to gang up on Andre.  Morales and Marvin eliminate each other.  Arcidi, Jim, and Spivey try to dump Blair, but he slips back in and helps the other guys dump Arcidi.  Sheik dumps Spivey.  Sheik dumps Jim and Blair.  Sheik and Studd dump Fralic.  Sammartino backdrops Sheik out of the ring.  Sammartino beats up Studd.  Harts beat up Perry.  Andre beats up one of the little guys, I think it’s Russ Frances.  Studd eliminates Bruno.  Perry throws the Harts over the top rope, but they both hit the apron and come back in.  Studd dumps Perry.  Perry shakes Studd’s hand, then, poor sport that he is, pulls Studd out of the ring.  It’s down to Andre, the Harts, and Frances.  Andre gets tied up in the ropes.  The Harts dump Frances, then double team Andre.  Andre big boots Hart, then rams Hart and Neidhart’s heads together.  Big boot to Neidhart sends him out of the ring.  Andre press slams Hart out of the ring and onto Neidhart to win it in about 9 minutes.

Cut to New York, where Vince and Susan talk to Roddy Piper.

Back to Chicago, where Jimbo Covert bitches about getting eliminated from behind.  Gene talks to The Iron Sheik.  “Wrestler is better than football player!”  Replays of the battle royal.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Dream Team (c) (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne).  Davey Boy Smith and Greg Valentine start.  Smith shines early.  Valentine hits a hip toss, but Davey Boy avoids an elbow drop.  Tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite kicks Valentine’s ass and snap suplexes him, then tags Davey Boy back in.  Davey Boy hits his stalling suplex for 2.  Valentine bails to take a breather.  Valentine comes back in and hammers Smith, then headbutts him in the groin.  Tag to Beefcake.  Smith with a press slam, then the tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite with an inside cradle for 2.  Tag to Smith, who hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with a clubbing blow to Smith.  Valentine with a suplex for 2.  Tag to Dynamite.  He and Valentine trade blows.  Bulldogs make quick tags to work over Valentine.  Beefcake comes in to club Dynamite, and is sent out by the ref.  Dynamite with a sunset flip on Valentine for 2.  Dynamite with a backbreaker, but Beefcake pulls him off of the cover.  Dynamite continues to wear down Valentine.  Valentine drops Dynamite with a sick piledriver for 2.  He tries to hold Dynamite’s shoulders down and ends up getting kicked in the balls.  Valentine goes up top and gets thrown across the ring by Dynamite.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Smith tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine bails.  Smith tags in and hits the running powerslam on Valentine for a close 2.  Smith with another suplex for 2.  Valentine finally manages to get the advantage on Smith and tags in Beefcake, who puts a beating on Davey Boy.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with another clubbing blow.  Valentine continues working over Davey and drops him with a shoulder breaker, but foolishly picks him up at 2.  Smith throws Valentine into the Bulldog’s corner, where he collides head first with Dynamite.  Smith covers Valentine to get the 3 and capture the tag titles at 12:02.  Finally, a good match!  Ozzy and Captain Lou celebrate while Davey Boy helps up the knocked loopy Dynamite at ringside.  Mean Gene talks to Ozzy and Captain Lou.  He finally manages to talk to Davey Boy.  Replay of the pretty sick finish.

That’s it for Chicago!  Back to Vince and Susan in New York to talk about what’s still to come in the Los Angeles portion of the show.

Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira will host the LA portion of the show.  Lee Marshall is the ring announcer.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Hercules immediately goes on the attack.  Steamboat fires back with a karate chop and a pair of arm drags.  He attacks Hercules’ arm.  Steamboat leap frogs Herc a bunch and nails him with an elbow.  Steamboat with a suplex, then back to the arm.  Herc blasts Steamboat with a clothesline and hits him with some vicious knees.  Herc hot shots Steamboat into the ropes and beats on him some more.  Steamboat tries to fight back, but almost gets pinned.  Elvira is extremely annoying on commentary.  Herc drops Steamboat with an elbow, then drops a couple more elbows on him.  Cover gets 2.  Steamboat chops Herc.  Herc avoids another chop and drops Steamboat with a discus lariat for 2.  Herc with a press slam.  Herc with another press slam.  Herc comes off the top with a dive, but gets caught by Steamboat’s knees.  Steamboat off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 7:33.  It wasn’t bad.

Man, Adrian Adonis sure has changed since we last saw him at The Wrestling Classic.  He was a rough a tough type then… now he’s a cross dresser with bad makeup.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer.  Hart sprays Elmer with perfume, so he chases Hart and Adonis out of the ring, where they hug.  Elmer attacks Adonis we gets back into the ring. No opening bell that I heard. Adonis Flair flips in the corner, then falls out of the ring.  He gets back in and Elmer knocks him out of the ring again.  Elmer rips Adonis’ dress, then knocks him into the ropes where he gets tied up.  When Adonis gets untied, he finally goes on the attack.  He takes off the remains of his dress.  Elmer with the Avalanche in the corner, then he goes for a leg drop, but Adonis avoids it.  Adonis off the top with a headbutt/splash for the pin in about 3 minutes.  This sucked.

Lord Alfred interviews Hogan.

The Funk Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana.  Dory has been given the name “Hoss” for whatever reason.  Terry throws chairs in the ring.  The faces throw them out.  Dory and JYD lock up.  JYD slams both of the Funks, then they bail.  Tito and Terry tag in.  Terry throws some vicious sounding chops.  Tito clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dory jumps in and eats a couple of Tito’s dropkicks, then rolls out himself.  Tag to JYD.  He lands some punches on Terry, then rams his head into the turnbuckle repeatedly.  JYD with a headbutt for 2.  JYD throws Terry out of the ring.  I swear, the Funks have spent more time on the outside of the ring than in it during this match.  Tag to Dory.  Tag to Tito.  Tito with a flying jalapeno for 2, as Terry saves.  Dory and Tito run the ropes, but Terry catches Tito with a knee to the back.  Terry tags in and throws Tito to the floor, where Jimmy puts the boots to him.  JYD runs him off.  Funks put the boots to Tito.  JYD runs Hart off again and helps Tito back into the ring.  Terry with a suplex for 2.  He argues with referee Dave Hebner.  Tito counters another suplex attempt with one of his own.  Terry and Tito knock heads.  Tag to Dory.  Dory with the Texas suplex for 2.  Funks continue to work over Tito.  Hot tag to JYD.  JYD cleans house.  Terry chokes JYD with a rope,  JYD backdrops Terry out of the ring.  JYD kicks their asses on the outside.  JYD decks Jimmy Hart.  JYD with an inside cradle on Terry.  Dory saves.  Tito puts Dory in the figure-four.  The referee makes Tito leave the ring.  Jimmy throws Terry the megaphone.  Terry hits JYD in the head with it for the pin at 11:44.  Okay match.

They set up the cage.  It’s a special reinforced cage so King Kong Bundy won’t go through the side, the famous big blue cage.

They show what led up to Hogan/Bundy in a cage, a brutal attack by Bundy and Don Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  They show Hogan lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim and a doctor, while Gene talks to them about Hogan’s injuries.

Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby Heenan.

Elvira, who is awful, throws it to New York with Vince and Susan, who is almost as awful.  They talk, then back to LA.

Marshall introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Tommy Lasorda.  Lasorda introduces the the guest thimekeeper, Ricky Schroder, and the guest referee, Robert Conrad.  Well, at least I know who Rick Schroder is.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Hogan has taped ribs.  They start brawling.  Hogan chokes Bundy with his own singlet.  Elvira says this match resembles a horror movie.  I agree, but probably for different reasons.  Bundy tires of getting beat up by the walrus and attacks Hogan’s ribs.  Bundy tries to escape through the door.  Hogan stops him, so Bundy picks up Hogan and rams his back into the cage.  Bundy takes the bandage off of Hogan’s ribs and chokes him with it.  He ties Hogan to the bottom rope and tries to leave.  Hogan gets free and chokes Bundy with the tag rope.  Hogan rams Bundy head first into the cage.  Hogan beats up Bundy a bit.  Bundy is bleeding.  Hogan tries to slam Bundy, who falls on top of him.  Hogan chokes Bundy with the bandage from earlier.  Bundy fights back.  Avalanche and a big splash by Bundy.  Bundy tries to escape again.  Hogan stops him.  Hogan avoids another avalanche and slams Bundy, then hits the leg drop.  Bundy tries to stop Hogan, but Hogan kicks him off the ropes and to the floor.  Hogan escapes over the top at 10:20.  Bundy goes out through the door a moment later.  Just to show what a role model he is, Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and beats him up after the match, then celebrates.

So that’s WrestleMania II.  Man, it sucked.  The only redeeming thing is the Bulldogs’ title win over the Dream Team.

WWE ECW 2/16/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video showing highlights of past ECW moments (original and WWECW), ECW open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton are our hosts for the final episode of ECW.  Tonight, they’ll reveal the cast of NXT.

Savannah is our ring announcer.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu.  Show Miz’s mixed theme is awful.  Goldust and Miz go at it to start.  Tag to Yoshi.  Nice double teaming from YoshiDust gets a 2 count.  Yoshi is wearing awesome tights tonight that put me in mind of Jake Roberts.  Goldust tags in and hits the butt butt on Miz for 2.  Show tags in, but Goldust didn’t see it and gets the back of head smashed in by a headbutt.  Commercials!  Miz has Goldust in a rest hold.  Yoshi and Show tag in.  Yoshi throws some kicks, then gets mauled by Big Show.  Byron Saxton says “Size doesn’t do the Big Show’s size justice.”  Yeah, he said that.  Bad guys get heat on Yoshi.  Yoshi makes a small comeback on Miz.  Hot tag to Goldust.  He runs wild on Miz.  Snap powerslam gets 1 as Show distracts.  Yoshi tries to cut him off, but gets tossed out of the ring.  Show punches Goldust on the ribs and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 9:35.  Fine little match.  Miz is carrying a lot of hardware these days.

First NXT cast members: Chris Jericho mentors Wade Barrett and Matt Hardy mentoring Justin Gabriel (FCW’s Justin Angel).

ECW GM Tiffany starts to talk, but Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez interrupt.  Ryder is mad that he’s not the main event.  Rosa yells at her in Mexican (I jest, I jest).  Ryder says it’s Extreme Rules, so he can interfere if he wants to.  Commercials!

NXT commercial.

NXT cast: MVP mentors Skip Sheffield.

Tony Atlas introduces Abraham Washington.  The Abraham Washington Show is in the ring tonight instead of on the stage.  He talks about how he’s about to be a free agent.  He pimps NXT, then introduces  his guest… himself.  Shelton Benjamin comes out.  He talks for a minute.  Vane Archer comes out and tells Shelton that he better hope they don’t end up on the same show.  Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft come out, then Vladimir Kozlov.  I don’t even know what the fuck he said.  Kozlov beats up Archer, Croft, and Barreta.  Kozlov and Benjamin shake hands and hug.  Odd segment.

NXT cast: Carlito mentoring Michael Tarver.

The main event is NEXT!  Not to be confused with NXT.

NXT cast: The Miz mentors Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson w/ new awful WWE name).

Elimination Chamber hype video.

NXT cast: Christian mentoring Heath Slater.

Christian comes out for the main event.  He cuts a promo about how he returned to ECW last year and it became home to him.  He puts over the guys he’s worked with and mentored, and says tonight he’s fighting for the ECW Originals.  He says he’ll always be proud of being the last ECW Champion.  The main event is NEXT!  For real this time!

NXT debuts next Tuesday!

NXT cast: CM Punk mentors Darren Young.

Extreme Rules Match for the ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. Ezekiel Jackson (w/ William Regal).  Zeke shoves Christian across the ring to start.  Christian ducks some blows, slaps Zeke, then sends him out of the ring.  Zeke pulls Christian out of the ring, clobbers him, throws him in the ring, and throws in some plunder.  Christian hits Zeke (on the apron) with a Singapore cane to knock him off.  Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez) runs in and attacks Christian.  Christian kicks his ass, flapjacks him onto a trash can, and throws him out of the ring.  Rosa slaps Christian.  Tiffany runs in and kicks Rosa’s ass and yells at Rosa and Ryder to leave.  Commercials.  Zeke beats up Christian.  Christian takes a bump off the top rope and into the guardrail.  Christian avoids a trash can blow and hits a missile dropkick off the steps to kick the trash can into Zeke’s face.  Zeke sends Christian into the steps.  Zeke tries to ram a shopping cart into Christian, but Christian avoids it.  Zeke sends Christian into the shopping cart.  Literally.  Back into the ring, Zeke covers for 2.  Christian avoids a charging trash can lid in the corner, hits his kick, and follows with a diving cross body for 2.  Zeke crashes a trash can into Christian for 2.  Zeke and Regal get a table and hold it up so Christian can baseball slide dropkick it into their faces.  They fight over the table back inside.  Zeke puts Christian on the top rope and sets up the table.  He goes for a superplex, but Christian fights him off and goes for the tornado DDT.  Zeke avoids it.  Christian hits Zeke with a Singapore cane, then chases Regal away with the can.  Christian wails on Zeke with the cane, hits the diving European uppercut, and sets up the Killswitch.  Regal attacks Christian.  Christian avoids the knee trembler and hits the Killswitch on Regal.  Zeke hits the uranage (which Saxton calls the Book of Ezekiel, as I suggested last week) through the table for the pin in 11:25.  That belt actually looks good on Zeke.  Fun match, with as close to an ECW feel as you’re going to get in the homogenized land of WWE.

NXT cast: R-Truth mentors David Otunga.

NXT plug.

I’m going to miss WWEECW.  It’s been a pretty consistently good show for a long time.

WWE ECW 2/9/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tiffany addresses the entire ECW roster.  ECW is about to end and they’ll all be free agents.  Tiffany is ready to party.  Zack Ryder has questions about his future, but fuck that, Tiffany wants to wear beads and drink red fruity drinks.  Woo Woo Woo, you know it!

ECW open, pyro and ballyhoo, Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton are our hosts.  Tonight, Shelton Benjamin takes on Vance Archer in a No DQ Match!

Savannah introduces the first match, where the winners will get a tag title shot next week on the final ECW!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Trent Barreta & Caylen Croft.  Goldust and Barreta start.  Tatsu tags in and drops Barreta with a chop for 2.  Barreta schoolboys Yoshi for 2.  Yoshi gets beat up a bit, then tags in Goldust, who runs wild.  Croft tags in behind Goldust’s back and gets the advantage.  Commercials.  Bad guys get heat on Goldust.  Goldust finally backdrops Barreta and goes to make the hot tag… right after Barreta knocked Yoshi off the apron.  Goldust rallies and powerslams Barreta, then makes the hot tag.  Croft tags in as well.  Yoshi runs wild.  Kick to the middle gets 2.  Yoshi hits the spin kick off the top.  Barreta breaks the cover.  Goldust takes out Barreta.  Yoshi kicks Croft of the head for the pin in 12:05.  Fun formula tag match.

Ted Dibiase Hall of Fame video from Raw plays.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Ezekiel Jackson (w/ William Regal) vs. Perry Wallace.  Zeke makes quick work of the erstwhile Luke Hawx.  Uranage gets the pin in 1:12.

Regal cuts a promo.  He wants another title shot for Zeke.  Zeke speaks as well, quoting the Book of Ezekiel.  Hey, he should use that name for his finish.

Benjamin vs. Archer TONIGHT!  Commercials!

Raw Rebound.

Matthews and Saxton hype the Elimination Chamber card.

Backstage, Christian accepts Ezekiel Jackson’s challenge for the ECW Championship next week, with the added provision that it’s an Extreme Rules Match!

Shelton Benjamin comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he wasn’t happy when he first came to ECW, but he came around.  He then talks about his opponent tonight, Vance Archer.  Commercials!

Two big championship matches next week on the final episode of ECW!

No DQ, No Count-Outs Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Vance Archer.  They lock up and go at it.  Benjamin gets the better of it and Archer bails to regroup.  They go at it some more.  Shelton with a schoolboy into a half crab.  Archer escapes, goes up top, and gets kicked to the floor by Benjamin.  Commercials!  Archer grabs a Singapore cane from under the ring.  Benjamin blocks the shot with a steel chair, hits Archer in the middle, then winds up for a big shot.  Archer moves and Shelton bails the steps.  Archer drops Shelton across the barricade and nails him with a big boot, then hammers him with punches.  Back inside, Archer continues to beat up Benjamin.  The referee stops the match so the ringside medic can close a little cut on Benjamin’s head.  Okay, this “NO BLOOD” policy is fucking ridiculous.  After that stupidity, Shelton gets his second win and goes for a monkey flip out of the corner, but Archer drives him down to the mat for a 2 count.  Archer exposes the top turnbuckle and drives Shelton into it.  Match drags on.  Shelton rallies and lands a big kick for 2.  Archer avoids the Stinger Splash, but Shelton hits a blockbuster.  Shelton hits the Paydirt for the pin in 14:02.  If you didn’t see this match, you didn’t miss anything.

Not as good a show as ECW has been recently.  Next week’s final show should be awesome, though.

WWE ECW 2/2/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, ECW open.  Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton are our hosts, from Memphis, Tennessee!  Tonight, Mr. McMahon will be in the house!

Savannah introduces Tony Atlas, who introduces Abraham Washington.  Washington babbles for a while, then introduces his guest: the ECW Champion, Christian!  Christian is the longest reigning current champion in WWE.  Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez interrupt.  Ryder says the real news this week is The Hurricane’s recent arrest.  Ryder says this proves he’s the heart and soul superhero of ECW.  Christian says Ryder is jealous of Hurricane.  They banter back and forth.  Abraham ends the show before they can fight.

Matthews and Saxton talk.  Tonight, Mr. McMahon addresses the future of ECW!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Shot of the FedExForum.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Vance Archer.  They show Archer attacking Benjamin from behind last week.  Shelton kicks Archer’s ass, because he’s pissed.  Archer bails.  Benjamin takes him out with a dive.  Back inside, Archer takes control briefly until Shelton hits a move, then sends him out of the ring.  Benjamin goes for another dive, but Archer moves and sends him into the barricade.  Commercials.  Archer has Benjamin in an arm hold, having taken over during the break.  Archer keeps the pressure on.  Shelton avoids Archer in the corner and chop blocks his leg.  Shelton Stinger Splashes into Archer’s elbow.  Archer goes for a suplex or something, but Shelton counters it into a neckbreaker for 2.  Archer tries to pin Shelton by holding the ropes, but gets caught, then seconds later, gets the pin with his feet on the ropes in 9:45.

Raw Rebound.  This Friday on Smackdown, exclusive footage of what happened after Raw went off the air!

Tonight, Christian takes on Zack Ryder!

Yoshi Tatsu (w/ Goldust) vs. Trent Barreta (w/ Caylen Croft).  They lock up, then have an awesome fast paced exchange.  Yoshi works a hammerlock.  Barreta sends Yoshi out of the ring.  Yoshi comes back and throws a big kick that Barreta ducks.  Barreta takes over.  Tatsu hits a big back body drop and throws some kicks.  Double knees in the corner, then a snapmare and a kick to the middle for 2.  Yoshi goes up top, but Barreta meets him and goes for a superplex.  Yoshi fights him off, but Barreta springs back up and hits a Frankensteiner for 2.  Barreta argues with the referee, then Yoshi kicks him in the head for the pin in 3:58.  Yoshi and Goldust celebrate.

Mr. McMahon’s announcement is NEXT!

Royal Rumble highlights.

Savannah introduces Mr. McMahon.  Vince announces that ECW will be going off the air in 3 weeks, to be replaced by “the next evolution of WWE… [and] television history.”

Gregory Helms is in the ring.  He introduces Ezekiel Jackson (w/ William Regal).  He tries to interview Zeke, but they kick his ass instead.  Christian makes the save with a Singapore cane.  Commercials.

Non-Title: ECW Champion Christian vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez).  They wrestle.  Christian hits a baseball slide dropkick to the outside on Ryder.  Back inside, Christian goes to the middle rope.  Rosa distracts him, allowing Ryder to grab his legs and do the old bottom rope decapitator spot.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for 2.  Christian goes up top again.  Ryder tries a superplex, but Christian pushes him away and hits a cross body for 2.  Christian hits a flapjack and his standing on the guy on the bottom rope bit.  Slide out of the ring, palm strike, missile dropkick gets 2 for Christian.  Christian goes for the springboard sunset flip, but Ryder sits on it for 2.  Christian hits his kick through the ropes and a diving elbow smash, then hits the Killswitch.  Ezekiel Jackson attacks Christian to cause the DQ in 5:25.  Zeke and Regal beat down Christian.  Zeke stands over a fallen Christian to close the show.

WWE ECW 1/19/10 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, ECW Homecoming highlights, ECW open.  Tonight, Christian takes on William Regal!  YES!

Savannah introduces Tony Atlas, who introduces Santino Marella, guest host of tonight’s Abraham Washington Show.  Santino and Atlas banter.  Santino introduces his guest, babyface Vladimir Kozlov.  I hope Kozlov throws out an “I LOVE DOUBLE DOUBLE E” for old time’s sake.  Kozlov said he was  in a Ukrainian biker gang until someone ran over his face.   They go in in their hard to understand accents.  Comedy gold here.  Santino suggests that they become a tag team.  Kozlov says no.  He asks the crowd.  Crowd also says no.  Santino ends the show early.

Goldust and Yoshi Tatsu are headed our way!

Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Trent Barreta & Caylen Croft.  Goldust goes with both.  Tatsu tags in and Croft and Barreta manage to get the advantage on him and work him over.  Yoshi plays face in peril and finally makes the hot tag to Goldust.  Goldust hits the snap powerslam on Croft.  Barreta saves.  Goldust cradles Croft.  Barreta nails him while the ref’s back is turned, allowing Croft to get the pin in 6:13.  Good little tag match.  Apologies for skimping so much on the match details.

Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez are headed our way!

Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez do indeed come to the ring.  He says since he beat The Hurricane last week, he now wants to be referred to as the new heart and soul superhero of ECW.  He has Savannah announce his as such.  Twice.  Rosa yells at her in Spanish.  The Hurricane runs out and hits a diving cross body on Ryder.  Hurricane kisses Savannah’s hand.

Christian vs. Regal TONIGHT!  Awesome!

Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton hype the Royal Rumble card.  Then, they show clips of the recent issues between Shelton Benjamin and Vance Archer.  Those two will meet this Thursday on Superstars.

Non-Title: ECW Champion Christian vs. William Regal (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  As always, they wrestle, and it’s good.  Regal, awesome motherfucker that he is, stretches Christian’s arm.  Regal ends up on the floor and Christian hits him with a baseball slide dropkick, then brings him back in.  Christian gets distracted by Jackson looking at him.  Commercials.  They continue wrestling, and it’s still good.  Regal counters a backslide and evilly mauls Christian.  Christian fights back.  Regal drops him with an elbow smash for 2.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Regal counters and hits an Exploder.  Regal kicks Christian’s head into the post.  Ouch.  Regal continues to fuck Christian’s shit all up.  Christian makes his comeback and hits a tornado DDT for 2.  Regal avoids a missile dropkick and goes for the knee trembler.  Christian catches him with a jackknife hold for 2.  Christian does his springboard sunset flip.  Regal drops him with a blow for a 2 count.  Christian dropkicks Regal in the corner, then hits a diving European uppercut.  Christian goes for the Killswitch again.  Regal counters him.  Christian throws Regal out of the ring and prepares to dive on him.  Jackson runs in and attacks Christian to cause the DQ at 16:12.  A good match between these two as always.  Regal and Jackson beat down Christian as the show ends.

Sorry for the poor review this week.  I have things on my mind.

WWE ECW 1/5/10 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, ECW Homecoming hype, ECW open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton are our hosts.

ECW Champion Christian comes out and starts to cut a promo.  He’s interrupted by CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows).  Punk talks for ages.  I love CM Punk, but man his heel promos just go on and on and on and on and on…  Christian says straight edge must involve not showering for 2 weeks.    Christian says Punk is going to get squashed by Mark Henry tonight.  He says Punk won’t smoke, drink, do drugs, and won’t be facing him at the Royal Rumble.

The first qualifying match is NEXT!

Ring announcer Savannah announces…

ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  They trade blows in the beginning.  Chavo goes for the Three Amigos, but gets countered on the third into a German suplex hold for 2.  Chavo attacks Shelton’s knee.  Shelton hits the Dragon Whip and makes his comeback.  Chavo gets a roll through half crab that targets the bad limb.  Shelton fights out of it.  Chavo hits a swank spinning head scissors and goes for the frog splash.  Shelton avoids it and hits the Paydirt for the pin in in 4:49.  Fine little match.

CM Punk vs. Mark Henry in the last qualifying match is STILL TO COME!

Last week, Zack Ryder beat Tommy Dreamer, forcing Dreamer to retire.

Zack Ryder comes out with Rosa Mendez and talks for a minute about how he retired Dreamer, then leaves.

Matthews and Saxton segway into the Raw Rebound.

Zeke vs. Kozlov NEXT!

Ezekiel Jackson (w/ William Regal) vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov does some take downs.  Zeke kicks him.  Kozlov knocks him out of the ring.  Zeke gets back in the ring.  Kozlov kicks him.  Zeke trips him and works the leg for a while.  Kozlov knocks him out of the ring again.  Zeke gets back in the ring.  Kozlov beats him up a little.  Zeke fights back and drops him with a clothesline and lands a vertical suplex.  Zeke hits his half assed Rock Bottom to finish it after a LONG 5:11.  It wasn’t good.  Zeke and Regal stand tall.

Mark Henry is getting ready for his match.  Tony Atlas comes in.  He wants to accompany Henry to the ring for old times’ sake.  He does his goofy laugh.  Henry says no and leaves.  Atlas laughs some more.

ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match: CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows) vs. Mark Henry.  Punk runs for the ropes the moment Henry lunges at him.  Punk tries a go behind, but Henry over powers and hip tosses him.  Punk throws some kicks.  Henry catches his leg and tosses him out of the ring.  Insta-commercial.  Henry clotheslines Punk.  Punk bails.  Henry goes out after him.  Punk drop toe holds Henry into the ring steps.  Punk buts the boots to Henry back in the ring.  Cover gets 2.  Punk applies a figure-four headlock and elbows Henry in the head a bunch.  Cover gets 2.  Punk throws more kicks and drops Henry with one for a 2 count.  Henry Hulks up, headbutts Punk a few times, drops him with a clothesline, and squashes him in the corner.  Punk avoids a second charge in the corner and hits the running knee, but Henry counters the bulldog.  Gallows gets on the apron and kicks Henry in the head while the ref’s back is turned.  Punk lands another kick to Henry’s head for the pin (6:51 shown).  As good as one could expect.  Henry should have let Atlas come down with him, eh?

Matthews and Saxton run down the participants in the ECW Homecoming Battle Royal next week.