Archive for Tony Atlas

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, replay of last week’s Cena/Edge/Show/Vickie angle, Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to San Antonio.  Tonight: Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as the special guest referee, an update on the Triple H/Orton situation, and will Ric Flair break his retirement to face Chris Jericho tonight?

The Undertaker & Shawn Michaels vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield & Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov overpowers Michaels to start.  Michaels tags out to Taker, who comes in swinging.  Taker clotheslines Kozlov out of the ring.  Commercial.  Believe it or not, the faces have the advantage when we return.  Taker wrenches JBL’s arm and tags in Michaels, who knocks JBL down and hits the diving elbow.  He sets up for the superkick, but Kozlov distracts him and allows JBL to knock him down with a boot.  Kozlov tags in and goes to work on Michaels.  Bad guys take turns dealing out the punishment to Michaels.  Michaels finally makes the hot tag and Taker comes in to clean house.  Taker goes for the chokeslam on JBL, but Michaels makes the blind tag and superkicks JBL for the win at 9:19.  Michaels bails and Taker chases him up the ramp.  Michaels disappears into the entrance way and Taker’s music hits.  Michaels sneaks back in and lands the superkick to leave Taker laying.  Commercial.

Moments ago: Read above, I’m not going to type it again.

Edge confronts Vickie in her office.  He says he forgives her.  Vickie says Show forced himself on her.  Edge says he blames Cena for the whole thing.  Vickie tells Edge to destroy Cena tonight, and if Cena lays a finger on her, he’s out of the title match at WrestleMania.

Last week: Triple H broke into Orton’s “house” and got “arrested”.  Tonight: Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes.  Right now: Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton (w/ Rhodes and Dibiase).  Orton says he didn’t press charges because he wants to deal with Triple H himself at WrestleMania.

Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, & Layla (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly.  Santino joins Cole and Lawler for commentary!  Beth and Mickie start, with Beth getting the better of it.  Mickie tags out to Melina, who hits a really shitty handspring elbow.  Beth fights back and goes for a pin, but Mickie saves.  Santino tries to interfere and gets kicked in the balls by Mickie.  Melina pins Beth with a schoolgirl in about 3 minutes.  Melina, Beth, and Mickie worked the whole match.

Plug for Cena’s movie.  I still don’t care, not will I ever.

Last week: Triple H got arrested!  They’ve shown that like 37 times already.

WrestleMania hype.

Triple H and Cody Rhodes come out for their match.  Rhodes comes out alone, but it soon followed by the rest of Legacy.  Triple H destroys Cody before the bell rings and pulls out his sledgehammer.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and motions upward.  A Steel Cage descends!  The bell finally rings, so we’ve got…

Non-Title, Steel Cage Match: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes (w/ Randy Orton & Ted Dibiase Jr.).  Triple H kicks Cody’s ass, and there’s nothing Legacy can do about it.  Sledgehammer to the face, and Triple H gets the pin at 2:18.

Still to come, Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as referee!  Plus, Jericho vs. Flair… maybe.

ANOTHER plug for Cena’s movie.

Evan Bourne returns to ECW tomorrow night!  Dammit, now I have to watch ECW again.

Earlier tonight, Ric Flair arrived!

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to introduces himself.  Rey doesn’t seem interested, and they lock up.  Rey does some flippy shit.  Cole says that Mysterio has challenged JBL to an IC title match at WrestleMania.  Ziggler gets the advantage and locks in a full nelson, but Rey escapes with a jawbreaker and makes a comeback and hits a rana and his missile splash for the win at 2:16.

Will Flair accept Jericho’s challenge?  It’s next… maybe!

Jericho comes out.  He’s mad about Flair costing him his match last week and a spot on WrestleMania.  He calls out Flair, who comes out not dressed to wrestle.  Flair says he won’t break his retirement, but he’s found some guys who will wrestle Jericho: Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper.  The legends surround the ring, then step in and surround Jericho.  Jericho tries to bail, but the legends jump on him.  He slithers out of the ring and Flair decks him.  He backs up the ramp and yells at the legends.

WrestleMania video: WrestleMania XV.

This Friday: Smackdown’s 500th Episode!

Grisham interviews an angry Jericho.  Jericho challenges Snuka, Steamboat, and Piper to a match at WrestleMania, and demands that Flair be in their corner.  He says he’s going to buy Mickey Rourke a front row ticket.

CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin, & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Christian and Finlay are on commentary as Hornswoggle plays with King’s crown.  This a Money In The Bank preview match.  Some stuff happens for a couple of minutes and we go to commercial.  When we come back, Kane is working over Kofi.  Shelton tags in and goes to work on Kofi.  Punk gets the hot tag and hits the Go 2 Sleep on Benjamin for the win at 8:35.

Another plug for Cena’s movie.  WHEN WILL THEY LEARN THAT I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK?

Big Show confronts Vickie in her locker room.  Show says Vickie is the one who came onto him.  Show says Edge doesn’t love Vickie, but Show does.  He says she looks sexy in the referee shirt.  Ick.  Commercial.

Earlier tonight: Shawn superkicked Taker.

Cole and Lawler run down the WrestleMania card.

Grisham tries to interview Triple H, who ignores him and leaves in his hummer with Stephanie!

Lillian Garcia introduces Vickie Guerrero for the main event.  Commercial!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena (Vickie Guerrero is the Special Guest Referee).  Edge clamps on a headlock.  Cena fights back and gets nailed with a shot.  Cena hits his swinging Fisherman buster and covers, but Vickie doesn’t count.  Cena confronts her and Edge attacks him from behind.  Cena takes a spill outside.  Edge follows and rams his head on the announce table.  Back in the ring, Edge misses a spear and gives Cena the opening for his usual comeback.  He goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Vickie covers Edge.  She gets up and Cena hits it anyway.  He goes for the F-U or whatever it’s called this week, but Vickie pulls Edge off.  Cena locks in the STF and Vickie puts him in a chinlock.  Big Show comes down and brawls with Cena.  Edge and Show double team Cena.  They tie him up in the ropes.  Edge spears him.  Vickie slaps him.  Show slugs him in the gut and hits his knockout punch.  Edge spears Show and celebrates.  Fade to black.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/9/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  At least Raw isn’t preempted for that stupid dog show anymore.

Lillian Garcia introduces Ric Flair!  WOOOO!  The 16-time World Champion styles and profiles his way to the ring, looking as ONLY he can look, as Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.   We are LIVE! from Oakland, California!  Actually they just talk about Flair, but we are LIVE from Oakland, and I do feel welcome!  Flair talks about wrestling his retirement match against Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania last year, then Chris Jericho interrupts.  Jericho has the guys in the truck show a video clip of Jericho and Flair hugging during Flair’s farwell the night after WrestleMania 24.  He calls Flair a sellout.  Flair says he’ll never sellout because he’ll never break his retirement by wrestling again.  Jericho says Flair still wants to be in the spotlight.  Flair agrees, saying even though he’s retired from the ring, he’ll never leave the business because he loves the fans.  Jericho says Flair will eventually break his retirement, then tells Flair to leave.  Flair says no.  Jericho harrasses Flair some more until Flair punches him.  Jericho bails and Flair struts.

Tonight: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton.  Last week: Shane McMahon announced that he will face Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred Match at No Way Out.  Shane caned Legacy, then later Legacy jumped Shane backstage.  Orton tried to punt Stephanie, but Shane crawled in front and took it in the ribs.  Stephanie made a deal with Kane to get the Undertaker on Raw to kill Orton.

Tonight: Cena, Mysterio, & Kingston vs. Jericho, Kane, & Knox.

Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina & Kelly Kelly.  Next week, Beth gets her rematch against Melina for the title.  Kelly and Jillian start, then Kelly tags out to Melina.  Beth pulls Melina’s hair from the apron, allowing the heels to get the advantage.  Melina fights back and hits some kicks on Beth.  She pulls Jillian in the ring and slugs her.  Melina hits the ropes and Rosa trips her, leading to Beth hitting the Glam Slam for the win at 2:38.

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania III.

JBL and Shawn Michaels chat backstage.  JBL has scheduled Michaels in a match with Mark Henry tonight, to give Michaels a chance to “tune up” for their No Way Out match.

Legacy comes out and stands on the ramp.  Orton says that all this business with him and the McMahons, everyone but him has forgotten that he won the Royal Rumble and has a title shot at WrestleMania.  Orton says he wasn’t going to punt Stephanie last week.  He wants her to be around to see him take out Shane at No Way Out.  He says Undertaker can’t stop him, and neither can Shane.  Orton then sends Orton and Dibiase to the ring for their match with Cryme Tyme, which is NEXT!

Michaels vs. JBL No Way Out hype video.

Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad is angry at the beating Priceless gave Cryme Tyme last week, so he takes his anger on Rhodes until Dibiase makes a blind tag and jumps Shad from behind.  Dibiase beats up Shad until both guys tag in their partners.  JTG gets the better of Rhodes and hits his corner facebuster for a near fall.  Dibiase low bridges Shad and provides a distraction, allowing Rhodes to hit his move on JTG for the win at 3:26.  Rhodes’ finish is now called the Cross Rhodes.

Tonight: Michaels vs. Henry and the six-man tag involving the guys in the Elimination Chamber Match at No Way Out.

Video package of Cena shilling razor blades.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

Chris Jericho, Kane, & Mike Knox vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena, Rey Mysterio Jr., & Kofi Kingston.  We get five minutes of entrances, then three minutes of commercials.  Watch ECW and see Finlay dance!  The match is joined in progress.  Dammit.  Kane beats up Kofi, but Kofi fights back.  Knox tags in and beats up Kofi.  Cena comes in and takes down Knox.  Cena goes for the F…Attiutude Adjuster, but Kane saves Knox.  Kane tags in briefly to take some shots at Cena, then tags in Jericho.  Jericho counters an Attitude Adjuster attempt into a DDT and tags Kane back in.  Kane beats on Cena and goes for the chokeslam, but Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster out of nowhere.  “Attitude Adjuster” is a lot more letters to type than “F-U.”  Mysterio and Jericho tag in.  I’m currently re-reading Jericho’s book, and there’s a funny story about when he and Mysterio met, with Jericho thinking Mysterio was a child.  Anyway, Jericho doesn’t catch Kofi at all with a mid-air Codebreaker, but gets the pin anyway.

Stephane McMahon talks on the phone.

This week on Smackdown, Jeff Hardy returns to confront Matt!

Last week: JBL and Michaels agreed to a match at No Way Out with a lot on the line!

Shawn Michaels vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  JBL comes out to sit with Cole and Lawler as Michaels jumps Henry before the opening bell.  Michaels uses his speed advantage to stay on top of Henry.  Michaels superkicks a chair into Henry’s face to cause a DQ at 59 seconds.  JBL warns Michaels that if he gets DQ’d or counted out at No Way Out, JBL owns him forever.  He tells Michaels to bring his wife to No Way Out.  He makes a remark about having a place for Michaels’ wife in his company to make Michaels angry.

Orton vs. Taker tonight!  Punk vs. Regal NEXT!

Orton/Shane No Way Out hype video.

WWE Slam of the Week: Regal pinned Punk in a mixed tag match last week.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match:
CM Punk (c) vs. William Regal (w/ Layla).  Regal mauls Punk early on, but Punk fires back with strikes.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep early, but Regal fights out with vicious blows.  Regal does the Bryan Danielson elbows to the face and hits an Exploder.  Regal measures Punk for the knee, but Punk kicks him coming in and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the win at 2:50-ish (missed stoping the watch when the bell rang).  As good a three minute match as you’re going to get here, folks.

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania XIII.  Undertaker won the WWE Championship at that show, and tonight he’s facing Randy Orton!

Cole and Lawler put over Mickey Rourke winning awards for his role in The Wrestler.  I watched it last week and it’s a great movie.  If you haven’t seen it, get off your ass.  They replay the Jericho/Flair confrontation from earlier, then hype the No Way Out card: Cena vs. Kingston vs. Kane vs. Mysterio vs. Knox vs. Jericho in the Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Title, Edge vs. Triple H vs. Kozlov vs. Undertaker vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy in the Elimination Chamber for the WWE Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. JBL in an “All or Nothing” Match.  There’s also Shane vs. Orton and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger for the ECW Championship, but they didn’t mention that.

ANOTHER replay of the Legacy/McMahons thing from last week.  Orton vs. Undertaker is NEXT!

Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker.  They go about a minute with Undertaker getting the better of it before the first commercial break of the match.  We come back to Orton holding Undertaker in a headlock.  During the break, Orton hit his DDT off the ropes to get the advantage.  Undertaker fights back and hits a backdrop suplex.  Undertaker fights back with punches and hits the snake eyes, a big boot, and a leg drop.  Taker sets up for the chokeslam, but Orton counters and goes for the RKO, but Taker pushes him away.  Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Dibiase and Rhodes run in to cause the DQ at 8:49.  Okay match while it lasted.  Legacy beats down Taker and Orton sets up for the RKO, but Shane McMahon runs down and attacks Orton.  Undertaker chokeslams Rhodes and Dibiase as Orton bails.  Orton sets up Dibiase in the corner with a trash can and hits the Van Terminator.  Shane stares at Orton was we fade to black.

No Way Out this Sunday!

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 1/30/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a highlight package of the Jeff Hardy/Edge match from the Royal Rumble when Matt Hardy turned on his brother and cost him the WWE Championship.

We are in Indianapolis, Indiana, as the ring announcer introduces Matt Hardy.  Matt comes out with a chair and no music.  Matt explains that he’s tired of sharing the spotlight with Jeff.  He says that nobody can prove he was responsible for Jeff’s various accidents as of late.  He spend his whole life taking care of Jeff, but he’s done with that.  He says he spent years trying to get the fans to like him, but they only cared about Jeff.  From now on, Matt only cares about himself.  Matt no longer considers Jeff his partner or his brother.

Instant commercial, then R-Truth makes his way to the ring as Jim Ross finally speaks.  He and Tazz are on commentary.

R-Truth vs. The Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  Zeke stares down R-Truth, then the referee ejects him.  Kendrick cheap shots R-Truth as soon as the bell rings and goes on the offensive.  R-Truth makes a comeback and hits a scissors kick for the win at 2:14.

Tonight: Edge!

WrestleMania hype video, emphasizing WrestleMania I.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  MVP’s losing streak is over, as he won a match last week (I think).  Chavo gets in some shots, then MVP hits an armdrag and works Chavo’s arm a bit.  Chavo comes back with a rolling kick for a 2 count.  MVP beats on Chavo, then Chavo reciprocates in kind.  Chavo hits two amigos, but MVP counters the third.  Chavo goes upstairs, but MVP follows him up and goes for a superplex.  Chavo pushes him off and goes for a frog splash, but MVP moves.  MVP hits a Shining Yakuza kick (Drive By) for the win at 5:11.

Tazz steps in the ring and asks MVP how it feels to be back on a winning streak.  MVP says he’s back, and he wants the United States title back.

Umaga hype video.  He returns NEXT!

No Way Out has Elimination Chamber Matches!  Tonight, Undertaker vs. Mark Henry and Triple H vs. Great Khali vs. Vladimir Kozlov in Qualifying matches!

Umaga makes his way to the ring.  He has new music.  Commercial!

Umaga vs. Jimmy Wang Yang.  Yang tries to use his speed to get the advantage, but Umaga demolishes him.  Samoan Spike gets the win at 1:43.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry is next!

John Morrison says please, don’t try this at home.

Vladimir Kozlov is shown jumping rope and lifting weights.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: The Undertaker vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  They grapple, then Undertaker runs into Henry and is knocked down.  They grapple again and Henry pushes Undertaker into the corner.  They break, then Undertaker fires away with punches.  Taker goes for Old School, but Henry catches him in a bearhug, then beats on him in the corner.  Henry hits a body slam and an elbow drop for a two count.  Taker fights back with more punches.  Taker goes for the chokeslam on Henry, but Atlas distracts him.  Henry sends Taker to the outside.  Taker nails Atlas, then heads back into the ring and hits the chokeslam.  Taker locks in the Gogoplata (whatever the hell it’s being called by WWE) for the submission victory at 5:25.

Next: Edge!

Chris Jericho/Mickey Rourke hype.  I thought Rourke pulled out of doing WrestleMania.

Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero introduces the new WWE Champion, Edge.  He talks about the fans not believing him when he said he wasn’t behind Jeff’s accidents.  He then takes it old school with a five second pose, which his him making out with Vickie while holding up the championship belt.  Big Show’s music hits as he comes down to crash the party.  Show hugs Vickie, then she and Edge leave.

WrestleMania 21 video.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: The Big Show vs. Festus (w/ Jesse).  Festus, as always, gets angry when the bell rings.  He attacks Show, but promptly gets DDT’d.  Festus hits a sort of tornado DDT for a near fall.  Show hits the Alley-Oop that I haven’t seen him do in years.  Show hits the KO punch and gets the pin at 2:39.  Show chokeslams Jesse for good measure after the match.

Eve Torres starts to hype John Cena’s new movie, but Michelle McCool interrupts and berates her.  Eve slaps Michelle, who smiles.

Triple H vs. Khali vs. Kozlov, next!

From The Vault: Clip of the Chavo vs. Mysterio match from No Way Out 2004.  This must be a UK exclusive thing they do.  They show a big chunk of the match.  Chavo wins the Cruiserweight Championship with help from his father, Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Raw Rebound: Orton has explossive diahrea or something, and it made him kick Vince in the head.  Orton will sue Stephanie and the company if he’s fired, so she has Shane beat up Orton and a bunch of other people.  See: horrible ending from Raw.  Finally, it’s main event time.

Triple Threat Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Triple H vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Triple H fights Kozlov, then Khali.  Kozlov nails Khali.  Khali sends Kozlov out of the ring as we go to commercial.  The Miz says please, don’t try this at home.  Triple H and Khali brawl at ringside.  Triple H heads back into the ring to go at it with Kozlov.  Triple H takes a beating, then hits a DDT.  Kozlov hits a fall away slam for a near fall.  Triple H comes back and hits the spinebuster.  Khali lumbers back in and gets Triple H in the head grip.  Kozlov headbutts Khali.  Triple H low bridges Kozlov and sends him out of the ring.  Triple H hits a sloppy Pedigree on Khali for the win at 6:03+ commercials.  Triple H celebrates.  Fin.

WWE Royal Rumble 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package highlights preview Royal Rumbles, then the Orton/McMahon angle from Raw last Monday.  Short version: Orton kicked Vince in the head.  Hard.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole say that the McMahon family hasn’t released any info about Mr. McMahon’s condition.  Orton will be reprimanded… later.

Castrol GTX presents the Royal Rumble!  The Road to WrestleMania begins tonight!

Fireworks, then Cole and Lawler welcome us to the Royal Rumble, LIVE from Detroit, Michigan!  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker then take over announcing duties for the opening match.

ECW Championship Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  That big silver belt still looks ridiculous on anyone not named Mark Henry.  We call the World title the “Big Gold Belt.”  Can we call this one the “Big Ugly Belt?”  Wow, in-ring introductions for the ECW Title match?  They lock up to start, then Matt starts throwing punches.  Swagger responds by initiating some mat wrestling.  As soon as Matt gets away, though, he goes back to brawling.  Swagger works on Hardy’s arm.  Striker says Swagger is the second youngest ECW Champion ever.  Who was the youngest?  I’ll have to look it up later.  My guess is Mikey Whipwreck.  Swagger hits a big belly to belly suplex for a near fall.  Striker is the new Jim Ross as far as random old school references.  Matt hits a moonsault(!) for a near fall.  Swagger throws Matt into the post and hits the Doctor Bomb to retain the title at 10:28.  Fine match, and thier TV match was pretty good too.  Swagger might be the first guy to have his PPV debut be a successful title defense.  Something else for me to research later!  That’s good, I’m going to have a lot of time to kill this evening.  Matt looks very upset.

Earlier tonight: Randy Orton arrived and all the midcarders snubbed him.  Now: a shot of Detroit to segway into Cole and Lawler being back on commentary for the next match.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Beth Phoenix (c) (w/ Santino Marella) vs. Melina.  I still can’t buy Melina as a smiling babyface.  She needs to hurry up and get done with this “I just came back from injury” babyface run and turn into a bitch again.  They do some stuff, and most of it looks sloppy.  Beth hits a running butt in the corner.  Beth puts Melina in a modified half crab-type move, then uses Melina’s foot to kick her in the head!  That’s nifty.  I guess Melina is too flexible for her own good.  Beth gorrila presses Melina.  Melina tries to counter out of it, but just falls.  Melina wins with a sunset flip-style cradle at 5:57 to win the title.  Bad match with one neat spot saving it from being a complete waste of time.

Michaels/JBL video package.  Oh yeah, that Cena character is somewhere in there too, but he’s not what’s important.  Backstage, JBL tells Shawn that if JBL wins the title tonight, Shawn will get all the money he’s owed and a spot in the Royal Rumble.  JBL leaves and Undertaker comes in.  Taker tells Shawn, “Sometimes, it’s hell to get to heaven.”  Okay.

WrestleMania 25, live on PPV April 5th!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. JBL (w/ Shawn Michaels).  JBL and Shawn come out without the limo.  Ironic, the one time the ramp looks like a street, JBL decides to walk down.  In-ring intros, then the referee gets a cheap thrill by feeling them up.  A minute and a half in, JBL bails to say something to Michaels.  Boring match.  These two have had like 500 matches, and only one of them was good.  Everyone, including me, is just waiting for Michaels to interfere.  10 minutes it, Cena gets JBL in the STF (no U anymore since WWE is kid friendly).  JBL escapes somehow, then hits the Clothesline From Hell for a near fall.  Cena goes for the move with which he goes for the victory, but JBL escapes, then there’s a ref bump.  Both men are down as Shawn gets in the ring.  Shawn superkicks JBL, then superkicks Cena.  Shawn puts JBL in top of Cena and leaves.  Another referee runs down to make the count, but Cena gets a shoulder up at two.  Cena goes for the victory and gets the win at 15:30.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.  It looks cool.

Ross and Tazz take over commentary for the WWE Title match.  Hardy/Edge video package.

WWE Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Edge (w/ Chavo Guerrero).  Jeff enters first, then Vickie Guerrero comes with her awful “Excuse me!” voice and tells Jeff that the match is No DQ.  Edge comes out with Chavo Guerrero as his second.  In-ring intros, the Jeff jumps Edge as soon as the bell rings.  Jeff tries to bring in a chair early, but Edge stops him, so Jeff just beats him up some more.  Edge ends up on the outside and Jeff dives off the apron onto him.  Edge gets back in the ring and Jeff tries to springboard, but Edge knocks him off thanks to a distraction from Chavo.  They do some more stuff, then Edge hugs Jeff on the mat.  Edge tries to bring chairs in the ring, but Jeff spears him off the apron, then hits a suicide dive.  Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on the ring apron.  Jeff pulls a ladder from under the ring and sets Edge up on one of the announce tables.  Jeff climbs up, but Chavo climbs up to stop him.  Chavo gets knocked off, then Jeff dives off the ladder and clotheslines him.  Jeff puts Chavo on the announce table, then dives off the ladder onto him!  That should take care of Chavo!  Back in the ring, Edge exposes the top turnbuckle!  Jeff blocks Edge’s attempt to ram his head into it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for a near fall.  Edge hits (I think) I reverse DDT for a near fall.  Jeff gets a near fall with an inside cradle.  Jeff finally takes the exposed turnbuckle face first.  Edge goes for the spear, but Jeff counters in mid move with the Twist of Fate.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton bomb.  Vickie comes out and tries to prevent it, but Jeff hits it anyway.  Vickie pulls the referee’s leg to stop the count.  Matt Hardy runs down with a chair and tosses Vickie in the ring.  Matt sets up Edge for a one man conchairto from Jeff, then double crosses him and nails his brother with the chair!  SWERVE!  Edge gets the pin and wins his 7th World Title in 3 years.  He’s never won one clean, either.  Anyway, match went about 20 minutes and was pretty good.  Edge and Vickie leave happy, then Matt leaves, then Jeff is helped out by the referees!

No Way Out, live of PPV February 15, with Elimination Chamber matches!

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton.  Orton says he doesn’t know what the repercussions of his kick will be, but as far as he knows, he’s still in the Rumble match.  Jericho steps in and says he approves of what Orton did.  Jericho thinks Orton is going to get fired tomorrow.  He wishes him good luck.

Royal Rumble “by the numbers” match video package.  It’s Rumble time!  Justin Roberts runs down the rules of the Rumble.  If we don’t all know how it works by now, we never well.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is the 2006 Royal Rumble winner, Rey Mysterio!  Ross and Lawler are back together to do commentary for the Rumble.  #2 is John Morrison.  This should be a good opening minute.  They take turns almost being eliminated.  #3 is Carlito.  Carlito spits apple in Morrison’s face.  Carlito hits a nice springboard moonsault on Morrison.  #4 is MVP, who gets a big babyface reaction.  Morrison hits his springboard kick on Carlito, then MVP hits the Drive By on Morrison.  #5 is Great Khali.  Khali destroys everyone.  #6 is Vladimir Kozlov.  He and Khali go right at it.  Kozlov eliminates Khali!  Kozlov dumps MVP as well.  He tries to eliminate Carlito, but Carlito saves himself and eats a Kozlov spinebuster, then Kozlov tosses him anyway.  Kozlov and Mysterio go at it.  #7 is Triple H, the 2002 Royal Rumble winner!!  Triple H goes straight for Kozlov, who he’s been having issues with.  Triple H gives Kozlov the crotch chop, then tosses him.  Morrison goes after Triple H, but gets a knee to the face.  #8 is Randy Orton!  Orton goes for the RKO on Triple H.  Triple H shoves him away and goes for the Pedigree, but eats Morrison’s springboard kick.  Mysterio hits the Bombs Away on Orton, then the 619 on Morrison.  #9 is… Cryme Tyme.  Okay, they’ve got one spot between them so they flip a coin.  JTG wins the coin flip and heads to the ring.  Shad picks up the coin and sees that it was a two headed coin!  #10 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ awful new music).  Dibiase almost eliminates JTG and Morrison, but they both hold on and try to kick each other off of their hand holds.  Mysterio almost eliminates Orton.  #11 is Chris Jericho.  Jericho misses a Lionsault on Triple H.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Triple H prevents it, though.  #12 is Mike Knox (w/ beard).  Of course, he goes right after Mysterio first, then clocks JTG and Morrison for good measure.  #13 is The Miz.  The ring starting to fill up.  Ah, I see why.  Orton RKOs three guys, then gets Pedigreed.  Triple H tosses Morrison into Miz and they’re both eliminated.  #14 is Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Mysterio goes over the top, but uses Miz and Morrison as steps to get back in the ring.  Brilliant spot!  Finlay loves to fight, so he’s having a great time tonight.  #15 is Cody Rhodes (w/ awful music).  The three members of Legacy triple team Triple H, then Finlay.  Mysterio springboards off the ropes and Orton catches him in mid-air with the RKO!  #16 is The Undertaker!  Undertaker beats up everybody and tosses JTG.  Taker beats up Cody.  #17 is Goldust.  Goldust nails Dibiase, then smacks his little brother.  Goldust almost eliminates Cody, but Orton gives him the RKO.  At Orton’s direction, Cody eliminates Goldust.  #18 is CM PUNK!  He tries to do his springboard into the ring, but slips on the ropes.  Hey, those ropes are sweaty by this point!  Triple H goes for the Pedigree on Punk, but Punk counters and nails the Go 2 Sleep!  #19 is Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Henry beats on Taker and others. #20 is Shelton Benjamin.  As Punk and Jericho fight on the top rope, Shelton jumps up and hits a double Paydirt!  Triple H almost eliminates Punk.  #21 is William Regal (w/ Layla)  He goes straight for Punk, who beat him for the Intercontinental Title last Monday.  Mysterio low bridges Mark Henry, leading to the World’s Strongest Man being eliminated.  #22 is Kofi Kingston.  Undertaker eliminates Benjamin.  Jericho is trying hard to eliminate Mysterio.  #23 is Kane.  Taker is bleeding.  He and Kane united to chokeslam Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Kofi as well.  Punk eliminates Regal.  #24 is R-Truth.  #25 is ROB VAN DAM!  He looks out of shape and rusty, but he’s still super crazy over.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash on R-Truth, but doesn’t hit it as Triple H tries to stop him and RVD has to jump over.  #26 is The Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson), who eliminates Kingston, but is promptly eliminated himself by Triple H.  #27 is Dolph Ziggler.  He introduces himself to Kane, who tosses him.  #28 is Santino Marella.  He lasts approximately two seconds before being clotheslined over the top rope and eliminated by Kane.  “I WASN’T READY!” he protests.  Santino is awesome.  #29 is winner of the 1988 Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, to a big pop.  Hacksaw beats up everyone!  #30 is The Big Show!  Show and Undertaker go face to face, but Kane interjects himself and nails Show.  Duggan goes after Show and gets tossed for his trouble.  Duggan shockingly got a nice push in this Rumble and was crazy over.  Show press slams R-Truth out of the ring.  Undertaker tosses Cody, who holds on and saves himself.  Show fails three times to eliminate Punk, but finally nails him with the big punch and Punk falls off the apron to be eliminated.  Knox and Mysterio are eliminated.  Hornswoggle comes in and saves Finlay from getting chokeslammed by Kane.  Kane backdrops Finlay out of the ring to eliminate him.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Kane.  Orton hits his sick DDT on Triple H.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Orton, then gets eliminated by Jericho.  Jericho turns around into the Undertaker.  They go at it, then Taker eliminates Jericho.  Legacy eliminates Kane.  We’re down to six.  Triple H fight Shows as Legacy go after Undertaker.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Undertaker chokeslams Orton, Dibiase, and Rhodes in turn.  Undertaker and Big Show trade punches.  Taker hits the big boot and sends Show out, but Show holds on too!  There’s WAY too much of that in this Rumble.  Orton tries to RKO Taker, but Taker shoves him away.  Undertaker and Show goozle each other on the apron.  Orton RKO’s Show, who falls to floor for the elimination.  Show pulls Taker off the apron to eliminate him.  Taker and Show brawl into the crowd.  Final four: Triple H and Legacy.  Triple H gets triple teamed.  He counters an RKO attempt and goes on the offensive.  He hits the knee facebuster on Cody and the spinebuster on Dibiase.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and tosses Dibiase.  He tosses Cody, but Orton bundles Triple H out from behind to win the Royal Rumble at 58:38.  Orton celebrates his ticket to WrestleMania!

Not the best Rumble PPV by any means, but Edge and Hardy had a good match, and the Rumble itself is always fun.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/2/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Jackpot”

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are our hosts, TAPED from Las Vegas, Nevada!

Tony Chimel introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho.  He’s still champion, he’s the best in the world, he’s genetically superior, etc. etc.  He says after he won, Edge tried to permanently injure him and the people cheered Edge.  Edge comes out.  He wants a rematch RIGHT MEOW!  Jericho says no and tells Edge to get out of “his ring.”  Edge destroys Jericho, rips his suit off, and gives him the Edgecution.  Jericho has his ribs taped from WrestleMania.  Edge spears Jericho.  As Edge is leaving, Jack Swagger runs down, clocks Edge in the back of the head with the briefcase, comes to the ring, and says he’s cashing in Money In The Bank.  A referee runs down, takes forever to move all of the crap out of the ring, then helps Jericho to his feet, but finally we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Jack Swagger.  Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb and gets the pin in 9 seconds to become the World Heavyweight Champion.  Swagger saunters to the back with his new big gold belt.

Australia Tour!

Moments ago, Jack Swagger cashed in Money In The Bank and won the World Championship!

John Morrison & R-Truth vs. Cryme Tyme.  R-Truth and Shad lock up.  Shad overpowers him.  Truth hits a scissors kick and makes the tag.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain on Shad for the pin in 44 seconds.  Wow.  The first 2 matches total less than 1 minute.  JTG checks on Shad.  Shad turns on him and drops him with a big boot, then beats the crap out of him, and gives him the STO.

Jack Swagger encounters Tony Atlas, Slam Master J, and Mickie James backstage.  They congratulate him.  He next comes across Shelton Benjamin and says “Maybe they should call me the Gold Standard now.”

Moments ago, Cryme Tyme lost, then Shad turned on JTG!

Josh Matthews interviews Shad Gaspard.  Shad says there’s no more Cryme Tyme, this is “My Time.”  Maybe he can use Triple H’s 1999-2000 theme.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre and Matt Hardy come out to have a match, which never starts, as McIntyre jumps Hardy, sends him into the post, and drops him with the Future Shock.  McIntyre poses with his belt and leaves.

Video of John Cena filming an episode of True Jackson, V.P.  It airs tomorrow!  Which, as I’m watching this, is today.  I don’t like that show, though.  I prefer iCarly.

The Shawn Michaels Farewell video is NEXT!

Las Vegas!

Earlier tonight, the beginning of the show happened.  They show Jericho throwing a fit that we didn’t see on TV earlier.

Shawn Michaels Farwell video.

Vickie Guerrero talks to Michelle McCool and Layla backstage.  I hate them all.  The WORLD CHAMPION, Jack Swagger walks in.  They applaud him.  He wants to make a State of the Championship Address tonight.  Vickie OK’s it.  Swagger kisses her on the cheek.  Gross.  No offense, spirit of Eddie Guerrero.

Great Khali is in action NEXT!

Australia Tour!

Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler bails.  He tries to be abusive and elusive, but Khali destroys him.  Ziggler pulls Khali across the top rope, then locks on the sleeper hold.  Khali throws Ziggler off.  Ziggler clamps it back on again and puts Khali to sleep for the win in 2:26.  This sucked.  Khali talks.  Ranjin translates, saying Khali has been doing some soul searching, and he’s going home to India and spend time with his family.  He says he’ll become World Champion when he returns.  I hope not.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way!

WWE Smack of the Night: Mysterio vs. Punk from WrestleMania.

The Straight Edge Society comes out.  Being in Las Vegas, Punk’s promo tonight is too easy.  Gallows talks about Punk saving him.  Serena talks about how great Punk is.  It’s also fairly obvious that she is hot for him.  Punk cuts the exact promo you’d expect from him in Vegas.  He wants a rematch with Mysterio, and he’ll put his hair on the line to get it.

Jack Swagger’s State of the Championship Address is TONIGHT!

WrestleMania XXVII will be April 3, 2011 in Atlanta!

“Jackpot” Reel 2 of 2!

WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool & Layla (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Beth Phoenix & Tiffany.  McCool and Tiffany lock up.  McCool shoves her, then poses.  Tiffany does a drop toe hold and a shitting inverted atomic drop, then a move that was the bastard child of a monkey flip and Gail Kim’s finish.  Layla and McCool hit something like a double team Stroke on Tiffany.  I’ll keep my dirty thoughts to myself.  Layla hits a weird leg lariat, then stretches Tiffany with a rear chin lock.  Beth gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Airplane spin to Layla, then Beth knocks McCool off the apron.  Beth hits the Glam Slam on Layla for the pin in 3:07.  It sucked, but it’s over now.  Vickie gets in the ring, but McCool pulls her back.  I want this feud to fuck off and die.  I want to personally kick every member of the Smackdown creative team who contributed to this in the balls.

Teddy Long is backstage watching the show.  Chris Jericho demands that Teddy reverse the decision.  Teddy so no, but offers Jericho his rematch tonight.  Jericho says he’s hurt.  Teddy says they have nothing to talk about.

WrestleMania Encore hype.

WWE.com hype.  I’m so fucking sick that that awful “I Made It” song.

The announcers talk a bit.

Josh Matthews interviews the Hart Dynasty and Natalya.  Jack Swagger steps in and holds up the belt.

Kane comes out and says he’s bored.  He says tonight, he’s going to take on all 8 NXT rookies.

Handicap Elimination Match: Kane vs. Daniel Bryan, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, Skip Sheffield, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, & Wade Barrett.  Bryan starts with Kane.  He tries, but gets clobbered with Kane’s basement dropkick.  Young tags in and gets killed too.  Barrett, the biggest of the rookies, manages to get in a little offense against Kane.  Kane mows him down with a big boot and pins him at 2:21.  Commercials.  They had to include a plug for Michaels’ new DVD in this video, so there goes  the chance of any resemblance of a match time.  Kane beats up Skip Sheffield.  Slater tags himself in, gets in some licks, and gets chokeslammed and pinned.  Tarver comes in.  Kane goozles him and throws him out of the ring.  Otunga comes in, but wants none of this.  All of the remaining guys bail to talk strategy.  They surround thr ring and try to use their numbers.  Bryan locks Kane in a sleeper and all of the guys beat up Kane.  The ref calls for the bell.  Kane wins by DQ (about 4 minutes shown).  The rookies beat up Kane.  Bryan drops him with a missile dropkick.  Guys drop legs and elbows.  They hold Kane down for Gabriel to hit his 450 splash.  Kane wakes up and the rookies bail.  Kane chases them to the back.  I don’t get the point of this.

Earlier tonight, the opening segment happened.  Swagger’s State of the Championship Address is NEXT!

Australia Tour!

Extreme Rules, sponsored by KFC, is the next PPV!

Tony Chimel introduces the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger!  He reads a prepare statement.  He says he’ll be champion for a long time.  That, I highly doubt.  Chris Jericho comes out.  He wants his belt back.  I’ve never noticed how tall Swagger is until tonight.  Jericho seems almost ready to snap.  That would be hilarious.  Edge comes out.  He wants a title shot too.  He says Swagger wouldn’t be champion without him.  Edge and Jericho bicker.  Teddy Long comes out and books Jericho vs. Edge for next week, with the winner getting a title shot.  Swagger distracts Edge, allowing Jericho to give him the Codebreaker.  Swagger gives Jericho and Edge both the Doctor Bomb.

Good storyline stuff, but a shitty show wrestling-wise.

WWF WrestleMania II (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/22/09.

On we march, with WrestleMania II!

WWE open, since this is from the Anthology.  WWF: The Recognized Worldwide Leader in Sports.  WrestleMania II: What The World Has Come To.  I should mention now that for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to have WrestleMania II from 3 locations: Uniondale, New York, Chicago (Rosemont), Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

First to New York, where Vince McMahon delivers his famous “Welcome to WrestleMania!” line.  Vince introduces his color commentator for the New York portion, Susan St. James.  I see Howard Finkel is the ring announcer for New York.  Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in Chicago for a minute.

Back in New York, some old fat guy interviews Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton), who will be boxing Mr. T tonight.  Piper cuts a typically great promo, with the awesome line “If Mr. T can knock me out in this fight, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit professional wrestling, I would quit tiddlywinks, I would quit dating girls!”  He then turns to Orton and says “I’d stick with you, though.”

Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff.  After the opening bell, they play pre-taped audio comments from both wrestlers.  That strikes me as dumb.  They lock up.  Orndorff gets the better of it at first.  Orndorff gets Muraco on the mat and applies an arm lock.  Susan St. James is horrible on commentary.  Muraco tries to arm drag his way out of it, but Orndorff keeps it clamped on.  Muraco finally hits a Samoan drop to escape the punishment of his arm.  They go out of the ring and brawl to a double count-out at 4:33.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  It started off good, then went downhill.

Mr. T interviews himself.  During this, Finkel finally makes the announcement that the last match was a double count-out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  A pre-taped interview during Savage’s entrance.  This show is so sloppily produced.  Susan likes Steele.  Savage bails as soon as Steele goes after him.  Savage gets back in the ring.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Steele finally gets hold of Savage and bites his leg.  Steele picks up Savage by the neck, chokes him, then drops him.  Steele gets distracted, looking at Elizabeth.  Savage ties him up in the ropes and puts the boots to him.  Savage with a diving crossbody for 2.  Steele throws Savage out of the ring.  Savage crawls under the ring, comes out the other side, and jumps Steele from behind.  Steele bites Savage’s arm.  Steele clubs Savage until Savage gouges his eyes.  Savage slaps Steele with a bouquet of flowers.  Steele bites him again, then hits him with the flowers.  Steele eats the turnbuckle pad.  He feeds some of the stuffing to Savage.  Savage bails.  Who can blame him?  Steele chases him around the ring.  Steele pleads with Elizabeth.  Savage comes off the top with the diving axe handle to the outside.  Back in the ring,  Savage slams Steele and hits the diving elbow, but Steele kicks out at 1.  Steele grabs Savage’s nose, then throws him into the corner.  The ref admonishes Steele.  Savage trips Steele up and gets the Flair pin in the corner at 7:08.  This sucked.  Steele eats another turnbuckle, then chases the referee to the back.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews two of the participants in the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, Bill Fralic and Big John Studd.  During this, we hear Finkel’s annoucement that Savage was the winner and still the Intercontinental Champion.  Gah.

Vince and Susan talk about snakes.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They trade punches.  Wells with a backdrop.  Snake sends Wells to the outside and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Wells hits a shoulder block.  Wells whips Roberts into the corner, then takes him over with a head scissors.  Wells with a knee lift.  Wells with a powerslam for 2.  Snake gouges the eyes, then begs off and bails.  Wells follows him out and back into the ring.  Roberts gets a cheap shot with the knee lift when Wells is still coming through the ropes, then hits the DDT for the pin at 3:05.  Jake puts the snake on Wells after the match.  The match was fine for what it was.

They show an altercation between Roddy Piper and Mr. T that led to tonight’s match, which I believe took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cut to Los Angeles, where Jesse Ventura interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.

Back to Vince and Susan, then to Finkel in the ring to introduce the celebrities for the New York main event.  The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers.  She introduces the judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy.  The special guest timekeeper is Herb.  I don’t know who any of those people are.  The referee is Jack somebody.

Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton and the old fat guy) vs. Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid).  They box.  It sucks.  I’m not a boxing fan anyway, and I really hate lame, worked boxing matches in wrestling.  The first round ends.  They go to their corners.  Round 2 starts.  They box some more.  It still sucks.  I do like Piper’s plaid boxing trunks.  Round 2 ends.  Piper cheap shots T again anyway.  Orton throws a bucket of water on T to boot.  Round 3 starts.  Guess what?  They box!  T punches Piper out of the ring.  He barely makes it back in.  They’re both getting tired.  Round 3 ends.  Just end this shit already.  Piper throws his stool at Mr. T.  Round 4 starts.  They punch each other.  Piper knocks T’s mouthpiece out.  T knocks Piper’s mouthpiece out.  Piper socks the ref, then body slams Mr. T to cause the DQ at 1:17 of the 4th round.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Man, this sucked.

Now on to the Chicago portion of the show.  Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene hype the battle royal.  Gorilla introduces their color commentator for this portion, Cathy Lee Crosby.  Never heard of her either.  Curse my lack of knowledge of low level celebrities from before I was born.  Chet Coppock is the ring announcer for Chicago.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre.  Moolah jumps McIntyre immediately and kicks her ass.  McIntyre fires back with dropkicks and an elbow smash.  McIntyre with a body slam, then comes off the top with a big splash, but Moolah moves out of the way, then covers McIntyre for the pin at the 59 second mark.  Well that was utterly pointless.

Gorilla, Gene, and Crosby hype the battle royal again.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner.  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  The winner gets to wave his flag. Volkoff goes on the offensive early.  Kirchner fights back.  Kirchner knocks down the referee.  While he’s down, Kirchner catches Blassie’s cane and nails Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:35, so he gets to hold up Old Glory.  Match was nothing.

Mean Gene is in the ring to explain the rules for a battle royal.  The timekeeper is the “where’s the beef” lady.  The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

Battle Royal featuring Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre the Giant.  There’s no opening bell, but everyone just starts fighting.  “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins Gorilla and Crosby at the announce table for whatever reason.  Ah, I guess because he was both a football player and a wrestler.  Tonga and one of the football players eliminate each other.  Holmes gets eliminated, I think by Bruno, or maybe Studd.  Brunzell gets tossed.  Perry eliminates Atlas.  A bunch of guys try to gang up on Andre.  Morales and Marvin eliminate each other.  Arcidi, Jim, and Spivey try to dump Blair, but he slips back in and helps the other guys dump Arcidi.  Sheik dumps Spivey.  Sheik dumps Jim and Blair.  Sheik and Studd dump Fralic.  Sammartino backdrops Sheik out of the ring.  Sammartino beats up Studd.  Harts beat up Perry.  Andre beats up one of the little guys, I think it’s Russ Frances.  Studd eliminates Bruno.  Perry throws the Harts over the top rope, but they both hit the apron and come back in.  Studd dumps Perry.  Perry shakes Studd’s hand, then, poor sport that he is, pulls Studd out of the ring.  It’s down to Andre, the Harts, and Frances.  Andre gets tied up in the ropes.  The Harts dump Frances, then double team Andre.  Andre big boots Hart, then rams Hart and Neidhart’s heads together.  Big boot to Neidhart sends him out of the ring.  Andre press slams Hart out of the ring and onto Neidhart to win it in about 9 minutes.

Cut to New York, where Vince and Susan talk to Roddy Piper.

Back to Chicago, where Jimbo Covert bitches about getting eliminated from behind.  Gene talks to The Iron Sheik.  “Wrestler is better than football player!”  Replays of the battle royal.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Dream Team (c) (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne).  Davey Boy Smith and Greg Valentine start.  Smith shines early.  Valentine hits a hip toss, but Davey Boy avoids an elbow drop.  Tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite kicks Valentine’s ass and snap suplexes him, then tags Davey Boy back in.  Davey Boy hits his stalling suplex for 2.  Valentine bails to take a breather.  Valentine comes back in and hammers Smith, then headbutts him in the groin.  Tag to Beefcake.  Smith with a press slam, then the tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite with an inside cradle for 2.  Tag to Smith, who hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with a clubbing blow to Smith.  Valentine with a suplex for 2.  Tag to Dynamite.  He and Valentine trade blows.  Bulldogs make quick tags to work over Valentine.  Beefcake comes in to club Dynamite, and is sent out by the ref.  Dynamite with a sunset flip on Valentine for 2.  Dynamite with a backbreaker, but Beefcake pulls him off of the cover.  Dynamite continues to wear down Valentine.  Valentine drops Dynamite with a sick piledriver for 2.  He tries to hold Dynamite’s shoulders down and ends up getting kicked in the balls.  Valentine goes up top and gets thrown across the ring by Dynamite.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Smith tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine bails.  Smith tags in and hits the running powerslam on Valentine for a close 2.  Smith with another suplex for 2.  Valentine finally manages to get the advantage on Smith and tags in Beefcake, who puts a beating on Davey Boy.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with another clubbing blow.  Valentine continues working over Davey and drops him with a shoulder breaker, but foolishly picks him up at 2.  Smith throws Valentine into the Bulldog’s corner, where he collides head first with Dynamite.  Smith covers Valentine to get the 3 and capture the tag titles at 12:02.  Finally, a good match!  Ozzy and Captain Lou celebrate while Davey Boy helps up the knocked loopy Dynamite at ringside.  Mean Gene talks to Ozzy and Captain Lou.  He finally manages to talk to Davey Boy.  Replay of the pretty sick finish.

That’s it for Chicago!  Back to Vince and Susan in New York to talk about what’s still to come in the Los Angeles portion of the show.

Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira will host the LA portion of the show.  Lee Marshall is the ring announcer.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Hercules immediately goes on the attack.  Steamboat fires back with a karate chop and a pair of arm drags.  He attacks Hercules’ arm.  Steamboat leap frogs Herc a bunch and nails him with an elbow.  Steamboat with a suplex, then back to the arm.  Herc blasts Steamboat with a clothesline and hits him with some vicious knees.  Herc hot shots Steamboat into the ropes and beats on him some more.  Steamboat tries to fight back, but almost gets pinned.  Elvira is extremely annoying on commentary.  Herc drops Steamboat with an elbow, then drops a couple more elbows on him.  Cover gets 2.  Steamboat chops Herc.  Herc avoids another chop and drops Steamboat with a discus lariat for 2.  Herc with a press slam.  Herc with another press slam.  Herc comes off the top with a dive, but gets caught by Steamboat’s knees.  Steamboat off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 7:33.  It wasn’t bad.

Man, Adrian Adonis sure has changed since we last saw him at The Wrestling Classic.  He was a rough a tough type then… now he’s a cross dresser with bad makeup.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer.  Hart sprays Elmer with perfume, so he chases Hart and Adonis out of the ring, where they hug.  Elmer attacks Adonis we gets back into the ring. No opening bell that I heard. Adonis Flair flips in the corner, then falls out of the ring.  He gets back in and Elmer knocks him out of the ring again.  Elmer rips Adonis’ dress, then knocks him into the ropes where he gets tied up.  When Adonis gets untied, he finally goes on the attack.  He takes off the remains of his dress.  Elmer with the Avalanche in the corner, then he goes for a leg drop, but Adonis avoids it.  Adonis off the top with a headbutt/splash for the pin in about 3 minutes.  This sucked.

Lord Alfred interviews Hogan.

The Funk Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana.  Dory has been given the name “Hoss” for whatever reason.  Terry throws chairs in the ring.  The faces throw them out.  Dory and JYD lock up.  JYD slams both of the Funks, then they bail.  Tito and Terry tag in.  Terry throws some vicious sounding chops.  Tito clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dory jumps in and eats a couple of Tito’s dropkicks, then rolls out himself.  Tag to JYD.  He lands some punches on Terry, then rams his head into the turnbuckle repeatedly.  JYD with a headbutt for 2.  JYD throws Terry out of the ring.  I swear, the Funks have spent more time on the outside of the ring than in it during this match.  Tag to Dory.  Tag to Tito.  Tito with a flying jalapeno for 2, as Terry saves.  Dory and Tito run the ropes, but Terry catches Tito with a knee to the back.  Terry tags in and throws Tito to the floor, where Jimmy puts the boots to him.  JYD runs him off.  Funks put the boots to Tito.  JYD runs Hart off again and helps Tito back into the ring.  Terry with a suplex for 2.  He argues with referee Dave Hebner.  Tito counters another suplex attempt with one of his own.  Terry and Tito knock heads.  Tag to Dory.  Dory with the Texas suplex for 2.  Funks continue to work over Tito.  Hot tag to JYD.  JYD cleans house.  Terry chokes JYD with a rope,  JYD backdrops Terry out of the ring.  JYD kicks their asses on the outside.  JYD decks Jimmy Hart.  JYD with an inside cradle on Terry.  Dory saves.  Tito puts Dory in the figure-four.  The referee makes Tito leave the ring.  Jimmy throws Terry the megaphone.  Terry hits JYD in the head with it for the pin at 11:44.  Okay match.

They set up the cage.  It’s a special reinforced cage so King Kong Bundy won’t go through the side, the famous big blue cage.

They show what led up to Hogan/Bundy in a cage, a brutal attack by Bundy and Don Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  They show Hogan lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim and a doctor, while Gene talks to them about Hogan’s injuries.

Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby Heenan.

Elvira, who is awful, throws it to New York with Vince and Susan, who is almost as awful.  They talk, then back to LA.

Marshall introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Tommy Lasorda.  Lasorda introduces the the guest thimekeeper, Ricky Schroder, and the guest referee, Robert Conrad.  Well, at least I know who Rick Schroder is.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Hogan has taped ribs.  They start brawling.  Hogan chokes Bundy with his own singlet.  Elvira says this match resembles a horror movie.  I agree, but probably for different reasons.  Bundy tires of getting beat up by the walrus and attacks Hogan’s ribs.  Bundy tries to escape through the door.  Hogan stops him, so Bundy picks up Hogan and rams his back into the cage.  Bundy takes the bandage off of Hogan’s ribs and chokes him with it.  He ties Hogan to the bottom rope and tries to leave.  Hogan gets free and chokes Bundy with the tag rope.  Hogan rams Bundy head first into the cage.  Hogan beats up Bundy a bit.  Bundy is bleeding.  Hogan tries to slam Bundy, who falls on top of him.  Hogan chokes Bundy with the bandage from earlier.  Bundy fights back.  Avalanche and a big splash by Bundy.  Bundy tries to escape again.  Hogan stops him.  Hogan avoids another avalanche and slams Bundy, then hits the leg drop.  Bundy tries to stop Hogan, but Hogan kicks him off the ropes and to the floor.  Hogan escapes over the top at 10:20.  Bundy goes out through the door a moment later.  Just to show what a role model he is, Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and beats him up after the match, then celebrates.

So that’s WrestleMania II.  Man, it sucked.  The only redeeming thing is the Bulldogs’ title win over the Dream Team.