Archive for Tommy Chong

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts LIVE from Oklahoma City!  Tonight, Bret Hart’s Farewell, plus Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.

Shawn Michaels comes out.  They show him screwing The Undertaker at Elimination Chamber and the making of their WrestleMania match last week.  Michaels says the guys in the locker room think he’s crazy for putting his career on the line.  He challenges anyone to come out and tell him he can’t win.  Triple H comes out.  Triple H says he “knows” Shawn can beat Undertaker at WrestleMania.  He says Shawn is the best he’s ever been in the ring with.  He says Shawn is Mr. WrestleMania, and though the Road To WrestleMania always takes them down different paths, but DX will never die.  He says he’s invoked their rematch clause for the tag titles tonight.  Shawn takes some convincing, but agrees.

The guest hosts, Cheech and Chong, admire their office.  The Bella Twins come in and slut up to them.  They take Cheech on a tour of the backstage while Chong sits down.  Hornswoggle comes in with a box of lucky charms with his face on them.  Chong eats some and starts tripping.  Phony shit ensues

Orton vs. Dibiase is NEXT!

Slam of the Week: The implosion of Legacy last week.

Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They start brawling.  Does nobody lock up anymore?  Orton avoids a superplex attempt.  Dibiase dropkicks him, then throws him out of the ring.  Orton fights back and Dibiase bails.  Commercials.  Dibiase puts the boots to Orton.  Dibiase KICKS ORTON IN THE HEAD for 2.  Dibiase kills Orton with a lariat for 2.  They trade blows.  Orton his a snap powerslam.  “VINTAGE ORTON!”  Garvin stomp by Orton.  Orton stalks Dibiase for the RKO.  Cody Rhodes runs out.  Orton swings at him.  Dibiase gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Orton reverses it for 2.  Rhodes runs in and Orton attacks him, so the ref throws it out in 9:02.  I guess Orton wins by DQ.  Rhodes and Dibiase try to do a number on Orton, but he fights them both off.  He tries to give Rhodes the DDT OF MURDER again, but Dibiase pulls him to safety.  Most of the match was commercials, but what aired was fine.

DX vs. Show Miz TONIGHT!

Bret Hart (w/ broken leg) has arrived!

Chong is giving Eve a massage.  He wants to book a Divas Pajama Pillow Fight.  Cheech says he’s having a sugar trip.  He was running his hands through William Regal’s hair.  He thinks Chris Masters is Kelly Kelly.  And Masters has a girl voice.  Hornswoggle tries to give them more cereal.  They both start tripping.  Fuck.

“Last Monday…” video of the John Cena/Batista happenings.  Tonight… CONFRONTATION!

WWE Rewind: Last week, Christian beat Carlito to qualify for Money In The Bank.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella.  Santino shines, then Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin in 27 seconds.

Batista (in his gay S&M outfit) is headed our way!

Undertaker/Shawn Michaels video package.

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

John Cena comes out.  He talks about Batista.  He calls out Batista.  Batista comes out.  The WWE Champion is such a tough guy that he’s flanked by security and is dressed like a gay biker.  Cena totally calls him on it.  Batista uses the bitch excuse that the security is there to protect Cena.  Batista says he wants to face Cena at WrestleMania, that’s why he gave him the shot last week.  He’s mad that Cena is WWE’s poster boy instead of him.  Cena talks about how he works hard and Batista shows up late and shit.  Batista says he’s just here to make money.  They go on.  Batista says deep down, Cena knows he can’t beat him.

Bret Hart’s Farewell is still to come!  Plus, DX vs. Show Miz! plug.

Cheech and Chong have forced Chavo Guerrero Jr. to wear a sombrero and a fake mustache.  Carlito, Primo, Katie Lea Burchill, and Yoshi Tatsu are wearing fake mustaches.  Santino Marella brings in a chicken.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Jobber entrance for Ryder.  Ryder starts with a kick to the gut.  Does nobody lock up anymore?  MVP kicks his ass and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  Playmaker gets the pin in 46 seconds.  Wow.

Divas eye candy pseudo match is NEXT!

WrestleMania is 27 days away!

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Cheech and Chong.  They’re hilarious, then they introduce the divas.

Pajama Pillow Fight: Gail Kim vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse vs. Jillian Hall vs. Alicia Fox.  Everybody hits Maryse with pillows.  Jillian runs wild on everyone.  This is a tag match, isn’t it?  Kelly makes Hall eat a pillow, then hits her fucked up leg drop for 2.  Maryse gets a 2 count on Kelly.  Gail gives Maryse the Regal cutter.  Okay, so this isn’t a tag match, even though they had team entrances.  Hot chicks do stuff.  Gail hits her move on Alicia.  Gail gets sent out of the ring.  Eve hits a senton on Alicia for the pin in 1:56.  Hornswoggle comes out to give Cheech and Chong more cereal.  Alrighty.

The next Hall of Fame inductee is Mad Dog Vachon!  He’ll be inducted by Pat Patterson.

Bret Hart’s Farewell is NEXT!

Cole and Lawler hype the WrestleMania card.

Justin Roberts starts to introduce Bret Hart, but Vince McMahon comes out instead.  Vince introduces Bret, who hobbles out on his crutch.  They show the shit that happened 2 weeks ago.  Vince says he had nothing to do with the bimbo breaking Bret’s leg.  Bret doesn’t believe him, and tells him to get lost.  Vince brings up Bret calling him the World Champion Liar, and says he was lying about asking Bret to come here for his farewell.  McMahon screwed Bret.  Whatever.  Vince brings up the challenge Bret made to him.  Bret replies that he’s incapacitated.  Bret has wanted to fight Vince for 13 years.  Vince tries to goad Bret into accepting the match.  Bret says he can’t wrestle.  Vince says Bret has no heart (pun intended).  He calls Bret a coward, then kicks his crutch out from under him.  Vince somehow lost his show in that.  I didn’t catch how.  Vince continues calling Bret a coward.  Bret agrees to the match.  Vince says next week, he’ll take on John Cena.  Huh?

The main event is NEXT!

Next week’s guest host is Criss Angel.  Plus. Randy Orton takes on Rhodes and Dibiase in a Handicap Match and Vince McMahon takes on John Cena.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. DX.  Show tosses Michaels around to start.  Miz tags in and puts the boots to him.  Kick to the head gets 2.  Show tags in and jabs a ham-sized fist into Michaels’ middle.  Show applies a bear hug.  Michaels fights out, tries the superkick, avoids the chokeslam, and makes the hot tag to Triple H.  Triple H hits the knee facebuster and the spinebuster, then goes for the Pedigree.  Miz interrupts and gets a spinebuster.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Michaels superkicks Show.  They tease a double KO, but both make it to their feet.  Miz and Michaels tag in.  Michaels hits the flying jalapeno, nips up, chops, slam, diving elbow drop.  Shawn sets up the superkick.  Undertaker appears on the screen and distracts Michaels.  He tries to superkick Miz, but Miz surprises him with a jackknife hold for the pin in 4:30.

Triple H tries to help Michaels up.  Michaels says “Don’t touch me” and leaves.  Sheamus comes in from the crowd and attacks Triple H, pump kicking his head into the announce table.  He pump kicks Triple H a second time, sending him across the announce table.  Sheamus stands tall as the show closes.

This was a shitty wrestling show, but it’s doing a great job of hyping WrestleMania, so I have no complaints.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Elimination Chamber highlights, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts.  Shawn Michaels will be here tonight.  Will The Undertaker?  Tonight’s guest hosts are Jewel and Ty Murray.

Justin Roberts introduces the new World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho, who benefited greatly from Shawn Michaels’ Undertaker obsession last night.   Jericho brags that he’s going to WrestleMania.  Edge’s music plays and he appears from behind to spear Jericho.  Edge informs Jericho that Jericho is indeed going to WrestleMania… against him!

John Cena comes out.  He says to add him to the list of people Vince McMahon screwed, because he win the WWE Championship last night, only for Vince to book immediate title defense against Batista.  Cena says he wants his rematch right now.  Vince McMahon comes out and talks about his business deal with Batista.  Cena wants his title shot.  Vince says Batista isn’t defending until WrestleMania.  He says that Sheamus also has a rematch coming.  Vince says that Cena will face Batista tonight, and if he wins, he gets the title shot at Mania, but if he loses, Sheamus gets the title shot.  So Sheamus has no say in the matter?  Shouldn’t it be Sheamus vs. Cena for the title shot tonight?  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Final: Maryse vs. Gail Kim.  FINALLY.  Gail gets a quick cradle for 1.  Gail avoids Maryse in the corner and drops her with a clothesline for 2.  Gail fires some kicks and a European uppercut, then a shoulder block into the corner.  Maryse sends Gail into the top turnbuckle.  Gail goes for her move, but Maryse holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  Maryse hits a kick for 2.  Maryse goes for her DDT, but Gail turns it into a jackknife hold for 2.  Maryse avoids a diving cross body and appears to injure her neck.  They both make it to their feet.  Maryse goes for the DDT again, but Gail inside cradles her for 2.  Gail tries a victory roll, but Maryse hot shots her into the top rope, then hits her DDT for the pin in 2:49.  Very awkward match, but they tried.  At least they finally did the damn match.

Cena vs. Batista tonight!  Will The Undertaker show up to confront Shawn Michaels?  Commercials!

WWE Magazine plug.

There’s a mechanical bull in the arena that the divas are going to ride.

Ty Murray talks to the Bella Twins.  Jewel talks to Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly.  Jewel has an injured her ankle riding a mechanical bull.  Jillian Hall and Alicia Fox interrupt.  Hall tells Jewel she’s a famous singer, then sings horribly.  Jewel sings it decently.  Hall insults her.  Jewel slaps the shit out of her.  Yay!

Cody Rhodes tells Randy Orton that he knew Ted Dibiase Jr. was going to screw Orton last night.  Orton tells him it’s okay, it’s his fault for what happened last night because he taught them too well, but has been a poor leader.  Legacy is in a six-man tag tonight.  Orton says to tell Dibiase he’s sorry.  Orton leaves and Dibiase comes in.  Dibiase asks Orton if they’re sticking to the plan.  Rhodes says “Absolutely.”  Commercials:

Slam of the Week: Ted Dibiase pinning Randy Orton in the Elimination Chamber last night.

Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Legacy.  Dibiase and Yoshi start.  Yoshi hits some kicks and arm drags.  Tag to Bourne.  They double Dibiase for 2.  Rhodes tags in and Bourne kicks the crap out of his legs.  Bourne gets a cradle for 2.  Bourne hits a clothesline and goes up top, but Rhodes gets up to stop him.  Rhodes hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Commercials.  Dibiase turns Bourne inside out with a lariat for 2.  Tag to Kingston, who runs wild on Dibiase.  “Controlled frenzy!”  Orton drops Kofi to prevent the Boom Drop.  Tag to Orton, who punishes Kingston.  Orton hits the 3.0, that “Vintage backbreaker!”  Rhodes tags himself in.  Orton plants him with the DDT OF MURDER to a big pop.  Dibiase screams at Orton.  Orton drops him with the RKO at ringside.  Kingston tags in Yoshi, who has his bit against Rhodes, then tags in Bourne.  Bourne hits the Shooting Star press on Rhodes for the pin in 9:51.  Legacy has finally exploded!

Cena vs. Batista TONIGHT!  Undertaker?!?!?!?!?!?!???  We’ll answer that very short question with far too many punctuation marks NEXT!

They show the recent history between Michaels and The Undertaker, going from Michaels’ challenge for a rematch at the Slammy Awards and ending with Michaels screwing Undertaker out of the World Championship last night.

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and says he did what he had to do.  He expects a reaction.  Undertaker comes out wearing the bad ass WrestleMania XIV robe thing since his trench coat got caught on fire last night.  Undertaker says Michaels has his attention.  Michaels says he wrestled nearly a perfect match last year.  Michaels wants the rematch.  Taker accepts, on the condition that Michaels puts his career on the line.  Michaels agrees, because “If I can’t beat you at WrestleMania, I have no career!”

Batista vs. Cena TONIGHT!

Christian is headed our way!  It appears he and Yoshi Tatsu have both signed with Raw.  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: The Money In The Bank Ladder Match from WrestleMania 25.

The briefcase is hanging above the ring.  The announcers talk about Michaels vs. Undertaker.

As Christian comes out for his match, they show a promo from Christian’s NXT rookie, Heath Slater.  During Carlito’s entrance, they show a promo from his rookie, Michael Tarver.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Christian vs. Carlito.  Carlito practically runs to the ring.  Carlito hits a DDT on the ring apron (ouch) for 2.  Carlito actually looks like he gives a fuck tonight.  Christian flapjacks Carlito.  Christian does his weird shit with the opponent on the ropes and slips in the process.  Christian hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Carlito avoids a cross body and hits a move.  Christian with the reverse DDT backbreaker thing for 2.  Christian goes up top, but Carlito pulls him down and hits a neckbreaker drop for 2.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Carlito counters and goes for a springboard elbow.  Christian catches him and goes for it again.  Carlito counters again, but Christian sends him into the turnbuckles, then finally hits the Killswitch for the pin in 3:01.  This was kind of a clusterfuck.

Divas Bull Riding is NEXT!

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Jewel and Ty Murray.  They talk, then we have the stupid divas bull riding.  Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, and the Bella Twins ride the bull.  Waste of time.  Thankfully, the Unified Tag Team Champions, Big Show and The Miz, come out.  Jewel yodels.  Murray challenges Big Show to ride the mechanical bull.  Show asks the divas to hold his tag belts.  They refuse, so he calls them rude.  Well, they are.  Show fails at riding the bull, and it’s hilarious.  Miz says it wasn’t fair.  Murray makes fun of him.  The mechanical bull taunts Show.  Show yells at it.  Big Show KO punches the bull.  Jewel calls it “stuffed animal cruelty.”  Hilarious stuff.  Jewel and Murray tell Show Miz they’ll defend the titles against MVP and Mark Henry NEXT!

Batista vs. Cena TONIGHT! plug.  There’s also a miscued graph promising a Bret Hart update NEXT!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  Daniel Bryan is shown watching backstage.  Henry’s shoulder is taped up from the bump he took through the barricade last night.  MVP gets the better of Miz to start.  Tag to Show.  Show spear!  Show rips MVP’s outfit, chops him, and hits the Hog Log.  Tag to Miz.  MVP gets beat up, then forces Miz to eat a Yakuza kick sandwich.  Tags to Show and Henry.  Henry hits headbutts and squashes Show in the corner, which hurts Henry’s shoulder.  Miz dives at Henry, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Show KO punches Henry for the pin in 2:46.  Well this wasn’t much of a match.

The Bret Hart update is, in fact, NEXT!

Elimination Chamber highlight package, followed by commercials.

Cole and Lawler plug Murray’s bull riding competition and Jewel’s new single, which I actually like.

The next Hall of Fame inductee is Wendi Richter!  She’ll be inducted by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!

The show the Bret Hart injury angle from last week.  Vince McMahon says he had nothing to do with the accident.  He invites Bret to Raw next week to say a proper farewell.

John Cena is headed to the ring!

NXT commercial.

Farewell to Bret Hart, next week!  Next week’s guest hosts are CHEECH AND CHONG!  Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase NEXT WEEK!

Non-Title: John Cena vs. WWE Champion Batista.  Batista stalls and hits in the ropes.  Batista kicks him in the balls for the DQ in 24 seconds.  So Batista WANTS to face Cena at WrestleMania.  Batista beats the shit out of Cena, leaves, sees Cena getting up, so comes back and beats him up some more.  Various nasty things ensue and Batista finishes with a spinebuster into the post.  Batista starts to leave again, then comes back and wears Cena out with a steel chair.

A very bad show wrestling-wise, but it did a great job of setting up the top matches at WrestleMania, so no complaints.