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TNA iMPACT! 5/13/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Three Tickets To Sacrifice”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  David Penzer is the ring announcer.

Eric Bischoff comes out and does his “heel who thinks he’s a babyface” bit.  He introduces the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.  Bischoff talks about the poll.  He says he wanted to book RVD vs. Jeff Hardy, but Hardy isn’t answering his phone, so RVD has the night off.  RVD wants action, though.  AJ Styles comes out.  He bitches at RVD about not being a role model.  Styles challenges him to a match tonight, even though they have a match at the PPV.  Styles wants to break RVD’s legs so he doesn’t have to break a sweat at the PPV.  Jeff Hardy comes out.  He’s confused by the time changes, as he doesn’t have a secretary.  Styles says the match is already set.  Hardy tells RVD to make it a three-way, since RVD is apparently the booker.  He tells Bischoff to make the match.  AJ is pissed.

Jeremy Borash interviews Knockouts Champion and Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  Lacey runs away because she has to pee.  Go before your fucking interview, moron.

Taylor Wilde (w/ Sarita) vs. Tara.  Sarita gets sent to the back before the match.  Wilde goes on the attack and beats the hell out of Tara.  Tara begs off, then sends Wilde to the ramp.  Tara throws her back in.  Wilde avoids the hilo leg drop.  Wilde goes for a shitty cross body.  Tara love taps her with a shitty middle kick for the pin in 1:30.  This blew.  Tara beats Wilde with her knee brace after the match.  Sarita makes the save.

Something is going on backstage with Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea.

Chelsea is claiming she was attacked “in an undisclosed location.”  Her vagina?

Brian Kendrick vs. Doug Williams.  Williams still has the X Division belt.  He says Kendrick doesn’t deserve a title shot, so it’s a non-title match.  Kendrick attacks Williams.  Williams attacks him back.  The X Division Champion Kazarian joins the announcers.  Williams works Kendrick’s leg.  He locks Kendrick in a half crab.  Kazarian walks down the ramp with the intent of getting the belt.  Kendrick schoolboys Williams for the pin in 2:13.  Williams manages to hold onto the belt.  Match was pointless.

Christy Hemme asks Pat Kenney what happened, but he won’t say anything.

Christy says she knows the attacker, but can’t tell.  The fuck?

Handicap Match: Generation Me vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan.  Morgan destroys them both.  He takes the mic and bitches about Hulk Hogan not telling him who his partner is.  Morgan sets up Jeremy Buck on the outside for the Carbon Footprint into the post.  Samoa Joe comes out and brawls with Morgan.  Match is presumably a no-contest in about a minute and a half.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and leaves.  The Band comes out.  Kevin Nash has that Feast or Fired briefcase that nobody remembered.

Handicap Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: Matt Morgan (c) vs. Kevin Nash & Scott Hall (w/ Eric Young).  Earl Hebner rings the bell.  Nash gets the pin at the 12 second mark.  Nash and Hall are World Tag Team Champions.  In 2010.

Ink Inc. talk backstage.  You can hear the intros for the Williams/Kendrick match from earlier.  Ink Inc. are psychic and somehow knew that they’d be facing Hall and Nash at Sacrifice instead of Morgan.

Four-Way Match: Ink Inc. vs. Team 3D vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money.  No entrances except for Ink Inc.  Shelley and Storm start.  Sabin tags in and throws Storm out of the ring.  Sabin hits a dive.  Cover gets 2 back inside.  3D works over Roode.  Moore tags in and hits a diving cross body for Roode for 2.  Beer Money work over Moore.  Neal gets the hog tag and runs wild.  He face plants Roode and covers, but Storm saves.  Brother Ray tags in and knocks down Beer Money.  Neal schoolboys him for 2.  3D and the Guns fight.  Everybody brawls everywhere.  3D hits the Doomsday Device on Neal.  Moore saves and fights 3D.  They go for the 3D, but Neal stops it.  Moore hits the Mooregasm on Ray.  Neal spears Ray for the pin in 7:18.  Best thing on the show up to now and probably period.

Weird Ric Flair taped promo with impossible to read subtitles.

TNA Global Champion Rob Terry is headed our way!  He’ll face Abyss NEXT!

Jeff Hardy and RVD chat in the bathroom.  Who the fucking is taping this?

Rob Terry comes out for his title defense against Abyss.  Abyss doesn’t come out, because he’s getting arrested.  He’s apparently the one being accused of assaulting Chelsea.  Desmond Wolfe jumps him and is held back by the cops.  Hulk Hogan shows up to talk to Abyss, who professes in innocence.  Abyss doesn’t want to take his mask off.  Hogan takes the mask off and puts Abyss’ hood on his head.  The cops take Abyss away.  This is so motherfucking stupid.  Rob Terry is still in the ring.  Orlando Jordan (in pink gear) attacks Terry from behind and gropes his balls.  Jordan hits Terry with a lead pipe, then holds up a card that says, literally, “The Wild Card.”  Why the fuck am I watching this shit?  Didn’t I boycott this show after last week?

Orlando Jordan is still in the fucking ring.  He cuts a promo.  Okay, you’re gay, we get it.  He issues an open challenge.  Tomko (he still works here?) accepts.

Orlando Jordan vs. Tomko.  They do some awkward half assed shit.  Tomko presses Jordan, then hits a fall away slam.  Jordan hits a dropkick.  Jordan does some shit.  Tomko hits a clothesline for 2.  Jordan hits a Backstabber for 2.  Jordan clamps on a guillotine for the win in 3:14.  This blew.

Another weirdly taped thing with Hulk Hogan.  Lacey Von Erich comes in and shows him a cell phone video.

Eric Bischoff tells Tara she’s going to wrestle Sarita tonight.  She’s all bitchy about it.

Sarita vs. Tara.  Sarita attacks Tara on the ramp.  They finally get in the ring to start the match, then brawl outside some more.  Back inside, Sarita misses a dive, then beats up Tara some more.  Tara cries and begs off, then sends Sarita outside.  Sarita hits a slingshot splash, then goes after Tara’s knee brace.  The referee grabs her and gets elbowed in the face.  Tara hits Sarita with the knee brace for the pin in 1:52.  This sucked.  Tara beats her with the knee brace some more.

AJ Styles is backstage in his silly robe.  The main event is next.

Sting/Jeff Jarrett video package.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Styles argues with a fan.  The dastardly good guys double team the poor overwhelmed heel.  Hardy and RVD start to fight each other.  Hardy knocks RVD out of the ring.  Hardy fights AJ.  RVD comes in and lands kicks on both of them.  Hardy drops both of them with neckbreaker variations.  He covers RVD, but Styles saves.  Styles beats up both.  Styles attacks RVD’s leg.  He locks in the figure-four leglock.  Hardy leg drops Styles to break it.  Hardy goes up top.  Styles cuts him off and knocks him out of the ring.  RVD monkey flips AJ.  Ken Anderson attacks Hardy at ringside.  RVD hits his diving kick on Styles and the referee, then saves Hardy from Anderson.  Styles hits a dive on everybody.  Styles SPIKES RVD with a DDT on the floor.  Back inside, Styles puts his feet on the ropes and pins RVD in 5:54.  This was a mess.  Hardy calls Anderson to the ring to fight.  Anderson isn’t interested.  Hulk Hogan comes out and blocks his way to the back.  Hogan decks Anderson.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Commercials.

Hardy and Anderson keep fighting.  Why the fuck isn’t this show over yet?  Hardy puts Anderson on a table and hits a Swanton off the announcers’ table through the table.  Many replays are shown.  Hardy celebrates.

They show Lacey Von Erich’s cell phone video of Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea setting up the whole fucking stupid angle with Abyss.

Sacrifice hype videos.

Fuck this horrible motherfucking show.  Why did I even watch this shit?

TNA iMPACT! 3/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with Eric Bischoff in the ring playing guitar.  The fuck?  He calls out Jeff Jarrett because he wants Jarrett to play the guitar.  Jarrett says Bischoff isn’t going to humiliate him anymore.  Bischoff says Jarrett has no guts, or whatever.  Jarrett takes the guitar, puts it down, and leaves.  Bischoff talks about him having “no stones” again.  Jarrett comes back and CLOBBERS Bischoff with the guitar!  YES!

Jarrett comes backstage and hugs Mick Foley.  Jarrett says that felt good.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Bischoff finally struggles to his feet and books Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley for tonight, with the loser getting fired and winner being Bischoff’s bitch.

Foley and Jarrett are pissed backstage.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  After the heels’ entrances, Tara comes out and begs Daffney not to hurt her spider.  The heels jump Tara, but her partners make the save.  Insta-commercials, JIP.  Lots of quick tags and some decent exchanges.  The bad girls get heat on Tara.  Daffney taunts Tara with her spider.  Love tags in and hits a Flatliner on Daffney.  Velvet hits a DDT on Love.  Wilde gets a Northern Lights suplex hold on Rayne.  Who the fuck is legal?  Sarita hits a sit-out powerbomb on Rayne.  Lacey hits a chokeslam on Sarita.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Lacey, then goes to retrieve her spider.  Daffney hits a swank spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker (the Lobotomy) for the pin.  Total clusterfuck.

AJ Styles and Ric Flair arrive, all banged up.  Flair is still in the wheelchair and Styles is on a crutch and has his arm in a sling.

Still to come, Jarrett vs. Foley.  Hulk Hogan makes an announcement about Lockdown NEXT!

Styles and Flair are hobbling/wheeling in backstage.

Destination X highlight package.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan talks for a while, then announces that Abyss will be the captain of Team Hogan at Lockdown.  Abyss talks for a while.  Ric Flair (wheeled by Chelsea) and AJ Styles come out and yell.  Flair says the captain of Team Flair will be Sting.  The lights go out.  Sting appears sitting on a top turnbuckle.  Styles whacks Abyss with his crutch.  Hogan is magically handcuffed to the ropes.  Sting leaves as Styles puts the boots to Abyss.  D’Angelo Dinero makes the save and hits the Elijah Express on Styles, when unlocks Hogan’s cuffs.  Hogan pushes Flair’s wheelchair down the ramp and Abyss clotheslines Flair.  Those dicks.  This was stupid.

Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore arrive.  Christy Hemme talks to them.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Tomko.  Terry no sells everything and kills Tomko.  Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, the spin kick, and the chokeslam/spinebuster for the pin in 1:02.  Whatever.

They show Foley shaving Bischoff’s head and Jarrett whacking him with the guitar.

Foley and Jarrett will meet NEXT!  Beer Money are going to be the special guest referees!

Foley & Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett.

Loser Is Fired: Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Beer Money are the special guest referees.  They lock up and break.  They lock up again.  Foley backs Jarrett into the corner and Storm forces a break.  Storm is the inside referee while Roode is on the outside.  Foley hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett gets a sunset flip for 2.  FOLEY DOES A BACKSLIDE.  Now I’ve seen everything.  They counter each other’s finishers.  Roode trips Jarrett.  Foley and Jarrett fight outside.  Bischoff comes out to the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Jarrett and Foley brawl on the stage.  Jarrett suplexes Foley on the stage, which actually holds up this week.  They go at it back in the ring.  Jarrett drops Foley with a punch for a 2 count.  Beer Money have switched places now, with Roode being in the ring and Storm being outside.  If it matters.  It doesn’t.  Jarrett hits a DDT for 2.  Jarrett brings in a chair.  Foley boots him in the gut and hits the double arm DDT for 2, as Jarrett gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Foley pulls out the sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw.  Roode doesn’t something I missed.  Foley turns it into a Mandible Claw body scissors or something.  Jarrett gets free and hits the Stroke onto the chair for the pin (8:02 shown).  Pretty good match.  Jarrett is upset at getting his friend fired, but Foley raises Jarrett’s hand.  Jarrett returns the gesture and they shake hands.  Bischoff tells Beer Money to beat up Jarrett, and they oblige.  They wedge a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles and ram Jarrett into it.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in and chase of Beer Money.  RVD takes the mic and challenges Beer Money to a match tonight.  They accept.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

They show Mick Foley saying his goodbyes as he leaves.  Bubba the Love Sponge is back.  FUCK.  Even the Impact Zone mutants boo him.  Foley doesn’t want to talk to him.  Bubba insults him, so Foley fucking decks him.  YES!  ***** segment.  Foley says “BANG BANG!” and leaves.  That makes my day.

Bischoff talks to Hogan backstage.  They discuss their various personal issues.  Hogan tells Bischoff do drop the personal vendetta against Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff agrees, asks Hogan if he set up the RVD and Hardy deal, says “nevermind,” and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Beer Money.  They meet RVD & Jeff Hardy TONIGHT!

Up NEXT, the battle of Tag champions!

House show plugs!

JB interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Hernandez video package.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Hernandez jumps Morgan in the aisle and kicks his ass.  Morgan begs off, but Hernandez doesn’t buy it and keeps kicking his ass.  He does the shirt throw thingy, a Stinger Splash, and a spinebuster.  Hernandez charges Morgan in the corner again, but Morgan backdrops Hernandez out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor, but Hernandez accidentally hits the post.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and sandwiches Hernandez’s head into the post.  Fucking OUCH.  It’s a no contest in about 3 1/2 minutes as referee Slick Johnson calls for medics.  Insta-commercials.

They stretcher Hernandez out.  Homicide makes his first appearance in weeks as he comes out to check on his former partner that he turned on months ago.  They put Hernandez in an ambulance.  Hogan tells somebody to call Hernandez’s wife.  Taz and Tenay talk about what happened.

They show what happened with The Band and Eric Young at Destination X.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy.  Storm and Hardy start.  Hardy backdrops Storm out of the ring and onto Roode, then gets a ladder and sets it up between the apron and the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Rob Van Dam hits an apron leg drop on Roode.  Insta-commercials.  Seriously.  I hate those.  RVD hits a moonsault body block on Roode for 2.  Tag to Storm.  RVD wipes him out with a kick and tags in Hardy.  Hardy hits his legs spread leg drop and a front suplex on Storm for 2, as Roode saves.  RVD comes in and takes Roode out.  Hardy goes up top, but Roode trips him.  Beer Money gets heat on Hardy.  Taz gets in his weekly “Vintage” jab.  Roode hits a BIG spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money continues to beat up Hardy while taunting Van Dam.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  Roode and RVD get the tags.  RVD runs wild.  RVD monkey flips Roode and hits his diving kick for 2.  Storm saves.  RVD kicks Storm in the head, slams him, and hits the split legged moonsault.  He’s not the legal man, Rob!  Roode nails RVD with a clothesline.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hits a double suplex on Hardy.  Beer Money hit their AWESOME catapult into a DDT on RVD.  Roode covers for 2.  Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy takes his shirt off, then Roode pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy slides under the ladder, then sends it into Storm.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Roode.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and Van Dam follows with the Five Star Frog Splash on Roode for the pin (10:52 shown).  Really good tag match.

As RVD and Hardy celebrate, Eric Young comes in through the crowd and says that next week, it’ll be The Band vs. Young, RVD, & Hardy.  They all hold hands in the middle of the ring as the show closes.  I jest.  Kind of.

Better show than Raw this week, I thought.

TNA iMPACT! 3/4/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!” video.

“Never Say Never”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.  They hype the big tag match taking place this coming Monday.

The World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out, flanked by generic women.  Flair calls out Hulk Hogan, saying they want to apologize and give him a gift.  Hogan and Abyss come out.  Flair wants a peaceful conversation.  He offers Hogan some of the women as a peace offering.  Hogan and Abyss say they’re going to run wild on them on Monday.  Flair says he’s never beat Hogan on national TV, so that’s what he’s aiming for.  Styles rambles a bit, then he and Flair try to leave.  Eric Bischoff comes out and announces that Styles will defend the World title against Abyss, The Pope, and Desmond Wolfe tonight.  Sweet.

Tenay and Taz hype Monday’s tag match again.

Jeremy Borash interviews Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea).  He cuts a funny promo laced with British-isms.  He calls Abyss a “window licker.”  Chelsea wants the Hall of Fame ring.  Wolfe says she’ll get it.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone making fun of the XFL.  Jeff Jarrett comes in talking about the great burgers he made last week.  Bischoff sends him to clean the men’s room.  Jarrett says he’ll be the best janitor ever.

Non-Title, Four-Way Match: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me vs. Beer Money vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Generation Me have now been given the last name “Buck.”  Now if I can just remember which one is which.  Sabin and Jeremy (the lighter haired one) start.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Buck.  Max tags in and hits a moonsault to Shelley’s arm.  Jeremy tags back in and hits a diving blow of some sort to Shelley’s arm as well.  Sabin tags in and gets double teamed by the Bucks too.  Sabin overcomes both, then Hernandez tags himself in.  Max tries a cross body, but gets press slammed.  Hernandez sets up for a springboard move, but Morgan tags himself in.  He big boots James Storm, then chokeslams both Bucks.  Roode tags in.  Storm superkicks Morgan, then Roode schoolboys him for the pin in 3:08.  Hernandez is annoyed, and rightfully so.

Bischoff talks to Sean Morley.  He tells him he’s facing Jeff Jarrett in a Falls Count Anywhere Match, but he hasn’t told Jarrett.  Morley and referee Slick Johnson take off to find Jarrett, who is mopping the bathroom.

Four-Way for the title tonight!

Kurt Angle talks to Hogan.  He wants to take care of Flair and Styles for Hogan.  Hogan says no, he has to do it himself.  Angle tells him to be careful.  Alrighty.

They show Mick Foley in etiquette school.  Funny stuff.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Sean Morley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Slick “rings the bell” outside the bathroom, then Morley goes in to attack Jarrett.  Morley beats up Jarrett, then covers him for 2.  Jarrett says “What the hell are you doing?”  Slick informs him that he’s in a Falls Count Anywhere match.  Morley abuses Jarrett with the bathroom door, then pins him with a prawn hold in 1:42.  Kinda funny.

Christy Hemme interviews The Pope.  He says he’ll win the title tonight, and he’ll pimp slap Ric Flair if Flair gets in his way.  The four-way is TONIGHT!

Video chronicling the rise and fall of the British Invasion.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry.  Williams slaps Terry.  Terry shoves him, then press slams him.  Terry applies a bear hug.  Williams bits his way free.  Terry wipes him out with a kick, then goes for the running powerslam.  William counters, then fails at the Chaos Theory.  Terry hits a chokeslam for the pin in 1:04.  Brutus Magnus attacks Terry after the match.  Magnus and Williams beat Terry down.

A trainer is checking on Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff comes in.  Jarrett yells at him.  Bischoff challenges Jarrett to hit him.  Jarrett’s sick of his crap.  Bischoff calls him picky.  He says Jarrett has a match in the ring tonight.  Jarrett calls him a prick.

Mr. Anderson is dressed like Kurt Angle.

Mick Foley in etiquette school part 2.

Anderson/Angle video package.

Mr. Anderson comes dressed and acting like a retarded Kurt Angle, with Angle’s entrance and music.  He does a parody of an Angle promo.  Kurt Angle comes out and kicks his ass.  Anderson bails, throws water in Angle’s face, the drops the straps on his singlet and Angle slams him.  He slingshots his bald cap into Angle’s face.  Ouch.  Anderson steals Angle’s dog tag again.

Abyss talks to Hogan backstage.  Abyss talks about watching Hogan when he was a child.  He says that he can handle Flair and Styles on his own with the power of the ring.  Hogan says he and Abyss are one and have the same blood.  Huh?  This goes on for a while.  They hug and profess their love for each other.  All righty then.

THE TAG MATCH IS THIS MONDAY!  THAT’S THE MONDAY THAT’S GOING TO BE THE VERY NEXT MONDAY THAT HAPPENS!

Beautiful People/Angelina Love video.  Earlier today, the Beauts jumped Angelina during a photo shoot and beat her down.

Angelina Love comes out and calls out Velvet Sky.  Velvet comes out with the belt she whipped Angelina with earlier.  Angelina goes after Velvet on the ramp.  Velvet tries to run away, but gets her ass kicked.  Angelina gets the belt.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run in.  Madison gets whipped, but Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick.  The Beautiful People commence to beating her down.  Velvet whips her again.

Bubba the Love Sponge (I thought he got fired) tells Hogan that he can’t wrestle, or he’ll cripple himself.

Mick Foley in etiquette school, part 3.  The lessons aren’t sinking in very well.

Kevin Nash/Eric Young vs. The Band video.  Nash and Young will have COMMENTS this Monday!  COMMENTS!

Tomko vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett is back to having no music.  They lock up.  Jarrett fights out of a side headlock, then hits shoulder blocked down.  Tomko works Jarrett’s injured shoulder.  Jarrett rocks Tomko with an enzuigiri, sits on him against the ropes, then gets dropped with a clothesline for 2.  Tomko continues working the shoulder.  Jarrett fights back.  Tomko hits an inverted atomic drop.  Jarrett hits a Jack Brisco roll out of the corner for the pin in 3:54.   Bischoff is displeased because Jarrett won.  I’m displeased because this sucked.

Bischoff also discourages Hogan from wrestling.  Hogan says he’s boxed into this position, even though he did it to himself.

Four-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Abyss.  Pope is wrestling despite being unable to walk from the attack 2 weeks ago.  He and Styles start.  It’s tag team rules.  Styles tries the figure-four.  Pope kicks him away and tags in Abyss.  Styles notices and tags in Wolfe.  Abyss sits on Wolfe, then tries to double chokeslam Wolfe and Styles.  He fails, but hits a sidewalk slam on Wolfe for 2.  Pope and Abyss clothesline Styles and Wolfe out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss and Wolfe fight outside while Styles and Pope fight in the ring.  Flair hits Pope’s injured ankle with a chair behind the referee’s back.  You seriously can’t hear that, you fucking useless ref?  Styles locks Pope in the figure-four leglock.  Pope survives it, killing any credibility that this move had left.  The referee stops it to give Styles the win (3:45 shown).  Styles, Wolfe, and Flair beat down Pope.  Abyss makes the save.  Flair attacks Abyss with the barbed wire bat.  They beat down Abyss, but Hulk Hogan comes out to take the save.  He hits Flair with the bat and Flair bleeds like a mofo.  Hogan beats up Flair and some security goons.  Abyss helps.  Styles and Wolfe pull Flair to safety.  Commercials.

Hogan cuts a promo on Flair, who is a bloody mess.  Pope challenges the heels to come back to the ring and fight.  Fin.

Well, the streak of decent Impacts is dead.  This show sucked big floppy donkey dick.

TNA iMPACT! 2/18/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Eric Bischoff arrives in a limo.  He’s talking to someone on the phone.  “Let the games begin,” he says.  Against All Odds highlight video.  Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan’s announcement that TNA moves to Mondays on March 8.

“Lord of the Ring.”  iMPACT! open.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  Pope cuts a promo about his victory at the PPV that made him #1 Contender to the World Championship.  He addresses “Arthur Jackson” and “Dick Flair.”  Pope says he’ll win the title.  The World Champion, AJ Styles comes out along with Ric Flair and a bunch of bimbos.  Flair does the talking, which strikes me as a good thing.  Pope calls him a dick again.  Flair calls him a street thug.  Styles does his pitiful excuse for heel mic work.  Pope slugs AJ.  AJ and Flair beat down Pope.  The Pillmanize Pope’s ankle.  Styles puts him in the figure-four.

Moments ago… ^ happened.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts!  They hype the move to Monday.

Non-Title: Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara.  Daffney’s music is awesome.  Apparently a former TNA Champion is returning tonight.  I guess that’s who Bischoff was talking to.  Tara beats up Daffney and hits a sidewalk slam out of a fireman’s carry for 2.  Daffney hits an European uppercut and a chop.  Tara back body drops her.  Tara almost has a wardrobe malfunction.  Daffney gets the advantage and works Tara’s hair.  That never ceases to amuse me.  When a guy has long hair, his opponent doesn’t attack it.  Daffney sends Tara to the floor and rams her into the guardrail.  Daffney pulls a toolbox from under the ring and hits Tara with it for the DQ in 2:21.  Daffney continues to assault Tara and screams at the referee.  Daffney traps Tara under a piece of the barricade and beats it with a chair.  Dr. Stevie finally pulls her away.  Good angle.

Mick Foley goes into Bischoff’s office.  Bischoff was pleased with the PPV match.  He has people there to make him some new gear.  They’re going shopping, courtesy of “ATM Eric.”  They leave.  Bischoff calls someone to send Abyss into his office.

Kevin Nash is in the house!

Orlando Jordan comes out with his bi-sexual lovers.  Joe’s music hits, but before he comes out they show Bischoff bitching at him for losing on Sunday.

Orlando Jordan (w/ bi-sexual lovers) vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan tries to jump Joe, but Joe kicks his ass.  Joe decapitates Jordan with a leg lariat for 2.  Jordan hits a big spinebuster and puts the boots to Joe.  Jordan hits a swinging neckbreaker, drops some elbows, and hits a knee drop for 2.  Joe makes a comeback with clotheslines and back body drop.  Joe sets him up in Muscle Buster position, but beats the crap out of him instead of hitting the move.  The referee gets onto Joe.  Jordan hits a swank neckbreaker for the pin in 3:25.  Joe’s pissed.

Abyss talks to Jeremy Borash.  He’s worried about what Bischoff wants with him.

Bischoff bitches out Abyss for the same reason he praised Foley earlier.  Bischoff says there’s nobody here to protect Abyss, so he’s going to take his mask.  Abyss begs him not to.  Bischoff says he’s going to do it later tonight, and he’s got security posted to make sure Abyss doesn’t leave the building.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  Young says Kevin Nash is going to address Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac in the ring tonight.

Video of the Monday announcement again.

Bischoff walks into wherever the hell Jeff Jarrett is with the barbed wire bat.  Bischoff tells Jarrett to use the bat tonight in his match with Abyss.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, The Motor City Machine Guns, & Brian Kendrick vs. Amazing Red, Generation Me, & Kazarian.  Kaz is back!  Williams jumps Kazarian to start.  Kazarian drops him.  Williams tags in Kendrick.  Kazarian kicks his ass.  The bell randomly rings again.  Generation Me double teams Kendrick.  Shelley tags in and hits an awesome crucifix hold on the dark haired one for 2.  Sabin tags in.  Guns double team the dark haired one (Taz says it’s Max).  Max tags in Red, who has an awesome bit with Sabin.  Red plants Sabin with a DDT.  Shelley saves.  Sabin knees Red in the gut and tags in Williams.  Williams drops Red and goes up top, but Red takes him down with a spin kick.  Tag to Kazarian, who runs wild on Williams.  Kazarian hits a spinning neckbreaker on Williams.  Kendrick saves.  Awesome clusterfuck ensues.  Guns try to double team Kazarian, but Red takes down down.  Red takes out the Guns with a dive to the outside.  Kazarian fights off Kendrick and hits a springboard DDT on Williams for the pin in 4:09.  Awesome little spot fest.

Abyss is trying to escape the building.  Referee Slick Johnson tells him he has a match.  Abyss wants to leave, not wrestle.  Abyss vs. Jarrett is NEXT!

Monday announcement for the trillionth time.

Abyss vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett still gets no music, and he has the barbed wire bat instead of a guitar.  They lock up.  Abyss drops Jarrett with a shoulder block.  Jarrett tries to get something going, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Jarrett counters the Shock Treatment and rocks Abyss with an enzuigiri.  Jarrett dropkicks Abyss and does the punches in the corner.  Abyss stops it with an inverted atomic drop.  Jarrett clotheslines Abyss out of the ring.  Jarrett pulls a chair out of the front row.  I know I asked this at the PPV, but why are there empty seats in the front row?  Abyss cuts Jarrett off and rams Jarrett into the chair.  Abyss brings the chair back into the ring and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Abyss doesn’t like touching the bat.  Back into the ring.  Double clothesline spot.  Eric Bischoff comes out to the stage to watch.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Jarrett comes off the middle rope, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Jarrett avoids an elbow drop and hits Abyss with some punches.  Jarrett hits the Stroke, then hits it again into the chair from earlier.  Jarrett makes eye contact with Bischoff and picks up the bat.  Abyss begs off and Jarrett has second thoughts.  Jarrett throws the bat down.  Bischoff says he knew he couldn’t trust Jarrett.  He sends out Raven, Tomko, Homicide, Rhino, and Desmond Wolfe to jump Abyss and Jarrett.  It’s a no-contest in 7:33.  They hold Abyss.  Bischoff is about to rip his mask off when Hulk Hogan comes out.  Hogan tells Abyss to get to his office.  Oh, the match was fun while it lasted.  Abyss and Hogan leave.

Moments ago, all of that stuff happened.

Abyss is headed to Hogan’s office, flanked by security.

The British Invasion (Brutus Magnus & TNA Global Champion Rob Terry) vs. Beer Money.  They finally acknowledge Terry’s title win on the recent UK tour.  Storm and Magnus go at it.  Storm slaps Magnus HARD.  Terry clotheslines Storm from the apron.  Brits double team Storm while the referee keeps Roode out.  Terry hits a running powerslam on Storm.  Magnus tags back in and covers for 2.  Magnus tags Terry back in.  Oh, so Magnus wants Terry to do the work and take the glory for himself.  Magnus tags back in.  Storm kicks his ass and tags in Roode.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Magnus.  Terry comes in and gets double suplexed by Beer Money.  BEER!  MONEY!  They double clothesline Terry out of the ring.  Storm takes him out with a dive.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Magnus and Roode gets the pin in 2:48.  Magnus blames Terry for the loss.  He bitches Terry out, slaps him, and says the belt belongs to him.  Terry kicks his ass and takes his belt back.

Kevin Nash is backstage, looking angry.

Abyss is waiting on Hogan.  Hogan comes in yells at Abyss, yells at Bischoff to not come in, and yells at Abyss some more.  Hogan says he’s tired of Abyss being afraid of his own shadow.  Hogan gives Abyss his Hall of Fame ring, which is supposed to give Abyss Hogan’s power.  Silly, but kind of fun.  Abyss puts the ring on and feels the power!

Daniels vs. Kurt Angle.  Daniels jumps Angle at the bell and kicks his ass.  The referee pulls him off, and he jumps back on the attack.  Repeat.  Angle fights back, but Daniels drops him with a palm thrust for 2.  Daniels tries a sunset flip, but Angle locks him in the ankle lock for the victory on 1:06.  Does it still count as a squash if Daniels got 90% of the offense?

Angle takes the mic and addresses Mr. Anderson.  He’s mad at Anderson for spitting on his over sized dog tag at the PPV.  Angle talks about the hard year he had last year.  The dog tag means a lot to him because a soldier gave it to him.  He’s gonna fuck Ken Anderson’s shit up for spitting on America.  Or something like that.  He says he’ll see Anderson in hell.  Anderson comes out.  Commercials.

Anderson makes fun of Angle for whining.  He says he liked making Angle bleed.  Angle goes up the ramp and brawls with Anderson.  Anderson smashes Angle in the head with the microphone and welcomes him to Total Nonstop Anderson… ANDERSON!

JB tries to interview Samoa Joe as he’s leaving the building, but Joe has nothing to say.  A white van pulls up and a bunch of masked guys kidnap Joe.  The fuck?

Tenay and Taz agree with my sentiment.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young come out.  Nash stares at the camera and addresses Hall and Waltman.  Kind of creepy, as he said he bought a black suit 10 years ago because he knew he’d end up putting one of them in the ground.  He calls them out.  They come in through the crowd.  Young jumps Pac and they brawl on the outside.  Hall throws his toothpick and Nash and Nash kicks his ass.  Security breaks it up.  Hogan comes out and stands on the stage.  Nash says “Next week, it’s on.”

Very good show, and I haven’t said that about Impact in a very long time.

TNA iMPACT! 2/4/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

“The Breaking of the Band.”  iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match: Brutus Magnus vs. Ken Anderson.   Anderson does his usual pre-match bit.  Uninteresting brawling.  The match is all punch/kick for the first 2 minutes.  Magnus hits a Regal Cutter for 2, then goes for a TKO, but Anderson gouges his eyes and hits the Mic Check for the pin in 2:35.  Not good.  “Winner, winner, chicken dinner” he says.

Mick Foley arrives in a crappy car.  Insta-commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.  He’s mad at Hulk Hogan.  So am I.

Tenay and Taz hype tonight’s card.

Eric Bischoff comes out and talks about Mick Foley.  Mick Foley comes out, name drops a bunch of wrestling’s less reputable characters, then says Bischoff is the one person in the business he hates.  They bicker.  It goes on for a while.  Foley is pretty good, but Bischoff ruins it.  Bischoff books Foley vs. Kevin Nash in a No DQ Match tonight.

Abyss and Jeremy Borash are watching on a monitor, scared for their jobs.  Insta-commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews the Knockouts Champion, Tara.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan & Hernandez (c) vs. Team 3D.  Hernandez locks up with Brother Ray.  Hernandez knocks Ray down with a shoulder block.  Ray squashes Hernandez in the corner.  Brother Ray throws Hernandez off the top rope, then drops an elbow for 2.  Devon and Morgan tag in.  Devon takes him down and hits a leg drop for 2.  Morgan drops Devon with a clothesline for 2.  Hernandez tags in and cranks on Devon’s neck.  Hernandez drops Devon with a body block for 2.  Hernandez goes for a superplex, but Devon bites his forehead and knocks him down.  Diving headbutt by Devon.  Morgan and Ray tag in.  Morgan elbows his way out of a go behind.  Ray avoids the Carbon Footprint and hits a German suplex, then hits a Samoan Drop on Hernandez.  Devon comes in.  Reverse 3D on Morgan gets 2.  Hernandez tries to run wild, but fails.  3D sets up the Wassup.  The Nasty Boys come out to push Devon off the top while the referee’s back is turned.  The distraction leads to Morgan hitting the Carbon Footprint on Ray for the pin in 5:06.  The Nastys come in the ring for a beatdown, but the champs return to run them off.  3D fist bumps Morgan and Hernandez.  The match?  It wasn’t too bad.

Jesse Neal vs. Samoa Joe.  Neal jumps Joe immediately and gets T-boned out of his boots.  Joe hammers Neal in the corner, whips him to the other corner, squashes him, and blasts him with a kick.  Neal fights back and tries to get something going.  Joe casually avoids a cross body.  Joe kicks his ass.  Knee to the corner, Muscle Buster, pin in 2:09.  It was short and served its purpose.

Christy interviews Hulk Hogan, who didn’t watch Kurt Angle’s interview earlier.  Because he’s busy booking TNA into oblivion.

Non-Title: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/Ric Flair).  They lock up and go at it.  Styles throws some chops.  Lots of counters.  Dinero hits a Bionic Elbow, while we’re ripping off old school wrestlers.  Styles bails.  Insta-commercials.  Styles drops Dinero with a shoulder block.  Styles hits a dropkick, which delights Flair so much, he struts at ringside.  Styles clamps on a face lock.  Styles hammers Dinero.  Dinero gets a sunset flip for 2.  Styles goes back to the face lock.  Styles keeps the heat on Dinero.  Dinero fights back and drops Styles with a shoulder block for 2.  Styles rocks him with a kick to the back of the head.  Dinero avoids Styles in the corner and throws a chop.  Styles avoids the Coronation.  Styles goes for a suplex, but Dinero turns it into an inside cradle for the pin!  (6:41 shown).  Styles and Flair beat up Dinero until Samoa Joe makes the save.  Styles chop blocks Joe’s leg and they beat him down.  Dinero gets up and makes the save for Joe, and the two of them clean house.  Security finally breaks it up.  Insta-commercials.  Really good match.

Flair yells at Joe from the ramp while security holds back Joe and Dinero in the ring.  Joe grabs the mic and yells at Styles.  Joe says he’s cashing in his Feast Or Fired title shot at Against All Odds.  Joe and Dinero go after them.  Cut away.

Christy interviews Angelina Love.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young are talking backstage.  Eric Bischoff comes in.  He doesn’t know who Young is.  Young says he’s under contract.  Bischoff tells him to leave.  Bischoff tells Nash to destroy Mick Foley tonight.  Nash wants Bichoff to give Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac contracts.  Bischoff says they’re screw ups.  Inta-commercials.

Earlier tonight, Bischoff told Foley he’d face Kevin Nash tonight.  2 months ago, Foley kicked Nash’s ass.

Christy interviews Mick Foley.  Abyss interrupts, afraid for his job.  Foley says it’ll be fine, but tells Abyss not to interfere tonight.

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match: Tomko vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle hits a suplex, then eats Tomko’s boot.  Angle headbutts Tomko, then clotheslines him out of the ring.  Once back inside, Tomko takes control.  Powerslam gets 2.  Angle rallies and hits the rolling Germans.  Angle Slam gets 2.  They’ve killed that as a finish.  Tomko drops Angle with a clothesline.  Angle hits the rolling Germans again.  Angle clamps on the Angle Lock ’03 for the submission win in 4:31.  Fine little match.

The Knockouts Championship is NEXT!

Highlights of the UK tour are shown.

Foley/Nash video package.

Nash asks Hogan to give Hall and Pac another chance.  He says he’ll take care of Foley tonight, but wants Hogan to keep an open mind.

Beautiful People/Angelina Love video package.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. Angelina Love.  They lock up.  Tara takes Love down with a side headlock.  Love rolls her over into a pinning predicament, but Tara turns it back over.  I love that spot.  They do some cool mat work/cradle sequences.  Insta-commercials.  Greco-Roman knuckle lock.  Love gets the better of it.  Love with a schoolgirl out of the corner for 2.  Tara hits a fireman’s carry into a side slam for 2.  They blur Tara’s boobs, so something must have slipped out, or they’re blurring the logo on her gear.  Love counters a Widow’s Peak attempt, but Tara manages to pin her with a cradle (3:03 shown).  They shake hands after the match.  The Beautiful People run in and attack Love.  Tara hesitates, but makes the save.  Tara and Love clean house.

Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are slinking around the parking lot.  Insta-commercials.

Kurt Angle barges into Hogan’s office and yells at him.  Hogan says he isn’t responsible and Angle is a hot head.  Angle says he’s giving Hogan his last warning.  Hogan tells Angle to leave.

No DQ Match: Mick Foley vs. Kevin Nash.  Foley brings a barbed wire bat.  Nash brings a whole shopping cart full of weapons.  Foley beats Nash’s trash can with the bat.  Nash blocks his shots with a chair.  Nash hits Foley with a hockey stick, then tries to grind the barbed wire into his face.  Foley kicks him in the balls to block it.  Foley hits a running forearm.  Foley picks up the framed picture of him and Abyss.  He hesitates, and Nash drops him with a big boot for the pin in 2:13.  Just awful.  Hall and Syxx-Pac come in through the crowd… and attack Nash!  The fuck?

The show wasn’t bad as a whole, but what the fuck is up with that ending?

TNA iMPACT! 1/14/10 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show starts with highlights of the January 4 Impact.  Ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the hosts.

Generation Me vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Well this is awesome on paper.  Generation Me are the Young Bucks.  Sabin starts with the dark haired one.  Quick tag to Shelley.  Apparently the Bucks’ new names are Max and Jeremy.  I’m still not sure which is which.  They show “The Band,” Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Sean Waltman arriving.  The dark haired Buck hits a sweet neckbreaker off the top on Sabin, then tags in the light haired one.  Tenay says the light haired one is Jeremy.  Jeremy takes out Shelley with an Asai moonsault, then hits a swank springboard facebuster on Sabin.  Tag to Max.  Sabin tries to fight them both, but they double team him.  Taz says “Who are these young bucks?”  Tag to Shelley, who hits a diving thrust kick on Max.  Max spears Shelley.  Stereo splash/standing moonsault by Generation Me.  Sabin saves.  Shelley hits the Complete Shot into the turnbuckle on Max.  Sabin takes out Jeremy.  Guns double team Max again.  Jeremy saves.  Jeremy avoids a Sabin dive to the outside.  Jeremy superkicks Shelley.  Max pins Shelley at 5:00 after the More Bang For Your Buck.  Great little sprint.

The Nasty Boys are still in Team 3D’s locker room, which they’ve completely trashed.  Team 3D  knocks on the door.  The Nastys tell them in girly voices that it isn’t their locker room anymore.  Stupid.

Video package of Hulk Hogan announcing that Kurt Angle will challenge AJ Styles for the World Title at Genesis, but it’s Angle’s last shot at Styles.  Also, a new “Impact player” will debut at Genesis.

Kurt Angle comes out and talks.  AJ Styles comes out to retort.  They shake hands and hug.  After Angle leaves, the masked man beats up Styles.  He unmasks to reveal Tomko, then leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews The Band.  She calls Waltman “Syxx-Pac.”  What name are they using, then?  Bubba The Love Sponge takes over the interview.  They beat up Mick Foley last week, and now nobody knows where he is.

The Beautiful People come out for their match. Velvet Sky is happy to see Angelina Love in the front row.

Non-Title: The Beautiful People (w/ Lacey Von Erich) vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Awesome Kong & Hamada. Sky and Hamada start. Velvet gets the better of Hamada. The Beauts try double teaming, but Hamada trips them and tags in Kong, who kills them. Awesome Bomb to Rayne gets the pin at 1:56. Love comes in the ring, seemingly to check on Rayne, but then beats up Rayne and Velvet.

AJ Styles goes into Eric Bischoff’s office looking for Hogan. Bischoff says Hogan is fucking off somewhere. He wants Tomko tonight. Bischoff says he can have the match if he puts the title on the line. Styles agrees.

Beer Money is looking for Eric Bischoff. More commercials. Seriously, there was a commercial, then like a 20 second clip where Beer Money is looking for Bischoff, then more commercials.

Jeremy Borash goes into the Hogan/Bischoff room.  Bischoff is apparently talking to the mystery man.  Borash asks about Mick Foley’s whereabouts.  Bischoff chews him out for letting Foley into the building last week.  Beer Money comes in.  They want the Outsiders at the PPV.  Bischoff drinks Storm’s beer, then tells them he’ll get back to them.

Lethal Consequences comes out for a match against Team 3D.  Bobby Lashley jumps them and kills them both as Kristal looks on approvingly.  Kristal says Lashley will continue to beat people up until she gets her meeting with Hogan.  They leave.  Team 3D comes out, with Bubba carrying an axe.

Lethal Consequences vs. Team 3D.  3D on Creed.  Devon gets the pin.  I didn’t get to time it, but it was around 10 seconds.  Bubba cuts a promo on the Nasty Boys.  He says they’re going to the back to take their locker room back.

Bubba cuts down the door with the axe.  3D finds their locker room trashed.  The Nasty Boys jump them from behind, throw stuff at them, and leave them laying.

Tomko video, talking about his former tag team with AJ Styles.  Didn’t he just reveal himself half an hour ago?

Sean Morley comes out as Tenay announces that Lashley vs. Abyss has been added to Genesis.  Apparently he’s now directing, producing, and distributing porn instead of acting in it.  They randomly cut to a disgusted looking girl in the crowd.  He wants to create a TNA Films division.  Christopher Daniels comes out.  He acts happy and welcomes Morley to TNA, turns on him, and stomps a mudhole in him, then drops him with a Rock Bottom and hits the BME.  Daniels bitches at him on the mic.  Morley wakes up and clotheslines Daniels to the floor.

Tara/ODB video.  They’ll meet at Genesis in a 2/3 Falls Match.  I don’t care.

Jeff Jarrett (w/ guy in suit) is in the building!

Another random bit of show in the middle of the commercial: Matt Morgan and Hernandez are working out before their match with Beer Money.

Matt Morgan & Hernandez vs. Beer Money.  I got distracted during the first minute.  Beer Money suplexes Hernandez, then does the BEER! MONEY! post, which Morgan interrupts and drops them both.  Hernandez hits a springboard double clothesline on Beer Money, then pounces Roode across the ring, then takes on Beer Money with a suicide dive, then whistles.  Rob Terry attacks Hernandez to cause the DQ at 2:42.  They beat him backstage.  The Band comes out and beats down Beer Money.  Security and refs try to break it up.  Eric Bischoff comes out and stands on the stage.  Commercial.

Moments ago, what I just typed moments ago happened.  During the break, Bischoff told Beer Money that the next round is on him.  Does that mean they get their match?

Now, Bischoff talks to The Band in the ring.  He makes the match official.  Nash, Hall, and Waltman hug.  Sting is in the rafters.

Another Tomko video.  He’s mad because AJ never returned his phone calls.

Tenay and Taz reviewed the tape during the break, and their SURE that Sting is in the rafters.  Regular Holmes and Watson, those two.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Samoa Joe.  D’Angelo Dinero is on commentary.  He’ll face Wolfe at Genesis.  Joe hammers Nigel with punches, squashes him in the corner, kicks him.  Nigel fights back.  Joe hits the snap powerslam for 2.  Joe goes for the choke.  Nigel escapes.  Joe hits an STO.  Nigel counters another STO and gets awesome.  Nigel goes for the Tower of London, but Joe locks in the choke from the top rope.  Nigel hits the Tower of London anyway for the pin at 3:24.  Good little match.  So Cal Val replaces Nigel’s jacket and sunglasses.  Nigel tells Pope “If I can beat Joe, I can beat you.”

Ric Flair arrives in a limo.  He’s going to do color commentary!

Tomko video.  He put on a mask and attacked AJ a bunch.

Jeff Jarrett invades Hogan’s office and yells about “his company” a bunch.  He says TNA is and has always been him, that the young guys aren’t worth a damn.  Bischoff tells off Jarrett.  Jarrett yells at Hogan some more.  Hogan threatens to kick Jarrett’s ass.  Jarrett bitches down.

Tenay and Taz run down the Genesis card.

Ric Flair comes out to do commentary on the main event.  Commercials!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Tomko.  AJ jumps Tomko before JB can finish the introductions.  They fight.  Kurt Angle comes out to observe.  He shakes hands and hugs Flair.  Tomko powerslams Styles for 2.  Tomko with a big boot for 2.  Commercials.  Tomko has Styles in a rear chin lock.  Commercials.  Tomko hits a powerslam for 2.  AJ starts fighting back and rocks him with an enzuigiri and the Pele kick for the pin in 7:50.  Match was kind a lame.  They keep fighting after the match.  Angle runs off Tomko.  Styles refuses to shake Angle’s hand.  That dick.

Genesis hype video to close the show.

Man, this was an ordeal.