Archive for TNA Global Championship

TNA iMPACT! 7/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2010 by Grappleholic

Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Mick Foley, Raven, and Brother Devon are in the ring.  Dreamer says they’re called EV2.0, since they can’t legally be called ECW.  Dreamer asks Devon what’s up with Brother Ray.  Devon calls Brother Ray out to the ring.  Devon wants to know of Bubba is going to be on the PPV.  Bubba turns around to leave.  Dreamer and Foley try to talk Bubba into it.  Taz encourages Bubba to get into the ring and make peace with everyone.  Bubba asks Devon if they’re going to light someone on fire.  The Impact Zone mutants actually chant “EV2.0.”  Bubba says he’s in and hugs Devon and Dreamer.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Ugh.  Hogan puts over “the hardcore thing.”  He says he didn’t see ECW in the 90’s so he’s excited to see it now… 10 years after it mattered.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  Abyss comes out and bitches about whatever.  I think he wants Dreamer.  Hogan says Dreamer isn’t wrestling until the PPV.  Dreamer says he’ll face Abyss tonight.  Joy.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich bicker backstage.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes in offers a bitchy olive branch.  They bitch at each other.  Velvet reluctantly agrees to the truce.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Knockouts Championship #1 Contender Match: Sarita vs. Angelina Love.  They try to do some mat wrestling.  Sarita hides behind the referee and sucker punches Love.  Love gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Sarita hits a sweet drop toe hold.  Sarita beats up on Love.  Love gets a schoolgirl for nothing.  Sarita hits a clothesline and some stomps, then chokes Love.  Sarita hits a suplex for 2.  Sarita beats on Love some more and argues with the referee.  Love hits a spear and punches Sarita.  Love hits the superkick for the pin in 3:47.  They tried, but failed at not sucking.

Eric Young is backstage with Orlando Jordan being bizarre.  Yes, in that combination, Young is the one being weird.  Commercials.

They show Eric Young taking a bump to the floor and hitting his head to make him goofy recently on Xplosion.

Ink Inc. vs. Orlando Jordan & Eric Young.  Jordan  puts his gum in So Cal Val’s mouth.  Disgusting.  Young comes out with a mannequin.  Jordan beats on Neal for a while.  Moore finally makes the save.  Young wants Jordan to tag the mannequin.  Moore and tags in.  Young throws in the mannequin and it gets broken.  Ink Inc. hit the Mooregasm on Jordan and Moore gets the pin in 2:46.  This was fucking retarded.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, TNA Global Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, and Beer Money are in the ring.  Flair says he’ll face Jay Lethal in a Street Fight next week, then inducts Beer Money into Fortune.  Storm says they’ll win the Tag titles tonight.  Kazarian takes a shot at The Nexus, saying Fortune isn’t “a gang of angry rookies.”  Styles says the Global title is now the Television title.  Flair implies that they will be partying later tonight.  Kurt Angle comes out and tells Styles that he’s next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 3rd – Steel Cage Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns climb into the cage behind Beer Money and hit them with diving cross body blocks.  Guns double team Beer Money.  Roode is BUSTED WIDE OPEN, so naturally, it breaks down into a tag team match.  Storm blocks Shelley’s Shiranui and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker.  Beer Money get the heat on Shelley.  Shelley hits Roode with an avalanche-style Frankensteiner.  Sabin gets the tag and runs wild.  Sabin hits a tornado DDT on Storm, but Roode saves.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui and fails.  Roode nails Sabin with a clothesline.  Shelley Complete Shots Roode into the cage and hits a Ghetto Stomp.  Storm hits a wacky move on Shelley.  Roode powerbombs Shelley into the cage.  Storm hits a Lung Blower out of the powerbomb for 2.  Beer Money try to climb out of th ecage, but Shelley cuts them off.  Shelley hits Storm with a jawbreaker off the top rope.  Sabin hits Beer Money with a diving cross body off the top of the cage.  Guns go for their finish.  Storm accidentally hits Roode with the beer bottle.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body combo on Storm and Sabin gets the pin in 8:16.  They did a lot of shit, but it wasn’t as good as their previous matches.  The series is now 2-1 Guns.

Matt Morgan comes out to Mr. Anderson’s music.  He gets mad at the mic drop guy for not dropping the mic from him.  He does a ridiculous intro for himself.  Anderson comes out and does silly shit with the mic.  Anderson gets in the ring.  Morgan taunts him and challenges Anderson to punch him.  Anderson punches Morgan in the balls and kicks his ass.  Morgan squeezes Anderson’s head, then chokes him with the microphone cord.  Jeff Hardy makes the save.  A couple of security guys come out… and help Morgan.  D’Lo Brown, Al Snow, and Pat Kenney come out to break it up and bitch at the security guards.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Christy Hemme interviews Anderson and Hardy.  Anderson says the security guards want to be wrestlers, but could only make TNA security.  Anderson challenges Morgan and security guys to a match.

Kazarian (w/ TNA Television Champion AJ Styles) vs. Rob Terry.  The referee sends Styles to the back.  Kazarian jumps Terry from behind.  Terry hits a chokeslam for the pin in 26 seconds.  Well that was pointless.

Next, Eric Bischoff makes an ANNOUNCEMENT!  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Matt Morgan, Murphy, & Gunner vs. Jeff Hardy & Ken Anderson.  Hardy and Murphy start… but Morgan tags himself in before any contact is made.  Morgan wants Anderson, so… Morgan and Anderson start.  Except that Morgan tags in Murphy before any contact is made.  Gunner tags in and he and Anderson finally lock up.  Anderson hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Murphy tags in.  Anderson schoolboys him for 2.  Hardy tags in.  They try the Poetry In Motion, but Murphy hits a clothesline.  Gunner counters the Twist of Fate.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Anderson tags in.  Murphy does something to Anderson behind the referee’s back.  Hardy decks him.  Morgan drops off the apron and leaves… WHILE HIS TEAM HAS THE ADVANTAGE.  Anderson hits Gunner with the Mic Check.  Hardy hits Gunner with the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:04.  This retarded shit sucked.

Christy Hemme tries to interview Hulk Hogan.  She wants to know what Bitchoff’s announcement is.  Hogan’s going to a meeting in New York.  10:30 PM on a Thursday night?

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are in the ring.  Bischoff takes 80 years to say that the August 12th Impact will have big matches.  Abyss comes out again.  Abyss says “they” want Abyss vs. RVD in some convoluted ladder match.  Bischoff agrees.  Abyss threatens him with the nail board.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam comes out to save Bischoff.  Why?  RVD dropkicks a chair into Abyss’ face.  RVD tries a dive or something, but Abyss side steps him and sends him into the post.  Brown, Snow, and Kenney come out with chairs to make the save with chairs.  Snow takes the nail board away from Abyss and… gives it to Tommy Dreamer.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Hardcore Match: Abyss vs. Tommy Dreamer.  JIP.  Dreamer hits Abyss with a trash can lid.  Abyss sends Dreamer’s crotch into the guardrail.  Abyss wedges a chair between the turnbuckles.  Dreamer hits Abyss with a trash can.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam onto the trash can for 2.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a cookie sheet.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a Singapore cane.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Dreamer fights out.  Dreamer hits a clothesline.  Dreamer hits a second clothesline for 2.  Abyss sends Dreamer into the chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Abyss goes up top for some reason.  Dreamer crotches him and ties him to the tree of woe.  Dreamer hits Abyss in the balls with a cane, then dropkicks a trash can into his face.  Dreamer brings in a barbed wire board.  Dreamer goes for the Death Valley Driver, but can’t get Abyss up.  Abyss goes for the chokeslam but Dreamer counters.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a clothesline.  Abyss brings in the nail board.  Dreamer side steps him and gets a cradle for like 1.  Dreamer sets up the board in the corner.  Abyss punches a trash can into Dreamer’s face and chokeslams him onto the barbed wire board for the pin in 6:59.  Stupid garbage match.  Raven comes in with a chair.  Swerve.  He hits Dreamer, then DDTs him on the chair.

Fucking lousy show with fucking retarded TNA booking.

TNA iMPACT! 7/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Usual opening video package with recent goings on.

“Extreme Invitation”

Earlier today, Dixie Carter arrived!  Tonight she’ll explain WTF is going on!

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy!  Also, Dixie Carter explains shit!  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. AJ Styles (w/ Kazarian).  Styles punches Terry in the abs and hurts his hand.  He kicks Terry’s leg, then dances around.  Terry knocks Styles down, then suffocates him in the corner with his shoulder.  Terry throws Styles across the ring.  Kazarian tries to help Styles and gets pulled into the ring.  Styles catches Terry with a kick and tries a springboard, but Terry press slams him.  Styles rocks Terry with an enzuigiri.  Terry mows Styles down with his big spin kick and covers, but Kazarian distracts the referee.  Terry argues with Kazarian.  Terry knocks Kazarian off the apron.  Styles schoolboys Terry for 2.  Terry tries to suplex Styles in from the apron, but Kazarian trips Terry and holds his legs down so Styles can get the pin in 3:05.  This wasn’t pretty.

Tenay and Taz talk.  They wonder if Mick Foley is involved with the ECW guys.  Isn’t that fairly obvious?

Madison Rayne and Sarita talk.  TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich come in to hear Rayne talk about Velvet’s ass, which despite Rayne’s claims, is excellent.  They bicker.

Dixie Carter bitches at agents, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown.

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Rayne & Sarita.  Before the match, Earl Hebner forces Love to get the title back to Rayne since there was no proof that the biker chick was a BP.  The faces jump the heels and kick their asses.  Love spears Sarita.  Wilde tags in and gets dropped immediately by her former partner.  Sarita hits a weird backdrop suplex.  Love and Rayne tags in and do stuff poorly.  Wilde sloppily attacks Sarita again.  Ryane goes for her move, but Love hits a Flatliner for the pin in 2:24.  This sucked.  The biker chick comes out, proving that it’s not Sarita.  The 3 of them attack the faces while Velvet and Lacey come out to watch and do nothing.  Rayne orders the other Beautiful People to come with her and motorcycle chick and Sarita.  Lacey does.  Velvet is like WTF?  So am I.  This shit is retarded.  Love and Velvet look at each other.

Angle vs. Hernandez NEXT!

Earlier tonight: Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Rhino and Stevie Richards showed up.

Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez.  They lock up.  Hernandez backs Angle into the corner to show his superior power.  Angle takes Hernandez down and clamps on a front headlock.  Hernandez pushes him into a corner to break it.  Angle fires some European uppercuts, then backdrops Hernandez to the apron.  Hernandez hits a slingshot shoulder block.  Angle throws some punches, but Hernandez knocks him down again.  Hernandez locks in a Canadian backbreaker, then turns it into a drop for 2.  Angle fights back and hits his arm drag off the top rope for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Hernandez hits a Border Toss drop for 2.  Hernandez goes for it again, but Angle counters and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for his moonsault, but Hernandez avoids it and hits a big shoulder block.  Hernandez goes for a stalling suplex, but Angle counters it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 6:01.  Pretty good little match.  Kevin Nash comes out.  He and Angle shake hands and hug as Angle leaves.  Nash calls out Jeff Jarrett.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to meet Kevin Nash in the ring.  Nash says Jarrett almost convinced him that Sting “left a log in the punch bowl”.  He things Jarrett did whatever Sting got blamed for.  Jarrett doesn’t know what Nash is talking about.  Neither do I.  They talk about what the fuck ever.  Nash brings up Jarrett’s daughters and tells Jarrett to juggle in his sleep.  No clue WTF is going on here.

Dixie Carter is backstage.  Kurt Angle asks her WTF is going on.  She says it’s a good thing for TNA.  Angle says he trusts her.  Why?  She’s completely fucking incompetent.

Joe vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy goes outside the slap hands with fans while Tenay and Taz talk to Eric Bischoff on the phone.  DURING THE FUCKING MATCH.  Joe kicks Hardy’s ass.  Hardy fires back with corner punches when they finish their stupid phone call.  Hardy hits a snapmare and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Joe beats up Hardy some more.  Joe hits a big kick for 2.  Hardy fights back, but Joe hits the snap powerslam for 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines and elbows.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Hardy comes off the top, but Joe catches him with a Manhattan drop.  Joe hits a senton splash for 2.  Joe hits the powerbomb into the STF into a crossface.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Joe counters and goes for the Coquina Clutch, but Hardy runs him into the corner, then hits the Whisper In The Wind.  They trade blows.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw.  This kinda sucked.  Joe is awesome, but everything Hardy does looks like shit anymore.  Hardy takes off his shirt and they fight some more.  Referees break them up.  Tenay calls for a rematch.  I don’t want to see it.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Dixie Carter about Kevin Nash.  She wants Jarrett’s help with whatever the fuck is going on.

Next, Matt Morgan takes on Mr. Anderson.

Matt Morgan vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson goes for cradles immediately, which is somewhat comical considering how tall Morgan is.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Morgan powers him into the corner.  Morgan puts the boots to Anderson in the corner.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows.  Taz gets in his “Vintage” dig of the night.  Morgan hits a Stinger Splash and a half assed side slam for 1.  Anderson fights back.  Morgan hits a fall away slam for 2.  Morgan hits some clotheslines.  He goes for the discus lariat, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere for the pin in 3:25.  This sucked.  Morgan hits Anderson with the special microphone after the match.  Anderson is laid out and BUSTED WIDE OPEN!

Live events plug.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 2nd – Street Fight: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns are pissed off from last week, so they run to the ring and take the fight to Beer Money.  Everybody brawls at ringside.  Guns double team Roode on the ramp.  Sabin runs down the ramp to hit an awesome hesitation dropkick.  Shelley hits something for 2 on the outside.  Guns finally make it into the ring.  Sabin goes for a tope suicida on Roode, but gets hit in the face with a chair.  Ouch.  Roode attacks Shelley’s leg with the chair.  Beer Money beat up Shelley in the ring.  Shelley hits Roode with a Complete Shot into a chair wedged in the turnbuckles.  Storm hits something on Shelley for 2.  Sabin makes it back in and springboard dropkicks a chair into Roode’s face for 2.  Shelley goes for a dive on Storm, but Storm avoids it.  Sabin goes for the Cradle Shock on Roode, but Storm spits beer in his face.  Roode hits the spinebuster on Sabin for 2.  Beer Money set up a double team, but Shelley makes the save with a Singapore cane.  Stuff happens, then there’s a ref bump.  Sabin hits Roode with a trash can.  Sabin accidentally hits a baseball slide dropkick on the other ref.  Beer Money go for a double superplex on Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Roode, but there’s no referee.  Storm hits Shelley with a beer bottle and puts Roode on top of him.  Storm superkicks Sabin.  Roode gets the pin in Shelley in 6:43.  Good little match.  I think these two teams are incapable of having a bad match.

Team 3D talk backstage.  Devon is pro-ECW faction, Ray is anti-ECW faction.  Weird.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  He talks about the ECW stuff.

Tenay and Taz wonder what Dixie Carter is going to say.  How about you just get her the fuck out there to explain it?

Recap video of the whole ECW business.

Dixie is headed our way!

Dixie Carter comes out.  She actually has music and shit.  She says TNA has the best fans in the world.  That is an outright lie.  Most loyal?  Yes.  Mutant lunatics?  Yes.  I guess it depends on your idea of “best.”  She calls for the ECW guys to come out.  Dreamer, Foley, Raven, Rhino, and Richards come out.  Foley talks about Dixie cutting her first promo.  She puts them over and what the fuck ever.  Foley puts over Dreamer, then allows him to talk.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo and cries typical Dreamer tears.  Dreamer begs Dixie for another one night stand… as in a PPV, not the kind of one night stand I’d rather have with Dixie.  Dixie agrees and gives them complete control.  Crowd chants “SABU!”  Dreamer says “We’re going extreme.”  End of show.  As much as I wanted to hate this segment, it was pretty good.

The Guns/Beer Money match, Angle/Hernandez, and the final segment were good.  Besides that, this show sucked balls.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.

TNA Victory Road 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package.  Victory Road!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ultimate X or Submission Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Doug Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Williams immediately tries to climb the Ultimate X structure.  Kendrick tries to cut him off, but fails.  Williams gives it up and tries to work over Kendrick instead.  Kendrick retaliates.  Williams hits a suplex into a Muta Lock.  Sweet.  Williams goes for his tornado DDT, but Kendrick avoids it and hits a missile dropkick, then goes for his scissored cobra clutch.  Williams avoids that and locks on a headscissors.  Kendrick counters out and lands some crossface blows.  Williams drops back in a way that appears to hurt Kendrick’s leg.  Williams locks in a Widow’s Peak-style hold.  Kendrick escapes and hits a flurry of offense.  He tries his hold again, but Williams counters it again.  Kendrick backdrops Williams to the floor.  Kendrick locks in his hold in the tree of woe, then tries to climb the structure.  Williams hits a backdrop suplex off the top rope.  They do some counter wrestling and Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  They go to the ramp, then to the floor.  They fight on the structure and Kendrick takes a bump to the floor.  Williams pulls some gloves out of his tights and slaps Kendrick with them.  Kendrick is playing unconscious.  Williams puts on the gloves and climbs the structure.  Kendrick makes his way up and tries to lock his hold on Kendrick, but they both crash to the mat.  Williams locks in a necktie hold.  The referee checks Kendrick’s arm 3 times and stops it in 10:04.  Okay match.  Nothing special, though.  Referees revive Kendrick with smelling salts.

Tenay and Taz talk about what’s going down TONIGHT!

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Ray.  He says Jesse Neal is a failure just like Christy’s Playboy.

Team 3D/Jesse Neal love triangle video package.

Three-Way Match: Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal vs. Brother Devon.  Ray hides behind part of the set and jumps Neal from behind on the ramp.  Devon doesn’t come out because Bubba locked him in the dressing room.  So there’s a fucking camera man shooting this shit that won’t open the fucking door?  Neal fights back against Bubba, but gets killed with a clothesline.  Bubba beats up Neal.  So there’s a backstage area FULL OF FUCKING PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT DEVON IS LOCKED IN THE LOCKER ROOM, AND NOBODY WILL LET HIM HIM OUT?  Neal fights back, but gets back body dropped.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven come in through the crowd to take their usual seats.  Crowd chants “ECW!”  Bubba gets distracted.  Neal hits the spear for 2.  Neal grounds and pounds Bubba.  Bubba drops Neal again and brings in a chair.  Shannon Moore runs out and distracts the referee so Bubba can kill his partner with the chair.  Devon finally comes out and HE IS PISSED.  He and Bubba face off, then turn to look at Jesse.  Devon attacks Bubba instead.  Neal accidentally spears Devon.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb on Neal for the pin in 5:57.  This was lame.

Madison Rayne/Angelina Love hype video.  Knockouts Tale of the Tape.

TNA Knockouts Championship vs. Career Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love.  Love wins the title if the Beautiful People interfere.  They trade kicks and forearms and hair pulls.  Love spears Rayne, then chases her around the ring.  Love clotheslines Rayne on the outside.  Inside, cover gets 2.  Love hits another spear for 2.  Rayne gets the advantage and works Love over.  Rayne hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Rayne does the headscissors mat hump.  Rayne goes for her move, but Love counters and hits a clothesline.  Love hits a jawbreaker and some more weak clotheslines.  Rayne hits a knee facebuster or something, then runs So Cal Val out of her chair and brings the chair in.  Love superkicks the chair in to Rayne’s face.  Somebody rides in on a motorcycle.  Rayne throws Love outside and the motorcycle chick (completely covered) sends Love into the post.  The referee tries to determine if she is one of the Beautiful People, but she throws him down.  The referee awards Angelina the title by DQ in 4:41, assuming that it’s one of the BPs.  Rayne is pissed.  This was stupid and the match sucked.  Rayne leaves on the motorcycle with the other chick.  Love celebrates the title.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  Typical stuff.

AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry & Samoa Joe.  Terry & Joe are the mystery team set up by Ric Flair to face Styles & Kazarian.  Styles tags in Kazarian before any contact is made.  Terry palms Kazarian’s head, then drops him with a shoulder block.  Kazarian bails and gets his ass kicked by Joe.  Joe drops Styles with a kick for good measure, then throws Kazarian back into the ring.  Joe tags in and beats up Kazarian some more.  “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!” chants.  Kazarian tries a cross body, but Joe just walks away and tags in Terry.  Kazarian tags in Styles, who looks timid.  Styles does some footwork and tries to throw a punch, but Terry throws him outside, then throws Kazarian out too.  Joe hits a elbow suicida on Styles and Kazarian.  Joe mauls Styles some more back in the ring.  Terry tags in, but the ref doesn’t see it.  Kazarian gets a cheap shot on to give the heels the advantage.  Kazarian hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Styles and Kazarian finally realize they have to work together.  They get the heat on Joe.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Joe kicks him in the head.  Styles lands the Pele kick, then Joe hits the STO out of the corner.  Terry gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Terry throws Styles and Kazarian around.  Terry hits a suplex into a powerslam on Styles, but Kazarian saves.  Joe comes in and chops the shot out of Kazarian.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster.  Desmond Wolfe runs down and pulls Joe out of the ring.  Kazarian hits Joe with a double axe handle off the apron.  Wolfe gets in the ring and gets nailed by a clothesline from Terry.  Styles and Kazarian work over Terry.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash on Terry for the pin in 8:09.  Fun little match.  Best thing on the show so far.  Wolfe shakes hands with Styles and Kazarian, who quickly leave when they see Joe slip into the ring.  Joe KILLS Wolfe with the Muscle Buster.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss.  He says the nail board is his girlfriend.  He talks about “they.”

Tenay and Taz talk about the lead up to the Hernandez/Matt Morgan Steel Cage Match.

Hernandez/Matt Morgan hype video.  You can briefly hear Borash doing his live event spiel about letting fans backstage.

Steel Cage Match: Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez.  Morgan goes for the door immediately, but Hernandez kicks his ass and throws him into the cage.  Morgan avoids a charge and Hernandez hits the cage.  Morgan throws him into the cage a bunch.  Morgan tries to leave again, but Hernandez grabs his leg and gets stomped.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Hernandez fights back and flips to the top rope, but Morgan hits him with the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan puts the boots to Hernandez, then teases that he’s going to climb out of the cage.  He goes out the door instead.  He puts one foot on the ramp and one on the apron, then stupidly decides to go back in and beat up Hernandez before.  Hernandez is bloody.  Hernandez makes his comeback.  Hernandez tries to set up the Border Toss, but fails because Morgan is too big.  Repeat.  Hernandez climbs to the top of the cage and goes for a splash, but Morgan moves.  Hernandez crashes and burns.  “TNA!” chants.  Morgan gets a pair of handcuffs from somewhere.  He cuffs Hernandez to the top rope and climbs over the top of the cage.  Hernandez breaks the cuffs and hits a tope suicida on the cage door to bust through it and win in 10:44.  Okay match.  Nothing special.  That seems to be the case for most of this show.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair.

Tenay and Taz talk about the Flair/Lethal match.

Ric Flair/Jay Lethal video package.

Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair.  “LET’S GO LETHAL!” chants.  They lock up.  Lethal grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown.  They lock up again.  Lethal scores a dropkick, a chop, and a back body drop, then clotheslines Flair out of the ring.  We get a shot of some stupid fan yelling at Flair.  Flair tries to suplex Lethal out of the ring from the apron, but Lethal suplexes Flair in and lands a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Flair lands some chops.  Lethal responds in kind.  Flair throws some wild punches and does the flop, then gets in a cheap shot and goes up top.  Lethal cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Lethal goes for a moonsault, but Flair avoids it.  Flair works Lethal’s leg.  Dueling chants.  Ugh.  Flair locks in the figure-four leglock and uses the ropes for leverage behind referee Earl Hebner’s back.  Hebner catches him and makes him break.  They get into a shoving match.  Lethal schoolboys Flair for 2.  Lethal keeps selling the leg.  Lethal makes his comeback.  Taz gets in a Great Muta reference when Lethal hits the handspring elbow smash.  Lethal does for the Flair flip in the corner and struts on the apron, then goes for a sunset flip and pulls Flair’s trunks down to reveal his old, white ass.  Flair locks in a sleeper hold.  Lethal sends Flair into the turnbuckle to escape, then hits a rebound cross body.  Lethal hits a Vader Bomb to Flair’s legs.  Lethal goes to work on the leg and locks in the figure-four leglock for the submission win in 12:05.  Fun little match.  Lethal is emotional over the win.  Flair gets up and talks shit.  Hebner shoves Flair down and raises Lethal’s hand.  Lethal says “Hey mom, I did it!”

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Storm start.  Usual goodness there.  Shelley sends Roode into a shot from Sabin.  Sabin tags in.  Guns use teamwork against Beer Money and send them both outside.  Roode gets double teamed some more in the ring.  Storm tags in and gets the advantage on Shelley briefly.  While the referee is distracted, Roode pulls Shelley’s balls into the post.  Beer Money work over Shelley.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  The crowd adds “SUCKS!”  Roode hits a gutbuster on Shelley for 2.  Shelley continues to play face in peril.  Shelley fights back and makes the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild and plants Roode with a tornado DDT for 2.  Storm goes to break the cover and accidentally elbow drops his partner.  Sabin NAILS Storm with a head kick from the apron, then hits a springboard lariat on Roode for 2.  Guns double team Roode.  Shelley hits an Asai DDT on Roode, but Storm saves.  Storm hits a Stun Gun on Shelley.  Sabin fights both of Beer Money.  Frankensteiner on Storm.  Sabin goes for a diving rana on Roode, but gets countered.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm on Sabin.  Beer Money hit a catapult into a reverse lung blower on Shelley for 2.  I love Beer Money’s double team moves.  Beer Money go for the DWI, but get countered.  Storm clotheslines both Guns.  Sabin hits a dive to the outside on Storm.  My video freezes.  WTF?  The audio comes back on, but the image is still frozen.  Ah, finally.  Crowd is chanting “THIS IS AWESOME!”  I wish I knew why.  Guns double team Roode.  Storm strips Shelley and tries to spit beer at Sabin, but accidentally hits the referee.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/frog splash combo.  Shelley covers Storm.  Earl Hebner comes in to count 2.  Guns double team Roode some more.  Sabin hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Shelley hits a diving cross body on Roode, but Roode rolls through for 2.  Crowd chants “MOTOR CITY!”  Roode and Shelley trade shots.  Sabin comes back in and Guns land a double superkick.  Storm comes in and schoolboys Shelley at the same time Sabin covers Roode.  The 2 Hebners count separate pins in 15:20.  The Hebners argue and decide that the match MUST CONTINUE!  Beer Money jump the Guns.  The Guns come back and hit the neckbreaker/frog splash on Roode.  Shelley pins Roode in 17:27 (timing may be wrong, will check it later).  The Guns are finally champs!  Really good match from what I saw, which was everything except for the minute or so the stupid video froze.

Kurt Angle/D’Angelo Dinero video package.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up and wrestle.  It’s amazing how something so simple is so great.  Pope hits a couple of hip tosses and drops Angle with a shoulder block.  Angle is sent outside.  Pope politely holds the ropes open for him to get back in.  Angle powerbombs Pope into the corner.  Angle hits a knee lift for two 1 counts.  Angle hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Pope locks in a sleeper.  Angle reverses it.  Pope backdrop suplexes him.  Pope hits some Bionic elbows.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Pope hits the rolling Germans on Angle.  That’s not a typo.  Pope hits an STO for 2.  Angle avoids the Elijah Express and hits the rolling Germans himself for 2.  Pope does the “slide over the guy in 619 position” deal, then goes up top.  Angle hits a belly to belly off the top rope for 2.  Pope avoids Angle in the corner and Angle spears the post.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for 2.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Pope gets a front cradle for 2.  Angle goes for a sunset flip, but Pope drops down for 2.  Angle gets the ankle lock again for the win in 12:06.  Good match.  They hug.  Aww, that’s sweet!

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.

Tale of the Tape for the main event.

Four-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Ken Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  “WE ARE ASSHOLE!” chants.  Abyss stands outside the ring during the intros, then all 3 babyfaces attack him.  Abyss bails to the outside.  Hardy uses RVD as a springboard to take out Abyss with a dive.  Anderson schoolboys RVD for 2.  RVD and Anderson go at it.  Abyss trips RVD and pulls him outside, then throws him into the barricade.  Hardy and Anderson beat up Abyss.  Abyss goozles them both, but they break free and hit him with a double shoulder block.  Hardy and Anderson continue to double team Abyss.  They set up the Poetry In Motion, but Anderson hits Hardy with a cross body for 2, as RVD saves.  Hardy hits RVD with a kick, then hits a front suplex for 2.  RVD punches Hardy, then hits Abyss with a dive to the outside.  Abyss gets up and gets hit with another dive from Hardy.  Anderson hits Abyss with a double axe handle from the top rope to the outside.  RVD and Anderson come back inside.  RVD hits the split legged moonsault to Anderson’s back.  Hardy saves.  RVD and Hardy trade punches.  RVD catches Hardy with a spin kick.  RVD beats up Anderson.  RVD goes up top, but Anderson crotches him and goes for a superplex.  Hardy climbs up to help, but Abyss cuts them off and turns it into the tower of doom.  “TNA!” chants.  Abyss goozles RVD, but gets kicked in the head.  RVD avoids Abyss in the corner, rocks him with another kick, and hits the springboard kick.  RVD kicks everybody and hits the diving kick on Abyss.  RVD goes up top again, but Anderson pushes him off and into the stage.  “LET’S GO ASSHOLES!” chant.  Hardy hammers Abyss.  Whisper In The Wind, but Anderson saves.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Abyss, but Hardy saves.  Abyss counters the Twist of Fate and hits the Black Hole Slam on Hardy, but Anderson pulls the referee out of the ring.  Hardy sends Abyss outside.  Anderson comes back in.  RVD is still KTFO’d on the outside.  Anderson and Hardy go at it.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy finally hits the Twist of Fate and goes up top.  Swanton Bomb.  Abyss chokeslams Hardy onto Anderson and covers both.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on the pile.  RVD pins Anderson to keep the title in 12:28.  Fun clusterfuck.  Abyss nails RVD from behind.  Abyss brings in the nail board.  RVD avoids the shot and Abyss tears up the canvas.

Hard Justice hype video.

Part of this show were really mediocre, but there was some good stuff and overall the show wasn’t really bad.

TNA iMPACT! 6/3/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

Music video.

“Smoke & Mirrors.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  10 days until Slammiversary.  Tonight, Jay Lethal faces AJ Styles and Frankie Kazarian.  They don’t bother to specify if it’s a Three-Way or a Handicap Match.  Last week, some shit happened.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Sting comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about how confuckled TNA is.  Crowd chants “WHY STING WHY?”  I don’t give a fuck at this point.  The lights go out and a video of Sting beating the fuck out of Jeff Jarrett, Rob Van Dam, and Eric Bischoff plays.  Eric Bischoff comes out with Miss Tessmacher.  Bischoff cuts a promo on Sting.  He says Sting will have a  match tonight, and his opponent is behind him.  It’s Samoa Joe.

Sting vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe jumps Sting and kicks his ass.  Matt Morgan attacks Sting, which the referee is totally cool with.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam makes the save.  He kind of fucks up his springboard kick on Morgan, but manages.  Bischoff comes back out and says later tonight, it’ll be Sting & Morgan vs. RVD & Joe.  This match is presumably a no-contest in like 30 seconds.  I already hate this show.  RVD says it should be a Four-Way instead.  Bischoff says he doesn’t have the authority.  He doesn’t?  Hulk Hogan comes out, puts over RVD’s stroke, and makes the match.  Ugh.

Christy Hemme interviews AJ Styles.  Ah, so the match is a three-way.  He just found out about it.  Well, so did we.  Ric Flair comes in.  Styles complains to him.  Kazarian comes in.  Flair gave him a watch.  Styles is upset by this.

Rosie Lottalove vs. Roxxi.  Rosie is a big woman who dresses naughtily.  Rosie uses her superior size to dominate Roxxi.  Roxxi avoids a running ass to the corner and fights back.  Madison Rayne appears from somewhere and hits Roxxi in the back with the Knockouts Championship belt from the outside.  Rosie takes too long and Roxxi pins her with an inside cradle in 1:44.  Rayne yells at Rosie.  Rosie gives her a choke bomb.  This was stupid.

Jeremy Borash interviews Rosie Lottalove on the ramp.  She’s going to take out the Beautiful People on behalf of ugly people, or something.  She kisses JB.

Styles vs. Kazarian vs. Lethal next.

Three-Way Match: AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal.  Styles goes outside to let Kazarian and Lethal go at it.  They go for a few seconds, then Styles attacks Lethal.  Lethal avoids a blow in the corner and hits a head scissors.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Combination, the Kazarian dropkicks Lethal.  Kazarian and Styles both call to Flair, then argue.  Lethal decks Styles, then bulldogs Kazarian while clotheslining Styles.  Styles backdrops Lethal to the apron.  He goes for a springboard, but Kazarian pushes Styles away and catches Lethal with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Styles hits a backbreaker on Lethal.  They’re playing “Can you top this?”  Kazarian hits a huge hip toss.  They argue and try to set up a double team, but Lethal fights back.  Styles hits the nip up rana on Lethal, which is awesome.  Styles and Kazarian try to work together, but go for opposite suplexes and argue.  Kazarian causes Styles to miss a springboard.  Lethal gets Styles with a reverse cradle for the pin in 4:42.  Flair bitches at Styles.  He tells Styles to go home and regroup.  Kurt Angle appears on the ramp.  Styles mumbles, or something, and leaves.  This was stupid.

Kurt Angle is still in the ring with Ric Flair and Kazarian.  Angle says he’ll face Kazarian at Slammiversary.  Flair is insulted that Angle didn’t address him.  Flair talks about Angle helping his son Reid with amateur wrestling, but pro wrestling is Flair’s world.  Flair says he’s God, which bothers me.  He tells Angle to go away, and threatens to take off his sport coat.  Flair wants Angle to hold the ropes open for him.  Angle does, then throws Flair off the ramp.  Kazarian jumps Angle from behind, just like Angle just did to Flair.  Kazarian throws Angle back in the ring.  Angle makes a comeback and Kazarian bails.  What was the point of this stupid segment?  I hate this show.

In one of those shitty, horribly shot backstage segments, Matt Morgan talks to Sting.  Sting doesn’t reply.

Sting vs. Morgan vs. RVD vs. Joe tonight.

AJ Styles throws a temper tantrum outside the building.  He says he has to kill Jay Lethal, so he’ll challenge him to a match at Slammiversary.

Video of the confusion going on with Ken Anderson lately.

Christy Hemme is in the ring.  She introduces Mr. Anderson.  He checks out her boobs.  She slaps him.  He checks out her ass.  She says “Really?”  He does it just because he’s an asshole.  He says the fans are assholes for hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.  Crowd pops.  They chant “WE ARE ASSHOLES!”  He says it’s going to be himself & Jeff Hardy vs. Beer Money at Slammiversary.  Hardy comes out.  Hardy says Anderson is a funny asshole.  They’re friends now.  Hardy babbles about whatever.  Beer Money come out.  They’re having singles matches tonight.  Roode cuts a long promo about tag teams.  Anderson asks Roode why his hair is always wet and why Storm is wearing sunglasses.  Roode laughs, then decks Anderson.  Everybody brawls.  Security breaks them up.

Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm.  They’re brawling outside when the show comes back on.  Hardy removes the floor padding and hip tosses Storm on concrete.  They finally get inside to start the match.  Storm hits a modified DDT OF MURDER, I think, for 2.  Storm beats up Hardy.  Storm hits a really half assed uranage for 2.  Storm brings a chair in.  The ref takes it away.  That was pointless.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits his shitty clotheslines, which for some reason look better than usual.  Hardy uses the chair as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion for 2.  Hardy hits a front suplex and goes up top.  Storm cuts him off and goes for a Frankensteiner.  Hardy blocks it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Storm spits beer at Hardy and hits the Eye of the Storm for 2.  Good.  That’s got no  impact to be a finish.  Hardy avoids a chair shot and it bounces off the ropes and hits Storm.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton bomb for the pin in 5:56.  This was kind of okay.  Commercials.

Robert Roode vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson looks to be all business.  They lock up.  Roode pushes Anderson into the corner.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO ASSHOLE!”  Anderson clamps on a side headlock.  Roode drops down to avoid something and gets hit in the back.  Roode connects with some punches.  Anderson hits a running back to the back, or something, then a schoolboy for 2.  Roode bails.  Anderson chases him.  The referee gets in Anderson’s way getting back in the ring.  Roode cheap shots Anderson to get the advantage.  Roode works over Anderson.  Anderson fights back and goes for the Mic Check, fails, but back body drops Roode.  Anderson goes for the Lambau Leap, but Roode rakes his eyes.  Kennedy goes for a diving sunset flip, but Roode crushes it and grabs the ropes to get the pin in 4:54.  It was okay.  Anderson calls for his hanging mic.  He says people can only beat him by cheating, because He’s Mr. Asshole.  Or whatever.  I hate this show.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams talks backstage.

Abyss, Rob Terry, and Chelsea are headed our way.

Abyss/Terry vs. Wolfe/Jordan video package.  Seriously.

Desmond Wolfe & Orlando Jordan vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry & Abyss (w/ Chelsea).  Tenay says Wolfe and Chelsea got probation and community service for the false police report thing.  They fuck around, then Wolfe jumps Abyss and attacks the damaged arm.  Jordan tags in and works the arm too.  Abyss fights back and throws Jordan out of the ring “like a pink torpedo.”  Jordan checks out Chelsea, then shakes his head.  She slaps him.  Wolfe bitches at both of them.  Abyss beats up Wolfe.  Jordan has Rob Terry pasties on his nipples this week.  Terry beats up Jordan.  Terry hits the Freak Buster for the pin in 2:52.  This blew.  Shock, right?

Team 3D/Ink Inc. video.  Devon things Bubba is overreacting.

The Four-Way is next.

Jesse Neal is laid out backstage with an Ace of Spades on his chest, just like Shannon Moore was last week?  The fuck?  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Entrances for the main event.  They show Sting’s fucking up of Jeff Jarrett again.  They show Joe costing Morgan the tag titles.  New stupid camera play for RVD’s entrance music, but I love the music.

Non-Title, Four-Way Match: Matt Morgan vs. Sting vs. Samoa Joe vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Morgan and Joe brawl on the inside while Sting and RVD brawl on the outside.  The faces end up clearing the heels out of the ring.  Joe and RVD tease going at it, but Sting and Morgan jump them.  Crowd boos.  I don’t blame them.  I’d dig seeing Joe vs. RVD too.  Joe and Morgan go outside.  RVD hits the Rider kick and the Rolling Thunder on Sting.  Morgan breaks the cover.  Sting and Morgan go at it.  Morgan hits a discus lariat.  Joe breaks the cover.  Joe kicks Sting for 2, as Morgan breaks the cover.  Morgan hits a spinning slam on RVD.  Morgan’s revolving elbows on RVD.  Morgan sees somebody in the crowd.  Who was it supposed to be?  Oh, Hernandez.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Morgan.  RVD hits the Rider kick on Joe, then hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Morgan for the pin in 4:58.  Clunky mess with no flow.  I went back and looked.  It may or may not have been Hernandez.  RVD and Joe go nose to nose.  End of show.

This show sucked.

TNA iMPACT! 5/20/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

Sacrifice highlight video.

“10 Card Stud”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, the Top 10 Contenders will be announced!  Tonight, there will be an announcement regarding the main event of tonight’s show.  Well I fucking hope so.  Also, Kurt Angle returns.

Eric Bischoff comes out with Miss Tessmacher.  Bischoff introduces the top 10 contenders.  Each guy comes out to the ramp and they show a brief video package.  #10 is Samoa Joe.  #9 is TNA Global Champion Rob Terry.  #8 is Desmond Wolfe.  #7 is “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  #6 Abyss.  #5 is Mr. Anderson.  #4 is Jeff Hardy.  #3 is AJ Styles.  #2 is Kurt Angle (who doesn’t come out).  Crowd chants “WE WANT ANGLE!”  #1 is Sting.  WHAT THE FUCK?  These rankings are motherfucking retarded.  Sting comes to the ring.  Crowd chants “WE WANT A RECOUNT!”  Bischoff books Sting vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight.  Sting smashes the stupid poster things in the ring, the hits Abyss with the bat.  Abyss tries to make the save, but gets owned.  Hardy takes the bat from Sting.  Hardy slaps Sting.  Sting kicks Hardy in the balls and takes his bat back.  TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam comes out.  Hardy clips Sting’s leg and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Sting leaves.  Just to recap, Sting vs. Hardy tonight and Sting vs. RVD for the World Title at Slammiversary.  This was all stupid.

Moments ago, some shitty booking was played out.

Matt Morgan bitches to Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff.  “They” want “their” rematch for the tag titles.

Roxxi, who looks totally different from the last time I saw her, comes out.  They show her breaking her ankle in a match against Ayako Hamada on New Years’ Eve.

Non-Title: Roxxi vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Roxxi seems freakishly tall.  She’s all over Rayne to start.  Rayne avoids a shot and attacks her.  Knee lift gets 1.  Rayne works Roxxi’s face.  Seriously.  Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop for the pin in 2:42.  Whatever.  Rayne is pissed.

Chelsea bitches at Desmond Wolfe about having to be Abyss’ property for 30 days.  Wolfe reassures her.

Kurt Angle arrives with a goatee and refuses to answer some geek’s questions.

Kurt Angle music video.

Kurt Angle comes out and talks for a while.  He says he’s taking himself out of the #1 contender spot and he’s going to wrestle every one of the top contenders.

Christy Hemme talks to Ric Flair and Beer Money.  Beer Money are facing Jay Lethal and a partner tonight.  Kazarian comes in.  He wants to talk to Flair.

Tonight, Sting vs. Hardy.

Rob Terry says he has a knee injury, and he’s wrestling with it tonight.

Jeremy Borash is still doing ring announcing.

Non-Title: TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Orlando Jordan.  Why the fuck are we doing this again?  Jordan goes on the attack.  Terry fights back.  Earl Hebner gets knocked down.  Jordan gets back dropped.  Cover gets 2.  Jordan attacks the injured knee and works it over.  Jordan locks in a knee bar.  Terry refuses to tap, but Hebner stops it and gives Jordan the win in 2:58.  It served its purpose, so I have no complaints.  Jordan attacks Terry again after the match and puts the hold back on.

Jay Lethal talks about his issues with Ric Flair.  Rob Van Dam offers to be his partner.  Lethal agrees.

Jeff Hardy applies his makeup and talks about idolizing Sting when he was a child.

Ink Inc. barge into Team 3D’s locker room.  Neal bitches at Bubba about the shit he pulled at the PPV, which was a dick move.  Neal and Bubba come to blows.

Beer Money vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam & AJ Styles.  Lethal has his own music and gear and is no longer doing the Black Machismo gimmick.  Roode Pearl Harbors Lethal to start the match.  Lethal fights back.  Lethal goes up top, but Roode shoves him off.  Beer Money put the boots to Lethal.  Roode tags in and works him over.  Lethal gets turned inside out by a clothesline.  Beer Money hit a double back body drop on Lethal.  Roode takes over the punishment.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash and makes the tag to RVD.  RVD runs wild briefly, then gets cut off by Roode.  RVD rallies and hits the flying kick.  Cover, but Roode saves.  Lethal blind tags in and hits a missile dropkick on Roode.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder.  Lethal locks Roode in the figure-four leglock.  RVD takes Storm out with a dive.  Roode submits to Lethal’s figure-four in 3:56.  Fun little tag match.  Ric Flair comes out and brawls with Lethal.  They brawl to the back.  RVD celebrates some more and slaps hands with fans.  A fan in a Sting mask hits RVD with a chair.  He takes off the mask to reveal… Sting!  Okay, that was fucking awesome.  Sting hits RVD again and leaves.

Recap of the shit Sting has pulled so far tonight.

Jeff Hardy is in the ring.  He cuts a promo on Sting and leaves.

Security tells Desmond Wolfe “It’s time.”  Wolfe tells Chelsea it’s going to be okay and bitches out the security guards.

Abyss comes to the ring and calls for Desmond Wolfe to bring him his new property.  Security brings Chelsea out, with Wolfe trailing behind and still acting all pissed off.  Abyss says he made Wolfe his bitch at Sacrifice, and tonight he’s taking his bitch.  Wolfe says Abyss will take Chelsea over his dead body.  He kicks Abyss and the security guards in the balls, then beats up the security guards.  I think they need better security.  Wolfe takes a glass bottle from Chelsea, breaks it, and threatens Abyss with it.  Wolfe cuts Abyss’ arm, then bitches at Chelsea.  Abyss’ arm is bleeding.  He knocks the bottle away and hits the Black Hole Slam on Wolfe.  Abyss carries Chelsea away, presumably to fuck repeatedly.

House show plugs.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Band are in the ring.  Eric Young cuts a promo about having joined The Band.

Eric Young (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champions Kevin Nash & Scott Hall) vs. Shannon Moore (w/ Jesse Neal).  Young attacks.  Moore responds with lots of moves.  Young beats up Moore some more.  Diving elbow drop gets 2.  Young keeps the heat on.  Hebner catches Nash trying to interfere and stops him, but Young is doing fine on his own.  Young makes his comeback.  Brother Ray comes out.  Jesse Neal attacks him on the ramp.  Brother Devon comes out to break it up.  Hall hits Moore in the back with the belt.  Young hits a piledriver for the pin in 3:41.  It’s nice to see someone using the piledriver as a finish again.  Brother Ray attacks Neal again, just because he’s a dick.  He and Devon argue.

Sting vs. Hardy is still to come.

Taz and Tenay talk about the situation with Team 3D and Jesse Neal.

X Division Battle Royal featuring The Motor City Machine Guns of Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley, Generation Me of Max Buck & Jeremy Buck, Kazarian, Homicide, and Amazing Red.  No entrances, everyone is just in the ring and start brawling.  The winner becomes #10 contender since Angle gave up his spot so everyone else moves up a spot.  Kazarian eliminates Red.  Bucks double team the Guns.  Sabin eliminates Max by dropkicking him off the apron.  Shelley gets eliminated by Jeremy.  Sabin eliminates Jeremy.  Ric Flair comes out.  Kazarian eliminates Sabin.  Homicide attacks Kazarian.  Brian Kendrick comes in and eliminates Homicide.  He’s in the match, but nobody knew it until now, because there were no entrances on TV and he wasn’t in the ring when the match started.  Kazarian withstands Kendrick’s attack and throws him out to win it in 2:52.  There’s some sort of connection with Flair and Kazarian now.

Sting vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Sting vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Sting is the aggressor early.  Hardy fights back.  Sting bails.  After a minute, Hardy hits a baseball slide dropkick.  He goes for a dive, but Sting avoids it.  Sting rams Hardy’s knee against the ramp a couple of times, then continues beating Hardy up back in the ring.  FUCKING ALTERNATING CHANTS AGAIN.  Hardy avoids the Stinger Splash and makes his comeback.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Sting avoids the Whisper In The Wind and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Ref bump.  Sting goes for the Scorpion Death Drop.  Mr. Anderson sneaks in and hits a Scorpion Death Drop on Sting.  It’s sloppy.  Hardy pins Sting in 5:40.  Not much of a match.  Anderson tries to make friends with Hardy again.  Sting kills them both with the bat.

Not the worst iMPACT! ever by any means.

TNA Sacrifice 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo. Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers LIVE from Orlando. Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Three-Way Match to determine the #1 Contenders for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money vs. Team 3D.  Shelley and Roode start.  Always good stuff with the Guns and Beer Money.  Shelley plants Roode with a Mysterio-esque flippy bulldog for 2.  Roode hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Storm tags in, avoids a superkick, bails, and gets superkicked by Sabin.  Guns double team Roode.  Guns double team Storm.  Storm catches Sabin with a knee.  Brother Ray tags himself in and beats up Sabin.  3D work over Sabin.  Shelley breaks a cover by Devon.  Sabin rallies and goes for a dive, but Brother Ray avoids it.  Devon continues to beat up Sabin.  Roode breaks a cover.  Ray tags in, drops Sabin, and decks Beer Money.  Sabin avoids a diving senton and makes the hot tag to Shelley.  Shelley tries to run wild, but 3D don’t sell for him.  They catch a cross body and Sabin dropkicks it over.  Guns start to run wild.  Sabin hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Shelley goes for a dive on Ray and misses.  Roode tags in and beats up Shelley.  Beer Money double teams Shelley.  BEER!  MONEY!  Storm hits a hangman’s neckbreaker on Shelley for 2.  Beer Money continues getting heat on Shelley.  Sabin gets the tag and runs wild on Beer Money.  Nice diving rana on Roode.  Springboard suicide cross body on Storm.  Springboard tornado DDT on Roode.  Cover, but Devon saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Ray throws Sabin outside to the ramp.  3D hit the Doomsday Device on Roode.  Sabin hits a springboard cross body on Ray for 2.  Ray sends Sabin outside again.  3D goes for the 3D on Roode, but Storm spits beer in Bubba’s face.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Ray.  Guns double team people.  They hit the neckbreaker/cross body combo on Ray and Sabin gets the pin in 13:14.  Very good opener.

Tenay and Taz talk about the retarded fucking angle with Desmond Wolfe, Chelsea, and Abyss from iMPACT!  “Local authorities are investigating Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea for filing false police reports.”

Global Tale of the Tape.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Orlando Jordan.  Jordan is lowered to the ring and prances around like a fairy.  See, because that’s his gimmick.  Terry is all business and kicks his ass and throws him around.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Jordan hits a weak kick.  Terry hits a not so weak spin kick.  Terry clotheslines Jordan outside to the ramp.  Jordan tries to crawl to the back.  Terry cuts him off and throws him back in.  Terry hits the running powerslam for the… 2 count.  Fuck.  Jordan begs off, then attacks Terry’s leg.  Jordan works the leg.  For a long time.  Jordan hits a knee drop and a very homoerotic cover gets 2.  Jordan goes for a diving knee drop, but Terry moves to avoid it.  Terry recovers and hits a chokeslam for the pin in 7:46.  Not good, but still not as terrible as I expected.  Jordan clips Terry’s knee from behind as Terry walks up the ramp.  Jordan drives Terry’s knee into the belt.

Team 3D bitch in the locker room.  Ink Inc. come in for a chat.  Team 3D are mad because Ink Inc. have the audacity to think they can take care of The Band.

Kazarian/Doug Williams video package.  X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Doug Williams.  Williams, of course, still has possession of the belt.  They lock up.  Nothing comes of it.  They do some ground wrestling, which always pleases me.  Tenay says Kazarian’s “sabbatical” from TNA could have been “career suicide.”  I got the joke and chuckled.  Kazarian works the arm.  Kazarian does a weird roll that puts Williams near the ropes, so Williams grabs the ropes with his legs.  Kazarian goes back to working the arm.  Back and forth mat wrestling.  That puts such joy into my heart.  Williams goes the apron to escape a hold.  Kazarian hits an arm whip and Williams takes a bump off the apron.  Kazarian hits a springboard Oklahoma roll for 2.  They go back and forth on a test of strength.  Williams locks on a necktie/surfboard move.  Kazarian reverses the necktie.  Williams gets a rope break.  Kazarian superkicks him and goes for the Flux Capacitor, but Williams avoids it and sends Kazarian into the ramp.  Williams hits a hangman’s neckbreaker on the apron.  Williams gets a front face lock and rams Kazarian’s face into the apron.  Williams goes back to the front face lock.  Kazarian turns it into a slingshot, then dropkicks Williams off the apron.  Kazarian hits a slingshot suicide cross body.  Back inside.  Kazarian gets rolling on offense.  Swinging neckbreaker gets 2.  Kazarian turns a Chaos Theory attempt into a front cradle for 2.  Kazarian gets a backslide for 2.  Williams backdrops Kazarian to the apron.  Kazarian hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  More happens.  It’s awesome.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, gets countered, but gets a cradle for 2.  He goes for it again and gets countered and powerbombed into the corner.  Williams hits a weird twisting brainbuster for 2.  Kazarian avoids the Chaos Theory again and hits a swinging Complete Shot for 2.  Kazarian goes for an electric chair suplex, but Williams counters and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 13:53.  Really damn good match.  Poor Kazarian was champion for a month and never got to wear the belt.

Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea bicker about their possible legal and other issues.  Chelsea says she doesn’t want the ring anymore and urges Wolfe to call the whole thing off.  Wolfe says he wants to win to move up in the rankings.

Tara/Madison Rayne video package.  Knockouts Tale of the Tape.

TNA Knockouts Championship vs. Tara’s Career: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich) vs. Tara.  Rayne tells the other Beautiful People to leave before the match.  Tara jumps her to start.  Rayne counters an early Widow’s Peak attempt.  Geeze, TNA Mutants, are alternating chants really necessary for THIS match?  Tara beats up Rayne on the outside.  Rayne hits her head on the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cradle sequence, which I always enjoy.  Tara throws Rayne around.  Suplex into the guillotine.  Rayne fights free.  Rayne hits some weak clotheslines to get rolling on offense.  Tara hits a stronger clothesline to cut her off.  Rayne counters the Widow’s Peak again.  Tara finally hits it, but Rayne rolls out of the ring.  Tara throws her back in.  Rayne fights back.  Tara hits a slam and a moonsault press for 2.  Tara stomps Rayne’s belly and goes for another moonsault, but Rayne moves.  Rayne hits kind of a reverse Playmaker for the pin in 6:28.  Not bad.  So Cal Val hands Tara the spider cage.  She takes the spider out to show it off.  Weird.  Security comes to escort her out.  Tara bows to everyone and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews The Band.  Young talks about joining The Band.  Nash explains that the tag titles will be defended under the Freebird rule.  He then addresses Ink Inc.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Kevin Nash & Scott Hall (c) vs. Ink Inc.  Moore and Hall start.  Moore slaps Hall.  They lock up and Hall attacks Moore’s arm.  Moore rallies and hits a missile dropkick.  Why is Scott Hall wrestling on national TV in 2010?  He looks awful.  He tags out to Nash, who moves even worse.  Nash wants Neal.  Neal obliges him.  They brawl.  Hall cheap shots Neal.  Nash covers for 2.  Hall tags in and locks Neal in an abdominal stretch, using classic heel tactics to “gain leverage.”  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  He hits a diving cross body on Nash, then tags in Neal.  Moore hits the Mooregasm, then decks Hall and takes him out with a dive.  Neal goes for the spear, but Nash avoids it and the ref gets speared.  Neal beats up Nash.  Eric Young comes out with a Singapore cane and throws it to Nash.  Neal avoids the blow and decks Young.  Moore distracts Nash.  Neal spears Nash.  Neal picks up the cane, but Young cuts him off and takes it away.  Brother Ray comes down and tackles Young, canes him, yells at the downed Nash, then canes Neal.  Young puts Nash on top of Neal for the pin in 8:00.  It was okay I guess.  The Band celebrates.  Brother Ray looks on with a weird look on his face.

Lowlights of the motherfucking retarded angle from iMPACT!.

Chelsea vs. Ring: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Abyss jumps Wolfe during his entrance and kicks his ass.  Chelsea tries to slip away, but the referee makes her come back and sit in a fancy chair.  Abyss finally gets Wolfe into the ring to start the match.  Abyss no sells everything Wolfe tries and kicks his ass some more.  Wolfe gets the advantage and works Abyss’ arm.  Wolfe hits a bunch of shoulder blocks to no effect.  Abyss drops him with one elbow.  Wolfe goes back to working the arm.  Fucking alternating chants again.  Abyss makes his comeback.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court for 2.  Nigel goes for the jawbreaker lariat, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam.  Chelsea tries to interfere.  Abyss grabs her.  She threw a set of brass knucks to Wolfe.  Wolfe punches Abyss.  Abyss kicks out and Hulks up.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 9:01.  It was okay.  Abyss wins Chelsea for 30 days.  Taz says Chelsea should stock up on soap.  …The fuck?

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  Anderson says his fans are “Anderson’s Assholes.”  Great promo.  He comes back and scares Christy by yelling his name again.  Funny stuff.

Jeff Hardy vs. Ken Anderson.  They lock up aggressively.  Anderson’s ribs are taped from taking Hardy’s big dives on iMPACT!  “I’M AN ASSHOLE!” chants.  Yes you are, mutants.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Anderson sends Hardy to the outside and drives him into the side of the ring.  Anderson beats up Hardy.  Anderson locks in an abdominal stretch and holds Hardy’s purple speckled belt to gain leverage.  Anderson dives off the top.  Hardy gets his legs up, but Anderson avoids hitting them and drops an elbow for 2.  Anderson drives some knees into Hardy’s back.  Alternating “Let’s Go Hardy!” and “Let’s Go Asshole!” chants.  That one I’m not as annoyed with.  Anderson continues building his heat on Hardy.  Hardy backdrops Anderson to the ramp.  Hardy gets a chair from under the ring and uses it as a springboard to hit a leg lariat back into the ring.  Neat.  They trade punches.  Hardy hits some weak clotheslines and a Sling Blade for 2.  Hardy hits a bulldog for 2.  Anderson counters a suplex and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check.  Anderson sends him into the ropes, then hits the Mic Check for 2, as Hardy gets a rope break.  Hardy hits the front suplex and goes up top.  He drops down and hits the Twist of Fate, takes his shirt off to make the girls scream, then goes up top again.  Anderson cuts him off and goes for the Lambeau Leap off the top, but ends up landing on his face with Hardy on his back.  Fail.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 13:57.  It was okay.  Anderson recovers and offers a handshake.  Hardy refuses.  What a prick.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair and AJ Styles.

Sting/Jeff Jarrett video package.

Jeff Jarrett’s music plays.  Cut to the back, where Sting is beating up a bloody Jarrett.  Sting injures Jarrett’s shoulder.  Sting brings him into the arena and beats him up some more.  Jarrett is a bloody mess.  Sting hits his leg with the bat, pulls him under the steps, and stomps the bat into the injured shoulder.  More shoulder torture with the bat.  Sting finally throws Jarrett into the ring.

Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 13 seconds.  Sting takes the mic and says some other guys are going to pay because of some deception game.  Referees and various other geeks come in to tend to Jarrett while Sting stalks around ominously.  Crowd chants “STING!”  Jarrett gets stretchered out.  Sting knocks the stretcher over.  Hulk Hogan comes out to threaten Sting away, or something.  Replays.  Why?

Tenay and Taz talk about how appalled they are.

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.

RVD/Styles video package.  Tale of the Tape.  Entrances, intros, and it’s main event time!  Earl Hebner is the referee.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair).  They dick around for a full 2 minutes before making contact.  They both avoid kicks.  Styles is reprimanded for pulling RVD’s hair.  RVD ducks a shot and clotheslines Styles out of the ring, then poses some more.  Styles pulls him out of the ring and chops him.  RVD avoids a moonsault block off of the ramp and succeeds in his attempt of the same thing.  RVD gets in the ring and poses some more.  5 minutes in and little has happened.  RVD avoids a springboard and goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Flair grabs his leg.  Hebner tells Flair to leave, then shoves Flair down when Flair gets all pissed.  Styles and Flair argue with Hebner.  Flair leaves.  Hebner argues with Styles some more.  Flair joins the announcers.  Styles drops RVD on the outside, then poses in the ring.  Styles goes for a dive, but RVD avoids it.  The announcers claim he hit it, but little or no contact was made.  Back in the ring, Styles puts the boots to RVD.  Styles slams RVD and hits a knee drop for 2.  RVD drops Styles with a kick.  RVD goes to the top, but Styles shoves him off and into the ramp.  Styles works over RVD.  Styles hits a tornado DDT for 2.  Styles argues with Hebner again.  RVD takes a weird bump off of a dropkick.  Cover gets 2.  RVD hits his diving kick, then a monkey flip, then goes for the Five Star Frog Splash.  AJ avoids it and Van Dam crashes and burns.  Styles hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Tenay calls it a clothesline.  He jumped the shark as announcer years ago, but he used to be really good.  Styles gets a cradle for 2.  RVD hits a jawbreaker.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  RVD avoids Styles in the corner and Styles’ face hits the top turnbuckle.  RVD hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Styles gets an inside cradle for 2.  RVD hits an inverted atomic drop, crotches AJ on the top rope, and hits the flying kick.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder again, but Styles gets his knees up.  Styles covers for 2.  Styles sells his knee.  Styles locks RVD in the Torture Rack, then turns it into a powerbomb for 2.  Nice.  Styles hits a forearm to the corner for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, gets backdropped, and turns into a sunset flip.  Cradle reversal sequence.  Double clothesline.  They get to their feet and trade blows.  RVD hits his cool leg cradle for 2.  Styles goes for the figure-four, but RVD turns it into an inside cradle for 2.  Styles hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes for the springboard 450, but RVD avoids it.  Flair leaves the booth and heads back to the ring.  Jay Lethal of all people comes out and brawls with Flair.  Lethal puts Flair in the figure-four leglock.  So Lethal has gone from being a Randy Savage impersonator to a Ric Flair impersonator.  Styles crotches RVD on the top rope and goes for a superplex.  RVD fights him off, then hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 24:47.  A very different match than you would expect from these two, but it turned out to be pretty good.  The Lethal run in was random.  Replays.  RVD celebrates.

Some weird stuff on this show, but nothing was too horrible and a few of the matches were really good.  Match of the Night honors go to Kazarian and Williams.