Archive for Titus O’Neil

WWE SummerSlam 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2012 by Grappleholic

New WWE open, which debuted on the 1,000th Raw.  Intro video for the 25th SummerSlam, which isn’t the 25th anniversary, but is billed as such because WWE doesn’t know how anniversaries work.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream at us.  I guess that means Ziggler vs. Jericho is up first.  They show clips of Ziggler winning the Money In The Bank Ladder Match last month.  Jericho comes out and they show a clip of Ziggler injuring Jericho’s ribs this past Smackdown.  Justin Roberts is a ring announcer.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho is sporting taped ribs from the aforementioned attack.  Ziggler runs around the ring and Jericho gives chase.  Back inside, Jericho catches him with an elbow smash and beats him up a bit.  Ziggler does a drop down and a leap frog, but Jericho catches him with a chop.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and attacks the injured ribs.  Jericho gets a reprieve by back body dropping Ziggler to the floor.  He goes for his rebound dropkick to the apron, but fails and eats the floor as Ziggler makes it back into the ring.  Ziggler continues to punish the ribs.  Vickie is obnoxious at ringside.  Ziggler hits a Rude Awakening, complete with gyrating hips, then pulls a Jericho classic on foot cover for 2.  Jericho gets whipped into the ropes, but catches Ziggler with a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler charges Jericho in the corner, eats it, and Jericho gets a brief flurry.  Ziggler charges the corner again and eats Jericho’s boot.  Jericho follows with a diving elbow smash.  Ziggler sends Jericho into the post, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, fails, but lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Ziggler avoids Jericho in the corner, jumps on his back, and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Jericho backs Ziggler into the corner to escape.  Ziggler kicks him in the ribs and goes up top.  Jericho cuts him off, pounds on him, and hits a top rope Frankensteiner~!  Delayed cover gets 2.  Ziggler catches Jericho out of nowhere with a swank DDT for 2.  They trade shots.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault.  Ziggler catches him in the injured ribs with raised knees, then hits the Zig Zag, but Jericho kicks out!  Jericho catches Ziggler with the Codebreaker.  Ziggler rolls to the floor.  Jericho throws Ziggler back into the ring.  Vickie grabs Jericho’s leg, allowing Ziggler to get an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho sends Ziggler into the post and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Ziggler taps in 13:06.  Yes, Jericho won, but is this really “the big one?”  It made sense when Jericho did this angle with The Rock in 2001 and won the World title, but is the opening match of SummerSlam the same thing?  Good match, though.

Slim Jim commercial.

Los Angeles!

They show Brock Lesnar destroying Shawn Michaels on Raw last week.

Matt Striker interviews Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.  Well, Paul does all of the talking.

Lillian Garcia is also a ring announcer.  The Spanish announcers, Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez, are present as well.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Kane has his dukes up, which amuses me.  Bryan kicks at the larger man’s legs.  Kane catches a kick and throws him down.  Bryan avoids an elbow and kicks him some more.  Kane punches him a bit.  Bryan backflips off the top rope, then gets slammed for 2.  Kane stomps Bryan in the corner.  Fans are chanting for Bryan.  Bryan fails at a reverse cradle and eats a big boot.  Cover gets 2 for Kane.  Bryan kicks at Kane’s knee some more.  Kane nonchalantly choke throws Bryan out of the ring.  Bryan gets back in as Kane comes out and takes him out with a tope suicide.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan lands more kicks as the crowd chants “YES!”  Kane ducks a critical blow and lands a clothesline.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam.  Bryan counters out and rolls to the apron, pulls Kane’s head over the top rope, then comes back in to eat a punch.  Bryan slaps Kane defiantly.  Kane beats the crap out of him in the corner until the referee forces a break.  Bryan takes the opportunity and goes on the offensive.  He goes for the LeBell/Yes/No Lock, fails, and settles for kicking Kane in the chest.  He gets annoyed at the “YES!” chants and goes for the diving headbutt.  Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam.  Instead of covering, he signals for the Tombstone.  Bryan counters it into an inside cradle for the pin in 8:03!  Bryan wins!  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun little match.

Kane, pissed that lost, rampages around backstage.  Josh Matthews tries to interview him, but Kane grabs him by the throat, yells “WHERE?!  IS?!  HE?!” and throws him away, then continues his rampage.

Don’t drink and drive.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think Mysterio’s costume is supposed to be Batman.  They lock up.  Miz lands a shoulder block.  Mysterio sits up and kind of stares at him.  They do a bit of wrestling that ends in Rey getting a near fall and Miz taking a quick powder.  Miz comes back in and gets to stompin’.  Rey hits a flying headscissors.  Miz throws Rey out of the ring.  Rey slides back in as Miz slides out, then dropkicks Miz through the ropes.  Miz sends Rey torso-first into the barricade.  Back inside, Miz goes to work.  Rey counters a backdrop and gets a 2 count.  Miz catches Rey with that lucha-style backbreaker that Jericho does on Rey for 2.  Miz beats on Rey some more.  Rey tries to make a comeback, but eats a clothesline, which gets a 2 count for Miz.  Miz hits his corner clothesline and goes up top, but Rey dropkicks Miz, crotching h im on the top turbuckle.  Rey hits the diving seated senton and goes for a rana, but Miz catches him with a powerbomb for 2.  Rey ducks a kick and gets a cradle for 2, then kicks Miz in the head for another 2.  Combine the two, and he got a 4 count, so he almost won under Canadian rules.  Rey hits a whirly DDT for 2.  Rey goes up top again, but gets caught.  Rey fights Miz off and hits a diving headscissors, which puts Miz into 619 position.  Rey hits the 619 and goes for the diving splash, but Miz avoids it.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Rey turns it into a cradle for 2.  Miz launches Rey into the turnbuckles, then hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 9:10.  It was okay, but I never really got into it.

Plug for the WWE iPhone/Android app.  I downloaded it.  It’s not that interesting.

Teddy Long and Eve Torres walk out of the GM’s office and talk about how quirky AJ Lee is.  They walk away and WWE Champion CM Punk walks into the office.  He complains to AJ about being in a Triple Threat Match tonight.  She just cocks her head and stares off into space, ignoring him.

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio for the World Championship match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Sheamus into the corner.  Repeat.  They tumble out of the ring together and brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus hits the Finlay Roll for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but fails.  He ends up getting Del Rio up on his shoulders as Del Rio exposes the turnbuckle.  Sheamus counters the Minoru Special and misses the Brogue Kick.  Del Rio kicks Sheamus off the apron, then sends him knee first into the steps.  Back inside, Del Rio clamps on a rear chin lock.  Sheamus escapes and goes for another neckbreaker, but Del Rio kicks him in the knee, then in the head for 2.  They fight some more.  Del Rio is wearing black gear that looks reall weird on him for some reason.  He taunts Sheamus by doing the “Brogue!” taunt.  He teases a Brogue Kick, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Del Rio sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post.  Sheamus tries to go up top, but gets cut off.  Del Rio hits an arm breaker (pulling the knees into the arm) off the top for 2.  There has to be a better name for that move.  Del Rio goes for his move, but Sheamus counters.  Del Rio counters the counter and hits the Minoru Special.  Sheamus powers up and slams Del Rio down.  Sheamus hits the White Noise (Schwein) for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Del Rio avoids him.  Sheamus clubbers Del Rio in the chest.  Why hasn’t the referee fixed that exposed turnbuckle?  Oh, I see.  Del Rio drops Sheamus into the exposed buckle, then hits an enzuigiri, but Sheamus kicks out!  Del Rio roughs up Ricardo just because he’s a dick.  Sheamus hits Del Rio with Ricardo’s shoe, then hits the White Noise for the pin in 11:24, even though Del Rio’s foot was on the bottom rope.  That’s actually the finish?  Okay then.  Del Rio and Ricardo bitch at the referee, and rightfully so.  This match did not click with me at all.

Plug for the National Guard, or rather, how great WWE is for supporting the National Guard.

Cole and Lawler plug Night of Champions.

On the pre-show, Triple H told referee Scott Armstrong to not DQ or count anyone out tonight in his match with Brock Lesnar.

Last week on Raw, the Prime Time Players beat up R-Truth while Kofi Kingston was in China, then Touted about it.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (c) vs. The Prime Time Players.  Truth beats up Young to start.  O’Neil tags in and drops Truth with a boot, barks, and covers for 2.  Kofi tags in and keeps O’Neil off balance with his speed.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Young distracts him.  Heel chicanery on the outside leads to the Players getting the advantage.  Kofi plays face in peril.  Young looks like he’s trying to get Kofi in some retarded triangle choke.  It fails completely, but he continues to put a beating on Kofi.  O’Neil tags in and applies an abdominal stretch.  Kofi turns a spinning slam into a spike DDT.  Truth gets the hot tag and runs wild on Darren Young.  Truth hits a front suplex.  Cover, but O’Neil saves.  O’Neil throws Kofi out of the ring, but Kofi skins the cat, low bridges him out, and takes him out with a dive.  Truth thinks about a dive, but Young schoolboys him for 2.  Young goes for something and fails, and Truth hits the Paydirt, whatever he’s calling it this week, for the pin in 7:07.  Players are nothing without AW.  This match was pretty close to nothing, too.

Axxess clips.

Punk/Cena/Show hype video.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show.  Big Show beats up everyone to start.  Punk seems to be channeling Bret Hart with his pink gear.  Cena and Punk unite to try to suplex Show, but Show suplexes both of them at the same time.  Show wins on them some more.  Cena gets tossed out of the ring by Show and Punk makes a comeback until he stupidly goes for the Go 2 Sleep and fails.  Cena tries to give Show the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk pushes them over.  Punk covers Cena, but Show saves.  Show beats up Punk some more and throws Cena out of the ring again.  Punk avoids Show in the corner and goes for a springboard cross body, but Show catches him and hits the Final Cut.  Show signals for the KO punch, but Cena reappears and cuts him off.  Show spears Cena for 2.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb onto both opponents, but Punk avoids it and Cena takes the full brunt.  Punk breaks Show’s cover.  Show throws Punk out of the ring, then goes after Cena on the other side.  Punk tries a dive, but Show catches him and launches him into the ropes from the outside.  Awesome.  Show and Cena go at it in the ring.  Punk pulls Show’s head over the top rope, allowing Cena to hit a backdrop suplex.  LA crowd doesn’t like Cena.  Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk cuts him off.  Punk hits the diving elbow drop on Show.  Cover, but Show throws him across the ring at 2.  Punk kicks Show in the head and locks in the Koji Clutch, of all things.  Show breaks out.  Punk takes a powder.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block and locks in the STF.  Show stands and backs Cena into the corner.  Cena goes for a dive, but Show catches and slams him.  Punk drops Show with a diving lariat and hits him with 3 running knees to the corner, but Show counters the bulldog.  Cena hits Show with the diving Fameasser, but ends up on the apron.  Punk locks Show in the Koji Clutch.  Cena also applies the STF.  Show taps.  The referee calls for the bell, but there are 2 winners.  Cena and Punk argue with the referee.  Raw GM AJ Lee skips out and rules that the match must continue.  Show immediately chokeslams both me.  Cover on Cena gets 2.  Cover on Punk gets 2.  Cena ducks the KO punch and hits Show with the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring and pins Show in 14:28.  Very enjoyable match.  Punk celebrates.

Los Angeles!

Celebrities are here!  Including former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette and WrestleMania participant Maria Menounos (sporting a Bob Backlund shirt).

Trailer for WWE Films’ latest, The Day.

On the preshow, Antonio Cesaro beat Santino Marella for the WWE United States Championship, with help from Aksana.

Kevin Ruldolf (who?) performs the SummerSlam theme song.  People Dance like idiots.  The divas come out to dance: Tamina, Kaitlyn, Natalya, Aksana, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Cameron, Naomi, Layla, Rosa Mendez, and Alicia Fox.

Los Angeles.

Triple H/Lesnar hype video.

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Triple H.  Brock immediately powers Triple H into the corner.  Hunter comes back with punches.  Brock repeats and goes for the Kimura.  Triple H counters.  Brock beats him in the corner some more and goes for it again.  He gets a standing version, but Hunter is in the ropes.  Triple H fights back and clotheslines Brock out of the ring.  Brock comes back in and beats up Triple H in the corner some more.  Hunter lands a knee lift and clotheslines Brock out of the ring again.  Lesnar looks irked.  Brock comes back in and takes off his gloves.  It’s a bare knuckle fight now!  Brock gets a double leg takedown and pummels Triple H with a few punches.  Hunter bails, selling a punch to the back of the head.  They brawl outside.  Brock gives Hunter a hammerlock slam onto the announce table.  The brawl some more back inside.  Brock delivers another hammerlock slam.  Brock continues working the arm.  Triple H counters an F-5 attempt, but Brock hits him with a BIG German suplex.  Brock stomps Triple H’s arm again.  Triple H tries to bail, gets caught, and pulls Brock against the top rope.  Hunter manages to score with a DDT.  Brock immediately goes after the arm again.  I always enjoy a hammerlock slam, and Brock is dishing them out liberally tonight.  They go outside and Lesnar sends Triple H into the post.  They wreck the Spanish announce table.  Brock actually jumps off of it and hits Triple H with a big chop.  Back in the ring, Triple H tries to fight back.  Lesnar gets an inside cradle of all things for 2.  Lesnar hits a clothesline and goes for a suplex, but Hunter counters and suplexes him.  Lesnar clotheslines the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but fails, gets whipped into the corner, and does the Michaels flip out of the ring.  Brock takes a shot into the announce table on his stomach and starts dry heaving.  The announcers talk about his issues with diverticulitis.  Hunter goes after the midsection.  He hits some knee lifts to the stomach.  Triple H hits the spinebuster and goes for the Pedigree.  Lesnar counters and goes for the F-5.  Triple H counters and hits the Pedigree, but Lesnar kicks out.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Lesnar hits him square in the balls.  The referee, per Hunter’s request, is letting it go.  Lesnar hits the F-5, but Triple H kicks out.  Lesnar locks on the standing Kimura again.  Triple H tries to fight out, but Lesnar goes to the ground with it.  Triple H gets the ropes, but the ref isn’t enforcing the rules.  Hunter fights out of the hold.  Hunter hits the Pedigree and goes for the cover, but Lesnar gets the Kimura again.  Triple H taps in 18:45.  I’m absolutely shocked that they did the right thing and put Lesnar over.  The match was an intense brawl, but not on the level of Lesnar/Cena.  I’ll give it a thumbs slightly up.  Lesnar leaves.  Hunter refuses medical attention.  Fans chant “YOU TAPPED OUT!”, which is probably not what WWE was going for with this.  Hunter mouths “I’m sorry” and leaves to a mixture of boos and polite applause.

This show started well, dipped really low in the middle, peaked with the triple threat match, and ended okay.  I’d say the show as a whole is thumbs in the middle.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE NXT 8/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Season 2 recap video, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Ashley Valence introduces the Pros: Montel Vontavious Porter, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Mark Henry, and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  That covers the Pros of guys who have been eliminated.  WWE United States Champion The Miz introduces his rookie, Alex Riley.  WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool introduce Kaval.  Kofi Kingston introduces Michael McGillicutty.  The finalists and their Pros are in the ring with Matt Striker.  Striker introduces the previously eliminated rookies: Titus O’Neil, Eli Cottonwood, Lucky Cannon, Percy Watson, and Husky Harris.  Striker says the finalists will meet in a Triple Threat Match NXT!  Miz gets in Kaval’s face.  Kaval shoves him and a brawl breaks out.  Kaval, Kofi, and McGillicutty send Miz and Riley outside.

Next season will be all divas.  Well, I never need to watch this show again.

Season 3 intro: Kelly Kelly is Pro to Naomi Knight.

Triple threat match is NXT!  Commercials.

Triple Threat Match: Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz) vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ Kofi Kingston).  Kaval and McGillicutty knock down Riley and fight each other.  Kaval hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval stomps Riley in the corner.  McGillicutty hits Kaval with a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty hits Riley with a clothesline for 2.  McGillicutty hits Riley with a backbreaker, but Kaval saves.  Kaval drops McGillicutty with a hard stomach kick.  Riley beats up Kaval.  McGillicutty wakes up and beats up Kaval.  McGillicutty suplexes Kaval to the floor.  Riley knocks McGillicutty to the floor.  Commercials.  Riley holds McGillicutty in a chin lock.  Kaval breaks it with a kick.  Riley hits McGillicutty with a clothesline for 2.  Cole high fives Miz.  Riley misses a charge and hits the ropes chest first.  McGillicutty makes a comeback on Riley.  McGillicutty hits a belly to belly suplex, but Kaval saves.  Kaval makes a comeback on McGillicutty and hits the Tidal Wave for 2.  Kaval hits the Tidal Crush on Riley to knock him off of the top rope.  McGillicutty nails Kaval from behind for 2.  Kaval locks McGillicutty in the Bite of the Dragon (Dragon sleeper).  McGillicutty escapes and hits the Perfect Plex(!), but Riley pulls him off.  McGillicutty kicks Riley into the announce table.  Kaval drops McGillicutty with the koppou kick and goes up top, but Riley pushes him to the floor and covers McGillicutty for the pin in 10:25.  Good little match.  Miz and Riley celebrate.

Season 3 intro: Alicia Fox is Pro to Maxine.

The Pros huddle.  The first elimination is NXT!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Season 3 intro: Goldust is Pro to Aksana.

Albany, New York!

Matt Striker asks the previously eliminated rookies who they think should win.  Titus O’Neil and Eli Cottonwood say Riley.  Lucky Cannon says it doesn’t matter because the show went down the toiler when he was eliminated.  Percy Watson and Husky Harris say McGillicutty.  It’s time for the elimination!  Alex Riley is gone.  HAHA!  Riley cuts his farewell promo and says we should still bet the future of WWE on him.

Season 3 intro: The Bella Twins are Pros to Jamie Keyes.  The ring announcer.  Yes, the Bellas are going to teach the horrible ring announcer how to wrestle.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

China clips.

Season 3 intro: Primo is Pro to AJ Lee.

Striker has Kaval and Michael McGillicutty in the ring.  He directs them to cut promos on each other.  McGillicutty cuts a kind of funny promo on Kaval.  Kaval cuts a good promo in response.  Commercials.

Season 3 intro: Vickie Guerrero is Pro to… WAIT A MINUTE.  WHAT THE FUCK?  WHY THE FUCK IS VICKIE GUERRERO A FUCKING PRO?  This show just jumped the shark.  The rookie is a giantess of a woman named Aloisia.

It’s time for the moment of truth.  The winner of NXT season 2 is… wait for it… KAVAL!  Fuckin’ right!  Kaval shows incredible balance will standing on the top rope to celebrate as LayCool rush the ring and shower him with approval.  McGillicutty is shocked and pissed.  “HIM?”  McGillicutty says he’s still the future, he’ll be back, etc. etc.  I just hope he finds a better name.  Kaval starts to cut his victory promo when the 5 previously eliminated rookies jump him.  The babyface Pros hit the ring to try to make the save.  Referees try to break it up.  Husky Harris keeps beating the shit out of Kaval.  Miz, Riley, and McGillicutty come back the ring and join the brawl.  Everybody else does shit outside while Harris, Riley, McGillicutty, and Cannon beat up Kaval.  Cannon hits his modified DVD thingy.  Harris hits his senton.  Riley hits the TKO.  Watson and O’Neil are back in the ring now.  Where the fuck did the Pros go?  O’Neil hits Kaval with a sit-out spinebuster.  Kaval is left laying.

Season 2 highlight video.

Okay show, but the big clusterfuck at the end was confusing.  This concludes season 2.  I have less than no desire to watch season 3, but I’m sure I’ll keep on trucking through.  I’ll dread that more than I dread Impact every week.

WWE NXT 7/6/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on NXT…,” NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Jamie Keyes is the ring announcers.

Host Matt Striker introduces the Pros: John Morrison, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Zack Ryder, Montel Vontavious Porter, WWE United States Champion The Miz, WWE Women’s Champions Layla & Michelle McCool, and WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  Ryder complains about his rookie getting eliminated last week.  Morrison says Miz should have been voted off instead of O’Neil.  LOL.  Striker introduces the rookies: Alex Riley (who tries to hit on LayCool), Lucky Cannon, Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, Eli Cottonwood, Kaval, and Percy Watson.  Harris speaks threateningly to Matt Striker.  Riley bitches about being #4.  Kaval says him being #1 wasn’t a fluke.  Tonight’s stupid thing is the promo contest.  The winner gets to host their own talk show next week.  Ugh.  Watson talks about “glasses.”  Kaval talks about “chicken.”  Cottonwood talks about “mustache.”  Morrison hides from the horror that is Cottonwood speaking.  McGillicutty talks about “breath.”  Harris talks about “doorknob.”  Lucky Cannon talks about “deodorant.”  His is actually funny.  Riley talks about “pigeon.”  Percy Watson was by far the best.  Shockingly, he is ruled the winner.  This wasn’t too bad.  It was fairly entertaining.

Tonight, Henry & Cannon take on Rhodes & Harris!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

The new ring announcer chick is horrible.

Percy Watson (w/ Montel Vontavious Porter) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston).  They lock up.  Watson lands a kick and takes McGillicutty over with a side headlock.  MVP and Kingston are on the aprons “coaching.”  McGillicutty lands a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty beats up Watson.  Watson fights back, but McGillicutty hits a sunset flip for the pin in 2:35.  Well that was anti-climactic.

Last week, they did a retarded keg carrying competition.  They’re so proud of their shitty TV that they’re replaying it this week!

Titus O’Neil hype video, despite the fact that he was eliminated last week.  They replay his post-elimination promo.

The Miz is in action NXT!

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool).  Kaval throws some kicks.  They lock up.  Kaval pushes Miz into the corner.  Miz boots Kaval in the face.  Miz works over Kaval.  Kaval fights back, but gets stomped.  Miz hammers Kaval and chokes him with a boot in the corner.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz goes for a backdrop suplex, but Kaval lands on top for 2.  Miz throws Kaval out of the ring.  Commercials.  Miz has Kaval in a rear chin lock.  During the break, he sent Kaval chest first into the side of the ring.  Kaval gets a sunset flip into a double stomp.  Kaval makes his comeback and lands a bunch of kicks.  Kaval hits the Tidal Crush for 2.  Kaval goes up top, but Miz cuts him off.  Kaval headbutts Miz down, but Miz sends Kaval into the turnbuckle.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 8:14.  Good little match.

Eli Cottonwood hype video.

The main event is NXT!  Commercials.

“Money” is the Money In The Bank theme!

Raw Rebound.

Cole and Matthews hype the Money In The Bank card.

Husky Harris hype video.

The main event is NXT!  And it’s gonna be like 6 seconds long at this rate.

NXT week, the Nexus return to NXT!  That’s gonna be interesting.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Husky Harris vs. Mark Henry & Lucky Cannon.  Harris and Cannon start.  Cannon does a nice takedown and wrings Harris’ arm.  Henry and Rhodes tag in.  Harris headbutts Rhodes, then press slams him.  Henry goes for a butt drop, but Rhodes avoids it and tags in Harris.  Rhodes and Harris hammer Henry.  Cover gets 2.  Rhodes tags in and beats on Henry.  Harris tags back in and gets NAILED with a lariat.  Rhodes and Cannon tag in.  Rhodes trips getting into the ring.  Cannon runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Cannon for the pin in 3:02.  Good little match while it lasted.

Fun show.  I’ve got no major complaints this week.

WWE NXT 6/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Generic, yet unnamed bimbo #762 is the ring announcer.

Ashley Valence informs us that voting has begin on WWE.com!  I immediately voted for Kaval like 5 times.  She introduces the rookies: Alex Riley, Husky Harris, Titus O’Neil, Kaval, Eli Cottonwood, Percy Watson, Lucky Cannon, and Michael McGillicutty.  Surprise time!  The person ranked last in tonight’s poll will be eliminated.

Matt Striker announces that the keg carrying contest is back.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.  DAMMIT.  McGillicutty gets DQ’d for immediately dropping the keg.  Lucky Cannon does it in 12.7 seconds.  Watson does it in 13 seconds.  Cottonwood does it in 13.3.  Kaval refuses to participate because the keg weighs as much as he does.  O’Neil tries and falls flat on his face in 4 seconds, but cuts a pleasant promo afterward.  Husky Harris drops the keg almost on his foot.  Riley may or may not have made it 13.8.  He tripped right at the finish.  Lucky Cannon wins immunity and cuts a promo.  These guys suck at keg carrying.

Percy Watson hype video.

MVP takes on Husky Harris NXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The other Pros are now on the stage to observe: WWE United States Champion The Miz, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool, John Morrison, Zack Ryder, and WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  No Mark Henry this week for some reason.

Husky Harris (w/ Cody Rhodes) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter (w/ Percy Watson).  They lock up.  MVP grabs a side headlock.  Harris whips him into the ropes, then they shoulder block each other.  MVP goes back to the side headlock.  MVP gets a schoolboy for 0.  MVP gets a jackknife hold for 1.  They lock up again and MVP hits an arm drag.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick in the corner to send Harris outside.  Commercials.  MVP works Harris’ shoulder.  Harris hits a uranage for 2.  Cover again for 1.  Cover again for 2.  Really?  Harris beats up MVP.  Harris hits a big splash for 2.  Harris keeps the pressure on MVP.  Harris hits 2 body slams for 1.  Harris hits a clothesline for 2.  Harris goes for a senton, but MVP avoids it.  MVP makes his comeback.  Ballin’ elbow.  MVP hits the Paydirt for the pin in 11:26.  This was kind of a mess.  MVP wants to shake hands, but Rhodes discourages that.

Tonight, the NXT poll!  Commercials!

Earlier tonight, there was a stupid keg carrying contest.

Alex Riley, Eli Cottonwood, & Titus O’Neil vs. Kaval, Michael McGillicutty, & Lucky Cannon.  McGillicutty beats up Cottonwood to start.  These fucking names make this shit hard to type.  Cottonwood knocks McGillicutty down and tags in O’Neil.  Cannon tags in and they lock up.  The crowd is deader than shit, but I think I heard a light “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant.  Cannon plays face in peril, with the de facto heel team taking turns working him over.  Kaval gets the hot tag and runs wild, kicking the shit out of Riley.  Cover for 2.  Kaval hits a handspring kick for 2, as O’Neil and Cottonwood save, pick Kaval up, and throw him out of the ring.  McGillicutty comes in and hits Riley with the neckbreaker.  McGillicutty low bridges Cottonwood out of the ring.  Cannon takes O’Neil down with a dropkick.  Kaval hits Riley with the Warrior’s Way for the pin in 5:54!  KI WON!  KI WON!  Fine little match.

The POLL is NXT!  Commercials.

Raw Rebound.

Cole and Matthews hype the Money In The Bank card.  Highlights of the first Money In The Bank Ladder Match from WrestleMania 21 and Edge using it to win his first WWE Championship.

The Poll is NXT!  For real this time!  Commercials!

Matt Striker is with the rookies at ringside.  The Poll: #1 Kaval, #2 Percy Watson, #3 Michael McGillicutty, #4 Alex Riley, #5 Lucky Cannon, #6 Eli Cottonwood, #7 Husky Harris, #8 Titus O’Neil.  O’Neil is gone.  He is pretty terrible, but I’m sad to see him go because he seems like such a pleasant fellow.  He does a nice farewell promo.

The six man was fun and I was happy to see Ki win.  The rest of the show sucked.

WWE NXT 6/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Ashley Valence (who?) is apparently the new host.  The first Pros Poll/Fan vote is next week.  She introduces the Pros: John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, WWE Women’s Champions Michelle McCool & Layla, Mark Henry, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, and Zack Ryder.  They’re missing some.  Oh, the missing ones are in the opening match.  Still no clue who the new ring announcer chick is, but she’s terrible.

WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Percy Watson.  MVP and Riley start officially, but Riley requests that Watson tag in before any contact is made.  Watson needs to not wrestle in glasses, or at least get them knocked off.  Riley hits a shoulder block, then poses.  They lock up and Riley works a headlock.  Watson’s fucking glasses stay on.  How is that possible?  Watson lands a couple of dropkicks and a drop toe hold.  MVP tags in.  MVP and Watson hit a double him toss, then fist bump.  MVP throws Riley out of the ring.  Miz chastises Riley.  Miz and Watson tag in and Miz suplexes Watson OUT OF HIS FUCKING GLASSES.  THANK YOU, MIZ!  Riley tags in and beats up Watson.  Miz chokes Watson behind the referee’s back.  Shouldn’t he be fired?  Riley works a rear chin lock.  Watson escapes with a chin breaker and makes the hot tag to MVP.  MVP runs wild on Riley.  Watson puts his stupid glasses back on at ringside.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow because Riley doesn’t move as MVP yells at him too.  Riley kicks MVP in the knee.  Watson and Miz tag in.  Watson hits a big lariat.  His glasses are gone again, thankfully.  Watson hits a wonky splash.  Riley saves.  MVP takes Riley outside.  Miz hot shots Watson into the top rope and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 6:17.  Good little match.  Things look heated between MVP and Riley.

Titus O’Neil hype video.  He’ll be in action NXT!  Also, Cole promises RAW FOOTAGE!

Titus O’Neil (w/ Zack Ryder) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston).  Inset promo from McGillicutty.  They lock up as the announcers talk about Hennig using his mother’s maiden name, which is a lie.  O’Neil whips McGillicutty into the corners and covers for 2.  O’Neil works a rear chin lock.  They botch a spot and O’Neil covers for 2.  O’Neil slams McGillicutty and goes for a big splash, but gets caught with his knees.  McGillicutty hits a sick neckbreaker drop for the pin in 2:06.  This was kind of bad.

Next week, we get to vote in the Pros Poll!

Tale of the Tape for Kaval vs. Eli Cottonwood.  I’m strangely excited for that.  It’s NXT!

WWE.com plug.

Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool) vs. Eli Cottonwood (w/ John Morrison).  Prediction: this will suck.  Kaval throws a kick.  Cottonwood throws him in the corner.  Kaval lands some more kicks.  Cottonwood throws him into the corner again.  Cottonwood locks in a bear hug and sets Kaval on the top rope.  Kaval locks in an ARMBAR! on the ropes.  Kaval kicks him again.  Kaval lands on his feet from a hip toss and hits the Tidal Crush.  Cottonwood throws Kaval to the apron.  Kaval kicks him again and hits a FUCKING GHETTO STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD for 2.  Kaval comes off the top again, but Kaval catches him and hits like a reverse chokeslam for the pin in 2:45.  Wow, this was actually kind of fun despite the fact (rather, this writer’s humble opinion) that Khali-lite sucks.  Mark Henry of all people applauds Kaval.

Lucky Cannon hype video.  He’ll face Cody Rhodes tonight!

Coming up next, footage that way more people who watch this show already saw last night!

LayC0ol console Kaval about his loss.  They give him a pink “Property of LayCool” shirt and try to make him smile.  I hate LayCool, but that’s kind of hilarious.

Matt Striker has joined Cole and Matthews for commentary.  Striker is still being called host, but this is the first we’ve seen of him all night.  They show the angle from last week where Cody Rhodes hit Striker with a cheap shot and knocked him off the stage.

Raw Rebound, AKA the complete destruction of Vince McMahon.  The iBooker says via Cole that there will be “appropriate consequences.”

The main event is NXT!

They finally show the new ring announcer.  She has big boobs, but that’s about it.  She’s also awful.

Cody Rhodes (w/ Husky Harris) vs. Lucky Cannon (w/ Mark Henry).  Rhodes says Lucky wouldn’t last 5 minutes with him, so he makes it a 5 minute challenge.  Rhodes slaps Cannon and takes him down with a side headlock.  Cannon turns it into a cradle for 1 in a spot I love.  Rhodes sends Cannon outside and beats him up on the floor while Cole and Matthews bicker.  Cannon takes Rhodes down and they do some mat wrestling.  Rhodes does a fucking up reverse Gory Special.  Cannon escapes and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Cannon hits a flapjack for 2.  Cannon hits a big boot for 2.  Rhodes NAILS Cannon with a rebound kick, then hits a kind of botched looking Cross Rhodes for the pin in 3:58.  This was kind of bad too.

Up next, Rookies’ Closing Arguments!

Next week, Pros/Fans Poll!

Matt Striker has all of the rookies in the ring to cut promos.  Riley asks if anyone recognizes him, because apparently he was a bully in high school in whichever city this is.  He keeps talking after his time expires.  Kaval (rocking his new shirt) says 10 years ago, WWE told him he was too small, but now he’s here.  He also talks too long.  O’Neil says he’s worked hard for what he has.  Michael McHennig says he has no weaknesses and he’s undefeated.  Cottonwood talks, but I can’t take my focus off of how awkward he moves.  Percy Watson is wacky and great.  Oh yeah!  Lucky Cannon talks about being lucky.  Harris cheap shots Matt Striker and hits a senton on him.  Everyone is like WTF?

Some really bad matches this week, but overall a fun show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/21/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE in Bridgeport, Connecticut.  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Vince McMahon comes out and talks about the CHAOS that went down last night.  He blames Bret Hart for not showing up last night or taking any precautions.  He fires Bret as GM.  The new general manager is a computer that emails Michael Cole directives, or something.  Actually, the GM wants to remain anonymous., so he/she/it sends emails to Cole  I like my idea better.  Cole gets an email that says the NXT 7 have been hired and will address the WWE Universe tonight.  The NEW WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  Sheamus says this isn’t how he wanted to win the WWE Championship.  The fuck?  Sheamus says he can’t accept the championship under these conditions.  He teases handing the belt over to Vince, then puts himself over as WWE Champion.  Okay, that was pretty great.  Sheamus thanks the NXT guys for the assist, but says he didn’t need their help.  John Cena comes out.  He’s glad the NXT guys have been signed so he can kick their asses.  He also wants his title rematch tonight.  Sheamus, of course, says no.  Cole says that the Mac has booked Sheamus vs. Cena for the title tonight, with Mr. McMahon was the guest referee.  We’re off to an interesting start!

WWE Slam of the Week: Evan Bourne vs. Chris Jericho from last week.

Evan Bourne vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he’ll leave WWE forever if he loses, and he’s lost to Bourne twice in a row.  Bourne gets some quick 2 counts from cradles.  Jericho bails to avoid a kick.  Commercials.  Jericho has Bourne in a fell nelson on the ground.  During the break, Bourne hit a dive to the outside, then got sent into the barricade.  “LET’S GO EVAN!” chants.  Bourne hits the Bourne Clutch for 2.  Jericho baseball slide dropkicks Bourne out of the ring.  Bourne barely beats the count back in.  Jericho goes for a suplex, but Bourne falls on top for 2.  Bourne nails Jericho with a spin kick and a knee strike, then a running elbow and running kick to the corner.  Cover gets 2.  Bourne goes for a rana, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Bourne turns it into a DDT just like he did last night for 2.  Jericho hits a double arm backbreaker for 2.  Jericho applies a backbreaker hold.  Bourne knees his way out.  Jericho goes to the middle rope and Bourne ranas him off for 2.  Bourne goes for his knee takedown, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho.  Bourne finally makes it to the ropes.  Bourne nails Jericho with a kick from the apron and goes for the Shooting Star press, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin in 10:43.  Really good match.  They did a lot of the same spots from their PPV match last night.  Jericho helps Bourne up just so he can pie face him down.  What a dick!

Tonight, the NXT guys speak!  Also, Sheamus defends the WWE Championship against John Cena, with Mr. McMahon as the referee!  Commercials!

NXT hype!

Bridgeport!

Earlier tonight, the iBooker booked Cena vs. Sheamus for the WWE title with Vince as referee.  We know that already.

Vince McMahon is on the phone, presumably talking to the Raw GM.

Ted Dibiase Jr. apologizes to Virgil (he’s still employed) for embarrassing him last week, then fires him.  He introduces his new manservant… Maryse.  “What are you gonna do for protection?”  “Go to the drug store.”  Awesome.

Josh Matthews interviews Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty and Natalya.  They’re mad about Bret being fired.  Natalya dedicates her match tonight to Bret.

A limo arrives!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

They show the NXT guys putting Bret Hart in a limo that backed into shit last week.

Natalya (w/ Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty) vs. Tamina (w/ Jimmy & Jey Uso).  Tamina goes on the attack immediately.  Natalya fights back and gets distracted by the Usos.  Tamina goes for a Samoan drop, but Natalya turns it into a sunset flip, then goes for the Sharpshooter.  The NXT season 1 rookies (Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, Skip Sheffield, and Heath Slater) come out.  Barrett tries to apologize, but Kidd hits a dive onto a couple of them.  They beat the hell out of the Harts.  Commercials.  The match is presumably a no-contest in about a minute.

The NXT 7 are in the ring.  Otunga apologizes on behalf of the group, saying they only did it to get noticed.  Slater says it was nothing personal.  Gabriel apologizes to Bret Hart and the Hart Dynasty.  Cole very kindly tells us who these guys are.  Young apologizes to his long lost twin, John Cena.  Sheffield apologizes to the fans.  Tarver apologizes to his children.  Barrett says his contract and his PPV title shot have been reinstated by iBooker.  Barrett addresses Sheamus and says he’ll be taking the title soon.  They also have music now.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Cena for the title with Vince McMahon as referee!

WWE.com plug.

John Morrison comes out for a match with Ted Dibiase Jr., but Dibiase says he’s found a replacement since has better things to do tonight (Maryse).

John Morrison (w/ Eli Cottonwood) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Titus O’Neil).  They lock up.  Ryder cheap shots Morrison to get the advantage.  Morrison fights back AND THAT SAME COCK SUCKING REF FROM LAST NIGHT GETS IN THE FUCKING WAY.  The motherfucker is trying to get himself over at the expense of the match.  Ryder does some shit.  Morrison schoolboys him for 2.  Ryder hits a knee drop for 2.  Morrison hits a jawbreaker and a big kick for 2.  Ryder ducks the running knee strike and goes to the apron, then pulls Morrison across the top rope.  Ryder goes for the Rough Ryder, but Morrison powerbombs him and hits the Starship Pain for the pin in 4:24.  It was fine.  I hate that stupid fucking referee.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena backstage.  He doesn’t accept the NXT guys’ apology.  Vince steps in and tells him that neither he nor Sheamus will have any excuses tonight, because he’s the ref.

Great Khali & Eve Torres vs. Primo & WWE Divas Champion Alicia Fox.  The guys start, but Primo immediately tags out.  You can’t blame him for not wanting the headache of trying to work with Khali.  They ladies go at it.  After some shoving,  Eve takes Fox down with a headlock.  Twice.  Eve hits a clothesline for 2.  Fox beats up Eve some.  Eve fights back.  Fox hits a knee to the face for 2.  Fox powers Eve into the corner.  Eve lands a dropkick and a half assed enzuigiri.  Eve hits a moonsault press.  Primmo comes in.  Fox bails.  Eve slaps Primo and tags in Khali.  Primo begs off.  Fox takes her belt and leaves.  Khali chops Primo, then hits the choke bomb for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked.  Eve dancing after the match was the highlight by far.

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

Randy Orton comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’ll put all of the NXT guys in the skull.  He then accepts Barrett’s apology and says he hopes Barrett becomes WWE Champion so he can take the title from him.  WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out.  Miz says the voices in his head are sick of seeing Randy Orton in the main event.  So am I.  Miz says he should get the next title shot because he’s… then he just attacks Orton.  Orton ducks a shot and hits the snap powerslam.  Orton humps the mat.  Miz bails before he can get RKO’d.  Edge runs in and spears Orton.  Edge says “Now, the real fun begins, Randy.”  Ugh, more Orton/Edge?

The main event is NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. John Cena.  Vince McMahon is the special referee, but Jack Doane is also there for some reason.  Oh, apparently Vince is going to be the outside referee.  At least it’s not that fuck head who keeps getting in the way.  Cena tries a go behind, but Sheamus gets the ropes to force a break.  Sheamus forgoes the lock up and kicks Cena in the gut, then beats on him.  Sheamus whips Cena into the corner, then covers for 2.  Sheamus hits a reverse DDT-style backbreaker for 2.  Alternating “LET’S GO CENA!” and “CENA SUCKS!” chants.  Sheamus throws Cena out of the ring.  Commercials.  Cena fights back, then spears the post.  Sheamus hits a clothesline for 2.  Sheamus continues beating on Cena.  Cena uses his retard strength to break a hold.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Cena counters with an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Cena makes his comeback: shoulder block, shoulder block, spinning backdrop thing, Five Knuckle Shuffle.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus pokes Cena in the eyes and hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Cena takes him down and locks in the STF.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus rolls outside.  Cena follows and Sheamus whips him into the steps.  Sheamus throws Cena back in the ring and covers for 2.  Sheamus sets up the steps vertically in the aisle and throws Cena into them.  That’s not a DQ?  Sheamus throws Cena back in the ring and hits the pump kick.  The NXT season 1 guys run in.  Sheamus escapes through the crowd again.  The NXT guys throw Cena over the announce table and throw the table on top of him.  Vince looks pleased.  The match is presumably a no-contest in about 15 minutes.  It was pretty good while it lasted.

Vince calls the NXT guys into the ring.  He takes “partial responsibility” for their actions.  He says next week the GM will reveal… something.  The NXT guys start looking at Vince all evily.  Vine realizes he’s fucked and gives a classic Vince gulp.  They all play it off like it was a joke.  Vince says something insulting to Barrett.  A “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant breaks out.  The guys circle Vince and beat the shit out of him.  They do the usual, with Sheffield hitting a monster lariat and Barrett hitting his shitty front fireman’s carry drop.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Vince.  The NXT guys leave.  Where on Earth is this angle going?

Good show.  I am once again excited to see what happens next week.