Archive for The Rock

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/28/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

CM Punk is sitting Indian style in the ring.  We’re LIVE from Chicago.  He cuts a promo about Randy Orton.  He blames the New Nexus for their own misfortunes.  They show Punk’s attack on Orton at Orton’s bus last week.  He says he’ll close this chapter at Mania.  Randy Orton limps out with his knee taped up.  They brawl.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat despite his injured knee.  Orton goes for the punt, but his knee gives out and Punk escapes.  He realizes that this would be a good time to take advantage of a wounded opponent and returns to the ring to taunt him, then kicks him in the injured knee.  Punk delivers the Go 2 Sleep.

Tonight, The Undertaker and Triple H will face off!  So will John Cena, The Miz, and The Rock.

Edge and Christian meet up backstage.  Edge talks about the stupidity of Teddy Long saying he can’t touch Alberto Del Rio on Smackdown, but the iBooker says he can.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio from Smackdown.

Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio & Brodus Clay.  Del Rio & Clay are of course introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez.  Edge and Clay start.  Clay is awesome at beating and being beaten.  Edge and Christian make quick tags and try to work Clay’s arm over.  They bundle him out of the ring and Christian gos for a dive.  Clay catches him, but Edge knocks him down with a baseball slide dropkick.  Commercials.  Del Rio works Christian’s arm, having gained the advantage during the break.  Del Rio and Clay keep the heat going on Christian.  Edge gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Edge goes for the spear on Clay, but Del Rio trips him from the outside.  Christian attacks Del Rio, who whips him into the barricade.  Edge spears Clay for the pin in 8:15.  The match was fine.  Del Rio puts Christian in the cross armbreaker in the aisle.  Edge chases Del Rio out of the building.  Edge goes back to check on Christian.  Del Rio attacks him from behind and puts him in the cross armbreaker.

Trish Stratus and Snooki are in a bar in New Jersey.  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Chicago!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage with an upside down WWE logo.

The iBooker dings in.  Lawler believes this will be a good chance to fuck with Cole, but Cole, who routinely leaves the Cole Mine, now stays securely inside and reads the e-mail from his iPad.  Cole announcers Lawler vs. Jack Swagger for tonight.

Awesome Undertaker/Triple H hype video.  They’ll face off tonight!  Commercials!

WrestleMania Week events list.

WWE Tag Team Champion Justin Gabriel (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champion Heath Slater, & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella (w/ The Big Show, Kane, Vladimir Kozlov, & Tamina).  These guys will have an 8-man tag at Mania.  They lock up and wrestle a bit.  Slater distracts Santino.  Gabriel lands a spin kick for 2.  Gabriel cranks on Santino’s arm.  Santino throws him off and makes his comeback.  Santino frighters Slater with the Cobra.  Kane decks Slater.  Kozlov trips Gabriel behind the referee’s back.  Show and Kane take out the rest of the Corre at ringside.  Santino hits the Cobra for the pin in 1:52.  There ya go.  All of the babyfaces celebrate jovially.

Plug for WWE All Stars, a very silly looking game.

Triple H is headed our way!  Commercials.

Keri Hilson will perform America The Beautiful at WrestleMania.  Never heard of her.

The Undertaker comes out.  So does Triple H.  So does Shawn Michaels.  Michaels apologizes for interrupting, then proceeds to hype up the match.  Michaels is mad that Triple H thinks he can do what Michaels couldn’t.  Triple H says Michaels has gone soft.  He talks about Undertaker’s dedication and says that’s why he chose to pattern himself after Taker.  Triple H has this really great bit about how he and Shawn made a pact to tell each other when it was time to leave, and now he’s telling Taker it’s time for him to leave out of respect.  Taker says if he ever needed someone to put him down, he’d want it to be Triple H, but it’s not time for that yet.  He says he and the streak will both survive Mania.  Taker talks about how Michaels failed twice despite his greatness and that is now humbled.  He sort of shoves Michaels.  Michaels goes for the superkick.  Undertaker catches it and goes for the chokeslam.  Triple H breaks it up and stares down Taker.  He tells Shawn to tell Taker why he will beat him at Mania.  Shawn leaves instead.  Triple H calls out to him.  Shawn looks back and says “You can’t win.”  Taker tips his hat to Triple H and leaves.  Fucking great segment.

Tonight a face off between Cena, Rock, and Miz that won’t be in the same universe as the one we just saw.  Commercials.

Jack Swagger (w/ Michael Cole) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Lawler comes out to new music that sucks compared to the music he’s always used in WWE.  Cole gets on the apron.  Lawler lunges for him.  Swagger jumps Cole and beats him up.  Swagger sends Lawler outside and throws him over the barricade so he can pose uninterrupted.  Lawler clocks Swagger with a chair to cause the DQ in 1:16, then several more times to boot.  He goes after Cole, who hides in the Cole Mine, so Lawler hits the Cole Mine, then tries to climb into it.  He’s held back by Cole’s security.  Cole throws liquid on him, then talks shit from the safety of his box.

Tonight, Cena/Rock/Miz stuff.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: John Morrison & Trish Stratus vs. Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, & Vickie Guerrero from last week, where Morrison did the job for Vickie Guerrero.  Yes.  That happened.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to be obnoxious and do John Morrison poses.  I fast forward through her screaming with her nails on a chalkboard voice.

WWE United States Champion Sheamus & Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. John Morrison & Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus beats up Morrison.  One of Morrison’s best roles is getting his ass kicked by Sheamus.  Morrison decks Ziggler on the apron.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Commercials.  Morrison continues playing face in peril.  Bryan tags in and locks Ziggler in the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus kicks Bryan in the back of the head, then tags in and kills Bryan with a Polish Hammer.  Morrison saves.  Ziggler accosts Morrison and gets dropped with a Pele Kick.  Sheamus sends Morrison outside.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus counters, then avoids Bryan in the corner and hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 6:15.  What the showed of it was pretty fun.

Earlier tonight, stuff went down between Randy Orton and CM Punk.

Randy Orton ices his injured knee backstage.  Scott Stanford asks him if he’ll make it to Mania.  He says he’ll make it there, but Punk won’t make it out.

Tonight, Cena/Rock/Miz stuff.  Commercials.

Chicago!

New Hall of Fame inductee: The Road Warriors!

Trish Stratus and Snooki TAPED via satellite.  Pretty sure Snooki is drunk.  Some Jersey tard hits on them.  Snooki slaps him.  LayCool show up.  Snooki throws a drink in Layla.  They brawl.

Cena/Rock/Miz next.  Commercials.

The Rock comes out.  He talks about how his first WrestleMania match was in this building.  He goes on with his promo, the highlight of which is when he calls John Cena “a homeless Power Ranger.”  Cena comes out and talks to Rock for a while.  They get mad at each other and act like they’re gonna fight.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz babbles for a while.  Rock says it doesn’t matter what Miz thinks.  Miz and Riley jump The Rock.  Cena has disappeared.  Rock makes his own comeback, knocks Riley out of the ring, and DDTs Miz and gives him the People’s Elbow, then throws him out of the ring.  Cena comes back in and gives Rock the Attitude Adjustment.

Pretty good go-home show, I thought.

Advertisements

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/14/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

The Rock appears on the screen pretending to talk to President Obama on the phone.  John Cena’s music plays.  A kid dressed like Cena appears in Rock’s office.  Rock has a talk with “Cena,” makes him cry, and gives him some Fruity Pebbles.  Rock then cuts a serious promo on The Miz.

Trish Stratus chats with Snooki backstage.

Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Cole is in a plexiglass box.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion The Miz comes out.  They show his various recent attacks on John Cena.  Miz cuts a promo on The Rock.  iBooker dings in.  Cole leaves the Cole Mine to read it, so what’s the point of the Cole Mine?  Lawler punks him down and reads it himself.  Tonight, there are to be 2 never before seen matches: Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio and Miz vs. Great Khali, the latter of which is next.  Commercials

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Miz goes on the attack.  Khali lightly shoves him down.  Khali beats up Miz, who looks like a midget by comparison.  Khali applies the head vice.  Miz gets a rope break.  Alex Riley appears and attacks Khali to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Khali gives Riley the crown chop and the tree slam.  Miz wears out Khali with a chair.  So let me get this straight: THE WWE CHAMPION, 3 WEEKS BEFORE WRESTLEFREAKINGMANIA, COULDN”T BEAT THE GREAT FUCKING KHALI?  It’s not like Khali has any fucking credibility anyway, since the last time he was on Raw he was doing the stupid kiss cam.  Miz DDTs Khali on the chair.

Cole promises to “expose” Jerry Lawler tonight.  Also, Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

From Smackdown: Triple H cut a promo on The Undertaker.

Saint Louis!

John Morrison hits on Snooki backstage.  Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupt.  Vickie talks shit to Snooki.  Snooki slaps her.  Vickie throws a fit.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Sheamus.  Sheamus promised to quit if he lost, but he seems to be having second thoughts about that.  They lock up and wrestle a bit.  Sheamus hits a shoulder block for 0.  Bryan back flips over Sheamus and hits a drop toe hold.  He goes for the LeBell Lock, but Sheamus rolls to the apron.  Bryan kicks him off and lands a tope suicida.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Sheamus bails.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Bryan in a neck crank, having gained the advantage during the break.  Sheamus beats on Bryan.  Sheamus lands a knee lift for 2.  Bryan catches an inside cradle for 2, then back body drops Sheamus to the floor.  Sheamus sells a leg injury like he did last week.  Sheamus makes it back in.  The referre stands in Bryan’s way.  Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Bryan ducks and locks in the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Bryan counters into a cradle for 2.  They trade elbows.  Bryan lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Bryan goes up top and dives.  Sheamus kills him in midair with the brogue kick for the pin in 8:59 to win the title.  Fun match, even if the Bryan mark in me is a little bummed he lost the title.

Cole promises to interview someone from Lawler’s past next.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Last week, Michael Cole introduced JBL as his WrestleMania referee, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.  Also, beer was poured on Michael Cole, which was awesome.

Michael Cole is obnoxious, then introduces his guest, Lawler’s son Brian Christopher.  Christopher comes out dancing to the old Too Cool music and looking older than his dad.  The crowd does not give a fuck.  Christopher talks about what a shitty dad Lawler was.  Lawler retorts about what a fuck up Christopher is.  Christopher asks Lawler how he feels about Christopher competing at WrestleMania before him, then shoves and slaps his dad.  He says he never used Lawler’s name because he’s ashamed of him.  Cole starts to shit talk Lawler again.  “Boomer Sooner” plays and Jim Ross comes out!  Cole shit talks JR.  They banter for a bit.  Cole continues talking shit, then Ross acts like he wants to fight.  Jack Swagger appears from somewhere and jumps Lawler, then beats up JR and puts him in the ankle lock.  Lawler wakes up to make the save.  Cole jumps on his back.  Swagger knocks Lawler down and puts him in the ankle lock.  Cole puts JR in the ankle lock.

Tonight, Cena vs. Del Rio!  It could be a big money drawing match in 6 months to a year, so of course they’re giving it away free with no build!  Orton vs. Ryan is next.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Randy Orton punting Michael McGillicutty 2 weeks ago, and David Otunga last week.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan (w/ CM Punk).  Punk watches from the stage since he isn’t allowed at ringside.  They lock up, then brawl.  Ryan hits a backbreaker for 2.  Ryan hits 2 more backbreakers for 2, so an extra backbreaker does not equal an extra count.  Ryan applies a bear hug.  Ryan hits a side Rock Bottom for 2.  He goes for it again.  Orton hits the RKO for the pin in 3:00.  At least it’s over.  Punk can’t have Nexus fight his battle for him at WrestleMania.  Orton stares at Punk for a while, then returns to the ring and punts Ryan, then humps the mat while glaring at Punk.  Punk backs away in fear.

Earlier tonight, Snooki/Vickie Guerrero stuff.  Commercials.

Saint Louis.

New Hall of Famer: Drew Carey.  Are you fucking serious?  I hate WWE.

Michael Cole decides he hasn’t been obnoxious enough tonight, so he’s obnoxious some more.

Cena vs. Del Rio tonight.

Trish Stratus and Snooki are walking backstage.  Zack Ryder hits on Snooki, who approves of his abs.  Commercials.

Snooki comes out.  She’s not nearly as obnoxious as that parody of her in TNA.  She says Trish Stratus will shut up Vickie Guerrero.  She leaves to sit at ringside.  Vickie comes out and is obnoxious.

No DQ Match: Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus.  Vickie does jumping jacks and football exercises.  Trish schoolgirls her for 2.  Dammit.  Trish pie faces Vickie.  Vickie bails and runs around the ring.  Trish chases her back in.  Vickie cackles and tries to use a shoe as a sword, then throws it.  Who throws a shoe, honestly?  Trish spanks Vickie with her own shoe.  Dolph Ziggler runs in.  John Morrison hits the ring and takes him out, then hits him with a dive.  Michelle McCool and Layla appear and attack Trish.  Michelle kicks Trish with the loaded boot.  Vickie covers and gets the pin while LayCool sit on her back in 2:27.  So Vickie has a job.  Fuck.  All of the obnoxious women are obnoxious together.  McCool talks shit to Snooki, who is very short.  McCool shoves Snooki.  Snooki pulls her down face first into the apron, then attacks Layla in the ring.  Trish stops McCool from making the save.  Vickie throws a fit.  The heels escape.  Ugh.  Vickie challenges Morrison, Trish, & Snooki to face Ziggler & LayCool at WrestleMania.  Snooki agrees.  Joy.

Cena vs. Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Video of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay) vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Del Rio takes Cena down with a side headlock.  Del Rio hits a shoulder block.  Cena makes a comeback.  Cole insists that The Rock is here.  Commercials 5 minutes into the overrun.  Del Rio lands a dropkick for 2.  Cena turns a headlock in a backdrop suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  Cena makes his standard comeback and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brodus Clay attacks Cena to cause the DQ in 7:19.  The Rock’s music plays, but it’s The Miz wearing a very believable skin cap.  Miz, Del Rio, and Clay beat down Cena.  Miz hits the Rock Bottom.  Okay, now I can see the outlines on the skin cap.  Del Rio gives Cena an enzuigiri.  Clay delivers a fall away slam.  Miz does The Rock’s corner pose, then takes off the stupid skin cap and goes outside to ram Cena’s back into the post.  Miz hits Cena with a microphone and talks shit to him.  Miz suplexes Cena on the stage, then picks him up.  Cena fights back and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz counters and DDTs Cena on the stage, then throws him into the set, then gives him the Skull Crushing Finale.

Parts of the show were passable, but mostly… just fucking ugh.

WWE Superstars 3/10/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open.  Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  They promise more Raw replays.

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks.  This is coming off of Reks’ attack on Masters last week after Masters beat Curt Hawkins.  Masters has 2 straight wins over Reks.  Masters kicks ass and goes for the Master Lock.  Reks escapes from the ring.  They brawl back in the ring.  Reks gets the advantage and puts a beating on Masters.  Reks hits a short lariat for 2, then applies a neck and shoulder hold.  Reks whips Masters down and continues the vicious attack.  Masters comes back with a diving shoulder block, then clotheslines Reks out of the ring again.  They brawl outside.  Reks sends Masters face first into the post, then hits a Final Cut.  Insta-commercials.  Reks has Masters in a half crab.  Masters gets a rope break.  Reks hits a backbreaker for 2.  Reks keeps the heat doing.  Masters gets a backslide for 1, then counters Reks and hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters makes his comeback.  Sky High gets 2.  D’Lo Brown represent!  Reks hits a Complete Shot for 2.  Reks goes for the Burning Hammer.  Masters escapes and locks in the Master Lock  for the referee stop (7:21 shown).  Good little match.  It’s a shame that Masters finally becomes a good wrestler and he’s relegated to Superstars.

Up next, Raw replays!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers.

From Raw: Michael Cole introduced John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.

Tonight, Khali, Henry, & Natalya vs. Regal, Kidd, & Melina!  That’s quite the mess.

Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella & Tamina) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Primo).  Ryder hides in the ropes.  Kozlov throws him around.  Kozlov gets a leg lock.  Ryder gets the ropes.  Ryder grabs a headlock.  Kozlov catches a cross body and hits a fall away slam.  Ryder rolls to the floor.  Kozlov throws him back in.  Ryder gets the jump on Kozlov coming back in.  For a second.  Kozlov does the battering ram headbutts and a judo throw, and continues to smash Ryder.  Primo gets on the apron.  Santino pulls him off.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for the pin in 3:00.  There ya go.

From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaking on the Triple H/Undertaker WrestleMania match.

Still to come, MORE Raw replays!

From Raw: The Rock/John Cena/The Miz shit talking.

Main event is NEXT!

Great Khali, Mark Henry, & Natalya vs. William Regal, Tyson Kidd, & Melina.  Natalya and Melina do some stuff.  It breaks out into a cat fight.  Kidd tags in and tells Natalya to get out.  Natalya tags in Henry.  Kidd slaps him, runs away, and tags in Regal.  Henry smashes Regal and tags in Khali.  Regal takes Khali down to a knee.  Kidd tags himself in and slaps Khali.  Khali no sells it.  Kidd tries to tag out, but neither Regal nor Melina are interested.  Kidd tries to make friends.  Khali delivers the crown chop and the tree slam for the pin in 3:09.  At least that’s over.  Or not.  Henry splashes Kidd.  Natalya puts him in the Sharpshooter.  Regal just stands back and watches.  The faces celebrate.  Regal puts Kidd in the Regal Stretch.  Melina slaps him.  Haha, man, they buried Tyson under the earth here.

Aside from the opener, a very mediocre show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/7/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of last week’s happenings.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Undertaker comes to the ring and talks about his match with Triple H at WrestleMania.  They show a very cool video package of the 2 Undertaker/Shawn Michaels WrestleMania match.  He wants the match at Mania to be No Holds Barred, because apparently someone is going to die.  He says Triple H will “rest in peace” at WrestleMania.

Tonight, John Cena talks shit about The Rock!  Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Raw!

Randy Orton brawls with the three remaining members of the New Nexus backstage.  Nexus get the better of it since it’s 3-on-1.  Punk sends Orton’s head into a wall repeatedly, then delivers the Go 2 Sleep.  Punk orders Otunga and Ryan to drag Orton to the ring.  Commercials.

The New Nexus are beating down Randy Orton in the ring.  Referees come out to break it up.  Otunga wants his match with Orton.  Orton drags himself up and agrees.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga.  Otunga beats on Orton.  Otunga hits a fancy elbow drop for 2.  Orton hits a body slam for 2.  Otunga hits a spinebuster for 2.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin 1:59.  Otunga is banned from ringside at WrestleMania too.  Mason Ryan attacks Orton and drops him with a big boot.  He picks Orton up and gets dropped with an RKO.  CM Punk tries to hit the ring, but Orton scares him away, then punts Otunga in the head, then humps the mat.

Tonight, Cole reveals his special guest referee for WrestleMania.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: John Cena overpowering The Miz to defeat Alex Riley in a Steel Cage Match last week, then getting dropped with the Skull Crushing Finale.

Dallas!

The Miz is apparently boycotting Raw tonight.

Christian and Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay and introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez) come out for a match.  I have know idea why this happening on Raw, since they’re both Smackdown guys.  Del Rio sends his NXT rookie Brodus Clay to wrestle Christian instead.

Christian vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Alberto Del Rio).  Clay is a big fat dude.  He shoves Christian down and steps on his back.  Clay blocks the Killswitch and drops Christian with a punch.  Christian tries to fight back and gets dropped with a headbutt.  Clay huts some elbow drops for 2.  Clay cranks on Christian’s previously injured arm, then hits a fall away slam.  Christian avoids a big splash and hits an ineffective missile dropkick.  A second missile dropkick drops Clay.  Cover gets 2.  Clay hits a lariat for 2.  Christian avoids a powerslam and hits a tornado DDT for the pin in 2:41.  Good little match.  I rather like this Brodus Clay fellow.  Del Rio immediately attacks Christian.  Christian fights back.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special.

Replay of The Rock’s live via satellite promo from last week.  Cena responds tonight!

Also tonight, Stone Cold returns!  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Newest Hall of Fame inductee is… Sunny!

Divas title match next.  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: One of the Bellas won a Battle Royal last week.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Eve Torres (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella).  They lock up.  Eve throws Nikki across the ring, then rams her face into the turnbuckle, then throws her around some more.  Cover gets 2.  Nikki beats up Eve and throws her around.  Cover gets 2.  Nikki works the hair, of course.  Michael Cole shouts for them to get this over with, and for once I agree with the turd.  Cole babbles on and on and says “I’m the main event” 7,000 times.  Eve hits a flash kick.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The referee catches them.  Eve throws Nikki back in and hits a neckbreaker drop for the pin in 3:07 to mercifully end this.  Cole reveals his referee next.  Commercials.

Snooki from Jersey Shore will be here next week.  UGH.  WWE, if you’re going to rip off TNA, rip off SOMETHING THAT ISN’T COMPLETELY FUCKING HORRIBLE AND MAKES ME WANT TO PUT A BULLET IN MY FUCKING HEAD.

Last week, Jack Swagger fucked Lawler’s ankle up while Cole humped the mat in joy.

Michael Cole is in the ring being a cocksucker.  He has a contract of the referee to sign.  Cole spazzes out for a while, then talks about his referee.  He fakes like it’s going to be Steve Austin, then introduces John Bradshaw Layfield!  I fully expected something stupid like Alex Riley, but JBL is pretty cool.  JBL shit talks the crowd, then puts over Cole.  Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out.  JBL and Cole bitch at him.  Cole hides behind JBL, of course.  Austin stuns JBL.  Cole scampers out of the ring.  Austin drinks beer.  Cole all but cries on commentary.  Austin pours beer on JBL, then signs the contract to become the referee for Lawler/Cole at Mania.  By this point, I think Cole IS crying.  Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours beer on him.  Yay!  Austin sarcastically wishes Cole good luck.  JBL gets  up.  Austin gives him a beer, toasts him, then stuns him again.  Yay again!  Jack Swagger comes out to watch Cole throw a temper tantrum.  This segment was awesome.

Another replay of Rock’s promo from last week.  Tonight, Cena talks shit back.  Commercials.

Michael Cole whines to Jack Swagger backstage.  Swagger says he’ll break Austin’s ankle.  Cole goes to take a shower.

Jerry Lawler, having been missing all show for no apparent reason, comes out to join Matthews for commentary.  They show Austin signing the contract and pouring beer on Cole again.  That never gets old.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. King Sheamus.  They show Sheamus getting beaten up by Triple H and losing to Evan Bourne last week.  Sheamus attacks Bryan and stomps him down in the corner.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2.  Bryan dropkicks Sheamus to the apron, then dropkicks him off the apron.  Sheamus sells a leg injury and gets counted out in 1:12.  Sheamus throws a fit.  Well this was lame.  Sheamus says he’ll end his losing streak next week.  He challenges Bryan to put up the title against Sheamus’ job.  Bryan accepts.

Up next, Shawn Michaels speaks SOME MORE about Undertaker/Triple H.  Commercials.

CM Punk (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. R-Truth.  Truth gets a schoolboy for 2.  Punk throws Truth into 3 posts.  Truth tries to fight back, but Punk stomps him down.  Punk hits a snapmare for 2, then works Truth’s shoulder.  Truth makes his comeback.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Truth counters and hits a jumping kick for 2.  Punk pulls Truth’s arm across the top rope, then takes him down, pounds the shoulder, and locks in the Anaconda Vice for the submission in 2:32.  Ryan gives Truth a powerslam afer the match.

More video of Shawn Michaels talking about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

Vickie Guerrero comes out.  Joy.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Snooki next week.  Kill me now.

Vickie Guerrero is in the ring being obnoxious.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler, who has been signed to Raw.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. John Morrison.  Vickie on commentary.  Ugh.  They lock up.  Ziggler gets a headlock and a shoulder block.  Morrison goes for a leap frog, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee.  Commercials.  Ziggler works a headlock.  Morrison avoids Ziggler in the corner and makes his comeback.  Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive for 2, as Ziggler gets a foot on the rope.  Ziggler rakes Morrison’s face and hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 5:33.  The less than half they showed of it was fine.  Vickie gets in the ring to celebrate.  iBooker dings in.  Lawler reads that Ziggler has been hired, but Vickie hasn’t.  Vickie will have to win her match next week against… Trish Stratus.  Security comes out to take Vickie out.  She’s pissed that Dolph doesn’t help her.

Another replay of Rock’s promo.  Cena responds next.  Commercials.

Dallas.

Yet another Rock reply.

John Cena comes out, talks for a bit, then raps about The Rock not actually showing up to do his shit talking.  He reveals a parody of The Rock’s shirt that says “I bring it via satellite.”  WWE Champion The Miz appears and clocks Cena with the title belt.  Twice.  Miz cuts a promo on Cena, then stares at the camera to talk shit to The Rock.  Miz gives Cena the Skull Crushing Finale, then the People’s Elbow.

Besides the Christian match and the Austin segment, I pretty much hated this show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/4/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of last week’s happenings.  Tonight, the contract signing for Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio at WrestleMania!

Smackdown open.  We are TAPED from Cleveland, Ohio.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Booker T are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.  Tonight, The Undertaker returns to Smackdown!

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about Alberto Del Rio.  He talks about how happy he is to be rid of Vickie Guerrero.  Drew McIntyre hits the ring and brawls with Edge.  Edge sends him to the floor.  Teddy Long comes out and thanks McIntyre for losing, causing Vickie to be fired.  He books Edge vs. McIntyre for right now.  Edge gets the crowd to chant “Thank you, Drew.”  Commercials.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Drew McIntyre.  Edge goes on the attack.  McIntyre gets the advantage and beats up Edge.  McIntyre works Edge’s injured arm.  McIntyre drops Edge with a big boot and sends him to the floor, then rams the injured arm into the announce table.  McIntyre yells that he’s going to end Edge’s career.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre rips the tape off of Edge’s injured elbow and further abuses it.  Edge back body drops McIntyre on the floor.  Back inside, Edge goes up top and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge hits the spear, then pulls McIntyre up at 2.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator for the submission in 5:20.  Fine little match.

Tonight, Big Show vs. Kane!  The Undertaker!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Cody Rhodes comes out to Rey Mysterio’s music wearing the mask he stole last week.  They show the ambush Cody and Dusty Rhodes set up against Mysterio last week.  Rhodes cuts a good promo and challenges Mysterio to a match at WrestleMania.

Kane encounters The Corre backstage.  They offer their help against Show tonight.

The Corre defend the tag titles against Santino & Kozlov NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino and Gabriel dance around, then lock up.  Santino throws Gabriel around.  Kozlov tags in and goes maulin’.  Santino and Kozlov clear the ring.  Commercials.  Kozlov has Slater in a headlock.  That’s odd.  The Corre cut Kozlov off.  Barrett gets in a cheap shot.  The Corre get the heat on Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  Barrett gets on the ring and takes the bullet.  Slater hits Santino with a reverse DDT for the pin in 7:29.  Meh.  The Corre celebrate.

Christian returns next week!  They show the attack by Alberto Del Rio that injured him last year and Christian’s return attack on Del Rio at Elimination Chamber.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez are backstage.  Someone is painting a portrait of Del Rio.

Up next, The Undertaker!  Commercials!

They show Triple H’s promo on Undertaker from Raw.

The Undertaker comes out to “Ain’t No Grave” by Johnny Cash, wish is an awesome choice for entrance music.  He talks about facing Triple H at WrestleMania.  Fine promo.

Tonight, the contract signing!  Kane vs. Show!  Commercials!

Cleveland!

Sin Cara is coming to WWE!

Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendez vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  They show the bickering between LayCool last week.  Beth and McCool lock up.  Beth attacks McCool’s allegedly injured foot.  Rosa tags in and does the same.  Layla tags in.  Rosa throws her down some, then swings at McCool.  Layla beats up Rosa.  McCool tags in and shoves Layla, then beats up Rosa.  Layla and Beth tag in.  Beth runs wild and hits a powerslam.  McCool saves.  The referee gets distracted by Rosa.  McCool kicks Beth with her loaded boot for the pin in 2:19.  This sucked.

Next, Show vs. Kane, which will also suck.  Commercials.

The Big Show vs. Kane.  They show Show fighting off The Corre last week.  Kane and Show brawl.  Double clothesline spot.  The Corre come out.  Barrett throws Kane a chair.  Kane hits Show with it to cause the DQ in 1:14.  The Corre attack Show.  Kane hammers Gabriel with the chair.  The Corre bail.  At least this was short.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Replay of Shawn Michaels speaking on the Undertaker/Triple H match.

Jack Swagger comes out.  They show Swagger attacking Jerry Lawler on Raw.  Cole gets in the ring to babble for a while.  He hypes his mystery guest referee and insults Cleveland.  Commercials.

Jack Swagger vs. JTG.  Swagger takes JTG down and humps him or something.  Cole is babbling a mile a minute.  Matthews and Booker look like they want to die.  Swagger hits some Vader Bombs and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 1:06.  Cole is so excited he humps the announce table.  He gets in the ring to hug Swagger.  I imagine Cole will obey Swagger’s music and “get down on his knees” to suck Swagger’s cock.

Video of the Rock/John Cena shit talking.

Edge is talking backstage.  He defaces Del Rio’s portrait, then kicks the painter in the ass.  Commercials.

Teddy Long is in the ring for the contract signing.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio has Ricardo sing the Mexican National Anthem.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts.  They banter for a while and sign the contract.  Teddy scampers out of the ring just before Edge and Del Rio start brawling.  Edge hits the Edgecution and goes for the spear.  Ricardo grabs his leg.  Del Rio beats up Edge and puts him in the cross armbreaker for a moment, then throws him to the floor and sends his injured arm into the barricade.  Del Rio puts a chair around Edge’s arm.  Christian makes the save and kicks Del Rio’s ass.  Del Rio tries to run away, but Christian chases him down and kicks his ass some more.  Referees break it up.

Okayish show.

WWE Superstars 3/3/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are the first announcers.  They promise more replays from Raw.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.

R-Truth vs. William Regal.  Hell yes!  They lock up and do some pimp chain wrestling for a second.  Truth hits a flying headscissors and a side headlock takeover.  They work the headlock a bit in a spot that I love.  Truth dances and kicks Regal in the face for 2.  Truth goes back to a headlock.  Regal gets his chance and set out to maul a fucker.  Regal hits a knee drop, then pounds on Truth’s face, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth fights out.  Regal hits an Exploder and an elbow drop for 2.  Regal applies a chin lock again.  Truth fights out again and makes his comeback.  Regal dodges the Lie Detector and goes for a Butterfly Suplex, but Truth counters and hits the What’s Up for the pin in 4:24.  Fun match.

Tonight, Santino & Kozlov vs. Ryder & Primo again.

WWE.com plug.

Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina) vs. Zack Ryder & Primo.  Primo and Santino do a bit of back and forth wrestling, complete the stalemate and applause!  Santino scares Primo out of the ring with the Cobra.  Ryder tags in and beats up Santino.  Santino hits an STO and tags in Kozlov.  Santino and Kozlov takes turns beating on Kozlov.  Kozlov throws Ryder to the floor.  Santino scares Primo with the Cobra again, and Kozlov sends him to the floor as well.  Insta-commercials.  Primo tries to beat up Kozlov, but Kozlov catches a cross body and hits a fall away slam.  Primo avoids Kozlov in the corner and tags in Ryder.  Ryder hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Primo tags in and keeps the heat going on Kozlov.  Santino and Ryder tag in.  Santino runs wild and hits the falling headbutt for 2.  Primo saves.  Kozlov sends Primo out.  Ryder sends Kozlov out.  Primo dodges the Rough Ryder and hits the Cobra for the pin in (6:00 shown).  Fun little match.

Tonight, replay of The Rock’s promo from Raw!  Aren’t you excited?

Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are now the announcers.  Tony Chimel is now the ring announcer.

Replay of Shawn Michaels speaking on the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sin Cara is coming to WWE!

Curt Hawkins vs. Chris Masters.  They lock up.  Masters throws Hawkins across the ring, then chops the crap out of him.  Hawkins hits a jawbreaker, then trips Masters and causes him to face plant.  Hawkins beats on Masters.  Hawkins hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Hawkins applies a body scissors.  Masters stands up with Hawkins on his back and rams him into the post, then catches a dropkick and catapults Hawkins into the turnbuckles.  Masters makes his comeback and hits a diving shoulder block for 2.  Masters locks in the Master Lock for the win in 3:21.  It was fine.  Tyler Reks appears and attacks Masters.  Reks delivers his Burning Hammer.

Up next, replay from Raw!

The main event of Superstars is replays of the war of words between John Cena and The Rock.  That’s pretty lame.

The wrestling was pretty solid this week.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/28/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Josh Matthews and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Triple H comes out to the ring.  Ugh.  He talks about the Undertaker for a while.  He says the only thing he hasn’t done is end the streak.  He says “there can be only one,” so I assume he’s going to try to behead Taker with a sword at WrestleMania.  He promises to end the streak or die trying.  Sheamus comes out.  Triple H immediately decks him, throws him out of the ring, into the barricade, and beats the shit out of him.  Triple H Pedigrees Sheamus through the announce table, so I guess that concludes the whole “Sheamus put Triple H out of action for nearly a year” feud.

Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker!  Michael Cole answers Lawler’s WrestleMania challenge!  The Rock appears via satellite!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Sheamus is being helped out by referees.  The iBooker dings in.  Lawler finally gets his chance to read its decree, which is that Sheamus still has a match tonight.  His opponent is the returning Evan Bourne!

Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Bourne dropkicks Sheamus and puts the boots to him in the corner.  Sheamus tries to fight back, but Bourne drops him with a kick and hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 36 seconds.  Bourne is BACK!  Michael Cole comes out.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Jerry Lawler’s challenge to Michael Cole last week.

Michael Cole calls Jerry Lawler into the ring, reminding Lawler that he’ll be fired if he gives Cole the ass whooping he so desperately needs.  He says he’ll face Lawler at WrestleMania if his trainer can be in his corner and if he gets to choose the referee.  Lawler happily agrees.  Cole spazzes out, then introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger.  Cole shoves and slaps Lawler, now that he has someone to hide behind.  Swagger locks Lawler in the ankle lock.

Tonight, The Rock via satellite!

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Stone Cold Steve Austin will be here next week!

Cole takes Lawler’s place on commentary.  Ugh.  They replay the cowardly attack on from moments ago.

Randy Orton comes out.  He says his only regret is that he didn’t kick Punk harder in the head.  He promises to snap his neck next time.  The New Nexus come out.  Punk apparently plans to murder Orton.  Nexus head to the ring.  iBooker dings in.  Cole delegates that duty to Matthews, who books Orton vs. Punk for WrestleMania.  Orton will face members of The New Nexus over the next few weeks.  The members that Orton beats will be banned from ringside.  Other Nexus members will be banned from ringside during these matches, on pain of being disbanded.

Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty.  They lock up.  McGillicutty backs Orton into the corner and beats on him.  Orton retaliates in kind.  McGillicutty avoids a knee drop.  Orton clotheslines him to the floor.  Commercials.  Orton beats up McGillicutty.  McGillicutty lands a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty beats on Orton for a bit.  Orton makes his comeback with the powerslam, the 3.0, and the DDT OF MURDER.  Orton humps the mat and hits the RKO for the pin in 7:17.  They spent more time at commercials than on the match.  Orton sets him up for the punt of doom.  Punk tells him not to.  Orton does it anyway, but it doesn’t look like he made contact.  Orton runs out through the crowd to escape retribution from the New Nexus.

Sin Cara, the former Mistico, is coming to WWE!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: The Miz turning on John Cena and causing them to lose the WWE Tag Team Championship to The Corre last week.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo on John Cena and The Rock.  He says he’ll beat Cena and The Rock on the same night at WrestleMania.  John Cena comes out and makes some really stupid jokes about Miz being OCD.  Riley makes some toilet jokes.  Cena says Riley is the reason nobody takes Miz seriously, and Miz should fire him.  Miz doesn’t buy it, so Cena makes gay jokes.  Cena wants a match with Riley tonight, with Riley no longer being Miz’s bitch boy if he loses.  Miz agrees, with the stipulation that Cena has to admit Miz is the greatest superstar of all time if he loses.  iBooker dings in and Cole announcers that it’s an escape only Steel Cage Match.

Tonight, The Rock.  Commercials.

Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H!

WWE Divas Champions Eve Torres has joined the commentary team for a horrible Battle Royal.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship featuring Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Natalya, Gail Kim, Tamina, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Melina.  Natalya immediately dumps one of the Bellas.  Fox and Tamina get eliminated in quick succession.  Melina and Natalya fight on the apron.  Maryse sends them both to the floor.  Gail hits the Regal Cutter on the remaining Bella.  Maryse drops Gail, then poses and goes for the DDT.  Gail counters and throws her out.  Gail throws out the Bella while the referee is out.  The other Bella sneaks in and throws Gail out for the win in 2:03.  Bellas beat up Eve after the match.  There ya go.

Buffalo!

The Rock on video next!  Commercials.

Last week, Cena rapped on The Rock!

The Rock appears appears live via satellite in his belt room and makes fun of John Cena, then bitches about Cena rapping at him.  He talks about loving WWE.  He claims he went Hollywood to open those doors for WWE.  He goes on for a while about whatever and calls Cena a “yabba dabba bitch.”  That took long enough.

Tonight, Cena vs. Riley in a cage.  Next, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Shawn Michaels talks about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan comes out.  The Miz appears and jumps him in the aisle, just because he’s an asshole.  Miz beats the hell out of Bryan and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Well, thanks for ruining the first thing on this show that got me excited.  Miz says he did that because it’s the Miz Show (and because he’s a cocksucker is implied).  The cage match is next.  Commercials.

Stone Cold!  Next week!

The Miz has joined Cole and Matthews for commentary, presumably so Cole can suck his cock during the match.

Steel Cage Match: Alex Riley vs. John Cena.  Riley immediately tries to escape.  Cena kicks his ass for a while.  Cena goes to leave the cage, but Miz runs over to hold the door closed, then slams it into Cena.  Riley beats on Cena.  Miz takes a picture of Cena’s face being ground into the cage with his phone.  He hands Riley his Blackberry and Riley hits Cena with it.  Why?  Cole is obnoxious.  Riley tries to leave the cage.  Cena grabs his leg.  Miz tries to pull Riley out the door, so they’re essentially playing tug of war.  Cena wins and locks in the STF.  Riley taps, but it’s escape only, so the referee in the cage is pretty pointless.  Cena tries to go over the top of the cage.  Miz holds him at bay with a steel chair.  Riley finally wakes up and cuts Cena off.  Commercials.  Now?  Really?  They’re 2 minutes into the overrun.  Riley hits a dropkick on Cena.  Cena avoids a second dropkick and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Riley grabs on and tries to climb out of the cage.  They fight on the top rope.  Riley sends Cena into the cage and falling to the floor.  Instead of easily escaping, Riley fucks around too long.  Cena climbs up and brings him down.  They fight on the top rope again.  Cena hits a bulldog off the top rope.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then takes a picture of Riley with Miz’s phone.  Miz tries to stop Cena from leaving the cage.  Cena uses his retard strength to open the door and wins it in 12:44.  Miz immediately hits Cena with the Skull Crushing Finale, but he’s lost his manservant.

Pretty lame show.