Archive for The Nexus

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/3/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on Raw…” video.  Michael Cole says that John Cena will likely not be there tonight.  He hypes tonight’s show.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Phoenix, Arizona.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  They show Miz attacking Jerry Lawler last week.  Because of that, Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. John Morrison.  Miz meets Morrison in the aisle and they start brawling.  Morrison has to fight both Miz and Riley.  Morrison climbs up the WWE logo on the set and hits them both with a diving cross body.  Cover on Miz gets 2.  Morrison takes Miz to the ring.  Miz lands an elbow smash for 2.  Miz goes for a superplex, but Morrison fights him off and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Morrison gets a cradle for 2.  They counter each other.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck.  Cover, but Riley pulls Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison kicks his ass.  Morrison takes Riley out with a knee strike on the barricade.  Miz looks frightened.  Insta-commercials.  They’re fighting in the crowd.  Morrison takes a back body drop onto a section of barricade.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Miz rams Morrison’s head into the stage.  Cover gets 2.  Miz slams Morrison on the ramp for 2.  Miz hits Morrison with… something at ringside for 2.  Back in the ring now.  They brawl.  Morrison makes his comeback.  A jumping kick gets 2.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and goes for the Starship Pain.  Miz avoids it, but Morrison lands on his feet.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Morrison counters the Skull Crushing Finale.  Miz spears the post.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain.  Miz kicks out!  Miz ducks the knee strike and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz lands an elbow smash.  Morrison lands a Pele kick that knocks Miz out of the ring.  Morrison puts Miz on a table at ringside and goes for the Starship Pain again.  Miz moves and Morrison crashes through the table.  Cover, but MORRISON KICKS OUT!  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale at ringside for the pin (14:24 shown).  Really, really good match.

Tonight, a #1 Contender Match in a Steel Cage!  Plus, a John Cena injury update!

The Phoenix Suns are in the crowd!  They play a sport in this city!


Scott Stanford interviews WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley.

They show the recent problems between WWE Divas Champion Natalya and Melina.  Divas trios match is NEXT!

Melina, Maryse, & Alicia Fox vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Eve Torres, & Brie Bella.  Maryse and Brie lock up.  Maryse bails.  Brie chases her back in the ring.  Maryse gets the jump on her coming back in.  Brie takes a bump outside.  Nikki is under the ring and they pull the switcheroo.  Maryse throws Nikki into the ring and goes after her.  Nikki hits a face buster.  Fox saves.  Fox and Natalya tag in.  They do shit.  Melina grabs Natalya’s foot.  Natalya gets away and hits a butterfly suplex.  Melina pulls Natalya’s head across the top rope.  Melain tags in and eats a discus lariat from Natalya.  Eve tags in and hits a neckbreaker on Melina for the pin in 2:54.  This was stupid.

Non-Title: Jimmy & Jey Uso vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  Kozlov schools Jey to start.  Jimmy and Santino tag in.  Santino schools Jimmy.  Jimmy drops Santino with an elbow smash.  Jey and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov hits the battering ram headbutts.  Jimmy tags in and hits a diving chop for 2.  Usos try to get the heat on Kozlov, but it doesn’t hold.  Santino tags in and runs wild.  Santino hits the jumping heabdutt on Jey.  Jimmy saves.  Jimmy tries to low bridge Kozlov out of the ring and fucks it up.  He settles for clotheslining him to the floor.  Santino sends Jimmy out and goes for the Cobra.  Jey avoids it and hits a Samoan Drop for the pin in 3:54.  Kozlov beats up the Usos after the match.  Santino and Tamina give Jey the Cobra.  This was all very silly.

Tough Enough is coming back.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.

CM Punk is headed our way! plug.

CM Punk comes out to talk.  He talks about Cena not being there tonight.  He says he’s the new leader of Nexus.  They show the Nexus attack on Cena last week.  Wade Barrett comes out to the ring.  Barrett says he put Cena out at a house show last week and he’s still the leader of Nexus.  They argue.  The rest of Nexus come out.  Otunga starts to talk, but the iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the #1 Contender Steel Cage Match tonight will face Miz for the title at the Royal Rumble.  The match will be Punk or Barrett vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  Barrett says he’ll take the spot.  Punk says that’s fine, he’s not going to fight Barrett.  He says if Barrett wins, he’ll prove that he’s the rightful leader of Nexus, but if he loses, he’s out and Punk is the leader.  Barrett agrees.

Steel Cage TONIGHT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Earlier tonight, Miz and Morrison had a Falls Count Anywhere WAR!

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez.  What the hell’s he doing on Raw?  He introduces Alberto Del Rio.  What the hell is HE doing on Raw?  Del Rio comes out and cuts a promo.  R-Truth comes out to retort and tells him to go back where he came from.  Smackdown or Mexico?  Del Rio laughs.  Truth slaps him.  It’s on!

Alberto Del Rio vs. R-Truth.  Truth jumps around a lot and hits a fancy kick.  He clotheslines Del Rio to the floor and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Insta-commercials.  Truth beats on Del Rio.  Truth hits a powerslam for 2.  Del Rio rallies and attacks Truth’s arm.  Del Rio works the arm for a while.  Truth avoids Del Rio charging the ropes and Del Rio sails out of the ring.  Rodriguez encourages Del Rio to recover.  Del Rio comes back in.  Truth makes his comeback.  Del Rio pulls Truth’s shoulder into the posts.  Del Rio locks in the Minoru Special for the win (6:50 shown).  Okay match.

Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus vs. Barrett in a CAGE!

Wade Barrett lectures The Nexus backstage.  He warns them that CM Punk will just use them.  Punk comes in and wishes him luck tonight.  Barrett leaves.  Punk shakes hands with everyone.

Scott Stanford interviews Randy Orton.  He says he’s not going to show human compassion anymore.  As if he ever showed any.


The replay the highlights of Miz/Morrison.

Triple Threat Steel Cage Match to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton.  Barrett tries to escape immediately.  Orton and Sheamus beat him up.  Sheamus tries to escape while Orton beats on Barrett.  Orton stops him and kicks his ass.  Barrett cold cocks Orton with a big boot and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and tries to escape.  Barrett and Sheamus stop him and beat on him.  This pattern continues on for a while.  Orton switches things up and tries to go through the door.  Sheamus and Barrett catch him.  Orton humps the mat to intimidate them.  Insta-commercials.  Orton comes very close to escaping and actually gets over the top of the cage, but Sheamus and Barrett manage to bring him back over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Sheamus, but gives him a reprieve to go stop Barrett from escaping.  Sheamus beats on Orton.  Sheamus tries to escape.  Orton stops him.  Barrett and Sheamus beat on Orton, then beat on each other.  Orton stops Barrett from escaping again.  Orton gives Barrett a superplex.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker on Orton, then throws Barrett’s head into the cage repeatedly.  Sheamus tries to go through the door.  Orton stops him.  Sheamus stomps on Orton and tries to climb over the top.  Barrett cuts him off and brings him down.  Barrett beats up Sheamus and hits a pumphandle slam.  Orton goes after Barrett.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam, then tries to climb out.  Sheamus tries to stop him, but Barrett sends him to the mat.  Barrett stupidly goes for a diving elbow drop.  Sheamus gets his knees up.  Orton explodes and makes his comeback on both of them.  Powerslams to both.  Angle Slam to Sheamus.  DDT OF MURDER on Barrett.  Sheamus catches Orton with a boot and tries to climb out.  Orton stops him.  They fight on the top rope.  Barrett kicks the rope and they both crotch themselves.  Barrett hits them with big boots.  Barrett tries to climb out.  CM Punk comes out, climbs the cage, and offers a helping hand.  He rips Barrett’s Nexus armband off and kicks him to the mat.  Sheamus gives Barrett the brogue kick and heads for the door.  Orton drops Sheamus with the RKO and escapes through the door to win it (15:53 shown).  All right match.

Okay show all together.  Nothing really lit my world on fire besides the Miz/Morrison match, which surprised me by being really good.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Albany, New York.

John Cena comes out to talk.  They show CM Punk attacking Cena with a chair last week.  He thinks Punk is mad because Cena spilled his soda.  They show Punk attacking Cena again on Smackdown.  Cena calls Punk out.  CM Punk does indeed come out to the stage.  Punk says it’s not about the soda, it’s about how Cena kept coming back after he was fired and how he buried Wade Barrett under chairs at the PPV.  The banter.  Punk brings up how Cena ended Batista’s career and how he insults Vickie Guerrero.  Cena says Batista quit of his own accord, then makes fun of Michael Cole and himself.  Punk says Cena’s barbaric behavior will stop.  Cena says it’s not.  He challenges Punk to a match.  Punk declines because he wants to call Cena out instead of vice versa.  He says he has a surprise for Cena tonight.  He wishes everyone a happy new year.  I didn’t get into the promos, but I’m still looking forward to this program.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler!  Commercials! plug.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella (w/ Tamina).  Santino throws some silly kicks.  Dibiase decks him and kicks his ass.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Santino avoids a dropkick and pins Dibiase with a prawn hold in 1:03.  Santino has a Christmas gift for Tamina.  It’s the Cobra.  Dibiase and Maryse jump them from behind.  Santino and Tamina clean house and hit stereo jumping headbutts, then hit them with Cobras.  This was silly and pointless.

WWE Champion The Miz lectures Alex Riley backstage.  Riley is facing John Morrison tonight.  Morrison comes in and proposes the stipulation that if he beats Riley tonight, he gets to pick the time and stipulation for his title match, and promises to forfeit the #1 Contendership if he loses.  Miz agrees.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

John Morrison vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  They lock up.  Morrison grabs a hammerlock and eats an elbow to the face.  They brawl a bit.  Morrison hits a backbreaker and a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Miz distracts Morrison, allowing Riley to get the advantage.  Riley gets his heat going and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out.  Riley hits a lousy backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a clothesline for 2.  Riley applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Morrison fights out and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Miz trips him.  The referee ejects Miz.  Riley gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the running knee for the pin in 4:42.  Fine little match.  Morrison tells Lawler that his title match is going to be next week in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Cole throws a hissy fit.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Orton!  CM Punk vows to call out John Cena!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

WWE Champion The Miz bitches Alex Riley out backstage.

CM Punk lectures a camera man.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan chats with the Bella Twins backstage.  Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews come in.  Tyson says he’ll be the next United States Champion.  He’s facing Mark Henry tonight.

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  Commercials.

Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.

Mark Henry vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews).  Henry mauls Kidd.  Kidd avoids being sat on and hits a basement dropkick.  Kidd clamps on a front face lock.  Henry tosses him away and makes his comeback.  Henry goes for a corner splash, but eats boots.  Kidd comes off the top, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 2:06.  I wasn’t expecting that.  Jackson Andrews goes face to face with Henry.  Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam too.  I wasn’t expecting Tyson and his big dude to be jobbed out right here.

They show Jerry Lawler pinned The Miz in the six-man tag last week after Randy Orton delivered the RKO to Miz.  Miz vs. Lawler TONIGHT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo.  He does the annoying shit where he says the same sentence 39,489 times in a row, but he does call the crowd on that stupid “WHAT?” bullshit.  Seriously, of all the good that Steve Austin contributed to the business, that almost undoes all of it.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  They lock up.  Miz takes Lawler down and walks on his back, then prances around like a retarded fairy.  They lock up again.  Miz hits a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  Miz backs Lawler into the corner.  Lawler ducks the cheap shot and grabs a headlock.  Lawler lands some shoulder blocks.  Miz hides in the ropes.  Miz takes Lawler down and slaps his head.  Miz works Lawler over.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Lawler tries to fight out, but Miz throws him down.  Miz keeps beating on Lawler.  Riley trips Lawler just to be a dick.  Miz puts the boots to Lawler.  Miz tauntingl throws some half assed kicks.  Lawler tries to fight back.  Miz beats him down and taunts him.  Riley gets in his cheap shots when it is convenient.  Miz warms up for the corner clothesline.  John Morrison comes out to distract Miz.  Miz hits the corner clothesline.  Lawler avoids a second one and falls into the ropes.  Lawler avoids a shot and Miz crotches himself.  Lawler makes his comeback.  Lawler hits 3 dropkicks and covers for 2.  Miz slips out of a body slam and slams Lawler into the corner.  Lawler avoids a shot.  Miz pulls Lawler’s head across the top rope and tries to go up top.  Lawler kicks him down and Miz face plants into the steps.  Riley tries to interfere and distracts the referee.  Morrison hits Miz with the knee strike.  Lawler wins by count-out in 9:36.  This was boring.

King Sheamus admires his crown backstage.  CM Punk shows up to chat with him.  He wants Sheamus to watch whatever he does to John Cena tonight.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  Lawler is back on commentary now.  WWE Divas Champion Natalya has joined them at the table.

Melina & Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Fox and Eve do some shit.  Fox gets her knees up on a standing moonsault attempt.  Cover gets 2.  Melina tags in and beats up Eve.  Eve rallies and makes the hot tag to Gail Kim.  Gail runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Melina counters Gail’s move and hits the Sunset Split for the pin in 2:30.  There ya go.  Natalya gets in the ring to discuss matters with Melina.  Melina offers a handshake, then tries to deck Natalya.  Natalya blocks it and decks Melina.  Again, there ya go.

CM Punk lectures the trainers backstage.

Tonight, CM Punk vows to call out John Cena.  Also, King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Zack Ryder.  JIP.  Bryan escapes a side headlock, but Ryder hits a shoulder block.  Bryan does a leap frog and a hip toss.  Ryder gets Bryan down and hits the face wash in the corner for 2.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker for 2.  He goes for another one, but Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (1:11 shown).  That’s all the Bryan we get?  Lame.

Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  While he’s reading it, The Miz appears and jumps Jerry Lawler.  That dick!  Miz beats the hell out of Lawler and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.  Even Cole doesn’t condone this, and he spends every show talking about how good Miz’s cock tastes.  Josh Matthews has rejoined Cole at the table.

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner.  They take turns punching each other in the corner.  Orton hits an Austin-style Lou Thesz press and punches.  Sheamus avoids a knee drop and hits a shoulder block.  Sheamus beats on Orton and and applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out and hits a short lariat for 2.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus kicks Orton in the knee and works him over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus counters and sends Orton to the apron.  Orton low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Orton takes a bump into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Orton in a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out.  Sheamus hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus keeps the heat going on Orton.  Orton sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post, then pulls him up in the top rope and hits a superplex for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton wins the exchange and gets rolling.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton ducks the brogue kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and drops Orton with a blow to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton slips out and hits the 3.0.  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MURDER and goes for the slingshot shoulder block.  Orton catches him midair with the RKO for the pin in 14:26.  Good match.

John Cena is headed our way.  Commercials.


Next week, The Miz vs. John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship!

John Cena comes out and rants about “CM Sucks.”  He calls out Punk.  Wasn’t the whole idea that Punk was supposed to call Cena out?  Punk’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out.  Cena says he’ll go find “CM Sucks.”  The Nexus come out, minus Barrett.  David Otunga gets in the ring as Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris stand at ringside.  Otunga says Nexus is under new management.  He offers Cena truce.  Cena doesn’t trust him at all.  Nexus start to leave, then come back and attack Cena.  Everyone gives Cena their finish.  Nexus head up the ramp.  CM Punk comes out and gives Cena the Go 2 Sleep.  He teases hitting Cena with a chair.  Instead he sits in the chair and puts on a Nexus armband.  Punk and Nexus salute each other as the show fades to black.

Okay show.  I don’t really get the point of Punk joining Nexus.

WWE Tribute To The Troops 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, comments from President Barack Obama, Tribute To The Troops intro video.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Fort Hood, Texas.  Very cool set.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Battle Royal featuring John Morrison, Mark Henry, Ezekiel Jackson, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Sheamus, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, WWE Tag Team Champion Vladimir Kozlov, WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Husky Harris, and Michael McGillicutty.  The other 10 guys surround The Nexus and kick their ass.  Nexus bails without being eliminated.  The other guys fight amongst themselves.  Masters tries to put the Master Lock on Sheamus, but fails and gets clotheslined over the top rope by the King of the Ring.  Daniel Bryan jumps on Sheamus’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Sheamus breaks free.  Several near eliminations.  Rhodes and Chavo team up to eliminate Big Zeke.  Santino hits everybody with the Cobra.  Sheamus drops him with the Polish Hammer.  Henry and Sheamus start to go at it, but Nexus come back in and jump both of them.  Nexus dump Santino, then Kozlov.  Nexus eliminate Chavo.  Rhodes tries to make friends with Nexus, but is eliminated by his NXT Season 2 rookie Husky Harris.  Bryan, Sheamus, Henry, and Morrrison face off against Nexus.  Bryan back body drops Gabriel out of the ring.  Sheamus gives Bryan the brogue kick and eliminates him.  Morrison eliminates Otunga.  Sheamus jumps Morrison from behind.  Morrison hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Harris drops Morrison with a lariat.  Slater and McGillicutty try to dump Morrison, but he rallies.  He tries to springboard, but McGillicutty knocks him to the floor to eliminate him.  Henry throws Slater out of the ring.  Henry throws out McGillicutty and Harris.  Sheamus jumps Henry from behind and attacks his knee.  Henry hulks up and makes his comeback.  Henry charges the corner and eats a boot.  Sheamus goes to the top rope.  Henry press slams him to the floor and wins the Battle Royal in 10:45.  Fun times.

Lots more still to come!

Comments from Taylor Swift.  Commercials.

The Bella Twins welcome us back to the show.

Diddy Dirty Money perform.

Still to come: John Cena!  Trace Adkins!  Sherri Shepherd!  Rey Mysterio!  Cedric the Entertainer!  Randy Orton!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Miss USA Rima Fakih does an awful job of playing guest ring announcer for the next match.

The Big Show & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger.  Ziggler takes a shot at Show, so Show kicks his ass and throws him around.  Kofi tags in and gets a 2 count on Ziggler.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and lands some corner punches and a European uppercut.  Kofi gets sent to the apron.  He tries to springboard, but Swagger pulls him down and drops his face on the apron.  Back inside, Ziggler covers for 2.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Ziggler goes for the Fameasser, but Kofi turns it into a powerbomb.  Sweet.  Show and Swagger tag in.  Show runs wild.  Ziggler charges show and gets flapjacked.  Kofi takes Ziggler out of the ring.  Show chokeslams Swagger for the pin in 4:11.  Fine for what it was.

Still to come, a divas match!  George W. Bush!  Next, Trace Adkins!  Commercials.

Comments from Kobe Bryant.

Trace Adkins performs.

Still to come, more Diddy Dirty Money!  Plus, a big six-man tag!  Commercials!

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Truth lands some hard slaps and yells “WHAT’S UP?!”  Truth does some flips and lands a side kick.  Dibiase finally manages to hot shot Truth into the top rope to get the advantage.  Dibiase lands some knee drops and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth escapes with a backdrop suplex and makes his comeback.  Maryse gets on the apron.  Eve pulls her down.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Truth counters out and hits the scissors kick for the pin in 2:58.  It was there.

Lots of entertainment still to come!  Commercials.

Santa’s Helpers Match: WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins vs. Michelle McCool, Layla, Melina, & Alicia Fox.  Fox works over one of the Bellas.  She hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Melina tags in and keeps up the heat.  Kelly and McCool tag in.  Kelly amazingly doesn’t hurt herself running wild.  Typical diva match shit.  Kelly hits her K2 thing.  Melina saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kelly gives McCool a (more proper) K2 for the pin in 3:02.  It made the people happy.

Up next, more Diddy Dirty Money!

Comments from the cast of 30 Rock.  Commercials.

Earlier today, Sherri Shepherd and Hornswoggle came out and did nothing.

Comments from former President George W. Bush.  They show troops holding his book.

Diddy Dirty Money perform again.

Up next, an arm wrestling contest between a Major General and Kane!  Commercials!

Comments from Lindsey Vonn, who won an Olympic Gold Medal in something.

Major General William Grimsley and Kane have an arm wrestling match.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out in a flak jacket, counters the chokeslam, and spears Kane.

Cedric the Entertainer performs some stand-up comedy.  Yay!  I’m a big mark for stand-up comedy.

Still to come, an all-star six-man tag!

In a pre-tape, Jimmy Fallon tells lame jokes.  The Miz body slams him.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Trace Adkins performs again.

Comments from Army Chief of Staff General George W. Casey Jr.

The all-star six man tag is NEXT!

Comments from the people from the Today Show.  Commercials.

Kelly Kelly welcomes us back to the show.

John Cena, Randy Orton, & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley), Wade Barrett, & Alberto Del Rio.  Cena beats up Miz.  Bulldog headlock gets 2.  Miz cuts him off and tags in Del Rio.  He gets his licks in and tags in Barrett.  Cena and Barrett do a double clothesline spot.  Orton tags in and beats up Barrett.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Barrett counters the RKO.  Orton decks Miz and Del Rio.  Barrett drops Orton with a big boot.  Miz tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton explodes out of the corner with a clothesline.  Mysterio tags in and runs wild on Miz.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Riley trips him and pulls him out of the ring.  Barrett tags in and rams Mysterio’s back into the side of the ring.  Commercials.  Mysterio plays face in peril.  Barrett goes for a superplex, but Mysterio fights him off and hits a diving cross body.  Cena gets the hot tag and runs wild on Del Rio.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz interferes.  Orton dives him an Angle Slam and humps the mat.  Riley pulls Miz to safety.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Barrett.  Mysterio hits a 619 on Del Rio and Barrett.  Orton RKOs Barrett as Cena gives Del Rio the Attitude Adjustment for the pin in 10:20.  Fun little match.

Closing video package.

These shows are always fun and entertaining.  The matches are very basic and the babyfaces go over.  It makes the troops happy, and that’s what matters.

WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Houston, Texas!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts will presumably be taking turns playing ring announcer.

Triple Threat Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  Three-way brawl to start.  Crowd chants “KOFI!”  Ziggler is the first to climb for the belt while the other 2 guys are outside.  Kofi and Swagger come back in and push the ladder over.  Kofi and Swagger brawl a bit.  Swagger is sent outside.  Ziggler brings in another ladder to hit Kofi with.  It’s much shorter than the original ladder.  Ziggler makes a ladder bridge in the corner and throws Kofi onto it, then hits a neckbreaker off of it.  Swagger comes back in, wrist taped from an earlier spot with Kofi, and gives Ziggler the decapitator into the ladder.  Kofi springboards and kicks Swagger through the ladder.  Wacky stuff happens.  Ziggler hits a Fameasser on Kofi onto the ladder, which Swagger is under.  Cool spot.  Vickie Guerrero gets in the ring while everybody else is outside.  Vickie decides to climb the ladder.  Kofi climbs up the other side.  Vickie keeps climbing anyway.  Kofi teases pushing the ladder over.  Ziggler begs him to stop.  Swagger hits Kofi with a ladder.  Vickie climbs down, screams, and bails.  Swagger throws the small ladder at Ziggler.  Kofi sends Swagger outside.  Ziggler takes Kofi and himself outside.  Back inside, Swagger locks Kofi in the ankle lock.  Kofi tries to climb the ladder.  Ziggler climbs over him and tries to take down the belt.  Swagger tries to climb over Kofi.  Kofi knocks him down.  Kofi and Ziggler fight atop the ladder.  Ziggler locks in the sleeper on top of the ladder!  Kofi breaks free and knocks Ziggler to the mat.  Swagger climbs up and fights with Kofi.  They get the belt down, but drop it to the mat.  Ziggler grabs it and is declared the winner in 8:57.  Awesome match.  The finish sounded stupid on paper, but it was well executed.

Lawler blames Cole for encouraging people to interfere in Ladder matches.


Wade Barrett gives Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Husky Harris, and Michael McGillicutty a pep talk in the Nexus locker room.  David Otunga is out from being completely massacred on Raw.

Tables Match: Michelle McCool & Layla vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya & Beth Phoenix.  They brawl.  Phoenix and Natalya hit slams, then bring in the painted pink table from Smackdown.  Phoenix gets both of LayCool on her shoulders.  They escape, but get clotheslined.  McCool gets knocked off the apron, but overshoots a ringside table.  LayCool get the advantage and beat up Beth and Nattie.  Beth takes a nasty bump out the ring.  LayCool bring in another table and work over Natalya.  McCool goes for a top rope Styles Clash.  Beth revives and makes the save.  Beth goes for a press slam, but McCool escapes.  LayCool make a comeback.  Layla sends Natalya out of the ring.  Layla tries to suplex Phoenix through a table, but fails because she’s weak.  Natalya comes back in.  They go for a double press slam, but McCool saves.  Natalya goes for a catapult on McCool, but Layla saves.  Natalya puts both of them in the Sharpshooter!  She holds them as Beth sets up the special table.  Beth and Natalya get psyched up, but LayCool rally.  They send Beth outside and double team Natalya.  LayCool go for a double superplex on Natalya, but Phoenix makies the save.  Layla rams her into the post.  They go for the superplex again.  Natalya pushes them both off onto the table, but they’re so skinny the table doesn’t break.  Natalya comes off the top with a splash through the table to win it in 9:24.  Really good match.  Best women’s match I’ve seen in a long time.

Lots and lots of WWE on USA this week!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane cuts an awesome Christmas promo backstage, then tears up some presents and a Christmas tree.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Santino cuts a hilarious promo.  He says that TLC stands for “Totally Lethal Cobra.”  Love this promo.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Santino Marella & Valdimir Kozlov (c) vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus (w/ Michael McGillcutty & Husky Harris).  Gabriel and Santino start with a great sequence.  Santino drops Gabriel with an elbow smash.  Slater tags in and gets schooled by Santino.  They have a good exchange too.  Slater gets the advantage and works over Santino.  Crowd chants “Wendy!” at Slater.  Santino frightens Slater by threatening the Cobra, then tags in Kozlov.  Kozlov beats up Slater and sends him out of the ring with a fall away slam.  Kozlov goes outside and rams Slater into the apron.  Harris chop blocks Kozlov’s leg behind the referee’s back.  Nexus get the heat on Kozlov.  Kozlov sends Slater flying with a battering ram headbutt and makes the hot tag.  Santino runs wild on Gabriel and goes for the Cobra.  McGillicutty attacks Santino to cause the DQ in 6:28.  Really fun match.  The Nexus beat the hell out of Santino and Kozlov.  Wade Barrett comes out with a chair and beats the tag champs with it.  Those bastards!

Please, don’t try this at home!

Smackdown vs. Raw 2011!

Moments ago, The Nexus beat up Santino & Kozlov!

Ladder Match to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  Sheamus is still wearing his kingly regalia.  They lock up.  King Sheamus gets a side headlock takeover and lands a shoulder block.  They lock up again and tumble out of the ring together.  Sheamus sends Morrison into the barricade, then makes a ladder bridge between the apron and the announce table.  He whips Morrison, who slides under the ladder.  Morrison beats up Sheamus.  Sheamus rallies and throws Morrison into the crowd.  Morrison comes off the barricade with a clothesline.  Back in the ring, the fight with a ladder.  Morrison comes off the top rope, leaps OVER the ladder, and hits Sheamus with a corkscrew elbow smash.  Morrison sets up the ladder in a way that he wouldn’t be able to get the contract anyway.  Sheamus traps him the tree of woe on the ladder, then pushes the ladder over onto him, presumably as punishment for his stupidity.  Sheamus works Morrison’s knee, which was injured in the fall.  Sheamus uses the ladder brilliantly to destroy the shit out of Morrison’s knee.  Sheamus finally climbs the ladder.  Morrison throws another ladder at him to knock him down.  Awesome.  Sheamus seems to take offense to the fact that Morrison is still fighting, so he destroys the shit out of Morrison’s knee some more.  Morrison hits a drop toe hold, sending Sheamus crashing into the ladder that he was holding.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a head kick.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker.  They bring in new ladders.  LADDER FIGHT!  Morrison wins.  Awesome.  He sets up a ladder bridge in the corner.  Morrison gives Sheamus an atomic drop onto a ladder, then sends him outside.  Morrison throws the ladder outside onto Sheamus.  Morrison sets up the ladder that he had used to make the bridge that was never used.  He climbs the ladder as best he can with one leg.  Sheamus comes back in and delivers the brogue kick to the injured knee!  Sheamus throws Morrison outside  and climbs the ladder.  The contract is too far away.  Morrison hobbles up the ladder and knocks Sheamus down.  Sheamus pulls Morrison off the ladder and goes for a powerbomb, but Morrison sends him out of the ring with a headscissors!  Morrison hops up the ladder.  Sheamus comes back in and pushes the ladder over.  Sheamus goes for a move, but Morrison slips out.  Sheamus back body drops him out of the ring.  Morrison narrowly avoids the ladder bridge.  Morrison makes it back up and tries to fucking superplex Sheamus off the in-ring ladder.  Sheamus fights him off.  They fight on the ladder.  Sheamus ends up taking the bump out of the ring THROUGH the ladder bridge.  Morrison comes back in and climbs the ladder.  Sheamus struggles his way back into the ring and tries to push the ladder over.  Morrison catches the rope with his foot, tips the ladder back over and drops Sheamus with a kick.  Morrison hops up the ladder and takes down the contract to win it in 19:08.  Fucking great match.  I love that Morrison never stopped selling the injured knee.

Buy crappy WWE movies for Christmas!

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion The Miz.  He has Alex Riley bring him the belt in a briefcase for some reason.

Todd Grisham tries to interview Wade Barrett, but Husky Harris won’t let him.  They go into the locker room and find that Gabriel, Slater, and McGillicutty have been beaten up.

Tables Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Randy Orton.  They show the night Miz back door’d his way into the title.  Orton beats up Miz to start.  If it’s a Tables Match, why isn’t Riley openly interfering?  Riley pulls Miz out of the corner to help him avoid Orton.  The referee bitches at him, but what the hell is he going to do about it?  Orton throws Miz out of the ring and pulls out a table from under the ring.  Orton beats up Miz.  Riley puts the table back under the ring.  Orton suplexes Miz on the floor.  Orton tries to bring in the table again, but Miz kicks it into his face.  They finally get the table set up.  Orton goes for a powerslam off the steps.  Miz slips out and trips Orton, sending Orton’s face into the steps.  Miz hits Orton with the steps and sets up another table.  The table collapses when Miz puts Orton on it.  Miz sets it back up and checks its sturdiness.  He puts Orton on the table and goes to the top rope.  Orton gets off the table.  Miz goes after him and gets his ass kicked.  Miz fights back and takes Orton back inside.  Miz hits the corner clothesline.  Orton hits an Angle Slam.  Orton throws a table on top of Miz.  You’ve got it backwards, Randy.  Orton hits a superplex, but Riley moves the table out of the way and takes it out of the ring.  They trade punches.  Orton hits some clotheslines and a powerslam.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER.  Riley tries to attack Orton on the outside, but gets clotheslined.  Orton brings a table back into the ring.  Orton hits the 3.0 and humps the mat.  He sets up a powerbomb.  Riley distracts Orton.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale.  Orton pushes him off and bumps the ref.  Orton RKOs Riley and powerbombs him through the table.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton, then moves Riley and puts Orton in the broken table.  Miz revives the referee, who awards him the match in 13:00.  Awesome finish.  But wait!  The referee sees the replay and orders the match to CONTINUE!  A pissed off Orton beats the shit out of Miz.  Orton throws Miz back into the ring and gets on the apron.  Miz throws Riley into Orton, sending Orton crashing through a table.  Miz wins for real in 15:16.  Good match.  I love both of the finishes.

Royal Rumble hype.

Rosa Mendez admires Alberto Del Rio’s car.  They speak Spanish to each other.  Edge jumps in the back seat.  Del Rio says he doesn’t care of Edge abducts his ring announcer.  Edge puts over his experience in TLC matches.


Tony Chimel does a poor job of explaining a TLC match.  Rey Mysterio is rocking a Gene Simmons mask tonight.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Fatal Four-Way Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge.  Kane and Del Rio attack their respective rivals.  Kane and Edge brawl outside while Del Rio and Mysterio brawl in the ring.  Mysterio sends Del Rio into the turnbuckle with a flying headscissors, then hits a sliding dropkick.  Kane and Edge knock each other down on the outside.  Striker says some factually incorrect things.  Mysterio climbs the ladder.  Del Rio pushes it over.  Mysterio takes advantage of the opportunity to take out Kane and Edge on the way down.  Del Rio climbs the ladder.  Mysterio brings in another ladder.  Del Rio cuts him off with a kick.  Mysterio gives Del Rio a drop toe hold into a ladder.  Mysterio climbs the vertical ladder.  Del Rio grabs his leg and throws him at the corner ladder.  Mysterio saves himself and hits Del Rio with a seated senton using the ladder.  Kane and Edge make it into the ring and brawl.  Kane throws a ladder at Mysterio and Del Rio on the outside, then tries to chokeslam Edge.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Edge brings in a tall ladder.  Kane sets a ladder on the apron.  Edge hits him with a baseball slide dropkick into the ladder.  Edge sets up a table on the outside.  Kane rams Edge’s head into the announce table, throws him over the barricade, boots Del Rio in the face, and punches Mysterio.  Kane is on a rampage!  Kane tries to set up a table and breaks the legs off.  He punches Mysterio again in frustration and stomps Del Rio in frustration.  Kane goes for a double chokeslam through the table on Mysterio and Del Rio, but Edge prevents it.  All 3 opponents gang up on Kane, then Edge and Mysterio turn on Del Rio.  Kane rallies and kicks everyone’s ass.  Edge sends Kane into the post.  Edge and Mysterio put Kane on a table at ringside.  Edge comes off of the ladder in the ring and splashes Kane through the table.  Mysterio and Del Rio fight in the ring.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri.  Del Rio tries to use a chair.  Mysterio gives him a drop toe hold and goes for the 619.  Edge spears Mysterio and Del Rio in quick succession.  Edge climbs the ladder.  Kane comes back in and pushes it over.  Edge crotches himself on the top rope.  Del Rio and Mysterio clothesline Kane out of the ring.  Kane pulls them both out and kicks their asses.  Kane hits everyone with a chair.  Everyone is on the stage now.  Del Rio hits Kane with an enzuigiri.  Edge follows with a spear on Kane.  Mysterio climbs the prop tables hanging from the set and gives Kane the seated senton.  Mysterio runs down the ring and tries to set up the tall ladder.  Del Rio makes it back to the ring to cut him off.  Edge makes it back too.  Mysterio hits Del Rio with the 619.  He tries to deliver one to Edge, but Edge holds up a chair that catches Mysterio’s legs.  Edge and Del Rio climb the ladder.  Mysterio sets up a shorter ladder next to them and climbs up,.  He knocks Del Rio off and switches over to the tall ladder.  Edge and Mysterio fight at the top of the ladder.  They both crash to the mat.  Ricardo tries to revive Del Rio, then says “fuck it” and climbs the ladder himself.  Kane has made it back to the ring.  Ricardo begs off, but Kane chokeslams him off the ladder.  Kane chokeslams Del Rio, then chokeslams Edge off the apron through a table.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold onto a chair, then gives Kane the 619, then knocks him out of the ring with a chair shot.  Mysterio climbs the ladder.  Del Rio comes in and pulls him down.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special and tortures Rey’s arm.  Rey taps, but it doesn’t count.  Del Rio climbs the ladder and touches the belt.  Mysterio pushes the ladder over.  Del Rio takes a crazy bump off the ladder through a ringside table.  Mysterio climbs the ladder.  Kane comes back to life.  Mysterio tries a springboard moonsault, but Kane catches him and hits the Tombstone Piledriver!  Kane laughs.  He has a cut on his head.  I hope they don’t stomp the match to tend to it like morons.  Kane climbs the ladder.  Edge comes back in and its him with a chair a bunch.  Edge spears Kane off the apron and Kane crashes through a table.  Edge climbs the ladder and takes down the belt to become a 10-time World Champion in 22:44.  Crazy fun match.

Lots of USA on WWE this week!

National Guard rules!

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out in a suit and bashes the crowd for being fat.  The Big Santa and the Bella Twins come out and throw out gifts.  Rhodes makes fun of him walking around in his underwear in Knucklehead.  Show plugs the DVD and tells Rhodes to stop being such an uptight jerk.  Rhodes bitches about not being in movies.  Show offers him a role in Knucklehead 2 and touches his suit.  Rhodes throws a fit about the latter.  Show gives him a spinebuster and rips his suit off.

Wade Barrett and Husky Harris walk backstage.  Harris walks through a door way and is hit by a chair.  John Cena says “That’s everybody.  See you out there!”

TLC song!  It sucks.  You can download the suckitude on iTunes.


CM Punk comes out to replace Striker on commentary for the main event.  He should have done that before the first match.

Chair Match: Wade Barrett vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Barrett tries to bail, but Cena takes him over with a side headlock.  Cena hits a shoulder block.  Barrett bails and goes for a chair.  Cena cuts him off and throws chairs away so Barrett can’t get them.  Barrett drops him with a punch and gets his hands on a chair.  Barrett swings, missers, and hits the announce table, swings, misses, and hits the post, swings, misses, and hits the steps.  Cena bails into the ring, then bails again to grab a chair of his own.  CHAIR FIGHT!  They hit chairs, then drop them.  Lame.  Cena beats down Barrett, then sets up a chair and bulldogs Barrett into it.  Cover gets 2.  Cena swings a chair, but Barrett hides behind the referee.  They fight over the chair and throw it outside.  Barrett beats up Cena.  Barrett hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  Barrett drops Cena with a series of punches.  Outside, Barrett whips Cena into the steps.  Barrett swings a chair at Cena’s head, but Cena avoids it and crawls up the aisle.  Barrett follows and wallops him with a chair.  Barrett carries the steps halfway up the aisle, then wallops Cena across the back with another chair on the stage.  Barrett goes for something on the stage, but Cena back body drops him.  Cena disappears, then comes back with a rolling office chair.  He puts Barrett in the chair, pours water on him to wake him up, then rolls him down the ramp into the steps.  Awesome spot.  Barrett hits Cena in the gut with a chair and boots him in the head.  Barrett puts a chair around Cena’s neck and rams him into the post.  Ouch.  Back inside, Barrett works Cena’s neck with a chair.  Barrett sits on the chair on top of Cena.  Cena powers the chair up and pushes Barrett over.  Cena blocks the oncoming chair and goes for his comeback, but shoulder blocks a chair.  Barrett ties Cena up in the ropes and beats on him.  Barrett hits him in the gut and back with the chair.  Cena’s selling is so fucking great.  Cena fights out and hits the spinning suplex deal and the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett slips out and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles.  He tries to throw Cena into it, but Cena counters him.  He goes for the STF, but Barrett kicks him off into the chair.  Cover gets 2.  Barrett comes off the middle rope with a chair elbow drop, but Cena avoids it.  Cena gets the chair and wallops Barret with it in the gut and back.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser with the chair!  Cena sets up 6 open chairs facing each other and gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment onto the contraption.  Fucking ouch.  Cena gets the pin in 19:10.  Great match.

Cena decides he’s not done with Barrett just yet.  He follows Barrett up the ramp and whacks him with the chair some more.  Barrett tries to crawl away around the set.  Cena puts Barrett under a giant palette and pulls the prop chairs hanging from the set down onto it.  Great blow off to the feud.

Fantastic show.  Thumbs WAY up.  I highly recommend it.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/10/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of recent stupidity.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out to whine about Edge stealing his daddy.  Edge appears on the screen.  He has Paul Bearer in mortal peril as usual.  Edge wants to use Bearer for chair shot practice.  Edge hits Bearer in the back with a chair.  Kane runs to the back to find that Edge has Bearer set up for a one man conchairto.  Or so it seems.  Edge hits a fake Paul Bearer with a chair and runs away.  “Another dummy,” Kane says.  Whoever write this storyline is the dummy.  Kane sees Edge run away with the real Bearer off in the distance.  This is the worst storyline in the history of wrestling, television, literature, or anything else that has ever existed as a creative medium.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer for some reason.

Jack Swagger vs. Kaval.  Swagger wins the lock up and beats the crap out of Kaval.  Kaval rallies and hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval ends up on Swagger’s shoulders.  Swagger throws him off, injuring his leg.  Swagger attacks the leg.  Kaval fights out of a powerbomb attempt, then sells his ankle.  Kaval ducks a charing Swagger and lands a head kick.  Kaval tries to mount a comeback.  He lands a koppou kick and gets rolling.  Kaval avoids Swagger in the corner and hits a diving knee strike for 2.  Kaval tries to go up top, but his ankle is screwed.  Swagger takes out the ankle and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 5:26.  Good little match.  Swagger cuts a promo after the match, bitching about losing to Kofi Kingston last week.  They show the aforementioned loss.  He bitches about being in the ropes when he got hit with Kofi’s finish, so they’re pretending that shit matters this week.

Tale of the tape for Hornswoggle vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Are you fucking serious?  Commercials. plug.

Hornswoggle (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Rosa hands Hornswoggle a bag of bird seed.  Hornswoggl throws some around the ring.  The eagle goes for it.  Hornswoggle knocks it down, then tries to eat its leg.  Horswoggle rides the eagle, then slaps it, then runs into a big boot.  A big talon?  The eagle puts the talons to Hornswoggle.  The eagle misses the Ballin’ elbow.  Hornswoggle sits on it, then hits the tadpole splash for the pin in 2:21.  I cannot fucking believe I just reviewed that match.

Tonight, Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kane & Alberto Del Rio.  Commercials.

Backstage, Teddy Long congratulates the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino says they are both excited to be able to appear on Smackdown.  Kozlov says “More people for me to crush.”  Santino signs “We Are The Champions.”  Kozlov waves a cigarette lighter around.  Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in and challenges them to a match tonight.  Santino accepts.  Lots of Queen references.

Next, Dolph Ziggler defends the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston.

Kofi Kingston hype video.

Todd Grisham interviews WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  Commercials.

Vickie Guerrero’s introduction of Ziggler is the worse thing I’ve heard since I was forced to listen to Edgard Varese’s Electronic Poem.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Kofi gets a schoolboy for 1.  Kofi gets another cradle for 2.  Ziggler beats on Kofi.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and a dropkick, then a running elbow smash.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Ziggler bails.  Commercials.  Ziggler has Kofi in a chin lock.  He releases it and hits a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler applies a face lock.  Kofi fights out and catapults Ziggler into the turnbuckles.  Ziggler takes that better than anyone not named Curt Hennig.  Kofi makes h is comeback.  Ziggler counts the S.O.S.  Kofi keeps rolling anyway.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and a missile dropkick.  Vickie gets on the apron and makes an ungodly noise.  Kofi covers Ziggler for 2.  Ziggler cradles Kofi for 2.  Ziggler kicks Kofi in the chin.  They fight on the top rope.  Kofi knocks Ziggler down and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi goes for a suplex, but Ziggler counters and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Ziggler throws Kofi’s shoulder into the post.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Jack Swagger runs in and pulls Kofi off the cover to cause the DQ in 12:43.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Referees make him break.  Okay match.  I hate fuck finishes.

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril.  He warns Kane against approaching.  Kane does anyway.  Another mannequin takes a bump off of something high through a table.  Kane is pissed.  So am I.  This is the worst shit ever.  Commercials.

Chris Masters is in the ring to do the Master Lock Challenge.  “Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out to participate in this crap.  There’s a bell, so I guess this is supposed to be a match.

Master Lock Challenge: Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes wipes the chair down before sitting in it, then tries to make Masters do his nails.  Masters slaps him and orders him into the chair.  Rhodes gets mad that his faced was touched.  Masters grabs his face.  Rhodes throws a temper tantrum and looks in his jacket mirror.  Masters locks in the Master Lock for the win in 2:43.  Stupid crap.

Tonight, Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio.  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero Jr.  They show Santino & Kozlov beating The Nexus for the titles on Raw when John Cena provided the distraction.  Santino hits McIntyre with an arm drag.  McIntyre decks him.  Kozlov tags in and beats up McIntyre.  The referee gets in the way to let McIntyre get the advantage.  Kozlov quickly overcomes this brief inconvenience.  Chavo pulls Kozlov’s back across the ropes, then gets the tag and hits the Eddie hilo.  Chavo beats up Kozlov.  Santino gets the tag and runs wild on McIntyre.  McIntyre cuts him off and goes for the Future Shock.  Chavo tags himself in and goes for the frog splash.  Santino avoids it and hits the Cobra for the pin in 3:09.  Alright then.  McIntyre bitches at Chavo for being a failure, then gives him the Future Shock.

Earlier tonight, we were forced to watch another skit in the worst storyline ever thought of.  They’re so proud of this awful storyline that they’re forcing us to watch it again now.  Later there’s going to be a tag match.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.

TLC hype.

Michelle McCool and Layla are next.  Ugh.  Commercials.

They show the crap from Raw where LayCool attacked Natalya after her match with Melina.

Non-Title: Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya (w/ Beth Phoenix).  They actually do a really good exchange to start.  Layla is actually a damn fine lady wrestler.  Natalya hits the stalling suplex for 2.  Layla bails.  Natalya pursues and shoves McCool.  Layla gets back in the ring and dropkicks Natalya through the ropes.  Phoenix frightens McCool away from interfering.  Back inside, Natalya eats a boot to the face.  Double clothesline spot.  Layla throws a dropkick, but Natalya catches her and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool grabs her hands and gets pulled into the ring.  Phoenix pulls her out.  Layla submits in 1:59.  Better divas match than usual until it turned to the usual LayCool bullshit.

Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Rey Mysterio and Edge come out for the main event.  Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Kane doesn’t come out.  Teddy Long comes out and changes it to a handicap match.

Handicap Match: Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Alberto Del Rio.  Mysterio throws leg kicks at Del Rio, then hits a leg drop for 2.  Edge and Mysterio double team Del Rio.  Del Rio beats up Edge a bit.  Edge hits a flapjack.  Mysterio tags back in.  They hit another double team for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Del Rio bails, but gets kicked anyway.  Kane comes out.  He and Edge brawl in the aisle.  Edge runs away.  Kane chases him.  Del Rio jumps Mysterio from behind and puts the boots to him.  Del Rio hits a gut busters for 2.  Del Rio applies a body scissors.  Mysterio escapes and ends up on the apron.  Del Rio knocks him to the floor with an enzuigiri.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio on the outside.  Back inside, Del Rio goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits the flipping bulldog for 2.  Del Rio hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and hits a seated senton.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin in 7:08.  Now pay to see them in another singles match on the PPV!

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril again.  Kane assumes it’s another dummy and pushes the ladders over.  It was the real Paul Bearer, who is now dead.  I pray to God that’s the end of this shit.

Horrible show.  I dread this shit more than I do Impact lately.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/6/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video of last week’s happenings.

Jerry Lawler and CM Punk open the show.  Punk puts over Lawler’s performance last week.  Michael Cole comes out to explain why he screwed Lawler last week.  He refuses to apologize for being in love with The Miz.  The crowd hates Cole.  I wish they’d riot and take him out.  Lawler and Cole banter.  Lawler decides he wants to kick Cole’s ass.  Give him one for me, King!  Cole gives him pause by blaming Lawler for lack of journalistic integrity, or something stupid like that.  He demands an apology from Lawler.  Lawler finally heads to the ring to kick his ass.  The iBooker dings in.  Punk decides he’ll do the reading this week.  He gets a way better reaction than Cole does for doing that crap.  iBooker promises a firing if there is any physicality between Lawler and Cole.  It orders them to shake hands.  Lawler reluctantly shakes Cole’s hand.  Damn that iBooker to hell!  Lawler holds on to Cole’s hand.  He says there’s someone in the back who wants to say something to Cole.  Randy Orton comes out.  Lawler keeps Cole from leaving.  Orton tells Cole to deliver a message to The Miz.  He doesn’t blame Miz for taking the title the way he did, because he would have done the same thing.  He says the only difference between him and The Miz is that Orton backs up what he says.  Orton says he’ll take back the title TONIGHT!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz says the iBooker told him he doesn’t have to defend the title until the PPV, where he’ll face Orton.  Orton asks which 7 guys Miz is going to get to attack him before the match.  He says Riley doesn’t count as a guy.  Riley challenges Orton to match tonight.  Orton agrees.  Miz says the iBooker left it up to him to determine the gimmick for their PPV match.  Orton says that’s fine, then proves that he’s not too injured.  He gives Cole an RKO!  Yay!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened!  And it was great!  During the break, Cole was helped out of the arena.  Hopefully that means no more Cole tonight.  Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out for a match.

Backstage, Nikki Bella knocks on Daniel Bryan’s locker room door.  He emerges with Brie Bella, who has already volunteered to be his partner.  Nikki wishes them luck, but is pissed.

Ted Dibiase Jr. & Maryse vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella.  Bryan and Dibiase lock up.  Dibiase shoves Bryan away.  Nikki Bella comes out.  Bryan grabs a side headlock.  Bryan hits an arm drag and cranks on Dibiase’s arm.  Dibiase hits a flapjack and tags in Maryse.  Brie hits some dropkicks and a clothesline for 2.  Maryse does something and hurts herself, then yells at everybody.  Brie schoolgirls her.  Dibiase saves.  Bryan gives him a dropkick.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.   Nikki gets Brie with an inside cradle for the pin in 2:08.  It’s a sad day when a Daniel Bryan match is lame.  Dibiase and Maryse bicker.  Maryse does the “talk to the hand” gesture and leaves.

Tonight, a four-way elimination match for the WWE Tag Team Championship!  Next, a Wade Barrett interview!  Commercials! plug.


Video package of last week’s happenings with The Nexus and John Cena.

Live via satellite… is David Otunga.  Since Wade Barrett is at the arena.  Idiots.  Why the fuck isn’t Otunga at work, for that matter?  Room service brings Otunga his food.  There’s free catering at the arena.  Otunga bitches about the food being cold and kicks him out.  There’s another knock. It’s John Cena, who beats the shit out of Otunga.  Husky Harris jumps Cena.  Otunga runs away.  Cena throws Harris into the wall.  Stupid shit.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

David Hart Smith vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ huge jacked up dude).  Jobber entrance for Smith.  Smith beats up Kidd.  Kidd kicks Smith in the face and flips to the apron.  Smith throws him back in.  Kidd beats up Smith.  Smith makes his comeback.  Kidd cuts him off with an elbow smash and goes up top.  Smith cuts him off and hits a STALLING SUPERPLEX!  Cover gets 2.  Smith tries for the running powerslam, but Kidd counters into a reverse cradle and grabs the tights for the pin in 2:12.  Intense little match.  Smith attacks Kidd again, but big jacked up dude kicks Smith’s ass.

WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater whine to Wade Barrett backstage.  David Otunga comes in sucking wind.  Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Barrett assure them that everything is fine, then bitches at Otunga for being a failure.  Otunga warns him of a possible mutiny.  Barrett is unconcerned.  Commercials.

Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match for the WWE Tag Team Championship: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Nexus vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Tamina) vs. Mark Henry & Yoshi Tatsu.  Yoshi and Gabriel trade holds.  Yoshi slides under a big boot and lands some chops.  Yoshi lands a spin kick for 2.  Gabriel lands a kick and tags in Slater.  Yoshi immediately hits a hip toss and an arm drag.  Henry tags in.  Slater scampers away and tags in Jey Uso.  The Usos bail to talk strategy.  Henry throws Jey in the ring the hard way.  Yoshi tags in and hits a diving chop.  The Usos get Yoshi in their corner and work him over.  The announcers argue about mixed tag matches.  Usos double team Yoshi and knock Henry off the apron.  Jey slams Yoshi and hits a headbutt.  Slater blind tags in and hits something to pin Yoshi in 3:02.  Boo!  Jimmy Uso beats up Slater.  Jimmy hits a Samoan drop on Slater, but Gabriel saves.  Slater avoids a headbutt and beats up Jimmy.  Kozlov blind tags in and runs wild on everybody.  Kozlov hits the Iron Curtain on Jimmy for the pin in 4:37.  The Usos leave.  Tamina decides to stay with Santino.  Gabriel works Kozlov’s leg, then fucks up some sort of move horribly.  Nexus get the heat on Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild on Slater.  Seriously.  Slater cuts him off and puts the boots to him.  Gabriel tags in and kicks Santino in the head for 2.  Gabriel cranks on Santino’s neck.  Santino takes him over with a judo throw.  Gabriel hits a spin kick for 2.  Nexus get the heat on Santino.  Commercials.  Nexus are now working over Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild again.  Santino hits a Stunner on Gabriel.  Slater saves.  Kozlov takes him out.  John Cena appears on the apron and distracts Gabriel.  Santino hits the Cobra for the pin in 11:56.  The Tag Team Championship changes hands via the Cobra.  At least it was to Gabriel’s injured neck.  Santino, Kozlov, and Tamina celebrate.  Ugh.

Tonight, Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley.  Up next, Sheamus’ King of the Ring coronation ceremony.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

King Sheamus comes out and cuts a great promo from his throne.  The peasant John Morrison dares to interrupt the King!  They banter.  King Sheamus orders Morrison to bow to him.  Morrison refuses.  Sheamus decks Morrison and orders him to bow.  Morrison kicks his ass.  Morrison throws Sheamus into his throne.  That’s high treason!  Off with his head!

Tonight, Wade Barrett calls out John Cena!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Natalya vs. Melina.  Michelle McCool and Layla are ringside for commentary.  ARGH!  Their voices are TORTURE.  Poor Undertaker.  Natalya and Melina shake hands and go at it.  Natalya does a stall suplex.  The commentary is insufferable.  Cover gets 2.  Melina hits a sunset flip into her knees.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Melina applies a body scissors.  Melina screams.  Natalya hits a clothesline.  Melina hits a dropkick.  Natalya hits a basement dropkick and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:24.  LayCool jump Natalya.  At least I can’t hear them anymore.

Orton vs. Riley is next.  Commercials.

Earlier tonight, Randy Orton RKO’d Michael Cole, and I was happy.

Alex Riley complains to The Miz backstage.  Miz orders him to beat Orton tonight.

Randy Orton comes out.  The match is next.  Commercials.

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  They show how Orton lost the title to Miz 2 weeks ago.  Riley attacks Orton’s injured knee.  Cover gets 2.  More knee torture.  Orton hits an Angle Slam of all things.  Orton beats up Riley.  Orton hits a powerslam.  Riley rolls to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Miz gives Orton the Skull Crushing Finale to cause the DQ in 2:47.  Miz says he’s going to show Orton what kind of match they’re having at the PPV.  He brings in a table.  He tries to deliver his move again, but Orton fights back and tries to powerslam Miz through the table.  Miz escapes and bails.  Orton powerbombs Riley through the table.  2 table bumps in 2 weeks for young Mr. Riley.

Backstage, Wade Barrett tells David Otunga to have the other guys read.  He’s headed our way!  Commercials.


Wade Barrett comes out and bitches about John Cena not keeping his word.  He calls out Cena, who comes out through the crowd.  David Otunga, Husky Harris, Justin Gabriel, and Heath Slater come out.  Barrett says they’ll beat up Cena if he threatens Barrett.  Barrett tells Cena that he will never rehire him.  Cena cuts a promo about how he’s having fun with what he’s doing now.  He makes fun of Gabriel and Slater for losing to the Cobra and makes a crack at Otunga and Harris about room service.  He doesn’t care about being fired.  Barrett asks what Cena would do if he hired him back.  Cena makes a Step Brothers reference and says other funny things.  He promises to keep beating up Barrett.  He says Barrett should rehire him so they can settle it like men.  Barrett says that was a threat.  He orders Nexus to attack, but they refuse and leave, despite Barrett’s orders.  Cena kicks Barrett’s ass.  Cena tries to give Barrett the Attitude Adjustment off of the steps through the announce table.  Barrett escapes a runs away.  Cena’s music plays, so apparently he’s friends with the productions guy too.

Wade Barrett stomps around backstage and yells at The Nexus.  Otunga says either Barrett hires Cena back next week, or Barrett is out of Nexus.  Mutiny!

95% of the wrestling on this show sucked, but I thought the storyline stuff was pretty good.