Archive for The Governor

TNA Destination X 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

If the reviews are to be believed, I’m going to regret watching this show.

The show starts with a black and white video showing how horrible the economy is right now.  It switches to color to hype the main event and Ultimate X.

Mike Tenay welcome us LIVE to Orlando.  Where’s Don West?  Ah, there he is.

The Beautiful People (Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, & Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde, Roxxi, & The Governor.  Geeze, they’re still doing this phony Sarah Palin gimmick?  They try, but the match sucks.  Roxxi moves so awkwardly in the ring.  She takes the heat for a bit and makes the hot tag to Wilde, who cleans house.  The Governor hits a shitty looking dive out of the ring onto Love and Sky.  Wilde hits a German suplex on Rayne for the win at 5:04.  Bleh.

Generic blonde interviews Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley.  Jarrett is going to be the referee in the main event and Foley is going to be the enforcer.  For some reason, BRUTUS MAGNUS flashes on the screen in the middle of the interview.

Brutus Magnus then comes to the ring.  What the fuck is this shit?  He issues an open challenge.  David Penzer introduces a sailor (Jesse Neal) to be the ring announcer.  He introduces Magnus’ opponent, Eric Young.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young.  Magnus looks more like a guy who should jobbing to lower midcarders on ECW.  He nails some shots, then Young fights back.  Young bounces off the ropes and Magnus botches the catch and hits a half assed powerslam or something for a near fall.  He hits a high knee and a leg drop for a near fall, then hits a powerbomb.  He goes for a splash, but Young moves.  Young hits a DVD for a near fall.  Young flips over one of the posts and goes to the other one.  Magnus tries to meet him but gets thrown down and elbow dropped.  Bridge into backslide spot gets a near fall for Young.  So forth and so on.  Magnus hits sort of a TKO off the turnbuckle for the win at 4:46.  What’s it called?  Tormentum?

Tenay and West run down the card.  Two matches in.  Why?

Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out.  He complains that he hasn’t been on a PPV all year.  He whines for a bit, then Jim Cornette comes out.  He tells Bashir he’s not on the PPV because nobody likes him.  He calls the sailor back into the ring.  The sailor sings horribly and Bashir leaves.  Complete waste of PPV time.

Jeremy Borash is in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room.  Angle complains that Foley, Jarrett, and Sting are all against him.  Booker says he has AJ Styles to deal with tonight and leaves.  Steiner says he has Samoa Joe to deal with, so Sting is Angle’s problem.  Nash tells Angle to relax.  He tells Angle the whole thing is his fault.  The audio keeps going from quiet to loud at random.

Abyss/Morgan video package.

Match of 10,000 Tacks:
Mat Morgan vs. Abyss.  During Morgan’s entrance, the newly heel Don West defends Sheik Abdul Bashir.  Because he’s a heel now.  Does anyone care?  Morgan jumps Abyss to start.  Abyss fights back but gets clotheslined to the floor.  Abyss grabs Morgan’s legs and pulls his nuts into the post.  He sets up two trays of tacks just off the stage.  Way to give away the finish.  Morgan whips Abyss into the guardrail and takes him back into the ring to beat him up.  Morgan climbs a pole (of course) and pulls down a bag of tacks.  He pours them into a small, neat pile and tries to push Abyss’ face into them.  Abyss fights back and goes for a chokeslam, but Morgan fights out.  Abyss hits a clothesline, then punishes Morgan in the corner.  Abyss climbs up another pole and retrieves another bag of tacks.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and goes outside to get a chair.  He ends up being the one to take the bump into the chair.  He pours the other bag of tacks onto the previous pile.  Morgan counters a powerbomb attempt, but gets Black Hole Slammed.  Abyss pours a bag of broken glass on top of the pile of tacks.  Morgan bails and heads up the ramp.  Abyss gives chase and they fight on the stage.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam again, but Morgan kicks him in the balls.  Morgan lands the Carbon Footprint and sends Abyss off of the stage into the trays of tacks we talked about earlier for the win at 8:49.  Retarded match.

Booker T tells Cornette he didn’t agree to put the Legends title on the line tonight.  Cornette shows him the contract.  Sharmell tries to find a loophole, but Cornette isn’t buying it.

There’s some kind of stupid thing with guys trying to win a date with ODB.  I wanted to fast forward, but my wife won’t let me.  ODB comes out in a dress.  The finalists are Cody Deaner: a hillbilly with a mullet, Shark Boy, and Bernie Weber: an old Mexican in a suit.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  They all say why they should win, then they dance.  Mullet wins.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  This has to be the worst PPV segment since the Gobbledy Gooker.

Generic blonde interviews Beer Money, who are very rude to her.  The audio goes screwy again.  Tonight they face Team 3D, and apparently if 3D loses, they have to leave.

Awesome Kong/Sojourner Bolt video package.  They were friends, and now they’re enemies.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (c) (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Sojourner Bolt.  Bolt botches some shit and gets clotheslined.  Kong proceeds to demolish Bolt.  Bolt tries to fight back, but is cut off every time.  Kong misses a diving splash.  Bolt rolls her up with a la magistral but fails to get the pin.  Same with a jackknife hold.  Bolt hits the ropes and Saeed grabs her leg.  Bolt kicks her away and low bridges a charging Kong.  Bolt goes for a Dragonrana, but Kong Awesome Bombs her to end this abortion at 4:18.

Tenay and West hype what’s still to come.

Joe/Steiner video package.

Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe has a new look with retarded facepaint and looks like he’s approaching being as fat as I am.  Did he not hit the gym at all during the months he was off TV?  Joe destroys Steiner, then attacks some refs to get DQ’d at 1:29.  He beats up Steiner through the crowd and out of the arena.  Geeze, this show is bad.

Generic blonde interviews AJ Styles.

Booker/Styles video package.  Styles stole Booker’s belt and Booker called the cops.

TNA Legends Championship Match: Booker T (c) (w/ Sharmell) vs. AJ Styles.  They lock up.  AJ shoves Booker.  Hammerlock exchange sequence, then they trade chops.  Usual AJ greatness.  Booker bails and AJ hits his flying forearm off the apron.  Back inside, AJ covers for a two count.  Backbreaker for another two count.  Booker gets the advantage and goes to work on AJ.  Harlem side kick gets two.  Booker works AJ’s arm.  Don West explains how important it is to have feeling in your arms.  AJ fights back and hits a hammerlock backdrop for a near fall.  That was kinda nifty.  Booker hits his swank rollup out of the corner for the first time in ages for a near fall, then blasts AJ with a kick for another.  AJ gets a nice German suplex hold for a near fall.  AJ springboards off the ropes and they botch something.  Booker manages to spin up and goes for the scissors kick, but AJ moves and hits the Pele.  AJ follows with the Styles Clash for the victory at 9:15.  Best match on the show so far, and that’s sad.  AJ celebrates with the belt.

Cut to the parking lot.  Apparently, Samoa Joe has murdered Scott Steiner with a sword.  He tells a frightened generic blonde to tell he’s going to kill the rest of the Main Event Mafia.  Or something.

Beer Money/Team 3D video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match (Off The Wagon Challenge): Beer Money (c) vs. IWGP Tag Team Champions Team 3D.  Team 3D proudly display their IWGP gold and Bubba is wearing a New Japan ring jacket.  Awesome!  Beer Money have been doing a “get a title shot but if we pin you you’re fired” gimmick recently, and that’s what this is.  Devon beats up Roode a bit.  Bubba tags in and promptly gets taken down.  Storm tags in and acts retarded.  Storm and Bubba do the silly test of strength dance.  Devon tags in and 3D double team storm.  Roode prevents his partner from taking the WASSUP headbutt.  Match goes on.  It’s not awful, but not particularly exciting.  They do the Brokeback Mountain spot.  Bubba hits a Rock Bottom of all things on Roode, then the flip, flop, & fly on Storm.  Storm prevents Devon from making it back in the ring and Beer Money doubleteams Bubba.  Storm hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and Roode follows with a frog splash.  I’m serious.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for a near fall.  Don West: How many people have we ever seen kick out of that?  Me: Everyone.  Devon makes it back in and they give Roode the reverse 3D for a near fall.  Storm comes in and uses a chair to cause the DQ at 9:57.  Cornette comes out and restarts the match as a No DQ match.  Devon comes from behind and gives them the double noggin knocker.  Storm takes the 3D.  Roode pulls the referee out of the ring.  He grabs Storm and leaves.  West hands Beer Money the belts and they leave.  Crowd chants BULLSHIT.  3D wins by count-out at 12:04.  Bubba complains to the announcers.

We get comments from the Ultimate X participants, then a video package.  I love Shelley openly saying he’s going to cheat any way he can.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Alex Shelley (c) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide.  Guns immediately jump Suicide as Lethal and Creed go to climb the structure.  Guns use teamwork to deal with everybody else.  Suicide comes back in and deals with them, then goes at it with Lethal.  “FALLEN ANGEL” chants.  Shelley and Lethal go at it.  Sabin goes for the belt, but Creed pulls him down.  It’s basically two guys fight, one gets knocked down, and another comes in to go at it with the other.  Sabin his a suicide (no pun intended) dive 4 1/2 minutes it.  Suicide goes for one as well, but Shelley nails him with a kick.  Creed goes for the climb, but Suicide gets him a fireman’s carry and does the Finlay roll onto the other guys outside.  Suicide climbs the cables, but Lethal knocks him down with a missile dropkick.  Lethal Consequences fight with the Guns.  Lethal gives Creed a boost up to the belt.  Sabin uses Shelley as a springboard and takes Creed down.  Tower of Doom spot in the corner, but Suicide holds on to the cables and goes for the prize.  Lethal persues and powerbombs him down.  Everybody hits a bunch of stuff.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Creed.  Creed hits the TKO off the second rope on Shelley.  Creed, Lethal, and Sabin all go for the belt.  They fight on the cables.  Suicide pounces and sends them all crashing, then grabs the belt and falls down for the win at 14:11.  Not as good as some other Ultimate X matches, but pretty awesome and 7,000 times better than anything else on this show.

Borash interviews Sting.

Sting/Angle video package.

Jarrett makes his entrance.  Why does a referee need a guitar?  Foley’s TNA music is awful.  Overly long entrances and videos to give it a big match feel.  It fails.  Boxing style intros, and we finally have…

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Kurt Angle (Jeff Jarrett is the referee and Mick Foley is the enforcer).  Angle punches Sting.  Sting kicks Angle.  Angle kicks Sting.  Sting elbows Angle and clotheslines him out of the ring.  They brawl some more.  Angle takes a sweet bump on a backdrop out of the ring, lands on his feet but manages to hit his head on the guardrail.  They brawl into the crowd for about a second, then go back to the ring.  Angle suplexes Sting and gets a two count.  Jarrett’s count was fair, but Angle still glares at him).  Angle tries to catch a charging Sting for a belly-to-belly, but Sting just kind of crashes into him and they stumble.  Angle wears down Sting with a sleeper on the mat.  Sting fights out and they crossbody each other.  Sting hits a bunch of clotheslines and the Stinger Splash.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Sting armdrags him out of it and hits a powerbomb of all things for a near fall.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Sting kicks him away.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits a moonsault for a near fall and I wasn’t paying attention.  Dammit.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for a near fall.  Sting ducks a clothesline and Angle clotheslines Jarrett.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Foley checks on Jarrett.  Angle taps, but nobody is paying attention.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Foley counts two.  Angle low blows him.  Angle tries to use a chair on Sting, but Foley takes it away from him.  Foley swings for Angle but Angle ducks and Sting takes the chair shot.  Angle half ass Angle Slams fat Foley.  He covers Sting and Jarrett counts two.  Angle spits at Jarrett and punches him.  Jarrett punches him back and Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin at 13:51.  Angle is pissed at Jarrett, but he brought it on himself.  Sting holds up the gold as we fade to black.

The show wasn’t as horrible as Alvarez made it out to be.  Yes, the undercard WAS bad, but Booker and AJ had an okay match (only one botch stands out) and the Ultimate X was good.  The main event was a lot better than I expected.  Alvarez bitched about the heel being screwed by three guys, but if you look at the content it’s clear he did it to himself.  It wasn’t a good match, but it wasn’t awful.  Everything but the three matches I mentioned was completely worthless and had no redeeming quality.