Archive for Terry Taylor

TNA iMPACT! 12/2/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video of last week’s happenings.

“Who’s Wearing The Stripes?”

They start the show with a match already in progress.  Are you fucking serious?  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Ric Flair has joined them for this match, with TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles and Kazarian standing behind him.

Non-Title Four-Way Match: TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money vs. Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me.  JIP.  It’s a clusterfuck.  Moore hits a suicide dive on the Bucks, then an Asai moonsault on the Bucks and Guns.  Beer Money beat everybody up.  Beer Money and Ink Inc. do a tower of doom spot in the corner.  Jeremy hits a springboard facebuster on Neal.  There’s too much going on and they keep cutting to the announcers.  The Guns get a ladder from under the ring.  The Guns use it to abuse the Bucks.  The Bucks set up the ladder.  Beer Money and Ink Inc. are apparently asleep in the ring.  Sabin hits a cross body off the ladder onto the Bucks.  Ink Inc. double team Roode.  Storm rams Neal’s head into the steps.  Roode hits a TKO on Moore for 2.  Beer Money work over Moore.  They hit the awesome catapult DDT for 2.  Beer Money argue with the referee that’s been in all the shit lately.  Moore schoolboys Roode for the pin (6:02 shown).  Clusterfuck mess.

Ric Flair orders Fortune to “rough [the referee’s] ass up!”  Roode cuts a promo on the referee.  Storm storm beats him up.  Matt Morgan comes out, puts Flair in a rear chin lock, and orders Fortune to leave the referee alone.  They release the referee.  Morgan says he’ll rip their heads off if they mess with the referee again.  All of this, even though that referee screwed Morgan out of the title at the PPV.  Flair says Morgan is going down tonight.  We’re off to a clusterfuck of a start.

Mickie James talks to no one in particular backstage.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up to her.  Jordan is wearing a dress.  Apparently Mickie’s band is playing tonight.  Young wants to play the cowbell.  This fucking show… Commercials.

Tonight, Matt Morgan reveals the referee for the PPV!  Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne vs. Sarita!  Jeff Jarrett & Abyss vs. Samoa Joe & The Pope!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mickie James sings her entrance music.  Eric Young comes out in panties and chaps and plays the cowbell.  Tara appears and attacks Mickie from behind, then whacks Eric Young with his cowbell.  Mickie and Tara brawl, because that’s just what they always do.  Security breaks them up.

The referee catches up with Matt Morgan backstage and asks to be the referee.  Even though the referee cost him the title last time.  Morgan refuses, to protect the poor little referee from getting beat up again.  Commercials.

Ric Flair cuts a promo to no one in particular backstage.

Video of Doug Williams turning on Fortune.

Doug Williams cuts a promo on Kazarian backstage.

Douglas Williams vs. Kazarian.  It’s face paced from the get go.  Williams controls at the start, landing some European uppercuts and hitting a suplex for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Kazarian avoids it and hits the slingshot leg drop for 2.  Kazarian hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kazarian drops Williams and taunts him.  Kazarian hits a dropkick for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory again, leading to some cradle reversals.  Kazarian hits something for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Williams counts, then hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 4:52.  Good match that I unfortunately didn’t pay enough attention too.

Mickie James is running around backstage looking angry.  And hot.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan wants to ask Doug Williams for a favor, but they are jumped by Fortune first.  D’Lo Brown, Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and Terry Taylor break it up.

Final Resolution hype.

Brother Devon comes out and calls out Brother Ray.  Brother Ray comes out (this week he’s wearing a Ribera Steak House jacket).  Devon wants him to get in the ring, but Bubba is a big pussy.  Devon puts over Taz.  Bubba bashes Taz.  Taz tells Bubba to stop being a bitch and get in the ring.  Bubba teases getting in the ring, then pusses out again.  Devon says nobody ever liked Bubba and he was the one who carried the team.  It’s true.  Bubba yells about Marty Jannetty.  Devon lunges at him and he flinches like a little bitch.  Devon goes after Bubba, who pulls So Cal Val in front of him and runs away like a scared little girl.  Great segment for establishing that Bubba is a little bitch.

Next, Love vs. Rayne vs. Sarita!  Commercials!

Samoa Joe and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero chat backstage.  They’re tag partners tonight, but they don’t get along at all!  Groundbreaking booking here, folks!  We definitely don’t see that every single week on this show!

Sarita, Angelina Love, and Madison Rayne (w/ Tara) come out for the match.  Mickie attacks Tara and they brawl out of the sound stage.  Rayne knocks Sarita out with the belt.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Sarita vs. Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Love attacks Rayne to finally start the match.  They fight.  It’s terrible.  Sarita stirs on the outside.  Rayne applies a rear chin lock.  Love makes her comeback and knocks Rayne out of the ring.  Rayne clocks Love in the face with the title belt.  Sarita makes it back in, pushes Rayne out of the ring, and pins Love in 2:41.  Utter crap.

Ric Flair talks to someone who is hidden by a door.  Pretty sure it’s Rhino.  Commercials.

Angelina Love throws a temper tantrum backstage.  Winter shows up to console her.  Winter guarantees that Love will never lose again.  Love asks her to explain WTF all this shit means.  They hold hands and go to talk.

Matt Morgan vs. Rhino.  They lock up.  Morgan pushes Rhino away.  Rhino beats up Morgan.  Morgan hits a shoulder block and some strikes.  Morgan hits an enzui leg lariat against the ropes.  They brawl outside.  Rhino sends Morgan into the post, then throws him back into the ring.  Morgan is bleeding.  Rhino works over the bleeding Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam.  Rhino counters.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Rhino hits a belly to belly suplex and goes for the Gore.  Morgan avoids it and hits the Carbon Footprint.  Fortune run in and attack Morgan to cause the DQ in 5:04.  Damn, this was pretty good.

Rob Van Dam runs out to brawl with Rhino.  Fortune continue beating on Morgan.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out with a steel chair.  Fortune hold Morgan so Hardy can concuss him like he did to Mr. Anderson.  Speak of the devil, Mr. Anderson comes out with a lead pipe to run off Fortune.  Anderson’s mic drops down.  Commercials.

Ken Anderson and Matt Morgan are still in the ring.  Anderson thanks Morgan for having his back.  He talks about the unwritten wrestlers’ code.  He talks about his concussion.  Anderson offers to be the referee at the PPV.  Morgan approves.  Anderson says “the bigger man” will win on Sunday.

Mickie James and Tara are now fighting in the parking lot.  Tenay isn’t sure what’s going on because he’s an idiot.  Tara back body drops Mickie into the bed of an old pickup truck.  Commercials.

Jeremy Borash announces a New Jersey Fist Pump Showdown.  WHAT THE FUCK?  TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) and Jay Lethal come out.  I refuse to watch this shit, so I fast forward for a while.  Eventually they start fighting and end up backstage.  Cookie gets into it with Christy Hemme and gets her ass kicked.  Christy locks Cookie in a cage.  Robbie slams the cage door into Lethal.  I fucking hate this show.

Jarrett & Abyss vs. Joe & Pope is next.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Abyss chat backstage.

Final Resolution hype music video.

The main event is next for real this time!  Commercials!

Jeff Jarrett & Abyss of Immortal vs. Samoa Joe & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Jarrett and Pope do silly worked MMA that turns into decent chain wrestling.  Joe tags in.  Jarrett runs away and tags in Abyss.  Joe and Abyss lock up.  Joe rocks Abyss with a Pele kick.  Joe does the face wash.  Pope tags himself in in the process and attacks Abyss.  Joe and Pope argue.  Abyss hits them with a double clothesline.  Abyss splashes Pope in the corner and tags in Jarrett.  Jarrett goes for a cross armbreaker.  Joe tries to prevent it, but fails.  Pope gets a rope break.  Abyss tags in and brawls with Pope.  Jarrett tags in again and applies a rear chin lock.  Pope escapes via backdrop suplex.  The show ends.  The show starts during a match and ends during a match.  Of course.

Fucking horrible show.

TNA iMPACT! 10/7/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss has kidnapped Dixie Carter.  He yells about wanting her to cry and being there when her children were born.  The fuck?  Nobody helps her, despite there being tons of people backstage where they’re walking.  That’s crack TNA security for you.  Abyss pulls her into the arena and yells at or near her.  He rambles about “they.”  NOBODY IS LIFTING A MOTHERFUCKING FINGER TO SAVE THE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY FROM A LUNATIC WITH A NAIL BOARD AND A BRANDING IRON.  Eric Bischoff finally finishes getting blown by Brooke Adams backstage and comes out.  Bischoff, Gunner, Murphy, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown finally show up after their boss has been in danger for 5 minutes.  Bischoff convinces Abyss to unlock Dixie from the handcuffs.  Bischoff yells “CUT!”  Bischoff gets in the ring as Sting, Kevin Nash, and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero come out.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff, The Pope, Sting, and Kevin Nash are all in the ring.  Bischoff and Pope discuss amongst themselves this retarded, convoluted storyline that nobody understands.  Sting wants Hogan in the ring.  So he can expose him.  Or something.  Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett come out.  Bischoff tells them to stand down.  He talks about Hogan being crippled.  They show video of Hulk Hogan in the hospital, because he is in fact old and crippled.  I hate this fucking company.  LIVE TV AND THEY’RE FUCKING SHOWING FUCKING VIDEO OF THAT PIECE OF SHIT IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL.  Bischoff challenges them to kick his ass.  DO IT!  He books Sting, Nash, & Pope against Jarrett & Joe in a Handicap Match at Bound For Glory.  That’s stupid.

Mickie James shows up.  I’m so pissed at that stupid segment that I don’t even care.

Tonight, a battle royal.

A match for a name and some music is next.  Commercials.

Angle/Hardy/Anderson hype video.

Team 3D (FUCK!  I thought they were gone) are in New York City.  They promise a big announcement at Bound For Glory.  Hopefully it’s that they’re retiring.

For the Rights to the Beautiful People Name: Madison Rayne & Tara vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky.  Rayne and Tara jump Love and Sky.  Nobody bothers to ring a fucking bell because they hate wrestling and me.  They get the heat on Angelina.  Velvet tags in and runs wild.  Rayne knees Velvet from the apron, so they get heat on her too.  Miss Tessmacher comes out to take notes.  These are NOT the women you want to learn about wrestling from, Brooke.  Love tags in and runs wild.  Velvet and Love hit stereo leg kicks on Tara.  Love pins Tara in about 3 minutes.  Fucking garbage.  Tessmacher says there’s a special guest referee for their 4-way title match at Bound For Glory.  It’s Mickie James.  Mickie cuts a shitty promo about how she’ll beat whoever wins at BFG for the title.

Mick Foley was in Boston plugging his book and cutting a promo on Ric Flair.

Still to come, a battle royal.

Next, Flair vs. Foley.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter tells Eric Bischoff to fire Abyss.  She says he should have done it a long time ago.  That’s what she gets for expecting Bischoff to be competent or good at his job.  She wants him to fire Abyss in the ring and humiliate him.  That’s stupid.  Also, I’m pretty sure Bischoff and Hogan are “them.”

Last Man Standing Match: Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley.  They lock up.  In a gimmick grudge match.  Flair lands chops and punches.  Foley bleeds from a cut above his eye.  They brawl outside.  Foley hits Flair in the balls, throws him in the ring, and retrieves his barbed wire bat that was hidden under the steps.  Foley hits Flair with the bat and punches him.  Flair is bleeding.  Foley chases Flair to the broadcast table.  They end up on the stage.  Foley drives the barbed wire into Flair’s head.  Flair throws Foley off the stage through a table.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants are bleeped.  I thought Spike TV was television for men, not old ladies.  Commercials.  Flair beats  up Foley, having beaten him with his new book during the break.  Flair brings in thumbtacks.  Foley fights back.  Foley back body drops Flair onto the tacks.  Foley brings in a barbed wire board.  Foley pounds Flair down in the corner, then runs the barbed wire board into him.  They trade chops and punches.  Foley brings in a table.  The mutants chant “FIRE!”  Flair hits Foley in the balls, then puts him on the table and hits him with the barbed wire board.  Flair comes off the top rope and splashes Foley through the table.  They both try to get up.  Flair does the Flair flop into the tacks.  Foley wins in 13:25.  Flair and Foley had a great match.  This was NOT that match.  This was two old men having a TNA garbage match for the sake of having a TNA garbage match, and I expect better from both of them.  I hate this company.  Foley wants Flair to kiss his ass like he promised to last week.  Mutants chant “KISS HIS ASS!”  Fortune come in through the crowd and jump Foley.  EV2.0 come out and run them off.  Flair says Fortune will kick their asses Sunday.

Tenay and Tazz show off the blood on their table.

Eric Bischoff walks backstage.

Eric Bischoff walks to the ring.  They show the retarded bullshit from the beginning of the show again because they’re so proud of it.  He calls out Abyss.  Commercials.  Who is the retard who structures these fucking shows?

Eric Bischoff is still waiting on Abyss.  The wreckage from the Flair/Foley match is still in the ring because everybody is too busy being worthless to clean shit up.  Rob Van Dam comes out.  He’s “1010% sure” about what he’s saying.  He says Abyss stays through Bound For Glory or he quits.

Tommy Dreamer and Rhino were in Philadelphia at some point in the past.

A battle royal is going to happen later.  Commercials are going to happen right now.

House shows.

Orlando Jordan and Eric Young are shown at a fair or something.  There are homosexual overtones.  Why the fuck is Orlando Jordan back on my TV?

Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan.  The gimmick is that since Young fell on his head a while back he’s retarded now.  He is dressed like Ink Inc. with kiddie drawings on his back and doesn’t know whose team he is on.  Neal beats up Jordan.  Good for him.  Jordan beats up Neal, then humps his face.  Moore tags in and runs wild.  Moore hits a moonsault body block on Jordan for 2.  Young comes in and high fives him.  Young helps Moore double team Jordan, then points it out to the ref when Jordan goes for a pin with his foot on the ropes.  Jordan hits Moore in the balls and gets the pin in 3:47.  Fucking garbage.  Young abuses the referee, says he’s the leader of the tag team, and forfeits the match they just won.  They talk about a rematch at the PPV.  I fucking hope not.

We tour Jay Lethal’s family home.

Jeff Hardy, Ken Anderson, and Kurt Angle are all in the battle royal, which is next.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter tells Rob Van Dam that Abyss as fired after Bound For Glory regardless of the result of their match.  Bischoff gives her the termination papers to sign.  She doesn’t read them.  Abyss will be saved when it is revealed that Hogan and Bischoff are “they.”  Dixie tells RVD to take out Abyss.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out.  They’re the Jersey Shore gimmick.  Cookie is Becky Bayless, and she’s super hot, so at least there’s that.  Robbie shoes off his abs.  Becky should show off her tits.  They cut a stupid, obnoxious promo.  I’m pretty sure Robbie E. is Zack Ryder’s twin brother.  Even the Impact Zone mutants hate this shit.  Retarded bullshit.

Bound For Glory hype video with various guys cutting promos.

$100,000 Gauntlet Battle Royal: #1 is Ken Anderson.  #2 is Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle lands a shoulder block.  #3 is Jeff Hardy.  They’re doing entrants every 45 seconds.  They could have spaced it out more, but that Jersey Shore gimmick is so fucking important.  As soon as Hardy gets in the ring, #4 is TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles.  Commercials.  Doug Williams, Sabu, Max Buck, and TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin entered during the break.  #9 is Tommy Dreamer.  #10 is TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  Everybody brawls.  #11 is Jeff Jarrett.  WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF HAVING A GAUNTLET MATCH IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE GUYS COME OUT EVERY 45 FUCKING SECONDS?  #12 is “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  #13 is Robert Roode.  Nobody gets eliminated.  #14 is Sting.  Still, nobody gets eliminated.  Commercials.  Jeremy Buck, Raven, and Stevie Richards entered during the break.  Abyss enters and eliminates Williams, Sabu, Lethal, Richards, Sabu, and Raven in short order.  Everybody jumps Abyss.  Abyss dumps Sting.  Kevin Nash enters next.  Nash beats on Abyss.  Nash didn’t even put on wrestling gear.  Matt Morgan enters next and drops Abyss with a clothesline.  Nash and Morgan have a big guy fight.  Samoa Joe is next.  Abyss eliminates Morgan and Nash.  James Storm enters.  Dreamer almost eliminates Abyss.  Angle and Generation Me try to finish Abyss.  Abyss eliminates Generation Me.  TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley is next.  Joe almost eliminates Hardy, who Taz calls Jarrett.  Kazarian gets eliminated.  I didn’t even know he had entered.  Rhino enters and goes after Abyss.  Styles and Dreamer try to eliminate each other.  Abyss eliminates Rhino.  Jarrett goes for the Stroke on Pope, but Abyss eliminates him.  Abyss eliminates Pope.  The show ends.  I’m going to finish the match on Reaction since I already taped it.  I hate myself for breaking my rule.  Abyss eliminates Shelley as Shelley goes for the Shiranui.  Abyss eliminates Joe.  Beer Money double suplex Dreamer, then Abyss.  BEER!  MONEY!  Roode tries to eliminate Storm.  Storm skins the cat back in.  Roode shoves Storm, then they hug.  Abyss eliminates Roode, then Storm.  Styles hits the Pele kick on Abyss.  Dreamer hits the Spiccoli Driver on Styles.  Abyss eliminates Dreamer.  Abyss press slams Styles out of the ring.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb on Angle.  Abyss eliminates Hardy.  Anderson fights Abyss.  Abyss chokeslams.  Rob Van Dam comes out as the last participant, despite the fact that it’s been several minutes since an entrant.  I fucking hate this company.  RVD hits Abyss with a cross body that eliminates himself.  Abyss tumbles over the top rope too.  That was just dump luck and RVD is an idiot.  Angle and Anderson go at it.  They counter each others’ secondary move.  Angle eliminates Anderson with an Angle Slam out of the ring to win it in 26:32.  Angle celebrates with the money.

Fucking awful piece of shit show.  I fucking hate this company.  I don’t know why I put myself through this shit every week.

TNA iMPACT! 8/12/10: The Whole F’N Show

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

Tonight, it’s the Whole F’N Show!  PPV quality matches, because they acknowledge that this show normally sucks ass!  Hulk Hogan will announce some shit tonight.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: Kurt Angle vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles.  Styles jumps Angle before the bell and puts the boots to him, then throws him out of the ring.  Styles beats up Angle on the outside.  He now has a crappy “AJ” tattoo on his side with the birth dates of his kids.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex on the floor.  Back inside, Angle hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Styles throws Angle’s shoulder into the post, then hits a slingshot double axe handle to the outside.  Back inside, Styles leapfrogs Angle, then lands on his feet from a German attempt.  Styles hits a dropkick for 0, then applies a rear chin lock.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles escapes.  Angle hits a backdrop suplex and some clotheslines.  Styles boots Angle in the corner.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles escapes again.  Obnoxious alternating “This is Awesome!” and “This is Wrestling!” chants from the mutants.  Styles hits a diving forearm smash for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Angle backdrops him and goes for the Angle Slam.  Styles avoids it and hits the Pele kick for 2.  Angle avoids a dive and hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock, but Styles counters out.  Styles tries to springboard, but Angle cuts him off and tries to suplex him in the from the apron.  Styles counters and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles argues with the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for a German.  Styles tries to kick him in the balls, but Angle catches his leg and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 8:19.  Really good match.

Up next, Madison Rayne defends the TNA Knockouts Championship against Angelina Love!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love.  Rayne hides behind the referee, then gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Rayne bounces Love’s head against the mat because that’s all women know how to do.  How about you try a fucking armbar or something, bitch?  Rayne puts Love’s head between her legs and humps the mat.  Cover gets 2.  Love hits a chin breaker and makes her comeback, taking Rayne down by the hair repeatedly.  Love hits a pump kick.  The biker chick rides into the arena to distract the referee.  Velvet Sky hits her with a chair from behind and takes her helmet off, but she has a mask on.  Meanwhile, Rayne hits Love with the belt for 2.  Biker chick runs away.  Love hits the Flatliner for the pin in 3:44 to regain the title.  I’m so sick of this stupid TNA women’s saga.

Still to come, Hulk Hogan’s surprise.  Who gives a fuck?

Mr. Anderson vs. Morgan vs. The Pope is next!  Commercials.

Three-Way Match: Ken Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Anderson is the only one to get a ring entrance, and of course he does his whole 2 minute spiel.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK.”  At who>  Anderson and Pope work together to beat up Morgan.  They start fighting over who is going to get the cover.  Morgan tries a double chokeslam, fails, but drops them both with a double clothesline.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint on Pope and crotches himself on the top rope.  Pope accidentally clocks Anderson with an elbow, then dropkicks Morgan to the floor.  Anderson and Pope brawl.  Anderson hits an elbow drop for 2.  Morgan sits on the floor and watches.  Anderson counters the Codebreaker.  Anderson hits the Mic Check.  Morgan runs in and boots Anderson, then steals the pin in Pope in 3:54.  Whatever.

ShopTNA.com!

Jeff Hardy vs. Shannon Moore.  Moore accepts the open challenge.  That’s a letdown.  They shake hands and lock up.  They trade arm locks.  Moore applies a side headlock, then scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Moore hits some arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They lock up again.  Moore works over Hardy in the corner.  Hardy hits a hip toss and a flippy kick, then chases Moore around the ring, hits his head on turnbuckles, and slides out of the ring.  Back inside, Moore hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Moore hits a suplex for 2.  Moore tries a sunset flip to the floor and ends up tripping Hardy, who hits his face on the apron.  Moore hits a headscissors on the floor.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Moore gets his knees up.  Cover gets 2.  Moore goes for a Frankensteiner off the top, but Hardy holds on to the ropes to avoid it and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:46.  Pretty good match considering I hate TNA Hardy and everything associated with Shannon Moore.

Still to come, RVD vs. Abyss and Hulk Hogan’s letdown!  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 5th – 2/3 Falls Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  Sabin and Storm start.  Storm pokes Sabin in the eye.  They have a good, fast pace wrestling exchange.  The grab each others’ leg and are forced to admit a stalemate.  Shelley and Roode tag in, lock up, then trade chops.  Shelley blocks a cradle attempt and scores a knockdown.  Shelley hits a headscissors.  Roode hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Sabin makes the blind tag and bulldogs Roode.  Guns double team Beer Money.  Sabin covers Roode for 2.  Storm tags in.  Roode trips Sabin from the outside.  Storm nails Sabin with a boot on the apron.  Beer Money work over Sabin.  Roode hits a knee drop on Sabin for 2.  Sabin fights back, drops Roode with an enzuigiri, and makes the tag to Shelley.  Shelley runs wild on Beer Money.  Beer Money go for the catapult DDT, but Shelley avoids it.  Sabin dropkicks Beer Money into a DDT/Complete Shot from Shelley.  Shelley hits Storm with a stomp to the apron.  Roode hits a boot on Shelley.  Sabin springboards from Shelley’s back and dropkicks Roode to the floor.  Guns hit dives onto Beer Money on the floor.  Storm hits Sabin with a DDT OF MURDER on the ap ron.  Shelley goes up top, but Roode cuts him off.  Shelley pushes him down and goes for a double stomp, but Roode avoids it.  Beer Money double team Shelley.  DWI.  Roode pins Shelley in 7:59.  Beer Money continue working on Shelley.  Beer Money hit a double suplex on Shelley.  BEER!  MONEY!  Sabin tags in and hits them with a missile dropkick.  Sabin throws Storm out of the ring.  Double kicks on Roode.  Tag to Shelley.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/diving cross body combo.  Shelley pins Roode in 9:46.  1-1 now.  Roode backdrops Storm outside onto Sabin.  Shelley hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Roode hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  Commercials!  Roode hits a 360 lariat on Sabin.  Beer Money hit a double team move on Shelley for 2.  Beer Money continue working over Shelley.  Storm avoids a Ghetto Stomp from Shelley while tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin and Roode tag in.  Sabin runs wild.  Sabin plants Roode with a springboard tornado DDT for 2.  Storm tags in.  Sabin avoids being double teamed.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Storm.  Sabin covers for 2.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant, and it actually is.  Guns trade superkicks with Storm.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Sabin.  Beer Money hit the catapult DDT.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui on Roode, but Beer Money counter it into a stunner like move.  Beer Money goes for the DWI on Sabin.  Storm accidentally superkicks Roode.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body on Storm for 2.  They hit it again and Sabin pins Storm in 20:54.  Fucking AWESOME match.

Tonight, Hogan’s stupid announcement!  RVD vs. Abyss is next!  Commercials.

Stairway To Janice Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Abyss.  Eric Bischoff is the special guest referee.  RVD rushes the ring to stop Abyss from climbing the ladder to get the nail board before the match even started.  RVD hammers Abyss in the corner.  RVD drives the ladder into Abyss.  Repeat.  RVD hits sort of a stunner onto the ladder.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Abyss moves and RVD hits the ladder.  RVD baseball slide dropkicks the ladder into Abyss.  Commercials.  Abyss has a ladder bridges set up between the apron and the guardrail.  RVD counters a chokeslam attempt.  Abyss clotheslines him back into the ring.  Abyss rams the ladder into RVD’s midsection.  Repeat.  Abyss tries to splash the ladder into RVD, but fails.  Terry Taylor is protecting Dixie Carter in the crowd.  RVD drops Abyss onto the ladder.  RVD tries a monkey flip, but the much heavier Abyss slams him down.  Abyss climbs for the nail board.  RVD climbs the other side of the ladder and they brawl on top.  Abyss chokeslams RVD to the mat, then falls off of the ladder.  Abyss pours thumbtacks and broken glass onto the mat.  Abyss tries to set up a superplex.  If you do that, you’re going to fall on the shit yourself, moron.  RVD counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb, and Abyss falls on his ass on all of the shit.  I warned him!  Abyss catches RVD with a big boot, then brings in a barbed wire board from under the ring.  RVD side steps Abyss, who again takes the bump on his own gimmick.  RVD Rider kicks the board into Abyss, then hits the Rolling Thunder, sandwiching Abyss under the barbed wire board.  RVD climbs the ladder for the nail board.  Abyss pushes the ladder over and RVD takes a bump into the ladder bridge on the outside.  Abyss climbs the ladder and retrieves the nail board.  RVD makes it back inside and Abyss swings the nail board, but RVD moves and Abyss kills a turnbuckle pad.  RVD brings in a chair and hits Abyss across the back.  RVD hits the Van Daminator, sets up Abyss behind the barbed wire board in the corner, and hits the Van Terminator!  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 18:30.  Pretty good for an Abyss gimmick match.  Hulk Hogan comes to the ring as RVD celebrates.  Commercials!

Hulk Hogan and RVD are still in the ring.  Hogan puts over RVD and talks about Hardcore Justice.  He says Dixie invited the EV2 guys here tonight.  Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Tony Luke, Mick Foley, Team 3D, Rhino, Guido Maritato, Sabu, and Bill Alfonso come out.  Hogan puts them over and leaves.  Dreamer, with his face fucked up from the PPV, talks about raising the bar.  Of course, he has to put over Dixie Carter.  The lights go out.  Fortune are in the ring.  AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, and Matt Morgan attack EV2 with canes, hockey sticks, and whatever else they have!  Raven runs out, but Storm hits him with a beer bottle.  The Sandman comes in through the crowd.  Morgan chokes Sabu with a chain.  Doug Williams attacks Sandman.  Storm bloodies Mamaluke’s head.  Abyss reappears and brawls with RVD into the crowd.  Ric Flair comes out to survey the damage his boys have done.  Cut to backstage, where RVD is a disgusting bloody mess.  They’re selling that Abyss hit him with the nail board.  Flair bitches at Dixie.  End of show.

Really good show.  Some good to great matches and a great angle to finish the show.

TNA iMPACT! 7/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Usual opening video package with recent goings on.

“Extreme Invitation”

Earlier today, Dixie Carter arrived!  Tonight she’ll explain WTF is going on!

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy!  Also, Dixie Carter explains shit!  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. AJ Styles (w/ Kazarian).  Styles punches Terry in the abs and hurts his hand.  He kicks Terry’s leg, then dances around.  Terry knocks Styles down, then suffocates him in the corner with his shoulder.  Terry throws Styles across the ring.  Kazarian tries to help Styles and gets pulled into the ring.  Styles catches Terry with a kick and tries a springboard, but Terry press slams him.  Styles rocks Terry with an enzuigiri.  Terry mows Styles down with his big spin kick and covers, but Kazarian distracts the referee.  Terry argues with Kazarian.  Terry knocks Kazarian off the apron.  Styles schoolboys Terry for 2.  Terry tries to suplex Styles in from the apron, but Kazarian trips Terry and holds his legs down so Styles can get the pin in 3:05.  This wasn’t pretty.

Tenay and Taz talk.  They wonder if Mick Foley is involved with the ECW guys.  Isn’t that fairly obvious?

Madison Rayne and Sarita talk.  TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich come in to hear Rayne talk about Velvet’s ass, which despite Rayne’s claims, is excellent.  They bicker.

Dixie Carter bitches at agents, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown.

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Rayne & Sarita.  Before the match, Earl Hebner forces Love to get the title back to Rayne since there was no proof that the biker chick was a BP.  The faces jump the heels and kick their asses.  Love spears Sarita.  Wilde tags in and gets dropped immediately by her former partner.  Sarita hits a weird backdrop suplex.  Love and Rayne tags in and do stuff poorly.  Wilde sloppily attacks Sarita again.  Ryane goes for her move, but Love hits a Flatliner for the pin in 2:24.  This sucked.  The biker chick comes out, proving that it’s not Sarita.  The 3 of them attack the faces while Velvet and Lacey come out to watch and do nothing.  Rayne orders the other Beautiful People to come with her and motorcycle chick and Sarita.  Lacey does.  Velvet is like WTF?  So am I.  This shit is retarded.  Love and Velvet look at each other.

Angle vs. Hernandez NEXT!

Earlier tonight: Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Rhino and Stevie Richards showed up.

Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez.  They lock up.  Hernandez backs Angle into the corner to show his superior power.  Angle takes Hernandez down and clamps on a front headlock.  Hernandez pushes him into a corner to break it.  Angle fires some European uppercuts, then backdrops Hernandez to the apron.  Hernandez hits a slingshot shoulder block.  Angle throws some punches, but Hernandez knocks him down again.  Hernandez locks in a Canadian backbreaker, then turns it into a drop for 2.  Angle fights back and hits his arm drag off the top rope for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Hernandez hits a Border Toss drop for 2.  Hernandez goes for it again, but Angle counters and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for his moonsault, but Hernandez avoids it and hits a big shoulder block.  Hernandez goes for a stalling suplex, but Angle counters it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 6:01.  Pretty good little match.  Kevin Nash comes out.  He and Angle shake hands and hug as Angle leaves.  Nash calls out Jeff Jarrett.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to meet Kevin Nash in the ring.  Nash says Jarrett almost convinced him that Sting “left a log in the punch bowl”.  He things Jarrett did whatever Sting got blamed for.  Jarrett doesn’t know what Nash is talking about.  Neither do I.  They talk about what the fuck ever.  Nash brings up Jarrett’s daughters and tells Jarrett to juggle in his sleep.  No clue WTF is going on here.

Dixie Carter is backstage.  Kurt Angle asks her WTF is going on.  She says it’s a good thing for TNA.  Angle says he trusts her.  Why?  She’s completely fucking incompetent.

Joe vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy goes outside the slap hands with fans while Tenay and Taz talk to Eric Bischoff on the phone.  DURING THE FUCKING MATCH.  Joe kicks Hardy’s ass.  Hardy fires back with corner punches when they finish their stupid phone call.  Hardy hits a snapmare and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Joe beats up Hardy some more.  Joe hits a big kick for 2.  Hardy fights back, but Joe hits the snap powerslam for 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines and elbows.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Hardy comes off the top, but Joe catches him with a Manhattan drop.  Joe hits a senton splash for 2.  Joe hits the powerbomb into the STF into a crossface.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Joe counters and goes for the Coquina Clutch, but Hardy runs him into the corner, then hits the Whisper In The Wind.  They trade blows.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw.  This kinda sucked.  Joe is awesome, but everything Hardy does looks like shit anymore.  Hardy takes off his shirt and they fight some more.  Referees break them up.  Tenay calls for a rematch.  I don’t want to see it.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Dixie Carter about Kevin Nash.  She wants Jarrett’s help with whatever the fuck is going on.

Next, Matt Morgan takes on Mr. Anderson.

Matt Morgan vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson goes for cradles immediately, which is somewhat comical considering how tall Morgan is.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Morgan powers him into the corner.  Morgan puts the boots to Anderson in the corner.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows.  Taz gets in his “Vintage” dig of the night.  Morgan hits a Stinger Splash and a half assed side slam for 1.  Anderson fights back.  Morgan hits a fall away slam for 2.  Morgan hits some clotheslines.  He goes for the discus lariat, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere for the pin in 3:25.  This sucked.  Morgan hits Anderson with the special microphone after the match.  Anderson is laid out and BUSTED WIDE OPEN!

Live events plug.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 2nd – Street Fight: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns are pissed off from last week, so they run to the ring and take the fight to Beer Money.  Everybody brawls at ringside.  Guns double team Roode on the ramp.  Sabin runs down the ramp to hit an awesome hesitation dropkick.  Shelley hits something for 2 on the outside.  Guns finally make it into the ring.  Sabin goes for a tope suicida on Roode, but gets hit in the face with a chair.  Ouch.  Roode attacks Shelley’s leg with the chair.  Beer Money beat up Shelley in the ring.  Shelley hits Roode with a Complete Shot into a chair wedged in the turnbuckles.  Storm hits something on Shelley for 2.  Sabin makes it back in and springboard dropkicks a chair into Roode’s face for 2.  Shelley goes for a dive on Storm, but Storm avoids it.  Sabin goes for the Cradle Shock on Roode, but Storm spits beer in his face.  Roode hits the spinebuster on Sabin for 2.  Beer Money set up a double team, but Shelley makes the save with a Singapore cane.  Stuff happens, then there’s a ref bump.  Sabin hits Roode with a trash can.  Sabin accidentally hits a baseball slide dropkick on the other ref.  Beer Money go for a double superplex on Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Roode, but there’s no referee.  Storm hits Shelley with a beer bottle and puts Roode on top of him.  Storm superkicks Sabin.  Roode gets the pin in Shelley in 6:43.  Good little match.  I think these two teams are incapable of having a bad match.

Team 3D talk backstage.  Devon is pro-ECW faction, Ray is anti-ECW faction.  Weird.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  He talks about the ECW stuff.

Tenay and Taz wonder what Dixie Carter is going to say.  How about you just get her the fuck out there to explain it?

Recap video of the whole ECW business.

Dixie is headed our way!

Dixie Carter comes out.  She actually has music and shit.  She says TNA has the best fans in the world.  That is an outright lie.  Most loyal?  Yes.  Mutant lunatics?  Yes.  I guess it depends on your idea of “best.”  She calls for the ECW guys to come out.  Dreamer, Foley, Raven, Rhino, and Richards come out.  Foley talks about Dixie cutting her first promo.  She puts them over and what the fuck ever.  Foley puts over Dreamer, then allows him to talk.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo and cries typical Dreamer tears.  Dreamer begs Dixie for another one night stand… as in a PPV, not the kind of one night stand I’d rather have with Dixie.  Dixie agrees and gives them complete control.  Crowd chants “SABU!”  Dreamer says “We’re going extreme.”  End of show.  As much as I wanted to hate this segment, it was pretty good.

The Guns/Beer Money match, Angle/Hernandez, and the final segment were good.  Besides that, this show sucked balls.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.

TNA iMPACT! 6/10/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

“Last week on iMPACT!..” music video.

“A Flair For The Dramatic.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Kurt Angle returns to the ring!  Also, they’ll show “never before seen footage” of Sting’s attack on Jeff Jarrett of Sacrifice.  Probably the exact same footage they showed last week, but now it’s never been seen.

AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, Kazarian, and Beer Money come out.  Styles says that he’s in charge in Flair’s absence.  He says they’re in an 8-man tag, then does some first grade math.  He says 5 guys in a group doesn’t work, and makes reference to the Beatles, the Fantastic 4, and the Four Horsemen.  He tries to kick Kazarian out of the group.  Jay Lethal comes out, this week playing the role of Ric Flair.  He does do a great Flair impersonation.  Lethal introduces his team for the 8-man tag: Abyss and Mr. Anderson.  Styles notes that that’s only 3.  Lethal says Abyss counts as 2.  The faces rush the ring and brawl with the 5 heels.  To the shock of absolutely no one, Jeff Hardy makes the save (running in through the crowd).  Man, this show is horribly written.

Weird backstage video promo with Brian Kendrick.

Brian Kendrick vs. Homicide.  Yes, Homicide is still employed.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out to do commentary.  They lock up.  Homicide lands some punches that Kendrick sells like shotgun blasts.  Kendrick fights back.  Homicide goes for the Cop Killa, but Kendrick counters.  Homicide beats up Kendrick some more.  Homicide hits an Exploder for 2.  Homicide hits a Michinoku Driver II for 2.  Homicide continues beating up Kendrick.  Homicide unwraps his wrist tape to use.  The referee takes it away, so Homicide uses the tap from the other wrist to choke Kendrick.  Kendrick makes a comeback.  He knocks Homicide out to the ramp and ramps his head into the ramp.  Homicide empties out a toolbox from under the ring and grabs a screwdriver.  The referee takes it away.  Kendrick kicks Homicide in the face for the pin in 6:02.  Very oddly structured match.  At least Kendrick didn’t do the job right before his PPV title shot.

Ink Inc. and Team 3D are in the back.  Apparently Moore, Devon, and security are trying to hold Ray and Neal back from fighting.

Ink Inc. are in the ring.  Neal calls out Brother Ray.  Team 3D come out.  Agents (including Terry Taylor and Pat Kenney) try to keep order.  Neal accuses Bubba of laying them out and putting cards on them.  Bubba cuts a promo about how great he is and how Neal is nothing, just to show what a big prick he is.  Bubba calls more a bitch.  Moore calls Bubba a bully and a douchebag.  Well, he’s right.  Moore calls Devon Bubba’s puppet.  Devon cuts a promo on Moore, then tells Bubba to get his head straight and leave Neal alone.  Devon leaves.  Ray cheap shots Neal and runs away.

Slammiversary commercial.

They show Sting’s beat down of Jeff Jarrett from Sacrifice.  Fast forward.

Jeff Jarrett comments NEXT!

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are with Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan wants to know who his partner is at Slammiversary.  Bischoff says he has a partner for Morgan and his tag title rematch is next.

Jeff Jarrett talks about Sting destroying him.

Matt Morgan comes out.  Hulk Hogan follows and talks about Morgan being a prick.  He introduces Morgan’s partner, the returning Hernandez.  Hernandez kicks Morgan’s ass.  Hogan joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Hernandez chokes Morgan with his towel.  Hogan books Hernandez vs. Morgan for Slammiversary.  Geeks come out to put Morgan on a stretcher.  Wasn’t there supposed to be a tag title match somewhere in here?  Ah, here comes The Band.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, & Eric Young (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Young pins Morgan on the stretcher in 17 seconds.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Sting jumps RVD from behind and chokes him out, then steals the belt.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

People check on RVD.  He realizes his belt is gone and he’s pissed.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo.  He asked his X Divison friend to wrestle him tonight, and to hold nothing back.

Kurt Angle vs. Amazing Red.  They shake hands and lock up.  Red does his stuff and Angle hangs with him.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex and a European uppercut.  Red side steps Angle and sends him outside.  Red goes for a dive, but Angle avoids it.  Red jumps off the apron and hits a rana.  Back inside, Angle NAILS Red with a clothesline.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Red hits a DDT.  Red hits a jumping DDT for 2.  Angle hits a German suplex.  Red arm drages out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a sick rana head drop and the Red Star Press for 2.  Angle avoids the Infra Red and hits the Angle Slam for the pin in 3:44.  Fun little match.  I wish Angle would stop getting dropped on his head and shit, though.  Angle helps Red up, raises his hand, and hugs him.

Sting talks to or about the World Championship belt.  He has “Deception” written on the belt.

Slammiversary hype video.

RVD goes to look for Sting in his clubhouse, or wherever the fuck Sting hangs out up there.

AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson, Abyss (w/ Chelsea), & Jay Lethal.  Roode and Lethal brawl to start.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash.  All of the faces deck Roode.  Abyss tags in.  Beer Money try to double team Abyss, but get fought off.  Anderson tags in against Storm.  Anderson and Hardy make quick tags and work over Storm’s arm.  Wolfe gets the tag and wrestles with Hardy.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Styles tags in to work over Hardy.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  The heels isolate Hardy on their side of the ring and work him over.  Hardy reverses Wolfe into Beer Money’s boots.  Clusterfuck ensues briefly.  Hardy gets beaten up by the heels.  Double suplex by BEER!  MONEY!  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Roode hits the bottom rope decapitator thing for 2.  Lethal gets the tag, but the referee misses it and doesn’t allow it.  The heels continue beating up Hardy.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker on Styles, then drops him with a kick.  Hardy makes the hot tag to Lethal, who runs wild.  Lethal hits a move on Styles and covers, but Wolfe saves.  Everybody starts hitting signature moves.  Nigel hits the jawbreaker lariat on Abyss, then asks Chelsea for the chair she’s sitting in.  She hesitates, but Wolfe gets the chair.  Abyss punches it into his face.  Styles hits Abyss with the springboard forearm.  Lethal goes for a rana, but Styles catches him and hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 10:50.  Pretty good match.  I’m shocked they actually got some time and it wasn’t mostly commercials.

Sting isn’t in his clubhouse, he’s somewhere else.  Commercials.

RVD shows up at wherever Sting is.  Sting jumps him from behind and kicks his ass.  RVD fights back.  They brawl all over backstage and throw each other into shit.  They eventually make it to the ring.  RVD takes off Sting’s coat and the belt and continues to beat him up.  RVD wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles.  They fight some more.  RVD lands a superkick.  Sting sends RVD’s head into the chair, then hits him in the back with the chair.  Sting says the belt is RVD’s until Sunday.  This whole thing was stupid.

There was some good stuff on this show, but as always, there was a bunch of crap and the writing is just fucking horrible.

NWA Starrcade 1987: Chi-Town Heat

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 28, 2010 by Grappleholic

Turner Home Entertainment!  So this is probably the original VHS release.  Fuck.

Starrcade ’87: Chi-Town Heat opening montage.

Light show and ballyhoo!  We’re in Chicago on Thanksgiving Day, 1987 (placing yours truly at not quite 3 months old when this show occurred).

Bad Street USA hits!  I already dig this show!

Tom Miller is the ring announcer!

Tony Schiavone and Jim Ross are on commentary!

Sting, The Fabulous Freebirds (w/ Precious) vs. Eddie Gilbert, Rick Steiner, & Larry Zbyszko (w/ Baby Doll).  Gilbert’s hometown is announced as “Every woman’s dream” and Sting’s is announced as “Every man’s nightmare.”  Steiner schools Sting in the early moments.  Sting wipes out Steiner with a dive to the outside, then hits a sloppy missile dropkick back inside.  Hayes and Garvin dropkick the other guys too.  Brief clusterfuck.  Hayes tags in and works Steiner’s arm.  Garvin tags in and does more of the same.  Zbyszko tags in.  Garvin drops him repeatedly with shoulder blocks.  Hayes tags in, tweaks Larry’s nose, and punches him in the face.  Gilbert tags in, gets beaten up, and asks for a time out.  There are no time outs in wrestling!  Sting tags in and works Gilbert’s arm.  Gilbert slams Sting and tags in Steiner, who Sting promptly takes over with an ARMBAR!  Steiner and Garvin go at it a bit.  Zbyszko tags in and beats up Garvin.  The heel team gets heat on Garvin.  Sting gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Zbyszko rakes his eyes and lets Gilbert get the advantage.  Gilbert throws Sting to the floor.  Back inside, Gilbert hits a suplex for 2.  Zbyszko tags in and tries to suplex Sting, but Sting reverses it.  Steiner tags in and cuts off Sting.  Zbyszko tags in and tries to beat up on Sting too.  Hayes gets the even hotter tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Hayes hits a bulldog headlock on Zbyszko and covers, but Zbyszko’s legs were all in the ropes.  Hayes applies a sleeper hold.  Gilbert hits a double axe handle from behind.  Zbyszko tags in Steiner as the timer counts down.  Steiner hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Hayes gets an inside cradle on Gilbert, but no pin.  Hayes gets a sunset flip on Gilbert as the time limit expires.  It’s a 15:00 draw in 15:01.  Close enough!  Really fun opener.

UWF Heavyweight Championship Match: “Dr. Death” Steve Williams (c) vs. NWA Western States Heritage Champion Barry Windham.  They shake hands, run the ropes, Doc hits a big hip toss and a press… but Windham avoids a slam and gets a reverse cradle for 1.  They do some awesome mat work and end up rolling out of the ring.  They go back inside.  The crowd is shitting all over this.  Williams hits a backdrop suplex.  Windham hits a gutwrench suplex.  Windham turns a side headlock into a backdrop suplex, but Williams keeps the headlock clamped on.  Windham tries to escape again, but Williams is holding onto it.  Windham finally rolls free.  Williams tries to leap frog Windham, but can’t clear him, and gets accidentally headbutted in the balls.  This is the first time to pop the crowd.  Windham gives Williams time to collect himself and get back up.  Doc is hurting now.  Windham takes over with a side headlock.  Doc counters it and Windham headstands his way free.  Windham drops Williams with a shoulder tackle, then tries a cross body, but Doc ducks and Windham sails to the outside.  Doc’s balls are still hurting.  As soon as Windham gets back in, Williams pins him with an Oklahoma roll in about 6:50.  Fine little match.  I bet they could do a lot better, and I’m sure they did somewhere.

Copy & Pasted from the Starrcade: The Essential Collection DVD review, slightly edited:

Non-Title, Scaffold Match: The Rock & Roll Express vs. NWA United States Team Championship The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette & Big Bubba Rogers).  Rogers jumps Morton before he can climb the scaffold.  When Morton recovers, he climbs up with Cornette’s tennis racket in hand.  This sucks.  Who invented this retarded match?  Rock & Roll Express wins in about 10 minutes.  Cornette sends Big Bubba up the scaffold.  Morton gives him a low blow and climbs down to safety.  This was shit and a complete waste of time.  Yeah, I know this wasn’t a good review, but I really hate this retarded concept.

Championship Unification Match: UWF Television Champion Terry Taylor (w/ Eddie Gilbert) vs. NWA World Television Champion Nikita Koloff.  Earl Hebner is the referee!  They lock up.  Taylor backs Koloff into the corner and gives a clean break.  Repeat, but this time, Taylor wants to give Nikita a cheap shot, but Nikita bitches him down.  Taylor goes with a wrist lock, and Nikita looks at him like “Bitch, what do you think you’re doing?”  Nikita reverses it and applies an ARMBAR!  “An armbar can become a submission hold.”  Really, JR?  I would never have thought so.  Taylor tries to ram Nikita into the turnbuckles, but Nikita counters and does it to him instead.  Nothing Taylor does seems to have any effect on Nikita.  Nikita clamps on a hammerlock, but Taylor gets a rope break.  Nikita transitions into a pinning predicament, but Taylor is still to close to the ropes.  Taylor bails to consult with Gilbert.  Back inside, Taylor shoves Nikita.  Nikita slaps Taylor, then kicks his ass.  Nikita gets another near fall, then Taylor bails again.  Nikita pulls Taylor back in by his hair and hammers on him some more.  Taylor catches Nikita with a knee and tries to get the Flair pin in the corner, but Nikita still kicks out.  Nikita continues working the arm.  Taylor rakes Nikita’s eyes.  Nikita goes back to the armbar.  Taylor tries to beat up Nikita, but Nikita no sells it and gets the Russian Hammer.  Taylor dodges the Russian Sickle and beats up Koloff on the outside.  Taylor attacks Nikita’s shoulder.  Gilbert gets his cheap shot in behind Hebner’s back.  Taylor tries a sunset flip, but Nikita punches him to prevent it.  Taylor tries to suplex Nikita, but gets suplexed himself.  Nikita does the punches in the corner, gets distracted by the referee, and allows Taylor to hit an inverted atomic drop for 2.  Taylor argues with the referee and Nikita schoolboys him for 2.  Nikita backdrops Taylor out of a piledriver attempt and kicks his ass.  Taylor bails.  Nikita follows him and catches a knee when he’s trying to get back in the ring.  Gilbert hits Nikita’s knee with a chair.  Taylor locks Nikita in the figure-four leglock and uses Gilbert for leverage.  The referee finally catches them and forces the break.  Gilbert chokes Nikita behind the referee’s back.  Taylor and Gilbert collide.  Nikita blasts Taylor with the Russian Sickle for the pin in 17:36.  Good match.

Copy & Pasted from the Starrcade: The Essential Collection DVD review, slightly edited:

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match: Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard (w/ JJ Dillon) (c) vs. The Road Warriors (w/ Paul Ellering).  The Road Warriors are challenging for the gold in their hometown.  Hawk dominates Anderson to start.  Tully comes in and quickly tries to bail, but Animal press slams him back into the ring.  He tries to bail again, but Hawk chases him down and throws him back in.  The Horsemen double team Hawk briefly, but Hawk nails a double clothesline to keep the momentum on the Road Warriors’ side.  Hawk press slams Blanchard, but Anderson clips his knee, finally giving the Horsemen a chance.  Blanchard hits Hawk’s injured knee with a chair.  Anderson hits a DDT on Hawk and covers, but Hawk kicks out at one.  Blachard tries to put Hawk in the figure-four, but Hawk counters and keeps fighting.  Anderson and Blanchard take turns beating on Hawk.  Blanchard finally goes lock in the figure-four.  Hawk finally makes the hot tag.  Animal cleans house.  Blanchard knocks referee Tommy Young out of the ring.  Animal backdrops Anderson over the top rope.  Warriors hit the Doomsday Device on Anderson.  Earl Hebner comes in and makes the three count for Animal at 13:24.  New Champions!  But wait!  Tommy Young comes back in.  He saw Animal throw Anderson over the top rope and reverses the decision!  Horsemen win by DQ!  I really liked the match.  It seemed custom made for the Road Warrior sto win the titles in their hometown, and I don’t understand why they didn’t.

Steel Cage Match for the NWA United States Heavyweight Championship: Lex Luger (c) (w/ JJ Dillon) vs. Dusty Rhodes.  Johnny Weaver holds the key to the cage!  There’s some confusing stipulation about Dusty’s career being on the line because he can’t sign something for 90 days.  I didn’t hear an opening bell, but they start fighting.  Oh, it’s clipped, because they announced that five minutes have elapsed after about a minute.  That really blows.  I wonder how many other matches were clipped and I just didn’t notice.  Dusty works Luger’s arm.  Luger fights back and rams Rhodes into the cage.  Sorry, I’m out of it.  Clipping really pisses me off.  Dusty gets BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Luger drops an elbow for 2.  Luger hits a backbreaker and goes for the Torture Rack, but he can’t get Dusty locked in.  Dusty holds on to the cage to escape it.  Luger keeps working Dusty over.  Luger works on Dusty’s arm.  Dusty fights back.  Dusty locks Luger in a sleeper hold.  Dillon hits Johnny Weaver with a chair, tries to unlock the cage, but ends up just throwing the chair in to Luger.  Rhodes DDTs Luger on the chair for the pin (around 12 minutes shown) to win the title.  It was alright, I guess.  I wasn’t especially interested.

Steel Cage Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ron Garvin (c) vs. Ric Flair.  More clipping.  Fuck.  Garvin works Flair’s arm.  Garvin stomp.  They trade blows.  Flair gets the advantage.  After 2 minutes, 5 minutes has elapsed.  Flair hits a knee drop for 2.  Flair works on Garvin’s leg, then locks in the figure-four leglock.  Garvin reverses it and they get into the ropes to force the break.  More stuff happens while I have to answer an annoying phone call.  Garvin beats up Flair and locks him in the figure-four.  Garvin released the hold and works on Flair’s leg some more.  Flair tries to ram Garvin into the cage, fails, gets rammed into the cage himself.  Garvin hits a diving cross body for 2.  Garvin gets a backslide for 2.  Garvin rakes Flair’s bloody head across the cage.  Garvin chops Flair.  They fight on the top rope.  Garvin headbutts Flair, who crotches himself on the top rope.  Garvin goes for a sunset flip off the top, but Flair sits on it and holds to ropes for 2 until Tommy Young catches him.  Garvin gets the sunset flip for 2.  Ref bunch.  Garvin KO punches Flair for 2.  Flair catches Garvin and rams his head into the cage for the pin (about 18 minutes shown).  It was fine.  I hate clipping.  Flair is the World Champion again.

End credits play over a highlight video.

The show was fine, but the Turner edited department is fucking retarded.  Why would you show every midcard match in full, then clip the top 2 matches?