Archive for Taylor Wilde

TNA iMPACT! 8/5/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

The usual video package of recent goings on.

“There’s No Place Like Home”

iMPACT! open.  They don’t play that often.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer take on Abyss & Raven.  Taz promises surprises tonight.  That’s TNA for “letdown” and Russo for “swerve.”

Tommy Dreamer comes out and calls out Raven to explain himself.  Raven comes out to the stage.  Dreamer asks Raven why he turned on him last week.  Dreamer says his kids call Raven “Uncle Scotty.”  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “Uncle Scotty.”  Raven is mad at Dreamer for stealing his woman.  Yes, they’re playing off a feud that started in another company 15 years ago.  Raven says Dreamer’s kids should be calling him “daddy.”  Raven says he’s going to cripple Dreamer and nail his woman.  Dreamer goes up the ramp and kicks Raven’s ass.  Abyss jumps Dreamer and tries to chokeslam him off the stage.  Rob Van Dam makes the save with a steel chair.  Raven DDTs Dreamer on the stage.  Mick Foley appears and hits Raven in the gut with a barbed wire bat.  Foley says he’s going to referee their match at Hard(core) Justice.

Tenay and Taz run down what’s on tap for TONIGHT!

The Beautiful People put the Knockouts Tag Team Championship on the line NEXT!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People of Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich (c) vs. Taylor Wilde & Hamada.  Yay, Hamada is back!  Lacey shows her ass to Wilde, so Wilde schoolgirls her for 0.  They do some shit.  Hamada tags in and does as well as she can with rocks for brains Lacey.  Lacey nails a kick for 2.  In WWE, she’d be fired for having a jiggly ass.  Velvet comes in and works over Hamada.  BPs double team Hamada.  Lacey covers for 2.  Lacey does a back flip and misses an elbow.  She misses again.  Because she’s stupid.  Hamada lands some headbutts and tags in Wilde.  Wilde hits a German suplex hold and kind of loses her bridge.  Velvet saves.  Clusterfuck ensuses.  Do si do spot.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and biker chick come out to distract every one.  BPs jump Wilde and Hamada.  Hamada and Velvet do some shit while Wilde and Lacey fight outside.  Velvet accidentally slaps the referee.  Hamada takes her outside.  Lacey and Wilde come in.  Biker chick hands Lacey a chair.  Wilde dropkicks it into her face for the pin in 4:17.  Even though this sucked, I’m glad Hamada is back, and even better, is a champion again!  Commercials.

TNA Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Kazarian) vs. “The Freak” Rob Terry.  Earl Hebner ejects Kazarian before the match starts.  Terry clotheslines Styles and Kazarian both to the outside, press slams Styles back inside, then chases Kazarian to the back.  Styles tries a cheap shot, but Terry destroys him.  Terry throws Styles across the ring by the neck.  Styles throws some ineffective chops, then pokes Terry in the eye and shoves Hebner.  Styles grabs Hebner, then kicks Terry in the balls and lands the Pele kick.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash for the pin in 2:49.  Neat little face big man vs. heel little man match.  Kazarian comes back out to celebrate with Styles.

Kurt Angle talks about his quest to go through the top 10.

Jay Lethal talks about his feud with Ric Flair while eating lunch.  They meet in a Street Fight TONIGHT!

Beer Money vs. Machine Guns in an Ultimate X Match is NEXT!

Hype for next week’s SUPER iMPACT! “The Whole F’N Show.”

Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne fight backstage while security tries to hold them apart.  Velvet accidentally KTFO’s Lacey in the process and shows concern.  It’d be hilarious if the bump to the head made her smarter.

Beer Money and The Motor City Machine Guns come out and Roode and Sabin cut promos on each other.  The match is next for real this time!  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 4th – Ultimate X Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns try to climb the structure immediately, but Beer Money cut them off.  Guns get their shine anyway.  Guns send Beer Money outside and hit dives on them.  Sabin goes for the win, but Storm cuts him off.  Guns double team Storm.  Shelley holds them both on a hold while Sabin climbs.  Beer Money cut him off again, but Shelley goes for it.  Beer Money hit him with the awesome catapult into a DDT.  Beer Money argue over who is going to climb.  Storm claims he’s been drinking, so Roode tries to climb.  Guns double team Storm and cut off Roode again.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick on Beer Money in the corner.  Shelley stands on Roode’s balls en route to climbing.  Storm hits a backdrop suplex on Sabin.  Beer Money pull Shelley down and go for the DWI.  He counters them and goes for the Shiranui on Roode.  He fails, but Storm hits a lung blower on Shelley.  Beer Money hit a double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Roode is bleeding.  Beer Money send Sabin outside and double team Shelley.  Shelley hits Roode with an atomic drop off the top.  Roode goes for the X, but Shelley pulls him down and SPIKES him with a DDT.  Shelley jumps over Storm and hits Roode with a Ghetto Stomp.  Shelley gouges Roode’s eyes on the top rope, then goes for the X.  Storm pulls him down and hits a whirlybird neckbreaker.  Sabin coems back and in goes for the X.  Storm tries to cut him off, but Sabin hits a Frankensteiner off the top rope.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Sabin.  Storm tries to help Roode go for the prize.  Guns cut them both off.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant breaks out.  Shelley hits Storm with a Shiranui on the apron.  Fucking ouch.  Storm tries to hold onto the structure and walk the cable.  Sabin meets him in the middle.  Roode falls, crotches himself on the cable, and falls to the mat.  Sabin grabs the X to win it in 9:55.  The series is tied at 2-2.  Pretty good match.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher are headed our way!  Commercials.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff talks about the card for next week’s special: Abyss vs. RVD for the World Title in a Stairway to Janice Match with Bischoff as the referee, Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in the final of the series for the Tag titles, Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles, Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love for the Knockouts Title, Jeff Hardy’s open challenge, and Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. The Pope.  Kevin Nash comes out to bitch at them for whatever.  Hogan says they’re past their prime and it’s time for the young guys to shine.  If he would have had that thought 10 or 12 years ago, WCW may still be alive.  They talk about politics and whatever.  Nash quotes some movie and attacks Bichoff.  Hogan beats up Nash.  In 2010.  Nash kicks Hogan in the balls and knees him in the thigh a bunch.  Nash brings in a chair and teases powerbombing Hogan.  Bischoff tries to stop Nash, fails, but Nash decides not to anyway.  Nash prepares to hit Hogan with the chair, but Jeff Jarrett runs in and attacks Nash.  STING shows up (in Wolfpac face paint) and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash clotheslines Jarrett with the bat and Sting clobbers Hogan with the chair.  Yay!  Commercials.

House show plugs.

Christy Hemme tries to talk to Sting and Kevin Nash, but they both blow her off.

Moments ago, all of that stuff a couple of lines up happened.

Orlando Jordan comes out being freaking with a lollipop.  He tries to put it So Cal Val’s mouth, but she escapes it this week.

Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  “POPE IS PIMPIN”! chants.  Jordan sucks on his finger and tries to touch Pope with it.  Pope shoves him away.  They lock up and do some mat wrestling.  Jordan grinds on Pope int he corner.  Pope kicks his ass.  Jordan catches Pope with a punch and grounds and pounds him.  Eric Young comes out and grabs some of the fake money that falls during Pope’s entrance.  This distracts Jordan for some reason.  Pope makes his comeback and hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 3:27.  Ugh.  Just… ugh.  Matt Morgan jumps Pope and lays him out.  Mr. Anderson runs out with a steel chair to run Morgan off.  Pope and Anderson argue.  Gunner and Murphy (the security geeks from last week) come out and threaten Anderson while the Pope just leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair.  Flair will be suspended if any member of Fortune interferes in his match tonight, but Flair is ready to go on his own.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair.  Flair is SUITED UP! for the street fight.  Flair pokes Lethal in the eye and goes on the attack.  Flair hits Lethal in the balls and works his leg a bit.  Flair throws in some plunder.  Lethal goes under the ring, then surprises Flair with a springboard missile dropkick.  Lethal strips off Flair’s jacket and shirt and chops him.  Lethal hits a big backdrop, then hits him with a Singapore cane.  Lethal hammers Flair with chops and punches.  Flair is BUSTED WIDE OPEN and does a Flair flop.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out for no apparent reason.  Flair gets hit with something and Flair does the flop again.  Flair gets his pants ripped to reveal ridiculous underwear.  Lethal whips Flair with his belt and throws Flair’s pants and sock to the crowd.  Flair his now in underwear, one sock, and one show.  Flair gets nailed with a trash can and does a third Flair flop.  Flair goes up top, but Lethal hits him with a metal cookie sheet and hits a superplex for 2.  Williams pulls Lethal out of the ring and gets nailed.  Lethal fucks up a diving sunset flip and pulls Flair’s drawers down.  Thankfully then pixelate Flair’s ass.  Williams nails Lethal with the belt behind the referee’s back.  Why the fuck do you need a referee distraction in a street fight?  Flair gets the pin in 6:41.  This was pretty fun.

Abyss & Raven are ready for action!  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam, who has a hellish week ahead of him.  Jerry Lynn shows up and says he’ll be RVD’s opponent at the PPV.

Abyss & Raven vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer.  They brawl on the ramp before the match ever starts.  Abyss and Dreamer make it in the ring to start the match.  Dreamer hits Abyss from out of nowhere.  Dreamer suplexes RVD onto Abyss.  Raven chop blocks Dreamer’s knee.  Abyss squashes Dreamer in the corner.  It’s broken down into a tag match now.  Raven tags in and puts his snot rag in Dreamer’s face.  Raven works Dreamer’s face.  Ouch.  Abyss beats up Dreamer on the outside.  Raven covers for 2.  Abyss tags in and works over Dreamer.  Raven and RVD tag in.  RVD runs wild.  RVD kicks Abyss off the apron, then rams Raven’s head into the turnbuckle and hits the Rolling Thunder.  Abyss saves and tries to chokeslam RVD and Dreamer, but they clothesline him out of the ring.  Dreamer DDTs Raven.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Raven for the pin in 3:57.  That was a short main event, but fun while it lasted.

Abyss attacks RVD and Dreamer after the match.  Abyss chokeslams RVD, then tries to chokeslam Dreamer, but Stevie Richards makes the save.  He gets dropped, then Rhino makes the save and goes for the Gore, but Abyss drops him too.  Team 3D come out and go for the 3D, but Raven attacks them with a chair.  The lights go out and THE SANDMAN appears!  Sandman canes Raven, then canes the shit out of Abyss.  Mick Foley comes out and brings Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and Jerry Lynn with a cooler of beer.

Hardcore Justice hype video.

Hype video for next week’s special iMPACT!

This show was actually kind of fun.  I have no real complaints to make this week, so a good show by TNA standards.

TNA iMPACT! 7/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Usual opening video package with recent goings on.

“Extreme Invitation”

Earlier today, Dixie Carter arrived!  Tonight she’ll explain WTF is going on!

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy!  Also, Dixie Carter explains shit!  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. AJ Styles (w/ Kazarian).  Styles punches Terry in the abs and hurts his hand.  He kicks Terry’s leg, then dances around.  Terry knocks Styles down, then suffocates him in the corner with his shoulder.  Terry throws Styles across the ring.  Kazarian tries to help Styles and gets pulled into the ring.  Styles catches Terry with a kick and tries a springboard, but Terry press slams him.  Styles rocks Terry with an enzuigiri.  Terry mows Styles down with his big spin kick and covers, but Kazarian distracts the referee.  Terry argues with Kazarian.  Terry knocks Kazarian off the apron.  Styles schoolboys Terry for 2.  Terry tries to suplex Styles in from the apron, but Kazarian trips Terry and holds his legs down so Styles can get the pin in 3:05.  This wasn’t pretty.

Tenay and Taz talk.  They wonder if Mick Foley is involved with the ECW guys.  Isn’t that fairly obvious?

Madison Rayne and Sarita talk.  TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich come in to hear Rayne talk about Velvet’s ass, which despite Rayne’s claims, is excellent.  They bicker.

Dixie Carter bitches at agents, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown.

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Rayne & Sarita.  Before the match, Earl Hebner forces Love to get the title back to Rayne since there was no proof that the biker chick was a BP.  The faces jump the heels and kick their asses.  Love spears Sarita.  Wilde tags in and gets dropped immediately by her former partner.  Sarita hits a weird backdrop suplex.  Love and Rayne tags in and do stuff poorly.  Wilde sloppily attacks Sarita again.  Ryane goes for her move, but Love hits a Flatliner for the pin in 2:24.  This sucked.  The biker chick comes out, proving that it’s not Sarita.  The 3 of them attack the faces while Velvet and Lacey come out to watch and do nothing.  Rayne orders the other Beautiful People to come with her and motorcycle chick and Sarita.  Lacey does.  Velvet is like WTF?  So am I.  This shit is retarded.  Love and Velvet look at each other.

Angle vs. Hernandez NEXT!

Earlier tonight: Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Rhino and Stevie Richards showed up.

Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez.  They lock up.  Hernandez backs Angle into the corner to show his superior power.  Angle takes Hernandez down and clamps on a front headlock.  Hernandez pushes him into a corner to break it.  Angle fires some European uppercuts, then backdrops Hernandez to the apron.  Hernandez hits a slingshot shoulder block.  Angle throws some punches, but Hernandez knocks him down again.  Hernandez locks in a Canadian backbreaker, then turns it into a drop for 2.  Angle fights back and hits his arm drag off the top rope for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Hernandez hits a Border Toss drop for 2.  Hernandez goes for it again, but Angle counters and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for his moonsault, but Hernandez avoids it and hits a big shoulder block.  Hernandez goes for a stalling suplex, but Angle counters it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 6:01.  Pretty good little match.  Kevin Nash comes out.  He and Angle shake hands and hug as Angle leaves.  Nash calls out Jeff Jarrett.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to meet Kevin Nash in the ring.  Nash says Jarrett almost convinced him that Sting “left a log in the punch bowl”.  He things Jarrett did whatever Sting got blamed for.  Jarrett doesn’t know what Nash is talking about.  Neither do I.  They talk about what the fuck ever.  Nash brings up Jarrett’s daughters and tells Jarrett to juggle in his sleep.  No clue WTF is going on here.

Dixie Carter is backstage.  Kurt Angle asks her WTF is going on.  She says it’s a good thing for TNA.  Angle says he trusts her.  Why?  She’s completely fucking incompetent.

Joe vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy goes outside the slap hands with fans while Tenay and Taz talk to Eric Bischoff on the phone.  DURING THE FUCKING MATCH.  Joe kicks Hardy’s ass.  Hardy fires back with corner punches when they finish their stupid phone call.  Hardy hits a snapmare and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Joe beats up Hardy some more.  Joe hits a big kick for 2.  Hardy fights back, but Joe hits the snap powerslam for 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines and elbows.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Hardy comes off the top, but Joe catches him with a Manhattan drop.  Joe hits a senton splash for 2.  Joe hits the powerbomb into the STF into a crossface.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Joe counters and goes for the Coquina Clutch, but Hardy runs him into the corner, then hits the Whisper In The Wind.  They trade blows.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw.  This kinda sucked.  Joe is awesome, but everything Hardy does looks like shit anymore.  Hardy takes off his shirt and they fight some more.  Referees break them up.  Tenay calls for a rematch.  I don’t want to see it.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Dixie Carter about Kevin Nash.  She wants Jarrett’s help with whatever the fuck is going on.

Next, Matt Morgan takes on Mr. Anderson.

Matt Morgan vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson goes for cradles immediately, which is somewhat comical considering how tall Morgan is.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Morgan powers him into the corner.  Morgan puts the boots to Anderson in the corner.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows.  Taz gets in his “Vintage” dig of the night.  Morgan hits a Stinger Splash and a half assed side slam for 1.  Anderson fights back.  Morgan hits a fall away slam for 2.  Morgan hits some clotheslines.  He goes for the discus lariat, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere for the pin in 3:25.  This sucked.  Morgan hits Anderson with the special microphone after the match.  Anderson is laid out and BUSTED WIDE OPEN!

Live events plug.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 2nd – Street Fight: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns are pissed off from last week, so they run to the ring and take the fight to Beer Money.  Everybody brawls at ringside.  Guns double team Roode on the ramp.  Sabin runs down the ramp to hit an awesome hesitation dropkick.  Shelley hits something for 2 on the outside.  Guns finally make it into the ring.  Sabin goes for a tope suicida on Roode, but gets hit in the face with a chair.  Ouch.  Roode attacks Shelley’s leg with the chair.  Beer Money beat up Shelley in the ring.  Shelley hits Roode with a Complete Shot into a chair wedged in the turnbuckles.  Storm hits something on Shelley for 2.  Sabin makes it back in and springboard dropkicks a chair into Roode’s face for 2.  Shelley goes for a dive on Storm, but Storm avoids it.  Sabin goes for the Cradle Shock on Roode, but Storm spits beer in his face.  Roode hits the spinebuster on Sabin for 2.  Beer Money set up a double team, but Shelley makes the save with a Singapore cane.  Stuff happens, then there’s a ref bump.  Sabin hits Roode with a trash can.  Sabin accidentally hits a baseball slide dropkick on the other ref.  Beer Money go for a double superplex on Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Roode, but there’s no referee.  Storm hits Shelley with a beer bottle and puts Roode on top of him.  Storm superkicks Sabin.  Roode gets the pin in Shelley in 6:43.  Good little match.  I think these two teams are incapable of having a bad match.

Team 3D talk backstage.  Devon is pro-ECW faction, Ray is anti-ECW faction.  Weird.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  He talks about the ECW stuff.

Tenay and Taz wonder what Dixie Carter is going to say.  How about you just get her the fuck out there to explain it?

Recap video of the whole ECW business.

Dixie is headed our way!

Dixie Carter comes out.  She actually has music and shit.  She says TNA has the best fans in the world.  That is an outright lie.  Most loyal?  Yes.  Mutant lunatics?  Yes.  I guess it depends on your idea of “best.”  She calls for the ECW guys to come out.  Dreamer, Foley, Raven, Rhino, and Richards come out.  Foley talks about Dixie cutting her first promo.  She puts them over and what the fuck ever.  Foley puts over Dreamer, then allows him to talk.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo and cries typical Dreamer tears.  Dreamer begs Dixie for another one night stand… as in a PPV, not the kind of one night stand I’d rather have with Dixie.  Dixie agrees and gives them complete control.  Crowd chants “SABU!”  Dreamer says “We’re going extreme.”  End of show.  As much as I wanted to hate this segment, it was pretty good.

The Guns/Beer Money match, Angle/Hernandez, and the final segment were good.  Besides that, this show sucked balls.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.

TNA iMPACT! 7/1/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss/Hogan storyline video package.

“The Voices In My Head.”  Do they counsel him and understand?

Abyss throws some chairs into the ring and stalks So Cal Val, then scares some kids and steals their chairs.  He stalks Val again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Eric Bischoff comes out to try to convince Hogan not to get himself killed.  Security comes in to break it up.  Bischoff slaps Abyss.  Abyss takes out the guards and goes after Bischoff.  Hogan hits Abyss with chair shots that are no sold.  Abyss goozles Hogan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and hits Abyss with the Twist of Fate, then throws chairs at him and hits the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss recovers quickly.  Security holds Hardy back from fighting Abyss again.  Stupid segment.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, #4 Contender AJ Styles takes on #6 contender Samoa Joe.  Abyss shows up at the announce table, points at Taz and says “You!” then beats up some more security guards.  Ugh.

Moments ago, all of that stuff above happened.

During the break, Abyss tore shit up backstage.

Hogan and Bischoff talk while Hardy paces back and forth.  Hardy says he’ll take Abyss out tonight.  Bischoff promises that he and Hogan have Hardy’s back.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ink Inc. vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Moore start.  Moore goes after Shelley’s arm, then his leg.  They do some fast paced super juniors stuff.  Neal tags in.  Ink Inc. double team Shelley.  Neal wrings Shelley’s arm, then tags Moore back in.  Moore’s stuff looks like crap but Shelley makes it look good.  Moore hits a dive to the outside on both Guns.  Brother Devon comes out to the announce table to do commentary and keep an eye on things.  Guns double team Moore and dropkick Neal off the apron.  Moore half ass hits a Lionsault body block on Sabin.  Neal and Shelley tag in.  Neal runs wild.  Neal spears Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Sabin sends Moore outside.  Neal hits a sidewalk slam on Sabin.  Neal sets up Shelley on the top rope.  Brother Ray comes out.  Devon cuts him off.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Neal.  Shelley pins Neal in 5:26.  It was fine, but it did remind me how much Shannon Moore sucks.  Team 3D argue.

Tonight, The Pope returns to TNA!

Eric Bischoff comes out and announces Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight, with TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam as the referee.

Dixie Carter shows up backstage.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter is here, and is ignoring some idiot asking her why she’s here.  Probably to give Russo a blow job while he books an 11-man dildo on a pole match or something.

AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Kazarian) vs. Samoa Joe.  They lock up.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Joe slaps AJ.  AJ bails.  Styles comes back and gets the crap beaten out of him.  Joe beats the hell out of AJ and repeatedly glances at Flair.  Styles tries to leap frog Joe, but gets slapped down again.  Styles lands a dropkick.  Styles chokes Joe and gets reprimanded by the referee.  Styles slams Joe, then puts the boots to him.  Styles tries to suplex Joe, but fails and gets front suplexed himself.  Styles takes out Joe’s knee, then puts him in a rear chin lock.  Joe makes his comeback.  Joe hits a senton for 2.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but AJ counters it and hits a Dragon screw leg whip.  Styles goes for the figure-four leglock, but Joe catches him and locks in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 6:40.  Most mediocre Joe/Styles match I’ve ever seen, but still pretty decent.  Flair berates AJ for losing.  Styles challenges Kazarian to a match next week.  Kazarian agrees.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Dixie Carter talk about Sting.  Kevin Nash comes in.  They blow him off.  Hogan and Bischoff want Dixie to fire Sting.  She says she’ll do something about it tonight.

Submission Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Wolfe attacks Kendrick.  Kendrick fights back and kicks his ass.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch, but Wolfe counters it.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick on the outside, then bitches at Chelsea.  Wolfe brings Kendrick back into the ring, then kicks him out again.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick outside.  Again.  And bitches at Chelsea.  Again.  Wolfe throws Kendrick back into the ring.  Again.  Kendrick takes Wolfe down and grounds and pounds him.  Wolfe turns it into a arm hold.  Kendrick escapes.  Chelsea leaves.  Kendrick locks in the Cobra Clutch for the win in 3:38.  Lame match.  Second match in a row that is really good on paper, but shitty TNA storylines screw it up.

Tonight, Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee!

The Pope is NEXT!  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer gets questioned about why he’s in TNA while he’s trying to get into his car in some grassy area.  That’s stupid.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts an emotional promo about his return.  Kurt Angle comes out and welcomes Pope back.  Angle informs Pope that they’ll wrestle at Victory Road.  Angle says he has to win.  Apparently if he loses before becoming champion again he’s leaving TNA.

ShopTNA.com!

Jay Lethal/Ric Flair video package.

Jay Lethal comes out and talks about Ric Flair and AJ Styles beating up his little brother last week.  He calls them out.  Matt Morgan comes out instead.  He says he’s been asked by Flair to join Fortune.  He hasn’t decided yet, but he and Flair agreed on something.  Lethal attacks him before he can say what that is.

Jay Lethal vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan beats up Lethal and says that the agreement was to kick Lethal’s ass.  Okay then.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam.  Lethal fights back, but Morgan catches him and hits a fall away slam.  Morgan beats up Lethal some more.  Lethal avoids the Carbon Footprint and makes his comeback.  Lethal drops Morgan with a shoulder block and hits a dropkick for 2.  Lethal springboards, but Morgan goozles him and pushes him out of the ring.  Hernandez comes in and hits Morgan in the balls behind the referee’s back.  Lethal hits a springboard dropkick for the pin in 4:54.  This sucked.

Backstage, Abyss hammers nails into a board while ranting like a lunatic.  The nail board is his new weapon.  Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee tonight.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Taylor Wilde vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  They lock up.  Rayne pulls Wilde’s hair, then spears her and rams her head against the mat.  Wilde fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven show up in the crowd.  “ECW!” chants.  Wilde misses a diving cross body.  Rayne hits her crappy reverse Playmaker for the pin in 2:58.  Angelina Love attacks Rayne and tries to DDT her on a chair, but Rayne escapes.  This sucked, like everything else on the show.

Dixie Carter is going up into Sting’s clubhouse.  Commercials.

Sarita beats the hell out of Taylor Wilde backstage.  There goes my favorite female tag team.  Security finally breaks it up.

Tenay and Taz hype the Victory Road card.

Dixie finds Sting in his clubhouse.  She suspends him for 30 days.  Sting says Dixie has been conned.  Eric Bischoff comes in with security to carry Sting out.  Bischoff tells Dixie she needs a bodyguard.  The dumb woman doesn’t realize Hogan and Bischoff are playing her.  Art imitates life.  Commercials.

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  Rob Van Dam is the special guest referee.  Hardy attacks Abyss and the manage to get the nail board away from him.  Hardy knocks Abyss out of the ring and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Abyss sends Hardy into the post.  Abyss beats up Hardy.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss tries to use a chair, but RVD takes it away.  Hardy schoolboys Abyss for 2.  Hardy sets up the chair to use it as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Abyss drops Hardy with a boot and hits a big splash for 2.  Abyss goes for the Shock Treatment, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Abyss cuts him off and sets up a chokeslam.  Hardy fights him off and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:13.  This sucked.  Abyss attacks Hardy, then hits the Black Hole Slam on RVD.  Abyss retrieves his nail board.  Ken Anderson runs out and hits Abyss with a chair.  He accidentally hits Hardy with the chair.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson.  Abyss stands tall over the other guys in the four-way at the PPV.

This show sucked.  The matches sucked.  The storylines suck.  This promotion sucks.  My decision making abilities suck because I watch this shit every week.

TNA iMPACT 5/27/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

Let’s just get through this…

“Last week…” video.

“The Enigma And The A-H***.”  They need to stop naming this shitty shows.

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are announcers.  Jeremy Borash is ring announcer.  Tonight, the Beautiful People defend the Knockouts Tag Team title against Taylor Wilde & Sarita, The Band vs. Team 3D vs. Ink Inc., and something with Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy.  Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal, who they seem to be trying to get over.  Sting has been routinely fucking shit up with his bat.

Jeff Hardy comes out and calls out Mr. Anderson.  Anderson talks about confusing people.  This fucking show definitely confuses me.  Anderson says he’s an asshole.  I feel like an asshole for watching this piece of shit.  Anderson wants Jeff to embrace his assholiness.  He sings an asshole song.  This is stupid.  Why do I do this to myself?  AJ Styles, Ric Flair, Beer Money, and Desmond Wolfe come out.  Styles says he has a match with “you” tonight.  He doesn’t specify who “you” is.  We finally figure out that it’s Anderson, who Styles calls “butt munch.”  Anderson wants to introduce himself to Styles.  He has been content with a regular microphone up to this point, but now calls for his hanging mic so he can do his intro.  Anderson Anderson.  End of segment.  I hate myself for watching this show.

Team 3D/Ink Inc. video package.  They’re already in the ring for their match.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Team 3D vs. Ink Inc. vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Band.  Young and Moore start.  Nash and Hall are both on the apron, so I guess it’s 2 on 2 on 3.  Ink Inc. double team Young.  Young fights back and beats up Neal.  Ray blind tags himself in and goes after Neal.  Ray beats up Neal.  Devon tags himself in.  Ray is annoyed.  Devon pushes Neal to his corner to make the tag to Moore.  Moore gets a sunset flip for 2.  Neal tags in.  Brother Ray blind tags in again and clotheslines Ink Inc. in the back of the head.  Ray beats up Neal.  Ray grabs a chair out of the front row.  The Band drops off the apron.  Devon takes the chair away.  Neal spears Ray for the pin in 4:49.  This was stupid.  3D argue.  Ray challenges Neal to a match at Slammiversary.  3D argue some more.

Christy Hemme interviews Kazarian.  Ric Flair comes in.  They’re friends now, apparently.  AJ Styles comes in and says he’s been looking for Flair all day, even though they were JUST TOGETHER ON TV 10 FUCKING MINUTES AGO.

One of those weirdly shot stupid backstage videos with Rob Van Dam talking about Sting.

Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal shines early.  Swank springboard rana by Lethal, followed by a tope suicida.  Lethal continues to shine.  Ric Flair comes out.  Kazarian takes advantage of the distraction to jump all over Lethal.  Kazarian beats up Lethal as Flair looks on approvingly.  Lethal makes his comeback.  Moonsault body block gets 2 for Lethal.  Kazarian hits a jawbreaker.  Lethal rallies and locks in the figure-four leglock.  Flair gets on the apron and encourages Kazarian to get a rope break, which he finally does.  Lethal decks Flair.  Kazarian schoolboys Lethal and grabs a handful of tights for the pin in 4:41.  Decent little match that furthers a storyline without giving me a headache, so I approve.  Flair beats down Lethal.  Lethal makes his own comeback and chops the shit out of Flair.  Flair takes his face bump.  Lethal clears Flair out of the ring.  AJ Styles runs down and jumps Lethal.  Styles and Kazarian start arguing.  Lethal dropkicks them in the arms to send them out of the ring.  Okay, so this turned out a little overbooked, but it’s TNA, so you kinda have to grade on a curve.  I still approve.  Flair berates Styles.

Tonight, RVD calls out Sting!  Also, Styles vs. Anderson!

Shannon Moore is laid out backstage with an Ace of Spades card on his back.  The fuck?

Video of the Abyss/Desmond Wolfe/Chelsea story.

Orlando Jordan comes out with pink stickers on his nipples.  They show his injuring of Rob Terry’s knee last week.

Orlando Jordan vs. Abyss (w/ Chelsea).  The stickers on Jordan’s nipples are of Abyss.  Ugh.  Jordan attacks Abyss’ arm.  Abyss rips the pasty things off and back body drops Jordan.  Jordan avoids Abyss in the corner and Abyss hits the arm that was cut open by a glass bottle last week.  Jordan viciously attacks the arm and rips the bandage off.  One of the pasty things is still attached.  Why do I notice these things?  Abyss makes his comeback.  A faceplant that I think of as a reverse powerbomb gets 2.  Abyss sends Jordan outside and follows.  Jordan shoves Abyss into Chelsea.  Abyss looks concerned, but goes back to queer bashing before turning around to check on her.  Desmond Wolfe appears and hits Abyss with a pipe to cause the DQ in 4:42.  Wolfe and Jordan beat down Abyss.  Rob Terry makes the save.  Wolfe bails, but Jordan takes the Freak Buster.  This sucked.  Abyss carries Chelsea to the back.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam is headed our way to call out Sting!

Sting heel dickery video package.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam comes to the ring and addresses Sting.  Sting’s music plays and a video of him destroying RVD plays.  Sting appears in the rafters and talks to RVD briefly.  He basically just says he’ll win the title at Slammiversary.

In one of those stupid, poorly shot things, Hulk Hogan talks to Ken Anderson.

A midget wrestling commercial.

Puppet the Psycho Dwarf has joined Tenay and Taz to hype the new midget wrestling show.

Christy Hemme interviews Roxxi.  They show the sick ankle break again.  She gets a Knockouts title shot at Slammiversary.  She’s so stoked to learn this.  She has negative charisma.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde & Sarita.  Jobber entrance for the challengers, who just a few months ago were one of my favorite tag teams and put me in mind of a female Rock & Roll Express.  Sarita and Velvet start.  Sarita is still pretty awesome.  Wilde seems kind of awkward in the ring lately.  They challengers make quick tags and work over Velvet.  Lacey cheap shots Wilde, then tags in and hits a claw bomb for the pin in 2:22.  So disappointing.  Remember when the Knockouts division was worth watching?  Puppet goes to the ring and celebrates with the Beautiful People.  He slaps Velvet’s ass and draws their ire.  Rayne hits a DDT on Puppet, then they put the boots to him.  Stupid.  Lacey shows sympathy and checks on Puppet and the roll around the ring and make out.  Okay.

Stupidly shot backstage thing with Jeff Hardy.

House show plugs.

Kurt Angle comes out to join Tenay and Taz for commentary.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy.  Instead of locking up, Wolfe headbutts Hardy in the mid-section and goes to work.  Fucking alternating chants.  Hardy does his weird leg drop to the legs cover thing for 2.  Wolfe beats up Hardy some more.  Hardy fights back.  They end up outside.  Wolfe surprises Hardy with a shot while Hardy was fucking around posing, then throws him back in the ring.  Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Hardy avoids it.  Wolfe hits a running European uppercut to the corner.  Wolfe counters the Twist of Fate and hits the Divorce Court for 2.  Hardy goes for something off the top and bumps the referee.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate, but the ref is dead.  Wolfe hits Hardy with a slap jack for the pin in 5:52.  Fine little match.

Commercial for a Ric Flair impersonation contest.  Seriously.

Matt Morgan is in the ring.  He bitches about the various injustices he has suffered.  He invites anyone to be his tag partner at Slammiversary.  He calls for “the bald guy” Kurt Angle to come down.  Security tries to get in the way for some reason, but Morgan waives them off.  He makes like Angle is some green rookie.  They chat, then Morgan shoves Angle.  Morgan tries to bail, but Angle kicks his ass until security pulls him off.  Samoa Joe comes down.  Morgan leaves.  Joe and Angle have a stare down, then Angle leaves.  Stupid, stupid segment.

Tenay and Taz hype the Slammiversary card.

AJ Styles vs. Ken Anderson.  Entrances.  Commercials.  Bell.  They lock up, then do nothing.  Styles grabs a side headlock.  Anderson eventually reverses it and grounds Styles with his headlock.  Styles counters into a head scissors.  Nice mat work.  They get to their feet and trade blows.  Styles hits some LOUD chops.  Fuck, the crowd is annoying.  Styles hits a dropkick.  Anderson catches Styles out of nowhere and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Styles drops Anderson with a kick.  Cover gets 2.  Styles beats up Anderson.  Anderson fights back.  Anderson hits a cross body, but Styles rolls through and gets the pin with his legs in the ropes at 5:52.  Two matches in a row lasting the exact same time?  That’s kind of amusing.  Good match, though.  Anderson calls for his special mic and gives AJ props.  Anderson asks the crowd if AJ pulled his tights.  Crowd chants “YES HE DID!”  Anderson kicks AJ’s ass.  Beer Money run in and attack Anderson.  Jeff Hardy makes the save with a steel chair.  Hardy and Anderson back into each other and almost come to blows, then shake hands.

Besides a few passable matches, this show fucking blew.  I don’t know why I watch this shit.  I hate it, but I can’t stop for some reason.  I hate almost everything about this company.  I hate the booker, the fans, the management, and the production, but I like a lot of the wrestlers.  I guess I watch to support the wrestlers I like.  Is it really worth it?

TNA iMPACT! 5/13/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Three Tickets To Sacrifice”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  David Penzer is the ring announcer.

Eric Bischoff comes out and does his “heel who thinks he’s a babyface” bit.  He introduces the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.  Bischoff talks about the poll.  He says he wanted to book RVD vs. Jeff Hardy, but Hardy isn’t answering his phone, so RVD has the night off.  RVD wants action, though.  AJ Styles comes out.  He bitches at RVD about not being a role model.  Styles challenges him to a match tonight, even though they have a match at the PPV.  Styles wants to break RVD’s legs so he doesn’t have to break a sweat at the PPV.  Jeff Hardy comes out.  He’s confused by the time changes, as he doesn’t have a secretary.  Styles says the match is already set.  Hardy tells RVD to make it a three-way, since RVD is apparently the booker.  He tells Bischoff to make the match.  AJ is pissed.

Jeremy Borash interviews Knockouts Champion and Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  Lacey runs away because she has to pee.  Go before your fucking interview, moron.

Taylor Wilde (w/ Sarita) vs. Tara.  Sarita gets sent to the back before the match.  Wilde goes on the attack and beats the hell out of Tara.  Tara begs off, then sends Wilde to the ramp.  Tara throws her back in.  Wilde avoids the hilo leg drop.  Wilde goes for a shitty cross body.  Tara love taps her with a shitty middle kick for the pin in 1:30.  This blew.  Tara beats Wilde with her knee brace after the match.  Sarita makes the save.

Something is going on backstage with Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea.

Chelsea is claiming she was attacked “in an undisclosed location.”  Her vagina?

Brian Kendrick vs. Doug Williams.  Williams still has the X Division belt.  He says Kendrick doesn’t deserve a title shot, so it’s a non-title match.  Kendrick attacks Williams.  Williams attacks him back.  The X Division Champion Kazarian joins the announcers.  Williams works Kendrick’s leg.  He locks Kendrick in a half crab.  Kazarian walks down the ramp with the intent of getting the belt.  Kendrick schoolboys Williams for the pin in 2:13.  Williams manages to hold onto the belt.  Match was pointless.

Christy Hemme asks Pat Kenney what happened, but he won’t say anything.

Christy says she knows the attacker, but can’t tell.  The fuck?

Handicap Match: Generation Me vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan.  Morgan destroys them both.  He takes the mic and bitches about Hulk Hogan not telling him who his partner is.  Morgan sets up Jeremy Buck on the outside for the Carbon Footprint into the post.  Samoa Joe comes out and brawls with Morgan.  Match is presumably a no-contest in about a minute and a half.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and leaves.  The Band comes out.  Kevin Nash has that Feast or Fired briefcase that nobody remembered.

Handicap Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: Matt Morgan (c) vs. Kevin Nash & Scott Hall (w/ Eric Young).  Earl Hebner rings the bell.  Nash gets the pin at the 12 second mark.  Nash and Hall are World Tag Team Champions.  In 2010.

Ink Inc. talk backstage.  You can hear the intros for the Williams/Kendrick match from earlier.  Ink Inc. are psychic and somehow knew that they’d be facing Hall and Nash at Sacrifice instead of Morgan.

Four-Way Match: Ink Inc. vs. Team 3D vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money.  No entrances except for Ink Inc.  Shelley and Storm start.  Sabin tags in and throws Storm out of the ring.  Sabin hits a dive.  Cover gets 2 back inside.  3D works over Roode.  Moore tags in and hits a diving cross body for Roode for 2.  Beer Money work over Moore.  Neal gets the hog tag and runs wild.  He face plants Roode and covers, but Storm saves.  Brother Ray tags in and knocks down Beer Money.  Neal schoolboys him for 2.  3D and the Guns fight.  Everybody brawls everywhere.  3D hits the Doomsday Device on Neal.  Moore saves and fights 3D.  They go for the 3D, but Neal stops it.  Moore hits the Mooregasm on Ray.  Neal spears Ray for the pin in 7:18.  Best thing on the show up to now and probably period.

Weird Ric Flair taped promo with impossible to read subtitles.

TNA Global Champion Rob Terry is headed our way!  He’ll face Abyss NEXT!

Jeff Hardy and RVD chat in the bathroom.  Who the fucking is taping this?

Rob Terry comes out for his title defense against Abyss.  Abyss doesn’t come out, because he’s getting arrested.  He’s apparently the one being accused of assaulting Chelsea.  Desmond Wolfe jumps him and is held back by the cops.  Hulk Hogan shows up to talk to Abyss, who professes in innocence.  Abyss doesn’t want to take his mask off.  Hogan takes the mask off and puts Abyss’ hood on his head.  The cops take Abyss away.  This is so motherfucking stupid.  Rob Terry is still in the ring.  Orlando Jordan (in pink gear) attacks Terry from behind and gropes his balls.  Jordan hits Terry with a lead pipe, then holds up a card that says, literally, “The Wild Card.”  Why the fuck am I watching this shit?  Didn’t I boycott this show after last week?

Orlando Jordan is still in the fucking ring.  He cuts a promo.  Okay, you’re gay, we get it.  He issues an open challenge.  Tomko (he still works here?) accepts.

Orlando Jordan vs. Tomko.  They do some awkward half assed shit.  Tomko presses Jordan, then hits a fall away slam.  Jordan hits a dropkick.  Jordan does some shit.  Tomko hits a clothesline for 2.  Jordan hits a Backstabber for 2.  Jordan clamps on a guillotine for the win in 3:14.  This blew.

Another weirdly taped thing with Hulk Hogan.  Lacey Von Erich comes in and shows him a cell phone video.

Eric Bischoff tells Tara she’s going to wrestle Sarita tonight.  She’s all bitchy about it.

Sarita vs. Tara.  Sarita attacks Tara on the ramp.  They finally get in the ring to start the match, then brawl outside some more.  Back inside, Sarita misses a dive, then beats up Tara some more.  Tara cries and begs off, then sends Sarita outside.  Sarita hits a slingshot splash, then goes after Tara’s knee brace.  The referee grabs her and gets elbowed in the face.  Tara hits Sarita with the knee brace for the pin in 1:52.  This sucked.  Tara beats her with the knee brace some more.

AJ Styles is backstage in his silly robe.  The main event is next.

Sting/Jeff Jarrett video package.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Styles argues with a fan.  The dastardly good guys double team the poor overwhelmed heel.  Hardy and RVD start to fight each other.  Hardy knocks RVD out of the ring.  Hardy fights AJ.  RVD comes in and lands kicks on both of them.  Hardy drops both of them with neckbreaker variations.  He covers RVD, but Styles saves.  Styles beats up both.  Styles attacks RVD’s leg.  He locks in the figure-four leglock.  Hardy leg drops Styles to break it.  Hardy goes up top.  Styles cuts him off and knocks him out of the ring.  RVD monkey flips AJ.  Ken Anderson attacks Hardy at ringside.  RVD hits his diving kick on Styles and the referee, then saves Hardy from Anderson.  Styles hits a dive on everybody.  Styles SPIKES RVD with a DDT on the floor.  Back inside, Styles puts his feet on the ropes and pins RVD in 5:54.  This was a mess.  Hardy calls Anderson to the ring to fight.  Anderson isn’t interested.  Hulk Hogan comes out and blocks his way to the back.  Hogan decks Anderson.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Commercials.

Hardy and Anderson keep fighting.  Why the fuck isn’t this show over yet?  Hardy puts Anderson on a table and hits a Swanton off the announcers’ table through the table.  Many replays are shown.  Hardy celebrates.

They show Lacey Von Erich’s cell phone video of Desmond Wolfe and Chelsea setting up the whole fucking stupid angle with Abyss.

Sacrifice hype videos.

Fuck this horrible motherfucking show.  Why did I even watch this shit?

TNA iMPACT! 5/3/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Hogan/Sting – The Summit”

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff talk while riding in a limo.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  I’m sure David Penzer is around somewhere as ring announcer.  Tenay announces that iMPACT! is going back to Thursday.  I guess it took their lowest rating ever to convince them that Monday was a bad idea.

Ric Flair’s music plays.  Jay Lethal comes out in a suit, wearing Flair’s Hall of Fame ring.  Lethal is in full Flair impersonation mode, and it’s GREAT.  He does a better Ric Flair than Richard Fliehr.  The crowd turns it in and chants “WE WANT FLAIR!”  Ric Flair comes out.  Crowd chants “DOUBLE VISION!”  Flair stomps on his own sunglasses, I guess to make a point.  Lethal gives Flair his ring back and tells him he meant no disrespect.  Lethal puts over Flair like crazy.  Flair slaps him a bunch while berating him.  Lethal finally slaps him back and they brawl a little.  Lethal backdrops Flair and puts him in the figure-four leglock.  Beer Money, AJ Styles, and Desmond Wolfe run in to attack Lethal.  Abyss runs out to make the save, but gets beaten down too.  Team 3D runs in with the same effect.  TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam and a steel chair finally make the save.

Hogan and Bischoff are in their limo still.  Hogan gets a text about what just happened and tells the driver to turn around.

Moments ago, that long paragraph above happened.

The babyfaces are still in the ring and the heels are on the ramp.  RVD calls them “the Four Horse’s Asses.”  Flair agrees and everybody brawls some more.  They brawl over the place.  Hulk Hogan comes out, so his limo must not have been far away.  He drops all of the heels with one punch except for the 120 year old Ric Flair.  Commercials.

The brawl is still going on.  Security finally gets off their asses and breaks it up.  Hogan books RVD vs. Wolfe for the title, Abyss vs. Styles, and Beer Money vs. 3D vs. The Motor City Machine Guns for tonight.

Sting is in the rafters.

The Beautiful People bitch about having to defend all the titles.  Lacey is still stupid.

Doug Williams and Brian Kendrick are in the ring.  Williams still has the X Division Championship belt.  He cuts a promo on the shitty way he was stripped of the title due to a volcano.  He also resents having to tag with “this crazed lunatic.”  Williams says he’ll face Kazarian for the title at Sacrifice.

Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Ink Inc.  Ink Inc. is the new team of Shannon Moore and Jesse Neal.  They have a title shot against TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan at Sacrifice.  Williams and Neal start.  Morgan joins Tenay and Taz at the table.  Kendrick beats on Neal.  Stuff happens.  The match is completely secondary to Morgan’s bitching.  Moore gets the tag and runs wild on Kendrick.  Morgan leaves.  Kendrick gets a schoolboy for 2.  Moore hits a neckbreaker.  Neal tags in and spears Kendrick for the pin in 3:05.  Williams and Kendrick argue.  Samoa Joe comes out and drops both of them, then gives Kendrick the Muscle Buster.  Joe teases cutting a promo, then just throws the mic down and leaves.  Stupid match, stupid commentary, stupid aftermath, stupid segment.

Jeremy Borash is in Team Flair’s locker room.  Flair throws Borash out, so Borash eavesdrops while Flair bitches at everybody for being failures.

Backstage, Hogan whines about Sting cheating on him, or what the fuck ever it is.

Tenay and Taz hype the Hogan/Sting whatever and other shit.

Backstage, Ken Anderson beats up The Pope while wearing a dress, then rams a trunk into him and steals his sunglasses.

Ken Anderson comes out in his dress and babbles out a pseudo-sermon.  Jeff Hardy comes out and challenges Anderson for Sacrifice.  Anderson says no, then makes it blatantly obvious that he’s going to try to attack Jeff from behind, then gets dropped by the Twist of Fate.  Hardy rips Anderson’s dress off, then works Anderson’s mouth to “accept” the challenge.  Fucking retarded segment.

TNA Knockouts Championship & TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People (c) vs. Tara, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  Jobber entrances for the challengers.  Tara is in full heel mode.  Lacey is in full dumb bimbo mode.  Tara does the suplex into the guillotine.  Lacey throws a kick that fails, then dances.  Sarita tags in.  Velvet tags in and beats her up.  Sarita does some sloppy stuff.  Wilde tags in and Sarita backdrops her into a moonsault on Velvet for 2.  Velvet drops Wilde and tags in Rayne.  Wilde hits a sloppy release German suplex.  Tara screams for the tag, gets it, then Sarita blind tags herself in.  Tara decks Sarita.  Tara and Wilde argue and shove each other.  They go out of the ring.  Velvet and Lacey hit a double DDT on Sarita.  Rayne pins Sarita in 2:54.  Fucking abortion.

Still to come, Styles vs. Abyss and Wolfe vs. RVD.

Christy Hemme interviews Tara.  She challenges Rayne for the title at Sacrifice with Tara’s career on the line.

Three-Way Match: Team 3D vs. Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns.  Beer Money and Guns both get jobber entrances.  Roode beats up Sabin.  Sabin does some flips and hits Roode with a kick for 2.  Storm and Shelley tag in.  Guns double team Storm.  Devon tags in and beats on Storm.  Storm hits a Codebreaker on Devon.  Beer Money work over Devon.  BEER!  MONEY!  Ray tags in and runs wild.  WASSUP headbutt on Roode.  Kevin Nash and Scott Hall come in and attack 3D for the DQ in 3:56.  Eric Young comes out with a Singapore cane, then to the shock of absolutely no one, turns on 3D and joins The Band.  The Guns come back in.  Shelley throws Young out of the ring.  Guns beat up Nash and Hall!  Beer Money beat up the Guns and hit the DWI on Sabin.  The heels beat down the babyfaces.

TNA’s cuts to commercial are very awkward.

David Penzer introduces Orlando Jordan, who gets on his “O-Zone” talk show set.  This is gayer than two guys blowing each other.  He interviews a cardboard cutout of Rob Terry.  Terry finally comes in, shoves Jordan down, tears up the cutout, and warns Jordan not to make him come back.  Terry holds up the Global Championship belt.  Jordan attacks Terry from behind and chokes him out.  Jordan throws a stupid vase thing on top of Terry.  Fuck this shit.

Monster’s Ball Match: AJ Styles vs. Abyss.  Styles springboards to the outside.  Abyss catches him and goes for a chokeslam.  Fails.  AJ throws a trash can.  Abyss throws AJ into the ring.  Abyss hits a big boot, then holds up a crutch.  AJ kicks him.  AJ avoids a chair shot.  Abyss punches him.  Abyss picks up the chair again.  AJ hits the Pele and a dropkick, then beats down Abyss.  Abyss sends AJ into a chair wedged between the turnbuckles, then hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss pours out thumbtacks.  Ric Flair and Chelsea come out.  Flair tells her to take her coat off.  Abyss tries to protect her and gets hit from behind by AJ.  Abyss sends Styles to the outside.  Styles hits a springboard cross body into the tacks for the pin in 4:11.  Chelsea opens her coat to reveal… her dress.  Flair and Styles put the boots to Abyss.  Another awkard cut to commercial.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea).  Jobber entrance for Wolfe.  Wolfe attacks RVD on the outside immediately.  Wolfe beats up RVD back in the ring.  RVD blocks a suplex attempt.  Wolfe beats him up some more.  Cover gets 2.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court for 2.  RVD hits the flying kick and the Rolling Thunder, then goes up top.  Wolfe cuts him off and goes for the Tower of London.  He tries again on the apron.  RVD counters and hits a springboard kick on the ramp.  ROB!  VAN!  DAM!  RVD backdrops Wolfe back into the ring, then hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 3:01, just so we all know Wolfe is a jobber.  AJ Styles sneak attacks RVD and says he’s taking his rematch at Sacrifice.

Backstage, Hulk Hogan finds that Jeff Jarrett has been clobbered by Sting.  Commercials.

Hulk Hogan comes out and babbles.  Sting comes out.  Hogan wants to know why Sting turned heel.  Sting says “Total Nonstop Action,” then babbles for a while about Hogan being protected, or something.  They banter.  Hogan challenges Sting to hit him.  Jeff Jarrett comes out, takes the bat, and hits Sting.  Hogan holds him back.  End of show.

That’s it.  Fuck this show.  I’m done.

TNA iMPACT! 3/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with Eric Bischoff in the ring playing guitar.  The fuck?  He calls out Jeff Jarrett because he wants Jarrett to play the guitar.  Jarrett says Bischoff isn’t going to humiliate him anymore.  Bischoff says Jarrett has no guts, or whatever.  Jarrett takes the guitar, puts it down, and leaves.  Bischoff talks about him having “no stones” again.  Jarrett comes back and CLOBBERS Bischoff with the guitar!  YES!

Jarrett comes backstage and hugs Mick Foley.  Jarrett says that felt good.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Bischoff finally struggles to his feet and books Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley for tonight, with the loser getting fired and winner being Bischoff’s bitch.

Foley and Jarrett are pissed backstage.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  After the heels’ entrances, Tara comes out and begs Daffney not to hurt her spider.  The heels jump Tara, but her partners make the save.  Insta-commercials, JIP.  Lots of quick tags and some decent exchanges.  The bad girls get heat on Tara.  Daffney taunts Tara with her spider.  Love tags in and hits a Flatliner on Daffney.  Velvet hits a DDT on Love.  Wilde gets a Northern Lights suplex hold on Rayne.  Who the fuck is legal?  Sarita hits a sit-out powerbomb on Rayne.  Lacey hits a chokeslam on Sarita.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Lacey, then goes to retrieve her spider.  Daffney hits a swank spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker (the Lobotomy) for the pin.  Total clusterfuck.

AJ Styles and Ric Flair arrive, all banged up.  Flair is still in the wheelchair and Styles is on a crutch and has his arm in a sling.

Still to come, Jarrett vs. Foley.  Hulk Hogan makes an announcement about Lockdown NEXT!

Styles and Flair are hobbling/wheeling in backstage.

Destination X highlight package.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan talks for a while, then announces that Abyss will be the captain of Team Hogan at Lockdown.  Abyss talks for a while.  Ric Flair (wheeled by Chelsea) and AJ Styles come out and yell.  Flair says the captain of Team Flair will be Sting.  The lights go out.  Sting appears sitting on a top turnbuckle.  Styles whacks Abyss with his crutch.  Hogan is magically handcuffed to the ropes.  Sting leaves as Styles puts the boots to Abyss.  D’Angelo Dinero makes the save and hits the Elijah Express on Styles, when unlocks Hogan’s cuffs.  Hogan pushes Flair’s wheelchair down the ramp and Abyss clotheslines Flair.  Those dicks.  This was stupid.

Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore arrive.  Christy Hemme talks to them.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Tomko.  Terry no sells everything and kills Tomko.  Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, the spin kick, and the chokeslam/spinebuster for the pin in 1:02.  Whatever.

They show Foley shaving Bischoff’s head and Jarrett whacking him with the guitar.

Foley and Jarrett will meet NEXT!  Beer Money are going to be the special guest referees!

Foley & Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett.

Loser Is Fired: Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Beer Money are the special guest referees.  They lock up and break.  They lock up again.  Foley backs Jarrett into the corner and Storm forces a break.  Storm is the inside referee while Roode is on the outside.  Foley hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett gets a sunset flip for 2.  FOLEY DOES A BACKSLIDE.  Now I’ve seen everything.  They counter each other’s finishers.  Roode trips Jarrett.  Foley and Jarrett fight outside.  Bischoff comes out to the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Jarrett and Foley brawl on the stage.  Jarrett suplexes Foley on the stage, which actually holds up this week.  They go at it back in the ring.  Jarrett drops Foley with a punch for a 2 count.  Beer Money have switched places now, with Roode being in the ring and Storm being outside.  If it matters.  It doesn’t.  Jarrett hits a DDT for 2.  Jarrett brings in a chair.  Foley boots him in the gut and hits the double arm DDT for 2, as Jarrett gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Foley pulls out the sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw.  Roode doesn’t something I missed.  Foley turns it into a Mandible Claw body scissors or something.  Jarrett gets free and hits the Stroke onto the chair for the pin (8:02 shown).  Pretty good match.  Jarrett is upset at getting his friend fired, but Foley raises Jarrett’s hand.  Jarrett returns the gesture and they shake hands.  Bischoff tells Beer Money to beat up Jarrett, and they oblige.  They wedge a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles and ram Jarrett into it.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in and chase of Beer Money.  RVD takes the mic and challenges Beer Money to a match tonight.  They accept.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

They show Mick Foley saying his goodbyes as he leaves.  Bubba the Love Sponge is back.  FUCK.  Even the Impact Zone mutants boo him.  Foley doesn’t want to talk to him.  Bubba insults him, so Foley fucking decks him.  YES!  ***** segment.  Foley says “BANG BANG!” and leaves.  That makes my day.

Bischoff talks to Hogan backstage.  They discuss their various personal issues.  Hogan tells Bischoff do drop the personal vendetta against Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff agrees, asks Hogan if he set up the RVD and Hardy deal, says “nevermind,” and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Beer Money.  They meet RVD & Jeff Hardy TONIGHT!

Up NEXT, the battle of Tag champions!

House show plugs!

JB interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Hernandez video package.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Hernandez jumps Morgan in the aisle and kicks his ass.  Morgan begs off, but Hernandez doesn’t buy it and keeps kicking his ass.  He does the shirt throw thingy, a Stinger Splash, and a spinebuster.  Hernandez charges Morgan in the corner again, but Morgan backdrops Hernandez out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor, but Hernandez accidentally hits the post.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and sandwiches Hernandez’s head into the post.  Fucking OUCH.  It’s a no contest in about 3 1/2 minutes as referee Slick Johnson calls for medics.  Insta-commercials.

They stretcher Hernandez out.  Homicide makes his first appearance in weeks as he comes out to check on his former partner that he turned on months ago.  They put Hernandez in an ambulance.  Hogan tells somebody to call Hernandez’s wife.  Taz and Tenay talk about what happened.

They show what happened with The Band and Eric Young at Destination X.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy.  Storm and Hardy start.  Hardy backdrops Storm out of the ring and onto Roode, then gets a ladder and sets it up between the apron and the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Rob Van Dam hits an apron leg drop on Roode.  Insta-commercials.  Seriously.  I hate those.  RVD hits a moonsault body block on Roode for 2.  Tag to Storm.  RVD wipes him out with a kick and tags in Hardy.  Hardy hits his legs spread leg drop and a front suplex on Storm for 2, as Roode saves.  RVD comes in and takes Roode out.  Hardy goes up top, but Roode trips him.  Beer Money gets heat on Hardy.  Taz gets in his weekly “Vintage” jab.  Roode hits a BIG spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money continues to beat up Hardy while taunting Van Dam.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  Roode and RVD get the tags.  RVD runs wild.  RVD monkey flips Roode and hits his diving kick for 2.  Storm saves.  RVD kicks Storm in the head, slams him, and hits the split legged moonsault.  He’s not the legal man, Rob!  Roode nails RVD with a clothesline.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hits a double suplex on Hardy.  Beer Money hit their AWESOME catapult into a DDT on RVD.  Roode covers for 2.  Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy takes his shirt off, then Roode pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy slides under the ladder, then sends it into Storm.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Roode.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and Van Dam follows with the Five Star Frog Splash on Roode for the pin (10:52 shown).  Really good tag match.

As RVD and Hardy celebrate, Eric Young comes in through the crowd and says that next week, it’ll be The Band vs. Young, RVD, & Hardy.  They all hold hands in the middle of the ring as the show closes.  I jest.  Kind of.

Better show than Raw this week, I thought.

TNA iMPACT! 3/8/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

New iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan cuts a promo.  THIS IS THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN TNA HISTORY!  EVEN BIGGER THAN EVERY OTHER BIGGEST NIGHT IN TNA HISTORY!  Hogan calls out AJ Styles and Ric Flair to have the match RIGHT NOW!  Dixie Carter is in the audience.

Hulk Hogan & Abyss vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles & Ric Flair.  Styles is back to wearing shorts.  Abyss and Styles start.  Size vs. speed.  Abyss botches a press slam.  Flair tags in.  He and Abyss lock up.  Flair chops Abyss.  Man, I’ve never noticed how much Flair is balding in the back.  Abyss beats up Flair and backdrops him.  Styles gets in some cheap shots behind the referee’s back.  Hogan attacks Flair.  Styles drops Hogan with the Pele kick.  The heels put the boot to Hogan and Abyss.  The lights go out and Sting’s music plays.  Sting appears in the ring, bat in hand.  He (SWERVE!) attacks Abyss and Hogan instead.  It’s a no-contest in about 3 minutes.  Sting, Styles, and Flair beat down Hogan and Abyss.  Hogan gets BUSTED WIDE OPEN by a very safe chair shot from Flair.  Sting leaves.  Styles and Flair continue the beat down until security breaks it up.  Brooke Hogan is in the front row looking concerned.  Hogan says it’s not over.  They’re going to finish it before the night’s over.  It’s going to be a No DQ Match later.

Moments ago, all of that stuff happened.

Sting walks around backstage.  Dixie Carter asks him “What the hell, dude?”  Sting pushes her and says he owes her nothing.

Jeremy Borash interviews AJ Styles and Ric Flair.  Styles is such a dork.  Flair says Sting has come to his senses.  Flair is ready to fight some more.

A bloody Abyss screams “WHY, STING, WHY?”  Maybe it’s because of all those times you turned on him and tried to kick his ass a few years ago.

Hogan’s generic blond bimbo daughter sulks backstage.  His equally generic blond bimbo girlfriend tries to console her.

Kazarian cuts a promo in the ring.  He came back to TNA to reignite the X Division.  Christopher Daniels comes out and says he’ll be the one leading the X Division.  He also seems to have found his first name again.  Doug Williams comes out and assures them that the X Division is alive and well, because he’s the champion.  Kazarian and Daniels bicker.  Eric Bischoff comes out and books a three-way match for the title RIGHT NOW!

Three-Way Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Doug Williams (c) vs. Kazarian vs. Daniels.  They do an awesome sequence where they take turns cradling each other.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, backdrops Kaz in the process.  Daniels dropkicks Williams.  Kazarian drops Daniels.  Kazarian and Williams go.  Awesome spot where Kazarian gets a reverse cradle on Williams at the same time as a Northern Lights suplex hold on Daniels for 2 counts.  More stuff happens.  Kazarian takes out Daniels and Williams with a suicide dive.  Williams avoids a slingshot leg drop by Kazarian and kicks him down.  They cut away to show Dixie Carter pacing backstage.  Daniels trips Kazarian and gets back into the mix.  Daniels drops Kazarian with an STO and hits a Lionsault elbow for 2.  Daniels drops Williams and hits a Death Valley bomb on Kazarian for 2.  Williams hits Daniels and goes up top.  Daniels meets him.  Williams fights him off.  They clothesline each other.  Kazarian hits a dropkick to both of them.  Kazarian runs wild.  He drops Daniels with a springboard elbow and a springboard leg drop for 2.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, but Williams hits a diving European uppercut.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Daniels schoolboys him in the middle of it.  Neat.  Kazarian drops Daniels with a neckbreaker for 2.  Daniels hits a Uranage and goes for the BME, but Kazarian moves.  Williams comes in and pushes Daniels into Kazarian, then hits the Chaos Theory on Daniels for the pin in 6:49.  Awesome little match.  Shannon Moore runs in and beats up Williams.  Eric Bischoff comes back out and announces Williams vs. Moore for the X Division Title at Destination X.  Fuck.

Dixie Carter tells JB that Sting will have a match tonight against a mystery opponent.

Three-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Taylor Wilde & Sarita vs. The Beautiful People (w/ Lacey Von Erich) vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara & Angelina Love.  The Beautiful People stay away from Love and Tara.  Sarita and Wilde schoolgirl them for nothing.  Wilde and Tara go at it.  Wilde tags out quickly to Sarita.  Velvet tags herself in.  Sarita drops Tara with a cross body and Velvet covers for 2.  The Beats work over Tara.  Wilde and Sarita come in and go after the Beauts.  Lacey trips them and the Beauties dropkick them.  Love comes in and drops Sky.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak on Rayne.  Daffney sneaks in behind the referee’s back and nails Tara with the Knockouts title belt.  Rayne pins Tara in 2:13.  Very disappointing.  These women can wrestle.  Why don’t you let them?

Christy Hemme interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  His scheduled opponent tonight, Desmond Wolfe, jumps him and attacks his injured ankle, hitting it with a chain.  Ouch.

Sting is in action NEXT!  Taz makes a pot joke, making sure anyone with half a brain could figure out who his opponent is.

JB interviews the NEW Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  They’re stoked to finally be champions.  JB calls for champagne.  Sky pours it on JB’s head.

Tenay and Taz talk about Sting’s reprehensible actions.  They show the aforementioned actions from earlier tonight.

Sting comes out.  His mystery opponent is ROB VAN DAM!

Sting vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD comes in through the crowd, hits the flying kick on Sting, and follows with the Rolling Thunder for the pin in 9 seconds.  Sting attacks him with the bat, leaves him laying, and leaves.  No, wait.  He comes back and beats down RVD with the bat some more.  “That damn thing’s a weapon!”  Well no shit, Taz.  Sting hits some refs with the bat, too.  Crowd chants “RVD!” the whole time.  Sting comes back to the ring and whacks RVD with the bat again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Bubba the worthless piece of worthless Sponge holds him back from doing anything.  Fuck that guy.  Sting hits RVD with the bat some more.  Hogan goes after Sting again, but security holds him back, so Sting kills RVD to some more.  Sting takes a whack at Hogan too.  Sting whacks some security guys and hits Hogan with the bat again.  This shit went way too long.

Tenay and Taz talk some more.

Kevin Nash’s music hits.  Random shot of Eric Bischoff sitting backstage.  Nash and Eric Young come out.  Nash says he has a contract for Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac to face him and  Young at Destination X.  Nash calls them out.  Commercials.

Random commercial cut away: Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are in the building!

Nash and Young are still waiting.  Hall and Syxx-Pac come in through the crowd.  Security gets in the ring to make sure order is maintained.  Hall calls Nash a sell out, Hogan’s goon, etc.  Hall still wants contracts.  He calls for Bischoff.  Bischoff appears on the screen and says that if Hall and Pac win at Destination X, they get contracts.  If they lose, they leave TNA.  They agree.  Pac slaps Young.  Young jumps his ass.  Security separates them.  Bischoff tells security to get Nash and Hall away from ringside and books Young vs. Pac.  He gives young permission to “Slap that punk upside his bitch head.”

Eric Young vs. Syxx-Pac.  Young jumps Pac and kicks his ass.  Pac fights back with kicks.  Young drops him with a clothesline then backdrops him.  Pac drops him with a spin kick and goes for the Bronco Buster.  Young avoids it and hits a piledriver for the pin in 1:13.

A bunch of soldiers arrive in a hummer.

Go to ShopTNA.com and buy crap!

Kurt Angle comes out with the entryway flanked by the soldiers.  He cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  They’ll meet at Destination X.  Anderson appears on the screen to retort.  Angle goes to the interview set (I never realized it was just there in the arena) and kicks his ass to the ring.  Anderson hits Angle with the dog tag and tries to leave, but the soldiers won’t let him.  Angle beats up Anderson and throws him outside to the soldiers, who kick his ass.  Repeated on each side of the ring.  Lucky for Anderson that’s a four sided ring now.  Angle drills Anderson with the Angle Slam.  Crowd chants “BREAK IS ANKLE!”  Angle stands over Anderson, holding the flag high.  The soliders come in and lift Angle up on their shoulders.

More pseudo-shooty crap with Bubba trying to talk Hogan out of wrestling.  Earl Hebner comes in and begs for a second chance.  Bubba convinces Hogan to give Hebner a second chance.  Hogan makes Hebner promise to stop the match if it gets out of control.  What the fuck is that?

Tenay and Taz hype the Destination X card.

Jeff Jarrett talks to Mick Foley (suited up!), then talks to James Storm.  He asks if Beer Money was forced into the match tonight.  Storm says they volunteered.  Jarrett bitches him out.  Storm says “Sorry about your damn…”  Jarrett punches him.  Robert Roode jumps Jarrett from behind.  Foley comes back and tells them to take it to the ring.  So Beer Money are heels now with no explanation?

Video featuring the smoking hot So Cal Val and the gay Jeremy Borash.

Handicap Match: Beer Money vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Mick Foley is the special guest referee.  They’ve been beating up Jarrett since the last segment.  The match finally starts.  Jarrett tries to fight back.  Roode hits a spinebuster.  Beer Money does their awesome catapult into a DDT double team move.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm.  Roode holds Jarrett for Storm to spit beer in his face.  Jarrett moves and Roode gets it.  Jarrett kicks Storm in the balls behind the referee’s back and makes a comeback.  He clotheslines Roode out of the ring, the backdrops Storm out.  Jarrett follows them and knocks their heads together.  Jarrett takes a bump into the guard rail.  Foley gives him the barbed wire bat.  Slick Johnson runs in and takes it away.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Jarrett and Roode gets the pin (counted by Slick) in 3:42.  This was stupid.

Hogan and Abyss talk backstage.  Brooke comes in crying.  Hogan promises her that he won’t wrestle again after tonight.  This was also stupid.

Random cut away from commercial: Flair and Styles are backstage.

No DQ Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles & Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan & Abyss.  Hogan and Flair lock up and hobble to the corner.  Flair chops Hogan.  Hogan backdrops Flair.  Hogan throws some punches and sends Flair to the outside.  The brawl outside.  Flair bleeds like a mofo.  Flair chops and punches Hogan.  Hogan replies in kind, and pokes him in the eye for good measure.  Abyss beats up Flair on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Hogan whips Flair with his weight belt.  Flair hits Hogan in the balls and tags in Styles.  Man, Flair is bleeding like crazy.  I’d say about a 7 on the Muta Scale.  Styles beats up Hogan.  Styles opens up Hogan’s cut from earlier.  Hogan plays face in peril.  Hogan throws Flair off the top rope.  Styles tags in.  Hogan makes the hot tag to Abyss, who runs wild.  Abyss chokeslams them both.  Styles tries to get rolling.  Hogan beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles hits the sprinboard forearm on Abyss for 2.  Hogan and Abyss hulk up.  Double big boots.  Hogan whips Styles into Abyss, who hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 7:55.  A fun nostalgia match.  Desmond Wolfe appears and hits Abyss with a chair.  He tries to hit Hogan, but Hogan grabs the chair.  Flair cheap shots Hogan.  The Pope runs in for the save. but Styles clips his bad leg.  JEFF HARDY comes out and cleans house.  Front suplex to Wolfe.  Twist of Fate to Styles.  Hardy goes up top… and the show ends.  Really?  Couldn’t stay with it for a few more seconds?

There was some crap and a few logic gaps, but overall, this was a fun show, and it was better than Raw, which was a fucking abortion this week.

TNA iMPACT! 1/4/10 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line.  History of TNA video… since this is the biggest TNA iMPACT EVER!!!  The episode title is “Time For A Change.”  Impact open.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our commentary team.  This is the BIGGEST TNA SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE KNOWN UNIVERSE!  Tenay and Taz run down tonight’s card.

Footage earlier today of Bubba the Love Sponge interviewing fans.

Steel Asylum Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Homicide vs. Kiyoshi vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide vs. Amazing Red (c).  Everybody starts fighting as Suicide immediately tries to escape, but Red stops him.  Lethal Consequences double team Sabin.  Shelley and Lethal both try to escape.  Kiyoshi stops Lethal.  Red kicks Suicide in the head.  Sabin hits a tornado DDT on Kiyoshi.  Lethal finally goes after Shelley.  Suicide with a move on Red.  Lethal with the Lethal Combination on Suicide.  Sabin kicks somebody.  Kiyoshi drops Sabin.  Creed press slams Kiyoshi into double knees.  Everybody hits moves.  Suicide tries to escape, but Red fights him.  Red comes off the top of the Asylum and hits a rana on Sabin.  World Elite double teams Red.  Homicide hits people with a baton.  The bell rings at 4:05, ruling it a no-contest.  THE FUCK?  Crowd chants “THIS IS BULLSHIT!”  I agree.  Everybody wakes up and beats up Homicide.  Jeff Hardy’s old TNA music hits and he comes through the crowd.  Homicide jumps him.  Hardy kicks his ass and kills him with a chair shot and gives him the Twist of Fate on the ramp.  Hardy sits on top of the Asylum.

Way to go, TNA… first match and I already have a headache.  Way to shit on the fans AND show you’re morons by signing a guy who’s facing charges for drug possession.

Moments ago… Jeff Hardy did stuff.  Now… Jeff Hardy shakes hands with Shannon Moore in the back.

Hulk Hogan’s limo is getting a police escort to the Impact Zone.

Christy Hemme interviews Kevin Nash.  Nash talks about Hogan.  He says Hulk is on his way, and he’s not alone.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. ODB.  ODB jumps Tara immediately.  Tara catches her with an elbow and drops her with a clothesline.  They trade chops.  Tara throws kicks and lands an enzuigiri.  Tara with a slam and the standing moonsault for 2.  Tara with the tarantula, then a hilo leg drop for 2.  Tara tries to set up the Widows’ Peak, but ODB counters and goes for the TKO.  Tara goes for it again.  ODB counters again and schoolgirls her with a handful of tights her to win the title at 2:21.  Tara gives ODB the Widow’s Peak after the match, then puts the spider on her.

A limo pulls up and RIC FLAIR gets out!  He shakes hands with Beer Money, Eric Young, some refs, then goes into the bathroom.

Earlier today… Christy Hemme talks to fans.  Mick Foley shows up.  He’s been barred from the Impact Zone.  He promises to be on his best behavior, but security still won’t let him in.

Bobby and Kristal Lashley come to the ring.  Kristal babbles.  Everyone boos her.  She says Lashley wants his release from TNA, because they have better things to do.  They leave.

Velvet Sky leads a camera man into a Beautiful People poker game.  Is Lacey’s gimmick that she’s stupid?  Oh, so they’re all stupid.  And now they’re playing strip poker.

Scott Hall and Sean Waltman try to get into the building.  They choke the security guards.

Tenay and Taz babble about Twitter and Hogan.

Some shenanigans with Hogan’s limo.

Hall and Waltman come into the crowd and sit down.

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring.  He’s wearing all black and has nWo rip off music.  Hogan says he’s been in the back all day long, even though his limo supposedly just arrived.  This fucking show…  He says TNA will be the #1 company in the world.  Yeah, and I’m the next Pope.  Hall and Waltman jump the rail.  Security tries to stop them, but Hogan says let them through.  Hall runs through his catchphrases.  He wants to get the band back together and party.  Hogan says things aren’t like that anymore.  Waltman disagrees.  Hogan says things are totally different now.  They continue to bicker.  Nash comes out.  He tells Hall and Waltman to let Hogan play his role tonight.  Hogan says he’s here to change the company for the better.  The old goat probably really believes that, too.  Nash asks Hogan when he turned corporate.  Hogan again says that it’s a different time.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  Bischoff tells them everybody has to earn their spot in TNA.  Nash says “We hear ya loud and clear, talk to ya later.”  Nash, Hall, and Waltman leave.  Hogan and Bischoff talk more about everything changing.  Dixie Carter looks on approvingly from the crowd.  Bischoff asks for a format of the show.  He rips it up and gives So Cal Val a new one to hand to whoever.  Bischoff says they’re going to turn the company upside down.  I think they’ve got a good start on that.  Ugh, this fucking show.  Sting is in the rafters.

Moments ago… Sting was in the rafters.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Taylor Wilde & Sarita (c) vs. Awesome Kong & Hamada.  Sarita and Hamada lock up and do some awesome wrestling.  Tag to Wilde, who hits a swank diving arm drag.  Somebody laid out the Motor City Machine Guns in the back.  Kong falls on Sarita for a 2 count.  Wilde throws dropkicks at Kong.  Wilde and Sarita finally take her out of the ring with a double dropkick.  Wilde and Sarita to the outside with dives.  Insta-commercial.  The heels work over Wilde.  Wilde avoids the Awesome Bomb and hits a Codebreaker, then makes the lukewarm tag to Sarita.  Sarita ducks Kong’s clothesline, then eats Hamada’s foot.  They half ass double team Sarita.  Wilde with a rana to Hamada.  Sarita tries it on Kong, who sits on her.  Wilde saves.  Kong with the spinning back first to the leg.  Hamada sends Wilde into the post.  Kong gets Wilde up for the powerbomb.  Hamada comes off the top with a dropkick to add oomph to it.  Kong gets the pin on Sarita (5:47 shown).

The Beautiful People are still playing poker.  Val Venis comes in, but won’t let them say his name.  They finally agree to let him play.

Mick Foley is still trying to get into the building.  The Nasty Boys show up.  Security won’t let them in either.

Raven & Stevie Richards (w/ Daffney) vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Winners get a Tag title shot at Genesis, apparently.  The big dudes kick ass.  Morgan pins Stevie with the Carbon Footprint at 38 seconds.

Christy interviews D’Angelo Dinero.  He’ll face Desmond Wolfe tonight.  Orlando Jordan of all people interrupts.  He’s looking for Hogan, who invited him.  Orlando Jordan?  Seriously?

Desmond Wolfe vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Dinero shines, which is fine.  Wolfe starts kicking his ass, which rules.  I love the way he attacks his opponent’s arm.  Pope avoids him in the corner and hits a Vader Bomb-style elbow.  Wolfe attacks the arm again, then goes for the Tower of London.  Wolfe ducks an elbow and goes for a backslide, but Dinero gets him with an inside cradle for the pin at 2:38.  These two could have a good match if they had some time.

Jeff Jarrett is here!

Jeremy Borash finds that Rhino has been jumped.  Bubba the Love Sponge takes over the… interview?

Tenay and Taz talk about the “awesome” night.  Replays of Hogan’s interview from earlier.  The video freezes at Hogan on the entrance ramp for a long time.

Tenay and Taz talk.

JB interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles.  He’ll defend against Kurt Angle at Genesis.  Eric Bischoff interrupts.  Bischoff tells Styles that his title defense against Angle won’t be at Genesis, it will be tonight.  Video finally unfreezes.  AJ is excited.

Jeff Jarrett comes to the ring.  He talks about founding TNA and having the company last way longer than anyone thought it would.  He talks some more.  Hogan appears on the screen and tells Jarrett that he ran the company into the ground.  Hogan is now Dixie Carter’s partner.  He claims he’s going to give the young guys a shot.  I’ll believe that when I see it.  Hogan says Jarrett has no more stroke, and he has to lace up his boots and earn his spot just like everyone else.

Christy interviews Christopher Daniels, who seems to have found his first name.  JB interrupts.  He’s on the phone with Mick Foley.  Foley finally gets into the arena.  He has words for Hogan.

Jeff Hardy paints as Shannon Moore watches.  They’re going to meet with “the big man.”

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe.  Abyss was supposed to face Rhino tonight, but Rhino is napping on the job, so it’s now Abyss vs. Joe.  Joe kicks ass to start.  Abyss manages to drop Joe with a big boot.  Joe bails.  Abyss follows him out.  Joe swings a chair, but Abyss ducks and Joe clobbers the post.  Back into the ring.  Joe kicks ass some more.  Abyss fights back.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Joe comes off the middle rope with a kick for 2.  Joe hammers away at Abyss.  Abyss tries to Hulk up, so Joe kicks him down.  Joe comes off the middle rope, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Joe clobbers Abyss with a chair while the ref is distracted.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch for the win at 4:49.  It was fine, I guess.

Bischoff is talking to a producer.  Kristal Lashley tells him that Bobby Lashley wants his release.  Bischoff doesn’t care.  Kristal demands a meeting with Hogan.  Bischoff tells her to take a number and get in line, and to drop the attitude if she talks to Hogan.  Kristal threatens to tell her husband on Bischoff.  Bischoff still doesn’t care.

Bubba the Love Sponge finds that Beer Money has been jumped.

The Nasty Boys are still trying to get into the building.  Bubba distracts the security guard so they can slip into the building.

JB interviews Kurt Angle.  He says tonight, he’s taking his title back.

Hardy and Moore got the big envelopes they came for.  Three screaming girls run up to them.  Jeff gives them his painting.  He and Moore get into their car and leave.

The Nasty Boys invade Team 3D’s locker room.  3D are in Japan.  The security guard who wouldn’t let them in gives them donuts.  The Nastys beat the donut guy up, then trash 3D’s locker room.  I have a perverse desire to see 3D vs. The Nasty Boys.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  Earl Hebner is the referee, if you’re keeping score.  They start with great wrestling.  AJ leap frogs, ducks, and dropkicks.  Angle bails.  AJ teases a dive.  Angle avoids.  AJ kicks him and takes him out with a suicide dive.  Back into the ring.  A masked man attacks Styles.  Angle clotheslines the masked man out of the ring.  Angle helps AJ up and they continue wrestling.  Angle powerbombs Styles into the turnbuckle.  Insta-commercial.  They continue to be awesome.  They’re going all out tonight.  I’m glad somebody is.  Styles goes for the springboard forearm, but Angle catches him with a belly to belly.  More greatness.  AJ with a discus clothesline for 2.  Styles for the Styles Clash.  Angle catapults him into the turnbuckle and hits rolling Germans.  Angle counters the Pele into the ankle lock.  AJ rolls through into a cradle for 2.  Pele kick for 2.  More stuff.  Angle with the Angle Slam for 2.  Styles hits the springboard forearm, then goes up top.  Angle hits a suplex off the top for 2.  Angle goes for a frog splash.  AJ moves.  AJ hits the Styles Clash for 2.  Styles goes for a superplex.  Angle fights him off and hits a frog splash for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles turns it into a DDT for 2.  Angle counters out of the Styles Clash and locks in the ankle lock.  Styles fights out.  Angle with a sick release German for 2.  AJ with the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes up top again.  Angle fights him and hits the Angle Slam off the top and STYLES KICKS OUT.  Angle applies the ankle lock again.  Styles rolls through and sends Angle into the turnbuckle.  Styles lands an enzuigiri and the Styles Clash for the 1, 2, ANGLE KICKS OUT.  Styles goes for the Clash again.  Angle turns it into the ankle lock and grapevines it.  Ric Flair walks out and watches from the stage.  AJ escapes the ankle lock and hits a backdrop suplex.  AJ hits the springboard 450, and ANGLE KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Insta-commercial.  Angle has Styles in a triangle choke.  AJ goes for the Clash again.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Styles fights out again.  Flair randomly leaves.  AJ hits the Styles Clash.  Styles hits another springboard 450 for the victory (about 15 minutes shown).  Holy shit this match ruled.  Angle and Styles shake hands and hug after the match.  Hogan comes out to the stage and calls Styles and Angle the 2 greatest wrestlers alive today.  He continues to talk.  Somebody whispers in his ear that Mick Foley is in the back looking for him…

Mick Foley stomps around backstage.  He breaks into the Beautiful People/Val Venis poker game.  Val tells him where Hogan’s office is.  Foley finds Bischoff instead.  Bischoff tells Foley that he has no power, and he has to prove himself like everybody else.  Foley says he made peace with working for Dixie Carter, he could make peace with working for Hogan, but he would never work for Bischoff again.  Foley threatens to knock Bischoff’s teeth out.  Nash, Hall, and Waltman jump Foley.  Hogan looks on as the show ends.

Man, other than that one awesome match, this show sucked donkey dick.