Archive for Tamina

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/14/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Anaheim, California!  Tonight, we’ll find out who’s going to host WrestleMania XXVII!  Randy Orton vs. Sheamus!  John Morrison vs. R-Truth!  John Cena vs. CM Punk, there must be a winner!  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out and talks for a while about who might be the WrestleMania host, then makes fun of Michael Cole.  He starts to talk about The Nexus, but CM Punk comes out to interrupt.  They banter, and now it’s match time.

John Cena vs. CM Punk.  Cena wins the lock up and peppers Punk with body shots.  Cena charges the corner, but Punk avoids it and Cena hits the turnbuckles, then rolls out of the ring.  Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron.  Commercials.  Punk knees Cena in the face for 2.  Punk hits a snap suplex for 2.  Punk boots Cena and gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Punk applies a body scissors.  Cena fights out and goes for the STF, but Punk gets the ropes.  Punk puts a beating on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk counters and hits a dropkick for 2.  Punk applies a headscissors.  Cena escapes and hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Cena goes up top, but Punk drops him with a kick.  Punk hits the running knee.  Cena counters the bulldog, hit a drop toe hold, and goes for the STF.  Punk counters and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into a schoolboy for 2.  Punk drops Cena with a high kick for 2.  Punk goes for a cross body.  Cena catches him and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk fights it and ends up taking a bump out of the ring.  A Nexus member hands Punk a chair from under the ring.  Punk throws the chair in the ring and the referee turns to get rid of it.  The Nexus member hands Punk a wrench, with which he hits Cena in the face.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 10:37.  Pretty good match.

Cole explains that Jerry Lawler isn’t here because his mother passed away.  Our best to the King.

Who’s the host going to be?  Commercials!

Slam of the Week: Alberto Del Rio’s attack on Edge’s arm 2 weeks ago.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio cuts his usual promo about destiny.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts.  He talks for a bit, then kicks Del Rio’s ass.  He goes for the spear, but Ricardo distracts him and gets decked.  Edge bumps Del Rio off the apron into the barricade.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and screeches.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler as the new World Heavyweight Champion, presumably since Edge used the dreaded illegal running hug of doom on Smackdown.  She says Ziggler will be coronated on Smackdown.  This is fucking stupid.  She says he has proof that Edge took out Teddy Long, then cackles.  Again, this is fucking stupid.

Eve vs. Natalya is next.  Commercials.

Tonight, WrestleMania host.  Plus, The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  I’m so pissed at the stupidity in the last segment that I’m not even excited.

The Divas title match is a lumberjill match for some reason.  The Bella Twins, Tamina, Gail Kim, Maryse, Melina, and Alicia Fox are at ringside.

Lumberjill Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Eve Torres (c) vs. Natalya.  They lock up and do a bit of chain wrestling.  They both throw dropkicks, then slap hands and do some more stuff.  Natalya rocks a surfboard.  Eve manages to turn it into a cradle for 2.  Natalya grabs a headlock.  Eve hits a flip splash for 2.  Natalya hits a discus lariat.  Eve throws Natalya out of the ring.  The Bellas attack her.  Fight breaks out with all the women at ringside.  Eve hits a cross body into a pile of them.  Maryse looks hurt.  Cole is laughing.  Back inside, Eve and Natalya conk heads.  Natalya goes for a la magistral, but Eve counters and gets the pin in 3:37.  They tried, but this sucked.  They shake hands.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Rev Theory is in the front row.

The Bella Twins talk shit to Eve backstage, the jump her.  Gail Kim and Natalya make the save.  Referees try to break it up.

Chaperone trailer.  Ugh.

Mark Henry comes out.  Sheamus jumps him in the aisle and drops him with the brogue kick.  Sheamus says that’s a message for the “fellas” in the Elimination Chamber.  Henry makes it up and Sheamus gives him another brogue kick.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way.  Miz shoves down some geek backstage.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Miz & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Jerry Lawler & Daniel Bryan from last week.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Riley joins Cole and Matthews for commentary.  They lock up.  Miz gets the obligatory headlock and shoulder block, then talks shit.  They lock up again.  Bryan hits some arm drags and the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Miz boots Bryan in the face and puts the boots to him.  Miz applies a camel clutch.  Bryan fights out and locks in a rear naked choke.  Miz gets the ropes.  Bryan kicks the crap out of him.  Miz hits an elbow smash for 2.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  They trade punches.  Cole ridiculously compares Miz to the Crusher.  Bryan gets rolling.  A dropkick to the corner gets 2.  Bryan back body drops Miz to the floor and goes for a dive.  Miz avoids it.  Bryan hits a flying knee off the apron.  Back inside, Bryan goes up top and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz is in the ropes.  Miz connects with a knee lift and a neckbreaker on the apron!  Commercials.  Miz goes for a superplex, but Bryan counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb for 2.  Bryan lands some vicious kicks.  Miz gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz gets an inside cradle for 2.  Miz hits the backbreaker and goes for the neckbreaker, but Bryan counters into a German suplex.  Bryan lands a head kick for 2.  Miz counters the LeBell Lock and eats an elbow.  Bryan goes for something, but Miz faceplants him.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 11:57.  Awesome match.  My mood has improved.  Miz cuts a promo after the match.

Who will host Mania?!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty of the New Nexus (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  This was supposed to be Morrison vs. Truth, but iBooker changed it.  Truth jumps around with McGillicutty.  Ryan trips Truth.  McGillicutty sends Truth outside.  Ryan gets in his cheap shot.  McGillicutty rams Truth’s back into the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Otunga tags in and keeps the heat going on Truth.  Otunga hits a suplex for 2, then applies a rear chin lock.  Truth hits a backdrop suplex and makes the hot tag.  Morrison runs wild and stomps the shit out of Otunga and McGillicutty, then kicks Mason Ryan and hip tosses Truth out of the ring onto him.  Morrison hits McGillicutty with the running knee strike for the pin in 4:16.  There ya go.  Morrison and Truth brawl with Ryan after the match and send him out of the ring.

Plug for Chris Jericho’s new book, which I just started reading.

Anaheim!

Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces Ariel Winter, who plays Triple H’s daughter in that shitty movie.  She screeches for a while.  Great Khali and Ranjin Singh come out for the stupid Kiss Cam.  The cam is going backstage too.  Fans kiss.  Santino Marella and Tamina kiss.  Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler kiss.  More fans kiss.  Maryse refuses to kiss Ted Dibiase Jr. and kisses Yoshi Tatsu instead.  William Regal kisses Zack Ryder on the cheek.  More fans.  Hornswoggle sneaks in the ring and gives Ariel a box of chocolates.  She kisses him on the cheek.  Hornswoggle celebrates.

Who’s going to host Mania?

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

2/21/11!  Hey, that’s next week!  Something’s gonna happen!

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They start with a very aggressive lock up, then brawl for a while.  Sheamus gets the advantage and puts a beating on Orton.  Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder.  Orton fights back and gets rolling with clotheslines and a powerslam.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Sheamus hits a superplex.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin in 5:04.  Well that was abrupt.  The New Nexus jump Orton.  John Morrison, R-Truth, and John Cena make the save.  Orton RKOs Otunga and McGillicutty.  Orton and Cena clothesline Ryan out of the ring.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Orton, but fails.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Punk.

A limo arrives.  A woman gets out.  The Mania host will be revealed next!

The host of WrestleMania XXVII is… they do a really big, dramatic build up with the lights going out and shit.  IT’S THE ROCK!  Finally, The Rock has come back to Anaheim!  To Monday Night Raw!  Home!  He lists off his various nicknames.  He says he’s back for the fans and he’s never going away again.  He makes jokes about Justin Bieber.  He talks a little shit about The Miz.  The iBooker dings in.  Rock tells Cole to sit down and STFU just like old times.  Rock plugs his Facebook page and threatens to stick the iBooker laptop up Cole’s candy ass.  Rock talks A LOT of shit about John Cena, having taken offense to comments Cena made about Rock in the past.  He says “ass” a lot, so apparently he didn’t get the PG memo.  He finishes with the “If ya smell what The Rock is cookin’.”  Rock poses while his music plays as the show closes.

Some parts of this show really sucked, and some were really good.  I’m still pissed about the retarded way Ziggler got the title, but the Miz/Bryan match and the Rock stuff were pretty great.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/7/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our announcers LIVE from Milwaukee.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Vince McMahon comes out to the stage.  He congratulates Wisconsin on their SuperBowl win, then talks about WrestleMania.  He says that next week, the guest host of WrestleMania will be introduced.

Randy Orton comes out.  They show him punting Husky Harris in the head last week.  He tells CM Punk that they’re not done yet.  Punk comes out to retort.  He shows the Legacy attack and Orton head punt that cost Punk the World Heavyweight Championship at Unforgiven 2008.  Holy shit!  2 1/2 years of continuity in a WWE storyline!  Punk has a better memory than the WWE writers.  Punk and the rest of the remaining New Nexus head to the ring.  David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Mason Ryan jump Orton.  Orton fights back, but is overcome by numbers.  Punk gets a bloody nose in the process.  Orton kicks Punk in the face despite behind held back.  They eventually beat him down.  Punk delivers the Go 2 Sleep.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

During the break, Cole got an email from the iBooker announcing a series of matches between the New Nexus and Elimination Chamber participants, ending in Punk vs. Cena.

Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth.  Truth gets booed for greeting Green Bay when they’re in Milwaukee.  Cole throws a fit.  Crowd chants “MILWAUKEE!”  Idiot Cole leads the chant.  Ryan throws Truth around.  Truth injures his knee.  Ryan attacks it, slamming Truth and causing his knee to hit the ropes.  Ryan keeps the heat going.  Ryan applies a modified stretch muffler thing for the submission win in 2:27.  It was there.  Ryan attacks Truth’s knee again after the match.  The crowd is still chanting “MILWAUKEE!”  The referee reverses the decision, so Truth wins by DQ.  Ryan doesn’t care.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Also, something with The Miz and Lawler.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Backstage, CM Punk pretends to be mad at Mason Ryan, but then tells him “well done.”  He tells McGillicutty and Otunga to injure their opponents tonight too.  Otunga is scared because he has to face Sheamus.

Natalya has joined Cole and Lawler at the table.  She’s getting her rematch against Eve next week.

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, & Tamina vs. Melina & The Bella Twins.  Bellas beat up Gail.  Melina tags in and takes her turn.  Gail clotheslines Melina and makes the tag to Eve.  Eve runs wild on Melina and hits a standing moonsault.  Bellas save.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Eve hits a sweet neckbreaker drop on Melina for the pin in 2:23.  There ya go.  Tamina wasn’t trusted to do anything after that awful match on Superstars last week.

2/21/11!  Commercials!

Milwaukee!

Some Packers player celebrated his SuperBowl win with a WWE replica belt.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

John Morrison is in action NEXT!  Commercials.

John Morrison vs. Michael McGillicutty.  Morrison lands some punches.  McGillicutty drops him with an enzui lariat and beats on him.  McGillicutty pulls Morrison’s shoulder into the post, then beats on it.  McGillicutty dropkicks the steps like a fucking idiot.  There was no way he was going to hit Morrison with that.  Morrison makes his comeback.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 2:31.  This was nothing.  The dropkick to the steps spot was fucking stupid.  CM Punk appears on the stage, sprays something into Morrison’s eyes, and kicks him in the head.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Jerry Lawler won the Raw Rumble!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  They show Punk’s attack on Morrison again.  Miz cuts a promo.  He invites Lawler into the ring and tells Riley to get out of the ring.  They banter.  Miz says he patterned his career after Lawler’s.  Lawler makes fun of Miz’s haircut.  He says he didn’t pattern his career after anyone, he’s an original.  Miz says Lawler is a cheapshot artist.  They show Lawler decking Ted Dibiase Jr. last week.  Miz calls it a sucker punch.  Lawler calls Miz a sucker.  Lawler says he’ll finally become WWE Champion and get his chance to compete at WrestleMania.  Lawler gets the crowd to chant “awful” at Miz.  Miz goes for a cheap shot, but Lawler decks him.  Riley tries to jump Lawler.  Lawler decks him too, then throws him out of the ring and decks Miz again.  Lawler pounds and stomps on Miz.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and jumps Lawler.  DANIEL BRYAN makes the save!  iBooker dings in and makes a tag match!

WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler & WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Riley joins Cole on commentary.  Dibiase beats up Bryan.  Bryan catches him with a knee lift and kicks the crap out of him.  Cover gets 2.  Bryan hits a running dropkick for 2.  Lawler tags in and beats up Dibiase.  Miz tags in.  Lawler hip tosses and slams him.  Miz begs off, then throws Lawler out of the ring.  Commercials.  Miz has Lawler in a rear chin lock.  Lawler escapes.  Maryse has appeared at ringside.  Bryan tags in and looks awesome against Miz.  Bryan goes up top, but Dibiase crotches him.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Dibiase tags in and beats up Bryan.  Miz tags in and charges into a dropkick from Bryan.  Lawler and Dibiase tag in.  Lawler runs wild and hits a DDT for 2, as Miz saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Bryan takes out Miz with a missile dropkick and a tope suicida.  Lawler avoids Dibiase in the corner and Dibiase charges into the post.  Lawler hits the diving fist drop for the pin in 9:06.  Fun match.

Tonight, Punk vs. Cena!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Lawler and Cole bicker at the table.

King Sheamus comes out for his match.  Josh Matthews comes out and tells him that Mark Henry was talking shit about him, saying he doesn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber.  Sheamus talks shit about Henry in return.  David Otunga comes out for the match.  Mark Henry comes out and brawls with Sheamus.  Otunga tries to sneak in and gets decked by Sheamus.  Henry avoids the brogue kick and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Twice.  Otunga stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.  New Nexus watches this on TV, pleased.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.  He’ll be in action NEXT!  Commercials.

Alberto Del Rio cuts a promo on Santino Marella, who was, believe it or not, the runner up in the Royal Rumble Match.  Santino hits the ring fighting and throws Del Rio over the top rope 8 days too late.

Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella.  Marella throws Del Rio out of the ring again.  Back inside, Del Rio gets the jump on him and throws his shoulder into the post.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio works Santino’s arm.  Santino ducks an enzuigiri and makes his comeback.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  Del Rio ducks and hits a Codebreaker to the arm.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special for the win in 2:58.  Fun times.

Recap of the New Nexus fucking people up tonight.

John Cena is headed our way!  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Hype for this week’s Smackdown, with Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler for the World title with Vickie Guerrero as the referee.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out.  Vickie screeches at me for a while.  John Cena thankfully interrupts.  I don’t care about what he says either, but at least it’s not Vickie talking.  There are some football references.  Vickie and Dolph leave.  Cena cuts a promo about the New Nexus.  He promises to kick their elimination chambers.  Funny.  Commercials.

2/21/11!

John Cena vs. CM Punk.  They lock up.  Punk beats on Cena.  Punk actually throws a Mongolian chop, which makes me smile.  Cena avoids the running knee to the corner and fights back.  Cena hits a bulldog.  Punk lands some kicks and sends Cena outside.  Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron.  Back inside, Punk hits the running knee and the bulldog headlock.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters and punches Punk a bunch.  Cena blatantly punches Punk in the balls and gets DQ’d in 4:52.  New Nexus hit the ring.  Jerry Lawler hands Cena a chair.  Cena cleans house and stands tall as the show ends.

Fun show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 2/4/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are TAPED from Long Island.  Tonight, Royal Rumble Winner Alberto Del Rio will be IN THE HOUSE!  There’s a WrestleMania pinata above the ring.

Booker T comes out.  Ring announcer Tony Chimel introduces him as the newest member of the Smackdown announce team.  Booker goes into the ring for a Spinaroonie, then joins Michael Cole and Josh Matthews at the commentary table.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out.  Vickie screeches horrible sounds.  There’s a stupid mixed tag match for the World title tonight.  Vickie screechingly insists that Kelly Kelly come out, so she does.  Vickie is mad because Kelly circumventing Vickie’s interference at the Rumble kept them from fucking Edge out of the title.  Kelly bitches at Vickie for going through her purse or some shit.  They argue.  Ziggler talks shit to Kelly and tells her to leave.  Kelly slaps him, then shoves Vickie.  LayCool hit the ring and bully Kelly.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge runs them off and decks Ziggler.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tonight, Edge & Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool for the World Heavyweight Championship.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out for a tag match.  They show the aftermath of their tag match on Raw, where Randy Orton RKO’d Michael McGillicutty and punted Husky Harris to death while the rest of the New Nexus looked on.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina) vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Corre.  Kozlov schools Gabriel to start.  Slater tags in and gets hammered as well.  Santino tags in and schools Slater some more.  Slater counters a reverse cradle and punches Santino in the face.  Cover gets 0.  Slater pounds on Santino.  Kozlov tags in and smashes Slater.  Kozlov hits a powerslam.  Gabriel slaves and throws Santino out of the ring.  Kozlov takes out Gabriel.  Slater takes out Kozlov’s leg, then hits Kozlov with a reverse DDT.  Gabriel tags in and hits the 450 splash for the pin in 3:06.  It was fine.

There’s still the pinata.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre.  They lock up.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  McIntyre punches Kofi in the face and gets a cradle for 2.  McIntyre stomps Kofi in the face.  McIntyre hits a slam for 2.  Kofi jumps around a bunch and hits an elbow smash for 1.  Kofi works McIntyre’s arm.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick.  McIntyre avoids the diving cross body.  Kofi clotheslines McIntyre to the floor and follows him out.  McIntyre sends Kofi into the steps.  Insta-commercials.  McIntyre hits an elbow smash for 2.  McIntyre applies a grounded abdominal stretch.  McIntyre hits a gut buster for 2.  McIntyre kicks Kofi in the injured ribs for 2.  McIntyre hits a dropkick for 2.  Kofi awesomely ducks a short lariat and hits a DDT for 2.  Kofi lands some strikes and stomps McIntyre in the corner.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  McIntyre avoids it and tries to bail.  Ricardo Rodriguez appears on the Tron and introduces Alberto Del Rio, who just smiles and winks.  This distracts Kofi.  McIntyre kicks his leg and hits the Future Shock for the pin (9:30 shown).  Good little match.

Tonight, a stupid mixed tag match for the World Championship!  Vince Russo would be proud.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Jack Swagger.  Mysterio kicks Swagger’s legs and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Mysterio low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Mysterio kicks Swagger in the face and tries to go up top.  Swagger catches him and twice a wheelbarrow thing, but Mysterio turns it into a bulldog for 2.  Mysterio gets a cross body for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Swagger bails.  Mysterio goes for an Asai moonsault, but Swagger trips him in the ropes and works on his ankle.  Swagger rams Mysterio’s ankle into the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Outside again, Swagger rams Mysterio into the announce table.  Back inside, Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger goes back to the leg work.  Mysterio kicks at his legs.  Swagger pounds on his face.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio avoids a Vader Bomb and hits a jumping tornado DDT for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Swagger catches his legs and locks in the ankle lock.  Mysterio counters out and sends Swagger into the corner.  Mysterio kicks Swagger in the face and bridges back for the pin (7:35 shown).  Fine match.

They show Alberto Del Rio’s attack on Edge from Raw.

The WrestleMania pinata is TONIGHT!

Edge and Kelly Kelly chat backstage.  Edge thinks Kelly is going to cost him the title.  That pisses her off.

Elimination Chamber hype.

Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendez come out and throw stuff to the crowd.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.  I’ve been learning Spanish and I actually understand some of what he says.  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He tells Hornswoggle the pinata is for him.  They blindfold him, give him a stick, and spin him around.  Hornswoggle accidentally hits Del Rio in the balls with the stick.  Del Rio boots Hornswoggle in the face.  He pounds on Hornswoggle.  Kofi Kingston makes the save and clotheslines Del Rio out of the ring.  Del Rio sneaks back in and attacks Kofi, canes him, and locks in the cross armbreaker.  Referees come out to break it up.

Tonight, stupid mixed tag match for the title!

Booker T announces that he’ll be a coach on the new Tough Enough.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Kane.  Chavo tries.  He manages to drop toe hold Kane into the top turnbuckle.  He goes up top.  Kane tries to chokeslam him off the top rope.  Chavo drops down and pulls Kane’s arm over the top rope.  Chavo hits the frog splash, but Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam for the pin in 1:03.  Chavo lasted longer than I expected.  Kane joins Mysterio, McIntyre, Ziggler, and Edge in the Chamber.  There’s one more qualifying match!

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Ezekiel Jackson, Justin Gabriel, & Heath Slater).  Barrett hides in the ropes.  Show kicks his ass anyway.  Barrett tries to take out Show’s leg.  Show whips Barrett into the ref.  Corre interferes.  Jackson clotheslines Show to death.  Barrett covers for 2.  Barrett hits a DDT for the pin in 1:57.  Wow, wasn’t expecting that one.  Show attacks the Corre after the match, but is overcome by numbers.  Jackson slams Show again.  He takes the mic and says some weird psuedo-Biblical stuff.

Title match is NEXT!

Entrances and introductions for the main event.  Vickie decrees that Edge will be stripped of the title if he uses the spear “in any form.”

Handicap Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Edge (c) & Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool, & Layla (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Ziggler beats up Edge.  Edge beats up Ziggler.  He wants to go for the spear, but realizes he can’t.  Ziggler bails and eats a baseball slide dropkick.  McCool and Kelly tag in.  Insta-commercials.  McCool beats up Kelly.  Kelly beats up McCool and rams her face into the floor on the outside.  She drops Layla too.  McCool gets Kelly into a powerbomb position and spins her head into the barricade.  LayCool work over Kelly.  Kelly rallies and hits a facebuster on Layla.  Edge gets the tag, but Ziggler distracts the referee to prevent him from seeing it.  Edge kicks Ziggler’s ass.  McCool accidentally kicks Layla in the head.  Kelly knocks McCool out of the ring, then spears Layla for the pin (6:51 shown).  I kind of liked the finish.  Vickie gets in the ring and fires Kelly.  Kelly cries.  Vickie tells Edge he’ll defend the title against Ziggler again next week, with Vickie as the referee.  Ziggler hits Edge with the Zig Zag.

Fun show.

WWE Superstars 2/3/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2011 by Grappleholic

Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are the first announcers.  Tonight, JTG & Trent Barreta take on Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins!  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.

Zack Ryder and Primo come out and cut a promo about being undefeated as a tag team.

Zack Ryder & Primo vs. David Hart Smith & Yoshi Tatsu.  Primo and Yoshi start with pro wrestling goodness.  Yoshi hits an arm drag and lands some chops.  Smith tags in and hits a powerslam for 2.  Primo boots Smith in the face and tags in Ryder.  Ryder and Smith do a nice wrestling exchange.  Primo and Yoshi tag in and go at it again with a chop exchange.  Yoshi knocks Ryder off the apron with a big chop.  Primo suplexes Yoshi out of the ring.  Ryder drops him.  Smith checks on  Yoshi.  Insta-commercials.  Heels get the heat on Yoshi for a while.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Stall jackhammer on Ryder.  Primo saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Yoshi takes out Primo with a dive.  Yoshi tags in and runs wild on Ryder.  Yoshi drops Ryder with a high kick for the pin (8:31 shown).  Good little match.

Chaperone trailer.  Ugh.

WWE.com plug.

Melina vs. Tamina.  Melina begs off, then bails.  The cheap shots Tamina and hides in the ropes.  Tamina grabs her legs and catapults her.  Melina completely misses the corner.  Tamina beats up Melina some more.  Melina claims that she broke her nose, but she’s playing possum.  She beats up Tamina.  Melina applies a weird Dragon sleeper/abdominal stretch thing.  Tamina escapes and hits a backbreaker.  Tamina makes her comeback.  Melina pulls Tamina’s head across the top rope.  Cover gets 2.  Melina hits the Sunset Split for the pin in 4:56.  Meh.

Tonight, JTG & Barreta vs. Reks & Hawkins!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are now the announcers.

Raw Rebound.

Tony Chimel is now the ring announcer.

The main event is NEXT!

JTG & Trent Barreta vs. Curt Hawkins & Tyler Reks.  Hawkins and Barreta lock up and renew their rivalry.  Reks and JTG tag in.  Reks slams JTG around.  Hawkins tags in.  JTG boots him in the face for 2.  Hawkins knocks JTG off the apron to the floor.  Insta-commercials.  Heels get the heat on JTG for a while.  JTG weathers the storm, flapjacks Hawkins, and makes the hot tag to Barreta.  Barreta runs wild.  Hawkins cuts him off and hits a backdrop flapjack type thing for 2.  Hawkins knocks JTG off the apron and goes up top.  Barreta crotches him.  JTG takes out Reks at ringside.  Hawkins pushes Barreta off the top rope and hits the diving elbow drop for the pin (10:18 shown).  Fine little match.  Reks jumps Hawkins and gives him the modified Burning Hammer.  How dastardly!

Okay show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/31/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Tonight, Edge vs. Miz again!  This time, there MUST be a winner.  Justin Robers is the ring announcer.

Ricardo Rodriguez brings out a mariachi band.  He introduces the WINNER of the 2011 Royal Rumble, Alberto Del Rio!  There’s a big celebration in the ring.  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He teases that he’ll announce which champion he’s going to challenge at WrestleMania.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  He congratulates Del Rio on his victory.  He tries to manipulate Del Rio into facing Edge at WrestleMania instead of him by telling him Edge was talking shit about him like this is 10th grade.  Del Rio isn’t buying it.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and tells Del Rio how he doesn’t like him.  Del Rio says he’s coming for the World title at Mania.  Edge decks him.  Miz, Riley, and the mariachis leave.  Del Rio decks Edge and gives him the ol’ el kabong with a guitar.  Del Rio locks Edge in a cross armbreaker.  Del Rio poses with the belt.  Good segment.

Up next, Santino & Kozlov against McGillicutty & Harris for the Tag titles!  Commercials.

Providence!

Moments ago, ^^^ happened!

The iBooker dings in.  Cole announces a 7-man Raw Rumble for a WWE title shot at Elimination Chamber, with the six losers being the competitors in the Raw Elimination Chamber Match.  The participants are Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and John Cena.

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (c) (w/ Tamina) vs. Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris of The New Nexus.  2011 Royal Rumble runner-up Santino locks up with McGillicutty.  McGillicutty beats down Santino in the corner.  Santino avoids a charge in the corner and tags in Kozlov.  Kozlov beats up McGillicutty.  McGillcutty cuts him off and tags in Harris.  Kozlov takes him down and tags in Santino.  Harris cuts Santino off and attacks him with his large body.  Nexus get the heat on Santino.  McGillicutty throws Santino out of the ring.  Commercials.  Nexus continue working over Santino.  Kozlov headbutts McGillicutty from the apron.  Santino hits an arm drag.  Harris and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov runs wild.  Santino tags back in, disposes of McGillicutty, and hits Harris with the Cobra for the pin in 8:10.  Well, there ya go.

Randy Orton comes out and drops both Nexus members with RKOs, then warms up to give Harris the PUNT OF DOOM.  CM Punk, David Otunga, and Mason Ryan come out.  Punk tells Orton not to do it, promising repercussions.  Orton does it anyway.  The rest of Nexus rush the ring.  Orton escapes through the crowd.  Commercials.

Moments ago, Randy Orton killed Husky Harris!

Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out.  Dibiase asks Lawler to give him his spot in the Raw Rumble.  Cole says Lawler won’t do it because he’s selfish.  Lawler says he’s never competed at WrestleMania, and his road to WrestleMania starts tonight.  He says he would already be WWE Champion of Cole hadn’t screwed things up.  Dibiase cheap shots Lawler.  Lawler goes to kick Dibiase’s ass, but he hides behind Maryse.  Maryse is like “WTF?” and slaps him.  Maryse leaves.  Lawler decks Dibiase.  I can’t wait for him to deck Cole too.

Tonight, Edge vs. Miz!  Plus a Raw Rumble Match!  Commercials.

2/21/11.  Something is going to happen.

The Bella Twins have joined Cole and Lawler for commentary.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Tyson Kidd.  No entrances.  They lock up and do some awesome chain wrestling.  After some pimp chain wrestling, Bryan kicks the crap out of Kidd.  Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter.  Bryan counters and locks in the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:49.  Good while it lasted.  Bryan and Gail hug.  The Bellas get in the ring and start shit.  A CAT FIGHT erupts.  Bryan and referees break it up.

Miz vs. Edge is NEXT!  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Miz eliminating John Cena from last night’s Royal Rumble.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge.  No entrances, but we get in-ring intros.  They lock up, break, lock up again.  Edge puts the boots to Miz in the corner.  Riley pulls Miz out of the ring.  Miz pulls Edge’s injured arm across the top rope, then sends his injured shoulder into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz goes to work on Edge’s arm.  Miz hits an arm stunner for 2.  Riley gets in a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Miz keeps the arm torture going.  Edge rallies and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Miz hits an armbreaker for 2.  Edge rallies and hits his face plant thing for 2 while Lawler and Cole talk about Toby Keith songs.  Edge hits an O’Connor Roll out of the corner for 2.  Miz drops Edge for a 2 count of his own.  Miz goes up top.  Edge catches him with a boot and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes for the spear.  Miz side steps it and sends Edge into corner.  John Cena appears in the crowd to taunt Miz.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 8:53.  Fine little match.  Cole goes to check on his lover, Miz.

Tonight, Raw Rumble Match!  Commercials!

Lawler and Cole announce that Stone Cold Steve Austin will host the new Tough Enough.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to be obnoxious.  She says that Edge will defend the World title on Smackdown in a way that it has never been defended before.  Uh oh, she’s getting booking ideas from Vince Russo.

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Natalya vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  They show LayCool bitching at each other backstage before making up.  Natalya and McCool do some ground wrestling.  Natalya hits a back body drop.  Layla tags in and cowers from Natalya.  Natalya tries to do a Dominator or something.  Layla escapes and hugs McCool for dear life.  Natalya hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Eve tags in and kicks Layla a bunch, then hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Eve goes for a superplex.  McCool kicks her in the face.  Layla hits a DIAMOND DUST~! for the pin in 2:42.  I like this match just for the finish.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.

Great Khali & Mark Henry (w/ Ranjin Singh) come out for a tag match against the Usos.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the Usos don’t have a chance, so he makes it a dance off.  Fucking UGH.  They dance.  It’s fucking stupid.  The Usos jump the huge guys, which is also fucking stupid.  They get tree slammed and World’s Strongest Slammed.  Fucking ugh.  Did the writers say “Hey, we don’t have anything REALLY STUPID on the this show!  We better correct that!”

Earlier tonight, Randy Orton killed Husky Harris.

Raw Rumble tonight.  Commercials.

2/21/11!  Something’s gonna go down!  I’m sure it’s gonna be a happening.

Trailer for Triple H’s shitty looking new movie.

Justin Roberts explains the Raw Rumble stipulations.  #1 is John Morrison, who had an awesome moment in the Royal Rumble Match last night.  #2 is King Sheamus.  Commercials.

This Friday on Smackdown, Edge & Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool for the World Heavyweight Championship.  Seriously.

Raw Rumble Match: Morrison and Sheamus go at it.  Morrison hits some arm drags and cranks on Sheamus’ arm.  Morrison lands corner punches.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker.  #3 is John Cena.  Cena and Sheamus tear into each other.  Cena runs wild.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Morrison, but Morrison lands on his feet and drops Cena with an enzuigiri.  Everybody brawls for a bit.  #4 is CM Punk.  He runs wild on everyone.  Sheamus tries to dump Cena while Morrison and Punk try to eliminate each other.  Everyone fails.  #5 is R-Truth, who gets his moment to shine.  Truth throws Morrison, but Morrison skins the cat back in and flips Truth into a similar predicament.  Both save themselves from being eliminated.  Punk spikes Cena with a DDT.  Sheamus tries to eliminate Truth.  #6 is Jerry “The King” Lawler!  Lawer runs wild and punches the shit out of everyone!  Crowd chants “JERRY!”  Sheamus stops Lawler from eliminating Punk.  Sheamus tries to dump Lawler.  Punk bails under the bottom rope and hides under the ring because #7 is Randy Orton.  Orton looks drags Punk out from under the ring and kicks his ass.  They make it into the ring and Orton runs wild.  Orton eliminates Punk!  Truth eliminates Orton!  Commercials!  The five remaining guys brawl.  Cena makes his comeback on Sheamus.  He gets Morrison and Truth on his back and tries to eliminate them.  Truth goes out, but Morrison hangs on and guillotines Cena to the apron.  Cena and Morrison brawl on the apron.  Sheamus comes at them and they low bridge him to the apron.  Sheamus and Cena make it back into the ring.  Sheamus drops Lawler.  Sheamus and Morrison try to suplex each other.  Morrison almost gets eliminated, but hangs on by his feet.  Morrison slides back in and tries to eliminate Sheamus again.  Sheamus hits the slingshot shoulder block.  Cena locks Sheamus in the STF.  Sheamus taps a bunch, but it’s a Rumble.  Morrison hits them with the Starship Pain.  Lawler dumps Morrison, but Morrison keeps his feet on the apron again.  Dude is a Rumble Ninja.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck on Cena.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Sheamus catches him and puts him in the apron again.  Sheamus finally eliminates Morrison with the brogue kick.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Sheamus.  Lawler dropkicks Cena and tries to eliminate him.  Sheamus breaks it up and hammers Cena on the apron.  Sheamus throws Lawler into Cena, which knocks Cena to the floor.  Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Cena low bridges Sheamus out of the ring just to be a dick.  Lawler wins in 18:18.  Fun match.  Lawler gets a title shot an Elimination Chamber!

Fun show aside from the stupid bullshit dance thing.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/24/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our announcers LIVE from Detroit!  Tonight, Edge vs. Miz in a champion vs. champion match!  Natalya vs. Melina for the Divas Championship!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and talks about how he hates waiting for things.  He wants his match with Miz NOW.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the match won’t happen until later, but the computer is still pissed off at Edge, so he’s going to put Edge in some kind of thing where whoever throws Edge over the top rope gets the #40 spot in the Royal Rumble.

Over The Top Rope Challenge: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Jack Swagger vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Tyson Kidd.  Edge spears Swagger immediately.  Kidd drops Edge with a head kick.  Edge powerslams him and tosses him out.  McIntyre drops Edge with a boot and tries to eliminate him.  Swagger saves.  Edge tosses Swagger.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock, but Edge tosses him to win it in 1:08.  This was pretty dumb and pointless.

Edge teases that he’ll beat up the laptop again.  Cole tries to protect it.  The New Nexus come out to the ring.  Punk cuts a promo about how his strength will allow him to win the Royal Rumble.  He introduces his new big guy as Mason Ryan.  Ryan says “faith.”  Punk rambles on this note for a while.  He says Nexus will make sure he wins the Rumble.  The Corre (who Punk called “that poor man’s Nexus”) come out to the ring and face off with Nexus.  Barrett says the New Nexus is the poor man’s Nexus.  Jackson says The Corre will make sure to eliminate Punk at the Rumble.  Jackson and Ryan face off.  iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces Barrett vs. Punk tonight, with the loser and his team being out of the Rumble match and John Cena as the guest referee.  Commercials!

Slam of the Week: Mark Henry throwing Sheamus over the top rope last week, then Alberto Del Rio cutting his usual promo.

John Morrison & Mark Henry vs. Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio is introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez.  Del Rio and Morrison lock up.  Del Rio stomps down Morrison in the corner.  Sheamus tags in and brawls with his rival, Morrison.  Morrison hits a headscissors and a dropkick for 2.  Sheamus lands a kick to the gut and tags Del Rio in.  Morrison connects with a shoulder block and a kick, then hits a side Russian leg sweep.  Moirrison goes for Starship Pain, but Sheamus pulls Del Rio to safety.  Commercials.  Del Rio has Morrison in a chin lock, since the heels used heel chicanery to get the advantage during the break.  Morrison plays face in peril.  Michael Tarver is watching on TV backstage.  Sheamus puts a vicious meeting on Morrison and goes for the brogue kick.  Morrison ducks it and lands an enzuigiri.  Del Rio and Henry tag in.  Henry runs wild.  Sheamus breaks Henry’s cover on Del Rio.  Henry breaks Sheamus’ head.  Sheamus drops Henry with the brogue kick.  Morrison drops Sheamus with the Flying Chuck, then hits a dive to the outside.  Del Rio gets Henry in the Minoru Special for the win in 10:05.  Good little match.

Tonight, Barrett vs. Punk!  Next, Natalya vs. Melina!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Natalya (c) vs. Melina.  They lock up.  There is screaming.  Melina tackles Natalya through the ropes and to the floor.  Back inside, Melina works Natalya’s hair.  Ugh.  Cover gets 2.  Melina applies a weird arm scissors hold.  Natalya stands up and rams Melina into the corner.  Melina kicks Natalya in the head.  Natalya hits a botched hip toss and a throw.  Melina lands a clothesline.  Melina goes for a leg drop through the legs.  Natalya catches her leg and turns it into a Sharpshooter.  Natalya bridges all the way back and gets the submission in 2:44.  I like the finish.  Reminded me of Bret/Perfect from SummerSlam ’91.  Michelle McCool and Layla come out.  Fucking ugh.  They’re fucking obnoxious.  They say they’re getting a title shot at the Rumble.  Ugh.

Tonight, Edge vs. Miz.  Commercials.

Detroit!

Highlights of Punk vs. Cena from last week.

CM Punk lectures The New Nexus about sacrifice, because they’re supposed to sacrifice their chances to win the Rumble for him.  They have questions, but Punk is unconcerned.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley interrupt.  Stupid comedy ensues, then Cena tries to get serious, then makes another lame joke.  Cena and Matthews leave.  Miz is mad that everyone thinks he’s going to lose at the Rumble.  They show the video of Miz and Riley beating down Randy Orton last week.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge.  Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero come out to do commentary.  Ugh.  Edge avoids some kicks from Miz and beats him up.  They do a little wrestling.  Edge clotheslines Miz out of the ring.  Commercials.  Miz connects with a knee lift and targets Edge’s injured ribs.  Cover gets 2.  Edge rallies and connects with a neckbreaker.  I hate matches that focus on the fucking announcers.  Edge goes for the spear, but Miz bails.  Edge follows and they brawl outside.  Edge reverses Miz’s Irish whip into the barricade.  Back inside, Edge goes up top.  Miz cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge beats up Miz.  Miz avoids Edge in the corner, then front suplexes him into the ropes.  Commercials.  Miz beats up Edge and continues working on his ribs.  Edge hits a flapjack and makes his comeback.  Edge hits his wonky face plant move for 2.  Edge avoids the running clothesline the corner and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Riley bothers Edge, so Edge goes after him.  Miz gets a distracted Edge with an inside cradle for 2.  Edge ducks a clothesline and hits a baseball slide dropkick on Riley.  Edge gives Miz the Edgecution and goes for the spear.  Ziggler trips Edge to cause the DQ in 16:39, then hits the Zig Zag.  Randy Orton runs in to make the save.  He drops Riley and Ziggler, then kicks Miz’s ass.  Orton drops Riley and Ziggler with RKOs.  Miz takes out Orton’s knee with Riley’s briefcase, then runs away.  The match was okay.

Tonight, Barrett vs. Punk!  Commercials.

Josh Matthews interviews Wade Barrett.  The rest of the Corre comes in.  Barrett says they’re all equals.  He again professes their innocence regarding what happened to Teddy Long.  He says he respects John Cena.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan & The Bella Twins vs. Ted Dibiase Jr., Maryse, & Alicia Fox.  Bryan and Dibiase lock up.  Dibiase lands a shoulder block.  Bryan leap frogs Dibiase and hits a hip toss.  Maryse tags herself in and orders Dibiase out.  One of the Bellas schools Maryse while the other flirts with Bryan.  Maryse schoolgirls the Bella for the pin in 1:01.  That was pointless.  The Bellas argue.

Barrett vs. Punk TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Detroit!

Royal Rumble hype.

The Bellas argue backstage.  There’s another Michael Tarver sighting.  They go into Daniel Bryan’s locker room and find him making out with Gail Kim.  Bryan’s a pimp!  He says they’ve been dating for 6 months, but keeping it quit.  They thought he was a virgin, but he’s a vegan.  They’re dumb and pointless, and he felt sorry for them.  A catfight breaks out.  One of the Bellas decks Bryan in the process.

New Nexus come out.  The tag titles are on the line NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

This week on Smackdown, Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO!

It’s announced that Cole was an idiot before and this isn’t a tag title match.

Non-Title: Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris of The New Nexus (w/ David Otunga & Mason Ryan) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  McGillicutty beats up Kozlov.  Kozlov takes him down and tags in Santino.  Santino gets a side headlock takeover.  The next thing of note that he gets is his head taken off with an enzui lariat.  Nexus get the heat on Marella.  Santino tries to make the tag, but Harris knocks Kozlov off the apron.  Santino rallies and makes his comeback on Harris.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  McGillicutty distracts him.  Harris mauls Santino with a lariat, then hits a Complete Shot for the pin in 3:49.  Well, there ya go.  Otunga gets on the mic, puts over his boys, and introduces CM Punk.

John Cena gets a referee shirt on his way to the ring.  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

CM Punk (w/ David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Husky Harris, & Mason Ryan) vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Ezekiel Jackson, Justin Gabriel, & Heath Slater).  John Cena is the referee.  Cena ejects the New Nexus and Corre before the match.  The match finally starts, then Cena shoves Punk and begs him to punch him, then slaps Barrett for good measure.  Punk beats down Barrett and throws him over the top rope to eliminate him from the Royal Rumble.  Punk yells that that’s he’ll do to Cena on Sunday.  Cena eliminates Punk from the Rumble.  Punk threatens to punch Cena.  Barrett beats up Punk.  Cena goes outside to sign autographs.  Barrett yells at him for missing a cover.  Punk attacks Barrett again.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena stops the match in 1:58.  He DQs both of them from “excessive profanity on a PG show,” so both teams are out of the Rumble.  That’s kind of funny.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that Cena abused his power, so everybody’s in the Rumble.  Well that’s a jip.  iBooker says Cena has to apologize, or he’s out of the Rumble.  Cena goes back to the ring, “apologizes,” and decks both of them.  The Corre and The New Nexus hit the ring, so Cena bails.  A couple of guys go after Cena and a brawl breaks out.  The locker room empties as Big Show, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Daniel Bryan, Yoshi Tatsu, R-Truth, John Morrison, and Mark Henry come out.  Everybody brawls as the show closes.

Fun show.  Not great, but fun.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/17/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 17, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, annual Martin Luther King Jr. day video.  We are LIVE in Little Rock, Arkansas.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

John Cena comes to the ring.  They show him getting beaten up by the New Nexus 3 weeks ago.  Cena talks about said event, promises to win the Royal Rumble and go to WrestleMania, then calls out CM Punk.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out instead.  He rants about whatever for a minute, then announces that this year’s Royal Rumble will be 40 men instead of 30.  Why is it his job to announce that?  Miz advises whoever wins the Rumble to go after the other champion instead.  Cena makes some lame jokes, then talks about the times that Miz would have lost the title to Lawler and Orton if Cole and Riley hadn’t interfered.  Then he makes more lame jokes.  He says “poopy noises” on national TV.  Yes, he said that.  They banter for a while.  Cena says that the main event at Mania will be Cena vs. Orton.  I fucking hope not.  The New Nexus come out.  Punk cuts a promo on Cena, then sends Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, and David Otunga to the ring.  They attack Cena.  WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov make the save.  Yes, I’m serious.  Punk decides to try different odds and all 4 of the New Nexus head to the ring.  Cole gets an e-mail from the iBooker.  iBooker bans Nexus from ringside during tonight’s Cena/Punk match on pain of not being in the Royal Rumble.

Tonight, Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton!  Commercials.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (c) (w/ Tamina) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  No entrances, but we get in ring entrances.  Santino and Jimmy go at it.  The Usos cut Santino off and get the heat on him.  Kozlov tags the tag and beats up Jey.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kozlov goes for the Iron Curtain, but Jey counters.  Santino tags in and hits the Cobra for the pin in 2:33.  This was nothing.

The New Nexus bicker amongst themselves backstage.  CM Punk comes in and smiles creepily at them, then says “faith.”

John Morrison is headed our way.  He encounters WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan and The Bella Twins.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: John Morrison vs. Sheamus from last week.

John Morrison hype video.

Non-Title: John Morrison vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins).  They lock up and do a sweet chain wrestling sequence.  That always brings joy to my heart.  Danielson does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick.  Morison is sent outside.  Bryan slides out.  They both slide back in and do the stalemate post.  Commercials.  Morrison has Danielson grounded.  That’s backwards.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and takes too long going for the Starship Pain.  Danielson avoids it and kills him with a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock, but fails.  Double cross body spot.  They trade strikes.  Morrison lands on his feet from a German suplex and hits a Frankensteiner.  Bryan rolls through for 2.  Cradle counter sequence.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock again.  Morrison counters and catapults him into the corner.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the running knee strike for the pin in 7:22.  Really good little match.  King Sheamus comes out and cuts a promo about how he made Morrison because Morrison had to turn up his game to deal with Sheamus.  He promises to conquer “turdy-nine” other men at the Royal Rumble.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Next, Ziggler vs. Orton!

Slam of the Week: Randy Orton & Jerry Lawler defeating The Miz & Alex Riley last week.  Commercials.

Little Rock!

Stand Up For WWE.  This bullshit again?

The Bella Twins talk about how hot John Morrison is.  Then they argue over who’s going to Bryan’s “first.”  I knew he was a virgin.  They make a bet on who AmDrag will nail first.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream in her awful voice.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Randy Orton.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  They lock up.  Ziggler backs Orton into the corner and cheap shots him to get the advantage.  Orton hits an Austin-style Lou Thesz press with punches.  Orton explodes out of the corner with a clothesline and starts to put a beating on Ziggler.  Orton hits the Albert decapitator thing for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Ziggler rallies and dropkicks Orton’s knee for 2.  Ziggler goes to work on the knee, stomping on it and wrapping it around the ring post.  Orton rallies and beats up Ziggler some.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 2.  They trade blows.  Orton hits the 3.0.  Orton side steps Ziggler, who crashes into the corner.  Orton makes his comeback.  Ziggler slips out of the DDT OF MURDER and takes out Orton’s knee.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Orton goes for the Angle Slam, but Ziggler slips out and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Orton manages to get a rope break.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Orton holds onto the top rope.  Orton his the RKO for the pin in 8:28.  Good match.  The Miz and Alex Riley immediately jump Orton.  Miz throws Orton into the steps, then tears up the announce table.  Lawler confronts him and decks Riley.  Miz throws Lawler over the barricade.  Orton tries to fight back.  Miz kicks his injured knee, then rams his back into the post, then they through him through a gimmicked part of the barricade.  How dastardly!  Miz creepily says his catchphrase.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Moments ago, ^^^ happened.

CM Punk lectures The New Nexus about faith.

Eve Torres and Melina have joined Cole for commentary.

Non-Title: Maryse vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  They face off.  Maryse slaps Natalya.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  Maryse gets away, then hits some weird face plant for 1.  Melina applies a chin lock.  Shit goes on.  Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 1:39.  At least that’s over.  Maryse screams at Cole for some reason.  Eve shoves her and leaves.  Maryse screams some more.  Ted Dibiase Jr. shows up.  Maryse yells at him.  Dibiase says he’ll win the Royal Rumble.  Well that’s just silly.  He challenges anyone to an over the top rope challenge.  Commercials.

Over The Top Rope Challenge: Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Mark Henry.  Dibiase attacks.  Henry rallies and squashes him in the corner.  Dibiase lands a dropkick.  Henry throws him out of the ring for the win in 27 seconds.  Tyson Kidd, Yoshi Tatsu, and William Regal hit the ring.  Henry tosses Yoshi quickly.  Regal and Kidd beat down Henry.  They are quickly joined by Zack Ryder, Primo, David Hart Smith, Darren Young, and R-Truth.  Everybody brawls in an unsanctioned Battle Royal.  Sheamus joins the fight and eliminates everyone but Henry.  Lawler rejoins Cole on commentary.  Henry eliminates Sheamus to win a moral victory.  Alberto Del Rio comes out and cuts a promo about how it’s his destiny to win the Rumble.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Commercials.

There’s a stupid vignette with Derrick Bateman trying to sell Mark Henry’s body odor.  Yes.

Cole and Lawler bicker, then we get the awesome annual Rumble “By The Numbers” video!

Hype for the Rumble title matches.

Cole announces next week’s main event, Edge vs. The Miz in a champion vs. champion match.

John Cena gives some guy a DVD and some instructions.  He’ll face Punk NEXT!  Commercials.

CM Punk comes out with the New Nexus.  He stares at them.  They salute him, then leave.  I guess this was to show how creepy Punk is.  They show the initiations from last week.

CM Punk vs. John Cena.  They stare at each other.  Cena beats up Punk.  Punk lands a stiff kick to Punk’s shoulder, the baseball slide dropkicks him out of the ring.  Commercials.  This late in the show?  That’s weird.  Punk has Cena in a figure-four headlock.  Cena stands up.  Punk slips off and hits a DDT for 2.  Punk keeps the heat going on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  Punk counters out of the Attitude Adjusment and lands a dropkick for 2.  Punk hits the knee to the corner and the bulldog for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into the STF.  Punk gets a rope break.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Punk gets out and lands a high kick to the head.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for 2.  Punk counters the AA again and hits a Complete Shot, then locks in a Koji Clutch like hold that is incorrectly called the Anaconda Vice.  Cena fights his way to a rope break.  Cena rolls to the apron.  Punk boots him to the floor.  Punk goes for a slingshot dive.  Cena catches him, rams him into the post, and sets him back in the ring.  Cena goes to the top rope.  Punk cuts him off and tries to set something up.  Cena headbutts Punk to the mat and hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Some big dude (Mason Ryan) appears to distract Cena.  Punk kicks Cena in the head.  Punk spears his arm wide and smiles.  Big dude gives him a boot the face, so Punk wins by DQ in 15:42.  Okay match.  Ryan gives Cena a side Rock Bottom.  Otunga, McGillicutty, and Harris come out to protect Punk.  Ryan gets down on one knee.  Punk gives him a Nexus armband.  New Nexus all raise their arms as the show ends.

Pretty good show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/10/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Tonight, John Cena speaks!

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina) come out for a title defense, but they are attacked by The Nexus!  Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris put a beating on the champions.  The new Nexus leader CM Punk comes into direct traffic.  They dispose of the champs, then Punk cuts a promo.  He babbles about Cena and whatnot, then says that tonight he will initiate himself as the leader of the New Nexus.  But he says that first, the other members will be inducted.  McGillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a Nexus beatdown.   Otunga gives him a spinebuster.  Slater gives him the necktie.  Harris gives him the senton.  Gabriel gives him the 450 splash.  Punk gives him the Go 2 Sleep.  So I guess McGillicutty is in.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio is introduced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  Truth goes on the attack.  He lands corner punches, then Del Rio powers out and kicks his ass.  Del Rio hits a lung blower for 2.  There’s fog in the arena.  Del Rio beats on Truth.  Truth hits a flying headscissors and makes his comeback.  Truth clotheslines Del Rio, sending them both to the floor.  They brawl on the floor.  Rodriguez distracts Truth by yelling “What’s up!” a lot.  Truth decks him.  Del Rio beats the count back into the ring to win it in 1:50.  I like that Del Rio’s new gimmick is winning by count-out.  Del Rio says he’ll win the Royal Rumble, then rips on Nashville and country music.  He makes Rodriguez sing “La Cucaracha.”  This was pretty dumb.

Tonight, Cena speaks!  Also, Morrison vs. Sheamus!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Miz beating the shit out of Jerry Lawler 2 weeks ago.

The announcers bicker.  The short version is that Lawler thinks Miz is a cocksucker and Cole wants to suck Miz’s cock.  The iBooker dings in.  Cole reads a declaration that puts Cole over.  Lawler calls bullshit on it.  He wants to kick Cole’s ass, but can’t because of the order the GM made a while back.  The GM dings in again and books Miz & Riley vs. Orton & Lawler for tonight.  Other than that good news, this segment was dumb.

CM Punk lectures The New Nexus backstage.  Harris is next.  His initiation is to be whipped by the other members.  It happens.  I’m disturbed.  Punk whips him more than the agreed upon 3 times, because he’s a bastard.  Commercials.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) & Tyson Kidd.  No entrances for anyone.  Bryan and Dibiase go at it.  Bryan shines.  Kidd cheap shots him on the outside.  Bryan plays face in peril.  He rallies and makes the hot tag to Henry.  Henry runs wild on Kidd.  Kidd avoids a charge in the corner.  Dibiase and Kidd hit Henry with a double dropkick.  Henry stays standing and clotheslines them, then hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Kidd for the pin in 2:44.  Fun while it lasted.

Tonight, Miz & Riley vs. Orton & Kidd!

The Big Show is headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE Slam of the Week: Jacob Novak being eliminated from NXT last week, then being bashed by his pro, Dolph Ziggler.

The Big Show comes out to cut a promo.  He says he will knock out Wade Barrett on Smackdown, then starts to talk about the Royal Rumble.  The members of the New Nexus who haven’t been abused yet come out.  Apparently Otunga’s initiation is to fight Big Show.  He stupidly slaps Show.  Show beats the shit out of him and chokeslams him and gives him the KO punch  So I guess Otunga is in.

Tonight, Cena speaks!  Next, John Morrison takes on Sheamus!  Commercials!

They show highlights of the Miz/Morrison match from last week.

John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  They lock up and do a tiny bit of chain wrestling!  The screen goes black for a second.  They start brawling.  Sheamus puts a beating on Morrison.  Morrison fights back, then eats a nasty elbow smash.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus works over Morrison’s back.  Morrison gets a cradle for 2, then goes for a backslide.  He fails, but lands a running elbow smash and mounts his comeback.  Sheamus cuts him off, but Morrison lands a Pele kick and goes for the Starship Pain.  Sheamus pushes him off the top to the floor.  Commercials.  Sheamus works a shoulder hold.  Morrison fights out.  Sheamus hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Sheamus sets Morrison on the apron and beats on him from the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus reapplies the shoulder hold.  Morrison rallies and tries to come back again.  Sheamus ducks the Flying Chuck and charges.  Morrison low birdges him out of the ring and goes for a dive.  Sheamus catches him with a kick to the ribs.  Sheamus front suplexes Morrison onto the steps.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the brogue kick.  Morrison falls down, so Sheamus settles for kicking him in the back.  Sheamus goes for a superplex.  Morrison drops down and pulls Sheamus’ head into the post.  Morrison hits the knee strike for the pin in 12:05.  Pretty good match.

They show tonight’s various Nexus initiations.

Backstage, CM Punk tells Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel that their initiation is to beat each other with Singapore canes.  They refuse and leave, because they don’t share Punk’s weird masochistic fetish.

The first inductee of the Hall of Fame Class of 2011 will be announced NEXT!  Commercials.

Nashville!

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to introduce the video that will announce the Hall of Famer.  It’s… Shawn Michaels!  The show a video package, then Michaels himself comes out.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to talk shit to him.  Michaels superkicks him, then dances around.  Well, it made the people happy.

Tonight, Miz & Riley vs. Orton & Lawler!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage.  Riley is psyched, but Miz is all pissy that Randy Orton is more popular than him.  The picture flickers again.  They say “fait accompli” a lot, then Miz teaches catchphrase etiquette.

Michael Cole is in the ring babbling about John Cena.  CM Punk is on top of the TitanTron.  He talks for a while.  He teases that his “ultimate sacrifice” will be jumping off the Tron, then reveals that he’s wearing a harness, then laughs about how stupid everyone is.  The real stupid ones are the writers who wrote this show.  Harris, McGillicutty, and Otunga come out. Punk joins them in the ring and keeps talking.  John Cena appears on the screen and spouts of silly scripted material.  He challenges Punk to a match next week.  Punk accepts.  It’s on!

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Josh Matthews is now on commentary with Cole.

WWE Champion The Miz & Alex Riley vs. Randy Orton & Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Lawler and Riley start.  Lawler goes after Miz, so Riley jumps him from behind.  Miz tags in once Lawler is down.  Lawler starts kicking his ass, so Miz bails.  Lawler chases him and kicks his ass on the outside.  Back inside, Orton and Riley tag in.  Orton kicks Riley’s ass.  Miz tags in and Orton kicks his ass too.  Lawler tags in and blasts Miz with punches.  Miz boots Lawler in the face and pounds on him.  The referee chastises Miz for winning on Lawler.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Miz hits the running clothesline to the corner.  Commercial.  Now?  I’ve never seen a commercial this late in the show.  Lawler fights out an arm hold and brawls with Riley.  Orton gets the hot tag as Miz distracts the referee, so it doesn’t count.  Miz tags in, knocks Orton off the apron, then sets up Lawler for the Skull Crushing Finale.  Orton hits the RKO behind the referee’s back.  Lawler covers, but Riley saves.  Riley and Orton tag in.  Orton runs wild.  3.0.  DDT OF MURDER.  Orton sets up the RKO.  Miz distracts him, which angers him.  Riley tries to jump Orton, but eats the RKO.  Orton frightens Miz, then tags in Lawler.  Orton stares down Miz while Lawler hits the diving fist drop on Riley for the pin in 11:21.  There ya go.

Next week, Cena vs. Punk!

This show was fun in some ways, and stupid in others. At least I’ve finally watched it and I’m a little less behind.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/3/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on Raw…” video.  Michael Cole says that John Cena will likely not be there tonight.  He hypes tonight’s show.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Phoenix, Arizona.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  They show Miz attacking Jerry Lawler last week.  Because of that, Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. John Morrison.  Miz meets Morrison in the aisle and they start brawling.  Morrison has to fight both Miz and Riley.  Morrison climbs up the WWE logo on the set and hits them both with a diving cross body.  Cover on Miz gets 2.  Morrison takes Miz to the ring.  Miz lands an elbow smash for 2.  Miz goes for a superplex, but Morrison fights him off and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Morrison gets a cradle for 2.  They counter each other.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck.  Cover, but Riley pulls Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison kicks his ass.  Morrison takes Riley out with a knee strike on the barricade.  Miz looks frightened.  Insta-commercials.  They’re fighting in the crowd.  Morrison takes a back body drop onto a section of barricade.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Miz rams Morrison’s head into the stage.  Cover gets 2.  Miz slams Morrison on the ramp for 2.  Miz hits Morrison with… something at ringside for 2.  Back in the ring now.  They brawl.  Morrison makes his comeback.  A jumping kick gets 2.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and goes for the Starship Pain.  Miz avoids it, but Morrison lands on his feet.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Morrison counters the Skull Crushing Finale.  Miz spears the post.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain.  Miz kicks out!  Miz ducks the knee strike and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz lands an elbow smash.  Morrison lands a Pele kick that knocks Miz out of the ring.  Morrison puts Miz on a table at ringside and goes for the Starship Pain again.  Miz moves and Morrison crashes through the table.  Cover, but MORRISON KICKS OUT!  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale at ringside for the pin (14:24 shown).  Really, really good match.

Tonight, a #1 Contender Match in a Steel Cage!  Plus, a John Cena injury update!

The Phoenix Suns are in the crowd!  They play a sport in this city!

Phoenix!

Scott Stanford interviews WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley.

They show the recent problems between WWE Divas Champion Natalya and Melina.  Divas trios match is NEXT!

Melina, Maryse, & Alicia Fox vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Eve Torres, & Brie Bella.  Maryse and Brie lock up.  Maryse bails.  Brie chases her back in the ring.  Maryse gets the jump on her coming back in.  Brie takes a bump outside.  Nikki is under the ring and they pull the switcheroo.  Maryse throws Nikki into the ring and goes after her.  Nikki hits a face buster.  Fox saves.  Fox and Natalya tag in.  They do shit.  Melina grabs Natalya’s foot.  Natalya gets away and hits a butterfly suplex.  Melina pulls Natalya’s head across the top rope.  Melain tags in and eats a discus lariat from Natalya.  Eve tags in and hits a neckbreaker on Melina for the pin in 2:54.  This was stupid.

Non-Title: Jimmy & Jey Uso vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  Kozlov schools Jey to start.  Jimmy and Santino tag in.  Santino schools Jimmy.  Jimmy drops Santino with an elbow smash.  Jey and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov hits the battering ram headbutts.  Jimmy tags in and hits a diving chop for 2.  Usos try to get the heat on Kozlov, but it doesn’t hold.  Santino tags in and runs wild.  Santino hits the jumping heabdutt on Jey.  Jimmy saves.  Jimmy tries to low bridge Kozlov out of the ring and fucks it up.  He settles for clotheslining him to the floor.  Santino sends Jimmy out and goes for the Cobra.  Jey avoids it and hits a Samoan Drop for the pin in 3:54.  Kozlov beats up the Usos after the match.  Santino and Tamina give Jey the Cobra.  This was all very silly.

Tough Enough is coming back.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.

CM Punk is headed our way!

WWE.com plug.

CM Punk comes out to talk.  He talks about Cena not being there tonight.  He says he’s the new leader of Nexus.  They show the Nexus attack on Cena last week.  Wade Barrett comes out to the ring.  Barrett says he put Cena out at a house show last week and he’s still the leader of Nexus.  They argue.  The rest of Nexus come out.  Otunga starts to talk, but the iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the #1 Contender Steel Cage Match tonight will face Miz for the title at the Royal Rumble.  The match will be Punk or Barrett vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  Barrett says he’ll take the spot.  Punk says that’s fine, he’s not going to fight Barrett.  He says if Barrett wins, he’ll prove that he’s the rightful leader of Nexus, but if he loses, he’s out and Punk is the leader.  Barrett agrees.

Steel Cage TONIGHT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Earlier tonight, Miz and Morrison had a Falls Count Anywhere WAR!

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez.  What the hell’s he doing on Raw?  He introduces Alberto Del Rio.  What the hell is HE doing on Raw?  Del Rio comes out and cuts a promo.  R-Truth comes out to retort and tells him to go back where he came from.  Smackdown or Mexico?  Del Rio laughs.  Truth slaps him.  It’s on!

Alberto Del Rio vs. R-Truth.  Truth jumps around a lot and hits a fancy kick.  He clotheslines Del Rio to the floor and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Insta-commercials.  Truth beats on Del Rio.  Truth hits a powerslam for 2.  Del Rio rallies and attacks Truth’s arm.  Del Rio works the arm for a while.  Truth avoids Del Rio charging the ropes and Del Rio sails out of the ring.  Rodriguez encourages Del Rio to recover.  Del Rio comes back in.  Truth makes his comeback.  Del Rio pulls Truth’s shoulder into the posts.  Del Rio locks in the Minoru Special for the win (6:50 shown).  Okay match.

Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus vs. Barrett in a CAGE!

Wade Barrett lectures The Nexus backstage.  He warns them that CM Punk will just use them.  Punk comes in and wishes him luck tonight.  Barrett leaves.  Punk shakes hands with everyone.

Scott Stanford interviews Randy Orton.  He says he’s not going to show human compassion anymore.  As if he ever showed any.

The CAGE is NEXT!

The replay the highlights of Miz/Morrison.

Triple Threat Steel Cage Match to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton.  Barrett tries to escape immediately.  Orton and Sheamus beat him up.  Sheamus tries to escape while Orton beats on Barrett.  Orton stops him and kicks his ass.  Barrett cold cocks Orton with a big boot and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and tries to escape.  Barrett and Sheamus stop him and beat on him.  This pattern continues on for a while.  Orton switches things up and tries to go through the door.  Sheamus and Barrett catch him.  Orton humps the mat to intimidate them.  Insta-commercials.  Orton comes very close to escaping and actually gets over the top of the cage, but Sheamus and Barrett manage to bring him back over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Sheamus, but gives him a reprieve to go stop Barrett from escaping.  Sheamus beats on Orton.  Sheamus tries to escape.  Orton stops him.  Barrett and Sheamus beat on Orton, then beat on each other.  Orton stops Barrett from escaping again.  Orton gives Barrett a superplex.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker on Orton, then throws Barrett’s head into the cage repeatedly.  Sheamus tries to go through the door.  Orton stops him.  Sheamus stomps on Orton and tries to climb over the top.  Barrett cuts him off and brings him down.  Barrett beats up Sheamus and hits a pumphandle slam.  Orton goes after Barrett.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam, then tries to climb out.  Sheamus tries to stop him, but Barrett sends him to the mat.  Barrett stupidly goes for a diving elbow drop.  Sheamus gets his knees up.  Orton explodes and makes his comeback on both of them.  Powerslams to both.  Angle Slam to Sheamus.  DDT OF MURDER on Barrett.  Sheamus catches Orton with a boot and tries to climb out.  Orton stops him.  They fight on the top rope.  Barrett kicks the rope and they both crotch themselves.  Barrett hits them with big boots.  Barrett tries to climb out.  CM Punk comes out, climbs the cage, and offers a helping hand.  He rips Barrett’s Nexus armband off and kicks him to the mat.  Sheamus gives Barrett the brogue kick and heads for the door.  Orton drops Sheamus with the RKO and escapes through the door to win it (15:53 shown).  All right match.

Okay show all together.  Nothing really lit my world on fire besides the Miz/Morrison match, which surprised me by being really good.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Albany, New York.

John Cena comes out to talk.  They show CM Punk attacking Cena with a chair last week.  He thinks Punk is mad because Cena spilled his soda.  They show Punk attacking Cena again on Smackdown.  Cena calls Punk out.  CM Punk does indeed come out to the stage.  Punk says it’s not about the soda, it’s about how Cena kept coming back after he was fired and how he buried Wade Barrett under chairs at the PPV.  The banter.  Punk brings up how Cena ended Batista’s career and how he insults Vickie Guerrero.  Cena says Batista quit of his own accord, then makes fun of Michael Cole and himself.  Punk says Cena’s barbaric behavior will stop.  Cena says it’s not.  He challenges Punk to a match.  Punk declines because he wants to call Cena out instead of vice versa.  He says he has a surprise for Cena tonight.  He wishes everyone a happy new year.  I didn’t get into the promos, but I’m still looking forward to this program.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella (w/ Tamina).  Santino throws some silly kicks.  Dibiase decks him and kicks his ass.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Santino avoids a dropkick and pins Dibiase with a prawn hold in 1:03.  Santino has a Christmas gift for Tamina.  It’s the Cobra.  Dibiase and Maryse jump them from behind.  Santino and Tamina clean house and hit stereo jumping headbutts, then hit them with Cobras.  This was silly and pointless.

WWE Champion The Miz lectures Alex Riley backstage.  Riley is facing John Morrison tonight.  Morrison comes in and proposes the stipulation that if he beats Riley tonight, he gets to pick the time and stipulation for his title match, and promises to forfeit the #1 Contendership if he loses.  Miz agrees.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

John Morrison vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  They lock up.  Morrison grabs a hammerlock and eats an elbow to the face.  They brawl a bit.  Morrison hits a backbreaker and a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Miz distracts Morrison, allowing Riley to get the advantage.  Riley gets his heat going and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out.  Riley hits a lousy backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a clothesline for 2.  Riley applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Morrison fights out and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Miz trips him.  The referee ejects Miz.  Riley gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the running knee for the pin in 4:42.  Fine little match.  Morrison tells Lawler that his title match is going to be next week in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Cole throws a hissy fit.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Orton!  CM Punk vows to call out John Cena!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

WWE Champion The Miz bitches Alex Riley out backstage.

CM Punk lectures a camera man.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan chats with the Bella Twins backstage.  Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews come in.  Tyson says he’ll be the next United States Champion.  He’s facing Mark Henry tonight.

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  Commercials.

Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.

Mark Henry vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews).  Henry mauls Kidd.  Kidd avoids being sat on and hits a basement dropkick.  Kidd clamps on a front face lock.  Henry tosses him away and makes his comeback.  Henry goes for a corner splash, but eats boots.  Kidd comes off the top, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 2:06.  I wasn’t expecting that.  Jackson Andrews goes face to face with Henry.  Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam too.  I wasn’t expecting Tyson and his big dude to be jobbed out right here.

They show Jerry Lawler pinned The Miz in the six-man tag last week after Randy Orton delivered the RKO to Miz.  Miz vs. Lawler TONIGHT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo.  He does the annoying shit where he says the same sentence 39,489 times in a row, but he does call the crowd on that stupid “WHAT?” bullshit.  Seriously, of all the good that Steve Austin contributed to the business, that almost undoes all of it.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  They lock up.  Miz takes Lawler down and walks on his back, then prances around like a retarded fairy.  They lock up again.  Miz hits a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  Miz backs Lawler into the corner.  Lawler ducks the cheap shot and grabs a headlock.  Lawler lands some shoulder blocks.  Miz hides in the ropes.  Miz takes Lawler down and slaps his head.  Miz works Lawler over.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Lawler tries to fight out, but Miz throws him down.  Miz keeps beating on Lawler.  Riley trips Lawler just to be a dick.  Miz puts the boots to Lawler.  Miz tauntingl throws some half assed kicks.  Lawler tries to fight back.  Miz beats him down and taunts him.  Riley gets in his cheap shots when it is convenient.  Miz warms up for the corner clothesline.  John Morrison comes out to distract Miz.  Miz hits the corner clothesline.  Lawler avoids a second one and falls into the ropes.  Lawler avoids a shot and Miz crotches himself.  Lawler makes his comeback.  Lawler hits 3 dropkicks and covers for 2.  Miz slips out of a body slam and slams Lawler into the corner.  Lawler avoids a shot.  Miz pulls Lawler’s head across the top rope and tries to go up top.  Lawler kicks him down and Miz face plants into the steps.  Riley tries to interfere and distracts the referee.  Morrison hits Miz with the knee strike.  Lawler wins by count-out in 9:36.  This was boring.

King Sheamus admires his crown backstage.  CM Punk shows up to chat with him.  He wants Sheamus to watch whatever he does to John Cena tonight.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  Lawler is back on commentary now.  WWE Divas Champion Natalya has joined them at the table.

Melina & Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Fox and Eve do some shit.  Fox gets her knees up on a standing moonsault attempt.  Cover gets 2.  Melina tags in and beats up Eve.  Eve rallies and makes the hot tag to Gail Kim.  Gail runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Melina counters Gail’s move and hits the Sunset Split for the pin in 2:30.  There ya go.  Natalya gets in the ring to discuss matters with Melina.  Melina offers a handshake, then tries to deck Natalya.  Natalya blocks it and decks Melina.  Again, there ya go.

CM Punk lectures the trainers backstage.

Tonight, CM Punk vows to call out John Cena.  Also, King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Zack Ryder.  JIP.  Bryan escapes a side headlock, but Ryder hits a shoulder block.  Bryan does a leap frog and a hip toss.  Ryder gets Bryan down and hits the face wash in the corner for 2.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker for 2.  He goes for another one, but Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (1:11 shown).  That’s all the Bryan we get?  Lame.

Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  While he’s reading it, The Miz appears and jumps Jerry Lawler.  That dick!  Miz beats the hell out of Lawler and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.  Even Cole doesn’t condone this, and he spends every show talking about how good Miz’s cock tastes.  Josh Matthews has rejoined Cole at the table.

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner.  They take turns punching each other in the corner.  Orton hits an Austin-style Lou Thesz press and punches.  Sheamus avoids a knee drop and hits a shoulder block.  Sheamus beats on Orton and and applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out and hits a short lariat for 2.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus kicks Orton in the knee and works him over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus counters and sends Orton to the apron.  Orton low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Orton takes a bump into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Orton in a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out.  Sheamus hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus keeps the heat going on Orton.  Orton sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post, then pulls him up in the top rope and hits a superplex for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton wins the exchange and gets rolling.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton ducks the brogue kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and drops Orton with a blow to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton slips out and hits the 3.0.  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MURDER and goes for the slingshot shoulder block.  Orton catches him midair with the RKO for the pin in 14:26.  Good match.

John Cena is headed our way.  Commercials.

Albany!

Next week, The Miz vs. John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship!

John Cena comes out and rants about “CM Sucks.”  He calls out Punk.  Wasn’t the whole idea that Punk was supposed to call Cena out?  Punk’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out.  Cena says he’ll go find “CM Sucks.”  The Nexus come out, minus Barrett.  David Otunga gets in the ring as Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris stand at ringside.  Otunga says Nexus is under new management.  He offers Cena truce.  Cena doesn’t trust him at all.  Nexus start to leave, then come back and attack Cena.  Everyone gives Cena their finish.  Nexus head up the ramp.  CM Punk comes out and gives Cena the Go 2 Sleep.  He teases hitting Cena with a chair.  Instead he sits in the chair and puts on a Nexus armband.  Punk and Nexus salute each other as the show fades to black.

Okay show.  I don’t really get the point of Punk joining Nexus.