Archive for Tables Match

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by Chui

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, pryo and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.  Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez are the Spanish announcers.

They show the shenanigans leading up to Kane vs. Randy Orton involving their respective fathers, Paul Bearer and Bob Orton Jr.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Kane vs. Randy Orton.  They brawl.  Orton gets punched off the top to the floor.  Cover on the floor gets 2.  Kane brings in a leg pipe.  Orton cuts him off and hits him with the pipe a few times, knocking him back to the floor on the last shot.  They fight in the crowd.  Orton knees Kane in the face for 2.  Kane slams Orton on the concrete for 2.  More crowd brawling.  They end up near the set.  Orton lands a dropkick for 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and boots Orton in the face for 2.  They brawl backstage.  They end up in a room with some geeks.  Zack Ryder attacks Kane, which only pisses him off.  Kane goozles Ryder, but Orton hits the 3.0 for 2.  Back into the hallway.  Kane throws something at Orton and covers for 2.  Back into the arena.  Back into the ring.  Orton drops Kane with a clothesline and hits a powerslam.  Orton retrieves a chair from underneath the ring and attacks Kane with it.  Back outside, where Orton clears off the announce table.  Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Orton prevents it.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER off the table to the floor!  Cover gets 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and sends Orton into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Back inside, Kane goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex.  Cover gets 2.  Orton humps the mat.  Kane hits the chokeslam, but Orton kicks out!  Kane bitches at the referee.  Kane goes for the Tombstone on the chair.  Orton counts out and hits the RKO sort of on the chair for the pin in 16:45.  Fun match.

John Laurinaitis and Eve Torres are backstage with the Raw Roulette wheel.  Teddy Long brings in champagne.  He’s being humiliated after he lost his GM job at WrestleMania.  Laurinaitis gets a phone call from Triple H.


“The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (w/ Hornswoggle, Cameron, & Naomi) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger).  They lock up.  Clay overpowers Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to take Clay down, but fails.  Swagger distracts Clay, allowing Ziggler to dropkick him out of the ring.  Ziggler distracts the referee while Swagger hits a shoulder block on the floor.  Back inside, Ziggler goes on the attack.  Clay goes for a knee lift, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 1.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Clay fights out.  Ziggler stays on the attack.  He goes for a suplex, but fails.  Clay throws him with a front suplex and makes his comeback.  Clay knocks Swagger on the apron.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but fails.  Clay hits a headbutt and a big splash for the pin in 4:18.  It was fine for what it was.

Earlier in the day, The Big Show and Cody Rhodes played Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal to determine the stipulation for their Intercontinental title match tonight.  It’s a Tables Match.

Lillian Garcia is the other ring announcer.

The show highlights of Show’s title victory over Rhodes at WrestleMania XXVIII.

Tables Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: The Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes.  Show beats up Rhodes.  Rhodes bails after taking a big back body drop.  Show sets up a table on the outside and picks up Rhodes.  Rhodes slips off and chop blocks Show’s knee.  Show rallies and continues to beat and toss Rhodes around.  Show throws Rhodes and a table in the ring.  He throws Rhodes at the table in the corner, but Rhodes rebounds off of it and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes charges, but Show shoulder blocks him.  Rhodes bails.  Show beats him up on the outside.  Show throws Rhodes back into the ring and gets in the apron.  Rhodes dropkicks Show, who steps through a table at ringside.  The referee rules Rhodes the winner in 4:35.  Stupid finish.  A pissed off Show drops Rhodes after the match, then chokeslams him through a table.  Crowd chants “One more time!”  Show press slams Rhodes out of the ring through another table.  Show leaves.  Rhodes is helped up and manages to hold up his belt while looking like he’s near tears.

Edge DVD plug.

Matt Striker interviews Daniel Bryan.  Will he become World Champion tonight?  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun interview.  He walks away and they show AJ sulking in the background.

Sheamus/Bryan hype video.

2/3 Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus is wearing a t-shirt with “18 seconds” written on it, the time in which he beat Bryan for the title at WrestleMania.  I timed it at 19 seconds, but that’s neither here nor there.  Sheamus grabs a headlock and lands a shoulder block.  They do a brief mat exchange.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Bryan avoids it.  Sheamus taunts Bryan with how close that was.  They trade arm locks.  Sheamus hits a Finlay Roll for 2.  For some reason, I don’t know the proper name for that move.  Sheamus rolls through a sunset flip and locks Bryan in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Bryan gets the ropes.  Sheamus goes for it again, but Bryan gets an inside cradle for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Bryan lands a lariat.  Sheamus rolls to the apron and Bryan dropkicks him to the floor.  Bryan dives off the apron, but Sheamus catches him and sends him into the barricade.  Back inside, Sheamus goes up top, but Bryan crotches him and goes on the attack.  Bryan goes to work on Sheamus’ shoulder.  They trade strikes.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  More arm and shoulder torture inflicted by Bryan.  Sheamus makes his comeback and beats up Bryan.  Sheamus hits a fall away slam for 2.  Bryan gets a schoolboy for 2.  Bryan goes for a top rope Frankensteiner, but Sheamus holds on, then hits Bryan with a diving shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bryan in from the apron, but Bryan lands on his feet, then low bridges Sheamus out of the ring on the other side.  He goes for a dive, but Sheamus nails him.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Bryan turns it into a cradle for 2.  Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, but Sheamus counters out repeatedly.  Bryan sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post repeatedly, then kicks the shit out of it while Sheamus is against the ropes.  This causes the referee to DQ Bryan, diving Sheamus the first fall at 14:30.  Bryan goes back on the attack and applies the Yes Lock.  Sheamus struggles, but goes out, and Bryan wins the second fall by referee stop at 16:39.  Bryan celebrates while the ringside doctor checks on Sheamus.  There are dueling “Yes!” and “No!” chants.  Sheamus tells the doctor he can continue.  Bryan charges Sheamus and eats a Brogue Kick.  Delayed cover gets 2.  They trade strikes.  Bryan lands a big kick to the head for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Sheamus cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Bryan fights him off  and goes for a diving headbutt.  Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus avoids Bryan in the corner and makes his comeback.  Sheamus lands another Brogue Kick for the pin in 22:55.  Very good match.

WWE YouTube channel plug.

Over the Limit commercial featuring Randy Orton.


Santino Marella is watching the monitor backstage.  2 jobbers are in the ring.  Great Khali comes over to watch too.

The jobbers are named Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton.  They cut a stupid promo about 2 being greater than one.

Handicap Match: Aaron Relic & Jay Hatton vs. Ryback.  There’s a smattering of “Goldberg!” chants.  The jobber with the ridiculous pants attacks Ryback to no avail.  Ryback kills him.  He orders the other jobber to tag in.  The fellow wisely demurs.  Ryback tosses him in anyway and kills him.  Ryback hits the second jobber with a backpack stunner.  Crowd chants “Finish him.”  Ryback kills ridiculous pants with sort of a Fisherman buster Samoan drop, then pins them both in 1:50.  Santino and Khali are impressed.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion CM Punk.  Tonight he faces Chris Jericho, who has been insulting his family, in a Chicago Street Fight.

Plug for the PPV theme song.

Punk/Jericho hype video.

Chicago Street Fight for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  This is Punk’s hometown, and members of his family are in the front row.  They brawl, because this is a street fight, see.  Punk throws some plunder into the ring.  He whacks Jericho with a Singapore cane.  Jericho drops Punk with a dropkick and gets hold of the cane.  He whacks Punk, then hits his trademark springboard dropkick to the apron, sending Punk to the floor.  Jericho beats up Punk on the outside.  Back inside, Jericho exposes a turnbuckle.  Punk fires back with chops.  Jericho avoids the running knee to the corner and Punk takes another spill outside.  Jericho beats up Punk right in front of his family.  He gets in Punk’s sister’s face and gets slapped.  Jericho lunges for her and Punk kicks his ass.  Punk slams Jericho through the announce table cover.  Punk goes for a piledriver, but Jericho back body drops him, then hits him with a monitor.  Jericho breaks the other announce table cover over Punk’s back.  Back inside, Jericho covers for 2.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Punk escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Punk pulls Jericho’s throat over the top rope and goes for his springboard lariat, but trips.  Jericho wails on him with the Singapore cane.  Jericho taunts Punk and gets caught with an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho responds with something that gets 2.  Jericho brings in a can of beer, which he pours on Punk.  He brings in another beer and starts drinking it.  Punk, meanwhile, starts kicking his ass.  Punk hits the running knee to the corner and the bulldog headlock, then pulls the Singapore cane into Jericho’s balls and signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Punk counters and hits a powerslam for 2.  Punk goes up top, but Jericho crotches him.  They fight on the top rope.  Punk sends Jericho to the mat with a Mongolian chop, then hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Jericho counts the Go 2 Sleep again and hits a bulldog.  He goes for the Lionsault, but Punk catches him, picks him up on h is shoulders, and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Jericho counters again and throws Punk into a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Jericho gets a schoolboy for 2.  Jericho catches Punk with the Codebreaker and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Punk manages to reach the ropes.  It’s a street fight, so the referee can’t force a break.  Punk somehow gets hold of a fire extinguisher and sprays Jericho with it to escape the hold.  Punk hits Jericho in the stomach with it and sends him to the floor.  Another shot to the gut followed by a kick to the head by Punk.  Jericho is on top of the Spanish announce table.  Punk goes to the top rope and hits the diving elbow through the table.  Punk throws Jericho back into the ring and covers for 2.  Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice.  Jericho whacks Punk with the Singapore cane to escape.  Punk hits Jericho with a chair.  Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker into the chair.  Cover only gets 2.  Jericho is getting frustrated.  He beats on Punk some more.  Jericho tries to give Punk the Go 2 Sleep, just to be a dick.  Punk catches Jericho’s leg and catapults  him into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 25:14.  This turned out to be a hell of a match.  Punk celebrates with his friends and family.

Don’t try this at home!

Earlier tonight on the pre-show, Santino Marella defeated The Miz with the Cobra to retain the United States Championship.

The Bella Twins and Beth Phoenix bicker backstage.  Eve Torres says Beth isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Whichever Bella is champion will now defend the title against a surprise opponent who isn’t Kharma.

The show Nikki Bella beating Beth for the Divas title last week on Raw after Beth injured her ankle.  The Bellas cut a promo.  The opponent is the returning Layla.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) (w/ Brie Bella) vs. Layla.  They lock up.  Lots of movement from Layla.  Brie trips Layla behind the ref’s back, allowing Nikki to get the advantage.  She DDTs Layla’s foot for 2.  I fucking hate that spot.  Layla gets an inside cradle for 1.  Nikki does whatever.  Layla hits a springboard cross body for 1, then knocks the other Bella off the apron.  Nikki gets the advantage.  Layla gets a wonky cradle.  Nikki counters.  The twins pull the switcheroo.  Brie goes for a facebuster, but Layla turns it into a hangman’s neckbreaker for the pin to win the title in 2:28.  This sucked.

Matt Striker asks John Laurinaitis what he and Triple H were talking about.  Johnny doesn’t tell him.


Lesnar/Cena hype video.

Extreme Rules Match: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena.  Lesnar takes Cena down and mauls him, then kills him with a lariat.  Cena is cut already.  The stop the match to check the cut.  I hate that shit, but I guess Brock is used to it now.  Cena charges Brock and gets taken down and mauled again.  Cena is sent outside.  He’s bleeding pretty bad.  Cena fights back as goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock will have none of that and gives him a couple of German suplexes.  Cena hits a shoulder block and knocks Brock into the referee.  The ref is dead, and Brock kills Cena some more.  Brock torments Cena’s arm with a Kimura, then tosses him from the ring again.  Brock follows Cena out and tortures his arm some more.  Back inside, Brock brings in Cena’s chain, then throws it aside because he’s Brock Lesnar and doesn’t need it.  He thinks again and uses it to chain Cena’s legs together.  Brock hangs Cena from the turnbuckle and massacres him for a while.  Cena gets loose and fights back until he’s thrown into the steps.  Brock throws the referee back into the ring and wakes him up.  Cena has the chain his hand, but Brock steps on it and takes it away.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock counters and hits the F-5, but kills the referee again in the process.  Another referee runs out, but the delay allows Cena to kick out.  Brock clotheslines the new referee.  Brock brings the steps into the ring.  Cena does his “you can’t see me” and first back.  Brock locks in a Kimura on top of the steps.  Cena manages to pick Brock up and slam him on the steps.  Cena goes for the diving Fameasser, but Brock avoids it.  Brock prances on top of the steps while Cena struggles his way back into the ring.  Cena makes it onto the apron and Brock launches himself at Cena, taking a bad tumble and injuring his knee in the process.  Brock gets up and laughs it off.  He charges Cena again, but Cena punches him with the chain.  Brock is bleeding now.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on the steps for the pin in 17:42.  Aside from the stupidity of putting Cena over in Brock’s first match back, this was awesome.

Cena takes the mic after the match and cuts a promo putting over Chicago.  He says he’s going home, which is a lie.

Good show.  There were a few really good matches.  The main event is soured by the stupidity of Brock losing so quickly.


TNA iMPACT! 2/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Chui

Recap of recent goings on.

“Don’t Be Roode”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers for a while.  He talks shit about Fortune.  Jeff Jarrett calls out Fortune, who do indeed come out: AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Jarrett challenges them to get in the ring, so they do.  Jarrett talks about how he gave them all the opportunity to be in TNA in the first place.  Roode tells Jarrett to STFU.  He says they took the opportunity Jarrett gave them and built TNA while they kept bringing in overpaid WWE washouts.  He calls Jarrett “slapnuts.”  A brawl breaks out.  Fortune are outnumbered, but Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, and Crimson make the save.

Tonight, Angle and Jarrett sign the contract for Against All Odds!  Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles & Robert Roode!  Ken Anderson defends the World Championship against Matt Morgan!

Winter and Velvet Sky scream at each other backstage.  Angelina Love tells them to chill the fuck out.  She tries to make peace.  It fails.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hernandez backstage.  He’s apparently working for Bischoff now.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Tables Match: Matt Hardy, Bully Ray, & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Rob Van Dam, Samoa Joe, & Brother Devon.  The faces hit the ring and brawl.  Devon takes Bubba out of the ring.  Joe chases Pope out of the arena.  Hardy and Van Dam go at it in the ring.  Hardy goes up top, but RVD kicks him in the head and knocks him to the floor.  Hardy tries to bring in a chair.  RVD hits a baseball slide dropkick and goes for a slingshot dive.  Hardy catches him with the chair.  Devon and Ray come back in the ring with their brawl.  Ray hits Devon in the balls.  He says he’ll get his own table.  He talks shit to Devon’s kids again.  They jump the the rail and grab Bubba’s feet on the apron.  Devon charges and knocks Ray off the apron through the table for the win in 3:11.  Well, there ya go.  Devon celebrates with his sons.

Tonight, Anderson vs. Morgan for the World title!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are obnoxious backstage.  Jarrett has snuck some stupid clause into the contract.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are in the ring with a bunch of security geeks.  Karen babbles about something.  Kurt Angle comes out.  Karen taunts him by talking about their kids.  Jarrett lays out the stupid stipulations.  If Angle wins, he gets custody of his kids.  If Jarrett wins, Angle has to give Karen away at their re-wedding.  Karen is not cool with this, but they sign the contract anyway.

Up next, clusterfuck women’s tag match!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, Sarita, & Rosita vs. Mickie James, TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter, & Velvet Sky.  Sarita and Love start.  Love gets a sunset flip for 2.  Love hits a diving cross body for 2.  Rosita cheap shots Love and tags in.  Sarita and Rosita double team Love.  Love catches Rosita on a cross body and slams her.  Velvet tags in.  Winter slaps her head.  They argue.  Sarita hits a backbreaker on Sky.  Rosita hits Sky with a moonsault press for the pin in 2:56 as Winter blocks her partners from making the save.  This was crap.  Everyone leaves.  Mickie challenges Madison to come fight.  Commercials.

Mickie James and Madison Rayne face off in the ring.  Madison screeches for a while.  That’s all.  This was pointless.

Jeff Hardy talks about Mr. Anderson and Matt Morgan.  He’ll face the winner of their match tonight in a Ladder Match at the PPV.

Still to come, Hardy & Jarrett vs. Styles & Roode!  Anderson vs. Morgan is NEXT!  Commercials.

Kurt Angle talks to AJ Styles and Robert Roode backstage.  He wants them to fuck Jeff Jarrett up tonight.  Roode offers to let Angle take his place tonight.  Angle agrees.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and sits on top of a horribly painted ladder to watch.  They lock up.  Morgan shoves Anderson into the corner.  Anderson grabs a side headlock and hits a shoulder block that fails to knock Morgan down.  Morgan grabs a headlock and hits a shoulder block that does knock Anderson down.  Morgan hits a hip toss.  Anderson takes out Morgan’s leg and hits a sliding lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Anderson ducks a short lariat and gets a schoolboy for 1.  Morgan hits a lariat for 2.  Morgan applies a rear chin lock.  They trade punches.  Anderson gets rolling and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson avoids the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan counters the Lambeau Leap.  Anderson hits a diving lariat for 2.  Morgan charges Anderson, crotches himself on the top rope, and falls out of the ring.  Morgan pulls Anderson’s head across the top rope.  Anderson accidentally bumps the ref.  Hernandez runs in through the crowd and attacks Morgan, ramming his head into the post.  Back inside, Anderson covers for the pin in 5:42.  This was good until the fuck finish.  Hernandez gets in the ring and attacks Anderson.  Hernandez hits a spinebuster.  Hardy delivers the Swanton Bomb to Anderson and poses with his fugly belt.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Bully Ray talks shit about Devon and his kids backstage.  He wants to face all 3 of them in a Street Fight at Against All Odds.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Suicide.  Robbie jumps the returning Suicide while Kendrick meditates in the corner.  Suicide fights back.  I think it’s Christopher Daniels.  Robbie sends Suicide out of the ring.  Kendrick beats up Robbie.  Suicide comes back in and gets decked by both guys.  Suicide comes back and runs wild.  Kendrick lands some kicks on Suicide.  Suicide hits his finish on Kendrick.  Cookie distracts the ref.  Robbie knocks Suicide out of the ring and pins Kendrick in 2:43.  There ya go.

Double Jeffs vs. Styles & Angle NEXT!  Commercials.

Ink Inc. talk about being weirdos.

Against All Odds hype.

Brother Devon (w/ his kids) talks about Bully Ray.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Jeff Hardy & Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle & AJ Styles.  Styles and Jarrett are to start, but Styles tags in Angle.  Jarrett immediately tags out, so Hardy and Angle start.  Angle gives Hardy a wrestling lesson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle sends Hardy into the corner.  Jarrett drops off the apron to avoid being tagged in because he’s a big pussy.  Styles tags in and beats up Hardy.  NOW Jarrett tags in.  He beats up Styles.  Styles grabs an arm lock and tags in Angle.  Jarrett scampers away and tags out.  Hardy and Angle go at it again.  Jarrett trips Angle from the outside.  Hardy hits a clothesline for 2.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  Angle fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Jarrett tags in now that Angle is down and out.  Jarrett beats on Angle while Karen taunts him.  Angle rallies, ducks an enzuigiri, and goes for the ankle lock.  Hardy saves.  Styles comes in.  The referee gets him out.  Jarrett tags Hardy behind the referee’s back, and of course since this is TNA the referee is perfectly fine with it.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Commercials.  Angle fires back on Hardy.  Hardy drops him with a clothesline.  Hardy goes up top.  Angle springs up and brings him down with an arm drag.  Styles and Jarrett tag in.  Styles runs wild.  Styles lands the Pele kick.  Hardy saves and gives Styles a front suplex.  Angle gives Hardy a German suplex.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam on Jarrett.  Jarrett escapes and bails.  Angle chases him back into the ring.  Jarrett gets the jump and tries to keep him out of the ring.  Karen gets in the way.  Styles hits the springboard flying forearm on Jarrett for the pin in 14:19.  Fun match.  Jarrett kicks Angle in the balls and gives Styles the Stroke.  Stroke to Angle as well.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate.  Fortune, Steiner, and Crimson hit the ring.  Immortal hit the ring.  Everybody brawls.  Immortal gets the better of it.  Rob Van Dam runs in and kicks heels in the face.  Matt Hardy takes out RVD’s leg.  Jarrett beats up Roode.  Mr. Anderson runs in and cleans house.  Mic Check to Rob Terry.  Fortune and friends stand tall.

Not a great show, but not the worst TNA show ever by any means.

WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders, & Chairs 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Houston, Texas!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts will presumably be taking turns playing ring announcer.

Triple Threat Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  Three-way brawl to start.  Crowd chants “KOFI!”  Ziggler is the first to climb for the belt while the other 2 guys are outside.  Kofi and Swagger come back in and push the ladder over.  Kofi and Swagger brawl a bit.  Swagger is sent outside.  Ziggler brings in another ladder to hit Kofi with.  It’s much shorter than the original ladder.  Ziggler makes a ladder bridge in the corner and throws Kofi onto it, then hits a neckbreaker off of it.  Swagger comes back in, wrist taped from an earlier spot with Kofi, and gives Ziggler the decapitator into the ladder.  Kofi springboards and kicks Swagger through the ladder.  Wacky stuff happens.  Ziggler hits a Fameasser on Kofi onto the ladder, which Swagger is under.  Cool spot.  Vickie Guerrero gets in the ring while everybody else is outside.  Vickie decides to climb the ladder.  Kofi climbs up the other side.  Vickie keeps climbing anyway.  Kofi teases pushing the ladder over.  Ziggler begs him to stop.  Swagger hits Kofi with a ladder.  Vickie climbs down, screams, and bails.  Swagger throws the small ladder at Ziggler.  Kofi sends Swagger outside.  Ziggler takes Kofi and himself outside.  Back inside, Swagger locks Kofi in the ankle lock.  Kofi tries to climb the ladder.  Ziggler climbs over him and tries to take down the belt.  Swagger tries to climb over Kofi.  Kofi knocks him down.  Kofi and Ziggler fight atop the ladder.  Ziggler locks in the sleeper on top of the ladder!  Kofi breaks free and knocks Ziggler to the mat.  Swagger climbs up and fights with Kofi.  They get the belt down, but drop it to the mat.  Ziggler grabs it and is declared the winner in 8:57.  Awesome match.  The finish sounded stupid on paper, but it was well executed.

Lawler blames Cole for encouraging people to interfere in Ladder matches.


Wade Barrett gives Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Husky Harris, and Michael McGillicutty a pep talk in the Nexus locker room.  David Otunga is out from being completely massacred on Raw.

Tables Match: Michelle McCool & Layla vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya & Beth Phoenix.  They brawl.  Phoenix and Natalya hit slams, then bring in the painted pink table from Smackdown.  Phoenix gets both of LayCool on her shoulders.  They escape, but get clotheslined.  McCool gets knocked off the apron, but overshoots a ringside table.  LayCool get the advantage and beat up Beth and Nattie.  Beth takes a nasty bump out the ring.  LayCool bring in another table and work over Natalya.  McCool goes for a top rope Styles Clash.  Beth revives and makes the save.  Beth goes for a press slam, but McCool escapes.  LayCool make a comeback.  Layla sends Natalya out of the ring.  Layla tries to suplex Phoenix through a table, but fails because she’s weak.  Natalya comes back in.  They go for a double press slam, but McCool saves.  Natalya goes for a catapult on McCool, but Layla saves.  Natalya puts both of them in the Sharpshooter!  She holds them as Beth sets up the special table.  Beth and Natalya get psyched up, but LayCool rally.  They send Beth outside and double team Natalya.  LayCool go for a double superplex on Natalya, but Phoenix makies the save.  Layla rams her into the post.  They go for the superplex again.  Natalya pushes them both off onto the table, but they’re so skinny the table doesn’t break.  Natalya comes off the top with a splash through the table to win it in 9:24.  Really good match.  Best women’s match I’ve seen in a long time.

Lots and lots of WWE on USA this week!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane cuts an awesome Christmas promo backstage, then tears up some presents and a Christmas tree.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Santino cuts a hilarious promo.  He says that TLC stands for “Totally Lethal Cobra.”  Love this promo.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Santino Marella & Valdimir Kozlov (c) vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus (w/ Michael McGillcutty & Husky Harris).  Gabriel and Santino start with a great sequence.  Santino drops Gabriel with an elbow smash.  Slater tags in and gets schooled by Santino.  They have a good exchange too.  Slater gets the advantage and works over Santino.  Crowd chants “Wendy!” at Slater.  Santino frightens Slater by threatening the Cobra, then tags in Kozlov.  Kozlov beats up Slater and sends him out of the ring with a fall away slam.  Kozlov goes outside and rams Slater into the apron.  Harris chop blocks Kozlov’s leg behind the referee’s back.  Nexus get the heat on Kozlov.  Kozlov sends Slater flying with a battering ram headbutt and makes the hot tag.  Santino runs wild on Gabriel and goes for the Cobra.  McGillicutty attacks Santino to cause the DQ in 6:28.  Really fun match.  The Nexus beat the hell out of Santino and Kozlov.  Wade Barrett comes out with a chair and beats the tag champs with it.  Those bastards!

Please, don’t try this at home!

Smackdown vs. Raw 2011!

Moments ago, The Nexus beat up Santino & Kozlov!

Ladder Match to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  Sheamus is still wearing his kingly regalia.  They lock up.  King Sheamus gets a side headlock takeover and lands a shoulder block.  They lock up again and tumble out of the ring together.  Sheamus sends Morrison into the barricade, then makes a ladder bridge between the apron and the announce table.  He whips Morrison, who slides under the ladder.  Morrison beats up Sheamus.  Sheamus rallies and throws Morrison into the crowd.  Morrison comes off the barricade with a clothesline.  Back in the ring, the fight with a ladder.  Morrison comes off the top rope, leaps OVER the ladder, and hits Sheamus with a corkscrew elbow smash.  Morrison sets up the ladder in a way that he wouldn’t be able to get the contract anyway.  Sheamus traps him the tree of woe on the ladder, then pushes the ladder over onto him, presumably as punishment for his stupidity.  Sheamus works Morrison’s knee, which was injured in the fall.  Sheamus uses the ladder brilliantly to destroy the shit out of Morrison’s knee.  Sheamus finally climbs the ladder.  Morrison throws another ladder at him to knock him down.  Awesome.  Sheamus seems to take offense to the fact that Morrison is still fighting, so he destroys the shit out of Morrison’s knee some more.  Morrison hits a drop toe hold, sending Sheamus crashing into the ladder that he was holding.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a head kick.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker.  They bring in new ladders.  LADDER FIGHT!  Morrison wins.  Awesome.  He sets up a ladder bridge in the corner.  Morrison gives Sheamus an atomic drop onto a ladder, then sends him outside.  Morrison throws the ladder outside onto Sheamus.  Morrison sets up the ladder that he had used to make the bridge that was never used.  He climbs the ladder as best he can with one leg.  Sheamus comes back in and delivers the brogue kick to the injured knee!  Sheamus throws Morrison outside  and climbs the ladder.  The contract is too far away.  Morrison hobbles up the ladder and knocks Sheamus down.  Sheamus pulls Morrison off the ladder and goes for a powerbomb, but Morrison sends him out of the ring with a headscissors!  Morrison hops up the ladder.  Sheamus comes back in and pushes the ladder over.  Sheamus goes for a move, but Morrison slips out.  Sheamus back body drops him out of the ring.  Morrison narrowly avoids the ladder bridge.  Morrison makes it back up and tries to fucking superplex Sheamus off the in-ring ladder.  Sheamus fights him off.  They fight on the ladder.  Sheamus ends up taking the bump out of the ring THROUGH the ladder bridge.  Morrison comes back in and climbs the ladder.  Sheamus struggles his way back into the ring and tries to push the ladder over.  Morrison catches the rope with his foot, tips the ladder back over and drops Sheamus with a kick.  Morrison hops up the ladder and takes down the contract to win it in 19:08.  Fucking great match.  I love that Morrison never stopped selling the injured knee.

Buy crappy WWE movies for Christmas!

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion The Miz.  He has Alex Riley bring him the belt in a briefcase for some reason.

Todd Grisham tries to interview Wade Barrett, but Husky Harris won’t let him.  They go into the locker room and find that Gabriel, Slater, and McGillicutty have been beaten up.

Tables Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Randy Orton.  They show the night Miz back door’d his way into the title.  Orton beats up Miz to start.  If it’s a Tables Match, why isn’t Riley openly interfering?  Riley pulls Miz out of the corner to help him avoid Orton.  The referee bitches at him, but what the hell is he going to do about it?  Orton throws Miz out of the ring and pulls out a table from under the ring.  Orton beats up Miz.  Riley puts the table back under the ring.  Orton suplexes Miz on the floor.  Orton tries to bring in the table again, but Miz kicks it into his face.  They finally get the table set up.  Orton goes for a powerslam off the steps.  Miz slips out and trips Orton, sending Orton’s face into the steps.  Miz hits Orton with the steps and sets up another table.  The table collapses when Miz puts Orton on it.  Miz sets it back up and checks its sturdiness.  He puts Orton on the table and goes to the top rope.  Orton gets off the table.  Miz goes after him and gets his ass kicked.  Miz fights back and takes Orton back inside.  Miz hits the corner clothesline.  Orton hits an Angle Slam.  Orton throws a table on top of Miz.  You’ve got it backwards, Randy.  Orton hits a superplex, but Riley moves the table out of the way and takes it out of the ring.  They trade punches.  Orton hits some clotheslines and a powerslam.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER.  Riley tries to attack Orton on the outside, but gets clotheslined.  Orton brings a table back into the ring.  Orton hits the 3.0 and humps the mat.  He sets up a powerbomb.  Riley distracts Orton.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale.  Orton pushes him off and bumps the ref.  Orton RKOs Riley and powerbombs him through the table.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton, then moves Riley and puts Orton in the broken table.  Miz revives the referee, who awards him the match in 13:00.  Awesome finish.  But wait!  The referee sees the replay and orders the match to CONTINUE!  A pissed off Orton beats the shit out of Miz.  Orton throws Miz back into the ring and gets on the apron.  Miz throws Riley into Orton, sending Orton crashing through a table.  Miz wins for real in 15:16.  Good match.  I love both of the finishes.

Royal Rumble hype.

Rosa Mendez admires Alberto Del Rio’s car.  They speak Spanish to each other.  Edge jumps in the back seat.  Del Rio says he doesn’t care of Edge abducts his ring announcer.  Edge puts over his experience in TLC matches.


Tony Chimel does a poor job of explaining a TLC match.  Rey Mysterio is rocking a Gene Simmons mask tonight.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Fatal Four-Way Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge.  Kane and Del Rio attack their respective rivals.  Kane and Edge brawl outside while Del Rio and Mysterio brawl in the ring.  Mysterio sends Del Rio into the turnbuckle with a flying headscissors, then hits a sliding dropkick.  Kane and Edge knock each other down on the outside.  Striker says some factually incorrect things.  Mysterio climbs the ladder.  Del Rio pushes it over.  Mysterio takes advantage of the opportunity to take out Kane and Edge on the way down.  Del Rio climbs the ladder.  Mysterio brings in another ladder.  Del Rio cuts him off with a kick.  Mysterio gives Del Rio a drop toe hold into a ladder.  Mysterio climbs the vertical ladder.  Del Rio grabs his leg and throws him at the corner ladder.  Mysterio saves himself and hits Del Rio with a seated senton using the ladder.  Kane and Edge make it into the ring and brawl.  Kane throws a ladder at Mysterio and Del Rio on the outside, then tries to chokeslam Edge.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Edge brings in a tall ladder.  Kane sets a ladder on the apron.  Edge hits him with a baseball slide dropkick into the ladder.  Edge sets up a table on the outside.  Kane rams Edge’s head into the announce table, throws him over the barricade, boots Del Rio in the face, and punches Mysterio.  Kane is on a rampage!  Kane tries to set up a table and breaks the legs off.  He punches Mysterio again in frustration and stomps Del Rio in frustration.  Kane goes for a double chokeslam through the table on Mysterio and Del Rio, but Edge prevents it.  All 3 opponents gang up on Kane, then Edge and Mysterio turn on Del Rio.  Kane rallies and kicks everyone’s ass.  Edge sends Kane into the post.  Edge and Mysterio put Kane on a table at ringside.  Edge comes off of the ladder in the ring and splashes Kane through the table.  Mysterio and Del Rio fight in the ring.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri.  Del Rio tries to use a chair.  Mysterio gives him a drop toe hold and goes for the 619.  Edge spears Mysterio and Del Rio in quick succession.  Edge climbs the ladder.  Kane comes back in and pushes it over.  Edge crotches himself on the top rope.  Del Rio and Mysterio clothesline Kane out of the ring.  Kane pulls them both out and kicks their asses.  Kane hits everyone with a chair.  Everyone is on the stage now.  Del Rio hits Kane with an enzuigiri.  Edge follows with a spear on Kane.  Mysterio climbs the prop tables hanging from the set and gives Kane the seated senton.  Mysterio runs down the ring and tries to set up the tall ladder.  Del Rio makes it back to the ring to cut him off.  Edge makes it back too.  Mysterio hits Del Rio with the 619.  He tries to deliver one to Edge, but Edge holds up a chair that catches Mysterio’s legs.  Edge and Del Rio climb the ladder.  Mysterio sets up a shorter ladder next to them and climbs up,.  He knocks Del Rio off and switches over to the tall ladder.  Edge and Mysterio fight at the top of the ladder.  They both crash to the mat.  Ricardo tries to revive Del Rio, then says “fuck it” and climbs the ladder himself.  Kane has made it back to the ring.  Ricardo begs off, but Kane chokeslams him off the ladder.  Kane chokeslams Del Rio, then chokeslams Edge off the apron through a table.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold onto a chair, then gives Kane the 619, then knocks him out of the ring with a chair shot.  Mysterio climbs the ladder.  Del Rio comes in and pulls him down.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special and tortures Rey’s arm.  Rey taps, but it doesn’t count.  Del Rio climbs the ladder and touches the belt.  Mysterio pushes the ladder over.  Del Rio takes a crazy bump off the ladder through a ringside table.  Mysterio climbs the ladder.  Kane comes back to life.  Mysterio tries a springboard moonsault, but Kane catches him and hits the Tombstone Piledriver!  Kane laughs.  He has a cut on his head.  I hope they don’t stomp the match to tend to it like morons.  Kane climbs the ladder.  Edge comes back in and its him with a chair a bunch.  Edge spears Kane off the apron and Kane crashes through a table.  Edge climbs the ladder and takes down the belt to become a 10-time World Champion in 22:44.  Crazy fun match.

Lots of USA on WWE this week!

National Guard rules!

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out in a suit and bashes the crowd for being fat.  The Big Santa and the Bella Twins come out and throw out gifts.  Rhodes makes fun of him walking around in his underwear in Knucklehead.  Show plugs the DVD and tells Rhodes to stop being such an uptight jerk.  Rhodes bitches about not being in movies.  Show offers him a role in Knucklehead 2 and touches his suit.  Rhodes throws a fit about the latter.  Show gives him a spinebuster and rips his suit off.

Wade Barrett and Husky Harris walk backstage.  Harris walks through a door way and is hit by a chair.  John Cena says “That’s everybody.  See you out there!”

TLC song!  It sucks.  You can download the suckitude on iTunes.


CM Punk comes out to replace Striker on commentary for the main event.  He should have done that before the first match.

Chair Match: Wade Barrett vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Barrett tries to bail, but Cena takes him over with a side headlock.  Cena hits a shoulder block.  Barrett bails and goes for a chair.  Cena cuts him off and throws chairs away so Barrett can’t get them.  Barrett drops him with a punch and gets his hands on a chair.  Barrett swings, missers, and hits the announce table, swings, misses, and hits the post, swings, misses, and hits the steps.  Cena bails into the ring, then bails again to grab a chair of his own.  CHAIR FIGHT!  They hit chairs, then drop them.  Lame.  Cena beats down Barrett, then sets up a chair and bulldogs Barrett into it.  Cover gets 2.  Cena swings a chair, but Barrett hides behind the referee.  They fight over the chair and throw it outside.  Barrett beats up Cena.  Barrett hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  Barrett drops Cena with a series of punches.  Outside, Barrett whips Cena into the steps.  Barrett swings a chair at Cena’s head, but Cena avoids it and crawls up the aisle.  Barrett follows and wallops him with a chair.  Barrett carries the steps halfway up the aisle, then wallops Cena across the back with another chair on the stage.  Barrett goes for something on the stage, but Cena back body drops him.  Cena disappears, then comes back with a rolling office chair.  He puts Barrett in the chair, pours water on him to wake him up, then rolls him down the ramp into the steps.  Awesome spot.  Barrett hits Cena in the gut with a chair and boots him in the head.  Barrett puts a chair around Cena’s neck and rams him into the post.  Ouch.  Back inside, Barrett works Cena’s neck with a chair.  Barrett sits on the chair on top of Cena.  Cena powers the chair up and pushes Barrett over.  Cena blocks the oncoming chair and goes for his comeback, but shoulder blocks a chair.  Barrett ties Cena up in the ropes and beats on him.  Barrett hits him in the gut and back with the chair.  Cena’s selling is so fucking great.  Cena fights out and hits the spinning suplex deal and the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett slips out and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles.  He tries to throw Cena into it, but Cena counters him.  He goes for the STF, but Barrett kicks him off into the chair.  Cover gets 2.  Barrett comes off the middle rope with a chair elbow drop, but Cena avoids it.  Cena gets the chair and wallops Barret with it in the gut and back.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser with the chair!  Cena sets up 6 open chairs facing each other and gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment onto the contraption.  Fucking ouch.  Cena gets the pin in 19:10.  Great match.

Cena decides he’s not done with Barrett just yet.  He follows Barrett up the ramp and whacks him with the chair some more.  Barrett tries to crawl away around the set.  Cena puts Barrett under a giant palette and pulls the prop chairs hanging from the set down onto it.  Great blow off to the feud.

Fantastic show.  Thumbs WAY up.  I highly recommend it.

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2010 by Chui

WWE open.

John Cena and Randy Orton stand in front of the Roulette Wheel.  Josh Matthews announces the return of Raw Roulette!  Cena has Eve Torres spin the wheel for his match with Orton tonight.  It’s a Tables Match!  Orton leaves.  Matthews reminds Cena about the time he fell through a table and lost the WWE Championship to Sheamus.

Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest star (they’ve finally stopped calling them guest hosts), Chad Ochocinco.  Never heard of him.  He plays football here in Cincinnati, so he is well liked by the fans.  He talks awkwardly for a bit.  WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out.  They talk shit to each other.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  As always, the crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker throws it to the back, where Alicia Fox spins the wheel for Miz’s match tonight.  It’s a Submission Match!  Another email from the iBooker says Ochocinco gets to pick Miz’s opponent.  He picks Daniel Bryan!  Commercials.

Non-Title Submission Match: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  JIP.  Danielson beats up Miz.  Alex Riley is at ringside.  It’s not mentioned where he came from.  Miz avoids Danielson’s charge in the corner and chop blocks his leg, then goes to work on it.  Miz locks in a figure-four leglock.  Danielson easily turns it over.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz gets a rope break and bails.  Riley checks on Miz.  Miz doesn’t seem to want to fight anymore.  He says he has a hernia, so he’s bailing on the match to protect himself for the PPV.  Ring announcer says Miz wins by forfeit.  Miz says Bryan can face his substitute, Riley.  I guess Bryan wins by forfeit (about 2 1/2 minutes shown).

Submission Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz).  Riley is wrestling in street clothes.  Riley goes on the attack and goes for a stretch muffler.  Danielson counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 36 seconds.  Miz attacks Danielson and beats him down.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale onto the title belt, but Danielson counters into the LeBell Lock and Miz taps out.  It worked.

Jillian Hall spins the wheel for Edge.  They sing.  The wheel keeps spinning.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs. Evan Bourne.  They lock up.  Bourne lands some kicks.  Edge catches him and goes for a slam, but Bourne holds onto the top rope, escapes, and rocks Edge with a kick.  Bourne goes for a slam, but Edge counts and hits the Edge-O-Matic.  Edge slams him for the win in 1:16.  Edge spears Bourne after the match, just to be a dick.  The iBooker sends yet another email saying that since Edge had to be a dick after the match, he’s going to have another body slam match against Mark Henry!

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs. Mark Henry.  They fuck around a bit.  Edge fails at slamming Henry.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam to win it in 33 seconds.  This was silly.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton in a Tables Match!  Commercials.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out for a song & dance challenge against R-Truth & Eve Torres.  UGH.  R-Truth raps a new song while Eve dances.  I had heard a while back that he was getting new music, so maybe this is it.  Dibiase says this is stupid.  He is correct.  Dibiase sings “My Way” horribly whole Maryse dances, which isn’t nearly as hot as Eve dancing was.  Dibiase and Maryse jump Truth and Eve, but get their asses kicked.  Truth and Eve rap and dance some more.  Stupid segment, but at least Eve’s dancing is hot.

The Bella Twins are backstage with Chad Ochocinco and William Regal.  Regal will be in a Trading Places Match.  Ochocinco explains that it means you have to dress like your opponent.  His opponent is Goldust.  That match would rule without stupid gimmicks.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes in.  Ochocinco tells him he’ll face John Morrison next, and if Morrison wins he’s in the Six Pack Challenge at the PPV.  The Bellas spin the wheel, and Sheamus makes the deal for a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  I’m cool with that.  Sheamus talks shit to Ochocinco, who calls him the Red Rooster.  Commercials.

Edge is all pissed off in his locker room.  Zack Ryder comes in and asks him while the GM hates him.  Edge calls him a tool again, which greatly upsets Ryder.  Edge says when he wins the title, he’s gonna do a hold out.  Whatever that means.  Sheamus comes in, taking offense to that.  Ryder is a tool some more, then leaves.  Sheamus tells Edge to pay attention to what he does next.

John Morrison warms up for his match by running around the backstage area and jumping on, over, and around shit.

Sheamus vs. Morrison is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, John Morrison beat Chris Jericho, causing Jericho to lose his spot in the Six Pack Challenge Match.

Non-Title Falls Count Anywhere Match: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats on Morrison.  Morrison gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison slides under Sheamus and lands a dropkick for 2.  Sheamus throws Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison slips back in and dropkicks Sheamus off the apron.  Morrison hits a rana from the apron, then a running knee on the floor for 2.  Morrison backdrops Sheamus over the barricade and into the people, then leapfrogs the barricade and tackles him.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits the small penis uranage backbreaker (they DO call it the Irish Curse).  Sheamus front suplexes Morrison into a barricade for 2.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Morrison moves and Sheamus kicks over a trunk.  They brawl onto the stage.  Sheamus rams Morrison’s head into the stage and covers him for 2.  Sheamus beats up Morrison.  Morrison fights back.  Sheamus throws him off the stage, but Morrison lands on his feet.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a kick and hits the Flying Chuck off the stage for 2.  Sheamus throws Morrison into the barricade for 2.  Sheamus goes for a suplex on the concrete floor, but Morrison counters.  Sheamus grabs a chair.  Morrison comes off the the titan tron with a diving cross body for 2.  Chris Jericho appears and hits Morrison in the back with the chair.  That dick!  Sheamus gets the pin in 6:42.  Really fun match.  Jericho sits in the chair in the ring.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Chris Jericho is still sitting in the ring.  He’s staging a sit in until he gets back in the Six Pack Challenge Match.  If he doesn’t get it, he quits.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Jericho tells him to shut up and read it.  iBooker says there’s “no chance in hell” this is going to work.  Jericho isn’t buying the insinuation that it’s Vince.  Another email.  Cole wants to do his whole routine every time, but Jericho tells him to shut up.  iBooker says the Six Pack Challenge will be an Elimination Match, and Jericho is back in.  Jericho is pleased with this and won’t let Cole read the rest.  iBooker says to never interrupt him again.  The stipulation is that Jericho has to win his match right now against The Hart Dynasty… and it’s a Steel Cage Match!  Jericho is pissed that he has to wrestle in a cage in his suit.  Commercials.

Handicap Steel Cage Match: Chris Jericho vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  JIP.  Harts double team Jericho.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Harts hit the Hart Attack.  They both climb the cage.  Smith escapes, but Jericho cuts off Kidd.  Kidd hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline and beats up Kidd.  Kidd tries to escape out the door.  Jericho pulls him back in and hits a backdrop suplex.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Kidd escapes and makes his comeback.  Jericho gets whipped to the corner and tries to climb out.  Kidd rams his head into the cage, sending him down to the mat.  Kidd goes for a missile dropkick, but Jericho catches his legs and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Kidd counters into a front cradle for 2, then locks in the Sharpshooter.  Jericho gets to the ropes and escape.  Jericho elevates Kidd to the top rope.  Kidd tries to escape the cage.  Jericho cuts him off.  Kidd rams Jericho’s head into the cage and goes for a top rope Frankensteiner.  Jericho blocks it and locks him in the Walls of Jericho for the win (5:17 shown).  This was actually really good.  Barely even worth mentioning, but it annoyed me: Cole said Jericho had to beat both guys to win, but he only beat one.  I’ll give WWE the benefit of the doubt and assume that it was just Cole being an idiot.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton in a Tables Match!  Commercials.

Hall of Famer Pete Rose is in the crowd!


Trading Places Match: Goldust vs. William Regal.  They’re dressed as each other, because silliness = ratings.  Regal does the Goldust breathing bit.  Goldust pulls brass knuckles out of his trunks and KO’s Regal for the pin in 26 seconds.  These two have had an awesome match on WWE TV in the past month.  This wasn’t it.

Cena vs. Orton is NEXT!  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler hype the Night of Champions card.

Chad Ochocinco does a horrible job of being guest ring announcer for the main event.  They show Orton RKO’ing Wade Barrett, Darren Young, Edge, and Sheamus is quick succession last week.

Tables Match: Randy Orton vs. John Cena.  I don’t care if they haven’t wrestled in almost a year, I have no interest in this match.  They lock up.  They break.  They lock up again.  Cena grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  This time, Orton grabs the side headlock, then hits a shoulder block.  Orton slowly beats up Cena.  He tries to suplex Cena from the apron to a ringside table, but Cena blocks it.  Orton almost falls through the table, but doesn’t  Commercials.  They trad punches.  Orton hits the 3.0.  Orton stomps on Cena.  Orton punches Cena as Cena stands on the apron, trying to cause Cena to fall through another ringside table.  Cena fights back and hits the Fisherman suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton counters into a DDT.  Lawler calls it an RKO because he’s fucking retarded.  Orton brings a table into the ring and sets it up in the corner.  Cena makes his comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjusment again, but Orton counters it and hits come clotheslines and a powerslam.  Cena takes Orton down with a drop toe hold and locks in the STF.  The Nexus run out and attack Cena.  Orton RKOs Michael Tarver.  They attack Orton too.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Otunga, then throws Slater out of the ring through a table.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Cena.  Barrett and Gabriel bring a table into the ring, even though there was still a perfectly good table in the corner.  Barrett puts Cena on the table and Gabriel goes up top.  Orton pushes Gabriel off the top rope through another ringside table.  Barrett drops Orton with a big boot, then goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and pushes him off the apron through yet another table at ringside.  Orton humps the mat.  Edge and Chris Jericho run in and attack Orton.  Orton fights back and causes Edge to accidentally spear Jericho through the corner table.  Sheamus runs in and attacks Orton, then knocks Cena off the apron with a running thigh.  Cena reverses Sheamus and hits the Attitude Adjustment on the floor.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Cena, but Cena counters and goes for the Attitude Adjustment through the table.  They both go through the table.  Orton supposedly reversed it into the RKO, so he wins in 16:48.  A clusterfuck mess, but kind of fun.

Not the best show ever, but kind of fun, and with some good stuff sprinkled in.

TNA iMPACT! 2/25/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Chui

Abyss is showing off the ring Hogan gave him to Jeremy Borash, Kazarian, Generation Me, Amazing Red, and Jay Lethal.  Abyss says “I thought last week was going to be the worst day ever, but it ended up being the greatest day in the history of my life.”

Video package of all that’s happened to Abyss recently, culminating in Hulk Hogan giving Abyss his Hall of Fame ring last week.

iMPACT! open.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts!  They hype the matches that have been signed for TONIGHT!

The TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles, comes out with Ric Flair.  They show their beatdown of The Pope last week.  Styles cuts a promo on The Pope.  Flair rants and raves about Hogan giving his Hall of Fame ring to Abyss.  Flair calls out “The Abyss.”  ABYSS COMES OUT TO “AMERICAN MADE!”  Flair rants and raves at Abyss.  Abyss replies with the great line, “You’re right, I couldn’t shine your shoes, BECAUSE I’M NOT A SHOE SHINE BOY!”  Abyss offers to shove Styles’ shoes up Flair’s ass.  Styles screams at Abyss.  Abyss points at Styles and yells “YOU!” ala Hogan hulking up.  Hogan comes out.  Hogan addresses Styles.  Flair yells at Hogan.  Flair and Styles challenge Hogan and Abyss to fight, then beg off.  Flair says before the night is over, the ring will be on Styles’ finger.  Good opening segment.

TNA moves to Monday on March 8!

Mick Foley arrives at the building.

Tenay and Taz hype the card for tonight again.

Moments ago, the Hogan & Abyss/Flair & Styles stuff happened.

Tables Match: The Nasty Boys (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Team 3D.  They start brawling on the ramp, then Devon and Sags brawl in the ring while Ray and Knobs brawl outside.  They switch brawling locations.  Everybody ends up in the ring.  WASSUP headbutt on Sags.  Ray tells Devon to get the tables.  3D sets up the table.  The Nastys deck them.  They hip toss Devon, but Ray moves the table.  Ray goes up top(!), but Hart grabs his leg and causes him to get thrown off.  Jesse Neal comes out and grabs the helmet from Hart.  He throws the helmet to 3D, who uses it, then 3Ds Sags through the table for the win in 3:51.  Meh.

Foley bitches at Eric Bischoff over his shenanigans last week.  At least Foley got a nice suit out of the deal.  Bischoff tells Foley to suit up.

ODB vs. Daffney.  Daffney tries to charge ODB before the bell, but ODB avoids her.  ODB has the advantage.  PIP of Christy Hemme interviewing the Knockouts Champion, Tara, who got destroyed by Daffney last week.  Daffney gets the advantage on ODB.  Why is Tara addressing someone who is in the ring and can’t see it?  Daffney attacks ODB’s knee, eventually hitting it with the steps for the DQ in 2:07.  Daffney attacks the knee with a broomstick.  Dr. Stevie comes out to restrain her again.

JB interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan and Hernandez.  They’ve made up after their little tiff.  They’re ready to face the competition in the tag team division.

Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are shown digging through the trash.

Beer Money are in the house, and they HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!  We’ll find out what NEXT!  Another one of TNA’s stupid bit within a commercial break.!

Beer Money is in the ring.  They cut a promo.  They’re pissed that they have hardly been featured under the new regime.  Hernandez comes out, puts them over, and says he’s going to Hogan to ask him to make a Tag title match with Beer Money.  Roode agrees.

JB interviews Kevin Nash and Eric Young.  They want to fight Hall and Pac.

Jeff Jarrett storms into Bischoff’s office and bitches him out.  He doesn’t want to hear any of Bischoff’s shit.  Bischoff tells Jarrett to meet him in the ring tonight and he’ll give Jarrett “a better opportunity.”  A better opportunity to get fired?  Get jumped by the goon squad?  STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!

TNA moves to Monday on March 8!

Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Eric Bischoff comes to the ring.  He gets heavily booed, but no-sells it.  He asks Jeff Jarrett to come out, and even lets him have his music this week.  Bischoff has some chick bring out the barbed wire bat that’s been the cause of much grief lately.  He tells Jarrett that he did the right thing in not using it last week.  However, he didn’t do the ring thing by Bischoff.  Bischoff gives Jarrett one more chance to do the right thing: go to catering and flip burgers.  Bischoff gives him a spatula and a hairnet.  Poor Jarrett.

Commercial inset: Abyss vs. Desmond Wolfe TONIGHT!

Matt Morgan is mad at Hernandez for setting up the title defense against Beer Money without his knowledge.  Morgan didn’t want serious competition.  I smell a heel turn!

TNA X Divison Championship #1 Contender Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian.  Kendrick attacks Kazarian’s arm to start.  Kazarian fights back and hits a leg drop from the apron, dropkick in the corner, nip up, replays.  Kendrick avoids Kazarian in the corner and schoolboys him for 2.  Kendrick rocks him with an enzuigiri and hits a swank neckbreaker.  PIP of Samoa Joe being kindnapped last week.  Yeah, when the hell are they going to address that?  Kazarian puts Kendrick up top, then misses a kick.  Kazarian hits the Flux Capacitor for the pin in 2:34.  It was okay.  Kazarian gets the title shot at Destination X.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young are taping their fists.

JB interviews Abyss, who challenges anyone to try to take his ring.  “Bring a chainsaw, bring a see-saw, bring whatever you want!”

TNA Global Championship hype.  Tonight, Rob Terry defends that title against Mr. Anderson!

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  He says he’ll win his first TNA gold tonight.  He says Terry is “as strong as six gorillas.”  He then says he’s been in the ring with six gorillas, and he beat them by DQ.  Okay, THAT was funny.

Kurt Angle is headed our way!

TNA moves to Monday on March 8.  BE THERE!  Actually, record it or download it and watch it after you watch Raw.

Rob Terry is getting ready.  Brutus Magnus tells him not to bite the hand that feeds him.  Terry tells him to piss off.

Rob Terry comes out for his title defense.  Ken Anderson cuts a promo on the stage, making fun of Kurt Angle.  Angle comes up through the stage like usual entrance, holding a chair.  He stands there for a while, letting Anderson talk, then wallops him in the back with the chair.  Angle motions for Terry to come to the stage.  Crowd chants “BREAK HIS ANKLE!”  Terry picks up Anderson and carries him to the ring.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Ken Anderson.  Terry throws Anderson into the ring, picks him up, running powerslam, and the pin in 24 seconds.

Jeff Jarrett is flipping burgers.

Mick Foley comes back into the building with a trench coat covering what is presumably his bitchin’ new suit.


They show all the shit that’s gone down with The Band since January 4.

Eric Young and Kevin Nash go out into the parking lot.  Young starts brawling with Waltman.  Off camera, Hall hits Nash in the knee with a lead pipe.  Hall chokes Young and tells him to stay out of it.  Waltman drops Young with a kick, then spray paints “4 Life” on his back.  Well that didn’t turn out well.

Abyss can “feel the enthusiasm” of all the Hulkamaniacs.

Jeff Jarrett is still flipping burgers.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone, making fun of the Raw guest host deal.  Mick Foley comes in.  He suited up!  He already got mustard on his jacket because he saw Jeff Jarrett working the grill in catering.  Bischoff sends him to etiquette school.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Abyss now has his theme mixed with “American Made.”  Awesome.  Wolfe attacks Abyss’ arm and neck.  Not much happens, then Abyss squashes Wolfe in the corner and goes for the chokeslam.  Wolfe awesomely counters with his awesome hammerlock drop.  Abyss catches Wolfe with the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 1:54.  Poor Wolfe.  Ric Flair and Styles come out and attack Abyss.  Abyss fights them off, but Wolfe attacks Abyss with a chair.  Abyss hulks up, but Flair and Styles jump him from behind.  Wolfe handcuffs Abyss to the top rope and they beat on him.  Hulk Hogan comes in to make the save.  Flair clips his knee and they commence to beating down Hogan.  Styles clocks Hogan with the World title belt.  Abyss can’t do anything but watch Hogan get demolished.  Hogan is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Abyss uses the power of the ring to break the handcuffs and runs the heels off.  Commercials!

Moments ago, that stuff happened!

Hogan and Abyss are still in the ring.  Hogan announces himself & Abyss vs. Styles & Flair for the March 8 iMPACT!  Tenay says “HOLY *BLEEEEP*!”


iMPACT! continues to be a more watchable show.