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TNA iMPACT! 4/26/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week…” video.

“Mr. Monday Night”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, AJ Styles & Sting face Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy, plus Ric Flair takes on Abyss!  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  David Penzer is the ring announcer.

Hulk Hogan comes out and babbles for a while, then introduces the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.  Damned if that belt doesn’t look good on him.  Van Dam tells “Hulkie” that from now on, he is to be known as “Mr. TNA.”  Hogan seems to approve.  RVD makes some pot references and talks about how awesome he is.  AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out.  Hogan says they weren’t invited.  Is anyone ever?  Crowd chants “EX WORLD CHAMP!” at AJ.  Styles talks shit to both of them and raises some valid points.  Flair cuts a typically great promo on Hogan.

The Beautiful People bitch about Madison Rayne having to defend the Knockouts Title tonight.  Lacey is stupid.  I’m pretty sure that’s the point.

Tara/Angelina Love/Beautiful People video.

Three-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich) vs. Angelina Love vs. Tara.  The Beautiful People are ejected by the referee before the match.  Tara clotheslines Rayne.  Love and Tara stare at each other, then fight.  Rayne comes in and tries to steal the pin, but gets beaten up by Love.  Tara attacks Love again.  Love gets hurt.  Rayne knocks Tara out of the ring.  Commercials.  Love beats up Rayne.  Tara is still selling on the outside.  Rayne tries to bail, but Love pulls her back in and hits a World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Tara comes back in and throws Love into the post and out of the ring.  Rayne schoolgirls Tara for 2.  Tara hits a snap suplex into a guillotine.  It sure looked like Rayne was tapping.  Rayne hits a shitty face plant.  Love comes back in and fights them both.  Tara hits an airplane spin into a side slam on Love.  Rayne knocks Love into Tara, then schoolgirls Love for the pin in 8:19 (including commercials).  This sucked.  Tara and Love brawl after the match.

Sting & Styles vs. The Jeffs TONIGHT!  Plus, Flair vs. Abyss!

Shannon Moore is getting ready!

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TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Shannon Moore.  Kaz is still belt-less.  They lock up and wrestle.  Nice exchange of arm drags.  Kazarian avoids a leg a drop.  Moore hits a rana and an atomic drop, then a leg drop for 2.  Kazarian hits a cool slingshot arm drag and a spinning neckbreaker for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Moore counters.  Kazarian shoves Moore into the referee.  Moore goes up top.  Kazarian rocks him with a kick and goes for a Frankensteiner, but Moore knocks him off.  Matt Morgan runs out and shoves Moore off the top rope, then throws him back in the ring.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver for the pin in 4:20.  It was an alright little match.  Not as good as the match from a few weeks ago, though.  SAMOA JOE comes out and MURDER DEATH KILLS Kazarian and gives him the Muscle Buster.  Bad ass.

Abyss cuts a promo in some darkened backstage area.

TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan asks Jesse Neal to defend the titles with him.  Neal says no, based on how Morgan treats his tag partners.  Morgan brings up Neal’s Navy buddy who died, which makes Neal start to reconsider.

AJ Styles is headed our way!

Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy are also headed our way!

Falls Count Anywhere Match: AJ Styles & Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy.  Everybody brawls.  Hardy and Styles brawl outside.  Sting and Jarrett brawl in the ring.  Hardy suplexes Styles on the ramp for 2.  Sting and Jarrett brawl in the crowd.  This match has 2 referees.  That’s smart.  Everybody comes back to the ring and breaks down into a tag match.  Why?  Styles low blows Jarrett to escape a sleeper.  Jarrett tags Hardy, but the referee doesn’t allow it because he didn’t see it IN A FUCKING NO DQ MATCH.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKERS?  Jarrett and Sting do a double down.  Jeff gets the tag again, but the referee STILL DIDN’T SEE IT.  Jeff says “Fuck this shit” and kicks Styles’ ass anyway.  Sting leaves.  Just fucking leaves.  Hardy goes up top, but Styles cuts him off.  Styles goes the Styles Clash on the stage on Hardy, but gets reversed.  Jarrett goes to the back and brawls with Sting.  Hardy puts Styles on a table and sets up a ladder on the stage.  Sting hits Jarrett with a bat.  Sting pins Jarrett on the steps in 6:15.  Hardy has reached the top of the ladder, but since the match is over, the fucking referee pulls AJ off the table.  This match was the worst fucking match in the history of terrible fucking matches.

Jesse Neal talks to Team 3D about teaming with Matt Morgan against them tonight.  They discuss it for a while, then 3D give their blessing.

The Pope is headed our way!

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“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  They show highlights of the match with AJ Styles at Lockdown.  Pope has his arm in a sling and a studded eye patch.  Pope cuts a promo.  Mr. Anderson interrupts and babbles for a while, then challenges Pope to a match at Sacrifice.  Pope pimp slaps Anderson.  Anderson kicks his ass, rips off his eye patch, and thumbs Pope in the injured eye.  Security breaks it up.

Team 3D has put Syxx-Pac through a table backstage.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Jesse Neal vs. Team 3D.  Devon and Neal do stuff while the crowd does some stupid chant.  Ray tags in and bear hugs Neal.  Kevin Nash and Scott Hall come out.  3D meets them and brawls with them on the ramp.  Neal joins to help 3D.  It’s a no-contest in 1:08.  Morgan drops Neal and takes him back to the ring.  Morgan chokeslams Neal, then poses with the belts.  Commercials.  This was pointless.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal are in the ring.  Neal calls Morgan out because he wants to kick his ass.  Christy Hemme talks to Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan says he’s off the lock.  Hulk Hogan tells Morgan to go the ring, or deal with Hogan.  Hogan’s like 107 years old, so Morgan could easily take him out.  Instead, he goes back out.  Neal meets him on the ramp and kicks his ass.  3D has disappeared.  Neal goes to hit Morgan with the belt, but Morgan low blows him.  Moore hits Neal with the belt.  Shannon Moore comes out and hits Morgan with a missile dropkick.  Neal and Moore shake hands.  Team Mohawk!  Retarded segment.

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are in the office.  Bischoff says the fans will vote for the #1 Contender.  Jay Lethal comes in and lists a bunch of 80s guys.  Stupid.

AJ Styles pumps up Ric Flair for the main event, which is NEXT!

Orlando Jordan, in the gayest get up I’ve ever seen, cuts a promo about Rob Terry.  Tenay and Taz are like WTF?

They show a low key Ric Flair talking backstage, presumably earlier today.

Kevin Nash and Scott Hall talk.  Nash is pissed.

Abyss/Flair video package.

Ring vs. Ring: Ric Flair vs. Abyss.  They lock up.  Abyss overpowers Flair.  Flair chops Abyss.  Abyss punches Flair.  Abyss back body drops Flair.  Flair takes a walk around the ring.  Abyss follows.  Flair chops Abyss.  Abyss punches Flair.  Flair is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair goes up top, but Abyss throws him off, just like in every other Flair match you’ve ever seen.  Flair gets knocked loopy and face flops.  Flair kicks Abyss and Earl Hebner in the balls, then punches Abyss with brass knuckles.  ABYSS FUCKING NO SELLS BRASS KNUCKLES, so Flair hits him in the balls with them and gets the pin in 4:40.  Except that Hebner finds the knuckles.  They get into a shoving match.  Hebner resumes the match.  Flair punches Abyss.  Abyss hulks up.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 5:20.  This match fucking blew.  Hulk Hogan comes out to pull Flair’s ring off.  Hogan says he knows who he’s giving Flair’s ring to next week.  So TNA’s only drawing card is WWE Hall of Fame rings.

This show was fucking horrible in every way.  Whoever put this piece of shit together should be fired.  I don’t mean fired from their job.  I mean set on fire.

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TNA iMPACT! 4/12/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

Jeff Jarrett comes out.  They show Sting dropping him with the Scorpion Death Drop last week.  Jarrett says he’s going to kick Sting’s ass.  He leaves the ring and goes up into the rafters to look for him.  He jumps Sting up in Sting’s little world above the Impact Zone and they fight.  They fight down into the arena and into the ring.  The lights turn off.  Sting magically acquires his bat and beats Jarrett down with it.  Jeff Hardy, Abyss, and Rob Van Dam run out.  Sting bails.

Jeremy Borash interviews Ric Flair, the World Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They hype tonight’s matches.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal come out.  Brother Ray takes the mic and says it’s going to be a six-man New York City Street Fight.  Commercials!

Lockdown!

New York City Street Fight: Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs. The Band.  JIP.  Everybody fights.  There is lots of plunder.  3D and Neal kick ass for a while.  Neal wears out a Singapore cane on Syxx-Pac.  Syxx-Pac makes a little comeback on Neal as 3D beat up Hall and Nash.  Crowd chants “TABLES!”  Bubba puts a trash can on Nash’s head and whacks it with a cane.  Devon hits Hall with a trash can lid.  Nash falls out of the ring, which is probably dangerous for him.  Bubba kills him with another trash can shot.  Hall gets the WASSUP headbutt.  Devon knocks Syxx-Pac off the apron.  Devon and Neal bring in a table.  Bubba beats up Syxx-Pac, then sets him on a table.  Bubba the Love Sponge runs in to provide the distraction.  Fuck him.  Syxx-Pac hits Bubba in the balls, the hits the X Factor off the top through a table for the pin (about 6 minutes shown).  Total garbage match.  Waltman does push ups over Bubba’s head.  Eric Young makes the save with a hockey stick and challenges Nash to a match at Lockdown.  Nash nods in agreement.  That’s gonna suck.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan about how his team has been getting their ass kicked recently.  Hogan eavesdrops on Eric Bischoff talking to Ric Flair.  He questions Bischoff about it.  Bischoff tells him to not jump to conclusions.

Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian.  They lock up aggressively.  Kazarian denies a clean break.  They do some chain wrestling, which is always good to see.  Kazarian works a headlock.  They go back and forth working a hammerlock and do some flippy stuff.  Moore hits a couple of arm drags and cranks on Kazarian’s arm some more.  Moore hits a leg drop for 1.  Moore hits a cross body for 2.  Kazarian low bridges Moore out of the ring and follows him outside.  Kazarian whips Moore into the side of the ring, then throws him back inside and hits his springboard leg drop for 2.  The X Division Champion Douglas Williams comes out to watch the two guys who will challenge him at Lockdown.  Kazarian hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Williams joins the announce team.  Kazarian catches Moore with a gutbuster for 2.  Kazarian hits a move I missed because they keep showing the announcers instead of the match for 2.  Moore fights back and hits what looked like a botched version of Rey Mysterio’s flippy bulldog.  Moore connects with some big blows and sends Kazarian out of the ring.  Kazarian avoids a baseball slide dropkick and elevates Moore to the apron.  Moore hits a diving moonsault body block to the outside.  Back inside, Moore hits a diving rana for 2.  Kazarian hits a swank electric chair suplex hold for 2.  Kazarian tries to set up a super backdrop suplex.  Moore fights him off and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Kazarian gets a Brisco roll for 2.  They do some cradle reversals.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw at 10:01.  Time limit?  Seriously?  Really good match, though.  Williams makes fun of them after the match.  They chase Williams to the back.

JB interviews Velvet Sky.  She explains that the Knockouts title isn’t on the line tonight because it’s in the line in a tag match at Lockdown.

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Hulk Hogan bitches at Eric Bischoff backstage.  Bischoff said he was trying to gain Flair’s confidence to help Hogan.  Bischoff leaves.  Jay Lethal comes in.  He wants to book the Mega Powers vs. The Band.  Hogan says they’ll do it after Lockdown if he can find his tights.  I hope those tights were burned and buried.

Tenay and Taz talk about Bischoff’s shenanigans.

JB interviews the Knockouts Champion, Angelina Love.  Tara interrupts, mad about the retarded way she lost the title last week.  Tara says “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” which is exactly what Bischoff just said.  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss and The Pope.  Abyss says that Wolfe failed to take him out with a fire extinguisher last week, and suggests next time he brings the whole fire truck, or a bazooka, or a rocket launcher.  I’d be down for that.

The girls come out for the Leather & Lace Match.  Velvet says it’s not going to be a leather & lace match, it’s going to be a match with Love handcuffed.  Well, the deal was any stipulations she wanted.  Commercials!

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Velvet Sky.  Love jumps Sky immediately with kicks and stomps.  Well, she can’t really do anything else.  Sky hits her with the title belt.  I guess it’s no DQ.  Sky says it’s now an I Quite Match.  Sky chokes Love and yells at her to quit.  Love says no, so Sky beats her up some more.  Sky whips her with a riding crop, then yells at her to quit again.  Love still won’t quit.  Fuck.  Sky beats her up some more and threatens to strip her naked.  Sky rips Love’s shirt off.  Love still won’t quit.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run out and beat on Love.  Tara makes the save and runs off the Beautiful People, then unlocks the handcuffs.  It’s a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Whatever.  Tara and Love have an awkward staredown.  Love offers a handshake, but Tara refuses.

Christy Hemme is outside, where Abyss has been jumped.  Commercials!

Christy Hemme is still outside.  She says Abyss got ran over by a car!

JB interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan.  Morgan says he can handle it himself, but he’s been forced to find a partner.  He’s chosen Amazing Red.  Red looks like a midget next to Morgan.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Amazing Red vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Morgan overpowers Shelley to start.  Sabin comes in and gets dropped too.  Morgan does his sidewalk drop and drops Shelley on top of Sabin.  Morgan clears the ring of Machine Guns.  Insta-commercials.  Red and Sabin go at it.  Lots of flippy stuff.  Shelley comes in for another good exchange with Red.  Red falls out of the ring.  Sabin teases a dive, then kicks Red in the face and causes Red to do a complete flip.  Cover gets 2 back inside.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Red for 2.  Morgan pulls Red to the corner and tags himself in.  Morgan sort of reverse chokeslams Sabin into the turnbuckles.  Guns fight back and get a double cover on Morgan for 2.  Morgan begs off and tags in Red.  Red goes some more flippy stuff.  Guns knock Morgan off of the apron.  Morgan comes in and turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Morgan sets up Sabin for the Hellavator.  Red hits the Code Red on Shelley for the pin (5 minutes shown).  Pretty decent little match.  Morgan and Red celebrate, then Morgan kicks Red in the balls and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan tries to give Red the Carbon Footprint into the post, but the Guns save him.

Christy Hemme hypes a security tape that shows Abyss’ attack.  Commercials.

They show a security tape of Abyss getting hit by a car driven by Desmond Wolfe.

Robert Roode vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Tenay announces that Storm vs. RVD will be the opener at Lockdown, with the winner getting the numbers advantage in Lethal Lockdown.  They do some stuff.  Roode misses a dropkick, the Hardy hits hits leg drop through the legs and a dropkick for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Roode bails and pulls Hardy out of the ring.  Roode throws Hardy into the steps, then back into the ring.  Roode slams Hardy and hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Roode wears down Hardy with a rear chin lock.  Hardy fights out and hits a jawbreaker, then drops Roode with a kick.  My video freezes for a second.  They trade punches.  Hardy hits some clotheslines and a front suplex.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Roode counters the Twist of Fate and hits a spinebuster for 2.  They counter each other and Hardy hits a stunner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb.  James Storm comes out to stop him, but gets kicked away.  Roode tries to cut off Hardy, but Hardy knocks him down and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:20.  Alright little match.  Storm attacks Hardy after the match and blows a fireball in his face.  It was edited out of my video, so I had to watch it on YouTube.  RVD runs out to make the save.  Beer Money gives him the DWI.

JB says the fireball was censored, and to watch it online.  Way ahead of ya, JB.  They show Hardy being tended to backstage.

Tenay and Taz hype the Lockdown card.

Kurt Angle/Mr. Anderson video package.

JB interviews The Pope, who no longer has a partner, but still has a job to do.  Jay Lethal comes in, calls JB “Mean Gene,” calls Pope “Slick,” and says “Tonight, you take care of The Model, and I’ve got Dynamite Kid!”  The Pope seems cool with this.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in the crowd!

The Pope comes out for the main event.  Jay Lethal’s music plays, then they show him getting destroyed by Beer Money in the back.  Lethal makes a comeback, but Storm hits him in the head with a beer bottle.  Styles comes out and says it’s a handicap match, but Hulk Hogan appears and hits Desmond Wolfe with a chair on the ramp, leaving us with…

Non-Title: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  Pope jumps Styles on the ramp and beats him up on the outside.  I never heard a bell, but I guess it’s a match.  Styles drops Pope with a kick and beats him up.  Pope fights back and goes for the Elijah Express.  Flair gets out of his wheel chair and hits Pope with the belt to cause the DQ in about a minute.  Beer Money comes out to help AJ and Flair beat down The Pope.  Flair whips the Pope with a belt.  Hogan comes back out and stands on the ramp to close the show.

Typical TNA shenanigans aside, I enjoyed this more than I did the very mediocre Raw this week.

TNA iMPACT! 4/5/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video package.

Christy Hemme is in the locker room explaining some convoluted womens’ match they’re doing tonight.  There’s gonna be four keys that unlock four boxes.  In the respective boxes are Poison (Tara’s spider), a contract for a match of their choice, something that will compel a woman to do a striptease, and the Knockouts Title.  Christy interviews the Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  Velvet says they’re going to crush the spider.  Lacey wants to do the walk around in her underwear.  She has to win a match for that?

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Hulk Hogan, Abyss, and Jeff Jarrett come out.  Hogan and Abyss cut promos.  Ric Flair is wheeled out by Chelsea.  Sting, Desmond Wolfe, and Beer Money come out with him.  I assume that’s his team for Lockdown.  Flair cuts a typically great promo.  Crazy Ric Flair is awesome.  Hogan says Flair will find out who the rest of Team Hogan is “when the time is right.”  Team Flair heads to the ring.  Jarrett wants to ask Sting a question, “Friend to friend, or is it foe?”  I think it’s pretty fucking obvious he’s a foe when you’re on opposite sides of a blood feud, you fucking moron.  Jarrett asks Sting “Why now?” then slaps him.  Sting slaps him back and drops him with the Scorpion Death Lock.  Wolfe jumps Abyss with Sting’s bat.  Beer Money comes in and they corner Hogan.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam make the save.  I guess who know who the other two guys on Team Hogan are.  Commericials.

Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm.  JIP.  RVD has the advantage.  He hits a monkey flip out of the corner for 2.  RVD knocks Storm off of the apron with his flying kick, fails a baseball slide dropkick, and gets rammed into the barricade.  Storm hits the DDT OF MURDER! on RVD for 2.  RVD is the first guy I ever remember seeing take that move from Randy Orton.  Storm hits a suplex.  BEER!  Cover gets 2.  Storm clamps on a rear chin lock.  RVD fights out and gets a quick schoolboy for 2.  RVD hits a bunch of his fancy kicks.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Storm hits an enzuigiri and the Eye of the Storm for 2.  RVD wallops Storm with a kick to the head, then slams him and hits the split legged moonsault for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  Not a bad little match.  I fear this is as good as this show is going to get, though.  Storm smashes a beer bottle in RVD’s face.  Guys come out to check on him.  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The guys help RVD as Storm does RVD’s taunt on the ramp.  Jeff Hardy runs out and decks him from behind.  Storm bails.  Hardy checks on RVD.  Robert Roode sneaks in through the crowd and gives Hardy a spinebuster.

Christy Hemme interviews one of the teams in the convoluted women’s match tonight: Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, and Hamada.  Tara thinks TNA is doing this to get ratings.  Hah!  Like ANYTHING TNA does is going to get ratings.  Angelina wants the title.  They argue stupidly.  ODB wants the contract so she can wrestle AJ.  Hamada speaks Japanese.  Hemme says “What she said.”  I agree.

TNA Global Championship Match: “The Freak” Rob Terry (c) vs. Homicide.  Holy shit, Homicide is still employed!  Homicide tries, but Terry no sells everything he does and destroys him.  Terry press slams Homicide and otherwise tosses him around.  Homicide fails at building momentum.  Terry hits the over the shoulder powerslam for the pin in 1:57.  Whatever.  Homicide attacks Terry with a chair.  He gives Terry a chair shot RIGHT TO THE FUCKING HEAD, COMPLETELY UNPROTECTED.  Terry no sells it and chokeslams Homicide.  Terry is bleeding.  Orlando Jordan appears on the stage and shoots white cream all over himself.  … the fuck?  I saw this segment during the live airing and went on quite a tirade about it, but I’ve lost some of my venom since then.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle in a Ladder Match is still to come!  The stupid Knockouts match is NEXT!

The Beautiful People are getting ready.

Lock Box Showdown Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, & Hamada vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney.  They do some shit.  Who cares?  Rayne puts Tara in a head scissors and humps the mat.  Tara gives her the Window’s Peak for the pin at 1:13, so they’re both eliminated and Tara gets a key.  Daffney attacks somebody.  Insta-commercials.  ODB fights Velvet.  Daffney pinned Hamada after a failed moonsault during the break.  ODB hits a fall away slam on Velvet, nips up, and covers for 2.  Velvet pins ODB after a DDT to win key #3.  Angelina beats up Lacey.  Lacey fails the moonsault elbow drop.  Love hits a Flatliner for the pin (4:28 shown).  Tara, Daffney, Velvet, and Love win.  It doesn’t make sense to me either.  I give this whole concept -***** and I don’t even give star ratings.

They show the locked boxes in the back, except they’re all unlocked.  They’ll be (presumably) re locked and unlocked again later.

Angle/Anderson video package.

Ladder Match: Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  The prize is the key to the cage at Lockdown.  What is it with all of the fucking keys tonight?  Entrances, insta-commercials.  The match starts with Angle immediately going for the Angle Slam.  Anderson counters.  Anderson brings in a ladder and suplexes Angle onto it.  Angle belly to belly suplexes Anderson onto the ladder.  The ladder gets set up.  Angle gets whipped, ducks under it, and gets it thrown in his face.  Anderson goes for the key.  Angle hits the Angle Slam off of the ladder.  Angle throws Anderson out of the ring and goes for the key.  He climbs too slow.  Anderson comes back in and pushes the ladder over.  Angle takes a bump out of the ring.  Crowd chants “HOLY SHIT!” and they bleep it.  Anderson slowly climbs the ladder.  Angle climbs to the top rope and dropkicks the ladder over.  Angle lays out Anderson out the ladder, pounds his face in, goes up top, and hits a MOONSAULT onto Anderson ON THE LADDER!  Angle climbs the ladder.  Anderson steals the dog tag again and chokes Angle with it.  Angle still manages to touch the big wooden plank attached to the key, but finally passes out.  Anderson climbs up and grabs the key to win it in 9:11.  Actually a good match, but unnecessary.  Anderson says he’s going to drink some bubbly to celebrate his victory at Lockdown, because he just secured it.  He’s going to party by himself.

Jeremy Borash interviews Hulk Hogan.  JB asks him about Eric Bischoff.  Hogan says his business with Eric is private.  Bubba the Love Sponge comes up to talk to Hogan.  I wish that fuck would fuck off and fucking die.  He leaves.  Jay Lethal comes up to talk to Hogan and silliness ensues.

The Band shows up and meets Bubba.  Fuck that guy.

Later tonight, the unlocked boxes will be locked and unlocked again!

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan.  Seriously.  He’s champions by himself now.  Christy is confused.  That’s not a new sensation for her.

TNA World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D.  They wrestled to a double pin on Xplosion last week.  Sabin and Ray start.  Ray wrings Sabin’s arm and Sabin does his flippy stuff to escape.  He wrings Bubba’s arm, and Bubba does Sabin’s flippy stuff to escape.  Sabin throws some kicks.  Bubba mows him down with a boot.  Sabin hits a NICE springboard cross body for 2.  Shelley tags in.  Guns double kick Bubba.  Bubba chops Shelley down.  Devon tags in and beats up Shelley.  Shelley catches Devon with a knee and makes the tag.  Sabin hits 3D with elbow smashes.  Sabin drops 3D with a double dropkick.  Sabin ducks Bubba, who accidentally clotheslines Devon.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri to drop Bubba.  Guns double team Devon.  The cross body/neckbreaker combo gets 2.  3D hit the WASSUP  on Sabin.  “GET THE TABLES!”  Why do they do that in every match?  You’ll be DQ’d, morons.  Devon sets up a table on the outside.  The Band comes out and jumps 3D to cause the DQ in 4:03.  Really fun little match while it lasted.  Syxx-Pac hits the X Factor on Bubba.  Hall hits the Razor’s Edge on Sabin.  Nash teases powerbomb Shelley, then just clotheslines him.  Can Nash even do a powerbomb anymore?  Pac spray paints Shelley’s back, then pounds on Bubba some more.  Commercials.

The Band is still in the ring.  Bubba the worthless fuck comes out to join them.  Nash says they might not be signing the checks, but they’re running the show.  Nash cuts a promo on Hogan.  They learned how to be bad from him, etc. etc.  The Wolfpac rip off theme plays.

JB interviews The Pope.  Desmond Wolfe interrupts “The Poop.”  That’s what it sounded like he said, anyway.  Wolfe says he should be getting the title shot.  He could pull double duty at Lockdown.  Pope says Wolfe can have the title shot if he beats him tonight.

Tara is stressing about the key.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out.  Crowd chants “USA!”  Williams talks about the flippy floppy guys in the X Division.  He wants to called Douglas Williams from now on.  He’s going to face Generation Me in a Gauntlet Match tonight.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. Jeremy Buck.  Jeremy gets a near fall with a moonsault body block.  Jeremy hits a slingshot X Factor for 2.  Williams avoids another moonsault and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 1:22.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. Max Buck.  Max hits a slingshot clothesline into the ring, does some flippy stuff, and gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Max keeps the pressure on and hits a leg drop for 2.  Max goes up top.  Williams cuts him off and locks in a guillotine for the submission win in 1:17.  He refuses to break the hold.  Shannon Moore makes the save and tries to put makeup on Williams.  Williams bails.  Moore calls Williams a boring ass wrestler.  Fuck him.  He wants a title shot at Lockdown.  Ugh.

Angelina Love has a key.

House Show plugs.

Christy Hemme interviews Team 3D.  Bubba is like “WTF man?”  Bubba challenges “the Wolfpac” to a match next week.  Devon says they’ll kick their asses.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Wolfe gets a jobber entrance.  He meets Pope on the stage and they brawl.  Pope throws Wolfe into the ring, takes his entrance gear off, and gets jumped trying to get into the ring.  Pope fights back.  Crowd chants “POPE IS PIMPIN’!”  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court and goes for the Tower of London.  Pope counters.  Pope drops his knee pads and hits a Codebreaker(!) for the pin in 2:04.  Too short to amount to anything.  The World Champion AJ Styles jumps Pope, kicks his ass, and gives him the Styles Clash.  Abyss comes out.  Styles bails.  Wolfe jumps Abyss and gets his ass kicked.  Styles clips Abyss’ leg.  Styles taunts Pope.  Wolfe hits Abyss with a fire extinguisher.

Tenay and Taz talk about how Team Flair has picked off Team Hogan.

JB is on stage with the locked boxes and chicks who won keys.  Velvet Sky wins the open contract.  Tara wins her spider.  She’s happy, then realizes that means she lost the title.  Angelina wins the Knockouts Title and Daffney has to strip.  JB tells Daffney she has to do the striptease or be fired.  They play stripper music.  Daffney walks to the ring looking nothing at all like a chick I want to see strip.  She takes off her hat and collar.  She lowers hear straps a little bit.  Lacey Von Erich runs out, whacks Daffney with the ugly stick, and starts to do the strip tease.  Tara and Angelina start brawling over the title.  Lacey just prances around while Tara and Angelina roll around the mat.  Velvet says next week, she’s using her contract to face Angelina in a Leather & Lace Match.  Tara and Love go after Lacey.  Security holds them back.  The show ends.

Seriously, fuck this show.

TNA iMPACT! 3/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week…” video with Mick Foley losing to Jeff Jarrett in a match set up by a vindictive Eric Bischoff and being fired.

“V For Vigilant.”

Jeff Jarrett and Hulk Hogan talk.  Hogan apologizes for Bischoff and gives Jarrett a match with AJ Styles tonight where Jarrett will be #1 Contender after Lockdown if he wins.  Jay Lethal comes in and does his Randy Savage bit with Hogan.  Hogan does a Savage impersonation of his own.  The Mega Powers 2.0!  Hogan is leaving for New Year for unknown reasons.  I assume it’s because he doesn’t want to watch this show.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, there’s a women’s First Blood match.  Gross.  Plus some other matches.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The Band comes out with Bubba the worthless fuck who needs to fuck off and fucking die Love Sponge.  Crowd chants “FIRE BUBBA!”  For once I agree with these mutants.  The Band is wearing Bubba Army shirts.  Bubba cuts a pseudo shoot promo on the fans.  He says he doesn’t need this job.  I wish to God he would leave, then.  Crowd chants “THANK YOU FOLEY!” since he KTFO’d Bubba last week.  Kevin Nash calls for Eric Young to come out.  Nash says he and Young are friends, and invited Young to join the Band.  Nash says the six-man isn’t going to happen because Jeff Hardy and RVD aren’t in their league.  Crowd chants “DON’T SELL OUT!”  Young attacks the Band and gets his ass kicked.  Nash tells him he made a big mistake.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam come out and run the heels off.  Hardy says the match tonight will be the main event, and “in honor of Lockdown,” it will be a Steel Cage Match.  Hardy horribly sings his horrible entrance them.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian & Shannon Moore.  More attacks Williams to start.  Hit him with another brick, Doug!  Kazarian tags in and dropkicks Williams for 2, then hits his slingshot legdrop for 2.  Kendrick tags in and gets arm dragged.  The heels get heat on Kazarian.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Fuck him.  Moore hits a diving rana on Williams, but Kendrick saves.  Kendrick eats a spin kick from Moore, then gets German suplexed by Kendrick.  Moore hits a Blockbuster on Kendrick for the pin in 4:30.  A guy I hate wins with a move ripped off from another guy I hate.  Moore puts makeup on Kendrick.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hulk Hogan in the phone, then calls in his new hot chick, Miss Tessmacher (the former Brooke Adams).  Jay Lethal comes in with a booking sheet featuring a bunch of 80s guys.  Funny.  Bischoff tells him to think of something for the main event, then sends Brooke to find Beer Money.

Matches tonight!  The Pope is NEXT!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts a promo about AJ Styles, Ric Flair, the match at Lockdown.  Chelsea comes out asks Pope to make her a ho.  Crowd chants “WE’VE GOT MONEY!”  They do some more sexual innuendos.  Desmond Wolfe sneaks in and tries to jump Pope from behind, but Pope was ready and kicks his ass.  Pope kisses Chelsea, then stuffs money in her top.

The Knockouts Champion Tara is headed our way!

A weird, grainy video of Samoa Joe, who hasn’t been seen in weeks after being kidnapped, plays.

Tenay and Taz don’t make a big deal out of it, they just re-hype the matches.

Orlando Jordan, covered in yellow “TNA Cross The Line” type, is lowered to the ring.  He goes to a weird little set to join his bisexual lovers.  … the fuck?

Jeremy Borash interviews Tara.  Danney jumps her.  They awkwardly brawl backstage.  Commercials.

First Blood Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Tara (c) vs. Daffney.  They brawl onto the stage from the back and the match officially starts.  They brawl all over and throw each other into the things.  It sucks.  They finally make it to the ring.  It still sucks.  Daffney tries to use a broken broomstick as a spike.  Tara fight it off and hits the Widow’s Peak.  Tara hits Daffney with a toolbox to give Daffney a cut a band-aid could have taken care of to win this abortion at 3:26.  Daffney likes bleeding.  Gross

AJ Styles is on his way, with Ric Flair and Chelsea.

Same video from the beginning of the show.

Jeff Jarrett has his music and pyro back!

Non-Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  There’s the sound of a girl SCREAMING during AJ’s entrance.  I want to find that girl and strangle her.  Now it sounds like several girls screaming.  They lock up and the regular mutants do their chants.  Styles does a nice arm drag.  They trade hammer locks.  Styles counters Jarrett and hip tosses him.  Styles is awful cocky now.  He does a half assed Flair strut.  I WANT TO FUCKING KILL THESE FUCKING GIRLS THAT KEEP FUCKING SCREAMING.  Jarrett fights back and hits an inverted atomic drop, then clotheslines Styles out of the ring and does the Jarrett strut.  Jarrett beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles goes back on the offensive back inside.  Jarrett avoids a corner splash and rocks Styles with an enzuigiri for 2.  Styles catches Jarrett with a shin breaker and applies the figure-four leglock.  Flair lets Styles grab his cane for leverage.  The ref admonishes him.  Jarrett puts Styles in the figure-four.  Styles immediately reverses it.  Jarrett gets a rope break.  Flair does stuff again and referee Brian Hebner sends Flair and Chelsea to the back.  Jarrett decks Styles on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Styles works a rear chin lock.  During the break, Styles kicked Jarrett in the balls, then hit a nice dive to the outside.  Jarrett attempts a sunset flip, but Styles cuts him off and hits a BIG knee drop.  Styles goes back to his rear chin lock.  Jarrett fights out and makes a comeback.  Jarrett hits a backdrop suplex and a Pedigree, of all things, for 2.  Jarrett goes for a diving double axe handle, but Styles catches him and suplexes him down.  Styles hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Jarrett counters and hits an Alabama Slam.  Chelsea and Flair come back out.  The referee yells at Flair on the apron, then gets bumped to the floor.  Jarrett sends Styles into the turnbuckles and hits the Stroke off the middle rope.  Cover, but the referee is dead.  Eric Bischoff comes in with a guitar and tries to hit Jarrett.  Jarrett catches him and takes the guitar.  Bischoff begs off.  Styles hits Jarrett in the balls and hits the Styles Clash.  Styles got a nasty cut on his hand somehow.  Bischoff throws the referee back in to make the 3 count (12:59 shown).  Looks like Styles cut his hand of Jarrett’s guitar when he did the low blow.  Really good match.

JB interviews Eric Young, RVD, and Jeff Hardy.  The cage match is still to come!

Jay Lethal references more 80s guys.  He tells Bischoff he wants to book Brutus Beefcake vs. Rick Martel in the main event.  Heh.  Bischoff tells Lethal he’s in the main event, and to head to the ring.  I thought the cage match was the main event.  Apparently not.  Apparently it’s Jay Lethal’s match RIGHT MEOW!

Handicap Match: Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money.  Beer Money destroy Lethal.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Lethal tries to make a comeback, but gets shut down.  Storm turns his back to drink his beer.  Lethal pins Roode with an inside cradle in 2:15, then drinks Storm’s beer.  Bischoff is not pleased!

The cage match is still to come!  Next, Desmond Wolfe takes on The Pope!

Tenay and Taz talk about Hernandez getting killed by Matt Morgan last week.  Morgan will answer for his actions next week.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Wolfe jumps Pope and takes him down with a collar hold.  Pope escapes and grabs a hammer lock.  Wolfe backs him into the ropes and elbows him in the face.  Wolfe busts out an Indian Death Lock.  Pope reverses it, forced Wolfe to get a rope break.  That move works that way, too?  Wolfe beats up Pope a bit.  Pope fights back.  Pope hits his Vader Bomb-style elbow drop.  Chelsea gets on the apron as Pope sets up his finish.  Wolfe pulls a chain out of his trunks and punches Pope with it for the pin in 6:20.  Good little match, as usual between these two.  Wolfe says “What Chelsea wants, Chelsea gets.”

The Cage is NEXT!

They lied.  Kurt Angle comes out.  He gets in the cage and cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  Anderson comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on Angle.  Anderson informs Angle that, per Eric Bischoff, they’ll have a Ladder Match next week.  The prize will be the key to the cage door at Lockdown.  Whatever.  I like the matches, but this feud has been stupid.  Anderson says Kurt is a nice guy, but nice guys finish last.  Anderson says “Thank God I’m an asshole… asshole.”  It’s bleeped both times.  Again, whatever.

The Band comes out as Angle leaves.  Angle and Nash give each other the old Main Event Mafia hand sign.  Yay for continuity!  The main event is next FOR REALS THIS TIME!

Steel Cage Match: The Band vs. Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, & Eric Young.  Syxx-Pac slams the door into Young’s face before he can get in.  Everybody brawls in the ramp.  Syxx-Pac drops RVD with a spin kick.  Nash gets Hardy into the cage and the match starts.  Syxx-Pac locks the cage, making it a 3-on-2 since Young is still on the floor.  TNA’s new cage is neat.  It’s a big black chain link cage, but the walls go all the way to the floor.  Pac delivers the Bronco Buster to Hardy.  Hardy and RVD make a comeback.  Hardy counters a rana and powerbombs Waltman.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Waltman, then Hardy hits his leg drop through the legs.  Hall hammers RVD in the corner.  Nash whips Hardy, who uses RVD as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion into Hall.  Young climbs to the top of the cage.  Waltman tries to stop him, but RVD knocks him off.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb on Nash and RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Hall.  Young hits a diving elbow drop on Waltman for the pin in 3:59.  Whatever.  They celebrate.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss, who reveals the next member of his team for Lockdown: Jeff Jarrett!  They cut a promo.

RVD, Hardy, and Young slap hands with fans.

Okay show.  There were a couple of really good matches in between a lot of crap I didn’t care about.

TNA iMPACT! 3/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with Eric Bischoff in the ring playing guitar.  The fuck?  He calls out Jeff Jarrett because he wants Jarrett to play the guitar.  Jarrett says Bischoff isn’t going to humiliate him anymore.  Bischoff says Jarrett has no guts, or whatever.  Jarrett takes the guitar, puts it down, and leaves.  Bischoff talks about him having “no stones” again.  Jarrett comes back and CLOBBERS Bischoff with the guitar!  YES!

Jarrett comes backstage and hugs Mick Foley.  Jarrett says that felt good.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Bischoff finally struggles to his feet and books Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley for tonight, with the loser getting fired and winner being Bischoff’s bitch.

Foley and Jarrett are pissed backstage.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  After the heels’ entrances, Tara comes out and begs Daffney not to hurt her spider.  The heels jump Tara, but her partners make the save.  Insta-commercials, JIP.  Lots of quick tags and some decent exchanges.  The bad girls get heat on Tara.  Daffney taunts Tara with her spider.  Love tags in and hits a Flatliner on Daffney.  Velvet hits a DDT on Love.  Wilde gets a Northern Lights suplex hold on Rayne.  Who the fuck is legal?  Sarita hits a sit-out powerbomb on Rayne.  Lacey hits a chokeslam on Sarita.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Lacey, then goes to retrieve her spider.  Daffney hits a swank spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker (the Lobotomy) for the pin.  Total clusterfuck.

AJ Styles and Ric Flair arrive, all banged up.  Flair is still in the wheelchair and Styles is on a crutch and has his arm in a sling.

Still to come, Jarrett vs. Foley.  Hulk Hogan makes an announcement about Lockdown NEXT!

Styles and Flair are hobbling/wheeling in backstage.

Destination X highlight package.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan talks for a while, then announces that Abyss will be the captain of Team Hogan at Lockdown.  Abyss talks for a while.  Ric Flair (wheeled by Chelsea) and AJ Styles come out and yell.  Flair says the captain of Team Flair will be Sting.  The lights go out.  Sting appears sitting on a top turnbuckle.  Styles whacks Abyss with his crutch.  Hogan is magically handcuffed to the ropes.  Sting leaves as Styles puts the boots to Abyss.  D’Angelo Dinero makes the save and hits the Elijah Express on Styles, when unlocks Hogan’s cuffs.  Hogan pushes Flair’s wheelchair down the ramp and Abyss clotheslines Flair.  Those dicks.  This was stupid.

Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore arrive.  Christy Hemme talks to them.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Tomko.  Terry no sells everything and kills Tomko.  Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, the spin kick, and the chokeslam/spinebuster for the pin in 1:02.  Whatever.

They show Foley shaving Bischoff’s head and Jarrett whacking him with the guitar.

Foley and Jarrett will meet NEXT!  Beer Money are going to be the special guest referees!

Foley & Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett.

Loser Is Fired: Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Beer Money are the special guest referees.  They lock up and break.  They lock up again.  Foley backs Jarrett into the corner and Storm forces a break.  Storm is the inside referee while Roode is on the outside.  Foley hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett gets a sunset flip for 2.  FOLEY DOES A BACKSLIDE.  Now I’ve seen everything.  They counter each other’s finishers.  Roode trips Jarrett.  Foley and Jarrett fight outside.  Bischoff comes out to the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Jarrett and Foley brawl on the stage.  Jarrett suplexes Foley on the stage, which actually holds up this week.  They go at it back in the ring.  Jarrett drops Foley with a punch for a 2 count.  Beer Money have switched places now, with Roode being in the ring and Storm being outside.  If it matters.  It doesn’t.  Jarrett hits a DDT for 2.  Jarrett brings in a chair.  Foley boots him in the gut and hits the double arm DDT for 2, as Jarrett gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Foley pulls out the sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw.  Roode doesn’t something I missed.  Foley turns it into a Mandible Claw body scissors or something.  Jarrett gets free and hits the Stroke onto the chair for the pin (8:02 shown).  Pretty good match.  Jarrett is upset at getting his friend fired, but Foley raises Jarrett’s hand.  Jarrett returns the gesture and they shake hands.  Bischoff tells Beer Money to beat up Jarrett, and they oblige.  They wedge a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles and ram Jarrett into it.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in and chase of Beer Money.  RVD takes the mic and challenges Beer Money to a match tonight.  They accept.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

They show Mick Foley saying his goodbyes as he leaves.  Bubba the Love Sponge is back.  FUCK.  Even the Impact Zone mutants boo him.  Foley doesn’t want to talk to him.  Bubba insults him, so Foley fucking decks him.  YES!  ***** segment.  Foley says “BANG BANG!” and leaves.  That makes my day.

Bischoff talks to Hogan backstage.  They discuss their various personal issues.  Hogan tells Bischoff do drop the personal vendetta against Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff agrees, asks Hogan if he set up the RVD and Hardy deal, says “nevermind,” and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Beer Money.  They meet RVD & Jeff Hardy TONIGHT!

Up NEXT, the battle of Tag champions!

House show plugs!

JB interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Hernandez video package.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Hernandez jumps Morgan in the aisle and kicks his ass.  Morgan begs off, but Hernandez doesn’t buy it and keeps kicking his ass.  He does the shirt throw thingy, a Stinger Splash, and a spinebuster.  Hernandez charges Morgan in the corner again, but Morgan backdrops Hernandez out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor, but Hernandez accidentally hits the post.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and sandwiches Hernandez’s head into the post.  Fucking OUCH.  It’s a no contest in about 3 1/2 minutes as referee Slick Johnson calls for medics.  Insta-commercials.

They stretcher Hernandez out.  Homicide makes his first appearance in weeks as he comes out to check on his former partner that he turned on months ago.  They put Hernandez in an ambulance.  Hogan tells somebody to call Hernandez’s wife.  Taz and Tenay talk about what happened.

They show what happened with The Band and Eric Young at Destination X.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy.  Storm and Hardy start.  Hardy backdrops Storm out of the ring and onto Roode, then gets a ladder and sets it up between the apron and the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Rob Van Dam hits an apron leg drop on Roode.  Insta-commercials.  Seriously.  I hate those.  RVD hits a moonsault body block on Roode for 2.  Tag to Storm.  RVD wipes him out with a kick and tags in Hardy.  Hardy hits his legs spread leg drop and a front suplex on Storm for 2, as Roode saves.  RVD comes in and takes Roode out.  Hardy goes up top, but Roode trips him.  Beer Money gets heat on Hardy.  Taz gets in his weekly “Vintage” jab.  Roode hits a BIG spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money continues to beat up Hardy while taunting Van Dam.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  Roode and RVD get the tags.  RVD runs wild.  RVD monkey flips Roode and hits his diving kick for 2.  Storm saves.  RVD kicks Storm in the head, slams him, and hits the split legged moonsault.  He’s not the legal man, Rob!  Roode nails RVD with a clothesline.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hits a double suplex on Hardy.  Beer Money hit their AWESOME catapult into a DDT on RVD.  Roode covers for 2.  Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy takes his shirt off, then Roode pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy slides under the ladder, then sends it into Storm.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Roode.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and Van Dam follows with the Five Star Frog Splash on Roode for the pin (10:52 shown).  Really good tag match.

As RVD and Hardy celebrate, Eric Young comes in through the crowd and says that next week, it’ll be The Band vs. Young, RVD, & Hardy.  They all hold hands in the middle of the ring as the show closes.  I jest.  Kind of.

Better show than Raw this week, I thought.

TNA Destination X 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package.

TNA Wrestling presents… Destination X!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Four-Way Ladder Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Brian Kendrick vs. Amazing Red vs. Daniels vs. Kazarian.  Typically great flippy spottyness.  Red takes out Daniels and Kazarian with an awesome spinning dive to the outside.  Kendrick brings in a ladder and goes for the prize, but Kazarian cuts him off.  Everybody cuts everybody else off from climbing the ladder.  Red slides under the ladder and dropkicks it into Daniels, then tries to climb.  Kendrick cuts him off and tries to climb.  Red returns the favor and cuts Kendrick off.  Kendrick slingshots Kazarian onto the ladder from the apron.  Daniels drops Kendrick with an STO.  Daniels does the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot until Red hits him with a drop toe hold.  Kendrick sets up a ladder bridge between the apron and the barricade.  Kazarian front suplexes him onto it.  Daniels lays out Kazarian on the ladder and hits the Arabian press onto him.  Red hits a swank springboard rana off of the ladder bridge onto Daniels.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chants.  Kazarian and Red fight on top of the ladder.  Kendrick tries to do something to them and gets pie faces off.  Kazarian teases the Flux Capacitor on Red, but Kendrick pushes the ladder over to prevent that awesomeness from occurring.  Daniels sends Kazarian painfully into the ladder.  More painful looking ladder spots follow.  Awesome spot with Red ducking the ladder Matrix-style and kicking it into Kazarian’s face.  Daniels turns Red inside out with a lariat.  Daniels tries to suplex Kazarian onto a ladder, but Kendrick nails them both with another ladder, then tries to climb.  Kazarian cuts him off.  Daniels backdrops Kazarian into the ladder bridged in the corner.  Kendrick tries to climb the vertical ladder, but Daniels cuts him off and climbs himself.  Kazarian powerbombs Daniels into the corner ladder.  Ouch.  Kazarian and Kendrick fight on top of the ladder.  Kendrick brings Kazarian down face first.  Double ouch.  Red and Kendrick fight.  Kendrick backdrops Red out of the ring.  Kazarian and Kedrick fight.  Kazarian counters a Sliced Bread #2 attempt and hits an STO.  Kazarian catches Red with a springboard Ace Crusher.  Ouch.  Kendrick hits the Sliced Bread #2 on Kazarian.  Daniels hits a Death Valley Driver on Kendrick.  Red hits Daniels with a palm strike and sets up another ladder.  They fight as they climb up.  Daniels hits a Rock Bottom off of the ladder.  Daniels traps Red under the ladder.  Daniels and Kendrick climb up.  Kazarian springboards to the ladder, knocks Kendrick off, and suplexes Daniels off the ladder.  Kazarian fights Kendrick off again and grabs the contract hanging above the ring for the win in 13:42.  Really fun opening spot fest.  Kazarian celebrates and they show highlights.

Tenay and Taz talk about the main event.  Ric Flair’s music interrupts.

Chelsea wheels Ric Flair out in a wheel chair.  Flair cuts a typical Flair ranting promo, then has Chelsea wheel him to the back.  Alrighty.

Hulk Hogan talks to Abyss backstage.  The picture randomly goes black for a second.  Eric Bischoff walks in as Abyss leaves.  Bischoff is pissed about having his head shaved.  Abyss and Hogan think it’s funny.  Hogan tells Bischoff to focus on business instead of personal issues.

Knockouts Tale of the Tape.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. Daffney.  They start brawling immediately.  Tara slams Daffney and hits the standing moonsault for 2 (might have been 1, I can’t pay extreme close attention and type at the same time).  Daffney hits some painful looking stomps to Tara’s back, then kicks her in the leg, then covers for 2.  Tara rallies against the assault and locks in the Tarantula.  Daffney keeps the heat on Tara with repeated snapmares.  Cover gets 2.  Daffney rocks some weird submission holds.  Tara makes her comeback and rocks Daffney with an enzuigiri.  Tara hits a spinebuster for a very close 2.  Daffney hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Tara hits a spinning side slam for 2.  Daffney hits a Codebreaker-style knee to the face for 2, screams, and throws Tara outside.  Daffney rams Tara into the barricade.  Back inside, Daffney tries to use the belt as a weapon.  Tara avoids it and hits the Widow’s Peak for the pin in 6:43.  Fine match.  Tara hugs some fans.  Tara comes back into the ring to find that Daffney has stolen her spider.  Tara chases her.

Christy Hemme interviews Brutus Magnus, who says his name is now just “Magnus.”  The Magnus formerly known as Brutus cuts a promo on Rob Terry.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Magnus.  They lock up.  Terry kicks Magnus’ ass.  Magnus gets a little bit of offense rolling, but Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Magnus fights some more, but Terry drops him with a swank kick and a spinebuster for the pin in 1:24.  Whatever.

Ultimate X video package.

Christy Hemme interviews the Motor City Machine Guns.  The video randomly blacks out for a second again.

Tenay and Taz talk as the ring crew put the finishing touches on the Ultimate X structure.

Ultimate X Match to determine the #1 Contenders for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: Generation Me vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Super fast start, including the do si do spot.  Really great stuff, but they’re moving way faster than I can type!  Double teaming on both sides.  Shelley holds the Bucks down with a double submission hold to give Sabin a chance to climb up, but he fails.  Annoying dueling chants.  Sabin takes out Max with a sweet dive to the outside.  Jeremy goes for the X, but Sabin cuts him off.  Guns double team Jeremy, but he fights them off.  Jeremy goes for the X again.  Guns cut him off and double team him again.  Much awesomeness.  Max hits a big missile dropkick to the guns, then hits then with a baseball slide dropkick through the ropes.  Jeremy wipes the Guns out with a dive.  Awesome.  “TNA!” chants.  Max goes for the X.  Sabin fails at cutting him off.  Shelley succeeds, then fails at the Shiranui.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Jeremy hits a sick springboard X factor on Sabin, then hits another suicide dive on Shelley.  Another “HOLY SHIT!” chant, followed by an “X DIVISION!” chant.  Jeremy climbs the structure and goes for the X as Max stands guard.  Sabin drops Max and uses him as a springboard to take Jeremy down.  A succession of awesome moves follows.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant.  All 4 guys go for the prize and all end up dropping.  Bucks land a series of superkicks to the guns.  Max powerbombs Shelley into Jeremy’s knees.  More crazy awesomeness.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Max.  Sabin and Jeremy go for the prize.  Sabin kicks Jeremy down and grabs the big red X for the win at 12:03.  Awesome match.

Nash & Young vs. The Band video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Syxx-Pac and Scott Hall, who is finally wearing wrestling gear.  They then go to the ring with no music.  Hall goes old school with his pre-match promo, doing the survey thing.

Scott Hall & Syxx-Pac vs. Kevin Nash & Eric Young.  Hall and Pac have to win to get contracts, or lose and leave “forever.”  Young and Pac start with a very aggressive lock up.  Young hits a Lou Thesz press and otherwise beats up Waltman.  Hall decks Young from the apron.  Young nails Hall, but eats a spin kick from Waltman for 2.  Hall tags in to a big pop.  Hall hits a fall away slam on Young for 2.  Waltman tags in and battles Young some more.  Waltman throws Young out of the ring and hits a nice dive.  It would have been more impressive if we hadn’t already see a hundred crazy dives already on this show.  Young drives Waltman’s balls into the post.  Hall decks Young to give Waltman time to recover.  Hall tags in and locks Young in a sleeper hold.  Young fights out and makes the tag to Nash… but the referee missed it.  Waltman grabs some spray paint from under the ring and sprays it in Young’s face.  Young tries to fight while blinded.  He makes the tag to Nash.  Nash powerbombs Young!  Nash puts Young in the corner, then tags him in.  Waltman hits the X Factor.  Hall hits the Razor’s Edge.  Waltman pins Young in 7:56.  The match was okay in points, but nothing especially good.  Waltman spray paints the outline of Young’s body on the mat.  THE WOLFPAC THEME PLAYS!  Oh, it’s a cheap knockoff.  Boo.

JB interviews Kurt Angle.  Angle tells him to leave because he doesn’t like guys who hold mics anymore.  Angle holds up his medal, then burns a picture of Mr. Anderson.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Shannon Moore.  They have a good wrestling exchange on top of the spray paint outline.  Good back and forth action.  Moore hits a nice diving rana for 2.  Williams chokes Moore with his boot.  Just choke him a little longer and harder, Doug.  Williams hits a knee lift for 2.  Williams hits a gutwrench suplex and goes for the Chaos Theory, fails, and hits a running knee in the corner.  They fight back and forth.  Moore gets some offense rolling.  Moore hits a Whisper In the Wind.  Williams bails.  Moore hits a baseball slide dropkick, then a moonsault from the top rope to the outside.  Williams grabs a brick from under the ring and nails Moore with it behind the referee’s back.  Williams gets the pin in 6:20.  Fine match, and any match that involves Shannon Moore getting hit in the face with a brick is automatically alright by me.  Williams cuts a promo after the match, saying his style is what the X Division should be, as opposed to the flippy floppy guys.  Williams calls Moore a clown and spreads red face paint on his face.  I love Doug Williams now.

Hernandez/Matt Morgan/Beer Money video package, followed by the Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan & Hernandez (c) vs. Beer Money.  Morgan and Hernandez are clearly not on the same page.  Morgan starts with Roode, but tags out to Hernandez before any contact is made.  They hop around a bit until Roode drops Hernandez with a forearm.  Morgan tags himself in.  Storm drinks beer at ringside.  Morgan no sells Roode’s offense and goes his sidewalk drop.  He yells at Hernandez, then tags him in.  Beer Money beat on Hernandez.  Hernandez hits a loooooooooong stalling vertical suplex on Storm.  Hernandez tries to tag out, but Morgan refuses.  Hernandez hits another move, then Morgan tags himself in.  Morgan sends Storm face first into the top turnbuckle, poses at Hernandez, does more cocky posturing, and gets poked in the eye.  Beer Money try to get something going, but Morgan drops them both with a cross body.  Morgan tags in Hernandez, who comes in against Roode.  Hernandez hits a big shoulder block and goes for a suicide drive, but Morgan stands in his way.  Storm kicks Hernandez from behind, then Roode hits a blockbuster.  “MORGAN SUCKS!” chant.  Beer Money beat up Hernandez.  Crowd chants “MORGAN BOO, HERNANDEZ YAY!”  Idiots.  Beer Money hits a double superplex on Hernandez.  BEER!  MONEY!  Storm covers for 2.  Hernandez rallies and drops Storm with a springboard shoulder block.  Morgan tags in and beats up Beer Money.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK!”  Roode counters a chokeslam attempt, but Morgan drops him with a discus lariat.  Morgan tags in the still worn out Hernandez, who immediately hits a suicide dive to Roode on the outside.  Morgan yells at him and throws him back in the ring.  Storm spits beer in Morgan’s face.  Hernandez hits his weird move on Storm for the pin in 11:23.  Morgan comes in and blasts Hernandez with the Carbon Footprint, then holds up both belts.  It worked in context.

Angle/Anderson video package.

Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle takes Anderson down with a side headlock.  They work the headlock for a few minutes.  Angle invites Anderson to put him in a headlock.  Anderson grabs it, and Angle easily escapes it.  Repeat.  Angle allows it again, and this time backdrop suplexes Anderson, then puts the boots to him.  Angle punches Anderson in the corner, then hits a suplex.  Cover gets, like 1, if that.  Anderson catches Angle with a boot and heads up top, but Angle pushes him to the floor.  Anderson comes back in and hits an armbreaker.  Anderson works Angle over, focusing on the arm.  Anderson sends Angle into the post, then schoolboys him for 2.  Angle fights back with the good arm and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Anderson counters an Angle Slam attempt and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Angle counters the Mic Check and hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Anderson hits a low blow and the Mic Check, but Angle kicks out.  Anderson tries to set up a superplex, but Angle fights him off and hits a frog splash for 2.  Anderson arm drags out of an Angle Slam attempt and sends Angle into the referee, which of course kills the referee dead.  Anderson hits the Angle Slam on Angle.  Anderson grabs a chair out of the crowd, throws it down, and grabs Angle’s dog tag.  Angle ducks a punch and hits a German suplex.  Angle holds up the dog tag, then cuts Anderson’s head open with it.  Angle locks in the Angle Lock ’03 for the submission in 17:34.  Good match.  I still think they could do better.  I hope they have a cage match next month.  Angle leaves and Anderson calls for his mic to be dropped down and cuts a promo, despite the fact that he is a bloody mess who just tapped clean in the middle of the ring.

Tenay and Taz talk about the main event.

AJ Styles/Abyss video package.

Christy Hemme interviews the World Champion, AJ Styles.

JB interviews Abyss.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Abyss jumps Styles before JB can finish Styles’ ring introduction.  Abyss throws Styles around.  Styles fires some chops that Abyss doesn’t sell.  Abyss shoulder blocks Styles out onto the stage.  Abyss teases chokeslamming Styles on the stage right in front of Flair.  Styles avoids it and starts fighting back.  Styles runs at Abyss, who belly to belly THROWS Styles across the ring.  Styles dropkicks Abyss’ leg.  Styles sends Abyss to the outside and wipes him out with a gorgeous suicide dive.  While it was pretty, it’s not something your main event heel should be doing.  Flair “WOOOO”s as Styles grabs a chair and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Abyss tries to rally, but Styles kicks his leg some more.  Styles works the leg.  Abyss makes a comeback and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Styles escapes the Shock Treatment and hits the Pele kick.  Abyss backdrops Styles to the apron.  Styles hits the flying forearm for 2.  Abyss catapults Styles into the chair in the corner.  That looked painful.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss goes for a superplex, but Styles fights him off and HITS THE SPIRAL TAP!  Cover only gets 2.  “THAT WAS AWESOME!” indeed, TNA mutants.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for 2.  Flair sprays something in the referee’s eyes.  Styles hits Abyss in the balls, then clocks him with the belt.  Hulk Hogan comes out with referee Earl Hebner!  He sends Hebner in to take over the match, then wheels Flair to the back.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash, but Abyss powers out and hulks up.  Abyss chokeslams Styles THROUGH THE RING!  Hebner stops the match.  It’s a no-contest at 14:54.  Hogan comes out and gives the belt to Abyss, but Hebner takes it away.  Flair wheels himself back out.  Abyss pulls Flair out of his wheelchair, trips in the big hole in the ring.  Chelsea tries to spray something at Abyss, but Hogan redirects it to Flair.  Desmond Wolfe runs it, but Abyss and Flair beat him up.  Wolfe and Flair are sent into the hole in the ring.  Good match up until the fuck finish.  I didn’t notice until they did the finishing spot, but there was a different ring canvas for the main event, because Eric Young’s outline was missing.  Hogan and Abyss celebrate.

Some of this stuff was very pedestrian, but there’s some good stuff in here.

TNA iMPACT! 3/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Hogan’s Heroes.”  Really?

Hulk Hogan, Abyss, Rob Van Dam, and Jeff Hardy arrive in a Hummer.  Abyss can drive?

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out.  Styles cuts a promo on Abyss.  It sucks.  Styles gets booed for saying he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.  Heh.  Styles says he’s a gift from God, then breaks out Flair’s classic “fat boy” line.  Flair takes the mic and cuts a typically awesome Ric Flair promo.  Flair busts himself open by punching the cut he got last week.  Flair talks about Jeff Hardy.  Hardy comes out (w/ stupid Joker makeup).  Styles bitches at Hardy.  Styles’ promos are so forced.  Styles challenges Hardy to a match tonight.  Hardy accepts.  Flair tells Hardy to backstage and paint a picture to get high off the paint.  Hardy has some bizarre closing line about creatures of the night, then the lighting goes all retarded as Flair stomps around.  The fuck?

Eric Bischoff bitches and Mick Foley.  Bischoff says tonight he’s going to shave Foley’s head and beard.

Destination X is THIS SUNDAY!  Who knew?

Tenay and Taz talk about what’s going down TONIGHT!

Earlier today, Jimmy Hart and the Nasty Boys jumped Jesse Neal in catering.  Sags powerbombs him through a table.

Now the Nastys and Hart are in the ring.  It was supposed to be a six-man tag, but Knobs says now it’s a handicap match.  Team 3D comes out (w/ table).  Bubba says they have a partner… Brother Runt!

The Nasty Boys & Jimmy Hart vs. Team 3D & Brother Runt.  Devon and Sags brawl to start.  In Devon’s defense, he wanted to lock up.  Runt tags in and goes stuff.  He wants to fight Jimmy Hart.  He also has a very noticeable bald spot.  Nastys give Runt the Pit Stop.  Gross.  Hart tags in and puts the boots to Runt.  Hart tries to whip Runt with the belt.  Runt tags out to Bubba.  Knobs tags in.  Bubba beats up the Nastys.  He sends Sags to the floor.  Runt hits him with a double axe handle to the outside.  More shit happens.  Knobs hits Ray with the helmet, which allows Hart to get the pin in 3:13.  Really?  Nastys do the beat down after the match.  Hart whips Runt with the belt.  Jesse Neal makes the save.  Sags takes a very unsmooth looking 3D through the table.  This sucked.

Christy Hemme interviews Angelina Love.  She issues an open challenge to any of the Beautiful People for tonight.  Commercials!

Jeremy Borash interviews Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  Syxx says “We’ve been kicked out of better places than this.”  I LOL’d.  Kevin Nash and Eric Young interrupt.  Nash puts up $25,000 for Hall to face him for 5 minutes tonight.  Hall says “See you out there.  I’ll be the one looks like Elvis.”  Heh.

Ken Anderson & Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Kurt Angle & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Angle and Wolfe start, which is always fucking awesome.  They trade arm locks.  Anderson cheap shots Angle from the apron.  Anderson tags in and works over Angle for a second, then tags in Wolfe, who works over Angle some more.  Angle hits a belly-to-belly throw on Wolfe.  Tag to Pope, still selling his ankle injury.  I love Pope.  Most guys won’t even sell an injury for a whole match.  He’s been selling that ankle injury for a month.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Anderson.  He tries it on Wolfe, who counters with the Divorce Court.  Pope pins Wolfe with an inside cradle in 3:29.  Well, it was good while it lasted.  Wolfe attacks Pope after the match.  They brawl up the ramp as Anderson jumps Angle in the ring, steals his dog tag again, and uses it to cut Angle open!  Anderson uses his special mic and cuts a promo on a bloody, fallen Angle.  Awesome.  Anderson clobbers Angle with the mic.  Great stuff.

Stupid commercial cutaway: The Beautiful People talk backstage.  None of them want to face Angelina.

Hogan talks to Hardy and RVD.  He says Abyss will be the guest enforcer.  Nothing else he says makes sense.  RVD and Hardy leave.  Bischoff comes in.  He’s mad Hulk didn’t tell him about Hardy and RVD showing up last week.  Hogan says he knew Bischoff was busy.  Bischoff says he’s going to remind some people who the boss is tonight.  Hogan says “That was weird.”

Angelina comes out for the match.  The Beautiful People come out and tell her that her opponent is tonight’s honorary Beautiful People member.  Daffney comes from under the ring and jumps Love.

Angelina Love vs. Daffney (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People & Lacey Von Erich).  Daffney knocks Love down, mounts her, and abuses her.  That was a strange sentence.  Daffney pulls a toolbox from under the ring and brings in a hammer.  The ref won’t let her use it.  Love trips her and lands some punches.  The Beautiful People trip her and pull her crotch against the post for the DQ in 1:23.  Daffney spins Love into the ramp.  Ouch.  Daffney gets the ugly stick from the ramp.  Tara runs in through the crowd to make the save and drops Rayne with the Widow’s Peak.  She’ll defend the Knockouts Title against Tara at Destination X.

Styles vs. Hardy TONIGHT!  Commercials!

The show all of the shenanigans involving Sting from last week.

Hulk Hogan comes out to the ring.  He cuts a promo about Sting.  Hogan says he can smell Sting.  Sting is in the rafters.  As usual.  Hogan calls him out.  Sting makes his way from the rafters to the floor of the arena.  It’s a long walk.  When he gets into the arena, Rob Van Dam jumps him and kicks his ass.  Great babyface behavior, guys.  RVD takes the bat, throws it to Hogan, and throws Sting into the ring.  Bischoff comes out and yells at Hogan not to do it.  Bischoff lectures Hogan about his current role.  He yells at security to get Sting out of here.  He tells Hogan to be done with it (being a wrestler, I guess).  This whole segment was stupid.  Hogan hugs Brooke at ringside.

Hernandez tells Jarrett he wants to team with him against Beer Money.  Bischoff overhears and tells them it’s Hernandez vs. Beer Money with Jarrett as the referee.  Bischoff says if Jarrett screws up, he’s being demoted to ring crew… or something.

Commercial inset: Hardy vs. Styles!  Hall vs. Nash!

5 Minute, $25,000 Challenge: Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall.  Hall is in street clothes, including a TNA sweatshirt with “WOLFPAC” in magic marker.  They trade slow, weak punches.  Nash hits a short range lariat to escape a wrist lock.  Nash elbows Hall in the corner.  Syxx-Pac runs in and clips Nash’s leg.  They handcuff Nash to the bottom rope and beat on him.  Eric Young tries to make the save, but they overwhelm him too.  Pac hits the X Factor.  Hall takes the money.  I guess it’s a no-contest in about 2 or 3 minutes.  It sucked.

ShopTNA.com!

JB interviews Beer Money.  They’re mad that they’ve been pushed aside since Hogan and Bischoff arrived.  They got back on TV and had a title shot at the next PPV, THEN they decided to turn heel.  I guess you can’t expect logic from TNA.

Handicap Match: Beer Money vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Jeff Jarrett is the referee.  Beer Money jumps Hernandez as soon as he gets in the ring.  Hernandez’s partner Matt Morgan comes out, teases going to the ring, but joins the commentary team instead.  Beer Money beats up Hernandez and taunt Jarrett while Morgan bitches about Hernandez on commentary.  Beer Money tries to suplex Hernandez, but he suplexes both of them.  Hernandes goes for the Border Toss on Roode, but Storm superkicks him.  Beer Money hits the DWI and Roode gets the pin in 3:37.  They insist that Jarrett raises their hands in victory.  Jarrett grudgingly goes so.  Beer Money beats down Hernandez and push Jarrett down when he tries to save.  Jarrett takes off the referee shirt and helps Hernandez fight off Beer Money.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring with a mirror.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring with a barber chair.  He says he’s going to do things to Jeff Jarrett’s ass next week.  Or something.  He calls for Mick Foley to come out.  Foley sits in the chair, then stops Bischoff from using the clippers.  Foley reveals the sock and puts the Mandible Claw on Bischoff until he passes out in the chair.  Foley takes the clippers and shaves Bischoff’s head.  Foley holds the mirror in front of Bischoff, who is pissed.  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Christy Hemme interviews Shannon Moore.  Ugh.  He cuts a retarded promo.

The Motor City Machine Guns are in the ring, where the Ultimate X structure has been assembled.  Sabin cuts a promo, then bashes Generation Me.  Sabin says “Who have you ever beat?”  Generation Me comes out and reminds them that they beat the Guns in their debut match.  Shelley says it was luck.  Shelly says “We are the XBox to our Atari.  You are the station wagons to our Ferraris.”  Shelley says something about spending the night with their girlfriends.  Bucks jump the Guns.  Brian Kendrick comes out to help the Guns.  Amazing Red comes in and jumps on Kendrick.  Christopher Daniels comes out and drops Red.  Kazarian comes out with a ladder and throws it at Daniels.  Everybody fights.  The Bucks dive off the structure onto the Guns.  Red flips off of the ladder and takes out all four of the heels on the outside of the ring.  Crazy dive.  The faces pose on the ladder.  Good segment.

JB interviews Abyss.  He cuts a promo about the ring.

The main event is NEXT!

Commercial inset: Jeff Hardy backstage!

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Abyss is the outside enforcer.  After a commercial break, Styles jumps Hardy.  I think they waited until then to start the match.  He bell is really hard to hear tonight.  Hardy hits a diving leg drop for 2.  Hardy works a rear chin lock.  Styles sends Hardy to the outside.  Abyss stares down Flair when he tries to get involved.  Flair throws his jacket at Abyss.  Styles teases a dive, then doesn’t.  Yay for actually getting some heat, AJ!  Styles puts the boots to Hardy back inside.  Hardy fights back.  Styles drops him with a dropkick.  Styles works Hardy’s leg.  Hardy sends Styles out to the ramp.  Styles grounds Hardy with a chin lock.  Hardy hits a front suplex, then a dropkick in the corner.  Styles hits a brainbuster for 2.  Hardy hits a dive that I missed for 2.  Styles avoids the Twist of Fate and hits the Pele kick.  There’s a ref bump.  Styles gets a chair.  Abyss says no.  Hardy goes for the springboard 450.  Hardy avoids it and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss counts the pin in 9:12.  Fine match.  Flair hits Hardy with a chair to send him outside, then hits Abyss.  Flair follows Abyss on the stage and keeps hitting him with the chair.  Abyss hulks up and chokeslams Flair through the stage.  Abyss points and Styles.  End of show.

I gotta give week 2 to Raw.