Archive for Swagger Soaring Eagle

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, New Years Eve Smackdown hype, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kane & Alberto Del Rio!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero come out.  Vickie makes horrible screeching noises like a pterodactyl.  They show John Cena trying to give Vickie the Attitude Adjustment last week.  She screeches some more.  Kofi Kingston comes out and tells Vickie to be quiet because everyone gets nauseous from listening to her.  Thank you, Kofi!  They show a photo of Vickie interfering at the PPV.  Jack Swagger comes out.  He’s also pissed off at the bullshit finish of the PPV match.  Ziggler says the only important thing is that he’s still champion.  Kofi says he doesn’t deserve it.  He wants a rematch.  So does Swagger.  Ziggler makes some excuse about Teddy Long’s New Years party.  He takes a swing at Kofi.  A three-way brawl erupts.  Kofi wins.  Teddy Long comes out and books a triple threat rematch for the title TONIGHT!

WWE.com plug.

The Big Show vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Show beats up Rhodes and throws him around.  Show hits the loud chop, then does the stink face.  Rhodes bails and checks his jacket mirror.  Show palms his head and pulls him back into the ring.  Rhodes tries to rally, but continues being tossed about.  Rhodes avoids Show in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes puts the boots to Show.  Show hits a shoulder block and goes the KO punch.  Rhodes bails and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 2:51.  Fine.

Teddy Long’s New Years Party!  Guests include Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, JTG, Hornswoggle, Rosa Mendez, Curt Hawkins, Drew McIntyre, Natalya, and what’s her face that just won divas NXT.  Kaitlyn, I think.  Rosa feeds Hornswoggle cheese.  Conor O’Brian from NXT sniffs the cheese.  His pro Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) tells him to cool it.  Del Rio hits on Rosa.  Hornswoggle takes offense.  Teddy asks people to make New Years Resolutions.  McIntyre says he’ll become a champion and a better person.  A drunk Chavo Guerrero Jr. insults everyone.  Teddy tells him he’s drinking non-alcoholic champagne.  Everyone glares at Chavo.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Drew McIntyre vs. Trent Barreta. They lock up.  Barrett throws McIntyre into the corner.  They lock up again.  McIntyre grabs a side headlock and releases it because he’s trying to be nice.  That’s just stupid.  McIntyre gets his head on straight and gets a headlock takedown.  Barreta bridges out and gets a headlock takedown of his own.  McIntyre backs Barreta into the corner and beats on him.  Barreta tries a rana, but McIntyre powerbombs him into the corner.  McIntyre beats up Barreta some more.  Barreta rallies and hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Barreta hits a springboard dropkick that sends McIntyre to the floor.  Barreta goes for a Space Flying Tiger Drop, but McIntyre avoids it!  Barreta looks dead.  The referee stops it and awards the win to McIntyre in 4:30.  Cool little match and a nifty ending.  McIntyre gives Barreta the Future Shock just to be a dick.  So much for being a better person!

Tonight, Kane & Del Rio vs. Edge & Mysterio!  Also, Ziggler vs. Kofi vs. Swagger!

Back at the party, Chavo cries to the Swagger Soaring Eagle.  They hug.  Teddy shakes his head at them, then tries to make his New Years Revolution.  Michelle McCool and Layla come in to be obnoxious.  They talk shit about Natalya and Beth, who argue with them.  Teddy books them in a tag match tonight, then talks to the eagle.

Tonight, IC title triple threat match!

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out.  The tag match is NEXT!

World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Kane & Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio is introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez, of course.  Del Rio and Mysterio tear into each other briefly, then Edge tags in and beats up Del Rio.  Edge clotheslines Del Rio to the floor.  Kane comes in and sent outside by Mysterio.  Edge gives Mysterio a life to take their opponents out with a dive.  Insta-commercials.  Kane and Del Rio get the heat on Edge.  Mysterio gets the tag and runs wild.  Mysterio goes for a springboard cross body, but Kane catches him with a punch in midair.  Kane sends Mysterio outside to be beaten up by Del Rio.  Kane decides he wants in on the fun and throws Mysterio into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Del Rio tags in and keeps the heat going on his enemy.  Mysterio continues playing face in peril for a bit, then makes the hot tag.  Edge runs wild on Del Rio.  Edge hits the Edgecution and goes for the spear.  That sequence of moves is completely back asswards.  Kane tries to chokeslam Edge, but fails.  Mysterio low bridges Kane out of the ring.  Edge gives Kane a baseball slide dropkick.  Mysterio gives Del Rio the 619.  Edge follows with the spear for the pin (9:19 shown).  Fine little match.

Back at the party, Chavo tries to impress Kaitlyn by sucking helium out of a balloon and talking funny, but there’s no helium.  Chris Masters and Hornswoggle wiggle their boobs at each other.  Big Show tells Kelly Kelly to be careful with Drew McIntyre.  Cody Rhodes comes in and argues with Show.  Teddy tells them to chill.  Teddy books Del Rio vs. Mysterio in a 2/3 Falls Match and Kane vs. Edge for the World Championship in a Last Man Standing Match for next week.

Tonight, IC Title triple threat match!

Michelle McCool & Layla vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya & Beth Phoenix.  Beth and Natalya take turns beating up McCool.  McCool cuts off Natalya.  Insta-commercials.  Layla works over Natalya.  Beth tags in and is immediately cut off by McCool.  They get the heat on Beth.  Natalya gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter on Layla, but is countered.  She does it a different way and locks it in.  McCool kicks Natalya in the face and drags Layla over to tag her.  Natalya back body drops McCool and tags in Beth.  Beth hits the Glam Slam for the pin (6:39 shown).  All right match.

Teddy Long rejoices that the party didn’t break out into a fight.  Chavo calls the party lame.  Big Show pour punch on him.  Tyler Reks has also joined the party.  Chavo rams Hornswoggle’s face into the cake.  A food fight breaks out.  Teddy jinxed it.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.

The main event is NEXT!

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  Swagger and Ziggler double team Kofi for the first several minutes.  Kofi makes his comeback, monkey flips Swagger, and gives Ziggler the corner punches.  Kofi sends both opponents outside and takes them both out with a tope suicida.  Insta-commercials.  Kofi cranks on Swagger’s arm.  Kofi goes for the Boom Drop, but Ziggler pulls him out of the ring and drops him.  Swagger tries to pull Ziggler into the ring, but Ziggler pulls his head across the top rope and hits the Fameasser for 2.  Swagger goes to the floor.  Ziggler brings Kofi back in and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler keeps the heat on Kofi.  Swagger tries to come back in, but Ziggler cuts him off and keeps working on Kofi.  Kofi avoids Ziggler in the corner and starts firing back.  Matthews still doesn’t know what a Superman punch is.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger intervenes and Germans him right into Ziggler.  Swagger covers Ziggler for 2, then Kofi for the same.  Swagger sets up Kofi for a superplex.  Kofi fights him off.  Ziggler jumps up and tries to do the deed.  Swagger powerbombs Ziggler out of the corner.  Kofi hits Swagger with a diving cross body for 2.  Swagger counters the S.O.S. and takes on Kofi’s knee.  Kofi counters the ankle lock.  Swagger ducks the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Ziggler gives Swagger the Zig Zag.  Kofi saves!  Kofi and Swagger brawl.  Kofi catches Swagger with a DDT and covers.  Vickie puts Swagger’s foot on the bottom rope.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Kofi counters and hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Ziggler schoolboys Kofi and grabs a handful of tights for the pin (13:53 shown).  Good match.

Next week, Del Rio vs. Mysterio 2/3 Falls!  Edge vs. Kane for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Last Man Standing Match!

All right show to end 2010 for WWE.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/10/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of recent stupidity.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out to whine about Edge stealing his daddy.  Edge appears on the screen.  He has Paul Bearer in mortal peril as usual.  Edge wants to use Bearer for chair shot practice.  Edge hits Bearer in the back with a chair.  Kane runs to the back to find that Edge has Bearer set up for a one man conchairto.  Or so it seems.  Edge hits a fake Paul Bearer with a chair and runs away.  “Another dummy,” Kane says.  Whoever write this storyline is the dummy.  Kane sees Edge run away with the real Bearer off in the distance.  This is the worst storyline in the history of wrestling, television, literature, or anything else that has ever existed as a creative medium.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer for some reason.

Jack Swagger vs. Kaval.  Swagger wins the lock up and beats the crap out of Kaval.  Kaval rallies and hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval ends up on Swagger’s shoulders.  Swagger throws him off, injuring his leg.  Swagger attacks the leg.  Kaval fights out of a powerbomb attempt, then sells his ankle.  Kaval ducks a charing Swagger and lands a head kick.  Kaval tries to mount a comeback.  He lands a koppou kick and gets rolling.  Kaval avoids Swagger in the corner and hits a diving knee strike for 2.  Kaval tries to go up top, but his ankle is screwed.  Swagger takes out the ankle and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 5:26.  Good little match.  Swagger cuts a promo after the match, bitching about losing to Kofi Kingston last week.  They show the aforementioned loss.  He bitches about being in the ropes when he got hit with Kofi’s finish, so they’re pretending that shit matters this week.

Tale of the tape for Hornswoggle vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Are you fucking serious?  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Hornswoggle (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Rosa hands Hornswoggle a bag of bird seed.  Hornswoggl throws some around the ring.  The eagle goes for it.  Hornswoggle knocks it down, then tries to eat its leg.  Horswoggle rides the eagle, then slaps it, then runs into a big boot.  A big talon?  The eagle puts the talons to Hornswoggle.  The eagle misses the Ballin’ elbow.  Hornswoggle sits on it, then hits the tadpole splash for the pin in 2:21.  I cannot fucking believe I just reviewed that match.

Tonight, Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kane & Alberto Del Rio.  Commercials.

Backstage, Teddy Long congratulates the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino says they are both excited to be able to appear on Smackdown.  Kozlov says “More people for me to crush.”  Santino signs “We Are The Champions.”  Kozlov waves a cigarette lighter around.  Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in and challenges them to a match tonight.  Santino accepts.  Lots of Queen references.

Next, Dolph Ziggler defends the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston.

Kofi Kingston hype video.

Todd Grisham interviews WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  Commercials.

Vickie Guerrero’s introduction of Ziggler is the worse thing I’ve heard since I was forced to listen to Edgard Varese’s Electronic Poem.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Kofi gets a schoolboy for 1.  Kofi gets another cradle for 2.  Ziggler beats on Kofi.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and a dropkick, then a running elbow smash.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Ziggler bails.  Commercials.  Ziggler has Kofi in a chin lock.  He releases it and hits a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler applies a face lock.  Kofi fights out and catapults Ziggler into the turnbuckles.  Ziggler takes that better than anyone not named Curt Hennig.  Kofi makes h is comeback.  Ziggler counts the S.O.S.  Kofi keeps rolling anyway.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and a missile dropkick.  Vickie gets on the apron and makes an ungodly noise.  Kofi covers Ziggler for 2.  Ziggler cradles Kofi for 2.  Ziggler kicks Kofi in the chin.  They fight on the top rope.  Kofi knocks Ziggler down and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi goes for a suplex, but Ziggler counters and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Ziggler throws Kofi’s shoulder into the post.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Jack Swagger runs in and pulls Kofi off the cover to cause the DQ in 12:43.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Referees make him break.  Okay match.  I hate fuck finishes.

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril.  He warns Kane against approaching.  Kane does anyway.  Another mannequin takes a bump off of something high through a table.  Kane is pissed.  So am I.  This is the worst shit ever.  Commercials.

Chris Masters is in the ring to do the Master Lock Challenge.  “Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out to participate in this crap.  There’s a bell, so I guess this is supposed to be a match.

Master Lock Challenge: Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes wipes the chair down before sitting in it, then tries to make Masters do his nails.  Masters slaps him and orders him into the chair.  Rhodes gets mad that his faced was touched.  Masters grabs his face.  Rhodes throws a temper tantrum and looks in his jacket mirror.  Masters locks in the Master Lock for the win in 2:43.  Stupid crap.

Tonight, Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio.  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero Jr.  They show Santino & Kozlov beating The Nexus for the titles on Raw when John Cena provided the distraction.  Santino hits McIntyre with an arm drag.  McIntyre decks him.  Kozlov tags in and beats up McIntyre.  The referee gets in the way to let McIntyre get the advantage.  Kozlov quickly overcomes this brief inconvenience.  Chavo pulls Kozlov’s back across the ropes, then gets the tag and hits the Eddie hilo.  Chavo beats up Kozlov.  Santino gets the tag and runs wild on McIntyre.  McIntyre cuts him off and goes for the Future Shock.  Chavo tags himself in and goes for the frog splash.  Santino avoids it and hits the Cobra for the pin in 3:09.  Alright then.  McIntyre bitches at Chavo for being a failure, then gives him the Future Shock.

Earlier tonight, we were forced to watch another skit in the worst storyline ever thought of.  They’re so proud of this awful storyline that they’re forcing us to watch it again now.  Later there’s going to be a tag match.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.

TLC hype.

Michelle McCool and Layla are next.  Ugh.  Commercials.

They show the crap from Raw where LayCool attacked Natalya after her match with Melina.

Non-Title: Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya (w/ Beth Phoenix).  They actually do a really good exchange to start.  Layla is actually a damn fine lady wrestler.  Natalya hits the stalling suplex for 2.  Layla bails.  Natalya pursues and shoves McCool.  Layla gets back in the ring and dropkicks Natalya through the ropes.  Phoenix frightens McCool away from interfering.  Back inside, Natalya eats a boot to the face.  Double clothesline spot.  Layla throws a dropkick, but Natalya catches her and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool grabs her hands and gets pulled into the ring.  Phoenix pulls her out.  Layla submits in 1:59.  Better divas match than usual until it turned to the usual LayCool bullshit.

Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Rey Mysterio and Edge come out for the main event.  Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Kane doesn’t come out.  Teddy Long comes out and changes it to a handicap match.

Handicap Match: Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Alberto Del Rio.  Mysterio throws leg kicks at Del Rio, then hits a leg drop for 2.  Edge and Mysterio double team Del Rio.  Del Rio beats up Edge a bit.  Edge hits a flapjack.  Mysterio tags back in.  They hit another double team for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Del Rio bails, but gets kicked anyway.  Kane comes out.  He and Edge brawl in the aisle.  Edge runs away.  Kane chases him.  Del Rio jumps Mysterio from behind and puts the boots to him.  Del Rio hits a gut busters for 2.  Del Rio applies a body scissors.  Mysterio escapes and ends up on the apron.  Del Rio knocks him to the floor with an enzuigiri.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio on the outside.  Back inside, Del Rio goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits the flipping bulldog for 2.  Del Rio hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and hits a seated senton.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin in 7:08.  Now pay to see them in another singles match on the PPV!

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril again.  Kane assumes it’s another dummy and pushes the ladders over.  It was the real Paul Bearer, who is now dead.  I pray to God that’s the end of this shit.

Horrible show.  I dread this shit more than I do Impact lately.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/3/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight, Edge vs. Kane!  The winner picks the stipulations for the PPV title match!  Smackdown open.  We are TAPED from Norfolk, Virginia!  There are tables, ladders, and chairs at ringside!  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out to cut a promo amongst all the plunder.  They show Alberto Del Rio costing Mysterio his King of the Ring Qualifying Match against Cody Rhodes last week and Mysterio returning the favor by costing Del Rio his tournament match against John Morrison on Raw.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to talk shit to him.  Mysterio climbs a ladder.  They talk at each other.  Del Rio climbs the other side of the ladder and calls him a chihuahua.  Mysterio says they’ll meet at TLC.  Del Rio says no, because he’s a pussy.  Mysterio punches him off the ladder.  Del Rio pushes the ladder over and beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio monkey flips Del Rio out of the ring and gives him a leg drop through a table.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Earlier today, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero walked around backstage.  They encountered Kaitlyn, who is now on Smackdown.  Vickie is mad, but Ziggler congratulates her on winning NXT.

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Drew McIntyre vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Kaval.  MVP and McIntyre lock up.  MVP hits a shoulder block and a knee (maybe) drop for 1.  Kaval tags in.  MVP lifts him up to McIntyre a boot for 2.  McIntyre throws Kaval down, then misses a leg drop.  MVP tags in and hits a sliding Yakuza kick for 2.  McIntyre catches MVP with a kick to the gut.  Ziggle tags in.  MVP beats him up, then decks McIntyre off the apron and throws Ziggler out onto him.  Kaval uses MVP as a step and takes out Ziggler and McIntyre with a dive.  Commercials.  Ziggler beats up MVP.  MVP rallies and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  McIntyre distracts MVP, allowing Ziggler to take out his knee.  McIntyre and Ziggler get the heat on MVP, working the injured leg.  Kaval gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kaval hits a springboad flying knee.  Cover, but McIntyre saves.  MVP goes after McIntyre and gets sent face first into the announce table.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Kaval counters a suplex and locks in a Dragon sleeper.  Vickie distracts the referee.  McIntyre breaks the hold.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 11:23.  Fine little match.  That’s MVP’s last hurrah in WWE.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and chokeslams MVP.  THAT is MVP’s last hurrah in WWE.  Kane Tombstones Kaval.  Kane says the show won’t continue until Edge returns his father.  Edge appears on the big screen.  More of this bullshit.  Ugh.  Paul Bearer is still bound and gagged.  He invites Kane to come retrieve Paul from the loading dock.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Norfolk!

Raw Rebound.

Kane searches the loading dock for Paul Bearer.  Something big and heavy falls out of a truck and crushes another mannequin Paul Bearer.  ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.  Smackdown has been worse than TNA lately.  Kane sees Edge wheeling the real Paul Bearer away.  This shit is fucking horrible.  Commercials.

Tonight, Edge vs. Kane, just to make sure we give away every match that we expect to draw on the PPV!

WWE Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger does amateur stuff.  Kofi gets the ropes.  They stare at each other.  Kofi tries to lock up in the corner, but the referee won’t allow it.  They lock up properly and work the lock up.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  They lock up again.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi breaks free.  Swagger avoids the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger works over Kofi.  Kofi fights back and hits a running dropkick for 2.  Swagger sends Kofi to the apron.  Kofi kicks him and goes up top.  Swagger meets him and throws him off the top rope.  Cover gets 2.  Kofi rolls outside.  Commercials.  Swagger works Kofi over and applies that double arm hook deal.  Swagger takes out Kofi’s leg twice.  Cover gets 2.  Weird.  Swagger beats up Kofi.  He works the arm again instead of working the leg, which would actually help when he goes for his finish.  I thought Swagger was supposed to be smart.  Swagger applies an abdominal stretch.  Swagger does a gator roll and pulls Kofi against the ropes.  I don’t get it.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi kicks him away and hits a rolling kick thingamafucker to knock Swagger down.  Swagger tries to push Kofi into the steps, but Kofi leapfrogs them.  Kofi hits a diving chop off the steps.  Grisham calls it a Superman punch because he’s mentally retarded.  He’s probably retarded enough to be an MMA judge.  They barely beat the count back into the ring.  Kofi beats up Swagger.  Kofi hits the S.O.S. for 2.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb, fails, but lands a big boot for 2.  Swagger throws Kofi across the ring and goes for the Vader Bomb, but Kofi trips him.  Kofi hits corner punches.  Swagger throws him away.  Kofi hits something from the corner, then hits a diving cross body for 2.  Swagger ducks the Trouble In Paradise.  Kofi tries again.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi blocks it and falls out of the ring.  Kofi hits a Trouble In Paradise from the outside through the ropes and gets the pin in 15:49.  I hated this.  I like both guys.  I think both are good wrestlers, and they have good matches against other people.  In spite of this, and in spite of the fact that they wrestle each other for more than 10 minutes often on TV, none of their matches are any good.

Kane looks for Paul Bearer in the concession area.  Another fake Paul Bearer falls down the stairs.  Edge runs away with the real Bearer again.  This shit is so fucking awful.  Commercials.

Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes attacks, then flinches when Masters tries to throw a punch.  Masters locks in the Master Lock against the ropes.  Rhodes pulls the back of Masters into the ropes.  Rhodes hits a side Russian leg sweep and does a great transition into the cover for 2.  Rhodes applies a camel clutch.  Rhodes works Masters’ arm.  Masters make his comeback.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disasters followed by the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 2:56.  Not bad.

Tonight, Edge vs. Kane.  That WILL be bad.  Commercials.

Video package of the extremely horrible Kane/Edge feud that they’re so proud of.

Rosa Mendez vs. Layla (w/ Michelle McCool).  Layla mocks Rosa by pretending to jump rope.  Rosa attacks her.  Layla attacks back.  Rosa fights back.  McCool distracts everyone.  Rosa shoves Layla into her, then gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Fucking ugh.  Layla hits the neckbreaker for the pin in 1:04.  Ugh.  LayCool attack Rosa after the match.  Hornswoggle makes the save.  They get on their knees to fight Hornswoggle, then horse ass around.  Beth Phoenix comes out and kicks their asses.  Much stupidity in this segment.  The Swagger Soaring Eagle comes out to fight Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle shakes the ropes and gets booted in the face.  Beth gives the eagle the Glam Slam.  Hornswoggle hits a tadpole splash on the eagle.  Yes, much stupidity in this segment.

Speaking of stupidity, Edge vs. Kane tonight.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.  Different one from earlier.

The main event is next.  Commercials.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Kane vs. Edge.  Edge bails.  Kane follows.  Edge hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Edge dives off the apron.  Kane catches him and rams him into the apron.  Back inside, Kane beats up Edge.  Edge beats up Kane.  They fight outside.  They fight inside.  Kane hits a basement kick for 2.  Kane hits some elbow drops.  Shit happens.  Edge low bridges Kane out of the ring, then spears him off the apron.  Commercials.  Thank God.  Can we just stay on commercials until the finish?  Kane crotches Edge on the top rope and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and dives.  Kane catches him with a punch for 2.  Kane beats up Edge some more.  They go outside.  Edge sends Kane into the steps, then hits a clothesline off the steps.  Kane goes for a chokeslam with Edge on the apron, but Edge pulls his arm down across the top rope.  Edge hits a diving lariat for 2.  Edge hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits a diving lariat.  Kane goes for the chokeslam.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes for the spear, but Kane clotheslines him.  Kane signals for the chokeslam.  Paul Bearer appears on the screen and screams for Kane to come find him.  Kane goes outside and barely beats the count back in.  Edge spears him for the pin in 13:21.  Awful.  Edge says the PPV match will be Tables, Ladders, & Chairs, to the surprise of absolutely no one.  Edge says he’ll give Paul Bearer back now.  Edge brings out a fake Paul Bearer in the wheelchair and leaves.  Kane beats up the fake.  The real Paul Bearer appears on the screen.  He’s on a flat bed truck.  Kane goes backstage to get him, but Edge drives away.  This is the worst fucking storyline ever.

Fucking horrible show.  Whoever came up with this storyline should be set on fire.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 11/26/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and cuts a promo about Edge stealing his father.  He says he won’t press charges or do nasty, violent things to Edge if Edge will return Paul Bearer.  Kane then starts to talk about his feelings.  I check out that this point.  Edge comes out with an empty wheelchair.  He’s a dick and humiliates Kane by making him practically beg.  This shit is so obnoxious.  Edge leaves without returning Paul Bearer.  This shit is horrible.

Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger in a King of the Ring Qualifier is next.

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle).  They lock up.  Swagger does some amateur stuff.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Kofi gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Kofi gets a sunset flip.  Swagger gets the ropes and bails.  Back inside, Kofi misses a dropkick.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but settles for catapulting Kofi into the corner.  Kofi catches himself and hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Swagger beats up Kofi.  Kofi tries to leap frog Swagger, but fucks up.  Swagger clips his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi gets the ropes.  Swagger works Kofi’s leg.  Kofi bails.  Insta-commercials.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  Swagger backdrops Kofi to the apron.  The eagle trips Kofi.  Swagger knocks Kofi off the apron.  Back inside, Swagger applies a body scissors.  Kofi elbows his way free.  Kofi gets caught with a knee lift.  Swagger goes back to working the leg.  The eagle cheap shots Kofi again and dances.  Swagger does the abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Cover gets 2.  Swagger applies a shoulder hold.  Swagger hot shots Kofi into the turnbuckle.  Swagger sends Kofi out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Kofi slams Swagger’s head into the steps.  Back inside, Swagger hits a clothesline for 2.  Swagger applies a double arm… thing.  I never know what to call that.  Crowd is solidly behind Kofi.  Kofi makes his comeback and hits the Boom Drop against the ropes for 2.  Kofi goes for a diving cross body, but Swagger catches him and hits a powerslam.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb, but Kofi catches him with raised feet.  Kofi goes for the pendulum kick, but Swagger catches it and goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi sends Swagger into the post, then clobbers him with an awesome Trouble In Paradise for the pin (13:26 shown).  This was long and boring.  I like both guys, but they never click when they wrestle each other, which seems to be all the time.

Kane apologizes to Teddy Long for being a dick last week.  Edge appears on the TV.  He has Paul Bearer, who has apparently soiled himself, bound and gagged.  Edge removes the tape from Bearer’s mouth and Bearer insults the fans.  Kane goes to look for them.

Kane goes into a bathroom and finds an empty wheelchair.  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio. who vows to become king.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE.com plug.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show.  Del Rio attacks Show and tries to come off the top.  Show goozles him.  Del Rio drops to the floor to escape.  Insta-commercials.  Del Rio tries a German suplex and fails miserably.  Show lands the big chop and beats up Del Rio.  Del Rio counters the chokeslam again and goes on the attack.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri and goes for the Minoru Special, but Show turns it into a backdrop.  Show goes for the KO punch.  Del Rio bails.  They brawl outside.  Show throws Del Rio back inside.  Rodriguez grabs Show’s leg.  Show kills Rodriguez with the KO punch.  Show gets counted out, giving Del Rio win the win (4:58 shown).  Meh.

Edge is up in the cheap seats with the bound and gagged Paul Bearer.  He calls out Kane.  Ugh.  Kane comes out.  They banter.  Paul gets his tapped remove and bashes the people some more.  This shit is so horrible.  Kane says Edge can have another title match.  Edge says he’s taking Paul to the hot dog stand.  Kane pursues through the crowd.  Whoever came up with this angle should be beaten retarded with a tree limb.  Kane finds an empty chair in the lobby.

Survivor Series song plug.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Drew McIntyre.  They lock up.  McIntyre wins the lock up and talks shit.  MVP kicks his ass.  MVP hits an enzui knee strike for 2.  They brawl outside.  McIntyre stomps MVP’s arm into the steps.  McIntyre attacks the arm.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre keeps working the arm.  McIntyre gets bumped off of the apron.  MVP makes his comeback.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow and goes for the Playmaker.  McIntyre counters.  MVP lands some punches.  MVP hurts himself trying to catch the ropes.  McIntyre hits the Future Shock for the pin in 5:22.  Fine little match.

Swagger is backstage bitching at the eagle.  Hornswoggle is dressed as an Indian.  Rosa Mendez serves him a burnt turkey.  Skinny women can’t cook!  Hornswoggle decides he’s going to eat the dejected eagle.  He shoots it (off screen) with a bow & arrow.

Michelle McCool and Layla come out to be obnoxious and make me hate wrestling.

Michelle McCool (w/ Layla) vs. Kelly Kelly.  Layla sprays shit at Kelly, allowing McCool to get the jump on her.  McCool goes for the Styles Clash, but Kelly holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  Kelly gets a cradle for the pin in 1:03.  Thank God it was short.  LayCool jump Kelly after the match.  Beth Phoenix makes the save and gives McCool the Glam Slam.

Tonight, Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes!

Jacksonville!

John Cena video package.

Raw Rebound.

Mysterio vs. Rhodes is NEXT!

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to do commentary.  Mysterio goes on the attack.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip, but Rhodes avoids the kick and bails.  He checks his jacket mirror.  Mysterio follows him outside and goes on the attack again.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster (springboard kick) off the steps.  Back inside, Rhodes hits the Alabama Slam for 2.  Rhodes puts the boots to Mysterio.  Insta-commercials.  Actually, there are clips of the commercials for some reason.  Rhodes has Mysterio in an arm lock.  Rhodes hits something off the top for 2.  Mysterio rallies and hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Rhodes goes for the Cross Rhodes, but Mysterio counters into a jackknife hold for 2.  Rhodes gets a backslide for 2.  Mysterio connects with a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio warns Rhodes to get out of the way.  Mysterio goes for the seated senton off the apron, but Rhodes moves and Del Rio gets it.  Mysterio sends Rhodes into the barricade.  Back inside, the ref gets bumped.  Del Rio pulls Mysterio’s balls into the post.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  Best thing on the show by a mile.

Kane barges into the GM’s office and bitches at Teddy Long again.  He threatens Long again.  Edge appears on the TV.  He has Paul Bearer outside.  He challenges Kane to come out, then says “Jacksonville, Florida” about a half dozen times.  He says he wants to give Bearer back before there is an accident.  Kane runs out to wear they were, but a car runs into a stuffed Paul Bearer thing.  Edge has the real Bearer in the car.  Kane throws a mannequin head at it as it speeds away.  Kane is pissed.  So am I for making myself watch this crap.

Besides the Mysterio match, there is absolutely nothing good about this show, and the Kane/Edge shit is insultingly horrible.

WWE Superstars 11/4/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the first announcers.  Tony Chimel is the first ring announcer.

Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Kaval.  They lock up.  Swagger cranks Kaval’s arm.  Kaval kicks him and escapes.  Swagger beats up Kaval in the corner.  Kaval fights back.  Swagger throws him out of the ring.  Kaval slings back in as Swagger slips out and hits a dropkick and a dive.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kaval lands a kick for 1.  Swagger connects with a knee lift that knocks Kaval to the apron, then knocks him off the apron into the barricade.  Swagger rams Kaval’s back into the barricade, then throws him back in and covers for 2.  Swagger applies sort of a chickenwing armlock.  Kaval fights out and gets booted out of the ring.  Back inside, Swagger locks Kaval in a front face lock, then hits a backbreaker.  Kaval tries to fight back, but gets cut off with another knee lift.  Swagger throws Kaval across the ring and hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Swagger has Kaval in an abdominal stretch.  Swagger goes for a move, but Kaval lands up on top of him for 2.  Swagger goes to the apron.  Kaval knocks him off with a handspring kick.  Back inside, Kaval makes his comeback.  Kaval hits a kick to the corner for 2.  Kaval goes for a springboard, but Swagger avoids it and hits a German suplex for 2.  Swagger tries to suplex Kaval from the apron.  Kaval counters him and gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Kaval tries and fails to whip Swagger, but drops him with a koppou kick.  Kaval goes up top but Swagger cuts him off.  Kaval hits a springboard enzui leg lariat for 2.  Kaval goes to the apron again.  The eagle trips him.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win (9:51 shown).  Pretty good match.

NXT recap.

Tonight, Mark Henry vs. The Usos in a Handicap Match!

Luke Gallows vs. Vance Archer.  Archer attacks.  Gallows beats him up.  Gallows goes for a boot and gets crotched on the top rope.  Archer beats up Gallows.  Archer hits a leg drop for 2.  Archer hits a Rock Bottom ass drop thing for 2.  Archer goes up top.  Gallows pulls him down and makes his comeback.  Gallows lowers the straps and hits a big splash for 2.  Archer boots Gallows in the corner.  Gallows rallies and hits the Gallows Poll for the pin in 3:09.  Meh.

Tonight, Henry vs. Usos!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Scott Stanford and Jerry Lawler are now the announcers.  Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim.  They lock up.  They break.  They lock up again.  Fox takes Gail down with a side headlock.  Gail counters into a head scissors.  Gail hits an arm drag and works on Fox’s arm.  Fox fights out.  Gail hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Fox hits a backbreaker, then a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Fox hits a back body drop.  Fox pulls Gail’s hair.  Of course.  Fox hits another backbreaker for 2.  Gail hits a powerslam or something for like 1.  Gail makes her comeback.  Fox tries to bail.  Gail throws her back in.  Fox cuts Gail off with a cheap shot.  Gail catches her with the Eat Defeat for the pin in 5:01.  Okay little match.

Henry vs. Usos TONIGHT!

Edge hype video.  He’ll face Alberto Del Rio tomorrow night on Smackdown!

Survivor Series hype.

The main event (if you can call it that) is NEXT!

They show clips of the Henry/Jey match from last week where Jimmy got involved.  Tonight, somebody gone get they ass kicked!

Handicap Match: Mark Henry vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Tamina).  Henry wants Jimmy, but Jey jumps him from behind.  Henry kicks his ass.  Henry drags Jey to the corner to try to make him tag, but Jimmy wants none of that.  Jimmy blind tags in and jumps Henry from behind.  Jimmy beats up Henry on the ground and tries to get a pin, but that’s not happening.  The Usos double team Henry.  Henry makes his comeback on Jey.  Jey avoids getting squashed with a big splash.  Tamina takes a cheap shot at Henry.  Jey drops Henry with a kick and tags in Jimmy.  Jimmy hits the Superfly splash for the pin in 3:12.  Okay.  Henry vs. The Usos & Tamina next week?

Pretty lame show besides the first match.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, weird Undertaker video package.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane and Paul Bearer are on the stage at the grave site, which they apparently moved from Minneapolis to Milwaukee.  Kane cuts yet another long promo.  The ring is all funeral’d out.  Alberto Del Rio comes out.  I’ve never been so happy to see him.  Del Rio wants a title shot.  Kane screams at him.  Del Rio drops Kane.  Rey Mysterio comes out to run off Del Rio, then gives Paul Bearer the 619.  Kane takes out Mysterio.  Edge runs out and spears Kane.  His music plays, so I guess he won the fight.

Alberto Del Rio bitches at Teddy Long in Spanish.  He wants a title shot.  Long books Del Rio vs. Edge vs. Mysterio in a #1 Contender match for TONIGHT!

Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Ziggler takes Bryan down.  Bryan tries an armbar from the bottom, but fails.  Ziggler stomps on him, then land an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler beats up Bryan.  Dropkick gets 2.  ZIggler applies a rear chin lock.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Bryan fights out of a hold.  They trade shots.  Bryan lands some kicks, flips over Ziggler from the corner, and lands a lariat.  Bryan hits a diving chop.  Ziggler rolls out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Bryan catches Ziggler with another hard kick.  Ziggler avoids a dive and hits the Fameasser for 2.  Bryan gets a backslide for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan counters and hits a corner dropkick.  They counter suplex attempts.  Bryan suplexes Ziggler and they both fall out of the ring.  They both beat the count back in.  They trade shots from their knees and on their feet.  Ziggler boots Bryan in the face.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Ziggler counters and catapults Bryan into the turnbuckles, then locks in the sleeper hold.  Bryan fights out, bumping the ref in the process.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  Vickie counts the pinfall.  The referee isn’t having that crap.  Bryan kicks Ziggler in the head for the pin (9:14 shown).  Another really good match between these two.  Vickie screams at the referee.

Tonight, Edge vs. Mysterio vs. Del Rio!

WWE.com plug.

Josh Matthews interviews Paul Bearer, who is still selling his face.  Kane comes in and looks constipated.

Stand up for WWE!

Kelly Kelly is checking herself out in the mirror.  Cody Rhodes moves in to check himself out.  They babble about whatever.  The Big Show comes in and challenges Rhodes to a match.  Rhodes says he’s a tag team wrestler.  Show says he can find a partner since people actually like him.  Show does a Drew McIntyre impersonation.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Kaval.  Swagger uses his wrestling.  Kaval uses his kicking the crap out of people.  Swagger catches a cross body and hits a World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger applies a bear hug.  Kaval hits a hurricanrana to escape, then hits a running knee to the corner, which gets the dead crowd to pop.  Kaval hits a flying knee to the back for 2.  Kaval lands a koppou kick, counters a German, and hits a double stomp for 2.  Kaval goes up top.  Swagger tries to cut him off, but Kaval jumps over him.  Swagger rams Kaval’s leg into the post, then hits him with an enzui lariat.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 4:02.  Decent little match.

Divas Halloween costume contest NEXT!

WWEShop.com!

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between Kane, Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio, and Edge.  Later tonight, triple threat match between the 3 of those dudes who aren’t Kane!

Teddy Long and Hornwsoggle are in the ring to do the divas costume contest deal.  The Bella Twins are dressed as Batman & Robin.  Alicia Fox is Cleopatra.  Kelly Kelly is Little Bo Peep.  Rosa Mendez is a leprechaun.  Melina is Spider-Woman.  Looks more like The Flash to me.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla are Lady Gaga and Beyonce, respectively.  Of course, it wouldn’t be WWE TV without LayCool being fucking obnoxious and me being forced to listen to McCool’s nail on a chalkboard voice.  Cowboy Hornswoggle keeps order with squirt guns.  Long announces an 8-diva tag match for RIGHT NOW.  Ugh.

Melina, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla, Alicia Fox, & Rosa Mendez.  Batman Bella and Layla start.  Layla dances.  Batman clotheslines her.  McCool tags in.  Batman and Robin hit her with a double clothesline.  Fox tags in.  Robin takes her over and tags in Melina.  Insta-commercials.  Kelly and Rosa do some horrible, clumsy looking shit.  Kelly hits a neckbreaker.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kelly hits the Fameasser for the pin (about 2 1/2 minutes shown).  Crap.

Edge and Rey Mysterio chat backstage.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre come out and cut a promo.  They want a tag title shot.  Aren’t they automatically entitled to one?  They name their team “The Dashing Ones.”

The Dashing Ones vs. The Big Show & Kofi Kingston.  McIntyre and Kingston trade arm locks.  McIntyre grabs a side headlock, then knocks down Kofi.  Kofi hits a monkey flip for 2.  Show tags in and beats up McIntyre.  Kofi tags in and hits a slingshot elbow drop for 2.  Rhodes tags in and beats up Kingston.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  The Dashing Ones get the heat on Kofi, attacking his leg in vicious ways.  Kofi knocks Drew outside.  Rhodes throws him back in.  He rolls right back out anyway.  Show gets the hot tag and destroys Rhodes.  I guess there was a tag.  McIntyre comes back in.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Rhodes saves.  Show chokeslams Rhodes for the pin in 8:13.  Okay match.

Edge vs. Mysterio vs. Del Rio is NEXT!

The Dashing Ones argue backstage.  Aww, they just named their team and they’re breaking up?

WWE encourages kids to read!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The main event is NEXT!  FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Goldust and Aksana get hitched on NXT NEXT WEEK!

Triple Threat World Heavyweight Title #1 Contender Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Edge.  Mysterio attacks Del Rio immediately.  Del Rio drops Mysterio with a clothesline.  Edge drops Del Rio with a spin kick.  Edge puts the boots to Del Rio, then throws Mysterio out of the ring.  Rey slips back in as Edge slips out.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio.  Del Rio throws Mysterio into the post.  Edge schoolboys Del Rio for 2.  Del Rio beats up Edge.  Edge lands a forearm, then clotheslines Del Rio, taking them both out of the ring.  Mysterio hits them both with a diving cross body.  Insta-commercials.  Del Rio stomps and chokes Mysterio in the corner.  Del Rio pulls Mysterio’s armpit into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle, the hits a dropkick to the corner.  Mysterio kicks Edge to keep him out.  Del Rio whips Mysterio into Edge.  Edge sunset flips Del Rio as Del Rio German suplexes Mysterio.  Cool spot.  Edge gets 2 on Del Rio.  Edge sends Mysterio out of the ring and beats on Del Rio.  Del Rio pulls Edge’s head into the top rope.  Mysterio trips Del Rio, who hits his face on the apron.  Mysterio sends Edge into the steps with a headscissors.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a diving splash on Edge for 2.  Mysterio dropkicks Del Rio to keep him outside.  Mysterio goes for the 619 on Edge, but Del Rio trips him and pulls him out of the ring.  Del Rio comes in and gets flapjacked by Edge.  Cover gets 2.  Del Rio counters the Edge-O-Matic with a gorgeous German suplex hold for 2.  Edge hits a clotheslines Del Rio, then goes up top.  Mysterio crotches him and goes for a Frankensteiner.  Edge counters.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special.  Edge hits Del Rio with a diving elbow drop for 2.  Triple clothesline spot.  Del Rio beats up Edge.  Del Rio catapults Mysterio into a seated senton on Edge.  Del Rio goes for a powerbomb, but Mysterio hits a rana and the 619.  Edge spears Mysterio off the apron and covers Del Rio for 2.  Del Rio goes for a move, but Edge turns it into the Edgecution.  Edge goes for the spear, but Rodriguez grabs his foot.  Del Rio hits Edge with the enzuigiri.  Mysterio saves with a diving leg drop and covers Del Rio for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio him up on his shoulders.  Edge spears Del Rio for the pin (12:20 shown).  Really good match.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out, makes his pyro go off, and poses with the belt.  They’ll meet at Survivor Series for the title!

Pretty good show this week!

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Randy Orton vs. Kane in a Champion vs. Champion match!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Teddy Long has Team Raw (The Miz, CM Punk, John Morrison, Sheamus, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Alex Riley) and Team Smackdown (The Big Show, Alberto Del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Edge, Rey Mysterio Jr., Jack Swagger, and Tyler Reks).  Riley is substituting for R-Truth, who isn’t allowed to enter Canada.  They’re going to face each other in matches tonight, and the wrestlers get to pick opponents.  Miz says he, Zeke, and Sheamus will team tonight.  Show says it’ll be against him, Kofi, and Mysterio.  Edge books himself vs. Punk.  Morrison books himself vs. Del Rio.  Swagger chooses Santino.  No Reks vs. Riley?  Thank God.  Long orders the six-man tag RIGHT NOW!

The Miz, Sheamus, & Ezekiel Jackson (w/ Alex Riley) vs. The Big Show, Rey Mysterio Jr., & Kofi Kingston.  Mysterio tries to dance around Sheamus.  Sheamus kicks his ass.  Mysterio hits a rana.  Sheamus drops him and beats him up some more.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio catches Sheamus with a kick and tags in Kofi, who hits a diving cross body for 2.  Sheamus beats him down and lunges for Mysterio, who drops off the apron.  Kofi fights back and low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  Mysterio hits the seated senton off the apron.  Insta-commercials.  Kofi catches Zeke with the corner kick, then knocks Miz off the apron.  Zeke knocks Kingston down to counter a springboard.  Cover gets 2.  Zeke beats up Kofi.  Miz tags in and beats up Kofi.  Sheamus tags in and beats up Kofi.  Kofi catches Sheamus with a neckbreaker.  Miz tags in and tries to cut Kofi off.  Kofi kicks him away and makes the hot tag to Big Show.  Show runs wild on Miz.  Miz takes a HUGE back body drop.  So does Sheamus.  Mysterio hits the seated senton on Sheamus.  Zeke tries to press slam Mysterio, but Show decks him.  Miz dives at Show.  Show catches him and hits the chokeslam.  Mysterio tags in and hits a big splash off of Show’s shoulders on Miz for the pin (5:48 shown).  Really fun little match.

Tonight, Orton vs. Kane!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tonight, Edge, vs. CM Punk!  It’s Edge vs. Straight Edge!

John Cena/Wade Barrett storyline highlight video.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero.  The show the segment with them and WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan from Raw.  Ziggler vows to “crush” Bryan this Sunday.

Swagger vs. Santino is NEXT!

Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Santino Marella.  They fuck around a bit.  Santino tries and fails to take Swagger down.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex, then rolls Santino out of the ring.  The eagle tries to mess with Santino.  Hornswoggle comes out to keep the eagle in check.  Yes, the Smackdown mascot is helping the Raw guy against the Smackdown guy.  Santino takes Swagger down with a judo throw and clamps on a headlock.  Swagger rams him into the turnbuckles, then throws him out of the ring.  Hornswoggle keeps the eagle away from him again.  Cole acknowledges how stupid that is.  Santino hits the eagle with the Cobra strike.  Hornswoggle hits a frog splash off the steps.  Santino makes his comeback on Swagger and hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:52.  Silly comedy match.

Morrison vs. Del Rio is NEXT!

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips.

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Del Rio powers Morrison into the corner and cheap shots him instead of giving a clean break.  Morrison takes Del Rio down and pounds on him, then hits the knee strike for 2.  Del Rio sends Morrison into the turnbuckles, then hits a backbreaker for 2.  Del Rio applies a chin lock.  Del Rio keeps the heat on Morrison.  Morrison gets a schoolboy for 2.  Del Rio tags a bump into the turnbuckles.  Morrison takes his comeback.  Del Rio hits a gorgeous German suplex hold for 2.  Morrison ducks an enzuigiri and goes for the Starship Pain.  Del Rio locks in the Minoru Special (Striker actually calls it that this week) for the submission win in 4:31.  Good little match.  Raw is down 0-3 against Smackdown.

Edge vs. Punk is NEXT!

WWE Rewind: The Battle Royal from Raw.

Edge vs. CM Punk.  Punk takes Edge down.  Edge grabs a side headlock and scores a shoulder block for 1.  Edge takes Punk down with another side headlock.  Punk powers him up and into the corner, then beats him up.  Punk works Edge’s arm.  Edge escapes the hold and beats up Punk.  Punk avoids a cross body, causing Edge to hit the ropes.  Cover gets 2.  Punk stomps Edge’s hand, then kicks him down for 2.  Edge hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Punk hits a front suplex into the ropes.  Edge falls out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Punk has Edge in a body scissors.  Punk hits a gut buster for 2.  Punk comes off the top rope, but Edge kind of catches him with a powerslam.  They get to their feet and trade blows.  Edge ducks a kick.  Punk counters the Edgecution.  Edge hits a running forearm for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Edge counters into the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Punk catches Edge with a knee strike for 2.  Edge hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes up top.  Punk cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Edge throws him down with a front suplex, then sets up the spear.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out and pull Edge out of the ring to cause the DQ (9:45 shown).  Kofi Kingston runs out to make the save.  He ducks Miz and hits Riley with the Trouble In Paradise.  Miz hits Kofi with the Skull Crushing Finale.  Tyler Reks hits Miz with his spinning rack drop thing.  Morrison hits Reks with a spinning DDT.  Alberto Del Rio hits Miz with an enzuigiri.  Zeke hits Del Rio with the Book of Ezekiel.  Swagger locks Zeke in the ankle lock.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Swagger hits him with the Doctor Bomb.  Sheamus hits Swagger with the pump kick.  Show chokeslams Zeke.  Sheamus drops Show with the pump kick.  Mysterio hits Sheamus with the 619.  Punk hits Mysterio with the Go 2 Sleep.  Edge spears Punk.  So I guess Smackdown wins the fight.  The match was boring.  It was technically good, but it felt like they were working at half speed.  The post match clusterfuck was fun.  It didn’t go so fast you couldn’t follow it.  Team Smackdown stands tall.

Orton vs. Kane TONIGHT!

Layla and Michelle McCool are in the ring dressed as Natalya and Bret Hart, respectively.  These two make me hate wrestling.  McCool is the worst actress on the planet.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Natalya & Kelly Kelly.  Layla beats up Natalya.  McCool beats up Natalya.  Natalya drops Layla with a clothesline, then hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Natalya yells at McCool.  Layla goes for the neckbreaker, but Natalya counters into a backslide.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool tries to save her, but fails.  Natalya locks Layla in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:23.  Retarded shit.  Natalya rips off Layla’s fake goatee, puts it on, and does her dad’s signature post. At least we didn’t have to watch Kelly wrestle.

Edmonton!

Tale of the Tape for Orton vs. Kane.  Sweet!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Kane hype video.

The main event is NEXT!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Kane (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton.  They state at each other.  Kane throws the first punch and beats up Orton.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam and signals for the Tombstone.  Orton slips out and hits the 3.0, then humps the mat.  Kane bails.  Orton follows and runs him into the post.  Orton beats up Kane at ringside.  Kane catches Orton with a clothesline.  Kane rams Orton into the side of the ring and the barricade a bunch of times.  Orton is in trouble!  Insta-commercials.  Kane has Orton in a bear hug.  Orton fights out, but gets clotheslined.  Kane covers for 2.  Kane beats on Orton for a while.  He pulls Orton out of the ring and rams his back into the post.  Back inside, Kane bear hugs Orton again.  Kane hits a backbreaker for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat.  Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Orton fights out and makes his comeback.  Orton hits the powerslam.  Kane rolls to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat again.  Kane counters the RKO and hits a big boot.  Kane goes for the chokeslam.  The lights go out.  The GONG sounds.  The lights come back on.  Orton hits the RKO for the pin (9:02 shown).  Another technically fine, but boring match.  Kane throws a temper tantrum.  The Undertaker comes through the bottom of the ring and pulls Kane down into the hole.  Kane screams like he’s about to be ass raped.  Fin.

The first half of the show was good.  The second half was slightly above mediocre.  That balances out to a thumbs slightly up.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open.  Portland, Oregon!

The Undertaker is standing on an upper level of the Rose Garden looking out at whatever is there.

Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Paul Bearer has a challenge for The Undertaker!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Smackdown GM Teddy Long is in the ring to talk about Bragging Rights.  He announces a series of qualifying matches for tonight.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Tag Team Champion “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  They lock up as Striker makes up some bullshit about what you get if you win Bragging Rights.  Rey tries to do his speedy stuff, but Rhodes drops him with a shot and beats him up.  Rhodes kicks Mysterio in the head for 2.  Rhodes keeps the heat on Mysterio.  Mysterio gets Rhodes into 619 position, but Rhodes bails.  Commercials.  Rhodes has Mysterio in a chin lock on the mat.  I definitely wasn’t expecting that when we returned from commercials.  Mysterio escapes and gets a cradle for 2.  Rhodes hits a dropkick for 2.  Rhodes applies a neck and shoulder lock.  Mysterio gets a rope break.  Rhodes hits an enzui knee drop for 2.  Mysterio tries to do his wheelbarrow bulldog thing, but he fucks it up.  Rhodes saves it by hitting a wheelbarrow suplex for 2.  Rhodes goes for a diving knee drop to the knee, but Mysterio avoids it.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the turnbuckles and makes his comeback.  Rhodes rolls through a cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Rhodes in the head for 2.  Mysterio hits a springboard guillotine leg drop to the back of Rhodes’ head for 2.  Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam, but Mysterio counters out and hits a headscissors.  Mysterio follows with the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin in 10:35.  Fine match here.  This is way better than the garbage on Impact.

Paul Bearer challenges The Undertaker NEXT!  Commercials.

Green Day plug, because they do the horrible new SD theme.

Portland!

The Big Show is backstage with Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle stole Big Show’s candy bar.  Kaval comes in.  He wants to be on Team Smackdown.  Show doesn’t think he’s good/big/experienced enough.  He says Kaval wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the ring with him.  Kaval challenges Show to a 5 minute match tonight, where if he lasts, he’s on the team.  Show agrees.  Hornswoggle and Show bicker some more.

In a pre-taped video, Paul Bearer challenged The Undertaker to face Kane in a Buried Alive Match at Bragging Rights.  Of course, it’s unnecessarily long and complicated.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Big Show comes out to do commentary for a while.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Ugh, these two again?  MVP beats up Swagger.  MVP hits a Yakuza kick to the side of the head for 2.  MVP grounds & pounds Swagger.  Swagger throws MVP’s shoulder into the post.  MVP misses a corner Yakuza kick.  MVP hits a knee face buster and the Ballin’ elbow.  Swagger bails.  MVP follows.  The eagle gets in the way, so MVP throws it over the announce table.  Swagger throws MVP into the steps, then back into the ring.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:14.  Short and inoffensive.  It was fine while it lasted.

The Undertaker is still looking outside from the upper level of the Rose Garden.  Everyone assumes he heard the challenge, but as far as we know he’s been out there the whole time and there’s probably not a TV out there.  Commercials.

WWE does stuff for Make A Wish!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Chris Masters.  They lock up.  Del Rio beats on Masters.  Masters h its a Jackhammer for 2.  Masters goes for the Master Lock.  Del Rio gets the ropes, then pulls Masters’ arm across the top rope.  Del Rio attacks Masters’ arm.  Masters hits a Samoan drop and makes his comeback.  Masters hits a powerslam for 2.  Masters for the Master Lock again, but Del Rio counters with an awesome Codebreaker to the arm.  Del Rio locks in the Minoru Special for the win in 2:24.  Fun little TV match.  Show offers Del Rio a handshake, but Del Rio just winks at him.

Knucklehead trailer.

Edge is headed our way.  He encounters Rosa Mendez, who is randomly exercising backstage as usual.  Commercials.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Edge vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  They show the stupid shit with Dolph, Kaitlyn, and Vickie Guerrero from last week.  Ugh.  Anyway, they lock up and wrestle.  Big Show, great man that he is, tells Striker to shut up about the stupid storyline and focus on the match.  Unfortunately, they ruin that by showing Vickie and Kaitlyn watching backstage.  After some other stuff happened, Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Cover again for 2.  Ziggler grabs a chin lock.  Edge fights out.  Ziggler slides out of the ring and eats a baseball slide dropkick.  Back inside, Ziggler beats on Edge.  Ziggler tries to set up a tornado DDT and takes a bump to the floor.  Edge tries to spear Ziggler on the floor, but hits the barricade.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag into the steps.  Edge barely beats the count into the ring.  Ziggler beats on him.  Commercials.  Ziggler has a hold locked in.  Of course.  Edge avoids a corner splash and hits a flapjack.  Edge makes his comeback.  He hits a weird takedown thing for 2.  Edge rolls through a diving sunset flip and catapults Ziggler into the post.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Ziggler sends Edge into the post and goes for the Zig Zag, but Edge holds on to the ropes, then goes for the spear.  Ziggler leapfrogs him and tries to come off the top, but Edge spears him in midair for the pin in 12:56.  Fine match.  Show shakes Edge’s hand.  Edge signs an autograph on the way to the back.  See, he’s a good guy now!

Undertaker is STILL outside!  Commercials!

Portland!

Raw Rebound!

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match (for Kaval): The Big Show vs. Kaval.  They shake hands.  Kaval tries to throw some kicks and gets swatted down.  Show hits him with the big chop, then stands on his back.  Show picks Kaval up and headbutts him, then stands on his chest.  Show hits a body slam.  Show keeps beating up Kaval.  Kaval tries to fight back.  Big Show looks mildly annoyed and chops the shit out of him again.  Show throws him across the ring and just keeps destroying him.  Show throws Kaval out of the ring, then palms his head and pulls him back in.  Kaval finally starts to make his comeback and knocks Show to a knee.  Show gets Kaval up for the chokeslam, then the time limit expires in 5:01.  Kaval qualifies for Smackdown by surviving being massacred for 4 1/2 minutes.  Show gives Kaval props.  Commercials.

Kaval is still in the ring.  Tyler Reks comes out to talk shit about Kaval.  Nobody knows who he is.  I barely remember who the fuck he is.  He wants to fight Kaval for his spot.  Teddy Long comes out and says no, because Kaval just got his ass kicked.  Kaval stupidly volunteers to put his spot on the line anyway, so Teddy makes the match.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Kaval vs. Tyler Reks.  Kaval lands some kicks and goes up top.  Reks avoids the Warrior’s Way and kicks his ass.  Reks hits sort of a reverse F-U (like a Burning Hammer into a side drop) for the pin in 54 seconds.  Tyler Fucking Reks?  Are you serious?  Commercials.

Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: WWE Tag Team Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  McIntyre beats up Kofi in the corner.  Kofi responds in kind.  He charges McIntyre in the corner, but McIntyre catches him with raised boots for 2.  McIntyre beats up Kofi on the outside and suplexes him onto the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre goes for a backdrop suplex, but Kofi lands on top for 2.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise out of nowhere for the pin in 2:18.  Not much of a match.  Kofi is the last man on the Smackdown team, which includes Tyler Fucking Reks.  I’m still flabbergasted at that.

The Undertaker finally came in from the cold!  Commercials!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane and Paul Bearer come out.  Kane cuts a promo.  The Undertaker comes out and beats up Kane.  Kane runs away.  Undertaker makes lightning strike at Kane and Bearer on the ramp.  Seriously.  Striker assumes this means that Taker accepts the challenge.

Okay show.  Nothing awful aside from the fact that Tyler Freaking Reks is on the Bragging Rights team.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Alberto Del Rio/Rey Mysterio hype video.

Awful new Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, Kane has a message for the Undertaker!  Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Why the fuck is Cole doing Raw AND Smackdown now?  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes out to introduce Smackdown’s newest superstar, Edge!

Edge vs. Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle).  Swagger cuts a promo on Edge.  The eagle is now an actual eagle instead of being a mascot.  I’m already annoyed at this show.  Edge is sick of this stupid shit.  So am I.  They finally lock up to start the match.  Swagger takes Edge down and does some amateur shit, then some push-ups, then runs around.  The eagle gets on the apron.  Swagger high fives it.  Edge spears the eagle off of the apron.  Swagger frantically checks on the eagle.  Commercials.  Edge hits a spin kick.  Edge beats up Swagger as they STRETCHER OUT THE FUCKING EAGLE.  Swagger backdrops Edge to the floor, then pulls his shoulder into the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Swagger works Edge’s shoulder.  Swagger hits an armbreaker for 2.  Swagger rings Edge’s arm.  Edge fights back, hits a drop to hold into the ropes, then hits a cross body against the ropes.  Edge gets a schoolboy for 2.  Swagger hits a backbreaker and goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Edge avoids it and hits a tornado DDT for 2.  Edge comes off the top, but Swagger catches him with a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Edge slides out of the ring and pulls Swagger’s head into the top rope.  Edge goes for the spear, but Swagger catches him.  Swagger rolls through a sunset flip.  Edge counters the ankle lock.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Edge rolls through with a cradle for 2.  Swagger goes for a powerslam, but Edge pushes him into the corner, then hits the spear for the pin in 10:17.  Okay match.  Nothing special.  Nothing much different from the PPV match except for the stupid fucking eagle being involved.  Edge says he “flipped the bird.”  BOO.

They show Alberto Del Rio’s debut, where  Mysterio gave him the 619.  They’ll meet tonight!  Commercials.

Cody Rhodes gives tips on how to brush your teeth.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (w/ Natalya).  Why the fuck is Natalya on Smackdown?  See, this is why Bragging Rights does NO BUYS.  They make a BIG FUCKING DEAL out of it being Raw vs. Smackdown, but they have people showing up on the other show ALL THE FUCKING TIME FOR NO REASON.  Layla actually looks good, which is normal lately.  I could get down with Layla vs. Natalya, but they insist on having McCool work the important matches despite that she can’t wrestle.  McCool gets involved, so Natalya goes over… and stops when the referee looks at her.  Layla beats up Kelly.  Kelly makes her comeback, so there goes the match.  Kelly lightly shakes Layla’s head and covers for 2.  Kelly does a handspring to the corner and gets caught by a kick.  Layla hits the neckbreaker for the pin in 2:18.  Thank God.  This shit is awful.  Layla tries to cheap shot Natalya.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool pulls her out of the ring.

Tonight, MVP vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship.  Again.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

The Big Show runs to the ring like the Ultimate Warrior.  He plugs the movie he has coming out soon and says he’s the Smackdown Team Captain at Bragging Rights.  He introduces Hornswoggle as the team mascot.  Ugh.  He says he’ll start putting the team together over the next week.  The Dudebusters come out.  They want to be on the team.  They threaten to go to Raw and take off their Smackdown shirts to reveal Raw shirts.  Show double chokeslams them, then Hornswoggle charges the red shirt like a bull because he has horns on his head.  Stupid shit.

They show Alberto Del Rio breaking Rey Mysterio’s arm.  They meet tonight!  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston & Kaval.  Rhodes beats up Kingston.  McIntyre beats up Kingston.  Cole calls Striker on his bullshit.  The announcing is insufferable.  Kofi gets a sunset flip after Rhodes tags in, so Rhodes breaks it and beats him up some more.  Rhodes for the Alabama Slam, but Kaval gets the tag and runs wild.  He’s awesome.  Kaval knocks McIntyre off the apron and hits Rhodes with some kicks.  Kaval locks in the Dragon Sleeper.  McIntyre saves.  Kofi takes out McIntyre.  Rhodes takes out Kofi.  Rhodes hot shots Kaval into the ropes, then hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 3:08.  Other than Kaval looking awesome for a minute, this wasn’t any good.

Tonight, Kane has a message for The Undertaker.  Commercials.

Paul Bearer is in the ring.  He introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Kane.  Striker talks about Bearer’s betrayal of Undertaker, failing to acknowledge that UNDERTAKER BURIED BEARER IN CONCRETE.  Kane cuts a promo with stupid lighting and music.  I hate that shit.  I have no idea what his message was.

They show Del Rio’s post arm breaking celebration.  Del Rio vs. Mysterio tonight!  MVP vs. Ziggler NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They show Vickie getting beaten by Kaitlyn on NXT.  Thank God I didn’t see that.  She’s mad because Dolph hugged Kaitlyn after the match.  They lock up.  I rather like it when guys work the lock up a bit.  MVP hits a running knee to the back of the head for 2.  MVP hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Ziggler rallies and beats up MVP.  Ziggler lands an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler sets it up for Vickie to interfere.  She doesn’t.  Vickie leaves.  Dolph is sad.  He should be overjoyed.  MVP knocks Ziggler down, then goes to throw him back in the ring.  Commercials.  Ziggler has MVP in a hold on the mat.  No surprise there.  Ziggler kicked MVP’s knee and head to gain the advantage during the break.  Ziggler elbows MVP in the head and covers for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler hits a fireman carry into a arm lock for 2.  Ziggler applies a camel clutch.  MVP fights out and makes his comeback.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but MVP counters and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Another schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler works a rear chin lock.  MVP gets out and hits a belly to belly overhead throw.  MVP kind of face plants Ziggler for 2.  MVP hits an Exploder for 2.  MVP hits a big boot for 2.  Kaitlyn comes out.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and locks in the sleeper hold.  MVP backs him into the corner to escape.  MVP hits a half assed powerslam or something, then goes for the Ballin’ elbow.  Kaitlyn trips him.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 12:07.  Boring match.  The love triangle continues.  Vickie Guerrero comes out to the stage to look pissed off.

WWE loves the troops.

They show Rey Mysterio returning last week after Del Rio kissed a dog.  They’ll meet TONIGHT!  IS THE POINT DRILLED IN YET?  COMMERCIALS!

Raw Rebound.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio, who does half of the promo in Spanish.  Commercials.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio’s car of choice tonight is a Rolls Royce.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Del Rio over powers Mysterio to start and beats on him in the corner.  The referee gets in the way, giving Mysterio the opening to fight back.  Del Rio charges Mysterio and falls out of the ring.  Mysterio goes for the Bombs Away off the apron.  Del Rio avoids it, but Mysterio hits him with a drop toe hold into the steps.  Mysterio knocks Del Rio’s arm against the post, then stomps it into the steps.  Mysterio hits the diving cross body to the outside.  Commercials.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Del Rio bails.  Mysterio dropkicks him through the ropes, then kicks him in the gut on the floor.  Back inside, Mysterio kicks Del Rio’s legs.  Mysterio hits a running dropkick to the corner, then hits an Arabian press for 2.  Mysterio goes up top, but Del Rio springs up and hits him with an enzuigiri to send him to the floor.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Del Rio works Mysterio’s arm.  Mysterio fights back  and boots Del Rio down.  Mysterio goes up top, but Del Rio cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Mysterio hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top for 2.  Mysterio hits a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away.  Del Rio catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio goes for an enzuigiri in the corner, but Mysterio avoids it and hits a diving rana.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but gets distracted by Ricardo Rodriguez.  Del Rio cheap shots Mysterio.  Ricardo gets on the apron.  Mysterio sends Del Rio into him with a headscissors.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a frog splash for the pin in 13:21.  Pretty good match.

The main event was decent.  The rest of the show was fucking horrible.  This whole week of TV has been shit with only 2 or 3 matches that I enjoyed.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, new Smackdown open.  The song is awful.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers LIVE from Oklahoma City.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They lock up and roll around.  MVP backs Ziggler into the corner.  Ziggler cheap shots MVP behind the referee’s back and hits a nice fireman carry takeover for 2.  Ziggler hits some elbow drops for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold, but MVP escapes.  MVP hits rolling Germans and a sliding Yakuza kick for 2.  MVP hits a belly to belly throw that sends Ziggler out of the ring. Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, David Otunga, & Michael Tarver of The Nexus come out and attack Ziggler to cause the DQ in 1:39.  They take him, then surround MVP in the ring.  MVP starts sluggin’, but gets beaten down.  David Otunga hits his spinebuster.  Justin Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  The Big Show comes out to make the save, but is overcome by superior numbers.  John Cena comes out to make the save and gets beaten down too.  Cena and Show probably would have had a better chance if they would have come out together.  Show comes back with a steel chair, whacks Slater in the back, and sends The Nexus running.  Wade Barrett appears on the screen.  He has a blank faced Teddy Long with him.  He says he’s friends with the President of SyFy, so he can “suggest” matches.  Long announces Big Show vs. The Nexus and Cena vs. Kane for tonight.

Michael Cole has joined Grisham and Striker for commentary.  Ugh.

Tonight, Undertaker vs. CM Punk!

co-Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla, Maryse, & Alicia Fox vs. Natalya, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins.  Kelly claps her hands.  Fox kicks her in the stomach.  They do a double clothesline.  Natalya and Maryse tag in.  Natalya hits her with some suplex and a Michinoku Driver II(!) for 2.  Natalya looks awesome here.  She goes for the Sharpshooter, but McCool kicks her in the head.  Bellas land a double dropkick on McCool.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Hornswoggle tries to pull Layla under the ring, then chases her around.  McCool kicks Hornswoggle in the chest.  LayCool hug.  Natalya hits them with a baseball slide dropkick.  Maryse goes for the DDT on Natalya, but Natalya counters and locks in the Sharpshooter for the submission win in 2:35.  Stupid shit, but at least Natalya looked awesome.

Up next, Jack Swagger’s homecoming celebration!

WWE.com plug.  Striker says “for the first time ever, a TV program is moving to the internet.”  Heat and Velocity would say hello if they hadn’t died exactly that way years ago.

Jack Swagger comes out to “Boomer Sooner,” wearing a cape and accompanied by an eagle mascot.  All of his crap is in the ring.  I feel like I’ve seen this segment a hundred times.  He bitches about not getting a parade and a blowjob or whatever people who matter get when they return to their home state.  He gets heat by saying he moved to Texas.  He crowns himself King of Oklahoma.  Edge comes out.  He says he’s on a mission to rid WWE of everything stupid.  He’s my new favorite wrestler.  He talks about all of Swagger’s stupidity.  Swagger hides behind the eagle.  Edge punches the eagle on the beak.  This greatly upsets Swagger.  Edge spears the eagle.

Tonight, Cena vs. Kane in a Lumberjack Match with Nexus as lumberjacks!

Wade Barrett gives The Nexus a pep talk backstage.  They huddle up to talk strategy.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips.

Handicap Match: The Nexus vs. The Big Show.  All 5 Nexus guys attack Show.  Show fights back and dumps Slater and Gabriel out of the ring.  They grab his legs while the other 3 beat on him in the corner.  They lock Big Show in a 5-way submission hold (Otunga and Gabriel with cross armbreakers, Tarver and Slater with ankle locks, and Barrett with a headscissors).  The referee stops it and gives Nexus the win in 1:34.  This was entertaining for what it was.  Gabriel hits Show with 2 450 splashes after the match.

Tonight, Rey Mysterio returns!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  During the commercials, Big Show walked to the back holding his ribs.

Oklahoma City!

Undertaker/Kane video.

CM Punk comes out.  He’ll face The Undertaker NEXT!

Tonight, Cena vs. Kane!

CM Punk vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer).  Punk ducks Taker’s big fist and gets in a flurry early.  Taker grabs him and throws him out of the ring.  Because he has his powers back.  Taker throws Punk into the barricade, then throws him back inside.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP~!  I always mark for that move.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Taker hits Old School.  Punk avoids Taker in the corner, then puts the boots to him.  Punk hits the running knee to the corner followed by the bulldog headlock.  Taker sits up and makes his comeback.  Taker hits Snake Eyes and the big boot, then a leg drop for 2.  Taker hits the chokeslam and the Tombsone Piledriver for the pin in 4:20.  Fun little match.  I’ve hated this Undertaker angle from the start, but this and the stuff last week were awesome.  In a good TV way if not a good wrestling way.

Rey Mysterio returns NEXT!

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio comes out in his suit.  They show him injuring Christian last week.  He talks.  He introduces Rey Mysterio.  Rodriguez brings out a chihuahua in a mask.  He apologizes to the dog and kisses it.  He says he was just kidding, that Mysterio would be there tonight.  Rey Mysterio Jr. does in fact come out and kick Del Rio’s ass.  Rodriguez grabs Mysterio’s leg to allow Del Rio to escape.  Mysterui beats up Rodriguez and gives him the 619.

WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out!  They show him punting Chris Jericho out of WWE on Raw this past Monday.  WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre come out.  They show Sheamus destroying Great Khali on Raw.  Video clip is unrelated, eh?

Non-Title: WWE Champion Randy Orton vs. WWE Tag Team Champion “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (w/ WWE Tag Team Champion Drew McIntyre).  Legacy EXPLODES!  Again!  Orton beats up Rhodes, who tries to avoid getting hit int he face.  Rhodes drops Orton with a punch, then misses a knee drop.  Orton lands a European uppercut.  Rhodes rolls to the apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Rhodes counters.  Orton his the powerslam.  Rhodes bails.  Orton follows.  McIntyre tries to sneak up on Orton.  Orton turns to him, but Rhodes jumps him from behind.  Back inside, Rhodes his a knee drop for 2.  Rhodes stomps Orton in the corner, then locks him in a neck & shoulder lock.  Orton avoids the springboard kick and hits the 3.0, then the RKO for the pin in 2:23.  It was fine while it lasted.  McIntyre tries to give Orton the Future Shock, but Orton counters and drops him with an RKO as well.  Nice burial of the tag champs.  Sheamus appears and attacks Orton.  He has a red glove thingy now because he’s the red hand of Ireland.  Sheamus drops Orton with the pump kick.

Tonight, Cena vs. Kane!

WWE charity work & stuff video package.

Oklahoma City!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out.  The main event is NEXT!

Non-Title Lumberjack Match: World Heavyweight Champion Kane vs. John Cena.  Kane beats up Cena for a while to start and gets a couple of near falls.  Kane throws Cena out of the ring to get beaten up by Nexus.  They have their way with him and throw him back in.  Insta-commercials.  Kane has Cena in a scissored rear chin lock.  Cena fights out, but Kane drops him with a punch.  Kane goes up top.  Cena ducks the diving lariat and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Kane escapes and goes for the chokeslam.  Cena counters and sends Kane outside.  Nexus get on the apron.  Cena knocks Gabriel into Kane.  Kane drops Gabriel and Barrett.  Cena fights off the other 3 and runs away.  The lights go out.  Undertaker appears in the ring and beats up Kane.  The match is a no-contest (about 5 minutes shown).  They brawl in the crowd and back to ringside.  In the ring, Kane catches Taker with a big boot.  Taker sits up.  Paul Bearer is in there now too.  Kane goozles Undertaker.  Bearer holds up the urn, which gives Uncertaker the power to chokeslam Kane.  Taker signals for the Tombstone, but Kane runs away.  Undertaker and Bearer pose.

Fun TV show with good hype for the PPV.  Too bad they didn’t hype the PPV on Raw, which people actually watch.