Archive for Suicide

TNA iMPACT! 2/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of recent goings on.

“Don’t Be Roode”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers for a while.  He talks shit about Fortune.  Jeff Jarrett calls out Fortune, who do indeed come out: AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Jarrett challenges them to get in the ring, so they do.  Jarrett talks about how he gave them all the opportunity to be in TNA in the first place.  Roode tells Jarrett to STFU.  He says they took the opportunity Jarrett gave them and built TNA while they kept bringing in overpaid WWE washouts.  He calls Jarrett “slapnuts.”  A brawl breaks out.  Fortune are outnumbered, but Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, and Crimson make the save.

Tonight, Angle and Jarrett sign the contract for Against All Odds!  Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles & Robert Roode!  Ken Anderson defends the World Championship against Matt Morgan!

Winter and Velvet Sky scream at each other backstage.  Angelina Love tells them to chill the fuck out.  She tries to make peace.  It fails.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hernandez backstage.  He’s apparently working for Bischoff now.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Tables Match: Matt Hardy, Bully Ray, & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Rob Van Dam, Samoa Joe, & Brother Devon.  The faces hit the ring and brawl.  Devon takes Bubba out of the ring.  Joe chases Pope out of the arena.  Hardy and Van Dam go at it in the ring.  Hardy goes up top, but RVD kicks him in the head and knocks him to the floor.  Hardy tries to bring in a chair.  RVD hits a baseball slide dropkick and goes for a slingshot dive.  Hardy catches him with the chair.  Devon and Ray come back in the ring with their brawl.  Ray hits Devon in the balls.  He says he’ll get his own table.  He talks shit to Devon’s kids again.  They jump the the rail and grab Bubba’s feet on the apron.  Devon charges and knocks Ray off the apron through the table for the win in 3:11.  Well, there ya go.  Devon celebrates with his sons.

Tonight, Anderson vs. Morgan for the World title!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are obnoxious backstage.  Jarrett has snuck some stupid clause into the contract.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are in the ring with a bunch of security geeks.  Karen babbles about something.  Kurt Angle comes out.  Karen taunts him by talking about their kids.  Jarrett lays out the stupid stipulations.  If Angle wins, he gets custody of his kids.  If Jarrett wins, Angle has to give Karen away at their re-wedding.  Karen is not cool with this, but they sign the contract anyway.

Up next, clusterfuck women’s tag match!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, Sarita, & Rosita vs. Mickie James, TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter, & Velvet Sky.  Sarita and Love start.  Love gets a sunset flip for 2.  Love hits a diving cross body for 2.  Rosita cheap shots Love and tags in.  Sarita and Rosita double team Love.  Love catches Rosita on a cross body and slams her.  Velvet tags in.  Winter slaps her head.  They argue.  Sarita hits a backbreaker on Sky.  Rosita hits Sky with a moonsault press for the pin in 2:56 as Winter blocks her partners from making the save.  This was crap.  Everyone leaves.  Mickie challenges Madison to come fight.  Commercials.

Mickie James and Madison Rayne face off in the ring.  Madison screeches for a while.  That’s all.  This was pointless.

Jeff Hardy talks about Mr. Anderson and Matt Morgan.  He’ll face the winner of their match tonight in a Ladder Match at the PPV.

Still to come, Hardy & Jarrett vs. Styles & Roode!  Anderson vs. Morgan is NEXT!  Commercials.

Kurt Angle talks to AJ Styles and Robert Roode backstage.  He wants them to fuck Jeff Jarrett up tonight.  Roode offers to let Angle take his place tonight.  Angle agrees.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and sits on top of a horribly painted ladder to watch.  They lock up.  Morgan shoves Anderson into the corner.  Anderson grabs a side headlock and hits a shoulder block that fails to knock Morgan down.  Morgan grabs a headlock and hits a shoulder block that does knock Anderson down.  Morgan hits a hip toss.  Anderson takes out Morgan’s leg and hits a sliding lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Anderson ducks a short lariat and gets a schoolboy for 1.  Morgan hits a lariat for 2.  Morgan applies a rear chin lock.  They trade punches.  Anderson gets rolling and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson avoids the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan counters the Lambeau Leap.  Anderson hits a diving lariat for 2.  Morgan charges Anderson, crotches himself on the top rope, and falls out of the ring.  Morgan pulls Anderson’s head across the top rope.  Anderson accidentally bumps the ref.  Hernandez runs in through the crowd and attacks Morgan, ramming his head into the post.  Back inside, Anderson covers for the pin in 5:42.  This was good until the fuck finish.  Hernandez gets in the ring and attacks Anderson.  Hernandez hits a spinebuster.  Hardy delivers the Swanton Bomb to Anderson and poses with his fugly belt.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Bully Ray talks shit about Devon and his kids backstage.  He wants to face all 3 of them in a Street Fight at Against All Odds.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Suicide.  Robbie jumps the returning Suicide while Kendrick meditates in the corner.  Suicide fights back.  I think it’s Christopher Daniels.  Robbie sends Suicide out of the ring.  Kendrick beats up Robbie.  Suicide comes back in and gets decked by both guys.  Suicide comes back and runs wild.  Kendrick lands some kicks on Suicide.  Suicide hits his finish on Kendrick.  Cookie distracts the ref.  Robbie knocks Suicide out of the ring and pins Kendrick in 2:43.  There ya go.

Double Jeffs vs. Styles & Angle NEXT!  Commercials.

Ink Inc. talk about being weirdos.

Against All Odds hype.

Brother Devon (w/ his kids) talks about Bully Ray.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Jeff Hardy & Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle & AJ Styles.  Styles and Jarrett are to start, but Styles tags in Angle.  Jarrett immediately tags out, so Hardy and Angle start.  Angle gives Hardy a wrestling lesson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle sends Hardy into the corner.  Jarrett drops off the apron to avoid being tagged in because he’s a big pussy.  Styles tags in and beats up Hardy.  NOW Jarrett tags in.  He beats up Styles.  Styles grabs an arm lock and tags in Angle.  Jarrett scampers away and tags out.  Hardy and Angle go at it again.  Jarrett trips Angle from the outside.  Hardy hits a clothesline for 2.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  Angle fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Jarrett tags in now that Angle is down and out.  Jarrett beats on Angle while Karen taunts him.  Angle rallies, ducks an enzuigiri, and goes for the ankle lock.  Hardy saves.  Styles comes in.  The referee gets him out.  Jarrett tags Hardy behind the referee’s back, and of course since this is TNA the referee is perfectly fine with it.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Commercials.  Angle fires back on Hardy.  Hardy drops him with a clothesline.  Hardy goes up top.  Angle springs up and brings him down with an arm drag.  Styles and Jarrett tag in.  Styles runs wild.  Styles lands the Pele kick.  Hardy saves and gives Styles a front suplex.  Angle gives Hardy a German suplex.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam on Jarrett.  Jarrett escapes and bails.  Angle chases him back into the ring.  Jarrett gets the jump and tries to keep him out of the ring.  Karen gets in the way.  Styles hits the springboard flying forearm on Jarrett for the pin in 14:19.  Fun match.  Jarrett kicks Angle in the balls and gives Styles the Stroke.  Stroke to Angle as well.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate.  Fortune, Steiner, and Crimson hit the ring.  Immortal hit the ring.  Everybody brawls.  Immortal gets the better of it.  Rob Van Dam runs in and kicks heels in the face.  Matt Hardy takes out RVD’s leg.  Jarrett beats up Roode.  Mr. Anderson runs in and cleans house.  Mic Check to Rob Terry.  Fortune and friends stand tall.

Not a great show, but not the worst TNA show ever by any means.

TNA Destination X 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

If the reviews are to be believed, I’m going to regret watching this show.

The show starts with a black and white video showing how horrible the economy is right now.  It switches to color to hype the main event and Ultimate X.

Mike Tenay welcome us LIVE to Orlando.  Where’s Don West?  Ah, there he is.

The Beautiful People (Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, & Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde, Roxxi, & The Governor.  Geeze, they’re still doing this phony Sarah Palin gimmick?  They try, but the match sucks.  Roxxi moves so awkwardly in the ring.  She takes the heat for a bit and makes the hot tag to Wilde, who cleans house.  The Governor hits a shitty looking dive out of the ring onto Love and Sky.  Wilde hits a German suplex on Rayne for the win at 5:04.  Bleh.

Generic blonde interviews Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley.  Jarrett is going to be the referee in the main event and Foley is going to be the enforcer.  For some reason, BRUTUS MAGNUS flashes on the screen in the middle of the interview.

Brutus Magnus then comes to the ring.  What the fuck is this shit?  He issues an open challenge.  David Penzer introduces a sailor (Jesse Neal) to be the ring announcer.  He introduces Magnus’ opponent, Eric Young.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young.  Magnus looks more like a guy who should jobbing to lower midcarders on ECW.  He nails some shots, then Young fights back.  Young bounces off the ropes and Magnus botches the catch and hits a half assed powerslam or something for a near fall.  He hits a high knee and a leg drop for a near fall, then hits a powerbomb.  He goes for a splash, but Young moves.  Young hits a DVD for a near fall.  Young flips over one of the posts and goes to the other one.  Magnus tries to meet him but gets thrown down and elbow dropped.  Bridge into backslide spot gets a near fall for Young.  So forth and so on.  Magnus hits sort of a TKO off the turnbuckle for the win at 4:46.  What’s it called?  Tormentum?

Tenay and West run down the card.  Two matches in.  Why?

Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out.  He complains that he hasn’t been on a PPV all year.  He whines for a bit, then Jim Cornette comes out.  He tells Bashir he’s not on the PPV because nobody likes him.  He calls the sailor back into the ring.  The sailor sings horribly and Bashir leaves.  Complete waste of PPV time.

Jeremy Borash is in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room.  Angle complains that Foley, Jarrett, and Sting are all against him.  Booker says he has AJ Styles to deal with tonight and leaves.  Steiner says he has Samoa Joe to deal with, so Sting is Angle’s problem.  Nash tells Angle to relax.  He tells Angle the whole thing is his fault.  The audio keeps going from quiet to loud at random.

Abyss/Morgan video package.

Match of 10,000 Tacks:
Mat Morgan vs. Abyss.  During Morgan’s entrance, the newly heel Don West defends Sheik Abdul Bashir.  Because he’s a heel now.  Does anyone care?  Morgan jumps Abyss to start.  Abyss fights back but gets clotheslined to the floor.  Abyss grabs Morgan’s legs and pulls his nuts into the post.  He sets up two trays of tacks just off the stage.  Way to give away the finish.  Morgan whips Abyss into the guardrail and takes him back into the ring to beat him up.  Morgan climbs a pole (of course) and pulls down a bag of tacks.  He pours them into a small, neat pile and tries to push Abyss’ face into them.  Abyss fights back and goes for a chokeslam, but Morgan fights out.  Abyss hits a clothesline, then punishes Morgan in the corner.  Abyss climbs up another pole and retrieves another bag of tacks.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and goes outside to get a chair.  He ends up being the one to take the bump into the chair.  He pours the other bag of tacks onto the previous pile.  Morgan counters a powerbomb attempt, but gets Black Hole Slammed.  Abyss pours a bag of broken glass on top of the pile of tacks.  Morgan bails and heads up the ramp.  Abyss gives chase and they fight on the stage.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam again, but Morgan kicks him in the balls.  Morgan lands the Carbon Footprint and sends Abyss off of the stage into the trays of tacks we talked about earlier for the win at 8:49.  Retarded match.

Booker T tells Cornette he didn’t agree to put the Legends title on the line tonight.  Cornette shows him the contract.  Sharmell tries to find a loophole, but Cornette isn’t buying it.

There’s some kind of stupid thing with guys trying to win a date with ODB.  I wanted to fast forward, but my wife won’t let me.  ODB comes out in a dress.  The finalists are Cody Deaner: a hillbilly with a mullet, Shark Boy, and Bernie Weber: an old Mexican in a suit.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  They all say why they should win, then they dance.  Mullet wins.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  This has to be the worst PPV segment since the Gobbledy Gooker.

Generic blonde interviews Beer Money, who are very rude to her.  The audio goes screwy again.  Tonight they face Team 3D, and apparently if 3D loses, they have to leave.

Awesome Kong/Sojourner Bolt video package.  They were friends, and now they’re enemies.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (c) (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Sojourner Bolt.  Bolt botches some shit and gets clotheslined.  Kong proceeds to demolish Bolt.  Bolt tries to fight back, but is cut off every time.  Kong misses a diving splash.  Bolt rolls her up with a la magistral but fails to get the pin.  Same with a jackknife hold.  Bolt hits the ropes and Saeed grabs her leg.  Bolt kicks her away and low bridges a charging Kong.  Bolt goes for a Dragonrana, but Kong Awesome Bombs her to end this abortion at 4:18.

Tenay and West hype what’s still to come.

Joe/Steiner video package.

Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe has a new look with retarded facepaint and looks like he’s approaching being as fat as I am.  Did he not hit the gym at all during the months he was off TV?  Joe destroys Steiner, then attacks some refs to get DQ’d at 1:29.  He beats up Steiner through the crowd and out of the arena.  Geeze, this show is bad.

Generic blonde interviews AJ Styles.

Booker/Styles video package.  Styles stole Booker’s belt and Booker called the cops.

TNA Legends Championship Match: Booker T (c) (w/ Sharmell) vs. AJ Styles.  They lock up.  AJ shoves Booker.  Hammerlock exchange sequence, then they trade chops.  Usual AJ greatness.  Booker bails and AJ hits his flying forearm off the apron.  Back inside, AJ covers for a two count.  Backbreaker for another two count.  Booker gets the advantage and goes to work on AJ.  Harlem side kick gets two.  Booker works AJ’s arm.  Don West explains how important it is to have feeling in your arms.  AJ fights back and hits a hammerlock backdrop for a near fall.  That was kinda nifty.  Booker hits his swank rollup out of the corner for the first time in ages for a near fall, then blasts AJ with a kick for another.  AJ gets a nice German suplex hold for a near fall.  AJ springboards off the ropes and they botch something.  Booker manages to spin up and goes for the scissors kick, but AJ moves and hits the Pele.  AJ follows with the Styles Clash for the victory at 9:15.  Best match on the show so far, and that’s sad.  AJ celebrates with the belt.

Cut to the parking lot.  Apparently, Samoa Joe has murdered Scott Steiner with a sword.  He tells a frightened generic blonde to tell he’s going to kill the rest of the Main Event Mafia.  Or something.

Beer Money/Team 3D video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match (Off The Wagon Challenge): Beer Money (c) vs. IWGP Tag Team Champions Team 3D.  Team 3D proudly display their IWGP gold and Bubba is wearing a New Japan ring jacket.  Awesome!  Beer Money have been doing a “get a title shot but if we pin you you’re fired” gimmick recently, and that’s what this is.  Devon beats up Roode a bit.  Bubba tags in and promptly gets taken down.  Storm tags in and acts retarded.  Storm and Bubba do the silly test of strength dance.  Devon tags in and 3D double team storm.  Roode prevents his partner from taking the WASSUP headbutt.  Match goes on.  It’s not awful, but not particularly exciting.  They do the Brokeback Mountain spot.  Bubba hits a Rock Bottom of all things on Roode, then the flip, flop, & fly on Storm.  Storm prevents Devon from making it back in the ring and Beer Money doubleteams Bubba.  Storm hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and Roode follows with a frog splash.  I’m serious.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for a near fall.  Don West: How many people have we ever seen kick out of that?  Me: Everyone.  Devon makes it back in and they give Roode the reverse 3D for a near fall.  Storm comes in and uses a chair to cause the DQ at 9:57.  Cornette comes out and restarts the match as a No DQ match.  Devon comes from behind and gives them the double noggin knocker.  Storm takes the 3D.  Roode pulls the referee out of the ring.  He grabs Storm and leaves.  West hands Beer Money the belts and they leave.  Crowd chants BULLSHIT.  3D wins by count-out at 12:04.  Bubba complains to the announcers.

We get comments from the Ultimate X participants, then a video package.  I love Shelley openly saying he’s going to cheat any way he can.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Alex Shelley (c) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide.  Guns immediately jump Suicide as Lethal and Creed go to climb the structure.  Guns use teamwork to deal with everybody else.  Suicide comes back in and deals with them, then goes at it with Lethal.  “FALLEN ANGEL” chants.  Shelley and Lethal go at it.  Sabin goes for the belt, but Creed pulls him down.  It’s basically two guys fight, one gets knocked down, and another comes in to go at it with the other.  Sabin his a suicide (no pun intended) dive 4 1/2 minutes it.  Suicide goes for one as well, but Shelley nails him with a kick.  Creed goes for the climb, but Suicide gets him a fireman’s carry and does the Finlay roll onto the other guys outside.  Suicide climbs the cables, but Lethal knocks him down with a missile dropkick.  Lethal Consequences fight with the Guns.  Lethal gives Creed a boost up to the belt.  Sabin uses Shelley as a springboard and takes Creed down.  Tower of Doom spot in the corner, but Suicide holds on to the cables and goes for the prize.  Lethal persues and powerbombs him down.  Everybody hits a bunch of stuff.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Creed.  Creed hits the TKO off the second rope on Shelley.  Creed, Lethal, and Sabin all go for the belt.  They fight on the cables.  Suicide pounces and sends them all crashing, then grabs the belt and falls down for the win at 14:11.  Not as good as some other Ultimate X matches, but pretty awesome and 7,000 times better than anything else on this show.

Borash interviews Sting.

Sting/Angle video package.

Jarrett makes his entrance.  Why does a referee need a guitar?  Foley’s TNA music is awful.  Overly long entrances and videos to give it a big match feel.  It fails.  Boxing style intros, and we finally have…

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Kurt Angle (Jeff Jarrett is the referee and Mick Foley is the enforcer).  Angle punches Sting.  Sting kicks Angle.  Angle kicks Sting.  Sting elbows Angle and clotheslines him out of the ring.  They brawl some more.  Angle takes a sweet bump on a backdrop out of the ring, lands on his feet but manages to hit his head on the guardrail.  They brawl into the crowd for about a second, then go back to the ring.  Angle suplexes Sting and gets a two count.  Jarrett’s count was fair, but Angle still glares at him).  Angle tries to catch a charging Sting for a belly-to-belly, but Sting just kind of crashes into him and they stumble.  Angle wears down Sting with a sleeper on the mat.  Sting fights out and they crossbody each other.  Sting hits a bunch of clotheslines and the Stinger Splash.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Sting armdrags him out of it and hits a powerbomb of all things for a near fall.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Sting kicks him away.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits a moonsault for a near fall and I wasn’t paying attention.  Dammit.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for a near fall.  Sting ducks a clothesline and Angle clotheslines Jarrett.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Foley checks on Jarrett.  Angle taps, but nobody is paying attention.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Foley counts two.  Angle low blows him.  Angle tries to use a chair on Sting, but Foley takes it away from him.  Foley swings for Angle but Angle ducks and Sting takes the chair shot.  Angle half ass Angle Slams fat Foley.  He covers Sting and Jarrett counts two.  Angle spits at Jarrett and punches him.  Jarrett punches him back and Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin at 13:51.  Angle is pissed at Jarrett, but he brought it on himself.  Sting holds up the gold as we fade to black.

The show wasn’t as horrible as Alvarez made it out to be.  Yes, the undercard WAS bad, but Booker and AJ had an okay match (only one botch stands out) and the Ultimate X was good.  The main event was a lot better than I expected.  Alvarez bitched about the heel being screwed by three guys, but if you look at the content it’s clear he did it to himself.  It wasn’t a good match, but it wasn’t awful.  Everything but the three matches I mentioned was completely worthless and had no redeeming quality.

TNA iMPACT! 2/11/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  “Last week on Impact…” video.  iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring and cuts an “old guy who’s out of touch and full of shit” promo.  He goes on to say he’s put the iMPACT! Zone under lockdown so Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac can’t get in, and if they do get in, he’ll “put on the red and yellow” and wrestle.  PLEASE, PLEASE, Hall and Pac, stay away.  Eric Young comes out.  Crowd chants “over rated.”  Really?  Young says he and Kevin Nash are friends, and he wants Hogan to let Hall and Pac in so they can get what’s coming to them.  Hogan says some shit about how experienced he is and says he’s not letting The Band in.  Young says if Hulk won’t let them in, he’ll “do what Kevin would do” and go to them.  Hogan tells Young to take them off the property and “bust ’em up real bad.”  They shake hands.  Poor EY is going to get killed.

Mick Foley is looking for Eric Bischoff.

Hall and Syxx-Pac are slinking around outside, looking for a way in.

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match: Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up, into the corner, lock up again.  Dinero with some arm drags and Bionic Elbows.  Jordan gets the advantage and hits a nice spinning neckbreaker.  “POPE IS PIMPIN’!” chants.  Jordan with a backbreaker.  “YOU STILL SUCK!” chants.  Pope makes his comeback and hits the Coronation for 2.  That move isn’t worthy of a 2 count.  Jordan hits a spinebuster for 2.  Pope lands a big punch, then hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 4:50.  It was okay.

Jeff Jarrett comes in to talk to Eric Bischoff.  He says he hopes he delivered 2 weeks ago.  Bischoff says a bunch of bullshit about how great he was and how he miscalculated Jarrett’s worth.  Jarrett wants a spot in the tournament.  Bischoff says Jarrett isn’t “ready” and it wouldn’t be starting at the bottom of the ladder.

8 Card Stud Qualifying Match: Suicide vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan.  Suicide is abusive and elusive in the beginning, but Morgan catches him with a fall away slam.  Revolving elbows in the corner, sandwich in the corner, sidewalk drop (no slam, just a drop), headbutt, general ass kicking.  Suicide rallies and hits a missile dropkick for 1.  Suicide hammers on Morgan, counters a chokeslam, dropkicks Morgan, then eats the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan gets the pin in 2:30.  Alrighty then.

Mick Foley goes into Bischoff’s office and kisses up to him.  He says he’ll get on board for the sake of Abyss and Jeremy Borash.  Bischoff agrees and books Abyss vs. Mick Foley in the first round of the 8 Card Stud Tournament at Against All Odds.  Bischoff tells Foley to change his look, and says he’ll make Abyss take his mask off if there are any “shenanigans” in their match.

We’ve got the brackets for the tournament now.  First round will see Pope vs. Wolfe, Hernandez vs. Morgan, Angle vs. Anderson, and Foley vs. Abyss.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson, who will face off at the PPV, but will be partners tonight.  Guys that don’t like each other tagging together!  Such whackiness!  Anderson has a falling mic in wherever they are backstage now.  Whacky, I tell you!

Kurt Angle tells Eric Young not to go after Hall and Pac because they can’t trust Hogan.  Angle says he’ll handle it himself.  Young punches the locker like a moody teenager.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Amazing Red.  This is Red’s rematch, having lost via Feast Or Fired 2 weeks ago.  Red rocks Williams with an enzugiri, jumps on him like a spider monkey, hits some fast kicks to send Williams out of the ring.  Williams avoids a dive.  Pinfall reversal sequence back inside.  Williams plants Red into the mat thrice in a neat spot.  Yeah, I just used the word “thrice.”  Williams grounds Red with a figure-four head scissors, humps his head into the mat, then covers for 2.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams goes up top, but Red connects with a spin kick that sends him to the floor, then takes him out with an awesome corkscrew dive.  “THAT WAS AMAZING!” chant.  Red with a missile dropkick for 2.  Red with a dropkick and a spin kick for 2.  Nifty counter sequences ends with Red getting a near fall off of a cradle.  Red drops him with a kick and goes up top.  Williams avoids the move, avoid a charging Red and sends him into the corner.  Williams hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 4:49.  Awesome little TV match.

The Beautiful People are headed our way!

Tara/Angelina Love/Beautiful People video package.

Christy interviews Tara and Angelina Love.  Former foes united against a common enemy!

Handicap Match: The Beautiful People vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara & Angelina Love.  So Cal Val is skeeved out by Poison.  Tara and Sky start, but Tara tags in Love before contact is made.  Sky runs away and Love gives chase.  Love decks Lacey Von Erich.  The distraction lets Sky jump her for the advantage.  Sky chokes Love with her own hair.  As soon as Love gives the hint of making a comeback, Sky tags out.  Love drags Rayne into the ring and tags in Tara.  Tara schools Rayne.  Sweet suplex into a Beast choker by Tara.  Rayne bails from the ass kicking.  Love and Tara with a double baseball slide dropkick to the 3 Beautiful People.  Insta-commercials.  Lacey trips up Tara to let Rayne get the advantage.  Sky tags in and works Tara’s hair.  Lacey tags in and does a very strange moonsault elbow drop.  Beauties continue to work over Tara.  Double clothesline spot with Tara and Rayne.  Tags to Sky and Love.  Love runs wild on all three.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Love hits a pump kick on Sky.  The referee is distracted.  Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick.  Sky pins Love (5:30).  It was hot chicks wrestling somewhat poorly.  Lacey hits Tara with the ugly stick afterwards.  Beautiful People stand tall.

Christy interviews Desmond Wolfe.  He quotes Forrest Gump in one sentence and uses the word “bollocks” in the next.  He address “Kurt Mangles,” “Super Maxi Pad,” and “some big mouth…”  Funny stuff.  He uses one of his awesome ROH promos, but with the word “end” in place of “kill.”

Hall and Pac are lurking around the parking lot.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez & Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle & Ken Anderson.  This is what they would call a “Parajes Incredibles” match in Mexico.  I love that term.  Spanish phrases are so cool.  Hernandez and Anderson start.  Anderson kicks at Hernandez’s legs.  Hernandez drops him with a body block.  Stinger Splash, t-shirt snapmare.  Anderson escapes the Border Toss and tags in Angle.  TNA has tag ropes now.  Is that new?  First time I’ve noticed it.  Angle and Hernandez trade hammerlocks.  Angle gets a rope break.  Wolfe gets a cheap shot.  Hernandez yells at him.  Wolfe tags himself in and goes to work on Angle.  These two always rule it together.  Wolfe works Angle’s arm.  We’ve seen that several times, but it’s still crazy awesome.  Angle hits a German suplex.  Wolfe tags out.  Hernandez comes in with a shoulder block to Angle.  Hernandez hits a Canadian backbreaker for 2.  Wolfe tags in.  Angle hammers him.  Wolfe with a knee to the gut.  Annoying alternating chants.  Wolfe with more awesome arm work.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  His partner, Anderson, distracts the ref so he doesn’t see Wolfe tap.  Wolfe escapes and tags in Hernandez.  Angle and Hernandez go at it.  Hernandez goes up top, but Angle brings him down with the avalanche-style arm drag, which is awesome.  Angle goes to tag out, but Anderson short arms him.  Angle runs wild on Wolfe, decks Anderson off the apron, clotheslines Hernandez out of the ring.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court (I think) for 2.  Awesome move.  Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Angle counters into the Angle Slam.  Anderson tags himself in, throws Angle out of the ring, and gets the pin on Wolfe in 6:12.  Really fun match.

Samoa Joe is headed our way!

Samoa Joe comes out and calls out AJ Styles.  The TNA World Heavyweight Champion comes out, suited up and with Ric Flair in tow.  They banter, with Joe playing indignant babyface and Styles playing the arrogant heel.  AJ: “What about you, Joe?  You’ve turned more coats than the dry cleaners!”  Valid point.  Eventually, Styles comes into the ring and they fight.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Flair hits him in the balls.  Beat down ensues.  The referees fail to break it up.  Flair yells at the red headed ref and Joe.  He and Styles leave as the refs and security check on Joe.

AJ Styles is confronted by Eric Bischoff as he’s leaving the building.  Styles brags about what he did.  Bischoff tells him that he will be the guest referee for the World Title match at Against All Odds.  Styles calls Flair to tell him they’ve got a problem.

Geeze, this show isn’t over yet?  Tenay and Taz pimp the PPV lineup.

Kurt Angle is headed outside.  Hulk Hogan stops him.  They talk.  Hogan tells him to go to the ring, so maybe when The Band is beating him down, somebody will make the save.

Kurt Angle is in the ring.  He calls out Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  They come in through the crowd.  Pac hits the ring first and Angle kicks his ass.  Angle decks Hall too.  Angle puts Hall in the ankle lock.  Pac hits Angle brass knuckles.  Again and again.  Hall hits Angle with knuckles too.  Hulk Hogan comes out, making his full entrance.  He teases joining in on the beatdown, but decks Hall and Pac with the knuckles.  Angle starts to get up… and my video just ends.  The fuck?  I’m assuming that was the end, my video just ended a few seconds early.

You know, this was ALMOST a very decent Impact, and it would have been, had it ended on the logical closure point (Styles and Flair beating down Joe).  But the show just kept going and going.  I really don’t give a fuck about this Hogan/Angle/Band deal.  Oh well, see you at the PPV!

TNA iMPACT! 1/4/10 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line.  History of TNA video… since this is the biggest TNA iMPACT EVER!!!  The episode title is “Time For A Change.”  Impact open.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our commentary team.  This is the BIGGEST TNA SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE KNOWN UNIVERSE!  Tenay and Taz run down tonight’s card.

Footage earlier today of Bubba the Love Sponge interviewing fans.

Steel Asylum Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Homicide vs. Kiyoshi vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide vs. Amazing Red (c).  Everybody starts fighting as Suicide immediately tries to escape, but Red stops him.  Lethal Consequences double team Sabin.  Shelley and Lethal both try to escape.  Kiyoshi stops Lethal.  Red kicks Suicide in the head.  Sabin hits a tornado DDT on Kiyoshi.  Lethal finally goes after Shelley.  Suicide with a move on Red.  Lethal with the Lethal Combination on Suicide.  Sabin kicks somebody.  Kiyoshi drops Sabin.  Creed press slams Kiyoshi into double knees.  Everybody hits moves.  Suicide tries to escape, but Red fights him.  Red comes off the top of the Asylum and hits a rana on Sabin.  World Elite double teams Red.  Homicide hits people with a baton.  The bell rings at 4:05, ruling it a no-contest.  THE FUCK?  Crowd chants “THIS IS BULLSHIT!”  I agree.  Everybody wakes up and beats up Homicide.  Jeff Hardy’s old TNA music hits and he comes through the crowd.  Homicide jumps him.  Hardy kicks his ass and kills him with a chair shot and gives him the Twist of Fate on the ramp.  Hardy sits on top of the Asylum.

Way to go, TNA… first match and I already have a headache.  Way to shit on the fans AND show you’re morons by signing a guy who’s facing charges for drug possession.

Moments ago… Jeff Hardy did stuff.  Now… Jeff Hardy shakes hands with Shannon Moore in the back.

Hulk Hogan’s limo is getting a police escort to the Impact Zone.

Christy Hemme interviews Kevin Nash.  Nash talks about Hogan.  He says Hulk is on his way, and he’s not alone.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. ODB.  ODB jumps Tara immediately.  Tara catches her with an elbow and drops her with a clothesline.  They trade chops.  Tara throws kicks and lands an enzuigiri.  Tara with a slam and the standing moonsault for 2.  Tara with the tarantula, then a hilo leg drop for 2.  Tara tries to set up the Widows’ Peak, but ODB counters and goes for the TKO.  Tara goes for it again.  ODB counters again and schoolgirls her with a handful of tights her to win the title at 2:21.  Tara gives ODB the Widow’s Peak after the match, then puts the spider on her.

A limo pulls up and RIC FLAIR gets out!  He shakes hands with Beer Money, Eric Young, some refs, then goes into the bathroom.

Earlier today… Christy Hemme talks to fans.  Mick Foley shows up.  He’s been barred from the Impact Zone.  He promises to be on his best behavior, but security still won’t let him in.

Bobby and Kristal Lashley come to the ring.  Kristal babbles.  Everyone boos her.  She says Lashley wants his release from TNA, because they have better things to do.  They leave.

Velvet Sky leads a camera man into a Beautiful People poker game.  Is Lacey’s gimmick that she’s stupid?  Oh, so they’re all stupid.  And now they’re playing strip poker.

Scott Hall and Sean Waltman try to get into the building.  They choke the security guards.

Tenay and Taz babble about Twitter and Hogan.

Some shenanigans with Hogan’s limo.

Hall and Waltman come into the crowd and sit down.

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring.  He’s wearing all black and has nWo rip off music.  Hogan says he’s been in the back all day long, even though his limo supposedly just arrived.  This fucking show…  He says TNA will be the #1 company in the world.  Yeah, and I’m the next Pope.  Hall and Waltman jump the rail.  Security tries to stop them, but Hogan says let them through.  Hall runs through his catchphrases.  He wants to get the band back together and party.  Hogan says things aren’t like that anymore.  Waltman disagrees.  Hogan says things are totally different now.  They continue to bicker.  Nash comes out.  He tells Hall and Waltman to let Hogan play his role tonight.  Hogan says he’s here to change the company for the better.  The old goat probably really believes that, too.  Nash asks Hogan when he turned corporate.  Hogan again says that it’s a different time.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  Bischoff tells them everybody has to earn their spot in TNA.  Nash says “We hear ya loud and clear, talk to ya later.”  Nash, Hall, and Waltman leave.  Hogan and Bischoff talk more about everything changing.  Dixie Carter looks on approvingly from the crowd.  Bischoff asks for a format of the show.  He rips it up and gives So Cal Val a new one to hand to whoever.  Bischoff says they’re going to turn the company upside down.  I think they’ve got a good start on that.  Ugh, this fucking show.  Sting is in the rafters.

Moments ago… Sting was in the rafters.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Taylor Wilde & Sarita (c) vs. Awesome Kong & Hamada.  Sarita and Hamada lock up and do some awesome wrestling.  Tag to Wilde, who hits a swank diving arm drag.  Somebody laid out the Motor City Machine Guns in the back.  Kong falls on Sarita for a 2 count.  Wilde throws dropkicks at Kong.  Wilde and Sarita finally take her out of the ring with a double dropkick.  Wilde and Sarita to the outside with dives.  Insta-commercial.  The heels work over Wilde.  Wilde avoids the Awesome Bomb and hits a Codebreaker, then makes the lukewarm tag to Sarita.  Sarita ducks Kong’s clothesline, then eats Hamada’s foot.  They half ass double team Sarita.  Wilde with a rana to Hamada.  Sarita tries it on Kong, who sits on her.  Wilde saves.  Kong with the spinning back first to the leg.  Hamada sends Wilde into the post.  Kong gets Wilde up for the powerbomb.  Hamada comes off the top with a dropkick to add oomph to it.  Kong gets the pin on Sarita (5:47 shown).

The Beautiful People are still playing poker.  Val Venis comes in, but won’t let them say his name.  They finally agree to let him play.

Mick Foley is still trying to get into the building.  The Nasty Boys show up.  Security won’t let them in either.

Raven & Stevie Richards (w/ Daffney) vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Winners get a Tag title shot at Genesis, apparently.  The big dudes kick ass.  Morgan pins Stevie with the Carbon Footprint at 38 seconds.

Christy interviews D’Angelo Dinero.  He’ll face Desmond Wolfe tonight.  Orlando Jordan of all people interrupts.  He’s looking for Hogan, who invited him.  Orlando Jordan?  Seriously?

Desmond Wolfe vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Dinero shines, which is fine.  Wolfe starts kicking his ass, which rules.  I love the way he attacks his opponent’s arm.  Pope avoids him in the corner and hits a Vader Bomb-style elbow.  Wolfe attacks the arm again, then goes for the Tower of London.  Wolfe ducks an elbow and goes for a backslide, but Dinero gets him with an inside cradle for the pin at 2:38.  These two could have a good match if they had some time.

Jeff Jarrett is here!

Jeremy Borash finds that Rhino has been jumped.  Bubba the Love Sponge takes over the… interview?

Tenay and Taz talk about the “awesome” night.  Replays of Hogan’s interview from earlier.  The video freezes at Hogan on the entrance ramp for a long time.

Tenay and Taz talk.

JB interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles.  He’ll defend against Kurt Angle at Genesis.  Eric Bischoff interrupts.  Bischoff tells Styles that his title defense against Angle won’t be at Genesis, it will be tonight.  Video finally unfreezes.  AJ is excited.

Jeff Jarrett comes to the ring.  He talks about founding TNA and having the company last way longer than anyone thought it would.  He talks some more.  Hogan appears on the screen and tells Jarrett that he ran the company into the ground.  Hogan is now Dixie Carter’s partner.  He claims he’s going to give the young guys a shot.  I’ll believe that when I see it.  Hogan says Jarrett has no more stroke, and he has to lace up his boots and earn his spot just like everyone else.

Christy interviews Christopher Daniels, who seems to have found his first name.  JB interrupts.  He’s on the phone with Mick Foley.  Foley finally gets into the arena.  He has words for Hogan.

Jeff Hardy paints as Shannon Moore watches.  They’re going to meet with “the big man.”

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe.  Abyss was supposed to face Rhino tonight, but Rhino is napping on the job, so it’s now Abyss vs. Joe.  Joe kicks ass to start.  Abyss manages to drop Joe with a big boot.  Joe bails.  Abyss follows him out.  Joe swings a chair, but Abyss ducks and Joe clobbers the post.  Back into the ring.  Joe kicks ass some more.  Abyss fights back.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Joe comes off the middle rope with a kick for 2.  Joe hammers away at Abyss.  Abyss tries to Hulk up, so Joe kicks him down.  Joe comes off the middle rope, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Joe clobbers Abyss with a chair while the ref is distracted.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch for the win at 4:49.  It was fine, I guess.

Bischoff is talking to a producer.  Kristal Lashley tells him that Bobby Lashley wants his release.  Bischoff doesn’t care.  Kristal demands a meeting with Hogan.  Bischoff tells her to take a number and get in line, and to drop the attitude if she talks to Hogan.  Kristal threatens to tell her husband on Bischoff.  Bischoff still doesn’t care.

Bubba the Love Sponge finds that Beer Money has been jumped.

The Nasty Boys are still trying to get into the building.  Bubba distracts the security guard so they can slip into the building.

JB interviews Kurt Angle.  He says tonight, he’s taking his title back.

Hardy and Moore got the big envelopes they came for.  Three screaming girls run up to them.  Jeff gives them his painting.  He and Moore get into their car and leave.

The Nasty Boys invade Team 3D’s locker room.  3D are in Japan.  The security guard who wouldn’t let them in gives them donuts.  The Nastys beat the donut guy up, then trash 3D’s locker room.  I have a perverse desire to see 3D vs. The Nasty Boys.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  Earl Hebner is the referee, if you’re keeping score.  They start with great wrestling.  AJ leap frogs, ducks, and dropkicks.  Angle bails.  AJ teases a dive.  Angle avoids.  AJ kicks him and takes him out with a suicide dive.  Back into the ring.  A masked man attacks Styles.  Angle clotheslines the masked man out of the ring.  Angle helps AJ up and they continue wrestling.  Angle powerbombs Styles into the turnbuckle.  Insta-commercial.  They continue to be awesome.  They’re going all out tonight.  I’m glad somebody is.  Styles goes for the springboard forearm, but Angle catches him with a belly to belly.  More greatness.  AJ with a discus clothesline for 2.  Styles for the Styles Clash.  Angle catapults him into the turnbuckle and hits rolling Germans.  Angle counters the Pele into the ankle lock.  AJ rolls through into a cradle for 2.  Pele kick for 2.  More stuff.  Angle with the Angle Slam for 2.  Styles hits the springboard forearm, then goes up top.  Angle hits a suplex off the top for 2.  Angle goes for a frog splash.  AJ moves.  AJ hits the Styles Clash for 2.  Styles goes for a superplex.  Angle fights him off and hits a frog splash for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles turns it into a DDT for 2.  Angle counters out of the Styles Clash and locks in the ankle lock.  Styles fights out.  Angle with a sick release German for 2.  AJ with the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes up top again.  Angle fights him and hits the Angle Slam off the top and STYLES KICKS OUT.  Angle applies the ankle lock again.  Styles rolls through and sends Angle into the turnbuckle.  Styles lands an enzuigiri and the Styles Clash for the 1, 2, ANGLE KICKS OUT.  Styles goes for the Clash again.  Angle turns it into the ankle lock and grapevines it.  Ric Flair walks out and watches from the stage.  AJ escapes the ankle lock and hits a backdrop suplex.  AJ hits the springboard 450, and ANGLE KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Insta-commercial.  Angle has Styles in a triangle choke.  AJ goes for the Clash again.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Styles fights out again.  Flair randomly leaves.  AJ hits the Styles Clash.  Styles hits another springboard 450 for the victory (about 15 minutes shown).  Holy shit this match ruled.  Angle and Styles shake hands and hug after the match.  Hogan comes out to the stage and calls Styles and Angle the 2 greatest wrestlers alive today.  He continues to talk.  Somebody whispers in his ear that Mick Foley is in the back looking for him…

Mick Foley stomps around backstage.  He breaks into the Beautiful People/Val Venis poker game.  Val tells him where Hogan’s office is.  Foley finds Bischoff instead.  Bischoff tells Foley that he has no power, and he has to prove himself like everybody else.  Foley says he made peace with working for Dixie Carter, he could make peace with working for Hogan, but he would never work for Bischoff again.  Foley threatens to knock Bischoff’s teeth out.  Nash, Hall, and Waltman jump Foley.  Hogan looks on as the show ends.

Man, other than that one awesome match, this show sucked donkey dick.