Archive for Submission Match

WWE Extreme Rules 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by the PPV intro video.  Michael Cole welcomes us to the show as Lillian Garcia introduces the first match.

Fatal Four-Way Match for WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Cole and Lawler are on commentary, and put over Kingston beating MVP for the title this past Monday on Raw.  Typical double team/pair off and brawl stuff early on.  Kofi is awesome.  Cole gets in his “Controlled Frenzy” for the night.  Regal beats the shit out of Kingston, which is always good stuff.  Regal sets up a butterfly suplex on Kofi.  MVP tries to turn it into a Tower of Doom spot, but they botch it.  Kofi and Regal still take the bump, though.  Hardy comes in fresh after staying outside for a bit and tries to pin everyone.  Everyone kicks out.  Matt sets up the Twist of Fate on MVP, but Kofi gets back in the action and punishes Regal and Hardy.  Regal counters the Trouble In Paradise and T-bones Kofi right into Hardy, which Kofi uses to get a near fall.  The match turns into everybody hitting big moves and covering, then someone else breaking up the cover.  Regal hits Exploders on everyone until Kingston catches him the Trouble In Paradise for the pin at 6:42.  Short, but fun and exciting match, and a good way to kick off the show.

Josh Matthews interviews The Big Show, who says John Cena can’t put him in the STF.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham talk about the recent issues between Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio.  Justin Roberts is in the ring to introduce the match.  He introduces Jericho, but Jericho doesn’t come out.  He’s in the merchanidise stand bitching about Mysterio’s merchanidise.  He comes down to the ring through the crowd, talking the whole way.  Mysterio comes out, so now we can have our match.  Ross says that Mysterio is the first masked Intercontinental Champion.  Kane says hello.

No Holds Barred Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio jumps Jericho at the bell and kicks his ass all around the ringside area.  Rey hits a sweet rana off the apron and takes the match in the ring.  Jericho gets the advantage and holds it until Mysterio counters his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Rey hits a 619 around the ringpost to send Jericho off the apron and hits a diving splash on to him.  Back in the ring. Jericho avoids the 619.  Rey gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Jericho rolls it back for one of his own.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and tries a dropkick, but Jericho catches and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Rey turns it into a inside cradle, but can’t get the pin.  Jericho gets the advantage and goes for Rey’s mask.  Rey escapes, then avoids a charging Jericho, who spears the ring post and goes outside.  Rey hits a tope suicida.  Rey does his Speedy Gonzales routine back in the ring.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and does a swank spinning backbreaker for a near fall.  Rey avoids the Lionsault and hits the 619.  He goes for a diving something or other, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker for a very near fall.  Jericho brings a chair into the ring, but Mysterio dropkicks into his face and covers for a near fall.  Mysterio hits a leg drop with the chair for another near fall, then sets the chair up in the corner and hits a drop toehold onto it.  Mysterio uses the chair as a springboard for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio nails him with the chair and goes for the 619, but Jericho manages to yank his mask off.  Mysterio desperately covers his face and allows himself to be pinned with a schoolboy in 14:40, even though anyone who watched WCW from 1999 to 2001 has seen his face.  Jericho wins the Intercontinental Title for the unprecendented 9th time.  Good match.

Randy Savage DVD available this Tuesday!

New Orleans!

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.  Actually, they show the video of Randy Orton killing Ric Flair, then Batista comments on it.  He’s going to do various nasty things to Orton tonight.

Samoan Strap Match: Umaga vs. CM Punk. They show Umaga killing Punk on Smackdown a few weeks ago.  You win here by touching all four corners in succession… secession?  You know what I mean.  Umaga whips Punk with the strap and punishes him in various other nasty ways.  How the hell do you do PBP on a Strap Match?  “He whips the other guy, he uses the strap to hold the other guy back…”  Punk fights back and goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but doesn’t get it.  They both get near falls (I.E. touching 3 turnbuckles but being prevented from touching the fourth.  Umaga goes for the diving splash, but Punk uses the strap to pull him off the top rope.   Punk touches 3 corners, hits the Go 2 Sleep, and touches the fourth for the win at 8:58.  Meh.  Strap matches are kind of a stupid gimmick.

New Orleans again!

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews are ready to announce the ECW Championship match!

Gregory Helms interviews the ECW Champion, Christian.  Christian says he’s going to miss Tommy Dreamer, because he’s not losing his title.  Dreamer comes up and says Christian will indeed be losing the title.  Jack Swagger steps in to say his bit, but Dreamer and Christian leave.  Cut to Tony Chimel who is in the ring to introduce the match.

Triple Threat Hardcore Match for the ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger.  They get in-ring introductions.  They brawl a bit, then Christian and Dreamer bring the plunder in.  Dreamer utilizes the Singapore cane to great effect.  Dreamer is in his element here, and shows why he is called the Innovator of Violence.  Swagger finally gets the advantage on Dreamer and tries to superplex him into a pile of trashcans.  Christian comes in and adds a powerbomb to the equation.  I guess they had to do it since the guys in the four-way fucked up the Tower of Doom spot.  Christian ducks a crutch shot from Swagger and goes for the Killswitch.  Swagger counters and goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Dreamer nails Swagger with the crutch to break it, then bashes him with it again and hits a DDT.  Dreamer covers and gets the pin on Swagger at 9:37 to WIN THE ECW CHAMPIONSHIP!  With no Justin Credible to fuck up the moment. Tommy Dreamer finally gets to enjoy capturing the ECW Championship.  That’s my feel good markout moment of the night.

Chavo Guerrero prepare Vickie for her defense of the Miss WrestleMania crown.  Michael Cole talks about it for a bit, then throws it to Jerry Lawler, who is with the pigs.  “Santina” comes out, followed by Vickie, who says she’s making the match a Handicap Match.  A less than delighted Chavo will be her partner.

Handicap Hog Pen Match for the Miss WrestleMania Crown: Vickie Guerrero (c) & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Santina Marella.  Vickie sends Chavo in to fight while she stays outside in her gown.  Santina and Chavo fight in the muck.  Santina throws Chavo into the pen with the hogs.  Shouldn’t the match be over?  I guess it’s pinfall only.  Santina schoolgirls Chavo for a near fall.  Chavo beats down Santina and tags in Vickie.  Santina tries to slop her, but Chavo jumps him and tries to slop him.  He misses and slops Vickie.  Santina slops Chavo, then pins Vickie for the win at 2:43 to become Miss WrestleMania again.  Gross.  -50 stars.

SummerSlam, August 23 on PPV!

Orton/Batista video package.

Chavo and Vickie walk backstage while everyone in the vicinity holds their nose.  Goldust and Hornswoggle show up to bring the comedy, then run away from the smell.  They find Edge in Vickie’s office.  Vickie tells Edge he’s on his own tonight.  Edge says he wants a divorce.  Poor Vickie.  Divorces are no fun at all, and I don’t imagine being covered in pig shit is either.

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  In-ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton tries to escape immediately, but Batista stops him and goes to work kicking his ass.  Orton avoids a charge and tries to escape again.  Rinse, repeat.  Orton counters the Batista Bomb and tries to escape again, but then decided to go for the punt instead.  Batista avoids it.  Orton avoids the Batista Bomb again.  Batista avoids the RKO.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin at 7:03.  Seriously?  That’s it?  Ah well, at least it was too short to suck.  Fun fact: this is the first time the WWE Championship has changed hands in a Steel Cage match.

Show/Cena video package.

Submission Match:
The Big Show vs. John Cena.  The whole basis of this match is that Show is too big for Cena to put in the STF.  Of course, he goes for it in the first minute and fails.  Of all the Cena/Show matches… this is one of them.  Same old shit, except with more sleeper holds.  About 10 minutes in, Cena avoids the Vader Bomb and tries to slam Show.  Show lands on top and hugs Cena, which is apparently a submission hold.  Show beats up Cena some more and locks in an abdominal stretch.  Cena counters a chokeslam attempt with a DDT and tries the STF again.  He still doesn’t get it.  Show locks in a bearhug.  Cena escapes and drops Show with a neckbreaker.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena avoids it and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  STF fails again.  Show lands the KO punch and knocks Cena out of the ring.  Show goes out and picks him him, but Cena slips off and sends Show into the ring post.  Back in the ring, Cena misses a diving leg drop, then props up one of show’s legs against the ropes and locks in a crossface.  The leg doesn’t stay.  Show submits to this half assed STF at 19:05, even though Show’s feet were under the ropes.  Fucking retarded.

Edge/Hardy video package.

Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship:
Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  In-ring intros.  There are dozens of ladders placed around the ring.  First ouch moment comes 3 minutes in when Jeff backdrops Edge out of the ring and chest first onto a ladder.  Jeff makes the first attempt to climb up to the big gold belt, but Edge stops him, then drops him painfully on the ladder.  That’s one cheap aluminum ladder ruined.  Edge brings in another and sets it in a corner.  Jeff avoids a charging Edge, who spears the ladder.  Match goes on.  Edge creatively sandwiches Jeff in the ladder and locks in a Sharpshooter.  Later, Edge takes a painful front suplex into an open ladder.  Lots of creative painful looking things in this match.  Hardy brings in a really tall ladder.  He hits the Twist of Fate, then goes up the tall ladder with the intent of diving off.  Edge moves out of the way.  The ladder falls over but Jeff grabs hold of the belt.  Edge pulls him down before Jeff can take the belt down.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind off the ladder.  The carnage continues.  They take a huge bump off a ladder at ringside through another one set up on the ring apron and guardrail.  Back in the ring, Hardy climbs for the belt.  Edge climbs another ladder and tries to spear Hardy, but gets caught with a neckbreaker in mid air.  Hardy goes for the gold again.  Edge climbs up the other side and punches Hardy down.  Hardy pulls Edge’s legs through the ladder to trap him.  Edge can do nothing but look on as Hardy pulls the belt down and becomes World Heavyweight Champion at 20:06.  Pretty damn good ladder match.

But wait, it’s not over!  CM Punk comes down and cashes in the Money In The Bank contract!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the 1, 2, HARDY KICKS OUT!  Punk can’t believe it.  Hardy gets a quick inside cradle, but Punk kicks out.  Punk nails a big kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep again and pins Hardy to win the title at 1:02.  PUNK IS WORLD CHAMPION!

Pretty good show for the most part.  Punk and Dreamer winning the gold makes me happy.

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TNA Final Resolution 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video, then the screen goes dark for several seconds, despite there being sound.  Oh, TNA…  We finally get a still screen advertising the PPV.  Finally we get crappy TNA pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Ink Inc. vs. Beer Money.  They show the finish of that clusterfuck four-way tag match on TV last week, where Moore pinned Roode.  Storm attacks Neal, whose mohawk is especially ridiculous tonight.  Neal rallies.  Ink Inc. double team Beer Money, who bail.  Back inside, Moore schoolboys Storm for 2, then hits an arm drag.  Storm accidentally knocks Roode off the apron.  Moore continues to shine.  Roode tries to make a save and accidentally hits Storm.  Ink Inc. double team Storm.  Moore hip tosses Neal into a senton on Storm for 2.  Roode pulls Neal down by his mowhawk.  Storm hits a Codebreaker.  Roode tags in and beats up Neal.  Roode decks Moore on the apron, enticing him to distract the referee so they can double team his partner.  Storm chokes Neal with his wrist tape.  Beer Money double team Neal.  Moore politely distracts the referee for them again.  Neal continues to play face in peril.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Moore hits a flippy bulldog on Moore.  Storm saves.  Neal throws him out, then clotheslines Roode out of the ring.  Roode prevens Moore from hitting an Asai moonsault.  Moore rallies and cleans house on the outside.  Neal hits a slingshot dive on Storm.  Moore connects with his Asai moonsault on Roode, then rides around on Storm’s boozer cruiser.  Back inside, Ink Inc. double team Roode.  They go for the fireman carry/blockbuster combo, but Storm intervenes and sends Moore to the floor.  Neal tries a spear, but runs into Storm’s superkick.  Beer Money hit the DWI and Roode pins Neal in 10:43.  Good match.

Tenay and Taz talk about tonight’s card.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne about a match she’s not in.  Rayne is more concerned with her reflection in the title belt.

Mickie James/Tara hype video.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Tara vs. Mickie James.  Tara wants to start the match outside, so they do.  They brawl at ringside.  Tara gets crotched on the guardrail.  Cover gets 2.  In the ring, Mickie hits a missile dropkick for 2.  A rope break in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Of course.  Tara pounds on Mickie.  I have to admit, this brawl is pretty intense.  Tara rams Mickie into the post, knocking her off the apron.  Mickie goes under the ring and sneaks  up behind Tara, delivering a dropkick that knocks her to the floor.  Mickie hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Mickie gets whipped into the guardrail and falls like a sack of bricks.  It looked painful.  They brawl in the crowd.  Tara gets a near fall after sending Mickie into some chairs.  Mickie whips Tara into a metal something or other.  Mickie chokes the shit out of Tara.  Ouch.  They brawl backstage.  Mickie sprays water on Tara.  Tara chops Mickie on her stomach.  Ouch.  Tara goes for a move, but Mickie back body drops her onto concrete for 2.  They’re brawling outside now.  Mickie gets a schoolgirl on top of a sewer cover for 2.  They’re back in the concession area.  Mickie hits a diving Thesz press off of some crap for 2.  They go into the mens’ bathroom.  There’s ladies in the mens’ bafrooms!  There’s a guy peeing in there!  There’s another guy taking the Browns to the SuperBowl.  They both bail.  Madison Rayne appears out of a stall, sprays Mickie with a fire extinguisher, and hits her with the title belt.  Tara gets the pin in 10:27.  Fun brawl.  Why was Madison waiting in the mens’ room?

Christy Hemme interviews the Shore tards, TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. and Cookie.  Ugh.  Robbie is an idiot.  Cookie is a bitch.  That’s the story.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Cookie is supposed to be placed in a shark cage and lifted above the ring, but she refuses.  Lethal beats up Robbie.  SHARK BOY appears and puts Cookie in the cage!  The match finally starts.  Lethal continues beating up Robbie.  Robbie bails.  Lethal beats him up on the outside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal crotches Robbie on the top rope.  Cookie screams a lot, which is annoying.  Lethal continues kicking ass.  Robbie sends him into the turnbuckles to get the advantage, then pounds on him.  Robbie gets the heat, but wastes time dancing like a tard at Cookie.  Lethal fights back.  Robbie hits a neat move for 2.  Robbie applies a sleeper hold.  Lethal finally manages to escape and fights back.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow and the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal jumps over Robbie a lot, then they collide.  Cookie throws a chain down to Robbie.  The referee catches it.  Cookie throws Robbie the hair spray.  Lethal takes it away, sprays it on Robbie’s face, and hits the Lethal Injection.  Hebner DQs Lethal in 8:09.  Damn!  Okay match.  The fuck finish works in context.  Lethal argues with the referee.  Cookie is released from the cage.  I wish Robbie was in WWE, just because it’d be great if he was one of those guys who everyone beats the shit out of in the Royal Rumble.  Cookie celebrates with the belt.  Shark Boy comes out again.  Cookie slaps him.  Sharkie gives her a Stunner!  Yay Shark Boy!

Christy Hemme interviews Tommy Dreamer about a match he’s not in.

RVD/Rhino hype video.

First Blood Match: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD decks Rhino before the bell, but the camera idiots completely miss the shot.  RVD sends Rhino outside, then poses.  Rhino kicks his ass.  RVD kicks Rhino’s ass in turn.  RVD goes up top, but Rhino cuts him off and beats on him.  RVD knocks Rhino off the apron with a springboard kick, then points his thumbs at himself and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  RVD hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP~!  They brawl at ringside.  They brawl in the ring.  Crowd chants for tables.  Rhino hits a Gore that RVD does an awesome 360 sell for.  Rhino throws in a trash can and 2 lids.  RVD avoids the shot and punches him.  Rhino h its a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino wedges the trash can between the turnbuckles, then hits RVD with a spinebuster.  RVD kicks Rhino in the head.  He goes for the lids, which fall out of the ring for some reason.  RVD hits a twisting leg drop, then brings one of the lids back in.  RVD hits a diving kick and the Five Star Frog Splash.  Why do that in a First Blood match?  RVD tries to use the trash can, but gets hit in the balls.  Rhino hits a DDT.  Rhino goes for a piledriver on the lid, but RVD flips out and hits the Van Daminator with the lid.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the trash can.  Rhino is bleeding, so RVD wins in 12:25.  This was all right.

Christy Hemme interviews Kazarian about a match he’s not in.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Doug Williams.  They lock up.  Styles backs Williams into the ropes, then shoves him.  The crowd chants “USA” even though the American is the heel.  They trade arm locks, then do some great mat wrestling.  Styles gets a sunset flip for 1, then goes for the Styles Clash.  Williams counters out.  There those fucking mutants go with the alternating chants.  That shit is so obnoxious.  I wish I could personally slap everyone who has ever participated in one of those.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Styles counters out and sends Williams to the outside.  Back inside, Williams throws some European uppercuts.  Stuff happens really fast in this match.  Styles is sent to the floor.  Williams hits him with a rolling senton off the apron.  Back inside, Williams kicks AJ in the thigh and hits a short lariat for 1.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and goes up top.  Styles cuts him off and sends him to the floor.  Styles gets the jump on Williams as he’s coming back in and hits moonsault knees to the back of Williams’ head.  Cover gets 2.  Styles does the drop down, leapfrog, dropkick for 2.  Styles applies a rear chin lock.  Williams gets his leg caught in the ropes.  Styles attacks it.  Styles applies a figure-four leglock.  Williams rolls them under the ropes and out of the ring, but ends up with it turned over.  They finally break.  Now Styles’ leg is injured.  Back inside, Styles grabs Williams’ leg.  Williams knees him in the face and makes his comeback.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits a European uppercut for 2.  Styles avoids the Chaos Theory and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes for the figure-four again, but Williams gets an inside cradle for 2.  Styles lands a big punch.  They trade shots.  Styles hits the Pele kick.  Williams rolls out of the ring.  Styles dives, miss, and Williams hits the Chaos Theory on the floor!  They make it back into the ring.  Williams hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 14:49.  That’s not a typo.  Williams used Styles’ own move to beat him.  Really, really good match.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  At least they’re actually in the match she’s asking them about.

Tag Lines.

Full Metal Mayhem Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Guns charge out and they start brawling at ringside.  Jeremy hits the springboard face buster on Sabin in the ring, then immediately hits Shelley with an Asai moonsault outside the ring.  Max pounds on Sabin in the ring.  Bucks double team Sabin, hitting an awesome wheelbarrow DDT thing.  The Guns rally and fight back.  Jeremy makes a one man comeback and stomps Shelley’s hand into a chair.  Guns hits Jeremy in the corner against a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Stuff happens really fast.  There are chair shots.  The Bucks conveniently set a ladder on the apron so the Guns can kick it into their faces.  Sabin hits a tope suicida… right into a chair.  Shelley takes a chair to the knee.  Shelley fights back by himself in the ring.  Max counters the Shiranui and powerbombs Shelley into the ladder.  Jeremy splashes the ladder into Shelley.  Jeremy climbs for the belts.  Shelley hits Max with an inverted atomic drop.  Sabin prevents Jeremy from getting the belts.  Jeremy does some more crazy shit.  Max climbs for the belts, but he placed the ladder poorly.  Shelley cuts him off, but gets hit with a jawbreaker.  Shelley gives him a Dragon screw leg whip through the ladder.  Ouch.  The Guns sandwich Max in the ladder.  Shelley hits a double stomp.  Shelley backdrop suplexes Jeremy into the ladder, then Sabin bulldogs him across it.  Sabin goes for the belts.  The Bucks knock the ladder over.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick with a chair held by Shelley.  Sabin lays a ladder and 2 chairs across the Bucks.  Shelley hits a double stomp onto the pile!  Shelley climbs for the belts, but realizes that ladder isn’t trustworthy any more.  They bring in a couple of fresh ladders and set up a contraption.  Everybody fights at the top of the contraption.  Jeremy falls off, then pushes Shelley off.  They pull their respective remaining opponents down.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns hit an awesome double team on Max, where Sabin holds him in wheelbarrow position and Shelley hits a Codebreaker with a chair.  The Guns bring in a table and put it on top of the ladder contraption.  Jeremy kicks Shelley in the balls and kicks Sabin in the head.  Guns take out Jeremy with double team craziness on the outside.  The Guns set up another table.  I assume they’re going to completely rip off the finish of the WrestleMania 2000 ladder match.  Jeremy comes back in and hits the Guns with a chair.  Max lays out Sabin on the table.  Shelley beats them up and gives Jeremy the Shiranui off the apron through a table.  Sabin and Max climb to the top of the contraption and have a sword fight with chairs.  Sabin wins and Max takes a bump off the contraption through the table.  Yep, WrestleMania 2000 finish.  Sabin takes down the belts to win it in 16:26.  This was awesome.

Abyss/Pope hype video.  Production screws up and throws in a random still from the last match.

Casket Match: Abyss vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They brawl.  Abyss tries to put Pope in the casket at the 30 second mark, but fails.  Oh, how I wish he had succeeded.  They brawl outside.  Back inside, Pope gives Abyss a bulldog headlock, then goes up top.  Abyss throws him off and into the casket, which was unfortunately closed at the time.  That looked like it hurt.  It’s a similar bump to the one that put Shawn Michaels out of action for 4 1/2 years.  Back inside, Abyss beats up Pope.  Fights back and dropkicks Abyss into the casket.  Abyss scrambles out.  Pope headbutts Abyss, who is apparently Samoan, because it hurts Pope more.  Pope jumps on Abyss’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Abyss turns it into a sidewalk slam.  They fight near the casket.  Pope falls in.  Abyss tries to close it, but Pope fights out.  Pope hits a diving shoulder block and makes his comeback.  Pope hits some inverted atomic drops and a diving bulldog headlock.  Pope puts Abyss in the casket.  Abyss goozles him to prevent the lid from closing.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam, then puts Pope in the casket.  Pope puts his arms up to keep the lid from closing.  Pope fights back and hits the Elijah Express.  He puts Abyss in the casket and tries to close the lid.  Abyss punches through the casket and grabs Pope’s balls.  That’s one cheap ass casket.  Pope clotheslines Abyss to the apron and tries to knock him off.  They fight on the apron.  Abyss chokeslams Pope into the casket and closes the lid for the win in 11:58.  Thank God that’s over.

The referee gives Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett instructions for their Submission Match, because they’re pretending it’s MMA.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe and injure hits leg with a nightstick.

Video package of Jeff Hardy’s heelishness.

Awkward cut to a Joe/Jarrett hype video.  Their production sucks tonight.

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe limps out, despite protests from the trainers.  They hug.  I think they were trying to lock up, but it looked way more like a hug to me.  The crowd chants their standard chants.  Joe hits a horrible looking judo throw.  Jarrett goes after the leg.  Joe pulls him into his guard and goes for a cross armbreaker.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe wants to keep the match on the ground.  Why doesn’t the referee stand him up?  Joe takes Jarrett down into the ropes.  Joe lands some punches.  Jarrett grabs Joe’s leg and rams his injured ankle into the post.  Jarrett applies an ankle lock.  Joe gets a rope break.  Jarrett reapplies the hold.  Joe escapes and lands punches and chops, then takes Jarrett down into an ankle lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe hits a senton splash and applies a reverse Kimura type arm lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes again.  This is crap.  Jarrett tries a rana or something.  Joe powerbombs him and locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Taz mentions Dean Malenko.  Yay!  Jarrett slides under the ropes and bails.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch on the floor.  Jarrett taps out, but it doesn’t count.  Joe throws Jarrett back in.  Joe gets a Fujiwara armbar.  Jarrett taps, but his foot is under the ropes.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  I agree completely.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and applies the Coquina Clutch.  Gunner and Murphy come out.  Joe cleans their clocks.  Jarrett locks in the ankle lock.  Joe screams, which the referee considers a submission and awards the match to Jarrett in 9:04.  This was complete, utter shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson about a match he’s the referee in.  Matt Morgan asks him to make it a No DQ Match.  Anderson has booking power now?  Anderson says he’s going to call it right down the middle like an asshole.  That makes no sense.  It’s not even a yes or no.

Hardy/Morgan hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Ken Anderson is the referee.  After intros and Anderson holding up that disgustingly ugly belt, we’re off.  Morgan wins the lock up.  Hardy hides in the ropes.  Morgan beats up Hardy.  Morgan hits an apron leg drop~!  I pop for neat leg drops.  Hardy rallies and beats up Morgan.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Morgan escapes and fights back.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a front slam for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for 2.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint, but injures his knee in the process.  Cover, but Hardy gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Hardy hits another Twist of Hate for 2.  Hardy is shocked and appalled by his lack of immediate victory.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Morgan gets his knees up.  Hardy says “fuck it” and leaves, urging Anderson to count him out.  Anderson refuses to count the 10.  He goes up the ramp and orders Hardy into the ring.  They argue.  Hardy pie faces Anderson twice.  Three times.  Anderson finally kicks his ass and throws him back in the ring.  Morgan schoolboys Hardy for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate again.  Anderson very slowly counts 2, then stops, allowing Morgan to kick out after a long time.  Hardy bails again.  Morgan goes after him.  Hardy hits Morgan in the knee with a chair.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Morgan pushes him into Anderson, knocking him out of the ring.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint.  The crowd counts upwards of 20.  Eric Bischoff brings out that other referee that’s been in all the storylines, then sends Anderson into the post.  The referee counts 2, then Bischoff pulls him out of the ring.  Morgan yells at Bischoff.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam, but Hardy kicks him low and hits the Twist of Hate on a chair for the pin in 12:31.  This was awful.  Anderson is bleeding outside the ring.  Hardy celebrates.  They show highlights of the match.  Such convoluted TNA bullshit.

This PPV started off really strong, then fell off a cliff.  The last 2 matches were fucking horrible.

TNA iMPACT! 11/25/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?”

Immortal/Fortune are backstage having Thanksgiving dinner.  Eric Young is a waiter.  Eric Bischoff puts everyone over and toasts them.  There’s an empty seat.  Bischoff says he’s invited Dixie Carter to dinner.  Everybody is mad.

iMPACT! open.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Matt Morgan comes out to cut a promo.  He has a rematch against Jeff Hardy and has won the privilege of naming the referee for the match.  He talks on for a while about referees and mistakes and such.  Doug Williams comes out and talks shit about Fortune.  He wants to be the referee.  Morgan says he’s under consideration.  Fortune come out.  Flair cuts a promo on Morgan and Williams.  Kazarian challenges “the Queen of England” and “the Greenprint” to find some partners for an elimination match tonight, then throws out some more childish insults.

EV2.0 drama video package.

Tommy Dreamer is headed our way!  So is Rhino!

Ric Flair gives Fortune a pep talk back at the feast.  Flair gets iced for the billionth time.  Bischoff says Dixie Carter has landed in Orlando.  Everyone is still unhappy about this.

Last Street Fight: Rhino vs. Tommy Dreamer.  I have no fucking idea why this is the “last” street fight.  They brawl in the ring.  They brawl outside.  Dreamer puts a table in the ring.  They brawl outside some more.  Rhino suplexes Dreamer on the stage.  They use plunder.  Dreamer bleeds.  Rhino wails on him with a Singapore cane back in the ring.  Rhino wedges a trash can between the turnbuckles, then whips Dreamer into it.  Rhino charges, Dreamer moves, and Rhino Gores the trash can.  Dreamer whacks him about with a cookie sheet, then hits a cookie sheet enzui leg drop.  Dreamer goes for the DDT, but Rhino hits a release Northern Lights suplex.  Rhino sets up the table in the corner.  Dreamer kicks Rhino in the balls and goes for the Spiccoli Driver.  Rhino counters and hits a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino goes for the Gore, but Dreamer hits him with a cookie sheet and schoolboys him for the pin in 4:35.  That was stupid.  Dreamer makes some stupid comments and says they’re not friends anymore.  They need to stop letting Dreamer talk.  They hug, then Rhino turns again and slams Dreamer through the table.  Rob Van Dam comes out with a chair.  Rhino bails.  RVD challenges him to a First Blood Match at the PPV.  Rhino agrees.  Ugh.

Tonight, Dixie Carter!

Ric Flair is headed somewhere!

Matt Morgan and Doug Williams ask Samoa Joe to team with them tonight.  Joe agrees after a fashion.

The Beautiful People bitch at someone about something.  Flair tries to recruit them to be eye candy at the feast.  Mickie James walks up to talk to Angelina, who tells her to talk to Velvet’s action figure.  Madison Rayne and Tara walk up.  Mickie and Tara start fighting again, which causes all of them to fight.  Mickie and Tara brawl away.  Winter shows up to pull Madison off of Angelina and screams at her to leave.  WTF?  This shit is fucking retarded.

Back at the feast, TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy shows up to cut one of his retarded promos.  They need to stop letting him talk, too.

Tonight, Dixie Carter.

The show clips of the Motor City Machine Guns/Young Bucks empty arena brawl from last week’s Reaction.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns talk in the back.  They’re having a Full Metal Mayhem Match with the Bucks at the PPV.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne walks back screaming for Sarita.

Matt Morgan and Doug Williams ask “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero to be their partner.  Pope respectfully declines.  Morgan talks him into it.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out screaming in her nails on a chalkboard voice and calls out Sarita.  Her voice is AWFUL, like Vickie Guerrero awful.

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne vs. Sarita.  They lock up.  Madison screams like a banshee.  Sarita decks her.  Madison begs off.  They have the weakest looking brawl in the history of wrestling.  Sarita gets an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Sarita gets a front cradle for 2.  Sarita dances, then ducks slaps.  Madison does a flip and hits a weak clothesline.  Madison horribly works her over.  Sarita gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Madison does something for 2.  Please end this shit.  Sarita gets another cradle for 2.  Sarita does a wacky stupid lucha flip thing and a dropkick, then dances, then hits horrible spaghetti arm slaps, then a backdrop suplex.  Madison bails.  Please, just leave.  Madison easily avoids a stupid dive.  Madison dances and throws her back in the ring.  Madison dances some more.  Sarita trips her and gets the pin with a half assed half jackknife hold in 4:32.  This was fucking HORRIBLE.  It seems like every week’s knockouts match is worse than the last one.

Back at the feast, Jeff Jarrett is only drinking water because he “has to make weight.”  Retarded.  He’s going to play a DVD… next.

Still at the feast, they talk about what they are thankful for.  They show a video of Jeff Jarrett at a karate school tapping out children.

Jesse Neal cuts a promo on Jeff Jarrett to no one in particular.

Tonight, Elimination Match!  Next, Jarrett vs. Neal in an… MMA Match?

Submission Match: Jesse Neal vs. Jeff Jarrett.  They do retarded looking worked MMA.  Neal gets a takedown, but doesn’t do anything with it.  Jarrett gets a takedown and goes for a cross armbreaker.  Neal gets a rope break.  Jarrett beats up Neal and locks in the ankle lock.  Neal gets a rope break again.  This is obnoxious.  They’re working it like an MMA fight.  Neal fights back.  There’s a ref bump in the MMA fight.  Jarrett gets a guitar from under the ring and clocks Neal with it in the MMA fight.  Jarrett applies a rear naked choke.  The referee stops it in 4:26.  This was fucking retarded.  Shannon Moore comes out to run off Jarrett.  Yes, Jeff Jarrett is afraid of Shannon Moore.

Tonight, Survivor Series Elimination Match!  Dixie Carter!

They show Brother Ray turning on Brother Devon 2 weeks ago.  Brother Ray is next.

Brother Ray is in the ring (wearing a New Japan track suit top!) cutting a promo.  Same shit as last week.  They show various clips of Devon getting beaten up and of Ray kicking ass.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK!”  He challenges Devon to show up next week.  Bubba has his own music now.

Dixie Carter arrives at the sound stage.

Back at the feast, Bischoff says Dixie is here, so they should hide the liquor.  Hogan says he won’t be responsible for what happens to her.  Don’t worry Dixie, I’m pretty sure Hulk will blow out his knee if he gets up to try to get at you.

Time for the main event.  Fortune were all suited up eating dinner 3 minutes ago, but of course they’re geared up and ready to wrestle now.

Elimination Match: Doug Williams, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Samoa Joe, & Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Kazarian of Fortune.  Pope beats up Styles to start.  Pope hits a hip toss for 2.  Styles gets Pope in the Fortune corner and they beat him off.  Storm hits a knee drop and a leg drop for 2.  Storm puts his cowboy hat on and hits a corner clothesline.  Pope schoolboys Storm for the pin in 1:51.  Of course the heels have the advantage.  Roode jumps on Pope.  Insta-commercials.  Kazarian hits Pope with a side kick.  Styles tags in.  Styles and Kazarian double team Pope for 2.  Pope avoids Styles in the corner and tags in Morgan.  Styles tags in Kazarian.  Kaz wants Joe.  Morgan obliges.  Joe kicks Kazarian’s ass.  Williams tags in and beats up Kazarian.  Kazarian hits some kind of neckbreaker looking deal for 2.  Joe and Pope argue on the apron.  Kazarian goes for an electric chair drop, but Williams hits the Chaos Theory for the pin (5:49 shown).  Of course the heels are down 2 guys!  That is only logical thing to do!  Styles and Roode work Williams over.  Roode hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Williams hits a move to break away.  Pope and Joe both blind tag in and argue about who’s legal.  They start fighting and brawl to the back.  Styles helps Roode block the Chaos Theory.  Roode beats up Williams.  Williams knocks Styles off the apron.  Roode hits Williams with a spinebuster for the pin (8:38 shown).  Morgan is alone because he picked shitty partners.  Roode and Styles beat up Morgan.  The show ends about 10 minutes into the match.

Another horrible show from a horrible company.

TNA iMPACT! 11/18/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package chronicling Jeff Hardy’s heel turn.

“Morgan Woooo’s The Nature Boy.”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ric Flair comes out to cut a promo on Matt Morgan.  Flair is a great promo but his facts are flawed.  He says Morgan complained about getting screwed at the PPV, but actually Morgan was perfectly fine with getting screwed and forgave the referee.  Flair says he’ll be the special guest referee in Morgan’s title rematch.  He calls out Morgan, so Morgan comes out to the ring.  Flair says Morgan isn’t allowed to call him “Naitch” anymore because they’re not friends anymore.  Flair calling himself “God” constantly kind of bothers me.  He says Morgan has to beat him tonight to get the title shot that he already said he’d be referee for.  Was he assuming Morgan would beat him, or is this just more TNA bullshit?  Morgan says wrestling Flair is on his bucket list.  Flair says something about fucking a female horse, I think.  Flair rambles some more.  Morgan promises to shove his boot up Flair’s ass.

Generation Me are headed our way!  Tara hits on them, then slaps them on the ass.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com on Black Friday!  Isn’t every Friday a Black Friday for TNA when they get the Impact rating?

Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. Raven (Raven is fired if he loses)!  Abyss has an open challenge for a Casket Match!  Ric Flair vs. Matt Morgan!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns, Jay Lethal, & Velvet Sky vs. TNA X Division Champion Robbie E., Generation Me, & Cookie.  It’s mentioned that Sabin and Sky are dating now.  Lethal and Max start.  Lethal wants the Shore tard, but he accepts working Max’s arm.  Shelley tags in to do a spot.  Sabin immediately tags in.  All of the faces pinball Max around.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe and Velvet stands on his balls.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick for 2.  Shelley warms up for a superkick, but Jeremy pulls him out of the ring.  A brawl erupts on the outside for a minute.  Cookie tags in and puts the boots to Shelley, then quickly tags in the Woo Woo guy’s retarded cousin.  The heels take turns  beating up Shelley.  Shelley nails the Shore tard with an enzuigiri.  Lethal gets the tag and runs wild.  Lethal hits the Bucks with a handspring elbow smash.  Robbie comes in and Lethal beats him up.  Cookie tries to attack Lethal.  Lethal grabs her.  Jeremy intervenes and gets hit with the Lethal Combination.  Sabin tags in and hits Jeremy with a springboard shot for 2.  Velvet calls Cookie a bitch and runs after her.  Velvet hits a flying head scissors on Max.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns go for the Skull & Bones.  Velvet attacks Cookie.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Jeremy.  Shelley hits a dive on Robbie.  Max sprays hair spray in Sabin’s eyes.  Jeremy schoolboys him for the pin in 5:30.  It was okay.  It turned into a clusterfuck at the end.

Jeff Jarrett is warming up backstage.  Commercials.

Generation Me talk backstage.  The Motor City Machine Guns challenge them to an Empty Arena Match on Reaction.

Jeff Jarrett talks to Gunner and Murphy, who I thought Flair fired last week.  He tells them to keep watch and not let Kurt Angle into the arena.  Jeremy Borash walks by.  Why isn’t he out there waiting to do the ring announcing?  Jarrett sends Gunner and Murphy away and bitches Borash out.  He slaps him, just because he’s a dick.  Jarrett rants and raves for a while.  He says they’re making TNA profitable.  That is a lie.

Tenay and Taz talk about what good friends Jarrett and Borash used to be.

Kurt Angle video package.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and some geeks come out in MMA gear.  Borash does a ridiculous introduction for this stupid MMA exhibition.  Jarrett insists that the production guys put a disclaimer for the hearing impaired on screen.  They do.  Jarrett demonstrates a cross armbreaker and leaves it on too long just to be a dick.  The crowd is shitting on this big time.  Jarrett gets the next geek in a knee bar and says “My buddy Frank Mir made Brock tap to this.”  The next move is an ankle lock.  Jarrett says it was perfect by a great former TNA Champion… Ken Shamrock.  Next is a rear naked choke.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Jarrett says he learned it from Royce Gracie.  He does the move in a really retarded Jeff Jarrett pro wrestling sleeper hold way.  Samoa Joe comes out to put a stop to this nonsense.  He challenges Jarrett to spar with him.  Jarrett challenges Joe to beat the last 2 weeks to get a Submission Match with Jarrett.  Jarrett implores the students to “shoot on him.”  Joe taps one with a Kimura, then taps the other with an Anaconda Vice.  Jarrett now has to face Joe in a submission match.  There’s a referee and a bell, so…

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ geeks) vs. Samoa Joe.  Jarrett throws the geeks at Joe.  Joe kills them.  Jarrett runs away.  I guess it’s a no-contest in about 20 seconds.  The geek that Joe tapped with the Anaconda Vice wants to fight Joe.  Joe kicks his ass and gives him the Muscle Buster.  This was all very stupid.

Stevie Richards, Tommy Dreamer, and Brian Kendrick give Raven a pep talk in the EV2.0 locker room.  Raven vs. Hardy is NEXT!  Commercials.

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy vs. Raven.  No entrance for Raven.  Completely ridiculous, Immortal mandated introductions by Borash.  He gives Hardy a long intro and then says “introducing his opponent… Raven.”  Raven grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block for 2.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker.  Raven hits a drop toe hold that sends Hardy out of the ring, then Russian leg sweeps him into the barricade.  Back inside, Raven hits a diving knee bulldog thing for 2.  Raven brings in a chair, because TNA has nothing resembling rules.  He ends up being the one who takes the bump into the chair anyway.  Hardy beats up Raven on the outside.  Raven avoids the Whisper In The Wind and hits a discus lariat.  Raven hits a bulldog headlock for 2.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Hardy counters into the Twist of Hate.  Hardy hits the Swanton bomb for the pin in 2:55.  Raven is fired!  Interesting fact: Raven’s last WWE and last TNA match were both against Jeff Hardy.

Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, and Brian Kendrick come out to console the unemployed Raven.  Hulk Hogan comes out and insults Raven.  Raven wants to fight Hulk, but is held back.  Hogan fires Raven.  Poor Raven.  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer is still in the ring.  He calls out Rhino.  Rhino comes out to defend his turn.  He says none of the EV2.0 guys cared that his contract was expired, but Bischoff did.  He picked employment over unemployment.  That’s an easy choice.  He’s mad because he was in TNA first, but RVD and Dreamer showed up to steal his thunder.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo on him.  Crowd chants “YOU SOLD OUT!” at Rhino.  Rhino says he has to take care of his family.  So he’s a heel because he wants to take care of his family?  And Dreamer is mad about that?  What a dick Dreamer is!  Rhino attacks Dreamer’s injured wrist.  Rob Van Dam comes out to make the save.  Why didn’t he come out for the Raven deal?  Rhino gets the better of it and Gores RVD.  Argh.

Abyss is next.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan talks to no one in particular backstage.

Casket Match: Shannon Moore vs. Abyss.  Before the commercial, Abyss was pushing the casket to the ring, but now it’s just at ringside.  Did Abyss push it out to ringside during the commercial, then go back to make his ring entrance?  They show Abyss and Eric Bischoff beating up the casket that the Pope was in last week.  Moore tries to be abusive and elusive.  That works well enough for a minute, then Abyss catches him and slams him.  Abyss tries to put Moore in the casket.  Fail.  They brawl a little.  Moore avoids a charge in the corner, gets backdropped to the apron, and hits a half assed diving bulldog.  Moore tries to put Abyss in the casket.  Fail.  TNA really needs to learn that some matches don’t need to be competitive.  They brawl some more.  Moore slams Abyss’ arm in the casket, then hits an Asai moonsault.  That dude can never do a correct moonsault.  Is that intentional?  Moore gets Abyss about halfway into the casket.  Moore beats him up some more.  Abyss beats up Moore in kind.  Back inside, Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss opens the casket, which The Pope is now magically inside.  Pope attacks Abyss to cause the DQ in 5:51.  A DQ in a fucking casket match.  Fucking stupid TNA bullshit.

Angelina Love talks to no one in particular.  She takes on Mickie James in a #1 Contender match next.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Championship #1 Contender Match: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James.  They lock up.  Love takes James down.  They actually do a bit of wrestling.  They shake hands and lock up again.  Love grabs a side headlock and takes Mickie down with it.  Mickie escapes.  Love grabs it again, then hits a shoulder block.  They reverse hip toss attempts.  Mickie hits a monkey flip and a dropkick for 2.  They lock up again and start fighting.  Love hits a World’s (not so) Strongest Slam for 2.  Love applies a rear chin lock.  More shit happens.  They shake hands yet again.  Love throws her down for 2.  Love gets a schoolgirl out of the corner for 2.  Mickie hits a rana and a neckbreaker for 2.  Love avoids the diving Thesz press and hits a pump kick for 2.  Mickie fights back and hits her DDT for the pin in 5:43.  Meh.

Brother Ray is headed our way.  Commercials.

Angelina Love throws a temper tantrum backstage.  Winter appears to be creepy.  I think Winter is hitting on her.

Brother Ray comes out to talk about why he turned on Devon last week.  They show said betrayal.  He names a bunch of people who have fallen to the 3D.  He says Sabin kicked out because Devon was weak.  Bubba says he was the star of the team, etc., and Devon was “a guy who got my tables.”  Great line.

Flair vs. Morgan NEXT!  If Morgan wins, he gets to pick the referee for his title match.  If Flair wins, Morgan loses the shot.  This is the first mention of these stipulations, and despite it being stated earlier that Flair would be the referee in the title match.  Oh, TNA.  Commercials.

Ric Flair vs. Matt Morgan.  They lock up.  Flair pushes the much larger Morgan into the corner.  Morgan shoves Flair across the ring.  Flair kicks Morgan’s knee, then chops him in the corner.  Morgan responds in kind.  Morgan hits a big back body drop.  Fun Fact: 35 years after the plane crash, Flair still won’t take a flat back bump.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Flair does the Flair Chop.  There’s a ref bump.  Flair kicks Morgan in the balls.  Flair beats up Morgan.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam.  Flair pokes him in the eyes and throws him out of the ring.  Morgan rams Flair’s head into the barricade.  Flair is bleeding.  Morgan bites his head.  They brawl outside.  Back into the ring.  Flair begs off.  The show end.

TNA is much more watchable when you view it as satire.

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

John Cena and Randy Orton stand in front of the Roulette Wheel.  Josh Matthews announces the return of Raw Roulette!  Cena has Eve Torres spin the wheel for his match with Orton tonight.  It’s a Tables Match!  Orton leaves.  Matthews reminds Cena about the time he fell through a table and lost the WWE Championship to Sheamus.

Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest star (they’ve finally stopped calling them guest hosts), Chad Ochocinco.  Never heard of him.  He plays football here in Cincinnati, so he is well liked by the fans.  He talks awkwardly for a bit.  WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out.  They talk shit to each other.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  As always, the crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker throws it to the back, where Alicia Fox spins the wheel for Miz’s match tonight.  It’s a Submission Match!  Another email from the iBooker says Ochocinco gets to pick Miz’s opponent.  He picks Daniel Bryan!  Commercials.

Non-Title Submission Match: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  JIP.  Danielson beats up Miz.  Alex Riley is at ringside.  It’s not mentioned where he came from.  Miz avoids Danielson’s charge in the corner and chop blocks his leg, then goes to work on it.  Miz locks in a figure-four leglock.  Danielson easily turns it over.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz gets a rope break and bails.  Riley checks on Miz.  Miz doesn’t seem to want to fight anymore.  He says he has a hernia, so he’s bailing on the match to protect himself for the PPV.  Ring announcer says Miz wins by forfeit.  Miz says Bryan can face his substitute, Riley.  I guess Bryan wins by forfeit (about 2 1/2 minutes shown).

Submission Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz).  Riley is wrestling in street clothes.  Riley goes on the attack and goes for a stretch muffler.  Danielson counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 36 seconds.  Miz attacks Danielson and beats him down.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale onto the title belt, but Danielson counters into the LeBell Lock and Miz taps out.  It worked.

Jillian Hall spins the wheel for Edge.  They sing.  The wheel keeps spinning.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Cincinnati!

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs. Evan Bourne.  They lock up.  Bourne lands some kicks.  Edge catches him and goes for a slam, but Bourne holds onto the top rope, escapes, and rocks Edge with a kick.  Bourne goes for a slam, but Edge counts and hits the Edge-O-Matic.  Edge slams him for the win in 1:16.  Edge spears Bourne after the match, just to be a dick.  The iBooker sends yet another email saying that since Edge had to be a dick after the match, he’s going to have another body slam match against Mark Henry!

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs. Mark Henry.  They fuck around a bit.  Edge fails at slamming Henry.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam to win it in 33 seconds.  This was silly.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton in a Tables Match!  Commercials.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out for a song & dance challenge against R-Truth & Eve Torres.  UGH.  R-Truth raps a new song while Eve dances.  I had heard a while back that he was getting new music, so maybe this is it.  Dibiase says this is stupid.  He is correct.  Dibiase sings “My Way” horribly whole Maryse dances, which isn’t nearly as hot as Eve dancing was.  Dibiase and Maryse jump Truth and Eve, but get their asses kicked.  Truth and Eve rap and dance some more.  Stupid segment, but at least Eve’s dancing is hot.

The Bella Twins are backstage with Chad Ochocinco and William Regal.  Regal will be in a Trading Places Match.  Ochocinco explains that it means you have to dress like your opponent.  His opponent is Goldust.  That match would rule without stupid gimmicks.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes in.  Ochocinco tells him he’ll face John Morrison next, and if Morrison wins he’s in the Six Pack Challenge at the PPV.  The Bellas spin the wheel, and Sheamus makes the deal for a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  I’m cool with that.  Sheamus talks shit to Ochocinco, who calls him the Red Rooster.  Commercials.

WWE.com.

Edge is all pissed off in his locker room.  Zack Ryder comes in and asks him while the GM hates him.  Edge calls him a tool again, which greatly upsets Ryder.  Edge says when he wins the title, he’s gonna do a hold out.  Whatever that means.  Sheamus comes in, taking offense to that.  Ryder is a tool some more, then leaves.  Sheamus tells Edge to pay attention to what he does next.

John Morrison warms up for his match by running around the backstage area and jumping on, over, and around shit.

Sheamus vs. Morrison is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, John Morrison beat Chris Jericho, causing Jericho to lose his spot in the Six Pack Challenge Match.

Non-Title Falls Count Anywhere Match: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats on Morrison.  Morrison gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison slides under Sheamus and lands a dropkick for 2.  Sheamus throws Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison slips back in and dropkicks Sheamus off the apron.  Morrison hits a rana from the apron, then a running knee on the floor for 2.  Morrison backdrops Sheamus over the barricade and into the people, then leapfrogs the barricade and tackles him.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits the small penis uranage backbreaker (they DO call it the Irish Curse).  Sheamus front suplexes Morrison into a barricade for 2.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Morrison moves and Sheamus kicks over a trunk.  They brawl onto the stage.  Sheamus rams Morrison’s head into the stage and covers him for 2.  Sheamus beats up Morrison.  Morrison fights back.  Sheamus throws him off the stage, but Morrison lands on his feet.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a kick and hits the Flying Chuck off the stage for 2.  Sheamus throws Morrison into the barricade for 2.  Sheamus goes for a suplex on the concrete floor, but Morrison counters.  Sheamus grabs a chair.  Morrison comes off the the titan tron with a diving cross body for 2.  Chris Jericho appears and hits Morrison in the back with the chair.  That dick!  Sheamus gets the pin in 6:42.  Really fun match.  Jericho sits in the chair in the ring.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Chris Jericho is still sitting in the ring.  He’s staging a sit in until he gets back in the Six Pack Challenge Match.  If he doesn’t get it, he quits.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Jericho tells him to shut up and read it.  iBooker says there’s “no chance in hell” this is going to work.  Jericho isn’t buying the insinuation that it’s Vince.  Another email.  Cole wants to do his whole routine every time, but Jericho tells him to shut up.  iBooker says the Six Pack Challenge will be an Elimination Match, and Jericho is back in.  Jericho is pleased with this and won’t let Cole read the rest.  iBooker says to never interrupt him again.  The stipulation is that Jericho has to win his match right now against The Hart Dynasty… and it’s a Steel Cage Match!  Jericho is pissed that he has to wrestle in a cage in his suit.  Commercials.

Handicap Steel Cage Match: Chris Jericho vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  JIP.  Harts double team Jericho.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Harts hit the Hart Attack.  They both climb the cage.  Smith escapes, but Jericho cuts off Kidd.  Kidd hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline and beats up Kidd.  Kidd tries to escape out the door.  Jericho pulls him back in and hits a backdrop suplex.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Kidd escapes and makes his comeback.  Jericho gets whipped to the corner and tries to climb out.  Kidd rams his head into the cage, sending him down to the mat.  Kidd goes for a missile dropkick, but Jericho catches his legs and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Kidd counters into a front cradle for 2, then locks in the Sharpshooter.  Jericho gets to the ropes and escape.  Jericho elevates Kidd to the top rope.  Kidd tries to escape the cage.  Jericho cuts him off.  Kidd rams Jericho’s head into the cage and goes for a top rope Frankensteiner.  Jericho blocks it and locks him in the Walls of Jericho for the win (5:17 shown).  This was actually really good.  Barely even worth mentioning, but it annoyed me: Cole said Jericho had to beat both guys to win, but he only beat one.  I’ll give WWE the benefit of the doubt and assume that it was just Cole being an idiot.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton in a Tables Match!  Commercials.

Hall of Famer Pete Rose is in the crowd!

Cincinnati!

Trading Places Match: Goldust vs. William Regal.  They’re dressed as each other, because silliness = ratings.  Regal does the Goldust breathing bit.  Goldust pulls brass knuckles out of his trunks and KO’s Regal for the pin in 26 seconds.  These two have had an awesome match on WWE TV in the past month.  This wasn’t it.

Cena vs. Orton is NEXT!  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler hype the Night of Champions card.

Chad Ochocinco does a horrible job of being guest ring announcer for the main event.  They show Orton RKO’ing Wade Barrett, Darren Young, Edge, and Sheamus is quick succession last week.

Tables Match: Randy Orton vs. John Cena.  I don’t care if they haven’t wrestled in almost a year, I have no interest in this match.  They lock up.  They break.  They lock up again.  Cena grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  This time, Orton grabs the side headlock, then hits a shoulder block.  Orton slowly beats up Cena.  He tries to suplex Cena from the apron to a ringside table, but Cena blocks it.  Orton almost falls through the table, but doesn’t  Commercials.  They trad punches.  Orton hits the 3.0.  Orton stomps on Cena.  Orton punches Cena as Cena stands on the apron, trying to cause Cena to fall through another ringside table.  Cena fights back and hits the Fisherman suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton counters into a DDT.  Lawler calls it an RKO because he’s fucking retarded.  Orton brings a table into the ring and sets it up in the corner.  Cena makes his comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjusment again, but Orton counters it and hits come clotheslines and a powerslam.  Cena takes Orton down with a drop toe hold and locks in the STF.  The Nexus run out and attack Cena.  Orton RKOs Michael Tarver.  They attack Orton too.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Otunga, then throws Slater out of the ring through a table.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Cena.  Barrett and Gabriel bring a table into the ring, even though there was still a perfectly good table in the corner.  Barrett puts Cena on the table and Gabriel goes up top.  Orton pushes Gabriel off the top rope through another ringside table.  Barrett drops Orton with a big boot, then goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and pushes him off the apron through yet another table at ringside.  Orton humps the mat.  Edge and Chris Jericho run in and attack Orton.  Orton fights back and causes Edge to accidentally spear Jericho through the corner table.  Sheamus runs in and attacks Orton, then knocks Cena off the apron with a running thigh.  Cena reverses Sheamus and hits the Attitude Adjustment on the floor.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Cena, but Cena counters and goes for the Attitude Adjustment through the table.  They both go through the table.  Orton supposedly reversed it into the RKO, so he wins in 16:48.  A clusterfuck mess, but kind of fun.

Not the best show ever, but kind of fun, and with some good stuff sprinkled in.

TNA Victory Road 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package.  Victory Road!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ultimate X or Submission Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Doug Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Williams immediately tries to climb the Ultimate X structure.  Kendrick tries to cut him off, but fails.  Williams gives it up and tries to work over Kendrick instead.  Kendrick retaliates.  Williams hits a suplex into a Muta Lock.  Sweet.  Williams goes for his tornado DDT, but Kendrick avoids it and hits a missile dropkick, then goes for his scissored cobra clutch.  Williams avoids that and locks on a headscissors.  Kendrick counters out and lands some crossface blows.  Williams drops back in a way that appears to hurt Kendrick’s leg.  Williams locks in a Widow’s Peak-style hold.  Kendrick escapes and hits a flurry of offense.  He tries his hold again, but Williams counters it again.  Kendrick backdrops Williams to the floor.  Kendrick locks in his hold in the tree of woe, then tries to climb the structure.  Williams hits a backdrop suplex off the top rope.  They do some counter wrestling and Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  They go to the ramp, then to the floor.  They fight on the structure and Kendrick takes a bump to the floor.  Williams pulls some gloves out of his tights and slaps Kendrick with them.  Kendrick is playing unconscious.  Williams puts on the gloves and climbs the structure.  Kendrick makes his way up and tries to lock his hold on Kendrick, but they both crash to the mat.  Williams locks in a necktie hold.  The referee checks Kendrick’s arm 3 times and stops it in 10:04.  Okay match.  Nothing special, though.  Referees revive Kendrick with smelling salts.

Tenay and Taz talk about what’s going down TONIGHT!

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Ray.  He says Jesse Neal is a failure just like Christy’s Playboy.

Team 3D/Jesse Neal love triangle video package.

Three-Way Match: Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal vs. Brother Devon.  Ray hides behind part of the set and jumps Neal from behind on the ramp.  Devon doesn’t come out because Bubba locked him in the dressing room.  So there’s a fucking camera man shooting this shit that won’t open the fucking door?  Neal fights back against Bubba, but gets killed with a clothesline.  Bubba beats up Neal.  So there’s a backstage area FULL OF FUCKING PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT DEVON IS LOCKED IN THE LOCKER ROOM, AND NOBODY WILL LET HIM HIM OUT?  Neal fights back, but gets back body dropped.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven come in through the crowd to take their usual seats.  Crowd chants “ECW!”  Bubba gets distracted.  Neal hits the spear for 2.  Neal grounds and pounds Bubba.  Bubba drops Neal again and brings in a chair.  Shannon Moore runs out and distracts the referee so Bubba can kill his partner with the chair.  Devon finally comes out and HE IS PISSED.  He and Bubba face off, then turn to look at Jesse.  Devon attacks Bubba instead.  Neal accidentally spears Devon.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb on Neal for the pin in 5:57.  This was lame.

Madison Rayne/Angelina Love hype video.  Knockouts Tale of the Tape.

TNA Knockouts Championship vs. Career Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love.  Love wins the title if the Beautiful People interfere.  They trade kicks and forearms and hair pulls.  Love spears Rayne, then chases her around the ring.  Love clotheslines Rayne on the outside.  Inside, cover gets 2.  Love hits another spear for 2.  Rayne gets the advantage and works Love over.  Rayne hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Rayne does the headscissors mat hump.  Rayne goes for her move, but Love counters and hits a clothesline.  Love hits a jawbreaker and some more weak clotheslines.  Rayne hits a knee facebuster or something, then runs So Cal Val out of her chair and brings the chair in.  Love superkicks the chair in to Rayne’s face.  Somebody rides in on a motorcycle.  Rayne throws Love outside and the motorcycle chick (completely covered) sends Love into the post.  The referee tries to determine if she is one of the Beautiful People, but she throws him down.  The referee awards Angelina the title by DQ in 4:41, assuming that it’s one of the BPs.  Rayne is pissed.  This was stupid and the match sucked.  Rayne leaves on the motorcycle with the other chick.  Love celebrates the title.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  Typical stuff.

AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry & Samoa Joe.  Terry & Joe are the mystery team set up by Ric Flair to face Styles & Kazarian.  Styles tags in Kazarian before any contact is made.  Terry palms Kazarian’s head, then drops him with a shoulder block.  Kazarian bails and gets his ass kicked by Joe.  Joe drops Styles with a kick for good measure, then throws Kazarian back into the ring.  Joe tags in and beats up Kazarian some more.  “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!” chants.  Kazarian tries a cross body, but Joe just walks away and tags in Terry.  Kazarian tags in Styles, who looks timid.  Styles does some footwork and tries to throw a punch, but Terry throws him outside, then throws Kazarian out too.  Joe hits a elbow suicida on Styles and Kazarian.  Joe mauls Styles some more back in the ring.  Terry tags in, but the ref doesn’t see it.  Kazarian gets a cheap shot on to give the heels the advantage.  Kazarian hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Styles and Kazarian finally realize they have to work together.  They get the heat on Joe.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Joe kicks him in the head.  Styles lands the Pele kick, then Joe hits the STO out of the corner.  Terry gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Terry throws Styles and Kazarian around.  Terry hits a suplex into a powerslam on Styles, but Kazarian saves.  Joe comes in and chops the shot out of Kazarian.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster.  Desmond Wolfe runs down and pulls Joe out of the ring.  Kazarian hits Joe with a double axe handle off the apron.  Wolfe gets in the ring and gets nailed by a clothesline from Terry.  Styles and Kazarian work over Terry.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash on Terry for the pin in 8:09.  Fun little match.  Best thing on the show so far.  Wolfe shakes hands with Styles and Kazarian, who quickly leave when they see Joe slip into the ring.  Joe KILLS Wolfe with the Muscle Buster.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss.  He says the nail board is his girlfriend.  He talks about “they.”

Tenay and Taz talk about the lead up to the Hernandez/Matt Morgan Steel Cage Match.

Hernandez/Matt Morgan hype video.  You can briefly hear Borash doing his live event spiel about letting fans backstage.

Steel Cage Match: Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez.  Morgan goes for the door immediately, but Hernandez kicks his ass and throws him into the cage.  Morgan avoids a charge and Hernandez hits the cage.  Morgan throws him into the cage a bunch.  Morgan tries to leave again, but Hernandez grabs his leg and gets stomped.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Hernandez fights back and flips to the top rope, but Morgan hits him with the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan puts the boots to Hernandez, then teases that he’s going to climb out of the cage.  He goes out the door instead.  He puts one foot on the ramp and one on the apron, then stupidly decides to go back in and beat up Hernandez before.  Hernandez is bloody.  Hernandez makes his comeback.  Hernandez tries to set up the Border Toss, but fails because Morgan is too big.  Repeat.  Hernandez climbs to the top of the cage and goes for a splash, but Morgan moves.  Hernandez crashes and burns.  “TNA!” chants.  Morgan gets a pair of handcuffs from somewhere.  He cuffs Hernandez to the top rope and climbs over the top of the cage.  Hernandez breaks the cuffs and hits a tope suicida on the cage door to bust through it and win in 10:44.  Okay match.  Nothing special.  That seems to be the case for most of this show.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair.

Tenay and Taz talk about the Flair/Lethal match.

Ric Flair/Jay Lethal video package.

Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair.  “LET’S GO LETHAL!” chants.  They lock up.  Lethal grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown.  They lock up again.  Lethal scores a dropkick, a chop, and a back body drop, then clotheslines Flair out of the ring.  We get a shot of some stupid fan yelling at Flair.  Flair tries to suplex Lethal out of the ring from the apron, but Lethal suplexes Flair in and lands a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Flair lands some chops.  Lethal responds in kind.  Flair throws some wild punches and does the flop, then gets in a cheap shot and goes up top.  Lethal cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Lethal goes for a moonsault, but Flair avoids it.  Flair works Lethal’s leg.  Dueling chants.  Ugh.  Flair locks in the figure-four leglock and uses the ropes for leverage behind referee Earl Hebner’s back.  Hebner catches him and makes him break.  They get into a shoving match.  Lethal schoolboys Flair for 2.  Lethal keeps selling the leg.  Lethal makes his comeback.  Taz gets in a Great Muta reference when Lethal hits the handspring elbow smash.  Lethal does for the Flair flip in the corner and struts on the apron, then goes for a sunset flip and pulls Flair’s trunks down to reveal his old, white ass.  Flair locks in a sleeper hold.  Lethal sends Flair into the turnbuckle to escape, then hits a rebound cross body.  Lethal hits a Vader Bomb to Flair’s legs.  Lethal goes to work on the leg and locks in the figure-four leglock for the submission win in 12:05.  Fun little match.  Lethal is emotional over the win.  Flair gets up and talks shit.  Hebner shoves Flair down and raises Lethal’s hand.  Lethal says “Hey mom, I did it!”

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Storm start.  Usual goodness there.  Shelley sends Roode into a shot from Sabin.  Sabin tags in.  Guns use teamwork against Beer Money and send them both outside.  Roode gets double teamed some more in the ring.  Storm tags in and gets the advantage on Shelley briefly.  While the referee is distracted, Roode pulls Shelley’s balls into the post.  Beer Money work over Shelley.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  The crowd adds “SUCKS!”  Roode hits a gutbuster on Shelley for 2.  Shelley continues to play face in peril.  Shelley fights back and makes the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild and plants Roode with a tornado DDT for 2.  Storm goes to break the cover and accidentally elbow drops his partner.  Sabin NAILS Storm with a head kick from the apron, then hits a springboard lariat on Roode for 2.  Guns double team Roode.  Shelley hits an Asai DDT on Roode, but Storm saves.  Storm hits a Stun Gun on Shelley.  Sabin fights both of Beer Money.  Frankensteiner on Storm.  Sabin goes for a diving rana on Roode, but gets countered.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm on Sabin.  Beer Money hit a catapult into a reverse lung blower on Shelley for 2.  I love Beer Money’s double team moves.  Beer Money go for the DWI, but get countered.  Storm clotheslines both Guns.  Sabin hits a dive to the outside on Storm.  My video freezes.  WTF?  The audio comes back on, but the image is still frozen.  Ah, finally.  Crowd is chanting “THIS IS AWESOME!”  I wish I knew why.  Guns double team Roode.  Storm strips Shelley and tries to spit beer at Sabin, but accidentally hits the referee.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/frog splash combo.  Shelley covers Storm.  Earl Hebner comes in to count 2.  Guns double team Roode some more.  Sabin hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Shelley hits a diving cross body on Roode, but Roode rolls through for 2.  Crowd chants “MOTOR CITY!”  Roode and Shelley trade shots.  Sabin comes back in and Guns land a double superkick.  Storm comes in and schoolboys Shelley at the same time Sabin covers Roode.  The 2 Hebners count separate pins in 15:20.  The Hebners argue and decide that the match MUST CONTINUE!  Beer Money jump the Guns.  The Guns come back and hit the neckbreaker/frog splash on Roode.  Shelley pins Roode in 17:27 (timing may be wrong, will check it later).  The Guns are finally champs!  Really good match from what I saw, which was everything except for the minute or so the stupid video froze.

Kurt Angle/D’Angelo Dinero video package.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up and wrestle.  It’s amazing how something so simple is so great.  Pope hits a couple of hip tosses and drops Angle with a shoulder block.  Angle is sent outside.  Pope politely holds the ropes open for him to get back in.  Angle powerbombs Pope into the corner.  Angle hits a knee lift for two 1 counts.  Angle hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Pope locks in a sleeper.  Angle reverses it.  Pope backdrop suplexes him.  Pope hits some Bionic elbows.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Pope hits the rolling Germans on Angle.  That’s not a typo.  Pope hits an STO for 2.  Angle avoids the Elijah Express and hits the rolling Germans himself for 2.  Pope does the “slide over the guy in 619 position” deal, then goes up top.  Angle hits a belly to belly off the top rope for 2.  Pope avoids Angle in the corner and Angle spears the post.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for 2.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Pope gets a front cradle for 2.  Angle goes for a sunset flip, but Pope drops down for 2.  Angle gets the ankle lock again for the win in 12:06.  Good match.  They hug.  Aww, that’s sweet!

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.

Tale of the Tape for the main event.

Four-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Ken Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  “WE ARE ASSHOLE!” chants.  Abyss stands outside the ring during the intros, then all 3 babyfaces attack him.  Abyss bails to the outside.  Hardy uses RVD as a springboard to take out Abyss with a dive.  Anderson schoolboys RVD for 2.  RVD and Anderson go at it.  Abyss trips RVD and pulls him outside, then throws him into the barricade.  Hardy and Anderson beat up Abyss.  Abyss goozles them both, but they break free and hit him with a double shoulder block.  Hardy and Anderson continue to double team Abyss.  They set up the Poetry In Motion, but Anderson hits Hardy with a cross body for 2, as RVD saves.  Hardy hits RVD with a kick, then hits a front suplex for 2.  RVD punches Hardy, then hits Abyss with a dive to the outside.  Abyss gets up and gets hit with another dive from Hardy.  Anderson hits Abyss with a double axe handle from the top rope to the outside.  RVD and Anderson come back inside.  RVD hits the split legged moonsault to Anderson’s back.  Hardy saves.  RVD and Hardy trade punches.  RVD catches Hardy with a spin kick.  RVD beats up Anderson.  RVD goes up top, but Anderson crotches him and goes for a superplex.  Hardy climbs up to help, but Abyss cuts them off and turns it into the tower of doom.  “TNA!” chants.  Abyss goozles RVD, but gets kicked in the head.  RVD avoids Abyss in the corner, rocks him with another kick, and hits the springboard kick.  RVD kicks everybody and hits the diving kick on Abyss.  RVD goes up top again, but Anderson pushes him off and into the stage.  “LET’S GO ASSHOLES!” chant.  Hardy hammers Abyss.  Whisper In The Wind, but Anderson saves.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Abyss, but Hardy saves.  Abyss counters the Twist of Fate and hits the Black Hole Slam on Hardy, but Anderson pulls the referee out of the ring.  Hardy sends Abyss outside.  Anderson comes back in.  RVD is still KTFO’d on the outside.  Anderson and Hardy go at it.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy finally hits the Twist of Fate and goes up top.  Swanton Bomb.  Abyss chokeslams Hardy onto Anderson and covers both.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on the pile.  RVD pins Anderson to keep the title in 12:28.  Fun clusterfuck.  Abyss nails RVD from behind.  Abyss brings in the nail board.  RVD avoids the shot and Abyss tears up the canvas.

Hard Justice hype video.

Part of this show were really mediocre, but there was some good stuff and overall the show wasn’t really bad.

TNA iMPACT! 7/1/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss/Hogan storyline video package.

“The Voices In My Head.”  Do they counsel him and understand?

Abyss throws some chairs into the ring and stalks So Cal Val, then scares some kids and steals their chairs.  He stalks Val again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Eric Bischoff comes out to try to convince Hogan not to get himself killed.  Security comes in to break it up.  Bischoff slaps Abyss.  Abyss takes out the guards and goes after Bischoff.  Hogan hits Abyss with chair shots that are no sold.  Abyss goozles Hogan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and hits Abyss with the Twist of Fate, then throws chairs at him and hits the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss recovers quickly.  Security holds Hardy back from fighting Abyss again.  Stupid segment.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, #4 Contender AJ Styles takes on #6 contender Samoa Joe.  Abyss shows up at the announce table, points at Taz and says “You!” then beats up some more security guards.  Ugh.

Moments ago, all of that stuff above happened.

During the break, Abyss tore shit up backstage.

Hogan and Bischoff talk while Hardy paces back and forth.  Hardy says he’ll take Abyss out tonight.  Bischoff promises that he and Hogan have Hardy’s back.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ink Inc. vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Moore start.  Moore goes after Shelley’s arm, then his leg.  They do some fast paced super juniors stuff.  Neal tags in.  Ink Inc. double team Shelley.  Neal wrings Shelley’s arm, then tags Moore back in.  Moore’s stuff looks like crap but Shelley makes it look good.  Moore hits a dive to the outside on both Guns.  Brother Devon comes out to the announce table to do commentary and keep an eye on things.  Guns double team Moore and dropkick Neal off the apron.  Moore half ass hits a Lionsault body block on Sabin.  Neal and Shelley tag in.  Neal runs wild.  Neal spears Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Sabin sends Moore outside.  Neal hits a sidewalk slam on Sabin.  Neal sets up Shelley on the top rope.  Brother Ray comes out.  Devon cuts him off.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Neal.  Shelley pins Neal in 5:26.  It was fine, but it did remind me how much Shannon Moore sucks.  Team 3D argue.

Tonight, The Pope returns to TNA!

Eric Bischoff comes out and announces Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight, with TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam as the referee.

Dixie Carter shows up backstage.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter is here, and is ignoring some idiot asking her why she’s here.  Probably to give Russo a blow job while he books an 11-man dildo on a pole match or something.

AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Kazarian) vs. Samoa Joe.  They lock up.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Joe slaps AJ.  AJ bails.  Styles comes back and gets the crap beaten out of him.  Joe beats the hell out of AJ and repeatedly glances at Flair.  Styles tries to leap frog Joe, but gets slapped down again.  Styles lands a dropkick.  Styles chokes Joe and gets reprimanded by the referee.  Styles slams Joe, then puts the boots to him.  Styles tries to suplex Joe, but fails and gets front suplexed himself.  Styles takes out Joe’s knee, then puts him in a rear chin lock.  Joe makes his comeback.  Joe hits a senton for 2.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but AJ counters it and hits a Dragon screw leg whip.  Styles goes for the figure-four leglock, but Joe catches him and locks in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 6:40.  Most mediocre Joe/Styles match I’ve ever seen, but still pretty decent.  Flair berates AJ for losing.  Styles challenges Kazarian to a match next week.  Kazarian agrees.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Dixie Carter talk about Sting.  Kevin Nash comes in.  They blow him off.  Hogan and Bischoff want Dixie to fire Sting.  She says she’ll do something about it tonight.

Submission Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Wolfe attacks Kendrick.  Kendrick fights back and kicks his ass.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch, but Wolfe counters it.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick on the outside, then bitches at Chelsea.  Wolfe brings Kendrick back into the ring, then kicks him out again.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick outside.  Again.  And bitches at Chelsea.  Again.  Wolfe throws Kendrick back into the ring.  Again.  Kendrick takes Wolfe down and grounds and pounds him.  Wolfe turns it into a arm hold.  Kendrick escapes.  Chelsea leaves.  Kendrick locks in the Cobra Clutch for the win in 3:38.  Lame match.  Second match in a row that is really good on paper, but shitty TNA storylines screw it up.

Tonight, Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee!

The Pope is NEXT!  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer gets questioned about why he’s in TNA while he’s trying to get into his car in some grassy area.  That’s stupid.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts an emotional promo about his return.  Kurt Angle comes out and welcomes Pope back.  Angle informs Pope that they’ll wrestle at Victory Road.  Angle says he has to win.  Apparently if he loses before becoming champion again he’s leaving TNA.

ShopTNA.com!

Jay Lethal/Ric Flair video package.

Jay Lethal comes out and talks about Ric Flair and AJ Styles beating up his little brother last week.  He calls them out.  Matt Morgan comes out instead.  He says he’s been asked by Flair to join Fortune.  He hasn’t decided yet, but he and Flair agreed on something.  Lethal attacks him before he can say what that is.

Jay Lethal vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan beats up Lethal and says that the agreement was to kick Lethal’s ass.  Okay then.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam.  Lethal fights back, but Morgan catches him and hits a fall away slam.  Morgan beats up Lethal some more.  Lethal avoids the Carbon Footprint and makes his comeback.  Lethal drops Morgan with a shoulder block and hits a dropkick for 2.  Lethal springboards, but Morgan goozles him and pushes him out of the ring.  Hernandez comes in and hits Morgan in the balls behind the referee’s back.  Lethal hits a springboard dropkick for the pin in 4:54.  This sucked.

Backstage, Abyss hammers nails into a board while ranting like a lunatic.  The nail board is his new weapon.  Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee tonight.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Taylor Wilde vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  They lock up.  Rayne pulls Wilde’s hair, then spears her and rams her head against the mat.  Wilde fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven show up in the crowd.  “ECW!” chants.  Wilde misses a diving cross body.  Rayne hits her crappy reverse Playmaker for the pin in 2:58.  Angelina Love attacks Rayne and tries to DDT her on a chair, but Rayne escapes.  This sucked, like everything else on the show.

Dixie Carter is going up into Sting’s clubhouse.  Commercials.

Sarita beats the hell out of Taylor Wilde backstage.  There goes my favorite female tag team.  Security finally breaks it up.

Tenay and Taz hype the Victory Road card.

Dixie finds Sting in his clubhouse.  She suspends him for 30 days.  Sting says Dixie has been conned.  Eric Bischoff comes in with security to carry Sting out.  Bischoff tells Dixie she needs a bodyguard.  The dumb woman doesn’t realize Hogan and Bischoff are playing her.  Art imitates life.  Commercials.

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  Rob Van Dam is the special guest referee.  Hardy attacks Abyss and the manage to get the nail board away from him.  Hardy knocks Abyss out of the ring and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Abyss sends Hardy into the post.  Abyss beats up Hardy.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss tries to use a chair, but RVD takes it away.  Hardy schoolboys Abyss for 2.  Hardy sets up the chair to use it as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Abyss drops Hardy with a boot and hits a big splash for 2.  Abyss goes for the Shock Treatment, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Abyss cuts him off and sets up a chokeslam.  Hardy fights him off and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:13.  This sucked.  Abyss attacks Hardy, then hits the Black Hole Slam on RVD.  Abyss retrieves his nail board.  Ken Anderson runs out and hits Abyss with a chair.  He accidentally hits Hardy with the chair.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson.  Abyss stands tall over the other guys in the four-way at the PPV.

This show sucked.  The matches sucked.  The storylines suck.  This promotion sucks.  My decision making abilities suck because I watch this shit every week.