Archive for Street Fight

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, pryo and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.  Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez are the Spanish announcers.

They show the shenanigans leading up to Kane vs. Randy Orton involving their respective fathers, Paul Bearer and Bob Orton Jr.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Kane vs. Randy Orton.  They brawl.  Orton gets punched off the top to the floor.  Cover on the floor gets 2.  Kane brings in a leg pipe.  Orton cuts him off and hits him with the pipe a few times, knocking him back to the floor on the last shot.  They fight in the crowd.  Orton knees Kane in the face for 2.  Kane slams Orton on the concrete for 2.  More crowd brawling.  They end up near the set.  Orton lands a dropkick for 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and boots Orton in the face for 2.  They brawl backstage.  They end up in a room with some geeks.  Zack Ryder attacks Kane, which only pisses him off.  Kane goozles Ryder, but Orton hits the 3.0 for 2.  Back into the hallway.  Kane throws something at Orton and covers for 2.  Back into the arena.  Back into the ring.  Orton drops Kane with a clothesline and hits a powerslam.  Orton retrieves a chair from underneath the ring and attacks Kane with it.  Back outside, where Orton clears off the announce table.  Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Orton prevents it.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER off the table to the floor!  Cover gets 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and sends Orton into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Back inside, Kane goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex.  Cover gets 2.  Orton humps the mat.  Kane hits the chokeslam, but Orton kicks out!  Kane bitches at the referee.  Kane goes for the Tombstone on the chair.  Orton counts out and hits the RKO sort of on the chair for the pin in 16:45.  Fun match.

John Laurinaitis and Eve Torres are backstage with the Raw Roulette wheel.  Teddy Long brings in champagne.  He’s being humiliated after he lost his GM job at WrestleMania.  Laurinaitis gets a phone call from Triple H.

Chicago!

“The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (w/ Hornswoggle, Cameron, & Naomi) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger).  They lock up.  Clay overpowers Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to take Clay down, but fails.  Swagger distracts Clay, allowing Ziggler to dropkick him out of the ring.  Ziggler distracts the referee while Swagger hits a shoulder block on the floor.  Back inside, Ziggler goes on the attack.  Clay goes for a knee lift, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 1.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Clay fights out.  Ziggler stays on the attack.  He goes for a suplex, but fails.  Clay throws him with a front suplex and makes his comeback.  Clay knocks Swagger on the apron.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but fails.  Clay hits a headbutt and a big splash for the pin in 4:18.  It was fine for what it was.

Earlier in the day, The Big Show and Cody Rhodes played Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal to determine the stipulation for their Intercontinental title match tonight.  It’s a Tables Match.

Lillian Garcia is the other ring announcer.

The show highlights of Show’s title victory over Rhodes at WrestleMania XXVIII.

Tables Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: The Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes.  Show beats up Rhodes.  Rhodes bails after taking a big back body drop.  Show sets up a table on the outside and picks up Rhodes.  Rhodes slips off and chop blocks Show’s knee.  Show rallies and continues to beat and toss Rhodes around.  Show throws Rhodes and a table in the ring.  He throws Rhodes at the table in the corner, but Rhodes rebounds off of it and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes charges, but Show shoulder blocks him.  Rhodes bails.  Show beats him up on the outside.  Show throws Rhodes back into the ring and gets in the apron.  Rhodes dropkicks Show, who steps through a table at ringside.  The referee rules Rhodes the winner in 4:35.  Stupid finish.  A pissed off Show drops Rhodes after the match, then chokeslams him through a table.  Crowd chants “One more time!”  Show press slams Rhodes out of the ring through another table.  Show leaves.  Rhodes is helped up and manages to hold up his belt while looking like he’s near tears.

Edge DVD plug.

Matt Striker interviews Daniel Bryan.  Will he become World Champion tonight?  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun interview.  He walks away and they show AJ sulking in the background.

Sheamus/Bryan hype video.

2/3 Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus is wearing a t-shirt with “18 seconds” written on it, the time in which he beat Bryan for the title at WrestleMania.  I timed it at 19 seconds, but that’s neither here nor there.  Sheamus grabs a headlock and lands a shoulder block.  They do a brief mat exchange.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Bryan avoids it.  Sheamus taunts Bryan with how close that was.  They trade arm locks.  Sheamus hits a Finlay Roll for 2.  For some reason, I don’t know the proper name for that move.  Sheamus rolls through a sunset flip and locks Bryan in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Bryan gets the ropes.  Sheamus goes for it again, but Bryan gets an inside cradle for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Bryan lands a lariat.  Sheamus rolls to the apron and Bryan dropkicks him to the floor.  Bryan dives off the apron, but Sheamus catches him and sends him into the barricade.  Back inside, Sheamus goes up top, but Bryan crotches him and goes on the attack.  Bryan goes to work on Sheamus’ shoulder.  They trade strikes.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  More arm and shoulder torture inflicted by Bryan.  Sheamus makes his comeback and beats up Bryan.  Sheamus hits a fall away slam for 2.  Bryan gets a schoolboy for 2.  Bryan goes for a top rope Frankensteiner, but Sheamus holds on, then hits Bryan with a diving shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bryan in from the apron, but Bryan lands on his feet, then low bridges Sheamus out of the ring on the other side.  He goes for a dive, but Sheamus nails him.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Bryan turns it into a cradle for 2.  Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, but Sheamus counters out repeatedly.  Bryan sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post repeatedly, then kicks the shit out of it while Sheamus is against the ropes.  This causes the referee to DQ Bryan, diving Sheamus the first fall at 14:30.  Bryan goes back on the attack and applies the Yes Lock.  Sheamus struggles, but goes out, and Bryan wins the second fall by referee stop at 16:39.  Bryan celebrates while the ringside doctor checks on Sheamus.  There are dueling “Yes!” and “No!” chants.  Sheamus tells the doctor he can continue.  Bryan charges Sheamus and eats a Brogue Kick.  Delayed cover gets 2.  They trade strikes.  Bryan lands a big kick to the head for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Sheamus cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Bryan fights him off  and goes for a diving headbutt.  Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus avoids Bryan in the corner and makes his comeback.  Sheamus lands another Brogue Kick for the pin in 22:55.  Very good match.

WWE YouTube channel plug.

Over the Limit commercial featuring Randy Orton.

Chicago!

Santino Marella is watching the monitor backstage.  2 jobbers are in the ring.  Great Khali comes over to watch too.

The jobbers are named Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton.  They cut a stupid promo about 2 being greater than one.

Handicap Match: Aaron Relic & Jay Hatton vs. Ryback.  There’s a smattering of “Goldberg!” chants.  The jobber with the ridiculous pants attacks Ryback to no avail.  Ryback kills him.  He orders the other jobber to tag in.  The fellow wisely demurs.  Ryback tosses him in anyway and kills him.  Ryback hits the second jobber with a backpack stunner.  Crowd chants “Finish him.”  Ryback kills ridiculous pants with sort of a Fisherman buster Samoan drop, then pins them both in 1:50.  Santino and Khali are impressed.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion CM Punk.  Tonight he faces Chris Jericho, who has been insulting his family, in a Chicago Street Fight.

Plug for the PPV theme song.

Punk/Jericho hype video.

Chicago Street Fight for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  This is Punk’s hometown, and members of his family are in the front row.  They brawl, because this is a street fight, see.  Punk throws some plunder into the ring.  He whacks Jericho with a Singapore cane.  Jericho drops Punk with a dropkick and gets hold of the cane.  He whacks Punk, then hits his trademark springboard dropkick to the apron, sending Punk to the floor.  Jericho beats up Punk on the outside.  Back inside, Jericho exposes a turnbuckle.  Punk fires back with chops.  Jericho avoids the running knee to the corner and Punk takes another spill outside.  Jericho beats up Punk right in front of his family.  He gets in Punk’s sister’s face and gets slapped.  Jericho lunges for her and Punk kicks his ass.  Punk slams Jericho through the announce table cover.  Punk goes for a piledriver, but Jericho back body drops him, then hits him with a monitor.  Jericho breaks the other announce table cover over Punk’s back.  Back inside, Jericho covers for 2.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Punk escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Punk pulls Jericho’s throat over the top rope and goes for his springboard lariat, but trips.  Jericho wails on him with the Singapore cane.  Jericho taunts Punk and gets caught with an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho responds with something that gets 2.  Jericho brings in a can of beer, which he pours on Punk.  He brings in another beer and starts drinking it.  Punk, meanwhile, starts kicking his ass.  Punk hits the running knee to the corner and the bulldog headlock, then pulls the Singapore cane into Jericho’s balls and signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Punk counters and hits a powerslam for 2.  Punk goes up top, but Jericho crotches him.  They fight on the top rope.  Punk sends Jericho to the mat with a Mongolian chop, then hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Jericho counts the Go 2 Sleep again and hits a bulldog.  He goes for the Lionsault, but Punk catches him, picks him up on h is shoulders, and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Jericho counters again and throws Punk into a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Jericho gets a schoolboy for 2.  Jericho catches Punk with the Codebreaker and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Punk manages to reach the ropes.  It’s a street fight, so the referee can’t force a break.  Punk somehow gets hold of a fire extinguisher and sprays Jericho with it to escape the hold.  Punk hits Jericho in the stomach with it and sends him to the floor.  Another shot to the gut followed by a kick to the head by Punk.  Jericho is on top of the Spanish announce table.  Punk goes to the top rope and hits the diving elbow through the table.  Punk throws Jericho back into the ring and covers for 2.  Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice.  Jericho whacks Punk with the Singapore cane to escape.  Punk hits Jericho with a chair.  Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker into the chair.  Cover only gets 2.  Jericho is getting frustrated.  He beats on Punk some more.  Jericho tries to give Punk the Go 2 Sleep, just to be a dick.  Punk catches Jericho’s leg and catapults  him into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 25:14.  This turned out to be a hell of a match.  Punk celebrates with his friends and family.

Don’t try this at home!

Earlier tonight on the pre-show, Santino Marella defeated The Miz with the Cobra to retain the United States Championship.

The Bella Twins and Beth Phoenix bicker backstage.  Eve Torres says Beth isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Whichever Bella is champion will now defend the title against a surprise opponent who isn’t Kharma.

The show Nikki Bella beating Beth for the Divas title last week on Raw after Beth injured her ankle.  The Bellas cut a promo.  The opponent is the returning Layla.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) (w/ Brie Bella) vs. Layla.  They lock up.  Lots of movement from Layla.  Brie trips Layla behind the ref’s back, allowing Nikki to get the advantage.  She DDTs Layla’s foot for 2.  I fucking hate that spot.  Layla gets an inside cradle for 1.  Nikki does whatever.  Layla hits a springboard cross body for 1, then knocks the other Bella off the apron.  Nikki gets the advantage.  Layla gets a wonky cradle.  Nikki counters.  The twins pull the switcheroo.  Brie goes for a facebuster, but Layla turns it into a hangman’s neckbreaker for the pin to win the title in 2:28.  This sucked.

Matt Striker asks John Laurinaitis what he and Triple H were talking about.  Johnny doesn’t tell him.

Chicago!

Lesnar/Cena hype video.

Extreme Rules Match: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena.  Lesnar takes Cena down and mauls him, then kills him with a lariat.  Cena is cut already.  The stop the match to check the cut.  I hate that shit, but I guess Brock is used to it now.  Cena charges Brock and gets taken down and mauled again.  Cena is sent outside.  He’s bleeding pretty bad.  Cena fights back as goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock will have none of that and gives him a couple of German suplexes.  Cena hits a shoulder block and knocks Brock into the referee.  The ref is dead, and Brock kills Cena some more.  Brock torments Cena’s arm with a Kimura, then tosses him from the ring again.  Brock follows Cena out and tortures his arm some more.  Back inside, Brock brings in Cena’s chain, then throws it aside because he’s Brock Lesnar and doesn’t need it.  He thinks again and uses it to chain Cena’s legs together.  Brock hangs Cena from the turnbuckle and massacres him for a while.  Cena gets loose and fights back until he’s thrown into the steps.  Brock throws the referee back into the ring and wakes him up.  Cena has the chain his hand, but Brock steps on it and takes it away.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock counters and hits the F-5, but kills the referee again in the process.  Another referee runs out, but the delay allows Cena to kick out.  Brock clotheslines the new referee.  Brock brings the steps into the ring.  Cena does his “you can’t see me” and first back.  Brock locks in a Kimura on top of the steps.  Cena manages to pick Brock up and slam him on the steps.  Cena goes for the diving Fameasser, but Brock avoids it.  Brock prances on top of the steps while Cena struggles his way back into the ring.  Cena makes it onto the apron and Brock launches himself at Cena, taking a bad tumble and injuring his knee in the process.  Brock gets up and laughs it off.  He charges Cena again, but Cena punches him with the chain.  Brock is bleeding now.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on the steps for the pin in 17:42.  Aside from the stupidity of putting Cena over in Brock’s first match back, this was awesome.

Cena takes the mic after the match and cuts a promo putting over Chicago.  He says he’s going home, which is a lie.

Good show.  There were a few really good matches.  The main event is soured by the stupidity of Brock losing so quickly.

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TNA iMPACT! 3/24/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 26, 2011 by Grappleholic

The usual video of recent happenings… which this week is auto tuned for some damn reason.

“Do The Math”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ken Anderson and some old guy in a suit come out to the ring.  Anderson introduces the guy as Professor Shubert, a mathematician from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay.  They have a dry erase board in the ring, which they use to do math explaining that Anderson wants his title rematch.  I have no fucking idea what’s going on.  Anderson says that the professor once told a girl with a big ass that Anderson was gay so he could bang her instead.  I’m completely fucking serious.  Anderson gives the guy the Mic Check.  Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out.  Bischoff says Hogan sees something in Anderson, but he doesn’t.  Hogan talks about how he likes Anderson, then talks about how he’s being a dick, so he’s not getting a title shot until he earns it, because the rematch he’s already supposed to get was signed by Dixie Carter.  Man, this is convoluted.  Hogan books Anderson vs. RVD again tonight.  Anderson says RVD isn’t in his league.  Rob Van Dam comes out to retort.  Insta-commercials.

Anderson, Hogan, Bischoff, and RVD are in the ring.  RVD says “This is pro wrestling.  Someone talks smack about you, your music plays and you have to respond.”  Awesome.  They bicker.  RVD says he doesn’t know why he even signed with TNA.  Yes, he said that.  He bitches at Hogan for a while.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes out and says the Network told him he’s the special enforcer in the #1 Contender match.  Wonderful.

Tonight, Ric Flair challenges Fortune.

They show Bully Ray powerbombing AJ Styles off the stage last week.  Mickie vs. Tara next.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Backstage, TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne orders Tara destroy Mickie “or else.”  “Or else what?”  Tara replies.  Madison has no answer.

Mickie James vs. Tara.  Mickie beals Tara into the ring and kicks her ass.  Mickie hits a flapjack and nips up, which is oddly hot.  Tara lands a  snug looking knee to the face, then a standing moonsault, which was also oddly hot, for 2.  Mickie catches Tara with an elbow smash and goes for a rana, but Tara powerbombs her for 2.  Tara goes up top.  Mickie hits the ropes and crotches her, which is not hot.  Mickie goes for a Frankensteiner, I think, but ends up sitting in her lap.  Not sure if that was a botch or not.  Tara hits an avalance-style crab hold, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.  Mickie gets a rope break.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak, but Mickie counters into a nasty looking DDT for the pin in 3:17.  Best TNA women’s match in a LONG time, and Velvet Sky was nowhere to be seen.  I smell a correlation.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out onstage to glare unhappily, then gives a nasty smile.

Sting and Ken Anderson encounter each other backstage.  Anderson is mad that Sting “stole” his title shot when he won the title.  Sting said the Network gave it to him.  Anderson asks for a name.  Sting says it’s simply “The Network.”

Tonight, Ric Flair challenges Fortune!  Anderson vs. RVD again.  Meh to that.

Replay of the worst segment of all time from last week, with The Pope abusing and preparing to rape Okato.  They’re so proud of this abortion, they’re showing it again.

Samoa Joe and Okato chat backstage.

Okato vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Okato lands a dropkick and goes on the attack.  Pope avoids an awkward looking missile dropkick and beats up Okato.  Pope takes off his boot and hits Okato with it, then pulls off his glove to reveal several rings.  Pope punches Okato with the rings and gets DQ’d in 2:21.  Pope coninutes to kick Okato’s ass, then decks the referee.  Samoa Joe runs off Pope.

Tonight, Flair’s challenge and RVD vs. Anderson

Sting video package.

Kurt Angle talks about his kids and the match with Jarrett at Lockdown.

Flair’s challenge is NEXT!

Rob Van Dam and Hulk Hogan chat in the office.  Hogan says RVD is his guy, which is the opposite of what he told Anderson earlier.  RVD buys it, which proves he wasn’t watching the promo, but then how did he known Anderson was talking shit about him?  Did his music play and he just ASSUMED?  WTF is wrong with this company?  Hogan leaves and RVD calls him an idiot.  He’s right in this case.

Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, and Bully Ray come out.  They cut promos.  Hardy looks ridiculous with his stupid dreadlocks and sunglasses perched on top of his head.  Bully Ray challenges Fortune to a match at Lockdown, “the four of us against the three of you.”  Does Bully have a mouse in his pocket?  Fortune: TNA X Division Champion Kazarian and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money hit the ring and kick their asses.  The lights go funny.  Abyss appears to make the save for the heels.  ONE WEEK AFTER ABYSS WAS STRIPPED OF THE TV TITLE FOR BEING TOO INJURED TO WRESTLE. HE’S BACK AND HE’S PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE.  With the odds now safely in their favor, Immortal beat up Fortune 4 on 3.

House shows.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Abyss cuts a mine babyface promo backstage, which would be great if he wasn’t supposed to be a monster heel.

Tonight, and RVD/Anderson match I don’t fucking care about.

Mexican America come out: Hernandez, some other guy, and TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Sarita & Rosita.  They all throw out some really awkward sounding Spanish.  The new guy’s name is El Anarquia, which I don’t think makes any sense.  They roll out a Mexican flag.  The challenge Matt Morgan to a Street Fight.  Morgan and Brother Devon come out to accept the challenge.

Street Fight: Hernandez & Anarquia (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Sarita & Rosita) vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Morgan and Hernandez brawl outside.  Devon beats up Anarquia.  Devon hits a sidewalk slam for 2, then clotheslines Anarquia out of the ring.  Morgan and Hernandez come back in to brawl.  Morgan hits a fall away slam and the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan clotheslines Hernandez to the floor.  Sarita and Rosita talk shit to Morgan and Devon.  Sarita tances, which is pretty hot.  Velvet Sky comes out and attacks them.  Joy.  Velvet, who was stupid enough to attack 2 women, gets beaten down.  Angelina Love walks out looking like she just got a fresh botox injection.  Winter comes out and screams at her.  Angelina walks back to her.  So Winter is controlling Angelina’s mind now?  Meanwhile, Devon hits Anarquia with a shoulder block.  Morgan finally saves Velvet.  Anarquia hits Devon with an object and gets the pin in 3:40.  What a fucking mess.

Tonight, Anderson/RVD.  Ugh.

Ink Inc. vs. Scott Steiner & Crimson.  Steiner beats up Neal.  Steiner can still throw an awesome belly to belly suplex.  He does so, then hits a Steiner Line and an elbow drop, then does push ups.  Crimson tags in.  Double shoulder block.  Crimson hits a a Falcon Arrow for 2.  Crimson boots Neal out of the ring.  Moore tags in and gets his ass kicked.  Moore avoids Crimson in the corner.  Crimson catches Moore and slams him down.  Moore hits a moonsault body block, then yells at Neal for still being on the outside.  Neal dives, but Crimson catches him and hits the Red Alert for the pin in 3:03.  Total squash.  Neal shows respect to Steiner and Crimson after the match.  Moore wipes his ass with Steiner’s beer tag head dress, throws it at him, and runs away.  Steiner is pissed, and that’s damned scary.  Lots of beeped out swearing.

RVD/Anderson video package.  I’m not excited to see them have anything abysmal match.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting is the special enforcer.  They trade headlocks and hammerlocks.  The mutants obnoxiously chant about being assholes.  They should chat “WE ARE RETARDS!”  RVD hits a flying kick and a standing moonsault for 2.  Anderson counters the Rolling Thunder and the monkey flip, then hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits an over the knee neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson grabs a chin lock.  Anderson accidentally clotheslines the ref and the ref does a 360 bump for it.  RVD superkicks Anderson.  Sting comes in to count 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  RVD kicks Anderson in the face and makes his comeback.  RVD hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  Anderson bails to avoid the Rolling Thunder.  RVD hits him with a slingshot dive.  They brawl outside.  Anderson throws a chair into the ring.  Sting throws it out.  Anderson kicks RVD in the balls and gives him the Mic Check into the post.  Anderson gets in the ring and orders Sting to count.  They argue, then start fighting.  The bell rings despite nobody calling for it in 6:36.  I assume RVD wins by DQ.  Anderson and Sting brawl on the outside.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and other geeks break them up.  Insta-commercials.

They show replays of what just happened.

Rob Van Dam talks backstage.  He seems to concussed and doesn’t remember that he just had a match.  He has no idea what’s going on.  The camera man tries to explain it to him.  He still thinks he’s getting ready for a match.

Ken Anderson throws a temper tantrum backstage.

Sting says he didn’t ring the bell.  Obviously.  Nobody knows what the hell happened.  Anderson comes up to yell at him.  They start brawling again.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and D’Lo Brown break them up.  Anderson says the Wizard of Oz rang the bell.  Seriously.  The show ends.  Thank God.

Horrible show.  Better than last week’s show, but that’s like saying HIV is better than AIDS.

TNA iMPACT! 3/17/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2011 by Grappleholic

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes out with both the puke ugly Jeff Hardy belt and a brand spanking new belt.  He calls out Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff.  Hogan and Bischoff come out.  Sting gives Hogan the puke belt, which Hogan immediately discards.  Sting bitches at Hogan for brainwashing Jeff Hardy.  Hogan says Hardy embarrassed Immortal at Victory Road, then talks for three hours about whatever else.  Something about main eventers supposedly wanting to come into TNA.  Sting asks where they are.  Bully Ray comes out, because you know he’s a world renowned main eventer.  He puts over Hogan and bashes Sting.  He wants to take out Sting.  Hogan starts to reply to him, but Fortune interrupt.  Commercials.

Sting, Hogan, Bischoff, Bully, and Fortune are all in the ring.  Styles says Fortune has Sting’s back, then talks about Bully being a joke as a singles wrestler.  Bully retorts about Styles being Dixie Carter’s child or something and about Styles being a midget.  He wants to talk about his title shot with Hogan.  Styles slaps Bully.  Ken Anderson comes out to join the party.  He still wants his title rematch so badly it’s made him retarded.  Hogan says Anderson doesn’t get a title shot because he didn’t beat RVD.  Anderson replies that RVD didn’t beat him either and calls Hogan a carrot.  Bischoff babbles about the network and books RVD vs. Anderson vs. Bully vs. Styles in a #1 Contender match tonight.  Anderson doesn’t like it, but too bad.  This segment was… um… yeah.

Kurt Angle has a big present for the newlyweds.  Commercials.

AJ Styles chats with Rob Van Dam backstage, trying to form an alliance.  RVD isn’t buying it.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ Tara) vs. Alissa Flash.  Rayne attacks Flash during her entrance to get the early advantage.  In the ring, she immediately hits her finish for the pin in 17 seconds.  And silly me was actually looking forward to Alissa dragging a match out of Rayne.  Madison and Tara go for the beat down, but Mickie James runs her off.  She wants another piece of Rayne.  Rayne points out, correctly, that she’s beaten Mickie time and time again and has no incentive.  She wants Mickie to put her hair up against the title at Lockdown.  Mickie agrees.  At least it’s not her career again.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is backstage with a fake blind guy, a fake fat guy, and a fake wheelchair guy.  He’s going to pretend to be Jesus later.  And they’re showing us ahead of time that he’s full of shit.

Tonight, the four-way match.  Commercials.

Ken Anderson pitches a fit to Hulk Hogan in the office.  They bitch at each other.  Anderson throws out the camera man.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring with his fake disabled and/or obese people.  He pretends to be Jesus and heal them the blind guy and the wheelchair guy, then insults the fake fat lady.  I hate wrestling.  Samoa Joe and Okato come out.  Pope throws the fake blind guy at Joe, then bails.  Pope captures Okato and holds a knife to his throat.  Are you fucking serious?  He kicks Okato and balls and throws him down, then reveals that it’s a fake knife.  Fuck Vince Russo.  Fuck Hulk Hogan.  Fuck Eric Bischoff.  Fuck Jeff Jarrett.  Fuck Dixie Carter.  Fuck everyone else who is responsible for this fucking piece of shit of a fucking wrestling show.

Tonight, a fucking four-way.  Commercials.

Moments ago, THE WORST FUCKING SEGMENT OF ALL TIME HAPPENED, AND THEY’RE SO PROUD OF THEY’RE SHOWING IT AGAIN.

Backstage, I think the Pope is torturing and preparing to rape Okato.  Samoa Joe runs Pope off and saves Okato.  I fucking hate this company.

Rob Van Dam accuses Ken Anderson of joining Immortal.  Anderson accuses RVD of the same thing.  Apparently one of them is turning heel tonight.  Who the fuck cares?

Four-way tonight.  Commercials.

Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Winter are bitches to each other backstage.  Angelina was supposed to team with Velvet, but she’s teaming with Winter instead, and no fucking body cares.  Velvet’s tits are still magnificent.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett come out.  Jarrett cuts a promo about how much better than Kurt Angle he is.  He says he’s offering a truce tonight.  He wants Angle to beg for forgiveness.  Angle comes out with his big present.  Angle facetiously puts over Jarrett and offers his gift.  Jarrett opens it to find an American flag guitar.  Angle takes it and breaks it over Jarrett’s head.  Awesome.  Karen hits Angle in the balls, but he pulls out the cup he was wearing and laughs at her.  Angle says he’s sick of this shit.  He wants Jarrett at Lockdown.  Either that or he’ll keep attacking Jarrett at home or something.  Jarrett agrees, with blood in his eye, despite Karen’s protests.  AWESOME segment.  I’m a little less pissed off now.

Eric Bischoff lectures Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy backstage.  He tells them that Abyss has been stripped of the TV title, so tonight the three of them will meet for the title.

Tonight, Matt Morgan, Angelina Love, & Winter vs. Hernandez, Rosita, & Sarita in a Street Fight!  Anderson vs. RVD vs. Styles vs. Bully!  Commercials.

House shows!

Karen Jarrett is on the phone with 911.  Jeff is bleeding.

Terry/Gunner/Murphy hype video.  Are you fucking serious?

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Gunner vs. Murphy vs. Rob Terry.  Gunner and Murphy beat up Terry.  Brooke Hogan and her stepmother are in the front row.  Cops arrive backstage.  Terry hits a Polish Hammer on Gunner for 2.  They lumber around and punch each other.  Terry drops Murphy with a spin kick.  Gunner spears Terry.  Gunner hits an F-5 on Murphy for the pin in 1:46 to win the title.  This was terrible.

AJ Styles talks backstage.  Ric Flair interrupts to talk shit.  Styles decks him.

The four-way TONIGHT!  The Street Fight NEXT!  Commercials.

Karen Jarrett bitches to police.  Jeff yells at her to chill the fuck out and argues with the cops.  Ugh.

Hernandez, Sarita, & Rosita come out.  Hernandez cuts his usual promo.  They’re now called Mexican America.

Street Fight: Mexican America (Hernandez & TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Rosita & Sarita) vs. Matt Morgan, Angelina Love, & Winter.  Everybody brawls.  The women go outside.  Morgan beats up Hernandez in the ring.  Rosita and Sarita jump on Morgan’s back.  He throws them off.  Winter and Angelina attack them.  Winter hits her spinning slam on Rosita for the pin in 1:21.  I’m not going to bitch much about this being over with quickly.  Some guy attacks Morgan.  Morgan hulks up.  Hernandez and the guy run away.  Apparently this guy is the same “fan” who jumped in the ring at Victory Road.

The four-way is next.  Commercials.

RVD/Anderson Victory Road highlight video.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray vs. Ken Anderson.  Styles/Bully and RVD/Anderson pair off and brawl.  Styles hits a Frankensteiner on Ray, which is pretty sweet.  He goes for a monkey flip, but Bully pushes him down.  Ray and Anderson brawl.  Bully clotheslines Anderson out of the ring.  RVD and Bully go at it.  RVD hits a spin kick and the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson pulls RVD out of the ring and clotheslines him.  Styles hits a sunset flip on Anderson for 2.  Styles goes the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Ray clotheslines Styles for 2.  Ray hits a sidewalk slam on Styles for 2.  Bully beats up on everyone.  RVD beats up everyone.  He goes for the Five Star Frog Splash on Anderson, but it’s avoided.  Bully hits a Rock Bottom on Anderson for 2.  Styles hits a springboard cross body on Bully for 2.  RVD hits Styles with the flying kick for 1.  Anderson hits RVD with a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Bully avoids a dive from Ray and tries to hit him with a chair, but Hebner takes it away.  Anderson dives RVD a backdrop suplex on the chair and they pin each other in 5:53.  Bully attacks the referee, then attacks Jeremy Borash.  Styles rakes up and brawls with Bully.  Styles gets a chair and Bully begs off on the stage.  Ric Flair appears and hits Styles in the balls.  Ray gives Styles a sit-out powerbomb off the stage through a table.  Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and the geeks appear to check on them.  Commercials.

Bully Ray wakes up and shoves Al Snow and an EMT.  They show replays.  D’Lo Brown, Snow, and Pat Kenney try to get Ray out of there.  Tommy Dreamer and Fortune are out to check on Styles.  Styles gets stretchered out, but this is TNA so I’m sure he’ll be fine next week.  Kazarian goes to call Styles’ wife.  They all head off to the hospital.  They really tried to present this is a big, serious deal, but it’s TNA and it’s impossible to take anything they do seriously.

I liked the Jarrett/Angle stuff before the fucked it up with the cops, and they tried with the Bully/Styles angle, but 95% of this show was TNA 101 and a textbook example of why everyone with a brain hates their show and why they’ll never be successful.

TNA iMPACT! 3/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of last week’s happenings.

“The Return of the Icon”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes to the ring.  He thanks the fans for their support.  He puts over Jeff Hardy.  Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out and applaud Sting.  Hogan talks for a while.  Sting responds at length.  Ken Anderson comes out.  He talks for a while.  The short of it is, wants a title shot.  Jeff Hardy comes out.  He also wants a title shot.  Rob Van Dam, who I can only assume also wants a title shot, comes out.  What do ya know?  I was right!  Hogan says he’s the one who calls the shots.  Bischoff books Sting vs. Hardy and RVD vs. Anderson for Victory Road and Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD tonight.

The Beautiful People are in the locker room.  Cookie, Angelina from Jersey Shore, and Sarita come in.  They’re all bitch.  Winter bitches at Angelina for talking shit to the other Angelina.  The heel bitches leave, then Velvet bitches at the other face bitches.  I hate women’s wrestling.

Pope/Joe next.

Samoa Joe (w/ Okato) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope comes out of the crowd and hits Okato with a chain.  Joe chases Pope into the ring, where Pope gets the jump on him.  Joe rallies and beats up Pope.  Pope beats up Joe.  Joe kicks Pope in the face and hits a senton splash.  Joe hits a powerslam for 2.  Pope begs off.  Joe slaps him.  Pope counters the choke and hits a STO for 2.  Pope removes a turnbuckle pad.  The referee sees it and does nothing about it.  Joe hits an Exploder.  Pope grabs his chain .  The referee finally decides to fix the turnbuckle.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Pope KOs him with the chain for the pin in 3:22.  Stupid.

Bully Ray arrives and bullies the camera man, because he’s a bully.  He talks shit about Tommy Dreamer.  He challenges Dreamer to a parking lot fight.

Tonight, horrible women’s match.  Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD.

TNA Knockouts Championship Madison Rayne and Tara come out for a title match.  They show Rayne beating ODB 2 weeks ago.  Rayne is obnoxious.  She issues another open challenge.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ Tara) vs. Roxxi.  Crowd is completely dead for Roxxi.  Rayne goes on the attack.  Roxxi makes her comeback.  Nobody mentions how Rayne beat her and forced her out of the company last year.  Roxxi hits a spinebuster for 2.  Roxxi gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Rayne hits her finish for the pin in 1:33.  Well this was pointless.  Rayne continues beating Roxxi after the match.  Mickie James makes the save.

Tommy Dreamer goes to the parking lot and waits for Bully Ray.

Bully Ray is in another part of the parking lot pretending to look for Dreamer.  Brother Devon attacks him instead and beats the hell out of him.  Ray begs off.  Devon whips him with a chain.  Fucking ouch.  Devon goes after Ray with a sledgehammer.  Tommy Dreamer stops him for  using it and leads him away.  Ray cheap shots a security guard who comes to help him, then whips him with the chain, then throws a guardrail on him.  Bully Ray is an awesome heel.

Sarita (w/ Rosita), Cookie, & Angelina vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter & Velvet Sky.  Angelina wants to start with Velvet.  Typical cat fight bullshit.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Robbie E. runs in and holds Velvet.  There’s some kind of weird clusterfuck.  Winter cleans house on the Jersey traps and bites Robbie’s hand.  Velvet schoolgirls Angelina for the pin in a mercifully short 1:53.  Now let’s never speak of this again.  Sky spanks herself.

Next, Matt Hardy vs. Ric Flair vs. AJ Styles in a three-way Street Fight.

Last week, Kurt Angle put football player Bart Scott in the ankle lock.  Video of Angle discussing the incident.  Ken Anderson also comments on it for some reason.

Ken Anderson is in the office with Hogan, Bischoff, and Hardy.  He’s incredulous about having to team with Hardy tonight.

Flair/Styles video package.

Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, and AJ Styles come out for their street fight, but Flair wants to talk.  Flair and Styles banter for a while.  Hardy talks shit to Styles for a while.  Styles slugs Hardy to start the match.  Insta-commercials.

Three-Way Street Fight: Ric Flair vs. Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles.  The bell never rang as far as I could tell.  Styles beats up Hardy while Flair watches from outside.  Hardy gets the advantage and Flair comes in.  Styles drops him with an enzuigiri, then puts him in the figure-four.  Hardy hits the diving leg drop on Styles for 2.  Flair bails.  Hardy throws Styles out.  Flair pokes  him in the eyes.  Styles rams Flair’s head into the post.  Flair bleeds, of course.  Hardy hits styles from behind with a trash can.  Hardy brings in a ladder and hits Hardy with it.  Styles counters Hardy and throws him into the ladder.  Flair attacks Styles.  Styles pounds Flair’s bloody head.  Hardy comes back in and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy misses an elbow drop.  Styles kicks Flair to avoid a chair shot, then rips Flair’s shirt open and chops him.  Styles drops Hardy with the Pele kick, then goes for the Styles Clash on a chair.  Flair hits Styles in the balls.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate on the chair.  Flair pins Styles in 5:52.  This was a mess.

Sting tries to make amends with RVD.  RVD isn’t buying it.  They’re in a tag match tonight!

House shows!

Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.  TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money come out to do commentary.  Jeremy and Moore do a fast paced exchange.  Jeremy hits the slingshot X Factor.  Max tags himself in and tries to steal the pin, but only gets 2.  Jeremy tags back in and hits a slingshot dropkick for 2.  Max tags himself back in and covers Moore for 2.  What’s up with this shit?  Max clamps on a rear chin lock.  Moore gets a quick cradle for 2.  Moore fights back and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Neal gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neal hits a cross body on Max for 2.  He face plants Jeremy.  Max superkicks Neal.  Jeremy tags in.  Max tries to launch Jeremy to the top rope, but Neal spears him in midair.  Moore throws out Max.  Ink Inc. hit th eir finish on Jeremy and Neal gets the pin in 4:15.  It was okay.  Moore says Ink Inc. will win the titles at Victory Road.  Storm says Beer Money will kick their asses.

Mr. Anderson is getting ready backstage.  Jeff Hardy comes in and stares at him, then asks if Anderson is going to turn on him tonight.  Anderson replies that he’s an asshole.  That wasn’t the whole thing, but it’s all I heard.

Tonight, Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD.

Victory Road hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks backstage.

Video of the shit that went down with Kurt Angle and Jeff & Karen Jarrett last week.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett talk backstage.  They’re going to Orlando for their honeymoon.  So they’re going where they go every week anyway.

Ultimate X hype video.

Tenay and Taz hype Victory Road.

Sting hype video.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting.  Ken Anderson jumps Sting from behind and kicks his ass.  He REALLY wants his title shot.

So Cal Val has taken over as ring announcer, and she’s just awful.

Jeff Hardy & Ken Anderson vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting & Rob Van Dam.  Sting doesn’t come out for the match.  Anderson jumps RVD to start the match.  RVD fights back and hits a springboard kick for 2.  Anderson avoids the monkey flip and slaps Hardy in the back of the head, which constitutes a tag.  RVD beats up Hardy.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Hardy goes to tag out, but Anderson drops off the apron.  RVD gets the leg roll cradle on Hardy for 2.  Hardy throws RVD down and slaps Anderson to tag him in.  Anderson gets knocked off the apron.  Hardy hits RVD with the Twist of Hate for 2, as Anderson stops the referee from making the count.  Hardy wasn’t legal anyway.  Anderson gives Hardy the Mic Check.  The lights go out.  Sting appears in the ring and beats up Anderson.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop.  RVD hits Anderson with the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 4:27.  Well this was dumb.

Garbage.  That was this show.  That is this company.

TNA Against All Odds 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by Grappleholic

Very cool opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They talk about what’s going down tonight and announce that Generation Me couldn’t make it due to travel issues, so they’re out of the Three-Way #1 Contender Match with Robbie E.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out.  Robbie blathers like a retard.  Since Gen Me couldn’t make it, he’s #1 Contender by default.  He wants the referee to count them out and raise his hand in victory.  The referee rings the bell and counts them out.  Robbie wins by forfeit.  He’s going to get his title shot tonight, and apparently doesn’t know it.  Kazarian comes out to inform him.  He calls Cookie a filthy garden gnome, so that’s awesome.  Robbie is upset to be getting a title shot for some reason.  Kazarian attacks Robbie and throws him into the ring.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Kazarian beats up Robbie.  Yay!  Cookie tries to trip Kazarian, but he stomps her hand.  Kazarian hits a spin kick for 2.  Kazarian kicks Robbie off the apron and goes up top.  Cookie tries to fuck with him.  Kazarian grabs her.  Robbie drops Kazarian and makes him face plant into the steps.  Robbie ramps Kazarian’s arm into the steps for good measure.  Back inside, Kazarian tries to rally and eats a boot.  Robbie hits a diving fist drop for 2.  Cookie chokes Kazarian behind the referee’s back.  Robbie hits a side Russian leg sweep or something similar for 2.  Robbie ground Kazarian with a rear chin lock.  Kazarian avoids Robbie in the corner and hits a springboard dropkick.  Kazarian makes his comeback and hits a rebound leg drop for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Robbie counters and goes for the neckbreaker.  They trade cradles.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver (which apparently he calls the Fade To Black) for the pin in 7:11.  Okay match.

Christy Hemme interviews Scott Steiner and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Typical Steiner rambling.  He massages Roode’s shoulders and Roode tries to translate what he said into English.

AJ Styles comes out to join Tenay and Taz for commentary.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy of Immortal vs. Scott Steiner & TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Gunner and Murphy finally have wrestling gear.  Steiner and Gunner lock up.  Steiner shoulder blocks him, then chops the shit out of him.  Gunner tries to do something cute and gets overhead suplexed.  Murphy comes in and gets one for himself.  Terry tags in and poses.  Steiner is unimpressed.  Beer Money distracts the referee.  Steiner kicks Terry square in the balls and lands a STEINER LINE~!, then drops an elbow and does some push ups.  Murphy tags and locks up with Steiner.  Storm tags in and beats up Murphy.  Storm hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Murphy tags in.  Storm avoids a kick and hits a knee to the face and a neckbreaker for 1.  Gunner tries to through Storm out of the ring.  Storm skins the cat back in and hits a flurry of offense.  Storm lands corner punches.  The heels cut Storm off and work him over.  Storm hits Terry with a Lung Blower.  Gunner tries to cut Storm off again, but Storm kicks him away and makes the hot tag to Roode.  Roode wins wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Terry accidentally hits Murphy.  BEER!  MONEY! double suplex on Terry.  Gunner decks Storm.  Roode hits the spinebuster on Gunner, then Murphy.  Terry tries to chokeslam Roode, but Roode counters and gives him a spinebuster too.  Gunner goes up top.  Roode cuts him and tags in Steiner.  FRANKENSTEINER OFF THE TOP ROPE!  Steiner pins Gunner in 10:12.  Fun match!

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Devon, who has decided that his sons aren’t going to be in the match.

Pope/Joe video package.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe.  Pope has “Pope’s Gonna Kill You” on the back of his trunks.  He bails because he’s a pussy.  Pope finally kicks Joe in the gut and attacks.  Joe goes for the choke.  Pope escapes and bails again.  Pope tries to leave, but Okato (the former Kazuchika Okada) appears and forces Pope back to ringside.  He has a Kato mask on him.  Joe hits an elbow suicida and throws Pope back into the ring.  Pope rallies, hits a suplex, and poses.  Joe no sells and kicks his ass.  Joe hits the face wash in the corner.  Pope pokes Joe in the eyes to regain the initiative and puts a hurting on Joe.  Joe rallies and makes his comeback.  Senton splash gets 2.  Snap powerslam gets 2.  Pope lands a knee to the face and removes a turnbuckle pad.  Joe avoids having his face rammed into the exposed buckle.  Pope gets a reverse cradle, but Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch.  Pope immediately submits in 8:32.  It was okay.  Pope applauds Joe and offers to shake his hand.  Joe refuses.  Pope cheap shots him, drops Okato, and rams Joe’s head into the exposed turnbuckle.  Pope hits the Elijah Express.  Joe is bleeding and pissed off.  Pope runs away.

Christy Hemme interviews Mickie James.

Mickie James/Madison Rayne hype video.

Last Knockout Standing Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James.  Madison goes for a punch with the loaded glove, which is perfectly legal.  Mickie avoids the shot and beats her up.  They go outside and Madison punches the post.  Mickie hits her head on the steps and makes it up at about 4.  Back inside, they counter each others’ finish.  They fight on the ramp.  Madison clubs Mickie in the back with the loaded glove and goes to work on her back.  Mickie reverses Madison into the post.  Back in the ring, Madison hits her finish.  Mickie recovers and rallies.  They brawl outside.  Madison crawls under the ring.  Mickie follows.  They both come out the other side.  That was utterly pointless.  Mickie accidentally punches the steps.  Mickie kicks her.  Mickie throws Madison back into the ring to break the count, then goes up top.  Madison cuts her off and throws her to the floor.  Mickie makes it up at 9.  Mickie pulls Madison’s arm across the top rope, then hits the diving Thesz press.  Mickie sort of hits the Mick Kick, then takes Madison’s glove and puts it on.  Tara runs in.  Mickie decks her with the loaded glove.  Madison decks Mickie with brass knuckles and goes for the pin.  Idiot.  10 count.  Madison retains in 8:29.  This wasn’t any good.

Jeff Hardy talks backstage, then paints lines on his face.

Matt Morgan comes out and calls out Hernandez.  Hernandez comes out.  Hernandez is the heel now, despite the fact that Morgan is the one who kicked Hernandez’s head into the post last year.  They banter.  Hernandez is turning this into a racial issue.  He kicks Morgan in the balls and gives him an Attitude Adjustment, of all things.  Hernandez also now walks like a retard who thinks he’s a bad ass.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Hardy, whose nickname is now “Cold Blood.”

Matt Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam.  They lock up.  Hardy powers RVD into the corner.  The ref gets between them.  They trade punches.  RVD’s singlet is really cool looking tonight.  Hardy blocks the monkey flip and sends RVD’s face into the turnbuckle, then drops him with a clothesline.  Hardy pounds on RVD in the corner.  RVD lands a jump kick.  Hardy bails.  RVD goes for an Asai moonsault, but Hardy pulls him down and makes his face plant into the apron.  Hardy tries to suplex RVD into the barricade, but RVD turns it into a front suplex, then hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDAIL LEG DROP~!  Back inside, Hardy hits a DDT for 2.  RVD rolls out of the ring.  Hardy sends RVD into the barricade again.  Back inside, Hardy hits an enzui leg drop for 2.  Hardy beats on RVD.  Hardy locks in a rolling butterfly lock.  RVD gets a foot on the rope.  Matt humps RVD.  I don’t know why either.  Hardy hits the bottom rope decapitator for 2.  Hardy applies a full nelson.  RVD fights out.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Stupid alternating chants.  Hardy applies a cravat hold.  He’s breaking out all kinds of new shit tonight.  Hardy drops RVD and goes up top.  RVD catches him midair with a thrust kick.  RVD makes his comeback.  Hardy avoids the Rolling Thunder, but RVD hits a standing moonsault for 2.  RVD kicks Hardy in the face, hits a front slam, and follows with the split-legged moonsault for 2.  Hardy ducks a kick and hits the Side Effect for 2.  RVD counters the Twist of Hate and drops Hardy with a spin kick.  RVD goes up top.  Hardy cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  They fight over it for a while.  Hardy back body drops RVD off the top rope, then goes for a moonsault press.  RVD avoids it and hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 13:20.  Decent match.  The best thing on the show so far, which is kind of sad.

Christy Hemme interviews Bully Ray, who bullies her, then talks shit about Devon’s kids.

Ray/Devon hype video.

Street Fight: Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon.  Ray tries to jump Devon in the aisle with a chain, but Devon kicks his ass all over ringside.  Devon throws Ray into the ring and brings in some plunder.  Devon lights Bully up with a Singapore cane.  Ray begs off, then cheap shots Devon.  Devon canes him in the head.  Awesome.  Devon’s sons come out.  He orders them to the back.  Ray hits Devon in the back with a chair, then spits on his sons again.  Ray beats Devon with weapons and puts his neck in a chair.  The kids attack.  Ray threatens them with the chain.  Devon wakes up and makes his comeback.  Devon hits a back body drop and Bubba audibly says “Oh shit!”  Devon’s son Terrell hits Ray with a trash can.  Terrence and Terrell hold Bubba’s legs open so Devon can hit the Wassup headbutt.  Devon & sons get the table.  Devon sets up the table.  Ray hits him in the balls and handcuffs him to the turnbuckle.  Terrence and Terrell go to help their dad.  Ray cold cocks Terrence.  Terrell kicks Bubba’s ass to a BIG pop.  Bubba clotheslines Terrell to death and pins him in 9:23, which counts for some reason.  Ray spits in Devon’s face and talks shit to him.  He teases hitting Devon with a chair.  Devon calls for useless security.  Ray puts the chair down, then powerbombs Terrence through the table.  Ray leaves.  Devon finally gets cut free so he can check on his kids.  Taz talks in his low, serious voice.  Terrence gets stretchered out while Devon carries Terrell.  Good way to continue the feud.

Jeremy Borash interviews Jeff and Karen Jarrett.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Jarrett/Angle hype video.

Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle pushes Jarrett into the corner.  Referee forces a break.  Angle takes Jarrett down with a side headlock takeover.  Jarrett gets free and grabs a side headlock.  Angle shoves him away, then invites him to reapply the hold.  Jarrett does, and Angle gives him a backdrop suplex.  They go into an awesome chain wrestling sequence.  Angle hits a snap suplex for 2.  Angle pounds on Jarrett and throws him out of the ring.  He invites Karen over to watch him punch Jeff in the face.  Back inside, Angle hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett avoids Angle’s charge in the corner and Angle spears the most, then falls out of the ring.  Jarrett throws Angle’s injured shoulder into the barricade twice, then takes him back inside to work him over.  Jarrett goes up top, but Angle springs up and suplexes him down in classic Angle fashion.  Angle lands some clotheslines and hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle goes for a German, but Jarrett switches around.  Angle rolls through and goes for the ankle lock.  Jarrett escapes.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Jarrett lands an enzuigiri and goes for the Stroke.  Angle counters into the ankle lock.  Jarrett rolls through, then charges and crotches himself on the ropes.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Karen distracts the referee.  Jarrett hits Angle in the balls.  Jarrett hits the Stroke for the pi…NO!  Angle kicks out!  Jarrett goes for the Stroke again.  Angle pushes Jarrett away, bumping the ref in the process.  Jarrett uses a distraction from Karen to Pearl Harbor Angle on the outside and send him repeatedly into the steps.  Back inside, Jarrett tries to use a chair, but Angle takes it away.  The referee wakes up to take the chair from Angle.  Jarrett gets a schoolboy for 2.  Angle hits an Exploder for 2.  Angle goes up top.  Karen distracts him.  Jarrett sort of hits the Stroke off the middle rope for 2.  Angle hits a German suplex and drops the straps.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs Karen’s hands and pulls her into the ring.  Jarrett taps while the referee is busy with Karen.  Jarrett clocks Angle with a chair behind the referee’s back and gets the pi…NO!  Angle kicked out again!  Angle gets an inside cradle for 2.  Jarrett squashes a sunset flip and gets a relatively clean pin in 16:18.  Hell of a match.  Angle is very dejected.  He takes his boots off and leaves them in the ring, which in amateur wrestling signifies retirement.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.

Anderson/Hardy hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Entrances and intros.  Hebner and Bischoff’s kid are both referees.  That may come into play later.  Borash is a nice dude, but he’s a shitty ring announcer.  They talk.  Hardy spits in Anderson’s face.  Anderson kicks his ass.  Hardy bails and goes after his fugly neon ladder.  They brawl at ringside.  Anderson sends Hardy crashing into the ladder, then drives Hardy into the side of the ring with another ladder.  Back inside, Hardy hits a neckbreaker onto a ladder.  Hardy climbs for his fugly belt, but Anderson stops him and hits a neckbreaker.  Anderson climbs for the belt, but Hardy stops him and kicks him into the corner.  Hardy hits a corner dropkick.  Hardy dropkicks a ladder into Anderson’s balls.  Fucking ow.  Anderson hits a side Russian leg sweep onto the ladder.  Ouch again.  Anderson brings in a second ladder and climbs for the belt.  Hardy climbs up the other side.  They fight at the top of the ladder.  Hardy hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the ladder!  Hardy slams Anderson and goes for his trademark “off the top rope, over the ladder leg drop.”  Anderson avoids it.  Hardy back body drops Anderson onto the ladder in the corner.  Ouch.  Hardy sets a ladder upside down for some reason, then beats on Anderson.  They go outside again.  Hardy tries to hit Anderson with the fugly neon ladder, but Anderson avoids it and sends it into Hardy’s face.  Hardy sends Anderson into the steps, injuring his wrist.  Hardy uses the steps to hit the Whisper In The Wind against the barricade.  Back inside, Hardy tries to front suplex Hardy into the upside down ladder.  Anderson counters, suplexes Hardy sort of at the ladder, and knocks the whole mess over.  Anderson climbs for the belt.  Hardy pulls him off and hits the Twist of Hate.  Hardy has the referee hand him his neon ladder.  He tries to do something to Anderson, but Anderson counters with the Lambea Leap onto the ladder.  Anderson goes for the Kenton Bomb, but Hardy avoids it.  Hardy sets up two ladders side by side and climbs.  Anderson follows.  They fight on top of the ladders.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but they both just kind of fall in a big, painful looking mess.  Hardy kicks Anderson out of the ring, climbs the ladder, and takes the belt down to regain the title in 18:16.  Okay if sort of sloppy match.  Match highlights.  Hardy celebrates with his ugly belt and his awful entrance music.

This show was pretty average for the most part, but Angle/Jarrett was really good.

TNA Hard Justice 2008 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  The start of the PPV intro video is an AWESOME Law & Order parody.

Generic blond tries to interview Sting as he arrives at the arena, but he ignores her questions.

Some shitty rap group performs.  After they’re done, we get the fireworks, then the World’s Worst Commentary Team, Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE from Trenton, New Jersey.  They run down the card for tonight.  They run down the X Factors for the X Division Title Match, which will be kicking off the show.

TNA X Division Championship Match:
Petey Williams (c) (w/ Rhaka Khan) vs. Consequences Creed.  They start with a really good exchange that Creed gets the better of.  Williams takes a press slam into a gutbuster and bails, so Creed hits a suicide dive onto him.  Williams gets back in the ring and distracts the referee so Khan can get in a cheap shot that lets Williams take control.  Williams sends Creed to the outside and hits his suicide rana.  Williams keeps control until Creed nails a kick to start his comeback.  Creed hits a springboard bulldog and his punch combo for a near fall.  Williams hits a Russian leg sweep and signals for the Candian Destroyer, but doesn’t hit it.  Some other stuff happens that I couldn’t type because my wife was making me put stuff on a shelf, then Petey locks in the Sharpshooter.  Creed gets a rope break.  Williams beats on Creed, but Creed hits a German and the Creed-DT.  Creed hits a diving legdrop and covers, but Petey manages to kick out.  Rhaka Khan comes in the ring and Creed gives her the TKO.  Petey goes for the Destroyer, but Creed counters and hits a Beach Break-like move.  Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out and nails Creed with a chair, allowing Petey to hit the Canadian Destroyer for the win at 12:30.  Good match.  Bashir cuts an Anti-American promo after the match.

Jeremy Borash interviews Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.  Joe says he’s focused and he’s tired of Sting’s crap.  Nash tells Joe he needs to focus on Booker T, and he leaves to talk to Sting.  Joe then has words for Booker about their match tonight.

Hype video for the six-woman tag team match.

Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) & The Beautiful People vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Taylor Wilde, Gail Kim, & ODB.  Traci Brooks is the special referee.  ODB does all of her laughable stupid taunts, much to disgust of Angelina Love.  She tags in Velvet Sky, who is offended by ODB’s body odor.  Sky sprays perfume on her.  ODB takes the perfume and sprays it on her crotch.  Gail tags in and we finally get some wrestling.  Sky quickly tags Love back in.  Wilde tags in and gets the better of Love.  Kong tags in and goes after Wilde.  Wilde quickly tags out to Kim, who also gets thrown around by Kong.  ODB tags in and trades blows with Kong.  Kong smashes Wilde and Kim, but ODB can hang with her.  Wilde and Kim double team her and take her down.  ODB low bridges a charging Kong and sends her out of the ring.  Saeed trips up ODB and Brooks ejects her.  ODB spits her booze in Kong’s face.  Kong smashes her and allows Sky to get a near fall.  Sky ties up ODB with an Octopus stretch.  ODB escapes and tags in Kim as Love tags in on the other side.  Love chokes Kim and Brooks forces her to break.  Love gets in her face.  Love continues to beat on Kim until Wilde tags in and cleans her clock.  Kong tags in and sets up Wilde for the Awesome Bomb, but Kim prevents it.  Everybody starts brawling.  Wilde pins Love with a front cradle at 11:28.  Match wasn’t bad.

Generic Blonde follows Team 3D as they go to find Sting in the rafters of the building.  They discover that Ray is scared of heights.  They just yell and hope he hears them.

LAX/Beer Money hype video.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: LAX (c) (w/ Hector Guerrero & Salinas) vs. Beer Money (w/ Jacqueline).  One of the rappers from earlier performs LAX’s entrance theme live.  They brawl outside the ring before the match starts.  Homicide throws Roode in the ring to officially start the match.  LAX double teams Roode.  Hernandez hits a long stalling suplex.  Homicide brings Storm in and kicks his ass too.  Beer Money double team Homicide outside the ring, but Hernandez hits them with the suicide dive.  First “THAT WAS AWESOME!” chant of the night.  Homicide beats up Roode in the ring.  Storm spits beer in Homicide’s eyes, which allows Roode to get the advantage.  Beer Money build the heat on Homicide, who is kayfabe injured from Beer Money putting him through a glass table recently.  Homicide tries to fight back, but Beer Money continues to destroy him.  Storm hits a swank DDT off the ropes on Homicide for a near fall, then a nice knee kick for the same.  Roode antagonizes the crowd by giving Homicide the Three Amigos.  Roode goes for a frog splash, but Homicide rolls out of the way and makes the hot tag.  Hernandez destroys both of them and covers Storm after a spinebuster, but Roode saves.  Beer Money double team Hernandez and Storm gets a near fall after Roode hits a blockbuster.  Homicide tags back in and hits a double dropkick on both of Beer Money.  Homicide suplexes Storm and goes up top.  Jacqueline tries to stop him, but Homicide kicks her away and hits the frog splash for a near fall.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Storm.  Hernandez takes care of Roode, but Storm gives him a Lungblower.  Homicide hits the Gringo Cutter on Storm and Beer Money bails.  Hernandez Border Tosses Homicide out of the ring onto Beer Money.  Hernandez throws Roode back in the ring and charges him, but Roode low bridges him.  Salinas and Jacqueline get into a cat fight.  In the ring, Homicide goes for the Gringo Killer on Storm, but Roode breaks a beer bottle over Homicide’s head and allows Storm to get the pin and win the titles at 14:05.  Really good formula tag match.

Kevin Nash tries to talk Sting out of whatever he’s planning to do tonight.

Jay Lethal/Sonjay Dutt/So Cal Val love triangle video package.

Black Tie Brawl & Chain Match:
“The Guru” Sonjay Dutt vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal (w/ So Cal Val).  They’ll wrestle chained together and wearing tuxedos.  You win by ripping the other guy’s tuxedo off.  Lethal’s family is shown in the crowd, as we’re in his home state.  Lethal cleverly secures his side of the chain to the ring rope and beats on Dutt.  The referee finally chains up Lethal so the match officially starts.  Dutt hits a low blow with the chain and beats up Lethal.  Lethal dodges a fist drop with the chain and fights back.  Dutt bails and Lethal hits a suicide cross body.  Dutt tries to get away, but they’re chained together.  Moron.  Lethal dies Dutt to the ringpost with the chain and beats on him until Dutt ducks a blow and Lethal punches the post.  Lethal strangles Dutt with the chain and Val pleads with him to stop.  Val leaves, which distracts Lethal and allows Dutt to pull him into the post.  Dutt pulls Lethal’s jacket and shirt off.  Dutt beats on Lethal and taunts his family.  Crowd chants “BORING.”  Dutt goes for a springboard dive, but Lethal yanks the chain and Dutt takes a nasty bump.  Lethal throws Dutt around with the chain and gooes for the Lethal Combination, but Dutt counters.  Lethal hits another move for a two count.  I thought you could only win by ripping the other guy’s tuxedo off.  Dutt hits the Sonjay Cutter for a near fall.  Dutt goes for a diving move, but misses.  Lethal hits a cool rolling Fisherman buster.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and the diving elbow drop for the win at 11:19… even though you can only win by ripping the other guy’s tuxedo off.  It’s TNA and we know they’re retarded, so I digress.  They made a good brawl out of a silly gimmick.

Jeremy Borash is in the locker room with Booker T and Sharmell.  Booker still has possession of the World Title belt, even though Joe is the champion.  Booker has words for Samoa Joe, then they drink champagne.

Team 3D/Christian & Rhino video package.

Jersey Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Christian Cage & Rhino.  They start with the brawling you’d expect, then Bubba tosses Christian into the air and Christian takes an awesome bump… very similar to the one Sonjay took in the previous match.  It’s the same problem I saw with the show I watched yesterday, too many of the matches have the same shit in them.  They brawl in the crowd for a while, then back in the ring Christian hits Bubba with a sign that says “CHRISTIAN USE MY SIGN.”  Bubba throws the steps into the ring and Devon hits Rhino with them.  Tenay and West have one of those moments that make me remember how awful and annoying they are.  Christian slams Bubba’s race into the steps, then tries to hit him with a Detour sign.  Bubba moves and hits the Bubba Bomb off the steps for a near fall.  Crowd chants “WE WANT TABLES!”  There’s a funny spot where Devon charges Christian, who holds up a stop sign.  Rhino Gores Devon and covers, but Bubba breaks it.  Christian goes for the Unprettier, but Bubba counters and hits an electric chair drop.  Rhino rams Devon’s head repeatedly into Bubba’s balls.  Bubba hits a superbomb on Christian.  Christian kicks out of the cover.  3D finally brings in a table.  Rhino and Christian set up a ladder.  Christian hits a frog splash off the ladder on Bubba.  Rhino Gores Bubba into a table that doesn’t break for the win at 15:22.  The match was your typical plunder based brawl, not awful but nothing special.  Johnny Devine runs in and attacks Christian and Rhino with a Singapore cane.  Abyss makes the save, giving Devine the Black Hole Slam.

Generic blond interviews AJ Styles, then we get a video package of his history with Kurt Angle.  The angle (no pun intended) here is that AJ supposedly nailed Kurt’s wife.

Last Man Standing Match: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles.  Angle stalls for a bit at the beginning, bailing every time AJ approaches him.  Styles chases Angle around the ring.  Angle gets in first and gets the advantage.  AJ fights back, then Angle rakes his eyes.  AJ ducks Angle and hits a dropkick, then clotheslines him out of the ring and hits a suicide dive.  AJ gets Angle back in the ring and kicks his ass.  Angle begs off, then throws AJ through the ropes.  Angle suplexes AJ into the guardrail.  Ouch.  Angle goes for a pinall, so I guess it’s Texas Death Match rules here.  They fight up the ramp, where AJ suplexes Angle and gets a two count.  Angle suplex Styles off the stage, then does a somersault onto him!  Cover gets two.  They fight back to the ring, where Angle clamps on a sleeper hold.  AJ fights out and blasts Angle with a kick.  Angle hits an overhead belly-to-belly.  Angle beats up AJ some more and clamps on a headlock.  AJ fights back and gets in some blows, then they catch each other with cross body blocks.  They get back up and AJ hits his springboard forearm.  Styles puts Angle in the Torture Rack, then hits a move out of it for a near fall.  AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but Angle counters and goes for the ankle lock.  AJ counters and hits a spinebuster.  Angle catches Styles coming off the top rope and powerbombs him for a near fall, then tries to hit him with the Styles Clash.  Styles counters and puts Angle in the ankle lock.  Angle taps.  Angle beats the count up.  Styles misses the flip reverse DDT and Angle low blows him and hits a German.  Styles ducks a shot and hits the Pele kick.  Angle hits a sort of German off the top rope and gets a pin.  AJ gets up.  Angle hits the Angle Slam and gets another pin.  AJ gets up again and counters the Angle Slam into the Styles Clash for a pin.  Angle gets up at 9.  Styles MURDERS Angle with a DDT off the top rope.  Cover gets three, referee counts ten, and AJ is the winner at 24:52.  Finish was scary, knowing Angle’s history with neck problems.  Match was pretty good.  Medics come out to put Angle on a stretcher.  AJ comes back and suplexes Angle.  The lights go out, and when they came back on Sting has AJ by the head on the ramp.  Sting gives AJ the Scorpion Death Drop.  Nash appears and confronts Sting, but Sting just leaves.  They show highlights of the match, including a few replays of the sick finish.

Samoa Joe/Booker T history video.

Six Sides of Steel with Weapons Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Booker T (w/ Sharmell).  They brawl.  Booker tries to use a Singapore can and fails.  Joe kicks a trash can into Booker’s balls and hits his senton on the trashcan onto Booker.  “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU” chant.  Joe uses the cane, then hammers Booker with punches in the corner.  Booker hits Joe the remnants of the trash can.  Joe ducks a hockey stick shot and nails a kick, then sandwiches Booker’s head with trash can lids for a two count.  Booker kicks a chair into Joe’s face, then blasts him in the head with the chair.  Joe is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Booker chokes Joe with a piece of wood and tries to climb out of the cage.  Joe follows and hits an Ace Crusher off the top rope.  Joe hammers Booker and rams his head into the cage.  Booker hits a move for a near fall and locks Joe in a guillotine choke.  I think I hear a “YOU SCREWED BRET” chant directed at referee Earl Hebner.  Let it go, people.  Booker superkicks a trash can lid into Joe’s face for a near fall.  Booker tries to climb out again and they fight on the top rope.  Joe jumps up and kicks him in the head.  Joe takes a hard bump to the canvas and Booker crotches himself on the top rope.  Joe hits his powerslam for a near fall.  Joe hits a powerbomb and locks in the STF.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Booker gets out and hits the Book End on a chair for a near fall.  Booker spinaroonies up and nails the axe kick as the lights go out.  When they come back on, Joe has a familiar looking guitar in his hand.  Joe blasts Booker with the guitar for the pin at 12:46.  Okay plunder match, I guess.

All in all, I give the show a thumbs in the middle.  Top to bottom okay matches.

TNA iMPACT! 10/28/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Chained To Fate”

Mickie James and Tara are brawling  backstage.  Madison Rayne jumps in to help Tara.  The Beautiful People show up to help Mickie.  Sarita shows up to help Madison and Tara.  So now we have a six woman brawl going all over the place.  They fight into the arena, except for Tara and Mickie, who are still backstage.  The only plus side of this is that most of them are wearing tight jeans.  Mickie and Tara fight into the arena.  This shit has been going on for 5 minutes now.  They’re all in the ring now.  Ric Flair, Gunner, and Murphy come out to try to break it up.  After 6 fucking minutes of this shit.  Flair gets slapped by Tara, then by Mickie.  Flair tells everyone to get a grip and threatens to “make a woman” out of them.  Flair books them in a six woman tag match.  So Flair has booking power now?  Everybody keeps brawling.  Fucking stupid shit.

iMPACT! open.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, Robbie E. vs. Jay Lethal in a Street Fight!  Motor City Machine Guns vs. Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me for the Tag titles!  Jeff Jarrett vs. Ken Anderson in a Chain Match!

The Pope is pushing a casket around.  Taz says “I hope it’s not some bad ass looking to take on an MMA guy.”  Commercials.

Jeff Hardy video package.

Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair talk and laugh about the stupid shit that just happened.  Flair asks where Hogan is.  Bischoff says he’s making an acquisition.  Bischoff bitches at Gunner and Murphy for letting Kurt Angle attack their car last week.  He says if Angle gets in tonight, he’s going to take their asses.  Some dude comes in upset that Anderson is in a match tonight when he as a concussion.  Bischoff laughs it off, because see, he’s EVIL!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring cutting a promo about Abyss.  Abyss appears in the crowd and cuts a promo on him, then kidnaps some fans.  Seriously.  Pope runs after them.

Jeff Jarrett talks backstage.  He’ll face Joe at Turning Point and Anderson tonight.  Commercials.

Ric Flair is hitting on some chick backstage.  Matt Morgan comes in and tells Flair he’s upset about Anderson having to wrestle with a concussion tonight.  They bicker for a while.  Morgan is still upset.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Non-Title Jersey Shore Street Fight: Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  They brawl.  Robbie bails.  Lethal hits him with a dive.  Lethal hits Robbie with a trash can lid, then suplexes him onto a road sign.  Lethal crotches Robbie in a saw horse barrier thing, then pounds on him.  Back inside, Robbie hits an elbow smash for 2.  Another cover gets another 2.  Cookie gives Robbie a Singapore cane.  Lethal takes the cane and wails on Robbie with it.  Lethal puts a trash can lid on Robbie’s head and canes the lid.  Lethal goes up top.  Cookie grabs his foot, then sprays some shit in his eyes.  Robbie hits a neckbreaker for the pin in 4:58.  Crap.  I fucking hate this Jersey Shore gimmick.  Robbie gets a title shot at the PPV now.

The Beautiful People bitch about the heel women.  Velvet leaves.  Love sees Winter again.  I have no idea what the fuck the point of this is and neither does the idiot who came up with the idea.  Velvet comes back.  Winter has turned back into the fat seamstress.  Look, I know that wrestling is fake, but it’s not supposed to be fiction.  Commercials.

Video package of the “RVD doesn’t trust EV2.0” shit from last week.

EV2.0 and Brian Kendrick are in the ring.  Kendrick is sitting in the corner reading a book (probably Foley’s book).  Dreamer calls out RVD.  RVD comes out.  Dreamer says Sabu hitting RVD with the chair last week was an accident.  RVD doesn’t think so and doesn’t trust anyone.  Dreamer says this is exactly what Bischoff wants.  RVD asks Raven what he’s laughing at.  Raven (in his Marine Corps jacket) says RVD should lay off the weed.  RVD thinks Raven is the traitor.  EV2.0 holds them back from fighting.  Fortune come out.  Flair says RVD & Raven will face Styles & Kazarian tonight.

Up next, women wrestle poorly!  Commercials!

Fortune argue amongst themselves.  Williams has his panties in a wad about something.  Morgan says “fuck this” and leaves.  Flair says it’ll be Williams teaming with Styles against RVD & Raven tonight.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People.  Mickie and the BPs jump the heels during their entrance.  Gunner and Murphy try to restore order again.  They finally restore order and the match starts.  Rayne and Love fight.  Love and Tara fight.  The BPs hit a double side Russian leg sweep on Tara.  Velvet  hits a spinning headscissors on Tara.  Mickie and Sarita tag in.  Mickie hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Lots of ref distractions allow Sarita to get the advantage on Mickie.  Rayne humps Mickie’s head into the mat.  Tara pulls Mickie’s hair.  Mickie hits a Regal Cutter.  Love and Sarita tag in.  Love runs wild.  Tara and Rayne hit her from behind.  Mickie tags in and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Velvet DDTS Sarita.  Save.   Everybody brawls.  Rayne hits her finish on Love.  Mickie hits Rayne with a DDT.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak in Mickie.  The BPs kick Tara.  Sarita hits a Tiger Driver on Sky for the pin in 6:04.  Shitty match, but I enjoyed seeing a Tiger Driver.

Pope walks around backstage.  He hears a woman screaming and runs toward it.  Commercials.

Abyss jumps the Pope.  The kidnapped people run away.  Pope and Abyss brawl.  Abyss puts Pope in a casket, then retrieves Janice.  Abyss beats the casket with the nail board.  Fucking stupid shit.  I fucking hate this company.

Generation Me cut a promo in the ring.  Ink Inc. come out to make fun of them.  The tag title three-way is NEXT!  Commercials!

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.  Neal and Jeremy lock up.  Neal scores a knockdown with a shoulder block, then hits an arm drag and a neckbreaker for 2.  Max blind tags in and pulls Neal into the top rope for 2.  The Bucks knock the Guns off of the apron in awesome fashion.  The Bucks work over Neal for a while.  Neal catches Jeremy in midair with a spinebuster and makes the tag to Moore.  Moore runs wild on Max.  Moore hits a spin kick and covers, but Jeremy saves.  Moore hits a double rana on the Bucks.  Moore backdrops Neal out of the ring onto the Bucks.  Sabin hits Max with a tope suicida.  Moore hits Max with a Lionsault body block for 2.  Ink Inc. work over Max.  The Guns and Ink Inc. beat up the Bucks.  Ink Inc. hit their Samoan drop/Blockbuster on Sabin.  Jeremy pulls the referee out of the ring.  Moore hits a dive on Jeremy.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Neal.  Sabin pins Neal in 5:50 to retain the titles.  Fun little match.  Team 3D come out.  Bubba talks for a while, then challenges the Guns to a tag title match at Turning Point.  Guns agree.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone.  Matt Morgan comes in to complain about Anderson being forced to wrestle with a concussion.  Bischoff is still evil and thinks its a great idea.

Up next, Jeff Hardy!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan wants to talk to Ken Anderson, but the trainer doesn’t trust him.  Morgan talks him into it.

Tenay and Taz talk.

Turning Point hype.

Another weird pre-taped Jeff Hardy rambling segment.

Rob Van Dam!  Commercials!

TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles & Douglas Williams vs. Rob Van Dam & Raven.  Styles and Williams jump Raven before RVD comes out.  RVD politely waits until his music plays before he slowly walks out to the ring and does his pyro.  Styles and Williams jump RVD.  RVD throws Williams out of the ring.  Raven hits Styles with a cross body that sends them both outside.  Williams attacks RVD.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder.  Cover, but Styles saves.  Styles and Williams get the heat on RVD.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  They keep working over RVD and knocking Raven off the apron.  Ric Flair comes out, pulls Raven off the apron, and clocks him with the TV belt.  Flair leaves.  RVD goes to make a tag and sees an empty corner.  He doesn’t know what happened.  He makes his own comeback, then sees Raven taking a nap.  Styles and Williams beat up RVD.  Williams and Styles argue about who’s going to make the cover.  Styles slaps Williams on the ass to tag himself in.  Williams hits a diving knee drop on RVD.  Styles steals the pin in 5:46.  Okay then.

Up next, Jarrett vs. Anderson!  Commercials!

TNA wrestlers on the Family Feud!

Jeff Jarrett comes out and calls out Mr. Anderson.  Anderson’s music plays, but Matt Morgan comes out instead.  The show ends.

The usual overbooked TNA train wreck of a show.