Archive for Stevie Richards

The Chuiresu Diaries 10/17/12: Chicken Soup for the Wrestling Geek’s Soul

Posted in ECW, WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2012 by Grappleholic

I’m trying something different here.  I don’t get to write reviews often anymore due to being a very stressed college senior, but every now and then I get the chance to watch a little bit of Pro Wrestling and would like to share my thoughts on it.  So, from time to time, I may post what I’m calling a diary with short thoughts on whatever I happen to watch that day.  Full show reviews may still happen in the future, if I ever have free time again.

I picked the the ECW Unreleased Vol. 1 Blu-ray recently, and this evening I’m taking a few hours off from stressing about life, the universe, and everything to enjoy it for a bit.

Former ECW announcer and current WWE.com guy Joey Styles is hosting this thing.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Final: ECW Heavyweight Champion “The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. 2 Cold Scorpio (Hardcore TV, August 27, 1994).  This was the night Extreme Championship Wrestling was born.  Douglas and Scorpio had a very watchable little back and forth wrestling match, which Douglas won with a belly to belly suplex in 12:52 after Scorpio missed a moonsault.  But the post-match promo is where it’s at.  Douglas refuses the title, saying the NWA is a dead organization.  He instead declares his ECW title to be a World title.  Soon after, Eastern Championship Wrestling became Extreme Championship Wrestling.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven (w/ Stevie Richards & Beulah McGillicutty) (Hostile City Showdown, April 15, 1995).  Fun little brawl.  Raven gives Dreamer 3 consecutive DDTs, but Dreamer kicks out.  Dreamer DDTs Raven on the floor, but Stevie interferes.  Dreamer DDTs Stevie and the referee, then Beulah runs in.  Dreamer gives her a piledriver and Philadelphia, apparently big fans of domestic violence, love it.  Raven is announced as the winner by DQ.  Joey Styles puts it over as a moral victory for Dreamer.  Stevie carries Beulah to the back instead of allowing her to be stretchered.

Joey Styles puts over the workrate guys like Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero who got their first shot in the United States in ECW.

2 Cold Scorpio & Dean Malenko vs. ECW World Television Champion Eddie Guerrero & Taz  (w/ Paul E. Dangerously) (Heat Wave, 7/15/95).  The audio on some of these is pretty bad.  You can hear the announcer, but not the guys talking on the microphone.  So the banter before this match is completely lost on me.  This reminds me, I used to love Taz.  There’s something awesome about a short, stout guy who’s a total ass kicker.  If this isn’t the match where Taz broke his neck, it’s the same configuration of guys.  3 minutes in Eddie and Malenko tag in and start chain wrestling and I vomit rainbows in joy.  Scorpio and Taz have an awesome mat exchange that ends with Scorpio getting suplexed out of his boots.  For that matter, every combination of these guys is awesome, but Malenko and Eddie are two of my favorite wrestlers of all time.  Malenko puts Taz in a Sharpshooter that Joey Styles misidentifies as a Texas Cloverleaf.  I expect better from you, Joey!  I love how they’re working a really good wrestling match, but not at such a fast pace that you can’t digest anything.  Eddie hits a brainbuster that Malenko sells awesomely by convulsing like he just had a seizure.  He apparently still has feeling in his body, because he managed to kick out of the frog splash that followed.  Determined to paralyze Malenko, Eddie dropkicks him off the top turnbuckle to the floor.  Taz and Eddie hit a dropkick Doomsday Device.  That’s kind of neat.  Another Malenko/Eddie exchange with another misidentified Sharpshooter.  Have I forgotten what a Texas Cloverleaf is?  Okay, I googled it.  Looks like I’m the idiot.  Sorry, Joey.  Scorpio hits a dive to the floor.  Malenko tries to do one, but appears to lose his nerve and goes with an elbow smash off the apron.  More dives.  Paul E. hits Scorpio with the cell phone.  Taz hits a head-arm suplex for the pin.  State appointed referee Bill Alfonso orders the match restarted.  Scorpio superkicks Taz and Malenko hits the Tiger Driver on Eddie.  Alfonso fast counts the double pin to give it to Malenko and Scorpio in about 20 minutes.  This was pretty damned good, much to the surprise of no one.

ECW World Television Championship Match: “The Shooter” Dean Malenko (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero (Hardcore TV, July 28, 1995).  This match is great.  Seeing wrestlers of this caliber bust their asses for the sake of having a good match reminds me why I love professional wrestling.  Guerrero catches Malenko with a jackknife hold for the pin to recapture the title 11:47.

Joey Styles puts over Cactus Jack, always my favorite face of Foley.

Cactus Jack vs. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas (CyberSlam, 2/17/96).  Douglas jumps Cactus, who is wearing a jacket and tie for some reason.  That quickly goes, but Cactus is wearing a shirt underneath.  Good.  I’ve never seen Mick Foley shirtless, and I never want to.  The referee is Brian Hildebrand (aka Mark Curtis), God rest him.  Cactus is wearing the “Forgive me, Uncle Eric” shirt that I remember reading about in his first book.  Joey notes that Cactus didn’t come to wrestle tonight, hence the jacket, tie, and cowboy boots.  They brawl.  Crutches, guardrails, and chairs come into play.  Douglas hits a dive from the top rope into the crowd onto Cactus.  I’ve never seen that out of him.  Cactus does the “spit in the air and catch it in his mouth” bit, which is disgusting.  Joey Styles calls it “Vintage Cactus Jack” here in 1996, so fuck you, Michael Cole.  The referee hands Douglas an international object, which Douglas clocks Cactus with.  They’re handcuffs!  Douglas handcuffs Cactus and picks up a chair.  Cactus tries to fight back, but gets murdered in the face with a chair not as badly as he did with The Rock at Royal Rumble 1999, but still…  Cactus calls for help from Vince McMahon (this was right before Foley went to the WWF).  Since Vince doesn’t come out to help, Cactus calls for Mikey Whipwreck.  Douglas is trying to make Foley say “I Quit.”  So this really IS like Rumble ’99.  Douglas locks in a figure-four leglock.  Mikey Whipwreck runs in with a chair and… murders Cactus in the face with it.  Hildebrand counts the pin while Cactus is still in the figure-four in 15:42.  This was fun.

“Lion Heart” Chris Jericho vs. 2 Cold Scorpio (The Doctor Is In, 8/3/96).  There’s too much dancing in Scorpio’s entrance for my enjoyment.  I don’t know anything about dancing, so I don’t know if it’s even good or not.  This must have been one of Jericho’s last matches before going to WCW.  Good wrestling here.  Jericho goes a really wonky submission hold that even Joey can’t identify.  Crowd chants “This show sucks!”  I have no idea why.  They do some near falls.  Scorpio kicks Jericho out of the ring to the floor and says he’s going to finish him.  Jericho stays in the game, though.  Jericho tries to spring off the top and hit Scorpio on the apron, but eats the floor instead.  Scorpio hits a diving leg drop that I thought might be the finish, but Jericho’s got some fight left.  Jericho hits his rebound from the turnbuckle into a dropkick to the apron deal.  There should be an easier way to say that.  Scorpio hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top that wins i… NO!  OMGWTF JERICHO KICKED OUT.  More counters and near falls.  They do some mildly crazy bumps, such as when Jericho powerslams Scorpio off the top rope.  Scorpio hits a Tombstone Piledriver and a Shooting Star press for the pin in 19:58.  Okay, yeah, this was pretty good.

Joey Styles talks about Sabu.

Tables & Ladders Match for the ECW World Tag Team Championship: The Eliminators (c) vs. Sabu & Rob Van Dam (CyberSlam, 2/22/97).  Saturn says the winners of this match will be the best team in the world.  That’s a stretch.  Tables and ladders are legal in this match, so of course, RVD and Saturn start with back and forth wrestling while the partners stand politely on the apron.  They start bringing in the plunder and taking crazy bumps at around the 7 minute mark.  With these bumps into ladders, it’s no wonder Perry Saturn has always been a bit touched in the head.  Saturn splashes Van Dam off a ladder.  Sabu kicks the ladder into Kronus, then puts him through a table at ringside.  Joey with the classic “OH MY GOD!”  The Eliminators keep the title when Kronus pins RVD after 2 Total Eliminations in 20:40.  Wild and fun.

And now, a brief digression.  I was chatting with a friend on Facebook (shout out, Shawn!) about memories of early 2000s wrestling and the time that Triple H defended the WWF title against TAKA Michinoku on Raw popped into my head.  I searched YouTube, and…

WWF Championship Match: Triple H (c) (w/ Shane McMahon & WWF Women’s Champion Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. TAKA Michinoku (w/ Funaki & The Acolytes) (RAW IS WAR, 4/10/00).  TAKA is a mystery opponent.  He hires the Acolyte Protection Agency to watch his back and they immediately run off Shane McMahon.  This match is all kinds of fun.  TAKA gets his shine and Jim Ross convinces you that he has a shot to win the WWF title.  It doesn’t help that Hunter is being a real shit ass to referee Earl Hebner.  Earl lets it go when Funaki dropkicks Triple H into the APA and the APA beat the hell out of him.  Vince and Shane McMahon come out and distract the Acolytes.  The Big Boss Man and Bull Buchanan Pearl Harbor TAKA’s protectors, and Hunter hits the Pedigree for the pin in 5:53.  The dastardly heels put the boots to The Acolytes.  Man, this was fun and brought back fond memories of being a 12 year old WWF mark.

I’ve had a rough week and felt pretty miserable about life a few hours ago.  This heaping does of pro wrestling nostalgia was exactly what I needed.  I hope to find some free time again soon to watch the rest of the ECW set and the new CM Punk release.

TNA Slammiversary 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  Cool opening music video.  Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to the Palace of Auburn Hills for the 7th Anniversary of TNA!  We’re kicking things off tonight with the X Division Championship!

It’s a King of the Mountain Ladder Match.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a reverse ladder match where you have to hang the belt up to win.  You have to win a fall by pin or submission to eligible to hang the belt, and if you get pinned or submit, you have to spend 2 minutes in the penalty box.  Simple enough, right?  Curtis Granderson from the Detroit Tigers is the special guest belt holder for this match.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Suicide (c) vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley vs. Consequences Creed vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  The Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences all want to unmask Suicide, so it’s 4 on 1 to start.  Being just outside of Detroit, the crowd is very pro-Guns.  Suicide pins Lethal about 2 minutes in after nailing everyone with the ladder, so he’s eligible.  Guns and Creed triple team Suicide while Lethal waits it out in the penalty box.  Suicide either botches a monkey flip or hits a revere lung blower on Shelley for a pin, so Shelley is sent to the penalty box while Lethal is released.  Sabin throws a chair at Suicide.  Lethal hits a Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair.  Lethal and Sabin fight over who is going to make the cover.  All 3 guys pile up on Suicide and pin him.  Lethal was on bottom, so he is the one who is eligible.  Guns and Lethal Consequences dance, then the Guns attack them.  Guns show their usual awesome teamwork against Lethal Consequences.  Sabin is knocked to the outside, then Creed gets a pin on Shelley after the TKO.  Suicide is released as Shelley is sent back to the box.  Lethal Consequences double team Suicide.  Sabin comes back in and goes for the Cradle Shock on Suicide, but gets counter and monkey flipped onto a ladder.  Lethal holds Suicide on the outside for Creed to hit a somersault plancha.  Suicide, Lethal, and Creed fight up the aisle.  Sabin runs up the ladder to the box and hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  That was awesome.  Shelley is released and starts climbing the ladder, even though he doesn’t have the belt and isn’t eligible anyway.  Sabin lets Shelley pin him.  Shelley goes up with the belt, but Suicide hits a missile dropkick on the ladder.  Creed whips Suicide face first into the ladder.  Lethal balances on the ladder, which is set up on the turnbuckle.  Suicide front suplexes Creed onto the ladder, which slingshots Lethal into a nasty bump.  Sabin is released from the box and pins Lethal after a sick tornado DDT.  Everyone is eligible to hang the belt now.  Creed hits a move on Lethal, then Shelley hits a move on Creed.  Suicide hits a jumping DDT on Shelley.  Sabin hits the Cradle Shock on Suicide, then tries to hang the belt.  Suicide stops him.  Sabin takes him out and goes for it again, but Lethal makes it back in and backdrops him off the ladder.  Shelley hits a frog splash on Lethal, then superkicks Suicide.  Shelley lays out the ladder between the ring and the barricade.  Creed lands a kick on Shelley to send him out of the ring, then slams Suicide.  Lethal goes up top, but Sabin stops him.  Suicide dropkicks Sabin off the apron and onto the ladder.  Shelley hits a dive onto Suicide that the camera misses.  Lethal hits an elbow onto Sabin, who was still lying across the ladder.  “THIS IS AWESOME” chants.  Shelley and Creed fight on the apron.  Shelley lands a superkick, then the Shiranui on the apron.  Ouch.  Suicide and Shelley trade shots.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui off the cage, but Suicide counters and dropkicks him over the guardrail.  Suicide gets the belt and hangs up the ladder.  Crowd is booing him.  Lethal pushes the ladder over, but Suicide catches the ropes with the Captain Morgan pose and goes to the top of the box.  Shenanigans ensue and the ladder ends up being set up horizontally over the box and Lethal’s back.  Shelley sets up another ladder and goes for it, but Suicide jumps off the horizontal ladder and takes him down with a neckbreaker, then hangs the belt for the win at 23:28.  Really good match.  The lights go out and Suicide disappears.  I wish he’d disappear for good.

Tenay and West run down the rest of the card.

Lauren Brooke says Team 3D haven’t arrived back from Japan yet, then interviews Shane Douglas, followed by a Daniels/Douglas video package.  If Douglas beats Daniels, he gets Daniels’ spot on the roster.  If Douglas loses, he leaves.

“The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. The Daniels formerly known as Christopher.  What the hell happened to Daniels’ first name anyway?  Douglas wrestles in a t-shirt.  Daniels works a headlock.  Douglas bails.  Daniels teases a dive, which Douglas avoids, but Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault.  Douglas works on Daniels’ arm.  Daniels gets a rope break and makes his comeback.  Daniels thinks BME, but Douglas stops him with a kick to the head.  They trade shots.  Douglas goes for the belly to belly, but Daniels drops him with an STO and hits the BME for the win at 8:14.  This wasn’t long enough to be offensive, thankfully.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Mick Foley.  Foley thinks Jeff Jarrett is going to help him retain the title for some reason.

Love/Tara video package.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) vs. Tara.  Tara is Victoria, for anyone who doesn’t know.  Love shows off a little bit, then Tara kicks her ass.  Love bails.  Tara teases a dive, then dropkicks her into the barricade.  The other Beautiful People attack Tara from behind, then throw her back in the ring.  Love schoolgirls her for a quick 2.  Love gets heat on her for a bit, including more interference from Sky and Rayne at ringside.  Tara makes her comeback and hits a spinning slam thing, then goes outside and slaps the shit out of Sky, then Rayne.  Tara goes back in.  Love catches her with a kick, then Sky sprays hair spray on Tara’s face.  Love hits a Flatliner (called the Lights Out) for the win at 6:53.  Not awful, but nothing special.

Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie Richards, Raven, and Daffney.  Raven cuts his usual insane, yet awesome promo, then hugs Stevie and cries.  Monster’s Ball video package.

Monster’s Ball Match: Raven & Daffney (w/ Dr. Stevie) vs. Abyss & Taylor Wilde.  The faces shine early.  Abyss press slams Daffney out of the ring and onto Raven and Stevie, then Wilde dives out onto all 3 of them.  Abyss and Raven go into the crowd.  Daffney jumps in Abyss’ back, so Wilde sandwiches her head with a trash can lid and a cookie sheet.  They all brawl in the crowd.  Wilde jumps off of some speakers or something and splashes Daffney through a table.  Abyss and Raven make it back to the ring.  Abyss pulls out the bag of tacks.  Stevie comes in and nails Abyss with a chair.  Abyss is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Raven hits the drop toe hold onto the chair, but Abyss gets his hands out to protect himself.  Raven breaks a Singapore cane over Abyss’ head.  Raven chokes Abyss with a cane.  Wilde makes the save with a trash can lid shot.  Daffney nails Wilde with a cookie sheet.  Raven hits Abyss a few times with a trash can, then Abyss kicks it into Raven’s face.  Abyss hits Raven with the cane.  Abyss chokeslams Raven, but they totally miss the trash can.  Stevie distracs the ref.  Abyss goes for Stevie.  Stevie holds Abyss for a trash can shot, but Abyss movies and Stevie gets nailed.  Wilde dives off of Abyss’ shoulders onto Raven.  Abyss covers, but Stevie distracts the ref again.  Abyss pours out the tacks.  Daffney tries to attack him.  Wilde throws Daffney onto the tacks and covers, but Stevie saves.  Abyss sets up a chokeslam on the tacks, but Raven hits Abyss with a chair.  DDT on the chair by Raven, but Abyss kicks out.  Raven goes for the DDT on the tacks, but Abyss counters and hits the Black Hole Slam (on the tacks) for the win at 14:09.  Good plunder match.

Borash interviews Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett says he doesn’t want to be World Champion, but he has to take the title from Mick Foley to get his company back.

Sting/Morgan video package.

Sting vs. Matt Morgan.  If Morgan wins, he gets to join the Main Event Mafia. Sting is wearing his old red and black outfit, but with the usual white and black face paint.  That’s odd.  Morgan overpowers Sting to start and fishes out some punishment.  Sting fights back.  Tenay says Team 3D have arrived at the arena.  Morgan overpowers Sting again and gets heat on him for a while.  Sting tries to kick Morgan’s legs out from under him.  Sting manages to drop him with a missile dropkick.  Morgan avoids a Stinger Splash and hits the Carbon Footprint for 2.  Morgan goes for the Hellevator, but Sting counters.  I think he was trying for the Scorpion Death Drop, but they ended up just falling.  Sting hits it, but Morgan kicks out at 2!  Sting kicks him down and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope for the pin at 9:01.  Much better match than I expected.

Bound For Glory is coming to Los Angeles this year!

Lauren interviews AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.  AJ says either he or Joe will win the title tonight and take the company back.  Joe says he’s going to take out Angle… or something.  I kind of spaced out there for a second.

Team 3D/Beer Money video package.  Voice over guy says “Team 3D battles Beer Money for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.”  Of course I’m serious.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: IWGP Tag Team Championship Team 3D (c) vs. Beer Money.  3D have to be jet lagged, as they defended the IWGP Tag Team Championship on a New Japan show the day before.  Storm and Devon start.  Storm gets the better of it at first, then Devon gets some stuff in.  Roode tags in.  They have a little double teaming on Devon, then Bubba tags in against Roode.  Ray connects with a straight kick to Roode’s face.  Who knew he could get his foot up that high?  Roode and Ray go at it hard with a pretty good exchange.  Devon tags in.  Double team on Roode.  Beer Money work over Devon a bit.  Ray gets the lukewarm tag and hits the Bubba Bomb on Roode for 2.  They try to set up the 3D, but Storm prevents it.  Wassup headbutt on Roode.  Devon gets the table.  Wouldn’t they be DQ’d if they used it?  Roode his a spinebuster on Ray for 2.  Tag to Storm.  Double team on Ray.  BEER!  MONEY!  The British Invasion come out.  Williams and Magnus join the commentary team while the big guy just stands there.  Ray makes a comeback and hot tags Devon.  Devon knocks Roode through a loop with a lariat and covers, but Storm saves.  Devon hits a chokeslam of all things on Roode, but Storm saves again.  Inverted 3D for 2.  West does commentary in a British accent.  3D sets up the Doomsday Device on Roode, but he counters out of it.  Storm hits a lung blower on Ray.  Storm hits a Frankensteiner off the top on Devon.  Roode follows with a frog splash, which gets 2.  Ray saves Devon from a double suplex off the top.  They finally get the Doomsday Device on Roode for 2.  Storm accidentally spits beer on Roode’s face.  3D on Roode.  The big guy (Rob Terry?) distracts the referee.  Ray hits a suicide cross body on Magnus and Terry!  Williams gets on the apron.  Devon sends him off through the table.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Devon.  Roode gets the pin at 16:56 to regain the titles.  Good match, everybody was working hard tonight.

Borash interviews Kurt Angle, who is growing out his hair and beard.  He looks odd.  Angle says it’s all about him and Joe tonight, and he’ll walk out as champion again.

King of the Mountain video package.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Mick Foley (c) vs. TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle.  Long entrances and introductions, including a short video package on each participant.  Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey.  As soon as the intros are over, Joe puts on a Detroit Red Wings jersey and kicks Angle’s ass.  Even though it’s no DQ and the match hasn’t started yet, Joe is DQ’d and forced to start the match in the penalty box, while Angle is immediately eligible to hang the belt.  The bell rings.  Jarrett and Styles beat up Angle while Foley just stands on the ladder outside the ring.  Styles and Jarrett both try to pin Angle, but unsuccessfully.  Foley comes in, tries to slam Jarrett, but just falls over and lets Jarrett pin him.  The referee makes two 2 counts, and finally the 3.  The fuck?  Foley goes into the box as Joe is released.  Jarrett is now eligible to hang the belt.  Joe fights with Jarrett in the ring as Styles and Angle fight outside.  Foley apparently just wanted to rest for 2 minutes, even though he hasn’t done anything all match except for the stupid failed slam spot.  Foley is released and goes after Joe.  Joe locks Foley in the Coquina Clutch and chokes him out as the other 3 fight outside.  Joe is eligible and Foley goes back to the box.  Joe suplexes Angle onto the ladder.  Ouch.  The ladder is set up against the turnbuckle and Joe whips Jarrett into it.  Joe tries to hang the belt.  Foley is released from the box and knocks the ladder over.  Joe falls on the ladder in a very painful looking way.  That ladder is done.  Foley puts the boots to Joe.  Styles comes in and goes after him, but Foley drops him.  Foley whips Joe into the ladder, then charges, but Joe hiptosses Foley onto the ladder.  Jarrett tries to climb the destroyed ladder, thinks better of it, and throws it out of the ring at Angle.  Jarrett brings in another ladder and goes for the win, but Angle comes back in and lands a low blow.  Angle kicks Foley’s ass a bit, then gets his ass kicked by Styles.  Angle goes for a German on Styles, who lands on his feet.  Cool.  Styles goes for a tornado DDT, but Angle counters and suplexes Styles on the ladder.  Jarrett grabs the acoustic equalizer and goes for the el kabong, but Angle kicks him in the gut and locks on the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs the guitar, gets out of the hold, and nails Angle with the erstwhile instrument.  Jarrett goes for the win.  Foley climbs up and tells Jarrett to give him the belt.  They trade punches, then Styles springboard dropkicks the ladder to send them both crashing down.  Foley and Styles end up on top of the penalty box.  Foley goes for a suplex.  AJ fights him off with headbutts and goes for his own suplex.  Foley blocks it and throws AJ into the ring with an impressive bump.  Joe locks the choke on Jarrett, but Jarrett hits a jawbreaker out of it and hits the Stroke onto the ladder.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Jarrett and covers.  Kick out, but Foley comes off the box with an elbow drop on Angle!  Foley gets the pin, so no everybody by AJ is eligible.  Foley goes to hang the belt, but AJ comes in and hits him in the back with the Legends belt.  AJ kicks Foley off the ladder.  Styles and Joe double team Foley.  AJ lands the Pele kick that sends Foley to the outside, then Joe elevates Styles out of the ring to take out Foley in an impressive suicide dive.  Styles gets a pin on Foley that the camera misses, so now everyone is eligible.  Jarrett hits Joe with the ladder.  Angle is released from the box as Foley is sent in.  Jarrett goes to hang the belt, but AJ climbs up to stop him.  Angle tries to pull Jarrett down.  They drop the belt.  Jarrett dives at Angle, but Angle drives him to the mat.  Joe and Styles fight.  Joe drops him with the big kick.  Foley is released and goes after Styles.  Foley nails him with the belt, then Joe lands his kick on Foley.  Joe goes up the ladder with the belt.  AJ grabs his boot and pulls him down and ends up with the belt around his neck.  Styles tries to climb the ladder, but Joe pulls him down.  Styles whips Joe, who dives through the ropes onto Jarrett and Foley.  Angle comes in and goes for the Angle Slam on Styles, but Styles counters into the Styles Clash.  AJ looks to have it won, but Joe comes in and powerbombs him off the ladder.  Joe goes up with the belt.  Angle climbs up the other side.  Joe hands Angle the belt!  Angle hangs the belt for the win at 22:04.  Joe and Angle hug.  Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Sharmell appear on stage to applaud Angle.  Has Joe joined the Main Event Mafia?  Oh, and I thought the match turned out pretty good too.

Pretty good show all together, one of TNA’s better PPV offerings of late.

TNA iMPACT! 11/18/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package chronicling Jeff Hardy’s heel turn.

“Morgan Woooo’s The Nature Boy.”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ric Flair comes out to cut a promo on Matt Morgan.  Flair is a great promo but his facts are flawed.  He says Morgan complained about getting screwed at the PPV, but actually Morgan was perfectly fine with getting screwed and forgave the referee.  Flair says he’ll be the special guest referee in Morgan’s title rematch.  He calls out Morgan, so Morgan comes out to the ring.  Flair says Morgan isn’t allowed to call him “Naitch” anymore because they’re not friends anymore.  Flair calling himself “God” constantly kind of bothers me.  He says Morgan has to beat him tonight to get the title shot that he already said he’d be referee for.  Was he assuming Morgan would beat him, or is this just more TNA bullshit?  Morgan says wrestling Flair is on his bucket list.  Flair says something about fucking a female horse, I think.  Flair rambles some more.  Morgan promises to shove his boot up Flair’s ass.

Generation Me are headed our way!  Tara hits on them, then slaps them on the ass.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com on Black Friday!  Isn’t every Friday a Black Friday for TNA when they get the Impact rating?

Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. Raven (Raven is fired if he loses)!  Abyss has an open challenge for a Casket Match!  Ric Flair vs. Matt Morgan!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns, Jay Lethal, & Velvet Sky vs. TNA X Division Champion Robbie E., Generation Me, & Cookie.  It’s mentioned that Sabin and Sky are dating now.  Lethal and Max start.  Lethal wants the Shore tard, but he accepts working Max’s arm.  Shelley tags in to do a spot.  Sabin immediately tags in.  All of the faces pinball Max around.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe and Velvet stands on his balls.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick for 2.  Shelley warms up for a superkick, but Jeremy pulls him out of the ring.  A brawl erupts on the outside for a minute.  Cookie tags in and puts the boots to Shelley, then quickly tags in the Woo Woo guy’s retarded cousin.  The heels take turns  beating up Shelley.  Shelley nails the Shore tard with an enzuigiri.  Lethal gets the tag and runs wild.  Lethal hits the Bucks with a handspring elbow smash.  Robbie comes in and Lethal beats him up.  Cookie tries to attack Lethal.  Lethal grabs her.  Jeremy intervenes and gets hit with the Lethal Combination.  Sabin tags in and hits Jeremy with a springboard shot for 2.  Velvet calls Cookie a bitch and runs after her.  Velvet hits a flying head scissors on Max.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns go for the Skull & Bones.  Velvet attacks Cookie.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Jeremy.  Shelley hits a dive on Robbie.  Max sprays hair spray in Sabin’s eyes.  Jeremy schoolboys him for the pin in 5:30.  It was okay.  It turned into a clusterfuck at the end.

Jeff Jarrett is warming up backstage.  Commercials.

Generation Me talk backstage.  The Motor City Machine Guns challenge them to an Empty Arena Match on Reaction.

Jeff Jarrett talks to Gunner and Murphy, who I thought Flair fired last week.  He tells them to keep watch and not let Kurt Angle into the arena.  Jeremy Borash walks by.  Why isn’t he out there waiting to do the ring announcing?  Jarrett sends Gunner and Murphy away and bitches Borash out.  He slaps him, just because he’s a dick.  Jarrett rants and raves for a while.  He says they’re making TNA profitable.  That is a lie.

Tenay and Taz talk about what good friends Jarrett and Borash used to be.

Kurt Angle video package.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and some geeks come out in MMA gear.  Borash does a ridiculous introduction for this stupid MMA exhibition.  Jarrett insists that the production guys put a disclaimer for the hearing impaired on screen.  They do.  Jarrett demonstrates a cross armbreaker and leaves it on too long just to be a dick.  The crowd is shitting on this big time.  Jarrett gets the next geek in a knee bar and says “My buddy Frank Mir made Brock tap to this.”  The next move is an ankle lock.  Jarrett says it was perfect by a great former TNA Champion… Ken Shamrock.  Next is a rear naked choke.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Jarrett says he learned it from Royce Gracie.  He does the move in a really retarded Jeff Jarrett pro wrestling sleeper hold way.  Samoa Joe comes out to put a stop to this nonsense.  He challenges Jarrett to spar with him.  Jarrett challenges Joe to beat the last 2 weeks to get a Submission Match with Jarrett.  Jarrett implores the students to “shoot on him.”  Joe taps one with a Kimura, then taps the other with an Anaconda Vice.  Jarrett now has to face Joe in a submission match.  There’s a referee and a bell, so…

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ geeks) vs. Samoa Joe.  Jarrett throws the geeks at Joe.  Joe kills them.  Jarrett runs away.  I guess it’s a no-contest in about 20 seconds.  The geek that Joe tapped with the Anaconda Vice wants to fight Joe.  Joe kicks his ass and gives him the Muscle Buster.  This was all very stupid.

Stevie Richards, Tommy Dreamer, and Brian Kendrick give Raven a pep talk in the EV2.0 locker room.  Raven vs. Hardy is NEXT!  Commercials.

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy vs. Raven.  No entrance for Raven.  Completely ridiculous, Immortal mandated introductions by Borash.  He gives Hardy a long intro and then says “introducing his opponent… Raven.”  Raven grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block for 2.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker.  Raven hits a drop toe hold that sends Hardy out of the ring, then Russian leg sweeps him into the barricade.  Back inside, Raven hits a diving knee bulldog thing for 2.  Raven brings in a chair, because TNA has nothing resembling rules.  He ends up being the one who takes the bump into the chair anyway.  Hardy beats up Raven on the outside.  Raven avoids the Whisper In The Wind and hits a discus lariat.  Raven hits a bulldog headlock for 2.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Hardy counters into the Twist of Hate.  Hardy hits the Swanton bomb for the pin in 2:55.  Raven is fired!  Interesting fact: Raven’s last WWE and last TNA match were both against Jeff Hardy.

Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, and Brian Kendrick come out to console the unemployed Raven.  Hulk Hogan comes out and insults Raven.  Raven wants to fight Hulk, but is held back.  Hogan fires Raven.  Poor Raven.  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer is still in the ring.  He calls out Rhino.  Rhino comes out to defend his turn.  He says none of the EV2.0 guys cared that his contract was expired, but Bischoff did.  He picked employment over unemployment.  That’s an easy choice.  He’s mad because he was in TNA first, but RVD and Dreamer showed up to steal his thunder.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo on him.  Crowd chants “YOU SOLD OUT!” at Rhino.  Rhino says he has to take care of his family.  So he’s a heel because he wants to take care of his family?  And Dreamer is mad about that?  What a dick Dreamer is!  Rhino attacks Dreamer’s injured wrist.  Rob Van Dam comes out to make the save.  Why didn’t he come out for the Raven deal?  Rhino gets the better of it and Gores RVD.  Argh.

Abyss is next.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan talks to no one in particular backstage.

Casket Match: Shannon Moore vs. Abyss.  Before the commercial, Abyss was pushing the casket to the ring, but now it’s just at ringside.  Did Abyss push it out to ringside during the commercial, then go back to make his ring entrance?  They show Abyss and Eric Bischoff beating up the casket that the Pope was in last week.  Moore tries to be abusive and elusive.  That works well enough for a minute, then Abyss catches him and slams him.  Abyss tries to put Moore in the casket.  Fail.  They brawl a little.  Moore avoids a charge in the corner, gets backdropped to the apron, and hits a half assed diving bulldog.  Moore tries to put Abyss in the casket.  Fail.  TNA really needs to learn that some matches don’t need to be competitive.  They brawl some more.  Moore slams Abyss’ arm in the casket, then hits an Asai moonsault.  That dude can never do a correct moonsault.  Is that intentional?  Moore gets Abyss about halfway into the casket.  Moore beats him up some more.  Abyss beats up Moore in kind.  Back inside, Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss opens the casket, which The Pope is now magically inside.  Pope attacks Abyss to cause the DQ in 5:51.  A DQ in a fucking casket match.  Fucking stupid TNA bullshit.

Angelina Love talks to no one in particular.  She takes on Mickie James in a #1 Contender match next.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Championship #1 Contender Match: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James.  They lock up.  Love takes James down.  They actually do a bit of wrestling.  They shake hands and lock up again.  Love grabs a side headlock and takes Mickie down with it.  Mickie escapes.  Love grabs it again, then hits a shoulder block.  They reverse hip toss attempts.  Mickie hits a monkey flip and a dropkick for 2.  They lock up again and start fighting.  Love hits a World’s (not so) Strongest Slam for 2.  Love applies a rear chin lock.  More shit happens.  They shake hands yet again.  Love throws her down for 2.  Love gets a schoolgirl out of the corner for 2.  Mickie hits a rana and a neckbreaker for 2.  Love avoids the diving Thesz press and hits a pump kick for 2.  Mickie fights back and hits her DDT for the pin in 5:43.  Meh.

Brother Ray is headed our way.  Commercials.

Angelina Love throws a temper tantrum backstage.  Winter appears to be creepy.  I think Winter is hitting on her.

Brother Ray comes out to talk about why he turned on Devon last week.  They show said betrayal.  He names a bunch of people who have fallen to the 3D.  He says Sabin kicked out because Devon was weak.  Bubba says he was the star of the team, etc., and Devon was “a guy who got my tables.”  Great line.

Flair vs. Morgan NEXT!  If Morgan wins, he gets to pick the referee for his title match.  If Flair wins, Morgan loses the shot.  This is the first mention of these stipulations, and despite it being stated earlier that Flair would be the referee in the title match.  Oh, TNA.  Commercials.

Ric Flair vs. Matt Morgan.  They lock up.  Flair pushes the much larger Morgan into the corner.  Morgan shoves Flair across the ring.  Flair kicks Morgan’s knee, then chops him in the corner.  Morgan responds in kind.  Morgan hits a big back body drop.  Fun Fact: 35 years after the plane crash, Flair still won’t take a flat back bump.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Flair does the Flair Chop.  There’s a ref bump.  Flair kicks Morgan in the balls.  Flair beats up Morgan.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam.  Flair pokes him in the eyes and throws him out of the ring.  Morgan rams Flair’s head into the barricade.  Flair is bleeding.  Morgan bites his head.  They brawl outside.  Back into the ring.  Flair begs off.  The show end.

TNA is much more watchable when you view it as satire.

TNA iMPACT! 11/11/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

Turning Point recap video.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Members of Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, Abyss, and Fortune (Ric Flair, TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, and Doug Williams).  Storm is carrying a trash can for some reason.  Bischoff puts everybody ever (calling Jeff Jarrett a Mixed Martial Arts master in the process).  Flair and Styles take their turns to babble.  Styles promises to break Stevie Richards’ neck tonight.  Bischoff introduces TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy.  Hardy cuts the usual rambling promo.  Bischoff introduces Hulk Hogan.  So the old walrus actually showed up for TV this week.  Hogan asks if we know what it feels like to be surrounded by family.  A fan yells “Thanksgiving!”  Hogan babbles for a while.  They lower a horrible, disgustingly ugly new World title belt down from the rafters.  It looks like something Jeff designed when he was stoned.  It also looks like gay puke.  They throw the old belt into the trash can.  Oh, so that’s why they brought a trash can!  “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out through the crowd.  He’s mad at Bischoff for buying off Pope’s family at the PPV.  Shouldn’t he be mad at his family?  He promises to put Bischoff in a casket tonight and push him off the stage.  Samoa Joe comes out.  He wants a shoot fight with Jarrett.  I guess that’s as opposed to the fake fight they had at the PPV.  Rob Van Dam comes out.  He wants a shot at Jeff Hardy’s disgustingly ugly belt.  Matt Morgan comes out.  He also wants Hardy’s ugly eyesore of a belt, since he had him pinned at the PPV but a retarded referee screwed up the count.  He threatens to “expose [Hardy’s] ass.”  Morgan also wants to fight Hogan.  That could quite possibly be the worst match ever if it actually happened.  Hogan implies that it might happen.  I fucking hope not.  This shit took 23 minutes.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Ric Flair discuss matters in the office.  At least this time they made it look like the camera is spying on them instead of just being there oblivious to everyone.  Hogan books Joe vs. Gunner & Murphy, RVD vs. Kazarian (RVD becomes #1 contender if he wins), and Matt Morgan vs. Beer Money & Doug Williams for tonight.  Flair and Hogan go to chase pussy.

TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. and Cookie are fucking obnoxious backstage.  They have a mixed tag tonight.  Cookie says she’s not a wrestler, but she knows how to fight.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jay Lethal & TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Taylor Wilde vs. TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. & Cookie.  Cookie bitches at Robbie during his retarded spazzy entrance.  Cookie has decided she doesn’t want to fight.  Entrances, insta-commercials, bell.  Lethal and Wilde go after the Shore tards, who bail.  The faces go outside and the referee gets in their fucking way to keep them from fighting.  Robbie Pearl Harbors Lethal.  In the ring, Lethal takes over.  Cookie pulls Robbie out of the ring to save him from being chopped.  Lethal throws Robbie back in the ring  and beats him up.  Robbie hugs Cookie’s waist.  Wilde tags in, so Cookie has to get in the ring.  Ugh.  The plus side is Wilde’s boobs are huge.  Cookie immediately tags out.  Lethal comes back in and hits Robbie with a diving cross body for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick.  Cookie pulls Lethal off the cover.  Robbie jumps Lethal from behind again.  Lethal hits an arm drag and cranks on Robbie’s arm.  Wilde goes after Cookie again so the ref can get in the way.  Robbie beats up Lethal.  Robbie does is stupid jerking off taunt or whatever it is at Wilde, then beats up Lethal some more.  Cookie holds Lethal from the apron.  Lethal avoids the shot and Robbie almost charges into her.  Lethal hits a botched Lethal Combination.  Cookie jumps on his back.  Lethal gets free.  Cookie tries to kick him.  Lethal pulls Cookie’s boot off.  Wilde chases Cookie around the ring in slow motion.  Robbie hits Lethal with the boot for the pin in 5:54.  This was fucking horrible.  I’d like to punch whoever came up with that Shore gimmick in the face.

Team 3D/Motor City Machine Guns highlight video.

Team 3D are headed our way.

Team 3D come out to cut their alleged farewell promo.  They put over the Guns and talk about what they’re going to do now.  Bubba says he’s going to form a rock band.  Devon says he’s going to train his twin sons to be the new Team 3D.  Devon says his catchphrase.  They hug.  Bubba clobbers Devon from behind to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Tonight, AJ Styles vs. Stevie Richards!  Matt Morgan vs. Beer Money & Doug Williams!  RVD vs. Kazarian!

Eric Bischoff bitches out the referees because that idiot (Bischoff’s son) screwed up the count at the PPV and kept Bischoff’s guy from losing.  Bischoff is very pissed off that that his guy won because of the referee’s lack of ability to do his job.  Matt Morgan comes in and is perfectly fine that the idiot screwed him out of the title at the PPV.  He’s so fine with it that he wants the guy to referee his match tonight.

Handicap Match: Gunner & Murphy vs. Samoa Joe.  The goons jump Joe from behind and beat them up.  Joe hits Gunner with an Exploder, then beats up Murphy.  Joe hits Murphy with the Muscle Buster for the pin in 1:28.  Whatever.  Gunner jumps Joe from behind.  Joe kicks his ass and chokes him out.  Jeff Jarrett appears and hits Joe with a nightstick.  Jarrett locks Joe in an ankle lock.  Kurt Angle comes in from the crowd and gives Murphy the Angle Slam.  Angle gives Gunner a German suplex.  Jarrett runs away.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and Abyss are in the office.  Flair fires Gunner and Murphy.  Bischoff takes Abyss to go find Angle.

Eric Bischoff is smoking a cigar in the bathroom.  Seriously.  Abyss is pooping in one of the stalls.  Pope comes into the bathroom and beats up Bischoff, then beats up Abyss right after Abyss finished pooping.  Pope kidnaps Bischoff, I guess.

Kazarian vs. Rob Van Dam.  Tenay mentions that Rhino’s contract has expired.  The bell rings.  RVD hears this and takes it as his queue to pose on the ropes.  Kazarian, being slightly less stupid, jumps RVD from behind and beats him up.  RVD hits a monkey flip.  RVD hits a second money flip.  Kazarian did get good air on them.  RVD hits a cartwheel standing moonsault for 2.  RVD hits a springboard kick and bows, then does his thumb pointing.  Kazarian elbows RVD in the face.  RVD kicks Kazarian in the face.  Kazarian avoids RVD in the corner and hits a diving cross body, bumping the referee in the process.  RVD drops Kazarian with a kick.  Ric Flair comes out with a chair.  Rhino comes out and takes the chair away from him, then gets in the ring.  Rhino Gores RVD to the surprise of absolutely no one.  Kazarian gets the pin in 3:27.  This was bad.  Tommy Dreamer comes out and is like “WTF Rhino?”  Rhino waits until Dreamer’s back is turned and hits him with the chair.

House shows!

Backstage, The Pope yells at Eric Bischoff and puts some jewelry and crap on him, then makes him rap.  Bischoff’s rapping isn’t good enough for Pope.  This is the most retarded shit ever.

Hulk Hogan bitches at Abyss for allowing Bischoff to be taken hostage.  He sends Abyss to get Eric and “rip the Pope’s head off.”

They show some of the SHIT that has GONE DOWN tonight.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Stevie Richards.  Richards jumps Styles from behind during his entrance and kicks his ass.  Insta-commercials, bell.  So presumably, these guys have been fighting for 4 minutes (the length of an average commercial break), but they’re just now ringing the bell.  Stevie hits a back body drop for… 1, maybe?  Stevie sends Styles outside and chops him, then throws him back in.  Styles gets the jump on Stevie and hits a springboard moonsault knees to the back of Stevie’s head for 2.  That was odd/neat.  Styles cranks on Stevie’s neck while Tenay and Taz pretend that this TV title has any lineage to past TV titles.  Stevie fights back, but misses a dropkick.  Styles hits some elbow drops and a stomp.  Styles applies a rear chin lock.  Styles does the drop down, leapfrog, dropkick bit for 2.  They trade shots.  Stevie backdrops Styles to the apron.  Styles drops him.  Stevie makes his comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  I think.  Stevie lands corner punches.  Styles avoids Stevie in the corner and Stevie crotches himself.  Styles goes for the springboard flying forearm, but Stevie catches him midair  with the Stevie kick to the gut for 2.  Stevie goes for a piledriver, then for a powerbomb.  He fails at both.  Styles hits a horribly botches Styles Clash for the pin in 6:09.  Best thing on the show by far, but they could do WAY better.  Taz decides that Stevie is fine since he can move his arms.  They supposedly did a big injury angle with this live and people were really concerned.  Of course, this being TNA, they completely no sell it on TV.

Backstage, The Pope puts Eric Bischoff in a casket.

The Pope wheels the casket out onto the sound stage.  Abyss jumps Pope at ringside and chokes him.  Abyss find Bischoff unconscious.  Pope beats up Abyss.  Bischoff wakes up, escapes the casket, and hits Pope in the balls.  Abyss puts Pope in the casket.  They ram the casket through their cheap stage.  Bischoff beats up the casket.  I swear I did make make up or exaggerate a single detail of this segment.

Handicap Match: Beer Money & Doug Williams of Fortune (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Matt Morgan.  Fortune jump Morgan and beat up on him.  Morgan fights back.  They quickly cut him off.  Morgan runs through Beer Money’s double clothesline and clotheslines both of them.  He goes for a double chokeslam, but Williams clips his knee.  They all stomp on Morgan.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  Williams works Morgan’s leg.  Roode works Morgan’s leg.  Storm works Morgan’s leg.  Roode sneaks in to work Morgan’s leg.  Williams tags in and works Morgan’s leg again.  Flair works Morgan’s leg behind the referee’s back.  Storm locks Morgan in a figure four leglock.  Morgan turns it over.  Storm gets a rope break.  Roode tags in.  Morgan fights back, but gets his leg taken out again.  Eric Bischoff comes out to the announce table to rant and rave.  Roode locks Morgan in a Boston crab.  Morgan gets a rope break.  Roode beats on Morgan.  Morgan explodes with a discus lariat, then sells his knee.  At least he remembers that they’ve spent the whole fucking match working his leg.  That makes him better than a good many wrestlers.  Williams tags in and gets beaten up.  I spoke too soon, because his knee is now just fine.  Morgan cleans house.  They cut him off again.  Beer Money try the double suplex, but Morgan suplexes them instead.  The show ends.  While the match is still going on.

This show was so bad it’s kind of funny.

I leave you with a quote from WrestleCrap founder R.D. Reynolds regarding this show: “Just read the TNA Impact taping spoilers…when I write Death of TNA, this show could warrant an entire chapter. Egads.”

TNA Turning Point 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

The opening video is more of Jeff Hardy’s drug fueled ramblings.

Turning Point!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  The PPV is opening with Shore.  Wonderful.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  They lock  up.  Robbie has a fist on the back of his trunks.  Is his gimmick that he loves to jerk off?  Lethal wins the lock up and the Shore tard bails to give instructions to Becky Bayless’ tits.  They lock up again.  Lethal shines and hits some arm drags.  Robbie has fists on his knee pads too.  He must really love jerking it.  Lethal backdrops him out of the ring to the floor, which I enjoyed.  The Shore tards avoids getting hit by Lethal’s baseball slide dropkick, but Lethal drops Robbie with a chop.  Lethal beats up Robbie on the outside, then throws him back inside.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a hip toss, then cartwheels into a dropkick for 2.  Lethal lands an elbow smash and goes for the Lethal Combination, but Robbie counters and hot shots Lethal into the ropes.  Robbie grounds & pounds Lethal, then covers for 2.  Robbie keeps the heat on Lethal.  Lethal tries to fight back, but gets whipped hard into the corner.  Cover gets 2.  Robbie dances like a Jersey retard, then applies an abdominal stretch.  Lethal breaks out, but gets caught with an elbow smash.  Cover gets 2 for the tard.  Robbie hugs Lethal from behind.  Robbie works Lethal’s ribs.  Lethal makes his comeback and gets rolling.  Lethal gets a sunset flip, but Cookie distracts the referee.  Lethal goes to yell at her.  Robbie tries to jump Lethal, but gets thrown outside.  Lethal lands a tope suicida.  Lethal beats up Robbie on the outside.  Back inside, Cookie tries to spray Lethal with hairspray.  Lethal takes it away from her, then hits Robbie with the Lethal Combination.  Lethal goes up top.  Cookie grabs his leg.  Robbie crotches him, then hits a neckbreaker for the pin in 10:40.  Good match, but I still hate everything about this retarded gimmick.

Tenay and Taz hype the rest of tonight’s card.

Christy Hemme interviews Mickie James.

Tara vs. Mickie James.  Idiot Borash almost announces it as a Knockouts title match.  Mickie rushes to the ring in her chaps.  They brawl.  Is she seriously going to wrestle on chaps?  Mickie shines.  Tara bails.  Mickie invites her back in to the ring.  Tara hits a neckbreaker across the top rope.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak, but Mickie counters into a sunset flip for 2.  Mickie applies a hair pull half crab briefly.  Tara bails again and pulls Mickie out of the ring.  They pull each others’ hair and roll back into the ring.  Tara throws Mickie across the ring by her hair.  Tara hits a suplex into a front choke, then pulls her hair.  Mickie fights back and takes Tara outside with a head scissors.  Mickie hits a diving Thesz press from the apron.  Back inside, Mickie hits a missile dropkick.  She goes for the spin kick, but Tara catches her leg and makes her do the splits.  Mickie counters a suplex and goes for a DDT.  Tara counters, sets her on the top rope, and goes for something, but they kind of fall.  They hit teach other on the top rope, then tumble to the floor.  They pull each others’ hair on the outside.  Tara gets whipped into the side of the ring.  They fight into the crowd.  The referee is out there with them instead of counting in the fucking ring.  He gets shoved and calls for a DQ in 8:15.  They keep fighting anyway.  Tara hits Mickie with a broom and breaks it over her back.  Mickie hits Tara with a trash can.  They brawl some more.  Security geeks break them up.  Mickie goes back to the ring and challenges Tara again.  So they brawl in the ring again and start ripping each others’ clothes off.  Yay!  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, and security geeks break them up.  They fight again.  They get broken up again.  This went on too long for my taste.  Still, it was 1000 times better than other current TNA women’s matches and at least they treated it like a grudge match.

Team 3D/Motor City Machine Guns hype video.

Christy Hemme interviews Team 3D.  Tonight is allegedly their last match.

Tag Lines!

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Team 3D.  Shelley and Devon shake hands and lock up.  They break and lock up again, then trade arm locks.  Devon takes Shelley down with a side headlock.  Shelley transitions into a head scissors, then breaks.  They lock up again  and trade holds.  Devon lands a flying shoulder block for 2.  Shelley drops out of a suplex attempt and avoids Devon in the corner.  Shelley ducks punches.  Devon ducks an enzuigiri.  Shelley drops Devon and tags in Sabin.  Guns go for the Skull & Bones, but Devon escapes, drops them, and tags in Ray.  3D go for the 3D, but Sabin bails to avoid it.  Sabin and Ray tear into each other.  Sabin lands some forearms and a springboard cross body for 2.  Ray boots Sabin in the face.  Devon tags in.  3D double team Sabin.  Cover, but Shelley saves.  Shelley blind tags in.  Guns double team Devon.  Cover gets 2.  Shelley goes for a diving stomp, but Devon avoids it and tags in Ray.  Ray works Shelley’s knee.  Shelley avoids getting squashed by a big splash and tags in Sabin.  Guns double team Ray.  Guns knock Devon to the floor and Shelley hits a tope suicida.  Ray avoids Sabin’s dive on the other side of the ring.  Ray charges, but Sabin moves and Ray smashes into the post.  Back inside, the Guns work Ray over.  Ray is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Sabin goes for a Frankensteiner off the top, but takes too long, allowing Ray to powerbomb him off the top!  Cover takes too long and gets 2.  Shelley tags in and prevents a tag from being made in the 3D corner.  Shelley kicks the crap out of Ray.  Ray asks for more and chops Shelley.  Repeat.  Shelley lands an enzuigiri, then goes for a rebound something.  Bubba catches him with an Ace Crusher in midair!  Devon and Sabin tag in.  Devon runs wild.  Devon hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Devon hits a powerslam for 2.  Devon hits a neckbreaker, but Shelley saves.  Guns double team Devon.  Devon slams them into each other.  Devon hits a 360 lariat on Sabin and goes up top.  Devon hits a diving headbutt, but Shelley saves.  Bubba blind tags in and hits the Guns with a double enzui lariat.  3D hit the inverted 3D on Sabin for 2.  3D hit the Wassup headbutt on Shelley.  Bubba tells Devon to get the tables, presumably so they can ruin their final match with a DQ finish.  3D set up the table and triy to whip Sabin through it, but Sabin runs up and flips back.  Bubba goes through the table.  Guns double superkick Devon for 2.  Guns hit Skull & Bones for 2.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui.  Devon fights them off.  3D on Sabin.  Sabin kicks out!  3D are in shock.  They go for it again, but Sabin DDTs Devon, then avoids Bubba’s elbow drop,  Shelley superkicks Bubba.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Bubba.  Shelley gets the pin in 17:07.  AWESOME match!  Everybody hugs and makes friends.

Christy Hemme interviews Tommy Dreamer.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Rob Van Dam.  They lock up, break, lock up, break, lock up.  Dreamer ducks a kick and gets a schoolboy for 2.  RVD gets a leg scissors cradle for 2.  They argue, then start punching each other.  RVD hits an ineffective shoulder block.  Dreamer hits a clothesline.  RVD bails.  Dreamer hits a diving clothesline off the apron.  RVD kicks Dreamer in the head.  RVD drops Dreamer’s balls across the barricade, then hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP!  RVD throws a chair into the ring.  There was no ring announcing for this match, so I have no idea what the gimmick is.  Either it’s legal or the referee is an idiot, because RVD grinds the chair into Dreamer’s face.  He tries a slingshot leg drop, but ends up just leg dropping the chair.  Dreamer works RVD’s leg.  Dreamer puts RVD in the tree of woe with the chair.  RVD moves.  Dreamer puts him back in position.  RVD moves again.  Dreamer hits a hangman’s neckbreaker.  Dreamer brings in a ladder and a fresh chair.  RVD stumbles around and tries to dropkick the ladder into Dreamer.  Dreamer avoids it and hits RVD in the face with a ladder.  Dreamer bulldogs RVD into the ladder for 2.  Dreamer goes for a diving elbow drop and hits it on the ladder.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on the ladder.  That poor, defenseless ladder.  Dreamer hits a sloppy frog splash on RVD for 2.  Dreamer looks to have injured his wrist.  RVD hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Eww… you can see the bone poking into the skin on Dreamer’s wrist.  RVD covers for 2.  Dreamer fights back.  RVD kicks him, then slams him onto a chair and goes for the split legged moonsault.  Dreamer moves and chair eats it.  RVD hits Dreamer in the head with the ladder.  Dreamer avoids the Five Star Frog Splash and hits a piledriver for 2 despite the ref clearly seeing RVD’s hand under the ropes.  Dreamer sets up RVD in the corner and uses the ladder as a platform.  He goes for a superplex, but ends up getting crotched on the ladder.  Dreamer falls back still trapped in the ladder.  Ouch.  RVD hits a running dropkick using the chair.  The announcers beg RVD to pin Dreamer and end this debacle.  Dreamer avoids the Five Star Frog Splash again and goes for the Spiccoli Driver, but fails.  RVD whips him into the ladder and goes for the Spiccoli Driver, but fails.  Dreamer tries the DDT, but fails and gets dropped across the chair.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 15:56.  What a sloppy mess of a match.  They make up, presumably realizing that the world should not be subjected to having to watch them wrestle each other again.

Christy Hemme interviews Fortune.

Fortune/EV2.0 hype video.

They’ve turned Borash down so low you can barely hear him.

TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, & Doug Williams of Fortune vs. Rhino, Sabu, Raven, & Stevie Richards, & Brian Kendrick of EV2.0.  Kazarian slaps Kendrick leading to everybody brawling.  Kendrick’s knee gets injured.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Richards for 2.  Kendrick is helped to the back.  It finally breaks down into a tag match as Beer Money double team Richards.  Fortune take turns working over Richards.  He’s the worker of the team, so he has to take the abuse.  Richards catches Kazarian as he goes for Richards’ own superkick and hits him with his own Complete Shot.  Rhino and Storm tag in.  Rhino runs wild.  The other Fortune dudes come in and get their asses kicked.  Rhino goes for the Gore on Storm, but Roode trips him.  Styles hits Rhino with the springboard forearm.  Storm covers for 2.  Roode works over Rhino.  Raven, as he’s done constantly throughout the match, makes random saves.  Rhino takes his turn as the face in peril for a while.  He drops Storm with either a Samoan drop or a half assed TKO.  Styles and Sabu tag in.  Sabu runs wild, looks like crap, and hits a dive on Fortune.  Raven crotches Styles on the top rope.  Sabu goes for a superplex, but Styles fights him off.  Styles goes for the springboard 450, but Sabu avoids it and hits a tornado DDT.  Williams saves.  Everybody hits finishers: Stevie Kick, Axe Guillotine Driver, Evenflow DDT, BEER!  MONEY! double suplex, GORE!  Clusterfuck.  Sabu goes for a tope rope Frankensteiner on Styles, but Styles turns it into the Styles Clash for the pin in 12:04.  Good match.  Ric Flair comes out, praises Fortune, and fires Sabu.  Sabu wants to fight Flair for insulting The Sheik, but is held back.  Flair horribly sings a goodbye song.  RVD and Dreamer come out to say goodbye to Sabu.

Christy Hemme interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero (w/ his congregation, including his brother).  Mickie James and Tara brawl into the interview area.  The congregation break them up.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne hits Mickie from behind with the belt.  Madison and Tara scream at Mickie.

Abyss/Pope hype video.

Lumberjack Match: Abyss vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope beats up Abyss and dropkicks him out of the ring.  Abyss gets back in before the Black Panthers can attack him.  Pope beats up Abyss some more.  Abyss throws Pope out of the ring.  Some congregation members catch him and set him down gently.  Back inside, Pope fails a sunset flip, but hits a diving lariat for 2.  Pope clotheslines Abyss out of the ring.  The congregation throw him back in.  Abyss boots Pope in the face and starts beating him up.  Abyss bear hugs Pope.  Pope fights back.  Abyss hugs him again.  Abyss goes for the Black Hole Slam, but Pope turns it into a DDT.  Pope makes his comeback.  This is boring.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Pope counters and knocks Abyss out of the ring.  He fights off the congregation, but Pope hits him with a dive off the top rope.  Back inside, Pope hits a diving headbutt for 2.  Pope beats up Abyss some more and celebrates with the congregation.  Eric Bischoff comes out and rubs his thumbs and forefingers together as the international sign of money.  Pope’s brother jumps him from behind.  The congregation beat up the Pope.  A fucking swerve just for the sake of doing a fucking swerve.  Pope’s brother throws him back into the ring.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin after a long, boring 12:51.  Boring shit, and of course we have to have a fucking swerve for no reason.  And why do they always wait until late in a match to do the swerve?  What if the match had ended in 2 minutes and you never got the chance to unveil your master plan?

Christy Hemme tries to go into the EV2.0 locker room to talk to Sabu.  Stevie Richards comes out instead and cuts a promo on Fortune.  He challenges AJ Styles to a match on iMPACT!

Jeff Jarrett/Samoa Joe hype video.

Jeff Jarrett comes out and cuts a promo.  He threatens to shut down the show if the fans don’t stop chanting “YOU SOLD OUT!”  He goes to leave, but Joe comes out and chases  him back to the ring.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe wins the lock up.  Jarrett tries to take Joe down, but fails.  Jarrett avoids an elbow drop.  Jarrett ducks a kick and gets a schoolboy for 0.  Joe drops Jarrett with a leg lariat.  Joe beats up Jarrett.  Jarrett beats up Joe.  They trade chops.  That’s a battle that Jarrett is not going to win.  And he doesn’t.  Jarrett counters a powerbomb, trips Jarrett, and locks in an ankle lock.  Jarrett does that “running into a guy against the ropes” and “sliding through the ropes and hitting a guy” stuff that I never know how to describe.  Jarrett comes off the top to hit Joe.  It works once, but fails the second time.  Joe gives a primal yell and kills Jarrett with a lariat for 2.  Joe hits a senton splash for 2.  Jarrett hits the Stroke for 2.  Joe hits an Exploder and goes for the Muscle Buster.  He fails that, goes for a superplex, and still fails.  Jarrett pulls Joe’s head across the top rope and hits the Stroke off the middle rope!  Joe kicks out again!  Jarrett gets a chair.  The referee goes out to stop him.  Joe hits them with a tope suicida.  Joe beats up Jarrett in the ring.  Gunner and Murphy come out and get their asses kicked.  Joe gives the little on the Muscle Buster.  Jarrett attacks Joe with a night stick.  Jarrett chokes Joe out with the stick.  Jarrett locks Joe in Joe’s on Coquina Clutch.  The big geek sends the referee back in.  The referee stops the match and awards it to Jarrett in 10:31.  2 fuck finishes in a row.

Highlight video of the show which isn’t over yet.  They really don’t have any faith at all that the main event will be any good, do they?

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Bischoff, who is celebrating with all of the dudes who betrayed The Pope.

Jeff Hardy/Matt Morgan hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  They lock up.  Morgan shoves Hardy.  Hardy bails.  Back inside, Hardy goes for a go behind, but Morgan elbows him in the head.  Hardy sits in the corner and looks sad and befuddled.  Hardy has a flurry of shitty punches, then tries to shoulder block Morgan like an idiot and gets dropped.  Hardy hides in the ropes and gouges Morgan’s eyes.  Hardy tries to beat on Morgan, but Morgan throws him out of the ring.  Hardy wanders around outside.  Morgan challenges him to get back in the ring.  Hardy spits at him.  Morgan follows him out, then back into the ring.  Hardy tries to get in a cheap shot, but fails.  Morgan beats up Hardy on the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Morgan hits a body slam, but misses a leg drop.  Hardy hits a basement dropkick and starts working Morgan’s leg.  Half assed elbow drop gets 1.  Hardy applies the least painful looking leg lock I’ve ever seen, then transitions into a less ridiculous half crab.  Morgan gets a rope break.  Hardy argues with the referee, then goes back to working Morgan’s leg.  Hardy gets a 2 count off of something, then applies a rear chin lock.  Morgan escapes and makes a comeback.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  I always pop for that move.  Hardy hits a DDT for 2.  Hardy hits a leg drop, goes to the middle rope, does his brother’s pose, and dives.  Morgan catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Hardy kicks Morgan in the balls right in front of the referee and doesn’t get admonished.  He hits the Twist of Hate (sic) for 2.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for 2.  Hardy didn’t kick out, the referee just stopped counting after Hardy kind of lightly kicked him in the head.  Morgan argues with him.  Hardy hits another Twist of Hate for 2.  Hardy argues with the referee.  Morgan beats up Hardy in the corner.  Morgan goes for a backdrop suplex off the top, but Hardy fights him off and hits the Whisper In The Wind.  Hardy hits another Twist of Hate for the pin in 13:05.  This was terrible.  Immortal come out to celebrate with Hardy.  There’s confetti and champagne to celebrate this abortion of a main event.  Flair gets iced.  Again.  Seriously.

The show started off good, then fell off a cliff to the point where the last few matches were horrible.  Further evidence that this company is WCW 2.0.

TNA iMPACT! 11/4/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.  Of course, most of the shit they show happened AFTER iMPACT!

“Kung-Fu Bischoff”

Ric Flair pumps up Eric Bischoff, who will apparently face Mr. Anderson tonight.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tenay keeps accusing Taz of cozying up to Immortal, despite all evidence of that being to the contrary.  Because Tenay is mentally retarded like most of the people in this company.

Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and a referee come out to the ring.  Bischoff says Matt Morgan is no longer a member of Fortune or Immortal and wishes him luck in his future endeavors.  Bischoff talks shit about Mr. Anderson.  He says if Anderson beats him tonight, he can have a title shot at the PPV, and if Anderson doesn’t wrestle despite his various injures, he will never get a title shot.  Bischoff bitches at the referee who unlocked Matt Morgan from the chain last week, then beats him up and fires him.  This show is going to suck.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, Tara & Generation Me vs. Mickie James & Ink Inc.!  The Pope vs. Abyss!  More bullshit that nobody cares about!

Fortune walks around backstage.  Williams gets annoyed by some comments Styles makes.  Commercials.

In the EV2.0 locker room, Brian Kendrick reads Mick Foley’s book to the other guys while getting a massage.  Rob Van Dam comes in.  Raven isn’t there, so RVD assumes he’s the traitor.  They all bicker.  Fortune come in.  Styles talks shit to them and says that one of them will be fired Sunday.  He talks shit to Rhino.  Rhino tries to Gore Styles and accidentally Gores RVD.  Of course, RVD will assume that it was on purpose.

Video clips of Jeff Hardy injuring Ken Anderson’s arm.

Tenay and Taz talk to Ken Anderson on the phone.

Up next, Sarita vs. Velvet Sky.

The Beautiful People are doing their makeup.  Like ALWAYS.  Velvet doesn’t want Love at ringside tonight.  Love agrees.  Velvet leaves.  Winter appears again.  Love blows her off.  I wish they’d blow off this retarded fucking angle.  Commercials.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Sarita vs. Velvet Sky.  Sky applies a full nelson.  Sarita switches behind and tries something, but fails.  Velvet hits a rana and a sloppy arm drag.  Sarita lands some chops.  Velvet responds in kind.  Her chops look horrible.  Sarita flips around and pulls Velvet’s hair.  Velvet escapes and hits a sloppy dropkick.  Sarita holds onto the ropes to avoid a DDT.  Sarita goes for the Tiger Driver, but gets countered.  Sarita sloppily and boringly beats up Velvet.  Velvet counters the Tiger Driver again and maker his sloppy comeback.  Sarita goes for a backdrop suplex, but Velvet lands on top for 2.  Velvet hits a jawbreaker Sarita throws Velvet out of the ring.  Back in the ring, Sarita finally hits the Tiger Driver for the pin in 4:04.  This was terrible.

Eric Bischoff practices punching Jeff Jarrett’s hands.  They talk about the possibility of Jarrett apologizing to Joe.  Commercials.

Fortune walks backstage.  Kazarian and Williams are arguing again.  Flair says the Horsemen settled their differences in the ring.  I’m almost certain that never happened.  Williams convinces Christy Hemme to interview him.  The microphone isn’t working, so Mr. Anderson’s microphone comes down.  Retarded.

Generation Me & Tara vs. Ink Inc. & Mickie James.  Jeremy and Neal lock up.  Jeremy pulls Neal’s mowhak, then slaps him.  Neal hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Moore tags in and hits the Eddie hilo and a sloppy arm drag.  Moore works the arm while Mickie and Tara have to be held back on the apron.  Ink Inc. double team Jeremy.  Max tags in and gets beaten up by Neal.  Neckbreaker gets 2.  Max sends Neal to the apron.  Tara pulls his mowhawk.  One of the Bucks dropkicks Neal off the apron.  Back inside, Max covers for 2.  Tara does some retarded half assed backwards tarantula on Neal for a second.  I don’t know.  Bucks keep getting the heat on Neal.  The match continues in this vein for some time.  Neal sends the Bucks crashing into each other and makes the hot tag to Moore.  Moore runs wild until Tara cheap shots him from the apron.  Mickie hits a top rope Frankensteiner on Max.  Neal hits a suicide dive on Jeremy.  Moore hits a moonsault body block on Max, but Tara saves.  Mickie kicks her ass.  CATFIGHT!  Max stalks Mickie.  Mickie nails him with a kick.  Ink Inc. hit the Samoan Drop/blockbuster combo on Max.  Moore gets the pin in 5:48.  Okay match.  The heels jump the faces from behind after the match.

Eric Young and Orlando Jordan talk to a relationship therapist.  Young thinks they’re a tag team.  Jordan thinks they’re a couple.

Jeff Jarrett is headed our way!  Commercials.

Team 3D and TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns chat backstage about their match at Turning Point.

Video package of Jeff Jarrett’s evil deeds.

Jeff Jarrett comes out and cuts a promo.  He’s mad that Kurt Angle went after Flair and Bischoff instead of him.  He then says he wished he had thrown Samoa Joe off of something higher.  He says he didn’t sell out, he bought in.  Alright then.  Jarrett starts to leave.  Samoa Joe BURSTS THROUGH THE ENTRANCE RAMP and kicks Jarrett’s ass.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster.  Gunner and Murphy try to make the save.  Joe kicks their asses.  Jarrett leaves.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe again.  Joe kicks their asses again and gives the little on the Muscle Buster.

Rob Van Dam whines to no one in particular about how he doesn’t trust anyone.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff stretches in the office.

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Television Championship: AJ Styles (c) vs. Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam.  Styles talks shit to RVD.  RVD shoves him.  Rhino throws Styles out of the ring.  Rhino and RVD argue.  Rhino goes after Styles and gets reversed into the steps.  RVD tries to springboard at Styles back inside, but gets caught with a dropkick.  Styles beats up RVD.  RVD hits a monkey flip.  RVD beats up Styles.  Styles beats up RVD.  Rhino trips Styles and comes back in to beat him up.  Rhino goes for the Gore, but Styles side steps it and Rhino hits the corner.  RVD drops Styles with a kick, slams him, and goes for the Rolling Thunder.  Styles gets up and whips him into the corner.  RVD backdrops Styles, then kicks him when he tries to springboard.  Styles falls to the floor.  Rhino and RVD argue again.  Styles springboards and hits them, then schoolboys RVD for the pin in 3:52.  Meh.

RVD and Rhino keep arguing.  EV2.0 come out to make peace.  Raven is there this time.  RVD decks him.  Dreamer tries to talk some sense into RVD.  RVD is whining about not trusting anyone.  He accuses Dreamer of being the rat.  Dreamer challenges him to a match at the PPV.  RVD agrees.  That’s gonna suck.

Kazarian vs. Williams is NEXT!  Commercials.

House shows!

Abyss rants and raves backstage.

Ric Flair comes out to do commentary on the next match.

Doug Williams vs. Kazarian.  They trade arm locks.  Stalemate.  Awesome.  No applause.  The iMPACT! Zone mutants have no respect for wrestling.  Beer Money come out to ringside.  Williams takes Kazarian down with a headlock.  Kazarian turns it into a cradle.  Awesome.  Kazarian goes for a sunset flip, but Kazarian squashes it for 2.  They do a Greco-Roman knuckle lock.  Kazarian kicks Williams’ leg out from under him and lands a kick for 2.  Williams makes his comeback.  Kazarian blocks the Chaos Theory and hits a cross body.  Williams rolls through for 2.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  James Storm gets on the apron for no fucking reason.  Kazarian schoolboys Williams for the pin in 4:07.  Okay match.  Kazarian, Williams, and Beer Money argue.  Flair gets in the ring.  Crowd chants “WE WANT MORGAN!”  Flair has been sucking on a lollipop this whole time for some reason.  He makes Williams and Kazarian shake hands.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks backstage to no one in particular.  Commercials.

Eric Young lays with his head on Orlando Jordan’s lap and babbles.  They’re still with the damn therapist.  Jordan says “I’m bi.”  Young says “Polar!”  Stupid shit.

Abyss vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope beats up Abyss.  Abyss beats up Pope.  Abyss throws Pope out of the ring and beats him up outside.  Hebner doesn’t bother to count because it’s retarded.  Abyss attacks fans, which gets him DQ’d in 1:51.  Abyss beats up more fans.  Al Snow, D’Lo Brown, and security geeks come out to stop him.  Pope challenges Abyss to a Lumberjack Match at the PPV with the fans as lumberjacks.  Yes, they’re going to put fans CLOSER to the man who is attacking them.  I fucking hate this retarded company.

Robbie E. and Cookie talk backstage.  Ugh.  I fucking hate this retarded company.

Turning Point hype.

Eric Bischoff is headed our way.  Geeks argue.  Somebody calls somebody else an asshole.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff comes out with the contract for the title match.  He cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson, then makes Borash read a ridiculous match introduction.  Borash goes along with for a while, then says “this is ridiculous.  He’s not here.”  Bischoff says everyone knows that and challenges Borash to a match.  Bischoff cheap shots Borash and beats him up.  Anderson’s music plays.  Matt Morgan appears behind Bischoff.

Eric Bischoff vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the pin in no time because the opening bell never rang.  End of show.

Fucking shit.  As always.  Fuck this company.

TNA iMPACT! 10/28/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Chained To Fate”

Mickie James and Tara are brawling  backstage.  Madison Rayne jumps in to help Tara.  The Beautiful People show up to help Mickie.  Sarita shows up to help Madison and Tara.  So now we have a six woman brawl going all over the place.  They fight into the arena, except for Tara and Mickie, who are still backstage.  The only plus side of this is that most of them are wearing tight jeans.  Mickie and Tara fight into the arena.  This shit has been going on for 5 minutes now.  They’re all in the ring now.  Ric Flair, Gunner, and Murphy come out to try to break it up.  After 6 fucking minutes of this shit.  Flair gets slapped by Tara, then by Mickie.  Flair tells everyone to get a grip and threatens to “make a woman” out of them.  Flair books them in a six woman tag match.  So Flair has booking power now?  Everybody keeps brawling.  Fucking stupid shit.

iMPACT! open.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, Robbie E. vs. Jay Lethal in a Street Fight!  Motor City Machine Guns vs. Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me for the Tag titles!  Jeff Jarrett vs. Ken Anderson in a Chain Match!

The Pope is pushing a casket around.  Taz says “I hope it’s not some bad ass looking to take on an MMA guy.”  Commercials.

Jeff Hardy video package.

Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair talk and laugh about the stupid shit that just happened.  Flair asks where Hogan is.  Bischoff says he’s making an acquisition.  Bischoff bitches at Gunner and Murphy for letting Kurt Angle attack their car last week.  He says if Angle gets in tonight, he’s going to take their asses.  Some dude comes in upset that Anderson is in a match tonight when he as a concussion.  Bischoff laughs it off, because see, he’s EVIL!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring cutting a promo about Abyss.  Abyss appears in the crowd and cuts a promo on him, then kidnaps some fans.  Seriously.  Pope runs after them.

Jeff Jarrett talks backstage.  He’ll face Joe at Turning Point and Anderson tonight.  Commercials.

Ric Flair is hitting on some chick backstage.  Matt Morgan comes in and tells Flair he’s upset about Anderson having to wrestle with a concussion tonight.  They bicker for a while.  Morgan is still upset.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Non-Title Jersey Shore Street Fight: Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  They brawl.  Robbie bails.  Lethal hits him with a dive.  Lethal hits Robbie with a trash can lid, then suplexes him onto a road sign.  Lethal crotches Robbie in a saw horse barrier thing, then pounds on him.  Back inside, Robbie hits an elbow smash for 2.  Another cover gets another 2.  Cookie gives Robbie a Singapore cane.  Lethal takes the cane and wails on Robbie with it.  Lethal puts a trash can lid on Robbie’s head and canes the lid.  Lethal goes up top.  Cookie grabs his foot, then sprays some shit in his eyes.  Robbie hits a neckbreaker for the pin in 4:58.  Crap.  I fucking hate this Jersey Shore gimmick.  Robbie gets a title shot at the PPV now.

The Beautiful People bitch about the heel women.  Velvet leaves.  Love sees Winter again.  I have no idea what the fuck the point of this is and neither does the idiot who came up with the idea.  Velvet comes back.  Winter has turned back into the fat seamstress.  Look, I know that wrestling is fake, but it’s not supposed to be fiction.  Commercials.

Video package of the “RVD doesn’t trust EV2.0” shit from last week.

EV2.0 and Brian Kendrick are in the ring.  Kendrick is sitting in the corner reading a book (probably Foley’s book).  Dreamer calls out RVD.  RVD comes out.  Dreamer says Sabu hitting RVD with the chair last week was an accident.  RVD doesn’t think so and doesn’t trust anyone.  Dreamer says this is exactly what Bischoff wants.  RVD asks Raven what he’s laughing at.  Raven (in his Marine Corps jacket) says RVD should lay off the weed.  RVD thinks Raven is the traitor.  EV2.0 holds them back from fighting.  Fortune come out.  Flair says RVD & Raven will face Styles & Kazarian tonight.

Up next, women wrestle poorly!  Commercials!

Fortune argue amongst themselves.  Williams has his panties in a wad about something.  Morgan says “fuck this” and leaves.  Flair says it’ll be Williams teaming with Styles against RVD & Raven tonight.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People.  Mickie and the BPs jump the heels during their entrance.  Gunner and Murphy try to restore order again.  They finally restore order and the match starts.  Rayne and Love fight.  Love and Tara fight.  The BPs hit a double side Russian leg sweep on Tara.  Velvet  hits a spinning headscissors on Tara.  Mickie and Sarita tag in.  Mickie hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Lots of ref distractions allow Sarita to get the advantage on Mickie.  Rayne humps Mickie’s head into the mat.  Tara pulls Mickie’s hair.  Mickie hits a Regal Cutter.  Love and Sarita tag in.  Love runs wild.  Tara and Rayne hit her from behind.  Mickie tags in and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Velvet DDTS Sarita.  Save.   Everybody brawls.  Rayne hits her finish on Love.  Mickie hits Rayne with a DDT.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak in Mickie.  The BPs kick Tara.  Sarita hits a Tiger Driver on Sky for the pin in 6:04.  Shitty match, but I enjoyed seeing a Tiger Driver.

Pope walks around backstage.  He hears a woman screaming and runs toward it.  Commercials.

Abyss jumps the Pope.  The kidnapped people run away.  Pope and Abyss brawl.  Abyss puts Pope in a casket, then retrieves Janice.  Abyss beats the casket with the nail board.  Fucking stupid shit.  I fucking hate this company.

Generation Me cut a promo in the ring.  Ink Inc. come out to make fun of them.  The tag title three-way is NEXT!  Commercials!

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.  Neal and Jeremy lock up.  Neal scores a knockdown with a shoulder block, then hits an arm drag and a neckbreaker for 2.  Max blind tags in and pulls Neal into the top rope for 2.  The Bucks knock the Guns off of the apron in awesome fashion.  The Bucks work over Neal for a while.  Neal catches Jeremy in midair with a spinebuster and makes the tag to Moore.  Moore runs wild on Max.  Moore hits a spin kick and covers, but Jeremy saves.  Moore hits a double rana on the Bucks.  Moore backdrops Neal out of the ring onto the Bucks.  Sabin hits Max with a tope suicida.  Moore hits Max with a Lionsault body block for 2.  Ink Inc. work over Max.  The Guns and Ink Inc. beat up the Bucks.  Ink Inc. hit their Samoan drop/Blockbuster on Sabin.  Jeremy pulls the referee out of the ring.  Moore hits a dive on Jeremy.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Neal.  Sabin pins Neal in 5:50 to retain the titles.  Fun little match.  Team 3D come out.  Bubba talks for a while, then challenges the Guns to a tag title match at Turning Point.  Guns agree.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone.  Matt Morgan comes in to complain about Anderson being forced to wrestle with a concussion.  Bischoff is still evil and thinks its a great idea.

Up next, Jeff Hardy!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan wants to talk to Ken Anderson, but the trainer doesn’t trust him.  Morgan talks him into it.

Tenay and Taz talk.

Turning Point hype.

Another weird pre-taped Jeff Hardy rambling segment.

Rob Van Dam!  Commercials!

TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles & Douglas Williams vs. Rob Van Dam & Raven.  Styles and Williams jump Raven before RVD comes out.  RVD politely waits until his music plays before he slowly walks out to the ring and does his pyro.  Styles and Williams jump RVD.  RVD throws Williams out of the ring.  Raven hits Styles with a cross body that sends them both outside.  Williams attacks RVD.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder.  Cover, but Styles saves.  Styles and Williams get the heat on RVD.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  They keep working over RVD and knocking Raven off the apron.  Ric Flair comes out, pulls Raven off the apron, and clocks him with the TV belt.  Flair leaves.  RVD goes to make a tag and sees an empty corner.  He doesn’t know what happened.  He makes his own comeback, then sees Raven taking a nap.  Styles and Williams beat up RVD.  Williams and Styles argue about who’s going to make the cover.  Styles slaps Williams on the ass to tag himself in.  Williams hits a diving knee drop on RVD.  Styles steals the pin in 5:46.  Okay then.

Up next, Jarrett vs. Anderson!  Commercials!

TNA wrestlers on the Family Feud!

Jeff Jarrett comes out and calls out Mr. Anderson.  Anderson’s music plays, but Matt Morgan comes out instead.  The show ends.

The usual overbooked TNA train wreck of a show.

 

TNA iMPACT! 10/21/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Rob Van Damned!!!”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ken Anderson comes out with his arm in a sling.  He calls out Jeff Hardy.  Rob Van Dam comes out instead and tells Anderson to wait in line, because he wants Hardy.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen and cuts another retarded promo with stupid camera effects.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  He says that he’s going to explain this whole stupid angle on Reaction.  He books Anderson vs. Kazarian in an Ultimate X Match tonight, and Anderson gets a title shot of he wins.  He also books RVD & Sabu vs. Beer Money, and implies that there is someone in EV2.0 who wants to join Immortal.  At least that’s a better name than Team Hogan.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Mickie James!  Beer Money vs. RVD & Sabu!  Anderson vs. Kazarian in an Ultimate X Match!

Stupid Robbie E. and Cookie outside of the venue interview.  Commercials.

D’Lo Brown tries to calm down RVD as he barges into the EZV2.0 locker room.  He accuses Stevie Richards, Sabu, and Tommy Dreamer of being moles.  Raven says something, so RVD chokes him.  Dreamer, Richards, Sabu, Rhino, and Brown pull them apart.

Last week, TNA pissed away $15,000 bringing in some Jersey Shore bimbo that nobody’s ever heard of to get into a cat fight with Becky Bayless.  They’re so proud, they’re showing it again.  They show more of the retarded interview from earlier.  I hate this shit.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Amazing Red vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  They show that motherfucking JWoww segment AGAIN before the match.  Robbie beats up Red.  Red fights back and hits a flying headscissors.  Red lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Robbie counters a diving cross body, dances like a tard, and hits an Ace Crusher for the pin in 1:40.  Ugh.  Robbie says he wants the X Division.  Crowd chants “BORING.”  Cookie says the same fucking catchphrase she says every week.  Is this gimmick supposed to suck?  If it does, then bravo, TNA.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero cuts a promo at a strip club.  He wants to fight AJ Styles, but first he wants to watch this chick shake her ass in his face.  Commercials.

They show Mick Foley at a book signing.  Brian Kendrick asks confusing literary questions.

Fortune chat amongst themselves backstage.  Flair gets iced.  Again.  Bischoff comes in and tells them that Fortune is banned from interfering in Styles’ street fight against Pope.  If they do, Pope will win the title by DQ.  In a fucking street fight.

The Beautiful People put makeup on.  Just like they do every fucking time we see them.  Miss Tessmacher comes in and asks them to teach her how to wrestle.  Why doesn’t she ask someone who actually knows how to wrestle?  They blow her off.  Velvet and Lacey leave.  Katie Lea Burchill appears behind Angelina.  Her name is Winter now.  Velvet and Lacey come back.  Winter has disappeared.  So they’re doing the invisible person gimmick again.  Commercials.

Street Fight for the TNA World Television Championship: AJ Styles (c) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope’s money doesn’t tall down during his entrance.  Tenay and Taz blame Immortal.  They show Pope getting beaten by Fortune last week.  It appears I was mistaken.  Styles challenges Pope to fight him on the stage, so they fight on the stage and down to ringside.  Pope catapults Styles into the post.  Pope chokes Styles with his fist tape.  They make it into the ring.  Styles kicks Pope in the balls.  Styles beats up Pope.  Pope fights back.  Styles rakes his eyes.  Pope throws a punch and Styles flinches.  Pope nails him with another punch for 2.  Styles sends Pope outside.  Pope avoids a dive and hits a clothesline.  Pope takes Styles back into the ring.  Abyss appears and attacks Pope.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam.  Styles slaps Abyss on the ass, then pins Pope in 5:56.  Retarded shit.  Bischoff and Fortune come out.  Bischoff asks mad, then gives a thumbs up.  I reiterate: retarded shit.

Earlier tonight, Sarita cut a promo in what looks like a classroom.

The Pope bumps into Samoa Joe backstage.  They have words.  Pope wants them to fight together.  Joe isn’t going to fall into that trap again.  At least until next week or so.

Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair are in the office.  Bischoff was on the phone with Hogan.  He hangs up, then they watch TV.

Tenay and Taz talk.

Team 3D video.  I fast forward.

The Motor City Machine Guns throw a football around while Velvet Sky stands around.  Generation Me show up and take their football.  The Guns deck them.  Sabin doesn’t answer the annoying guy who asks if they’ll accept 3D’s challenge.

Jeff Jarrett bitches about Kurt Angle.  Joe cuts a cool promo on Jarrett.

Jeff Jarrett is headed our way!  He says he’ll apologize to Kurt Angle NEXT!  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to the ring.  Crowd chants “YOU SOLD OUT!”  He apologizes to Kurt Angle… for not beating him up more!  SWERVE~!  He goes on this his promo until Samoa Joe comes out.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe in the aisle.  They handcuff him so Jarrett can beat the shit out of him like they did to Angle last week.  Joe locks Jarrett in the choke despite being handcuffed.  Gunner and Murphy break it.  Jarrett throws Joe off the ramp.  Tenay yells at Jarrett.  I hope this leads to Jarrett replacing the announcers.  Jarrett looks down at Joe, who fell 8 or so feet.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Sabu.  RVD and Storm lock up.  Storm grabs a side headlock.  They counter each others’ hip toss attempts.  RVD knees Storm in the face.  Sabu tags in.  They hit the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  RVD drops Storm with a kick.  Sabu covers for 2.  Roode tags in and brawls with Sabu.  Sabu hits the shittiest clotheslines this side of Jeff Hardy while Tenay and Taz bicker.  Beer Money get the heat on Sabu.  Sabu comes back and hits Storm with a springboard tornado DDT.  RVD and Roode tag in.  RVD wins wild.  He backdrops Sabu into a moonsault on Roode, then hits another standing moonsault for 2.  They hit a Rolling Thunder/splash combo.  Storm saves.  Sabu takes him outside.  Roode hits the spinebuster on RVD for 2.  Beer Money go for the DWI, but RVD escapes.  Storm accidentally spits beer at Roode.  RVD schoolboys him for 2.  Sabu brings in a chair and accidentally hits RVD with it.  Roode pins RVD in 5:25.  Okayish I guess.  Neither RVD or Sabu looked good here.  RVD is pissed.  Sabu tries to explain himself.  They tease fighting and lock up.  EV2.0 come out to break it up.

Earlier today, Mickie James cut a promo atop a mechanical bull.  Commercials.

Random note: Kurt Angle is featured in the Turning Point commercial despite being “gone from TNA forever.”

Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair gives Kazarian a pep talk.

Sarita vs. Mickie James.  Mickie’s new ring gear is daisy dukes, a cut off flannel shirt, and cowboy boots.  She’s still hot.  They wrestle a bit.  Mickie lands a dropkick for 2.  Sarita avoids a reverse cradle and throws Mickie down, then dances.  Mickie avoids a diving cross body and dropkicks Sarita out of the ring.  Mickie hits a baseball slide headscissors.  Sarita sends her into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sarita beats up Mickie.  Sarita does a wacky backbreaker.  Mickie turns it into a cradle for 2.  Mickie makes her comeback with sloppy strikes.  Mickie hits a rana and a diving Thesz press.  Mickie hits the spin kick for the pin in 4:19.  Meh.  Tara appears and jumps Mickie from behind.  Tara gives Mickie the Widow’s Peak.

Ken Anderson cuts a promo backstage.  Commercials.

Mickie James is annoyed by a camera man as she walks to the office, which is apparently outside the building.

Fortune jump Mr. Anderson backstage and drag him into the arena.  Well, sound stage.  They beat him up and leave.  Kazarian comes out for the match.

Ultimate X Match: Kazarian vs. Ken Anderson.  Kazarian orders the referee to ring the bell.  He goes for the X as Anderson crawls down the ramp.  Anderson makes it to the ring just in time to pull Kazarian down.  Anderson beats up Kazarian with one arm.  Kazarian takes Anderson outside.  Commercials.  Kazarian goes for the X.  Anderson swings him back and forth until he falls down.  Anderson tries to climb one arm, fails, beats up Kazarian, then gets beaten up himself.  Kazarian hits a hammerlock slam and a leg drop.  Anderson hits a jawbreaker and tries to fight back, but Kazarian pulls his head across the top rope.  Kazarian goes for the X.  Anderson pulls him down and hits the Mic Check.  Anderson brings in a ladder, which has always been illegal in Ultimate X.  Fortune come out to stop him from getting the X.  Morgan hits a sit-out powerbomb.  Morgan lifts Kazarian up on his shoulders so Kazarian can take down the X to win it in 9:43.  Lame.  Anderson attacks Fortune with a lead pipe.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy appears and hits Anderson in the back of the head with a chair.  Hardy sandwiches Anderson’s injured arm with the ladder and hits it with the chair.

Ric Flair and Eric Bischoff leave togethee.  Kurt Angle appears in front of the car with a pipe or something, throws out the driver, then busts the back glass with his pipe.  Gunner and Murphy show up and run him off.  End.

Horrible show.  Look, I understand that mentally retarded people should be given job opportunities, but have Russo work in catering and bring you coffee.  Don’t have him write your TV show.

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

I have the feeling this is going to hurt.

PPV open.  TNA presents Bound For Failure Glory!  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers LIVE from Daytona Beach, Florida.  At least they’re out of the iMPACT! Zone.  Tenay and Taz hype tonight’s happenings.

Tag Lines.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  GenMe make it halfway down the ramp before their music starts playing.  We’re off to a great start here.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match:The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Shelley and Max start.  Shelley works an arm lock.  Max gets him down in the corner and stomps him.  Shelley fires some chops.  Sabin hits an arm drag and a leg sweep.  Guns pinball Max back and forth.  Shelley hits a kick for 2.  There are audio/video problems.  Guns double team Max a bit.  Shelley gets a Gedo Clutch for 2.  Jeremy trips Shelley from the outside.  Max drops Shelley with a kick, then Jeremy tags in.  Shelley goes for a superkick.  Jeremy bails.  Sabin kicks him in the head from the apron.  Guns double team Max again.  Guns hit stereo tope suicidas on the Bucks.  Back inside, Shelley hits Jeremy with a diving cross body for 2.  Jeremy counters the Shiranui.  Shelley pulls Jeremy’s head across the top rope, then goes up top.  Max crotches him.  Bucks hit the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER on Shelley behind the referee’s back.  Is that illegal now?  Jeremy and Shelley trade slaps.  Jeremy hits an enzuigiri.  Sabin saves.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Max covers for 2.  The Bucks hit a wacky double team neckbreaker/backbreaker.  Jeremy applies a rear chin lock.  Jeremy goes for a superplex, but Shelley knocks him down.  Max grabs Shelley’s leg, but Shelley knocks him to the floor.  Shelley hits Jeremy with a Ghetto Stomp and makes the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild.  Sabin ties Max to the tree of woe.  Shelley hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Sabin follows with the hesitation dropkick.  Shelley takes out Jeremy somehow.  Sabin hits Max with a diving lariat for 2.  Max goes to tag out, but Jeremy is down.  Sabin slaps Max.  Guns hit a double team drop move, but Jeremy saves.  Sabin springboards off of Shelley’s back and dropkicks Jeremy to the floor.  Shelley goes for a dive, but Jeremy avoids it and hits Sabin with the slingshot face buster.  Max hits Sabin with an inverted powerbomb for 2.  Bucks go for the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER, but Shelley prevents it.  Guns go for the Made In Detroit on Max, but Jeremy knocks Shelley to the floor.  Max hits Sabin with a sick tornado DDT.  Jeremy takes out Shelley with a dive.  Jeremy hits Sabin with a 450 splash.  Max covers, but Shelley saves.  Shelley hits the Bucks with a Complete Shot/DDT combo.  Shelley tags in and goes for a Ghetto Stomp, but Max avoids it.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Sabin hits a 360 lariat on Jeremy.  Stuff happens.  Bucks hit a double splash on Shelley for 2.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Shelley hits Max with a SPIDER GERMAN SUPLEX.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Jeremy.  Shelley pins Jeremy in 12:53.  Awesome match.  It’s very likely that this was as good as this is going to get.

Christy Hemme interviews Madison Rayne and Tara.  Rayne insults Christy Hemme a lot.  She’s in full bitchy slut mode tonight.  She says she owns Tara for life.  Tara doesn’t seem to like that.  She also tells Mickie James that she’s the Queen Bee.  That’s what she said.

Knockouts title clusterfuck hype video.

Four-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Angelina Love (c) vs. Tara vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky.  Mickie James is the Special Guest Referee.  Yeah, the show is definitely going to go downhill now.  It’s tag in and out rules, so Rayne insists that the Beautiful People start against each other.  They high five and lock up.  Love do a bunch of pin attempts, then a double knockdown.  Rayne tags herself in and goes after Love.  James forces Rayne to break a foot choke in the corner.  Rayne yells at her.  Love hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Tara pulls her off the cover.  Love hits a flapjack.  Rayne tags in Tara.  Tara does a hair reverse Gory Special thing on Love.  Velvet tags in and hits a tilt a whirl headscissors on Tara for 2.  Velvetl applies an Octopus stretch, then transitions into a sunset flip.  Tara rolls through and falls on her for 2.  I think that’s what happened anyway.  Velvet hits a suplex while Rayne screams.  Velvet hits some shitty strikes on Tara, then a bulldog headlock for 2.  Rayne knees Velvet from the apron.  Love knocks her off the apron.  More shit happens.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Tara hits a tilt a whirl slam on Love.  Rayne hits a face crusher on Velvet.  Everybody hits their finishers.  Poorly.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak on Sky.  Sky counters.  They knock Rayne off the apron.  Velvet gets a reverse cradle.  Tara half ass reverses it into a reverse cradle so shitty it doesn’t even deserve to be called a cradle for the pin in 5:53.  Tara wins the title.  Fucking awful match.  Rayne bitches at Tara for winning, then shoves Mickie.  Mickie KTFO’s Rayne with a punch.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  He has drawings all over him.  He thinks he’s a father figure to Orlando Jordan.  He also things Jordan’s family disowned him because he’s bipolar.  Jordan shows up wearing a wedding dress.  With a wedding dress mask.  I fucking hate this company.

Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan.  They show clips from the retarded iMPACT! match.  Young has a “TNA rule book.”  Young puts the referee on the apron and tries to referee the match.  He counts a 2 count or Neal over Jordan.  This stupidity distracts Neal to let Jordan cheap shot him.  Neal hits a cross body on Jordan for 2.  Moore tags in and hits Jordan with a dropkick for 2.  Young tags in.  Moore gets some pinning predicaments for 2.  Young high fives everyone, then throws Jordan in the ring.  Ink Inc. double team Jordan.  Young tries to splash Jordan in the corner, but Jordan avoids it.  Moore crotches Young on the top rope.  Neal does the same to Jordan.  Ink Inc. shakes the ropes.  Shit happens.  Jordan grinds Moore in the corner, then hits a spinebuster.  Jordan covers homosexually for 2.  Young points at his rule book.  Jordan suplexes Moore for 2.  Moore goes for a sunset flip.  Jordan grabs the ropes.  Young kicks his hands away.  Double clothesline spot.  Jordan knocks Neal off the apron.  Young goes over to the Ink Inc. corner.  Moore drops Jordan with an enzugiri.  Young gets a tag from Moore and runs wild.  On his partner.  Ink Inc. hit Jordan with their fireman carry/blockbuster finish.  Moore pins Jordan in 6:37.  Young celebrates with Ink Inc., then hugs Jordan.  I don’t even know what to say about this retarded shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal (c) vs. Douglas Williams.  They lock up and wrestle.  That’s never a bad way to start a match.  Unless it’s a hate filled grudge match.  This isn’t, so we’re good to go.  Williams kicks the middle rope into Lethal’s leg.  Instead of working the leg, they half a fast paced exchange.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  Williams rolls to the floor.  Lethal hits a dive.  Back inside, Lethal misses a springboard dropkick.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams hits a 360 lariat for 2.  Lethal comes back and hits a back body drop.  Lethal hits some clotheslines and a dropkick.  Lethal hits a Lionsault body block for 2.  Williams hits a German suplex for 2.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and a snap suplex for 2.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits an awesome Chaos Theory for 2.  An awesome version of his finish.  For 2.  Williams hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner.  Lethal rolls through it and gets the pin in 8:15.  I did not care for this match at all.  It’s great if you like guys just doing moves, but it had no psychology at all, and I expect better from these guys.  Lethal goes into the crowd to celebrate.  Robbie E. and Cookie show up to jump him in the crowd.  Robbie throws Lethal back in the ring and hits an Ace Crusher.  Zack Ryder’s cousin says Lethal is a disgrace to New Jersey.  New Jersey is a disgrace to itself.  He promises to win the belt and deface it.  Cookie says her stupid “Jersey’s in the house, BITCHES!” catchphrase.  They have a seizure to their awful music.  I hate wrestling.

RVD/Abyss hype video.

Monster’s Ball Match: Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam.  Abyss cuts a promo before the match.  RVD immediately goes on the attack because he knows that’s the proper way to start a hate filled grudge match.  RVD hits an awesome slingshot leg drop.  It’s weird how I hate Hogan but I pop when anybody else does a leg drop.  RVD dropkicks a chair into Abyss’ face, then goes up top.  Abyss bails.  RVD hits him with a diving cross body to the floor.  RVD throws a barbed wire board into the ring.  Abyss comes back in and drops RVD with an elbow smash.  RVD hits a bulldog onto the barbed wire board.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Abyss rolls off and RVD’s back eats the barbed wire.  RVD rolls to the floor.  Abyss makes a table bridge between the apron and the guardrail.  Abyss hits RVD with a trash can.  He makes another bridge on the other side of the ring with the other barbed wire board that is conveniently present.  They fight on the apron next to the table bridge.  RVD lays Abyss on it and hits a Rolling Thunder over the top rope through the table.  Back inside, RVD hits the Van Daminator.  RVD goes up top, but Abyss throws a chair at his head.  RVD falls off the top rope through the barbed wire board bridge.  Abyss tries to harpoon RVD into the other barbed wire board.  RVD slips out and throws Abyss into it.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the barbed wire board.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash, but Abyss avoids it.  Abyss brings in Janice.  RVD ducks the shot and throws a chair at him.  RVD HITS ABYSS WITH JANICE.  I always knew Abyss would be the idiot to get hit with that thing.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 12:59.  Okay for mindless garbage match.  Abyss says “10/10/10.  Get ready.” into the camera.  Ugh.

Nash/Sting/Jarrett/Joe etc. hype video.  Ugh.

Handicap Match: Sting, Kevin Nash, & “The Pope” D’Angelo DInero vs. Jeff Jarrett & Samoa Joe.  Joe and Pope start by trading arm locks.  Pope lands a shoulder block, then postures.  Joe gets up and kicks his ass.  Pope fights back.  Joe hits a leg lariat.  Sting tags in and attacks Jarrett on the apron.  Joe kicks Sting’s ass.  Sting his a Stinger Splash and lunges at Jarrett again.  Jarrett avoids it.  Sting goes for another Stinger Splash, but Joe catches him with an STO.  Sting bails.  Joe beats him up on the outside.  Nash hits Joe from behind to let Sting get the advantage.  Back inside, Nash tags in and beats up Joe plodding, big man style.  Pope tags in to continue the work.  Pope hits a springboard elbow drop stupid thing for 2 after fucking up the first springboard or something.  Sting tags in.  Joe hits Sting and Pope with a double clothesline.  Nash cuts Joe off from making the tag.  Joe rocks Nash with a big kick.  Jarrett reaches out for the hot tag, then drops off the apron and abandons Joe.  That bastard!  That traitor!  That Quisling!  That Benedict Arnold!  Nash says “I told you!”  Joe goes on the attack, but is overcome by the 3 on 1 situation.  Nash hits the Jackknife powerbomb for the pin in 7:41.  I’m shocked that Nash can powerbomb anyone, let alone Joe.  The match was mediocre, meaning it was better than at least half of the matches on this show so far.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson, who apologizes in advance for ending Kurt Angle’s career tonight because Angle hit him in the nuts.  “That shit hurt!” he says.

Team 3D come out.  Boo.  Bubba babbles for a while.  Boo.  Then he announces their retirement.  YAY!  They want to wrestle the Guns for the Tag titles so they can retire as champions.  Boo!  Bubba tells Devon to get the tables.  Devon says his catchphrase.  They leave.

Tenay and Taz argue about whether or not the Guns should wrestle 3D.

Fortune/EV2.0 hype video.

Christy Hemme interviews Fortune.

Lethal Lockdown Match: EV2.0 (Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Sabu, Raven, & Stevie Richards) (w/ Mick Foley) vs. Fortune (TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan) (w/ Ric Flair).  Foley and Flair brawl before the match even starts.  They’re doing the old school deal where everyone is at ringside for WarGames.  Stevie and Kazarian start the match.  They lock up, then brawl.  I never thought I’d see the day when my boy Stevie was in a featured PPV match.  Stevie hits some neckbreakers.  All of Fortune have blue trunks.  That’s kind of neat.  Kazarian goes for a diving leg drop, but Stevie avoids it and fights back.  Stevie drops Kazarian, then does a Flair strut.  Stevie hits a Complete Shot into a Koji Clutch.  Fucking awesome.  AJ Styles enters for Fortune.  He drops Stevie with a dropkick.  Styles and Kazarian use their man advantage and double team Stevie.  Tommy Dreamer enters for EV2.0 and runs wild.  Dreamer hits a cool pumphandle suplex on Styles.  Dreamer and Stevie double team Kazarian.  Stevie is selling his ankle.  He was put in a figure-four leglock while I wasn’t paying attention.  I apologize.  Stevie superplexes Kazarian as Styles powerbombs Stevie.  Dreamer gets knocked down in the process.  Robert Roode enters for Fortune.  Roode rams Dreamer’s head into the cage.  Dreamer is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair punches Dreamer through a camera hole.  Sabu comes in for Fortune and runs wild.  The crowd boos him.  Sabu hits Styles with a tornado DDT, then locks him in the camel clutch.  Dreamer powerslams Roode.  Dreamer locks Styles in the crossface.  Roode breaks it.  James Storm comes in for Fortune.  Beer Money hit a double back body drop on Dreamer.  2 awesome double teams in a row as one of  Beer Money hold up Richards and Styles hits a Long Blower, then Beer Money hit their catapult DDT.  More double teams.  BEER!  MONEY!  Stevie superkicks Kazarian.  Storm superkicks Stevie.  Storm rams Dreamer’s head into the cage again.  Raven enters for EV2.0.  They try to cut him off, but he manages to get  his wild running in.  Raven puts the snot rag in Kazarian’s face.  Taz makes a Moondogs reference that Tenay no sells.  Dreamer has somehow busted Roode open.  Matt Morgan comes in as the final entrant for Fortune.  Morgan powerbombs Sabu into the cage.  Sabu is bleeding too.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows on Dreamer, then drops Stevie with a boot.  Rhino comes in at the last entrant for EV2.0 and runs wild.  Rhino Gores Storm.  They lower the ceiling of weapons.  THE MATCH BEYOND BEGINS!  Foley and Flair start brawling at ringside again.  EV2.0 grab some weapons and go to work.  Raven and Morgan trade shots with trash can lids and Singapore canes.  Stevie avoids the Carbon Footprint and Morgan injures his leg on the cage door.  Stevie throws Kazarian into the door and the door opens.  Rhino starts to go out, but Stevie says he’s got this.  Kazarian and Stevie climb to the roof of the cage.  Kazarian sets up a ladder.  He tries to throw Stevie off  of the roof.  Sabu hits dive through the door onto Morgan and Storm.  Stevie sets up a table.  Kazarian hits Stevie in the balls and lays him out on the table.  Kazarian climbs the ladder.  Brian Kendrick comes out from under a sheet and knocks the ladder over.  Kendrick backdrops Kazarian through the table, then meditates or something.  Only Styles and Dreamer are still in the cage.  Styles goes up top.  Dreamer hits him with a chair, then hits the Spiccoli Driver off the top for the pin in 24:45.  I enjoyed this.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.  He dedicates the match tonight to Hulk.

Tale of the Tape.

Hardy/Angle/Anderson hype video.

Tale of the Tape.  Again.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Final, Three-Way Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle and Hardy both attack Anderson.  Angle gets sent outside, so Hardy beats up Anderson by himself.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker, but Angle saves.  Angle beats up Anderson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex, but Hardy saves.  Angle German suplexes Hardy and Anderson at the same time.  Pimp.  Cover on Anderson gets 2.  Angle throws him out of the ring and covers Hardy for 2.  Hardy backdrops Angle out of the ring.  Anderson comes back and beats up Hardy.  Angle trips Anderson and pulls him out of the ring.  They brawl at ringside.  Hardy hits them with a dive.  Angle beats up Hardy in the ring.  A suplex gets 2.  Hardy hits some shitty clotheslines.  Anderson comes back in and eats more shitty Hardy clotheslines.  Hardy goes up top, but Angle brings him down with a belly to belly off the top.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap on Angle.  Hardy hits Anderson with flippy kick thing, then beats up Angle in the corner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Anderson moves.  Angle shoots out of the corner and covers Hardy for 2.  Dixie Carter is watching in the crowd.  Joy.  Angle superplexes Hardy as Anderson powerbombs Angle.  Because we totally didn’t just see that spot in the previous match.  Anderson covers Angle for 2, then Hardy for 2.  Anderson hits the rolling Germans on Anderson, then Hardy.  Angle locks Hardy in the ankle lock.  Anderson tries to save.  Angle locks them both in the ankle lock.  They manage to flip Angle over.  Angle goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and hits the Lambeau Leap off the top.  Anderson covers, but Hardy hits them both with a Swanton Bomb.  Hardy covers both for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate on Angle.  Angle pushes him into Anderson to knock him off the apron, then hits the Angle Slam on Hardy for 2.  Angle gives Anderson a backdrop suplex off the top rope.  Hardy tries to steal the pin, but only gets 2.  Hardy hits Angle with the Whisper In The Wind, then hits Anderson with the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for 2.  Angle pulls Hardy off the cover and locks him in the ankle lock.  Hardy flips Angle forward right into Anderson’s Mic Check.  Anderson covers for 2.  They do a three-way cradle counter sequence.  Hardy and Anderson to a double clothesline spot.  Angle hits a GORGEOUS moonsault press on Hardy for 2.  Anderson and Angle counter each others’ moves.  Angle accidentally clotheslines the referee to death, then hits Anderson with a German.  He tries to roll them, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check.  Eric Bischoff comes out with a chair.  He looks poised to fuck Angle over.  Hulk Hogan comes out on crutches.  Bischoff throws the chair away.  Hogan bitches at him.  Bischoff takes one of Hogan’s crutches.  Hardy comes back in.  Angle gets up.  Hogan hands his crutch to Hardy.  Hardy breaks the crutch over Angle’s back.  THEY’RE IN CAHOOTS!  Hardy breaks the other crutch over Anderson’s back, then hits the Twist of Fate.  Bischoff drags the referee back into the ring and kicks him until he counts the pin for Hardy in 18:39.  Really good match, even with the fuck finish.  At least the crutch shots weren’t light.  Jeff Jarrett and Abyss come out to celebrate with Hardy, Hogan, and Bischoff.  I CALLED IT!  HOGAN AND BISCHOFF ARE THEM!  Rob Van Dam comes out and asks Hardy “WTF, man?”  Hardy nails RVD with the belt.

When I read the results of the show last night, I was so pissed off when I found out about this angle.  Now that I’ve seen it, I’m not going to lie… I really liked it.  I’m still not optimistic about where they’ll take the story from here, but I liked the angle.  As for the show as a whole, I’ll give it a thumbs in the middle.  There were 3 or 4 matches I enjoyed, but there was a lot crap on the show too.  Still, I really liked the main event and the closing angle.

TNA iMPACT! 10/7/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss has kidnapped Dixie Carter.  He yells about wanting her to cry and being there when her children were born.  The fuck?  Nobody helps her, despite there being tons of people backstage where they’re walking.  That’s crack TNA security for you.  Abyss pulls her into the arena and yells at or near her.  He rambles about “they.”  NOBODY IS LIFTING A MOTHERFUCKING FINGER TO SAVE THE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY FROM A LUNATIC WITH A NAIL BOARD AND A BRANDING IRON.  Eric Bischoff finally finishes getting blown by Brooke Adams backstage and comes out.  Bischoff, Gunner, Murphy, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown finally show up after their boss has been in danger for 5 minutes.  Bischoff convinces Abyss to unlock Dixie from the handcuffs.  Bischoff yells “CUT!”  Bischoff gets in the ring as Sting, Kevin Nash, and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero come out.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff, The Pope, Sting, and Kevin Nash are all in the ring.  Bischoff and Pope discuss amongst themselves this retarded, convoluted storyline that nobody understands.  Sting wants Hogan in the ring.  So he can expose him.  Or something.  Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett come out.  Bischoff tells them to stand down.  He talks about Hogan being crippled.  They show video of Hulk Hogan in the hospital, because he is in fact old and crippled.  I hate this fucking company.  LIVE TV AND THEY’RE FUCKING SHOWING FUCKING VIDEO OF THAT PIECE OF SHIT IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL.  Bischoff challenges them to kick his ass.  DO IT!  He books Sting, Nash, & Pope against Jarrett & Joe in a Handicap Match at Bound For Glory.  That’s stupid.

Mickie James shows up.  I’m so pissed at that stupid segment that I don’t even care.

Tonight, a battle royal.

A match for a name and some music is next.  Commercials.

Angle/Hardy/Anderson hype video.

Team 3D (FUCK!  I thought they were gone) are in New York City.  They promise a big announcement at Bound For Glory.  Hopefully it’s that they’re retiring.

For the Rights to the Beautiful People Name: Madison Rayne & Tara vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky.  Rayne and Tara jump Love and Sky.  Nobody bothers to ring a fucking bell because they hate wrestling and me.  They get the heat on Angelina.  Velvet tags in and runs wild.  Rayne knees Velvet from the apron, so they get heat on her too.  Miss Tessmacher comes out to take notes.  These are NOT the women you want to learn about wrestling from, Brooke.  Love tags in and runs wild.  Velvet and Love hit stereo leg kicks on Tara.  Love pins Tara in about 3 minutes.  Fucking garbage.  Tessmacher says there’s a special guest referee for their 4-way title match at Bound For Glory.  It’s Mickie James.  Mickie cuts a shitty promo about how she’ll beat whoever wins at BFG for the title.

Mick Foley was in Boston plugging his book and cutting a promo on Ric Flair.

Still to come, a battle royal.

Next, Flair vs. Foley.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter tells Eric Bischoff to fire Abyss.  She says he should have done it a long time ago.  That’s what she gets for expecting Bischoff to be competent or good at his job.  She wants him to fire Abyss in the ring and humiliate him.  That’s stupid.  Also, I’m pretty sure Bischoff and Hogan are “them.”

Last Man Standing Match: Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley.  They lock up.  In a gimmick grudge match.  Flair lands chops and punches.  Foley bleeds from a cut above his eye.  They brawl outside.  Foley hits Flair in the balls, throws him in the ring, and retrieves his barbed wire bat that was hidden under the steps.  Foley hits Flair with the bat and punches him.  Flair is bleeding.  Foley chases Flair to the broadcast table.  They end up on the stage.  Foley drives the barbed wire into Flair’s head.  Flair throws Foley off the stage through a table.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants are bleeped.  I thought Spike TV was television for men, not old ladies.  Commercials.  Flair beats  up Foley, having beaten him with his new book during the break.  Flair brings in thumbtacks.  Foley fights back.  Foley back body drops Flair onto the tacks.  Foley brings in a barbed wire board.  Foley pounds Flair down in the corner, then runs the barbed wire board into him.  They trade chops and punches.  Foley brings in a table.  The mutants chant “FIRE!”  Flair hits Foley in the balls, then puts him on the table and hits him with the barbed wire board.  Flair comes off the top rope and splashes Foley through the table.  They both try to get up.  Flair does the Flair flop into the tacks.  Foley wins in 13:25.  Flair and Foley had a great match.  This was NOT that match.  This was two old men having a TNA garbage match for the sake of having a TNA garbage match, and I expect better from both of them.  I hate this company.  Foley wants Flair to kiss his ass like he promised to last week.  Mutants chant “KISS HIS ASS!”  Fortune come in through the crowd and jump Foley.  EV2.0 come out and run them off.  Flair says Fortune will kick their asses Sunday.

Tenay and Tazz show off the blood on their table.

Eric Bischoff walks backstage.

Eric Bischoff walks to the ring.  They show the retarded bullshit from the beginning of the show again because they’re so proud of it.  He calls out Abyss.  Commercials.  Who is the retard who structures these fucking shows?

Eric Bischoff is still waiting on Abyss.  The wreckage from the Flair/Foley match is still in the ring because everybody is too busy being worthless to clean shit up.  Rob Van Dam comes out.  He’s “1010% sure” about what he’s saying.  He says Abyss stays through Bound For Glory or he quits.

Tommy Dreamer and Rhino were in Philadelphia at some point in the past.

A battle royal is going to happen later.  Commercials are going to happen right now.

House shows.

Orlando Jordan and Eric Young are shown at a fair or something.  There are homosexual overtones.  Why the fuck is Orlando Jordan back on my TV?

Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan.  The gimmick is that since Young fell on his head a while back he’s retarded now.  He is dressed like Ink Inc. with kiddie drawings on his back and doesn’t know whose team he is on.  Neal beats up Jordan.  Good for him.  Jordan beats up Neal, then humps his face.  Moore tags in and runs wild.  Moore hits a moonsault body block on Jordan for 2.  Young comes in and high fives him.  Young helps Moore double team Jordan, then points it out to the ref when Jordan goes for a pin with his foot on the ropes.  Jordan hits Moore in the balls and gets the pin in 3:47.  Fucking garbage.  Young abuses the referee, says he’s the leader of the tag team, and forfeits the match they just won.  They talk about a rematch at the PPV.  I fucking hope not.

We tour Jay Lethal’s family home.

Jeff Hardy, Ken Anderson, and Kurt Angle are all in the battle royal, which is next.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter tells Rob Van Dam that Abyss as fired after Bound For Glory regardless of the result of their match.  Bischoff gives her the termination papers to sign.  She doesn’t read them.  Abyss will be saved when it is revealed that Hogan and Bischoff are “they.”  Dixie tells RVD to take out Abyss.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out.  They’re the Jersey Shore gimmick.  Cookie is Becky Bayless, and she’s super hot, so at least there’s that.  Robbie shoes off his abs.  Becky should show off her tits.  They cut a stupid, obnoxious promo.  I’m pretty sure Robbie E. is Zack Ryder’s twin brother.  Even the Impact Zone mutants hate this shit.  Retarded bullshit.

Bound For Glory hype video with various guys cutting promos.

$100,000 Gauntlet Battle Royal: #1 is Ken Anderson.  #2 is Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle lands a shoulder block.  #3 is Jeff Hardy.  They’re doing entrants every 45 seconds.  They could have spaced it out more, but that Jersey Shore gimmick is so fucking important.  As soon as Hardy gets in the ring, #4 is TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles.  Commercials.  Doug Williams, Sabu, Max Buck, and TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin entered during the break.  #9 is Tommy Dreamer.  #10 is TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  Everybody brawls.  #11 is Jeff Jarrett.  WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF HAVING A GAUNTLET MATCH IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE GUYS COME OUT EVERY 45 FUCKING SECONDS?  #12 is “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  #13 is Robert Roode.  Nobody gets eliminated.  #14 is Sting.  Still, nobody gets eliminated.  Commercials.  Jeremy Buck, Raven, and Stevie Richards entered during the break.  Abyss enters and eliminates Williams, Sabu, Lethal, Richards, Sabu, and Raven in short order.  Everybody jumps Abyss.  Abyss dumps Sting.  Kevin Nash enters next.  Nash beats on Abyss.  Nash didn’t even put on wrestling gear.  Matt Morgan enters next and drops Abyss with a clothesline.  Nash and Morgan have a big guy fight.  Samoa Joe is next.  Abyss eliminates Morgan and Nash.  James Storm enters.  Dreamer almost eliminates Abyss.  Angle and Generation Me try to finish Abyss.  Abyss eliminates Generation Me.  TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley is next.  Joe almost eliminates Hardy, who Taz calls Jarrett.  Kazarian gets eliminated.  I didn’t even know he had entered.  Rhino enters and goes after Abyss.  Styles and Dreamer try to eliminate each other.  Abyss eliminates Rhino.  Jarrett goes for the Stroke on Pope, but Abyss eliminates him.  Abyss eliminates Pope.  The show ends.  I’m going to finish the match on Reaction since I already taped it.  I hate myself for breaking my rule.  Abyss eliminates Shelley as Shelley goes for the Shiranui.  Abyss eliminates Joe.  Beer Money double suplex Dreamer, then Abyss.  BEER!  MONEY!  Roode tries to eliminate Storm.  Storm skins the cat back in.  Roode shoves Storm, then they hug.  Abyss eliminates Roode, then Storm.  Styles hits the Pele kick on Abyss.  Dreamer hits the Spiccoli Driver on Styles.  Abyss eliminates Dreamer.  Abyss press slams Styles out of the ring.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb on Angle.  Abyss eliminates Hardy.  Anderson fights Abyss.  Abyss chokeslams.  Rob Van Dam comes out as the last participant, despite the fact that it’s been several minutes since an entrant.  I fucking hate this company.  RVD hits Abyss with a cross body that eliminates himself.  Abyss tumbles over the top rope too.  That was just dump luck and RVD is an idiot.  Angle and Anderson go at it.  They counter each others’ secondary move.  Angle eliminates Anderson with an Angle Slam out of the ring to win it in 26:32.  Angle celebrates with the money.

Fucking awful piece of shit show.  I fucking hate this company.  I don’t know why I put myself through this shit every week.