Archive for Stephanie McMahon

The Chuiresu Diaries 10/17/12: Chicken Soup for the Wrestling Geek’s Soul

Posted in ECW, WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2012 by Grappleholic

I’m trying something different here.  I don’t get to write reviews often anymore due to being a very stressed college senior, but every now and then I get the chance to watch a little bit of Pro Wrestling and would like to share my thoughts on it.  So, from time to time, I may post what I’m calling a diary with short thoughts on whatever I happen to watch that day.  Full show reviews may still happen in the future, if I ever have free time again.

I picked the the ECW Unreleased Vol. 1 Blu-ray recently, and this evening I’m taking a few hours off from stressing about life, the universe, and everything to enjoy it for a bit.

Former ECW announcer and current WWE.com guy Joey Styles is hosting this thing.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Final: ECW Heavyweight Champion “The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. 2 Cold Scorpio (Hardcore TV, August 27, 1994).  This was the night Extreme Championship Wrestling was born.  Douglas and Scorpio had a very watchable little back and forth wrestling match, which Douglas won with a belly to belly suplex in 12:52 after Scorpio missed a moonsault.  But the post-match promo is where it’s at.  Douglas refuses the title, saying the NWA is a dead organization.  He instead declares his ECW title to be a World title.  Soon after, Eastern Championship Wrestling became Extreme Championship Wrestling.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven (w/ Stevie Richards & Beulah McGillicutty) (Hostile City Showdown, April 15, 1995).  Fun little brawl.  Raven gives Dreamer 3 consecutive DDTs, but Dreamer kicks out.  Dreamer DDTs Raven on the floor, but Stevie interferes.  Dreamer DDTs Stevie and the referee, then Beulah runs in.  Dreamer gives her a piledriver and Philadelphia, apparently big fans of domestic violence, love it.  Raven is announced as the winner by DQ.  Joey Styles puts it over as a moral victory for Dreamer.  Stevie carries Beulah to the back instead of allowing her to be stretchered.

Joey Styles puts over the workrate guys like Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero who got their first shot in the United States in ECW.

2 Cold Scorpio & Dean Malenko vs. ECW World Television Champion Eddie Guerrero & Taz  (w/ Paul E. Dangerously) (Heat Wave, 7/15/95).  The audio on some of these is pretty bad.  You can hear the announcer, but not the guys talking on the microphone.  So the banter before this match is completely lost on me.  This reminds me, I used to love Taz.  There’s something awesome about a short, stout guy who’s a total ass kicker.  If this isn’t the match where Taz broke his neck, it’s the same configuration of guys.  3 minutes in Eddie and Malenko tag in and start chain wrestling and I vomit rainbows in joy.  Scorpio and Taz have an awesome mat exchange that ends with Scorpio getting suplexed out of his boots.  For that matter, every combination of these guys is awesome, but Malenko and Eddie are two of my favorite wrestlers of all time.  Malenko puts Taz in a Sharpshooter that Joey Styles misidentifies as a Texas Cloverleaf.  I expect better from you, Joey!  I love how they’re working a really good wrestling match, but not at such a fast pace that you can’t digest anything.  Eddie hits a brainbuster that Malenko sells awesomely by convulsing like he just had a seizure.  He apparently still has feeling in his body, because he managed to kick out of the frog splash that followed.  Determined to paralyze Malenko, Eddie dropkicks him off the top turnbuckle to the floor.  Taz and Eddie hit a dropkick Doomsday Device.  That’s kind of neat.  Another Malenko/Eddie exchange with another misidentified Sharpshooter.  Have I forgotten what a Texas Cloverleaf is?  Okay, I googled it.  Looks like I’m the idiot.  Sorry, Joey.  Scorpio hits a dive to the floor.  Malenko tries to do one, but appears to lose his nerve and goes with an elbow smash off the apron.  More dives.  Paul E. hits Scorpio with the cell phone.  Taz hits a head-arm suplex for the pin.  State appointed referee Bill Alfonso orders the match restarted.  Scorpio superkicks Taz and Malenko hits the Tiger Driver on Eddie.  Alfonso fast counts the double pin to give it to Malenko and Scorpio in about 20 minutes.  This was pretty damned good, much to the surprise of no one.

ECW World Television Championship Match: “The Shooter” Dean Malenko (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero (Hardcore TV, July 28, 1995).  This match is great.  Seeing wrestlers of this caliber bust their asses for the sake of having a good match reminds me why I love professional wrestling.  Guerrero catches Malenko with a jackknife hold for the pin to recapture the title 11:47.

Joey Styles puts over Cactus Jack, always my favorite face of Foley.

Cactus Jack vs. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas (CyberSlam, 2/17/96).  Douglas jumps Cactus, who is wearing a jacket and tie for some reason.  That quickly goes, but Cactus is wearing a shirt underneath.  Good.  I’ve never seen Mick Foley shirtless, and I never want to.  The referee is Brian Hildebrand (aka Mark Curtis), God rest him.  Cactus is wearing the “Forgive me, Uncle Eric” shirt that I remember reading about in his first book.  Joey notes that Cactus didn’t come to wrestle tonight, hence the jacket, tie, and cowboy boots.  They brawl.  Crutches, guardrails, and chairs come into play.  Douglas hits a dive from the top rope into the crowd onto Cactus.  I’ve never seen that out of him.  Cactus does the “spit in the air and catch it in his mouth” bit, which is disgusting.  Joey Styles calls it “Vintage Cactus Jack” here in 1996, so fuck you, Michael Cole.  The referee hands Douglas an international object, which Douglas clocks Cactus with.  They’re handcuffs!  Douglas handcuffs Cactus and picks up a chair.  Cactus tries to fight back, but gets murdered in the face with a chair not as badly as he did with The Rock at Royal Rumble 1999, but still…  Cactus calls for help from Vince McMahon (this was right before Foley went to the WWF).  Since Vince doesn’t come out to help, Cactus calls for Mikey Whipwreck.  Douglas is trying to make Foley say “I Quit.”  So this really IS like Rumble ’99.  Douglas locks in a figure-four leglock.  Mikey Whipwreck runs in with a chair and… murders Cactus in the face with it.  Hildebrand counts the pin while Cactus is still in the figure-four in 15:42.  This was fun.

“Lion Heart” Chris Jericho vs. 2 Cold Scorpio (The Doctor Is In, 8/3/96).  There’s too much dancing in Scorpio’s entrance for my enjoyment.  I don’t know anything about dancing, so I don’t know if it’s even good or not.  This must have been one of Jericho’s last matches before going to WCW.  Good wrestling here.  Jericho goes a really wonky submission hold that even Joey can’t identify.  Crowd chants “This show sucks!”  I have no idea why.  They do some near falls.  Scorpio kicks Jericho out of the ring to the floor and says he’s going to finish him.  Jericho stays in the game, though.  Jericho tries to spring off the top and hit Scorpio on the apron, but eats the floor instead.  Scorpio hits a diving leg drop that I thought might be the finish, but Jericho’s got some fight left.  Jericho hits his rebound from the turnbuckle into a dropkick to the apron deal.  There should be an easier way to say that.  Scorpio hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top that wins i… NO!  OMGWTF JERICHO KICKED OUT.  More counters and near falls.  They do some mildly crazy bumps, such as when Jericho powerslams Scorpio off the top rope.  Scorpio hits a Tombstone Piledriver and a Shooting Star press for the pin in 19:58.  Okay, yeah, this was pretty good.

Joey Styles talks about Sabu.

Tables & Ladders Match for the ECW World Tag Team Championship: The Eliminators (c) vs. Sabu & Rob Van Dam (CyberSlam, 2/22/97).  Saturn says the winners of this match will be the best team in the world.  That’s a stretch.  Tables and ladders are legal in this match, so of course, RVD and Saturn start with back and forth wrestling while the partners stand politely on the apron.  They start bringing in the plunder and taking crazy bumps at around the 7 minute mark.  With these bumps into ladders, it’s no wonder Perry Saturn has always been a bit touched in the head.  Saturn splashes Van Dam off a ladder.  Sabu kicks the ladder into Kronus, then puts him through a table at ringside.  Joey with the classic “OH MY GOD!”  The Eliminators keep the title when Kronus pins RVD after 2 Total Eliminations in 20:40.  Wild and fun.

And now, a brief digression.  I was chatting with a friend on Facebook (shout out, Shawn!) about memories of early 2000s wrestling and the time that Triple H defended the WWF title against TAKA Michinoku on Raw popped into my head.  I searched YouTube, and…

WWF Championship Match: Triple H (c) (w/ Shane McMahon & WWF Women’s Champion Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. TAKA Michinoku (w/ Funaki & The Acolytes) (RAW IS WAR, 4/10/00).  TAKA is a mystery opponent.  He hires the Acolyte Protection Agency to watch his back and they immediately run off Shane McMahon.  This match is all kinds of fun.  TAKA gets his shine and Jim Ross convinces you that he has a shot to win the WWF title.  It doesn’t help that Hunter is being a real shit ass to referee Earl Hebner.  Earl lets it go when Funaki dropkicks Triple H into the APA and the APA beat the hell out of him.  Vince and Shane McMahon come out and distract the Acolytes.  The Big Boss Man and Bull Buchanan Pearl Harbor TAKA’s protectors, and Hunter hits the Pedigree for the pin in 5:53.  The dastardly heels put the boots to The Acolytes.  Man, this was fun and brought back fond memories of being a 12 year old WWF mark.

I’ve had a rough week and felt pretty miserable about life a few hours ago.  This heaping does of pro wrestling nostalgia was exactly what I needed.  I hope to find some free time again soon to watch the rest of the ECW set and the new CM Punk release.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/23/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a replay of last week’s big closing angle, in which Randy Orton RKO’d Stephanie McMahon and incurred the wrath of her husband (that they’re finally acknowledging on TV), Triple H.

Justin Roberts (where’s Lillian?) introduces the ever annoying Smackdown GM, Vickie Guerrero.  She says that since there are no more McMahons, she’s now the GM of Raw too.  Fuck.  John Cena comes out.  I’ve never been so happy to see him.  Cena makes fun of Michael Cole, who’s at the commentary table with Jerry Lawler.  Cena says he’s going to cash in his rematch clause to get his title shot against Edge tonight.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out with Big Show.  Cena tells Edge to stand up like a man and be a champion.  Edge blabs for a while, then Cena makes a funny comment.  Something like, “You’re only running your mouth because you’re standing here with that 400 pound beast, and you brought Big Show too.”  Show tells Cena to respect Vickie.  Cena speculates that Show is there to pick up Edge’s slack in the bedroom.  Vickie says Cena will either face her family or her friend tonight.  Cena says either is fine with him.  It’ll probably be some lame handicap match with Cena vs. Edge, Show, & Chavo.

Tonight, CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz in a triple threat Money In The Bank Qualifying match.

Legacy arrives at the building.  Why aren’t they at work on time like everyone else?

Tonight, JBL vs. Shawn Michaels with the winner facing Undertaker at WrestleMania.

Non-Title, Money In The Bank Qualifying Triple Threat Match: WWE Intercontinental Champion CM Punk vs. World Tag Team Champion John Morrison vs. World Tag Team Champion The Miz.  The briefcase is hanging above the ring, just for the hell of it.  Punk tries to pin Miz quickly with an inside cradle, but Morrison breaks it.  Miz and Morrison double team Punk.  Punk fights back and nails Miz with a kick that sends him off the apron.  A clothesline from Miz takes he and Punk both out of the ring.  Commercial.  Back from break, Morrison is stretching Punk in the ring.  During the break, Miz was taken out with a cross body off the steps from Punk and a friendly fire Shooting Star press off the apron from Morrison.  Punk fights back with kicks and knees.  Miz comes back in and nails Punk, then works him over.  Morrison is out from Punk’s corner knee kick.  Morrison comes back in and Punk takes them both down.  He hits a powerslam on Morrison, but Miz saves.  Miz gets Morrison up on his shoulders and Morrison hits a Doomsday Device-style Moonlight Drive.  Miz covers, but Morrison breaks it.  Morrison covers, but Punk kicks out.  Morrison and Miz fight with each other.  Punk grabs Morrison and uses his legs to knock Miz out of the ring, then hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin on Morrison at 10:26.  Pretty good little match.  Straightedge to the bank two years in a row!

Last week on Smackdown, Jim Ross did a sit down interview with Triple H.  Next, they’ll replay it.

As promised, we get Triple H’s interview from Smackdown.  He says Orton crossed the line when he RKO’d Triple H’s wife.

Todd Grisham is outside Orton’s dressing room, hoping for an interview.  Dibiase and Rhodes come out.  Rhodes says the McMahons are responsible for what happened to them.  Dibiase says Orton will address his actions tonight, and if Triple H wants to get involved, they’ll be ready.

Santino, Beth, Rosa, and Dolph Ziggler are heading to the ring after the first good Santino segment in over a month at least.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Melina beat Beth Phoenix to retain the Women’s Championship when the face Divas came out to neutralize Santino and Rosa.

There are guys in the parking lot waiting for Triple H to show up.

Cryme Tyme & WWE Women’s Champion Melina vs. Santino Marella, Dolph Ziggler, & Beth Phoenix (w/ Rosa Mendez).  The ladies start.  Beth picks Melina up.  Melina fights back, then falls on her ass.  Tags to Ziggler and JTG.  They have a really nice exchange.  JTG does that facebuster that I always think is going to be a monkey flip.  Ziggler fights back and beats him down.  Santino wants in.  JTG gets in a shot and makes the hot tag to Shad, who kicks Ziggler’s ass.  Ziggler finally tags in Santino.  Santino pumps himself up, charges Shad, and promptly gets STO’d by Shad for the pin at 3:57.

Shawn Michaels vs. JBL is NEXT!

WrestleMania hype video.

Cena is backstage wondering who he’s facing tonight.  They play the trailer for his new movie.

JBL vs. Shawn Michaels.  They block up, then Shawn jumps on JBL and starts throwing punches.  The match goes back and forth for a while.  JBL knocks Michaels out of the ring.  He follows Shawn out and tries to throw him into the ring post, but Michaels reverses and sends JBL in head first.  They barely beat the count back into the ring.  Commercial.  Back from break, JBL goes for a superplex.  Michaels fights him off, but then takes a boot to the face and nasty bump to the floor.  Michaels makes it back in and kicks out of JBL’s clothesline.  I remember when that used to be a killer finish.  He ducks another attempt and does the elbow smash followed by the nip up, a pair of atomic drops, a body slam, and the diving elbow.  JBL avoids the superkick and misses the lariat.  Michaels does the Flair flip in the corner, then gets thrown over but skins the cat back in.  JBL gives him a boot and taunts him.  JBL goes for the lariat again, but Michaels catches him flush with the superkick for the win at 13:01.  Not bad.  Vladimir Kozlov comes down and stares down Shawn.  Apparently now he and Shawn will face each other next week, with the winner jobbing to Taker at Mania.  Michaels takes a swing at Kozlov and gets laid out with the spinebuster.  Crowd boos Kozlov big.

Legacy are suiting up in the back.  Commercial.

This week on Smackdown, the Hardy Boyz EXPLODE!

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania 24.

Jamie Noble is in the ring, saying he’ll last longer against his opponent tonight than he did last week.

Jamie Noble vs. Mike Knox.  Knox wins with his finish in 30 seconds according to my clock, 29 according to WWE’s.

2009 Hall of Fame Inductees: Steve Austin and Dory & Terry Funk.  New inductee: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat!  I fully approve, as he’s one half of my favorite match ever.  He’ll be inducted by the other half of that match, Ric Flair!

Cole introduces Ricky Steamboat.  He says winning the Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania III was the highlight of his career, and going into the Hall of Fame is the greatest highlight of his life.  That’s gotta be hyperbole.  Chris Jericho comes out as everyone expected.  Jericho’s happy Mickey Rourke didn’t win an Oscar.  Hey says Steamboat sold out when he came to WWE, bring up his cartoonish Dragon character from the early 90s.  He says Steamboat is the biggest hypocrite of them all.  Steamboat mentions signing an autograph 20 years ago for a young Jericho, who was a big fan of him.  Steamboat cuts a long promo on him, then Jericho cheap shots him and leaves him laying.

Earlier tonight… Vickie told Cena he’d face her friend or her family tonight.  It’s NEXT!

In the middle of a commercial, they show a long dark shot of the Raw arena for no reason.

Cole and Lawler explain that it was technical difficulties.  Grisham says Triple H still hasn’t arrived.

Cena comes out for his match.  Vickie says he doesn’t get a title shot tonight.  Cena says he’s going to follow Vickie around until she grants him his title shot.  Cena’s opponent is… Chavo Guerrero!

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Cena wins in 46 seconds with the F-U and the STFU… er, the Attitude Adjustment and the STF.

Legacy is heading to the ring.  Orton has a sledgehammer.

Tomorrow night on ECW: Jack Swagger vs. Christian for the ECW Championship.

Next week, Michaels vs. Kozlov with the winner jobbing to Taker at WrestleMania.

Legacy comes out to the ring.  Orton cuts his promo, again blaming his explosive diarrhea for his actions.  WWE Champion Triple H finally arrives at the arena and comes out in full pissed off psycho mode, sledgehammer in hand.  Orton tries to reason with him, going as far as to drop his sledgehammer out of the ring.  Triple H reciprocates the gesture.  Triple H comes up with another sledgehammer, nails Rhodes, then chases Orton and Dibiase to the back, where they find lots of locked doors.  They barricade themselves in the locker room.  Triple H bashes down the door with the sledgehammer and corners them.  Dibiase ducks a swing that could have decapitated him, then gets nailed in the back with a safe shot.  Orton ducks a hammer throw and Triple H breaks the dressing room mirror.  I guess if he drops the belt at Mania, he can blame it on bad luck.  Orton and Dibiase make it to their car.  Triple H smashes a window, but they get away.  Fade to black.

Fun show overall.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then Lillian Garcia introduces the General Manager of Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero.  She in turn introduces, Edge, who in a strange turn of events last night at No Way Out became World Heavyweight Champion.  As they make their way to the ring, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to Spokane, Washington.

Edge throws out some possibilites as to what the R in Rated R Superstar stands for, then he says all the fans were wrong when they thought he was done for the night after he lost the WWE Championship last night.  Then he runs around and acts like a moron.  Vickie tries to speak over loud boos.  She says that since Stephanie McMahon left No Way Out to accompany Shane to the hospital, she became the highest ranking WWE official there.  She says that since Kofi Kingston was physically unable to participate in the Elimination Chamber match, she used her authority to give his slot to someone deserving.  She fails to mention that Edge was the one who made Kofi physically unable to enter the Chamber.  Then she gives her annoying “excuse me” line, and she and Edge make out.  Gross.  Cena’s music hits.  He’s all smiles, even though he lost the title last night after taking everybody’s finish.  Cena congratulates Edge and says he won the match last night fair and square.  He then mentions another possibility for what the R could stand for: Rematch.  Edge says no, because he wrestled in two Elimination Chamber matches last night.  Cena tells them to go back to Smackdown and say hello to Festus and Funaki for him, then gets sick at the thought of Edge and Vickie being intimate together.  Edge recaps his history with Cena, bringing up the time he slapped Cena’s dad.  Cena tells Edge he can’t hide or run from him.  I’m guessing we get Cena/Edge #849 at WrestleMania.

Shane McMahon is backstage.  He challenges Randy Orton to an unsanctioned fight tonight.  Commercial.

WrestleMania hype commercial.

WWE Intercontinental Champion CM Punk & Cryme Tyme vs. William Regal (w/ Layla), Ted Dibiase Jr., & Cody Rhodes.  Punk and Cody start.  They trade hammerlocks.  Cody slams Punk, the Punk nails him with a kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep.  Regal attacks Punk before he can make the cover.  Commercial.  When we come back, the bad guys are getting heat on Punk.  Half assed hot tag to JTG.  Dibiase hits a new version of his move, called the Dream Streak, on JTG for the win at 8:10.  Weak match, with not nearly enough shown on TV.

Stephanie tries to talk Shane out of fighting Orton tonight.  Shane says the fight is happening tonight whether Orton wants it or not.

No Way Out highlight video.

Tonight: Melina vs. Beth Phoenix for the Women’s Championship.

Chris Jericho is in the ring, ripping into Mickey Rourke, then Wrestling Legends in general.  “Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out.  He puts over Jericho for always speaking his mind and backing it up in the ring.  Now, however, he spends his time blasting legends.  Piper goes on about old times and the life of a legend.  Jericho gets a cheap shot and kicks Piper in the ribs a few times while berating him.

Todd Grisham is backstage with Randy Orton.  Orton says he’ll fight Shane tonight, and he won’t need Dibiase and Rhodes to help him.

Another WrestleMania video, this one highlighting WrestleMania IX.

Jamie Noble is in the ring.  He talks about Chavo Guerrero only lasting nine (WWE for eleven) seconds against Kane at WrestleMania last year.  He said he could last longer, so Kane comes out so we can find out.

Kane vs. Jamie Noble.  Noble tries to fight, but Kane hits the chokeslam for the win at 15 seconds.  Hey, he did last longer than Chavo!

The announcers talking about Shawn Michaels winning his freedom from JBL last night.  JBL (w/ black eye) is on his way to the ring to make an announcement.

Christian returned on ECW last week, and he’s focused on Jack Swagger’s ECW Championship!

Tonight: Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon in an unsanctioned fight!

JBL comes out.  He doesn’t own Michaels anymore, and doesn’t care.  He’s richer than us.  JBL says he wants to end The Undertaker’s streak at WrestleMania.  Shawn Michaels comes out, and he’s got his HBK strut back.  He blathers for a while, then gets to the point: He should be the one to face Undertaker at WrestleMania.  They agree to face each other next week, with the winner challenging Undertaker at WrestleMania.

Video package recapping the Orton vs. McMahons angle.  Orton and Shane fight TONIGHT!

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox.  Mysterio was pretty much a one man show last night.  He carried the Raw Chamber match.  Knox beats on Rey and throws him out of the ring.  Commercial.  Back from break, Knox beats on Mysterio.  Rey tries to fight back, but keeps getting shut down.  Mysterio finally manages to escape a bear hug and makes his comeback.  Mysterio hits the 619, but misses the Bombs Away.  Knox catches Mysterio springboarding off the ropes and ties him to the Tree of Woe.  Rey dodges a charging Knox and schoolboys him for the win at 9:43.

Beth, Santino, and Rosa are heading to the ring!

Saturday Night’s Main Event DVD!  BUY IT!  I have it.  I’ll watch it one of these days.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Melina (c) vs. Beth Phoenix (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez).  Beth attacks Melina with vigor from the opening bell.  Santino has a bit of a new look.  Beth gets a near fall off of a slingshot suplex, then stretches her.  Melina fights back, but takes a vicious backbreaker.  Beth sends Melina out of the ring and distracts the referee while Rosa takes a shot at her.  Mickie James, Candice Michelle, and Kelly Kelly come out and beat up Santino.  Melina gets back in the ring and pins Beth win an inside cradle at 2:51.

Cole and Lawler hype the 2009 Class of the Hall of Fame.  Steve Austin has already been announced.  Joining him in the Hall of Fame are the Funk brothers, Dory and Terry!  They were the only brothers to both be NWA World Heavyweight Champion.  They will be inducted by Dusty Rhodes.  Commercial!

ECW tomorrow night: Christian & Finlay vs. Jack Swagger & Mark Henry.

Stephanie is on the phone urging someone to hurry up and get to the arena.  The call gets dropped.  Damned AT&T.

Next week: JBL vs. Michaels with the winner earning the right to be the next victim of Taker’s streak at WrestleMania.

Shane McMahon and Randy Orton come out and fight.  Shane kills Orton and sets up for the Van Terminator, then Dibiase and Rhodes run in and beat up Shane.  Orton punts Shane.  Stephanie comes out to check on Shane.  Orton RKOs Stephanie.  He looks shocked at what he did.  That explosive diarrhea must have kicked in again.  Triple H runs down and checks on Stephanie as Legacy bails, so I guess they’re finally going to admit that they are married.  Triple H is either mad or retarded.  Fade to black.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/9/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  At least Raw isn’t preempted for that stupid dog show anymore.

Lillian Garcia introduces Ric Flair!  WOOOO!  The 16-time World Champion styles and profiles his way to the ring, looking as ONLY he can look, as Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.   We are LIVE! from Oakland, California!  Actually they just talk about Flair, but we are LIVE from Oakland, and I do feel welcome!  Flair talks about wrestling his retirement match against Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania last year, then Chris Jericho interrupts.  Jericho has the guys in the truck show a video clip of Jericho and Flair hugging during Flair’s farwell the night after WrestleMania 24.  He calls Flair a sellout.  Flair says he’ll never sellout because he’ll never break his retirement by wrestling again.  Jericho says Flair still wants to be in the spotlight.  Flair agrees, saying even though he’s retired from the ring, he’ll never leave the business because he loves the fans.  Jericho says Flair will eventually break his retirement, then tells Flair to leave.  Flair says no.  Jericho harrasses Flair some more until Flair punches him.  Jericho bails and Flair struts.

Tonight: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton.  Last week: Shane McMahon announced that he will face Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred Match at No Way Out.  Shane caned Legacy, then later Legacy jumped Shane backstage.  Orton tried to punt Stephanie, but Shane crawled in front and took it in the ribs.  Stephanie made a deal with Kane to get the Undertaker on Raw to kill Orton.

Tonight: Cena, Mysterio, & Kingston vs. Jericho, Kane, & Knox.

Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina & Kelly Kelly.  Next week, Beth gets her rematch against Melina for the title.  Kelly and Jillian start, then Kelly tags out to Melina.  Beth pulls Melina’s hair from the apron, allowing the heels to get the advantage.  Melina fights back and hits some kicks on Beth.  She pulls Jillian in the ring and slugs her.  Melina hits the ropes and Rosa trips her, leading to Beth hitting the Glam Slam for the win at 2:38.

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania III.

JBL and Shawn Michaels chat backstage.  JBL has scheduled Michaels in a match with Mark Henry tonight, to give Michaels a chance to “tune up” for their No Way Out match.

Legacy comes out and stands on the ramp.  Orton says that all this business with him and the McMahons, everyone but him has forgotten that he won the Royal Rumble and has a title shot at WrestleMania.  Orton says he wasn’t going to punt Stephanie last week.  He wants her to be around to see him take out Shane at No Way Out.  He says Undertaker can’t stop him, and neither can Shane.  Orton then sends Orton and Dibiase to the ring for their match with Cryme Tyme, which is NEXT!

Michaels vs. JBL No Way Out hype video.

Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad is angry at the beating Priceless gave Cryme Tyme last week, so he takes his anger on Rhodes until Dibiase makes a blind tag and jumps Shad from behind.  Dibiase beats up Shad until both guys tag in their partners.  JTG gets the better of Rhodes and hits his corner facebuster for a near fall.  Dibiase low bridges Shad and provides a distraction, allowing Rhodes to hit his move on JTG for the win at 3:26.  Rhodes’ finish is now called the Cross Rhodes.

Tonight: Michaels vs. Henry and the six-man tag involving the guys in the Elimination Chamber Match at No Way Out.

Video package of Cena shilling razor blades.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

Chris Jericho, Kane, & Mike Knox vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena, Rey Mysterio Jr., & Kofi Kingston.  We get five minutes of entrances, then three minutes of commercials.  Watch ECW and see Finlay dance!  The match is joined in progress.  Dammit.  Kane beats up Kofi, but Kofi fights back.  Knox tags in and beats up Kofi.  Cena comes in and takes down Knox.  Cena goes for the F…Attiutude Adjuster, but Kane saves Knox.  Kane tags in briefly to take some shots at Cena, then tags in Jericho.  Jericho counters an Attitude Adjuster attempt into a DDT and tags Kane back in.  Kane beats on Cena and goes for the chokeslam, but Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster out of nowhere.  “Attitude Adjuster” is a lot more letters to type than “F-U.”  Mysterio and Jericho tag in.  I’m currently re-reading Jericho’s book, and there’s a funny story about when he and Mysterio met, with Jericho thinking Mysterio was a child.  Anyway, Jericho doesn’t catch Kofi at all with a mid-air Codebreaker, but gets the pin anyway.

Stephane McMahon talks on the phone.

This week on Smackdown, Jeff Hardy returns to confront Matt!

Last week: JBL and Michaels agreed to a match at No Way Out with a lot on the line!

Shawn Michaels vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  JBL comes out to sit with Cole and Lawler as Michaels jumps Henry before the opening bell.  Michaels uses his speed advantage to stay on top of Henry.  Michaels superkicks a chair into Henry’s face to cause a DQ at 59 seconds.  JBL warns Michaels that if he gets DQ’d or counted out at No Way Out, JBL owns him forever.  He tells Michaels to bring his wife to No Way Out.  He makes a remark about having a place for Michaels’ wife in his company to make Michaels angry.

Orton vs. Taker tonight!  Punk vs. Regal NEXT!

Orton/Shane No Way Out hype video.

WWE Slam of the Week: Regal pinned Punk in a mixed tag match last week.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match:
CM Punk (c) vs. William Regal (w/ Layla).  Regal mauls Punk early on, but Punk fires back with strikes.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep early, but Regal fights out with vicious blows.  Regal does the Bryan Danielson elbows to the face and hits an Exploder.  Regal measures Punk for the knee, but Punk kicks him coming in and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the win at 2:50-ish (missed stoping the watch when the bell rang).  As good a three minute match as you’re going to get here, folks.

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania XIII.  Undertaker won the WWE Championship at that show, and tonight he’s facing Randy Orton!

Cole and Lawler put over Mickey Rourke winning awards for his role in The Wrestler.  I watched it last week and it’s a great movie.  If you haven’t seen it, get off your ass.  They replay the Jericho/Flair confrontation from earlier, then hype the No Way Out card: Cena vs. Kingston vs. Kane vs. Mysterio vs. Knox vs. Jericho in the Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Title, Edge vs. Triple H vs. Kozlov vs. Undertaker vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy in the Elimination Chamber for the WWE Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. JBL in an “All or Nothing” Match.  There’s also Shane vs. Orton and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger for the ECW Championship, but they didn’t mention that.

ANOTHER replay of the Legacy/McMahons thing from last week.  Orton vs. Undertaker is NEXT!

Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker.  They go about a minute with Undertaker getting the better of it before the first commercial break of the match.  We come back to Orton holding Undertaker in a headlock.  During the break, Orton hit his DDT off the ropes to get the advantage.  Undertaker fights back and hits a backdrop suplex.  Undertaker fights back with punches and hits the snake eyes, a big boot, and a leg drop.  Taker sets up for the chokeslam, but Orton counters and goes for the RKO, but Taker pushes him away.  Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Dibiase and Rhodes run in to cause the DQ at 8:49.  Okay match while it lasted.  Legacy beats down Taker and Orton sets up for the RKO, but Shane McMahon runs down and attacks Orton.  Undertaker chokeslams Rhodes and Dibiase as Orton bails.  Orton sets up Dibiase in the corner with a trash can and hits the Van Terminator.  Shane stares at Orton was we fade to black.

No Way Out this Sunday!

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/2/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, then Cole and Lawler welcome us LIVE to Saint Louis, Missouri!  Tonight: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho!

Lillian Garcia introduces Shane McMahon.  They show the closing angle from last week’s Raw.  He announces that he will be facing Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred Match at No Way Out.  Shane says he’ll do everything he can to make sure Orton is unable to compete at WrestleMania.  “I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD!”  Orton comes out.  Orton says he, Dibiase, and Rhodes didn’t fight back and let Shane beat them up last week.  At No Way Out, he’s going to put Shane in the hospital right next to Vince.  Orton teases getting in the ring, then Legacy to try jump Shane.  Shane pulls out a hidden Singapore cane and smacks them with it.  Commercial.

WWE Intercontinenal Champion CM Punk & Mickie James vs. William Regal & Layla.  Regal gets his rematch against Punk for the title next week.  The men start.  Punk nails some kicks, then the women come in.  Layla attacks, Mickie comes back, then they both go down from a double clothesline.  Men come back in.  Punk his a flurry of strikes.  Regal bails.  James dives off the apron onto Layla.  Regal pulls Punk off the apron to the floor.  Mickie helps Punk beat the count back in the ring, but Regal blasts him with the knee kick for the win at 3:17.  I’m sure they’ll have a great match next week, as long as it’s not a stupid schmoz like the first two matches of this series were.

WrestleMania hype video, emphasizing WrestleMania II.

Tonight, JBL is going to give Shawn Michaels a Employee Performance Appraisal.

Ted Dibiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes vs. Cryme Tyme.  JTG starts with Dibiase and hits a neat facebuster, but Dibiase gets the advantage, then tags out to Rhodes.  JTG takes the heat, then makes the hot tag to Shad.  The ref DQ’s Dibiase and Rhodes at 2:45 for Rhodes being in the ring too long as the illegal man.  Dibiase and Rhodes beat down Shad after the match.

Chris Jericho/Mickey Rourke video package.  Jericho is going to speak in the ring, NEXT!

I went to make a sandwich, then Jericho ripped into Rourke.  Jericho says The Wrestler glorifies washed up has-beens, naming Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ric Flair.  He then focuses his words on Flair.  Jericho wants WWE to take away their status as Hall of Famers.  John Cena appears on the big screen.  Hey says Jericho blasts the legends for living in the past, but Jericho does the same thing.  Cena says he’ll shut Jericho up in their match tonight.

Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston are headed to the ring!

Last week: Kofi Kingston upset Kane to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out.

Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane & Mike Knox.  Kofi sends Kane out of the ring at the half minute mark, then we go to commercial.  Kane and Kofi are still going at it when we return.  Kofi tags Mysterio, who goes for the 619, but Kane bails, so Rey hits the Bombs Away off the ring apron.  Knox comes in and goes after Mysterio.  Kofi makes the blind tag.  They double team Knox a bit, then Kofi covers for a two count.  Knox nails Kofi with a big boot for a near fall.  The big guys take turns beating up Kofi.  Kofi tries to make the tag, but Kane gives Rey a big boot, knocking him off the apron.  Kofi gets beaten up some more.  Rey finally makes his way back the apron, but Kane prevents Kofi from tagging out.  Kofi finally manages to make the hot tag.  Mysterio comes in and hits the springboard leg drop on Kane, but Knox breaks the cover.  Kofi sends Knox out and dives onto him, but Knox turns it into a backbreaker.  Rey goes for the 619, but Rey prevents it.  Kane catches Rey coming off the ropes and hits a chokeslam for the victory at 11:41.  Shockingly good match.

Shane and Stephanie McMahon are walking backstage when Shane is jumped by Legacy.  They beat up some security guys too.  Orton teases giving Shane the punt of death, then goes to give it to Stephanie instead, but Shane scrambles up and takes the kick in the gut.  Road agents, including DEAN MALENKO! break it up.  Commercial.

Back from break, the replay the angle from before the break, then Cole and Lawler run down the No Way Out card so far: Orton vs. Shane in a No Holds Barred Match, WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match, and World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match.

WrestleMania hype video, emphasizing WrestleMania X.  Bret and Owen Hart had an awesome match, and there was the Shawn/Razor Ladder Match too.

JBL was watching.  He’s giving Shawn an employee performance review tonight.

Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez).  Beth hits a swank backdrop driver, then tries to make her submit with a backbreaker type hold.  Candice goes for a crucifix hold, then transitions into a sunset flip for a near fall.  Candice gets another near fall with a springboard kick.  Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win at 2:36.  Beth orders Rosa to ross Candice out of the ring after the match.

Ric Flair will be at Raw next Monday!

JBL comes out.  He’s going to evaluate his employee.  Michaels comes out.  JBL says Michaels has done a poor job.  Michaels says it’s not his fault.  JBL challenges Michaels to a match at No Way Out.  If Michaels wins, he gets the money JBL owes him.  If JBL wins, he owns Michaels for the rest of his life.  Michaels accepts, then JBL reminds him that he still works for him, so Michaels can’t touch him or the deal is off the table.  JBL verbally berates him and pokes him, which is extremely annoying.  He slaps him too.  Michaels looks near tears.  Cena vs. Jericho is next!

ECW tomorrow has Jack Swagger vs. Finlay.

Another replay of the Orton/McMahons angle.  I want Orton to punt Stephanie.

Stephanie McMahon has made a deal with Kane.  Kane is in the Elimination Chamber Match at No Way Out. In return, Kane got The Undertaker to face Randy Orton next week!

Non-Title: Chris Jericho vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.  Cena jumps Jericho before the opening bell.  He’s intent on shutting up Jericho.  Cena kicks Jericho’s ass and hits a backdrop suplex.  Jericho manages to reverse an Irish whip, but then gets his ass kicked more.  Cena clotheslines Jericho out of the ring.  Cena chases him out, but ends up taking a bump into the announce table.  Commercial.  When we come back, Jericho has Cena in a rear chin lock.  Cena powers out and goes for the victory, but Jericho counters into a DDT.  Jericho hits his classic springboard dropkick.  Cena barely beats the count back in the ring.  Jericho beats on Cena some more, but Cena hits a belly-to-belly suplex.  Jericho hits a dropkick and gets a two count.  Cena makes a comeback and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  They counter each other’s respective submission holds into inside cradles for near falls.  Jericho hits the Lionsault for a near fall.  Cena hits his spinning slam thing and the Five Knuckle Shuffle, then goes for the victory.  Lawler says it’s now called the Attitude Adjuster.  Whatever it’s called, he doesn’t get it.  Jericho goes for the Codebreaker but fails.  Schoolboy gets a two count for Jericho.  Jericho finally manages to lock in the Walls of Jericho.  Cena somehow rolls through it and locks in the STF for the victory at 12:31.  Good match.

Next week: Flair returns to Raw, plus Undertaker vs. Orton.  Cena celebrates his victory as the show goes off the air.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/26/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a video package of Orton’s attack on Mr. McMahon last week.

Lillian Garcia introduces the winner of the 2009 Royal Rumble, Randy Orton, who comes out with his Legacy cronies and three guys in suits.  Cole and Lawler welcome us LIVE from Cleveland, Ohio!  Orton blames his assault on Vince on a mental disorder.  The voices in his head made him do it!  Orton threatens to sue if he is fired.  He’ll also sue if they take away his WrestleMania title shot.  Orton says Dibiase and Rhodes will also walk if he is fired.  Orton then reads a prepared apology for Vince.

Stephanie McMahon is watching backstage.  She looks angry.  Commercial.

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Cryme Tyme.  JTG takes the heat, then makes the hot tag to Shad.  Morrison goes the Moonlight Drive, but Shad hits his STO.  Miz breaks the cover.  Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on Shad to retain the titles at 2:56.

No Way Out, with Elimination Chambers, next month!

JBL comes out and announces that tonight, Shawn Michaels will face John Cena, and if Michaels wins, JBL gets a spot in the Elimination Chamber!

Tonight: the world premier of Cena’s movie trailer!

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Kane.  Kane beats up Kofi and sets up for the chokeslam, but Kofi hits a kick.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Kane goozles him instead.  Kofi counters the chokeslam with a sunset flip for the pin at 2:04.  Kofi gets two PPV main events in a row!

Last week: Orton kicked Vince.  Later tonight: Cena vs. Michaels.

Chris Jericho comes out and introduces a trailer for The Wrestler.  Jericho says that Ric Flair has become friends with the star of the movie, Mickey Rourke.  Last night, Rourke said he’s coming to WrestleMania for Jericho!  Jericho says Rourke has offended him, and that’s a bad thing.

JBL and Michaels chat backstage.  Shawn vs. Cena is NEXT!

WrestleMania hype video emphasizing WrestleMania I.

Non-Title, Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match (for JBL): World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels (w/ JBL).  They slug it out to start.  Commercial.  Dammit.  Back from break, Cena reverses a figure-four leglock.  Cena hits a move for a near fall.  He then utilizes the deadly REAR CHIN LOCK!  They do more stuff.  Cena hits some shoulder tackles and his backdrop suplex thingy.  Cena goes to give Michaels the “You Can’t See Me,” but Michaels grabs his arm and pulls him down into the crossface.  Cena gets out and puts Michaels in the STFU.  Er, STF.  Forgot WWE is kid friendly now.  Cena goes for the victory, but Michaels counters and almost gets a near fall with a sunset flip.  Cena does a body slam, then sells his back.  He heads for the elbow drop, but JBL tells him to do the superkick.  Michaels ignores him and goes up anyway.  JBL gets on the apron.  Cena pushes JBL into Michaels, then goes for the victory and wins at 13:09.  A real disappointment, given the great matches they’ve had in the past.  Hell, they had a really good one like 2 weeks ago.  This one wasn’t.

Replay #7 Billion of the Vince/Orton angle from last week, then they show Orton’s statement from the beginning of the show.  Todd Grisham asks Stephanie McMahon if she is going to do anything about Orton tonight.  Stephanie says she’s going to do it publicly, to Orton’s face.

WWE Rewind: Still photos of Melina/Beth Phoenix at the Royal Rumble.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella).  I know I say this every week, but Melina as a babyface just doesn’t work for me.  Santino joins Cole and Lawler for commentary, which justifies this match being on TV.  Nothing interesting happens, then Rosa Mendez runs down and pulls Melina off the apron.  Phoenix hits the Dodon… er, Glam Slam on Kelly for the win at 2:37.

Another WrestleMania hype video, this one emphasizing WrestleMania 21.

Last Week: Rey Mysterio beat Mike Knox by DQ.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. William Regal (w/ Layla).  Rey hits the Bombs Away early.  Regal retaliates by kicking his ass.  Regal keeps cutting off Rey’s comebacks with various nasty shots and throws.  Rey finally hits the 619 and the top rope splash to win at 3:42.  Good little match.

NEXT: Cena’s movie trailer.

Rosa Mendez tells Santino how angry she is that Beth was robbed of the Women’s Title at the Royal Rumble.  Beth steps in and tells Santino they can keep her.

Cena’s movie trailer.  It looks unappealing.

Jericho vs. Punk in an Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match is NEXT!

Non-Title, Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: WWE Intercontinental Champion CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho.  Punk connects with some kicks, then Jericho works him over briefly.  Punk hits his usual moves.  He gets a two count off of the diving lariat.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Jericho counters with a sunset flip for a near fall.  Neat pinfall reversal sequence.  Punk counters the Walls of Jericho.  They do that Jacknife hold -> Bridge out -> backslide spot, then Jericho hits a botched Codebreaker for the win at 3:26.  Everybody just seems off tonight, even guys who usually work very well together (Cena/Michaels, Jericho/Punk).

Replay #7,000,000,001 of Orton punting Vince.  This one in SLOW-MO!

NEXT: Something with Stephanie and Orton.

Stephanie McMahon hits the ring.  She calls out Orton, who comes to the ring with his cronies and legal team.  Stephanie bitches down one of Orton’s lawyers.  Orton says if he’s fired, he’ll file an injunction to stop WrestleMania.  The roster comes out and stands on the stage.  Orton dares Stephanie to fire him so he can cancel WrestleMania and put the roster out of work.  Stephanie says that would be too easy.  She has bigger plans.  Shane McMahon’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring.  He looks that kind of angry where you’re so angry you want to cry.  He jumps on Orton and fights off Dibiase and Rhodes when they try to hold him.  He throws some incredibly weak looking shots at Rhodes as Dibiase tries to help Orton to the back.  Shane follows them up the ramp and jumps Orton again.  The wrestlers try to hold them back.  Shane decks Kofi and someone else and looks for Orton, but he’s escaped!

What a shitty show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/19/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open then the annual Martin Luther King Day video.

6 months ago: The set fell on Mr. McMahon.  Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Raw LIVE from Chicago!  Technically, Rosemont, but I’m nitpicking.  We’re kicking things off tonight with a Royal Rumble Preview: Six-man Battle Royal!

Battle Royal: Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Kane vs. Santino Marella vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes.  Priceless has had their music remixed.  It sounds awful.  There’s a brief malfunction with the lights.  Kofi and Santino go at it while Legacy goes after Kane.  Dibiase dumps Santino.  Rhodes dumps Kingston.  Kane eliminates Rhodes, then Dibiase.  No, wait, Dibiase hands on!  Kane tries to put Orton out, but Dibiase gets involved and all three go over.  Orton hangs on and prevents his feet from touching the ground at to win at 1:50.

TONIGHT: Cena and JBL sign on the dotted line for the Rumble title match.  Commercial.

Backstage, CM Punk is preparing for yet another Intercontinental Championship match with William Regal tonight.  If they don’t get a proper match this week, I’m going to be pissed.

Non-Title: WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly.  It’s quick and fairly painless, as Beth wins with the Glam Slam in 1:10.

Orton and Dibiase are chatting backstage.  Rhodes comes in and says that Manu and Sim Snuka were in Stephanie McMahon’s office, and the rumor is Stephanie is going to fire Orton tonight.

Cena/JBL Rumble hype, emphasis on Shawn Michaels.

They put over that today is Bush’s last day in office.  Still to come tonight: Mr. McMahon returns and Rey Mysterio faces Mike Knox.

Backstage, Santino informs Beth that he’s hired Rosa Mendez as their new intern.  I see a love triangle coming.

Stephanie is on the phone with her nanny when Orton comes in.  Stephanie says Orton isn’t getting fired, so he can stop sucking up.  They end up arguing.  Stephanie slaps him.  Commercial.

John Cena has a new movie coming out.  Oh dear.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match (No DQ): William Regal (c) (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  Punk is the hometown hero.  Hopefully that means he’s going over.  He also has a spot in the Royal Rumble.  Collar and elbow tie up to start.  Regal grabs a headlock.  Punk breaks away and hits a dropkick.  Punk blasts Regal with kicks.  The fight outside briefly.  Punk works Regal’s arm.  Regal makes it to the ropes as we take a commercial break.  Dammit.  Back from break, Punk has Regal in the Anaconda Vice on the ropes.  It’s No DQ, so he doesn’t have to break.  Layla forces him to break it.  Regal does that nasty “kick Punk’s head into the turnbuckle” bit he did in their match last summer.  Regal hits a drop toehold in the ring and goes for the Regal Stretch, then knees Punk in the head to try to weaken him.  Punk gets out and fires up with kicks.  Punk hits the corner knee and goes the bulldog, but Regal counters with a half-nelson suplex!  Regal blasts Punk with knees to the head.  They fight on the top rope, but Punk kicks Regal away.  Punk is FIRED UP!  He goes for a cross body off the top but Regal ducks.  Regal goes for the knee kick, but Punk dodges and NAILS the Go 2 Sleep to win the title at 9:47!  PUNK WINS!  Punk celebrates hard in front of his adoring hometown fans.

Last week: Cena and Michaels had an awesome match.  Tonight: I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m sure it was the Cena/JBL signing.

Back from commercial, Jerry Lawler is in the ring to moderate the contract signing.  JBL (w/ Michaels) comes out first.  Cena follows to a big pop.  Cena says Shawn isn’t broken, he’s still got it.  JBL talks about Shawn like he’s not even though.  Shawn finally has enough and tells JBL he despises him, but will continue to work for him to provide for his family.  They banter back and forth.  I don’t really pay attention.  It ends, of course, with JBL cheapshotting Cena.  Michaels goes to give Cena a superkick, but Cena ducks and JBL kicks Cena.  JBL lariats Cena and leaves him laying.

WWE Slam of the Week: Last week, Rey Mysterio finally fought back against Mike Knox.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox.  Rey comes out wearing one of those masks he likes to wear over his masks.  Sorry Rey, but no matter how many masks you wear, you will never match the awesomeness of Knox’s beard.  Todd Grisham tries to catch a word with Mike Knox on his way to the ring.  Knox says he doesn’t have anything against Mysterio and doesn’t have a reason for attacking him.  Well, at least they explained it.  Mysterio goes for the 619 early, but Knox catches his leg and does that slingshot move Albert used to do.  Knox attacks Mysterio in the corner and the ref calls for the DQ at 2:30.  Knox gives Rey his finish after the match.

Stephanie McMahon finds Chris Jericho in her office.  He tells her Vince said he can plead his case tonight.

Smackdown Rebound: Edge was happy Jeff Hardy wasn’t hurt in the car accident, but then Jeff’s pyro exploded!  If he had seen Ready To Rumble, he’d know to watch out for the pyro.  Jeff vs. Edge for the WWE Title this Sunday at the Rumble!

World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz are in the ring.  They want to commemorate this Royal Rumble by beating the winner of the very first Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!  Cryme Tyme come out instead and say Duggan is gone on a special assignment, but they have a counter offer.  They want a title shot.  Miz & Morrison say they’re not going to give them a title shot.  Cryme Tyme say they’ll earn their shot.  We have a non-title match!

Non-Title: World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad pins Morrison with a STO-type move at 1:22.  Geeze, 3 matches tonight under 2 minutes, one under 3, and the longest was under 10.

Earlier tonight: Stephanie slapped Randy Orton.

Lawler and Cole hype the Royal Rumble Match.

Cody Rhodes is chatting with Mickie James backstage.  His brother, Goldust, steps in and gives Cody a copy of the Starrcade DVD.  Cody says he doesn’t need it.  He joined with Orton so he wouldn’t waste his talents like Goldust did.  He says when they make a Cody Rhodes DVD, he’ll send his brother and dad a copy.  I’ll buy a copy, then sprinkle some salt on the spots where hell just froze over.

A limo arrives, presumably carrying Mr. McMahon.

Tomorrow night on ECW, a fatal four-way match!

Jillian sings.  Badly.  Again.  They show the beatdown she and Beth gave Melina last week, which leads to…

Jillian Hall vs. Melina.  Santino, Rosa, and Beth come out.  Jillian and Melina botch a sidewalk slam.  Melina wins in 1:23, I think with the Code Red, but I wasn’t paying attention.  Rosa attacks Melina after the match, then Beth gives Melina the Glam Slam.

Dolph Ziggler is backstage talking to Candice Michelle.  Mr. McMahon steps in and introduces himself, but Ziggler is star struck and can’t remember his name.  Heh.

Earlier tonight: Cena/JBL/Michaels stuff.

Mr. McMahon hits the ring!  He calls out Jericho to air his grievances.  He complains about the horrible job Stephanie has done running things.  Vince calls out Stephanie to retort.  Vince tells Jericho he’s not going to reinstate him or fire Stephanie, and that he and Steph will run Raw together.  Stephanie says Jericho can have his job back if he apologizes.  Jericho initially refuses, but then does.  Not good enough, though.  Steph wants him to apologize to the fans.  On his knees.  Jericho drops to his knees and gives a half-hearted apology to the fans.  Stephanie tells Jericho she’ll see him at the Rumble, then tells him to leave.  Vince and Steph hug as Orton’s music hits.  He’s still smarting from the slap.  Orton wants Steph to apologize.  Vince says no.  Orton says he’s worth more than Stephanie.  Stephanie gets angry and Vince tells her to leave.  Vince orders Orton to apologize, or he’s fired.  Orton tells Vince he doesn’t want to do that.  Vince says “YOU’RE…,” then Orton slaps him and kicks him in the head.  Vince is dead.  Stephanie and agents, among them DEAN MALENKO!, check on him.  They put Vince in a neckbrace as the show fades to black.