Archive for Steel Cage Match

WWF at Maple Leaf Gardens 10/21/84

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by Grappleholic

Jack Reynolds and Billy Red Lyons are on commentary.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (c) vs. “Special Delivery” S.D. Jones. Reynolds that there are a number of “Orientals” at ringside to cover the match. They trade hammerlocks. You’d think Valentine would be the master of that particular hold.  Jones shines a bit, throwing the champion around and beating him up. Jones works the arm and lands some headbutts to Valentine’s back. Valentine goes to work on the leg in order to soften up Jones for the figure-four. Jones escapes leg torture and makes his comeback. Valentine bails. Jones follows him out and sends him into the barricade. Back inside, Valentine hits a backdrop suplex for the pin in about 9 minutes. You can’t hear the bell on this show. The crowd is upset, but Valentine won clean as a sheet. Good match. I love me some Hammer Valentine. **3/4

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Rocky Johnson. Punches. Volkoff with a nerve hold. Johnson, the only one with any athleticism to contribute to this match, flies around a bit for Volkoff. Johnson gets a sunset flip that the announcer calls a small package. Johnson with a crab hold, but he almost put Volkoff on top of the ropes in the process. They do a test of strength, then Volkoff goes on the attack. Johnson avoids Volkoff in the corner, then spreads his legs and stomps on him. Looked like it was in the balls to me, but the referee says otherwise. Back and forth. Volkoff with a double axe handle off the middle rope for two. Volkoff hot shots Johnson into the top rope for the pin in about 9 minutes. **1/4

Goldie Rogers & Bobby Bass vs. Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith. They aren’t even called The British Bulldogs at this point! Dynamite with some sweet maneuvering and dropkicking against Rogers to start. Smith shows his power against Bass, then rams Bass’ head into Dynamite’s. Bass tries to tag out. Rogers is reluctant, but eventually obliges. He probably shouldn’t have, as the Bulldogs put a beating on him. Bass comes in and takes a headbutt from iron-skulled Dynamite. Bass tries to make a save and hits his partner. Smith hits the running powerslam on Rogers for 2, then applies a rear chin lock. Rogers and Bass actually cut Smith off and get some heat on him. The interesting part of the match has concluded for the moment. Dynamite gets the hot tag and headbutts Rogers into next week. Bass refuses to tag in. Dynamite goes for a piledriver on the ramp, but gets backdropped. Back inside, Bass tags in and goes for a diving headbutt. Dynamite avoids it. Smith tags in, avoids a headbutt from Bass, and hits a pildedriver. Dynamite tags in. Rogers comes in. Smith gets him up a fireman’s carry. Dynamite comes off of Roger’s back with a diving headbutt on Bass for the pin in about 10 minutes. It was good except for the heat segment. Bulldogs looked great here. **1/2

Steel Cage Match: Kamala (w/ Kim Chee) vs. Andre the Giant. The announcers apparently don’t know Kim Chee’s name, as they keep calling him “Friday,” as in “Man Friday.” Andre beats up Kamala. Kamala rallies, lands a big splash, and doesn’t understand why the referee isn’t counting. The referee is not, in fact, inside the cage. This is a WWF cage match, in which the objective is to run away. Kamala beats up Andre. Andre beats up Kamala. Kamala beats up Andre. Andre is bleeding. Repeat ad nauseam. Andre chokes Kamala. They fight some more. Andre slams Kamala. Andre with an elbow drop. Andre with a really horrible looking failed diving ass drop. Andre leaves to end this in about 14 minutes. Really bad.

WWF at Madison Square Garden 4/6/81

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by Grappleholic

Vince McMahon is commentary. Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Pedro Morales (c) vs. Moondog Rex (w/ Captain Lou Albano). Moondog King failed to unseat Morales last month, so now Rex is taking a shot. Albano is escorted to the back for being crazy or something. Rex holds a headlock for about an hour, then goes to work on the champ’s arm. Vince says that Morales is having more trouble with Rex than he did with King. King beats on Morales for about a week. Morales finally makes a comeback, then gets an inside cradle for the pin in 9:29. 1/2* because it wasn’t completely worthless.

Sergeant Slaughter (w/ The Grand Wizard) vs. Pat Patterson. Patterson is a fiery babyface. He wants some of Slaughter, but Slaughter appears to want none of it. Slaughter sneaks around and tries to jump Patterson from behind, but gets his ass kicked. Patterson fights dirty with chokes, closed fights, and even a bite to Sarge’s hand. Patterson catapults Sarge into the turnbuckles and scores a 2 count. Somebody is blowing a whistle. Is Bill Alfonso around? Patterson applies a crab hold. Back to their feet. Patterson hits a shoulder block and goes for another. Sarge avoids it and sends him crashing to the outside. Slaughter threatens to dive off the top rope to the floor, but thinks better of it and settles for a kick off the apron. Slaughter is trying to win by count out. He covers his ears to drown out the crowd’s boos. Patterson makes it back in and Sarge goes to work on him. Slaughter goes for a diving knee drop, but Patterson avoids it. Patterson locks in a figure-four leglock. Slaughter suffers, but makes the ropes. They brawl outside. Patterson hits Sarge with a chair, which is apparently fine if you’re on the outside. Back inside, Patterson shoves the ref twice. Sarge rakes his eyes. They brawl. Slaughter shoves the ref. Slaughter and Patterson both throw the ref out of the ring. Sarge applies the Cobra Clutch. The ref comes back in and Slaughter immediately kicks him in the groin. Apparently there are rules, as the referee finally calls for the bell. It’s a double DQ in 13:30. Even in 1981, this company hated finishes. Patterson is angry at the ref. Vince assures us that Pat will apologize to the ref once he cools off. **1/2

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Heavyweight Championship: Bob Backlund (c) (w/ Arnold Skaaland) vs. Stan Hansen. Finkel announces that the winner will be the one who successfully runs away. Hansen jumps Backlund immediately, but Backlund throws him into the cage and generally kicks his ass. Back and forth brawl. Backlund hits a piledriver and tries to escape. Hansen hits him the ding ding. Lots of ramming of heads into the cage. Hansen bleeds. Backlund avoids an elbow drop. More brawling. Backlund escapes to win in 8:52. Fun brawl. Hansen is none the worse for wear because a cage match where the objective is to run away is fucking stupid. **1/2

“Pretty Boy” Larry Sharpe & “The Unpredictable” Johnny Rodz vs. Tony Garea & Rick Martel. Martel and Roz start. Both sides tag in and out. The heels, Sharpe & Rodz, cut Martel off and get the heat on him. Garea gets a lukewarm tag. Rodz sucks him and lets him crash into the corner. Now they’re working over Garea. Martel gets a much more lively hot tag and runs wild. Clusterfuck ensues. Martel and Garea send the heels into each other. Martel pins Sharpe with a jackknife hold in 7:05. **1/2

It was way more interesting than the show I watched previously.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/18/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews and Booker T are the announcers.  Tonight, The Big Show & Kane take on The Corre for the Tag Team Championship!  Wait a second… didn’t they announce The Corre vs. Edge & Christian for the titles during Raw?  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Geeks at ringside are putting together the Cole Mine.  Michael Cole gets his own entrance.  Fucking ugh.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez).  Edge hammers Clay with punches, who takes them like a big man should.  Edge comes off the top rope, but Clay catches him and gives him an Exploder.  Clay goes to work on Edge’s arm.  Edge fails a tornado DDT.  Clay succeeds with a clothesline, then fails with a headbutt.  Edge fails the Edgecution, but gives Clay a drop toe hold into the turnbuckles.  Edge hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge goes for a sunset flip.  Clay sits on him for 2.  Edge avoids a running ass to the corner and hits a diving bulldog headlock.  Edge goes for the spear.  Ricardo distracts the ref.  Del Rio trips Edge.  Clay does something to him for 2.  Christian comes out and attacks Del Rio.  Clay headbutts Christian off the apron.  Edge spears Clay for the pin in 5:09.  Fun match.  I greatly enjoy Brodus Clay.  Del Rio attacks Edge after the match.  Christian makes the save.  They brawl outside the ring and over the announce table.  Referees break it up.  Teddy Long comes out and books Del Rio vs. Christian for tonight inside a Steel Cage~!

Next, Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus, Champion vs. Champion!  Matthews says Champion vs. Champion is rare.  He is blatantly lying to you, because it’s WWE doctrine to shamelessly and unapologetically lie to their fans.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Sheamus vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Sheamus attacks Kofi’s arm.  Cole is fucking obnoxious and should fuck off and die.  Kofi fights back and hits corner punches.  Sheamus drops Kofi’s face into the top turnbuckle.  Sheamus hits a short lariat for 2.  Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2, then applies a hold.  Kofi fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner, then hits the diving cross body.  Sheamus rolls through and goes for a powerslam.  Kofi escapes and lands some blows.  Kofi hits a side Russian leg sweep, a big chop, and the Boom Drop.  He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Sheamus bails to the apron and pulls Kofi’s neck across the top rope.  Kofi fights out of the Irish Curse and hits the S.O.S. for 2.  They go outside and Kofi hits a clothesline off the steps.  Sheamus kicks the steps into Kofi’s leg.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the brogue kick for the pin in 5:16.  It was okay.

They show the recent happenings with Kane, The Big Show, and The Corre.

The Big Show and Kane chat backstage.  Show wants to bury the hatchet and win the tag titles.  Kane goozles him.  Show goozles Kane back.  They break their goozles.  Kane says “You complete me.”  I’m confused.

Trent Barreta vs. Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes has new music, a towel over his head, and is still wrestling in his suit.  Rhodes beats up Barreta and heatbutts him with the face mask for the pin in 48 seconds.  Well… there ya go.

They show Alberto Del Rio injuring Christian back in September.  They meet in a cage TONIGHT!

Kansas City!

Replay of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Layla in action next.  Ugh.

Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly.  McCool on commentary does not make this better.  They shove each other.  Kelly rams Layla’s face into the turnbuckle, then stomps on her.  Kelly  does a tarantula headscissors thing, then hits a Lou Thesz press.  Kelly hits an X-Factor for 2.  Kelly goes for the handspring to the corner, but Layla dropkicks her.  Kelly rams Layla’s head into the mat, then gets on her shoulders, then falls off, then dropkicks her.  Kelly goes up top, but McCool yells at her.  Layla pulls her down and pins her in 2:05.  This was terrible.

Tag titles are NEXT!

Sin Cara vignette.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre vs. The Big Show & Kane.  Kane beats up Gabriel.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Gabriel flips over Kane’s back and tags in Slater, who promptly gets beaten up by Kane.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Slater takes out Kane’s leg.  The Corre go to work on it.  Gabriel dives at Kane, but gets caught with an uppercut.  Show tags in and runs wild on Slater.  Show hits the chokeslam  on Slater.  Gabriel pulls the referee out of the ring to cause the DQ in 3:03.  Kane throws Gabriel into the ring.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson appear and attack Show and Kane.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Show.  Kane tries to fight back, but gets beaten down as well.  Show tries to make the save, but gets beaten down again.  The Corre put one section of steps on top of Kane and hit it with the other one.  Jackson and Barrett drop Show on the announce table, which awkwardly doesn’t break.

Todd Grisham, who is still employed, interviews Alberto Del Rio, who is not an animal.

Jack Swagger vs. Chris Masters.  Jobber entrance for Masters, who I’m sure will be doing the job.  They show Swagger and Cole beating up Jim Ross on Raw.  Swagger beats up Masters while Cole practically masturbates at ringside.  Masters hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters goes for the Master Lock, but Swagger backs him into the corner and goes for the ankle lock.  Masters kicks Swagger out of the ring.  Swagger rams Master’s ankle into the post, then locks in the ankle lock for the win 1:56.  Well, that’s done.  Cole gets in the ring and puts Masters in the ankle lock and screams “COME ON LAWLER!” repeatedly.  I can not wait for Lawler to punch Cole in the face at WrestleMania.

Rey Mysterio is headed our way.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  2 Raw guys on the show for no apparent reason.  Mysterio slides under Dibiase, but Dibiase pounces and pounds on him.  Rey sends Dibiase into the turnbuckles, then dives off the top.  Dibiase meets him with a dropkick for 2.  Rey goes for a rana, flips out, lands on his feet, and eats a clothesline.  Cover gets 2 for Dibiase.  Dibiase applies a chin lock.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker.  Mysterio goes to the apron and goes for a springboard something.  Mysterio ends up planting Dibiase with a DDT.  Dibiase hits a weird reverse powerbomb for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Mysterio counters it.  Mysterio hits the 619 and the diving splash for the pin in 3:35.  This felt way longer than 3:35.  I wasn’t into it.

They show Christian returning at Elimination Chamber to save Edge from Alberto Del Rio.  They meet in a cage TONIGHT~!

WrestleMania hype.

The cage is being lowered.  The main event is NEXT!

I’m watching the UK version of Smackdown, which includes a random “From The Vault” with part of a Triple H & Undertaker vs. Edge & Big Show match.  Jim Ross and Tazz are the announcers, so this must be from 2008 or 2009.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Steel Cage Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian.  They tear into each other immediately, which is the way and grudge match in a steel cage should start.  Del Rio counters the Killswitch and sends Christian to the corner, then clotheslines him.  Christian reverses Del Rio’s whip and Del Rio climbs up the cage.  Christian follows and they fight on the top rope.  Del Rio either goes for a German suplex or some prison rape.  Christian avoids both unpleasant fates, but does suffer a top rope Samoan Drop that looked like it sucked for both guys.  Insta-commercials.  Don’t try this at home!  Del Rio kicks Christian in the face and stomps on him.  Del Rio telegraphs a back body drop and gets kicked in the face, but avoids a charge and throws Christian into the cage, then pushes Christian’s face into the fence with his foot.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio tries to climb out of the cage, but Christian pulls him down by the foot.  Del Rio kicks Christian in the leg, then tries to harpoon him into the cage.  Christian saves himself with his hands, then hits a reverse DDT for 2.  Christian beats up Del Rio and launches him into the cage.  Cover gets 2.  Christian tries to get out through the door, but Del Rio prevents it.  Christian tries to climb out of the cage.  Del Rio tries to prevent that, gets knocked down with an elbow, then jumps up to the top rope and drops Christian with an enzuigi for 2.  Del Rio tries to get out through the door, but Christian isn’t having that shit.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special, but Christian counters and hits the Killswitch for 2.  Christian climbs again.  Del Rio pulls him down and beats him up against the cage.  Del Rio climbs to the top of the cage.  Christian joins him.  They fight on top of the cage.  Del Rio rams Christian’s face into the steel.  He starts to go down the side, but Christian climbs on his back.  They fight, and Del Rio knocks Christian to the floor.  Christian wins the match (9:36 shown).  Good match.  Del Rio attacks Christian afterward and says he’s going to destroy him with a chair.  Edge appears in Del Rio’s entrance car and honks the horn to get Del Rio’s attention.  Edge teases vandalizing the car.  Del Rio begs him not to.  Brodus Clay appears and attacks Edge, putting him down with a chair shot.  Del Rio delivers a con-chair-to to Edge’s arm.

Besides the opener and the main event, this show was pretty lame.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/7/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of last week’s happenings.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Undertaker comes to the ring and talks about his match with Triple H at WrestleMania.  They show a very cool video package of the 2 Undertaker/Shawn Michaels WrestleMania match.  He wants the match at Mania to be No Holds Barred, because apparently someone is going to die.  He says Triple H will “rest in peace” at WrestleMania.

Tonight, John Cena talks shit about The Rock!  Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Raw!

Randy Orton brawls with the three remaining members of the New Nexus backstage.  Nexus get the better of it since it’s 3-on-1.  Punk sends Orton’s head into a wall repeatedly, then delivers the Go 2 Sleep.  Punk orders Otunga and Ryan to drag Orton to the ring.  Commercials.

The New Nexus are beating down Randy Orton in the ring.  Referees come out to break it up.  Otunga wants his match with Orton.  Orton drags himself up and agrees.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga.  Otunga beats on Orton.  Otunga hits a fancy elbow drop for 2.  Orton hits a body slam for 2.  Otunga hits a spinebuster for 2.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin 1:59.  Otunga is banned from ringside at WrestleMania too.  Mason Ryan attacks Orton and drops him with a big boot.  He picks Orton up and gets dropped with an RKO.  CM Punk tries to hit the ring, but Orton scares him away, then punts Otunga in the head, then humps the mat.

Tonight, Cole reveals his special guest referee for WrestleMania.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: John Cena overpowering The Miz to defeat Alex Riley in a Steel Cage Match last week, then getting dropped with the Skull Crushing Finale.

Dallas!

The Miz is apparently boycotting Raw tonight.

Christian and Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay and introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez) come out for a match.  I have know idea why this happening on Raw, since they’re both Smackdown guys.  Del Rio sends his NXT rookie Brodus Clay to wrestle Christian instead.

Christian vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Alberto Del Rio).  Clay is a big fat dude.  He shoves Christian down and steps on his back.  Clay blocks the Killswitch and drops Christian with a punch.  Christian tries to fight back and gets dropped with a headbutt.  Clay huts some elbow drops for 2.  Clay cranks on Christian’s previously injured arm, then hits a fall away slam.  Christian avoids a big splash and hits an ineffective missile dropkick.  A second missile dropkick drops Clay.  Cover gets 2.  Clay hits a lariat for 2.  Christian avoids a powerslam and hits a tornado DDT for the pin in 2:41.  Good little match.  I rather like this Brodus Clay fellow.  Del Rio immediately attacks Christian.  Christian fights back.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special.

Replay of The Rock’s live via satellite promo from last week.  Cena responds tonight!

Also tonight, Stone Cold returns!  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Newest Hall of Fame inductee is… Sunny!

Divas title match next.  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: One of the Bellas won a Battle Royal last week.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Eve Torres (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella).  They lock up.  Eve throws Nikki across the ring, then rams her face into the turnbuckle, then throws her around some more.  Cover gets 2.  Nikki beats up Eve and throws her around.  Cover gets 2.  Nikki works the hair, of course.  Michael Cole shouts for them to get this over with, and for once I agree with the turd.  Cole babbles on and on and says “I’m the main event” 7,000 times.  Eve hits a flash kick.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The referee catches them.  Eve throws Nikki back in and hits a neckbreaker drop for the pin in 3:07 to mercifully end this.  Cole reveals his referee next.  Commercials.

Snooki from Jersey Shore will be here next week.  UGH.  WWE, if you’re going to rip off TNA, rip off SOMETHING THAT ISN’T COMPLETELY FUCKING HORRIBLE AND MAKES ME WANT TO PUT A BULLET IN MY FUCKING HEAD.

Last week, Jack Swagger fucked Lawler’s ankle up while Cole humped the mat in joy.

Michael Cole is in the ring being a cocksucker.  He has a contract of the referee to sign.  Cole spazzes out for a while, then talks about his referee.  He fakes like it’s going to be Steve Austin, then introduces John Bradshaw Layfield!  I fully expected something stupid like Alex Riley, but JBL is pretty cool.  JBL shit talks the crowd, then puts over Cole.  Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out.  JBL and Cole bitch at him.  Cole hides behind JBL, of course.  Austin stuns JBL.  Cole scampers out of the ring.  Austin drinks beer.  Cole all but cries on commentary.  Austin pours beer on JBL, then signs the contract to become the referee for Lawler/Cole at Mania.  By this point, I think Cole IS crying.  Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours beer on him.  Yay!  Austin sarcastically wishes Cole good luck.  JBL gets  up.  Austin gives him a beer, toasts him, then stuns him again.  Yay again!  Jack Swagger comes out to watch Cole throw a temper tantrum.  This segment was awesome.

Another replay of Rock’s promo from last week.  Tonight, Cena talks shit back.  Commercials.

Michael Cole whines to Jack Swagger backstage.  Swagger says he’ll break Austin’s ankle.  Cole goes to take a shower.

Jerry Lawler, having been missing all show for no apparent reason, comes out to join Matthews for commentary.  They show Austin signing the contract and pouring beer on Cole again.  That never gets old.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. King Sheamus.  They show Sheamus getting beaten up by Triple H and losing to Evan Bourne last week.  Sheamus attacks Bryan and stomps him down in the corner.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2.  Bryan dropkicks Sheamus to the apron, then dropkicks him off the apron.  Sheamus sells a leg injury and gets counted out in 1:12.  Sheamus throws a fit.  Well this was lame.  Sheamus says he’ll end his losing streak next week.  He challenges Bryan to put up the title against Sheamus’ job.  Bryan accepts.

Up next, Shawn Michaels speaks SOME MORE about Undertaker/Triple H.  Commercials.

CM Punk (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. R-Truth.  Truth gets a schoolboy for 2.  Punk throws Truth into 3 posts.  Truth tries to fight back, but Punk stomps him down.  Punk hits a snapmare for 2, then works Truth’s shoulder.  Truth makes his comeback.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Truth counters and hits a jumping kick for 2.  Punk pulls Truth’s arm across the top rope, then takes him down, pounds the shoulder, and locks in the Anaconda Vice for the submission in 2:32.  Ryan gives Truth a powerslam afer the match.

More video of Shawn Michaels talking about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

Vickie Guerrero comes out.  Joy.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Snooki next week.  Kill me now.

Vickie Guerrero is in the ring being obnoxious.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler, who has been signed to Raw.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. John Morrison.  Vickie on commentary.  Ugh.  They lock up.  Ziggler gets a headlock and a shoulder block.  Morrison goes for a leap frog, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee.  Commercials.  Ziggler works a headlock.  Morrison avoids Ziggler in the corner and makes his comeback.  Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive for 2, as Ziggler gets a foot on the rope.  Ziggler rakes Morrison’s face and hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 5:33.  The less than half they showed of it was fine.  Vickie gets in the ring to celebrate.  iBooker dings in.  Lawler reads that Ziggler has been hired, but Vickie hasn’t.  Vickie will have to win her match next week against… Trish Stratus.  Security comes out to take Vickie out.  She’s pissed that Dolph doesn’t help her.

Another replay of Rock’s promo.  Cena responds next.  Commercials.

Dallas.

Yet another Rock reply.

John Cena comes out, talks for a bit, then raps about The Rock not actually showing up to do his shit talking.  He reveals a parody of The Rock’s shirt that says “I bring it via satellite.”  WWE Champion The Miz appears and clocks Cena with the title belt.  Twice.  Miz cuts a promo on Cena, then stares at the camera to talk shit to The Rock.  Miz gives Cena the Skull Crushing Finale, then the People’s Elbow.

Besides the Christian match and the Austin segment, I pretty much hated this show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/28/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Josh Matthews and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Triple H comes out to the ring.  Ugh.  He talks about the Undertaker for a while.  He says the only thing he hasn’t done is end the streak.  He says “there can be only one,” so I assume he’s going to try to behead Taker with a sword at WrestleMania.  He promises to end the streak or die trying.  Sheamus comes out.  Triple H immediately decks him, throws him out of the ring, into the barricade, and beats the shit out of him.  Triple H Pedigrees Sheamus through the announce table, so I guess that concludes the whole “Sheamus put Triple H out of action for nearly a year” feud.

Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker!  Michael Cole answers Lawler’s WrestleMania challenge!  The Rock appears via satellite!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Sheamus is being helped out by referees.  The iBooker dings in.  Lawler finally gets his chance to read its decree, which is that Sheamus still has a match tonight.  His opponent is the returning Evan Bourne!

Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Bourne dropkicks Sheamus and puts the boots to him in the corner.  Sheamus tries to fight back, but Bourne drops him with a kick and hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 36 seconds.  Bourne is BACK!  Michael Cole comes out.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Jerry Lawler’s challenge to Michael Cole last week.

Michael Cole calls Jerry Lawler into the ring, reminding Lawler that he’ll be fired if he gives Cole the ass whooping he so desperately needs.  He says he’ll face Lawler at WrestleMania if his trainer can be in his corner and if he gets to choose the referee.  Lawler happily agrees.  Cole spazzes out, then introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger.  Cole shoves and slaps Lawler, now that he has someone to hide behind.  Swagger locks Lawler in the ankle lock.

Tonight, The Rock via satellite!

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Stone Cold Steve Austin will be here next week!

Cole takes Lawler’s place on commentary.  Ugh.  They replay the cowardly attack on from moments ago.

Randy Orton comes out.  He says his only regret is that he didn’t kick Punk harder in the head.  He promises to snap his neck next time.  The New Nexus come out.  Punk apparently plans to murder Orton.  Nexus head to the ring.  iBooker dings in.  Cole delegates that duty to Matthews, who books Orton vs. Punk for WrestleMania.  Orton will face members of The New Nexus over the next few weeks.  The members that Orton beats will be banned from ringside.  Other Nexus members will be banned from ringside during these matches, on pain of being disbanded.

Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty.  They lock up.  McGillicutty backs Orton into the corner and beats on him.  Orton retaliates in kind.  McGillicutty avoids a knee drop.  Orton clotheslines him to the floor.  Commercials.  Orton beats up McGillicutty.  McGillicutty lands a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty beats on Orton for a bit.  Orton makes his comeback with the powerslam, the 3.0, and the DDT OF MURDER.  Orton humps the mat and hits the RKO for the pin in 7:17.  They spent more time at commercials than on the match.  Orton sets him up for the punt of doom.  Punk tells him not to.  Orton does it anyway, but it doesn’t look like he made contact.  Orton runs out through the crowd to escape retribution from the New Nexus.

Sin Cara, the former Mistico, is coming to WWE!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: The Miz turning on John Cena and causing them to lose the WWE Tag Team Championship to The Corre last week.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo on John Cena and The Rock.  He says he’ll beat Cena and The Rock on the same night at WrestleMania.  John Cena comes out and makes some really stupid jokes about Miz being OCD.  Riley makes some toilet jokes.  Cena says Riley is the reason nobody takes Miz seriously, and Miz should fire him.  Miz doesn’t buy it, so Cena makes gay jokes.  Cena wants a match with Riley tonight, with Riley no longer being Miz’s bitch boy if he loses.  Miz agrees, with the stipulation that Cena has to admit Miz is the greatest superstar of all time if he loses.  iBooker dings in and Cole announcers that it’s an escape only Steel Cage Match.

Tonight, The Rock.  Commercials.

Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H!

WWE Divas Champions Eve Torres has joined the commentary team for a horrible Battle Royal.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship featuring Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Natalya, Gail Kim, Tamina, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Melina.  Natalya immediately dumps one of the Bellas.  Fox and Tamina get eliminated in quick succession.  Melina and Natalya fight on the apron.  Maryse sends them both to the floor.  Gail hits the Regal Cutter on the remaining Bella.  Maryse drops Gail, then poses and goes for the DDT.  Gail counters and throws her out.  Gail throws out the Bella while the referee is out.  The other Bella sneaks in and throws Gail out for the win in 2:03.  Bellas beat up Eve after the match.  There ya go.

Buffalo!

The Rock on video next!  Commercials.

Last week, Cena rapped on The Rock!

The Rock appears appears live via satellite in his belt room and makes fun of John Cena, then bitches about Cena rapping at him.  He talks about loving WWE.  He claims he went Hollywood to open those doors for WWE.  He goes on for a while about whatever and calls Cena a “yabba dabba bitch.”  That took long enough.

Tonight, Cena vs. Riley in a cage.  Next, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Shawn Michaels talks about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan comes out.  The Miz appears and jumps him in the aisle, just because he’s an asshole.  Miz beats the hell out of Bryan and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Well, thanks for ruining the first thing on this show that got me excited.  Miz says he did that because it’s the Miz Show (and because he’s a cocksucker is implied).  The cage match is next.  Commercials.

Stone Cold!  Next week!

The Miz has joined Cole and Matthews for commentary, presumably so Cole can suck his cock during the match.

Steel Cage Match: Alex Riley vs. John Cena.  Riley immediately tries to escape.  Cena kicks his ass for a while.  Cena goes to leave the cage, but Miz runs over to hold the door closed, then slams it into Cena.  Riley beats on Cena.  Miz takes a picture of Cena’s face being ground into the cage with his phone.  He hands Riley his Blackberry and Riley hits Cena with it.  Why?  Cole is obnoxious.  Riley tries to leave the cage.  Cena grabs his leg.  Miz tries to pull Riley out the door, so they’re essentially playing tug of war.  Cena wins and locks in the STF.  Riley taps, but it’s escape only, so the referee in the cage is pretty pointless.  Cena tries to go over the top of the cage.  Miz holds him at bay with a steel chair.  Riley finally wakes up and cuts Cena off.  Commercials.  Now?  Really?  They’re 2 minutes into the overrun.  Riley hits a dropkick on Cena.  Cena avoids a second dropkick and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Riley grabs on and tries to climb out of the cage.  They fight on the top rope.  Riley sends Cena into the cage and falling to the floor.  Instead of easily escaping, Riley fucks around too long.  Cena climbs up and brings him down.  They fight on the top rope again.  Cena hits a bulldog off the top rope.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then takes a picture of Riley with Miz’s phone.  Miz tries to stop Cena from leaving the cage.  Cena uses his retard strength to open the door and wins it in 12:44.  Miz immediately hits Cena with the Skull Crushing Finale, but he’s lost his manservant.

Pretty lame show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 1/28/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video of recent goings on.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero is already in the ring screaming in her nails on a chalkboard voice.  She says Teddy Long won’t be there tonight, so she’s gonna run the show into the ground.  Randy Orton comes out.  He says he’s only here to show his appreciate for being invited here tonight.  He says she’ll have to excuse him for what he does to her boyfriend tonight, just like Miz will have to excuse him for taking the WWE title on Sunday.  He creepily puts his arm around her and compliments her hair.  Everyone so badly wants to see Vickie get RKO’d.  He looks at her threateningly.  Dolph Ziggler comes out and gets all emo.  He and Orton banter.  Ziggler demands respect.  Orton says respect has to be earned, then drops Ziggler with an RKO.

Tonight, Edge & Randy Orton take on The Miz & Dolph Ziggler!

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Kelly Kelly & Kaitlyn.  Team KKK jump LayCool in the aisle and kick their asses.  The match finally starts.  Kaitlyn eats a boot from MCCool, but rallies and beats her up some more.  Layla intervenes.  McCool boots Kaitlyn in the face for the pin in 40 seconds.  I guess it served its purpose and was thankfully short.

Kofi Kingston insists that we don’t try this at home.  There’s always random shit like that on the UK broadcasts.

Speaking of random shit from the UK broadcasts, we get part of an Undertaker/Big Show Steel Cage Match from 2008.  Jim Ross and Tazz are doing commentary.  I fast forward for a bit.  Undertaker wins with the Hell’s Gate.

Drew McIntyre vs. JTG.  Kelly Kelly is at ringside, probably because she couldn’t find her way back to the locker room.  Cole calls her on her hypocrisy, having just participated in a pre-match attack after bitching at McIntyre for kicking ass last week.  JTG beats up McIntyre and dropkicks him to the floor.  McIntyre drags JTG out of the ring and kicks his ass.  Back inside, McIntyre gives JTG a bunch of neckbreakers for 2.  McIntyre beats JTG’s ass some more.  McIntyre hits a nice dropkick for 2.  McIntyre applies a shoulder hold.  JTG gets a crucifix hold out of nowhere for 2.  McIntyre takes offense and stomps on JTG’s face.  McIntyre gets some 2 counts, then goes back to the shoulder hold.  JTG fights out and gets a backslide for 2.  JTG makes his comeback.  McIntyre rolls through another backslide attempt and hits the Future Shock for the pin in 4:36.  Fun little match.  Kelly gets in the ring.  McIntyre wisely blows her off and leaves.

Tonight, Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO!

Cincinnati!

They show Rey Mysterio breaking Cody Rhodes’ face last week.

Todd Grisham interviews Cody Rhodes, who won’t face the camera.  He says that since his face is broken, he can’t wrestle and he’ll have to have reconstructive courtesy.  He’s all emo because he’s not Dashing anymore.

Jack Korpela interviews World Heavyweight Champion Edge.  He talks about The Corre, then moves onto his tag match tonight.

Alberto Del Rio is headed our way.  He meets Michael Tarver, who is randomly hanging around backstage again.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio comes out and says he’s going to do a Royal Rumble Exhibition with 39 fighters from all over the world.  Really?  Some guy named Seth Allen comes out.  Del Rio kicks his ass and tosses him.  Mike Stevens is next.  Del Rio kicks his ass.  Kane comes out and kicks Del Rio’s ass.  Del Rio rallies and rocks Kane with an enzuigiri.  Kane recovers and goes for a chokeslam.  WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston comes out and bundles both of them over the top rope.  So I guess he wins.  Or not.  Del Rio and Kane surround him.  Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out to even the odds.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and books them in a tag match RIGHT NOW!  Insta-commercials.

Kane & Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston & Rey Mysterio Jr.  Kane beats up Kofi.  Kofi dropkicks Kane’s knee, then kicks him in the face.  Del Rio tags in and beats up Kofi.  Kofi rallies and makes the tag.  They double team Del Rio.  Mysterio is rocking wonky half gold/half silver gear tonight.  Del Rio avoids Mysterio in the corner, causing him to tackle the turnbuckle.  Kane tags in.  Mysterio gets him into position and goes for the 619.  Kane bails.  Mysterio hits him with a baseball slide dropkick.  Kofi tags in.  Kofi and Mysterio hit stereo baseball slide dropkicks.  Kofi hits Del Rio with a tope suicida.  Mysterio hits Kane with the Bombs Away to the floor.  Back inside, Kofi goes up top.  Del Rio pushes him off.  The heels get the heat on Kofi for a while.  Mysterio gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Mysterio tries to springboard, but Kane boots him to the floor.  Insta-commercials.  Heels get the heat on Mysterio.  Mysterio plants Kane with a whirling DDT.  Kofi and Del Rio tag in.  Kofi runs wild.  Del Rio catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and a diving cross body.  Kane saves.  Del Rio argues with Kane for being knocked off the apron a minute ago.  Kane boots him in the face and leaves.  Mysterio hits the 619.  Kofi follows with the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (12:23 shown).  Good match.

Highlights of Edge/Miz from Raw.

Tonight, Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO!

The Big Show comes out, all smiling and happy.  They show him being jumped by The Corre 2 weeks ago.  He turns from happy to pissed off.  He likens the attack to being in the Royal Rumble.  The Corre come out.  They have t-shirts now.  They surround the ring.  Show challenges any of them to fight one on one.  Slater jumps Show from behind.  A referee appears and rings the bell.

The Big Show vs. Heath Slater (w/ Wade Barrett, Ezekiel Jackson, & Justin Gabriel).  Show kicks Slater’s ass.  Slater takes out Show’s knee.  Show caves on Slater’s chest with a chop and makes his comeback.  Show hits the chokeslam for the pin in 1:17.  The rest of the Corre jump Show.  R-Truth, Chris Masters, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, and Daniel Bryan hit the ring and clear out The Corre.

Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO is TONIGHT!

Beth Phoenix warns us to not try this at home, school, or anywhere else.

Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” video and hype.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Cole mizzes his pants.  Miz cuts a promo about the Truman Doctrine of all things.  He says this has nothing to do with the Royal Rumble, then talks about Randy Orton.  Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero come out.  The main event is NEXT!

WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Rated RKO (World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Randy Orton).  Orton wants Miz, but of course, Ziggler starts.  They lock up.  Ziggler backs Orton into the corner and cheap shots him instead of giving a clean break.  Orton explodes with a clothesline and beats up Ziggler.  Miz annoys him from the apron, so Orton goes after him.  Orton chases Miz right into Ziggler, who beats him up.  Orton hits a Lou Thesz press with punches, then tags in Edge.  Edge hits a diving clothesline on Ziggler for 2.  Ziggler hits a face buster for 2.  Miz tags in and beats up Edge.  Orton tags in and beats up Miz.  He hits the powerslam and humps the mat.  Insta-commercials.  Ziggler beats up Orton.  The announcers blame the random cut away on technical difficulties.  Heels get the heat on Orton.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Miz goes for the corner clothesline, but Orton explodes with a clothesline of his own.  Edge and Ziggler tag in.  Edge runs wild.  Edge goes for the spear.  Riley gets on the apron.  Edge decks him.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic on Ziggler.  Miz saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Orton takes Miz outside.  Edge avoids the Zig Zag and spears Ziggler for the pin (7:42 shown).  Fine match.  Vickie Guerrero screams that the spear is banned.  That’s fucking stupid.  She says if Edge uses the spear at the Rumble, Ziggler automatically wins the title.  I hate stupid stipulations like that.  So does Edge.  He spears Ziggler off the apron, then spears him twice more for good measure.  Man, they buried Ziggler six feet under tonight.

Pretty fun show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/3/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on Raw…” video.  Michael Cole says that John Cena will likely not be there tonight.  He hypes tonight’s show.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Phoenix, Arizona.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  They show Miz attacking Jerry Lawler last week.  Because of that, Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. John Morrison.  Miz meets Morrison in the aisle and they start brawling.  Morrison has to fight both Miz and Riley.  Morrison climbs up the WWE logo on the set and hits them both with a diving cross body.  Cover on Miz gets 2.  Morrison takes Miz to the ring.  Miz lands an elbow smash for 2.  Miz goes for a superplex, but Morrison fights him off and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Morrison gets a cradle for 2.  They counter each other.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck.  Cover, but Riley pulls Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison kicks his ass.  Morrison takes Riley out with a knee strike on the barricade.  Miz looks frightened.  Insta-commercials.  They’re fighting in the crowd.  Morrison takes a back body drop onto a section of barricade.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Miz rams Morrison’s head into the stage.  Cover gets 2.  Miz slams Morrison on the ramp for 2.  Miz hits Morrison with… something at ringside for 2.  Back in the ring now.  They brawl.  Morrison makes his comeback.  A jumping kick gets 2.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and goes for the Starship Pain.  Miz avoids it, but Morrison lands on his feet.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Morrison counters the Skull Crushing Finale.  Miz spears the post.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain.  Miz kicks out!  Miz ducks the knee strike and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz lands an elbow smash.  Morrison lands a Pele kick that knocks Miz out of the ring.  Morrison puts Miz on a table at ringside and goes for the Starship Pain again.  Miz moves and Morrison crashes through the table.  Cover, but MORRISON KICKS OUT!  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale at ringside for the pin (14:24 shown).  Really, really good match.

Tonight, a #1 Contender Match in a Steel Cage!  Plus, a John Cena injury update!

The Phoenix Suns are in the crowd!  They play a sport in this city!

Phoenix!

Scott Stanford interviews WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley.

They show the recent problems between WWE Divas Champion Natalya and Melina.  Divas trios match is NEXT!

Melina, Maryse, & Alicia Fox vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Eve Torres, & Brie Bella.  Maryse and Brie lock up.  Maryse bails.  Brie chases her back in the ring.  Maryse gets the jump on her coming back in.  Brie takes a bump outside.  Nikki is under the ring and they pull the switcheroo.  Maryse throws Nikki into the ring and goes after her.  Nikki hits a face buster.  Fox saves.  Fox and Natalya tag in.  They do shit.  Melina grabs Natalya’s foot.  Natalya gets away and hits a butterfly suplex.  Melina pulls Natalya’s head across the top rope.  Melain tags in and eats a discus lariat from Natalya.  Eve tags in and hits a neckbreaker on Melina for the pin in 2:54.  This was stupid.

Non-Title: Jimmy & Jey Uso vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  Kozlov schools Jey to start.  Jimmy and Santino tag in.  Santino schools Jimmy.  Jimmy drops Santino with an elbow smash.  Jey and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov hits the battering ram headbutts.  Jimmy tags in and hits a diving chop for 2.  Usos try to get the heat on Kozlov, but it doesn’t hold.  Santino tags in and runs wild.  Santino hits the jumping heabdutt on Jey.  Jimmy saves.  Jimmy tries to low bridge Kozlov out of the ring and fucks it up.  He settles for clotheslining him to the floor.  Santino sends Jimmy out and goes for the Cobra.  Jey avoids it and hits a Samoan Drop for the pin in 3:54.  Kozlov beats up the Usos after the match.  Santino and Tamina give Jey the Cobra.  This was all very silly.

Tough Enough is coming back.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.

CM Punk is headed our way!

WWE.com plug.

CM Punk comes out to talk.  He talks about Cena not being there tonight.  He says he’s the new leader of Nexus.  They show the Nexus attack on Cena last week.  Wade Barrett comes out to the ring.  Barrett says he put Cena out at a house show last week and he’s still the leader of Nexus.  They argue.  The rest of Nexus come out.  Otunga starts to talk, but the iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the #1 Contender Steel Cage Match tonight will face Miz for the title at the Royal Rumble.  The match will be Punk or Barrett vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  Barrett says he’ll take the spot.  Punk says that’s fine, he’s not going to fight Barrett.  He says if Barrett wins, he’ll prove that he’s the rightful leader of Nexus, but if he loses, he’s out and Punk is the leader.  Barrett agrees.

Steel Cage TONIGHT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Earlier tonight, Miz and Morrison had a Falls Count Anywhere WAR!

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez.  What the hell’s he doing on Raw?  He introduces Alberto Del Rio.  What the hell is HE doing on Raw?  Del Rio comes out and cuts a promo.  R-Truth comes out to retort and tells him to go back where he came from.  Smackdown or Mexico?  Del Rio laughs.  Truth slaps him.  It’s on!

Alberto Del Rio vs. R-Truth.  Truth jumps around a lot and hits a fancy kick.  He clotheslines Del Rio to the floor and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Insta-commercials.  Truth beats on Del Rio.  Truth hits a powerslam for 2.  Del Rio rallies and attacks Truth’s arm.  Del Rio works the arm for a while.  Truth avoids Del Rio charging the ropes and Del Rio sails out of the ring.  Rodriguez encourages Del Rio to recover.  Del Rio comes back in.  Truth makes his comeback.  Del Rio pulls Truth’s shoulder into the posts.  Del Rio locks in the Minoru Special for the win (6:50 shown).  Okay match.

Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus vs. Barrett in a CAGE!

Wade Barrett lectures The Nexus backstage.  He warns them that CM Punk will just use them.  Punk comes in and wishes him luck tonight.  Barrett leaves.  Punk shakes hands with everyone.

Scott Stanford interviews Randy Orton.  He says he’s not going to show human compassion anymore.  As if he ever showed any.

The CAGE is NEXT!

The replay the highlights of Miz/Morrison.

Triple Threat Steel Cage Match to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton.  Barrett tries to escape immediately.  Orton and Sheamus beat him up.  Sheamus tries to escape while Orton beats on Barrett.  Orton stops him and kicks his ass.  Barrett cold cocks Orton with a big boot and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and tries to escape.  Barrett and Sheamus stop him and beat on him.  This pattern continues on for a while.  Orton switches things up and tries to go through the door.  Sheamus and Barrett catch him.  Orton humps the mat to intimidate them.  Insta-commercials.  Orton comes very close to escaping and actually gets over the top of the cage, but Sheamus and Barrett manage to bring him back over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Sheamus, but gives him a reprieve to go stop Barrett from escaping.  Sheamus beats on Orton.  Sheamus tries to escape.  Orton stops him.  Barrett and Sheamus beat on Orton, then beat on each other.  Orton stops Barrett from escaping again.  Orton gives Barrett a superplex.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker on Orton, then throws Barrett’s head into the cage repeatedly.  Sheamus tries to go through the door.  Orton stops him.  Sheamus stomps on Orton and tries to climb over the top.  Barrett cuts him off and brings him down.  Barrett beats up Sheamus and hits a pumphandle slam.  Orton goes after Barrett.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam, then tries to climb out.  Sheamus tries to stop him, but Barrett sends him to the mat.  Barrett stupidly goes for a diving elbow drop.  Sheamus gets his knees up.  Orton explodes and makes his comeback on both of them.  Powerslams to both.  Angle Slam to Sheamus.  DDT OF MURDER on Barrett.  Sheamus catches Orton with a boot and tries to climb out.  Orton stops him.  They fight on the top rope.  Barrett kicks the rope and they both crotch themselves.  Barrett hits them with big boots.  Barrett tries to climb out.  CM Punk comes out, climbs the cage, and offers a helping hand.  He rips Barrett’s Nexus armband off and kicks him to the mat.  Sheamus gives Barrett the brogue kick and heads for the door.  Orton drops Sheamus with the RKO and escapes through the door to win it (15:53 shown).  All right match.

Okay show all together.  Nothing really lit my world on fire besides the Miz/Morrison match, which surprised me by being really good.

WWE Extreme Rules 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by the PPV intro video.  Michael Cole welcomes us to the show as Lillian Garcia introduces the first match.

Fatal Four-Way Match for WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Cole and Lawler are on commentary, and put over Kingston beating MVP for the title this past Monday on Raw.  Typical double team/pair off and brawl stuff early on.  Kofi is awesome.  Cole gets in his “Controlled Frenzy” for the night.  Regal beats the shit out of Kingston, which is always good stuff.  Regal sets up a butterfly suplex on Kofi.  MVP tries to turn it into a Tower of Doom spot, but they botch it.  Kofi and Regal still take the bump, though.  Hardy comes in fresh after staying outside for a bit and tries to pin everyone.  Everyone kicks out.  Matt sets up the Twist of Fate on MVP, but Kofi gets back in the action and punishes Regal and Hardy.  Regal counters the Trouble In Paradise and T-bones Kofi right into Hardy, which Kofi uses to get a near fall.  The match turns into everybody hitting big moves and covering, then someone else breaking up the cover.  Regal hits Exploders on everyone until Kingston catches him the Trouble In Paradise for the pin at 6:42.  Short, but fun and exciting match, and a good way to kick off the show.

Josh Matthews interviews The Big Show, who says John Cena can’t put him in the STF.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham talk about the recent issues between Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio.  Justin Roberts is in the ring to introduce the match.  He introduces Jericho, but Jericho doesn’t come out.  He’s in the merchanidise stand bitching about Mysterio’s merchanidise.  He comes down to the ring through the crowd, talking the whole way.  Mysterio comes out, so now we can have our match.  Ross says that Mysterio is the first masked Intercontinental Champion.  Kane says hello.

No Holds Barred Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio jumps Jericho at the bell and kicks his ass all around the ringside area.  Rey hits a sweet rana off the apron and takes the match in the ring.  Jericho gets the advantage and holds it until Mysterio counters his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Rey hits a 619 around the ringpost to send Jericho off the apron and hits a diving splash on to him.  Back in the ring. Jericho avoids the 619.  Rey gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Jericho rolls it back for one of his own.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and tries a dropkick, but Jericho catches and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Rey turns it into a inside cradle, but can’t get the pin.  Jericho gets the advantage and goes for Rey’s mask.  Rey escapes, then avoids a charging Jericho, who spears the ring post and goes outside.  Rey hits a tope suicida.  Rey does his Speedy Gonzales routine back in the ring.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and does a swank spinning backbreaker for a near fall.  Rey avoids the Lionsault and hits the 619.  He goes for a diving something or other, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker for a very near fall.  Jericho brings a chair into the ring, but Mysterio dropkicks into his face and covers for a near fall.  Mysterio hits a leg drop with the chair for another near fall, then sets the chair up in the corner and hits a drop toehold onto it.  Mysterio uses the chair as a springboard for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio nails him with the chair and goes for the 619, but Jericho manages to yank his mask off.  Mysterio desperately covers his face and allows himself to be pinned with a schoolboy in 14:40, even though anyone who watched WCW from 1999 to 2001 has seen his face.  Jericho wins the Intercontinental Title for the unprecendented 9th time.  Good match.

Randy Savage DVD available this Tuesday!

New Orleans!

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.  Actually, they show the video of Randy Orton killing Ric Flair, then Batista comments on it.  He’s going to do various nasty things to Orton tonight.

Samoan Strap Match: Umaga vs. CM Punk. They show Umaga killing Punk on Smackdown a few weeks ago.  You win here by touching all four corners in succession… secession?  You know what I mean.  Umaga whips Punk with the strap and punishes him in various other nasty ways.  How the hell do you do PBP on a Strap Match?  “He whips the other guy, he uses the strap to hold the other guy back…”  Punk fights back and goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but doesn’t get it.  They both get near falls (I.E. touching 3 turnbuckles but being prevented from touching the fourth.  Umaga goes for the diving splash, but Punk uses the strap to pull him off the top rope.   Punk touches 3 corners, hits the Go 2 Sleep, and touches the fourth for the win at 8:58.  Meh.  Strap matches are kind of a stupid gimmick.

New Orleans again!

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews are ready to announce the ECW Championship match!

Gregory Helms interviews the ECW Champion, Christian.  Christian says he’s going to miss Tommy Dreamer, because he’s not losing his title.  Dreamer comes up and says Christian will indeed be losing the title.  Jack Swagger steps in to say his bit, but Dreamer and Christian leave.  Cut to Tony Chimel who is in the ring to introduce the match.

Triple Threat Hardcore Match for the ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger.  They get in-ring introductions.  They brawl a bit, then Christian and Dreamer bring the plunder in.  Dreamer utilizes the Singapore cane to great effect.  Dreamer is in his element here, and shows why he is called the Innovator of Violence.  Swagger finally gets the advantage on Dreamer and tries to superplex him into a pile of trashcans.  Christian comes in and adds a powerbomb to the equation.  I guess they had to do it since the guys in the four-way fucked up the Tower of Doom spot.  Christian ducks a crutch shot from Swagger and goes for the Killswitch.  Swagger counters and goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Dreamer nails Swagger with the crutch to break it, then bashes him with it again and hits a DDT.  Dreamer covers and gets the pin on Swagger at 9:37 to WIN THE ECW CHAMPIONSHIP!  With no Justin Credible to fuck up the moment. Tommy Dreamer finally gets to enjoy capturing the ECW Championship.  That’s my feel good markout moment of the night.

Chavo Guerrero prepare Vickie for her defense of the Miss WrestleMania crown.  Michael Cole talks about it for a bit, then throws it to Jerry Lawler, who is with the pigs.  “Santina” comes out, followed by Vickie, who says she’s making the match a Handicap Match.  A less than delighted Chavo will be her partner.

Handicap Hog Pen Match for the Miss WrestleMania Crown: Vickie Guerrero (c) & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Santina Marella.  Vickie sends Chavo in to fight while she stays outside in her gown.  Santina and Chavo fight in the muck.  Santina throws Chavo into the pen with the hogs.  Shouldn’t the match be over?  I guess it’s pinfall only.  Santina schoolgirls Chavo for a near fall.  Chavo beats down Santina and tags in Vickie.  Santina tries to slop her, but Chavo jumps him and tries to slop him.  He misses and slops Vickie.  Santina slops Chavo, then pins Vickie for the win at 2:43 to become Miss WrestleMania again.  Gross.  -50 stars.

SummerSlam, August 23 on PPV!

Orton/Batista video package.

Chavo and Vickie walk backstage while everyone in the vicinity holds their nose.  Goldust and Hornswoggle show up to bring the comedy, then run away from the smell.  They find Edge in Vickie’s office.  Vickie tells Edge he’s on his own tonight.  Edge says he wants a divorce.  Poor Vickie.  Divorces are no fun at all, and I don’t imagine being covered in pig shit is either.

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  In-ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton tries to escape immediately, but Batista stops him and goes to work kicking his ass.  Orton avoids a charge and tries to escape again.  Rinse, repeat.  Orton counters the Batista Bomb and tries to escape again, but then decided to go for the punt instead.  Batista avoids it.  Orton avoids the Batista Bomb again.  Batista avoids the RKO.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin at 7:03.  Seriously?  That’s it?  Ah well, at least it was too short to suck.  Fun fact: this is the first time the WWE Championship has changed hands in a Steel Cage match.

Show/Cena video package.

Submission Match:
The Big Show vs. John Cena.  The whole basis of this match is that Show is too big for Cena to put in the STF.  Of course, he goes for it in the first minute and fails.  Of all the Cena/Show matches… this is one of them.  Same old shit, except with more sleeper holds.  About 10 minutes in, Cena avoids the Vader Bomb and tries to slam Show.  Show lands on top and hugs Cena, which is apparently a submission hold.  Show beats up Cena some more and locks in an abdominal stretch.  Cena counters a chokeslam attempt with a DDT and tries the STF again.  He still doesn’t get it.  Show locks in a bearhug.  Cena escapes and drops Show with a neckbreaker.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena avoids it and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  STF fails again.  Show lands the KO punch and knocks Cena out of the ring.  Show goes out and picks him him, but Cena slips off and sends Show into the ring post.  Back in the ring, Cena misses a diving leg drop, then props up one of show’s legs against the ropes and locks in a crossface.  The leg doesn’t stay.  Show submits to this half assed STF at 19:05, even though Show’s feet were under the ropes.  Fucking retarded.

Edge/Hardy video package.

Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship:
Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  In-ring intros.  There are dozens of ladders placed around the ring.  First ouch moment comes 3 minutes in when Jeff backdrops Edge out of the ring and chest first onto a ladder.  Jeff makes the first attempt to climb up to the big gold belt, but Edge stops him, then drops him painfully on the ladder.  That’s one cheap aluminum ladder ruined.  Edge brings in another and sets it in a corner.  Jeff avoids a charging Edge, who spears the ladder.  Match goes on.  Edge creatively sandwiches Jeff in the ladder and locks in a Sharpshooter.  Later, Edge takes a painful front suplex into an open ladder.  Lots of creative painful looking things in this match.  Hardy brings in a really tall ladder.  He hits the Twist of Fate, then goes up the tall ladder with the intent of diving off.  Edge moves out of the way.  The ladder falls over but Jeff grabs hold of the belt.  Edge pulls him down before Jeff can take the belt down.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind off the ladder.  The carnage continues.  They take a huge bump off a ladder at ringside through another one set up on the ring apron and guardrail.  Back in the ring, Hardy climbs for the belt.  Edge climbs another ladder and tries to spear Hardy, but gets caught with a neckbreaker in mid air.  Hardy goes for the gold again.  Edge climbs up the other side and punches Hardy down.  Hardy pulls Edge’s legs through the ladder to trap him.  Edge can do nothing but look on as Hardy pulls the belt down and becomes World Heavyweight Champion at 20:06.  Pretty damn good ladder match.

But wait, it’s not over!  CM Punk comes down and cashes in the Money In The Bank contract!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the 1, 2, HARDY KICKS OUT!  Punk can’t believe it.  Hardy gets a quick inside cradle, but Punk kicks out.  Punk nails a big kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep again and pins Hardy to win the title at 1:02.  PUNK IS WORLD CHAMPION!

Pretty good show for the most part.  Punk and Dreamer winning the gold makes me happy.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, replay of last week’s Cena/Edge/Show/Vickie angle, Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to San Antonio.  Tonight: Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as the special guest referee, an update on the Triple H/Orton situation, and will Ric Flair break his retirement to face Chris Jericho tonight?

The Undertaker & Shawn Michaels vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield & Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov overpowers Michaels to start.  Michaels tags out to Taker, who comes in swinging.  Taker clotheslines Kozlov out of the ring.  Commercial.  Believe it or not, the faces have the advantage when we return.  Taker wrenches JBL’s arm and tags in Michaels, who knocks JBL down and hits the diving elbow.  He sets up for the superkick, but Kozlov distracts him and allows JBL to knock him down with a boot.  Kozlov tags in and goes to work on Michaels.  Bad guys take turns dealing out the punishment to Michaels.  Michaels finally makes the hot tag and Taker comes in to clean house.  Taker goes for the chokeslam on JBL, but Michaels makes the blind tag and superkicks JBL for the win at 9:19.  Michaels bails and Taker chases him up the ramp.  Michaels disappears into the entrance way and Taker’s music hits.  Michaels sneaks back in and lands the superkick to leave Taker laying.  Commercial.

Moments ago: Read above, I’m not going to type it again.

Edge confronts Vickie in her office.  He says he forgives her.  Vickie says Show forced himself on her.  Edge says he blames Cena for the whole thing.  Vickie tells Edge to destroy Cena tonight, and if Cena lays a finger on her, he’s out of the title match at WrestleMania.

Last week: Triple H broke into Orton’s “house” and got “arrested”.  Tonight: Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes.  Right now: Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton (w/ Rhodes and Dibiase).  Orton says he didn’t press charges because he wants to deal with Triple H himself at WrestleMania.

Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, & Layla (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly.  Santino joins Cole and Lawler for commentary!  Beth and Mickie start, with Beth getting the better of it.  Mickie tags out to Melina, who hits a really shitty handspring elbow.  Beth fights back and goes for a pin, but Mickie saves.  Santino tries to interfere and gets kicked in the balls by Mickie.  Melina pins Beth with a schoolgirl in about 3 minutes.  Melina, Beth, and Mickie worked the whole match.

Plug for Cena’s movie.  I still don’t care, not will I ever.

Last week: Triple H got arrested!  They’ve shown that like 37 times already.

WrestleMania hype.

Triple H and Cody Rhodes come out for their match.  Rhodes comes out alone, but it soon followed by the rest of Legacy.  Triple H destroys Cody before the bell rings and pulls out his sledgehammer.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and motions upward.  A Steel Cage descends!  The bell finally rings, so we’ve got…

Non-Title, Steel Cage Match: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes (w/ Randy Orton & Ted Dibiase Jr.).  Triple H kicks Cody’s ass, and there’s nothing Legacy can do about it.  Sledgehammer to the face, and Triple H gets the pin at 2:18.

Still to come, Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as referee!  Plus, Jericho vs. Flair… maybe.

ANOTHER plug for Cena’s movie.

Evan Bourne returns to ECW tomorrow night!  Dammit, now I have to watch ECW again.

Earlier tonight, Ric Flair arrived!

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to introduces himself.  Rey doesn’t seem interested, and they lock up.  Rey does some flippy shit.  Cole says that Mysterio has challenged JBL to an IC title match at WrestleMania.  Ziggler gets the advantage and locks in a full nelson, but Rey escapes with a jawbreaker and makes a comeback and hits a rana and his missile splash for the win at 2:16.

Will Flair accept Jericho’s challenge?  It’s next… maybe!

Jericho comes out.  He’s mad about Flair costing him his match last week and a spot on WrestleMania.  He calls out Flair, who comes out not dressed to wrestle.  Flair says he won’t break his retirement, but he’s found some guys who will wrestle Jericho: Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper.  The legends surround the ring, then step in and surround Jericho.  Jericho tries to bail, but the legends jump on him.  He slithers out of the ring and Flair decks him.  He backs up the ramp and yells at the legends.

WrestleMania video: WrestleMania XV.

This Friday: Smackdown’s 500th Episode!

Grisham interviews an angry Jericho.  Jericho challenges Snuka, Steamboat, and Piper to a match at WrestleMania, and demands that Flair be in their corner.  He says he’s going to buy Mickey Rourke a front row ticket.

CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin, & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Christian and Finlay are on commentary as Hornswoggle plays with King’s crown.  This a Money In The Bank preview match.  Some stuff happens for a couple of minutes and we go to commercial.  When we come back, Kane is working over Kofi.  Shelton tags in and goes to work on Kofi.  Punk gets the hot tag and hits the Go 2 Sleep on Benjamin for the win at 8:35.

Another plug for Cena’s movie.  WHEN WILL THEY LEARN THAT I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK?

Big Show confronts Vickie in her locker room.  Show says Vickie is the one who came onto him.  Show says Edge doesn’t love Vickie, but Show does.  He says she looks sexy in the referee shirt.  Ick.  Commercial.

Earlier tonight: Shawn superkicked Taker.

Cole and Lawler run down the WrestleMania card.

Grisham tries to interview Triple H, who ignores him and leaves in his hummer with Stephanie!

Lillian Garcia introduces Vickie Guerrero for the main event.  Commercial!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena (Vickie Guerrero is the Special Guest Referee).  Edge clamps on a headlock.  Cena fights back and gets nailed with a shot.  Cena hits his swinging Fisherman buster and covers, but Vickie doesn’t count.  Cena confronts her and Edge attacks him from behind.  Cena takes a spill outside.  Edge follows and rams his head on the announce table.  Back in the ring, Edge misses a spear and gives Cena the opening for his usual comeback.  He goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Vickie covers Edge.  She gets up and Cena hits it anyway.  He goes for the F-U or whatever it’s called this week, but Vickie pulls Edge off.  Cena locks in the STF and Vickie puts him in a chinlock.  Big Show comes down and brawls with Cena.  Edge and Show double team Cena.  They tie him up in the ropes.  Edge spears him.  Vickie slaps him.  Show slugs him in the gut and hits his knockout punch.  Edge spears Show and celebrates.  Fade to black.

TNA iMPACT! 12/9/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Immortal Ups The Ante”

Earlier Today: Eric Bischoff bitches at Immortal in the office.  Present are Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, Gunner & Murphy, Jeff Jarrett, and Abyss.  Bischoff demands that they win championships.  He bitches at Styles for losing the TV title at the PPV.  Rhino comes in asking for his new contract.  Bischoff writes “NO!” on a sheet of paper.  Poor Rhino.  He goes after Bischoff, but is jumped by Immortal.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The aforementioned members of Immortal come out to the ring.  Bischoff introduces TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, who comes out to his awful music, carrying his disgustingly ugly belt.  The crowd hates on this shit.  Bischoff gets butt hurt.  He puts over Matt Morgan and asks for him to come out.  Morgan does indeed come out, carrying a lead pipe for backup.  Bischoff promises fair play and kisses Morgan’s ass some more.  He blames Mr. Anderson’s refereeing for Morgan losing the match.  Bischoff books Morgan vs. Anderson in a #1 Contender Match.  Morgan says Anderson still isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Bischoff doesn’t care.  He says if Anderson doesn’t wrestle, he’s gone.

Ken Anderson is watching TV backstage!

iMPACT! open.  15 minutes into the show.

Tonight, Tara performs music.  Jeff Jarrett issues an open MMA challenge.  Doug Williams defends the TV title against Abyss.

Brother Ray cuts a promo to no one in particular backstage.  He has a fake Devon.

They show Taylor Wilde & Hamada beating Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship months ago, then announce that the titles have been vacated because Hamada couldn’t make it into the country.  What really happened is they released her without having her come in to drop the belts, because they’re retarded.  Tonight, a tournament for the vacant title begins, with Sarita & Daffney (random) against the Beautiful People.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The New Team 3D(?) vs. Ink Inc.  “3D” jump Ink Inc. before the bell.  It settles down into Bubba beating up Moore.  “Devon” tags in and continues beating up Moore.  “Devon” hits an elbow smash for 2.  Bubba tags in.  Moore tries a sunset flip.  Bubba tries to sit on him, but Moore avoids certain death.  “Devon” tags in, slams Moore, and goes for a headbutt, per Bubba’s instructions.  Moore avoids it and makes the hot tag to Neal.  Neal runs wild on the fake Devon and decks Bubba for good measure.  Neal hits a face plant thing for 2.  Moore hits a leg drop.  Neal covers, but Bubba saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  “3D” hit the WASSUP headbutt on Neal.  Bubba tells “Devon” to get the tables.  Why do they do that in standard matches when they would be DQ’d?  They set up a table.  Ink Inc. make their comeback and hit the TKO/blockbuster on “Devon.”  Neal gets the pin in 4:40.  Pointless crap.  Bubba attacks “Devon” and set up a powerbomb through the table.  The real Brother Devon runs out to make the save.  Bubba runs away and hides behind So Cal Val again.

Tara sings horribly backstage.  She wants Generation Me to take their shirts off and be her backup dancers.

Matt Morgan asks Christy Hemme where Mr. Anderson is.  She doesn’t know.  Of course.

Tara lip syncs her entrance music while Generation Me dance like gay strippers who don’t know how to dance.  Tara dances like a tard to add to the hilarity.  Mickie James finally appears and attacks her.  GenMe hold her to Tara can hit her.  Eric Young makes the save and runs GenMe off.  Mickie and Tara roll down the ramp.  The music is still playing.  Security geeks  break them up with much difficulty.  Mickie challenges Tara to a Steel Cage Match TONIGHT!  Tara agrees.  Then they try to fight again through the security geeks.  Ugh.

Beer Money give Gunner & Murphy a pep talk backstage.  Roode gives Storm money to buy beer.

Tonight, Williams vs. Abyss!  Next, Gunner & Murphy against the Machine Guns!

Jeff Jarrett talks to no one in particular backstage.

Non-Title: Gunner & Murphy vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Beer Money come out to do commentary.  Gunner and Murphy jump the Guns from behind.  They get the heat on Shelley.  Sabin gets the hot tag and runs wild.  The Guns go for the Skull & Bones on Murphy.  Gunner hits Sabin with a nightstick to cause the DQ in 3:39.  The Guns beat the shit out of Gunner & Murphy with their own nightsticks.

The Beautiful People are doing their makeup.  Of course.  Winter comes in to wish Angelina good luck.  Velvet doesn’t know who she is, because she apparently never watches the TV show.

Sarita & Daffney are headed our way!

Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson chat backstage.  Anderson says he’s going to wrestle.  They argue about concussions.  It goes on for way too long.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Sarita & Daffney vs. The Beautiful People.  Sarita cuts a promo on Velvet before the match.  Velvet spears her to start the match, then does that head push into the mat crap.  Velvet gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Velvet hits a face plant for 2.  Velvet applies a Fujiwara armbar of all things.  Daffney distracts Velvet, allowing Sarita to gain the advantage and talk shit.  Daffney tags in and hits a delayed body slam, then steps on Velvet’s face.  Cover gets 2.  Sarita tags in and taunts Velvet some more.  Velvet fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tags to Angelina and Daffney.  Angelina runs wild and hits the Flatliner for the pin in 3:23.  This sucked.  Sarita talks more about Velvet being unable to beat her.  She’s a horrible promo and her dance is obnoxious.

Some dudes carry a casket around backstage.

Tara/Mickie James video package.  Tonight, they meet in a cage!

Highlights of the Abyss/Pope Casket match at Final Resolution.

The “some dudes” I mentioned earlier carry out a casket.  The casket opens and music plays.  A church choir comes out and dances around the casket.  The Pope speaks from somewhere.  He says he’s had a spiritual awakening.  He babbles about Christmas trees and begs for donations, because he’s pimpin’.  The dancing choir leaves.

AJ Styles gives Abyss a pep talk backstage.

Tonight, Mickie vs. Tara in a cage!  Next, Abyss vs. Williams!

House shows.

Footage from TNA’s visit to Abu Dhabi.

Mickie James talks to no one in particular backstage.  You can hear Eric Bischoff ranting in the background.  I’m pretty sure it’s his opening promo.  So Mickie was cutting a promo about this match before it was booked.  Keep that great continuity going, TNA.

TNA World Television Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Abyss.  They lock up.  Abyss shoves Williams away.  Repeat.  Williams tries to whip Abyss, but fails.  Williams lands a dropkick and some punches in the corner.  Williams applies a cravat.  He lets it go like an idiot and charges into a big boot.  Abyss frightens the referee out of the ring and beats on Williams.  Abyss cranks Williams’ neck.  The referee is back in now.  Williams tries a sunset flip, then avoids getting squashed.  Exactly the same spot somebody did in an earlier match.  Williams makes his comeback and hits a diving European uppercut for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory.  Abyss rips off a turnbuckle pad to avoid it.  Abyss back body drops Williams and charges the corner.  Williams avoids it and Abyss hits the exposed turnbuckle.  Williams gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:40.  I thought the finish was kind of neat.  AJ Styles jumps Williams from behind and gives him the Styles Clash on the ramp.  How dastardly!

Jeff Jarrett is headed our way!

Tara talks to no one in particular backstage.  Generation Me say they want Eric Young & Orlando Jordan next week.  I dread that.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to cut a promo and gets butt hurt by the “YOU SOLD OUT!” chants.  He cuts his promo and issues and issues a “Double J Double M A Challenge” to the audience, for $100,000.  Jeremy Borash selects a jacked looking dude.  Jarrett accuses him of being on the gas.  He also refuses a fat guy.  Jarrett selects a skinny geek.  The guy’s name is Mike, from Brooklyn.  Jarrett makes fun of him and slaps him

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike.  Jarrett lands some knees, then stomps Mike.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO MIKE!”  Jarrett applies a rear naked choke for the win in 41 seconds.  Yeah…

A steel cage is headed our way!  Mickie vs. Tara is NEXT!

Rob Van Dam video package.

Steel Cage Match: Mickie James vs. Tara.  Of course, since it’s a STEEL CAGE MATCH, they start by brawling outside.  They finally get in the cage to start the match.  Insta-commercials 6 seconds in.  Tara hits a fancy spinning rack drop for 2.  THOSE FUCKING MUTANTS ARE DOING ALTERNATING CHANTS AGAIN.  Grr.  Mickie makes a comeback.  Mickie hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Tara sends Mickie into the turnbuckle, then hits a snap suplex into a front face lock.  Mickie fights out.  Tara beats her up.  Mickie goes for a rana, but fails and gets kicked in the face.  Mickie fights back and rams Tara’s head into the turnbuckle.  Mickie hits a half assed rana off the top rope.  Ugly looking bump for both of them.  Tara revives first and beats up Mickie.  Tara tries to escape through the door.  Mickie stops her and beats on her.  The show ends.  Of course.

Typical crap.  I’m glad it’s over.