Archive for Steel Asylum Match

TNA iMPACT! 1/4/10 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line.  History of TNA video… since this is the biggest TNA iMPACT EVER!!!  The episode title is “Time For A Change.”  Impact open.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our commentary team.  This is the BIGGEST TNA SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE KNOWN UNIVERSE!  Tenay and Taz run down tonight’s card.

Footage earlier today of Bubba the Love Sponge interviewing fans.

Steel Asylum Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley vs. Homicide vs. Kiyoshi vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide vs. Amazing Red (c).  Everybody starts fighting as Suicide immediately tries to escape, but Red stops him.  Lethal Consequences double team Sabin.  Shelley and Lethal both try to escape.  Kiyoshi stops Lethal.  Red kicks Suicide in the head.  Sabin hits a tornado DDT on Kiyoshi.  Lethal finally goes after Shelley.  Suicide with a move on Red.  Lethal with the Lethal Combination on Suicide.  Sabin kicks somebody.  Kiyoshi drops Sabin.  Creed press slams Kiyoshi into double knees.  Everybody hits moves.  Suicide tries to escape, but Red fights him.  Red comes off the top of the Asylum and hits a rana on Sabin.  World Elite double teams Red.  Homicide hits people with a baton.  The bell rings at 4:05, ruling it a no-contest.  THE FUCK?  Crowd chants “THIS IS BULLSHIT!”  I agree.  Everybody wakes up and beats up Homicide.  Jeff Hardy’s old TNA music hits and he comes through the crowd.  Homicide jumps him.  Hardy kicks his ass and kills him with a chair shot and gives him the Twist of Fate on the ramp.  Hardy sits on top of the Asylum.

Way to go, TNA… first match and I already have a headache.  Way to shit on the fans AND show you’re morons by signing a guy who’s facing charges for drug possession.

Moments ago… Jeff Hardy did stuff.  Now… Jeff Hardy shakes hands with Shannon Moore in the back.

Hulk Hogan’s limo is getting a police escort to the Impact Zone.

Christy Hemme interviews Kevin Nash.  Nash talks about Hogan.  He says Hulk is on his way, and he’s not alone.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. ODB.  ODB jumps Tara immediately.  Tara catches her with an elbow and drops her with a clothesline.  They trade chops.  Tara throws kicks and lands an enzuigiri.  Tara with a slam and the standing moonsault for 2.  Tara with the tarantula, then a hilo leg drop for 2.  Tara tries to set up the Widows’ Peak, but ODB counters and goes for the TKO.  Tara goes for it again.  ODB counters again and schoolgirls her with a handful of tights her to win the title at 2:21.  Tara gives ODB the Widow’s Peak after the match, then puts the spider on her.

A limo pulls up and RIC FLAIR gets out!  He shakes hands with Beer Money, Eric Young, some refs, then goes into the bathroom.

Earlier today… Christy Hemme talks to fans.  Mick Foley shows up.  He’s been barred from the Impact Zone.  He promises to be on his best behavior, but security still won’t let him in.

Bobby and Kristal Lashley come to the ring.  Kristal babbles.  Everyone boos her.  She says Lashley wants his release from TNA, because they have better things to do.  They leave.

Velvet Sky leads a camera man into a Beautiful People poker game.  Is Lacey’s gimmick that she’s stupid?  Oh, so they’re all stupid.  And now they’re playing strip poker.

Scott Hall and Sean Waltman try to get into the building.  They choke the security guards.

Tenay and Taz babble about Twitter and Hogan.

Some shenanigans with Hogan’s limo.

Hall and Waltman come into the crowd and sit down.

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring.  He’s wearing all black and has nWo rip off music.  Hogan says he’s been in the back all day long, even though his limo supposedly just arrived.  This fucking show…  He says TNA will be the #1 company in the world.  Yeah, and I’m the next Pope.  Hall and Waltman jump the rail.  Security tries to stop them, but Hogan says let them through.  Hall runs through his catchphrases.  He wants to get the band back together and party.  Hogan says things aren’t like that anymore.  Waltman disagrees.  Hogan says things are totally different now.  They continue to bicker.  Nash comes out.  He tells Hall and Waltman to let Hogan play his role tonight.  Hogan says he’s here to change the company for the better.  The old goat probably really believes that, too.  Nash asks Hogan when he turned corporate.  Hogan again says that it’s a different time.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  Bischoff tells them everybody has to earn their spot in TNA.  Nash says “We hear ya loud and clear, talk to ya later.”  Nash, Hall, and Waltman leave.  Hogan and Bischoff talk more about everything changing.  Dixie Carter looks on approvingly from the crowd.  Bischoff asks for a format of the show.  He rips it up and gives So Cal Val a new one to hand to whoever.  Bischoff says they’re going to turn the company upside down.  I think they’ve got a good start on that.  Ugh, this fucking show.  Sting is in the rafters.

Moments ago… Sting was in the rafters.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Taylor Wilde & Sarita (c) vs. Awesome Kong & Hamada.  Sarita and Hamada lock up and do some awesome wrestling.  Tag to Wilde, who hits a swank diving arm drag.  Somebody laid out the Motor City Machine Guns in the back.  Kong falls on Sarita for a 2 count.  Wilde throws dropkicks at Kong.  Wilde and Sarita finally take her out of the ring with a double dropkick.  Wilde and Sarita to the outside with dives.  Insta-commercial.  The heels work over Wilde.  Wilde avoids the Awesome Bomb and hits a Codebreaker, then makes the lukewarm tag to Sarita.  Sarita ducks Kong’s clothesline, then eats Hamada’s foot.  They half ass double team Sarita.  Wilde with a rana to Hamada.  Sarita tries it on Kong, who sits on her.  Wilde saves.  Kong with the spinning back first to the leg.  Hamada sends Wilde into the post.  Kong gets Wilde up for the powerbomb.  Hamada comes off the top with a dropkick to add oomph to it.  Kong gets the pin on Sarita (5:47 shown).

The Beautiful People are still playing poker.  Val Venis comes in, but won’t let them say his name.  They finally agree to let him play.

Mick Foley is still trying to get into the building.  The Nasty Boys show up.  Security won’t let them in either.

Raven & Stevie Richards (w/ Daffney) vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Winners get a Tag title shot at Genesis, apparently.  The big dudes kick ass.  Morgan pins Stevie with the Carbon Footprint at 38 seconds.

Christy interviews D’Angelo Dinero.  He’ll face Desmond Wolfe tonight.  Orlando Jordan of all people interrupts.  He’s looking for Hogan, who invited him.  Orlando Jordan?  Seriously?

Desmond Wolfe vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Dinero shines, which is fine.  Wolfe starts kicking his ass, which rules.  I love the way he attacks his opponent’s arm.  Pope avoids him in the corner and hits a Vader Bomb-style elbow.  Wolfe attacks the arm again, then goes for the Tower of London.  Wolfe ducks an elbow and goes for a backslide, but Dinero gets him with an inside cradle for the pin at 2:38.  These two could have a good match if they had some time.

Jeff Jarrett is here!

Jeremy Borash finds that Rhino has been jumped.  Bubba the Love Sponge takes over the… interview?

Tenay and Taz talk about the “awesome” night.  Replays of Hogan’s interview from earlier.  The video freezes at Hogan on the entrance ramp for a long time.

Tenay and Taz talk.

JB interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles.  He’ll defend against Kurt Angle at Genesis.  Eric Bischoff interrupts.  Bischoff tells Styles that his title defense against Angle won’t be at Genesis, it will be tonight.  Video finally unfreezes.  AJ is excited.

Jeff Jarrett comes to the ring.  He talks about founding TNA and having the company last way longer than anyone thought it would.  He talks some more.  Hogan appears on the screen and tells Jarrett that he ran the company into the ground.  Hogan is now Dixie Carter’s partner.  He claims he’s going to give the young guys a shot.  I’ll believe that when I see it.  Hogan says Jarrett has no more stroke, and he has to lace up his boots and earn his spot just like everyone else.

Christy interviews Christopher Daniels, who seems to have found his first name.  JB interrupts.  He’s on the phone with Mick Foley.  Foley finally gets into the arena.  He has words for Hogan.

Jeff Hardy paints as Shannon Moore watches.  They’re going to meet with “the big man.”

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe.  Abyss was supposed to face Rhino tonight, but Rhino is napping on the job, so it’s now Abyss vs. Joe.  Joe kicks ass to start.  Abyss manages to drop Joe with a big boot.  Joe bails.  Abyss follows him out.  Joe swings a chair, but Abyss ducks and Joe clobbers the post.  Back into the ring.  Joe kicks ass some more.  Abyss fights back.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Joe comes off the middle rope with a kick for 2.  Joe hammers away at Abyss.  Abyss tries to Hulk up, so Joe kicks him down.  Joe comes off the middle rope, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Joe clobbers Abyss with a chair while the ref is distracted.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch for the win at 4:49.  It was fine, I guess.

Bischoff is talking to a producer.  Kristal Lashley tells him that Bobby Lashley wants his release.  Bischoff doesn’t care.  Kristal demands a meeting with Hogan.  Bischoff tells her to take a number and get in line, and to drop the attitude if she talks to Hogan.  Kristal threatens to tell her husband on Bischoff.  Bischoff still doesn’t care.

Bubba the Love Sponge finds that Beer Money has been jumped.

The Nasty Boys are still trying to get into the building.  Bubba distracts the security guard so they can slip into the building.

JB interviews Kurt Angle.  He says tonight, he’s taking his title back.

Hardy and Moore got the big envelopes they came for.  Three screaming girls run up to them.  Jeff gives them his painting.  He and Moore get into their car and leave.

The Nasty Boys invade Team 3D’s locker room.  3D are in Japan.  The security guard who wouldn’t let them in gives them donuts.  The Nastys beat the donut guy up, then trash 3D’s locker room.  I have a perverse desire to see 3D vs. The Nasty Boys.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  Earl Hebner is the referee, if you’re keeping score.  They start with great wrestling.  AJ leap frogs, ducks, and dropkicks.  Angle bails.  AJ teases a dive.  Angle avoids.  AJ kicks him and takes him out with a suicide dive.  Back into the ring.  A masked man attacks Styles.  Angle clotheslines the masked man out of the ring.  Angle helps AJ up and they continue wrestling.  Angle powerbombs Styles into the turnbuckle.  Insta-commercial.  They continue to be awesome.  They’re going all out tonight.  I’m glad somebody is.  Styles goes for the springboard forearm, but Angle catches him with a belly to belly.  More greatness.  AJ with a discus clothesline for 2.  Styles for the Styles Clash.  Angle catapults him into the turnbuckle and hits rolling Germans.  Angle counters the Pele into the ankle lock.  AJ rolls through into a cradle for 2.  Pele kick for 2.  More stuff.  Angle with the Angle Slam for 2.  Styles hits the springboard forearm, then goes up top.  Angle hits a suplex off the top for 2.  Angle goes for a frog splash.  AJ moves.  AJ hits the Styles Clash for 2.  Styles goes for a superplex.  Angle fights him off and hits a frog splash for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles turns it into a DDT for 2.  Angle counters out of the Styles Clash and locks in the ankle lock.  Styles fights out.  Angle with a sick release German for 2.  AJ with the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes up top again.  Angle fights him and hits the Angle Slam off the top and STYLES KICKS OUT.  Angle applies the ankle lock again.  Styles rolls through and sends Angle into the turnbuckle.  Styles lands an enzuigiri and the Styles Clash for the 1, 2, ANGLE KICKS OUT.  Styles goes for the Clash again.  Angle turns it into the ankle lock and grapevines it.  Ric Flair walks out and watches from the stage.  AJ escapes the ankle lock and hits a backdrop suplex.  AJ hits the springboard 450, and ANGLE KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Insta-commercial.  Angle has Styles in a triangle choke.  AJ goes for the Clash again.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Styles fights out again.  Flair randomly leaves.  AJ hits the Styles Clash.  Styles hits another springboard 450 for the victory (about 15 minutes shown).  Holy shit this match ruled.  Angle and Styles shake hands and hug after the match.  Hogan comes out to the stage and calls Styles and Angle the 2 greatest wrestlers alive today.  He continues to talk.  Somebody whispers in his ear that Mick Foley is in the back looking for him…

Mick Foley stomps around backstage.  He breaks into the Beautiful People/Val Venis poker game.  Val tells him where Hogan’s office is.  Foley finds Bischoff instead.  Bischoff tells Foley that he has no power, and he has to prove himself like everybody else.  Foley says he made peace with working for Dixie Carter, he could make peace with working for Hogan, but he would never work for Bischoff again.  Foley threatens to knock Bischoff’s teeth out.  Nash, Hall, and Waltman jump Foley.  Hogan looks on as the show ends.

Man, other than that one awesome match, this show sucked donkey dick.