Archive for Slick Johnson

TNA iMPACT! 3/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with Eric Bischoff in the ring playing guitar.  The fuck?  He calls out Jeff Jarrett because he wants Jarrett to play the guitar.  Jarrett says Bischoff isn’t going to humiliate him anymore.  Bischoff says Jarrett has no guts, or whatever.  Jarrett takes the guitar, puts it down, and leaves.  Bischoff talks about him having “no stones” again.  Jarrett comes back and CLOBBERS Bischoff with the guitar!  YES!

Jarrett comes backstage and hugs Mick Foley.  Jarrett says that felt good.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Bischoff finally struggles to his feet and books Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley for tonight, with the loser getting fired and winner being Bischoff’s bitch.

Foley and Jarrett are pissed backstage.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  After the heels’ entrances, Tara comes out and begs Daffney not to hurt her spider.  The heels jump Tara, but her partners make the save.  Insta-commercials, JIP.  Lots of quick tags and some decent exchanges.  The bad girls get heat on Tara.  Daffney taunts Tara with her spider.  Love tags in and hits a Flatliner on Daffney.  Velvet hits a DDT on Love.  Wilde gets a Northern Lights suplex hold on Rayne.  Who the fuck is legal?  Sarita hits a sit-out powerbomb on Rayne.  Lacey hits a chokeslam on Sarita.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Lacey, then goes to retrieve her spider.  Daffney hits a swank spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker (the Lobotomy) for the pin.  Total clusterfuck.

AJ Styles and Ric Flair arrive, all banged up.  Flair is still in the wheelchair and Styles is on a crutch and has his arm in a sling.

Still to come, Jarrett vs. Foley.  Hulk Hogan makes an announcement about Lockdown NEXT!

Styles and Flair are hobbling/wheeling in backstage.

Destination X highlight package.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan talks for a while, then announces that Abyss will be the captain of Team Hogan at Lockdown.  Abyss talks for a while.  Ric Flair (wheeled by Chelsea) and AJ Styles come out and yell.  Flair says the captain of Team Flair will be Sting.  The lights go out.  Sting appears sitting on a top turnbuckle.  Styles whacks Abyss with his crutch.  Hogan is magically handcuffed to the ropes.  Sting leaves as Styles puts the boots to Abyss.  D’Angelo Dinero makes the save and hits the Elijah Express on Styles, when unlocks Hogan’s cuffs.  Hogan pushes Flair’s wheelchair down the ramp and Abyss clotheslines Flair.  Those dicks.  This was stupid.

Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore arrive.  Christy Hemme talks to them.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Tomko.  Terry no sells everything and kills Tomko.  Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, the spin kick, and the chokeslam/spinebuster for the pin in 1:02.  Whatever.

They show Foley shaving Bischoff’s head and Jarrett whacking him with the guitar.

Foley and Jarrett will meet NEXT!  Beer Money are going to be the special guest referees!

Foley & Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett.

Loser Is Fired: Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Beer Money are the special guest referees.  They lock up and break.  They lock up again.  Foley backs Jarrett into the corner and Storm forces a break.  Storm is the inside referee while Roode is on the outside.  Foley hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett gets a sunset flip for 2.  FOLEY DOES A BACKSLIDE.  Now I’ve seen everything.  They counter each other’s finishers.  Roode trips Jarrett.  Foley and Jarrett fight outside.  Bischoff comes out to the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Jarrett and Foley brawl on the stage.  Jarrett suplexes Foley on the stage, which actually holds up this week.  They go at it back in the ring.  Jarrett drops Foley with a punch for a 2 count.  Beer Money have switched places now, with Roode being in the ring and Storm being outside.  If it matters.  It doesn’t.  Jarrett hits a DDT for 2.  Jarrett brings in a chair.  Foley boots him in the gut and hits the double arm DDT for 2, as Jarrett gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Foley pulls out the sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw.  Roode doesn’t something I missed.  Foley turns it into a Mandible Claw body scissors or something.  Jarrett gets free and hits the Stroke onto the chair for the pin (8:02 shown).  Pretty good match.  Jarrett is upset at getting his friend fired, but Foley raises Jarrett’s hand.  Jarrett returns the gesture and they shake hands.  Bischoff tells Beer Money to beat up Jarrett, and they oblige.  They wedge a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles and ram Jarrett into it.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in and chase of Beer Money.  RVD takes the mic and challenges Beer Money to a match tonight.  They accept.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

They show Mick Foley saying his goodbyes as he leaves.  Bubba the Love Sponge is back.  FUCK.  Even the Impact Zone mutants boo him.  Foley doesn’t want to talk to him.  Bubba insults him, so Foley fucking decks him.  YES!  ***** segment.  Foley says “BANG BANG!” and leaves.  That makes my day.

Bischoff talks to Hogan backstage.  They discuss their various personal issues.  Hogan tells Bischoff do drop the personal vendetta against Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff agrees, asks Hogan if he set up the RVD and Hardy deal, says “nevermind,” and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Beer Money.  They meet RVD & Jeff Hardy TONIGHT!

Up NEXT, the battle of Tag champions!

House show plugs!

JB interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Hernandez video package.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Hernandez jumps Morgan in the aisle and kicks his ass.  Morgan begs off, but Hernandez doesn’t buy it and keeps kicking his ass.  He does the shirt throw thingy, a Stinger Splash, and a spinebuster.  Hernandez charges Morgan in the corner again, but Morgan backdrops Hernandez out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor, but Hernandez accidentally hits the post.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and sandwiches Hernandez’s head into the post.  Fucking OUCH.  It’s a no contest in about 3 1/2 minutes as referee Slick Johnson calls for medics.  Insta-commercials.

They stretcher Hernandez out.  Homicide makes his first appearance in weeks as he comes out to check on his former partner that he turned on months ago.  They put Hernandez in an ambulance.  Hogan tells somebody to call Hernandez’s wife.  Taz and Tenay talk about what happened.

They show what happened with The Band and Eric Young at Destination X.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy.  Storm and Hardy start.  Hardy backdrops Storm out of the ring and onto Roode, then gets a ladder and sets it up between the apron and the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Rob Van Dam hits an apron leg drop on Roode.  Insta-commercials.  Seriously.  I hate those.  RVD hits a moonsault body block on Roode for 2.  Tag to Storm.  RVD wipes him out with a kick and tags in Hardy.  Hardy hits his legs spread leg drop and a front suplex on Storm for 2, as Roode saves.  RVD comes in and takes Roode out.  Hardy goes up top, but Roode trips him.  Beer Money gets heat on Hardy.  Taz gets in his weekly “Vintage” jab.  Roode hits a BIG spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money continues to beat up Hardy while taunting Van Dam.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  Roode and RVD get the tags.  RVD runs wild.  RVD monkey flips Roode and hits his diving kick for 2.  Storm saves.  RVD kicks Storm in the head, slams him, and hits the split legged moonsault.  He’s not the legal man, Rob!  Roode nails RVD with a clothesline.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hits a double suplex on Hardy.  Beer Money hit their AWESOME catapult into a DDT on RVD.  Roode covers for 2.  Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy takes his shirt off, then Roode pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy slides under the ladder, then sends it into Storm.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Roode.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and Van Dam follows with the Five Star Frog Splash on Roode for the pin (10:52 shown).  Really good tag match.

As RVD and Hardy celebrate, Eric Young comes in through the crowd and says that next week, it’ll be The Band vs. Young, RVD, & Hardy.  They all hold hands in the middle of the ring as the show closes.  I jest.  Kind of.

Better show than Raw this week, I thought.

TNA iMPACT! 3/8/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

New iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan cuts a promo.  THIS IS THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN TNA HISTORY!  EVEN BIGGER THAN EVERY OTHER BIGGEST NIGHT IN TNA HISTORY!  Hogan calls out AJ Styles and Ric Flair to have the match RIGHT NOW!  Dixie Carter is in the audience.

Hulk Hogan & Abyss vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles & Ric Flair.  Styles is back to wearing shorts.  Abyss and Styles start.  Size vs. speed.  Abyss botches a press slam.  Flair tags in.  He and Abyss lock up.  Flair chops Abyss.  Man, I’ve never noticed how much Flair is balding in the back.  Abyss beats up Flair and backdrops him.  Styles gets in some cheap shots behind the referee’s back.  Hogan attacks Flair.  Styles drops Hogan with the Pele kick.  The heels put the boot to Hogan and Abyss.  The lights go out and Sting’s music plays.  Sting appears in the ring, bat in hand.  He (SWERVE!) attacks Abyss and Hogan instead.  It’s a no-contest in about 3 minutes.  Sting, Styles, and Flair beat down Hogan and Abyss.  Hogan gets BUSTED WIDE OPEN by a very safe chair shot from Flair.  Sting leaves.  Styles and Flair continue the beat down until security breaks it up.  Brooke Hogan is in the front row looking concerned.  Hogan says it’s not over.  They’re going to finish it before the night’s over.  It’s going to be a No DQ Match later.

Moments ago, all of that stuff happened.

Sting walks around backstage.  Dixie Carter asks him “What the hell, dude?”  Sting pushes her and says he owes her nothing.

Jeremy Borash interviews AJ Styles and Ric Flair.  Styles is such a dork.  Flair says Sting has come to his senses.  Flair is ready to fight some more.

A bloody Abyss screams “WHY, STING, WHY?”  Maybe it’s because of all those times you turned on him and tried to kick his ass a few years ago.

Hogan’s generic blond bimbo daughter sulks backstage.  His equally generic blond bimbo girlfriend tries to console her.

Kazarian cuts a promo in the ring.  He came back to TNA to reignite the X Division.  Christopher Daniels comes out and says he’ll be the one leading the X Division.  He also seems to have found his first name again.  Doug Williams comes out and assures them that the X Division is alive and well, because he’s the champion.  Kazarian and Daniels bicker.  Eric Bischoff comes out and books a three-way match for the title RIGHT NOW!

Three-Way Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Doug Williams (c) vs. Kazarian vs. Daniels.  They do an awesome sequence where they take turns cradling each other.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, backdrops Kaz in the process.  Daniels dropkicks Williams.  Kazarian drops Daniels.  Kazarian and Williams go.  Awesome spot where Kazarian gets a reverse cradle on Williams at the same time as a Northern Lights suplex hold on Daniels for 2 counts.  More stuff happens.  Kazarian takes out Daniels and Williams with a suicide dive.  Williams avoids a slingshot leg drop by Kazarian and kicks him down.  They cut away to show Dixie Carter pacing backstage.  Daniels trips Kazarian and gets back into the mix.  Daniels drops Kazarian with an STO and hits a Lionsault elbow for 2.  Daniels drops Williams and hits a Death Valley bomb on Kazarian for 2.  Williams hits Daniels and goes up top.  Daniels meets him.  Williams fights him off.  They clothesline each other.  Kazarian hits a dropkick to both of them.  Kazarian runs wild.  He drops Daniels with a springboard elbow and a springboard leg drop for 2.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, but Williams hits a diving European uppercut.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Daniels schoolboys him in the middle of it.  Neat.  Kazarian drops Daniels with a neckbreaker for 2.  Daniels hits a Uranage and goes for the BME, but Kazarian moves.  Williams comes in and pushes Daniels into Kazarian, then hits the Chaos Theory on Daniels for the pin in 6:49.  Awesome little match.  Shannon Moore runs in and beats up Williams.  Eric Bischoff comes back out and announces Williams vs. Moore for the X Division Title at Destination X.  Fuck.

Dixie Carter tells JB that Sting will have a match tonight against a mystery opponent.

Three-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Taylor Wilde & Sarita vs. The Beautiful People (w/ Lacey Von Erich) vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara & Angelina Love.  The Beautiful People stay away from Love and Tara.  Sarita and Wilde schoolgirl them for nothing.  Wilde and Tara go at it.  Wilde tags out quickly to Sarita.  Velvet tags herself in.  Sarita drops Tara with a cross body and Velvet covers for 2.  The Beats work over Tara.  Wilde and Sarita come in and go after the Beauts.  Lacey trips them and the Beauties dropkick them.  Love comes in and drops Sky.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak on Rayne.  Daffney sneaks in behind the referee’s back and nails Tara with the Knockouts title belt.  Rayne pins Tara in 2:13.  Very disappointing.  These women can wrestle.  Why don’t you let them?

Christy Hemme interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  His scheduled opponent tonight, Desmond Wolfe, jumps him and attacks his injured ankle, hitting it with a chain.  Ouch.

Sting is in action NEXT!  Taz makes a pot joke, making sure anyone with half a brain could figure out who his opponent is.

JB interviews the NEW Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  They’re stoked to finally be champions.  JB calls for champagne.  Sky pours it on JB’s head.

Tenay and Taz talk about Sting’s reprehensible actions.  They show the aforementioned actions from earlier tonight.

Sting comes out.  His mystery opponent is ROB VAN DAM!

Sting vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD comes in through the crowd, hits the flying kick on Sting, and follows with the Rolling Thunder for the pin in 9 seconds.  Sting attacks him with the bat, leaves him laying, and leaves.  No, wait.  He comes back and beats down RVD with the bat some more.  “That damn thing’s a weapon!”  Well no shit, Taz.  Sting hits some refs with the bat, too.  Crowd chants “RVD!” the whole time.  Sting comes back to the ring and whacks RVD with the bat again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Bubba the worthless piece of worthless Sponge holds him back from doing anything.  Fuck that guy.  Sting hits RVD with the bat some more.  Hogan goes after Sting again, but security holds him back, so Sting kills RVD to some more.  Sting takes a whack at Hogan too.  Sting whacks some security guys and hits Hogan with the bat again.  This shit went way too long.

Tenay and Taz talk some more.

Kevin Nash’s music hits.  Random shot of Eric Bischoff sitting backstage.  Nash and Eric Young come out.  Nash says he has a contract for Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac to face him and  Young at Destination X.  Nash calls them out.  Commercials.

Random commercial cut away: Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are in the building!

Nash and Young are still waiting.  Hall and Syxx-Pac come in through the crowd.  Security gets in the ring to make sure order is maintained.  Hall calls Nash a sell out, Hogan’s goon, etc.  Hall still wants contracts.  He calls for Bischoff.  Bischoff appears on the screen and says that if Hall and Pac win at Destination X, they get contracts.  If they lose, they leave TNA.  They agree.  Pac slaps Young.  Young jumps his ass.  Security separates them.  Bischoff tells security to get Nash and Hall away from ringside and books Young vs. Pac.  He gives young permission to “Slap that punk upside his bitch head.”

Eric Young vs. Syxx-Pac.  Young jumps Pac and kicks his ass.  Pac fights back with kicks.  Young drops him with a clothesline then backdrops him.  Pac drops him with a spin kick and goes for the Bronco Buster.  Young avoids it and hits a piledriver for the pin in 1:13.

A bunch of soldiers arrive in a hummer.

Go to ShopTNA.com and buy crap!

Kurt Angle comes out with the entryway flanked by the soldiers.  He cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  They’ll meet at Destination X.  Anderson appears on the screen to retort.  Angle goes to the interview set (I never realized it was just there in the arena) and kicks his ass to the ring.  Anderson hits Angle with the dog tag and tries to leave, but the soldiers won’t let him.  Angle beats up Anderson and throws him outside to the soldiers, who kick his ass.  Repeated on each side of the ring.  Lucky for Anderson that’s a four sided ring now.  Angle drills Anderson with the Angle Slam.  Crowd chants “BREAK IS ANKLE!”  Angle stands over Anderson, holding the flag high.  The soliders come in and lift Angle up on their shoulders.

More pseudo-shooty crap with Bubba trying to talk Hogan out of wrestling.  Earl Hebner comes in and begs for a second chance.  Bubba convinces Hogan to give Hebner a second chance.  Hogan makes Hebner promise to stop the match if it gets out of control.  What the fuck is that?

Tenay and Taz hype the Destination X card.

Jeff Jarrett talks to Mick Foley (suited up!), then talks to James Storm.  He asks if Beer Money was forced into the match tonight.  Storm says they volunteered.  Jarrett bitches him out.  Storm says “Sorry about your damn…”  Jarrett punches him.  Robert Roode jumps Jarrett from behind.  Foley comes back and tells them to take it to the ring.  So Beer Money are heels now with no explanation?

Video featuring the smoking hot So Cal Val and the gay Jeremy Borash.

Handicap Match: Beer Money vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Mick Foley is the special guest referee.  They’ve been beating up Jarrett since the last segment.  The match finally starts.  Jarrett tries to fight back.  Roode hits a spinebuster.  Beer Money does their awesome catapult into a DDT double team move.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm.  Roode holds Jarrett for Storm to spit beer in his face.  Jarrett moves and Roode gets it.  Jarrett kicks Storm in the balls behind the referee’s back and makes a comeback.  He clotheslines Roode out of the ring, the backdrops Storm out.  Jarrett follows them and knocks their heads together.  Jarrett takes a bump into the guard rail.  Foley gives him the barbed wire bat.  Slick Johnson runs in and takes it away.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Jarrett and Roode gets the pin (counted by Slick) in 3:42.  This was stupid.

Hogan and Abyss talk backstage.  Brooke comes in crying.  Hogan promises her that he won’t wrestle again after tonight.  This was also stupid.

Random cut away from commercial: Flair and Styles are backstage.

No DQ Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles & Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan & Abyss.  Hogan and Flair lock up and hobble to the corner.  Flair chops Hogan.  Hogan backdrops Flair.  Hogan throws some punches and sends Flair to the outside.  The brawl outside.  Flair bleeds like a mofo.  Flair chops and punches Hogan.  Hogan replies in kind, and pokes him in the eye for good measure.  Abyss beats up Flair on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Hogan whips Flair with his weight belt.  Flair hits Hogan in the balls and tags in Styles.  Man, Flair is bleeding like crazy.  I’d say about a 7 on the Muta Scale.  Styles beats up Hogan.  Styles opens up Hogan’s cut from earlier.  Hogan plays face in peril.  Hogan throws Flair off the top rope.  Styles tags in.  Hogan makes the hot tag to Abyss, who runs wild.  Abyss chokeslams them both.  Styles tries to get rolling.  Hogan beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles hits the sprinboard forearm on Abyss for 2.  Hogan and Abyss hulk up.  Double big boots.  Hogan whips Styles into Abyss, who hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 7:55.  A fun nostalgia match.  Desmond Wolfe appears and hits Abyss with a chair.  He tries to hit Hogan, but Hogan grabs the chair.  Flair cheap shots Hogan.  The Pope runs in for the save. but Styles clips his bad leg.  JEFF HARDY comes out and cleans house.  Front suplex to Wolfe.  Twist of Fate to Styles.  Hardy goes up top… and the show ends.  Really?  Couldn’t stay with it for a few more seconds?

There was some crap and a few logic gaps, but overall, this was a fun show, and it was better than Raw, which was a fucking abortion this week.

TNA iMPACT! 3/4/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!” video.

“Never Say Never”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.  They hype the big tag match taking place this coming Monday.

The World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out, flanked by generic women.  Flair calls out Hulk Hogan, saying they want to apologize and give him a gift.  Hogan and Abyss come out.  Flair wants a peaceful conversation.  He offers Hogan some of the women as a peace offering.  Hogan and Abyss say they’re going to run wild on them on Monday.  Flair says he’s never beat Hogan on national TV, so that’s what he’s aiming for.  Styles rambles a bit, then he and Flair try to leave.  Eric Bischoff comes out and announces that Styles will defend the World title against Abyss, The Pope, and Desmond Wolfe tonight.  Sweet.

Tenay and Taz hype Monday’s tag match again.

Jeremy Borash interviews Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea).  He cuts a funny promo laced with British-isms.  He calls Abyss a “window licker.”  Chelsea wants the Hall of Fame ring.  Wolfe says she’ll get it.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone making fun of the XFL.  Jeff Jarrett comes in talking about the great burgers he made last week.  Bischoff sends him to clean the men’s room.  Jarrett says he’ll be the best janitor ever.

Non-Title, Four-Way Match: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me vs. Beer Money vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Generation Me have now been given the last name “Buck.”  Now if I can just remember which one is which.  Sabin and Jeremy (the lighter haired one) start.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Buck.  Max tags in and hits a moonsault to Shelley’s arm.  Jeremy tags back in and hits a diving blow of some sort to Shelley’s arm as well.  Sabin tags in and gets double teamed by the Bucks too.  Sabin overcomes both, then Hernandez tags himself in.  Max tries a cross body, but gets press slammed.  Hernandez sets up for a springboard move, but Morgan tags himself in.  He big boots James Storm, then chokeslams both Bucks.  Roode tags in.  Storm superkicks Morgan, then Roode schoolboys him for the pin in 3:08.  Hernandez is annoyed, and rightfully so.

Bischoff talks to Sean Morley.  He tells him he’s facing Jeff Jarrett in a Falls Count Anywhere Match, but he hasn’t told Jarrett.  Morley and referee Slick Johnson take off to find Jarrett, who is mopping the bathroom.

Four-Way for the title tonight!

Kurt Angle talks to Hogan.  He wants to take care of Flair and Styles for Hogan.  Hogan says no, he has to do it himself.  Angle tells him to be careful.  Alrighty.

They show Mick Foley in etiquette school.  Funny stuff.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Sean Morley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Slick “rings the bell” outside the bathroom, then Morley goes in to attack Jarrett.  Morley beats up Jarrett, then covers him for 2.  Jarrett says “What the hell are you doing?”  Slick informs him that he’s in a Falls Count Anywhere match.  Morley abuses Jarrett with the bathroom door, then pins him with a prawn hold in 1:42.  Kinda funny.

Christy Hemme interviews The Pope.  He says he’ll win the title tonight, and he’ll pimp slap Ric Flair if Flair gets in his way.  The four-way is TONIGHT!

Video chronicling the rise and fall of the British Invasion.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry.  Williams slaps Terry.  Terry shoves him, then press slams him.  Terry applies a bear hug.  Williams bits his way free.  Terry wipes him out with a kick, then goes for the running powerslam.  William counters, then fails at the Chaos Theory.  Terry hits a chokeslam for the pin in 1:04.  Brutus Magnus attacks Terry after the match.  Magnus and Williams beat Terry down.

A trainer is checking on Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff comes in.  Jarrett yells at him.  Bischoff challenges Jarrett to hit him.  Jarrett’s sick of his crap.  Bischoff calls him picky.  He says Jarrett has a match in the ring tonight.  Jarrett calls him a prick.

Mr. Anderson is dressed like Kurt Angle.

Mick Foley in etiquette school part 2.

Anderson/Angle video package.

Mr. Anderson comes dressed and acting like a retarded Kurt Angle, with Angle’s entrance and music.  He does a parody of an Angle promo.  Kurt Angle comes out and kicks his ass.  Anderson bails, throws water in Angle’s face, the drops the straps on his singlet and Angle slams him.  He slingshots his bald cap into Angle’s face.  Ouch.  Anderson steals Angle’s dog tag again.

Abyss talks to Hogan backstage.  Abyss talks about watching Hogan when he was a child.  He says that he can handle Flair and Styles on his own with the power of the ring.  Hogan says he and Abyss are one and have the same blood.  Huh?  This goes on for a while.  They hug and profess their love for each other.  All righty then.

THE TAG MATCH IS THIS MONDAY!  THAT’S THE MONDAY THAT’S GOING TO BE THE VERY NEXT MONDAY THAT HAPPENS!

Beautiful People/Angelina Love video.  Earlier today, the Beauts jumped Angelina during a photo shoot and beat her down.

Angelina Love comes out and calls out Velvet Sky.  Velvet comes out with the belt she whipped Angelina with earlier.  Angelina goes after Velvet on the ramp.  Velvet tries to run away, but gets her ass kicked.  Angelina gets the belt.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run in.  Madison gets whipped, but Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick.  The Beautiful People commence to beating her down.  Velvet whips her again.

Bubba the Love Sponge (I thought he got fired) tells Hogan that he can’t wrestle, or he’ll cripple himself.

Mick Foley in etiquette school, part 3.  The lessons aren’t sinking in very well.

Kevin Nash/Eric Young vs. The Band video.  Nash and Young will have COMMENTS this Monday!  COMMENTS!

Tomko vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett is back to having no music.  They lock up.  Jarrett fights out of a side headlock, then hits shoulder blocked down.  Tomko works Jarrett’s injured shoulder.  Jarrett rocks Tomko with an enzuigiri, sits on him against the ropes, then gets dropped with a clothesline for 2.  Tomko continues working the shoulder.  Jarrett fights back.  Tomko hits an inverted atomic drop.  Jarrett hits a Jack Brisco roll out of the corner for the pin in 3:54.   Bischoff is displeased because Jarrett won.  I’m displeased because this sucked.

Bischoff also discourages Hogan from wrestling.  Hogan says he’s boxed into this position, even though he did it to himself.

Four-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Abyss.  Pope is wrestling despite being unable to walk from the attack 2 weeks ago.  He and Styles start.  It’s tag team rules.  Styles tries the figure-four.  Pope kicks him away and tags in Abyss.  Styles notices and tags in Wolfe.  Abyss sits on Wolfe, then tries to double chokeslam Wolfe and Styles.  He fails, but hits a sidewalk slam on Wolfe for 2.  Pope and Abyss clothesline Styles and Wolfe out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss and Wolfe fight outside while Styles and Pope fight in the ring.  Flair hits Pope’s injured ankle with a chair behind the referee’s back.  You seriously can’t hear that, you fucking useless ref?  Styles locks Pope in the figure-four leglock.  Pope survives it, killing any credibility that this move had left.  The referee stops it to give Styles the win (3:45 shown).  Styles, Wolfe, and Flair beat down Pope.  Abyss makes the save.  Flair attacks Abyss with the barbed wire bat.  They beat down Abyss, but Hulk Hogan comes out to take the save.  He hits Flair with the bat and Flair bleeds like a mofo.  Hogan beats up Flair and some security goons.  Abyss helps.  Styles and Wolfe pull Flair to safety.  Commercials.

Hogan cuts a promo on Flair, who is a bloody mess.  Pope challenges the heels to come back to the ring and fight.  Fin.

Well, the streak of decent Impacts is dead.  This show sucked big floppy donkey dick.

TNA iMPACT! 2/18/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Eric Bischoff arrives in a limo.  He’s talking to someone on the phone.  “Let the games begin,” he says.  Against All Odds highlight video.  Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan’s announcement that TNA moves to Mondays on March 8.

“Lord of the Ring.”  iMPACT! open.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  Pope cuts a promo about his victory at the PPV that made him #1 Contender to the World Championship.  He addresses “Arthur Jackson” and “Dick Flair.”  Pope says he’ll win the title.  The World Champion, AJ Styles comes out along with Ric Flair and a bunch of bimbos.  Flair does the talking, which strikes me as a good thing.  Pope calls him a dick again.  Flair calls him a street thug.  Styles does his pitiful excuse for heel mic work.  Pope slugs AJ.  AJ and Flair beat down Pope.  The Pillmanize Pope’s ankle.  Styles puts him in the figure-four.

Moments ago… ^ happened.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts!  They hype the move to Monday.

Non-Title: Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara.  Daffney’s music is awesome.  Apparently a former TNA Champion is returning tonight.  I guess that’s who Bischoff was talking to.  Tara beats up Daffney and hits a sidewalk slam out of a fireman’s carry for 2.  Daffney hits an European uppercut and a chop.  Tara back body drops her.  Tara almost has a wardrobe malfunction.  Daffney gets the advantage and works Tara’s hair.  That never ceases to amuse me.  When a guy has long hair, his opponent doesn’t attack it.  Daffney sends Tara to the floor and rams her into the guardrail.  Daffney pulls a toolbox from under the ring and hits Tara with it for the DQ in 2:21.  Daffney continues to assault Tara and screams at the referee.  Daffney traps Tara under a piece of the barricade and beats it with a chair.  Dr. Stevie finally pulls her away.  Good angle.

Mick Foley goes into Bischoff’s office.  Bischoff was pleased with the PPV match.  He has people there to make him some new gear.  They’re going shopping, courtesy of “ATM Eric.”  They leave.  Bischoff calls someone to send Abyss into his office.

Kevin Nash is in the house!

Orlando Jordan comes out with his bi-sexual lovers.  Joe’s music hits, but before he comes out they show Bischoff bitching at him for losing on Sunday.

Orlando Jordan (w/ bi-sexual lovers) vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan tries to jump Joe, but Joe kicks his ass.  Joe decapitates Jordan with a leg lariat for 2.  Jordan hits a big spinebuster and puts the boots to Joe.  Jordan hits a swinging neckbreaker, drops some elbows, and hits a knee drop for 2.  Joe makes a comeback with clotheslines and back body drop.  Joe sets him up in Muscle Buster position, but beats the crap out of him instead of hitting the move.  The referee gets onto Joe.  Jordan hits a swank neckbreaker for the pin in 3:25.  Joe’s pissed.

Abyss talks to Jeremy Borash.  He’s worried about what Bischoff wants with him.

Bischoff bitches out Abyss for the same reason he praised Foley earlier.  Bischoff says there’s nobody here to protect Abyss, so he’s going to take his mask.  Abyss begs him not to.  Bischoff says he’s going to do it later tonight, and he’s got security posted to make sure Abyss doesn’t leave the building.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  Young says Kevin Nash is going to address Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac in the ring tonight.

Video of the Monday announcement again.

Bischoff walks into wherever the hell Jeff Jarrett is with the barbed wire bat.  Bischoff tells Jarrett to use the bat tonight in his match with Abyss.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, The Motor City Machine Guns, & Brian Kendrick vs. Amazing Red, Generation Me, & Kazarian.  Kaz is back!  Williams jumps Kazarian to start.  Kazarian drops him.  Williams tags in Kendrick.  Kazarian kicks his ass.  The bell randomly rings again.  Generation Me double teams Kendrick.  Shelley tags in and hits an awesome crucifix hold on the dark haired one for 2.  Sabin tags in.  Guns double team the dark haired one (Taz says it’s Max).  Max tags in Red, who has an awesome bit with Sabin.  Red plants Sabin with a DDT.  Shelley saves.  Sabin knees Red in the gut and tags in Williams.  Williams drops Red and goes up top, but Red takes him down with a spin kick.  Tag to Kazarian, who runs wild on Williams.  Kazarian hits a spinning neckbreaker on Williams.  Kendrick saves.  Awesome clusterfuck ensues.  Guns try to double team Kazarian, but Red takes down down.  Red takes out the Guns with a dive to the outside.  Kazarian fights off Kendrick and hits a springboard DDT on Williams for the pin in 4:09.  Awesome little spot fest.

Abyss is trying to escape the building.  Referee Slick Johnson tells him he has a match.  Abyss wants to leave, not wrestle.  Abyss vs. Jarrett is NEXT!

Monday announcement for the trillionth time.

Abyss vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett still gets no music, and he has the barbed wire bat instead of a guitar.  They lock up.  Abyss drops Jarrett with a shoulder block.  Jarrett tries to get something going, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Jarrett counters the Shock Treatment and rocks Abyss with an enzuigiri.  Jarrett dropkicks Abyss and does the punches in the corner.  Abyss stops it with an inverted atomic drop.  Jarrett clotheslines Abyss out of the ring.  Jarrett pulls a chair out of the front row.  I know I asked this at the PPV, but why are there empty seats in the front row?  Abyss cuts Jarrett off and rams Jarrett into the chair.  Abyss brings the chair back into the ring and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Abyss doesn’t like touching the bat.  Back into the ring.  Double clothesline spot.  Eric Bischoff comes out to the stage to watch.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Jarrett comes off the middle rope, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Jarrett avoids an elbow drop and hits Abyss with some punches.  Jarrett hits the Stroke, then hits it again into the chair from earlier.  Jarrett makes eye contact with Bischoff and picks up the bat.  Abyss begs off and Jarrett has second thoughts.  Jarrett throws the bat down.  Bischoff says he knew he couldn’t trust Jarrett.  He sends out Raven, Tomko, Homicide, Rhino, and Desmond Wolfe to jump Abyss and Jarrett.  It’s a no-contest in 7:33.  They hold Abyss.  Bischoff is about to rip his mask off when Hulk Hogan comes out.  Hogan tells Abyss to get to his office.  Oh, the match was fun while it lasted.  Abyss and Hogan leave.

Moments ago, all of that stuff happened.

Abyss is headed to Hogan’s office, flanked by security.

The British Invasion (Brutus Magnus & TNA Global Champion Rob Terry) vs. Beer Money.  They finally acknowledge Terry’s title win on the recent UK tour.  Storm and Magnus go at it.  Storm slaps Magnus HARD.  Terry clotheslines Storm from the apron.  Brits double team Storm while the referee keeps Roode out.  Terry hits a running powerslam on Storm.  Magnus tags back in and covers for 2.  Magnus tags Terry back in.  Oh, so Magnus wants Terry to do the work and take the glory for himself.  Magnus tags back in.  Storm kicks his ass and tags in Roode.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Magnus.  Terry comes in and gets double suplexed by Beer Money.  BEER!  MONEY!  They double clothesline Terry out of the ring.  Storm takes him out with a dive.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Magnus and Roode gets the pin in 2:48.  Magnus blames Terry for the loss.  He bitches Terry out, slaps him, and says the belt belongs to him.  Terry kicks his ass and takes his belt back.

Kevin Nash is backstage, looking angry.

Abyss is waiting on Hogan.  Hogan comes in yells at Abyss, yells at Bischoff to not come in, and yells at Abyss some more.  Hogan says he’s tired of Abyss being afraid of his own shadow.  Hogan gives Abyss his Hall of Fame ring, which is supposed to give Abyss Hogan’s power.  Silly, but kind of fun.  Abyss puts the ring on and feels the power!

Daniels vs. Kurt Angle.  Daniels jumps Angle at the bell and kicks his ass.  The referee pulls him off, and he jumps back on the attack.  Repeat.  Angle fights back, but Daniels drops him with a palm thrust for 2.  Daniels tries a sunset flip, but Angle locks him in the ankle lock for the victory on 1:06.  Does it still count as a squash if Daniels got 90% of the offense?

Angle takes the mic and addresses Mr. Anderson.  He’s mad at Anderson for spitting on his over sized dog tag at the PPV.  Angle talks about the hard year he had last year.  The dog tag means a lot to him because a soldier gave it to him.  He’s gonna fuck Ken Anderson’s shit up for spitting on America.  Or something like that.  He says he’ll see Anderson in hell.  Anderson comes out.  Commercials.

Anderson makes fun of Angle for whining.  He says he liked making Angle bleed.  Angle goes up the ramp and brawls with Anderson.  Anderson smashes Angle in the head with the microphone and welcomes him to Total Nonstop Anderson… ANDERSON!

JB tries to interview Samoa Joe as he’s leaving the building, but Joe has nothing to say.  A white van pulls up and a bunch of masked guys kidnap Joe.  The fuck?

Tenay and Taz agree with my sentiment.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young come out.  Nash stares at the camera and addresses Hall and Waltman.  Kind of creepy, as he said he bought a black suit 10 years ago because he knew he’d end up putting one of them in the ground.  He calls them out.  They come in through the crowd.  Young jumps Pac and they brawl on the outside.  Hall throws his toothpick and Nash and Nash kicks his ass.  Security breaks it up.  Hogan comes out and stands on the stage.  Nash says “Next week, it’s on.”

Very good show, and I haven’t said that about Impact in a very long time.