Archive for Slammiversary

TNA Slammiversary 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  Cool opening music video.  Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to the Palace of Auburn Hills for the 7th Anniversary of TNA!  We’re kicking things off tonight with the X Division Championship!

It’s a King of the Mountain Ladder Match.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a reverse ladder match where you have to hang the belt up to win.  You have to win a fall by pin or submission to eligible to hang the belt, and if you get pinned or submit, you have to spend 2 minutes in the penalty box.  Simple enough, right?  Curtis Granderson from the Detroit Tigers is the special guest belt holder for this match.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Suicide (c) vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley vs. Consequences Creed vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  The Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences all want to unmask Suicide, so it’s 4 on 1 to start.  Being just outside of Detroit, the crowd is very pro-Guns.  Suicide pins Lethal about 2 minutes in after nailing everyone with the ladder, so he’s eligible.  Guns and Creed triple team Suicide while Lethal waits it out in the penalty box.  Suicide either botches a monkey flip or hits a revere lung blower on Shelley for a pin, so Shelley is sent to the penalty box while Lethal is released.  Sabin throws a chair at Suicide.  Lethal hits a Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair.  Lethal and Sabin fight over who is going to make the cover.  All 3 guys pile up on Suicide and pin him.  Lethal was on bottom, so he is the one who is eligible.  Guns and Lethal Consequences dance, then the Guns attack them.  Guns show their usual awesome teamwork against Lethal Consequences.  Sabin is knocked to the outside, then Creed gets a pin on Shelley after the TKO.  Suicide is released as Shelley is sent back to the box.  Lethal Consequences double team Suicide.  Sabin comes back in and goes for the Cradle Shock on Suicide, but gets counter and monkey flipped onto a ladder.  Lethal holds Suicide on the outside for Creed to hit a somersault plancha.  Suicide, Lethal, and Creed fight up the aisle.  Sabin runs up the ladder to the box and hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  That was awesome.  Shelley is released and starts climbing the ladder, even though he doesn’t have the belt and isn’t eligible anyway.  Sabin lets Shelley pin him.  Shelley goes up with the belt, but Suicide hits a missile dropkick on the ladder.  Creed whips Suicide face first into the ladder.  Lethal balances on the ladder, which is set up on the turnbuckle.  Suicide front suplexes Creed onto the ladder, which slingshots Lethal into a nasty bump.  Sabin is released from the box and pins Lethal after a sick tornado DDT.  Everyone is eligible to hang the belt now.  Creed hits a move on Lethal, then Shelley hits a move on Creed.  Suicide hits a jumping DDT on Shelley.  Sabin hits the Cradle Shock on Suicide, then tries to hang the belt.  Suicide stops him.  Sabin takes him out and goes for it again, but Lethal makes it back in and backdrops him off the ladder.  Shelley hits a frog splash on Lethal, then superkicks Suicide.  Shelley lays out the ladder between the ring and the barricade.  Creed lands a kick on Shelley to send him out of the ring, then slams Suicide.  Lethal goes up top, but Sabin stops him.  Suicide dropkicks Sabin off the apron and onto the ladder.  Shelley hits a dive onto Suicide that the camera misses.  Lethal hits an elbow onto Sabin, who was still lying across the ladder.  “THIS IS AWESOME” chants.  Shelley and Creed fight on the apron.  Shelley lands a superkick, then the Shiranui on the apron.  Ouch.  Suicide and Shelley trade shots.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui off the cage, but Suicide counters and dropkicks him over the guardrail.  Suicide gets the belt and hangs up the ladder.  Crowd is booing him.  Lethal pushes the ladder over, but Suicide catches the ropes with the Captain Morgan pose and goes to the top of the box.  Shenanigans ensue and the ladder ends up being set up horizontally over the box and Lethal’s back.  Shelley sets up another ladder and goes for it, but Suicide jumps off the horizontal ladder and takes him down with a neckbreaker, then hangs the belt for the win at 23:28.  Really good match.  The lights go out and Suicide disappears.  I wish he’d disappear for good.

Tenay and West run down the rest of the card.

Lauren Brooke says Team 3D haven’t arrived back from Japan yet, then interviews Shane Douglas, followed by a Daniels/Douglas video package.  If Douglas beats Daniels, he gets Daniels’ spot on the roster.  If Douglas loses, he leaves.

“The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. The Daniels formerly known as Christopher.  What the hell happened to Daniels’ first name anyway?  Douglas wrestles in a t-shirt.  Daniels works a headlock.  Douglas bails.  Daniels teases a dive, which Douglas avoids, but Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault.  Douglas works on Daniels’ arm.  Daniels gets a rope break and makes his comeback.  Daniels thinks BME, but Douglas stops him with a kick to the head.  They trade shots.  Douglas goes for the belly to belly, but Daniels drops him with an STO and hits the BME for the win at 8:14.  This wasn’t long enough to be offensive, thankfully.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Mick Foley.  Foley thinks Jeff Jarrett is going to help him retain the title for some reason.

Love/Tara video package.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) vs. Tara.  Tara is Victoria, for anyone who doesn’t know.  Love shows off a little bit, then Tara kicks her ass.  Love bails.  Tara teases a dive, then dropkicks her into the barricade.  The other Beautiful People attack Tara from behind, then throw her back in the ring.  Love schoolgirls her for a quick 2.  Love gets heat on her for a bit, including more interference from Sky and Rayne at ringside.  Tara makes her comeback and hits a spinning slam thing, then goes outside and slaps the shit out of Sky, then Rayne.  Tara goes back in.  Love catches her with a kick, then Sky sprays hair spray on Tara’s face.  Love hits a Flatliner (called the Lights Out) for the win at 6:53.  Not awful, but nothing special.

Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie Richards, Raven, and Daffney.  Raven cuts his usual insane, yet awesome promo, then hugs Stevie and cries.  Monster’s Ball video package.

Monster’s Ball Match: Raven & Daffney (w/ Dr. Stevie) vs. Abyss & Taylor Wilde.  The faces shine early.  Abyss press slams Daffney out of the ring and onto Raven and Stevie, then Wilde dives out onto all 3 of them.  Abyss and Raven go into the crowd.  Daffney jumps in Abyss’ back, so Wilde sandwiches her head with a trash can lid and a cookie sheet.  They all brawl in the crowd.  Wilde jumps off of some speakers or something and splashes Daffney through a table.  Abyss and Raven make it back to the ring.  Abyss pulls out the bag of tacks.  Stevie comes in and nails Abyss with a chair.  Abyss is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Raven hits the drop toe hold onto the chair, but Abyss gets his hands out to protect himself.  Raven breaks a Singapore cane over Abyss’ head.  Raven chokes Abyss with a cane.  Wilde makes the save with a trash can lid shot.  Daffney nails Wilde with a cookie sheet.  Raven hits Abyss a few times with a trash can, then Abyss kicks it into Raven’s face.  Abyss hits Raven with the cane.  Abyss chokeslams Raven, but they totally miss the trash can.  Stevie distracs the ref.  Abyss goes for Stevie.  Stevie holds Abyss for a trash can shot, but Abyss movies and Stevie gets nailed.  Wilde dives off of Abyss’ shoulders onto Raven.  Abyss covers, but Stevie distracts the ref again.  Abyss pours out the tacks.  Daffney tries to attack him.  Wilde throws Daffney onto the tacks and covers, but Stevie saves.  Abyss sets up a chokeslam on the tacks, but Raven hits Abyss with a chair.  DDT on the chair by Raven, but Abyss kicks out.  Raven goes for the DDT on the tacks, but Abyss counters and hits the Black Hole Slam (on the tacks) for the win at 14:09.  Good plunder match.

Borash interviews Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett says he doesn’t want to be World Champion, but he has to take the title from Mick Foley to get his company back.

Sting/Morgan video package.

Sting vs. Matt Morgan.  If Morgan wins, he gets to join the Main Event Mafia. Sting is wearing his old red and black outfit, but with the usual white and black face paint.  That’s odd.  Morgan overpowers Sting to start and fishes out some punishment.  Sting fights back.  Tenay says Team 3D have arrived at the arena.  Morgan overpowers Sting again and gets heat on him for a while.  Sting tries to kick Morgan’s legs out from under him.  Sting manages to drop him with a missile dropkick.  Morgan avoids a Stinger Splash and hits the Carbon Footprint for 2.  Morgan goes for the Hellevator, but Sting counters.  I think he was trying for the Scorpion Death Drop, but they ended up just falling.  Sting hits it, but Morgan kicks out at 2!  Sting kicks him down and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope for the pin at 9:01.  Much better match than I expected.

Bound For Glory is coming to Los Angeles this year!

Lauren interviews AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.  AJ says either he or Joe will win the title tonight and take the company back.  Joe says he’s going to take out Angle… or something.  I kind of spaced out there for a second.

Team 3D/Beer Money video package.  Voice over guy says “Team 3D battles Beer Money for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.”  Of course I’m serious.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: IWGP Tag Team Championship Team 3D (c) vs. Beer Money.  3D have to be jet lagged, as they defended the IWGP Tag Team Championship on a New Japan show the day before.  Storm and Devon start.  Storm gets the better of it at first, then Devon gets some stuff in.  Roode tags in.  They have a little double teaming on Devon, then Bubba tags in against Roode.  Ray connects with a straight kick to Roode’s face.  Who knew he could get his foot up that high?  Roode and Ray go at it hard with a pretty good exchange.  Devon tags in.  Double team on Roode.  Beer Money work over Devon a bit.  Ray gets the lukewarm tag and hits the Bubba Bomb on Roode for 2.  They try to set up the 3D, but Storm prevents it.  Wassup headbutt on Roode.  Devon gets the table.  Wouldn’t they be DQ’d if they used it?  Roode his a spinebuster on Ray for 2.  Tag to Storm.  Double team on Ray.  BEER!  MONEY!  The British Invasion come out.  Williams and Magnus join the commentary team while the big guy just stands there.  Ray makes a comeback and hot tags Devon.  Devon knocks Roode through a loop with a lariat and covers, but Storm saves.  Devon hits a chokeslam of all things on Roode, but Storm saves again.  Inverted 3D for 2.  West does commentary in a British accent.  3D sets up the Doomsday Device on Roode, but he counters out of it.  Storm hits a lung blower on Ray.  Storm hits a Frankensteiner off the top on Devon.  Roode follows with a frog splash, which gets 2.  Ray saves Devon from a double suplex off the top.  They finally get the Doomsday Device on Roode for 2.  Storm accidentally spits beer on Roode’s face.  3D on Roode.  The big guy (Rob Terry?) distracts the referee.  Ray hits a suicide cross body on Magnus and Terry!  Williams gets on the apron.  Devon sends him off through the table.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Devon.  Roode gets the pin at 16:56 to regain the titles.  Good match, everybody was working hard tonight.

Borash interviews Kurt Angle, who is growing out his hair and beard.  He looks odd.  Angle says it’s all about him and Joe tonight, and he’ll walk out as champion again.

King of the Mountain video package.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Mick Foley (c) vs. TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle.  Long entrances and introductions, including a short video package on each participant.  Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey.  As soon as the intros are over, Joe puts on a Detroit Red Wings jersey and kicks Angle’s ass.  Even though it’s no DQ and the match hasn’t started yet, Joe is DQ’d and forced to start the match in the penalty box, while Angle is immediately eligible to hang the belt.  The bell rings.  Jarrett and Styles beat up Angle while Foley just stands on the ladder outside the ring.  Styles and Jarrett both try to pin Angle, but unsuccessfully.  Foley comes in, tries to slam Jarrett, but just falls over and lets Jarrett pin him.  The referee makes two 2 counts, and finally the 3.  The fuck?  Foley goes into the box as Joe is released.  Jarrett is now eligible to hang the belt.  Joe fights with Jarrett in the ring as Styles and Angle fight outside.  Foley apparently just wanted to rest for 2 minutes, even though he hasn’t done anything all match except for the stupid failed slam spot.  Foley is released and goes after Joe.  Joe locks Foley in the Coquina Clutch and chokes him out as the other 3 fight outside.  Joe is eligible and Foley goes back to the box.  Joe suplexes Angle onto the ladder.  Ouch.  The ladder is set up against the turnbuckle and Joe whips Jarrett into it.  Joe tries to hang the belt.  Foley is released from the box and knocks the ladder over.  Joe falls on the ladder in a very painful looking way.  That ladder is done.  Foley puts the boots to Joe.  Styles comes in and goes after him, but Foley drops him.  Foley whips Joe into the ladder, then charges, but Joe hiptosses Foley onto the ladder.  Jarrett tries to climb the destroyed ladder, thinks better of it, and throws it out of the ring at Angle.  Jarrett brings in another ladder and goes for the win, but Angle comes back in and lands a low blow.  Angle kicks Foley’s ass a bit, then gets his ass kicked by Styles.  Angle goes for a German on Styles, who lands on his feet.  Cool.  Styles goes for a tornado DDT, but Angle counters and suplexes Styles on the ladder.  Jarrett grabs the acoustic equalizer and goes for the el kabong, but Angle kicks him in the gut and locks on the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs the guitar, gets out of the hold, and nails Angle with the erstwhile instrument.  Jarrett goes for the win.  Foley climbs up and tells Jarrett to give him the belt.  They trade punches, then Styles springboard dropkicks the ladder to send them both crashing down.  Foley and Styles end up on top of the penalty box.  Foley goes for a suplex.  AJ fights him off with headbutts and goes for his own suplex.  Foley blocks it and throws AJ into the ring with an impressive bump.  Joe locks the choke on Jarrett, but Jarrett hits a jawbreaker out of it and hits the Stroke onto the ladder.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Jarrett and covers.  Kick out, but Foley comes off the box with an elbow drop on Angle!  Foley gets the pin, so no everybody by AJ is eligible.  Foley goes to hang the belt, but AJ comes in and hits him in the back with the Legends belt.  AJ kicks Foley off the ladder.  Styles and Joe double team Foley.  AJ lands the Pele kick that sends Foley to the outside, then Joe elevates Styles out of the ring to take out Foley in an impressive suicide dive.  Styles gets a pin on Foley that the camera misses, so now everyone is eligible.  Jarrett hits Joe with the ladder.  Angle is released from the box as Foley is sent in.  Jarrett goes to hang the belt, but AJ climbs up to stop him.  Angle tries to pull Jarrett down.  They drop the belt.  Jarrett dives at Angle, but Angle drives him to the mat.  Joe and Styles fight.  Joe drops him with the big kick.  Foley is released and goes after Styles.  Foley nails him with the belt, then Joe lands his kick on Foley.  Joe goes up the ladder with the belt.  AJ grabs his boot and pulls him down and ends up with the belt around his neck.  Styles tries to climb the ladder, but Joe pulls him down.  Styles whips Joe, who dives through the ropes onto Jarrett and Foley.  Angle comes in and goes for the Angle Slam on Styles, but Styles counters into the Styles Clash.  AJ looks to have it won, but Joe comes in and powerbombs him off the ladder.  Joe goes up with the belt.  Angle climbs up the other side.  Joe hands Angle the belt!  Angle hangs the belt for the win at 22:04.  Joe and Angle hug.  Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Sharmell appear on stage to applaud Angle.  Has Joe joined the Main Event Mafia?  Oh, and I thought the match turned out pretty good too.

Pretty good show all together, one of TNA’s better PPV offerings of late.

TNA iMPACT! 6/17/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 18, 2010 by Grappleholic

Here we go again…

Slammiversary highlights.

“Anderson’s Agenda”

Eric Bischoff announces that The Band has been stripped of the TNA World Tag Team Championship because of Scott Hall being a fuck up.  A tournament will start tonight, with the winners facing the Motor City Machine Guns at Victory Road.  Why is the Band being stripped of the titles when they still have 2 members to defend them?

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Round 1: The Band vs. Ink Inc.  The Band jump Ink Inc. before they can even get in the ring.  They’re understandably pissed about this BS, I presume.  Nash and Young take turns beating on Neal.  Young hits the diving elbow drop on Neal for 2.  Moore finally gets the hot tag and runs wild on Young.  Moore hits a spinning kick for 2.  Young Flair flips in the corner and tries to go up top, but Moore cuts him off.  Moore decks Nash on the apron, then hits a half assed top rope Frankensteiner on Young.  Cover, but Nash saves.  Nash tries to set up Moore for the powerbomb, but Neal spears him.  Neal lifts Young in a fireman’s carry and Moore comes off the top with a neckbreaker.  Moore gets the pin in Young in 6:06.  This was pretty meh.

Tenay and Taz talk about what went down at Slammiversary.  Tonight, Abyss vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy in a #1 Contender Match.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, and Kazarian come out to the stage.  Flair’s gonna make an announcement NEXT!  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Chelsea tells Abyss she wants to be with him now.  Abyss tells her to go back to Desmond.  He says she won’t want to be around him after tonight.

Ric Flair and friends are now in the ring.  He announces that their new group is called Fortune.  He then proceeds to tell his new group how much better the Four Horsemen were than them.  He calls Desmond the Lex Luger of the group.  BURN!  He bitches at Styles for losing to Jay Lethal.  Lethal comes out SUITED UP!  Lethal does his fantastic Flair impersonation.  Flair takes off his jacket and throws a shoe at Lethal.  Who throws a shoe, honestly?  Lethal beats up his jacket in response.  They have a Flair Off.  This is hilarious.  Desmond challenges Lethal to a match tonight.  Lethal retorts with something about Chelsea and agrees to the match.  Flair wants to fight Lethal.  Flair tells Wolfe to take care of business tonight or he’s out of Fortune.

Lacey Von Erich gets a massage.

Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Hardy TONIGHT!

Mr. Anderson arrives at the building.  Some dude annoys him with stupid questions.

Hernandez vs. Samoa Joe.  They lock up.  Joe hammers Hernandez with a flurry of punches and stomps.  Joe rocks Hernandez with a big kick.  Hernandez tries to fight back, but Joe drops him again.  Hernandez finally makes a comeback.  Hernandez sends Joe outside.  Matt Morgan comes in behind the referee’s back and hits Hernandez in the balls.  Joe hits an Exploder for the pin in 3:04.  This was lame.  As Joe is leaving, he sees Morgan’s interference replayed in the screen.  He comes back to kick some ass, but Morgan runs away.

AJ Styles talks to Desmond Wolfe backstage.  He tells him to get his woman in line.

Jeff Hardy talks backstage.  Mr. Anderson comes in, just to establish that they’re “good friends” now.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams cuts a promo in the ring.  He says he’s redefined the X Division, or something.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. Max Buck.  Williams displays his superior wrestling skills.  Buck displays his superior flippyness.  Williams hits a snap, side, and Exploder suplex in quick succession for 2.  Williams goes for his tornado DDT, but Buck avoids it and hits a Diamond Dust for 2.  Williams lands a European uppercut and the jumping tornado DDT for the pin in 2:56.  Decent match while it lasted.  Williams locks in a cravat hold after the match.  Brian Kendrick runs in and locks Williams in a cobra clutch.

Jeff Jarrett/Sting video.  They’ll have some kind of confrontation tonight.

They show the unveiling of JAKK’s new TNA action figure line.

The returning Angelina Love cuts a promo in the ring.  She’s going to beat all of the Beautiful People one by one leading to a title match at the PPV, apparently.

Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Lacey Von Erich.  Love jumps Lacey immediately and kicks her ass.  Lacey gets a move in and hurts Love’s nose.  Love gets pissed.  Lacey beats on her for a bit and does the corner punches, but Love powerbombs her.  Love goes outside and roughly removes So Cal Val from her chair and brings the chair into the ring.  Love DDTs Lacey on the chair and gets DQ’d in 2:42.  This sucked and was pointless.

Jay Lethal talks to Hulk Hogan backstage.  I hate this stupid, poorly shot backstage segments that are supposed to make it look more real.

Still to come, Jarrett calls out Sting and Abyss vs. Anderson vs. Hardy.

ShopTNA.com!

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.  Mr. Anderson interrupts because they’re best buddies now.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Round 1: Team 3D vs. Beer Money.  3D are not getting alone after what happened at the PPV.  Storm is rolling on the Boozer Cruiser again!  Devon and Roode start.  Roode avoids a leg drop and hits the Mr. Perfect head snap.  Devon avoids a charge in the corner and hits a clothesline.  Ray tags in.  3D hit a double team move on Roode for 2.  The crowd’s “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG!” chant distracts Bubba.  Storm tags in and gets the advantage.  Ink Inc. come out to join Tenay and Taz.  3D double team Storm.  Beer Money double team Devon.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Ray comes in and all 4 brawl.  3D hit the Doomsday Device on Roode.  Devon covers for 2.  3D set up the 3D, but Ray realizes that Ink Inc. are at the announce table and leaves to go brawl with them.  Storm spits beer on Devon’s face and Roode schoolboys Devon for the pin in 4:14.  This was okay.

Desmond Wolfe tells Chelsea to get her ass in line, in so many words.  Commercials.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Jay Lethal.  As Lethal poses on the turnbuckles, Wolfe pushes him out the ring.  This somehow starts the match.  Tommy Dreamer is in the crowd again.  Wolfe yells at Chelsea.  Lethal fights back and the screen is obscured by live event graphics.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court, then yells at Chelsea some more.  Chelsea starts to leave, then trips on the ramp because she has no coordination at all.  Lethal comes up the ramp and kicks Wolfe’s ass back the ring as Chelsea makes her escape.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow.  Wolfe sends him into the middle turnbuckle.  Lethal ducks a shot and hits his backdrop neckbreaker for the pin in 2:16.  This was more of an angle than a match.  Dreamer applauds Lethal.  Wolfe jumps Lethal after the match and attacks his arm.  Ric Flair comes down and chops Lethal while Wolfe holds him up.  Flair hits Lethal in the balls.  Hulk Hogan comes out to run off the heels and raises Lethal’s hand.  Hogan puts over Lethal and calls for Flair to come back out.  Hogan books Flair vs. Lethal at Victory Road.  Flair is upset about this for some reason.

Sting is coming down from his club house.  Something with him and Jeff Jarrett is next.

New Top 10 rankings: #10 Kurt Angle, #9 Desmond Wolfe, #8 The Pope, #7 Jay Lethal, #6 Samoa Joe, #5 Sting, #4 AJ Styles.  The three-way tonight will determine the top 3.  These rankings are arbitrary and pointless.

Jeff Jarrett calls out Sting.  Sting comes out.  Jarrett asks him to take his sunglasses off, presumably so they can stare lovingly at each other.  Jarrett talks history for a while, then says Sting made a mistake by leaving him standing.  Actually, Jarrett was very much not standing.  Jarrett says their rematch is next week and he’ll be fighting for Hogan, Bischoff, and the fans.  Oh whatever.  Commercials.

Three-Way TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Ken Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy and Anderson work together to take out the big guy.  Abyss catches Hardy trying the do the Poetry In Motion, but Anderson cuts him off from doing anything.  They also stop Abyss from hitting a double chokeslam.  Anderson and Hardy hit a double suplex.  Hardy and Anderson argue over who is going to get the pin.  Abyss clotheslines them both.  Anderson punches Abyss to no effect.  Abyss squashes Anderson in the corner and charges Hardy in the opposite corner, but Hardy avoids him and hits the Whisper In the Wind.  Hardy sends Abyss to the outside  and fights to keep him out there.  Anderson teases attacking Hardy from behind, but goes after Abyss instead.  Hardy takes out Abyss with a dive.  Anderson grounds and pounds Abyss.  The referee counts all 3 of them out in 3:52.  That’s fucking retarded.  Abyss starts beating the hell out of both of them.  Abyss throws Hardy and Anderson back in the ring, then sends Hardy right back out for no reason.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson.  Abyss attacks Hardy with a Singapore cane, then pours broken glass in the ring.  He canes the crap out of Anderson.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam onto the glass.  Geeze!  Poor Anderson.  That shit can’t be fun.  Hardy tries to fight back against Abyss in the ramp, but Abyss chokeslams him off the stage.  Hulk Hogan comes out and is like “WTF man?”  Abyss points at Hogan.  End of show.  Lovely, yet another nonsensical heel turn in TNA.

This show sucked.  This promotion sucks.  I don’t know why I force myself to suffer through it every week.

TNA Slammiversary VIII

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

The sixth annual Slammiversary, Slammiversary XVIII!  No, that’s not a typo.  It is the 8th anniversary of TNA, but the first Slammiversary was in 2005.

Opening video package highlighting the history of TNA, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kazarian vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle takes Kazarian down with a side headlock.  They do some running and jumping around.  Kazarian hits a pair of arm drags.  They trade arm locks.  The crowd chants “USA!”  Both of these guys are Americans.  Kazarian hits a springboard dropkick.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Kazarian kicks him in the balls.  The referee wants to DQ Kazarian, but Angle tells him not to.  Kazarian goes on the attack.  He throws Angle out of the ring and hits a slingshot hilo.  Back inside, Kazarian hits his slingshot leg drop for 2.  Kazarian applies a front face lock.  Kazarian hits a clothesline, then chokes Angle with his shin.  Angle fights back and hits a release German suplex.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO, YAY!” responses from the crowd.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Kazarian counters a move and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Angle hits a powerbomb for 2, then goes for the ankle lock.  Kazarian rolls through with a front cradle for 2.  Kazarian hits a dropkick for 2.  Kazarian goes up top.  Angle springs up and hits an arm drag for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam.  Kazarian rolls through it, but Angle rolls through the roll through and goes for the ankle lock again.  Kazarian escapes and hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans again.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam again and gets countered again.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver!  Fucking ouch.  Angle kicks out!  Angle fights back, but eats a lariat for 2.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes up top, but Kazarian powerbombs him out of the corner and puts his feet on the ropes for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver again, but Angle counters and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 14:14.  Very good opener.

Tenay and Taz talk about the anniversary of TNA.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.   The crowd is pro-Kendrick.  They chant “YOU’RE A WANKER!” at Williams.  Good back and forth wrestling to start.  Williams sends Kendrick to the floor and follows him out.  Williams avoids Kendrick, who crashes into the barricade, then backdrop suplexes him on the floor.  They trade blows back in the ring.  Williams hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Williams applies a bow & arrow lock, turns it into a pinning predicament for 2, the applies a cravat headlock.  Kendrick tries a springboard, but Williams avoids him by going outside.  Kendrick connects with a dive.  Back inside, Kendrick hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Kendrick hits a running knee strike for 2.  Another kick and another 2 count by Kendrick.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh, then hits a lariat.  Kendrick tries a sunset flip, but Williams sets on him for 2.  They do a cradle reversal bit.  Williams hits a snap suplex and a side suplex, then an Exploder for 2.  Kendrick slaps Williams.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Kendrick bits his hand.  Williams hits a jumping tornado DDT for the pin in 9:35.  Good little match.  The announcers put over Williams being a hypocrite for using a top rope move to win.

Christy Hemme talks to Eric Bischoff (w/ Miss Tessmacher).  Bischoff is rooting for RVD tonight.

Knockouts Tale of the Tape.  Roxxi and Madison Rayne come out for the match.  Madison cuts a promo that the crowd hates.  She challenges Roxxi to put her career on the line.  Roxxi agrees, then Madison hits her in the head with the mic.

TNA Knockouts Championship vs. Roxxi’s Career: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Roxxi.  Rayne covers for off of the pre-match microphone shot.  Roxxi is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Roxxi fights back.  Polish hammer gets 2.  Rayne knocks Roxxi to the outside.  Roxxi is bleeding heavily.  Roxxi rams Rayne into the turnbuckle, then heads up top, but Rayne pulls her down.  Cover gets 2.  Rayne applies an arm hold.  Roxxi connects with an enzuigiri.  Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop, but Rayne kicks out at 2.  Roxxi hits it again, but Rayne falls out of the ring.  Rayne comes back in and hits her move (the reverse Playmaker thing) for the pin in 4:16.  It was fine.  The last minute stip was random.

Brother Ray/Jesse Neal video package.  They come out for the match.  Ray calls for Brother Devon to come out.  Shannon Moore also comes out.  Brother Ray apologized to everyone for being a douchebag.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG!”  Moore leaves as Ray puts Neal over.  Ray apologizes again and hugs Neal.  Team 3D raise Neal’s hands.  As they head up the ramp, Ray decks Neal from behind and throws him into the ring.

Jesse Neal vs. Brother Ray.  Devon is like “WTF?” as he’s held back by security.  Ray kicks Neal in the face.  Moore comes back out.  The referee tells everyone to leave.  Neal tries to fight back, but Ray kicks his ass.  Neal finally makes a comeback and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb.  Tommy Dreamer walks through the crowd.  Ray gets distracted, but avoids Neal’s spear.  Neal avoids a diving senton and spears Bubba for the pin in 5:53.  Not much of a match.  Ray is pissed.

Christy Hemme interviews Hernandez.

Matt Morgan/Hernandez video package.  Morgan comes out in street clothes and a neck brace.  He says he can’t wrestle tonight because Hernandez jumped him from behind “again.”  He gives the referee a doctor’s note.  Morgan tries to leave, but Hernandez jumps him and throws him in the ring.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez.  Hernandez chokes Morgan with a towel.  Hernandez politely sits the referee on the top rope to keep him out of the way.  Morgan begs off, then sends Morgan to the outside.  Morgan hits a shitty discus lariat.  Morgan beats up Hernandez for a little while.  Hernandez makes his comeback.  He rips Morgan’s shirt off and chokes him with it.  The referee tries to make him stop.  Hernandez tires of this shit and tosses the referee across the ring.  The ref DQ’s Hernandez in 5:19.  Hernandez tries to kick Morgan’s head into the post like Morgan did to him a few months ago, but Morgan pulls the ref in front of him.  Morgan runs away.  Earl Hebner runs out to check on the original referee, his son Brian.  Another promising match turning into a stupid angle.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan, who is also rooting for RVD tonight.

Monster’s Ball Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Chelsea is back with Wolfe even though Abyss won her for 30 days 28 days ago.  So not only is Vince Russo a horrible booker, he also can’t count.  Abyss throws a bunch of weapons into the ring.  Wolfe swings a Singapore cane, but Abyss ducks it and kicks his ass.  Wolfe kicks a chair into Abyss.  Wolfe wedges the chair between the top and middle turnbuckles, then wails on Abyss with the Singapore cane.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss brings in a barbed wire board from under the ring.  Abyss sends Wolfe into the chair between the turnbuckles.  Abyss goes outside to get a trash can.  Wolfe kicks the middle rope into his balls on the way back in, then hits him with the trash can a couple of times.  Wolfe looks in a trash can and finds a teddy bear wrapped in barbed wire.  Awesome.  Abyss rams into Wolfe in the corner, then gives the barbed wire bear to Chelsea.  Abyss pours broken glass into the ring.  Wolfe says “Fuck this” and bails. using Chelsea was a shield.  Wolfe cheap shots Abyss with the Singapore cane, then chokes him with it.  They fight up to the announcers’ table.  Wolfe tries to hit Abyss with the cane again, but Abyss chokeslams him through the platform the announce table is on.  Abyss carries Wolfe back to the ring and covers, but Wolfe gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Abyss lays out the barbed wire board and tries to set up a superplex, but Wolfe hits a sunset flip powerbomb.  Cover gets 2.  Wolfe tees off with the Singapore cane again.  Abyss ducks a shot and hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss’ arms are cut up from the barbed wire.  Wolfe attacks the arm, then hits Abyss in the back of the head with the cane.  Abyss falls face first into the broken glass.  Chelsea looks concerned or disgusted.  Wolfe covers for 2.  Crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  It’s not.  Wolfe calls for Chelsea’s purse.  He’s mad that the brass knuckles aren’t in it.  Chelsea throws the knuckles to Abyss.  Abyss decks Wolfe with the knuckles, then hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 11:46.  Okay for a garbage match.

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champon, Rob Van Dam.

Ric Flair/Jay Lethal/AJ Styles video package.

AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal chops Styles.  Styles bails.  Back inside, Styles works a side headlock.  Lethal turns it into a head scissors.  Styles turns it back into a headlock.  Styles kicks Lethal in the knee.  They trade chops.  Lethal hits a monkey flip, but Styles lands on his feet.  Lethal takes Styles down and lands a basement dropkick.  Lethal hits a backbreaker for 2.  Lethal hits a spinning head scissors.  Styles bails.  Lethal dives, but Styles slips back into the ring to avoid it.  Styles goes for a dive, but Lethal avoids it and pulls Styles down, causing Styles to smack his face on the apron.  Flair checks on Styles.  Back inside, Lethal ducks a chop and chops Styles.  Styles counters a head scissors attempt by crotching Lethal on the top rope.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  Some other stuff happens.  Lethal hits a dropkick for 2.  Styles hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Styles sends Lethal outside.  Flair chokes Lethal with his jacket.  Back inside, Styles covers for 2.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash and some running elbows.  Lethal hits a diving kick and a moonsault body block for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal tries to springboard, but Styles catches him and hits a fireman’s carry into a neckbreaker across the knee for 2.  Flair argues with Earl Hebner.  Lethal ducks a discus lariat and hits a backdrop into a neckbreaker for 2.  Styles locks Lethal in the figure-four leglock.  Nothing comes of that.  Styles hits a brainbuster for 2.  Styles for the Styles Clash, but Lethal counters and hits a release Dragon suplex.  Cover, but Flair puts Styles’ foot on the bottom rope.  Lethal locks Styles in the figure-four.  Lethal hits a backbreaker and goes for the diving elbow drop, but Styles avoids it.  Styles hits the Pele kick.  Styles tries to climb to the top, but slips and hits his face ont he top turnbuckle.  He tries a half assed something, but Lethal catches him with a half assed Northern Lights suplex hold for the pin in 17:10.  Very good match, but the finish was kind of weird.  Flair yells at Styles.  Kazarian runs out to try to make peace.  Flair and Kazarian leave Styles behind.

Sting cuts a promo up in his clubhouse.

Hardy & Anderson/Beer Money video package.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson.  They decide that their team is called “Extreme Enigmatic Assholes.”

Beer Money vs. Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson.  Anderson and Roode start.  Both teams make quick tags early.  Hardy and Anderson hit the old Hardy Boyz double leg drop on Roode at one point.  Anderson and Storm brawl.  Roode low bridges Anderson out of the ring and drives him into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Storm covers for 2.  Storm chokes Anderson.  Beer Money double team Anderson.  Anderson catches Storm with a clothesline and makes the tag to Hardy.  Hardy runs wild.  Front suplex on Roode.  Storm saves.  Anderson comes in just to get sent outside by Storm.  Beer Money hit the catapult into the DDT on Hardy.  Roode covers Hardy for 2.  Storm sets up the superkick, but Anderson pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy drops Roode and hits the Swanton Bomb.  Storm pulls the referee out of the ring.  The referee blames Anderson for it, stupidly.  Storm tags in and beats up Hardy.  Beer Money double team Hardy again.  Anderson comes in to save and gets reprimanded by that retarded ref again.  Storm hits a modified DDT OF MURDER on Hardy for 2.  Roode tags in and hits a backbreaker on Hardy for 2.  Anderson gets bitched at for making the save again.  Beer Money keep the heat on Hardy.  BEER!  MONEY!  Hardy inside cradles Storm for 2 while Anderson and Roode argue.  Roode tags in and beats up Hardy.  Hardy misses the Whisper In The Wind.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate out of nowhere.  Anderson gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Lambeau Leap on Roode for 2.  Hardy takes out Storm with a dive, using Anderson as a springboard.  Roode counters the Mic Check and hits a spinebuster, but Hardy saves.  Hardy kicks Roode.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm on Hardy.  Beer Money set up the DWI, but Hardy sends Storm out of the ring and helps Anderson counter it.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Roode for the pin in 13:56.  Pretty good match.  Anderson’s face is bloody.  Anderson and Hardy introduce each other as winners of the match.

RVD/Sting video package.  They say it’s a first time ever match when they technically had a match when RVD debuted in TNA.  Tale of the Tape.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Sting.  They lock up.  Sting takes RVD outside and into the crowd.  They brawl in the crowd, which is a great way to have a match without actually doing anything.  They go back to the ring side of the barricade, then Sting back body drops RVD back into the crowd, giving them an excuse to do more meaningless crowd brawling.  Sting finally brings RVD back in the ring and slowly puts the boots to him.  Sting hits a Stinger Splash for 2.  RVD lands a big kick, some other moves, and his diving kick for 2.  RVD slams Sting and hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  RVD goes for a diving cross body, but Sting moves and referee Earl Hebner takes it.  Sting attacks RVD with his bat.  Jeff Jarrett comes out, takes the bat away, and nails Sting with it a couple of times.  Jarrett leaves.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Sting avoids RVD in the corner.  RVD avoids the Stinger Splash and lands a kick and the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 10:53.  Well this was kind of lame.

Pretty decent show for a TNA PPV, with the worst only being mediocre.

TNA iMPACT! 6/10/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

“Last week on iMPACT!..” music video.

“A Flair For The Dramatic.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Kurt Angle returns to the ring!  Also, they’ll show “never before seen footage” of Sting’s attack on Jeff Jarrett of Sacrifice.  Probably the exact same footage they showed last week, but now it’s never been seen.

AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, Kazarian, and Beer Money come out.  Styles says that he’s in charge in Flair’s absence.  He says they’re in an 8-man tag, then does some first grade math.  He says 5 guys in a group doesn’t work, and makes reference to the Beatles, the Fantastic 4, and the Four Horsemen.  He tries to kick Kazarian out of the group.  Jay Lethal comes out, this week playing the role of Ric Flair.  He does do a great Flair impersonation.  Lethal introduces his team for the 8-man tag: Abyss and Mr. Anderson.  Styles notes that that’s only 3.  Lethal says Abyss counts as 2.  The faces rush the ring and brawl with the 5 heels.  To the shock of absolutely no one, Jeff Hardy makes the save (running in through the crowd).  Man, this show is horribly written.

Weird backstage video promo with Brian Kendrick.

Brian Kendrick vs. Homicide.  Yes, Homicide is still employed.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out to do commentary.  They lock up.  Homicide lands some punches that Kendrick sells like shotgun blasts.  Kendrick fights back.  Homicide goes for the Cop Killa, but Kendrick counters.  Homicide beats up Kendrick some more.  Homicide hits an Exploder for 2.  Homicide hits a Michinoku Driver II for 2.  Homicide continues beating up Kendrick.  Homicide unwraps his wrist tape to use.  The referee takes it away, so Homicide uses the tap from the other wrist to choke Kendrick.  Kendrick makes a comeback.  He knocks Homicide out to the ramp and ramps his head into the ramp.  Homicide empties out a toolbox from under the ring and grabs a screwdriver.  The referee takes it away.  Kendrick kicks Homicide in the face for the pin in 6:02.  Very oddly structured match.  At least Kendrick didn’t do the job right before his PPV title shot.

Ink Inc. and Team 3D are in the back.  Apparently Moore, Devon, and security are trying to hold Ray and Neal back from fighting.

Ink Inc. are in the ring.  Neal calls out Brother Ray.  Team 3D come out.  Agents (including Terry Taylor and Pat Kenney) try to keep order.  Neal accuses Bubba of laying them out and putting cards on them.  Bubba cuts a promo about how great he is and how Neal is nothing, just to show what a big prick he is.  Bubba calls more a bitch.  Moore calls Bubba a bully and a douchebag.  Well, he’s right.  Moore calls Devon Bubba’s puppet.  Devon cuts a promo on Moore, then tells Bubba to get his head straight and leave Neal alone.  Devon leaves.  Ray cheap shots Neal and runs away.

Slammiversary commercial.

They show Sting’s beat down of Jeff Jarrett from Sacrifice.  Fast forward.

Jeff Jarrett comments NEXT!

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are with Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan wants to know who his partner is at Slammiversary.  Bischoff says he has a partner for Morgan and his tag title rematch is next.

Jeff Jarrett talks about Sting destroying him.

Matt Morgan comes out.  Hulk Hogan follows and talks about Morgan being a prick.  He introduces Morgan’s partner, the returning Hernandez.  Hernandez kicks Morgan’s ass.  Hogan joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Hernandez chokes Morgan with his towel.  Hogan books Hernandez vs. Morgan for Slammiversary.  Geeks come out to put Morgan on a stretcher.  Wasn’t there supposed to be a tag title match somewhere in here?  Ah, here comes The Band.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, & Eric Young (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Young pins Morgan on the stretcher in 17 seconds.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Sting jumps RVD from behind and chokes him out, then steals the belt.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

People check on RVD.  He realizes his belt is gone and he’s pissed.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo.  He asked his X Divison friend to wrestle him tonight, and to hold nothing back.

Kurt Angle vs. Amazing Red.  They shake hands and lock up.  Red does his stuff and Angle hangs with him.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex and a European uppercut.  Red side steps Angle and sends him outside.  Red goes for a dive, but Angle avoids it.  Red jumps off the apron and hits a rana.  Back inside, Angle NAILS Red with a clothesline.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Red hits a DDT.  Red hits a jumping DDT for 2.  Angle hits a German suplex.  Red arm drages out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a sick rana head drop and the Red Star Press for 2.  Angle avoids the Infra Red and hits the Angle Slam for the pin in 3:44.  Fun little match.  I wish Angle would stop getting dropped on his head and shit, though.  Angle helps Red up, raises his hand, and hugs him.

Sting talks to or about the World Championship belt.  He has “Deception” written on the belt.

Slammiversary hype video.

RVD goes to look for Sting in his clubhouse, or wherever the fuck Sting hangs out up there.

AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson, Abyss (w/ Chelsea), & Jay Lethal.  Roode and Lethal brawl to start.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash.  All of the faces deck Roode.  Abyss tags in.  Beer Money try to double team Abyss, but get fought off.  Anderson tags in against Storm.  Anderson and Hardy make quick tags and work over Storm’s arm.  Wolfe gets the tag and wrestles with Hardy.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Styles tags in to work over Hardy.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  The heels isolate Hardy on their side of the ring and work him over.  Hardy reverses Wolfe into Beer Money’s boots.  Clusterfuck ensues briefly.  Hardy gets beaten up by the heels.  Double suplex by BEER!  MONEY!  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Roode hits the bottom rope decapitator thing for 2.  Lethal gets the tag, but the referee misses it and doesn’t allow it.  The heels continue beating up Hardy.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker on Styles, then drops him with a kick.  Hardy makes the hot tag to Lethal, who runs wild.  Lethal hits a move on Styles and covers, but Wolfe saves.  Everybody starts hitting signature moves.  Nigel hits the jawbreaker lariat on Abyss, then asks Chelsea for the chair she’s sitting in.  She hesitates, but Wolfe gets the chair.  Abyss punches it into his face.  Styles hits Abyss with the springboard forearm.  Lethal goes for a rana, but Styles catches him and hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 10:50.  Pretty good match.  I’m shocked they actually got some time and it wasn’t mostly commercials.

Sting isn’t in his clubhouse, he’s somewhere else.  Commercials.

RVD shows up at wherever Sting is.  Sting jumps him from behind and kicks his ass.  RVD fights back.  They brawl all over backstage and throw each other into shit.  They eventually make it to the ring.  RVD takes off Sting’s coat and the belt and continues to beat him up.  RVD wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles.  They fight some more.  RVD lands a superkick.  Sting sends RVD’s head into the chair, then hits him in the back with the chair.  Sting says the belt is RVD’s until Sunday.  This whole thing was stupid.

There was some good stuff on this show, but as always, there was a bunch of crap and the writing is just fucking horrible.

TNA iMPACT! 6/3/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

Music video.

“Smoke & Mirrors.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  10 days until Slammiversary.  Tonight, Jay Lethal faces AJ Styles and Frankie Kazarian.  They don’t bother to specify if it’s a Three-Way or a Handicap Match.  Last week, some shit happened.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Sting comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about how confuckled TNA is.  Crowd chants “WHY STING WHY?”  I don’t give a fuck at this point.  The lights go out and a video of Sting beating the fuck out of Jeff Jarrett, Rob Van Dam, and Eric Bischoff plays.  Eric Bischoff comes out with Miss Tessmacher.  Bischoff cuts a promo on Sting.  He says Sting will have a  match tonight, and his opponent is behind him.  It’s Samoa Joe.

Sting vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe jumps Sting and kicks his ass.  Matt Morgan attacks Sting, which the referee is totally cool with.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam makes the save.  He kind of fucks up his springboard kick on Morgan, but manages.  Bischoff comes back out and says later tonight, it’ll be Sting & Morgan vs. RVD & Joe.  This match is presumably a no-contest in like 30 seconds.  I already hate this show.  RVD says it should be a Four-Way instead.  Bischoff says he doesn’t have the authority.  He doesn’t?  Hulk Hogan comes out, puts over RVD’s stroke, and makes the match.  Ugh.

Christy Hemme interviews AJ Styles.  Ah, so the match is a three-way.  He just found out about it.  Well, so did we.  Ric Flair comes in.  Styles complains to him.  Kazarian comes in.  Flair gave him a watch.  Styles is upset by this.

Rosie Lottalove vs. Roxxi.  Rosie is a big woman who dresses naughtily.  Rosie uses her superior size to dominate Roxxi.  Roxxi avoids a running ass to the corner and fights back.  Madison Rayne appears from somewhere and hits Roxxi in the back with the Knockouts Championship belt from the outside.  Rosie takes too long and Roxxi pins her with an inside cradle in 1:44.  Rayne yells at Rosie.  Rosie gives her a choke bomb.  This was stupid.

Jeremy Borash interviews Rosie Lottalove on the ramp.  She’s going to take out the Beautiful People on behalf of ugly people, or something.  She kisses JB.

Styles vs. Kazarian vs. Lethal next.

Three-Way Match: AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal.  Styles goes outside to let Kazarian and Lethal go at it.  They go for a few seconds, then Styles attacks Lethal.  Lethal avoids a blow in the corner and hits a head scissors.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Combination, the Kazarian dropkicks Lethal.  Kazarian and Styles both call to Flair, then argue.  Lethal decks Styles, then bulldogs Kazarian while clotheslining Styles.  Styles backdrops Lethal to the apron.  He goes for a springboard, but Kazarian pushes Styles away and catches Lethal with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Styles hits a backbreaker on Lethal.  They’re playing “Can you top this?”  Kazarian hits a huge hip toss.  They argue and try to set up a double team, but Lethal fights back.  Styles hits the nip up rana on Lethal, which is awesome.  Styles and Kazarian try to work together, but go for opposite suplexes and argue.  Kazarian causes Styles to miss a springboard.  Lethal gets Styles with a reverse cradle for the pin in 4:42.  Flair bitches at Styles.  He tells Styles to go home and regroup.  Kurt Angle appears on the ramp.  Styles mumbles, or something, and leaves.  This was stupid.

Kurt Angle is still in the ring with Ric Flair and Kazarian.  Angle says he’ll face Kazarian at Slammiversary.  Flair is insulted that Angle didn’t address him.  Flair talks about Angle helping his son Reid with amateur wrestling, but pro wrestling is Flair’s world.  Flair says he’s God, which bothers me.  He tells Angle to go away, and threatens to take off his sport coat.  Flair wants Angle to hold the ropes open for him.  Angle does, then throws Flair off the ramp.  Kazarian jumps Angle from behind, just like Angle just did to Flair.  Kazarian throws Angle back in the ring.  Angle makes a comeback and Kazarian bails.  What was the point of this stupid segment?  I hate this show.

In one of those shitty, horribly shot backstage segments, Matt Morgan talks to Sting.  Sting doesn’t reply.

Sting vs. Morgan vs. RVD vs. Joe tonight.

AJ Styles throws a temper tantrum outside the building.  He says he has to kill Jay Lethal, so he’ll challenge him to a match at Slammiversary.

Video of the confusion going on with Ken Anderson lately.

Christy Hemme is in the ring.  She introduces Mr. Anderson.  He checks out her boobs.  She slaps him.  He checks out her ass.  She says “Really?”  He does it just because he’s an asshole.  He says the fans are assholes for hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.  Crowd pops.  They chant “WE ARE ASSHOLES!”  He says it’s going to be himself & Jeff Hardy vs. Beer Money at Slammiversary.  Hardy comes out.  Hardy says Anderson is a funny asshole.  They’re friends now.  Hardy babbles about whatever.  Beer Money come out.  They’re having singles matches tonight.  Roode cuts a long promo about tag teams.  Anderson asks Roode why his hair is always wet and why Storm is wearing sunglasses.  Roode laughs, then decks Anderson.  Everybody brawls.  Security breaks them up.

Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm.  They’re brawling outside when the show comes back on.  Hardy removes the floor padding and hip tosses Storm on concrete.  They finally get inside to start the match.  Storm hits a modified DDT OF MURDER, I think, for 2.  Storm beats up Hardy.  Storm hits a really half assed uranage for 2.  Storm brings a chair in.  The ref takes it away.  That was pointless.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits his shitty clotheslines, which for some reason look better than usual.  Hardy uses the chair as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion for 2.  Hardy hits a front suplex and goes up top.  Storm cuts him off and goes for a Frankensteiner.  Hardy blocks it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Storm spits beer at Hardy and hits the Eye of the Storm for 2.  Good.  That’s got no  impact to be a finish.  Hardy avoids a chair shot and it bounces off the ropes and hits Storm.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton bomb for the pin in 5:56.  This was kind of okay.  Commercials.

Robert Roode vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson looks to be all business.  They lock up.  Roode pushes Anderson into the corner.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO ASSHOLE!”  Anderson clamps on a side headlock.  Roode drops down to avoid something and gets hit in the back.  Roode connects with some punches.  Anderson hits a running back to the back, or something, then a schoolboy for 2.  Roode bails.  Anderson chases him.  The referee gets in Anderson’s way getting back in the ring.  Roode cheap shots Anderson to get the advantage.  Roode works over Anderson.  Anderson fights back and goes for the Mic Check, fails, but back body drops Roode.  Anderson goes for the Lambau Leap, but Roode rakes his eyes.  Kennedy goes for a diving sunset flip, but Roode crushes it and grabs the ropes to get the pin in 4:54.  It was okay.  Anderson calls for his hanging mic.  He says people can only beat him by cheating, because He’s Mr. Asshole.  Or whatever.  I hate this show.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams talks backstage.

Abyss, Rob Terry, and Chelsea are headed our way.

Abyss/Terry vs. Wolfe/Jordan video package.  Seriously.

Desmond Wolfe & Orlando Jordan vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry & Abyss (w/ Chelsea).  Tenay says Wolfe and Chelsea got probation and community service for the false police report thing.  They fuck around, then Wolfe jumps Abyss and attacks the damaged arm.  Jordan tags in and works the arm too.  Abyss fights back and throws Jordan out of the ring “like a pink torpedo.”  Jordan checks out Chelsea, then shakes his head.  She slaps him.  Wolfe bitches at both of them.  Abyss beats up Wolfe.  Jordan has Rob Terry pasties on his nipples this week.  Terry beats up Jordan.  Terry hits the Freak Buster for the pin in 2:52.  This blew.  Shock, right?

Team 3D/Ink Inc. video.  Devon things Bubba is overreacting.

The Four-Way is next.

Jesse Neal is laid out backstage with an Ace of Spades on his chest, just like Shannon Moore was last week?  The fuck?  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Entrances for the main event.  They show Sting’s fucking up of Jeff Jarrett again.  They show Joe costing Morgan the tag titles.  New stupid camera play for RVD’s entrance music, but I love the music.

Non-Title, Four-Way Match: Matt Morgan vs. Sting vs. Samoa Joe vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Morgan and Joe brawl on the inside while Sting and RVD brawl on the outside.  The faces end up clearing the heels out of the ring.  Joe and RVD tease going at it, but Sting and Morgan jump them.  Crowd boos.  I don’t blame them.  I’d dig seeing Joe vs. RVD too.  Joe and Morgan go outside.  RVD hits the Rider kick and the Rolling Thunder on Sting.  Morgan breaks the cover.  Sting and Morgan go at it.  Morgan hits a discus lariat.  Joe breaks the cover.  Joe kicks Sting for 2, as Morgan breaks the cover.  Morgan hits a spinning slam on RVD.  Morgan’s revolving elbows on RVD.  Morgan sees somebody in the crowd.  Who was it supposed to be?  Oh, Hernandez.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Morgan.  RVD hits the Rider kick on Joe, then hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Morgan for the pin in 4:58.  Clunky mess with no flow.  I went back and looked.  It may or may not have been Hernandez.  RVD and Joe go nose to nose.  End of show.

This show sucked.

TNA iMPACT 5/27/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

Let’s just get through this…

“Last week…” video.

“The Enigma And The A-H***.”  They need to stop naming this shitty shows.

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are announcers.  Jeremy Borash is ring announcer.  Tonight, the Beautiful People defend the Knockouts Tag Team title against Taylor Wilde & Sarita, The Band vs. Team 3D vs. Ink Inc., and something with Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy.  Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal, who they seem to be trying to get over.  Sting has been routinely fucking shit up with his bat.

Jeff Hardy comes out and calls out Mr. Anderson.  Anderson talks about confusing people.  This fucking show definitely confuses me.  Anderson says he’s an asshole.  I feel like an asshole for watching this piece of shit.  Anderson wants Jeff to embrace his assholiness.  He sings an asshole song.  This is stupid.  Why do I do this to myself?  AJ Styles, Ric Flair, Beer Money, and Desmond Wolfe come out.  Styles says he has a match with “you” tonight.  He doesn’t specify who “you” is.  We finally figure out that it’s Anderson, who Styles calls “butt munch.”  Anderson wants to introduce himself to Styles.  He has been content with a regular microphone up to this point, but now calls for his hanging mic so he can do his intro.  Anderson Anderson.  End of segment.  I hate myself for watching this show.

Team 3D/Ink Inc. video package.  They’re already in the ring for their match.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Team 3D vs. Ink Inc. vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Band.  Young and Moore start.  Nash and Hall are both on the apron, so I guess it’s 2 on 2 on 3.  Ink Inc. double team Young.  Young fights back and beats up Neal.  Ray blind tags himself in and goes after Neal.  Ray beats up Neal.  Devon tags himself in.  Ray is annoyed.  Devon pushes Neal to his corner to make the tag to Moore.  Moore gets a sunset flip for 2.  Neal tags in.  Brother Ray blind tags in again and clotheslines Ink Inc. in the back of the head.  Ray beats up Neal.  Ray grabs a chair out of the front row.  The Band drops off the apron.  Devon takes the chair away.  Neal spears Ray for the pin in 4:49.  This was stupid.  3D argue.  Ray challenges Neal to a match at Slammiversary.  3D argue some more.

Christy Hemme interviews Kazarian.  Ric Flair comes in.  They’re friends now, apparently.  AJ Styles comes in and says he’s been looking for Flair all day, even though they were JUST TOGETHER ON TV 10 FUCKING MINUTES AGO.

One of those weirdly shot stupid backstage videos with Rob Van Dam talking about Sting.

Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal shines early.  Swank springboard rana by Lethal, followed by a tope suicida.  Lethal continues to shine.  Ric Flair comes out.  Kazarian takes advantage of the distraction to jump all over Lethal.  Kazarian beats up Lethal as Flair looks on approvingly.  Lethal makes his comeback.  Moonsault body block gets 2 for Lethal.  Kazarian hits a jawbreaker.  Lethal rallies and locks in the figure-four leglock.  Flair gets on the apron and encourages Kazarian to get a rope break, which he finally does.  Lethal decks Flair.  Kazarian schoolboys Lethal and grabs a handful of tights for the pin in 4:41.  Decent little match that furthers a storyline without giving me a headache, so I approve.  Flair beats down Lethal.  Lethal makes his own comeback and chops the shit out of Flair.  Flair takes his face bump.  Lethal clears Flair out of the ring.  AJ Styles runs down and jumps Lethal.  Styles and Kazarian start arguing.  Lethal dropkicks them in the arms to send them out of the ring.  Okay, so this turned out a little overbooked, but it’s TNA, so you kinda have to grade on a curve.  I still approve.  Flair berates Styles.

Tonight, RVD calls out Sting!  Also, Styles vs. Anderson!

Shannon Moore is laid out backstage with an Ace of Spades card on his back.  The fuck?

Video of the Abyss/Desmond Wolfe/Chelsea story.

Orlando Jordan comes out with pink stickers on his nipples.  They show his injuring of Rob Terry’s knee last week.

Orlando Jordan vs. Abyss (w/ Chelsea).  The stickers on Jordan’s nipples are of Abyss.  Ugh.  Jordan attacks Abyss’ arm.  Abyss rips the pasty things off and back body drops Jordan.  Jordan avoids Abyss in the corner and Abyss hits the arm that was cut open by a glass bottle last week.  Jordan viciously attacks the arm and rips the bandage off.  One of the pasty things is still attached.  Why do I notice these things?  Abyss makes his comeback.  A faceplant that I think of as a reverse powerbomb gets 2.  Abyss sends Jordan outside and follows.  Jordan shoves Abyss into Chelsea.  Abyss looks concerned, but goes back to queer bashing before turning around to check on her.  Desmond Wolfe appears and hits Abyss with a pipe to cause the DQ in 4:42.  Wolfe and Jordan beat down Abyss.  Rob Terry makes the save.  Wolfe bails, but Jordan takes the Freak Buster.  This sucked.  Abyss carries Chelsea to the back.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam is headed our way to call out Sting!

Sting heel dickery video package.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam comes to the ring and addresses Sting.  Sting’s music plays and a video of him destroying RVD plays.  Sting appears in the rafters and talks to RVD briefly.  He basically just says he’ll win the title at Slammiversary.

In one of those stupid, poorly shot things, Hulk Hogan talks to Ken Anderson.

A midget wrestling commercial.

Puppet the Psycho Dwarf has joined Tenay and Taz to hype the new midget wrestling show.

Christy Hemme interviews Roxxi.  They show the sick ankle break again.  She gets a Knockouts title shot at Slammiversary.  She’s so stoked to learn this.  She has negative charisma.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde & Sarita.  Jobber entrance for the challengers, who just a few months ago were one of my favorite tag teams and put me in mind of a female Rock & Roll Express.  Sarita and Velvet start.  Sarita is still pretty awesome.  Wilde seems kind of awkward in the ring lately.  They challengers make quick tags and work over Velvet.  Lacey cheap shots Wilde, then tags in and hits a claw bomb for the pin in 2:22.  So disappointing.  Remember when the Knockouts division was worth watching?  Puppet goes to the ring and celebrates with the Beautiful People.  He slaps Velvet’s ass and draws their ire.  Rayne hits a DDT on Puppet, then they put the boots to him.  Stupid.  Lacey shows sympathy and checks on Puppet and the roll around the ring and make out.  Okay.

Stupidly shot backstage thing with Jeff Hardy.

House show plugs.

Kurt Angle comes out to join Tenay and Taz for commentary.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy.  Instead of locking up, Wolfe headbutts Hardy in the mid-section and goes to work.  Fucking alternating chants.  Hardy does his weird leg drop to the legs cover thing for 2.  Wolfe beats up Hardy some more.  Hardy fights back.  They end up outside.  Wolfe surprises Hardy with a shot while Hardy was fucking around posing, then throws him back in the ring.  Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Hardy avoids it.  Wolfe hits a running European uppercut to the corner.  Wolfe counters the Twist of Fate and hits the Divorce Court for 2.  Hardy goes for something off the top and bumps the referee.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate, but the ref is dead.  Wolfe hits Hardy with a slap jack for the pin in 5:52.  Fine little match.

Commercial for a Ric Flair impersonation contest.  Seriously.

Matt Morgan is in the ring.  He bitches about the various injustices he has suffered.  He invites anyone to be his tag partner at Slammiversary.  He calls for “the bald guy” Kurt Angle to come down.  Security tries to get in the way for some reason, but Morgan waives them off.  He makes like Angle is some green rookie.  They chat, then Morgan shoves Angle.  Morgan tries to bail, but Angle kicks his ass until security pulls him off.  Samoa Joe comes down.  Morgan leaves.  Joe and Angle have a stare down, then Angle leaves.  Stupid, stupid segment.

Tenay and Taz hype the Slammiversary card.

AJ Styles vs. Ken Anderson.  Entrances.  Commercials.  Bell.  They lock up, then do nothing.  Styles grabs a side headlock.  Anderson eventually reverses it and grounds Styles with his headlock.  Styles counters into a head scissors.  Nice mat work.  They get to their feet and trade blows.  Styles hits some LOUD chops.  Fuck, the crowd is annoying.  Styles hits a dropkick.  Anderson catches Styles out of nowhere and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Styles drops Anderson with a kick.  Cover gets 2.  Styles beats up Anderson.  Anderson fights back.  Anderson hits a cross body, but Styles rolls through and gets the pin with his legs in the ropes at 5:52.  Two matches in a row lasting the exact same time?  That’s kind of amusing.  Good match, though.  Anderson calls for his special mic and gives AJ props.  Anderson asks the crowd if AJ pulled his tights.  Crowd chants “YES HE DID!”  Anderson kicks AJ’s ass.  Beer Money run in and attack Anderson.  Jeff Hardy makes the save with a steel chair.  Hardy and Anderson back into each other and almost come to blows, then shake hands.

Besides a few passable matches, this show fucking blew.  I don’t know why I watch this shit.  I hate it, but I can’t stop for some reason.  I hate almost everything about this company.  I hate the booker, the fans, the management, and the production, but I like a lot of the wrestlers.  I guess I watch to support the wrestlers I like.  Is it really worth it?

TNA iMPACT! 5/20/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

Sacrifice highlight video.

“10 Card Stud”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, the Top 10 Contenders will be announced!  Tonight, there will be an announcement regarding the main event of tonight’s show.  Well I fucking hope so.  Also, Kurt Angle returns.

Eric Bischoff comes out with Miss Tessmacher.  Bischoff introduces the top 10 contenders.  Each guy comes out to the ramp and they show a brief video package.  #10 is Samoa Joe.  #9 is TNA Global Champion Rob Terry.  #8 is Desmond Wolfe.  #7 is “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  #6 Abyss.  #5 is Mr. Anderson.  #4 is Jeff Hardy.  #3 is AJ Styles.  #2 is Kurt Angle (who doesn’t come out).  Crowd chants “WE WANT ANGLE!”  #1 is Sting.  WHAT THE FUCK?  These rankings are motherfucking retarded.  Sting comes to the ring.  Crowd chants “WE WANT A RECOUNT!”  Bischoff books Sting vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight.  Sting smashes the stupid poster things in the ring, the hits Abyss with the bat.  Abyss tries to make the save, but gets owned.  Hardy takes the bat from Sting.  Hardy slaps Sting.  Sting kicks Hardy in the balls and takes his bat back.  TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam comes out.  Hardy clips Sting’s leg and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Sting leaves.  Just to recap, Sting vs. Hardy tonight and Sting vs. RVD for the World Title at Slammiversary.  This was all stupid.

Moments ago, some shitty booking was played out.

Matt Morgan bitches to Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff.  “They” want “their” rematch for the tag titles.

Roxxi, who looks totally different from the last time I saw her, comes out.  They show her breaking her ankle in a match against Ayako Hamada on New Years’ Eve.

Non-Title: Roxxi vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Roxxi seems freakishly tall.  She’s all over Rayne to start.  Rayne avoids a shot and attacks her.  Knee lift gets 1.  Rayne works Roxxi’s face.  Seriously.  Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop for the pin in 2:42.  Whatever.  Rayne is pissed.

Chelsea bitches at Desmond Wolfe about having to be Abyss’ property for 30 days.  Wolfe reassures her.

Kurt Angle arrives with a goatee and refuses to answer some geek’s questions.

Kurt Angle music video.

Kurt Angle comes out and talks for a while.  He says he’s taking himself out of the #1 contender spot and he’s going to wrestle every one of the top contenders.

Christy Hemme talks to Ric Flair and Beer Money.  Beer Money are facing Jay Lethal and a partner tonight.  Kazarian comes in.  He wants to talk to Flair.

Tonight, Sting vs. Hardy.

Rob Terry says he has a knee injury, and he’s wrestling with it tonight.

Jeremy Borash is still doing ring announcing.

Non-Title: TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Orlando Jordan.  Why the fuck are we doing this again?  Jordan goes on the attack.  Terry fights back.  Earl Hebner gets knocked down.  Jordan gets back dropped.  Cover gets 2.  Jordan attacks the injured knee and works it over.  Jordan locks in a knee bar.  Terry refuses to tap, but Hebner stops it and gives Jordan the win in 2:58.  It served its purpose, so I have no complaints.  Jordan attacks Terry again after the match and puts the hold back on.

Jay Lethal talks about his issues with Ric Flair.  Rob Van Dam offers to be his partner.  Lethal agrees.

Jeff Hardy applies his makeup and talks about idolizing Sting when he was a child.

Ink Inc. barge into Team 3D’s locker room.  Neal bitches at Bubba about the shit he pulled at the PPV, which was a dick move.  Neal and Bubba come to blows.

Beer Money vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam & AJ Styles.  Lethal has his own music and gear and is no longer doing the Black Machismo gimmick.  Roode Pearl Harbors Lethal to start the match.  Lethal fights back.  Lethal goes up top, but Roode shoves him off.  Beer Money put the boots to Lethal.  Roode tags in and works him over.  Lethal gets turned inside out by a clothesline.  Beer Money hit a double back body drop on Lethal.  Roode takes over the punishment.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash and makes the tag to RVD.  RVD runs wild briefly, then gets cut off by Roode.  RVD rallies and hits the flying kick.  Cover, but Roode saves.  Lethal blind tags in and hits a missile dropkick on Roode.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder.  Lethal locks Roode in the figure-four leglock.  RVD takes Storm out with a dive.  Roode submits to Lethal’s figure-four in 3:56.  Fun little tag match.  Ric Flair comes out and brawls with Lethal.  They brawl to the back.  RVD celebrates some more and slaps hands with fans.  A fan in a Sting mask hits RVD with a chair.  He takes off the mask to reveal… Sting!  Okay, that was fucking awesome.  Sting hits RVD again and leaves.

Recap of the shit Sting has pulled so far tonight.

Jeff Hardy is in the ring.  He cuts a promo on Sting and leaves.

Security tells Desmond Wolfe “It’s time.”  Wolfe tells Chelsea it’s going to be okay and bitches out the security guards.

Abyss comes to the ring and calls for Desmond Wolfe to bring him his new property.  Security brings Chelsea out, with Wolfe trailing behind and still acting all pissed off.  Abyss says he made Wolfe his bitch at Sacrifice, and tonight he’s taking his bitch.  Wolfe says Abyss will take Chelsea over his dead body.  He kicks Abyss and the security guards in the balls, then beats up the security guards.  I think they need better security.  Wolfe takes a glass bottle from Chelsea, breaks it, and threatens Abyss with it.  Wolfe cuts Abyss’ arm, then bitches at Chelsea.  Abyss’ arm is bleeding.  He knocks the bottle away and hits the Black Hole Slam on Wolfe.  Abyss carries Chelsea away, presumably to fuck repeatedly.

House show plugs.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Band are in the ring.  Eric Young cuts a promo about having joined The Band.

Eric Young (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champions Kevin Nash & Scott Hall) vs. Shannon Moore (w/ Jesse Neal).  Young attacks.  Moore responds with lots of moves.  Young beats up Moore some more.  Diving elbow drop gets 2.  Young keeps the heat on.  Hebner catches Nash trying to interfere and stops him, but Young is doing fine on his own.  Young makes his comeback.  Brother Ray comes out.  Jesse Neal attacks him on the ramp.  Brother Devon comes out to break it up.  Hall hits Moore in the back with the belt.  Young hits a piledriver for the pin in 3:41.  It’s nice to see someone using the piledriver as a finish again.  Brother Ray attacks Neal again, just because he’s a dick.  He and Devon argue.

Sting vs. Hardy is still to come.

Taz and Tenay talk about the situation with Team 3D and Jesse Neal.

X Division Battle Royal featuring The Motor City Machine Guns of Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley, Generation Me of Max Buck & Jeremy Buck, Kazarian, Homicide, and Amazing Red.  No entrances, everyone is just in the ring and start brawling.  The winner becomes #10 contender since Angle gave up his spot so everyone else moves up a spot.  Kazarian eliminates Red.  Bucks double team the Guns.  Sabin eliminates Max by dropkicking him off the apron.  Shelley gets eliminated by Jeremy.  Sabin eliminates Jeremy.  Ric Flair comes out.  Kazarian eliminates Sabin.  Homicide attacks Kazarian.  Brian Kendrick comes in and eliminates Homicide.  He’s in the match, but nobody knew it until now, because there were no entrances on TV and he wasn’t in the ring when the match started.  Kazarian withstands Kendrick’s attack and throws him out to win it in 2:52.  There’s some sort of connection with Flair and Kazarian now.

Sting vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Sting vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Sting is the aggressor early.  Hardy fights back.  Sting bails.  After a minute, Hardy hits a baseball slide dropkick.  He goes for a dive, but Sting avoids it.  Sting rams Hardy’s knee against the ramp a couple of times, then continues beating Hardy up back in the ring.  FUCKING ALTERNATING CHANTS AGAIN.  Hardy avoids the Stinger Splash and makes his comeback.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Sting avoids the Whisper In The Wind and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Ref bump.  Sting goes for the Scorpion Death Drop.  Mr. Anderson sneaks in and hits a Scorpion Death Drop on Sting.  It’s sloppy.  Hardy pins Sting in 5:40.  Not much of a match.  Anderson tries to make friends with Hardy again.  Sting kills them both with the bat.

Not the worst iMPACT! ever by any means.