Archive for Skip Sheffield

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/23/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…” video, Raw open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion Sheamus comes out and talks about American children being brats.  Well, it’s true.  He calls a little girl in the front row “fella.”  Fucking awesome.  He insults more children, then bitches about Randy Orton.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that shit.  The email says that tonight, Sheamus will sit in a throne and watch a series of matches, then pick his challenge for Night of Champions.  This is going to start RIGHT NOW!

Edge comes out.  He’ll be in action NEXT!  Wait, NEXT isn’t RIGHT NOW!  I call shenanigans.  Commercials!

Raw 900th episode celebration next week!

Edge vs. R-Truth.  They lock up.  R-Truth clotheslines Edge out of the ring, then goes for a dive.  Edge avoids it, then throws Truth into the barricade.  Back inside, Edge keeps working over Truth.  Truth starts fighting back and they immediately do a double cross body spot.  Truth flops around a bunch and hits a hip toss.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic, then goes for the spear.  Truth leapfrogs him and goes for the scissors kick.  Edge avoids it and hits the spear for the pin in 4:21.  Lame match.  Edge tells Sheamus that he hasn’t beaten anyone until he has beaten Edge.

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!

Cody Rhodes appears on Warehouse 13 tomorrow night on SyFy!  Commercials.

Still photos from WWE’s first ever show in China.

Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Chris Jericho.  Khali beats up Jericho and hits him with a big chop.  Khali hits either an elbow or a half assed clothesline.  Jericho avoids a leg drop and attacks Khali’s bad knee.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Khali locks in the head vise.  Jericho bails to escape, then comes back in and attacks the knee again.  Khali counters the Codebreaker and makes his comeback.  Jericho avoids a big boot in the corner and attacks the knee again.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win in 3:56.  It was fine for a Khali match.  Jericho did what he could.  Jericho says Sheamus should pick him because he was the first Undisputed Champion, he made a giant tap out, and he’s the best in the world at what he does.  Khali wakes up and decks Jericho to send him to the floor.

Last week, The Miz fucked Daniel Bryan, causing him to lose to shitty Michael Tarver.  After the match, Bryan got the shit beaten out of him by Miz, Tarver, and Alex Riley.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  He promises to adjust Miz’s attitude tonight.  Commercials.

Jillian Hall is in the ring singing.  Oh dear.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Melina (c) vs. Jillian Hall.  They lock up.  Jillian lands a forearm.  Melina does the splits and a kick, then misses a knee charge at the ropes.  Jillian pulls her hair for 2.  Seriously.  Jillian stands on Melina’s back and surfs.  Melina tries a front cradle and face plants Jillian.  No clue if that was intentional.  Melina gets a hair takedown for 2.  Jillian hits a weak ass elbow, then goes for a diving leg drop.  Melina avoids it and hits the Last Call for the pin in 2:37.  This was fucking horrible.  WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool appear on the screen.  FUCK.  NO.  Why the fuck are these obnoxious bitches on Raw?  They see they’ll be at Raw next week.  FUCK.  They’re going to make Melina an offer she can’t refuse.  I hope it’s for the 3 of them to go away forever.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE United States Champion & Mr. Money In The Bank The Miz.  He bitches about Cena choosing Daniel Bryan over him.  Commercials.

Sheamus is back in the throne.  The six members of The Nexus come out.  Cole gets another email from the iBooker 9000.  iBooker is lifting the ban on Nexus competing for titles.  Wade Barrett tells Sheamus that their truce is over.

Cena vs. Miz is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: The Daniel Bryan/Miz stuff that they already showed a full video of earlier.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Cena.  Miz forgoes the lock up and kicks Cena in the gut, because that’s the way they teach kids to start a match these days.  Miz beats up Cena.  Cena hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Cena accidentally spears the post.  Miz hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Miz beats up Cena some more.  Cena fights back and hits the Fisherman buster for 2.  Miz goes back on the offensive.  Miz hits a big Hogan leg drop for 2.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Miz crotches him and sends him to the floor.  Commercials.  Miz is on Cena’s back in a sleeper hold.  Cena backs Miz into the corner to escape.  Cena goes for a bulldog, but Miz throws him.  Miz boots Cena in the face for 2.  Miz hits Cena with a knee lift from the outside, then hits the bottom rope decapitator.  Cover gets 2.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz goes for it again, but Cena avoids it and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz counters with the reverse DDT backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Cena counters the Skull Crushing Finale and locks in the STF.  Miz gets a rope break.  Miz hits a big boot for 2.  Cena tries for the Attitude Adjusment again, but Miz escapes and bails.  Daniel Bryan runs out and attacks Miz, then throws him back into the ring.  Miz wins by DQ in 13:03.  Cena gives Miz the Attitude Adjustment.  Bryan locks Miz in the LeBell Lock until referees force him to break.

Tonight, Randy Orton vs. John Morrison vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Divas swimsuit stupidity from 2 weeks ago, including sexual tension between Tamina and Santino Marella.

Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Marella vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Tamina).  Jimmy acts scared of Santino before they finally lock up.  Usos beat up Santino.  Santino tries to make a comeback, but fails and gets beaten up by Jimmy some more.  Jimmy holds Santino in a front face lock.  Kozlov tries to get the crowd behind Santino.  Jimmy decks Kozlov to no effect.  Jey and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov runs wild.  Santino clotheslines Jimmy out of the ring.  Jey kicks Santino in the gut to send him out.  Kozlov hits the Iron Curtain on Jey for the pin in 2:59.  Inoffensive comedy.  Tamina tells Jimmy not to beat up Santino after the match, then she helps him up.  Tamina blows Santino a kiss.

This Week In WWE History: “The Big Event” from August 1986 at the Exhibition Stadium in Toronto.

Orton vs. Morrison vs. Dibiase is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion Sheamus is back in his fancy throne.

Triple Threat Match: Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. John Morrison vs. Randy Orton.  Entrances, then commercials, then the match starts.  At least they didn’t JIP us.  Sheamus gets up and leaves.  Maryse distracts Morrison, allowing Dibiase to cheap shot him.  Orton beats up Dibiase.  Morrison pulls Dibiase outside and hits the Flying Chuck from the apron.  Orton and Morrison lock up and go at it.  Orton grabs a chin lock.  Morrison fights out and lands a kick.  Dibiase saves and sends Morrison outside, then kicks Orton in the head for 2.  Orton and Dibiase brawl.  Morrison comes in and gets hit with a backbreaker from Dibiase for 2.  Morrison hits a jawbreaker.  Orton wakes up and powerslams both of them in quick succession.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Dibiase.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Orton ducks it and hits Dibiase with the DDT OF MURDER anyway.  Orton goes for the RKO, but Dibiase pushes him into a kick from Morrison.  Dibiase low bridges Morrison out of the ring and goes from Dream Street on Orton, but Orton counters.  Morrison springboards, but Orton catches him in mid-air with the RKO for the pin in 4:46.  Fine little match.  Orton RKOs Dibiase after the match for good measure.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus, who says he’s made his decision already.  He’ll announce it NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion Sheamus is in the ring.  He says he’s going to defend the WWE Championship RIGHT NOW against someone who’s never had the opportunity… Zack Ryder!  Ryder says Sheamus just made a big mistake and he’ll be the next champion.  Yeah, right.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Zack Ryder.  In ring intros for this.  Heh.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 11 seconds.

Sheamus says that now he doesn’t have to defend the title for another 30 days, so he’s taking the month off.  Wade Barrett comes out and says he’s taking his WWE Championship match at Night of Champions.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000 announcing that it will be a six-pack challenge match: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. John Cena.  The other four guys come out to the ring as their names are announced.  All 5 of the other guys surround Barrett and kick his ass, giving him a taste of his own medicine.  Sheamus throws Barrett out of the ring, then Jericho hits Sheamus with the Codebreaker.  Edge spears Jericho.  Cena gives Edge the Attitude Adjustment.  Orton RKOs Cena.  Orton stands tall as the show closes.

Alright show this week.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/16/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Last night, Team WWE survived!

The Nexus come out.  Wade Barrett says they eliminated six of the best that Raw had to offer before they lost last night.  He says the Raw roster will face severe consequences because of their loss.  John Cena interrupts.  He makes fun of Barrett for tapping out and for having a British accent, apparently.  Cena calls them the Expendables.  Cena puts over Daniel Bryan for “eliminating half of the Nexus by himself.”  Actually, I think it was 2/7ths.  Cena says it’s been proven that they can be beat.  Cena calls Otunga “a below average male escort.”  It’s true.  He calls Tarver “an MMA bank robber who works nights as a male stripper.”  He calls Slater “the chick from Wendy’s.”  A graphic shows up on the tron for that one.  He says Young is proof that Cena’s mother had a lusty affair with Buckwheat.  He implies that Gabriel is gay and Sheffield is retarded, or something.  He says The Nexus is history.  Young tries to retort, but Cena reminds him that he tapped out in under a minute, calling him the weakest link.  The Nexus start to argue amongst themselves.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that shit.  iBooker says tonight, Nexus will face members of Team WWE in a series of matches, and promises “consequences” if there is any interference.  Barrett says that’s not punishment, it’s an opportunity for redemption.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”  Barrett says any Nexus member who loses tonight will be exiled from the group.  Otunga tells Barrett that that applies to him too.  Cole gets ANOTHER email from the iBooker that says The Nexus can choose which Nexus member faces which Team WWE member… except for Barrett, who will face Chris Jericho NEXT!  Great opening segment.  Cena had some really funny lines.  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho.  “Y2J!” chants.  Jericho goes on the attack.  Jericho hits a suplex.  The Nexus are watching backstage!  Jericho lands a dropkick.  Barrett goes to the apron.  Jericho knocks him off with the springboard dropkick.  Jericho brings Barrett back in and goes up top, but Barrett boots him to the floor.  Barrett rams Jericho’s back into the side of the apron, then beats him down at ringside.  Barrett whips Jericho into the corner.  He’s working Jericho’s back.  Jericho fires a chop, so he’s gonna be in trouble since he’s not Asian.  Barrett pulls Jericho’s back into his knee.  Jericho fights out and catches a charging Barrett with a boot.  Jericho hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Jericho hits some shoulder blocks and the bulldog.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Barrett counters out and goes for his move.  Jericho counters and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Barrett gets a rope break, then mows down Jericho with a big boot for 2.  Jericho avoids a backdrop suplex and lands an enzuigiri.  He goes for the Codebreaker, but Barrett counters and hits his Fireman’s carry slam for the pin in 5:22.  Fine little TV match.

Tonight, members of The Nexus vs. members of Team WWE!  Wait, how the fuck is Bret going to work a singles match?  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts from the movie “Going The Distance,” Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Justin Long!  They come out and goof off, then introduce Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  Cole gets yet another email from the iBooker 9000 saying that from now on the titles will be known as the WWE Tag Team Championship.  Presenting the new belts is Bret Hart!  The new belts are fugly.  The Nexus appear on screen.  Wade Barrett says Bret’s opponent tonight will be Justin Gabriel.  Gabriel says tonight, Bret will experience the 450 splash.  Commercials.

Plug for the SummerSlam song.

Los Angeles!

Cole and Lawler talk about Daniel Bryan’s return last night.

Michael Tarver vs. Daniel Bryan.  Cole is in full Danielson hate mode.  They lock up.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant.  Tarver lands a bunch of punches.  Bryan boots him in the face and hits a running knee for 2.  Bryan hits some shoulder stunners and a suplex for 2.  Danielson lands some kicks.  Bryan ducks under Tarver and lands a dropkick, then a missile dropkick.  Bryan nips up.  WWE United States Champion The Miz and Alex Riley run out to distract Bryan.  Tarver gets a schoolboy for the pin in 2:09.  Bryan hits a tope suicida on Miz.  Miz, Riley, and Tarver beat down Bryan.  Miz gives Bryan the Skull Crushing Finale onto the briefcase.  The match was fine while it lasted, but why the fuck does that useless piece of shit Tarver get to stay?

Gabriel vs. Hart is next.  Commercials.  Fuck.

Moments ago, The Miz fucked Daniel Bryan and everyone who watches WWE by saving that piece of shit Michael Tarver’s spot.

The Miz and Alex Riley are walking backstage.  Josh Matthews stops them to interview them.  Miz really hates Daniel Bryan.  He puts over Riley, then Riley puts himself over.

The Nexus are chatting in their locker room.  Black Cena says he wants Cena tonight.

Gabriel vs. Hart is next for real this time!  Commercials!

Cole gets YET ANOTHER FUCKING EMAIL FROM THE iBOOKER 9000!  It says that Bret won’t be wrestling tonight.  Thank God.  The iBooker doesn’t like Bret Hart.  He’ll be replaced by… Randy Orton.  Fuck.  Goodbye, Justin Gabriel.

Justin Gabriel vs. Randy Orton.  Lock up.  Orton backs Gabriel into the corner.  Gabriel escapes and throws a kick, which seems to amuse Orton.  Gabriel grabs a side headlock, then lands some more kicks.  Orton is enjoying this.  He catches Gabriel’s leg, then hits him with clotheslines.  Orton hits the powerslam, then the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  Orton meets him to brawl on the floor and into the crowd.  Orton gets counted out in 2:49.  Gabriel gets the stay.  I’m relieved.  Orton realizes he lost, then drops Gabriel with the RKO.  Orton beats the shit out of Sheamus with a chair.  Orton starts to leave, then comes back and gives Sheamus an RKO.  I’m just relieved that Gabriel keeps his spot.  He’s the best member of the Nexus by far.  Commercials.

Moments ago, Orton fucked Sheamus’ shit all up!

Skip Sheffield & David Otunga vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Morrison and Otunga lock up.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and tags in Truth.  The Nexus are backstage watching Truth hit a diving leg drop for 2.  Sheffield tags in and gets beaten up by Truth.  Sheffield hits an over the shoulder powerslam, then stomps on Truth.  Otunga tags in.  Truth hits a Complete Shot and makes the tag to Morrison.  Morrison runs wild.  Sheffield makes a blind tag and kills Morrison with a clothesline, then knocks Truth off of the apron.  Sheffield hits another killer lariat on Morrison for the pin in 2:59.  This wasn’t good, but Sheffield is awesome.

Melina, Eve Torres, & Gail Kim are headed our way!  Commercials.

Last night, Michelle McCool and Layla attacked Melina after she won the Divas Championship.

WWE Divas Champion Melina, Eve Torres, & Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox, Maryse, & Jillian Hall.  Jon Lovitz is in the crowd.  Gail rams Maryse’s head into the mat.  Why do that?  You actually know how to wrestle!  Gail hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Gail ties Maryse to the tree of woe and tags in Melina, who hits Maryse with a running vagina to the corner.  Melina gets beaten up in the heel corner.  Maryse lands a kick for 2.  Fox tags in and hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Fox stretches Melina across her knee.  Melina hits a jawbreaker.  Eve and Jillian tag in.  Eve runs wild.  Eve hits a senton, but Fox saves.  Melina takes Fox out.  Gail takes Maryse out.  Eve drops Jillian and goes up top, but Jillian kind of powerbombs her down for the pin in 2:53.  Was not expecting that finish.  Jillian never wins anything.  Fox and Maryse kind of bicker.  The match was sort of okay.

Josh Matthews interviews Edge.  Heath Slater interrupts.  Slater wants Edge to take a forfeit the match.  Edge says he’s not going to forfeit a match to Wendy.  Slater decks Edge.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Some dude from True Blood is here.

Heath Slater vs. Edge.  Edge is pissed.  He kicks Slater’s ass.  Edge goes up top, but Slater cuts him off and knocks him to the floor.  Slater beats up Edge on the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Slater beats up Edge.  Edge avoids a splash in the corner and makes his comeback.  Edge-O-Matic gets 2.  Slater hits a big flapjack for 2.  You can hear some fan yell “I hate you, Heath Slater!”  Edge spears Slater in the corner.  Slater avoids a baseball slide dropkick, but Edge drops him with a big boot on the floor.  Edge goes for spear at ringside, but Slater slips back into the ring and wins by count-out in 4:31.  It was there.  Edge spears Slater after the match.  Commercials.

Los Angeles!

Justin Long talks to Great Khali backstage.  Long says Khali doesn’t do the Kiss Cam because he has a girlfriend now.  Khali speaks Khalese.  Ranjin Singh translates that Khali wants long distance relationship advice.  Singh shows a picture of Khali’s girlfriend, who is apparently very ugly.  The other 2 goobs come in and are very vocal about her ugliness.  Khali scares them away.  Khali looks at the picture and says “Yeah, she’s pretty ugly.”  The Bella Twins come in and leave with Khali.  Stupid segment.

SummerSlam Rewind is last week’s hype leading up to last night’s show.

Cena vs. Black Cena is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: Last month, John Cena beat the fuck out of Darren Young.

Darren Young vs. John Cena.  The rest of the Nexus come out to stand on the stage.  Young goes for a schoolboy immediately, but gets 0.  Young gets a backslide for 2.  Cena wrings Young’s arm and takes him down with a side headlock.  They lock up and Young grabs a side headlock.  Cena does a drop down, leapfrog, shoulder block, then goes back to the side headlock.  Young hits a leg drop for 2.  Young hits a short range lariat for 2.  Young hits a suplex for 2.  Young hits a butt butt for 2.  Cena fights back.  Young boots him in the gut and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Young applies a rear chin lock.  Young catches Cena charging in the corner with an elbow smash, then hits an elbow drop for 2.  Young hits a leg drop for 2.  Young hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  I’m shocked that Young is getting any offense, much less dominating Cena.  Young knocks Cena out of the ring and dropkicks the steps into him.  Cena beats the count back in at 9.  Cena avoids a leg drop and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Young counters and goes for a sunset flip, but Cena counters into the STF for the win in 7:59.  The match… was there.  The Nexus surround the ring… but let Cena leave.  Young pleads his case.  Lawler calls Young “Daniel Bryan.”  Wrong dude altogether.  The Nexus beat the shit out of Young.  Barrett hits his Fireman carry slam.  Gabriel hits the 450.  The Nexus 6 stand tall.

This show… was fine as far as keeping the angle going, but none of the matches were any good and the show felt like a mess at times.

WWE SummerSlam 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, 7 Eleven and Slim Jim present SummerSlam!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

The PPV gets off to a very obnoxious start, as Vickie Guerrero says “EXCUSE ME!” approximately 23,000 times in a row.  I’d rather be punched in the face than have to listen to her awful voice.  Thank God Kofi Kingston’s music interrupts.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  Kofi is still pretty pissed off over the whole being fucked out of the title thing.  He clotheslines Ziggler to the floor and goes for a tope suicida, but Vickie pulls Ziggler out of the way so Kofi kills himself.  Kofi makes it back into the ring and Ziggler pounds on him.  Ziggler applies an aggressive rear chin lock.  Kofi fights out.  Ziggler chokes him against the bottom rope.  Shouldn’t he be fired for that?  Kofi fights back, but Ziggler sends his face into the middle turnbuckle for 2.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Ziggler continues beating and stretching Kofi.  Kofi avoids a corner splash and fights back.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop.  Kofi hits a rebound cross body, but Ziggler rolls through for 2.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Kofi hits a diving chop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Ziggler ducks it and clamps on the sleeper hold.  The Nexus run in and attack both of them!  It’s a no-contest in about 7 minutes.  Skip Sheffield clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring, then all 7 of them beat the fuck out of Kofi.  Darren Young and Wade Barrett hit their shitty finishers on Kofi.  Barrett says that’s just a taste of what’s in store for Team WWE tonight.  He says no matter who the 7th man is, they won’t be able to form a cohesive unit, while The Nexus is unified.  “You’re either Nexus, or you’re against us.”  The match was okay.  They could have had a really good match if they were given some time.

Backstage, Chris Jericho and Edge try to convince The Miz to be the 7th man on Team WWE.  Miz says he isn’t sure.  It’s about time to get off of your ass and make a decision, buddy!  Despite Miz’s noncommittal reply, Edge and Jericho think they have him.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Alicia Fox (c) vs. Melina.  Melina is dressed like an Indian or some shit.  Despite what idiot Cole says, Melina isn’t an all time great at anything unless it’s running the train on the locker room.  They lock up.  Fox takes Melina down with a side headlock.  Melina hits a sliding leg trip thing, then surfboards the legs and pulls Fox’s hair.  Melina beats up Fox.  Melina hits a double knee drop when Fox propped up on the middle rope.  Fox does a Thesz press, then Melina gets 2.  Not sure what happened there.  Melina jumps over a charging Fox and sells that she hurt her knee.  Fox attacks her and sends her shoulder into the post.  Fox works Melina’s arm.  Melina gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Melina screams and beats up Fox.  Melina hits that hairmare Stroke she’s been doing for the pin in 5:23.  This sucked.  Melina is awful.  Thank God it was short.  Josh Matthews gets in the ring to interview Melina.  Because this show apparently hasn’t had enough obnoxious bitches on it yet, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool come out and be fucking obnoxious.  Melina tires of this shit and attacks them.  LayCool beat Melina down.  Alicia Fox comes back in and they kick her ass too.  McCool knees Melina in the face against the announce table.  Fucking pointless crap.

Night of Champions hype!

Los Angeles!

Trace Adkins and Marlon Wayans are in the house tonight!

They show Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off and the Straight Edge Society’s retaliatory breaking of Big Show’s hand.

Handicap Match: The Straight Edge Society (w/ Serena) vs. The Big Show.  For some reason, the trainer waits until match time to cut the cast off of Show’s hand.  Mercury and Gallows attack Show and completely fail.  Show uses the bad hand to hit Gallows with the big chop.  Show throws Gallows out of the ring and hits a choke bomb on Mercury.  Mercury tries to pull Show out of the ring like an idiot.  Show pulls Mercury back in and press slams him out of the ring onto Gallows.  Serena distracts Show so Punk can try to jump him, but Show kicks Punk’s ass.  Outside, Punk tries to stomp Show’s hand into the steps again, but fails.  Show tries to chop Punk on the steps, but Punk moves and the step gets all of it.  The Straight Edge Society triple team Show on the outside, then in the ring.  They take turns splashing Show in the corner until Show explodes and kicks their asses.  He squashes Gallows and Mercury int he corner, then hits them with a double shoulder block.  Punk comes off the top, but Show catches him by the throat.  Punk kicks his way free and avoids S Show in the corner, then hits the running knees to the corner.  Punk and Mercury hit Show with a double diving bulldog.  Mercury covers, but Show throws him off.  Punk attacks Show’s hand.  Show rallies, sends Punk outside, and hits Gallows and Mercury with a double clothesline.  Punk and Serena leave.  Show hits Gallows with the KO punch, then chokeslams Mercury on top of him and pins them both in 6:48.  It was fine for what it was.

Edge Slim Jim commercial.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane cuts  his usual creepy backstage promo with the casket.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes in.  He says the casket is too big for Rey Mysterio, but asks to borrow it to put Randy Orton in.  Kane says no.  Sheamus says he’s the real Big Red Monster.  Kane says Sheamus has guts, which he’ll spill on the floor if Sheamus ever interrupts him again.

WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out to cut a promo.  He says Team WWE have been begging him to join and saying or doing various things to suck up to him.  He talks about how big of a decision this is, then finally says yes, he will join Team WWE.  He yells at the crowd that they’re not allowed to say his catchphrase.  Great promo by Miz.  Cole mizzes in his pants.

Sheamus/Orton hype video.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner, then poses and yells.  Repeat.  Orton hammers Sheamus with punches, then stomps and kicks the crap out of him.  Cover gets 2.  They go outside and Orton rams Sheamus’ head into the table, then clotheslines him into the crowd and beats him up in the front row.  Orton realizes he’s being counted out and brings Sheamus back into the ring.  Orton delivers the Garvin Stomp.  Orton hits the bottom rope decapitator.  Sheamus rolls to the floor.  Orton follows and whips Sheamus into the barricade.  Sheamus reverses Orton into the steps.  Sheamus puts the boots to Orton back in the ring, then pounds his face in.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits a short lariat and a knee drop for 2.  Orton reverses a suplex attempt and hits one of his own.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus backdrops him to the floor.  Sheamus rams Orton into the barricade twice.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2.  Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder.  Sheamus hits the reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Orton tries to fight back, but Sheamus drops him with another Polish Hammer.  Sheamus goes back to working Orton’s shoulder.  Orton hits a backdrop suplex.  Orton hits the 3.0 backbreaker for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton lands a European uppercut and a lariat, then hits the snap powerslam.  Orton avoids Sheamus in the corner, causing him to spear the post.  Orton hits a superplex for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton avoids the pump kick and Sheamus crotches himself on the top rope, then falls to the floor.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat.  He goes for the RKO, but Sheamus kind of counters somehow for 2.  He pushed Orton away, but took the bump anyway.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton counters and goes for the RKO again.  Sheamus counters and lands the pump kick for 2.  Sheamus brings a chair into the ring.  The referee tries to take it from him.  Sheamus yanks it away and the referee falls out of the ring, then DQs Sheamus in 18:56.  Pretty decent match.  Orton ducks the post-match chair shot and kicks Sheamus square in the balls.  Orton clears off the announce table and gives Sheamus the RKO on top of the table, which doesn’t break.  Orton leaves, then the refs and trainers wake up Sheamus.  Why the fuck isn’t Miz coming out right now?  I may be wrong, but I think I hear a “We Want Miz” chant.

“Legendary” trailer.

The SummerSlam song is “Rip It Up” by Jet.

Kane/Mysterio hype video.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Kane pushes a casket to the ring and opens it to reveal that it’s empty.  Mysterio tries to be abusive and elusive.  Kane tries to pound a midget.  Mysterio lands a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane avoids the 619, boots Mysterio in the gut, and throws him out of the ring.  Mysterio slides back in to avoid Kane, then hits him with a baseball slide dropkick and a Bombs Away off of the apron.  Mysterio avoids being chokeslammed off the top by dropping down and pulling Kane’s arm across the top rope.  Mysterio goes up top again, but Kane trips him.  Kane sends Mysterio’s back into the post repeatedly.  Kane front suplexes Mysterio onto the top rope, then knocks him off of the apron with a big boot.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kane bear hugs Mysterio.  Mysterio escapes that and hits a headscissors.  He goes for the 619, but Kane nails him with a clothesline for 2.  Kane throws Mysterio outside again.  Mysterio comes back to the apron and tries to springboard, but gets booted to the floor again.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a diving battering ram-style headbutt.  Striker mentions Mysterio’s “lucha libreness.”  Kane drops Mysterio for 2.  Kane does a backbreaker hold.  Mysterio fights free.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Mysterio tries a Frankensteiner off the top rope, but Kane holds on to avoid it.  Mysterio avoids Kane’s diving lariat and hits a tilt-a-whirl reverse DDT for 2.  Mysterio hits the diving Bombs Away.  Kane goes for a powerslam, but Mysterio turns it into a tilt-a-whirl DDT for 2.  Mysterio pounds on Kane and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio comes off the top, but Kane catches him with a right hand for 2.  Kane opens the still empty casket and goes for a chokeslam.  Mysterio counters and goes for the 619.  Kane counters and puts Mysterio in the casket.  Mysterio escapes and hits a springboard dropkick.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Kane counters and goes for the chokeslam again.  Mysterio counters yet again and hits the 619.  He goes for the diving splash, but Kane gets his knees up, so Rey improvises a prawn hold for 2.  Kane drops Mysterio, then hits the chokeslam for the pin in 13:32.  Decent match with a really good finishing stretch.  Kane says Mysterio is going to pay by being in the casket forever or something.  He opens the casket and it’s still empty.  Mysterio fights back.  Kane closes the casket, then chokeslams Mysterio twice more and gives him the Tombstone Piledriver.  Kane opens the casket again.  The Undertaker is now magically in the casket!  Kane looks scared, then feigns joy and tells Taker to get Mysterio.  Mysterio is down in the corner.  Undertaker kneels down and coughs sickly into his face.  Undertaker asks Rey why he did it.  Rey professes his innocence.  Taker says “I believe you,” then grabs Rey by the throat.  Taker does the throat slash, then looks at Kane.  Taker goozles Kane while Mysterio gets the fuck out of there.  Kane goozles Undertaker, then Tombstones him!  Kane is now stronger than the Undertaker!

Smackdown to SyFy this fall!

Los Angeles!

SummerSlam Axxess footage.

The Nexus are headed our way!

Nexus/Team WWE hype video.

It’s main event time!  The Nexus make their entrance together, then Team WWE get their individual entrances: Cena, Edge, R-Truth, Jericho, Morrison, Bret, and The Miz.  Why the hell does Miz get top billing?  Wait!  Cena tells Miz that he waited too long to join the team.  They needed someone they could rely on, so they found a guy who hates Nexus as much as anyone… DANIEL BRYAN!

Elimination Match: The Nexus vs. John Cena, Edge, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, Bret Hart, & Daniel Bryan.  Team WWE hit the ring for a big brawl.  They clear The Nexus out of the ring before the bell even rings.  Cole immediately goes into Danielson hate mode.  The Nexus discuss matters, then Young and Danielson start.  Danielson kicks the shit out of Young.  Danielson locks in a guillotine, then turns it into a crossface!  Young submits at the 44 second mark!  Gabriel comes in and gets kicked in the guy by Danielson.  Jericho tags in and beats up Gabriel.  R-Truth tags in and does his stuff with Gabriel.  Truth hits a suplex stunner for 2.  Gabriel fights back and drops Truth with a kick, then tags in Tarver.  Tarver hits Truth with shitty punches.  Morrison tags in and shines on Tarver.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:36.  The Nexus is down 2!  They bail to regroup.  Sheffield awesome yells “I CAN FIX THIS!  I CAN FIX THIS!”  Sheffield comes in against Morrison and overpowers him.  Sheffield yells at Morrison, so Morrison slaps him.  Sheffield hits a powerslam and proceeds to destroy Morrison while Truth tries to get the crowd behind him.  Crowd chants “WE WANT BRET!”  Why?  Bret can’t do shit.  Sheffield hits a suplex for 2.  Morrison fights back.  Gabriel kicks him from the apron.  Sheffield hits the killer lariat for the pin in 7:33.  Truth comes in and takes it to Sheffield.  Sheffield kills him with the lariat for the pin in 8:00.  5 on 5 now.  Sheffield DID fix it!  Jericho comes in and takes it to Sheffield.  Sheffield press slams him and tags in Barrett.  Barrett and Otunga take turns beating up Jericho.  Jericho manages to drop Barrett with a dropkick.  Bret and Slater tag in.  Bret beats the shit out of Slater.  Bret hits a slam and an elbow drop, and inverted atomic drop and a clothesline.  Bret locks in the Sharpshooter.  Somebody throws in a chair.  Bret nails Sheffield with the chair and gets DQ’d in 12:07.  Slater made Bret look awesome there for a minute.  Jericho hits Sheffield with the Codebreaker.  Edge tags in a spears Sheffield for the pin in 13:15.  It took a lot to put Sheffield down.  He’s a beast.  Gabriel comes in and gets his ass kicked by Edge.  Edge hits a flapjack for 2.  Gabriel lands a roundhouse kick for 2.  Slater tags in and puts the boots to Edge.  Slater sends Edge outside for no reason, then brings him back in and tags in Barrett.  Barrett beats up Edge and hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett grabs a rear chin lock.  Edge drops Barrett with a spin kick.  Barrett hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Otunga tags in and goes for his spinebuster, but Edge counters into the Edgecution.  Jericho tags in and runs wild on Otunga.  Jericho hits the bulldog and the Lionsault, then locks in the Walls of Jericho for the submission in 19:17.  Jericho knocks Slater off the apron to the floor, then throws him across the announce table and back into the ring.  Jericho hits a diving elbow smash, then accidentally collides with Cena on the apron.  Slater hits his Zig Zag like move for the pin 20:07.  Edge argues with Cena, then slaps him.  Cena decides to turn the other cheek.  Slater schoolboys Edge for the pin in 20:40.  Edge knocks Cena off of the apron, then Jericho kicks Cena in the gut.  Jericho yells “STUPID STUPID!” and slaps Cena.  Cena and Danielson are left against Barrett, Slater, and Gabriel.  Cole bitches about Daniel Bryan and verbally blows Miz while The Nexus beat the shit out of Cena.  Cena tries to fight back, but Barrett kills him with a clothesline for 2.  Gabriel tags in and works Cena’s arm.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Gabriel plants him with a DDT for 2.  Cole is insufferable.  You know it’s bad when Lawler and Striker are on the same page.  Alternate “LET’S GO CENA!” and “CENA SUCKS!” chants as Cena fights back against Barrett.  Barrett plants him with a sidewalk slam.  Cena manages to suplex Barrett.  Slater tags in and cuts Cena off from making the tag.  Slater beats up Cena.  Double clothesline spot.  CENA MAKES THE HOT TAG TO DANIEL BRYAN!  Bryan runs wild and German suplex Slater, then hits a running dropkick.  Danielson kicks the crap out of Slater, then lands a lariat.  Slater bails and Danielson hits him with a tope suicida.  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkcik, then dropkicks Gabriel and Barrett off of the apron.  Slater gets a schoolboy for 1.  Danielson locks in a crossface for the submission in 29:04!  The Miz runs out and hits Danielson with the Money In The Bank briefcase!  Barrett pins Danielson in 29:35.  Fucking Miz!  Barrett and Gabriel administer a shit kicking to John Cena.  Cena makes his comeback on Gabriel.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett blind tags himself in and prevents it.  They kick Cena’s ass some more.  Barrett boots Cena out of the ring.  He and Gabriel pull up the floor mats.  Barrett DDTs Cena on the concrete floor!  Barrett sets Cena’s lifeless body up for Gabriel to hit the 450 splash.  Cena avoids it and pins Gabriel in 34:53!  Barrett goes after Cena, but Cena immediately locks him in the STF for the win in 35:21!  Awesome match, even though I don’t understand the logic of Team WWE winning.  If Gabriel had hit the 450 and pinned Cena, that would have been great.  If Barrett had immediately pounced and pinned Cena, that would have been perfect.  Superman Cena winning against all odds makes no sense if they’re serious about pushing The Nexus.  Cena stands tall to close the show.

Good show overall.  There was nothing offensive besides the usual divas garbage.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/9/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Sacramento, California.  Tonight, John Cena & Bret Hart take on Edge & Chris Jericho with The Nexus as Lumberjacks!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out to cut a promo.  He says he’s been training for SummerSlam, but he’s disappointed to see his team falling apart.  He asks Chris Jericho and Edge to come out.  Jericho comes out expecting Bret to kiss his ass.  Bret says he put his reputation on the line when he vouched for Edge and Jericho to Cena.  He wants them to get their heads out of their asses and rejoin the SummerSlam team.  Jericho refuses, because he’s a prick.  Jericho says Bret just doesn’t want to get beat up by Edge and Jericho tonight.  He runs down Bret some more, then Edge comes out.  Edge talks to Jericho about how they both idolized Bret as a kid, then tells Bret they can count on him.  Edge tries to cheap shot Bret, but Bret trips him and goes for the Sharpshooter.  Jericho pokes Bret in the eye and Edge and Jericho make their escape.  Natalya comes out and pleads with Bret.  They show the Nexus beating the shit out of The Hart Dynasty backstage.  Bret and Natalya run to the back.  This was a good segment except for the part where Bret STILL CAN’T DO ANYTHING PHYSICAL, SO WHY THE FUCK IS HE OUT THERE?  Commercials.

Bret, Natalya, and the trainers check on the Hart Dynasty.  Bret is ready to go fuck somebody up, but John Cena shows up to calm him down.  Cena says he’s going to talk to Great Khali.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Evan Bourne.  They lock up.  Bourne has a black eye.  Miz beats up Bourne.  Miz chokes Bourne against the middle rope for 2.  Isn’t that grounds for being fired?  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Bourne fights out.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz goes back to the rear chin lock.  Miz goes for a suplex, but Bourne knees his way out.  Bourne lands some kicks.  Bourne hits a sweet rebound Frankensteiner for 2.  Miz hits a lariat that Bourne does a 360 flip for.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 3:59.  Good little match.  It’s a shame that they completely kiboshed Bourne’s push, though.  Miz says when he gets ready to cash in his Money In The Bank contract, he’ll be WWE Champion.

John Cena talks to Great Khali.

Tonight, Cena & Bret vs. Edge & Jericho with the Nexus as Lumberjacks!  Commercials!

Slam of the Week: Melina returning to take out Alicia Fox last week after the six-woman tag.

Non-Title: Melina vs. WWE Divas Champion Alicia Fox.  Melina tries to lock up, but Fox powers her into the corner and beats on her.  Melina fights back and beats on Fox.  Melina hits her modified Stroke thing, then sends Fox outside.  Fox clotheslines Melina on the outside.  Back inside, Fox covers for 2.  Fox hits a half assed tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Fox applies a rear chin lock and knees Melina in the back.  Melina fights back.  Fox locks in a Canadian backbreaker.  Melina screams and hits the Code Red for the pin in 3:38.  They tried, but it wasn’t pretty.

Josh Matthews interviews Great Khali.  He says he’s with WWE, then babbles in Khalese.  He wants somebody named Red Berry in a match tonight.  Matthews interprets it as “Wade Barrett.”  Commercials.

During the break, Michael Cole got an email from the iBooker 9000 announcing Melina vs. Alicia Fox for the Divas Championship at SummerSlam.  Ugh.  Also, Barrett will face Khali tonight.

Tonight, Divas wrestle in swimsuits!  Less interestingly, Sheamus calls out Randy Orton.

Edge and Jericho talk backstage.  Jericho thinks they’ve made a mistake.  Edge says they’ve survived everything else that has happened over the last 10 years.  Jericho says they should take out Cena and Bret tonight, because for some reason, The Nexus not having a match at SummerSlam protects them.

John Morrison and R-Truth talk.  Mark Henry says he’ll be a replacement on the SummerSlam team.

The Nexus watch TV!  Commercials!

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) and Mark Henry come out for their match, but the Nexus show up and jump Mark Henry.  They send him into the steps, then run out through the crowd.  Henry is KTFO’d.

WWE Champion Sheamus is headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Randy Orton vs. The Miz from last week.

WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  He gives the usual pussy cop out answer that he was scared of what he’d do to Orton.  They show a video package of Sheamus destroying people.  He babbles some more and calls out Randy Orton.  Orton comes out and calls him out on his pussy cop out line.  They banter back and forth.  Orton challenges Sheamus to fight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000 saying that if anyone interferes in the title match at SummerSlam, they will be suspended indefinitely.  Also, it’s Orton’s last title shot at Sheamus.  The iBooker also challenges Sheamus to stop being a pussy and fight Orton.  Sheamus teases taking a shot, but tries to leave.  Orton attacks Sheamus and goes for the pump kick, but Orton hits the 3.0.  Orton goes for the PUNT OF DOOM, but stops short and lets Sheamus live.  Orton holds up the belt, throws it back to Sheamus, and leaves.

Tonight, Cena & Bret vs. Edge & Jericho with the Nexus as Lumberjacks!  Commercials!

SummerSlam song plug.

Kaval, Percy Watson, & Lucky Cannon vs. Michael McGillicutty, Alex Riley, & Husky Harris.  Sheamus is still sitting at ringside for some reason.  Watson and McGillicutty start.  Watson drops him with an elbow for 2.  McGillicutty lands a dropkick and tags in Riley.  Riley puts the boots to Watson in the corner.  Riley locks Watson in a rear chin lock.  Watson drops Riley with an enzuigiri and makes the tag to Kaval.  Kaval runs wild on Riley.  Kaval locks Riley in the Dragon Clutch on the ropes, then hits the Tidal Crush for 2.  Cannon takes out McGillicutty with a dive.  Kaval hits the double stomp on Riley.  Harris blind tags in and hits Kaval from behind.  Harris hits Kaval with the senton splash for the pin in 3:02.  Fine little TV match.  Sheamus attacks Cannon and McGillicutty at ringside, then hits the Razor’s Edge on Kaval.  Sheamus says he was sending a message, presumably that he’s not a coward.  Naturally, Kaval is made to look like the biggest jobber of the bunch.

John Morrison & R-Truth are headed our way!  Commercials.

Tonight, Great Khali vs. Wade Barrett!

John Morrison & R-Truth vs. William Regal & Zack Ryder.  Regal and Ryder work over Truth.  Morrison gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Morrison hits a sweet one man Spanish Fly on Ryder, but Regal saves.  Truth takes out Regal.  Morrison hits Ryder with the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 2:11.  At least they squashed Ryder instead of Regal.

Cole and Lawler hype the SummerSlam card.

Divas in swimsuits are NEXT!  Commercials.

Divas Summertime Spectacular: Maryse & Jillian Hall vs. Eve Torres & Gail Kim vs. The Bella Twins.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are the special guest referees.  The girls come down a water slide in the entryway.  Maryse puts her hate on Eve’s face, so Eve kicks her ass.  One of the Bellas tags in and gets worked over by Maryse and Jillian.  The other Bella gets the tag and runs wild on Jillian.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Eve hits a neckbreaker drop on a Bella.  Gail puts a lifesaver thing on Maryse and hits the Eat Defeat.  Jillian throws Gail outside onto Eve.  Nikki Bella hits a diving cross body on Jillian for the pin in 2:51.  Typical divas/comedy match.  At least it’s out of the way now.  Tamina comes out.  She seems to have a thing for Santino… or she just wants to threaten him.  She slaps him on the ass, so I guess she likes him.

SummerSlam Recall: The Big Boss Man vs. The Mountie in a Jailhouse Match at SummerSlam ’91.  The Mountie lost and had to spend the night in a New York City jail!

Great Khali is headed our way!  But wait!  The Nexus jump him and take out his knee!  Commercials.

The Nexus come out.  Barrett says his match with Khali has been canceled.  He talks about The Nexus gaining power.  Sheffield talks about taking people out.  Otunga warns anyone else against joining Team WWE.

John Cena and Bret Hart come across The Miz backstage.  Miz assumes that they were going to ask him to join Team WWE.  They ask him if he’s in.  He says he’ll let them know Sunday.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Next week, Justin Long will be the guest host!  Sweet!  I actually like that guy.

Lumberjack Match: Edge & Chris Jericho vs. John Cena & Bret Hart.  The Nexus are lumberjacks.  Edge beats up Cena to start.  Cena takes Edge down with a side headlock after Bret decks Edge from the apron.  Edge escapes and throws Cena outside to the Nexus.  They put the boots to him and throws him back in.  Jericho tags in and… throws Cena out to Nexus, where the put the boots to him and throws him back in.  Repeat.  Jericho tries to do it a third time, but Cena reverses him outside.  The Nexus don’t attack Jericho, they simply let him back in.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Cena reverses it, misses a shoulder block, and falls outside.  He escapes The Nexus, but Jericho accidentally clocks Barrett.  Cena knocks Jericho outside and The Nexus kick his ass.  Edge tries to help, but gets his ass kicked too.  Bret brings Gabriel in the ring and beat him up, but The Nexus pull him to safety.  The Nexus huddle to talk strategy, then go after Cena and Bret.  Morrison and Truth run out to help.  The match is a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Jericho and Edge come back to rejoin Team WWE.  They face off and brawl.  The crowd goes crazy.  Team WWE cleans house and the Nexus bail through the crowd.  Team WWE stands tall!

Fine show here.  They did a great job of promoting SummerSlam.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/2/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on Raw…” video.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Randy Orton faces The Miz.  Plus a trailer for Cena’s next shitty movie!

Edge comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about he’s the only person who matters, etc. etc.  He says he’s challenging Wade Barrett to a match tonight.  R-Truth comes out and tries to convince Edge how important the match at SummerSlam is.  He tells Edge to get his head out of his ass.  They bicker.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates this mystery GM bullshit.  iBooker orders Truth out of the ring and says Edge will face Barrett next.  Truth tells Edge he’s on his own and leaves.  Commercials.

Edge vs. Wade Barrett.  They lock up.  Barrett beats on Edge.  Edge rallies and beats on Barrett.  Edge hits a spear in the corner for 2.  Barrett drops Edge with a big boot, then follows with another one that knocks Edge to the floor.  Barrett beats up Edge on the outside, then back in the ring.  Barrett chokes Edge against the bottom rope.  Shouldn’t he be fired?  Cover gets 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  The crowd is getting behind Edge.  Edge fights out.  Double clothesline spot.  Edge gets rolling and goes for the Edgecution.  Barrett counters, but Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Edge goes up top, but Barrett hits him with a boot and goes for his finish.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Edge sets up for the spear.  Barrett bails to avoid it.  Barrett calls for the rest of the Nexus to come down.  Edge escapes through the crowd.  It’s a no-contest in about 6 minutes.  It was fine while it lasted.

Tonight, Orton vs. Miz!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Edge is looking for John Cena backstage.  He finds him and asks why Cena didn’t save his ass.  Because you ran away too fast?  Cena calls him on his bullshit.  Edge quits the team.  Chris Jericho appears.  He wants Cena to quit the team.  What a retard.  Jericho challenges Cena to a match tonight, with the loser being off of the team.  Cena reluctantly agrees.

SummerSlam Recall: Bret Hart beating Mr. Perfect for the Intercontinental Championship in 1991.  That’s one of my favorite matches of all time.  Is Shawn is Mr. WrestleMania, Bret should be Mr. SummerSlam.

John Morrison talks to Great Khali backstage, with Ranjin Singh translating.  Morrison realizes he’s getting nowhere and leaves.  Michael Tarver and David Otunga appear.  They imply that they want him to join The Nexus.  Singh encourages Khali to consider it.  Commercials.

Eve Torres, Gail Kim, & Natalya vs. WWE Divas Champion Alicia Fox, Jillian Hall, & Tamina.  Hall and Gail start.  Jillian works Gail’s hair.  Jillian hits a backbreaker for 2.  Fox tags in and hits Gail with a Northern Lights suplex for 2.  Gail fights back against Fox and hits a flapjack.  Natalya tags in and works over Fox.  Natalya hits a double arm suplex hold, but Tamina saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Gail takes out Tamina with a dive to the outside.  Hall throws Gail into the post.  Eve hits Jillian with a baseball slide dropkick.  Tamina clotheslines Eve.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter, but Tamina saves.  Natala beats up Tamina.  Fox hits Natalya with the scissors kick from behind for the pin in 2:52.  Better than usual divas match.  Fox says she’s the greatest Divas Champion of all time.  That’s not exactly difficult.  She says she’s beaten everyone.  The returning Melina comes out.  Fox bails.  Jillian throws her back into the ring.  Melina kicks her ass.  Ugh, Melina’s back.

Tonight, Jericho vs. Cena in a Loser Leaves the Team Match!

WWE Champion Sheamus is headed our way!  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Randy Orton beat Jey Uso last week.  Sheamus took out Jimmy Uso, then Orton then RKO’d Sheamus.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Goldust.  WWECW revisited!  They actually show footage from their feud last year on ECW!  That feud did wonders for Sheamus.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Goldust into the corner and slaps him.  Goldust fires back and gets rolling.  Sheamus avoids the palm strike and knees Goldust in the face.  Sheamus hits the Uranage backbreaker, then the pump kick, then the Razor’s Edge (he calls it the High Cross) for the pin in 2:08.  Fun little match while it lasted.  Sheamus cuts a post-match promo about all he’s achieved in the past year.

Cena vs. Jericho is NEXT!  Commercials.

Loser Leaves Team WWE: Chris Jericho vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Cena backs Jericho into the corner.  The referee gets in the middle of them and Jericho gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Jericho sends Cena outside and throws him into the steps.  Cena barely beats the count into the ring.  Jericho beats up Cena and yells at him to stay down.  Jericho chokes Cena with the ring ropes while Cena looks like he’s asleep.  Shouldn’t Jericho be fired for that?  Cena fights back.  Jericho catches him with an elbow smash and hits the bottom rope decapitator.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Cena escapes and side steps Jericho, who spears the post.  Cena makes his comeback.  When Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Jericho springs up and hits the Codebreaker.  Cena falls out of the ring.  Jericho brings him back in and covers for 2.  Commercials.  Jericho punches Cena down.  Cena goes for the STF, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Cena counters that and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho avoids it and low bridges Cena out of the ring.  Cena makes to the apron, but Jericho kicks him off again.  Jericho rams Cena’s face into the announce table and yells at him.  Back inside, Jericho hits a diving elbow smash for 2.  Cena hammers Jericho with punches .  Jericho knocks Cena down and hits the Lionsault for 2.  Jericho tries to set Cena up on the top rope, but Cena fights him off and hits the diving Fameasser.  Cena hurts his knee, but covers for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjusment again, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho.  Cena counters and goes for the STF.  Jericho taps before it’s even fully applied to give Cena the win in 14:10.  If Jericho wanted off of the SummerSlam team that bad, why didn’t he just quit like Edge did?  Good match, though.  Cena asks Jericho to stay on the team anyway.  Jericho teases coming back to makes peace, but blows Cena off and leaves.

Still to come, Orton vs. Miz!  Commercials.

Moments ago, the Jericho/Cena stuff happened.

Jericho goes into Edge’s locker room.  They verbally fellate each other and make friends.

Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000 saying that Edge & Jericho will faces Cena & Bret Hart next week.  Really?  The Nexus will be lumberjacks.  Fucking idiots.  Why do these idiots keep putting Bret in matches?

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  He invites Sheamus to sit at ringside for Orton’s match with The Miz.

Cena’s shitty movie trailer is next.  Ugh.  Commercials.

Trailer for Cena’s next shitty movie, “Legendary.”  Cena plays an ex-con who teaches his younger brother how to do amateur wrestling.

Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Dibiase ducks Khali’s lock up attempt and throws a chop, which is completely ineffective.  Khali destroys him.  Dibiase dropkicks Khali’s knee to take him down and applies a front face lock.  Khali lifts Dibiase and drops him.  Khali hits a clothesline and goes for the big chop.  Dibiase cowers in the corner.  Khali stomps and chokes him.  Maryse distracts Khali to give Dibiase the advantage.  Wade Barrett and Skip Sheffield come out to distract Dibiase.  Khali hits the head chop and applies the vice grip for the referee stop victory in 2:19.  Not bad for what it was.

The Miz is walking backstage!  Commercials.

Cena & Bret vs. Edge & Jericho in a Lumberjack Match next week!

They show the Bella Twins hanging out with Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.  Retarded shit.

WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out and cuts a promo on Randy Orton.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up aggressively.  Miz backs Orton into the corner, cheap shots him, and puts the boots to him.  Orton drops Miz with a clothesline and stomps him a bunch.  Miz rallies and hits a knee lift for 2.  Orton boots Miz in the face and hits the bottom rope decapitator.  That move is getting really popular lately.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  Orton clotheslines Miz out of the ring.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes out and stands on the ramp.  Commercials.  Orton beats on Miz.  Sheamus is still watching from the ramp.  Miz blasts Orton with a boot to the face.  Miz beats on Orton.  Miz hits another boot to the face for 2.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Orton fights out and hits the 3.0.  Orton is selling that his knee is hurt.  Miz chokes Orton with his boot, then hits the clothesline to the corner for 2.  Miz beats on Orton some more until the referee makes him stop.  Orton lands an uppercut.  Miz fires back and drops Orton.  Orton lands some punches and clotheslines.  Orton hits the snap powerslam.  Miz rolls to the apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz backdrops Orton to the floor.  Orton comes back in and Miz hits him with a reverse DDT backbacker into a neckbreaker for 2.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin in 14:15.  Pretty decent match.  Sheamus tries to run in, but reconsiders when he sees Orton is humping the mat.  I don’t blame him.  End of show.

Pretty good show all together.  Nothing that made me really angry.

WWE Monday Night Raw 7/26/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…” video.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out and cuts a promo about The Nexus.  He talks about his team for SummerSlam and makes a bunch of jokes about the Super Friends.  Chris Jericho comes out.  Jericho bitches about Cena calling it “his” team.  Cena says he doesn’t care, he just wants to beat Nexus.  Having gotten what he wants, Jericho bitches at Cena for patronizing him.  Cena slaps the mic out of Jericho’s hand and gives him a passionate lecture.  The bitch back and forth some more.  Jericho promises to get rid of Cena after they get rid of the Nexus.  Cena challenges him to fight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  It says the match at SummerSlam will be Elimination and tonight the Nexus will face scrubs in a preview Elimination match.  It also says Jericho and Cena will team tonight.  This week’s tease is that the iBooker is a DX member.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Last week, Sheamus beat Evan Bourne, then The Miz attacked Sheamus and was about to cash in Money In The Bank until R-Truth fucked shit up.

WWE Champion Sheamus comes out to sit ringside for the next match.

Randy Orton vs. Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy Uso & Tamina).  They lock up.  Orton hits a clothesline and stares at Sheamus, the kicks Uso’s ass some more.  Orton hits the Albert decapitator.  Uso pulls Orton’s head across the top rope and puts the boots to him.  Uso hits a falling headbutt for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton ducks a clothesline and hits the powerslam.  Jimmy jumps on the apron and gets nailed.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER on Jey, then humps the mat and hits the RKO for the pin in 2:34.  It was there.  Jimmy Uso attacks Orton from behind.  Orton kicks his ass.  Sheamus comes in and tries to hit the pump kick on Orton, but nails Jimmy instead.  Orton hits the RKO on Sheamus.  The Miz comes out to cash in Money In The Bank, but Orton comes back in and RKOs Miz too.  Orton poses.

Edge complains to Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) about Great Khali being on the SummerSlam team.  Dibiase says Cena will see the error of his ways and put him on the team.  Edge says if he doesn’t, he’ll take Khali out himself.  Ranjin Singh overhead all of this.  Commercials.

San Antonio!

The Miz and Sheamus are still in the ring yelling at each other.  iBooker 9000 says tonight it will be Sheamus & Miz vs. Cena & Jericho.  Cole says he’s “received another manager” from the GM.

Cole and Lawler talk about SummerSlam to segue into…

SummerSlam Recall: The Ultimate Warrior squashing The Honky Tonk Man to win the Intercontinental Championship in 1988.

Edge is talking on the phone when Great Khali barges into his room and yells at him in Khalese.  Edge bitches down and denies saying the shit he just said.  Singh says Khali is challenging Edge to a match.  Edge agrees, but if he wins, Khali is off the SummerSlam team.  Please win Edge, PLEASE!  Commercials.

Lawler is gone because he’s one of the scrubs facing The Nexus tonight.

Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Edge.  Edge tries to be abusive and elusive, but Khali gets hold of him and kills him with a big chop.  Khali beats up Edge.  Edge avoids a leg drop.  The Nexus comes out.  Edge runs away through the crowd.  It’s a no-contest in about a minute and a half.  They surround Khali, but let him leave.

Tonight, Cena & Jericho vs. Sheamus & Miz!

The Raw srubs are headed our way!  Commercials!

Elimination Match: The Nexus (Wade Barrett, Skip Sheffield, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Darren Young, & Michael Tarver) vs. Team Raw (Mark Henry, Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya), Jerry Lawler, Evan Bourne, Goldust, & Yoshi Tatsu).  Tarver and Tatsu start.  They lock up.  Tarver yells, then Yoshi chops him.  Yoshi lands some kicks.  Tarver catches him with a boot.  Tatsu responds in kind.  Tarver hits his shitty powerslam for the pin in 51 seconds.  Bourne comes in and goes after Tarver.  Gabriel tags in.  They try to double team, but Gabriel gets backdropped.  Lawler tags in and shines against Gabriel.  Lawler hits the diving fist drop for 2.  Nexus bails to talk strategy.  Commercials.  Kidd has Slater in a side headlock.  During the break, Lawler missed the diving fist drop and Slater hit him with a side Russian leg sweep to eliminate him.  Smith hits the stalling suplex on Slater for 2.  Smith beats up Slater some more.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but Slater slips out thanks to Gabriel’s distraction.  Slater hits Smith with another shitty Russian leg sweep for the pin in 6:58.  Goldust comes in and beats up Slater.  Otunga comes in.  Young trips Goldust from the outside.  Otunga hits the spinebuster on Goldust for the pin in 8:13.  Henry comes in and press slams Otunga.  Slater tags in and gets beaten up too.  Darren Young gets more of the same.  Sheffield comes in and takes the fight to Henry because he’s a bad mofo.  Sheffield goes for the killer lariat, but Henry slams  him.  Twice.  Henry throws Gabriel in and splashes him in the corner.  Sheffield hits Henry with the clothesline for the pin in 10:06.  Kidd tries a springboard on Sheffield but gets killed with the clothesline.  Sheffield wants to give this one to Young.  Young hits his shitty full nelson face plant thing for the pin in 11:01.  Bourne is all alone.  He fights as well as he can, but Barrett hits the shitty fireman’s carry slam for the pin in 11:44.  Fun little match, but almost all of the Nexus guys have such shitty finishers.  The Nexus beat down Bourne after the match.  He takes the Sheffield killer lariat, Otunga’s spinebuster, and Gabriel’s 450 splash.  The Nexus cut promos about them being unified while Cena’s team isn’t.

The Miz is backstage looking mad.  Sheamus comes in and bitches at him.  Miz teases cashing in Money In The Bank after their tag match tonight.  Sheamus warns him to stop fucking him him and smacks the briefcase out of his hand.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

The Alamo!

Non-Title: Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) vs. WWE Divas Champion Alicia Fox.  Fox beats up Bella.  Jillian Hall comes out to stop the Bellas from pulling the switcheroo.  Brie schoolgirls Alicia for 2.  Alicia hits the scissors kick for the pin in 1:03.  Pointless shit here.  Jillian sings in celebration until Alicia hits her with the scissors kick too.  Yay Alicia!

Tonight, Cena & Jericho vs. Miz & Sheamus!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

R-Truth comes out to do commentary for the next match.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Maryse grabs Morrison’s leg to let Dibiase get the advantage.  Dibiase clamps on a rear chin lock.  Morrison makes his comeback.  Dibiase boots him in the face.  Morrison rocks DIbiase with a kick and goes for the Starship Pain, but Maryse distracts him.  Dibiase tries to pin Morrison with his feet on the ropes, but R-Truth pushes his feet off.  Dibiase sends Morrison crashing into Truth, then gets the pin in 2:17.  Not much of a match.  Morrison and R-Truth argue.

John Cena looks distraught at his teammates arguing.  Commercials.

The SummerSlam song is some stupid song by some stupid band.

“Last week on Raw…” video.  Again.

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton, who doesn’t care who the WWE Champion is at SummerSlam.

The main event is NEXT!

WWE Champion Sheamus & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Cena & Chris Jericho.  Both teams argue over who is going to start.  It ends up being Cena and Miz.  Cena sends Miz outside immediately.  Miz comes back in… and tags out immediately.  Sheamus and Cena lock up.  They trade headlocks.  Cena scores a knockdown with a shoulder block and tags in Jericho.  Sheamus and Jericho brawl.  Jericho throws Sheamus out of the ring.  Miz bitches at Sheamus.  Commercials.  Sheamus and Cena brawl.  Miz tags in and Cena hits the Fisherman buster, then tags in Jericho.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Sheamus misses a clothesline, then Jericho connects with the springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Sheamus to the floor.  Miz cheap shots Jericho and gets the advantage.  Sheamus tags in and beats up Jericho.  Sheamus scores some near falls as heel Jericho plays face in peril.  Miz does the same.  Jericho lands a missile dropkick.  Sheamus tags in and prevents Jericho from making the tag.  Miz tags in and misses a charge in the corner.  Cena gets the hot tag and runs wild on Sheamus.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Miz distracts the referee.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Cena.  Miz tags himself in and pins Cena in 13:22.  Fine match.  Jericho locks Cena in the Walls of Jericho.  Cena counters into the STF.  Great Khali comes down to be the voice of reason.  Really.  Edge shows up and spears Khali.  John Morrison and R-Truth come down and are like WTF?  Team Raw argues.  Khali kills Morrison and Edge with head chops.  Things aren’t looking good for Team Raw!

Nothing particularly great on this show, but it was pretty fun.