Archive for Sharlto Copley

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/7/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Cut straight to the arena, where Raw and Smackdown GMs Bret Hart and Teddy Long make their way to the ring.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Bret Hart welcomes the people to the Viewer’s Choice Raw.  Go to WWE.com and vote.  Joy.  They announce that the fans will pick the opponents for the participants in the Raw Fatal 4 Way match.  Long says they should talk about Randy Orton.  Orton comes out with his arm in a sling.  He says he wants Edge tonight.  Edge comes out to retort.  Long whispers in Bret’s ear.  Bret agrees to leave it up to the fans.  Long says it will be a debate, a sit-up contest, or a one arm match.  Stupid.  They pick the one armed thing.  I already hate this show.  Long announces that the first match is Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show.  It’s either Over The Top Rope Challenge, Submission Match, or Body Slam Challenge.  Stupid, stupid shit.  Big Show comes out.  Commercials.

Matt Striker reveals the results.  Body Slam Challenge wins.  Lawler is an idiot.

Body Slam Challenge: The Big Show vs. Chris Jericho.  Show is amused.  Jericho looks near tears.  Jericho slaps Show.  Show kicks his ass.  Jericho side steps Show in the corner and tries to slam him but fails, of course.  Show beats up Jericho some more.  Show signals for the KO punch.  Jericho bails.  Show grabs him, but Jericho pulls his arm across the top rope.  Jericho tries to work the arm.  Jericho comes off the top and gets caught with a chop.  Jericho tries a cross body, but Show catches him and slams him for the win in 2:52.  That was stupid.  Show puts Jericho in a camel clutch and Jericho taps out.  Show is announced as the winner again.  Show throws Jericho out of the ring to win again.  This was really, really stupid.

Miami!

Who will the Hart Dynasty face?  The Usos (now named John & Jey) (w/ Tamina), The Dudebusters, or Great Khali & Hornswoggle.  We get short promos from all 3.  Ugh.

WWE.com plug.

Striker reveals the winners… Khali & Hornswoggle.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Great Khali & Hornswoggle.  Khali mauls Kidd.  Hornswoggle tags in and goes for the tadpole splash.  Kidd avoids it.  Smith kicks Khali off the apron.  Kidd pins Hornswoggle in 1:18.  This was retarded.  The Usos and Tamina attack the Harts again.  This week, the Harts clean house.

Lawler gets up from the announce table, saying he has a problem.  Cole introduces the Smackdown Rebound, with an angle so shitty is has to be recapped.

Guest hosts the A-Team cast are next.  Well, they can’t make this show any worse.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The stars of The A-Team are introduces.  Only Bradley Cooper comes out.  He greets the crowd and leaves.  What was the fucking point of that.

Jerry Lawler is backstage looking for someone.  Quinton Jackson and Sharlto Copley find him.  Lawler says somebody stole his crown.  They say they’ll find it.  They go outside and encounter the Bella Twins, but stay in character.  Fuck, I hate this show.

Santino Marella comes out.  He’ll face Vladimir Kozlov in… a match, an arm wrestling match, or a dance off.  Fuck.

Vladimir Kozlov comes out.  Striker reveals the results.  It’s a Dance Off.  Shoot me now.

Santino dances… or comes out of the closet, I’m not sure which.  Kozlov does the robot, I think, and some other retarded shit.  “Vintage Kozlov!”  Cole is a moron.  Kozlov is judged the winner.  Kozlov and Santino dance together, then Kozlov shoves him down.  Ugh.  This show is retarded.

All of the divas are backstage.  Will it be a 12 woman tag, a battle royal, or champion vs. champion?  Can I vote for none of the above?

The Divas come out.  Lawler reveals that it’s gonna be a Battle Royal.

Divas Battle Royal featuring WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Tiffany, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool, and WWE Women’s Champion Layla.  They fight.  Rosa gets eliminated by one of the Bellas.  McCool and Layla eliminate Tiffany.  McCool eliminates Kelly.  Gail eliminates Fox, then goes over herself.  LayCool eliminate the Bellas.  Eve fights LayCool  and manages to eliminate them both.  Maryse and Jillian beat down Eve.  They eliminate her.  Jillian declares herself and Maryse co-winners, but Maryse eliminates Jillian to win it in 3:55.  This sucked.  Are you surprised?

Cole and Lawler talk about how great all the stupid bullshit I’ve suffered through tonight were.

Sheamus is backstage.  He encounters Kane, who accuses him of turning Undertaker into a cucumber.  Sheamus says if he had done it, he wouldn’t be shy about it.  Kane calls him a liar and hopes to see him soon.

Who will Sheamus face?  Kane, Mark Henry, or Evan Bourne?

Sheamus comes out.  They show him getting pinned by Evan Bourne in the tag match against Bourne & John Cena last week.  Matt Striker reveals Sheamus’ opponent… Kane (with 88%).  Big surprise, right?

Sheamus vs. Kane.  Kane goes on the attack.  Sheamus cuts him off on the top rope and hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus puts his knee in Kane’s back and pulls on his arms.  What the fuck is that move called?  Kane gets out and boots Sheamus in the face.  Kane hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam, but Sheamus kicks free.  They counter each other until Sheamus hits a reverse DDT backbreaker.  Kane avoids the pump kick and goozles Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus comes back in.  Kane hits the chokeslam.  Sheamus rolls out of the ring.  He decides to take the count-out loss in 7:24.  Kane is pissed.  Best match on the show so far, and it wasn’t good either.

Tonight, Orton vs. Edge in a one armed match.

Who will John Cena face tonight?  Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk?

Miami.

Wade Barrett hype video.

Savannah interviews Wade Barrett.

Ted Dibiase Jr. bitches to Virgil.  Sharlto Copley and Quinton Jackson come in and accuse him of stealing the crown.  Another retarded segment.  Irwin R. Schyster comes in.  He repo’d the crown because Lawler owed back taxes.  There’s a “gas attack” and Copley passes out.  FUCKING RETARDED.

R-Truth and The Miz are headed out for a tag match.  R-Truth’s partner can be Christian, MVP, or John Morrison.  Miz’s partner can be Dolph Ziggler, William Regal, or Zack Ryder.

WWE Classics on Demand plug.

WWE United States Champion R-Truth makes his entrance.  His partner is… John Morrison.  Black Magic and the White Shadow reunite!

Lawler votes for William Regal to be Miz’s partner.  So did I.  Miz comes out and cuts a promo.  His partner is… Zack Ryder.  Really?

WWE United States Champion R-Truth & John Morrison vs. The Miz & Zack Ryder.  Miz and Truth start.  Miz does his jumping around, then tags in Morrison.  They hit a double hip toss.  Morrison nips up and tags Truth immediately back in.  They hit a double suplex.  Miz boots R-Truth in the face and tags in Ryder.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker on Truth, then tags in Miz.  Lots of quick tags.  Miz beats up Truth for a bit.  Morrison tags in and runs wild.  Morrison knees Miz in the face for 2, as Ryder saves.  R-Truth and Ryder are sent outside.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Morrison for the pin in 3:21.  It was okay, but rushed.

Edge bitches to Bret Hart backstage.  Hart encounters Kane, who of course, accuses him of turning Undertaker into a head of lettuce.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

One Arm Match: Edge vs. Randy Orton.  Orton’s arm is in a sling and Edge has an arm tied behind his back.  Orton ducks a clothesline, side steps a boot, and clotheslines Edge.  Orton does the Garvin Stomp.  Orton humps the mat and goes for the RKO.  Edge avoids it and hits a shoulder block.  Edge unties his arm and attacks Orton.  The ref tries to pull him back, then DQs  Edge in 1:35.  Edge goes for the spear, but Orton kicks him in the head, then kicks him out of the ring.  Orton follows Edge outside.  Edge attacks Orton’s arm with a chair.  I don’t think this stupid shit they keep having Orton do is going to be good for his shoulder.  This whole thing was stupid.

Cole and Lawler recap this shitty show, of which there is unfortunately still another hour.  They show “highlights” just to kill time.

John Cena will face either Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk, but voting isn’t until later.  Ugh.

NXT season 2 starts tomorrow.  Joy.

Miami.

Earlier tonight, this show sucked.  It still sucks.  Also, Edge vs. Randy Orton happened.

John Cena and Evan Bourne chat backstage.  Bourne leaves and Savannah interviews Cena.

The stupid A-Team guy wakes up.  Mean Gene Okerlund interviews him.  He’s still in character and things Gene is the old guy character.  Josh Matthews is there too.  This was fucking retarded, just like everything on this fucking show.

Drew McIntyre comes out.  Teddy Long introduces the candidates for his opponent: Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, and a mystery opponent who is obviously Matt Hardy.  I want to see McIntyre vs. Rampage.

Striker reveals McIntyre’s opponent…. the mystery man (with 88%).  It’s Matt Hardy, to the shock of absolutely nobody.

McIntyre says the match isn’t happening because Hardy is suspended.  Teddy Long says Hardy is suspended from Smackdown, not Raw.  I love loopholes.

Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy.  Hardy kicks McIntyre’s ass.  The referees celebrate them.  Hardy clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring and kicks his ass out there.  Back inside, McIntyre drops Hardy with a big boot.  Hardy avoids McIntyre in the corner and McIntyre spears the post.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the pin in 1:26, then bashes McIntyre’s head against the mat.  The referee tries to separate them.  McIntyre finally manages to run away, getting some of his hair pulled out in the process.

Rampage Jackson is handcuffed to a chair backstage.  Dibiase, Virgil, and IRS are holding him captive.  They’re gonna take him to the ring and answer something.  Ugh.  This shit is retarded.

Ted Dibiase Jr., Virgil, and King Irwin R. Schyster have Rampage Jackson handcuffed to the top rope.  Dibiase says even he has a price.  Somebody hired him to capture his character from the A-Team.  It’s “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!  That’s hilarious.  Piper is still holding a grudge. He cuts a typically great Piper promo on Rampage.  The A-Team music plays.  Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okerlund, and Sharlto Copley come out in a golf cart.  Rampage breaks free and hits a spinebuster on Dibiase.  Rhodes hits the Bionic Elbow on IRS.  Piper shoves Virgil into Rampage to get chokeslammed.  Mean Gene interviews the A-Team and Dusty.  Also, they finally recover Lawler’s crown.  At least this segment was funny.  First time in a while one of these stupid guest host segments was funny.

Voting for the Cena match is open now.

Next week the guest host is the guy from Royal Pains.

Cole and Lawler say it’s been a fantastic show.  This is a lie.  Lawler votes for Mysterio to face Cena.  So did I.

Josh Matthews interviews the choices: Rey Mysterio Jr., World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, and CM Punk (w/ The Straight Edge Society).

WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  Striker reveals his opponent, CM Punk.

Non-Title: WWE Champion John Cena vs. CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Cena goes for the mask and Punk bails.  Cena schools Punk some more.  They do some nice counter wrestling.  Cena goes for the mask again and Punk bails again.  Back inside, Punk lands some knees and attacks Cena’s mid-section.  Sweet dropkick to the back of the head gets 2.  Punk applies a figure-four head scissors.  Cena tries to make a comeback, but Gallows trips him.  Commercials.  Cena escapes a hold and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk hits a DDT for 2.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring.  Serena gets her cheap shot in.  Back inside, Punk lands some kicks on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  When he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Wade Barrett comes out to distract him.  He hits it anyway, then goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but gets distracted by Barrett approaching the ring.  The rest of the NXT season 1 guys (Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, David Otunga, Skip Sheffield, Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, and Darren Young) come through the crowd and beat the hell out of the Straight Edge Society, then get in the ring.  Otunga decks the referee.  Cena goes on the attack, but it’s 8 on 1, so he gets destroyed.  The rookies attack Striker and the announcers and demolish the ringside area.  The bell finally rings at 11:58.  I assume it’s a no-contest.  The rookies beat up all of the ringside personnel.  The rookies start tearing the ring apart.  Cena tries to fight back, but gets beaten down again.  The NXT guys take turns hitting moves on him.  They beat the hell out of Punk some more.  Sheffield clotheslines Cena.  Danielson screams “You are not better than me!” at Cena.  Danielson tropes Cena with a kick.  Barrett hits his shitty finish on Cena.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  The NXT guys finally leave, having completely devastated the ring and surrounding area.  Doctors check on Cena.  EMTs come out to stretcher Cena out.  Nobody seems concerned with the dead announcers and such.

This show was the absolute drizzling shits up until the main event, which was a good match.  The ending angle was interesting, and I’m very curious about where this is going.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

Cut straight to the arena, where Edge is beating the shit out of Evan Bourne.  Bourne hits his double knees and lands some kicks.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but Edge avoids it and spears Bourne.  Edge takes the mic and cuts a promo about his Fatal 4 Way opponents.  Randy Orton comes out.  Edge bitches at him while acting all crazy.  Orton hits the RKO, then poses.

Tonight, John Cena & Randy Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus.  Also, guest host Ashton Kutcher.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Ashton Kutcher bitches to Eve Torres about Zack Ryder talking smack about him on Twitter.  He’s going to put a hit on Ryder.  The Miz comes in.  Kutcher tells him that per GM Bret Hart, Miz has a match against Daniel Bryan tonight(!!!).  Miz says he’ll beat Bryan to a bloody pulp.  Some other stupid bickering.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho points at Truth.  Truth dances.  They lock up.  Jericho grabs a side headlock.  Truth hops around and hits a hip toss.  Truth catapults Jericho out of the ring and takes him out with a dive.  Commercials.  Jericho has Truth in a rear chin lock.  Boy, that was unpredictable.  Truth fights out and schoolboys Jericho for 2.  Jericho hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Jericho beats up Truth.  Truth hits a forearm and makes his comeback.  Truth hits a flying head scissors and a big boot for 2.  Jericho hits the bulldog.  Truth avoids the Lionsault.  Jericho avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Truth counters it.  Truth botches a front suplex for 2.  Jericho pokes Truth in the eye behind the referee’s back and hits a clothesline for 2.  Truth does some more break dancing shit.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Truth turns it into a cradle for the pin in 9:47.  Good match.  Jericho looks distraught.

Cena & Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus tonight.

NXT finale is tomorrow!

Last week, Batista quit and Bret Hart was introduced as the new GM.

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are in Bret’s office.  Ryder accuses Bret of being hired to take him out.  Well, he is the Hitman.  The Hart Dynasty and Natalya come in and talk about the Usos, who debuted attacking the Hart Dynasty next week.  Bret tells them to deal with it.

Santino Marella and Eve Torres come out.  They’re in a tag match next.  Eve looks a tit bit nipply tonight.

Santino Marella & WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres vs. William Regal (w/ Vladimir Kozlov) & Maryse.  Santino takes the mic before the match and tries again to talk Kozlov into teaming with him.  Santino says Eve will make love to him.  Eve quickly refutes that.  Whatever.  Maryse and Eve start.  Eve completely whiffs a dropkick.  Regal and Santino come in.  Santino fucks around.  Regal kicks his ass, which is glorious.  Regal hits an Exploder, then locks in the Regal Stretch.  Eve breaks it up.  Maryse tackles her, which distracts the ref.  Kozlov comes in and hits the Iron Curtain on Regal.  Kozlov and Maryse leave.  Santino pins Regal in 2:30.  Fun times.

Bret Hart is headed our way.

Memorial Day dedication.

Raw GM Bret Hart comes out.  He announces next week’s 3 hour Raw, with Raw and Smackdown talent, and they’re taking ideas from fans and wrestlers.  Sure they are.  Ted Dibiase Jr. and Virgil come out.  Dibiase wants to buy the GM job for the night.  Ashton Kutcher appears on the screen and proposes that next week’s Raw be Viewer’s Choice.  Bret agrees.  Vince McMahon comes out.  So much for his character being done after WrestleMania.  Dibiase and Virgil leave while Vince gets in the ring with Bret.  Vince talks to Bret for a while, then says the fans are like children.  He wishes Bret luck, then calls for cheers for himself and prances around the ring.  Stupid segment.

Zack Ryder accuses Randy Orton of being the one to take him out.  They leave.  Edge slams Orton’s locker room door into Orton’s injured shoulder.

University of Texas!

Moments ago, Edge hurt Randy Orton’s bad shoulder.

The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  They show the altercations between Cole and Bryan and Miz and Bryan on NXT last week.  Cole is in fine form tonight.  Danielson is in full MMA mode and it’s awesome.  Miz avoids Danielson in the corner and drops him with a lariat to the back of the head, then kicks his ass, then kicks him in the head for 2.  Miz beats on Bryan some more.  Miz hits a diving double axe handle.  Miz lands some more punches.  Danielson locks on a crossface hold.  Miz turns it into a pinning predicament.  Danielson counters into a crucifix hold for the pin in 2:07.  Cole looks dumbfounded.  Miz jumps Bryan and throws him out of the ring.  Miz tries to make Danielson apologize to Cole.  Danielson rams Miz’s face into the table, then throws him into Cole.  Fucking awesome, everything about this.  Just fucking hate filled awesomeness.

NXT finale is tomorrow!

Cole whines to Lawler.

Slam of the Week: Last Monday, the debuting Uso Brothers and Tamina jumped the Hart Dynasty and Natalya.

The Usos and Tamina are in the ring.  The introduce themselves (using the names Jay and Jimmy Uso).  They talk about their own family history, going back to the Wild Samoans.  They’re not stereotypical Samoans because they act black.  Tamina talks about the lack of respect their families get compared to the Harts.  She’s bitter that her dad, Jimmy Snuka, was in the corner in the main event at WrestleMania I.  The Hart Dynasty and Natalya come out and brawl with them.  They go for the Hart Attack on one of the Usos, but Tamina trips Kidd.  Usos lay out the Harts again and hit their splashes in triplicate.  Good segment.

Earlier tonight, Edge hurt Orton’s shoulder.  Yes, they showed it again.  WILL Orton be able to take part in the main event?

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox come to the ring.  He demands that Kutcher reveal who the hitman is.  Jerry Lawler comes into the ring with a chair, sits down, and leaves.  Great Khali comes out.  Is Kutcher even at the arena?  They’ve only shown him on the screen.  Ryder and Fox bail.  Kutcher says Khali isn’t the hitman.  Goldust comes out.  Not him either.  Ryder begs Kutcher to tell him who it is.  Ashton says he’ll never see it coming.  Fox says she’s tired of the joke, then drops the mic.  Ryder bends over to pick it up.  Fox hits him with her scissors kick.  Stupid segment.

Edge and Sheamus chat backstage.

This Week In WWE History: Junkyard Dog.  This week is the 12th anniversary of his death.

Next week’s guest hosts are the cast of the A-Team: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Sharlto Copley.  The show will be Viewer’s Choice.

Entrances for the main event.  Orton is out of the match from Edge’s attack, which we see for the trillionth time tonight.  John Cena introduces his replacement partner, Evan Bourne!

Edge & Sheamus vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Evan Bourne.  Cena and Edge lock up.  Edge beats up Cena early on.  Bourne takes in and takes down Edge with a cool arm move.  Bourne hits some ranas and a spin kick.  Edge bails.  Commercials.  Cena beats up Sheamus.  Bourne tags in and hits a running taint to the corner for 2.  Edge tags in and beats up Bourne.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bourne, but gets countered.  Sheamus cuts off Bourne from making the tag and nails him with the Polish hammer for 2.  Bourne continues to play face in peril.  Bourne drops Edge and makes the hot tag to Cena.  Cena runs wild on Sheamus, who also tags in.  Cena avoids the pump kick and Bourne kicks Sheamus in the head from the apron.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then avoids a spear from Edge.  Bourne tags in and hits the Shooting Star press on Sheamus for the pin in 11:18!  Yay!  Pretty good little tag match, and it’s awesome to see Bourne get a big win.  Cena and Bourne celebrate.

Good show overall, by Raw standards.