Archive for Sabu

TNA iMPACT! 9/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Eliminating The Monster”

Kurt Angle talks on the phone, allegedly to Hulk Hogan, as he’s loaded onto his hydraulic stage thingy.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Kurt Angle comes out to talk.  He say the Impact Zone misses Hogan.  Those mutants might, but I don’t.  He talks for a while and says he’ll take out Abyss tonight in a Steel Cage.  I won’t even get in to how stupid that is.  Abyss comes out through the crowd.  Angle meets him and they brawl.  They brawl moves backstage.  Abyss hits Angle with a ladder.  Angle hits Abyss with a chair.  They keep brawling.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and security geeks break it up.

Abyss attacks Kurt Angle again.  Agents and security break them up again.

Lumberjack Match: Beer Money vs. Tommy Dreamer & Rhino.  AJ Styles, Kazarian, Doug Williams, Ric Flair, and Matt Morgan from Fortune and Sabu, Stevie Richards, Raven, Mick Foley, and Brian Kendrick from EV2.0 are Lumberjacks.  Dreamer and Rhino hit the ring and brawl with Beer Money.  It breaks down into a tag match with Rhino and Roode legal.  Roode bails to avoid the Gore and Sabu throws him back in.  Storm drops Rhino with a kick from the apron.  Beer Money beat up Rhino.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the BEER!  MONEY!  pose.  Storm throws Rhino outside to get beaten up by Fortune.  EV2.0 come over and Morgan throws Rhino back into the ring.  Rhino continues to play face in peril.  Rhino hits Roode with a belly to belly suplex and makes the hot tag to Dreamer.  Dreamer runs wild.  Dreamer and Storm counter each others’ moves.  Dreamer locks Storm in a crossface.  Roode saves.  Rhino clotheslines Roode to send them both out of the ring.  All of the lumberjacks brawl.  Styles spits something in Dreamer’s face.  Storm hits Dreamer with a Lung Blower for 2.  Lumberjacks continue to brawl.  Storm tries to use the beer bottle, but Dreamer catches him and hits the Spiccoli Driver for the pin in 5:34.  Sabu hits a dive on everybody.  Typical overbooked TNA shit.  Foley calls for everyone to stop fighting and for Flair to get into the ring.  Will it happen NEXT?

Mick Foley and Ric Flair are in the ring.  They talk back and forth for a while.  Foley challenges Flair to a match next week.  Flair beats up Foley’s new book.  Ric Flair is the only man alive who can do silly bullshit like that and have it work.  They each punch themselves in the face to make themselves bleed.  The talk some more.  Foley wants a Last Man Standing Match.  Flair agrees and says he’ll kiss Foley’s ass if he loses.

Backstage, Ken Anderson bitches at Eric Bischoff because Hulk Hogan didn’t call him.  I hate this show.

Tonight, Angle vs. Abyss.  Next, Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.

The Motor City Machine Guns are walking backstage!

Bound For Glory hype.

Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me.  GenMe come out with the TNA World Tag Team title belt they stole last week.  They show a video of said theft.  Moore and Jeremy start with some nice wrestling.  Moore gets the better of the exchange and hits a stupid leg drop around the legs for 2.  Neal and Max tag in.  Ink Inc. double team Max for 2.  Neal lands a dropkick for 2.  Neal avoids a moonsault body block.  Max feigns a knee injury.  Jeremy attacks Neal from behind.  Max comes back in and puts the boots to Neal.  Bucks work over Neal.  Neal ducks a shot and Max accidentally decks Jeremy.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild on Max.  Moore hits a spin kick, but Jeremy saves.  Moore hits the Bucks with a double Frankensteiner!  Moore hits a springboard moonsault body block on Max for 2.  All 4 brawl.  Neal accidentally spears the post.  Max kicks Moore in the balls and schoolboys him for the pin in 4:57.  Good little tag match.  The Bucks attack Ink Inc. again after the match.  They set up Neal for the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER, but the Motor City Machine Guns come out and run them off.

Samoa Joe talks to no one backstage.

Anderson vs. Joe NEXT!

The Motor City Machine Guns yell at Generation Me, who are not present.

Ken Anderson vs. Samoa Joe.  “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to do commentary.  Sting, and Kevin Nash come out to stand behind him.  Joe powers Anderson to the corner and beats him up.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Joe gets out of it and kicks his ass some more.  Anderson fights back.  Joe beats him up again.  Joe hits the face wash in the corner to stop me from being bored with this match for the time being.  Cover gets 2.  Anderson makes his comeback and gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch.  Anderson escapes via a jawbreaker, then hits the Mic Check for the pin in 4:00.  Pretty boring match.  Nash carries Sting’s bat to ringside and calls for Joe to “join us!”

During the break, security got between Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.

Kevin Nash, Sting, and The Pope are in the ring.  They talk about how they know what’s going on and how Bischoff and Hogan are dicks.  Sting was a six-man at Bound For Glory with Sting, Nash, & Pope vs. Hogan, Jarrett, & Joe.  Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff babbles for a while and says Hogan will be there next week.  Ugh.

TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) yells at Brian Kendrick, who is not present.  He makes Flair chug a Smirnoff.  Again.

Tonight, Angle vs. Abyss in a Cage!

House shows!

They show Amazing Red beating Jay Lethal for the TNA X Division Championship last Thursday in New York City and Lethal regaining the title on Saturday in Rahway, New Jersey.

Miss Tessmacher tells Madison Rayne and Tara to behave or something.  The Beautiful People come in and bitch at them.  Tessmacher apparently has the power to fire them.  Rayne gives Tessmacher a waiver she signed that allows Tara to wrestle in TNA again.  SHE ALREADY WRESTLED A FUCKING MATCH.  YOU FUCKING MORONS.  I HATE THIS FUCKING COMPANY.  They make a 4-way match for the PPV.  I don’t care.  They all argue and leave.  Tessmacher gets a phone call and agrees to go fuck someone in 20 minutes.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Flair rants at the commentary table as the match starts.  They lock up.  Kendrick backs Styles into the corner, breaks, and bows.  Styles attacks Kendrick and grounds him with a side headlock.  Styles avoids a dropkick.  Kendrick avoids Styles in the corner and lands his dropkick.  Kendrick reverses a waist lock and gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Styles hits a backdrop suplex.  Morgan chokes Kendrick behind the referee’s back.  Styles covers for 2.  Styles puts the boots to Kendrick.  Kendrick makes his comeback.  Styles cuts him off with an elbow smash.  Kendrick lands a dropkick and a spinning DDT, then goes up top and dives out of the ring onto Morgan.  Styles goes for a dive, but Kendrick catches him with a kick.  Kendrick goes up top again.  Flair distracts the ref and Morgan crotches Kendrick.  Styles hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 4:24.  Fine little TV match.  These two could have a hell of a match if they were given some time.

Abyss talks to Janice about Kurt Angle, then says he wants his match with RVD at Bound For Glory to be a Monster’s Ball Match.

Congrats to Richard G., who won a free trip to Bound For Glory!  The poor bastard.

Earlier today, Rob Van Dam was outside talking to nobody.

Hype for next week’s live iMPACT!: Before The Glory.

Steel Cage Match: Abyss vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle goes on the attack and kicks Abyss’ ass.  Abyss fights back and beats up Angle.  Angle fights back and beats up Abyss.  Isn’t this exciting?  Angle picks up Janice and throws it over the top of the cage.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss mows down Angle with a big boot.  Abyss throws Angle into the cage.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN.  Abyss works the cut by pounding on Angle’s head and throwing him into the cage again.  Angle slips of off Abyss’ back and takes out his knee.  Angle hammers Abyss with punches, then hits a frog splash for 2.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Angle rolls through and goes for the ankle lock.  Abyss kicks free and chokeslams Angle for 2.  Abyss counters the Angle Slam and hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss goes for a diving splash, but Angle avoids it and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle starts to leave through the door, then changes his mind and climbs to the top of the cage.  The show ends.  During the main event.  For the 2nd time in 3 weeks.  About 9 minutes shown.

I fucking hate this company.

TNA iMPACT! 9/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.  On Reaction, Eric Bischoff made the Bound For Glory title match a 3-way which pissed Dixie off.

“They say… Only The Strong Will Survive”

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Rob Terry comes out to wrestle Abyss.  Rob Van Dam is backstage being retrained by various people

Rob Terry vs. Abyss.  Abyss jumps Terry and kicks his ass.  Terry drops Abyss with a clothesline.  Abyss kicks Terry in the head.  Terry drops Abyss with his big spin kick.  Terry charges Abyss in the corner, but Abyss stops him with a boot, then lands a clothesline.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Terry breaks out and hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry hits a running powerslam for 2.  Terry goes for the Freak Buster, but Abyss rakes his eyes and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss hits a chokeslam for 2.  Fuck.  Abyss clotheslines Terry out of the ring.  Split screen time!  Jeff Hardy tries to calm RVD down backstage.  Abyss picks up a piece of the barricade and throws it at Terry for the DQ in 3:59.  This was awful.  Abyss hits him with the barricade again.  And again.  Rob Van Dam comes out through the crowd with a chair.  Gunner and Murphy get in his way.  Abyss picks up Janice.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and more security geeks come out and force Abyss to the back.  RVD smacks Murphy or Gunner (whichever one is the short one) in the face with a chair and gets into the ring.  He has his arms and legs taped up and appears to be fine other than a slight limp.  He calls out Eric Bischoff.  Insta-commercials.

Rob Van Dam and Eric Bischoff are in the ring.  RVD bitches at him about stripping  him of the title.  Yeah, why the fuck DID you strip him of the title when he’s BACK BEFORE YOU’VE CROWNED A NEW CHAMPION?  He says he wants the first shot at whoever wins the title at Bound For Glory.  He tells Bischoff he’ll be cleared to wrestle on 10/10/10 and he wants Abyss at Bound For Glory.  Bischoff makes the match.

Live iMPACT! 2 weeks from tonight!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  Bischoff is still in the ring.  He wants to know what the hell is going on.  In regards to what?  He babbles for a while about who he’s beaten lately.  He’s mad because he’s not in the title match at Bound For Glory.  It’s probably because he got pinned clean in the middle of the ring in the semifinal.  Bischoff wants to discuss it backstage, so the leave.

Lacey Von Erich comes into a room looking sad while Angelina Love and Velvet Sky talk.  Lacey is extremely pissed off at Madison Rayne and Tara.

During the break, Bischoff and Pope argued backstage.  Bischoff says Pope will be put into the title match if he beats Samoa Joe tonight.

Jeremy Buck (w/ Max Buck) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  They lock up.  Sabin grabs a side headlock.  Sabin hits the ropes and Max trips him.  The referee sends Max to the back.  Sabin schoolboys Jeremy for 2.  Sabin hits a shoulder block for 2.  His shoulder is taped up after being injured last week.  Sabin cranks on Jeremy’s arm.  Jeremy attacks the shoulder, then hits a slingshot face buster for 2.  Jeremy applies a Dragon sleeper.  Jeremy hits a neckbreaker for 2.  They end up fighting on the apron and Jeremy hits Sabin with a neckbreaker on the apron for 2.  Jeremy applies a full nelson.  Jeremy lands an elbow smash and a head breaker (reverse jawbreaker).  Jeremy goes for a tornado DDT, but Sabin superkicks him, then gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:42.  Fine little match.  Max immediately runs down and Generation Me beats down Sabin.  They hit him with another DDT OF MURDER, then steal his tag title belt.

Velvet & Lacey challenge Taylor Wilde & Hamada for the Knockouts Tag titles NEXT!

Pope interview from Reaction and Jeff Jarrett’s retort.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Taylor Wilde & Hamada (c) vs. The Beautiful People of Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich.  Wilde does her best to wrestle with Lacey, who is absolutely incompetent in a wrestling ring.  She shockingly manages a couple of successful arm drags on Wilde and Hamada.  Velvet tags in and works Hamada’s arm.  Hamada nails her with a Yakuza kick.  Hamada slams Velvet and goes for a moonsault, but Velvet avoids it.  Wilde tags in and schoolgirls Velvet for 2, then inside cradles her for 2.  Velvet gets a backslide for 2, then some elbow drops.  Lacey tags back in.  Hamada tags back in.  Wilde and Hamada hit Lacey with a double suplex for 2.  Hamada nails Lacey with an enzuigiri.  Hamada hits a cool Fisherman Exploder for 2.  Wilde tagsin and works over Lacey some more.  Lacey hits Wilde with an awful looking Frankensteiner for 2.  Hamada comes in and saves for no reason.  Shit happens quickly as Velvet and Hamada are both sent out.  Madison Rayne comes in and nails Lacey with the motorcycle helmet.  Wilde hits Lacey with an enzuigir for the pin in 4:19.  The 2 competent wrestlers tried, but it wasn’t very good.  Angelina Love runs out to check glare angrily at the retreating Rayne while Velvet checks on Lacey.

EV2.0 arrives: Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Sabu, and Raven!

Up next, Pope vs. Joe!

Jesse Neal video package.

Dixie Carter has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Ugh.  She announces a $100,000 Battle Royal for the live iMPACT! in 2 weeks.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe jumps Pope and kicks his ass.  Pope fights back and hits a clothesline for 2.  Joe nails Pope with an elbow smash.  Joe rocks Pope with a back kick for 2.  Joe applies a rear chin lock.  Pope fights out, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Joe applies a rear face lock.  Pope fights out and makes his comeback.  Pope lands a shoulder block for 2.  Taz calls it a flying forearm because he’s retarded.  Joe catches Pope with a powerslam for 2.  Pope hits a hangman’s neckbreaker and goes for the Elijah Express.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to distract Pope/cheer Joe on.  Joe fights back.  Kevin Nash and Sting come out and attack Jarrett.  Pope goes for a move, but Joe locks him in the Coquina Clutch.  The referee stops it and gives the match to Joe in 4:29.  Joe goes to help Jarrett, but gets his ass kicked by Nash.  Jarrett and Joe make a comeback on Sting and Nash.  I’m sick of the long brawls between these guys every week.  The fight continues.

Christy Hemme catches up with EV2.0.  Dreamer says it’s EV2.0 vs. Fortune in Lethal Lockdown at Bound For Glory.  Tonight it’s Sabu vs. AJ Styles with the winner getting the advantage at the PPV.

Ken Anderson is headed our way!

Ken Anderson comes to the ring and calls out Kurt Angle.  Angle comes out.  Anderson puts him over as being the best in the business, but says he’ll be the one winning the title at the PPV.  Angle replies at length.  I’m sure it was something to the effect of “No, I’ll win!”  They shake hands.  Anderson raises Angle’s hand “for the last time,” implying that Angle will lose and have to retire at the PPV.  Pointless segment.

Ric Flair gives Fortune a pep talk backstage, then he chugs a Smirnoff and dances.  Stupid, stupid.

Styles vs. Sabu in a Ladder Match is next.

House shows.

Shore is coming soon.  I’m scared.

Kevin Nash and Sting want information from The Pope.  Apparently Nash and Pope both got some information from Miss Tessmacher, so Pope is on their side now.  I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Fortune vs. EV2.0 video package.

Non-Title Ladder Match: Sabu vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan).  The prize is a key on a paddle.  They fight.  Styles kicks the middle rope into Sabu’s balls, then pounds on him.  Sabu hits a headscissors.  Styles lands a chop.  Sabu lands a clothesline and goes outside to get a ladder.  Styles follows him out and beats him up.  Sabu manages to get the ladder in the ring, but Styles throws it back out.  Styles pulls Sabu’s head into the top rope.  Styles comes back with the ladder, but Sabu lands a baseball slide dropkick into the ladder.  Sabu throws a chair and the ladder into the ring.  Sabu sets up the ladder.  Styles knocks him down with a punch.  Sabu throws the ladder at Styles.  He tries to do it again, but Styles ducks and Sabu throws the ladder out of the ring.  Styles brings the ladder back, avoids Sabu’s baseball slide, and hits him with the ladder.  Mick Foley comes out.  Insta-commercials.  Sabu throws a chair at Styles, then knocks the ladder over.  Sabu uses the ladder as a springboard for the Whisper In The Wind.  Sabu uses the ladder as a springboard again to hit Styles with a cross body that sends them both out of the ring.  Flair goes after Sabu, but Foley stops him.  Morgan jumps Foley from behind.  Tommy Dreamer comes out, but is cut off by Kazarian.  Security breaks them up.  The rest of EV2.0 and Fortune come out and brawl.  Styles climbs the ladder.  Sabu knocks it over, then hits a crappy dive onto the security guards for no reason.  Sabu comes back in and climbs the ladder.  Robert Roode comes in and cuts him off.  Rhino Gores Roode.  James Storm superkicks Rhino.  Sabu nails Storm and sets up the ladder again.  Sabu and Styles climb the ladder.  Sabu rams Styles’ head into the ladder to send him down.  Storm comes back in and nails Sabu with a beer bottle, then helps Styles climb the ladder and get the key for the win (8:44 shown).  Boring ladder match.  Amazingly, the heels actually have the advantage in Lethal Lockdown.

Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam chat backstage.  RVD leaves.  Abyss knocks over the camera man and makes sounds like he’s attacking Hardy.

Eric Bischoff talks.

Moments ago, Abyss made attacking Hardy noises.

Abyss carries an unconscious Jeff Hardy to the ring.  Abyss cuts a promo on RVD.  He says he’ll “finish the job” at Bound For Glory.  He calls out RVD because he wants to hit him with the nail board.  RVD comes out.  Abyss rips Hardy’s shirt off.  RVD throws a chair at Abyss’ head.  Abyss boots the chair into RVD’s face.  Abyss splashes RVD in the corner, then picks up the nail board.  The show ends.

Horrible show.  I hate this fucking company.

TNA No Surrender 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

Earlier Today: Ken Anderson, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Jeff Hardy, and Kurt Angle all arrived at the building.

Opening video chronicling the various disputes and disagreements between the 4 aforementioned guys.

No Surrender!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Gen Me get the shot because London Brawling couldn’t make the show.  I’m not going to complain about getting to see The Young Bucks instead of Brutus Magnus.  Shelley and Jeremy start with a fine chain wrestling sequence.  Shelley does a sweet wonky cradle for 2.  Max tags in to be the victim of more Shelley awesomeness.  Sabin tags in and has a fast paces exchange with Sabin.  They both throw a dropkick, then get in each others’ face.  Jeremy and Shelley come back in for more goodness.  Jeremy lands an elbow smash and some sweet arm drags.  Bucks make quick tags and double team Shelley.  Jeremy works Shelley’s arm with a series of arm stunners.  Shelley backdrops Jeremy to the apron.  Sabin tags in and the Guns hit a rapid fire double team sequence for 2.  Sabin hits an elbow drop for 2.  Shelley tags in and applies a wonky inverted Boston crab thing.  Max saves.  Sabin tags back in.  Guns try to double team, but Jeremy rallies awesomely and tags in Max.  Max runs wild and plants Sabin with a sweet bulldog for 2.  Max hits Shelley with a baseball slide dropkick, then hits Sabin with a cool jumping DDT for 2.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Shelley blind tags himself in and hits Max with a missile kick for 2.  Max counters the Shiranui, but Shelley drops him with a kick and goes for a springboard.  Jeremy cuts him off and hits a neckbreaker on the apron.  Max covers for 2.  Bucks make quick tags and work over Shelley.  Max grounds Shelley with a rear chin lock.  Shelley fights out, but gets dropped with a kick.  Jeremy tags in and locks Shelley in a full nelson.  Shelley escapes with an arm drag.  Max nails Shelley from the apron, then tags in.  Bucks fuck up a double team allowing Shelley to make the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild on Max.  Sabin hits a springboard jumping DDT, but Jeremy saves.  Sabin throws Jeremy out.  Jeremy comes back in and dropkicks Sabin to the apron.  Shelley clotheslines Jeremy out of the ring, then wipes him out with a dive.  Sabin and Max trade shots.  Max counters a tornado DDT.  Jeremy hits a weird Diamond Dust/Asai DDT thing.  Max covers, but Shelley saves.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Bucks miss the More Bang For Your Buck.  Lots of superkicks happen.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body combo (called the Skull & Bones) on Jeremy and Sabin gets the pin in 12:51.  Awesome match!  Great way to open the PPV.  Generation Me decide to be dicks and jump the Guns after the match.  They were subtle heels throughout the match, and I guess they’re making the heel turn official.  The hit Shelley with a double DDT OF MURDER from the apron to the floor!  The Bucks laugh as Sabin and EMTs check on Shelley.  Shelley has to be helped to the back.

Tenay and Taz talk about the World Title tournament semifinals.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Sabu.  Williams has new music.  Sabu gets a single leg takedown, believe it or not.  They lock up and do some chain wrestling.  Sweet.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Sabu chain wrestle before.  Sabu hits a clothesline and a slingshot leg drop, then applies a camel clutch.  Williams gets a rope break and bails.  Sabu hits him with a baseball slide dropkick and a cannonball dive.  Sabu finds a table under the ring and sets it up.  Williams rams Sabu’s head into it and takes him back inside.  Williams hits a diving European uppercut for 2.  Sabu tries to hit a Frankensteiner off the top rope and totally fucks it up.  Sabu brings in a chair.  Earl Hebner makes him put it down.  Sabu uses the chair to hit an ugly Triple Jump Moonsault for 2.  He tries it again, but Williams trips him and Sabu face plants into the chair.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams kicks Sabu in the balls and works him over.  Williams lands another knee drop for 2.  Sabu hits a rebound jumping DDT for 2.  Sabu hits a springboard elbow smash for 2.  Sabu uses the chair as a springboard to kick Williams in the corner.  He tries again, but Williams kicks the chair into his middle.  Williams hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Sabu hits a clothesline and Williams bails.  Sabu tries to use the chair as a springboard again and stupid ass Hebner decides to get in the way.  Sabu hits a dive anyway.  Sabu tries to put Williams through the table, but Williams moves and Sabu crashes through it.  Back inside, Williams picks up the chair.  Hebner takes it away to distract himself, so Williams hits Sabu with the belt for the pin in 11:13.  This was pretty messy.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.

Madison Rayne (w/ Tara) vs. Velvet Sky (w/ TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love).  Tara provides the distraction to let Rayne get the jump on Rayne.  Rayne dances to taunt Love, then screams and chokes Sky.  Rayne applies a camel clutch.  Sky kicks her in the crotch to escape, then lands a slap.  Tara gets on the apron.  The referee goes outside to admonish her.  Sky gets a schoolgirl, but the referee is incompetent.  Rayne beats up love some more and does her stupid head humping shit for 2.  Sky makes her comeback with shitty clotheslines, a shitty spear, and that stupid head pushing into the mat shit I hate.  Tara pulls Sky out of the ring and tries to use the motorcycle helmet, but Love kicks her in the back, which incapacitates her.  Sky hits Rayne with a DDT for the pin in 4:43.  This was brutal.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Rhino vs. Abyss.  Rhino meets Abyss in the aisle and kicks his ass.  He throws Abyss into the ring and throws in some plunder.  Abyss bails and Rhino hits him with a slingshot dive.  They brawl in the crowd and outside the sound stage.  Back through the crowd and back into the ring, Rhino fights back after taking a beating outside.  Abyss whips Rhino into a garbage can that was wedged between the turnbuckles.  The fight over next to the entrance ramp.  Abyss whips Rhino into a barricade for 2.  Rhino throws Abyss through the poorly constructed stage.  They fight under the stage.  Seriously.  The camera man gets knocked down, so Tenay and Taz just talk.  Crowd chants “WE CAN’T SEE!”  Abyss throws Rhino through the other side of the stage for 2.  Abyss beats up Rhino back down to the ring.  Abyss breaks off a section of the guardrail and brings it into the ring.  He sets it up in the corner.  Rhino stops himself from crashing into it and makes his comeback, wailing on Abyss’ head with a cookie sheet.  Rhino hits a belly to belly suplex, then goes for the Gore.  Abyss catches him and chokeslams him on the trashcan for 2.  Abyss brings in Janice.  Rhino hits the Gore for 2.  The crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  They’re lying.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for 2.  Abyss seems bothered by the crowd’s support of Rhino.  Abyss goes for a powerbomb into the barricade, but Rhino counters and hits a short lariat.  Rhino goes for the Gore into the barricade, but Abyss moves.  Rhino eats the barricade, then Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 12:40.  Lame garbage match.  Abyss yells about “them” coming on 10/10/10.

Jarrett & Joe/Sting & Nash video package.

Sting & Kevin Nash vs. Jeff Jarrett & Samoa Joe.  Joe and Sting start, but Sting attacks Jarrett on the apron.  Nash comes in and gets dropped by a running kick from Joe.  Joe runs wild on Sting, then tags in Jarrett.  Jarrett beats up Sting until Nash cheap shots Jarrett from the apron.  Nash tags in and beats up Jarrett.  Jarrett fights back, but is quickly cut off.  Nash hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Sting tags in and beats up Jarrett some more.  Sting hits the Stinger Splash and goes for a Vader Bomb, but Jarrett gets his knees up.  Joe gets the tag, but the referee was fucking around with Nash and didn’t see it.  Sting and Jarrett clothesline each other.  Joe gets the tag and runs wild.  Joe ducks a clothesline from Sting and hits Nash with a tope suicida.  Sting hits a Stun Gun on Jarrett.  Jarrett grabs the bat and clobbers Sting with it while the referee is outside dealing with Nash and Joe.  Joe comes back in and locks Sting in the Coquina Clutch for the referee stop win in 6:12.  Fine little match.  Best thing on the show since the opener.

Dreamer/Styles hype video.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Styles tries to jump Dreamer in the stage, but Dreamer sees him and kicks his ass down to the ring.  Dreamer goes for the Texas Cloverleaf, but fails.  He does succeed in backdropping Styles to the floor.  Dreamer stretches Styles against the ring post, but Styles refuses to quit.  They trade chops on the floor.  Back in the ring, Dreamer applies a full nelson clutch.  Styles escapes and fishhooks Dreamer.  Dreamer backs Styles into the corner.  Styles charges Dreamer in the opposite corner, but Dreamer moves and Styles spears the post.  Dreamer goes for a submission hold, but Styles bails.  Dreamer hits a clothesline off of the apron.  Styles suplexes Dreamer on the ramp.  Styles goes for the figure-four, but Dreamer hits him with a stage light, then chokes him with the cable attached to it.  Styles exposes a section of the floor and goes for the Styles Clash, but Dreamer counters, sends him into the post, and hits a shoulder breaker.  Back in the ring, Dreamer works Styles’ arm.  Dreamer fucks his arm up with a chair.  Styles escapes via eye poke and tries to stab Dreamer with a fork, but Dreamer cuts him off and locks him in a crossface.  Styles bails.  Dreamer follows and rams his arm against the steps and the barricade.  Styles crotches Dreamer on the barricade.  Styles stretches Dreamer’s leg in the guardrail.  Back inside, Styles goes for the figure-four.  Dreamer counters, but Styles immediately takes out his leg and pulls his crotch into the ring post.  Styles locks in the figure-four around the post!  Back inside, Styles hits a shin breaker onto the chair.  Styles locks in the figure-four leglock.  Dreamer turns it over forcing Styles to release the hold.  Dreamer gets Styles in some kind of hold using the chair.  Dreamer gets the fork and tries to use it, but Styles knocks him out of the ring with the Pele kick.  Styles goes for a dive, but Dreamer whacks him mid-air with a Singapore cane.  Dreamer wails on Styles with the cane and hits a pumphandle suplex with it.  Dreamer applies a crossface with the cane until the cane breaks.  Styles stabs Dreamer in the face with another fork.  Styles pushes the fork into Dreamer’s eye area, forcing Dreamer to quit in 16:28.  Really good match here, which kind of surprised me.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Tale of the Tape for Angle/Hardy.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd, because she has to be on TV.  Gunner and Murphy watch over her.  Angle and Hardy lock up.  Angle takes Hardy down with a front face lock.  Hardy gets a rope break and grabs a side headlock.  Hardy scores a knockdown with a shoulder block, then grabs his headlock again.  Angle pushes Hardy into the corner to break, then wails on him with punches.  Hardy hits a front suplex and leg drop the balls, followed by a basement dropkick for 2.  Angle knocks Hardy loopy with an elbow smash, then hits the first powerbomb I ever remember seeing him hit.  Angle works a side headlock and a waist lock.  Hardy escapes and makes a comeback.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Hardy hits a modified Twist of Fate and goes up top.  Angle springs him and hits the arm drag from the top rope for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam.  Hardy counters with an arm drag, but fucks it up.  Hardy hits a move for 2.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Angle avoids it.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, then hits the Rolling Germans instead for 2.  Angle goes for a moonsault, but Hardy avoids it.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They go outside and Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on the floor.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb from the top rope to the floor!  They both barely beat the count back into the ring.  They trade shots.  Angle counters the Twist of Fate and hits a release German suplex.  Angle hits a frog splash for 2.  Angle goes for another powerbomb, but Hardy backdrops him out of it and hits the Twist of Fate for 2.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb for 2.  He hits again, but Angle kicks out again!  Hardy goes for a third Swanton Bomb, but Angle gets his knees up.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Hardy rolls through and sends Angle to the floor.  Hardy hits a clothesline off of the apron.  Back inside, Angle locks the ankle lock in again.  Hardy gets a rope break, but Angle pulls him back to the middle of the ring and locks it again again.  Hardy kicks his way free.  Angle hits a clothesline for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  After like a minute, he finally grapevines the leg.  The 20 minute time limit expires.  THE FUCK?  What kind of fucking moron puts a 20 minute time limit on a World title tournament semifinal match?  The crowd is totally deflated, then they start chanting “FIVE MORE MINUTES!”  Eric Bischoff comes out and confers with Dixie Carter, then says 5 more minutes!  Angle viciously attacks Hardy’s ankle.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Hardy kicks him to the floor.  Hardy beats up Angle on the outside.  Back inside, Hardy goes up top again.  Angle crotches him on the top rope and hits the Angle Slam off the top.  HARDY FUCKING KICKS OUT.  THIS MATCH WILL NOT END.  Angle charges at Hardy, but gets back body dropped to the floor.  AND NOW THEY HAVE A FUCKING COUNTDOWN CLOCK.  Angle gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Angle covers for 2, then the time limit expires again at 25:04.  FIVE MORE FUCKING MINUTES.  Angle hammers Hardy with tired, weak looking punches.  Angle charges Hardy and spears the post.  Hardy beats up Angle on the outside again.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN.  Hardy locks in a Boston crab, which I don’t think he’s ever done before.  Just for the visual of Angle bleeding onto the mat, I guess.  Angle counters into the ankle lock as the clock counts down again.  The time limit expires yet again in 30:05.  Bischoff gets in the ring and calls for the trainer to come down and check Angle’s bloody head.  Bischoff declares the match a no-contest instead of a time limit draw, because he’s retarded.  Shannon Moore comes out to check on Hardy.  Angle is pissed off.  So am I.  There was nothing mechanically wrong with this match, what ruined it was all of the TNA bullshit.

Christy Hemme interviews the Pope.

Tale of the Tape for Pope/Anderson.

TNA World Heavyweight Title Tournament – Semifinal: Ken Anderson vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up aggressively and wrestle around a bit, then get pissed off at each other and start brawling.  Pope hits an armbreaker, which Taz always calls a flying armbar.  Pope hits a hammerlock backdrop suplex, a move that I always pop for.  Pope works Anderson’s arm.  Pope hits a hammerlock slam for 2.  I love any kind of hammerlock slam or suplex.  Anderson fights back with some clotheslines an elbow smash, then drops Pope with a kick for 2.  Anderson returns the favor from earlier by working Pope’s arm and shoulder.  Anderson keeps the heat on Pope for a while.  Double clothesline spot.  Pope makes his comeback.  Pope goes up top, but Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  They fight over it.  Pope manages to fight Anderson off and crotch him on the top rope.  Anderson falls to the floor.  Pope hits a diving cross body to the floor.  Back inside, Pope covers for 2.  Pope lowers the knee pads goes for the Codebreaker.  Anderson counters and goes for the Mic Check.  Pope counters again.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Pope hits the Codebreaker for 2.  Pope goes for the Mic Check.  Anderson counters and goes for it, but Pope arm drags him.  Anderson hits the Mic Check for 2.  Pope beats up Anderson in the corner.  Anderson avoids the Elijah Express and hits the Mic Check again for the pin in 17:23.  Pretty decent match, but nothing to write home about.  Anderson makes a paper airplane out of one of Pope’s fake dollar and throws it at him.  Anderson announces himself as the winner and says he’s one match away from being the World Champion.

This show was a mixed bag.  There was some very good, some mediocre, and some very bad.  Guns vs. Gen Me and Styles vs. Dreamer were both actively good.

TNA iMPACT! 9/2/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

In the opening video, they act like putting the guys main eventing the PPV into a tag match on the last TV before the PPV is something unusual and controversial, even thought it’s happened in the build to pretty much every single PPV ever.  Fucking TNA.

“10.10.10.”  No, the title makes no sense at all.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Hogan flaps his gums about whatever, then brings out Ken Anderson, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Jeff Hardy, and Kurt Angle.  They’re the 4 dudes in the semifinals of the World Title tournament at the PPV this Sunday.  Bischoff talks about the CONTROVERSY of doing something that every wrestling promotion ever has done a trillion times.  Bischoff must thinks toasting bread with his breakfast is controversial too.  Abyss comes out through the crowd, scares So Cal Val, and gets in the ring.  Hogan and Abyss argue or whatever.  Abyss says “they” isn’t EV2.0 or Fortune.  He says something about 10.10.10, which is the date of Bound For Glory.  Abyss says “they” will arrive and remove Dixie Carter and exterminate everyone in the ring.  Hardy punches Abyss.  Insta-commercials.  Fucking horrible segment.

No Surrender hype video.

A video chronicling whatever the fuck is going on with Beautiful People and a biker chick.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Madison Rayne & the biker chick vs. The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  They all brawl at ringside.  Velvet and Angelina take out the biker chick, then surround Rayne in the ring.  She begs off, but they kick her ass.  They prepare to spank her, but the biker chick wakes up and jumps them.  The match finally starts.  Love stomps Rayne in the vag for 2.  Sky takes in and beats up Rayne.  Sky rams Rayne’s head into the mat for 2.  I hate that shit.  Love tags back in and hits the World’s Strongest Slam, then tags back out.  Love and Sky deck the biker chick, then hit a double suplex on Rayne.  Sky covers, but biker chick saves.  Love spears her and kicks her out of the ring, then stomps her on the outside.  With the referee distracted by Love doing nothing, biker chick hits Sky very lightly with the motorcycle helmet, allowing Rayne to get the pin in 2:28.  Fucking awful.  Rayne and biker chick beat up the BPs some more after the match.  Biker chick unmasks.  To the surprise of absolutely no one, it’s Tara.

Stevie Richards talks to the camera about Abyss.

Abyss video package.

Stevie Richards vs. Abyss.  Abyss comes out through the crowd again.  Richards attacks him on the outside and beats him up a bit.  Abyss catches him with a boot, then throws him in the ring to start the match.  So now, all matches must have outside brawling before the match starts.  Stevie goes on the attack and throws a superkick, but Abyss blocks it and throws him down.  Abyss avalanches Stevie in the corner.  They trade chops.  Abyss pummels Stevie with weak punches, then scares the referee.  Abyss hits a World’s Strongest Slam, then goes outside to retrieve a steel chair.  He looks annoyed because he can’t find his nail board.  The referee fucks with Abyss about the chair.  Stevie superkicks the chair into Abyss’ face for the pin in 2:21!  STEVIE WON A MATCH!  My joy is short lived, as Abyss jumps Stevie immediately afterward and kills him with the Shock Treatment.  EV2.0 and Fortune are being held apart by security backstage.  Mick Foley appears to be injured.  Back in the ring, Abyss gives Stevie the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss tries to use Janice, but Brian Kendrick runs out, hits Abyss with a baseball slide dropkick, and runs away with Stevie.  Random.

Ken Anderson talks to no one in particular about The Pope.  Pope comes in and tells Anderson that he doesn’t buy his face turn.  They have to team together tonight, but they’re not friends.  Ground breaking there, Mr. Russo.

Tonight, tag match!  Plus, Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett.

EV2.0 of Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, Sabu, and Rhino are in the ring.  Dreamer calls out Fortune.  Ric Flair, TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, Matt Morgan, and TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams come out.  Styles cuts a promo about their various matches at No Surrender.  Dreamer challenges them to an 8-man tag tonight.  Fortune agree.

Jeff Jarrett tries to persuade Samoa Joe to have his back tonight.  Joe blows him off again.

Sting vs. Jarrett is NEXT!

Sting and Kevin Nash talk as they walk through the mess of the backstage area.

Jeff Jarrett talks to no one in particular about how he needs help against Sting and Nash.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting (w/ Kevin Nash).  They lock up.  Jarrett tries to run the ropes and gets tripped by Nash.  Sting beats up Jarrett.  Jarrett fights back.  Nash trips him again.  Jarrett bails and Nash chases him back into the ring.  That was stupid.  Jarrett makes his comeback on Sting, the bails and attacks Nash.  Jarrett tries to fight both Sting and Nash.  Sting gets the better of Jarrett and beats him up on the outside.  Sting throws Jarrett back into the ring.  Jarrett rams Sting’s head into the turnbuckles, then tries to suplex him back into the ring.  Nash trips Jarrett yet again and Sting lands on top for the pin in 3:10.  More crap.  Sting chokes Jarrett with his bat after the match.  Of course, the fearsome and terrifying 50 something year old Hulk Hogan comes out.  Samoa Joe comes in through the crowd to make the save.  He takes out Nash.  Sting tells Joe that he’s in the wrong place at the wrong time, then nothing else happens.  Stupid, stupid shit.

Tonight, Angle & Hardy vs. Anderson & Pope.

Shore!  I don’t know what the fuck it is, but it’s coming soon.  Maybe it’s “they.”

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

London Brawling and Chelsea are in the ring.  They’re the #1 Contenders for the tag titles, having beaten a bunch of people on Xplosion, which no one anywhere has ever seen.  Magnus now wears a beret and sunglasses, because the way to be a true heel is to be French.  TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns come out.  Shelley cuts an impassioned promo about how they’re not going to lose to these goons.  Sabin says the Guns are the best team in the universe and the Brits are gay.  Wolfe says they’re not poofs because the have a bird.  What now?  Magnus talks about the Guns’ pubic hair.  Shelley implies that Chelsea isn’t sexually satisfied due to her lack of facial expressions.  He propositions Chelsea.  Sabin says she’s only with them because she needs the money like any call girl.  Wolfe tells her to tell them what a stud he is.  Chelsea implies that Wolfe has a small penis, which naturally pisses  him off.  London Brawling cheap shot the Guns and beat the crap out of them.  They hit a double team move on Shelley, sort of a sidewalk slam/dropkick to the head combo.  They meet for the titles this Sunday!

Tommy Dreamer bitches to EV2.0 backstage.  The doctor says Foley can’t go tonight.  Brian Kendrick comes in and offers his services.  Dreamer tells him not to get involved.  Foley says Kendrick is out of his mind, making him the perfect replacement.  Dreamer says okay, but warns Kendrick that he doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

House show plugs.

Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle chat backstage.

Elimination Match: Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Kazarian (w/ Ric Flair, Matt Morgan, & TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams) vs. EV2.0 of Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Sabu, & Brian Kendrick.  Rhino and Storm lock up.  Rhino scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Storm fails a hip toss, buts takes Rhino into the Fortune corner for a beating.  Kazarian tags in and beats up Rhino.  Rhino lands a dropkick, of all things, and makes the tag to Sabu.  Sabu cleans house and hits Kazarian with a sweet springboard DDT for 2.  Styles comes in and gets dropped by Sabu.  Williams trips Sabu from the outside.  Kazarian pins Sabu with an Oklahoma roll in 1:52.  Sabu drops Kazarian, then takes out Williams with a suicide dive.  Sabu and Williams brawl on the aisle.  Dreamer comes in and locks Kazarian in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Styles breaks it.  Kendrick tags in and runs wild on Kazarian.  Kendrick goes for a cross body, but Kazarian catches him with his knees.  Roode tags in and beats up Kendrick.  Kazarian tags back in and does a quick cradle sequence with Kendrick.  Kendrick lands a dropkick for the pin in 4:43.  Styles comes in/  Kendrick takes him down with a Thesz press and chokes him.  Repeat.  Kendrick dropkicks the referee out of the ring.  Clusterfuck brawl ensues.  Mick Foley comes out.  Insta-commercials.  Beer Money double team Dreamer.  Kendrick was DQ’d during the break.  Roode dives at Dreamer, but Dreamer catches him with a boot.  Dreamer hits a spinebuster.  Rhino and Storm tag in.  Rhino runs wild on everybody.  He blocks Storm’s superkick and hits a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino Gores Storm, but Roode saves.  Rhino hits a belly to belly on Roode, then sets up the Gore.  Abyss comes out.  Rhino brawls with him on the outside.  They brawl through the crowd.  Rhino is counted out.  Dreamer is all one against Styles and Beer Money.  Fortune make quick tags and kick the shit out of Dreamer.  Dreamer manages to drop Roode with the DDT for the pin as Styles accidentally hits Storm with the springboard forearm.  Dreamer schoolboys Storm for the pin.  Dreamer and Styles brawl.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Dreamer counters and locks in a crossface.  Styles gets a rope break to save himself.  Dreamer goes for the Spiccoli Driver, but Styles counters and lands a dropkick.  Dreamer avoids a knee drop and goes for the DDT.  Styles counters and locks in the Minoru Special.  Dreamer gets a rope break to save himself.  Styles slams Dreamer and goes up top.  Dreamer cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Dreamer looks at Flair, then goes for the figure-four leglock.  Morgan tries to interfere, but Dreamer cuts him off.  Foley attacks Flair.  Styles hits Dreamer with the Pele kick for the pin (13:39 shown).  Fun match.

Angle & Hardy vs. Pope & Anderson is NEXT!

Ken Anderson & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Kurt Angle & Jeff Hardy.  Angle hits Pope with a backdrop suplex while Pope and Anderson discuss whatever tag partners who don’t get along discuss.  Angle and Hardy double team Pope, including some old school Hardy Boyz action with the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits a corner basement dropkick for 2.  Pope fights back against Hardy, then tags in Anderson.  Hardy hits the leg drop to the balls and the basement dropkick.  Pope comes in and gets kicked down by Hardy.  Anderson decks Hardy for 2.  Pope tags himself in and hits an enzui knee drop for 2.  Pope tags in Anderson again and Anderson slams Hardy for 2.  They’re pretending that Anderson is reluctant to fight Hardy.  Hardy fights out of a rear chin lock.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but Hardy blocks it and hits the Twist of Fate.  Angle and Pope tag in.  Angle runs wild with suplexes, then hits the Angle Slam on Pope.  Anderson saves.  Angle slams him too.  Hardy goes for the Whisper In The Wind, but accidentally hits Angle.  Anderson hits Angle with the Mic Check.  Pope covers Angle for the pin in 4:41.  Fine match in spite of TNA bullshit.  Anderson and Pope brawl after the match.  Pope spears Anderson through the ropes to the floor.  Angle and Hardy argue and brawl.  Security breaks up the brawls.

My brain hurt for the first hour or so, but the last 2 matches were pretty fun.

TNA iMPACT! 8/26/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video of recent happenings.

Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter talk backstage.  Dixie is going to handle some business tonight.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Dixie Carter comes out to her fucking music.  This show already sucks.  She babbles about he TNA is a cult that will not die no matter how much it needs to, then calls out Ric Flair.  Flair styles and profiles and looks as ONLY he can look on his way to the ring.  Flair hits on Dixie.  Dixie talks about whatever, then suspends Flair for 90 days.  Flair asks if Fortune is suspended too.  Dixie says no.  Flair says they’re one in the same.  The rest of Fortune come out: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Willams, Matt Morgan, Kazarian, and Beer Money.  Flair says they’re the best.  Dixie says they were hers first, or something.  Dixie reiterates that Flair is gone for 90 days, but Fortune will continue wrestling.  Flair gets mad and wants to fight.  Some dude jumps in the ring.  Taz says he’s Dixie’s husband Surge.  Fortune beat him up.  Hulk Hogan comes out along with Kurt Angle, The Pope, Ken Anderson, and Jeff Hardy.  Hogan tells Flair to make his boys let Surge go.  Flair threatens to shove Angle’s gold medal up his ass.  Angle and Dixie help Surge to the back.  Hogan and his dudes get in the ring.  Hogan unsuspends Flair.  Well what was the fucking point of all of this bullshit then?  Hogan and Flair bicker.  Hogan books an 8-man tag between his dudes and Fortune.  Flair is pissed.  EV2.0 guys (Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, The FBI, Rhino, and Stevie Richards) come out and brawl with Fortune.  Insta-commercials.  This would have been a good segment without all of the TNA bullshit.

Moments ago, that shit I just wrote happened.

Kurt Angle talks to nobody in particular while Pope, Anderson, and Hardy stand around him.  Why do they do this stupid shit?  TNA used to actually be better about the invisible camera bullshit.

Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan is wearing a Joe action figure as a necklace.  He does lewd things to So Cal Val with it.  Joe comes out and kicks Jordan’s ass.  Joe goes for the Choke.  Orlando hits the corner to break, then grinds on Joe.  The announcers casually mention that Fortune is Abyss’ “They.”  Jordan beats up Joe a bit, then licks the action figure.  Joe makes his comeback and kills a bitch.  Joe hits an Exploder and the Muscle Buster for the pin in 2:29.  Not a bad little TV match.  It’s good to see Joe back killing fuckers.  Jeff Jarrett comes out.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe are still in the ring.  Jarrett talks about bring Joe into TNA 5 years ago.  He asks Joe to be in his corner when he faces Kevin Nash tonight in case Sting interferes.  Joe says he doesn’t choose sides.  He’s on his own team.  Joe leaves.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash.  In 2010.  Nash throws a chair into the ring, then pulls Jarrett out of the ring.  Nash whips Jarrett over the barricade, then rams him into the ring apron.  Finally inside, Nash beats up Jarrett.  Nash brings in the chair, which the referee immediately takes away.  Nash exposes a turnbuckle and goes for the Snake Eyes.  Jarrett slips back and sends Nash into it, then makes his comeback.  Jarrett his Nash with a diving punch, then dives again and gets goozled.  Jarrett fights it, but gets thrown into the exposed turnbuckle, then chokeslammed for a very close 2.  Jarrett jumps on Nash’s back and locks in a sleeper hold.  Nash backs Jarrett into the referee in the corner with the exposed turnbuckle.  Jarrett counters Snake Eyes again, then hits the Stroke, but the referee is taking a nap.  Sting comes in and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash covers for the pin in 5:05.  Not a bad little match.  Sting wants to do some more damage to Jarrett.  Eric Bischoff comes out (to Hogan’s music for some reason) and rips into Sting.  Sting says he wants Hogan.  Bischoff says Hogan is busy.  Sting chokes Jarrett with the bat.  Bischoff makes Hogan out to be a big scary monster.  In 2010.  Hogan appears behind Sting and hits him with a chair, then runs Nash out of the ring with the bat.  The match was fine.  The post-match bullshit was, well, TNA bullshit.

Hulk Hogan talks to Tommy Dreamer backstage.  Hogan asks him to back off of Fortune for the night, but asks him to deal with Abyss by hacking his limbs off, apparently.  Dreamer is fine with this.

Beer Money vs. The FBI.  Jobber entrances for the FBI.  Beer Money immediately beat the fuck out of them.  The FBI get double teamed into oblivion.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  Beer Money double team Guido more anyway.  Roode decks Luke to knock him off the apron.  Guido fights back against Roode, but fails to accomplish anything.  Guido gets an inside cradle for 2.  Guido gets away and makes the hot tag to Luke.  Roode immediately hits the spinebuster and tags in Storm.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Luke and Storm gets the pin in 2:31.  Guido tries to attack, so Storm hits him with the beer bottle.  Storm superkicks Luke to death, then cuts up Guido with the class it looks like.  Beer Money give Guido the DWI.  The FBI got squashed big time.  They must be on their way out.

Big 8-man tag TONIGHT!

The ORIGINAL Beautiful People are headed our way!

Tommy Dreamer tells what’s left of EV2.0 that Abyss needs to be taken care of.  Stevie Richards volunteers.  Seriously?  You’re gonna send STEVIE?  I love Stevie, but come on!

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky come out and talk about how they’re friends again.  Madison Rayne and the biker chick come out.  Rayne threatens to sue them for using her music and the Beautiful People name, which is kind of funny because it was theirs first.  She says she’s all natural unlock those “two silicone whores.”  She babbles on about whatever PMSing bitches babble on about.  She says Velvet is her little bitch.  Velvet takes her down and all 4 get into a big brawl.  Security breaks it up.  Gunner and Murphy overdo it as usual.

The Motor City Machine Guns talk backstage, then play Rock Band.

Earlier today Magnus, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea went clothes shopping.  Oh, so that’s what they do now.  They’re rich now.  They must be running drugs on the side, because they’re not making any money in TNA.  Chelsea ends up with Magnus’ credit card.  Also, they’re now called London Brawling.  Awesome name.

Non-Title: Generation Me vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Jeremy and Sabin start.  Good stuff there as usual.  Jeremy goes for some quick pinning combinations.  Max tags in and they double team Sabin.  Shelley saves.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Max.  Shelley applies a half crab while stepping on Max’s face.  Sabin tags in and hits a flippy fist drop for 2.  Sabin throws Max into Shelley’s boot, then makes the tag.  Shelley goes for quick covers on Max.  Shelley holds Max in a cravat.  Max fights back.  Sabin tags in for more Guns double teaming, but Max avoids it and sends Shelley outside.  Max rolls thrown on Sabin, then makes the hot tag to Jeremy.  Jeremy runs wild and hits a springboard facebuster on Shelley for 2.  After some weird dancing with Max, Jeremy hits a sweet Asai moonsault to the Guns on the outside.  Max spears Sabin.  Bucks hit a double team splash thingy on Sabin for 2.  Lots of stuff is happening.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Sabin gets his knees up.  Stuff happens.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Jeremy.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/splash combo on Max and Sabin gets the pin in 6:03.  Good little match.

Tonight, 8-man tag!

Live event plugs.

Ric Flair yells at Hulk Hogan, who is not present to be yelled at.  I hate this bullshit.  Sting appears and chokes Sting with the bat.  He says he and Nash are have a score to settle with Flair and Fortune.

Shore… coming soon.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was that?

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

Out in the parking garage, Stevie Richards is beating up Abyss.  Abyss beats up Stevie in return.  Abyss swings the nail board, but of course Stevie avoids it.  They brawl some more.  Abyss wins the fight.  Insta-commercials.

Rhino gets in the ring and calls out Abyss.  Abyss comes out with the nail board.  Rhino attacks Abyss and goes for the Gore, but Abyss catches him with a boot.  They brawl around the arena some more.  Rhino hits the Gore to win the fight.  Never send a Stevie to do a Rhino’s job.

AJ Styles yells at no one in particular while Fortune stands behind him.

Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, & Ken Anderson.  Anderson and Kazarian lock up and trade arm lock.  Kazarian slaps him and grabs a side headlock, then scores the knockdown with the shoulder block.  Anderson hits a hip toss and a body slam.  Pope and Styles tag in.  Pope gets rolling with a flying forearm and some Bionic elbows for 2.  Styles gets Pope in the Fortune corner where they beat him him.  Fortune make quick tags and work over Pope.  Morgan tags in and asks for Hardy.  Pope obliges with the tag.  Hardy tries a go behind, then gets dropped with an elbow smash.  Hardy avoids Morgan in the corner and hits some horrible punches and a dropkick.  Styles trips Hardy from the outside.  Hardy rallies, but gets derailed by Morgan.  Styles tags in and slams Hardy, then hits a big knee drop for 2.  Morgan tags back in and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan hits a big vertical suplex for 2.  Williams tags in and beats up Hardy.  Flair trips Hardy from the outside.  Pope gets mad and distracts the referee to let Flair get in his cheap shots.  Styles provokes Anderson to continue the distract.  Back inside, Williams hits a knee drop on Hardy for 2.  Fortune go back to making the quick tags while working over Hardy.  Hardy drops Williams with a shitty clothesline.  Kazarian and Angle tag in.  Angle runs wild because he’s Kurt Angle and he’s fucking awesome.  Angle suplexes fuckers, then locks Kazarian in the ankle lock.  Styles hits Angle with the springboard forearm.  Clusterfuck ensues as everybody comes in and hits their big moves.  Pope blind tags himself in.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Kazarian.  Pope steals Angle’s pin to win it in 8:49.  Good match.  Pope and Angle argue.  Fortune attack.  Beer Money run out to join the fight.  Storm and Styles set up a table.  Tommy Dreamer and Sabu run out to make the save.  Mick Foley comes out and beats up Flair.  Sabu throws a chair at Williams, then puts him through the table with a half assed Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher.  Do they not know any other way to end this show than in a big clusterfuck brawl?

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the show was actually pretty good.  Of course, this is TNA and you have to grade them on a curve.

TNA iMPACT! 8/19/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Moments ago (Tenay says it was 30 minutes ag0), Jeff Hardy and Abyss brawled backstage and into the arena.  Abyss attacked Hardy with a mop apparently used to mop the floor mats.  Also, there’s a vacuum in the ring.  They brawl in the crowd and Hardy throws a chair at Abyss.  They brawl backstage again.  Abyss chokes Hardy with an extension cord.  More brawling.  The security dudes Gunner and Murphy finally break it up.  This went like 5 minutes.

Eric Bischoff comes out with no music.  He talks about the crazy shit that went down at the end of the show last week while they show video clips.  Bischoff kisses Dixie’s ass because that’s an employment requirement for this company now.  He says RVD is all fucked up, so the TNA World Heavyweight Championship is vacant.  Tonight we will see the beginning of a tournament that will end at Bound For Glory, which is 2 months away.

iMPACT! Player of the Week: Magnus.  Really?  This segment goes on for a really long time.  This video is a pre-air version that pops up every week on Thursday afternoons before the show airs.  I’m not sure where it comes from, and I’m not sure if this really long crap airs on the TV version.

Madison Rayne bitches about losing the Knockouts belt last week.  She says she’ll get it back tonight.  The biker chick is with her.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  He’s almost as bad as the NXT chick.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: Rob Terry vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy is still selling the injures from earlier, but immediately goes on the attack.  Terry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry choke throws Hardy off of the top rope.  Hardy hits a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle and some corner dropkicks for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Hardy comes off of the middle rope, but Terry catches him with a clothesline.  Terry hits 2 spin kicks and goes for a running powerslam, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb (he only connects with his legs) for pin in 3:21.  This was bad.

Fortune arrives at the building.

They show the big mess from last week.

Hulk Hogan talks to someone on the phone.  He’s thinking about quitting.  I wish he would.  He doesn’t like the tournament, despite Bischoff saying it was partly Hogan’s idea.  Please, Hulk, QUIT.  He loves whoever he is on the phone with.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: Jay Lethal vs. Ken Anderson.  They bump fists, then lock up.  Anderson grabs a side headlock and scores the knockdown with a shoulder block.  Lethal tries to leapfrog, but Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Lethal counters.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but Lethal counters again.  Lethal hits a hip toss and a basement dropkick for 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Crowd chants “ASSHOLE!” in a cheerful way.  Anderson hits an elbow smash for 2.  Anderson clamps on a front face lock.  Lethal gets out.  Anderson hits a clothesline for 2.  Lethal ducks Anderson and hits a handspring elbow smash.  Anderson avoids a springboard dropkick and hits the Mic Check for the pin in 4:12.  They tried, but it was pretty clunky.  They make friends after the match.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love.  She says she’ll have backup of her own tonight.

Motor City Machine Guns segment from last week’s Reaction.  They’re STILL the TNA World Tag Team Champions.  Another really LONG segment.  They’ll be in action next week.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky) vs. Madison Rayne (w/ biker chick).  Everybody brawls before the match.  Rayne gets Love in the ring and beats her up.  She humps Love’s face into the mat for two 2s.  Rayne throws weak knees and screams.  Love hits a jawbreaker and makes her comeback.  Biker chick grabs Love’s leg, so Velvet kicks her ass.  Velvet trips Rayne.  Love hits a pump kick for the pin in 1:39.  This sucked.  Velvet raises Love’s hand, so maybe they’re finally friends again.  Rayne and biker chick attack them from behind.

Fortune is headed our way!

Music video highlighting Hardcore Justice and the big mess from the end of last week’s show.

Fortune are in the ring.  It’s Ric Flair, TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, Kazarian, Matt Morgan, and Beer Money.  Flair puts over his guys, then talks shit about EV2.  Styles talks about TNA being the house that he built.  Dixie Carter comes out and says she owns the house.  She brings out EV2: Tommy Dreamer, Guido Maritato, Tony Luke, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Mick Foley, Sabu, The Sandman, and Raven.  She says they have contracts now.  Flair says he doesn’t take crap from women.  Dreamer says they’d kick their asses if Dixie didn’t have their balls in her purse.  That’s the way I understood it anyway.  Dreamer and Flair bitch at each other.  Foley and Flair bitch at each other.  Foley yells for them to cut Flair’s mic.  That’s not fair.  Foley says he encouraged Flair to come to TNA, and that’s the biggest regret of his life.  Flair’s mic is still live.  Flair challenges him to roll in thumbtacks.  Foley says he’s Dixie’s bitch.  Again, that’s how I understood it.  Dreamer says they’ll deal with Abyss for what he did to RVD, but then he challenges Styles to a match tonight.  Ugh, this fucking company.

Kurt Angle talks about the World Title tournament.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: TNA X Division Champion Douglas Williams vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle backs Williams into the corner and gives a clean break.  Angle takes Williams over with a side headlock.  Williams kicks Angle in the balls to try to get the advantage, then throws him out of the ring.  Williams follows, lands a European uppercut, and throws him back into the ring.  Williams hits a body slam and some knee drops for 2, as Angle gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Angle throws some punches.  Williams hits a European  uppercut and a side suplex for 2.  Angle comes back and hits a back body drop.  Williams boots Angle in the face.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Williams hits a running knee, then comes off the top with a diving European uppercut for 2.  Angle hits the Rolling Germans for 2.  Angle drops the straps and goes for the Angle Slam.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Angle counters and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 4:53.  Good little TV match, and the best thing on this show by far.

Tonight, Styles vs. Dreamer!

Kevin Nash and Sting are headed our way!  Oh joy, more confusing BS coming up.

Ken Anderson talks to the mirror about the World title tournament.

Sting and Kevin Nash come out to the ring.  Nash puts over Sting, then talks about his love for the business.  So he’s not just about the money now?  He says he’s been called a cancer, but the real cancer is in the back.  He says he’s going to tell the truth.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and accuses Nash of being full of shit and says Sting has skeletons in his closet.  He says the company is better off with Hogan and Bischoff.  Well that is just a bald faced lie.  He says he’s going to beat them with a chair in honor of Hogan and Bischoff.  Hulk Hogan comes out to help him.  Ugh.  Hogan blathers for a while, then they hit the ring.  The lights go out.  Fortune are in the ring!  Again!  They attack Nash and Jarrett.  Hogan and Jarrett are already laid out.  Ugh.  Whatever.

The Pope talks about the World title tournament.

Tommy Dreamer and Raven talk in their locker room.  So they’re back to being friends now when they were mortal enemies less than 2 weeks ago.  Stevie Richards and Tony Luke come in.  Stevie convinces Raven that they need to be Dixie’s bitches.  Luke says he’s know AJ since he was a baby.  Stupid.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Round 1: Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope ducks a lock up and lands some ineffective shots.  Pope avoids Morgan in the corner and beats him up.  Pope hits a Vader Bomb elbow drop for 2.  Pope comes off the top, but Morgan catches him by the throat.  Pope breaks free, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Morgan beats up Pope.  He hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  He does it a lot slower than he used to.  Morgan does the sidewalk lazy drop.  Pope goes for a diving sunset flip, but Morgan pulls him him and hits a choke bomb for 2.  Morgan yells at Pope and slaps him.  Morgan chokes Pope against the top rope and hits one of those “run and push the guy into the ropes with your legs” things that I never know how to describe.  Morgan rams Pope’s back into the side of the ring.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint into the post, but Pope avoids it and hits a running knee.  Back inside, Pope gets the pin in 4:34.  This was pretty mediocre, which is better than the the standard for this show.

At No Surrender, it’s Hardy vs. Angle and Anderson vs. Pope in the tournament.

Dreamer vs. Styles is NEXT!

Mick Foley talks about needing time off, even though he just came back from like 4 months off.

Non-Title: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Styles talks trash.  They circle each other, then Styles lands a leg kick.  He tries again, but Dreamer drops him with a punch.  Dreamer back drops Styles to the floor and hits the FMF off of the apron.  Dreamer beats up Styles on the outside.  Back inside, Styles goes on the offensive.  Man, his big AJ tattoo is fugly.  Dreamer hits a running powerslam for 2.  Dreamer lands some chops.  Dreamer hits a pumphandle fall away slam (wrist-clutch Exploder?) for 2.  Styles lands a kick, then hammers Dreamer with punches.  Dreamer’s cut last week is opened up.  Styles beats up Dreamer and yells at the camera that he’ll kill him.  Dreamer gets a sunset flip for 2.  Styles hits a dropkick, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Dreamer hits a backdrop suplex.  Styles hits the Pele kick, then rolls to the apron and goes for the springboard forearm.  Dreamer catches him with an atomic drop, then hits the DDT.  The rest of Fortune come out.  EV2.0 come out and brawl with them on the ramp.  Abyss comes out from under the ring and hits the Black Hole Slam on Dreamer.  Styles pins Dreamer in 6:38.  Ugh.  Whatever.  Abyss eaves through the crowd.  Fortune and EV2.0 keep brawling as security tries to break it up.

Besides a good 5 minutes with Angle/Williams, this show was utter fucking garbage.

TNA iMPACT! 8/12/10: The Whole F’N Show

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

Tonight, it’s the Whole F’N Show!  PPV quality matches, because they acknowledge that this show normally sucks ass!  Hulk Hogan will announce some shit tonight.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: Kurt Angle vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles.  Styles jumps Angle before the bell and puts the boots to him, then throws him out of the ring.  Styles beats up Angle on the outside.  He now has a crappy “AJ” tattoo on his side with the birth dates of his kids.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex on the floor.  Back inside, Angle hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Styles throws Angle’s shoulder into the post, then hits a slingshot double axe handle to the outside.  Back inside, Styles leapfrogs Angle, then lands on his feet from a German attempt.  Styles hits a dropkick for 0, then applies a rear chin lock.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles escapes.  Angle hits a backdrop suplex and some clotheslines.  Styles boots Angle in the corner.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles escapes again.  Obnoxious alternating “This is Awesome!” and “This is Wrestling!” chants from the mutants.  Styles hits a diving forearm smash for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Angle backdrops him and goes for the Angle Slam.  Styles avoids it and hits the Pele kick for 2.  Angle avoids a dive and hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock, but Styles counters out.  Styles tries to springboard, but Angle cuts him off and tries to suplex him in the from the apron.  Styles counters and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles argues with the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for a German.  Styles tries to kick him in the balls, but Angle catches his leg and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 8:19.  Really good match.

Up next, Madison Rayne defends the TNA Knockouts Championship against Angelina Love!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love.  Rayne hides behind the referee, then gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Rayne bounces Love’s head against the mat because that’s all women know how to do.  How about you try a fucking armbar or something, bitch?  Rayne puts Love’s head between her legs and humps the mat.  Cover gets 2.  Love hits a chin breaker and makes her comeback, taking Rayne down by the hair repeatedly.  Love hits a pump kick.  The biker chick rides into the arena to distract the referee.  Velvet Sky hits her with a chair from behind and takes her helmet off, but she has a mask on.  Meanwhile, Rayne hits Love with the belt for 2.  Biker chick runs away.  Love hits the Flatliner for the pin in 3:44 to regain the title.  I’m so sick of this stupid TNA women’s saga.

Still to come, Hulk Hogan’s surprise.  Who gives a fuck?

Mr. Anderson vs. Morgan vs. The Pope is next!  Commercials.

Three-Way Match: Ken Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Anderson is the only one to get a ring entrance, and of course he does his whole 2 minute spiel.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK.”  At who>  Anderson and Pope work together to beat up Morgan.  They start fighting over who is going to get the cover.  Morgan tries a double chokeslam, fails, but drops them both with a double clothesline.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint on Pope and crotches himself on the top rope.  Pope accidentally clocks Anderson with an elbow, then dropkicks Morgan to the floor.  Anderson and Pope brawl.  Anderson hits an elbow drop for 2.  Morgan sits on the floor and watches.  Anderson counters the Codebreaker.  Anderson hits the Mic Check.  Morgan runs in and boots Anderson, then steals the pin in Pope in 3:54.  Whatever.

ShopTNA.com!

Jeff Hardy vs. Shannon Moore.  Moore accepts the open challenge.  That’s a letdown.  They shake hands and lock up.  They trade arm locks.  Moore applies a side headlock, then scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Moore hits some arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They lock up again.  Moore works over Hardy in the corner.  Hardy hits a hip toss and a flippy kick, then chases Moore around the ring, hits his head on turnbuckles, and slides out of the ring.  Back inside, Moore hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Moore hits a suplex for 2.  Moore tries a sunset flip to the floor and ends up tripping Hardy, who hits his face on the apron.  Moore hits a headscissors on the floor.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Moore gets his knees up.  Cover gets 2.  Moore goes for a Frankensteiner off the top, but Hardy holds on to the ropes to avoid it and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:46.  Pretty good match considering I hate TNA Hardy and everything associated with Shannon Moore.

Still to come, RVD vs. Abyss and Hulk Hogan’s letdown!  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 5th – 2/3 Falls Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  Sabin and Storm start.  Storm pokes Sabin in the eye.  They have a good, fast pace wrestling exchange.  The grab each others’ leg and are forced to admit a stalemate.  Shelley and Roode tag in, lock up, then trade chops.  Shelley blocks a cradle attempt and scores a knockdown.  Shelley hits a headscissors.  Roode hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Sabin makes the blind tag and bulldogs Roode.  Guns double team Beer Money.  Sabin covers Roode for 2.  Storm tags in.  Roode trips Sabin from the outside.  Storm nails Sabin with a boot on the apron.  Beer Money work over Sabin.  Roode hits a knee drop on Sabin for 2.  Sabin fights back, drops Roode with an enzuigiri, and makes the tag to Shelley.  Shelley runs wild on Beer Money.  Beer Money go for the catapult DDT, but Shelley avoids it.  Sabin dropkicks Beer Money into a DDT/Complete Shot from Shelley.  Shelley hits Storm with a stomp to the apron.  Roode hits a boot on Shelley.  Sabin springboards from Shelley’s back and dropkicks Roode to the floor.  Guns hit dives onto Beer Money on the floor.  Storm hits Sabin with a DDT OF MURDER on the ap ron.  Shelley goes up top, but Roode cuts him off.  Shelley pushes him down and goes for a double stomp, but Roode avoids it.  Beer Money double team Shelley.  DWI.  Roode pins Shelley in 7:59.  Beer Money continue working on Shelley.  Beer Money hit a double suplex on Shelley.  BEER!  MONEY!  Sabin tags in and hits them with a missile dropkick.  Sabin throws Storm out of the ring.  Double kicks on Roode.  Tag to Shelley.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/diving cross body combo.  Shelley pins Roode in 9:46.  1-1 now.  Roode backdrops Storm outside onto Sabin.  Shelley hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Roode hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  Commercials!  Roode hits a 360 lariat on Sabin.  Beer Money hit a double team move on Shelley for 2.  Beer Money continue working over Shelley.  Storm avoids a Ghetto Stomp from Shelley while tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin and Roode tag in.  Sabin runs wild.  Sabin plants Roode with a springboard tornado DDT for 2.  Storm tags in.  Sabin avoids being double teamed.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Storm.  Sabin covers for 2.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant, and it actually is.  Guns trade superkicks with Storm.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Sabin.  Beer Money hit the catapult DDT.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui on Roode, but Beer Money counter it into a stunner like move.  Beer Money goes for the DWI on Sabin.  Storm accidentally superkicks Roode.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body on Storm for 2.  They hit it again and Sabin pins Storm in 20:54.  Fucking AWESOME match.

Tonight, Hogan’s stupid announcement!  RVD vs. Abyss is next!  Commercials.

Stairway To Janice Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Abyss.  Eric Bischoff is the special guest referee.  RVD rushes the ring to stop Abyss from climbing the ladder to get the nail board before the match even started.  RVD hammers Abyss in the corner.  RVD drives the ladder into Abyss.  Repeat.  RVD hits sort of a stunner onto the ladder.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Abyss moves and RVD hits the ladder.  RVD baseball slide dropkicks the ladder into Abyss.  Commercials.  Abyss has a ladder bridges set up between the apron and the guardrail.  RVD counters a chokeslam attempt.  Abyss clotheslines him back into the ring.  Abyss rams the ladder into RVD’s midsection.  Repeat.  Abyss tries to splash the ladder into RVD, but fails.  Terry Taylor is protecting Dixie Carter in the crowd.  RVD drops Abyss onto the ladder.  RVD tries a monkey flip, but the much heavier Abyss slams him down.  Abyss climbs for the nail board.  RVD climbs the other side of the ladder and they brawl on top.  Abyss chokeslams RVD to the mat, then falls off of the ladder.  Abyss pours thumbtacks and broken glass onto the mat.  Abyss tries to set up a superplex.  If you do that, you’re going to fall on the shit yourself, moron.  RVD counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb, and Abyss falls on his ass on all of the shit.  I warned him!  Abyss catches RVD with a big boot, then brings in a barbed wire board from under the ring.  RVD side steps Abyss, who again takes the bump on his own gimmick.  RVD Rider kicks the board into Abyss, then hits the Rolling Thunder, sandwiching Abyss under the barbed wire board.  RVD climbs the ladder for the nail board.  Abyss pushes the ladder over and RVD takes a bump into the ladder bridge on the outside.  Abyss climbs the ladder and retrieves the nail board.  RVD makes it back inside and Abyss swings the nail board, but RVD moves and Abyss kills a turnbuckle pad.  RVD brings in a chair and hits Abyss across the back.  RVD hits the Van Daminator, sets up Abyss behind the barbed wire board in the corner, and hits the Van Terminator!  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 18:30.  Pretty good for an Abyss gimmick match.  Hulk Hogan comes to the ring as RVD celebrates.  Commercials!

Hulk Hogan and RVD are still in the ring.  Hogan puts over RVD and talks about Hardcore Justice.  He says Dixie invited the EV2 guys here tonight.  Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Tony Luke, Mick Foley, Team 3D, Rhino, Guido Maritato, Sabu, and Bill Alfonso come out.  Hogan puts them over and leaves.  Dreamer, with his face fucked up from the PPV, talks about raising the bar.  Of course, he has to put over Dixie Carter.  The lights go out.  Fortune are in the ring.  AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, and Matt Morgan attack EV2 with canes, hockey sticks, and whatever else they have!  Raven runs out, but Storm hits him with a beer bottle.  The Sandman comes in through the crowd.  Morgan chokes Sabu with a chain.  Doug Williams attacks Sandman.  Storm bloodies Mamaluke’s head.  Abyss reappears and brawls with RVD into the crowd.  Ric Flair comes out to survey the damage his boys have done.  Cut to backstage, where RVD is a disgusting bloody mess.  They’re selling that Abyss hit him with the nail board.  Flair bitches at Dixie.  End of show.

Really good show.  Some good to great matches and a great angle to finish the show.