Archive for Roddy Piper

Starrcade: The Essential Collection Disc 1 (Repost)

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Originally posted on my old blog on 1/30/09.

Here’s another fine WWE Home Video release I got a few weeks ago that I’m finally going to try to watch some of.

There’s an okay 50 minute documentary before we get to the real selling point of the DVD: BONUS MATCHES!

“Mean” Gene Okerlund explains that we well be counting down the top 25 matches in Starrcade history, based on various factors.

#25
Starrcade, 12/29/96
Non-Title: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan (w/ Ted Dibiase, Vincent, & Miss Elizabeth).  Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Dusty Rhodes are on commentary.  Someone please drop me a PM and explain to me why the main event of the biggest show of the year has the World Champion in a non-title match.  Piper is ready to fight, but Hogan stalls.  They finally do some lame old guy brawling.  This match is slow and boring.  I’m sure they had good matches in the 80s when Hogan played face and Piper played heel, but 10 years later with the roles reversed, it doesn’t work.  Piper whips Hogan with a belt.  Piper hits the ropes and Dibiase grabs his foot.  Hogan attacks a scar on Piper’s hip.  Hogan utilizes an abdominal stretch, but Piper escapes.  Piper gets a near fall with an inside cradle.  More boring old man brawling, then Piper hits a suplex and covers.  Hogan gets a foot on the ropes.  Hogan misses the leg drop.  Piper attacks Hogan’s leg.  The Giant comes in and lifts Piper for the chokeslam.  A “fan” comes in the ring and goes after Hogan.  Security gets rid of him.  Piper gouges The Giant’s eyes to escape his predicament.  Piper gets the sleeper hold to win at 15:37.  The Outsiders hit the ring.  Piper fights them off and escapes an nWo beatdown.

Jim Ross explains the Iron Man Tournament from Starrcade 1989.  Ross introduces the next match, and explains that Muta only had one loss ever in the NWA prior to this match.

#24
Starrcade, 12/13/89
Non-Title, Iron Man Tournament Match: Sting vs. NWA World Television Champion Great Muta (w/ Gary Hart).  Jim Ross and Terry Funk are on commentary.  They exchange full nelsons to start.  They do some stuff.  Sting hits a suplex, then twists Muta’s arm and hits an atomic drop.  Sting goes for the Scorpion Death Lock early, but he’s too close to the ropes.  Muta bails and recieves encouragement from Hart.  Back in the ring, both men are cautious.  Muta hits a backdrop and the Shining elbow drop.  MUTA PUTS STING IN THE CATTLE MUTILATION!  Sting manages to get out of it.  Sting hits a press slam for a two count.  They fight some more.  Muta misses the moonsault but hits a big kick and goes up again.  Sting kicks him, causing Muta to crotch himself on the top rope.  Sting hits a superplex for the win at 8:41.  Okay match, but seeing that they both already had one match and both had another coming that night, they understandably held back some.  I need to see their Great American Bash ’89 match.

Ross introduces the next match and they show the angle that set it up.

#23
Starrcade, 12/28/92
WCW & NWA World Tag Team Championship Match: Ricky Steamboat & Shane Douglas (c) vs. Barry Windham & Brian Pillman.  Ross and Jesse Ventura are on commentary.  Douglas and Pillman start with a good exchange.  Douglas sends Pillman out to the ramp and Windham comes in.  Douglas and Steamboat double team him.  When the match straightens out again, Pillman tags in Windham.  Steamboat wants the tag, and Douglas obliges.  Steamboat dominates the exchange and tags Douglas back in.  Douglas and Steamboat basically take turns dominating Windham for a little while.  Windham finally hits a jawbreaker to escape a rear chin lock from Douglas and tags in Pillman.  A Douglas dropkick causes Pillman to take a spill out of the ring and hit the guardrail.  Pillman comes back in and dropkicks Douglas, who was on the top rope, and this time Douglas takes a spill to the outside.  The heels work over Douglas.  While the referee is busy dealing with Pillman, Steamboat wallops Windham with a chair.  Douglas tries to tag out, but Windham tags in Pillman first.  Pillman prevents the tag, so Douglas continutes to take the heat.  Douglas counters a suplex attempt from Windham and makes the hot tag to Steamboat.  Steamboat cleans house briefly until Windham gets the advantage on him.  Pillman throws Steamboat over the top rope, which in 1992 WCW was an automatic DQ, but the referee didn’t see it.  Pillman does a neat move on Steamboat.  Windham beats up Steamboat, but Steamboat starts fighting back.  Pillman tags in, and so does Douglas.  All four fight in the ring until Steamboat and Windham go outside, leaving the legal men in the ring.  Douglas hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Pillman to win the match at 20:02.  Good match.  It was probably even better in 1992.

Okerlund introduces the next match.

#22
Starrcade, 12/27/98
WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: Bill Goldberg (c) vs. Kevin Nash.  Schiavone, Heenan, and Mike Tenay are on commentary.  I have this show on VHS, but I haven’t watched it in a while.  Goldberg is 173-0 at this point.  They excite the crowd with their taunts, then lock up.  Nash grabs a headlock, but Goldberg hits a backdrop suplex to counter it.  Nash makes my head explode by going for a cross armbreaker.  Goldberg goes for an ankle hold and my head reassembles itself, then explodes again.  Goldberg hits the spear and sets up for the Jackhammer, but Nash hits a low blow to get out of it.  Nash hits a big sidewalk slam for a near fall.  Nash stays in control until Goldberg hits a mule kick and starts fighting back.  Goldberg hits a Roll of the Dice and a double-arm suplex type thing.  Goldberg hits a kick to Nash’s head, similar to the one that would end Bret Hart’s career one year later at the same event.  Disco Inferno runs in and gets speared.  Bam Bam Bigelow attacks Goldberg from behind, but gets clotheslined over the top rope.  Scott Hall zaps Goldberg with a cattle prod.  Nash hits the Jackknife Powerbomb for the win at 11:20.  Nash wins the title and ends Goldberg’s streak.

Okerlund introduces the next match, the 1991 Battlebowl.  The winners of a series of random drawing tag team matches advance to a 2 ring battle royal.  The match starts in ring #1.  You are eliminated from ring #1 by being thrown into ring #2, then eliminated from the match if you are thrown out of ring #2.

#21
Starrcade, 12/29/91
BattleBowl Battle Royal featuring Vader, Marcus Alexander Bagwell, Jimmy Garvin, Dustin Rhodes, Bill Kazmaier, Jushin Thunder Liger, WCW World Television Champion, “Stunning” Steve Austin, Richard Morton, Todd Champion, Abdullah the Butcher, Firebreaker Chip, Thomas Rich, Ron Simmons, Ricky Steamboat, Mr. Hughes, Scott Steiner, WCW World Heavyweight Champion Lex Luger (w/ Harley Race), WCW United States Heavyweight Champion Rick Rude (w/ Paul E. Dangerously), Arn Anderson, and Sting.  Ross and Schiavone are on commentary.  There are a couple of spots early on where guys get thrown over the top rope onto the ramp, but you have to be thrown into the second ring.  Tommy Rich is the first man thrown into ring #2.  Young Bagwell is next into the second ring.  Rich beats him up.  Hughes sends Firebreaker chip over.  Morton and Liger end up in the second ring as well.  Liger finally has room to move and someone to work with and shows how awesome he is.  Liger eliminates Morton from he match, but goes out himself as well.  Mr. Hughes is thrown into ring #2.  Vader beats up Dustin Rhodes outside the ring.  Tommy Rich gets eliminated.  Simmons and Luger brawl on the ramp.  Garvin and Champion are in ring #2 now.  Garvin is eliminated.  Kazmaier, Abdullah, Austin, Rhodes, Simmons, Sting, and Rude are all in ring #2 now.  Vader and Luger are the only guys left in the first ring.  Firebreaker Chip is eliminated.  Luger clotheslines Vader out of ring #1.  He wins ring #1, or something.  Abdullah is eliminated.  Apparently Luger gets to rest in ring #1 until there is only one guy left in ring #2, then then those two will go at it.  Rhodes eliminates Anderson.  Rhodes, Simmons, and Hughes are eliminated.  Vader eliminates Bagwell, then I think Sting eliminates Vader.  Steiner was eliminated by someone.  Ring #2 is down to Austin, Steamboat, Sting, and Rude.  There’s a cool double Picture In Picture thing where you can see the match from three angles at once.  Austin is eliminated.  Rude tosses Steamboat, but Steamboat skins the cat and eliminates Rude.  Rude pulls Steamboat off and eliminates him as well.  Sting vs. Luger now.  Rude comes in and gives Sting the Rude Awakening.  Luger punishes Sting.  Sting fights off interference from Race.  Luger knocks Sting off the ramp and into the guardrail.  Sting makes a comeback and kicks Luger’s ass all over the ringside area.  They make it back in the ring.  Sting is FIRED UP!  Race comes in and takes a suplex from Sting.  Sting goes for the Stinger Splash on Luger, but Luger moves.  Luger throws Sting and thinks he’s won, but Sting holds on and comes back in to kick Luger’s ass some more.  Sting eliminates Luger to win the match at 25:09.  This was an odd concept.  I thought it was silly, and I’m a battle royal mark.

Tully Blanchard introduces the next match.

#20
Starrcade, 12/27/93
WCW United States Heavyweight Championship Match (2/3 Falls): Dustin Rhodes (c) vs. Steve Austin (w/ Colonel Robert Parker).  Schiavone and Ventura are on commentary.  Rhodes shines early.  Austin bails out to consult Parker for a moment.  Rhodes gets a backslide, but can’t hold on to it.  They brawl at ringside until Austin takes a spill into and over the guardrail.  Back in the ring, Austin wants to shake Dustin’s hand.  Dustin slugs him instead.  Austin uses underhanded tactics to get the advantage.  Dustin fights back and hits a sunset flip for a near fall.  Rhodes is DQ’d at 13:26, I guess for throwing Austin over the top rope.  The lights go wonky as the second fall begins.  Austin is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Dustin punches Austin in the corner, but Austin pushes him away and gets a quick pin at 16:16.  Okay match.

Wow, I made it through Disc 1 in one sitting!

WWF WrestleMania V

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  The World Wrestling Federation: What the world is watching!  The Mega Powers EXPLODE at WrestleMania V!  We’re at the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey!  Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

WWF Women’s Champion Rockin’ Robin sings the national anthem.  She’s terrible.

King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Hercules.  After pre-match shenanigans, Haku jumps Hercules from behind to get the early advantage.  Hercules slams Haku around and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Hercules suplexes Haku back into the ring and hits a couple of elbow drops.  Hercules goes after Heenan stupidly and gets beaten up by Haku on the outside.  Haku hits a couple of backbreakers for 2.  Haku bear hugs Hercules.  Hercules breaks out and Haku catches him with a chop, then chokes him against the middle rope.  Hercules hits a cross body for 2.  Hercules ducks a rebound cross body from Haku and makes his comeback.  Hercules hits a powerslam for 2.  Hercules comes off the top rope, but Haku catches him with a superkick and goes for a diving headbutt.  Hercules moves out of the way and hits a backdrop suplex hold for the pin in 6:53.  It was okay.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews The Rockers.

The Twin Towers (w/ Slick) vs. The Rockers.  The Rockers go with the brilliant strategy of running away at first.  Michaels and Boss Man lock up.  Boss Man sets Michaels on the top rope and slaps him.  Michaels hits a missile dropkick.  Both Rockers deck Boss Man.  Michaels decks Akeem on the apron.  Akeem tags in and prances around.  Michaels does a moonwalk.  The Rockers make quick tags attacking Akeem’s arm.  Akeem tags in Boss Man.  The Towers sandwich Jannetty between them.  Towers make quick tags and Jannetty plays face in peril.  Jannetty ducks Akeem, who accidentally decks Boss Man.  Michaels gets the hot tag and runs wild on Akeem.  Rockers hit a double diving shoulder block on Akeem for 2.  Akeem NAILS Michaels with a lariat and tags in Boss Man.  Boss Man goes for a diving splash, but Michaels moves and covers for 2.  Michaels jumps on Boss Man like he’s going for a rana.  Rockers do some double teaming and hit a double missile dropkick.  Well, Jannetty hit his anyway.  Akeem saves and sends Jannetty outside.  Michaels comes off the top, but Boss Man catches him and powerbombs him.  Akeem hits a big splash on Michaels for the pin in 8:06.  Fun match.

Tony Schiavone interviews Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).

Dibiase and Virgil shake hands with Donald Trump during their entrance.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil) vs. Brutus Beefcake.  Dibiase shows off his Million Dollar belt.  Beefcake kicks his ass and throws him around.  Dibiase takes a walk outside, then comes back in and beats up Beefcake.  Beefcake slams Dibiase a bunch and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dibiase comes back in and gets beaten up some more.  Virgil grabs Beefcake’s leg from the outside to let Dibiase get the advantage.  Dibiase chokes Beefcake.  Dibiase hits a diving elbow to the head for 2.  This is getting boring.  Beefcake gets an inside cradle for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream.  Beefcake gets a rope break.  Beefcake beats up Dibiase and locks in the sleeper hold.  Virgil gets on the apron.  Beefcake goes after him and gets decked from behind from Dibiase and sent outside.  Virgil beats up Beefcake on the outside.  Beefcake goes after him and gets jumped by Dibiase.  Both guys get counted out in 10:01.  Beefcake sends Dibiase into the post, then chases Virgil, beats him up, and puts him int he sleeper.  Dibiase tries tos ave and gets his ass kicked.  Beefcake tries to cut Dibiase’s hair, but Dibiase bails.  This sucked.

Footage from the WrestleMania brunch with Lord Alfred Hayes and the Bushwhackers.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers.  The Bushwhackers rip Jimmy Hart’s coat off and tear it up.  The Rougeaus jump them.  Rougeaus end up colliding with Hart, then they go outside and hug.  They have a match and it sucks.  Jacques accidentally knee drops Raymond.  They go outside to regroup.  Bushwhackers stomp around the ring.  Rougeaus double team one of the Bushwhackers behind the referee’s back.  Rougeaus work over whichever Rougeau is in the ring.  Bushwhackers hit the battering ram and a double stomach breaker.  One of them pins Jacques in 5:11.  This was the absolute drizzling shits.

Sean Mooney tries to talk to fans, but the Bushwhackers lick him.

Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer.  Hennig vs. Owen Hart?  I’ll have some of that!  Good wrestling to start.  Perfect slaps Blazer.  Blazer responds in kind.  Blazer hits a couple of slams, dropkicks Perfect out of the ring, and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Blazer hits Perfect with some European uppercuts, then throws him back inside and cranks on his arm.  Blazer hits some more moves.  Man, Owen was such an athlete.  Blazer hits a backbreaker for 2.  Blazer slams Perfect and goes for a diving splash, but Perfect gets his knees up.  Perfect beats on Blazer and locks him in a camel clutch.  Blazer fights back and hits a powerslam for 2.  Blazer hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Blazer gets a crucifix hold for a close 2 count.  Perfect nails Blazer with a forearm and hits the Perfect Plex for the pin in 5:49.  Best match of the night so far.  It’s sad that both of them are dead now.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura to the live crowd like at several other WrestleManias.  I have no idea why.

Footage of Lord Alfred Hayes at a 5K run.  Mr. Fuji enters (in a suit and carrying his cane) to show he’s in good shape.  He finishes.  I smell chicanery.

Run-DMC do the WrestleMania Rap.  I fast forward.

They show the Demolition/Powers of Pain double turn at Survivor Series.

Mean Gene interviews the WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition.

Handicap Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: Demolition (c) vs. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji.  Demolition’s music is dubbed over, which should be a capital offense punishable by hanging.  Demolition pummel Warlord to start.  The heels try to cut off Smash, but Barbarian gets pummeled by Demolition too.  Powers of Pain try to cut off Ax, but fail again.  Barbarian drops Ax with a big boot when he goes after Fuji to finally let the heels get some heat going.  Not that there’s any heat because this crowd is dead.  Ax plays face in peril.  Ax avoids a diving leg drop from Fuji.  Fuji tags in Warlord in time for him to cut off Ax from making the tag.  A moment later, Ax makes the hot tag to Smash anyway.  Not that it’s hot in front of this dead crowd.  Smash cleans house.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Fuji tries to throw salt at Smash, but hits Warlord.  Demolition Decapitation on Fuji.  Ax pins Fuji in 8:55.  This also sucked.

Tony Schiavone tries to interview WWF Champion Randy Savage, but Savage won’t talk to him.

After the introductions for the Dino Bravo/Ron Garvin match, Finkel introduces Jimmy Snuka for no apparent reason at the most random moment possible.  Snuka comes out to the ring, poses, and leaves.

Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. Ron Garvin.  Complete shot in the dark guess here: This will suck.  Bravo jumps Garvin from behind and beats him up.  Bravo tries a powerbomb or something, but Garvin punches him down and covers for 2.  Garvin makes his comeback.  Big splash for 1.  Garvin softly pushes Bravo’s head into the top turnbuckle.  Garvin gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Garvin clamps on a sleeper hold.  Garvin goes for a piledriver, but gets backdropped, holds on, and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Bravo hits the side suplex for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked as well.  Garvin decks Bravo after the match, then gives Martin the Garvin Stomp.

The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Strike Force.  Busters beat up Martin in classic awesome Busters fashion.  Martel fights back.  Strike Force send the Busters outside with a double dropkick.  Martel wrestles with Anderson, which is great stuff.  Martel gets Anderson in the crab hold, but Tully thumbs Martel in the eye immediately.  Tully and Tito tag in.  Strike Force put the Busters in stereo figure-four leglocks.  Tully has an awesome exchange with Tito.  Tito inside cradles Tully for 2 after some Busters double teaming.  Tito accidentally hits Martel with a flying forearm.  Busters work over Tito.  Anderson goes up top, but Tito throws him off Flair-style.  Tito goes to make the tag, but Martin refuses.  Martel leaves.  The Busters tear Santana apart.  Tito tries to fight back but gets cut off.  Busters hit a spiked piledriver.  Anderson pins Santana in 9:17.  Really fun little match.  I love all four of these guys.

Mean Gene interviews Rick Martel.  He says he’s tired of carrying Tito.

Gorilla and Ventura discuss Martel’s heel turn.

Finkel introduces Roddy Piper for Piper’s Pit, but Brother Love comes out instead.  He’s wearing a kilt.  He interviews… himself, playing “Rodney Piper.”  Morton Downey Jr. comes out and insults Love a bunch.  Roddy Piper comes out for real.  Piper makes fun of Love while Downey smokes a cigarette and takes his socks off and throws them out of the ring.  WTF?  This is stupid.  Downey throws cigarettes at Piper.  Brother Love finally leaves or something and Piper talks to Downey.  Piper gets annoyed at Downey blowing smoke in his face.  Piper asks Downey to light a cigarette for him, then sprays him with a fire extinguisher.  18 minutes of retarded filler to waste perfectly good PPV time.  Fuck this shit.

No Holds Barred movie trailer.  I saw that movie when I was 12 and was kind of amused by it.

Sean Mooney interviews Donald Trump at ringside.  Man, Mooney was bad here.

Ventura is mad that Hogan is making movies.  Well, his movies are all pretty terrible.

Mega Powers history video.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.

Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  Big John Studd is the special guest referee.  Andre attacks Roberts as soon as he gets in the ring and sends him into an exposed turnbuckle.  How did it get exposed?  Jake fights back and goes for the snake bag, but Andre cuts him off and puts him in a half assed sleeper or something.  Studd warns Andre about driving his ass into Roberts’ crotch in the corner.  Andre chokes Roberts a bunch.  Andre methodically (see: boring) beats up Roberts.  Roberts fights back and Andre does his “tied up in the ropes” bit.  Roberts beats up Andre.  Andre gets free and beats up Roberts some more.  Roberts fights back.  Andre chops Roberts out of the ring.  Andre keeps attacking Roberts to keep him out of the ring.  Studd and Andre argue.  Roberts gets the snake bag.  Andre and Studd shove each other.  Ted Dibiase attacks Roberts from behind and steals the snake.  Roberts follows Dibiase up the aisle, decks him, and takes the snake back.  Andre chokes Studd.  Jake throws the snake in the ring to run Andre off.  Studd DQ’s Andre to give Roberts the win in 9:40.  This was the absolute drizzling shits in a show full of shit.

Sean Mooney talks to some idiot fan in the cheap seats.

Tony Schiavone interviews Sensational Sherri, who vows to take the Women’s title back and trash talks Miss Elizabeth.

The Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation.  Honky & Valentine aren’t yet known as Rhythm & Blues.  Hart and Honky lock up.  I want to take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone and shove it up his ass.  Hart gets a reverse cradle for 2, then hits some atomic drops.  Valentine tags in and gets one too.  Hart dropkicks Valentine.  Hart tags out and slingshots Neidhart into a shoulder block on Valentine.  Hart tags back in and hits a backbreaker and goes for a diving elbow drop, but Valentine avoids it.  Honky tags in and they double team Hart behind the referee’s back.  Jimmy Hart is so fucking obnoxious.  Bret plays face in peril.  Honky hits the Shake, Rattle, & Roll on Bret.  Valentine goes for the figure-four when some kind of leg gimmick, but Bret blocks it.  Valentine cuts him off from making the tag and hits a gut buster for 2.  Bret catches Honky with a cross body for 2.  Neidhart gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neidhart gets some near falls on Valentine, but Honky saves.  Honky tags in and gets beaten up by the Harts.  Bret hits a suplex for 2, as Valentine saves, then knocks Neidhart off the apron.  Neidhart chases Jimmy Hart around the apron.  Jimmy throws the megaphone in, but Bret catches it and hits Honky in the arm.  This somehow allows Bret to pin Honky in 7:40.  Pretty decent match besides the stupid finish.

Footage of the stupid Rick Rude/Ultimate Warrior pose down from the Royal Rumble.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Awesomely, Rude has the title belt airbrushed on his tights.  Rude knees Warrior in the belt and hurts himself.  Warrior pushes him around.  Warrior bear hugs Rude.  Rude also has Warrior’s face airbrushed on the ass of his tights.  Rude hits a missile dropkick for 1.  Warrior slams Rude a couple of times and goes back to the bear hug.  Warrior bites Rude’s head, hits a back body drop, and goes for the big splash, but Rude gets his knees up.  Rude hits a piledriver for 2.  Rude hits a chin crusher and tries to dance, but his back is hurt.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Rude hits a side Russian leg sweep (Monsoon calls it a neckbreaker) for 2.  Rude pulls Warrior’s arms back.  Warrior reaches the ropes and shakes them, then breaks loose.  Warrior hits a shoulder block and a face buster.  Two face busters.  Warrior hits a backbreaker, then stumbles and drops him.  Not sure what that was supposed to be.  Warrior throws Rude around some more.  Rude avoids a Stinger Splash and goes for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior powers out and hits a clothesline.  Warrior takes Rude outside, then right back in, clotheslines him out, and tries to suplex him back in.  Heenan grabs Warrior’s feet and holds on as Rude lands on top and gets the pin in 9:42.  This was pretty bad.  Warrior hits a horribly sloppy press slam on Heenan after the match.  Poor Brain.  Poor anyone who had to work with that fuck Warrior.

Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  Brown goes on the attack immediately and beats up Duggan.  Duggan fights back, so Brown bails.  Brown gets back the apron and Duggan slingshots him back in.  Bad News headbutts Duggan and rams his head into the turnbuckle.  This only strengthens Duggan.  They fight some more.  They go to the floor.  Bad News sends Duggan into the post.  Back inside.  Duggan avoids the Ghetto Blaster and hits the tackle clothesline.  Brown bails and comes back with a chair.  Duggan grabs his 2×4.  They have a sword fight and get double DQ’d in 3:47.  Duggan hits Brown with the 2×4.  I apologize to the Bushwhackers, Rougeaus, Andre, and Jake.  THIS was the absolute fucking drizzling shits.

Mean Gene interviews The Red Rooster.  Seriously.

Bobby Heenan (w/ The Brooklyn Brawler) vs. The Red Rooster.  Heenan begs off.  Rooster rams his head into the turnbuckle.  Rooster beats up Heenan.  Heenan runs into the middle turnbuckle and Rooster gets the pin in 32 seconds.  Not the worst match on the show.  Brawler attacks Rooster after the match.  When Rooster tries to fight back, Brawler and Heenan run away.

Mean Gene interviews Miss Elizabeth.  She’ll be in a neutral corner for the main event.  She’s sad.

Tony Schiavone is in the empty locker room.

Sean Mooney is out amongst the marks.

WWF Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) vs. Hulk Hogan.  Miss Elizabeth is in a neutral corner.  Savage bails before any contact is made.  He throws a Hulkamania finger in the ring for some reason.  They finally lock up.  Hogan shoves Macho away.  Savage hides on the apron briefly, then they lock up again.  Hogan knocks Savage down with a shoulder block and Savage bails again.  They lock up again and Savage finally gets the advantage working a side headlock.  When Hogan tries to fight back, Savage bails again.  Hogan chases Savage around the ring, then hides behind Elizabeth like a dick.  Back inside, Hogan actually does a wrestling takedown and works a side headlock of his own.  Savage hits a backdrop suplex and goes for an elbow drop, but Hogan avoids it and punches him a bunch.  Hogan wrings Savage’s arm.  Savage thumbs Hogan in the eye and hits the diving double axe handle for 2.  Savage works Hogan’s arm.  Hogan escapes it by sending Savage out of the ring.  I love the way Jesse calls the faces out when they cheat and Monsoon acts like it’s okay.  Hogan drops Savage and hits a couple of elbow drops and a boot scrape.  Savage hits a clothesline for 2.  Hogan is bleeding.  Hogan rallies and hits an atomic drop.  He goes for an elbow drop, but Savage avoids it, rams him into the corner, and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Savage beats up Hogan.  Hogan rams Savage’s head into the turnbuckle and punches him a bunch, then clotheslines him in the corner.  Hogan body slams Savage out of the ring.  Liz goes to check on him, but he gets mad at her.  Savage pulls Hogan out of the ring and tries to ram him into stuff, but fails.  One side of the ring skirt has come off.  Hogan rams Savage’s face into the apron, then picks him up to ram him into the post, but Liz won’t let.  Savage rams Hogan into the post, then Liz checks on Hogan.  Make up your mind, woman!  Savage bitches at Liz and threatens her.  The referee makes her leave.  Good.  Savage hits a diving double axe handle to the floor that rams Hogan’s throat into the barricade.  Savage continues to work on the throat.  Savage slams Hogan and hits a knee drop for 2.  Savage chokes Hogan with his wrist tape, then with his hands.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop.  Hogan throws Savage off the cover and Hulks up.  Punches, big boot, and the leg drop for the pin in 17:55.  Pretty good match that somehow kind of feels like a better match than it is from a wrestling standpoint.  Great storytelling, I guess.  Hogan celebrates.  Replay of the finish.

Other than a few passable matches, this show was long and fucking horrible.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/7/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Cut straight to the arena, where Raw and Smackdown GMs Bret Hart and Teddy Long make their way to the ring.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Bret Hart welcomes the people to the Viewer’s Choice Raw.  Go to WWE.com and vote.  Joy.  They announce that the fans will pick the opponents for the participants in the Raw Fatal 4 Way match.  Long says they should talk about Randy Orton.  Orton comes out with his arm in a sling.  He says he wants Edge tonight.  Edge comes out to retort.  Long whispers in Bret’s ear.  Bret agrees to leave it up to the fans.  Long says it will be a debate, a sit-up contest, or a one arm match.  Stupid.  They pick the one armed thing.  I already hate this show.  Long announces that the first match is Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show.  It’s either Over The Top Rope Challenge, Submission Match, or Body Slam Challenge.  Stupid, stupid shit.  Big Show comes out.  Commercials.

Matt Striker reveals the results.  Body Slam Challenge wins.  Lawler is an idiot.

Body Slam Challenge: The Big Show vs. Chris Jericho.  Show is amused.  Jericho looks near tears.  Jericho slaps Show.  Show kicks his ass.  Jericho side steps Show in the corner and tries to slam him but fails, of course.  Show beats up Jericho some more.  Show signals for the KO punch.  Jericho bails.  Show grabs him, but Jericho pulls his arm across the top rope.  Jericho tries to work the arm.  Jericho comes off the top and gets caught with a chop.  Jericho tries a cross body, but Show catches him and slams him for the win in 2:52.  That was stupid.  Show puts Jericho in a camel clutch and Jericho taps out.  Show is announced as the winner again.  Show throws Jericho out of the ring to win again.  This was really, really stupid.

Miami!

Who will the Hart Dynasty face?  The Usos (now named John & Jey) (w/ Tamina), The Dudebusters, or Great Khali & Hornswoggle.  We get short promos from all 3.  Ugh.

WWE.com plug.

Striker reveals the winners… Khali & Hornswoggle.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Great Khali & Hornswoggle.  Khali mauls Kidd.  Hornswoggle tags in and goes for the tadpole splash.  Kidd avoids it.  Smith kicks Khali off the apron.  Kidd pins Hornswoggle in 1:18.  This was retarded.  The Usos and Tamina attack the Harts again.  This week, the Harts clean house.

Lawler gets up from the announce table, saying he has a problem.  Cole introduces the Smackdown Rebound, with an angle so shitty is has to be recapped.

Guest hosts the A-Team cast are next.  Well, they can’t make this show any worse.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The stars of The A-Team are introduces.  Only Bradley Cooper comes out.  He greets the crowd and leaves.  What was the fucking point of that.

Jerry Lawler is backstage looking for someone.  Quinton Jackson and Sharlto Copley find him.  Lawler says somebody stole his crown.  They say they’ll find it.  They go outside and encounter the Bella Twins, but stay in character.  Fuck, I hate this show.

Santino Marella comes out.  He’ll face Vladimir Kozlov in… a match, an arm wrestling match, or a dance off.  Fuck.

Vladimir Kozlov comes out.  Striker reveals the results.  It’s a Dance Off.  Shoot me now.

Santino dances… or comes out of the closet, I’m not sure which.  Kozlov does the robot, I think, and some other retarded shit.  “Vintage Kozlov!”  Cole is a moron.  Kozlov is judged the winner.  Kozlov and Santino dance together, then Kozlov shoves him down.  Ugh.  This show is retarded.

All of the divas are backstage.  Will it be a 12 woman tag, a battle royal, or champion vs. champion?  Can I vote for none of the above?

The Divas come out.  Lawler reveals that it’s gonna be a Battle Royal.

Divas Battle Royal featuring WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Tiffany, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendez, Jillian Hall, Michelle McCool, and WWE Women’s Champion Layla.  They fight.  Rosa gets eliminated by one of the Bellas.  McCool and Layla eliminate Tiffany.  McCool eliminates Kelly.  Gail eliminates Fox, then goes over herself.  LayCool eliminate the Bellas.  Eve fights LayCool  and manages to eliminate them both.  Maryse and Jillian beat down Eve.  They eliminate her.  Jillian declares herself and Maryse co-winners, but Maryse eliminates Jillian to win it in 3:55.  This sucked.  Are you surprised?

Cole and Lawler talk about how great all the stupid bullshit I’ve suffered through tonight were.

Sheamus is backstage.  He encounters Kane, who accuses him of turning Undertaker into a cucumber.  Sheamus says if he had done it, he wouldn’t be shy about it.  Kane calls him a liar and hopes to see him soon.

Who will Sheamus face?  Kane, Mark Henry, or Evan Bourne?

Sheamus comes out.  They show him getting pinned by Evan Bourne in the tag match against Bourne & John Cena last week.  Matt Striker reveals Sheamus’ opponent… Kane (with 88%).  Big surprise, right?

Sheamus vs. Kane.  Kane goes on the attack.  Sheamus cuts him off on the top rope and hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus puts his knee in Kane’s back and pulls on his arms.  What the fuck is that move called?  Kane gets out and boots Sheamus in the face.  Kane hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam, but Sheamus kicks free.  They counter each other until Sheamus hits a reverse DDT backbreaker.  Kane avoids the pump kick and goozles Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus comes back in.  Kane hits the chokeslam.  Sheamus rolls out of the ring.  He decides to take the count-out loss in 7:24.  Kane is pissed.  Best match on the show so far, and it wasn’t good either.

Tonight, Orton vs. Edge in a one armed match.

Who will John Cena face tonight?  Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk?

Miami.

Wade Barrett hype video.

Savannah interviews Wade Barrett.

Ted Dibiase Jr. bitches to Virgil.  Sharlto Copley and Quinton Jackson come in and accuse him of stealing the crown.  Another retarded segment.  Irwin R. Schyster comes in.  He repo’d the crown because Lawler owed back taxes.  There’s a “gas attack” and Copley passes out.  FUCKING RETARDED.

R-Truth and The Miz are headed out for a tag match.  R-Truth’s partner can be Christian, MVP, or John Morrison.  Miz’s partner can be Dolph Ziggler, William Regal, or Zack Ryder.

WWE Classics on Demand plug.

WWE United States Champion R-Truth makes his entrance.  His partner is… John Morrison.  Black Magic and the White Shadow reunite!

Lawler votes for William Regal to be Miz’s partner.  So did I.  Miz comes out and cuts a promo.  His partner is… Zack Ryder.  Really?

WWE United States Champion R-Truth & John Morrison vs. The Miz & Zack Ryder.  Miz and Truth start.  Miz does his jumping around, then tags in Morrison.  They hit a double hip toss.  Morrison nips up and tags Truth immediately back in.  They hit a double suplex.  Miz boots R-Truth in the face and tags in Ryder.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker on Truth, then tags in Miz.  Lots of quick tags.  Miz beats up Truth for a bit.  Morrison tags in and runs wild.  Morrison knees Miz in the face for 2, as Ryder saves.  R-Truth and Ryder are sent outside.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Morrison for the pin in 3:21.  It was okay, but rushed.

Edge bitches to Bret Hart backstage.  Hart encounters Kane, who of course, accuses him of turning Undertaker into a head of lettuce.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

One Arm Match: Edge vs. Randy Orton.  Orton’s arm is in a sling and Edge has an arm tied behind his back.  Orton ducks a clothesline, side steps a boot, and clotheslines Edge.  Orton does the Garvin Stomp.  Orton humps the mat and goes for the RKO.  Edge avoids it and hits a shoulder block.  Edge unties his arm and attacks Orton.  The ref tries to pull him back, then DQs  Edge in 1:35.  Edge goes for the spear, but Orton kicks him in the head, then kicks him out of the ring.  Orton follows Edge outside.  Edge attacks Orton’s arm with a chair.  I don’t think this stupid shit they keep having Orton do is going to be good for his shoulder.  This whole thing was stupid.

Cole and Lawler recap this shitty show, of which there is unfortunately still another hour.  They show “highlights” just to kill time.

John Cena will face either Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk, but voting isn’t until later.  Ugh.

NXT season 2 starts tomorrow.  Joy.

Miami.

Earlier tonight, this show sucked.  It still sucks.  Also, Edge vs. Randy Orton happened.

John Cena and Evan Bourne chat backstage.  Bourne leaves and Savannah interviews Cena.

The stupid A-Team guy wakes up.  Mean Gene Okerlund interviews him.  He’s still in character and things Gene is the old guy character.  Josh Matthews is there too.  This was fucking retarded, just like everything on this fucking show.

Drew McIntyre comes out.  Teddy Long introduces the candidates for his opponent: Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, and a mystery opponent who is obviously Matt Hardy.  I want to see McIntyre vs. Rampage.

Striker reveals McIntyre’s opponent…. the mystery man (with 88%).  It’s Matt Hardy, to the shock of absolutely nobody.

McIntyre says the match isn’t happening because Hardy is suspended.  Teddy Long says Hardy is suspended from Smackdown, not Raw.  I love loopholes.

Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy.  Hardy kicks McIntyre’s ass.  The referees celebrate them.  Hardy clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring and kicks his ass out there.  Back inside, McIntyre drops Hardy with a big boot.  Hardy avoids McIntyre in the corner and McIntyre spears the post.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the pin in 1:26, then bashes McIntyre’s head against the mat.  The referee tries to separate them.  McIntyre finally manages to run away, getting some of his hair pulled out in the process.

Rampage Jackson is handcuffed to a chair backstage.  Dibiase, Virgil, and IRS are holding him captive.  They’re gonna take him to the ring and answer something.  Ugh.  This shit is retarded.

Ted Dibiase Jr., Virgil, and King Irwin R. Schyster have Rampage Jackson handcuffed to the top rope.  Dibiase says even he has a price.  Somebody hired him to capture his character from the A-Team.  It’s “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!  That’s hilarious.  Piper is still holding a grudge. He cuts a typically great Piper promo on Rampage.  The A-Team music plays.  Dusty Rhodes, Gene Okerlund, and Sharlto Copley come out in a golf cart.  Rampage breaks free and hits a spinebuster on Dibiase.  Rhodes hits the Bionic Elbow on IRS.  Piper shoves Virgil into Rampage to get chokeslammed.  Mean Gene interviews the A-Team and Dusty.  Also, they finally recover Lawler’s crown.  At least this segment was funny.  First time in a while one of these stupid guest host segments was funny.

Voting for the Cena match is open now.

Next week the guest host is the guy from Royal Pains.

Cole and Lawler say it’s been a fantastic show.  This is a lie.  Lawler votes for Mysterio to face Cena.  So did I.

Josh Matthews interviews the choices: Rey Mysterio Jr., World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, and CM Punk (w/ The Straight Edge Society).

WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  Striker reveals his opponent, CM Punk.

Non-Title: WWE Champion John Cena vs. CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Cena goes for the mask and Punk bails.  Cena schools Punk some more.  They do some nice counter wrestling.  Cena goes for the mask again and Punk bails again.  Back inside, Punk lands some knees and attacks Cena’s mid-section.  Sweet dropkick to the back of the head gets 2.  Punk applies a figure-four head scissors.  Cena tries to make a comeback, but Gallows trips him.  Commercials.  Cena escapes a hold and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk hits a DDT for 2.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring.  Serena gets her cheap shot in.  Back inside, Punk lands some kicks on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  When he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Wade Barrett comes out to distract him.  He hits it anyway, then goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but gets distracted by Barrett approaching the ring.  The rest of the NXT season 1 guys (Heath Slater, Michael Tarver, David Otunga, Skip Sheffield, Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, and Darren Young) come through the crowd and beat the hell out of the Straight Edge Society, then get in the ring.  Otunga decks the referee.  Cena goes on the attack, but it’s 8 on 1, so he gets destroyed.  The rookies attack Striker and the announcers and demolish the ringside area.  The bell finally rings at 11:58.  I assume it’s a no-contest.  The rookies beat up all of the ringside personnel.  The rookies start tearing the ring apart.  Cena tries to fight back, but gets beaten down again.  The NXT guys take turns hitting moves on him.  They beat the hell out of Punk some more.  Sheffield clotheslines Cena.  Danielson screams “You are not better than me!” at Cena.  Danielson tropes Cena with a kick.  Barrett hits his shitty finish on Cena.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  The NXT guys finally leave, having completely devastated the ring and surrounding area.  Doctors check on Cena.  EMTs come out to stretcher Cena out.  Nobody seems concerned with the dead announcers and such.

This show was the absolute drizzling shits up until the main event, which was a good match.  The ending angle was interesting, and I’m very curious about where this is going.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by highlights of the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels match from last night’s WrestleMania.

Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Tonight is Shawn Michaels’ farewell.

Batista comes out and cuts a promo.  Cena beating him was a fluke, nobody will remember WrestleMania (WTF?), etc. etc.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”  He did.  Batista wants his rematch.  He says Cena can’t beat him, despite the fact that Cena beat him clean as a sheet last night.  The NEW WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  Cena says he beat Batista at WrestleMania.  He did.  Crowd chants “CENA SUCKS!”  He makes fun of Batista for tapping out, then offers Batista his rematch TONIGHT!  Cena says Batista will bitch out and refuse the match tonight.  Batista bitches out and refuses the match tonight.  They brawl for a second, then Batista bails.  Jack Swagger ambushes Cena with the briefcase and says he’s cashing in Money In The Bank!  Cena comes back to life and goes for for the STF.  Swagger bails, changes his mind, grabs the briefcase, and leaves.

Shawn Michaels moment: The Rockers make their WWF debut against the Rougeau Brothers.

Slam of the Week: The Orton/Dibiase/Rhodes match from last night.

A whole bunch of legends come out!  Ted Dibiase, Nick Bockwinkel, Pat Patterson, Irwin R. Schyster, and Arn Anderson!  Roddy Piper, Sergeant Slaughter, Tony Garea, and Ricky Steamboat follow!  Jerry Lawler joins them around the ring.  Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts, Clark Duke and Rob Corddry from Hot Tub Time Machine.  Ah, I get it.  They announce Batista & Swagger vs. Cena & a partner of his choice, and a hot tub match with Duke & Corddry vs. The Divas.  The legends are around the ring for a Legends Lumberjack Match.

Legends Lumberjack Match: Christian vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  JIP.  Christian hits his diving sunset flip for 2.  They slap each other.  Christian throws Dibiase out of the ring and the lumberjacks throw him back in.  Dibiase counters Christian’s tornado DDT and lands a kick to the face for 2.  Dibiase clamps on a rear chin lock.  Christian escapes and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Christian counters.  Christian hits his corner kick and the diving European uppercut, then goes for the Killswitch.  Dibiase counters and clotheslines him, taking them both of the ring.  The lumberjacks throw them in, then start brawling amongst themselves.  Christian hits the Killswitch for the pin (about 3 minutes shown).  This was fun.  Dibiase Sr. comes in the ring to help his son up.  Dibiase Jr. shoves him and leaves.  Major boos for that.

Shawn Michaels moment: Throwing Marty Jannetty through the Barber Shop window.  Michaels’ farewell is TONIGHT!

Triple H is headed our way!

Plugs for the shitty Mania theme song and WWE.com.

WrestleMania Week highlights.

Clark Duke and Rob Corddry are backstage talking.  Santino Marella randomly walks by, says something, and leaves.  Duke and Corddry get in a hot tub with the very hot Bella Twins, the very hot Rosa Mendez, and the very hot Tiffany.  They agree to give whoever can stay in the longest a future Divas Championship match.  They drink champagne.  Whatever.

Triple H comes out to the stage and cuts an emotional promo about his friend, Shawn Michaels.  He says he has something to say to Shawn that he’s never said before.  Sheamus clobbers Triple H from behind with a lead pipe and we don’t get to hear Hunter profess his homosexual love for Michaels.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres vs. WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, & Layla.  Great, have a rematch of the worst match on the show.  Eve and Maryse yell at each other.  Maryse poses and looks FINE.  Eve schoolgirls her for the pin in 21 seconds.  Vickie yells at the faces.  They take her jacket off an she bails.  The heels jump the faces, but the faces clean house.  Quick and painless.  All divas matches should be this long.

Shawn Michaels moment: The Ladder Match with Razor Ramon at WrestleMania X.

Tonight, Cena/X vs. Batista/Swagger!

Bret Hart is headed our way!

Shawn Michaels moment: The Iron Man Match with Bret at WrestleMania XII.

Bret Hart comes out.  He puts over Shawn Michaels and wishes him the best in his future endeavors.  He talks some more.  He has an awesome shirt on that has a photo of him and Owen wrestling.  He thanks the fans.  The Unified Tag Team Champions The Big Show & The Miz come out.  Miz insults Bret and puts himself over.  He’s the Tag champion and the United States Champion, people should be talking about him, etc.  He says he’s 1-0 at Mania, only 17 wins away from tying Undertaker’s streak.  Everybody laughs.  He calls Bret and his family overrated.  Bret challenges them to make him leave.  The Hart Dynasty come out to back up Bret.  Miz Show bail.  Bret challenges them to come back and wrestle the Hart Dynasty.  Miz is ready to go, but has to talk Show into it.  Commercials!

WrestleMania!

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Bret Hart & Natalya).  JIP.  Smith hits the stall suplex on Miz.  Miz catches Smith with a kick, then gets clotheslined out of the ring.  Smith backdrops Kidd out of the ring to wipe out Miz.  Kidd chases Miz around the ring.  Show tags in.  Kidd goes right after him, but is overcome.  Show Miz get heat on Kidd.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild on Miz.  Springboard Hart Attack on Miz.  Kidd locks Miz in the Sharpshooter.  Show yells at Miz for not listening to him, then pulls Miz out of the ring.  Show Miz leave and get counted out (about 4 minutes shown).  It was good for what it was.  I hope this leads to the Harts getting a title shot.

Shawn Michaels moment: DX.

WWE Rewind: Money In The Bank Ladder Match from last night.

The hosts and the divas are still in the hot tub.  The divas look bored.  Tiffany and Rosa get creeped out and leave.  Their co-star Craig Robinson appears on the TV and tells the Bellas they win, then sends Mark Henry to get in the tub with them.  In a speedo.  Gross.  Hornswoggle is snorkeling in the tub.  At least the chicks were hot.

Earlier tonight, Sheamus killed Triple H with a lead pipe.

Jack Swagger comes out and cuts a promo about his briefcase.  The main event is next, I assume.

Batista & Jack Swagger vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton.  So I guess Orton is officially babyface now.  Cena and Swagger lock up.  Cena hits the Fisherman’s suplex, then tags in Orton.  Orton does the Garvin Stomp to Swagger.  VINTAGE ORTON!  Orton humps the mat.  Swagger bails.  Commercials.  The bad guys get the heat on Cena.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Batista hits the spinebuster and goes for the Batista Bomb, but Cena backdrops his way free and makes the hot tag.  Swagger tags in as well.  Orton runs wild on him.  Orton hits the powerslam and then the 3.0.  Cover, but Batista saves.  Batista spears Cena.  Orton RKOs Batista, then RKOs Swagger for the pin in 8:05.  Fine match.  Orton celebrates.

Shawn Michaels moment: Michaels vs. Undertaker at WrestleMania XXV.  Shawn’s farewell is next.

Tomorrow night on NXT, the results of the first Pros Poll!

Justin Roberts introduces Shawn Michaels.  Before Michaels can speak, The Undertaker comes out to the stage, tips his hat to Michaels, and leaves.  Shawn says he doesn’t know what to say.  Crowd chants “PLEASE DON’T GO!”  Shawn talks about his career.  They show and old lady crying.  Crowd chants “THANK YOU SHAWN!”  Shawn talks for a bit more.  He says he’s reluctant to thank people for fear of forgetting someone, but he does thank Triple H for being his friend.  He puts over the cameramen, production crew, announcers, and Adam the video package guy.  The crowd ridiculously chants “ONE MORE MATCH!”  Shawn says he knows how people feel about career ending matches, and he doesn’t want to go back on his word.  He thanks Bret Hart and says he drove Bret crazy in the  90s and that Bret had every right to say everything he’s ever said about Shawn.  He thanks Bret for forgiving him, etc. etc.  He puts over Vince McMahon and thanks the fans, then puts over Jesus.  Can’t go wrong there.  He says to his wife and kids “Daddy’s comin’ home.”  He finishes by saying “‘The Heartbreak Kid’ Shawn Michaels has left the building.  I apologize for the shitty job I did of recapping this segment.  When he makes it to the top of the ramp. Triple H appears and they do all but make out.  Fin.

Fun show.  Nothing outstanding, but definitely worth watching.

WWF WrestleMania III

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  WrestleMania III!

Vince McMahon is in the ring to welcome us to the Pontiac Silverdome for WrestleMania III.  Then, he introduces Aretha Franklin to sing America the Beautiful.

The announcers, Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, talk to special guests Mary Hart and Bob Uecker, then throw it to ring announcer, Howard Finkel for the first match.

The Can-Am Connection vs. “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr. & Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji).  Muraco and Martel start.  Man, there are a lot of people in the Pontiac Silverdome.  Zenk tags in and they double team both opponents.  Orton and Zenk go at it.  Zenk slams Orton.  Orton stumbles into the wrong corner and gets decked.  They reverse each others’ full nelsons.  Muraco accidentally decks Orton.  Zenk covers for 2.  Martel tags in and works Orton’s arm.  Zenk and Muraco tag in.  The heels start to get heat on Zenk for a minute.  Martel tags in and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  The Can-Ams whip the heels into each other and Muraco backdrops Orton.  Orton gets sent out of the ring.  Martel hits a cross body on Muraco for the pin in 5:37.  It was fine.

Billy Jack Haynes/Hercules video package.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Bobby Heenan and Hercules.  Bizarre promo from Hercules.  Heenan cals Haynes “Billy Jerk Haynes.”  How clever.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules Hernandez (w/ Bobby Heenan).  They’re feuding over who the master of the full nelson is.  They lock up and go at it.  Haynes press slams Hercules.  He goes for the full nelson, but Hercules scampers to the ropes.  Haynes punches Hercules.  Hercules DROPS him with a lariat.  Hercules back body drops Haynes and punishes his back in other ways, such as whipping him into the turnbuckles and suplexing him.  Hercules covers off the suplex, then lets Haynes up.  Haynes fights back, but Hercules clobbers his back.  Hercules continues to punish Haynes’ back.  Hercules goes for the full nelson, but can’t get his fingers locked.  Haynes hulks up and breaks the hold, but Hercules hits him in the back of the head.  Double clothesline spot.  Haynes hits an inverted atomic drop, a clothesline, some more blows, another clothesline, and a leg drop.  Haynes his a diving fist drop.  Haynes locks in the full nelson.  They go out together through the ropes and Haynes locks the full nelson in on the outside.  Double count-out in 7:53.  It was fine.  Heenan cheap shots Haynes.  Haynes chases him around the ring.  Hercules hits Haynes with his chain repeatedly and busts him open, then puts him in the full nelson for good measure.

Mean Gene interviews King Kong Bundy and his midgets.

Bob Uecker has joined Heenan and Ventura for commentary.

Mean Gene interviews Hillbilly Jim and his midgets.

King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo, & Lord Littlebrook vs. Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver, & The Haiti Kid.  They edit out “Don’t Go Messin’ With A Country Boy,” which is akin to blasphemy.  Haiti and Tokyo start.  Midget wrestling!  All four midgets run the ropes.  The heel midgets collide.  The face midgets do the row the boat bit with their legs.  Beaver smacks Tokyo silly, so Tokyo tags in Littlebrook.  Beaver hits Bundy in the gut, which pisses him off.  Bundy tags in.  Beaver dropkicks him to no effect, then tags in Hillbilly Jim.  Jim clotheslines Bundy, then drops an elbow.  Jim and the midgets cover for 2.  Beaver comes in and smacks Bundy with an object.  Bundy avalanches Jim.  Bundy finally has enough of his shit and body slams Little Beaver, then drops an elbow on him.  The referee DQs Bundy in 4:22.  No fair!  That midget was starting shit.  The four midgets and Jim chase Bundy off.  Poor Bundy.  The midget had it coming.

Mary Hart interviews Miss Elizabeth.  The Intercontinental Champion, Randy Savage interrupts.  Hart didn’t want to talk to him.

Race/JYD video package.

Mean Gene interviews Harley Race, Fabulous Moolah, and Bobby Heenan.

Bob Uecker apparently has a thing for Moolah.

Mean Gene interviews JYD.

Loser Must Bow To The Winner: King Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan & WWF Women’s Champion The Fabulous Moolah) vs. Junkyard Dog.  They brawl.  Race throws JYD out of the ring and tries a headbutt off the apron, but JYD avoids it!  JYD beats up Race.  JYD avoids another headbutt.  JYD whips Race into the corner.  Race Flair flips out of the ring.  Heenan distracts JYD, allowing Race to hit a belly to belly suplex for the pin in 3:22.  This sucked.  JYD bows, then hits Race with a chair.  JYD steals Race’s robe.

Vince McMahon interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.  He cuts a bizarre promo.

The Rougeau Brothers are introduces, then we get a Dream Team interview before their entrance.

The Rougeau Brothers vs. The Dream Team (w/ Johnny Valiant & Dino Bravo).  Raymond and Beefcake start.  Atomic drop and a tag to Jacques.  Double dropkick to Beefcake.  Valentine tags in and hammers Jacques.  Tag to Raymond, who hits a cross body for 2.  Jacques gets back in.  Valentine avoids a cross body and hammers him, too.  Tag to Valentine, who drops a knee on Jacques for 2.  Tag to Valentine, and some double teaming by the Dream Team.  Bobby Heenan comes into the broadcast booth.  Valentine locks Jacques in the figure-four leglock.  Valentine goes for a sunset flip, but Jacques punches him and tags in Raymond.  Raymond locks Valentine in a sleeper.  Beefcake tries to save and accidentally hits Valentine.  Rougeaus hit a Doomsday leg lariat on Valentine and Raymond gets a jackknife cradle.  With the referee distracted, Bravo comes in and hits Raymond.  Valentine pins Raymond in 4:04.  It was alright.  Valiant, Valentine, and Bravo leave without Beefcake.

Adonis/Piper video package.

Adonis makes his entrance, then they show a pre-taped interview with Adonis and Jimmy Hart.

Hair vs. Hair, Roddy Piper Retirement Match: Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Roddy Piper.  They brawl.  Piper whips Adonis with his belt, then chokes Jimmy Hart with it.  Adonis hits Piper from behind, then whips Piper with the belt.  Piper whips Adonis into the corner.  Flair flip.  Piper pulls Adonis back in, and Hart along with him.  Piper knocks their heads together, then throws Hart into Adonis and sends them both tumbling out of the ring.  Piper pulls Adonis back in, beats him up, then launches Hart off the top rope into Adonis.  Hart trips Piper behind the referee’s back.  Adonis rakes Piper’s chest.  Ouch.  Adonis uses his amble bulk to knock Piper down, then scrapes at him some more.  They go outside.  Adonis rams Piper into the timekeeper’s table.  Hart hits Piper.  Adonis hammers Piper back in the ring.  Piper fights back.  Hart sprays perfume in Piper’s eyes.  Adonis locks Piper in the sleeper hold.  Adonis lets it go before the referee can check the arm the last time.  Brutus Beefcake comes in and shakes Piper awake.  Piper decks Jimmy Hart, ducks a shot from Adonis with the big shears he brought to the ring, and locks Adonis in the sleeper for the win in 6:55.  It was decent.  Beefcake cuts Adonis’ hair as Piper roughs up Jimmy Hart.  Piper holds up the mirror so Adonis can see himself.  Adonis punches the mirror and runs after Piper, but fails.  So this is Piper’s first retirement, and Beefcake’s face turn and the beginning the Barber gimmick.  A fan runs in and hugs Piper and shakes his hand before security tackles him and takes him away.  Piper rides off into the sunset.

Gorilla talks to Mary Hart and Bob Uecker.  Howard Finkel randomly introduces Jesse Ventura to the live audience.  Random.  Ventura buddies it up with the Hart Foundation.

Pre-taped interview with Mean Gene interviewing Jimmy Hart for the Hart Foundation and Danny Davis.  Davis was a crooked referee who screwed the Bulldogs and Tito Santana.  He was suspended for “life plus 10 years” as a referee.

WWF Tag Team Champions The Hart Foundation & Danny Davis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The British Bulldogs & Tito Santana (w/ Matilda).  Before the match, Santana whips the Harts into each other, then Davey Boy press slams Davis out of the ring and onto them.  Tito starts with Bret Hart.  Ventura carries Matilda to the back.  Davey Boy and Neidhart tag in and have a power match.  Mary Hart clarifies that she has no relation to Jimmy Hart.  Tito tags in and works Neidhart’s arm.  Bret chokes Tito behind the referee’s back.  Tito leapfrogs Neidhart and tags in Davey Boy, who backdrops Anvil.  Hart tags in and goes for an elbow that Davey Boy avoids.  Dynamite Kid tags in and whips Bret frontwards into the turnbuckle.  Dynamite stumbles and hits a headbutt.  Neidhart helps Bret get the advantage on Dynamite.  Dynamite goes for the snap suplex, but Neidhart hits him in the back.  Tito goes after Neidhart every time he interferes.  Neidhart comes in and works over Dynamite.  Harts hits a double team backbreaker/elbow drop on Dynamite.  Davids tags in, puts the boots to Dynamite, and tags in Bret.  Major heat for that one.  Harts work over Dynamite.  “We’re going to have to rename Dynamite “Firecracker” if he doesn’t shape up here.” says Mary Hart.  Davis tags in again and gets his licks in, then tags back out.  Harts slingshot Davis into a splash, but Dynamite gets his knees up.  Hot tag to Tito Santana, who runs wild on Davis, decks the Harts, and beats up Davis some more.  Santana goes for the figure-four, but Neidhart decks him to prevent it.  Davey Boy tags in and beats up Davis.  Davey Boy tombstones Davis, years before it meant anything, then hits the stalling suplex, then the running powerslam.  He covers, but Neidhart saves.  Tito gives him the flying jalapeno.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Davis whacks Davey Boy with Jimmy’s megaphone for the pin in 8:52.  This was kind of excellent.

Mean Gene interviews Andre the Giant and Bobby Heenan.

“The Natural” Butch Reed (w/ Slick) vs. Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie).  Ventura is back on commentary now.  They fuck off for a while, then lock up.  Reed takes the early advantage.  Ware tries a reverse cradle, fails, but dropkicks Reed out of the ring.  Ware tries to get some offense going, but Reed hits him in the back of his head and rattles his brains.  Frankie tries to peck the camera lens.  Gorilla says Frankie realizes Koko is in trouble.  Ware hip tosses Reed and hits some punches and a dropkick.  Ware gets an inside cradle for 2.  Koko hits a cross body, but Reed rolls through and hooks the tights for the pin in 3:39.  Koko nails Reed.  Slick attacks Koko with his cane.  Tito Santana comes out and rips Slick’s $3 suit off.  Koko and Tito hit a double dropkick on Reed.  Meh.

Savage/Steamboat history package.

Randy Savage cuts a promo, then makes his entrance.  Mean Gene interviews Ricky Steamboat.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Ricky Steamboat (w/ George “The Animal” Steele).  They feel each other out a bit.  Savage bails to lead Elizabeth to another corner because Steele was too close to her.  Steamboat with a pair of his gorgeous arm drags and a double hand lifting choke (think a choke bomb without the bomb).  Savage attacks Steamboat’s arm, then slings him off the ropes and covers for 2.  Steamboat works on Savage’s arm.  Savage elbows Steamboat in the face.  Ouch.  Savage throws Steamboat out of the ring.  Savage pulls Steamboat to the apron  by his hair, then hits him in the throat.  See, that’s how this feud started.  Savage put Steamboat out for a while by hitting him in the throat with the ring bell, I think.  Steamboat fights back.  Savage gets tied up in the ropes.  Steamboat beats on him.  Savage escapes.  Steamboat hits a cross body for 2.  Another gorgeous arm drag, and a shoulder block for 2.  Savage knees Steamboat in the back.  Savage throws Steamboat out, but Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Savage clotheslines Steamboat out of the ring.  Steele tries to help him up, then recoils like a scolded child when the referee admonishes him.  Savage hits Steamboat from behind and sends him over the barricade.  Steele picks Steamboat up and puts him back in the ring.  Savage sends Steamboat out again and hits a double axe handle to the floor.  Back inside, Savage hits another double axe handle for 2.  Savage pulls Steamboat’s throat across the top rope for 2.  Atomic drop for 2.  Vertical suplex gets 2.  Steamboat fights back, but Savage hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Steamboat backdrops Savage out of the ring.  Ventura calls for a DQ, but the WWF never had that stupid rule.  Steamboat hits a diving karate chop for what looks like a 3 count, but Savage got his foot on the rope.  Steamboat drops him again in the middle of the ring for 2.  Steamboat gets a sunset flip for 2.  Steamboat gets a schoolboy for 2.  Steamboat gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Steamboat gets an inside cradle for 2.  This is getting awesome.  Steamboat catapults Savage into the corner and sunset flips him again for 2.  Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then Savage reverses it for 2.  Savage sends Steamboat into the referee.  Man, those referees are fragile.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop for a phantom 3 count, but there’s no referee.  Savage takes the ring bell from the timekeeper.  Steele snatches it away from him.  Savage kicks him in the head and goes up top with the bell, but the Steele pushes him off.  Savage picks up Steamboat, but Steamboat gets him with an inside cradle for the pin in about 14:42 (the bell was in the ring, so couldn’t be rung).  One of the most famous matches in WWE history, and while on previous viewings I didn’t think it lived up to the hype, but this time I was really into it and thought it was awesome.

Mean Gene interviews Jake Roberts and Alice Cooper.  They make their entrance, then we get a pre-taped interview with The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts (w/ Alice Cooper) vs. The Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Roberts jumps Honky before the bell and kicks his ass and rips his jump suit off.  Honky gets the advantage and beats up on Roberts.  Roberts drops him with a short range lariat.  The snow the snake moving around in the bag.  Honky bails for unrelated reasons.  Roberts follows him and gets into into the post, then stumbles into the barricade.  Roberts makes it back to the apron with Cooper’s help, and Honky takes a break from dancing to knock Roberts into the barricade again.  Roberts finally makes it back inside.  Honky slams him and hits a first drop off the second rope.  Honky beats up Roberts.  Honky sets up his finish, but Roberts backdrops him.  Honky punches Roberts in the corner.  Roberts gives him an inverted atomic drop.  Roberts makes his comeback and goes for the DDT, but Hart grabs his leg.  Honky schoolboys Roberts and grabs the ropes for the pin in 7:05.  It was fine.  Roberts swings Honky’s guitar at him.  Honky avoids it.  Roberts smashes the guitar into the post.  Honky runs away.  Jake and Cooper introduce Jimmy Hart to Damien.

Howard Finkel introduces Mean Gene Okerlund, who announces the attendance at 93,173.  The real number is around 78,000, which is plenty impressive, but wrestling promoters are devout liars, especially when it comes to attendance numbers.

The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, and Slick make their way to the ring.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan runs down with his 2×4 to stop Volkoff from singing the Soviet national anthem.

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Slick) vs. The Killer Bees.  Duggan marches back and forth at ringside.  Volkoff and Sheik Pearl Harbor the Killer Beers to start the match.  There’s a do si do spot, then the Killer Bees get the advantage.  The Bees make quick tags and work over Sheiky.  Volkoff and Sheik work over Brunzell.  Brunzell hits Sheik with a knee and makes the lukewarm tag.  The referee didn’t see it, so it’s a false tag.  Brunzell continues playing face in peril.  Duggan chases Volkoff and Slick around the ring.  Sheik puts Brunzell in the camel clutch.  Hacksaw chases Volkoff into the ring, then whacks Sheik with the 2×4 to cause the DQ in 5:43.  Hacksaw cuts a lame, but patriotic promo, and gets the crowd to chant “USA!”  Whatever.  Replays.  Double whatever.

Mean Gene interviews Andre and Heenan again.

Hogan/Andre video package.  The highlight is Roddy Piper saying “You damn betcha I can!”  I want to start saying that all the time.

Mean Gene interviews Hogan again.  Man, his promos are whack.  Did I just use the word “whack?”  I’ve been watching so much 80s wrestling, my brain is starting to rot.

Howard Finkel introduces Bob Uecker as the guest ring announcer and Mart Hart as the guest timekeeper.

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Epic staredown.  “The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.” says Monsoon.  They shove each other.  Hogan punches Andre and tries to slam him, but fails, as Andre falls on top for 2.  Andre attacks Hogan’s back.  Andre slams Hogan.  Hogan sells it like he’s having the hell beat out of him.  Andre works over Hogan in the corner.  Hogan sneaks out of the corner and makes his comeback with punches, elbows, and chops.  Hogan ramps Andre’s face into the top turnbuckle.  Hogan charges Andre and eats his boot.  Andre bear hugs Hogan.  Hogan FINALLY escapes and tries to get rolling again.  Andre chops him down.  Andre kicks Hogan out of the ring.  Andre accidentally headbutts the post.  Hogan pulls up a section of the floor mats and goes for a piledriver.  Yeah, that’ll happen.  Andre backdrops him out of it.  Back inside, Hogan finally manages to knock Andre down with a shoulder block.  Hogan slams Andre and hits the leg drop for the pin in 12:09.  Not a good wrestling match,  but it doesn’t matter, because this was all spectacle, and one of the most pivotal moments in WWE history.  Hogan does his posing routine.

Monsoon and Ventura talk for a minute, then we get a slide show set to Aretha Franklin’s opening performance to close the show.

And so ends perhaps the most famous show in WWE history.  It’s fun to watch, and much easier to sit through that some of the other older shows I’ve watched recently.  Savage/Steamboat was, of course, match of the night by a huge margin.

WWF WrestleMania II (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/22/09.

On we march, with WrestleMania II!

WWE open, since this is from the Anthology.  WWF: The Recognized Worldwide Leader in Sports.  WrestleMania II: What The World Has Come To.  I should mention now that for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to have WrestleMania II from 3 locations: Uniondale, New York, Chicago (Rosemont), Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

First to New York, where Vince McMahon delivers his famous “Welcome to WrestleMania!” line.  Vince introduces his color commentator for the New York portion, Susan St. James.  I see Howard Finkel is the ring announcer for New York.  Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in Chicago for a minute.

Back in New York, some old fat guy interviews Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton), who will be boxing Mr. T tonight.  Piper cuts a typically great promo, with the awesome line “If Mr. T can knock me out in this fight, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit professional wrestling, I would quit tiddlywinks, I would quit dating girls!”  He then turns to Orton and says “I’d stick with you, though.”

Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff.  After the opening bell, they play pre-taped audio comments from both wrestlers.  That strikes me as dumb.  They lock up.  Orndorff gets the better of it at first.  Orndorff gets Muraco on the mat and applies an arm lock.  Susan St. James is horrible on commentary.  Muraco tries to arm drag his way out of it, but Orndorff keeps it clamped on.  Muraco finally hits a Samoan drop to escape the punishment of his arm.  They go out of the ring and brawl to a double count-out at 4:33.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  It started off good, then went downhill.

Mr. T interviews himself.  During this, Finkel finally makes the announcement that the last match was a double count-out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  A pre-taped interview during Savage’s entrance.  This show is so sloppily produced.  Susan likes Steele.  Savage bails as soon as Steele goes after him.  Savage gets back in the ring.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Steele finally gets hold of Savage and bites his leg.  Steele picks up Savage by the neck, chokes him, then drops him.  Steele gets distracted, looking at Elizabeth.  Savage ties him up in the ropes and puts the boots to him.  Savage with a diving crossbody for 2.  Steele throws Savage out of the ring.  Savage crawls under the ring, comes out the other side, and jumps Steele from behind.  Steele bites Savage’s arm.  Steele clubs Savage until Savage gouges his eyes.  Savage slaps Steele with a bouquet of flowers.  Steele bites him again, then hits him with the flowers.  Steele eats the turnbuckle pad.  He feeds some of the stuffing to Savage.  Savage bails.  Who can blame him?  Steele chases him around the ring.  Steele pleads with Elizabeth.  Savage comes off the top with the diving axe handle to the outside.  Back in the ring,  Savage slams Steele and hits the diving elbow, but Steele kicks out at 1.  Steele grabs Savage’s nose, then throws him into the corner.  The ref admonishes Steele.  Savage trips Steele up and gets the Flair pin in the corner at 7:08.  This sucked.  Steele eats another turnbuckle, then chases the referee to the back.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews two of the participants in the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, Bill Fralic and Big John Studd.  During this, we hear Finkel’s annoucement that Savage was the winner and still the Intercontinental Champion.  Gah.

Vince and Susan talk about snakes.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They trade punches.  Wells with a backdrop.  Snake sends Wells to the outside and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Wells hits a shoulder block.  Wells whips Roberts into the corner, then takes him over with a head scissors.  Wells with a knee lift.  Wells with a powerslam for 2.  Snake gouges the eyes, then begs off and bails.  Wells follows him out and back into the ring.  Roberts gets a cheap shot with the knee lift when Wells is still coming through the ropes, then hits the DDT for the pin at 3:05.  Jake puts the snake on Wells after the match.  The match was fine for what it was.

They show an altercation between Roddy Piper and Mr. T that led to tonight’s match, which I believe took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cut to Los Angeles, where Jesse Ventura interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.

Back to Vince and Susan, then to Finkel in the ring to introduce the celebrities for the New York main event.  The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers.  She introduces the judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy.  The special guest timekeeper is Herb.  I don’t know who any of those people are.  The referee is Jack somebody.

Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton and the old fat guy) vs. Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid).  They box.  It sucks.  I’m not a boxing fan anyway, and I really hate lame, worked boxing matches in wrestling.  The first round ends.  They go to their corners.  Round 2 starts.  They box some more.  It still sucks.  I do like Piper’s plaid boxing trunks.  Round 2 ends.  Piper cheap shots T again anyway.  Orton throws a bucket of water on T to boot.  Round 3 starts.  Guess what?  They box!  T punches Piper out of the ring.  He barely makes it back in.  They’re both getting tired.  Round 3 ends.  Just end this shit already.  Piper throws his stool at Mr. T.  Round 4 starts.  They punch each other.  Piper knocks T’s mouthpiece out.  T knocks Piper’s mouthpiece out.  Piper socks the ref, then body slams Mr. T to cause the DQ at 1:17 of the 4th round.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Man, this sucked.

Now on to the Chicago portion of the show.  Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene hype the battle royal.  Gorilla introduces their color commentator for this portion, Cathy Lee Crosby.  Never heard of her either.  Curse my lack of knowledge of low level celebrities from before I was born.  Chet Coppock is the ring announcer for Chicago.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre.  Moolah jumps McIntyre immediately and kicks her ass.  McIntyre fires back with dropkicks and an elbow smash.  McIntyre with a body slam, then comes off the top with a big splash, but Moolah moves out of the way, then covers McIntyre for the pin at the 59 second mark.  Well that was utterly pointless.

Gorilla, Gene, and Crosby hype the battle royal again.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner.  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  The winner gets to wave his flag. Volkoff goes on the offensive early.  Kirchner fights back.  Kirchner knocks down the referee.  While he’s down, Kirchner catches Blassie’s cane and nails Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:35, so he gets to hold up Old Glory.  Match was nothing.

Mean Gene is in the ring to explain the rules for a battle royal.  The timekeeper is the “where’s the beef” lady.  The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

Battle Royal featuring Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre the Giant.  There’s no opening bell, but everyone just starts fighting.  “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins Gorilla and Crosby at the announce table for whatever reason.  Ah, I guess because he was both a football player and a wrestler.  Tonga and one of the football players eliminate each other.  Holmes gets eliminated, I think by Bruno, or maybe Studd.  Brunzell gets tossed.  Perry eliminates Atlas.  A bunch of guys try to gang up on Andre.  Morales and Marvin eliminate each other.  Arcidi, Jim, and Spivey try to dump Blair, but he slips back in and helps the other guys dump Arcidi.  Sheik dumps Spivey.  Sheik dumps Jim and Blair.  Sheik and Studd dump Fralic.  Sammartino backdrops Sheik out of the ring.  Sammartino beats up Studd.  Harts beat up Perry.  Andre beats up one of the little guys, I think it’s Russ Frances.  Studd eliminates Bruno.  Perry throws the Harts over the top rope, but they both hit the apron and come back in.  Studd dumps Perry.  Perry shakes Studd’s hand, then, poor sport that he is, pulls Studd out of the ring.  It’s down to Andre, the Harts, and Frances.  Andre gets tied up in the ropes.  The Harts dump Frances, then double team Andre.  Andre big boots Hart, then rams Hart and Neidhart’s heads together.  Big boot to Neidhart sends him out of the ring.  Andre press slams Hart out of the ring and onto Neidhart to win it in about 9 minutes.

Cut to New York, where Vince and Susan talk to Roddy Piper.

Back to Chicago, where Jimbo Covert bitches about getting eliminated from behind.  Gene talks to The Iron Sheik.  “Wrestler is better than football player!”  Replays of the battle royal.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Dream Team (c) (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne).  Davey Boy Smith and Greg Valentine start.  Smith shines early.  Valentine hits a hip toss, but Davey Boy avoids an elbow drop.  Tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite kicks Valentine’s ass and snap suplexes him, then tags Davey Boy back in.  Davey Boy hits his stalling suplex for 2.  Valentine bails to take a breather.  Valentine comes back in and hammers Smith, then headbutts him in the groin.  Tag to Beefcake.  Smith with a press slam, then the tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite with an inside cradle for 2.  Tag to Smith, who hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with a clubbing blow to Smith.  Valentine with a suplex for 2.  Tag to Dynamite.  He and Valentine trade blows.  Bulldogs make quick tags to work over Valentine.  Beefcake comes in to club Dynamite, and is sent out by the ref.  Dynamite with a sunset flip on Valentine for 2.  Dynamite with a backbreaker, but Beefcake pulls him off of the cover.  Dynamite continues to wear down Valentine.  Valentine drops Dynamite with a sick piledriver for 2.  He tries to hold Dynamite’s shoulders down and ends up getting kicked in the balls.  Valentine goes up top and gets thrown across the ring by Dynamite.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Smith tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine bails.  Smith tags in and hits the running powerslam on Valentine for a close 2.  Smith with another suplex for 2.  Valentine finally manages to get the advantage on Smith and tags in Beefcake, who puts a beating on Davey Boy.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with another clubbing blow.  Valentine continues working over Davey and drops him with a shoulder breaker, but foolishly picks him up at 2.  Smith throws Valentine into the Bulldog’s corner, where he collides head first with Dynamite.  Smith covers Valentine to get the 3 and capture the tag titles at 12:02.  Finally, a good match!  Ozzy and Captain Lou celebrate while Davey Boy helps up the knocked loopy Dynamite at ringside.  Mean Gene talks to Ozzy and Captain Lou.  He finally manages to talk to Davey Boy.  Replay of the pretty sick finish.

That’s it for Chicago!  Back to Vince and Susan in New York to talk about what’s still to come in the Los Angeles portion of the show.

Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira will host the LA portion of the show.  Lee Marshall is the ring announcer.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Hercules immediately goes on the attack.  Steamboat fires back with a karate chop and a pair of arm drags.  He attacks Hercules’ arm.  Steamboat leap frogs Herc a bunch and nails him with an elbow.  Steamboat with a suplex, then back to the arm.  Herc blasts Steamboat with a clothesline and hits him with some vicious knees.  Herc hot shots Steamboat into the ropes and beats on him some more.  Steamboat tries to fight back, but almost gets pinned.  Elvira is extremely annoying on commentary.  Herc drops Steamboat with an elbow, then drops a couple more elbows on him.  Cover gets 2.  Steamboat chops Herc.  Herc avoids another chop and drops Steamboat with a discus lariat for 2.  Herc with a press slam.  Herc with another press slam.  Herc comes off the top with a dive, but gets caught by Steamboat’s knees.  Steamboat off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 7:33.  It wasn’t bad.

Man, Adrian Adonis sure has changed since we last saw him at The Wrestling Classic.  He was a rough a tough type then… now he’s a cross dresser with bad makeup.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer.  Hart sprays Elmer with perfume, so he chases Hart and Adonis out of the ring, where they hug.  Elmer attacks Adonis we gets back into the ring. No opening bell that I heard. Adonis Flair flips in the corner, then falls out of the ring.  He gets back in and Elmer knocks him out of the ring again.  Elmer rips Adonis’ dress, then knocks him into the ropes where he gets tied up.  When Adonis gets untied, he finally goes on the attack.  He takes off the remains of his dress.  Elmer with the Avalanche in the corner, then he goes for a leg drop, but Adonis avoids it.  Adonis off the top with a headbutt/splash for the pin in about 3 minutes.  This sucked.

Lord Alfred interviews Hogan.

The Funk Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana.  Dory has been given the name “Hoss” for whatever reason.  Terry throws chairs in the ring.  The faces throw them out.  Dory and JYD lock up.  JYD slams both of the Funks, then they bail.  Tito and Terry tag in.  Terry throws some vicious sounding chops.  Tito clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dory jumps in and eats a couple of Tito’s dropkicks, then rolls out himself.  Tag to JYD.  He lands some punches on Terry, then rams his head into the turnbuckle repeatedly.  JYD with a headbutt for 2.  JYD throws Terry out of the ring.  I swear, the Funks have spent more time on the outside of the ring than in it during this match.  Tag to Dory.  Tag to Tito.  Tito with a flying jalapeno for 2, as Terry saves.  Dory and Tito run the ropes, but Terry catches Tito with a knee to the back.  Terry tags in and throws Tito to the floor, where Jimmy puts the boots to him.  JYD runs him off.  Funks put the boots to Tito.  JYD runs Hart off again and helps Tito back into the ring.  Terry with a suplex for 2.  He argues with referee Dave Hebner.  Tito counters another suplex attempt with one of his own.  Terry and Tito knock heads.  Tag to Dory.  Dory with the Texas suplex for 2.  Funks continue to work over Tito.  Hot tag to JYD.  JYD cleans house.  Terry chokes JYD with a rope,  JYD backdrops Terry out of the ring.  JYD kicks their asses on the outside.  JYD decks Jimmy Hart.  JYD with an inside cradle on Terry.  Dory saves.  Tito puts Dory in the figure-four.  The referee makes Tito leave the ring.  Jimmy throws Terry the megaphone.  Terry hits JYD in the head with it for the pin at 11:44.  Okay match.

They set up the cage.  It’s a special reinforced cage so King Kong Bundy won’t go through the side, the famous big blue cage.

They show what led up to Hogan/Bundy in a cage, a brutal attack by Bundy and Don Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  They show Hogan lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim and a doctor, while Gene talks to them about Hogan’s injuries.

Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby Heenan.

Elvira, who is awful, throws it to New York with Vince and Susan, who is almost as awful.  They talk, then back to LA.

Marshall introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Tommy Lasorda.  Lasorda introduces the the guest thimekeeper, Ricky Schroder, and the guest referee, Robert Conrad.  Well, at least I know who Rick Schroder is.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Hogan has taped ribs.  They start brawling.  Hogan chokes Bundy with his own singlet.  Elvira says this match resembles a horror movie.  I agree, but probably for different reasons.  Bundy tires of getting beat up by the walrus and attacks Hogan’s ribs.  Bundy tries to escape through the door.  Hogan stops him, so Bundy picks up Hogan and rams his back into the cage.  Bundy takes the bandage off of Hogan’s ribs and chokes him with it.  He ties Hogan to the bottom rope and tries to leave.  Hogan gets free and chokes Bundy with the tag rope.  Hogan rams Bundy head first into the cage.  Hogan beats up Bundy a bit.  Bundy is bleeding.  Hogan tries to slam Bundy, who falls on top of him.  Hogan chokes Bundy with the bandage from earlier.  Bundy fights back.  Avalanche and a big splash by Bundy.  Bundy tries to escape again.  Hogan stops him.  Hogan avoids another avalanche and slams Bundy, then hits the leg drop.  Bundy tries to stop Hogan, but Hogan kicks him off the ropes and to the floor.  Hogan escapes over the top at 10:20.  Bundy goes out through the door a moment later.  Just to show what a role model he is, Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and beats him up after the match, then celebrates.

So that’s WrestleMania II.  Man, it sucked.  The only redeeming thing is the Bulldogs’ title win over the Dream Team.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Elimination Chamber highlights, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts.  Shawn Michaels will be here tonight.  Will The Undertaker?  Tonight’s guest hosts are Jewel and Ty Murray.

Justin Roberts introduces the new World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho, who benefited greatly from Shawn Michaels’ Undertaker obsession last night.   Jericho brags that he’s going to WrestleMania.  Edge’s music plays and he appears from behind to spear Jericho.  Edge informs Jericho that Jericho is indeed going to WrestleMania… against him!

John Cena comes out.  He says to add him to the list of people Vince McMahon screwed, because he win the WWE Championship last night, only for Vince to book immediate title defense against Batista.  Cena says he wants his rematch right now.  Vince McMahon comes out and talks about his business deal with Batista.  Cena wants his title shot.  Vince says Batista isn’t defending until WrestleMania.  He says that Sheamus also has a rematch coming.  Vince says that Cena will face Batista tonight, and if he wins, he gets the title shot at Mania, but if he loses, Sheamus gets the title shot.  So Sheamus has no say in the matter?  Shouldn’t it be Sheamus vs. Cena for the title shot tonight?  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Final: Maryse vs. Gail Kim.  FINALLY.  Gail gets a quick cradle for 1.  Gail avoids Maryse in the corner and drops her with a clothesline for 2.  Gail fires some kicks and a European uppercut, then a shoulder block into the corner.  Maryse sends Gail into the top turnbuckle.  Gail goes for her move, but Maryse holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  Maryse hits a kick for 2.  Maryse goes for her DDT, but Gail turns it into a jackknife hold for 2.  Maryse avoids a diving cross body and appears to injure her neck.  They both make it to their feet.  Maryse goes for the DDT again, but Gail inside cradles her for 2.  Gail tries a victory roll, but Maryse hot shots her into the top rope, then hits her DDT for the pin in 2:49.  Very awkward match, but they tried.  At least they finally did the damn match.

Cena vs. Batista tonight!  Will The Undertaker show up to confront Shawn Michaels?  Commercials!

WWE Magazine plug.

There’s a mechanical bull in the arena that the divas are going to ride.

Ty Murray talks to the Bella Twins.  Jewel talks to Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly.  Jewel has an injured her ankle riding a mechanical bull.  Jillian Hall and Alicia Fox interrupt.  Hall tells Jewel she’s a famous singer, then sings horribly.  Jewel sings it decently.  Hall insults her.  Jewel slaps the shit out of her.  Yay!

Cody Rhodes tells Randy Orton that he knew Ted Dibiase Jr. was going to screw Orton last night.  Orton tells him it’s okay, it’s his fault for what happened last night because he taught them too well, but has been a poor leader.  Legacy is in a six-man tag tonight.  Orton says to tell Dibiase he’s sorry.  Orton leaves and Dibiase comes in.  Dibiase asks Orton if they’re sticking to the plan.  Rhodes says “Absolutely.”  Commercials:

Slam of the Week: Ted Dibiase pinning Randy Orton in the Elimination Chamber last night.

Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Legacy.  Dibiase and Yoshi start.  Yoshi hits some kicks and arm drags.  Tag to Bourne.  They double Dibiase for 2.  Rhodes tags in and Bourne kicks the crap out of his legs.  Bourne gets a cradle for 2.  Bourne hits a clothesline and goes up top, but Rhodes gets up to stop him.  Rhodes hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Commercials.  Dibiase turns Bourne inside out with a lariat for 2.  Tag to Kingston, who runs wild on Dibiase.  “Controlled frenzy!”  Orton drops Kofi to prevent the Boom Drop.  Tag to Orton, who punishes Kingston.  Orton hits the 3.0, that “Vintage backbreaker!”  Rhodes tags himself in.  Orton plants him with the DDT OF MURDER to a big pop.  Dibiase screams at Orton.  Orton drops him with the RKO at ringside.  Kingston tags in Yoshi, who has his bit against Rhodes, then tags in Bourne.  Bourne hits the Shooting Star press on Rhodes for the pin in 9:51.  Legacy has finally exploded!

Cena vs. Batista TONIGHT!  Undertaker?!?!?!?!?!?!???  We’ll answer that very short question with far too many punctuation marks NEXT!

They show the recent history between Michaels and The Undertaker, going from Michaels’ challenge for a rematch at the Slammy Awards and ending with Michaels screwing Undertaker out of the World Championship last night.

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and says he did what he had to do.  He expects a reaction.  Undertaker comes out wearing the bad ass WrestleMania XIV robe thing since his trench coat got caught on fire last night.  Undertaker says Michaels has his attention.  Michaels says he wrestled nearly a perfect match last year.  Michaels wants the rematch.  Taker accepts, on the condition that Michaels puts his career on the line.  Michaels agrees, because “If I can’t beat you at WrestleMania, I have no career!”

Batista vs. Cena TONIGHT!

Christian is headed our way!  It appears he and Yoshi Tatsu have both signed with Raw.  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: The Money In The Bank Ladder Match from WrestleMania 25.

The briefcase is hanging above the ring.  The announcers talk about Michaels vs. Undertaker.

As Christian comes out for his match, they show a promo from Christian’s NXT rookie, Heath Slater.  During Carlito’s entrance, they show a promo from his rookie, Michael Tarver.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Christian vs. Carlito.  Carlito practically runs to the ring.  Carlito hits a DDT on the ring apron (ouch) for 2.  Carlito actually looks like he gives a fuck tonight.  Christian flapjacks Carlito.  Christian does his weird shit with the opponent on the ropes and slips in the process.  Christian hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Carlito avoids a cross body and hits a move.  Christian with the reverse DDT backbreaker thing for 2.  Christian goes up top, but Carlito pulls him down and hits a neckbreaker drop for 2.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Carlito counters and goes for a springboard elbow.  Christian catches him and goes for it again.  Carlito counters again, but Christian sends him into the turnbuckles, then finally hits the Killswitch for the pin in 3:01.  This was kind of a clusterfuck.

Divas Bull Riding is NEXT!

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Jewel and Ty Murray.  They talk, then we have the stupid divas bull riding.  Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, and the Bella Twins ride the bull.  Waste of time.  Thankfully, the Unified Tag Team Champions, Big Show and The Miz, come out.  Jewel yodels.  Murray challenges Big Show to ride the mechanical bull.  Show asks the divas to hold his tag belts.  They refuse, so he calls them rude.  Well, they are.  Show fails at riding the bull, and it’s hilarious.  Miz says it wasn’t fair.  Murray makes fun of him.  The mechanical bull taunts Show.  Show yells at it.  Big Show KO punches the bull.  Jewel calls it “stuffed animal cruelty.”  Hilarious stuff.  Jewel and Murray tell Show Miz they’ll defend the titles against MVP and Mark Henry NEXT!

Batista vs. Cena TONIGHT!

WWE.com plug.  There’s also a miscued graph promising a Bret Hart update NEXT!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  Daniel Bryan is shown watching backstage.  Henry’s shoulder is taped up from the bump he took through the barricade last night.  MVP gets the better of Miz to start.  Tag to Show.  Show spear!  Show rips MVP’s outfit, chops him, and hits the Hog Log.  Tag to Miz.  MVP gets beat up, then forces Miz to eat a Yakuza kick sandwich.  Tags to Show and Henry.  Henry hits headbutts and squashes Show in the corner, which hurts Henry’s shoulder.  Miz dives at Henry, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Show KO punches Henry for the pin in 2:46.  Well this wasn’t much of a match.

The Bret Hart update is, in fact, NEXT!

Elimination Chamber highlight package, followed by commercials.

Cole and Lawler plug Murray’s bull riding competition and Jewel’s new single, which I actually like.

The next Hall of Fame inductee is Wendi Richter!  She’ll be inducted by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!

The show the Bret Hart injury angle from last week.  Vince McMahon says he had nothing to do with the accident.  He invites Bret to Raw next week to say a proper farewell.

John Cena is headed to the ring!

NXT commercial.

Farewell to Bret Hart, next week!  Next week’s guest hosts are CHEECH AND CHONG!  Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase NEXT WEEK!

Non-Title: John Cena vs. WWE Champion Batista.  Batista stalls and hits in the ropes.  Batista kicks him in the balls for the DQ in 24 seconds.  So Batista WANTS to face Cena at WrestleMania.  Batista beats the shit out of Cena, leaves, sees Cena getting up, so comes back and beats him up some more.  Various nasty things ensue and Batista finishes with a spinebuster into the post.  Batista starts to leave again, then comes back and wears Cena out with a steel chair.

A very bad show wrestling-wise, but it did a great job of setting up the top matches at WrestleMania, so no complaints.