Archive for Rhino

TNA No Surrender 2008 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  Okay PPV intro video.

Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to Oshawa, Ontario!  This is TNA’s first PPV outside of the United States.

Sting kicks off the show.  Huh?  Oh, he’s just out to cut a promo.  Sting says he will challenge the winner of tonight’s main event for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Bound For Glory next month.  He talks about the younger guys not respecting the business or nothing, makes a Bret Hart reference, and warns AJ Styles and Samoa Joe that it’s Show time.

Earlier today: Christian Cage arrived at work.

Tenay and West inform us that due to Hurricane Ike, Booker T wasn’t able to make it to the show.  He was supposed to be in the Four-Way World Title match tonight.  They run down the card for the evening.  Finally time for the opener.

The Rock N Rave Infection (Lance Rock, Jimmy Rave, & Christy Hemme) vs. The Prince Justice Brotherhood (Curry Man, Super Eric, & Shark Boy).  Rave and Eric start.  Eric sends Rave out and hits the first suicide dive of the night, then throws him back in and hits a missile dropkick for a two count.  Rock and Shark Boy tag in.  Rock statys in briefly before tagging back out to Rave.  Sharky kicks his ass and tags in Curry Man.  Curry forces Rave to tag in Christy.  Funny exchange, wnen Shark and Rave come back in.  Sharky gets backdropped out of the ring, then Rock whips him into the guardrail.  Rock N Rave beat up Shark Boy until Sharky tags in Curry Man.  Curry kisses Hemme.  She likes it.  He tries pin her with a reverse cradle, but Rock breaks it.  Rock takes down Curry and Christy hits her stupid split leg drop for a near fall.  Shark hits the Chummer (Stunner) on Hemme, but Rock nails him.  Eric hits a double DVD on Rock and Rave.  Curry pins Hemme for the victory at 7:49.  Fun comedy match.

Awesome Kong/ODB video package.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. ODB.  Saeed jumps ODB in the aisle because ODB ripped her veil off recently on iMPACT!  Kong takes ODB to the ring and beats her up, but misses a splash, which allows ODB to go on the offensive.  ODB brings in a table and sets it up in the corner.  Kong reverses the Irish whip attempt and clotheslines ODB.  They go outside and fight into the crowd.  Kong gets a near fall on the ramp, then tries to sandwich ODB against the ring post.  ODB moves and Kong lariats the post.  ODB hits a Thesz press for a near fall I think.  Back in the ring, ODB sends Kong into a chair set up in the corner and schoolgirls her for a near fall.  ODB sets up the table and tries to slam Kong.  Kong goes for the Awesome Bomb, but ODB fights out of it.  Kong stands on the middle rope and tells Saeed to bring her a chair.  ODB powerbombs Kong onto the table, which doesn’t break through.  Ouch.  Saeed pulls ODB out of the ring, but gets sent into the guardrail.  ODB gets a near fall on Kong with an inside cradle.  Kong sandwiches ODB in the corner and nails her with a backfist.  Saeed gives Kong another table, which is set up in the corner.  ODB takes a drink from her flask and sprays it in Kong’s face, but Kong still manages to give her a spinebuster through the table for the win at 10:24.  It wasn’t awful.

Generic blonde interviews Christian Cage.  He talks about wanting to be a wrestler growing up just one hour from where the PPV is tonight.  He says he’s going to win the title in front of his family and friends tonight.

Abyss & Morgan/Team 3D video package.

Team 3D vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan.  Abyss and Brother Ray start.  The storyline here is Abyss spend time in a nuthouse to curb his violent tendencies (using weapons and stuff).  Ray hits a Rock Bottom, then tags in Devon, who hammers Abyss with punches.  Abyss clotheslines him and tags in Morgan.  Team 3D tries to leave, but Abyss and Morgan case them down and they fight in the aisle and back to the ring.  3D works on Abyss’ leg to half ass build the heat until Abyss makes the lukewarm tag to Morgan, who cleans house.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint on Devon and covers, but Ray pulls the referee out of the ring.  Johnny Devine runs in and hits Morgan with a chair.  Devon covers, but Morgan kicks out.  3D hits the reverse 3D, but Morgan kicks out again.  They set up for the proper 3D, but Morgan clotheslines them and tags in Abyss.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment (I think that’s what it’s called) on Devine to dispose of him.  3D hits the Doomsday Device on Abyss, but Morgan breaks the cover.  Morgan fights Ray on the outside while Abyss and Devon fight in the ring.  Abyss hits a weak chokeslam for a near fall, then picks up the chair.  Before he decides to use it, Ray makes it back in and hits him from behind.  Morgan pulls him out and punches the chair into Devon’s face.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Devon for the win at 11:35 to put the finishing touches on this crapfest.  Bubba low blows Abyss and nails Morgan with the chair, then 3D and Devine bail.  Morgan gets up to find Abyss holding the chair and thinks Abyss was the one who hit him.

Bashir/Williams/Creed video package.

Three-Way Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Petey Williams (c) (w/ Rhaka Khan) vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Consequences Creed.  A Canadian is defending the title in Canada and Earl Hebner is the referee.  Uh oh.  Of course we get the obligatory “YOU SCREWED BRET” chant.  Early action is fast and furious.  Creed hits the second suicide dive of the night to take out Williams and Bashir outside the ring.  They do lots of cool stuff, but most of it is too quick to call.  Williams hits his rana suicida, then Bashir takes him out with a baseball slide dropkick.  Bashir and Creed fight for a bit until Williams makes it back in and sets up a double Canadian Destroyer.  Sorry, not going to happen in this lifetime.  Creed hits a double diving leg drop on both of them.  Williams goes for the Destroyer on Creed, but gets countered.  Williams puts Bashir in the Sharpshooter to the delight of the crowd.  Bashir crawls over and covers Creed, but Williams pulls him back to the middle of the ring.  Creed hits a bulldog on Williams to break the hold.  Creed counters a Destroyer attempt with the same Beach-Break like move he did at the previous PPV.  Williams hits the Destroyer on Creed and covers.  Bashir pulls him out of the ring and sends him into the guardrail, then slips in and pins Creed to win the title at 8:16.  Good match.

Samoa Joe arrives at the building.  The World Champion can’t trouble himself to make it to work on time?

Wilde/Love video package.  The Beautiful People and Kip James make their entrance.  Every one of Kip’s gimmicks is progressively more gay than the last.  Taylor is the hometown girl.  Native champions are not doing well on this show so far.  Taylor introduces her backup for the night, Rhino.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Taylor Wilde (c) (w/ Rhino) vs. Angelina Love (w/ Kip James & Velvet Sky).  They trade girlie punches to start.  Traci Brooks comes out to take notes or something.  She’s the “Knockout Law.”  Sky nails Wilde with Kip’s purple makeup kit outside the ring.  They trade shots back in the ring.  Love hits a front suplex for a near fall.  Wilde gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Rhino Gores an interfering Kip James.  Sky grabs Wilde from behind and holds her so Love can nail her.  Wilde ducks and Love puts on the brakes.  Wilde dropkicks Love into Sky, then hits a Northern Lights suplex for the win at 6:23.  Lousy and boring.

Lethal/Dutt/Val video package.  Tonight they’ll have a ladder match with So Cal Val’s engagement ring hanging above the ring.  The winner gets Val.  Yeah, that’s really smart way to choose your man.

Ladder of Love Match:
Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt.  Good exchange to start, with Dutt taking a Dragon suplex and landing on his knees, then Lethal hitting a tope suicida.  Tenay says he’s just heard that Jacqueline attacked Salinas in the bathroom.  Lethal backdrops Dutt out of the ring and onto a ladder.  Lethal climbs the ladder and goes for the prize, but Dutt springboards to the ladder and drops Lethal into the ropes.  Dutt heads up the ladder, but Lethal powerbombs him.  Dutt brings in another ladder and sets it up between the ropes and the main ladder.  Lethal takes a bump into it, then Dutt hits a springboard flip.  It’s really hard to describe some of this shit.  The second ladder is now on top of the first ladder.  Lethal catapults Dutt, but completely misses the ladders.  Lethal takes the second ladder down and uses it against Dutt.  Matches like this can be really hard to call.  Sick tree of woe spot with the ladder.  They fight in the aisle.  Lethal takes a bump into a ladder set up on two chairs.  Slight “HOLY SHIT” chant.  The make it back in the ring and both set up ladders.  Dutt puts Lethal in the camel clutch ON TOP OF THE LADDERS.  Lethal fights out and sends Dutt crashing to the mat.  Lethal gets his leg caught in the ladder and Val comes in to help him.  Dutt yells at Val.  Dutt and Lethal climb opposite sides of the ladder.  Val gives Lethal a low blow, allowing Dutt to win at 13:22.  They make out after the match.  I’m sure absolutely every one saw this one coming.

Jeremy Borash interviews Kurt Angle.

Beer Money/LAX video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) (w/ Jacqueline) vs. LAX (w/ Hector Guerrero).  Homicide wants Roode, who bails and tags in Storm.  Remember, Roode hit Homicide in the eye with a beer bottle at the previous PPV.  Hernandez tags in and hits a springboard shoulder block on Storm.  Storm hits a Lung Blower on Hernandez and covers, but Homicide makes the save.  Hernandez goes for a powerbomb on Storm, but Roode clips his knee.  Homicide eventually tags in and then tags Roode’s face with punches.  Homicide hits a DDT off the turnbuckle and covers, but Storm saves.  Roode hits a spinebuster, but Hernandez saves.  Hernandez sends Roode out and Homicide hits a suicide dive.  Hernandez climbs the ropes, but Storm spits beer in this face and powerbombs him down.  Second time tonight that spot as been used.  Homicide goes for Roode’s head with a beer bottle, but smashes it into the steps and maybe hits his hand up.  Hernandez hits a dive on everybody.  Roode and Homicide back in the ring.  Homicide goes for the Gringo Killa, but Jacqueline throws powder in his eyes.  Roode hits the Payoff on Homicide for the win at 8:44.  Not bad, but not as good as their previous PPV matches.

Styles/Trigg video package.

MMA/Amateur Wrestling Match: Frank Trigg vs. AJ Styles.  Trigg cuts a promo to piss off the crowd.  There will be three 5 minute rounds, with a 1 minute rest period between rounds.  Typical boring MMA stuff until the take a spill out of the ring.  They go back in the ring and it goes back to being a boring MMA match.  AJ locks in a cross armbreaker as the first round ends.  Crowd chants “THIS IS BULLSHIT” as the second round starts.  AJ hits an accidental low blow and the match is ruled a no contest at 7:16.  This “match” was just plain retarded.  AJ nails Trigg with a Singapore cane afte the match.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Samoa Joe.  He rips on Sting for not working house shows.

Joe/Booker/Christian/Angle video package.  Booker isn’t here because of the weather, so now it’s a Three-Way Match.

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Christian Cage vs. Kurt Angle.  Sting comes down and Joe attacks him the aisle.  AJ comes out and tries to make peace.  Sting leaves.  Joe goes to the ring so we can have the introductions and the match can start.  Christian and Joe double team Angle a bit, then go at it themselves.  Angle comes back in and hits a belly-to-belly overhead suplex to send Christian over the ropes and out of the ring.  Angle wears down Joe with a rear chin lock.  Christian makes it back in to take a belly-to-belly superplex from Angle.  Joe hits his powerslam on Angle for a two count.  Angle counters an Unprettier attempt from Chrstian into the rolling Germans.  Joe goes for the choke on Angle.  Angle tries to give him the Angle Slam, but Joe hits a German.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster on Christian but fails.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Joe for a near fall.  Tower of doom spot in the corner.  Joe gets a two count on Christian, then Angle.  Angle tries to give Christian a German off the apron, but Christian holds on, so it just looks gay.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Joe schoolboys Angle for a near fall.  Angle locks Joe in the ankle lock, then puts both in it at the same time.  They flip out of it.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Christian and covers, but Angle grabs referee Earl Hebner’s shirt.  Hebner finally gets away and counts two.  Joe throws Christian out of the ring into Angle, then dives out onto both of them.  They make it back into the ring and Angle hits the Angle Slam on Joe.  Christian follows with a frog splash, then sends Angle out of the ring.  Christian hits the Unprettier on Joe and covers, but Angle pulls Hebner out and throws him into the guardrail.  Angle wallops Christian with a chair, then Angle Slams him out of the ring.  He clobbers Joe with the chair and locks in the ankle lock.  Jeff Jarrett comes down and blasts Angle with the guitar.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and Jarrett puts Hebner back in the ring to count the pin at 15:29.  Joe vs. Sting next month a Bound For Glory!  Alright match.

All in all, a lackluster show with a couple of okay matches, but nothing outstanding.

TNA Hard Justice 2008 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  The start of the PPV intro video is an AWESOME Law & Order parody.

Generic blond tries to interview Sting as he arrives at the arena, but he ignores her questions.

Some shitty rap group performs.  After they’re done, we get the fireworks, then the World’s Worst Commentary Team, Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE from Trenton, New Jersey.  They run down the card for tonight.  They run down the X Factors for the X Division Title Match, which will be kicking off the show.

TNA X Division Championship Match:
Petey Williams (c) (w/ Rhaka Khan) vs. Consequences Creed.  They start with a really good exchange that Creed gets the better of.  Williams takes a press slam into a gutbuster and bails, so Creed hits a suicide dive onto him.  Williams gets back in the ring and distracts the referee so Khan can get in a cheap shot that lets Williams take control.  Williams sends Creed to the outside and hits his suicide rana.  Williams keeps control until Creed nails a kick to start his comeback.  Creed hits a springboard bulldog and his punch combo for a near fall.  Williams hits a Russian leg sweep and signals for the Candian Destroyer, but doesn’t hit it.  Some other stuff happens that I couldn’t type because my wife was making me put stuff on a shelf, then Petey locks in the Sharpshooter.  Creed gets a rope break.  Williams beats on Creed, but Creed hits a German and the Creed-DT.  Creed hits a diving legdrop and covers, but Petey manages to kick out.  Rhaka Khan comes in the ring and Creed gives her the TKO.  Petey goes for the Destroyer, but Creed counters and hits a Beach Break-like move.  Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out and nails Creed with a chair, allowing Petey to hit the Canadian Destroyer for the win at 12:30.  Good match.  Bashir cuts an Anti-American promo after the match.

Jeremy Borash interviews Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.  Joe says he’s focused and he’s tired of Sting’s crap.  Nash tells Joe he needs to focus on Booker T, and he leaves to talk to Sting.  Joe then has words for Booker about their match tonight.

Hype video for the six-woman tag team match.

Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) & The Beautiful People vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Taylor Wilde, Gail Kim, & ODB.  Traci Brooks is the special referee.  ODB does all of her laughable stupid taunts, much to disgust of Angelina Love.  She tags in Velvet Sky, who is offended by ODB’s body odor.  Sky sprays perfume on her.  ODB takes the perfume and sprays it on her crotch.  Gail tags in and we finally get some wrestling.  Sky quickly tags Love back in.  Wilde tags in and gets the better of Love.  Kong tags in and goes after Wilde.  Wilde quickly tags out to Kim, who also gets thrown around by Kong.  ODB tags in and trades blows with Kong.  Kong smashes Wilde and Kim, but ODB can hang with her.  Wilde and Kim double team her and take her down.  ODB low bridges a charging Kong and sends her out of the ring.  Saeed trips up ODB and Brooks ejects her.  ODB spits her booze in Kong’s face.  Kong smashes her and allows Sky to get a near fall.  Sky ties up ODB with an Octopus stretch.  ODB escapes and tags in Kim as Love tags in on the other side.  Love chokes Kim and Brooks forces her to break.  Love gets in her face.  Love continues to beat on Kim until Wilde tags in and cleans her clock.  Kong tags in and sets up Wilde for the Awesome Bomb, but Kim prevents it.  Everybody starts brawling.  Wilde pins Love with a front cradle at 11:28.  Match wasn’t bad.

Generic Blonde follows Team 3D as they go to find Sting in the rafters of the building.  They discover that Ray is scared of heights.  They just yell and hope he hears them.

LAX/Beer Money hype video.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: LAX (c) (w/ Hector Guerrero & Salinas) vs. Beer Money (w/ Jacqueline).  One of the rappers from earlier performs LAX’s entrance theme live.  They brawl outside the ring before the match starts.  Homicide throws Roode in the ring to officially start the match.  LAX double teams Roode.  Hernandez hits a long stalling suplex.  Homicide brings Storm in and kicks his ass too.  Beer Money double team Homicide outside the ring, but Hernandez hits them with the suicide dive.  First “THAT WAS AWESOME!” chant of the night.  Homicide beats up Roode in the ring.  Storm spits beer in Homicide’s eyes, which allows Roode to get the advantage.  Beer Money build the heat on Homicide, who is kayfabe injured from Beer Money putting him through a glass table recently.  Homicide tries to fight back, but Beer Money continues to destroy him.  Storm hits a swank DDT off the ropes on Homicide for a near fall, then a nice knee kick for the same.  Roode antagonizes the crowd by giving Homicide the Three Amigos.  Roode goes for a frog splash, but Homicide rolls out of the way and makes the hot tag.  Hernandez destroys both of them and covers Storm after a spinebuster, but Roode saves.  Beer Money double team Hernandez and Storm gets a near fall after Roode hits a blockbuster.  Homicide tags back in and hits a double dropkick on both of Beer Money.  Homicide suplexes Storm and goes up top.  Jacqueline tries to stop him, but Homicide kicks her away and hits the frog splash for a near fall.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Storm.  Hernandez takes care of Roode, but Storm gives him a Lungblower.  Homicide hits the Gringo Cutter on Storm and Beer Money bails.  Hernandez Border Tosses Homicide out of the ring onto Beer Money.  Hernandez throws Roode back in the ring and charges him, but Roode low bridges him.  Salinas and Jacqueline get into a cat fight.  In the ring, Homicide goes for the Gringo Killer on Storm, but Roode breaks a beer bottle over Homicide’s head and allows Storm to get the pin and win the titles at 14:05.  Really good formula tag match.

Kevin Nash tries to talk Sting out of whatever he’s planning to do tonight.

Jay Lethal/Sonjay Dutt/So Cal Val love triangle video package.

Black Tie Brawl & Chain Match:
“The Guru” Sonjay Dutt vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal (w/ So Cal Val).  They’ll wrestle chained together and wearing tuxedos.  You win by ripping the other guy’s tuxedo off.  Lethal’s family is shown in the crowd, as we’re in his home state.  Lethal cleverly secures his side of the chain to the ring rope and beats on Dutt.  The referee finally chains up Lethal so the match officially starts.  Dutt hits a low blow with the chain and beats up Lethal.  Lethal dodges a fist drop with the chain and fights back.  Dutt bails and Lethal hits a suicide cross body.  Dutt tries to get away, but they’re chained together.  Moron.  Lethal dies Dutt to the ringpost with the chain and beats on him until Dutt ducks a blow and Lethal punches the post.  Lethal strangles Dutt with the chain and Val pleads with him to stop.  Val leaves, which distracts Lethal and allows Dutt to pull him into the post.  Dutt pulls Lethal’s jacket and shirt off.  Dutt beats on Lethal and taunts his family.  Crowd chants “BORING.”  Dutt goes for a springboard dive, but Lethal yanks the chain and Dutt takes a nasty bump.  Lethal throws Dutt around with the chain and gooes for the Lethal Combination, but Dutt counters.  Lethal hits another move for a two count.  I thought you could only win by ripping the other guy’s tuxedo off.  Dutt hits the Sonjay Cutter for a near fall.  Dutt goes for a diving move, but misses.  Lethal hits a cool rolling Fisherman buster.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and the diving elbow drop for the win at 11:19… even though you can only win by ripping the other guy’s tuxedo off.  It’s TNA and we know they’re retarded, so I digress.  They made a good brawl out of a silly gimmick.

Jeremy Borash is in the locker room with Booker T and Sharmell.  Booker still has possession of the World Title belt, even though Joe is the champion.  Booker has words for Samoa Joe, then they drink champagne.

Team 3D/Christian & Rhino video package.

Jersey Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Christian Cage & Rhino.  They start with the brawling you’d expect, then Bubba tosses Christian into the air and Christian takes an awesome bump… very similar to the one Sonjay took in the previous match.  It’s the same problem I saw with the show I watched yesterday, too many of the matches have the same shit in them.  They brawl in the crowd for a while, then back in the ring Christian hits Bubba with a sign that says “CHRISTIAN USE MY SIGN.”  Bubba throws the steps into the ring and Devon hits Rhino with them.  Tenay and West have one of those moments that make me remember how awful and annoying they are.  Christian slams Bubba’s race into the steps, then tries to hit him with a Detour sign.  Bubba moves and hits the Bubba Bomb off the steps for a near fall.  Crowd chants “WE WANT TABLES!”  There’s a funny spot where Devon charges Christian, who holds up a stop sign.  Rhino Gores Devon and covers, but Bubba breaks it.  Christian goes for the Unprettier, but Bubba counters and hits an electric chair drop.  Rhino rams Devon’s head repeatedly into Bubba’s balls.  Bubba hits a superbomb on Christian.  Christian kicks out of the cover.  3D finally brings in a table.  Rhino and Christian set up a ladder.  Christian hits a frog splash off the ladder on Bubba.  Rhino Gores Bubba into a table that doesn’t break for the win at 15:22.  The match was your typical plunder based brawl, not awful but nothing special.  Johnny Devine runs in and attacks Christian and Rhino with a Singapore cane.  Abyss makes the save, giving Devine the Black Hole Slam.

Generic blond interviews AJ Styles, then we get a video package of his history with Kurt Angle.  The angle (no pun intended) here is that AJ supposedly nailed Kurt’s wife.

Last Man Standing Match: Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles.  Angle stalls for a bit at the beginning, bailing every time AJ approaches him.  Styles chases Angle around the ring.  Angle gets in first and gets the advantage.  AJ fights back, then Angle rakes his eyes.  AJ ducks Angle and hits a dropkick, then clotheslines him out of the ring and hits a suicide dive.  AJ gets Angle back in the ring and kicks his ass.  Angle begs off, then throws AJ through the ropes.  Angle suplexes AJ into the guardrail.  Ouch.  Angle goes for a pinall, so I guess it’s Texas Death Match rules here.  They fight up the ramp, where AJ suplexes Angle and gets a two count.  Angle suplex Styles off the stage, then does a somersault onto him!  Cover gets two.  They fight back to the ring, where Angle clamps on a sleeper hold.  AJ fights out and blasts Angle with a kick.  Angle hits an overhead belly-to-belly.  Angle beats up AJ some more and clamps on a headlock.  AJ fights back and gets in some blows, then they catch each other with cross body blocks.  They get back up and AJ hits his springboard forearm.  Styles puts Angle in the Torture Rack, then hits a move out of it for a near fall.  AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but Angle counters and goes for the ankle lock.  AJ counters and hits a spinebuster.  Angle catches Styles coming off the top rope and powerbombs him for a near fall, then tries to hit him with the Styles Clash.  Styles counters and puts Angle in the ankle lock.  Angle taps.  Angle beats the count up.  Styles misses the flip reverse DDT and Angle low blows him and hits a German.  Styles ducks a shot and hits the Pele kick.  Angle hits a sort of German off the top rope and gets a pin.  AJ gets up.  Angle hits the Angle Slam and gets another pin.  AJ gets up again and counters the Angle Slam into the Styles Clash for a pin.  Angle gets up at 9.  Styles MURDERS Angle with a DDT off the top rope.  Cover gets three, referee counts ten, and AJ is the winner at 24:52.  Finish was scary, knowing Angle’s history with neck problems.  Match was pretty good.  Medics come out to put Angle on a stretcher.  AJ comes back and suplexes Angle.  The lights go out, and when they came back on Sting has AJ by the head on the ramp.  Sting gives AJ the Scorpion Death Drop.  Nash appears and confronts Sting, but Sting just leaves.  They show highlights of the match, including a few replays of the sick finish.

Samoa Joe/Booker T history video.

Six Sides of Steel with Weapons Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Booker T (w/ Sharmell).  They brawl.  Booker tries to use a Singapore can and fails.  Joe kicks a trash can into Booker’s balls and hits his senton on the trashcan onto Booker.  “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU” chant.  Joe uses the cane, then hammers Booker with punches in the corner.  Booker hits Joe the remnants of the trash can.  Joe ducks a hockey stick shot and nails a kick, then sandwiches Booker’s head with trash can lids for a two count.  Booker kicks a chair into Joe’s face, then blasts him in the head with the chair.  Joe is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Booker chokes Joe with a piece of wood and tries to climb out of the cage.  Joe follows and hits an Ace Crusher off the top rope.  Joe hammers Booker and rams his head into the cage.  Booker hits a move for a near fall and locks Joe in a guillotine choke.  I think I hear a “YOU SCREWED BRET” chant directed at referee Earl Hebner.  Let it go, people.  Booker superkicks a trash can lid into Joe’s face for a near fall.  Booker tries to climb out again and they fight on the top rope.  Joe jumps up and kicks him in the head.  Joe takes a hard bump to the canvas and Booker crotches himself on the top rope.  Joe hits his powerslam for a near fall.  Joe hits a powerbomb and locks in the STF.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Booker gets out and hits the Book End on a chair for a near fall.  Booker spinaroonies up and nails the axe kick as the lights go out.  When they come back on, Joe has a familiar looking guitar in his hand.  Joe blasts Booker with the guitar for the pin at 12:46.  Okay plunder match, I guess.

All in all, I give the show a thumbs in the middle.  Top to bottom okay matches.

TNA Victory Road 2008 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  Cool opening video.

Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to Houston, Texas.  Jeremy Borash is shown outside the arena with the mutant TNA fans.  The polls are open as to what stipulations one of the matches will have tonight.  Generic blonde and B.G. James are in the crowd.  Tonight, there’s a Fans’ Revenge Strap Match and some other stuff.

We’re opening with the semifinal round of the World X Cup.  Current standings are Team Mexico and Team TNA with 3 points each, Team International and Team Japan with 2 points each, so it’s still anybody’s ball game.  This match will be a 4-way trios match, known in Mexico as a Torneo Cibernetico.

World X Cup – Tag Team Elimination Match: Team Japan (Milano Collection AT, Masato Yoshino, & Puma) vs. Team Mexico (Ultimo Guerrero, Rey Bucanero, & Averno) vs. Team International (Doug Williams, Alex Koslov, & Tyson Dux) vs. Team TNA (The Motor City Machine Guns & Curry Man).  The winner gets three points, first runner up gets two, second runner up gets one point.  Yoshino and Curry Man start.  Yoshino is fast.  Sabin tags in and the Guns double team Yoshino.  Tyson Dux tags himself in.  He and Williams double team Sabin.  Sabin tags out and Team Mexico triple team Williams and Dux.  Averno hits a suicide dive on Williams.  Bucanero eliminates Dux with what looked like a Muscular Bomb at 2:57.  Milano and Puma double team Bucanero.  Averno comes in and throws both of them around.  Averno ducks and Puma nails Milano.  Averno eliminates Puma with an Angel’s Wings at 5:06.  Milano nails a superkick on Averno, but Bucanero saves him.  Sabin comes and and misses a dive on Milano.  Milano puts the Guns in a double half crab.  Curry Man saves them.  Milano fakes a low blow from Sabin.  Sabin hits the Cradle Shock to eliminate Milano at 7:14.  Yoshino comes in against Sabin.  He’s all alone now.  Shelley tags in and ties Yoshino to the tree of woe.  Shelley and Sabin both dropkick him in the corner.  Yoshino takes a tornado DDT from Sabin, but goes back and gets him in a hold.  Shelley escapes and nails a superkick.  Averno makes a blind tag and comes in with Yoshino.  Averno hits a wierd facebuster for a near fall.  Averno hits a TKO on Yoshino, but Yoshino gets a botched pinfall on Averno with a cradle at 10:34.  Koslov comes in and does the Russian kick dance on Yoshino.  Williams comes in and hits the Chaos Theory on one of the guns.  Curry Man tries to hit the Spice Rack, but Williams escapes it.  Guerrero and Bucanero attack both of them.  Curry Man ggoes for a top rope Frankensteiner on Guerrero, but gets powerbombed down for the elimination at 12:57.  Guerrero and Bucanero eliminate Williams at 13:24 with a cool sandwich double team.  The Guns miss stereo suicide dives.  Koslov tries to get the crowd to chat “Russia.”  They chant “Mexico” in support of Guerrero instead.  Guerrero hits a front suplex off the top rope on Koslov for a near fall.  Koslov ties up Guerrero in a cool submission hold to eliminate him at 15:13.  Sabin hits an inside top rope Frankensteiner on Bucanero.  Sabin pins Bucanero after a double superkick at 16:20.  Shelley hits a sick jawbreaker off the top rope on Yoshino.  The Guns work over Koslov and Yoshino.  First “THIS IS AWESOME” chant of the night.  Koslov dives at Sabin but gets caught with a dropkick.  Sabin hits an Ace Crusher on Koslov and blasts him with a lariat for a near fall.  Koslov pins Sabin with his feet on the ropes at 19:07.  Koslov hits a nice suicide dive on Shelley, then goes back in the ring to deal with Yoshino.  He catches Yoshino with a nice kick for a near fall, then takes a kick from Shelley.  Yoshino submits Koslov with the Sol Naciente at 20:35.  It’s down to Shelley and Yoshino now.  Yoshino gets a near fall off an awesome missile dropkick.  Shelley hits the Shiranui for the one, two, Yoshino kicks out!  That sentence made no sense grammatically.  They hit more great moves on each other.  Shelley hits a gorgeous Tiger suplex hold for a very near fall.  Yoshino hits a sick necktie off the ropes for another ridiculously near fall.  So many great false finishes in this exchange.  Shelley hits the Schwein (whatever he calls it) for the win at 24:20.  Really awesome match.  The last few minutes with Shelley and Yoshino are particularly awesome, and the early clusterfuck was all kinds of fun too.

Updated World X Cup standings: Team TNA – 6 points, Team Japan – 4 points, Team International and Team Mexico – 3 points each.

Tenay and West hype the matches still to come.

TNA Cribs with Booker T.  He’s got a big nice house and a lot of cool memorabilia.  Lots of cool vehicles too.  Booker must have saved his money from his WCW and WWE runs.

Gail Kim/Angelina Love hype package.

Angelina Love (w/ Velvet Sky) vs. Gail Kim.  Love attacks Kim from behind to jumpstart the match.  Kim gets the advantage and it doesn’t take long for Sky to trip her up and give Love an opening.  Kim fights back and goes for a stretches Love’s leg around the ringpost.  Sky tries to interfere again, but Kim throws her into the guardrail.  Not hard enough tough, as Sky interferes again and gives Love the openning to hit a superplex.  She takes to long to make the cover, though, and Kim kicks out at two.  Kim fights back and hits a spear.  Sky distracts Kim again, but Kim hits the Codebreaker and the Regal Cutter for the win at 6:15.  The Beautiful People jump her after the match and try to put the paper bag over her head, but Kim bails.  Match was meh.

Generic blonde and B.G. James are backstage with the fans who get to serve as lumberjacks tonight.  The fans whip mannequins dressed like Beer Money.

Jay Lethal/Sonjay Dutt history package.

“The Guru” Sonjay Dutt vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal (w/ So Cal Val).  Dutt gives Val a rose and card, which angers Lethal enough to hit him with a suicide dive before the match starts.  Lethal destroys the gifts and throws Dutt in the ring to start the match.  Dutt gets the advantage and Val encourages the crowd to get behind Lethal.  Dutt hits a standing moonsault for a near fall.  Lethal makes a comeback and hits a German suplex, which Dutt takes front-first.  Dutt gets a shot in and goes for a tornado DDT, but Lethal pushes him away and hits a dropkick for a near fall.  Dutt hits an awesome avalanche Frankensteiner.  They end up on the outside, where Dutt takes a bump into the guardrail.  Lethal locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Val steps up on the apron and distracts Lethal.  Dutt tells Val he loves her.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  Val steps up to the apron again and distracts Lethal, allowing Dutt to schoolboy him and put his feet on the ropes for the win at 8:28.  Dutt kisses Val’s hand as he leaves.  Okay match, but we got plenty of highspots in the opener so this didn’t seem special in comparison.

LAX/Beer Money hype video.

Borash interviews Beer Money.  Roode says they’re not afraid of the marks with straps.  Storm says he’ll be glad to leave Houston.  Jacqueline says she’s not going out with them.

Fans’ Revenge Strap Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: LAX (c) (w/ Hector Guerrero & Salinas) vs. Beer Money.  Homicide and Roode brawl to start.  Roode grabs a headlock and they trade hammerlocks.  Roode gets thrown out the ring and gets whipped.  He quickly scampers back in the ring and tags in Storm.  Storm throws Homicide out, but the fans don’t whip he.  He takes a drink of Storm’s beer.  Storm chases Homicide out and gets whipped.  Moron.  Homicide throws Storm out, but Storm skins the cat back in.  Hector pulls Storm out so he can get whipped again.  Tag to Hernandez and a bit of double teaming from the champs.  Tag back to Homicide, who Storm thumbs in the eye before tagging in Roode.  Homicide hits a headscissors, but gets sent out.  Homicide uses the Finlay trick of trapping Roode in the apron so he can get whipped some more.  Roode bails under the ring, but eventually has to come back out and gets whipped again.  Homicide hits the three amigos on him back in the ring, but soon gets worked over by Beer Money to build for the hot tag.  Homicide takes the heat for a few minute before making the tag to Hernandez, who cleans house.  Hernandez hits a sit-out powerbomb on Roode for a near fall.  Beer Money rally and go for a double superplex on Hernandez, but he fights them off and hits a diving splash on.  Referee counts two before the other guy makes the save.  Roode gets whipped again, then LAX hits the 5150 on him.  Hernandez covers for the pin at 10:09.  Okay match.  They worked in the gimmick well without having the whole match revolve around it.

Booker T gives us a tour of his wrestling school.

Recently on iMPACT, Taylor Wilde upset Awesome Kong to win the Knockouts Title.  Tonight is the rematch.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Taylor Wilde (c) vs. Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed).  They brawl.  Kong splashes her for a quick near fall.  Kong methodically destroys her, then stretches her with the camel clutch.  Taylor pulls Kong’s hair, but Kong smashes her again and goes for the Awesome Bomb.  Taylor finally makes a comeback with dropkicks and takes Kong off her feet.  Kong gets straight up and blasts her with a lariat.  Taylor hits an armdrag off the top rope rope for a near fall, then a quick roll up for the same.  Kong goes for a chokeslam, but Wilde gets a quick pin with a front cradle at 4:54.  Meh.  At least Taylor took her beating well.  Saeed blindsides Wilde after the match and throws her back in the ring.  Kong hits the Implant Buster and sets up for the Awesome Bomb on a chair.  Abyss comes out and threatens Kong.  Saeed steps between, then slaps Abyss.  Abyss gives her the Black Hole Slam and carries Wilde to the back.

Booker and Sharmell eat at their restaurant, called Sharmell’s.  They show him telling an employee to make the food portions smaller and water down the booze.

They show a shot of the NASA museum.

Ultimate X video package.  They show the crew setting up the Ultimate X structure while Tenay and West talk.  The winner of Ultimate X gets four points, and thus will win the World X Cup for his team.

World X Cup Final – Ultimate X Match: Naruki Doi (Team Japan) vs. Volador Jr. (Team Mexico) vs. Daivari (Team International) vs. Kaz (Team TNA).  David Penzer announces Doi as representing New Japan, but he’s from Dragon Gate.  They pair off and brawl.  Kaz goes for the big red X early, but Daivari pulls him down.  Kaz sends Daivari out.  Kaz, Doi, and Volador trade shots.  Volador goes for the X, but hits a rana on Doi off the cables.  Kaz sends Volador out and heads up again, but Daivari attacks him and they brawl on the outside.  Everyone gets back in the ring and Kaz tries to go for the X again, but flips on the cables.  Doi takes a nasty spill to the outside.  Daivari goes for the prize, but Volador pulls him down.  Volador goes for the prize, but Kaz throws Doi into him and Doi’s head hits Volador in the balls.  Kaz and Doi fight on the cables.  Doi takes the fall.  Volador comes from the other side and Kaz kicks him down too.  Daivari kicks Kazz down.  Volador powerbombs Daivari down.  Ouch.  Doi goes for it, but Volador dropkicks him and sends him outside.  Volador follows him with an Asai moonsault.  Kaz and Daivari fight on the steel thing that holds the cables up.  Daivari shimmers his way towards the prize, but Kaz jumps off the structure and hits a legdrop, sending them both crashing down for the HOLY SHIT! moment of the night.  The mutants in the iMPACT Zone wouldn’t have missed the opportunity to chant it.  Volador grabs the X to give Team Mexico the win at 10:59.  It didn’t measure up to previous Ultimate X matches, but it had some sick bumps.

Tenay and Willy Urbina (who?) are in the ring to present the big trophy to Team Mexico.  The crowd doesn’t care.

Booker T plays golf on his golf course.

Frank Trigg joins Tenay and West for commentary for the next match, which we then get a video package for.  Then Borash announces that the fans have voted for this match to be a Full Metal Mayhem match.

Full Metal Mayhem Match: Kurt Angle & Team 3D vs. AJ Styles, Christian Cage, & Rhino.  Angle jumps Styles in the aisle and everybody pairs off to brawl.  Angle is pissed at Styles because of something with his wife.  Christian is pissed at 3D because they put him through a glass table.  Styles hits a suicide dive on Angle and one of 3D.  The match is a wild brawl.  Don West is annoying.  Angle whacks people with a chair, then gives Christian a belly-to-belly throw onto a ladder.  3D use ladders to sandwich Rhino.  Styles sprinboards off a ladder and nails Brother Ray for the cover, but someone pulls referee Earl Hebner out of the ring.  Angle and 3D triple team Styles.  Christian hits a HIGH cross body onto all three of them off of the steel thing leftover from Ultimate X.  Rhino Gores everybody.  3D put Rhino through a table with the Doomsday Device.  Christian and Angle have an awesome exchange countering each others’ finishes.  Christian takes the 3D through the table at ringside.  The heels beat up Styles some more.  He ducks a charging Angle, who nails Devon.  Bubba SUPERKICKS Styles.  Bubba sets up Styles on a table and goes for a splash, but Styles punches him in the balls and puts him through with a facebuster.  Styles sidesteps a charging Devon and sends him through a table.  Angle goes after Styles, but Styles hits the Styles Clash for a very near fall.  Johnny Devine tries to interfere, but Styles disposes of him.  Angle hits the Angle Slam, but AJ kicks out of it!  Hebner takes a bump and hurts his leg.  Angle tries to Angle Slam Styles through a table.  Styles fights back and sets Angle on the table and climbs a ladder.  Trigg hits Styles with a Singapore cane.  Angle hits the Angle Slam off the ladder through a table for the win at 15:57.  I actually expected this match to be an overbooked piece of shit, but it surprised me by being REALLY good.

Jeremy Borash interviews Samoa Joe.  Kevin Nash interrupts and tells Joe he’ll have his back tonight.  Joe tells Nash to stay out of it no matter what happens tonight.

Samoa Joe/Booker T video package.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Booker T.  Sharmell is in the front row with some of Booker’s students.  Borash provides boxing-style introductions.  Booker is the hometown guy, so he has the crowd behind him.  They start by exchanging chops and punches.  Joe nails a kick and the crowd doesn’t approve.  Booker gets in a blow, but Joe blasts him with that knee kick he likes to do.  They fight on the outside, where Booker sends Joe into the steps.  Joe is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Booker takes Joe back into the ring and nails a superkick for a two count.  Joe fights back, but Booker hits the axe kick for a near fall.  Booker continues to beat on Joe.  Joe hits his knee kick again, then hits it diving from the middle rope for a near fall.  Booker charges Joe, but Joe hits his powerslam for another near fall.  Joe hits an Exploder and gets another two count, then tries to set up the Muscle Buster, but Booker fights him off.  Booker accidentally hits the referee.  Joe hits a lariat, then throws Booker out of the ring.  Joe hits the Ole kick.  Sharmell pleads with Joe to beating on Booker T, then slaps him.  Joe beats up Sharmell’s bodyguard, who I assume is one of Booker’s students.  Joe rolls Booker back into the ring.  Booker is BUSTED WIDE OPEN too.  Joe beats up a couple of referees.  The match is a no-contest at about 13 minutes.  Joe beats up the security guards who try to break it up.  Sharmell comes into the ring and screams for somebody to come help.  Joe chokes out Booker.  Sting comes out and argues with Joe.  Joe acts like he’s going to leave, but goes back after Booker.  Sting gets in the ring.  Joe flips him off.  Sting hits Joe with the bat.  Booker covers Joe and Sharmell makes the three count.  Booker leaves with the belt.

Okay show.  Nothing sucked except for the women’s matches and I don’t like the main event not having a finish.  The World X Cup Elimination match and the Full Metal Mayhem are both definitely worth watching.

TNA Genesis 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Opening (Cross The Line!), then a video package chronicling the rise of the Main Event Mafia, then hyping the important matches tonight.

Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us to Genesis LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina.  Time for our opening “These guys have nothing else to do and we want to throw them on the show” match.

Elimination Match: Sonjay Dutt, Jimmy Rave, & Kiyoshi vs. LAX & Eric Young.  During the entrances the announcers mention that the Awesome Kong/Christy Hemme match scheduled for tonight will not happen due to injuries and that Rhino has not arrived at the building yet. Anyway, Homicide and Dutt start, then Rave and Young go at it a bit.  The big man, Hernandez, comes in against Kiyoshi, who now has a red streak in his hair.  LAX double teams Kiyoshi.  We get a split screen with Jim Cornette knocking on the MEM’s locker room and nobody answering.  Back in the ring, Homicide hits a modified Tiger Driver on Dutt.  He goes for a splash or a headbutt, but Dutt moves and tags in Kiyoshi.  Kiyoshi plays “generic Japanese guy” well.  This is also your “match with lots of dives to the outside” TNA has at least one of on every show.  Split screen: the MEM is still ignoring Cornette.  Dutt pins Young with his feet on the ropes at 10:38.  Homicide goes for the Gringo Killer, but Dutt escapes and tags in Rave.  Rave pins Homicide with a school boy and a handful of tights at 11:29.  It’s 3 on 1 against Homicide now, but he has a World Title shot soon, so he smashes all of them.  Border Toss eliminates Kiyoshi at 12:49.  A sit-out powerbomb sends Dutt to the showers at 13:07.  A top rope splash eliminates Rave at 13:47, leaving Hernandez as your sole survivor.  It seems like they realized they didn’t book enough shit for the PPV, so they threw this on to kill some time.

Scott Steiner finally answers the door.  Cornette thinks the MEM have something to do with Rhino not being there yet.  Steiner says Rhino is probably drunk pissing himself in a gutter somewhere.

Highlights of the X Division Championship Tournament are shown.  Tonight, the Motor City Machine Guns face each other in the final.

TNA X Division Championship Tournament – Final: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley.  Sabin beat Sonjay Dutt and Kiyoshi to make it here, while Shelley beat Jay Lethal and Eric Young.  Awesome “great workers starting a match” sequence.  They wrestle for nearly four minutes, then start nailing some strikes as well.  Sabin ends up on the outside and ducks back into the ring to avoid a diving from Shelley.  Shelley lands on his feet, but then takes a dive from Sabin.  Back in the ring, Shelley hits a cool cannonball leg drop back in the ring.  They both do neat submission holds at various points.  This is just an awesome match.  Even the announcers aren’t awful for a change.  Sabin hits a swank tornado DDT for a two count.  Sabin dives off the ropes, but Shelley catches him in an armbar and transitions into the crossface.  More cool stuff.  Sabin gets another near fall with a Tiger suplex hold.  My wife keeps walking in front of the TV and making me miss spots, but I did catch Shelley hitting a Schwein.  Shelley goes for a frog splash, but Sabin catches him with knees.  Shelley manages to hit a frog splash to the back, then another to the front, and Sabin kicks out!  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant.  For once, the morons are right.  Sabin nails a lariat and the Cradle Shock for a near fall.  Sabin goes for an avalanche Cradle Shock, but Sabin fights out and hits the Shiranui for the near fall.  Shelley feigns a foot injury and school boys a concerned Sabin for the win at 16:40.  Weak finish to a really good match.

Jim Cornette tells Jeremy Borash that not only is Rhino missing, but Kevin Nash is in the hospital with a staph infection, she he’s out of the main event.  Mick Foley instructs Cornette to tell the Main Event Mafia to find a suitable replacement.

Tenay and West run down the matches still to come tonight.

Bashir/Sewell video package.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Shane Sewell.  Sewell comes out to no reaction and Tenay puts over how the crowd is solidly on his side.  Sewell does a wrestling move here and there, but it’s essentially a brawl, which makes sense given the storyline.  Around the 9 minute mark, Sewell locks in a figure-four leglock, which gets a big reaction in Charlotte.  Bashir takes a swing at referee Earl Hebner and gets slapped for his trouble.  Sewell gets the win with a sunset flip and a fast count from Hebner at 10:18.  The other referees run out to celebrate with Sewell.  The match was fine, but I had a feeling it was longer than it needed to be.

Cornette interrogates Booker T (w/ Sharmell) about why Rhino is missing.  Booker threatest Cornette.  Sewell gets involved, leading to an altercation between Booker and Sewell.

Hype video for the Tag title match.

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed (c) vs. Beer Money (w/ Jacqueline) vs. Matt Morgan & Abyss.  Lethal & Creed cashed in their Feast or Fired briefcase and took advantage of an injury to Robert Roode to win the titles a month before… er, I mean three days before on iMPACT!.  Nothing interesting happens for a few minutes, then there’s a funny spot where Beer Money and Jacqueline fall in a way that looks like Storm and Roode are double teaming Jackie.  Double teaming in the adult film way, not the wrestling match way.  Morgan dives from the top rope onto all four of his opponents on the outside.  The match goes back to being not especially interesting after that, other than a cool double team spot from Beer Money on Creed.  At 14 1/2 minutes, Abyss accidentally nails Morgan with one of the tag title belts.  Roode covers, but the referee is busy ejecting Jacqueline.  Lethal comes off with the diving elbow, but Storm blasts him with the superkick.  Storm puts Roode on top of Morgan for the three count to regain the belts at 15:21.

Kurt Angle barges into Jim Cornette’s office.  Angle tells Cornette the MEM beat up Rhino, but they did leave him with cab fare.

Taylor Wilde, ODB, & Roxxi vs. The Kongtourage (Raisha Saeed, Rhaka Khan, & Sojourner Bolt).  If TNA needed a couple of big black women, why didn’t they call Jazz?  The faces all get their shine, then the heels get heat on Wilde.  Hot tag to ODB, who cleans house.  ODB hits a powerslam on Saeed, then Bolt completely misses making the save.  It looked like that to me anyway.  Wilde dives to the outside to take out Bolt and Saeed.  ODB pins Saeed with an inside cradle on 7:46.  Match wasn’t very good.  Lots of botches.  Awesome Kong comes out and chokeslams ODB, trying not to show that here back was hurt, which was half the reason the Kong/Hemme match didn’t happen.

Cornette asks Sting why he condones the MEM attacking his opponent for tonight.  Sting takes offense at Cornette assuming he had anything to do with it, since, ya know, they need an out in case they decide to turn him face again.

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett video package.  Man, I really need to watch their Bound For Glory match.  I bet it was good.

No DQ Grudge Match: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett starts off with angry punches.  They fight at ringside.  Split screen: Rhino is here, mad and selling a back injury.  Jarrett throws beer in Angle’s face.  Alcohol abuse!  Tenay says the cup of beer was 24 ounces.  They are big cups.  I wish the beers at the Civic Center where I go to shows were 24 ounces.  Angle takes over on Jarrett in the ring.  Jarrett hits a nice armdrag to counter the Angle slam and hits a smooth backdrop to send Angle over the top rope.  Jarrett dives out onto Angle!  He botched it, though.  Angle throws Jarrett over the announce table.  Angle hits Jarrett with the bell.  Jarrett is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Angle is bloody too as they brawl on the stage.  ANGLE SLAM OFF THE STAGE THROUGH A TABLE!  On replay, it looks like Jarrett mostly missed the table and went straight to concrete.  They make it back to the ring.  They’re both bloody and full of hate.  Jarrett hits a Pedigree of all things.  Jarrett goes for the Stroke, but Angle counters and locks in the Ankle Lock.  Jarrett dropkicks a chair into Angle’s face and hits the Stroke for a near fall.  Angle hits a missile dropkick and the Angle Slam for a near fall of his own.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Angle kicks him in the balls to prevent it.  Angle asks the crowd if he should use the guitar or the chair.  He decides on the chair.  He blasts Jarrett with it, but Jarrett kicks out again.  Angle ducks an enzuigiri and locks in the ankle lock.  Jarrett rolls through and gets a near fall off a front cradle.  Jarrett counters another Angle Slam attempt with a DDT.  Jarrett picks up the guitar again, but it’s broken, so Jarrett blasts Angle with a chair shot instead.  Jarrett lays on the cover, but Angle counters into a crucifix hold for the win at 22:00.  Another great match with a weak finish.  Angle Pillmanizes Jarrett’s angle with the chair after the match.

Backstage, Cornette tries to persuade Rhino to not go through the match tonight.  Rhino says he’s wrestling.

Back in the arena, Jeff Jarrett is stretchered away.  They show replays of the post-match Angle.

Rhino/Sting video package.  Rhino has stepped up to the front line of, well… the Frontline.  Remember: Rhino pinned Sting clean in a non-title match to set this up.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Rhino.  Rhino is selling the off-camera beatdown we heard about earlier.  Rhino, who was already bleeding to sell the beating, gets his bandage ripped off and bleeds more.  After 6 minutes of not much happening, Rhino hits the Gore.  Sting rolls to the outside before he can get pinned.  Rhino goes for a frog splash back in the ring, but misses.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Rhino doesn’t tap, despite the fact that he’s selling a back injury.  Rhino makes it the ropes, but Sting pulls him back to the middle, so Rhino gets another rope break.  Rhino goes for the Gore again, but Sting moves and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the victory at 8:24.  Really weak match.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley, Brother Devon, and AJ Styles.  Styles dedicates the match tonight to Samoa Joe and his newborn son.  Devon dedicates it to Brother Ray.  Foley gets his interview time next and is in full Cactus Jack mode.

Frontline/Main Event Mafia video package, and it’s main event time.  Booker and Steiner come out first.  Booker’s accent keeps getting more and more retarded.  Booker introduces their replacement: “Cutie” Kip.  WTF?  I guess they couldn’t find a suitable replacement after all.  Kip runs down his credentials.  He says he’s a two time Intercontinental Champion.  He’s not.  The MEM’s suitable replacement can’t even count to 1!

The Main Event Mafia of TNA Legends Champion Booker T (w/ Sharmell) & Scott Steiner and Kip James vs. Mick Foley and The Frontline of AJ Styles & Brother Devon.  Everybody pairs off and brawls to start the match.  The match settles down in the ring.  Nothing interesting happens.  Bell rings for a double count-out at 8:20.  Cornette comes out and orders the match restarted.  Booker says he doesn’t have the authority.  Foley says that Cornette doesn’t have the authority, but HE does.  Foley orders the match restarted as a Hardcore Match!  Now the match is a wild brawl WITH PLUNDER!  Styles puts Kip through a table with a dive.  Devon hits a diving headbutt on Steiner.  Booker blasts Devon with the scissors kick.  Foley puts Booker in the Socko Claw, but Steiner hits Foley with a trash can.  Foley gives Steiner a double arm DDT on a chair for the win at about 16 minutes.  Match was bad.  Fin.

I give the show as a whole thumbs in the middle.  Shelley/Sabin and Angle/Jarrett both had very good matches, but weak finishes.  The rest of the show was just plain bad.

TNA iMPACT! 12/9/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Immortal Ups The Ante”

Earlier Today: Eric Bischoff bitches at Immortal in the office.  Present are Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, Gunner & Murphy, Jeff Jarrett, and Abyss.  Bischoff demands that they win championships.  He bitches at Styles for losing the TV title at the PPV.  Rhino comes in asking for his new contract.  Bischoff writes “NO!” on a sheet of paper.  Poor Rhino.  He goes after Bischoff, but is jumped by Immortal.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The aforementioned members of Immortal come out to the ring.  Bischoff introduces TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, who comes out to his awful music, carrying his disgustingly ugly belt.  The crowd hates on this shit.  Bischoff gets butt hurt.  He puts over Matt Morgan and asks for him to come out.  Morgan does indeed come out, carrying a lead pipe for backup.  Bischoff promises fair play and kisses Morgan’s ass some more.  He blames Mr. Anderson’s refereeing for Morgan losing the match.  Bischoff books Morgan vs. Anderson in a #1 Contender Match.  Morgan says Anderson still isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Bischoff doesn’t care.  He says if Anderson doesn’t wrestle, he’s gone.

Ken Anderson is watching TV backstage!

iMPACT! open.  15 minutes into the show.

Tonight, Tara performs music.  Jeff Jarrett issues an open MMA challenge.  Doug Williams defends the TV title against Abyss.

Brother Ray cuts a promo to no one in particular backstage.  He has a fake Devon.

They show Taylor Wilde & Hamada beating Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship months ago, then announce that the titles have been vacated because Hamada couldn’t make it into the country.  What really happened is they released her without having her come in to drop the belts, because they’re retarded.  Tonight, a tournament for the vacant title begins, with Sarita & Daffney (random) against the Beautiful People.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The New Team 3D(?) vs. Ink Inc.  “3D” jump Ink Inc. before the bell.  It settles down into Bubba beating up Moore.  “Devon” tags in and continues beating up Moore.  “Devon” hits an elbow smash for 2.  Bubba tags in.  Moore tries a sunset flip.  Bubba tries to sit on him, but Moore avoids certain death.  “Devon” tags in, slams Moore, and goes for a headbutt, per Bubba’s instructions.  Moore avoids it and makes the hot tag to Neal.  Neal runs wild on the fake Devon and decks Bubba for good measure.  Neal hits a face plant thing for 2.  Moore hits a leg drop.  Neal covers, but Bubba saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  “3D” hit the WASSUP headbutt on Neal.  Bubba tells “Devon” to get the tables.  Why do they do that in standard matches when they would be DQ’d?  They set up a table.  Ink Inc. make their comeback and hit the TKO/blockbuster on “Devon.”  Neal gets the pin in 4:40.  Pointless crap.  Bubba attacks “Devon” and set up a powerbomb through the table.  The real Brother Devon runs out to make the save.  Bubba runs away and hides behind So Cal Val again.

Tara sings horribly backstage.  She wants Generation Me to take their shirts off and be her backup dancers.

Matt Morgan asks Christy Hemme where Mr. Anderson is.  She doesn’t know.  Of course.

Tara lip syncs her entrance music while Generation Me dance like gay strippers who don’t know how to dance.  Tara dances like a tard to add to the hilarity.  Mickie James finally appears and attacks her.  GenMe hold her to Tara can hit her.  Eric Young makes the save and runs GenMe off.  Mickie and Tara roll down the ramp.  The music is still playing.  Security geeks  break them up with much difficulty.  Mickie challenges Tara to a Steel Cage Match TONIGHT!  Tara agrees.  Then they try to fight again through the security geeks.  Ugh.

Beer Money give Gunner & Murphy a pep talk backstage.  Roode gives Storm money to buy beer.

Tonight, Williams vs. Abyss!  Next, Gunner & Murphy against the Machine Guns!

Jeff Jarrett talks to no one in particular backstage.

Non-Title: Gunner & Murphy vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Beer Money come out to do commentary.  Gunner and Murphy jump the Guns from behind.  They get the heat on Shelley.  Sabin gets the hot tag and runs wild.  The Guns go for the Skull & Bones on Murphy.  Gunner hits Sabin with a nightstick to cause the DQ in 3:39.  The Guns beat the shit out of Gunner & Murphy with their own nightsticks.

The Beautiful People are doing their makeup.  Of course.  Winter comes in to wish Angelina good luck.  Velvet doesn’t know who she is, because she apparently never watches the TV show.

Sarita & Daffney are headed our way!

Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson chat backstage.  Anderson says he’s going to wrestle.  They argue about concussions.  It goes on for way too long.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Sarita & Daffney vs. The Beautiful People.  Sarita cuts a promo on Velvet before the match.  Velvet spears her to start the match, then does that head push into the mat crap.  Velvet gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Velvet hits a face plant for 2.  Velvet applies a Fujiwara armbar of all things.  Daffney distracts Velvet, allowing Sarita to gain the advantage and talk shit.  Daffney tags in and hits a delayed body slam, then steps on Velvet’s face.  Cover gets 2.  Sarita tags in and taunts Velvet some more.  Velvet fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tags to Angelina and Daffney.  Angelina runs wild and hits the Flatliner for the pin in 3:23.  This sucked.  Sarita talks more about Velvet being unable to beat her.  She’s a horrible promo and her dance is obnoxious.

Some dudes carry a casket around backstage.

Tara/Mickie James video package.  Tonight, they meet in a cage!

Highlights of the Abyss/Pope Casket match at Final Resolution.

The “some dudes” I mentioned earlier carry out a casket.  The casket opens and music plays.  A church choir comes out and dances around the casket.  The Pope speaks from somewhere.  He says he’s had a spiritual awakening.  He babbles about Christmas trees and begs for donations, because he’s pimpin’.  The dancing choir leaves.

AJ Styles gives Abyss a pep talk backstage.

Tonight, Mickie vs. Tara in a cage!  Next, Abyss vs. Williams!

House shows.

Footage from TNA’s visit to Abu Dhabi.

Mickie James talks to no one in particular backstage.  You can hear Eric Bischoff ranting in the background.  I’m pretty sure it’s his opening promo.  So Mickie was cutting a promo about this match before it was booked.  Keep that great continuity going, TNA.

TNA World Television Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Abyss.  They lock up.  Abyss shoves Williams away.  Repeat.  Williams tries to whip Abyss, but fails.  Williams lands a dropkick and some punches in the corner.  Williams applies a cravat.  He lets it go like an idiot and charges into a big boot.  Abyss frightens the referee out of the ring and beats on Williams.  Abyss cranks Williams’ neck.  The referee is back in now.  Williams tries a sunset flip, then avoids getting squashed.  Exactly the same spot somebody did in an earlier match.  Williams makes his comeback and hits a diving European uppercut for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory.  Abyss rips off a turnbuckle pad to avoid it.  Abyss back body drops Williams and charges the corner.  Williams avoids it and Abyss hits the exposed turnbuckle.  Williams gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:40.  I thought the finish was kind of neat.  AJ Styles jumps Williams from behind and gives him the Styles Clash on the ramp.  How dastardly!

Jeff Jarrett is headed our way!

Tara talks to no one in particular backstage.  Generation Me say they want Eric Young & Orlando Jordan next week.  I dread that.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to cut a promo and gets butt hurt by the “YOU SOLD OUT!” chants.  He cuts his promo and issues and issues a “Double J Double M A Challenge” to the audience, for $100,000.  Jeremy Borash selects a jacked looking dude.  Jarrett accuses him of being on the gas.  He also refuses a fat guy.  Jarrett selects a skinny geek.  The guy’s name is Mike, from Brooklyn.  Jarrett makes fun of him and slaps him

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike.  Jarrett lands some knees, then stomps Mike.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO MIKE!”  Jarrett applies a rear naked choke for the win in 41 seconds.  Yeah…

A steel cage is headed our way!  Mickie vs. Tara is NEXT!

Rob Van Dam video package.

Steel Cage Match: Mickie James vs. Tara.  Of course, since it’s a STEEL CAGE MATCH, they start by brawling outside.  They finally get in the cage to start the match.  Insta-commercials 6 seconds in.  Tara hits a fancy spinning rack drop for 2.  THOSE FUCKING MUTANTS ARE DOING ALTERNATING CHANTS AGAIN.  Grr.  Mickie makes a comeback.  Mickie hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Tara sends Mickie into the turnbuckle, then hits a snap suplex into a front face lock.  Mickie fights out.  Tara beats her up.  Mickie goes for a rana, but fails and gets kicked in the face.  Mickie fights back and rams Tara’s head into the turnbuckle.  Mickie hits a half assed rana off the top rope.  Ugly looking bump for both of them.  Tara revives first and beats up Mickie.  Tara tries to escape through the door.  Mickie stops her and beats on her.  The show ends.  Of course.

Typical crap.  I’m glad it’s over.

TNA Final Resolution 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video, then the screen goes dark for several seconds, despite there being sound.  Oh, TNA…  We finally get a still screen advertising the PPV.  Finally we get crappy TNA pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Ink Inc. vs. Beer Money.  They show the finish of that clusterfuck four-way tag match on TV last week, where Moore pinned Roode.  Storm attacks Neal, whose mohawk is especially ridiculous tonight.  Neal rallies.  Ink Inc. double team Beer Money, who bail.  Back inside, Moore schoolboys Storm for 2, then hits an arm drag.  Storm accidentally knocks Roode off the apron.  Moore continues to shine.  Roode tries to make a save and accidentally hits Storm.  Ink Inc. double team Storm.  Moore hip tosses Neal into a senton on Storm for 2.  Roode pulls Neal down by his mowhawk.  Storm hits a Codebreaker.  Roode tags in and beats up Neal.  Roode decks Moore on the apron, enticing him to distract the referee so they can double team his partner.  Storm chokes Neal with his wrist tape.  Beer Money double team Neal.  Moore politely distracts the referee for them again.  Neal continues to play face in peril.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Moore hits a flippy bulldog on Moore.  Storm saves.  Neal throws him out, then clotheslines Roode out of the ring.  Roode prevens Moore from hitting an Asai moonsault.  Moore rallies and cleans house on the outside.  Neal hits a slingshot dive on Storm.  Moore connects with his Asai moonsault on Roode, then rides around on Storm’s boozer cruiser.  Back inside, Ink Inc. double team Roode.  They go for the fireman carry/blockbuster combo, but Storm intervenes and sends Moore to the floor.  Neal tries a spear, but runs into Storm’s superkick.  Beer Money hit the DWI and Roode pins Neal in 10:43.  Good match.

Tenay and Taz talk about tonight’s card.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne about a match she’s not in.  Rayne is more concerned with her reflection in the title belt.

Mickie James/Tara hype video.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Tara vs. Mickie James.  Tara wants to start the match outside, so they do.  They brawl at ringside.  Tara gets crotched on the guardrail.  Cover gets 2.  In the ring, Mickie hits a missile dropkick for 2.  A rope break in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Of course.  Tara pounds on Mickie.  I have to admit, this brawl is pretty intense.  Tara rams Mickie into the post, knocking her off the apron.  Mickie goes under the ring and sneaks  up behind Tara, delivering a dropkick that knocks her to the floor.  Mickie hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Mickie gets whipped into the guardrail and falls like a sack of bricks.  It looked painful.  They brawl in the crowd.  Tara gets a near fall after sending Mickie into some chairs.  Mickie whips Tara into a metal something or other.  Mickie chokes the shit out of Tara.  Ouch.  They brawl backstage.  Mickie sprays water on Tara.  Tara chops Mickie on her stomach.  Ouch.  Tara goes for a move, but Mickie back body drops her onto concrete for 2.  They’re brawling outside now.  Mickie gets a schoolgirl on top of a sewer cover for 2.  They’re back in the concession area.  Mickie hits a diving Thesz press off of some crap for 2.  They go into the mens’ bathroom.  There’s ladies in the mens’ bafrooms!  There’s a guy peeing in there!  There’s another guy taking the Browns to the SuperBowl.  They both bail.  Madison Rayne appears out of a stall, sprays Mickie with a fire extinguisher, and hits her with the title belt.  Tara gets the pin in 10:27.  Fun brawl.  Why was Madison waiting in the mens’ room?

Christy Hemme interviews the Shore tards, TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. and Cookie.  Ugh.  Robbie is an idiot.  Cookie is a bitch.  That’s the story.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Cookie is supposed to be placed in a shark cage and lifted above the ring, but she refuses.  Lethal beats up Robbie.  SHARK BOY appears and puts Cookie in the cage!  The match finally starts.  Lethal continues beating up Robbie.  Robbie bails.  Lethal beats him up on the outside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal crotches Robbie on the top rope.  Cookie screams a lot, which is annoying.  Lethal continues kicking ass.  Robbie sends him into the turnbuckles to get the advantage, then pounds on him.  Robbie gets the heat, but wastes time dancing like a tard at Cookie.  Lethal fights back.  Robbie hits a neat move for 2.  Robbie applies a sleeper hold.  Lethal finally manages to escape and fights back.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow and the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal jumps over Robbie a lot, then they collide.  Cookie throws a chain down to Robbie.  The referee catches it.  Cookie throws Robbie the hair spray.  Lethal takes it away, sprays it on Robbie’s face, and hits the Lethal Injection.  Hebner DQs Lethal in 8:09.  Damn!  Okay match.  The fuck finish works in context.  Lethal argues with the referee.  Cookie is released from the cage.  I wish Robbie was in WWE, just because it’d be great if he was one of those guys who everyone beats the shit out of in the Royal Rumble.  Cookie celebrates with the belt.  Shark Boy comes out again.  Cookie slaps him.  Sharkie gives her a Stunner!  Yay Shark Boy!

Christy Hemme interviews Tommy Dreamer about a match he’s not in.

RVD/Rhino hype video.

First Blood Match: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD decks Rhino before the bell, but the camera idiots completely miss the shot.  RVD sends Rhino outside, then poses.  Rhino kicks his ass.  RVD kicks Rhino’s ass in turn.  RVD goes up top, but Rhino cuts him off and beats on him.  RVD knocks Rhino off the apron with a springboard kick, then points his thumbs at himself and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  RVD hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP~!  They brawl at ringside.  They brawl in the ring.  Crowd chants for tables.  Rhino hits a Gore that RVD does an awesome 360 sell for.  Rhino throws in a trash can and 2 lids.  RVD avoids the shot and punches him.  Rhino h its a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino wedges the trash can between the turnbuckles, then hits RVD with a spinebuster.  RVD kicks Rhino in the head.  He goes for the lids, which fall out of the ring for some reason.  RVD hits a twisting leg drop, then brings one of the lids back in.  RVD hits a diving kick and the Five Star Frog Splash.  Why do that in a First Blood match?  RVD tries to use the trash can, but gets hit in the balls.  Rhino hits a DDT.  Rhino goes for a piledriver on the lid, but RVD flips out and hits the Van Daminator with the lid.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the trash can.  Rhino is bleeding, so RVD wins in 12:25.  This was all right.

Christy Hemme interviews Kazarian about a match he’s not in.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Doug Williams.  They lock up.  Styles backs Williams into the ropes, then shoves him.  The crowd chants “USA” even though the American is the heel.  They trade arm locks, then do some great mat wrestling.  Styles gets a sunset flip for 1, then goes for the Styles Clash.  Williams counters out.  There those fucking mutants go with the alternating chants.  That shit is so obnoxious.  I wish I could personally slap everyone who has ever participated in one of those.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Styles counters out and sends Williams to the outside.  Back inside, Williams throws some European uppercuts.  Stuff happens really fast in this match.  Styles is sent to the floor.  Williams hits him with a rolling senton off the apron.  Back inside, Williams kicks AJ in the thigh and hits a short lariat for 1.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and goes up top.  Styles cuts him off and sends him to the floor.  Styles gets the jump on Williams as he’s coming back in and hits moonsault knees to the back of Williams’ head.  Cover gets 2.  Styles does the drop down, leapfrog, dropkick for 2.  Styles applies a rear chin lock.  Williams gets his leg caught in the ropes.  Styles attacks it.  Styles applies a figure-four leglock.  Williams rolls them under the ropes and out of the ring, but ends up with it turned over.  They finally break.  Now Styles’ leg is injured.  Back inside, Styles grabs Williams’ leg.  Williams knees him in the face and makes his comeback.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits a European uppercut for 2.  Styles avoids the Chaos Theory and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes for the figure-four again, but Williams gets an inside cradle for 2.  Styles lands a big punch.  They trade shots.  Styles hits the Pele kick.  Williams rolls out of the ring.  Styles dives, miss, and Williams hits the Chaos Theory on the floor!  They make it back into the ring.  Williams hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 14:49.  That’s not a typo.  Williams used Styles’ own move to beat him.  Really, really good match.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  At least they’re actually in the match she’s asking them about.

Tag Lines.

Full Metal Mayhem Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Guns charge out and they start brawling at ringside.  Jeremy hits the springboard face buster on Sabin in the ring, then immediately hits Shelley with an Asai moonsault outside the ring.  Max pounds on Sabin in the ring.  Bucks double team Sabin, hitting an awesome wheelbarrow DDT thing.  The Guns rally and fight back.  Jeremy makes a one man comeback and stomps Shelley’s hand into a chair.  Guns hits Jeremy in the corner against a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Stuff happens really fast.  There are chair shots.  The Bucks conveniently set a ladder on the apron so the Guns can kick it into their faces.  Sabin hits a tope suicida… right into a chair.  Shelley takes a chair to the knee.  Shelley fights back by himself in the ring.  Max counters the Shiranui and powerbombs Shelley into the ladder.  Jeremy splashes the ladder into Shelley.  Jeremy climbs for the belts.  Shelley hits Max with an inverted atomic drop.  Sabin prevents Jeremy from getting the belts.  Jeremy does some more crazy shit.  Max climbs for the belts, but he placed the ladder poorly.  Shelley cuts him off, but gets hit with a jawbreaker.  Shelley gives him a Dragon screw leg whip through the ladder.  Ouch.  The Guns sandwich Max in the ladder.  Shelley hits a double stomp.  Shelley backdrop suplexes Jeremy into the ladder, then Sabin bulldogs him across it.  Sabin goes for the belts.  The Bucks knock the ladder over.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick with a chair held by Shelley.  Sabin lays a ladder and 2 chairs across the Bucks.  Shelley hits a double stomp onto the pile!  Shelley climbs for the belts, but realizes that ladder isn’t trustworthy any more.  They bring in a couple of fresh ladders and set up a contraption.  Everybody fights at the top of the contraption.  Jeremy falls off, then pushes Shelley off.  They pull their respective remaining opponents down.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns hit an awesome double team on Max, where Sabin holds him in wheelbarrow position and Shelley hits a Codebreaker with a chair.  The Guns bring in a table and put it on top of the ladder contraption.  Jeremy kicks Shelley in the balls and kicks Sabin in the head.  Guns take out Jeremy with double team craziness on the outside.  The Guns set up another table.  I assume they’re going to completely rip off the finish of the WrestleMania 2000 ladder match.  Jeremy comes back in and hits the Guns with a chair.  Max lays out Sabin on the table.  Shelley beats them up and gives Jeremy the Shiranui off the apron through a table.  Sabin and Max climb to the top of the contraption and have a sword fight with chairs.  Sabin wins and Max takes a bump off the contraption through the table.  Yep, WrestleMania 2000 finish.  Sabin takes down the belts to win it in 16:26.  This was awesome.

Abyss/Pope hype video.  Production screws up and throws in a random still from the last match.

Casket Match: Abyss vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They brawl.  Abyss tries to put Pope in the casket at the 30 second mark, but fails.  Oh, how I wish he had succeeded.  They brawl outside.  Back inside, Pope gives Abyss a bulldog headlock, then goes up top.  Abyss throws him off and into the casket, which was unfortunately closed at the time.  That looked like it hurt.  It’s a similar bump to the one that put Shawn Michaels out of action for 4 1/2 years.  Back inside, Abyss beats up Pope.  Fights back and dropkicks Abyss into the casket.  Abyss scrambles out.  Pope headbutts Abyss, who is apparently Samoan, because it hurts Pope more.  Pope jumps on Abyss’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Abyss turns it into a sidewalk slam.  They fight near the casket.  Pope falls in.  Abyss tries to close it, but Pope fights out.  Pope hits a diving shoulder block and makes his comeback.  Pope hits some inverted atomic drops and a diving bulldog headlock.  Pope puts Abyss in the casket.  Abyss goozles him to prevent the lid from closing.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam, then puts Pope in the casket.  Pope puts his arms up to keep the lid from closing.  Pope fights back and hits the Elijah Express.  He puts Abyss in the casket and tries to close the lid.  Abyss punches through the casket and grabs Pope’s balls.  That’s one cheap ass casket.  Pope clotheslines Abyss to the apron and tries to knock him off.  They fight on the apron.  Abyss chokeslams Pope into the casket and closes the lid for the win in 11:58.  Thank God that’s over.

The referee gives Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett instructions for their Submission Match, because they’re pretending it’s MMA.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe and injure hits leg with a nightstick.

Video package of Jeff Hardy’s heelishness.

Awkward cut to a Joe/Jarrett hype video.  Their production sucks tonight.

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe limps out, despite protests from the trainers.  They hug.  I think they were trying to lock up, but it looked way more like a hug to me.  The crowd chants their standard chants.  Joe hits a horrible looking judo throw.  Jarrett goes after the leg.  Joe pulls him into his guard and goes for a cross armbreaker.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe wants to keep the match on the ground.  Why doesn’t the referee stand him up?  Joe takes Jarrett down into the ropes.  Joe lands some punches.  Jarrett grabs Joe’s leg and rams his injured ankle into the post.  Jarrett applies an ankle lock.  Joe gets a rope break.  Jarrett reapplies the hold.  Joe escapes and lands punches and chops, then takes Jarrett down into an ankle lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe hits a senton splash and applies a reverse Kimura type arm lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes again.  This is crap.  Jarrett tries a rana or something.  Joe powerbombs him and locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Taz mentions Dean Malenko.  Yay!  Jarrett slides under the ropes and bails.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch on the floor.  Jarrett taps out, but it doesn’t count.  Joe throws Jarrett back in.  Joe gets a Fujiwara armbar.  Jarrett taps, but his foot is under the ropes.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  I agree completely.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and applies the Coquina Clutch.  Gunner and Murphy come out.  Joe cleans their clocks.  Jarrett locks in the ankle lock.  Joe screams, which the referee considers a submission and awards the match to Jarrett in 9:04.  This was complete, utter shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson about a match he’s the referee in.  Matt Morgan asks him to make it a No DQ Match.  Anderson has booking power now?  Anderson says he’s going to call it right down the middle like an asshole.  That makes no sense.  It’s not even a yes or no.

Hardy/Morgan hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Ken Anderson is the referee.  After intros and Anderson holding up that disgustingly ugly belt, we’re off.  Morgan wins the lock up.  Hardy hides in the ropes.  Morgan beats up Hardy.  Morgan hits an apron leg drop~!  I pop for neat leg drops.  Hardy rallies and beats up Morgan.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Morgan escapes and fights back.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a front slam for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for 2.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint, but injures his knee in the process.  Cover, but Hardy gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Hardy hits another Twist of Hate for 2.  Hardy is shocked and appalled by his lack of immediate victory.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Morgan gets his knees up.  Hardy says “fuck it” and leaves, urging Anderson to count him out.  Anderson refuses to count the 10.  He goes up the ramp and orders Hardy into the ring.  They argue.  Hardy pie faces Anderson twice.  Three times.  Anderson finally kicks his ass and throws him back in the ring.  Morgan schoolboys Hardy for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate again.  Anderson very slowly counts 2, then stops, allowing Morgan to kick out after a long time.  Hardy bails again.  Morgan goes after him.  Hardy hits Morgan in the knee with a chair.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Morgan pushes him into Anderson, knocking him out of the ring.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint.  The crowd counts upwards of 20.  Eric Bischoff brings out that other referee that’s been in all the storylines, then sends Anderson into the post.  The referee counts 2, then Bischoff pulls him out of the ring.  Morgan yells at Bischoff.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam, but Hardy kicks him low and hits the Twist of Hate on a chair for the pin in 12:31.  This was awful.  Anderson is bleeding outside the ring.  Hardy celebrates.  They show highlights of the match.  Such convoluted TNA bullshit.

This PPV started off really strong, then fell off a cliff.  The last 2 matches were fucking horrible.

TNA iMPACT! 12/2/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video of last week’s happenings.

“Who’s Wearing The Stripes?”

They start the show with a match already in progress.  Are you fucking serious?  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Ric Flair has joined them for this match, with TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles and Kazarian standing behind him.

Non-Title Four-Way Match: TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money vs. Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me.  JIP.  It’s a clusterfuck.  Moore hits a suicide dive on the Bucks, then an Asai moonsault on the Bucks and Guns.  Beer Money beat everybody up.  Beer Money and Ink Inc. do a tower of doom spot in the corner.  Jeremy hits a springboard facebuster on Neal.  There’s too much going on and they keep cutting to the announcers.  The Guns get a ladder from under the ring.  The Guns use it to abuse the Bucks.  The Bucks set up the ladder.  Beer Money and Ink Inc. are apparently asleep in the ring.  Sabin hits a cross body off the ladder onto the Bucks.  Ink Inc. double team Roode.  Storm rams Neal’s head into the steps.  Roode hits a TKO on Moore for 2.  Beer Money work over Moore.  They hit the awesome catapult DDT for 2.  Beer Money argue with the referee that’s been in all the shit lately.  Moore schoolboys Roode for the pin (6:02 shown).  Clusterfuck mess.

Ric Flair orders Fortune to “rough [the referee’s] ass up!”  Roode cuts a promo on the referee.  Storm storm beats him up.  Matt Morgan comes out, puts Flair in a rear chin lock, and orders Fortune to leave the referee alone.  They release the referee.  Morgan says he’ll rip their heads off if they mess with the referee again.  All of this, even though that referee screwed Morgan out of the title at the PPV.  Flair says Morgan is going down tonight.  We’re off to a clusterfuck of a start.

Mickie James talks to no one in particular backstage.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up to her.  Jordan is wearing a dress.  Apparently Mickie’s band is playing tonight.  Young wants to play the cowbell.  This fucking show… Commercials.

Tonight, Matt Morgan reveals the referee for the PPV!  Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne vs. Sarita!  Jeff Jarrett & Abyss vs. Samoa Joe & The Pope!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mickie James sings her entrance music.  Eric Young comes out in panties and chaps and plays the cowbell.  Tara appears and attacks Mickie from behind, then whacks Eric Young with his cowbell.  Mickie and Tara brawl, because that’s just what they always do.  Security breaks them up.

The referee catches up with Matt Morgan backstage and asks to be the referee.  Even though the referee cost him the title last time.  Morgan refuses, to protect the poor little referee from getting beat up again.  Commercials.

Ric Flair cuts a promo to no one in particular backstage.

Video of Doug Williams turning on Fortune.

Doug Williams cuts a promo on Kazarian backstage.

Douglas Williams vs. Kazarian.  It’s face paced from the get go.  Williams controls at the start, landing some European uppercuts and hitting a suplex for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Kazarian avoids it and hits the slingshot leg drop for 2.  Kazarian hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kazarian drops Williams and taunts him.  Kazarian hits a dropkick for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory again, leading to some cradle reversals.  Kazarian hits something for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Williams counts, then hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 4:52.  Good match that I unfortunately didn’t pay enough attention too.

Mickie James is running around backstage looking angry.  And hot.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan wants to ask Doug Williams for a favor, but they are jumped by Fortune first.  D’Lo Brown, Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and Terry Taylor break it up.

Final Resolution hype.

Brother Devon comes out and calls out Brother Ray.  Brother Ray comes out (this week he’s wearing a Ribera Steak House jacket).  Devon wants him to get in the ring, but Bubba is a big pussy.  Devon puts over Taz.  Bubba bashes Taz.  Taz tells Bubba to stop being a bitch and get in the ring.  Bubba teases getting in the ring, then pusses out again.  Devon says nobody ever liked Bubba and he was the one who carried the team.  It’s true.  Bubba yells about Marty Jannetty.  Devon lunges at him and he flinches like a little bitch.  Devon goes after Bubba, who pulls So Cal Val in front of him and runs away like a scared little girl.  Great segment for establishing that Bubba is a little bitch.

Next, Love vs. Rayne vs. Sarita!  Commercials!

Samoa Joe and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero chat backstage.  They’re tag partners tonight, but they don’t get along at all!  Groundbreaking booking here, folks!  We definitely don’t see that every single week on this show!

Sarita, Angelina Love, and Madison Rayne (w/ Tara) come out for the match.  Mickie attacks Tara and they brawl out of the sound stage.  Rayne knocks Sarita out with the belt.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Sarita vs. Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Love attacks Rayne to finally start the match.  They fight.  It’s terrible.  Sarita stirs on the outside.  Rayne applies a rear chin lock.  Love makes her comeback and knocks Rayne out of the ring.  Rayne clocks Love in the face with the title belt.  Sarita makes it back in, pushes Rayne out of the ring, and pins Love in 2:41.  Utter crap.

Ric Flair talks to someone who is hidden by a door.  Pretty sure it’s Rhino.  Commercials.

Angelina Love throws a temper tantrum backstage.  Winter shows up to console her.  Winter guarantees that Love will never lose again.  Love asks her to explain WTF all this shit means.  They hold hands and go to talk.

Matt Morgan vs. Rhino.  They lock up.  Morgan pushes Rhino away.  Rhino beats up Morgan.  Morgan hits a shoulder block and some strikes.  Morgan hits an enzui leg lariat against the ropes.  They brawl outside.  Rhino sends Morgan into the post, then throws him back into the ring.  Morgan is bleeding.  Rhino works over the bleeding Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam.  Rhino counters.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Rhino hits a belly to belly suplex and goes for the Gore.  Morgan avoids it and hits the Carbon Footprint.  Fortune run in and attack Morgan to cause the DQ in 5:04.  Damn, this was pretty good.

Rob Van Dam runs out to brawl with Rhino.  Fortune continue beating on Morgan.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out with a steel chair.  Fortune hold Morgan so Hardy can concuss him like he did to Mr. Anderson.  Speak of the devil, Mr. Anderson comes out with a lead pipe to run off Fortune.  Anderson’s mic drops down.  Commercials.

Ken Anderson and Matt Morgan are still in the ring.  Anderson thanks Morgan for having his back.  He talks about the unwritten wrestlers’ code.  He talks about his concussion.  Anderson offers to be the referee at the PPV.  Morgan approves.  Anderson says “the bigger man” will win on Sunday.

Mickie James and Tara are now fighting in the parking lot.  Tenay isn’t sure what’s going on because he’s an idiot.  Tara back body drops Mickie into the bed of an old pickup truck.  Commercials.

Jeremy Borash announces a New Jersey Fist Pump Showdown.  WHAT THE FUCK?  TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) and Jay Lethal come out.  I refuse to watch this shit, so I fast forward for a while.  Eventually they start fighting and end up backstage.  Cookie gets into it with Christy Hemme and gets her ass kicked.  Christy locks Cookie in a cage.  Robbie slams the cage door into Lethal.  I fucking hate this show.

Jarrett & Abyss vs. Joe & Pope is next.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Abyss chat backstage.

Final Resolution hype music video.

The main event is next for real this time!  Commercials!

Jeff Jarrett & Abyss of Immortal vs. Samoa Joe & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Jarrett and Pope do silly worked MMA that turns into decent chain wrestling.  Joe tags in.  Jarrett runs away and tags in Abyss.  Joe and Abyss lock up.  Joe rocks Abyss with a Pele kick.  Joe does the face wash.  Pope tags himself in in the process and attacks Abyss.  Joe and Pope argue.  Abyss hits them with a double clothesline.  Abyss splashes Pope in the corner and tags in Jarrett.  Jarrett goes for a cross armbreaker.  Joe tries to prevent it, but fails.  Pope gets a rope break.  Abyss tags in and brawls with Pope.  Jarrett tags in again and applies a rear chin lock.  Pope escapes via backdrop suplex.  The show ends.  The show starts during a match and ends during a match.  Of course.

Fucking horrible show.