Archive for Rey Mysterio Jr.

WWE SummerSlam 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2012 by Chui

New WWE open, which debuted on the 1,000th Raw.  Intro video for the 25th SummerSlam, which isn’t the 25th anniversary, but is billed as such because WWE doesn’t know how anniversaries work.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream at us.  I guess that means Ziggler vs. Jericho is up first.  They show clips of Ziggler winning the Money In The Bank Ladder Match last month.  Jericho comes out and they show a clip of Ziggler injuring Jericho’s ribs this past Smackdown.  Justin Roberts is a ring announcer.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho is sporting taped ribs from the aforementioned attack.  Ziggler runs around the ring and Jericho gives chase.  Back inside, Jericho catches him with an elbow smash and beats him up a bit.  Ziggler does a drop down and a leap frog, but Jericho catches him with a chop.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and attacks the injured ribs.  Jericho gets a reprieve by back body dropping Ziggler to the floor.  He goes for his rebound dropkick to the apron, but fails and eats the floor as Ziggler makes it back into the ring.  Ziggler continues to punish the ribs.  Vickie is obnoxious at ringside.  Ziggler hits a Rude Awakening, complete with gyrating hips, then pulls a Jericho classic on foot cover for 2.  Jericho gets whipped into the ropes, but catches Ziggler with a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler charges Jericho in the corner, eats it, and Jericho gets a brief flurry.  Ziggler charges the corner again and eats Jericho’s boot.  Jericho follows with a diving elbow smash.  Ziggler sends Jericho into the post, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, fails, but lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Ziggler avoids Jericho in the corner, jumps on his back, and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Jericho backs Ziggler into the corner to escape.  Ziggler kicks him in the ribs and goes up top.  Jericho cuts him off, pounds on him, and hits a top rope Frankensteiner~!  Delayed cover gets 2.  Ziggler catches Jericho out of nowhere with a swank DDT for 2.  They trade shots.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault.  Ziggler catches him in the injured ribs with raised knees, then hits the Zig Zag, but Jericho kicks out!  Jericho catches Ziggler with the Codebreaker.  Ziggler rolls to the floor.  Jericho throws Ziggler back into the ring.  Vickie grabs Jericho’s leg, allowing Ziggler to get an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho sends Ziggler into the post and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Ziggler taps in 13:06.  Yes, Jericho won, but is this really “the big one?”  It made sense when Jericho did this angle with The Rock in 2001 and won the World title, but is the opening match of SummerSlam the same thing?  Good match, though.

Slim Jim commercial.

Los Angeles!

They show Brock Lesnar destroying Shawn Michaels on Raw last week.

Matt Striker interviews Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.  Well, Paul does all of the talking.

Lillian Garcia is also a ring announcer.  The Spanish announcers, Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez, are present as well.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Kane has his dukes up, which amuses me.  Bryan kicks at the larger man’s legs.  Kane catches a kick and throws him down.  Bryan avoids an elbow and kicks him some more.  Kane punches him a bit.  Bryan backflips off the top rope, then gets slammed for 2.  Kane stomps Bryan in the corner.  Fans are chanting for Bryan.  Bryan fails at a reverse cradle and eats a big boot.  Cover gets 2 for Kane.  Bryan kicks at Kane’s knee some more.  Kane nonchalantly choke throws Bryan out of the ring.  Bryan gets back in as Kane comes out and takes him out with a tope suicide.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan lands more kicks as the crowd chants “YES!”  Kane ducks a critical blow and lands a clothesline.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam.  Bryan counters out and rolls to the apron, pulls Kane’s head over the top rope, then comes back in to eat a punch.  Bryan slaps Kane defiantly.  Kane beats the crap out of him in the corner until the referee forces a break.  Bryan takes the opportunity and goes on the offensive.  He goes for the LeBell/Yes/No Lock, fails, and settles for kicking Kane in the chest.  He gets annoyed at the “YES!” chants and goes for the diving headbutt.  Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam.  Instead of covering, he signals for the Tombstone.  Bryan counters it into an inside cradle for the pin in 8:03!  Bryan wins!  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun little match.

Kane, pissed that lost, rampages around backstage.  Josh Matthews tries to interview him, but Kane grabs him by the throat, yells “WHERE?!  IS?!  HE?!” and throws him away, then continues his rampage.

Don’t drink and drive.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think Mysterio’s costume is supposed to be Batman.  They lock up.  Miz lands a shoulder block.  Mysterio sits up and kind of stares at him.  They do a bit of wrestling that ends in Rey getting a near fall and Miz taking a quick powder.  Miz comes back in and gets to stompin’.  Rey hits a flying headscissors.  Miz throws Rey out of the ring.  Rey slides back in as Miz slides out, then dropkicks Miz through the ropes.  Miz sends Rey torso-first into the barricade.  Back inside, Miz goes to work.  Rey counters a backdrop and gets a 2 count.  Miz catches Rey with that lucha-style backbreaker that Jericho does on Rey for 2.  Miz beats on Rey some more.  Rey tries to make a comeback, but eats a clothesline, which gets a 2 count for Miz.  Miz hits his corner clothesline and goes up top, but Rey dropkicks Miz, crotching h im on the top turbuckle.  Rey hits the diving seated senton and goes for a rana, but Miz catches him with a powerbomb for 2.  Rey ducks a kick and gets a cradle for 2, then kicks Miz in the head for another 2.  Combine the two, and he got a 4 count, so he almost won under Canadian rules.  Rey hits a whirly DDT for 2.  Rey goes up top again, but gets caught.  Rey fights Miz off and hits a diving headscissors, which puts Miz into 619 position.  Rey hits the 619 and goes for the diving splash, but Miz avoids it.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Rey turns it into a cradle for 2.  Miz launches Rey into the turnbuckles, then hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 9:10.  It was okay, but I never really got into it.

Plug for the WWE iPhone/Android app.  I downloaded it.  It’s not that interesting.

Teddy Long and Eve Torres walk out of the GM’s office and talk about how quirky AJ Lee is.  They walk away and WWE Champion CM Punk walks into the office.  He complains to AJ about being in a Triple Threat Match tonight.  She just cocks her head and stares off into space, ignoring him.

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio for the World Championship match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Sheamus into the corner.  Repeat.  They tumble out of the ring together and brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus hits the Finlay Roll for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but fails.  He ends up getting Del Rio up on his shoulders as Del Rio exposes the turnbuckle.  Sheamus counters the Minoru Special and misses the Brogue Kick.  Del Rio kicks Sheamus off the apron, then sends him knee first into the steps.  Back inside, Del Rio clamps on a rear chin lock.  Sheamus escapes and goes for another neckbreaker, but Del Rio kicks him in the knee, then in the head for 2.  They fight some more.  Del Rio is wearing black gear that looks reall weird on him for some reason.  He taunts Sheamus by doing the “Brogue!” taunt.  He teases a Brogue Kick, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Del Rio sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post.  Sheamus tries to go up top, but gets cut off.  Del Rio hits an arm breaker (pulling the knees into the arm) off the top for 2.  There has to be a better name for that move.  Del Rio goes for his move, but Sheamus counters.  Del Rio counters the counter and hits the Minoru Special.  Sheamus powers up and slams Del Rio down.  Sheamus hits the White Noise (Schwein) for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Del Rio avoids him.  Sheamus clubbers Del Rio in the chest.  Why hasn’t the referee fixed that exposed turnbuckle?  Oh, I see.  Del Rio drops Sheamus into the exposed buckle, then hits an enzuigiri, but Sheamus kicks out!  Del Rio roughs up Ricardo just because he’s a dick.  Sheamus hits Del Rio with Ricardo’s shoe, then hits the White Noise for the pin in 11:24, even though Del Rio’s foot was on the bottom rope.  That’s actually the finish?  Okay then.  Del Rio and Ricardo bitch at the referee, and rightfully so.  This match did not click with me at all.

Plug for the National Guard, or rather, how great WWE is for supporting the National Guard.

Cole and Lawler plug Night of Champions.

On the pre-show, Triple H told referee Scott Armstrong to not DQ or count anyone out tonight in his match with Brock Lesnar.

Last week on Raw, the Prime Time Players beat up R-Truth while Kofi Kingston was in China, then Touted about it.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (c) vs. The Prime Time Players.  Truth beats up Young to start.  O’Neil tags in and drops Truth with a boot, barks, and covers for 2.  Kofi tags in and keeps O’Neil off balance with his speed.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Young distracts him.  Heel chicanery on the outside leads to the Players getting the advantage.  Kofi plays face in peril.  Young looks like he’s trying to get Kofi in some retarded triangle choke.  It fails completely, but he continues to put a beating on Kofi.  O’Neil tags in and applies an abdominal stretch.  Kofi turns a spinning slam into a spike DDT.  Truth gets the hot tag and runs wild on Darren Young.  Truth hits a front suplex.  Cover, but O’Neil saves.  O’Neil throws Kofi out of the ring, but Kofi skins the cat, low bridges him out, and takes him out with a dive.  Truth thinks about a dive, but Young schoolboys him for 2.  Young goes for something and fails, and Truth hits the Paydirt, whatever he’s calling it this week, for the pin in 7:07.  Players are nothing without AW.  This match was pretty close to nothing, too.

Axxess clips.

Punk/Cena/Show hype video.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show.  Big Show beats up everyone to start.  Punk seems to be channeling Bret Hart with his pink gear.  Cena and Punk unite to try to suplex Show, but Show suplexes both of them at the same time.  Show wins on them some more.  Cena gets tossed out of the ring by Show and Punk makes a comeback until he stupidly goes for the Go 2 Sleep and fails.  Cena tries to give Show the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk pushes them over.  Punk covers Cena, but Show saves.  Show beats up Punk some more and throws Cena out of the ring again.  Punk avoids Show in the corner and goes for a springboard cross body, but Show catches him and hits the Final Cut.  Show signals for the KO punch, but Cena reappears and cuts him off.  Show spears Cena for 2.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb onto both opponents, but Punk avoids it and Cena takes the full brunt.  Punk breaks Show’s cover.  Show throws Punk out of the ring, then goes after Cena on the other side.  Punk tries a dive, but Show catches him and launches him into the ropes from the outside.  Awesome.  Show and Cena go at it in the ring.  Punk pulls Show’s head over the top rope, allowing Cena to hit a backdrop suplex.  LA crowd doesn’t like Cena.  Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk cuts him off.  Punk hits the diving elbow drop on Show.  Cover, but Show throws him across the ring at 2.  Punk kicks Show in the head and locks in the Koji Clutch, of all things.  Show breaks out.  Punk takes a powder.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block and locks in the STF.  Show stands and backs Cena into the corner.  Cena goes for a dive, but Show catches and slams him.  Punk drops Show with a diving lariat and hits him with 3 running knees to the corner, but Show counters the bulldog.  Cena hits Show with the diving Fameasser, but ends up on the apron.  Punk locks Show in the Koji Clutch.  Cena also applies the STF.  Show taps.  The referee calls for the bell, but there are 2 winners.  Cena and Punk argue with the referee.  Raw GM AJ Lee skips out and rules that the match must continue.  Show immediately chokeslams both me.  Cover on Cena gets 2.  Cover on Punk gets 2.  Cena ducks the KO punch and hits Show with the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring and pins Show in 14:28.  Very enjoyable match.  Punk celebrates.

Los Angeles!

Celebrities are here!  Including former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette and WrestleMania participant Maria Menounos (sporting a Bob Backlund shirt).

Trailer for WWE Films’ latest, The Day.

On the preshow, Antonio Cesaro beat Santino Marella for the WWE United States Championship, with help from Aksana.

Kevin Ruldolf (who?) performs the SummerSlam theme song.  People Dance like idiots.  The divas come out to dance: Tamina, Kaitlyn, Natalya, Aksana, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Cameron, Naomi, Layla, Rosa Mendez, and Alicia Fox.

Los Angeles.

Triple H/Lesnar hype video.

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Triple H.  Brock immediately powers Triple H into the corner.  Hunter comes back with punches.  Brock repeats and goes for the Kimura.  Triple H counters.  Brock beats him in the corner some more and goes for it again.  He gets a standing version, but Hunter is in the ropes.  Triple H fights back and clotheslines Brock out of the ring.  Brock comes back in and beats up Triple H in the corner some more.  Hunter lands a knee lift and clotheslines Brock out of the ring again.  Lesnar looks irked.  Brock comes back in and takes off his gloves.  It’s a bare knuckle fight now!  Brock gets a double leg takedown and pummels Triple H with a few punches.  Hunter bails, selling a punch to the back of the head.  They brawl outside.  Brock gives Hunter a hammerlock slam onto the announce table.  The brawl some more back inside.  Brock delivers another hammerlock slam.  Brock continues working the arm.  Triple H counters an F-5 attempt, but Brock hits him with a BIG German suplex.  Brock stomps Triple H’s arm again.  Triple H tries to bail, gets caught, and pulls Brock against the top rope.  Hunter manages to score with a DDT.  Brock immediately goes after the arm again.  I always enjoy a hammerlock slam, and Brock is dishing them out liberally tonight.  They go outside and Lesnar sends Triple H into the post.  They wreck the Spanish announce table.  Brock actually jumps off of it and hits Triple H with a big chop.  Back in the ring, Triple H tries to fight back.  Lesnar gets an inside cradle of all things for 2.  Lesnar hits a clothesline and goes for a suplex, but Hunter counters and suplexes him.  Lesnar clotheslines the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but fails, gets whipped into the corner, and does the Michaels flip out of the ring.  Brock takes a shot into the announce table on his stomach and starts dry heaving.  The announcers talk about his issues with diverticulitis.  Hunter goes after the midsection.  He hits some knee lifts to the stomach.  Triple H hits the spinebuster and goes for the Pedigree.  Lesnar counters and goes for the F-5.  Triple H counters and hits the Pedigree, but Lesnar kicks out.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Lesnar hits him square in the balls.  The referee, per Hunter’s request, is letting it go.  Lesnar hits the F-5, but Triple H kicks out.  Lesnar locks on the standing Kimura again.  Triple H tries to fight out, but Lesnar goes to the ground with it.  Triple H gets the ropes, but the ref isn’t enforcing the rules.  Hunter fights out of the hold.  Hunter hits the Pedigree and goes for the cover, but Lesnar gets the Kimura again.  Triple H taps in 18:45.  I’m absolutely shocked that they did the right thing and put Lesnar over.  The match was an intense brawl, but not on the level of Lesnar/Cena.  I’ll give it a thumbs slightly up.  Lesnar leaves.  Hunter refuses medical attention.  Fans chant “YOU TAPPED OUT!”, which is probably not what WWE was going for with this.  Hunter mouths “I’m sorry” and leaves to a mixture of boos and polite applause.

This show started well, dipped really low in the middle, peaked with the triple threat match, and ended okay.  I’d say the show as a whole is thumbs in the middle.

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WWE Money In The Bank 2011

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 18, 2011 by Chui

It’s been a bit.  Let’s see if I remember how to do one of these.

WWE open, AWESOME PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Chicago.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcer.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich are the Spanish announcers.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Sin Cara vs. Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel vs. Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Heath Slater vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Everybody brawls.  The big guys (Kane, Barrett, and Sheamus) clear the ring and brawl amongst themselves.  Kane clotheslines the others out of the ring, then tries to bring in a ladder.  Bryan dropkcks it into him.  Slater and Gabriel do the same to Bryan.  Cara tries to do the same to them, but they duck and nail him with the ladder.  Slater gets the ladder in the ring and sets it up.  Gabriel knocks him off and walks the ladder toward the center.  Bryan dropkicks him off.  Rhodes throws Bryan into the ladder.  He tries to climb, but Sheamus cuts him off and goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Rhodes counters, goes for the Beautiful Disaster, and hits Slater with it.  Sheamus uses the ladder to beat up Rhodes.  Kane throws Sheamus and Rhodes out of the ring.  Barrett jumps Kane.  Kane rallies and disposes of Barrett, then beats up Slater.  Kane goes up top, but Cara knocks him down with a kick.  Gabriel drops Cara.  Bryan ducks Gabriel and hits a tope suicida on somebody.  Gabriel, Slater, and Cara all hit dives too.  Cara, Gabriel, and Slater do stuff in the ring.  Cara gets rid of both of them.  Bryan appears on the top rope.  Cara hits him with a kick, then hits a one-man Spanish Fly off the top rope.  Cara goes out for a ladder, but Barrett boots him down.  Barrett builds a ladder bridge from the apron to the Spanish table.  Uh oh.  Barrett misses Sin Cara and accidentally clotheslines the post.  Cara goes back in the ring and eats a brogue kick from Sheamus.  Sheamus powerbombs Cara off the apron through the ladder bridge.  Fucking ouch.  Sheamus beats up more people with a ladder.  Cara is stretchered out.  Kane and Sheamus brawl in the ring.  Bryan, Kane, and Rhodes all bring in ladders, then drop them and start brawling.  Kane takes them both out and climbs the ladder.  The former members of The Corre cut him off.  Rhodes takes advantage of the distraction to climb the ladder.  The ex-Corre cut him off too.  Bryan climbs and gets the same treatment.  Barrett climbs the ladder.  His former teammates cut him off and beat him up, then throw him out of the ring.  Gabriel and Slater climb the ladder and fight over the briefcase.  Rhodes knocks the ladder over and gives Slater the Cross Rhodes.  Rhodes climbs the ladder.  Barrett cuts him off.  Rhodes gives him the Cross Rhodes too.  Rhodes climbs the ladder again.  Sheamus cuts him off and hits the uranage backbreaker.  Bryan cuts off Sheamus and rams his head into the ladder.  Sheamus and Kane hit Bryan with a Doomsday Device!  Sheamus and Kane brawl.  Kane eventually takes him out, then chokeslams Rhodes, then chokeslams Gabriel.  Kane climbs the ladder.  Bryan cuts him off.  Kane tries to chokeslam him, but Bryan turns it into some kind of arm lock.  Bryan dives at Kane, gets caught, but somehow turns it to his advantage.  Slater climbs the ladder.  Bryan cuts him off too.  Slater hits a neckbreaker off the ladder.  Slater climbs again, but Barrett cuts him off.  Barrett crotches Slater on the top turnbuckle, then beats up Sheamus.  Barrett brings a third ladder into the ring.  Barrett and Sheamus hit Slater with it, then launch him to the floor.  Sheamus hits Barrett and Rhodes with brogue kicks, then hits Gabriel with a Polish Hammer.  Sheamus drops Gabriel face first across the ladder, then gives him a brogue kick.  Sheamus climbs the ladder.  Kane comes up the other side and brawls with him.  Kane chokeslams Sheamus off the ladder into another ladder.  Ouch.  Barrett, Rhodes, and Bryan attack Kane.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Barrett hits the Wasteland.  Gabriel hits Kane with the 450 splash in an impressively small space.  Barrett gives Gabriel the Wasteland out of the ring onto Slater.  Barrett drops Bryan and gives Rhodes a pumphandle slam.  Barrett climbs the ladder.  Rhodes pulls him down and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Bryan climbs the ladder.  Rhodes tries to stop him, but gets elbowed in the face.  They fight up the ladder.  Barrett climbs up the other side and tries to take the briefcase.  Bryan guillotines Rhodes, then elbows Barrett in the face.  Barrett sets up Bryan for the Wasteland.  Bryan counters with the elbow flurry, then drops Barrett with a kick.  Bryan gets the briefcase in 24:26.  BRYAN WINS~!  HOLY SHIT!  Great match.  Bryan gets the honor of being the first guy to cash in and fail.

Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon, Johnny Ace, and some lawyer arrived.

Chicago!

WWE Divas Championship Match: Kelly Kelly (c) (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella).  Kelly slaps Brie and goes on the attack.  Kelly tries a headscissors, fucks it up horrible, and sort of recovers.  Brie goes to confer with her twin.  Kelly hits them both with a dive.  Back inside, Kelly sort of goes for a tarantula and gets sent face first into the floor.  Nikki puts the boots to Kelly behind the referee’s back.  Back inside, Brie goes beats up Kelly for a while.  Kelly makes her comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Brie blocks the Rocker Dropper.  Kelly blocks a backslide.  Cover gets 2.  Brie DDTs Kelly’s foot.  Cover gets 2.  I’m fucking serious.  Kelly hits the Rocker Dropper for the pin in 4:48.  It wasn’t the worst match I’ve ever seen.

SummerSlam commercial.

Big Show/Mark Henry hype video.

Mark Henry vs. The Big Show.  The two big bruisers tear into each other.  Show hits Henry with a shoulder block and Henry rolls to the floor.  They brawl at ringside.  Henry dropkicks the steps into Show’s knee.  Back inside, Henry goes to work on the knee.  Show fight out of a half crab.  Henry squashes Show in the corner.  He tries it again, but is met with a boot.  Show dives off the bottom rope and hits Henry with a shoulder block.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Henry takes out his knee and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Henry hits another World’s Strongest Slam and 2 big splashes for the pin in 5:58.  It was okay.  After the match, Henry gets a chair and Pillmanizes Show’s leg with a Vader Bomb.  Show is driven out on a letter stretcher cart thingy.

Vince McMahon complains to Johnny Ace backstage.  Josh Matthews comes in and asks him of he’s resigned CM Punk.  Vince says no, then bitches about Punk being an ingrate.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. R-Truth vs. Alex Riley vs. The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Everybody grabs a ladder during their entrance and brings it into the ring, so we start with a ladder fight.  Del Rio is buried under ladder at ringside.  They even have mini ladders.  Bourne and Kofi brawl atop a mini ladder, then used it to hit people.  Rey takes Swagger out of the ring with a rana.  Riley drops Truth’s balls in a ladder, then hits him with a knee.  Riley climbs up the midget ladder.  Miz cuts him off.  This is stupid.  Riley takes out Miz and Swagger with a dive.  Truth break dances and hits a Space Flying Tiger Drop onto the pile.  Mysterio and Kofi hit stereo dives off the top rope.  Bourne hits a Shooting Star press off of a ladder onto everyone.  Bourne goes back into the ring and climbs a proper ladder.  Miz cuts him off.  They fight on top.  Del Rio pushes the ladder over.  Miz starts selling his knee.  Medics come out to check on him.  Del Rio climbs the ladder.  Truth stops him.  Miz is helped to the back.  Truth climbs the ladder.  Del Rio climbs the other side.  Bourne and Mysterio climb over them, but are pulled down.  They both hit Frankensteiners.  Swagger drops Bourne and Truth.  Kofi springboards over Swagger and climbs the ladder.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Riley climbs the ladder.  Swagger notices and brawls with him top of the ladder.  Truth pushes it over.  A ladder bridge gets set up in the corner.  Kofi, Truth, and Rey do some stuff with it.  Kofi comes off of it with a Boom Drop onto Truth.  Del Rio charges Kofi, but ends up diving under the ladder to the floor.  More ladder spots.  Swagger gets hit in the face with one.  Mysterio gives Truth a 619.  Riley and Mysterio fight on top of the ladder.  There are a bunch of ladders in the ring now.  Everybody climbs up and tries to get the briefcase.  Del Rio takes a face bump into the ladder bridge.  Guys continue brawling up top.  Bourne takes a bump off a ladder to the floor.  Kofi ends up on top alone.  Swagger makes it back in to cut him off.  They both fall to the floor.  Miz hobbles back down to a big pop and goes for the briefcase.  Mysterio cuts him off and gets booed.  Mysterio powerbombs Miz to the crown.  Del Rio cuts off Mysterio from getting the briefcase.  Mysterio says “fuck that” and knocks him down.  Del Rio climbs the opposite side of the ladder.  Mysterio hits him with the briefcase.  Del Rio takes Mysterio’s mask off.  A bunch of ladders fall over.  Del Rio climbs back up and takes it in 15:52.  Fun match, but nowhere near the Smackdown ladder match.

WrestleMania travel package advertisement.

Chicago!

Randy Orton/Christian hype video.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio, who is mad that he had to be in Money In The Bank after winning a #1 Contender Match a couple of weeks ago.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian.  Orton can lose the title by DQ.  Christian brings a chair into the ring in an attempt to get Orton to get himself DQ’d.  Orton teases it, then throws the chair out of the ring.  Christian shaves Orton.  Orton decks him and kicks his ass.  Christian fights back, but eats a clothesline.  This is a heel crowd tonight.  They’re booing Orton.  Orton slides back into the ring to avoid a dive, then throws Christian into the steps.  Back inside, Christian rallies and hits the diving elbow smash for 2.  Christian beats on Orton for a time.  Orton awesomely avoids Christian in the corner and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Christian hits a spinebuster for 2.  Orton counters the Killswitch and clotheslines Christian, sending them both to the floor.  Back inside, Orton gets a jackknife hold for 2, then hits a Lou Thesz press.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Christian counters.  Christian dives at Orton, but gets caught with a dropkick.  Cover gets 2.  Orton goes for a superplex, but Christian knocks him down and hits a diving headbutt for 2.  Orton makes a comeback, but Christian cuts him off and hits the Killswitch for 2.  Christian goes for a spear, but Orton leapfrogs him and hits a swank gutwrench into a neckbreaker.  Orton goes for the punt, misses, and hits a powerslam.  He hits the DDT OF MURDER on the second try, then humps the mat.  Christian spits in Orton’s face.  Orton gets pissed off and beats on him.  Orton kicks Christian straight in the balls to cause the DQ and lose the title in 12:19.  Christian is crowned champion.  Orton kicks his ass at ringside.  Teddy Long comes down to try to settle Orton down.  Orton gives Christian the RKO on the Spanish announce table.  Orton starts to leave, then comes back down to a big pop and gives Christian another RKO on the table.

Skittles commercial.

SummerSlam commercial again.

John Cena/CM Punk hype video.

CM Punk comes out to an insanely loud hero’s welcome in his home town.  Cena comes out to the loudest fucking boos I’ve ever heard.  He’s all business tonight and even has the belt around his waist.

WWE Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. CM Punk.  They lock up and trade holds.  Cena ducks a high kick.  Man, this crowd is hot.  Cena gets a takedown.  They trade holds some more.  Punk hits a big hip toss and gets a side headlock takeover.  They counters each others’ finish.  Punk lands some kicks.  Cena hits a bulldog headlock for 2, then grabs a headlock and works it.  Punk escapes and gets a 2 count.  There’s a high pitched “LET’S GO CENA” chant alternating with a much deeper “CENA SUCKS!” chant.  Cena hits a Fisherman suplex for 2.  Lawler just said he didn’t think there was a single Cena fan in the arena, so he didn’t just hear those loud ass chants.  Punk hits a DDT for 2, then applies a headscissors.  Punk escapes an Attitude Adjustment predicament and throws Cena to the floor.  Punk sets Cena in the apron and hits a diving enzui knee drop!  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena goes for the STF and fails.  Punk clamps on a rear chin lock.  Punk hits a diving cross body to Cena’s knee for 2.  Cena sells the knee.  Punk tries to suplex Cena in from the apron, but Cena suplexes Punk to the floor!  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena hits an elbow drop for 2.  Cena hits a nifty suplex/powerslam for 2.  Punk lands some punches to big cheers.  Cena locks in an abdominal stretch to boos.  Punk escapes with a hip toss.  Double knockdown spot.  Cena starts his comeback, but Punk catches him with a schoolboy for 2.  Cena concludes his comeback and goes for the “You can’t see me” gesture, but Punk kicks him in the head, knocks him to the floor, and hits a tope suicida!  Back inside, Punk goes for the springboard lariat, but Cena avoids it.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk sort of lands on his feet and lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Punk counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits 2 knee strikes and a bulldog headlock.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for 2.  Punk lands more kicks.  Cena locks in the STF.  Punk gets a rope break.  Punk kills Cena with a high kick for 2.  Punk hits a diving cross body.  Cena rolls through, lifts him, and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk counters and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into the STF again.  Punk escapes and locks in the Anaconda Vice!  Cena fights out and hits the Attitude Adjustment for 2.  Cena comes off the top rope, but Punk sort of counters into a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  Punk signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Cena drops to the apron and pulls Punk’s head across the top rope.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment again, and PUNK KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Cena tries to set up a SUPER ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, but Punk clubbers Cena’s head with elbows!  Punk hits a top rope Frankensteiner.  Cena rolls to the ropes.  Punk hits the running knee and the Go 2 Sleep, but only catches Cena in the middle.  Cena falls out of the ring.  Punk throws Cena back in the ring.  Vince McMahon and Johnny Ace come out.  Cena locks Punk in the STF.  Vince tries to call for the bell.  He sends Ace to do his bidding, but Cena decks him.  Cena yells at Vince that he can win this himself.  He goes after Punk, but Punk catches him and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin to win the title at 33:44.  Great pro wrestling match right here, kids.  Punk celebrates with the belt.  Vince looks almost as morose as Dana White did after Brock Lesnar lost the UFC Heavyweight title.  Vince takes King’s headset and yells at someone to send Alberto Del Rio out here.  Del Rio runs out.  Punk kills him with a high kick.  Punk blows Vince a kiss and leaves through the crowd with his belt.  What will happen next as the WWE Universe Turns?

Really good show with a couple of great matches.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/25/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, video package of recent happenings.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge bitches to Teddy Long about the arm injury he suffered at the hands of Alberto Del Rio last week.  Long has ruled that Edge and Del Rio can’t touch until WrestleMania.  Edge is pissed that he has to wait 2 weeks for his revenge.

Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews, Booker T, and Michael Cole are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WrestleMania Rewind Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. CM Punk.  They show Punk’s attack on Randy Orton from Raw.  They lock up.  Punk backs Mysterio into the corner and cheap shots him instead of giving a clean break.  Mysterio hits a flying headscissors and goes for the 619.  Punk counters with a knee lift.  Mysterio rolls through a cradle and kicks Punk in the head for 2.  Punk avoids a springboard cross body and puts a beating on Mysterio.  Punk applies an abdominal stretch.  Mysterio rallies and sends Punk to the floor.  Punk drops Mysterio across the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Punk applies a body scissors.  Mysterio fights out.  He tried to slide under Punk, but Punk drops a knee on his back for 2.  Punk hits a leg drop for 2.  Punk hits a cross body block for 2.  Punk goes up top and dives.  Mysterio catches him with a dropkick.  Mysterio kicks Punk in the legs, then sort of monkey flips him out of the ring and hits an Asai moonsault.  Cody Rhodes appears and throws Mysterio into the post to cause the DQ (5:30 shown).  Rhodes headbutts Mysterio in the face with his mask.  Rhodes exposes a knee brace and knees Mysterio in the face with it.  Why is Rhodes freaking out when he’s wearing a clear mask and everyone can see he looks exactly the same as he always has?

World Heavyweight Champion Edge is in his locker room.  Christian comes in to chat with him.  Edge says he’s going to prove he’s fine by having a match with Drew McIntyre tonight and being in Christian’s corner against Del Rio later.

Tonight, The Undertaker addresses Triple H.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Drew McIntyre.  Edge has like six pounds of tape on his arm.  McIntyre, sensibly, goes right for it.  Edge stomps him into the corner.  McIntyre lands an elbow smash and goes to work on the arm.  Edge makes a one armed comeback.  McIntyre kicks him in the arm and goes for the Future Shock.  Edge counters.  McIntyre counters.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator for the submission in 2:26.  There ya go.  Edge spears McIntyre after the match, just because he’s a fine, upstanding babyface.

Tonight, Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio!

Video of people talking about Undertaker/Triple H.

Tonight, Undertaker addresses Triple H!

Divas tag match next.  Ugh.

Smack of the night: Dolph Ziggler, LayCool, & Vickie Guerrero vs. John Morrison & Trish Stratus from Raw.

Kelly Kelly & Rosa Mendez vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  LayCool are pretending to be Jersey obnoxious instead of their usual brand of obnoxious.  They do the retard dance that wrestlers supposedly from the Jersey Shore are fond of.  The face divas attack them.  McCool kicks Layla with the loaded boot on the outside.  In the ring, Rosa beats up Layla.  McCool breaks a cover and dances.  Layla hits the Lay Out for the pin in 1:09.  Thank God this atrocious shit is over.  Shit, it’s not.  LayCool are obnoxious for a while afterwards.

Last week, The Corre fucked Big Show & Kane’s shit all up.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Kofi Kingston © vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Ezekiel Jackson & WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater).  They lock up.  Barrett backs Kofi into the corner.  Kofi lands some blows and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Kofi lands a dropkick for 2.  Kofi hits an elbow smash for 2.  Kofi tries to go up top, but Barrett kicks him in the ass to stop him, then puts the boots on him.  Barrett boots Kofi off the apron to the floor.  Barrett rams Kofi’s back into the apron, then throws him back in.  Kofi fights back.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett keeps the heat doing.  Kofi avoids a diving elbow drop and makes his comeback.  Barrett ducks a clothesline and kicks Kofi in the gut.  Kofi counters Barrett’s pumphandle slam and hits the pendulum kick in the corner.  Kofi hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and warms up for the Trouble In Paradise.  Gabriel distracts the referee.  Slater gets on the apron and eats the Trouble In Paradise.  Barrett ducks the same and hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:18.  The Corre wins its second title.  Not a bad little match.  Gabriel gives Kofi the 450 splash after the match.  The Corre celebrates the title win.

Alberto Del Rio and Teddy Long bicker in the GM office.

Next, Undertaker addresses Triple H.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Undertaker comes out to the stage to talk about his match with Triple H at WrestleMania.  He says at Mania, Triple H will just be #19.

Tonight, Christian vs. Del Rio.

Sin Cara vignette.

From Raw: Jack Swagger and Michael Cole attacking Jerry Lawler.

Jack Swagger vs. R-Truth.  Cole spazzes out big time because he and Swagger are butt buddies.  Swagger beats up Truth.  Truthe makes is comeback and a lewd gesture, then low bridges Truth out of the ring and hits him with a dive.  Swagger gets the jump on R-Truth coming back in, DDTs his leg, and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:53.  There ya go.  Cole leaves the utterly pointless Cole Mine to get in the ring and be an obnoxious little piece of shit.  They prance around the ring like they’re at a gay pride parade.

Christian vs. Del Rio tonight.

Raw Rebound.

WrestleMania hype.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  The main event is next.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay) vs. Christian (w/ World Heavyweight Champion Edge).  They lock up.  Del Rio lands a knee and grabs a side headlock.  Christian lands an elbow smash for 2.  Del Rio stomps Christian down in the corner.  Christian back body drops Del Rio to the floor and hits him with a dive from the top rope.  Insta-commercials.  Christian hits a diving sunset flip for 2.  Christian clotheslines Del Rio to the floor.  Del Rio sends Christian into the barricade.  Back inside, Del Rio goes to work on Christian’s arm.  Del Rio hits a diving senton for 2.  Del Rio keeps the heat on Christian.  Christian rallies and hits a tope rope Frankensteiner for 2.  Christian makes his comeback.  Del Rio avoids a diving cross body.  Christian duckes an enzuigiri  and hits an tornado DDT.  Ricardo puts Del Rio’s foot on the rope.  Edge frighters Ricardo.  Clay Pearl Harbors Edge.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Del Rio locks in the cross armbreaker.  Christian gets the ropes.  Double clothesline spot.  Edge spears Clay on the floor, then grabs a chair and beats him on the back with it.  Del Rio kicks Christian in the arm.  Christian hits the Killswitch for the pin (8:50 shown).  Fine but overbooked match.  Why does Del Rio keep losing going into a World title match at WrestleMania?  Edge teases hitting Del Rio with the chair.  Christian stops him and talks some sense into him, then wallops Del Rio with the chair himself.  Edge yells at Del Rio.

Okay show, but I don’t understand burying your heel who’s getting the title shot at Mania.  Then again, they’re burying the World Champion on Raw, so what do I know?

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/21/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2011 by Chui

WWE open.

Justin Roberts introduces Jim Ross.  Michael Cole comes out in a fat suit and a cowboy hat.  I already hate this show.  Cole throws the hat at Jerry Lawler and scampers into the Cole Mine for safety.  Cole, Lawler, and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Triple H comes out to cut a promo about his match with The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  He asks Undertaker to show up on Raw next week.  He talks more about how one of them is going to die at Mania.  After the promo, Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out to talk about how far his star has fallen.  He wants to take out Triple H so people will notice him.  Triple H kicks his ass, throws him into stuff, and beats him with a chair.  Pedigree through the announce table.  This had absolutely no purpose besides burying Dibiase even further under the Earth.

Tonight, John Cena responds to the Miz live via satelitte.  Are you fucking serious?  Also, The Miz is “rewriting Miz-story.”  Ugh.  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Sheamus is good and pissed off, probably because he got the jobber entrance, and beats up Bourne.  Bourne avoids Sheamus in the corner, then kicks him in the face.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but crashes and burns when Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus hits the brogue kick for the pin in 1:23.  There ya go.  Sheamus says he’s the United States Champion of America.  Former United States Champion of America Daniel Bryan comes out and says he wants his rematch at WrestleMania.  Sheamus throws him the belt and drops him with the brogue kick.  So Bryan is getting buried too.

Tonight, WrestleMania Rewind: Mysterio vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Randy Orton defeating and punting Mason Ryan last week, to CM Punk’s displeasure.

Randy Orton steps off of his bus.  Scott Stanford interviews him.

Non-Title: Maryse vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres.  Maryse prances around and poses.  Eve facetiously claps.  They get into a cat fight.  Maryse rams Eve’s face into stuff.  Eve avoids a charge and Maryse hits her leg on the rope.  Michael Cole starts talking over the match again, calling for it to end.  I actually agree with him, but feel sorry for the divas.  Eve goes for a standing moonsault, but Maryse gets her knees up.  Maryse goes for a neckbreaker, but Eve counters into her neckbreaker drop for the pin in 2:20.  Terrible.  Cole is happy it’s over, and so am I.  Eve tries to get at Cole in the Cole Mine, but of course Cole has security there to protect him from women and old announcers.  Eve manages to slap Cole’s arm.  Cole talks shit while security takes her away.

Tonight, Rewriting “Miz-Story,” whatever the fuck that is.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

From Smackdown: The Corre beat down The Big Show & Kane.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  I’ve seen this match 700 times and it’s never been good.  Santino and Gabriel do some shit.  Santino threatens Slater with the Cobra.  Gabriel drops Santino with a kick for 2.  Slater tags in and works over Santino.  Kozlov gets the tag and runs wild.  Barrett distracts Kozlov.  Slater hits a reverse DDT.  Gabriel tags in and hits the 450 splash on Kozlov for the pin in 1:50.  At least it’s over.  Or not.  The Corre beat down Santino & Kozlov.  The Big Show and Kane make the save.  Kane throws Gabriel into the barricade.  Show gives Slater the KO punch.  Kane and Show hit a double chokeslam on Jackson.  Show shakes hands with Santino and Kozlov.

John Cena live via satellite next.  Commercials.

The Rock will be here next week.

Pittsburgh!

Highlights of Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio last week.  Cena was beaten down by Del Rio, Brodus Clay, and then The Miz who was dressed up as The Rock.

The announcers talk to John Cena via satellite.

Cole gets out of his cage to be obnoxious.  He promises to be obnoxious more next.  Commercials.

Michael Cole and Jack Swagger prance around the ring like fairies together.  Swagger stands in front of the announce table.  Cole talks shit about Lawler.  They show Brian Christopher being a snot nosed little bastard to his dad last week.  Cole says Christopher gave him the Lawler family photo album.  They show pictures of Lawler’s family on the big screen while Cole makes fun of them.  Lawler has finally had enough and gets up from the table.  Swagger jumps him, but Lawler kicks ass and chases Cole around the ring.  Swagger clotheslines Lawler and Cole scampers away into the Cole Mine for safety.  Swagger pushes Lawler’s face into the cage while Cole talks shit.  Swagger puts Lawler in the ankle lock.  With Lawler safely down, Cole takes over.  I can’t wait to see Lawler pound Cole’s face in at Mania.

Tonight, Mysterio vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Pittsburgh!

Lawler is gone.  Cole is an obnoxious little shit.

Last week: Stuff with Snooki, Vickie Guerrero, Trish Stratus, LayCool, Dolph Ziggler, and John Morrison.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero, Michelle McCool, & Layla) vs. John Morrison (w/ Trish Stratus).  They lock up.  Ziggler has found his viciousness.  He beats Morrison down.  Morrison rallies and beats on Ziggler in the corner.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out and lands a dropkick, then clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring.  McCool blocks him from doing a dive.  Trish takes out LayCool.  The iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that it’s now Morrison & Trish vs. Ziggler, LayCool, & Vickie.  Trish tries to grab Vickie, but LayCool get her away.  Commercials.  Ugh.

Handicap Match: Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool, Layla, & Vickie Guerrero vs. John Morrison & Trish Stratus.  JIP.  Ziggler has Morrison in a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out.  Ziggler avoids the running knee and tags in Layla.  Trish beats up Layla.  Trish hits the Stratusphere, then chops Layla in the tits.  McCool kicks Trish from the apron.  They cut Trish off and get the heat on her.  Vickie tags in and misses a leg drop.  Morrison tags in and runs wild on Ziggler.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck.  Layla pulls Trish off the apron.  Morrison misses the Starship Pain.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  Ziggler tags in Vickie, who pins Morrison (4:11 shown).  Yes, John Morrison just did a job for Vickie Guerrero.  I hate the world.

Tonight, whatever stupid thing The Miz is doing.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sin Cara vignette.

Various wrestlers talk about the Undertaker/Triple H Mania match.

They show Randy Orton taking out all of the members of the New Nexus as he makes his way to the ring.  Orton vs. Mysterio is NEXT!  Commercials.

They replay Orton’s promo from earlier tonight, with really horrible audio.

WrestleMania Rewind Match: Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio tries a go behind.  Orton elbows him in the face.  They go back and forth a bit.  Orton lands a European uppercut from his knees, which looks to be about the right height to hit Mysterio.  Orton slides Mysterio out of the ring and throws him back in, so that was pretty pointless.  Cover gets 2.  Orton continues the offensive with a rear chin lock.  Mysterio hits the diving seated senton.  Orton hits the powerslam and goes for the DDT OF MURDER.  Mysterio counters and goes for the 619.  Orton counters and hits the DDT OF MURDER.  CM Punk appears on the screen.  He’s at Orton’s bus.  He says he’s going to go in and meet Orton’s wife.  Orton runs to the back and presumable gets counted out.  He makes it to the bus, where Punk hits him with a wrench.  Orton’s wife screams, then looks oddly turned on by Punk, then calls for help.  I guess the match is a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Shame.

Miz’s thing is next.  Commercials.

Undertaker, Triple H, and The Rock will all be here next week.

Alex Riley is in the ring.  He’s been rehired as Miz’s “Vice President of Corporate Communications.”  He introduces WWE Champion The Miz, who comes out without the belt.  He blathers for a while.  He turns the WWE log upside down so it looks like Ms instead of Ws, because his name is Miz.  He’s done the same with the belt.  John Cena appears on the tron and makes fun of him.  Geeks take away Cena’s “walls” to reveal he’s actually in the arena.  That was really fucking stupid.  Cena hits the ring to fight.  Miz runs away.  Cena puts Riley in the STF.  Repeatedly.

This show sucked.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/18/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews and Booker T are the announcers.  Tonight, The Big Show & Kane take on The Corre for the Tag Team Championship!  Wait a second… didn’t they announce The Corre vs. Edge & Christian for the titles during Raw?  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Geeks at ringside are putting together the Cole Mine.  Michael Cole gets his own entrance.  Fucking ugh.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez).  Edge hammers Clay with punches, who takes them like a big man should.  Edge comes off the top rope, but Clay catches him and gives him an Exploder.  Clay goes to work on Edge’s arm.  Edge fails a tornado DDT.  Clay succeeds with a clothesline, then fails with a headbutt.  Edge fails the Edgecution, but gives Clay a drop toe hold into the turnbuckles.  Edge hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge goes for a sunset flip.  Clay sits on him for 2.  Edge avoids a running ass to the corner and hits a diving bulldog headlock.  Edge goes for the spear.  Ricardo distracts the ref.  Del Rio trips Edge.  Clay does something to him for 2.  Christian comes out and attacks Del Rio.  Clay headbutts Christian off the apron.  Edge spears Clay for the pin in 5:09.  Fun match.  I greatly enjoy Brodus Clay.  Del Rio attacks Edge after the match.  Christian makes the save.  They brawl outside the ring and over the announce table.  Referees break it up.  Teddy Long comes out and books Del Rio vs. Christian for tonight inside a Steel Cage~!

Next, Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus, Champion vs. Champion!  Matthews says Champion vs. Champion is rare.  He is blatantly lying to you, because it’s WWE doctrine to shamelessly and unapologetically lie to their fans.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Sheamus vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Sheamus attacks Kofi’s arm.  Cole is fucking obnoxious and should fuck off and die.  Kofi fights back and hits corner punches.  Sheamus drops Kofi’s face into the top turnbuckle.  Sheamus hits a short lariat for 2.  Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2, then applies a hold.  Kofi fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner, then hits the diving cross body.  Sheamus rolls through and goes for a powerslam.  Kofi escapes and lands some blows.  Kofi hits a side Russian leg sweep, a big chop, and the Boom Drop.  He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Sheamus bails to the apron and pulls Kofi’s neck across the top rope.  Kofi fights out of the Irish Curse and hits the S.O.S. for 2.  They go outside and Kofi hits a clothesline off the steps.  Sheamus kicks the steps into Kofi’s leg.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the brogue kick for the pin in 5:16.  It was okay.

They show the recent happenings with Kane, The Big Show, and The Corre.

The Big Show and Kane chat backstage.  Show wants to bury the hatchet and win the tag titles.  Kane goozles him.  Show goozles Kane back.  They break their goozles.  Kane says “You complete me.”  I’m confused.

Trent Barreta vs. Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes has new music, a towel over his head, and is still wrestling in his suit.  Rhodes beats up Barreta and heatbutts him with the face mask for the pin in 48 seconds.  Well… there ya go.

They show Alberto Del Rio injuring Christian back in September.  They meet in a cage TONIGHT!

Kansas City!

Replay of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Layla in action next.  Ugh.

Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly.  McCool on commentary does not make this better.  They shove each other.  Kelly rams Layla’s face into the turnbuckle, then stomps on her.  Kelly  does a tarantula headscissors thing, then hits a Lou Thesz press.  Kelly hits an X-Factor for 2.  Kelly goes for the handspring to the corner, but Layla dropkicks her.  Kelly rams Layla’s head into the mat, then gets on her shoulders, then falls off, then dropkicks her.  Kelly goes up top, but McCool yells at her.  Layla pulls her down and pins her in 2:05.  This was terrible.

Tag titles are NEXT!

Sin Cara vignette.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre vs. The Big Show & Kane.  Kane beats up Gabriel.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Gabriel flips over Kane’s back and tags in Slater, who promptly gets beaten up by Kane.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Slater takes out Kane’s leg.  The Corre go to work on it.  Gabriel dives at Kane, but gets caught with an uppercut.  Show tags in and runs wild on Slater.  Show hits the chokeslam  on Slater.  Gabriel pulls the referee out of the ring to cause the DQ in 3:03.  Kane throws Gabriel into the ring.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson appear and attack Show and Kane.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Show.  Kane tries to fight back, but gets beaten down as well.  Show tries to make the save, but gets beaten down again.  The Corre put one section of steps on top of Kane and hit it with the other one.  Jackson and Barrett drop Show on the announce table, which awkwardly doesn’t break.

Todd Grisham, who is still employed, interviews Alberto Del Rio, who is not an animal.

Jack Swagger vs. Chris Masters.  Jobber entrance for Masters, who I’m sure will be doing the job.  They show Swagger and Cole beating up Jim Ross on Raw.  Swagger beats up Masters while Cole practically masturbates at ringside.  Masters hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters goes for the Master Lock, but Swagger backs him into the corner and goes for the ankle lock.  Masters kicks Swagger out of the ring.  Swagger rams Master’s ankle into the post, then locks in the ankle lock for the win 1:56.  Well, that’s done.  Cole gets in the ring and puts Masters in the ankle lock and screams “COME ON LAWLER!” repeatedly.  I can not wait for Lawler to punch Cole in the face at WrestleMania.

Rey Mysterio is headed our way.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  2 Raw guys on the show for no apparent reason.  Mysterio slides under Dibiase, but Dibiase pounces and pounds on him.  Rey sends Dibiase into the turnbuckles, then dives off the top.  Dibiase meets him with a dropkick for 2.  Rey goes for a rana, flips out, lands on his feet, and eats a clothesline.  Cover gets 2 for Dibiase.  Dibiase applies a chin lock.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker.  Mysterio goes to the apron and goes for a springboard something.  Mysterio ends up planting Dibiase with a DDT.  Dibiase hits a weird reverse powerbomb for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Mysterio counters it.  Mysterio hits the 619 and the diving splash for the pin in 3:35.  This felt way longer than 3:35.  I wasn’t into it.

They show Christian returning at Elimination Chamber to save Edge from Alberto Del Rio.  They meet in a cage TONIGHT~!

WrestleMania hype.

The cage is being lowered.  The main event is NEXT!

I’m watching the UK version of Smackdown, which includes a random “From The Vault” with part of a Triple H & Undertaker vs. Edge & Big Show match.  Jim Ross and Tazz are the announcers, so this must be from 2008 or 2009.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Steel Cage Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian.  They tear into each other immediately, which is the way and grudge match in a steel cage should start.  Del Rio counters the Killswitch and sends Christian to the corner, then clotheslines him.  Christian reverses Del Rio’s whip and Del Rio climbs up the cage.  Christian follows and they fight on the top rope.  Del Rio either goes for a German suplex or some prison rape.  Christian avoids both unpleasant fates, but does suffer a top rope Samoan Drop that looked like it sucked for both guys.  Insta-commercials.  Don’t try this at home!  Del Rio kicks Christian in the face and stomps on him.  Del Rio telegraphs a back body drop and gets kicked in the face, but avoids a charge and throws Christian into the cage, then pushes Christian’s face into the fence with his foot.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio tries to climb out of the cage, but Christian pulls him down by the foot.  Del Rio kicks Christian in the leg, then tries to harpoon him into the cage.  Christian saves himself with his hands, then hits a reverse DDT for 2.  Christian beats up Del Rio and launches him into the cage.  Cover gets 2.  Christian tries to get out through the door, but Del Rio prevents it.  Christian tries to climb out of the cage.  Del Rio tries to prevent that, gets knocked down with an elbow, then jumps up to the top rope and drops Christian with an enzuigi for 2.  Del Rio tries to get out through the door, but Christian isn’t having that shit.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special, but Christian counters and hits the Killswitch for 2.  Christian climbs again.  Del Rio pulls him down and beats him up against the cage.  Del Rio climbs to the top of the cage.  Christian joins him.  They fight on top of the cage.  Del Rio rams Christian’s face into the steel.  He starts to go down the side, but Christian climbs on his back.  They fight, and Del Rio knocks Christian to the floor.  Christian wins the match (9:36 shown).  Good match.  Del Rio attacks Christian afterward and says he’s going to destroy him with a chair.  Edge appears in Del Rio’s entrance car and honks the horn to get Del Rio’s attention.  Edge teases vandalizing the car.  Del Rio begs him not to.  Brodus Clay appears and attacks Edge, putting him down with a chair shot.  Del Rio delivers a con-chair-to to Edge’s arm.

Besides the opener and the main event, this show was pretty lame.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/11/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are TAPED from Houston!  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Booker T are the announcers.  Triple H will be here tonight.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out.  They show the contract signing and brawl with Alberto Del Rio last week, with Christian making the save for Edge and beating the piss out of Del Rio.  Edge says he wants to fight Del Rio tonight.  Alberto Del Rio and Brodus Clay come out.  Del Rio and Edge talk shit to each other.  Edge attacks them both.  That’s stupid, because there are two of them, and they quickly overcome Edge and put a beating on him.  Christian makes the save.  Big Brodus Clay drops him too.  Referees come out to break it up.  Teddy Long comes out and books a tag match with Del Rio & Clay against the 7-time Tag Team Champions, Edge & Christian!

Michael Cole says he’s going to interview John Cena tonight.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Kane comes out.  They show the stuff with Kane, Big Show, and The Corre from last week.  Wade Barrett comes out and cuts a promo on him.

Kane vs. Wade Barrett.  Barrett goes on the attack.  Kane rallies and beats up Barrett.  The rest of The Corre hit the ring to cause the DQ in 42 seconds.  The Big Show makes the save with a steel chair.  Insta-commercials.

The Big Show & Kane vs. Wade Barrett & WWE Tag Team Champion Heath Slater of The Corre.  JIP.  Show beats up Slater.  Barrett tags in.  Show beats him up too.  Barrett counters the choke slam and chop blocks Show’s knee, then drops him with a big boot and stomps on him.  Slater tags in to continue the work.  Show stands up with Slater on his back and drops him.  Kane gets the tag and hits Slater with the diving lariat.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam, then knocks Barrett off the apron.  Kane hits a big boot and goes for the chokeslam.  Gabriel and Zeke run in to cause the DQ again (3:19 shown).  Big Show cleans house with a chair, then hits Kane with it for good measure because of what happened last week.

Rey Mysterio is backstage getting ready for action.

From Raw: Michael Cole introduces John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin signed on for the job instead!

Tonight, Edge & Christian vs. Del Rio & Clay!

Cody Rhodes is headed our way!

From Smackdown 2 weeks ago: Cody & Dusty Rhodes set up Rey Mysterio!

Cody Rhodes vs. JTG.  Rhodes wrestles in his suit for some damn reason.  Maybe the airline lost his gear.  He attacks JTG and beats the hell out of him.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 52 seconds.  SQUASH.

From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker.

Tonight, Triple H responds to The Undertaker!  Next, Cole interviews John Cena!

Houston!

Michael Cole interviews John Cena in the ring.  The show WWE Champion The Miz attacking Cena on Raw.  Cena tells Cole to shut up, then cuts a promo on Miz.  He says he’s done with the BS with The Rock and he’s going to focus on Miz.  He goes to leave, but Cole says he’s not done.  He talks about how gay he is for Miz.  Cena goes to kick his ass.  Jack Swagger hits the ring and attacks Cena, with Cole cheering him on.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Cena kicks him out of the ring and picks Cole up for the Attitude Adjusment.  Swagger saves him and takes it himself.

Tonight, Edge & Christian vs. Del Rio & Clay!

Sin Cara vignette.

Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kaitlyn.  “Shucky ducky quack quack,” Booker T says.  I have no fucking clue.  I can make a good guess about how awful this match will be.  They lock up.  Kaitlyn shoves Layla, then pulls her off the ropes onto her back.  McCool gets on the apron.  Kaitlyn tussles with her.  Layla lands a kick and hits the Lay Out for the pin in 55 seconds.  Thank God.  They beat up Kaitlyn after the match.

Mysterio in action next.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Cole is back on commentary.  Ugh.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Drew McIntyre.  McIntyre boots Mysterio in the face early and keeps the heat going for a bit.  Mysterio hits a headscissors and goes for the 619.  McIntyre bails.  Mysterio gives him a drop toe hold into the apron.  McIntyre sends Mysterio into the post, then gives him a sidewalk slam into the apron.  Insta-commercials.  McIntyre does a bow & arrow lock.  McIntyre tries to set up a superplex.  Mysterio knocks him down, hits the senton, then misses a high cross body.  McIntyre gets an Oklahoma Roll for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin (4:30 shown).  Good little match.  Cody Rhodes comes out.  He wants an answer to his WrestleMania challenge.  Mysterio agrees to the match.

Next, Triple H responds to The Undertaker!

Triple H comes to the ring and introduces a video package on himself.  He cuts a long promo about his match with the Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Over the years, it’s become habit for me to zone out when he talks.

Matt Striker interviews Christian.  Edge comes in.  The main event is NEXT!

Houston!

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Brodus Clay, who is already in the ring, and Alberto Del Rio, who comes out in his car.

Alberto Del Rio & Brodus Clay vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Christian.  Christian beats up Clay, who is a fucking awesome big man and sells like a big man should.  Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Del Rio distracts him.  Clay hits a fall away slam.  On the outside, Del Rio sends Christian into the barricade.  Edge chases Del Rio, who bails into the crowd.  Clay hits an elbow drop on Christian for 2.  Clay slams Christian and tags in Del Rio.  Del Rio hits like a running stomp for 2.  Del Rio works Christian’s arm for a while.  Christian hits the diving European uppercut.  Clay and Edge tag in.  CLay catches a cross body and powerslams Edge for 2.  Edge gives Clay a drop toe hold into the bottom turnbuckle, knocks Del Rio off the apron, and goes for the spear.  Clay catches him with a clothesline, then sets him in the corner and goes for a running ass.  Edge avoids it.  Del Rio attack Edge.  Christian attacks Del Rio and backdrops him to the floor.  Christian plants Clay with a tornado DDT.  Edge comes off the top with a diving elbow drop on Clay for the pin in 5:49.  Very fun match.  Brodus Clay is wildly entertaining.

Besides the matches being really short, this was a pretty fun show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/4/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Chui

Recap of last week’s happenings.  Tonight, the contract signing for Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio at WrestleMania!

Smackdown open.  We are TAPED from Cleveland, Ohio.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Booker T are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.  Tonight, The Undertaker returns to Smackdown!

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about Alberto Del Rio.  He talks about how happy he is to be rid of Vickie Guerrero.  Drew McIntyre hits the ring and brawls with Edge.  Edge sends him to the floor.  Teddy Long comes out and thanks McIntyre for losing, causing Vickie to be fired.  He books Edge vs. McIntyre for right now.  Edge gets the crowd to chant “Thank you, Drew.”  Commercials.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Drew McIntyre.  Edge goes on the attack.  McIntyre gets the advantage and beats up Edge.  McIntyre works Edge’s injured arm.  McIntyre drops Edge with a big boot and sends him to the floor, then rams the injured arm into the announce table.  McIntyre yells that he’s going to end Edge’s career.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre rips the tape off of Edge’s injured elbow and further abuses it.  Edge back body drops McIntyre on the floor.  Back inside, Edge goes up top and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge hits the spear, then pulls McIntyre up at 2.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator for the submission in 5:20.  Fine little match.

Tonight, Big Show vs. Kane!  The Undertaker!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Cody Rhodes comes out to Rey Mysterio’s music wearing the mask he stole last week.  They show the ambush Cody and Dusty Rhodes set up against Mysterio last week.  Rhodes cuts a good promo and challenges Mysterio to a match at WrestleMania.

Kane encounters The Corre backstage.  They offer their help against Show tonight.

The Corre defend the tag titles against Santino & Kozlov NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino and Gabriel dance around, then lock up.  Santino throws Gabriel around.  Kozlov tags in and goes maulin’.  Santino and Kozlov clear the ring.  Commercials.  Kozlov has Slater in a headlock.  That’s odd.  The Corre cut Kozlov off.  Barrett gets in a cheap shot.  The Corre get the heat on Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  Barrett gets on the ring and takes the bullet.  Slater hits Santino with a reverse DDT for the pin in 7:29.  Meh.  The Corre celebrate.

Christian returns next week!  They show the attack by Alberto Del Rio that injured him last year and Christian’s return attack on Del Rio at Elimination Chamber.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez are backstage.  Someone is painting a portrait of Del Rio.

Up next, The Undertaker!  Commercials!

They show Triple H’s promo on Undertaker from Raw.

The Undertaker comes out to “Ain’t No Grave” by Johnny Cash, wish is an awesome choice for entrance music.  He talks about facing Triple H at WrestleMania.  Fine promo.

Tonight, the contract signing!  Kane vs. Show!  Commercials!

Cleveland!

Sin Cara is coming to WWE!

Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendez vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  They show the bickering between LayCool last week.  Beth and McCool lock up.  Beth attacks McCool’s allegedly injured foot.  Rosa tags in and does the same.  Layla tags in.  Rosa throws her down some, then swings at McCool.  Layla beats up Rosa.  McCool tags in and shoves Layla, then beats up Rosa.  Layla and Beth tag in.  Beth runs wild and hits a powerslam.  McCool saves.  The referee gets distracted by Rosa.  McCool kicks Beth with her loaded boot for the pin in 2:19.  This sucked.

Next, Show vs. Kane, which will also suck.  Commercials.

The Big Show vs. Kane.  They show Show fighting off The Corre last week.  Kane and Show brawl.  Double clothesline spot.  The Corre come out.  Barrett throws Kane a chair.  Kane hits Show with it to cause the DQ in 1:14.  The Corre attack Show.  Kane hammers Gabriel with the chair.  The Corre bail.  At least this was short.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Replay of Shawn Michaels speaking on the Undertaker/Triple H match.

Jack Swagger comes out.  They show Swagger attacking Jerry Lawler on Raw.  Cole gets in the ring to babble for a while.  He hypes his mystery guest referee and insults Cleveland.  Commercials.

Jack Swagger vs. JTG.  Swagger takes JTG down and humps him or something.  Cole is babbling a mile a minute.  Matthews and Booker look like they want to die.  Swagger hits some Vader Bombs and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 1:06.  Cole is so excited he humps the announce table.  He gets in the ring to hug Swagger.  I imagine Cole will obey Swagger’s music and “get down on his knees” to suck Swagger’s cock.

Video of the Rock/John Cena shit talking.

Edge is talking backstage.  He defaces Del Rio’s portrait, then kicks the painter in the ass.  Commercials.

Teddy Long is in the ring for the contract signing.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio has Ricardo sing the Mexican National Anthem.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts.  They banter for a while and sign the contract.  Teddy scampers out of the ring just before Edge and Del Rio start brawling.  Edge hits the Edgecution and goes for the spear.  Ricardo grabs his leg.  Del Rio beats up Edge and puts him in the cross armbreaker for a moment, then throws him to the floor and sends his injured arm into the barricade.  Del Rio puts a chair around Edge’s arm.  Christian makes the save and kicks Del Rio’s ass.  Del Rio tries to run away, but Christian chases him down and kicks his ass some more.  Referees break it up.

Okayish show.