Archive for Pee Wee Herman

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to cut a promo.  He says if John Cena is going to screw him at Survivor Series, he wants Cena to tell him to his face.  John Cena comes out and talks about his plight.  Orton says Cena is a PHONY if he screws Orton at Survivor Series.  They bicker for a while and talk shit about Wade Barrett.  The Nexus come out.  They’re back up to 7 members: Cena, Barrett, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Husky Harris, and WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater.  Barrett says Cena will raise his hand as WWE Champion at Survivor Series.  Cena and Barrett banter.  Cena says either way, at Survivor Series, he’s gonna beat the hell out of Barrett.  Orton talks some smack to Barrett as well and challenges him to come to the ring.  Barrett starts walking.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, which books Barrett & a partner of his choice vs. Orton & a partner of his choice with Cena as the referee for TONIGHT!  Commercials! plug.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Slater and Kidd start.  Kidd cranks on his arm.  Smith tags in and continues the arm work.  Smith hits a long stalling suplex for 2.  Gabriel tags in and beats up Smith.  They make quick tags and work over Smith.  Kidd gets the tag and runs wild.  Kidd hits Gabriel with the spinning fisherman suplex for 2.  Slater saves.  Smith throws Slater out and beats him up.  Kidd sends Gabriel outside.  Slater pushes Smith into Gabriel.  Kidd accidentally hits Smith with a dive.  Back inside, Gabriel drops Kidd with a kick and hits the 450 splash for the pin in 3:52.  Fine little match.  This isn’t going to help the dissension between the Harts!

John Cena is sulking in the locker room.  R-Truth comes in to chat with him.  He wants to know what Cena is going to do at Survivor Series.  Cena says he doesn’t know.  Truth is annoyed.  Cena leaves.  Commercials.

Tonight’s guest star is Pee Wee Herman!

Sheamus comes out.  They show him losing in ridiculous fashion to Santino Marella last week.  Sheamus cuts a promo and challenges him to a rematch.  Santino comes out and says he went trick or treating as Sheamus and he can’t wrestle tonight because he ate too much candy.  He introduces his replacement, Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov says “Sheamus, you talk funny!  Now, I crush you!”

Sheamus vs. Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella).  They lock up.  Kozlov takes Sheamus down.  Sheamus fights back and hits a reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Kozlov hits the double underhook headbutts and a big boot.  Cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Sheamus hits the Polish hammer and the pump kick for the pin in 1:44.  Not a bad little >2 minute matches.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Sheamus steps on his hand.  Sheamus stalks Santino.  Santino offers him money, his credit card, and a check.  Sheamus shoves him, then goes for Razor’s Edge on the stage.  John Morrison appears and makes the save.  Santino celebrates still being alive.  Fun segment.

R-Truth tells Randy Orton that he thinks John Cena is going to fuck him.  Orton seems unsurprised.  Truth is an idiot.  Orton invites Truth to be his partner tonight.  Truth agrees.  Commercials.

Mark Henry is on the phone with Pee Wee Herman.  Except they’re standing right next to each other.  Henry is upset about Evan Bourne being out.  Herman is upset about a splinter he got recently.  Henry wants a tag team partner and a hug.  He squeezes Herman to hard.  Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Melina, and Henry play Twister.  Herman rants about something.  Lita randomly appears and knocks over the goofs playing Twister.  The fuck?  Commercials.

WWE loves the troops!

Zack Ryder vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Ryder goes on the attack.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits a press slam.  Ryder tries to fight back.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 42 seconds.  Yay for Zeke squashing geeks!

Tonight, Orton & R-Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee!

Pee Wee Herman is up next!  Commercials.

Pee Wee Herman comes out.  He says the secret word for tonight is “ring.”  When someone says it, a bell will go off.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  I’ve never been so happy to see The Miz.  Miz insults Herman.  Herman makes 1st grade comebacks.  Miz says “ring” and the bell goes off.  Riley explains the secret word.  Miz says “ring” again.  Herman mimicks both of them.  The stupidity continues.  Herman says his “cousin” is here.  Miz tells him to bring it on.  The Big Show comes out dressed as Pee Wee Herman.   Show throws Miz and Riley out of the ring.  Herman says “ring,” so the stupid bell rings again.  iBooker sends an email.  I’ve never been so happy about that.  It books Miz vs. “The Big Pee Wee.”  Show and Herman dance.  Silliness.  Just, silliness.  Commercials.

The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. The Big Show.  Show beats up Miz.  Miz bails.  Miz comes back in.  Show beats him up some more.  Show squashes Miz with an elbow drop for 2.  Miz kicks at Show’s leg and punches him, trying to get him down.  He finally drops Show with a dropkick to the knees.  Cole and Riley miz in their pants over Miz getting the advantage.  Show stands up with Miz on his back, falls back, and squashes him.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb, but Miz moves to avoid certain death.  Miz covers for 1.  Show throws him off.  Miz puts the boots to Show.  Miz hits a diving axe handle smash.  Make that 2.  The third one drops Show.  Cover gets 2.  Show makes his comeback.  Show goes for the Ho Train, but Miz avoids it.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Riley gets on the apron.  Show sends Miz into him.  Miz gets a hold of the Money In The Bank briefcase and hits Show with it to get himself DQ’d in 6:49.  Not a bad little match.

Stand up for WWE!

Wade Barrett orders John Cena to clean his locker room and give him a bath after the match tonight.  That’s just weird.  Barrett leaves.  David Otunga comes in and says he’ll be the one who wins tonight because he’s more talented than everyone.  What’s Otunga’s talent?  It damn sure isn’t pro wrestling.  Commercials.

Goldust and Aksana get hitched tomorrow night on NXT!

Non-Title: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Bryan lands some kicks.  Dibiase catches Bryan with a knee lift and beats him up.  Dibiase whips Bryan hard into the corner.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chants.  Bryan fights back, tries to go up top, and takes a bump to the floor.  Back inside, Dibiase pounds on Bryan.  Dibiase is bringing it with the intensity tonight.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Bryan gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan gets an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Bryan flips over Dibiase in the corner and hits his clothesline.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Dibiase some more.  Dibiase catches him with a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Bryan counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 3:43.  Good little TV match.  Dibiase wines to Maryse about not having his Million Dollar belt.

Orton & Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to make me wish I was deaf.  They say Natalya can have another title shot at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya hits a fireman carry into an armbar.  McCool counters into a body scissors.  Natalya escapes and drops McCool face first.  Natalya goes to the second rope and gets pulled down.  Cover gets 2.  McCool beats up Natalya.  McCool applies a body scissors for about 3 days.  Natalya escapes and fights back.  McCool hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool bails.  Hijinks ensue until LayCool knock into each other.  McCool accidentally kicks Layla in the face.  Natalya schoolgirls McCool for the pin in 3:21.  Meh.

Somewhere in a hospital room, Vince McMahon is on a coma.  Really?  Commercials.

The “doctor” talks to a comatose Vince McMahon.  He mentions that Linda has spent $50 Million on this stupid election, which wakes Vince up from his coma.  Vince says he hates politics, but as long as things are okay in WWE… The doctor tells him Undertaker has been buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, John Cena is a member of Nexus, Paul Bearer is back, Goldust is getting married, and Pee Wee Herman has taken over Raw.  Vince says “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is Daniel Bryan is United States Champion?”  Vince gets up to go to the bathroom and says he might run for president.  He goes to the bathroom and we see he has one of Linda’s opponents’ campaign things on his ass.  Then we see Stephanie McMahon waking up and realizing THAT THE SEGMENT WE JUST SAW WAS HER DREAMING.  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?  THIS IS TNA LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  THIS IS WCW 1999/2000 LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  WHAT THE FUCK?

Long Island.  Fucking retarded WWE.

John Cena comes out in referee garb.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Wade Barrett & David Otunga vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton & R-Truth.  John Cena is the guest referee.  Orton and Otunga lock up.  Otunga stomps Orton in the corner.  Cena gives him the five count.  Orton beats up Otunga.  Barrett tags in and gets caught with a clothesline by Orton.  Orton beats up Barrett.  Orton gives Cena the five count in the corner.  Orton argues with him.  Barett schoolboys Orton for 2.  Orton stupidly goes to argue with Cena again.  Barrett attacks him from behind.  Otunga tags in, gets beaten up, and bails.  Orton follows and beats him up outside.  Otunga reverses Orton into the steps.  Otunga throws Orton back in and covers for 2.  Barrett tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton hits Barrett with a backdrop suplex.  Otunga and Truth tag in.  Truth runs wild on his NXT Season 1 rookie.  Truth hits his dancing kick for 2.  Barrett blind tags himself in and hits Truth with a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Truth avoids it.  Orton gets the hot tag… but Cena was distracted by Otunga!  They argue about whether or not a tag was made while Barrett and Otunga beat up Truth.  Truth continues to play face in peril.  Otunga and Truth cross body each other.  I swear, that’s the new double clothesline spot.  Barrett tags in, but Cena was distracted by Orton!  Orton hits the RKO on Otunga as Cena holds Barrett back.  Truth gets the pin on Otunga in 8:49.  Alright match.  Barrett bitches at Cena.  Cena says he called it right down the middle!  Orton holds the belt and glares at Barrett.

This show was about half decent and half stupid shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 10/25/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Green Bay!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Nexus come out: Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions John Cena & David Otunga.  Barrett introduces all of them.  They show photos of the Nexus interfering in the Buried Alive Match last night.  Barrett says their motives are none of our business.  He orders Cena to explain what happened in the WWE Title match.  Cena explains that he helped Barrett win by DQ because he was about to get beat.  They bicker about specifics.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  It announces Randy Orton vs. any member of Nexus for tonight, with the winner getting to pick the referee for the Barrett/Orton rematch at Survivor Series.  Barrett says it will be Cena.  Cena/Orton round 32,000.  Joy.  Otunga bitches about Cena winning the tag titles for them last night.  Barrett says since they can’t get along, they’ll defend the titles against Gabriel and Slater.  He calls for a referee.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: John Cena & David Otunga (c) of the Nexus vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of the Nexus.  Barrett says the Nexus doesn’t fight amongst itself, so somebody has to lie down.  He orders Otunga to do the job.  Otunga complains, tags in, and sulks for a while.  He finally lays down.  Slater pins him in 2:50 to win the titles.  Way to bury the titles.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton.  Joy.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last Monday, Daniel Bryan locked Dolph Ziggler in the LeBell Lock!

Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlyn come out, just to make sure I don’t start to enjoy this show.  Vickie says Dolph got screwed by the referee, but tonight he will correct Smackdown’s one Bragging Rights blemish.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Kaitlyn) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  CM Punk comes out to do commentary.  Ziggler takes Bryan down, then gets up.  Bryan tries to sucker him into getting on the ground with him, but Ziggler wants none of that.  Bryan hits Ziggler with a running kick, then does the ROCKING SURFBOARD!  Ziggler beats up Bryan and does a sweet cradle for 2.  Bryan lands a dropkick for 2.  Bryan sends Ziggler outside lands a tope suicida!  Commercials!  Boo commercials!  Why can’t we save the commercials for matches that suck?  Bryan is still rolling, hitting a lariat and a dropkick for 2.  Bryan hits a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Ziggler reaches the ropes.  Bryan hits a Frankensteiner off the top rope!  Ziggler rolls through for 2!  Ziggler ducks a Buzzsaw kick and goes for the sleeper hold.  Bryan escapes, but Ziggler hits a superkick for 2.  Bryan avoids the Fameasser and goes for a cradle.  Ziggler cuts it back for 2.  They trade shots from their knees, then on their feet.  Ziggler hits a reverse powerslam for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper again.  Bryan counters into the LeBell Lock.  Vickie pulls Ziggler’s foot under the bottom rope, but the referee doesn’t see it.  Ziggler taps in 11:03.  Really good match.  Ziggler tries to jump Bryan from behind, but Bryan catches him first, so he runs away. plug.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton #489034.  Commercials.

Green Bay!

Green Bay Packers!

WWE encourages kids to read!

The Bella Twins give Toby Keith some kind of toy WWE title belt.  Santino Marella comes in dressed like a sheriff and sings horribly.  Sheamus comes in, insults Santino, and challenges him to a match tonight.  Santino agrees.

John Cena yells at Wade Barrett about the bullshit from earlier.  Barrett says he’s the boss.  Cena bitches about having to be Barrett’s bitch.  Barrett says if Cena beats Orton tonight, he’ll make Cena an offer he can’t refuse.  Commercials.

Last week, LayCool dressed up as members of the Hart Family and were obnoxious.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Melina & Gail Kim.  Melina runs wild on Layla.  Stupid hair takedown thing gets 2.  Layla kicks her in the face, then decks Gail on the apron.  Layla and Melina cross body each other.  McCool tags in and kicks Melina in the head for the pin in 1:04.  Garbage.  Pointless garbage.

The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz bitches about how the Raw team lost last night.  They show the cover of Smackdown vs. Raw 2011, which features Miz.  He blames everyone but himself for losing and challenge Rey Mysterio to face him on Raw next week.  Eve Torres comes out.  Miz talks shit about R-Truth.  Eve insults Miz a loser (with lots of adjectives).  Miz insults the Packers.  They go back and forth some more.  This is stupid.  Miz says he wants to fight a member of the Raw team.  R-Truth comes out.  Eve dances, so that’s a win.  Truth babbles some.  The iBooker 9000 sends an email that says “ding, ding, ding.”  The bell rings.

The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Truth beats up Miz.  He hits a hip toss, then clotheslines Miz out of the ring.  Commercials.  See, THIS is when we need a long commercial break.  Too soon, Miz covers for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz hits a clothesline, then beats on Truth.  Miz beats up Truth for a while.  Truth slaps Miz a bunch, then makes his comeback.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Miz goes for his finish, but Truth turns it into kind of a backpack stunner for 2.  Truth sends Miz outside into the announce table.  Truth throws Miz back in the ring.  Riley cheap shots Miz.  Eve slaps Riley.  Miz tries to suplex Truth back in the ring, but Truth lands on his feet.  Something happens to Riley.  Truth gets a cradle for 2.  Miz avoids the scissors kick and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 10:26.  Okay match I guess, it just didn’t excite me.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton.  Commercials.

Guest star Toby Keith comes out, escorted by the Bella Twins.  Keith sucks up to the crowd, then plays ring announcer for the next match.

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella.  Santino is scared, but Keith psyches him up.  Santino tries a hip toss, but Sheamus blocks in and mauls him.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Santino just falls.  Sheamus calls for him to get up.  John Morrison randomly comes out to encourage Santino.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Santino falls down again.  Sheamus and Morrison argue.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick in the corner, but Morrison trips Santino to save him.  Santino kind of falls on top of Sheamus for the pin in 1:43.  Santino pinned Sheamus.  The fuck?  Commercials.

Green Bay!

Stand up for WWE!

Wade Barrett congratulates the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions, Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater.  David Otunga comes in.  He wants to cry to Wade Barrett… ALONE!  So he does.  Otunga says he made Barrett lay down because he’s jealous that he won gold and Barrett didn’t.  Otunga threatens to tell people why they attacked Undertaker.  Barrett calls in Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris and says their officially in Nexus.  He implies that Otunga can get his ass in line or get it kicked.  Otunga says he’s Nexus.

Cena vs. Orton is NEXT!  Commercials.

Next week’s guest star is Pee Wee Herman.  Really?

Non-Title: John Cena (w/ Wade Barrett) vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton.  They look at each other for a while, then lock up.  Cena grabs a side headlock.  Orton drops Cena with a shoulder block.  Cena grabs the side headlock again.  This time, Cena hits the shoulder block.  Cena goes for a bulldog headlock, but Orton pushes him away.  Orton stomps on Cena.  Cena fights back.  Orton avoids a shoulder block and Cena sails out of the ring.  Orton stalks Cena.  Barrett stalks Orton.  Orton decks Barrett.  Commercials.  Orton has Cena in a rear chin lock.  SHOCK!  Cena powers out.  DOUBLE SHOCK!  Cena goes for the AA, which is easier to type than Attitude Adjustment.  Orton counters into a DDT for 2.  Orton beats up Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the AA.  Orton counters and goes for the RKO.  Cena counters and goes for the STF.  Orton counters and makes his comeback.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Cena backdrops him out of the ring.  Barrett tries to fuck with Orton, but Cena shoulder blocks him.  Cena says he has this shit.  Apparently he doesn’t, because Orton starts kicking his ass.  Cena reverses Orton into the barricade.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Orton counters the AA yet again and pulls Cena’s head across the top rope.  Cena locks Orton in the STF.  Barrett pulls the bottom rope away so Orton can’t reach it.  Cena releases the hold to bitch at Barrett.  Cena comes back in.  Orton dropkicks him to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Cena counters the RKO and hits the AA for the pi…2!  Orton kicks out!  Cena picks Orton up.  Orton hits the RKO.  Cena rolls out of the ring.  Orton puts him back in.  Orton goes for the PUNT, but Barrett pulls Cena out of the ring and clotheslines him to cause the DQ in 15:36.  Cena wins!  Orton beats the shit out of Barrett!  The rest of Nexus run out and maul Orton!  Cena makes the save.  Barrett orders him to stop and orders Nexus out of the ring.  Barrett says Cena will be the referee of the match at Survivor Series.  If Barrett doesn’t win the title, Cena is fired.  If he does win the title, Cena can leave Nexus.  CONFLICT!  The match was pretty good.

The good stuff was good, but there was a lot of stupid crap on this show.