Archive for Paul Bearer

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, pryo and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.  Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez are the Spanish announcers.

They show the shenanigans leading up to Kane vs. Randy Orton involving their respective fathers, Paul Bearer and Bob Orton Jr.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Kane vs. Randy Orton.  They brawl.  Orton gets punched off the top to the floor.  Cover on the floor gets 2.  Kane brings in a leg pipe.  Orton cuts him off and hits him with the pipe a few times, knocking him back to the floor on the last shot.  They fight in the crowd.  Orton knees Kane in the face for 2.  Kane slams Orton on the concrete for 2.  More crowd brawling.  They end up near the set.  Orton lands a dropkick for 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and boots Orton in the face for 2.  They brawl backstage.  They end up in a room with some geeks.  Zack Ryder attacks Kane, which only pisses him off.  Kane goozles Ryder, but Orton hits the 3.0 for 2.  Back into the hallway.  Kane throws something at Orton and covers for 2.  Back into the arena.  Back into the ring.  Orton drops Kane with a clothesline and hits a powerslam.  Orton retrieves a chair from underneath the ring and attacks Kane with it.  Back outside, where Orton clears off the announce table.  Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Orton prevents it.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER off the table to the floor!  Cover gets 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and sends Orton into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Back inside, Kane goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex.  Cover gets 2.  Orton humps the mat.  Kane hits the chokeslam, but Orton kicks out!  Kane bitches at the referee.  Kane goes for the Tombstone on the chair.  Orton counts out and hits the RKO sort of on the chair for the pin in 16:45.  Fun match.

John Laurinaitis and Eve Torres are backstage with the Raw Roulette wheel.  Teddy Long brings in champagne.  He’s being humiliated after he lost his GM job at WrestleMania.  Laurinaitis gets a phone call from Triple H.

Chicago!

“The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (w/ Hornswoggle, Cameron, & Naomi) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger).  They lock up.  Clay overpowers Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to take Clay down, but fails.  Swagger distracts Clay, allowing Ziggler to dropkick him out of the ring.  Ziggler distracts the referee while Swagger hits a shoulder block on the floor.  Back inside, Ziggler goes on the attack.  Clay goes for a knee lift, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 1.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Clay fights out.  Ziggler stays on the attack.  He goes for a suplex, but fails.  Clay throws him with a front suplex and makes his comeback.  Clay knocks Swagger on the apron.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but fails.  Clay hits a headbutt and a big splash for the pin in 4:18.  It was fine for what it was.

Earlier in the day, The Big Show and Cody Rhodes played Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal to determine the stipulation for their Intercontinental title match tonight.  It’s a Tables Match.

Lillian Garcia is the other ring announcer.

The show highlights of Show’s title victory over Rhodes at WrestleMania XXVIII.

Tables Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: The Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes.  Show beats up Rhodes.  Rhodes bails after taking a big back body drop.  Show sets up a table on the outside and picks up Rhodes.  Rhodes slips off and chop blocks Show’s knee.  Show rallies and continues to beat and toss Rhodes around.  Show throws Rhodes and a table in the ring.  He throws Rhodes at the table in the corner, but Rhodes rebounds off of it and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes charges, but Show shoulder blocks him.  Rhodes bails.  Show beats him up on the outside.  Show throws Rhodes back into the ring and gets in the apron.  Rhodes dropkicks Show, who steps through a table at ringside.  The referee rules Rhodes the winner in 4:35.  Stupid finish.  A pissed off Show drops Rhodes after the match, then chokeslams him through a table.  Crowd chants “One more time!”  Show press slams Rhodes out of the ring through another table.  Show leaves.  Rhodes is helped up and manages to hold up his belt while looking like he’s near tears.

Edge DVD plug.

Matt Striker interviews Daniel Bryan.  Will he become World Champion tonight?  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun interview.  He walks away and they show AJ sulking in the background.

Sheamus/Bryan hype video.

2/3 Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus is wearing a t-shirt with “18 seconds” written on it, the time in which he beat Bryan for the title at WrestleMania.  I timed it at 19 seconds, but that’s neither here nor there.  Sheamus grabs a headlock and lands a shoulder block.  They do a brief mat exchange.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Bryan avoids it.  Sheamus taunts Bryan with how close that was.  They trade arm locks.  Sheamus hits a Finlay Roll for 2.  For some reason, I don’t know the proper name for that move.  Sheamus rolls through a sunset flip and locks Bryan in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Bryan gets the ropes.  Sheamus goes for it again, but Bryan gets an inside cradle for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Bryan lands a lariat.  Sheamus rolls to the apron and Bryan dropkicks him to the floor.  Bryan dives off the apron, but Sheamus catches him and sends him into the barricade.  Back inside, Sheamus goes up top, but Bryan crotches him and goes on the attack.  Bryan goes to work on Sheamus’ shoulder.  They trade strikes.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  More arm and shoulder torture inflicted by Bryan.  Sheamus makes his comeback and beats up Bryan.  Sheamus hits a fall away slam for 2.  Bryan gets a schoolboy for 2.  Bryan goes for a top rope Frankensteiner, but Sheamus holds on, then hits Bryan with a diving shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bryan in from the apron, but Bryan lands on his feet, then low bridges Sheamus out of the ring on the other side.  He goes for a dive, but Sheamus nails him.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Bryan turns it into a cradle for 2.  Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, but Sheamus counters out repeatedly.  Bryan sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post repeatedly, then kicks the shit out of it while Sheamus is against the ropes.  This causes the referee to DQ Bryan, diving Sheamus the first fall at 14:30.  Bryan goes back on the attack and applies the Yes Lock.  Sheamus struggles, but goes out, and Bryan wins the second fall by referee stop at 16:39.  Bryan celebrates while the ringside doctor checks on Sheamus.  There are dueling “Yes!” and “No!” chants.  Sheamus tells the doctor he can continue.  Bryan charges Sheamus and eats a Brogue Kick.  Delayed cover gets 2.  They trade strikes.  Bryan lands a big kick to the head for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Sheamus cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Bryan fights him off  and goes for a diving headbutt.  Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus avoids Bryan in the corner and makes his comeback.  Sheamus lands another Brogue Kick for the pin in 22:55.  Very good match.

WWE YouTube channel plug.

Over the Limit commercial featuring Randy Orton.

Chicago!

Santino Marella is watching the monitor backstage.  2 jobbers are in the ring.  Great Khali comes over to watch too.

The jobbers are named Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton.  They cut a stupid promo about 2 being greater than one.

Handicap Match: Aaron Relic & Jay Hatton vs. Ryback.  There’s a smattering of “Goldberg!” chants.  The jobber with the ridiculous pants attacks Ryback to no avail.  Ryback kills him.  He orders the other jobber to tag in.  The fellow wisely demurs.  Ryback tosses him in anyway and kills him.  Ryback hits the second jobber with a backpack stunner.  Crowd chants “Finish him.”  Ryback kills ridiculous pants with sort of a Fisherman buster Samoan drop, then pins them both in 1:50.  Santino and Khali are impressed.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion CM Punk.  Tonight he faces Chris Jericho, who has been insulting his family, in a Chicago Street Fight.

Plug for the PPV theme song.

Punk/Jericho hype video.

Chicago Street Fight for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  This is Punk’s hometown, and members of his family are in the front row.  They brawl, because this is a street fight, see.  Punk throws some plunder into the ring.  He whacks Jericho with a Singapore cane.  Jericho drops Punk with a dropkick and gets hold of the cane.  He whacks Punk, then hits his trademark springboard dropkick to the apron, sending Punk to the floor.  Jericho beats up Punk on the outside.  Back inside, Jericho exposes a turnbuckle.  Punk fires back with chops.  Jericho avoids the running knee to the corner and Punk takes another spill outside.  Jericho beats up Punk right in front of his family.  He gets in Punk’s sister’s face and gets slapped.  Jericho lunges for her and Punk kicks his ass.  Punk slams Jericho through the announce table cover.  Punk goes for a piledriver, but Jericho back body drops him, then hits him with a monitor.  Jericho breaks the other announce table cover over Punk’s back.  Back inside, Jericho covers for 2.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Punk escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Punk pulls Jericho’s throat over the top rope and goes for his springboard lariat, but trips.  Jericho wails on him with the Singapore cane.  Jericho taunts Punk and gets caught with an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho responds with something that gets 2.  Jericho brings in a can of beer, which he pours on Punk.  He brings in another beer and starts drinking it.  Punk, meanwhile, starts kicking his ass.  Punk hits the running knee to the corner and the bulldog headlock, then pulls the Singapore cane into Jericho’s balls and signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Punk counters and hits a powerslam for 2.  Punk goes up top, but Jericho crotches him.  They fight on the top rope.  Punk sends Jericho to the mat with a Mongolian chop, then hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Jericho counts the Go 2 Sleep again and hits a bulldog.  He goes for the Lionsault, but Punk catches him, picks him up on h is shoulders, and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Jericho counters again and throws Punk into a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Jericho gets a schoolboy for 2.  Jericho catches Punk with the Codebreaker and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Punk manages to reach the ropes.  It’s a street fight, so the referee can’t force a break.  Punk somehow gets hold of a fire extinguisher and sprays Jericho with it to escape the hold.  Punk hits Jericho in the stomach with it and sends him to the floor.  Another shot to the gut followed by a kick to the head by Punk.  Jericho is on top of the Spanish announce table.  Punk goes to the top rope and hits the diving elbow through the table.  Punk throws Jericho back into the ring and covers for 2.  Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice.  Jericho whacks Punk with the Singapore cane to escape.  Punk hits Jericho with a chair.  Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker into the chair.  Cover only gets 2.  Jericho is getting frustrated.  He beats on Punk some more.  Jericho tries to give Punk the Go 2 Sleep, just to be a dick.  Punk catches Jericho’s leg and catapults  him into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 25:14.  This turned out to be a hell of a match.  Punk celebrates with his friends and family.

Don’t try this at home!

Earlier tonight on the pre-show, Santino Marella defeated The Miz with the Cobra to retain the United States Championship.

The Bella Twins and Beth Phoenix bicker backstage.  Eve Torres says Beth isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Whichever Bella is champion will now defend the title against a surprise opponent who isn’t Kharma.

The show Nikki Bella beating Beth for the Divas title last week on Raw after Beth injured her ankle.  The Bellas cut a promo.  The opponent is the returning Layla.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) (w/ Brie Bella) vs. Layla.  They lock up.  Lots of movement from Layla.  Brie trips Layla behind the ref’s back, allowing Nikki to get the advantage.  She DDTs Layla’s foot for 2.  I fucking hate that spot.  Layla gets an inside cradle for 1.  Nikki does whatever.  Layla hits a springboard cross body for 1, then knocks the other Bella off the apron.  Nikki gets the advantage.  Layla gets a wonky cradle.  Nikki counters.  The twins pull the switcheroo.  Brie goes for a facebuster, but Layla turns it into a hangman’s neckbreaker for the pin to win the title in 2:28.  This sucked.

Matt Striker asks John Laurinaitis what he and Triple H were talking about.  Johnny doesn’t tell him.

Chicago!

Lesnar/Cena hype video.

Extreme Rules Match: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena.  Lesnar takes Cena down and mauls him, then kills him with a lariat.  Cena is cut already.  The stop the match to check the cut.  I hate that shit, but I guess Brock is used to it now.  Cena charges Brock and gets taken down and mauled again.  Cena is sent outside.  He’s bleeding pretty bad.  Cena fights back as goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock will have none of that and gives him a couple of German suplexes.  Cena hits a shoulder block and knocks Brock into the referee.  The ref is dead, and Brock kills Cena some more.  Brock torments Cena’s arm with a Kimura, then tosses him from the ring again.  Brock follows Cena out and tortures his arm some more.  Back inside, Brock brings in Cena’s chain, then throws it aside because he’s Brock Lesnar and doesn’t need it.  He thinks again and uses it to chain Cena’s legs together.  Brock hangs Cena from the turnbuckle and massacres him for a while.  Cena gets loose and fights back until he’s thrown into the steps.  Brock throws the referee back into the ring and wakes him up.  Cena has the chain his hand, but Brock steps on it and takes it away.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock counters and hits the F-5, but kills the referee again in the process.  Another referee runs out, but the delay allows Cena to kick out.  Brock clotheslines the new referee.  Brock brings the steps into the ring.  Cena does his “you can’t see me” and first back.  Brock locks in a Kimura on top of the steps.  Cena manages to pick Brock up and slam him on the steps.  Cena goes for the diving Fameasser, but Brock avoids it.  Brock prances on top of the steps while Cena struggles his way back into the ring.  Cena makes it onto the apron and Brock launches himself at Cena, taking a bad tumble and injuring his knee in the process.  Brock gets up and laughs it off.  He charges Cena again, but Cena punches him with the chain.  Brock is bleeding now.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on the steps for the pin in 17:42.  Aside from the stupidity of putting Cena over in Brock’s first match back, this was awesome.

Cena takes the mic after the match and cuts a promo putting over Chicago.  He says he’s going home, which is a lie.

Good show.  There were a few really good matches.  The main event is soured by the stupidity of Brock losing so quickly.

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/17/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Edge comes out and cuts a promo.  They show a video recapping the WORST STORYLINE EVER between Edge, Kane, and Paul Bearer, complete with WACKY MUSIC~!  Edge wants to forget that it ever happened, and so do I, but what has been seen cannot be unseen.  Edge talks about what a dick Kane is, which somehow justifies Edge being a dick.  He’ll win the belt Sunday or whatever.

Video of The Miz on a talk show hosted by that idiot who was in that Taxi movie with Queen Latifah.

Tonight, The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio!  Commercials.

Edge talks to Teddy Long backstage.  They’re worried that Kane won’t show up for the PPV.  Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio come in and bicker about who should get a title shot.  Long adds Mysterio and Del Rio to the TLC Match at the PPV.  It’ll be a three-way or a four-way, depending on whether or not Kane shows up.

Kofi Kingston & Kaval vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Jack Swagger.  Swagger and Kaval lock up.  Swagger beats on him.  They’re in the corner, so the referee gets in the way.  Kaval goes for a handspring attack, but Swagger catches him.  Kaval lands a spin kick for 2.  Kaval ranas Swagger out of the ring.  Kofi throws Ziggler outside.  Kofi and Kaval hit stereo suicide dives.  Commercials.  Swagger cranks on Kaval’s shoulders and neck.  The heels used nefarious tactics to get the advantage during the break.  They get the heat on Kaval.  Kaval lands on on his feet from a German suplex and ALMOST makes the tag, but Swagger cuts him off, so they keep the heat going.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Kaval turns it into a sunset flip into a double stomp.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Ziggler ducks.  Kofi hits the S.O.S.  Swagger saves.  Kaval takes Swagger to the floor.  Ziggler gets a schoolboy.  Kofi rolls through and hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 10:54.  Good little tag match.  Swagger decks Ziggler after the match.  Vickie screams at him.  I wish he’d give her the Doctor Bomb.

Jack Korpela interviews WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  He’s on Smackdown because he’s super busy.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

JTG does a segment called “Str8 Outta Brooklyn” where he just talks about random shit.

Kelly Kelly and Kaitlyn talk while Kelly does her makeup.  Drew McIntyre hits on Kelly.  Kaitlyn blows him off for her.  That was pointless.

Speaking of pointless, we get more Cody Rhodes grooming tips.  Commercials.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Masters.  Rhodes shoves Masters, then covers his face.  Masters hits him in the back, then slaps him and beats on him.  Masters hits a press slam.  Masters hits corner punches.  Rhodes hot shots him into the top rope and hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 1:07.  That was abrupt.

Rey Mysterio is headed our way!  Commercials.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  They lock up.  Mysterio takes him down and goes for a sleeper.  Miz gets the ropes.  They lock up again.  Miz grabs a side head lock and hits a shoulder block.  Mysterio does the drop down, leapfrog, eat a clothesline bit.  Wait, that’s not how that usually goes, is it?  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio hits a flying headscissors, then stomps Miz in the corner and hits a running dropkick.  Mysterio goes up top.  Miz trips him.  Riley gets a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Miz hits a sliding dropkick on Mysterio against the post.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Mysterio gets out and eats a boot to the face.  Mysterio ducks a running kick and fights back.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Miz bails.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Riley helps Miz up, then takes Rey’s seated senton off the apron.  Miz boots Mysterio in the face.  Commercials.  Miz has Mysterio in the double arm pull into the knee thing.  Mysterio fights out.  Miz hits him with a modified uranage for 2.  Mysterio hits a spinning DDT and a rebound cross body for 2.  Miz ducks a Buzzsaw kick and sends Mysterio into the turnbuckles.  Miz hits the corner clothesline and goes up top.  Mysterio cuts him off and hits a top rope Frankensteiner!  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alex Riley gets on the apron.  Alberto Del Rio appears and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio dropkicks Del Rio through the ropes and goes for the diving splash on Miz.  Miz gets his knees up, then gets the pin 13:15.  Good match, much better than the Raw match, but with the same interference.  Del Rio attacks Mysterio.  Edge runs in for the save.  Edge and Mysterio fight off Miz and Del Rio.  Teddy Long comes out and books Miz & Del Rio vs. Edge & Mysterio for later tonight.  Damn, Mysterio and Miz just did an almost 15 minute match.  Commercials.

Smack of the Night: The Diva Battle Royal from Raw.

The Slammy Award winning and obnoxious Michelle McCool and Layla come out to be obnoxious… and Slammy Award winning.  They don’t want to do the match at the PPV.  WWE Divas Champion Natalya and Beth Phoenix bring out a gift wrapped table.  They banter.  LayCool are obnoxious some more.  Beth unwraps the table.  It has painting of LayCool as ugly witches.  They fight.  The heels escape getting put through the table… for now.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov are headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Tyler Reks.  Snatino grabs Reks in a side headlock.  Reks breaks free.  They shoulder block each other.  Neither fall, but Santino hurts himself and tags out.  Reks slams Kozlov.  Kozlov hits the battering ram headbutts.  Reks knocks him down and stomps on him.  Chavo tags himself in and hits a basement dropkick for 1.  Kozlov throws him off.  Kozlov hits a powerslam.  Santino tags in and hits Chavo with a judo throw for 2.  Chavo avoids the falling headbutt and beats on Santino.  Reks tags in and beats up Santino.  Cover gets 2.  Chavo tags in to keep the heat going.  He fails, as Santino immediately makes his comeback and makes the hot tag to Kozlov.  Chavo tries to cut him off, but Kozlov kicks his ass.  Chavo comes off the top, but Kozlov shoves him away, then pushes Reks off the apron.  Santino tags in and hits Chavo with the Cobra, followed by a schoolboy for the pin in 3:38.  Fun for what it was.

Tonight, Edge & Mysterio vs. Miz & Del Rio!  Commercials.

Ezekiel Jackson comes to Smackdown next week!  Why did they trade him to Raw in the first place then?

Raw Rebound.

TLC hype.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz and Edge lock up.  Edge grabs a side headlock and hits a shoulder block.  Edge takes Miz down with a headlock takeover.  Miz takes over and tags in Del Rio.  Del Rio hits a body slam for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Stuff happens.  Miz tags back in.  Mysterio tags in and double teams Miz with Edge.  Cover gets 2.  Miz avoids Mysterio in the corner and Mysterio spears the post.  Miz hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio tags in and keeps the heat on his enemy.  Mysterio takes his “sliding under the ropes to the floor” bump.  Del Rio puts the boots to him on the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Mysterio continues to play face in peril until he rolls through the (mandatory in every Mysterio match) sunset flip and lands a head kick on Del Rio.  Edge and Miz tag in.  Edge runs wild.  Edge goes for the spear.  Riley trips him.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Del Rio saves.  Cut the backstage, where Kane has killed people.  Mysterio hits the 619 on Del Rio.  Edge spears Miz.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and attacks Edge.  Del Rio attacks Mysterio.  Pretty much everyone comes out to break up the fight between Kane and Edge: Kaval, Kofi Kingston, Curt Hawkins, Trent Barreta, Drew McIntyre, JTG, Chris Masters, Dolph Ziggler, Vladimir Kozlov, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Jack Swagger, and Santino Marella.  Of course, Kane and Edge fight off the roster.  Kane chokeslams Barreta.  Edge spears Kane.  Fade to black.  I was digging this match until the non-finish.

Best Smackdown in many weeks.  By that I mean it was decent instead of fucking horrible.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/10/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of recent stupidity.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out to whine about Edge stealing his daddy.  Edge appears on the screen.  He has Paul Bearer in mortal peril as usual.  Edge wants to use Bearer for chair shot practice.  Edge hits Bearer in the back with a chair.  Kane runs to the back to find that Edge has Bearer set up for a one man conchairto.  Or so it seems.  Edge hits a fake Paul Bearer with a chair and runs away.  “Another dummy,” Kane says.  Whoever write this storyline is the dummy.  Kane sees Edge run away with the real Bearer off in the distance.  This is the worst storyline in the history of wrestling, television, literature, or anything else that has ever existed as a creative medium.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer for some reason.

Jack Swagger vs. Kaval.  Swagger wins the lock up and beats the crap out of Kaval.  Kaval rallies and hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval ends up on Swagger’s shoulders.  Swagger throws him off, injuring his leg.  Swagger attacks the leg.  Kaval fights out of a powerbomb attempt, then sells his ankle.  Kaval ducks a charing Swagger and lands a head kick.  Kaval tries to mount a comeback.  He lands a koppou kick and gets rolling.  Kaval avoids Swagger in the corner and hits a diving knee strike for 2.  Kaval tries to go up top, but his ankle is screwed.  Swagger takes out the ankle and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 5:26.  Good little match.  Swagger cuts a promo after the match, bitching about losing to Kofi Kingston last week.  They show the aforementioned loss.  He bitches about being in the ropes when he got hit with Kofi’s finish, so they’re pretending that shit matters this week.

Tale of the tape for Hornswoggle vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Are you fucking serious?  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Hornswoggle (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Rosa hands Hornswoggle a bag of bird seed.  Hornswoggl throws some around the ring.  The eagle goes for it.  Hornswoggle knocks it down, then tries to eat its leg.  Horswoggle rides the eagle, then slaps it, then runs into a big boot.  A big talon?  The eagle puts the talons to Hornswoggle.  The eagle misses the Ballin’ elbow.  Hornswoggle sits on it, then hits the tadpole splash for the pin in 2:21.  I cannot fucking believe I just reviewed that match.

Tonight, Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kane & Alberto Del Rio.  Commercials.

Backstage, Teddy Long congratulates the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino says they are both excited to be able to appear on Smackdown.  Kozlov says “More people for me to crush.”  Santino signs “We Are The Champions.”  Kozlov waves a cigarette lighter around.  Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in and challenges them to a match tonight.  Santino accepts.  Lots of Queen references.

Next, Dolph Ziggler defends the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston.

Kofi Kingston hype video.

Todd Grisham interviews WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  Commercials.

Vickie Guerrero’s introduction of Ziggler is the worse thing I’ve heard since I was forced to listen to Edgard Varese’s Electronic Poem.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Kofi gets a schoolboy for 1.  Kofi gets another cradle for 2.  Ziggler beats on Kofi.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and a dropkick, then a running elbow smash.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Ziggler bails.  Commercials.  Ziggler has Kofi in a chin lock.  He releases it and hits a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler applies a face lock.  Kofi fights out and catapults Ziggler into the turnbuckles.  Ziggler takes that better than anyone not named Curt Hennig.  Kofi makes h is comeback.  Ziggler counts the S.O.S.  Kofi keeps rolling anyway.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and a missile dropkick.  Vickie gets on the apron and makes an ungodly noise.  Kofi covers Ziggler for 2.  Ziggler cradles Kofi for 2.  Ziggler kicks Kofi in the chin.  They fight on the top rope.  Kofi knocks Ziggler down and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi goes for a suplex, but Ziggler counters and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Ziggler throws Kofi’s shoulder into the post.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Jack Swagger runs in and pulls Kofi off the cover to cause the DQ in 12:43.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Referees make him break.  Okay match.  I hate fuck finishes.

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril.  He warns Kane against approaching.  Kane does anyway.  Another mannequin takes a bump off of something high through a table.  Kane is pissed.  So am I.  This is the worst shit ever.  Commercials.

Chris Masters is in the ring to do the Master Lock Challenge.  “Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out to participate in this crap.  There’s a bell, so I guess this is supposed to be a match.

Master Lock Challenge: Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes wipes the chair down before sitting in it, then tries to make Masters do his nails.  Masters slaps him and orders him into the chair.  Rhodes gets mad that his faced was touched.  Masters grabs his face.  Rhodes throws a temper tantrum and looks in his jacket mirror.  Masters locks in the Master Lock for the win in 2:43.  Stupid crap.

Tonight, Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio.  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero Jr.  They show Santino & Kozlov beating The Nexus for the titles on Raw when John Cena provided the distraction.  Santino hits McIntyre with an arm drag.  McIntyre decks him.  Kozlov tags in and beats up McIntyre.  The referee gets in the way to let McIntyre get the advantage.  Kozlov quickly overcomes this brief inconvenience.  Chavo pulls Kozlov’s back across the ropes, then gets the tag and hits the Eddie hilo.  Chavo beats up Kozlov.  Santino gets the tag and runs wild on McIntyre.  McIntyre cuts him off and goes for the Future Shock.  Chavo tags himself in and goes for the frog splash.  Santino avoids it and hits the Cobra for the pin in 3:09.  Alright then.  McIntyre bitches at Chavo for being a failure, then gives him the Future Shock.

Earlier tonight, we were forced to watch another skit in the worst storyline ever thought of.  They’re so proud of this awful storyline that they’re forcing us to watch it again now.  Later there’s going to be a tag match.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.

TLC hype.

Michelle McCool and Layla are next.  Ugh.  Commercials.

They show the crap from Raw where LayCool attacked Natalya after her match with Melina.

Non-Title: Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya (w/ Beth Phoenix).  They actually do a really good exchange to start.  Layla is actually a damn fine lady wrestler.  Natalya hits the stalling suplex for 2.  Layla bails.  Natalya pursues and shoves McCool.  Layla gets back in the ring and dropkicks Natalya through the ropes.  Phoenix frightens McCool away from interfering.  Back inside, Natalya eats a boot to the face.  Double clothesline spot.  Layla throws a dropkick, but Natalya catches her and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool grabs her hands and gets pulled into the ring.  Phoenix pulls her out.  Layla submits in 1:59.  Better divas match than usual until it turned to the usual LayCool bullshit.

Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Rey Mysterio and Edge come out for the main event.  Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Kane doesn’t come out.  Teddy Long comes out and changes it to a handicap match.

Handicap Match: Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Alberto Del Rio.  Mysterio throws leg kicks at Del Rio, then hits a leg drop for 2.  Edge and Mysterio double team Del Rio.  Del Rio beats up Edge a bit.  Edge hits a flapjack.  Mysterio tags back in.  They hit another double team for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Del Rio bails, but gets kicked anyway.  Kane comes out.  He and Edge brawl in the aisle.  Edge runs away.  Kane chases him.  Del Rio jumps Mysterio from behind and puts the boots to him.  Del Rio hits a gut busters for 2.  Del Rio applies a body scissors.  Mysterio escapes and ends up on the apron.  Del Rio knocks him to the floor with an enzuigiri.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio on the outside.  Back inside, Del Rio goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits the flipping bulldog for 2.  Del Rio hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and hits a seated senton.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin in 7:08.  Now pay to see them in another singles match on the PPV!

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril again.  Kane assumes it’s another dummy and pushes the ladders over.  It was the real Paul Bearer, who is now dead.  I pray to God that’s the end of this shit.

Horrible show.  I dread this shit more than I do Impact lately.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/3/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight, Edge vs. Kane!  The winner picks the stipulations for the PPV title match!  Smackdown open.  We are TAPED from Norfolk, Virginia!  There are tables, ladders, and chairs at ringside!  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out to cut a promo amongst all the plunder.  They show Alberto Del Rio costing Mysterio his King of the Ring Qualifying Match against Cody Rhodes last week and Mysterio returning the favor by costing Del Rio his tournament match against John Morrison on Raw.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to talk shit to him.  Mysterio climbs a ladder.  They talk at each other.  Del Rio climbs the other side of the ladder and calls him a chihuahua.  Mysterio says they’ll meet at TLC.  Del Rio says no, because he’s a pussy.  Mysterio punches him off the ladder.  Del Rio pushes the ladder over and beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio monkey flips Del Rio out of the ring and gives him a leg drop through a table.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Earlier today, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero walked around backstage.  They encountered Kaitlyn, who is now on Smackdown.  Vickie is mad, but Ziggler congratulates her on winning NXT.

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Drew McIntyre vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Kaval.  MVP and McIntyre lock up.  MVP hits a shoulder block and a knee (maybe) drop for 1.  Kaval tags in.  MVP lifts him up to McIntyre a boot for 2.  McIntyre throws Kaval down, then misses a leg drop.  MVP tags in and hits a sliding Yakuza kick for 2.  McIntyre catches MVP with a kick to the gut.  Ziggle tags in.  MVP beats him up, then decks McIntyre off the apron and throws Ziggler out onto him.  Kaval uses MVP as a step and takes out Ziggler and McIntyre with a dive.  Commercials.  Ziggler beats up MVP.  MVP rallies and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  McIntyre distracts MVP, allowing Ziggler to take out his knee.  McIntyre and Ziggler get the heat on MVP, working the injured leg.  Kaval gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kaval hits a springboad flying knee.  Cover, but McIntyre saves.  MVP goes after McIntyre and gets sent face first into the announce table.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Kaval counters a suplex and locks in a Dragon sleeper.  Vickie distracts the referee.  McIntyre breaks the hold.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 11:23.  Fine little match.  That’s MVP’s last hurrah in WWE.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and chokeslams MVP.  THAT is MVP’s last hurrah in WWE.  Kane Tombstones Kaval.  Kane says the show won’t continue until Edge returns his father.  Edge appears on the big screen.  More of this bullshit.  Ugh.  Paul Bearer is still bound and gagged.  He invites Kane to come retrieve Paul from the loading dock.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Norfolk!

Raw Rebound.

Kane searches the loading dock for Paul Bearer.  Something big and heavy falls out of a truck and crushes another mannequin Paul Bearer.  ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.  Smackdown has been worse than TNA lately.  Kane sees Edge wheeling the real Paul Bearer away.  This shit is fucking horrible.  Commercials.

Tonight, Edge vs. Kane, just to make sure we give away every match that we expect to draw on the PPV!

WWE Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger does amateur stuff.  Kofi gets the ropes.  They stare at each other.  Kofi tries to lock up in the corner, but the referee won’t allow it.  They lock up properly and work the lock up.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  They lock up again.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi breaks free.  Swagger avoids the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger works over Kofi.  Kofi fights back and hits a running dropkick for 2.  Swagger sends Kofi to the apron.  Kofi kicks him and goes up top.  Swagger meets him and throws him off the top rope.  Cover gets 2.  Kofi rolls outside.  Commercials.  Swagger works Kofi over and applies that double arm hook deal.  Swagger takes out Kofi’s leg twice.  Cover gets 2.  Weird.  Swagger beats up Kofi.  He works the arm again instead of working the leg, which would actually help when he goes for his finish.  I thought Swagger was supposed to be smart.  Swagger applies an abdominal stretch.  Swagger does a gator roll and pulls Kofi against the ropes.  I don’t get it.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi kicks him away and hits a rolling kick thingamafucker to knock Swagger down.  Swagger tries to push Kofi into the steps, but Kofi leapfrogs them.  Kofi hits a diving chop off the steps.  Grisham calls it a Superman punch because he’s mentally retarded.  He’s probably retarded enough to be an MMA judge.  They barely beat the count back into the ring.  Kofi beats up Swagger.  Kofi hits the S.O.S. for 2.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb, fails, but lands a big boot for 2.  Swagger throws Kofi across the ring and goes for the Vader Bomb, but Kofi trips him.  Kofi hits corner punches.  Swagger throws him away.  Kofi hits something from the corner, then hits a diving cross body for 2.  Swagger ducks the Trouble In Paradise.  Kofi tries again.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi blocks it and falls out of the ring.  Kofi hits a Trouble In Paradise from the outside through the ropes and gets the pin in 15:49.  I hated this.  I like both guys.  I think both are good wrestlers, and they have good matches against other people.  In spite of this, and in spite of the fact that they wrestle each other for more than 10 minutes often on TV, none of their matches are any good.

Kane looks for Paul Bearer in the concession area.  Another fake Paul Bearer falls down the stairs.  Edge runs away with the real Bearer again.  This shit is so fucking awful.  Commercials.

Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes attacks, then flinches when Masters tries to throw a punch.  Masters locks in the Master Lock against the ropes.  Rhodes pulls the back of Masters into the ropes.  Rhodes hits a side Russian leg sweep and does a great transition into the cover for 2.  Rhodes applies a camel clutch.  Rhodes works Masters’ arm.  Masters make his comeback.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disasters followed by the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 2:56.  Not bad.

Tonight, Edge vs. Kane.  That WILL be bad.  Commercials.

Video package of the extremely horrible Kane/Edge feud that they’re so proud of.

Rosa Mendez vs. Layla (w/ Michelle McCool).  Layla mocks Rosa by pretending to jump rope.  Rosa attacks her.  Layla attacks back.  Rosa fights back.  McCool distracts everyone.  Rosa shoves Layla into her, then gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Fucking ugh.  Layla hits the neckbreaker for the pin in 1:04.  Ugh.  LayCool attack Rosa after the match.  Hornswoggle makes the save.  They get on their knees to fight Hornswoggle, then horse ass around.  Beth Phoenix comes out and kicks their asses.  Much stupidity in this segment.  The Swagger Soaring Eagle comes out to fight Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle shakes the ropes and gets booted in the face.  Beth gives the eagle the Glam Slam.  Hornswoggle hits a tadpole splash on the eagle.  Yes, much stupidity in this segment.

Speaking of stupidity, Edge vs. Kane tonight.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.  Different one from earlier.

The main event is next.  Commercials.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Kane vs. Edge.  Edge bails.  Kane follows.  Edge hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Edge dives off the apron.  Kane catches him and rams him into the apron.  Back inside, Kane beats up Edge.  Edge beats up Kane.  They fight outside.  They fight inside.  Kane hits a basement kick for 2.  Kane hits some elbow drops.  Shit happens.  Edge low bridges Kane out of the ring, then spears him off the apron.  Commercials.  Thank God.  Can we just stay on commercials until the finish?  Kane crotches Edge on the top rope and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and dives.  Kane catches him with a punch for 2.  Kane beats up Edge some more.  They go outside.  Edge sends Kane into the steps, then hits a clothesline off the steps.  Kane goes for a chokeslam with Edge on the apron, but Edge pulls his arm down across the top rope.  Edge hits a diving lariat for 2.  Edge hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits a diving lariat.  Kane goes for the chokeslam.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes for the spear, but Kane clotheslines him.  Kane signals for the chokeslam.  Paul Bearer appears on the screen and screams for Kane to come find him.  Kane goes outside and barely beats the count back in.  Edge spears him for the pin in 13:21.  Awful.  Edge says the PPV match will be Tables, Ladders, & Chairs, to the surprise of absolutely no one.  Edge says he’ll give Paul Bearer back now.  Edge brings out a fake Paul Bearer in the wheelchair and leaves.  Kane beats up the fake.  The real Paul Bearer appears on the screen.  He’s on a flat bed truck.  Kane goes backstage to get him, but Edge drives away.  This is the worst fucking storyline ever.

Fucking horrible show.  Whoever came up with this storyline should be set on fire.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 11/26/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and cuts a promo about Edge stealing his father.  He says he won’t press charges or do nasty, violent things to Edge if Edge will return Paul Bearer.  Kane then starts to talk about his feelings.  I check out that this point.  Edge comes out with an empty wheelchair.  He’s a dick and humiliates Kane by making him practically beg.  This shit is so obnoxious.  Edge leaves without returning Paul Bearer.  This shit is horrible.

Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger in a King of the Ring Qualifier is next.

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle).  They lock up.  Swagger does some amateur stuff.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Kofi gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Kofi gets a sunset flip.  Swagger gets the ropes and bails.  Back inside, Kofi misses a dropkick.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but settles for catapulting Kofi into the corner.  Kofi catches himself and hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Swagger beats up Kofi.  Kofi tries to leap frog Swagger, but fucks up.  Swagger clips his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi gets the ropes.  Swagger works Kofi’s leg.  Kofi bails.  Insta-commercials.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  Swagger backdrops Kofi to the apron.  The eagle trips Kofi.  Swagger knocks Kofi off the apron.  Back inside, Swagger applies a body scissors.  Kofi elbows his way free.  Kofi gets caught with a knee lift.  Swagger goes back to working the leg.  The eagle cheap shots Kofi again and dances.  Swagger does the abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Cover gets 2.  Swagger applies a shoulder hold.  Swagger hot shots Kofi into the turnbuckle.  Swagger sends Kofi out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Kofi slams Swagger’s head into the steps.  Back inside, Swagger hits a clothesline for 2.  Swagger applies a double arm… thing.  I never know what to call that.  Crowd is solidly behind Kofi.  Kofi makes his comeback and hits the Boom Drop against the ropes for 2.  Kofi goes for a diving cross body, but Swagger catches him and hits a powerslam.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb, but Kofi catches him with raised feet.  Kofi goes for the pendulum kick, but Swagger catches it and goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi sends Swagger into the post, then clobbers him with an awesome Trouble In Paradise for the pin (13:26 shown).  This was long and boring.  I like both guys, but they never click when they wrestle each other, which seems to be all the time.

Kane apologizes to Teddy Long for being a dick last week.  Edge appears on the TV.  He has Paul Bearer, who has apparently soiled himself, bound and gagged.  Edge removes the tape from Bearer’s mouth and Bearer insults the fans.  Kane goes to look for them.

Kane goes into a bathroom and finds an empty wheelchair.  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio. who vows to become king.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE.com plug.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show.  Del Rio attacks Show and tries to come off the top.  Show goozles him.  Del Rio drops to the floor to escape.  Insta-commercials.  Del Rio tries a German suplex and fails miserably.  Show lands the big chop and beats up Del Rio.  Del Rio counters the chokeslam again and goes on the attack.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri and goes for the Minoru Special, but Show turns it into a backdrop.  Show goes for the KO punch.  Del Rio bails.  They brawl outside.  Show throws Del Rio back inside.  Rodriguez grabs Show’s leg.  Show kills Rodriguez with the KO punch.  Show gets counted out, giving Del Rio win the win (4:58 shown).  Meh.

Edge is up in the cheap seats with the bound and gagged Paul Bearer.  He calls out Kane.  Ugh.  Kane comes out.  They banter.  Paul gets his tapped remove and bashes the people some more.  This shit is so horrible.  Kane says Edge can have another title match.  Edge says he’s taking Paul to the hot dog stand.  Kane pursues through the crowd.  Whoever came up with this angle should be beaten retarded with a tree limb.  Kane finds an empty chair in the lobby.

Survivor Series song plug.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Drew McIntyre.  They lock up.  McIntyre wins the lock up and talks shit.  MVP kicks his ass.  MVP hits an enzui knee strike for 2.  They brawl outside.  McIntyre stomps MVP’s arm into the steps.  McIntyre attacks the arm.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre keeps working the arm.  McIntyre gets bumped off of the apron.  MVP makes his comeback.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow and goes for the Playmaker.  McIntyre counters.  MVP lands some punches.  MVP hurts himself trying to catch the ropes.  McIntyre hits the Future Shock for the pin in 5:22.  Fine little match.

Swagger is backstage bitching at the eagle.  Hornswoggle is dressed as an Indian.  Rosa Mendez serves him a burnt turkey.  Skinny women can’t cook!  Hornswoggle decides he’s going to eat the dejected eagle.  He shoots it (off screen) with a bow & arrow.

Michelle McCool and Layla come out to be obnoxious and make me hate wrestling.

Michelle McCool (w/ Layla) vs. Kelly Kelly.  Layla sprays shit at Kelly, allowing McCool to get the jump on her.  McCool goes for the Styles Clash, but Kelly holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  Kelly gets a cradle for the pin in 1:03.  Thank God it was short.  LayCool jump Kelly after the match.  Beth Phoenix makes the save and gives McCool the Glam Slam.

Tonight, Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes!

Jacksonville!

John Cena video package.

Raw Rebound.

Mysterio vs. Rhodes is NEXT!

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to do commentary.  Mysterio goes on the attack.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip, but Rhodes avoids the kick and bails.  He checks his jacket mirror.  Mysterio follows him outside and goes on the attack again.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster (springboard kick) off the steps.  Back inside, Rhodes hits the Alabama Slam for 2.  Rhodes puts the boots to Mysterio.  Insta-commercials.  Actually, there are clips of the commercials for some reason.  Rhodes has Mysterio in an arm lock.  Rhodes hits something off the top for 2.  Mysterio rallies and hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Rhodes goes for the Cross Rhodes, but Mysterio counters into a jackknife hold for 2.  Rhodes gets a backslide for 2.  Mysterio connects with a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio warns Rhodes to get out of the way.  Mysterio goes for the seated senton off the apron, but Rhodes moves and Del Rio gets it.  Mysterio sends Rhodes into the barricade.  Back inside, the ref gets bumped.  Del Rio pulls Mysterio’s balls into the post.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  Best thing on the show by a mile.

Kane barges into the GM’s office and bitches at Teddy Long again.  He threatens Long again.  Edge appears on the TV.  He has Paul Bearer outside.  He challenges Kane to come out, then says “Jacksonville, Florida” about a half dozen times.  He says he wants to give Bearer back before there is an accident.  Kane runs out to wear they were, but a car runs into a stuffed Paul Bearer thing.  Edge has the real Bearer in the car.  Kane throws a mannequin head at it as it speeds away.  Kane is pissed.  So am I for making myself watch this crap.

Besides the Mysterio match, there is absolutely nothing good about this show, and the Kane/Edge shit is insultingly horrible.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 11/19/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video package of shit that went down last week, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio cuts a promo about Survivor Series.  They show Del Rio beating Sergeant Slaughter on Monday’s Raw.  MVP comes out to his horrible entrance music and cuts a promo on Del Rio about having respect for legends.  Del Rio says MVP will never be a legend, but Del Rio already is one.  Them’s fightin’ words to MVP, but Del Rio bitches down because he has a match with Mysterio tonight, but says MVP couldn’t handle him anyway.  He books MVP vs. Drew McIntyre, so apparently Del Rio has booking power now.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Drew McIntyre.  They brawl.  MVP hits a crappy belly to belly suplex.  McIntyre bails.  MVP follows.  McIntyre reverses MVP into the barricade.  MVP hot shots McIntyre into the barricade, then throws him back in the ring.  Commercials.  Less than a minute into the match.  MVP front suplexes McIntyre into the ropes.  McIntyre bails and tries to hide under the ring.  MVP goes after him.  McIntyre pulls MVP’s arm into the metal part of the ring, then rams his arm into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre works MVP’s arm.  MVP makes his comeback and hits a misplaced Yakuza kick for 2.  MVP hits his weak Exploder, then the Ballin’ elbow.  McIntyre boots MVP in the bad arm and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  McIntyre beats up MVP in the corner.  The referee separates them.  MVP hits the Shining Yakuza kick for the pin in 7:28.  It was fine.  His music is still awful.

Edge is backstage ranting about Kane to Paul Bearer, who is still bound and gagged.  How did Edge get him all the way from England to Virginia?  Edge pulls the tape off of Bearer’s mouth.  Bearer screams for Kane.  Edge says nobody knows where they are.  Except for, you know, the camera guy.  Edge wants to race wheel chairs.  Bearer refuses to participate.  This is retarded.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. complains to Teddy Long in the office.  Kane storms in.  Chavo leaves.  Kane sits down and asks where Paul Bearer is.  Teddy doesn’t know.  Kane doesn’t believe him, so he screams a lot and wrecks Teddy’s office.

Survivor Series Showdown Match: Chris Masters vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger takes Masters down.  Masters punches Swagger in the face.  Swagger rams Masters into the corner, then hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger applies an abdominal stretch.  Masters hip tosses his way free, hits a Samoan drop, and gets rolling.  Masters hits a diving shoulder block for 2.  Swagger kicks Masters in the knee.  Masters goes for the Master Lock.  Swagger steps over the ropes to the apron to break it.  Neat!  Swagger rams Masters’ ankle into the post.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:58.  Fine.

Edge talks to Paul Bearer some more, then throws a ball at him.  This is TNA levels of stupid.  Commercials.

Moments ago, that ^ retarded shit happened.

Kaval is in the ring for a match against Dolph Ziggler.  They show Ziggler beating Mark Henry on Raw.  Ziggler comes out, cuts a promo, and insults Kaval, calling him a “nobody.”

Non-Title: Kaval vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Ziggler beats up Kaval.  Cole goes on his usual tirade about the internet.  Kaval sends Ziggler’s shoulder into the post.  Kaval gets rolling and hits a handspring cross body for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag.  Kaval holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  They trade cradles.  Kaval rolls through one and gets the pin in 1:57.  Kaval finally won a match!  He looks as shocked at winning as Ziggler does at losing.  Kaval celebrates, then says that he’s taking his PPV title shot (that he got for winning NXT) to face Ziggler for the Intercontinental title at Survivor Series.

Tonight, Del Rio vs. Mysterio!  Next, Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Edge pushes Paul Bearer around in the wheelchair.  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Survivor Series Showdown Match: Kofi Kingston vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  They lock up.  Rhodes hides in the ropes, then cheap shots Kofi.  Kofi hits Rhodes in the face.  Rhodes bails and throws a fit, then looks at himself in the mirror on his ring jacket.  Commercials.  Less than a minute into the match.  Rhodes beats up Kingston.  He’s good and pissed off.  Kofi takes Rhodes down with a headlock.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  Rhodes bails again.  Kofi hits a baseball slide dropkick and throws Rhodes back into the ring.  Rhodes hits a couple of front suplexes and a knee drop for 2.  Rhodes pulls Kofi’s middle into the ring post.  Cover gets 2.  They brawl a bit.  Kofi gets the better of it and beats Rhodes down in the corner.  The referee makes his break.  Kofi gets rolling.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner, then a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop, then goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Rhodes easily avoids it and misses his slingshot kick.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 10:19.  This didn’t do anything for me.

Kane rants at Rosa Mendez backstage.  Random.

Tonight, Del Rio vs. Mysterio!  Commercials.

Smack of the Night: Tthose “little bitches” LayCool talking shit to Mae Young on Raw.

WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Natalya & Kelly Kelly.  The title is no longer being referred to as “Unified.”  Layla and Kelly lock up.  Kelly hits a Thesz press and rams Layla’s head into the mat.  I fucking hate that shit.  Natalya tags in and Irish whips Layla.  McCool tags in.  Natalya hits a wheelbarrow German on McCool for 2.  Natalya gets a reverse cradle just after Layla blind tags in.  LayCool hit a double big boot.  Layla pins Natalya in 1:12.  That was… flat.  This was pointless.  I guess LayCool had to get their heat back after losing to an 87 year old woman on Raw.

Edge has pizza, bread sticks, and wings.  He abuses Paul Bearer with a bread stick, pours marinara sauce on him, shoves a brownie into his ear, throws hot wings on him, and hits him in the head with a pizza.  I’m starting to hate wrestling again.  Edge says it’s time to go see Kane and wheels Bearer away.

The Big Show is headed our way!  Commercials!

Kane is sulking somewhere outside.  He breaths like he’s about to ejaculate, then gets up and yells, then sits down and cries.

Survivor Series Showdown Match: The Big Show vs. Tyler Reks.  Reks tries.  You have to give the guy credit.  Show grabs him by the throat.  Reks fights out and drops Show with a lariat for 2.  Reks goes for a kick, but Show catches his foot.  Show makes his comeback and hits the chokeslam for the pin in 1:19.  Lots of really short matches tonight.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio.

Update: Mean Gene Okerlund plugs merchandise!  Commercials.

John Cena video package.

Survivor Series hype.

Edge and Paul Bearer has arrived to the arena.  They both call for Kane.  Edge goes to put Paul back in the van.  Ugh.

Kane has heard Paul Bearer’s cry.  He walks past Caylen Croft and some geek with a tattoo on the side of his neck.  That ends up being Croft’s last hurrah in WWE.  Kane finds Paul in the van.  Edge jumps off the top of the van, beats Kane up, then leaves to throw Paul Bearer into the river or something.  This shit is awful.  Commercials.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez (again) to introduce Alberto Del Rio (again).

Survivor Series Showdown Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Del Rio wins the lock up and the cheap shot.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio fights back.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Del Rio in the head for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio bails.  Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, and Tyler Reks run in and attack Mysterio to cause the DQ in 1:51.  Kofi Kingston, Chris Masters, MVP, and The Big Show make the save.  Teddy Long comes out and orders a 10-man Battle Royal NEXT!  Commercials.

Survivor Series Showdown Battle Royal featuring Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, Tyler Reks, Rey Mysterio Jr., The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Chris Masters, and Montel Vontavious Porter.  Everybody brawls for a long time.  Masters eliminates Rhodes.  Kofi and Masters try to eliminate Reks, but fail.  Mysterio fails to eliminate Del Rio.  Reks eliminates Masters.  More brawling.  Kofi eliminates Reks.  Mysterio fails to eliminate McIntyre.  MVP drops a knee on Del Rio’s face.  McIntyre eliminates Kingston.  Del Rio dumps MVP.  Show tosses McIntyre.  Mysterio eliminates Del Rio with a head scissors.  Mysterio hits Swagger with the Bombs Away.  Swagger locks him in the ankle lock.  Mysterio counters out.  Show kicks Swagger.  Mysterio hits the 619.  Show eliminates Swagger.  Show and Mysterio win in 5:17.

Pretty lame Smackdown this week.  Let’s hope Survivor Series is better.