Archive for Pajama Pillow Fight

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts LIVE from Oklahoma City!  Tonight, Bret Hart’s Farewell, plus Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.

Shawn Michaels comes out.  They show him screwing The Undertaker at Elimination Chamber and the making of their WrestleMania match last week.  Michaels says the guys in the locker room think he’s crazy for putting his career on the line.  He challenges anyone to come out and tell him he can’t win.  Triple H comes out.  Triple H says he “knows” Shawn can beat Undertaker at WrestleMania.  He says Shawn is the best he’s ever been in the ring with.  He says Shawn is Mr. WrestleMania, and though the Road To WrestleMania always takes them down different paths, but DX will never die.  He says he’s invoked their rematch clause for the tag titles tonight.  Shawn takes some convincing, but agrees.

The guest hosts, Cheech and Chong, admire their office.  The Bella Twins come in and slut up to them.  They take Cheech on a tour of the backstage while Chong sits down.  Hornswoggle comes in with a box of lucky charms with his face on them.  Chong eats some and starts tripping.  Phony shit ensues

Orton vs. Dibiase is NEXT!

Slam of the Week: The implosion of Legacy last week.

Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They start brawling.  Does nobody lock up anymore?  Orton avoids a superplex attempt.  Dibiase dropkicks him, then throws him out of the ring.  Orton fights back and Dibiase bails.  Commercials.  Dibiase puts the boots to Orton.  Dibiase KICKS ORTON IN THE HEAD for 2.  Dibiase kills Orton with a lariat for 2.  They trade blows.  Orton his a snap powerslam.  “VINTAGE ORTON!”  Garvin stomp by Orton.  Orton stalks Dibiase for the RKO.  Cody Rhodes runs out.  Orton swings at him.  Dibiase gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Orton reverses it for 2.  Rhodes runs in and Orton attacks him, so the ref throws it out in 9:02.  I guess Orton wins by DQ.  Rhodes and Dibiase try to do a number on Orton, but he fights them both off.  He tries to give Rhodes the DDT OF MURDER again, but Dibiase pulls him to safety.  Most of the match was commercials, but what aired was fine.

DX vs. Show Miz TONIGHT!

Bret Hart (w/ broken leg) has arrived!

Chong is giving Eve a massage.  He wants to book a Divas Pajama Pillow Fight.  Cheech says he’s having a sugar trip.  He was running his hands through William Regal’s hair.  He thinks Chris Masters is Kelly Kelly.  And Masters has a girl voice.  Hornswoggle tries to give them more cereal.  They both start tripping.  Fuck.

“Last Monday…” video of the John Cena/Batista happenings.  Tonight… CONFRONTATION!

WWE Rewind: Last week, Christian beat Carlito to qualify for Money In The Bank.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella.  Santino shines, then Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin in 27 seconds.

Batista (in his gay S&M outfit) is headed our way!

Undertaker/Shawn Michaels video package.

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

John Cena comes out.  He talks about Batista.  He calls out Batista.  Batista comes out.  The WWE Champion is such a tough guy that he’s flanked by security and is dressed like a gay biker.  Cena totally calls him on it.  Batista uses the bitch excuse that the security is there to protect Cena.  Batista says he wants to face Cena at WrestleMania, that’s why he gave him the shot last week.  He’s mad that Cena is WWE’s poster boy instead of him.  Cena talks about how he works hard and Batista shows up late and shit.  Batista says he’s just here to make money.  They go on.  Batista says deep down, Cena knows he can’t beat him.

Bret Hart’s Farewell is still to come!  Plus, DX vs. Show Miz!

WWE.com plug.

Cheech and Chong have forced Chavo Guerrero Jr. to wear a sombrero and a fake mustache.  Carlito, Primo, Katie Lea Burchill, and Yoshi Tatsu are wearing fake mustaches.  Santino Marella brings in a chicken.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Jobber entrance for Ryder.  Ryder starts with a kick to the gut.  Does nobody lock up anymore?  MVP kicks his ass and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  Playmaker gets the pin in 46 seconds.  Wow.

Divas eye candy pseudo match is NEXT!

WrestleMania is 27 days away!

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Cheech and Chong.  They’re hilarious, then they introduce the divas.

Pajama Pillow Fight: Gail Kim vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse vs. Jillian Hall vs. Alicia Fox.  Everybody hits Maryse with pillows.  Jillian runs wild on everyone.  This is a tag match, isn’t it?  Kelly makes Hall eat a pillow, then hits her fucked up leg drop for 2.  Maryse gets a 2 count on Kelly.  Gail gives Maryse the Regal cutter.  Okay, so this isn’t a tag match, even though they had team entrances.  Hot chicks do stuff.  Gail hits her move on Alicia.  Gail gets sent out of the ring.  Eve hits a senton on Alicia for the pin in 1:56.  Hornswoggle comes out to give Cheech and Chong more cereal.  Alrighty.

The next Hall of Fame inductee is Mad Dog Vachon!  He’ll be inducted by Pat Patterson.

Bret Hart’s Farewell is NEXT!

Cole and Lawler hype the WrestleMania card.

Justin Roberts starts to introduce Bret Hart, but Vince McMahon comes out instead.  Vince introduces Bret, who hobbles out on his crutch.  They show the shit that happened 2 weeks ago.  Vince says he had nothing to do with the bimbo breaking Bret’s leg.  Bret doesn’t believe him, and tells him to get lost.  Vince brings up Bret calling him the World Champion Liar, and says he was lying about asking Bret to come here for his farewell.  McMahon screwed Bret.  Whatever.  Vince brings up the challenge Bret made to him.  Bret replies that he’s incapacitated.  Bret has wanted to fight Vince for 13 years.  Vince tries to goad Bret into accepting the match.  Bret says he can’t wrestle.  Vince says Bret has no heart (pun intended).  He calls Bret a coward, then kicks his crutch out from under him.  Vince somehow lost his show in that.  I didn’t catch how.  Vince continues calling Bret a coward.  Bret agrees to the match.  Vince says next week, he’ll take on John Cena.  Huh?

The main event is NEXT!

Next week’s guest host is Criss Angel.  Plus. Randy Orton takes on Rhodes and Dibiase in a Handicap Match and Vince McMahon takes on John Cena.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. DX.  Show tosses Michaels around to start.  Miz tags in and puts the boots to him.  Kick to the head gets 2.  Show tags in and jabs a ham-sized fist into Michaels’ middle.  Show applies a bear hug.  Michaels fights out, tries the superkick, avoids the chokeslam, and makes the hot tag to Triple H.  Triple H hits the knee facebuster and the spinebuster, then goes for the Pedigree.  Miz interrupts and gets a spinebuster.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Michaels superkicks Show.  They tease a double KO, but both make it to their feet.  Miz and Michaels tag in.  Michaels hits the flying jalapeno, nips up, chops, slam, diving elbow drop.  Shawn sets up the superkick.  Undertaker appears on the screen and distracts Michaels.  He tries to superkick Miz, but Miz surprises him with a jackknife hold for the pin in 4:30.

Triple H tries to help Michaels up.  Michaels says “Don’t touch me” and leaves.  Sheamus comes in from the crowd and attacks Triple H, pump kicking his head into the announce table.  He pump kicks Triple H a second time, sending him across the announce table.  Sheamus stands tall as the show closes.

This was a shitty wrestling show, but it’s doing a great job of hyping WrestleMania, so I have no complaints.