Archive for No DQ Match

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/14/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

The Rock appears on the screen pretending to talk to President Obama on the phone.  John Cena’s music plays.  A kid dressed like Cena appears in Rock’s office.  Rock has a talk with “Cena,” makes him cry, and gives him some Fruity Pebbles.  Rock then cuts a serious promo on The Miz.

Trish Stratus chats with Snooki backstage.

Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Cole is in a plexiglass box.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion The Miz comes out.  They show his various recent attacks on John Cena.  Miz cuts a promo on The Rock.  iBooker dings in.  Cole leaves the Cole Mine to read it, so what’s the point of the Cole Mine?  Lawler punks him down and reads it himself.  Tonight, there are to be 2 never before seen matches: Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio and Miz vs. Great Khali, the latter of which is next.  Commercials

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Miz goes on the attack.  Khali lightly shoves him down.  Khali beats up Miz, who looks like a midget by comparison.  Khali applies the head vice.  Miz gets a rope break.  Alex Riley appears and attacks Khali to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Khali gives Riley the crown chop and the tree slam.  Miz wears out Khali with a chair.  So let me get this straight: THE WWE CHAMPION, 3 WEEKS BEFORE WRESTLEFREAKINGMANIA, COULDN”T BEAT THE GREAT FUCKING KHALI?  It’s not like Khali has any fucking credibility anyway, since the last time he was on Raw he was doing the stupid kiss cam.  Miz DDTs Khali on the chair.

Cole promises to “expose” Jerry Lawler tonight.  Also, Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

From Smackdown: Triple H cut a promo on The Undertaker.

Saint Louis!

John Morrison hits on Snooki backstage.  Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupt.  Vickie talks shit to Snooki.  Snooki slaps her.  Vickie throws a fit.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Sheamus.  Sheamus promised to quit if he lost, but he seems to be having second thoughts about that.  They lock up and wrestle a bit.  Sheamus hits a shoulder block for 0.  Bryan back flips over Sheamus and hits a drop toe hold.  He goes for the LeBell Lock, but Sheamus rolls to the apron.  Bryan kicks him off and lands a tope suicida.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Sheamus bails.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Bryan in a neck crank, having gained the advantage during the break.  Sheamus beats on Bryan.  Sheamus lands a knee lift for 2.  Bryan catches an inside cradle for 2, then back body drops Sheamus to the floor.  Sheamus sells a leg injury like he did last week.  Sheamus makes it back in.  The referre stands in Bryan’s way.  Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Bryan ducks and locks in the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Bryan counters into a cradle for 2.  They trade elbows.  Bryan lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Bryan goes up top and dives.  Sheamus kills him in midair with the brogue kick for the pin in 8:59 to win the title.  Fun match, even if the Bryan mark in me is a little bummed he lost the title.

Cole promises to interview someone from Lawler’s past next.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Last week, Michael Cole introduced JBL as his WrestleMania referee, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.  Also, beer was poured on Michael Cole, which was awesome.

Michael Cole is obnoxious, then introduces his guest, Lawler’s son Brian Christopher.  Christopher comes out dancing to the old Too Cool music and looking older than his dad.  The crowd does not give a fuck.  Christopher talks about what a shitty dad Lawler was.  Lawler retorts about what a fuck up Christopher is.  Christopher asks Lawler how he feels about Christopher competing at WrestleMania before him, then shoves and slaps his dad.  He says he never used Lawler’s name because he’s ashamed of him.  Cole starts to shit talk Lawler again.  “Boomer Sooner” plays and Jim Ross comes out!  Cole shit talks JR.  They banter for a bit.  Cole continues talking shit, then Ross acts like he wants to fight.  Jack Swagger appears from somewhere and jumps Lawler, then beats up JR and puts him in the ankle lock.  Lawler wakes up to make the save.  Cole jumps on his back.  Swagger knocks Lawler down and puts him in the ankle lock.  Cole puts JR in the ankle lock.

Tonight, Cena vs. Del Rio!  It could be a big money drawing match in 6 months to a year, so of course they’re giving it away free with no build!  Orton vs. Ryan is next.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Randy Orton punting Michael McGillicutty 2 weeks ago, and David Otunga last week.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan (w/ CM Punk).  Punk watches from the stage since he isn’t allowed at ringside.  They lock up, then brawl.  Ryan hits a backbreaker for 2.  Ryan hits 2 more backbreakers for 2, so an extra backbreaker does not equal an extra count.  Ryan applies a bear hug.  Ryan hits a side Rock Bottom for 2.  He goes for it again.  Orton hits the RKO for the pin in 3:00.  At least it’s over.  Punk can’t have Nexus fight his battle for him at WrestleMania.  Orton stares at Punk for a while, then returns to the ring and punts Ryan, then humps the mat while glaring at Punk.  Punk backs away in fear.

Earlier tonight, Snooki/Vickie Guerrero stuff.  Commercials.

Saint Louis.

New Hall of Famer: Drew Carey.  Are you fucking serious?  I hate WWE.

Michael Cole decides he hasn’t been obnoxious enough tonight, so he’s obnoxious some more.

Cena vs. Del Rio tonight.

Trish Stratus and Snooki are walking backstage.  Zack Ryder hits on Snooki, who approves of his abs.  Commercials.

Snooki comes out.  She’s not nearly as obnoxious as that parody of her in TNA.  She says Trish Stratus will shut up Vickie Guerrero.  She leaves to sit at ringside.  Vickie comes out and is obnoxious.

No DQ Match: Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus.  Vickie does jumping jacks and football exercises.  Trish schoolgirls her for 2.  Dammit.  Trish pie faces Vickie.  Vickie bails and runs around the ring.  Trish chases her back in.  Vickie cackles and tries to use a shoe as a sword, then throws it.  Who throws a shoe, honestly?  Trish spanks Vickie with her own shoe.  Dolph Ziggler runs in.  John Morrison hits the ring and takes him out, then hits him with a dive.  Michelle McCool and Layla appear and attack Trish.  Michelle kicks Trish with the loaded boot.  Vickie covers and gets the pin while LayCool sit on her back in 2:27.  So Vickie has a job.  Fuck.  All of the obnoxious women are obnoxious together.  McCool talks shit to Snooki, who is very short.  McCool shoves Snooki.  Snooki pulls her down face first into the apron, then attacks Layla in the ring.  Trish stops McCool from making the save.  Vickie throws a fit.  The heels escape.  Ugh.  Vickie challenges Morrison, Trish, & Snooki to face Ziggler & LayCool at WrestleMania.  Snooki agrees.  Joy.

Cena vs. Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Video of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay) vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Del Rio takes Cena down with a side headlock.  Del Rio hits a shoulder block.  Cena makes a comeback.  Cole insists that The Rock is here.  Commercials 5 minutes into the overrun.  Del Rio lands a dropkick for 2.  Cena turns a headlock in a backdrop suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  Cena makes his standard comeback and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brodus Clay attacks Cena to cause the DQ in 7:19.  The Rock’s music plays, but it’s The Miz wearing a very believable skin cap.  Miz, Del Rio, and Clay beat down Cena.  Miz hits the Rock Bottom.  Okay, now I can see the outlines on the skin cap.  Del Rio gives Cena an enzuigiri.  Clay delivers a fall away slam.  Miz does The Rock’s corner pose, then takes off the stupid skin cap and goes outside to ram Cena’s back into the post.  Miz hits Cena with a microphone and talks shit to him.  Miz suplexes Cena on the stage, then picks him up.  Cena fights back and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz counters and DDTs Cena on the stage, then throws him into the set, then gives him the Skull Crushing Finale.

Parts of the show were passable, but mostly… just fucking ugh.

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TNA Victory Road 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Grappleholic

PPV opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Bully Ray comes out for his match.  He calls So Cal Val into the ring to give him a microphone, then bullies her out of the ring because he’s a bully.  He puts over Hogan and Bischoff, then calls out Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer comes out.  Ray talks shit to him, then informs him that their match is Falls Count Anywhere.  I’m sure Dreamer is shaking in his little space boots.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer attacks Bully and kicks his ass to start the match.  Ray lands a clothesline.  Dreamer recovers and throws him out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor.  Dreamer has a fan hold a chair and rams Bubba’s head into it, then spits a fan’s water into Bubba’s face, the hits him with a stuffed minion from that Disney movie, Despicable Me.  I think that’s what it is, anyway.  They brawl in the crowd.  They make their way back to ringside and Bubba gains the advantage.  Bubba swings a Singapore cane at So Cal Val just to be a dick, then takes her chair to attack Dreamer with.  That sentence wasn’t grammatically correct.  Anyway, he fails with the chair.  They throw some plunder into the ring and the Innovator of Violence goes to work.  There’s a blowup doll.  Bubba gets knocked down and 69s with it.  Dreamer interrupts the coupling with a big splash for 2.  Dreamer goes up top.  Bubba cracks him with a trash can lid, then hits a superplex.  Bubba gives the blowup doll an elbow drop and throws it out of the ring.  Dreamer counters the Bubba Bomb and hits the DDT for 2.  Dreamer brings in a table and goes for a piledriver.  Bully back body drops him, then clobbers him with a trash can.  Bubba goes for a Rock Bottom or something, gets countered, and lands a big boot for 2.  Bubba canes Dreamer, then calls for a microphone so he can talk shit while he does it.  He yells “This is for you, Devon!” and sets up a powerbomb.  Devon’s music plays.  Terrence and Terrell come out, one of them in a neck brace.  Brother Devon appears behind Bully.  Devon and Dreamer gives Bully the 3D through the table and Dreamer gets the pin in 10:44.  Fun little garbage match.  I have no complaints.  Dreamer, Devon, and sons celebrate.

Tenay and Taz chat about the main event.

Christy Hemme interviews The Beautiful People and Winter.  Velvet and Winter still aren’t getting long, and Angelina is monkey in the middle.  Velvet’s rack is magnificent tonight.  Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Sarita and Rosita come out.  Sarita cuts a promo out how they’ll win the titles.  She rattles off some Spanish that I can for the most part follow, but makes some gender errors.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. Sarita & Rosita.  Winter comes out in a blindfold for some reason.  Love and Rosita lock up.  Rosita is a seriously tiny woman.  Love knocks her down a bunch and she tags out.  Sarita gets schooled briefly and tags back out.  Love gives her a drop toe hold and tags in Winter.  Winter hits a backbreaker for 2.  Sarita tags in.  Winter hits a Northern Lights suplex hold.  Rosita breaks her bridge to save.  Love tags in.  Sarita tags out and tries to electric chair drop Rosita onto Love, but Love moves.  Love hits Rosita with a World’s Weakest Slam for 2.  Winter tags in.  She avoids a dropkick from Sarita.  Rosita eats it instead.  More quick tags with Love and Winter, who I guess are the babyfaces, dominating.  A brief clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita tries to use one of the title belts, but Love stops her and takes out out of the ring.  Hebner follows them out.  Rosita tries to use the belt, but Velvet Sky appears and takes it away.  Winter gets a reverse cradle on Rosita.  Sarita comes in and turns it over.  After several long seconds, Hebner makes it in and counts the pin on the world’s weakest cradle in 4:58.  Rosita and Sarita win the titles.  Love and Winter are mad at Velvet, who did nothing wrong that I can tell.  This was really meh and the finish was shit.

Footage of Jeff and Karen Jarrett on their honeymoon.  With their kids.  At a theme park.  Karen is not pleased.  They go for pizza.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Morgan.  He cuts a promo on Hernandez.

Morgan/Hernandez hype video.

First Blood Match: Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan rushes and beats up Hernandez.  Morgan knocks Hernandez to the floor and they take turns ramming each others’ heads into the steps.  Back inside, Morgan exposes a turnbuckle.  Hernandez hits a shoulder blood and brings in a stick.  He breaks it in half and chokes Morgan with it, then tries to stab him.  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “WE WANT BLOOD!”  Hernandez tries to gouge Morgan in various ways.  Morgan catches him with a sidewalk slam.  Hernandez hits another shoulder block and starts to put a beating on Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan brings the stick back in.  Hernandez kicks him low and goes up top.  Morgan throws him off like Hernandez is Ric Flair in every match he’s ever had.  A “fan” jumps in the ring.  The referee and security get him out.  Hernandez tries to use a chain.  Morgan takes it away and punches him.  The referee is out on the floor from the scuffle with the fan.  Hernandez squirts fake blood on Morgan.  The referee comes in, sees the fake blood on Morgan, and calls it in 8:34.  The match wasn’t any good, but that finish was hilarious.  You can see now that Hernandez is bleeding from the head.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fuck finish in a first blood match.  Hilarious.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  It’s Max’s birthday.  He claims that Jeremy is going to help him with the X Division title for his birthday.  Jeremy doesn’t seem completely cool with this plan.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, who isn’t sweating his return to Ultimate X.

Earlier today, Cookie screamed at Robbie E. while he was trying to get ice cream.

Ultimate X hype video.

X Factors.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck.  Cookie immediately tries to hump Kazarian’s leg.  GenMe beat up Robbie and throw him out, then go to work on Kazarian.  Kazarian jumps over them to the cables and goes for the belt.  Jeremy pulls him down.  Max accidentally clotheslines Jeremy.  Kazarian drops Max with a dropkick.  Robbie beats up Kazarian while Cookie screams obnoxiously.  Kazarian is sent outside.  Jeremy attacks Robbie while Max goes for the belt.  Robbie stops them and goes for the belt himself.  Kazarian climbs out and kicks him down, then drops down on h im with a leg drop like an idiot instead of taking the belt when he had the perfect chance.  Jeremy comes back in, kicks Kazarian in the head, and hits the springboard face plant.  Jeremy tries to help Max get to the belt.  Robbie gives Jeremy a neckbreaker.  Max falls down.  Gen Me are sent out.  Kazarian and Robbie go at it.  Kazarian back body drops Max out of the ring and he takes a bump on the steps.  Kazarian hits him with a dive.  Max hits Kazarian with a dropkick.  Jeremy hits Kazarian and Robbie with an Asai moonsault.  Max calls for Jeremy to come back and help him even though he’s all alone and can go for it himself.  Kazarian comes back in instead and beats him up.  Max drops Kazarian and goes for the belt while Jeremy holds Kazarian down.  Kazarian fights him off and pulls Max down.  Gen Me double team Kazarian.  Jeremy blocks Kazarian while Max climbs for the belt.  Kazarian kicks Jeremy down, then pulls Max down and catches him with an Ace Crusher.  Robbie pulls Kazarian’s neck across the top rope and goes for the belt.  Max pulls him down and hits him with a very swank reverse blockbuster/diving Diamond Dust type move.  Kazarian sends Max into the corner steel thing.  Jeremy beats up Kazarian.  Robbie, Jeremy, and Kazarian do the tower of doom spot.  Kazarian revives and gives Robbie the Fade To Black.  Jeremy nails Kazarian with an elbow smash and a spin kick.  Jeremy goes up top.  Kazarian hits him with a enzuigiri and hits the MOTHERFUCKING FLUX CAPACITOR!  Kazarian and Robbie both go for the belt.  Gen Me pull Robbie down and give him a double superkick.  They swing Kazarian back and forth until he falls down.  Jeremy goes up top.  Max bitches at him and pulls him off the top rope.  They argue.  Jeremy allows Max to go up, then goes up himself.  They meet int he middle and fight.  Robbie brings in a ladder, breaking the number one rule of Ultimate X.  Jeremy takes a bump off the cables.  Robbie knocks Max down and tries to set up his ladder.  Kazarian climbs the structure and walks the rope to the middle.  Robbie climbs the ladder and they fight over the belt.  Kazarian wins.  The bell doesn’t ring until Kazarian drops to the mat at 14:22, so I guess you have to take a stupid bump to make it official.  Fun match.  Some crazy spots.  Some really stupid logical flaws.

More of Jeff, Karen, and the kids.  Jeff brings more pizza.  Karen is being bitchy.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  They’re perverts, then they cut a promo on Shannon Moore.

Beer Money/Ink Inc. hype video.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. Ink Inc.  Storm and Neal lock up.  Storm lands a shoulder block.  They each block hip tosses and jump around a bit, then trade arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They trade slaps.  Storm hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Neal hits a cross body for 2.  Roode and Moore tag in and lock up.  Roode takes Moore down and they do a bit of chain wrestling.  Moore hits a dropkick for 2.  Roode hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Neal tags in.  Roode avoids the double team and hits a powerslam for 2.  Storm tags in.  Moore cheap shots him.  Neal is like “WTF?” and tags out.  Moore works over Storm.  Neal tags in and keeps the heat going.  Moore comes back in.  Storm avoids him in the corner.  Neal and Roode tag in and brawl.  Roode gets the better of it and runs wild.  Roode hits a spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money do some swank double teaming on Neal.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Moore runs wild on Beer Money.  They kind of botch a moonsault body block.  Moore hits a flipping bulldog on Roode for 2.  Ink Inc. go for their finish, but Roode counters it and drops Neal with a lariat.  Roode and Moore fight on top.  Moore knocks Roode down.  Storm tries to cut him off, but fails.  Moore hits the Halo on Storm.  Roode hits a Rock Bottom on Moore for 2.  Double suplex on Moore.  BEER!  MONEY!  They go for the DWI, but Neal spears Storm.  Neal hits a neckbreaker on Roode.  Moore follows with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Moore gets the chain that his stupid book is on.  Neal tells him “no,” then holds Roode up.  Storm makes the save and hits a Lung Blower on Moore.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Moore and Roode gets the pin in 12:32.  Okay match.  Neal shakes hands with Beer Money.  Moore spits beer in Storms face and runs away.  Ink Inc. argue.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Hardy and Ric Flair.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Ric Flair).  They lock up.  Styles dodges a punch and lands some of his own.  Styles hits a shoulder block, then grabs a front face lock.  They trade hammerlocks.  Styles takes Hardy down with a headlock.  Hardy lands an elbow smash.  Styles does the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Hardy tries to suplex Styles in from the apron.  Styles lands on his feet and knocks Hardy out of the ring.  He hits the ropes for a dive, but Flair grabs his foot.  Hardy clotheslines Styles for 2.  Styles low bridges Hardy out of the ring and hits a moonsault off of the apron.  Hardy sends Styles’s shoulder into the apron, then the post.  Hardy tries to whip Styles into the barricade.  Styles slides under, then comes off the barricade with a forearm.  Back inside now.  They counter each other.  Styles takes a whiplash bump into the turnbuckles.  Hardy throws Styles outside and distracts the referee so Flair can get his cheap shots in.  Hebner and Flair get into it.  Hardy throws Styles back in and hits the Albert decapitator for 2.  Hardy locks in a swank standing butterfly lock.  Styles turns it into a cover for 2, then reaches the ropes to escape the hold.  Hardy chokes Styles with his boot.  Hardy hot shots Styles into the top turnbuckle and hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Flair grabs Styles’ balls behind the referee’s back.  Hardy drops some elbows for 2.  Hardy applies a cravat.  Back up, they double clothesline each other, then Styles lands an enzuigiri.  They trade punches.  Styles hits a fireman’s carry into an over the knee backbreaker for 2.  Styles hits a suplex neckbreaker for 2.  Styles goes up top.  Hardy gets up to cut him off, but Styles jumps over him.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy comes off the top with a diving elbow to the back of the head.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Styles turns it into a backslide for 2.  Hardy hits a discus lariat.  Styles goes for the Style Clash, but Hardy turns into an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles catches Hardy with an elbow smash and botches the Phenomenon, but turns it into a cover that gets 2 when Hebner finishes being distracted by Flair.  Flair pokes Styles in the eye.  Styles knocks Flair off the apron with a Pele kick.  Hardy hits a DDT and a moonsault press for 2.  Styles counters the Twist of Hate again, but eats an elbow.  Hardy is on top.  Styles knocks him down with the Pele kick.  Styles hits the MOTHERFUCKING SPIRAL TAP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS to get the pin in 17:37.  Good match.  SPIRAL TAP~!  Styles gives Flair a retaliatory shot to the balls after the match.  Fun times.

More of Jeff and Karen.  Jeff is enjoying himself, but Karen is pissed.  Jeff says he misses Kurt and he’s going to call for a truce on Thursday.  The kids come up and they all get sprayed with water.  Karen throws a fit.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.

RVD/Anderson hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  They stare at each other.  The mutants start their alternating chant.  They start punching, then counter each other a bunch, then cradle each other for 2.  Stalemate, applause.  There’s been a lot of that in TNA lately.  They trade hammerlocks and headlocks.  Very cool wrestling exchange.  RVD goes for a leap frog and crotches himself on Anderson’s head.  They go back and forth some more.  RVD hits the springboard kick and the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson rolls out of the ring.  RVD hits baseball slide dropkick and a slingshot dive.  RVD goes for the guardrail leg drop, but Anderson moves and RVD leg drops the barricade.  Fucking ouch.  Anderson goes to work on RVD’s leg.  RVD’s leg is so injured that Anderson gets 2 off of a chop block.  RVD holds onto the top rope to avoid the Mic Check.  Anderson avoids the Rolling Thunder.  RVD counters the Lambeau Leap and grabs a headlock.  Anderson turns it into a backdrop suplex.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check again.  RVD counters.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  RVD does a back flip and lands on his feet fine despite the injured leg.  They conk heads.  RVD hits a cross body against the ropes that takes them both out of the ring.  They brawl up the ramp.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on the ramp.  It’s a double count-out in 12:52.  There’s even an alternating chant of “RESTART THE MATCH!” and “NO!”  Fucking iMPACT! Zone mutants.  So… a double count-out.  Lovely.  It was okay match until the schmozz finish.

Pre-taped comments from Jeff Hardy.

Sting/Hardy hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

Introduces and introductions for the World title match.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  He shakes Hardy’s hand, then tries to shake hands with Sting.  Sting, for once, isn’t buying it.  Bischoff makes it a No DQ Match.  Sting decks Bischoff and stomps on him.

No DQ Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Sting (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy teases throwing his shirt to the crowd for a while.  Sting backs him into the corner.  The referee makes him stand back.  Hardy fucks around about his t-shirt some more.  They lock up.  Sting clubbers Hardy a bit, then hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 1:28.  Seriously, that was the whole match.  Apparently Hardy showed up “in no condition to perform” tonight.  The No DQ thing never came into play.  I assume the Bischoff shit was just to kill time.

PPV recap video.

This show was heading to a thumbs very slightly up until the double count-out in the semi main and the 1:28 main event.  That knocked it down a few pegs.

TNA iMPACT! 1/6/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Genesis… The Beginning… Or the End?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, Rob Terry, Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers about how Immortal are going to win all the titles fair and square.  He brings out the champions: TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns, and TNA World Television Champion Doug Williams.  He books them in “tune up matches” tonight: Lethal vs. Abyss, Williams vs. Terry, and the Guns vs. Styles & Kazarian.  Bischoff asks them to shake hands.  Immortal jump the champions.  Bischoff pretends to be mad at them.  Rob Van Dam comes out and makes the save.  By himself.  He’s pissed off and wants a shot at Jeff Hardy.  He wants to know who his opponent is at Genesis.  Bischoff won’t tell him.  What a dick!  RVD offers to beat it out of him.  Bischoff says Abyss will “kill” RVD.

Brother Ray cuts a promo to the camera at Brother Devon.  He wants to fight in the parking lot or something.  Commercials!

Jeff Jarrett: MMA Specialist video package.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  He’s now changed into his gear, even though he was in street clothes 4 minutes ago.  He talks about the new rules he made last week to protect him from getting his ass kicked.  There’s some Twilight queer in the crowd.  Boo Boo Stewart?  Jarrett won’t fight him because he will be taller than him one day.  They pick a guy who looks like a midget Tyler Black.  His name is Jonathan Cruz.  He signs the contract.  He’s an idiot.

MMA Exhibition: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Jonathan Cruz.  Jarrett beats up the geek and wins with the ankle lock in 45 seconds.  Jarrett refuses to break the hold.  KURT ANGLE comes in through the crowd and chases Jarrett away.  Angle signs the contract to face Jarrett at Genesis!  Jarrett says Angle swore to never wrestle in TNA again.  Angle says it’s an exhibition.  It’s ON!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened!

Non-Title: AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Guns attack, clear the ring, and hit Styles and Kazarian with a double suicide dive.  Guns double team Styles back inside.  The heels cut off Sabin and work him over.  Sabin plays face in peril, then rallies and drops Kazarian with a lariat.  Shelley and Styles tag in.  Shelley runs wild and avoids being double teamed.  He takes Kazarian out with a dive.  Back inside, Styles and Shelley do an awesome countering sequence.  Shelley hits a brainbuster.  Kazarian saves.  Shelley back body drops him to the floor.  Styles tries to hit Shelley with the belt.  Shelley ducks.  Sabin superkicks Styles.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Styles for the pin in 4:47.  Good little match.  Beer Money appear and beat down the Guns.  Eric Bischoff comes out and looks pissed off at Styles.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero bitches about how someone has been following him around with a camera.  He says he’s going to find them and demand an apology.  Yeah, kick that TNA camera man’s ass!  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff at Ric Flair bitch at AJ Styles in the office.  Bischoff tells him to get the job done this Sunday or else!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring.  He calls out whoever is video taping him.  Samoa Joe comes out.  Is Joe a paparazzi now?  Joe spouts off some philosophical stuff about Pope being a false prophet or something.  He talks about how Pope pretends to be doing good deeds, but he’s actually a dick.  Pope defends his going to strip clubs and adopting puppies.  He warns Joe against falsely accusing him again.  This is stupid.

Mickie James & Velvet Sky are headed our way!  Commercials!

Brother Devon says he’ll go fight Ray in the parking lot tonight.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Sarita (w/ Tara) vs. Mickie James & Velvet Sky.  Velvet attacks Sarita.  Velvet tries, but everything she does looks horrible.  Velvet gets cut off via heel chicanery and plays face in peril.  This goes on for some time and is very uninteresting.  Velvet makes a comeback, but Madison cuts her off.  Mickie comes in and kicks Madison’s ass.  As the referee tries to regain control, Tara hits Velvet with the elbow brace.  Sarita pins Velvet in 4:34.  This sucked.

RVD bitches at Eric Bischoff in the office.  Bischoff says he has a match tonight.  Against another mystery opponent.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams.  Williams smoothly eludes the larger Terry.  Terry finally connects with a shoulder block that sends Williams to the floor.  AJ Styles attacks Williams to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Lame.  Styles and Terry injure Williams’ hand.

Brother Ray is going to the parking lot.  Commercials.

Brother Ray and Brother Ray are in the parking lot now.  Ray hides behind security and talks shit.  Of course, this goes on way too long.  Bubba finally attacks Devon while security is holding him back.  He warns Devon against showing up at Genesis.

Jeff Jarrett tells Eric Bischoff that he has a plan for Sunday.  Bischoff asks Jarrett to shoot RVD.  Jarrett is worried about Kurt Angle interfering.  Bischoff makes him feel better by making it No DQ.  Huh?

Non-Title: Abyss vs. TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  At least they waited for me.  Lethal tries to take down Abyss and fails miserably.  Abyss tries to throw Lethal around and succeeds magnificently.  Lethal uses his speed to try to gain the upperhand.  He kicks Abyss in the leg and lands a dropkick.  Abyss tries to chokeslam him.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow.  He finally knocks Abyss down with a missile dropkick for 2.  Abyss catches Lethal with the Black Hole Slam.  Cover, but Abyss pulls Lethal up at 2.  Abyss beats on Lethal in the corner.  The ref DQs him in 3:27.  Lame.  Abyss shoves down the referee.  Continuing tonight’s trend, Kazarian comes down.  He pretends to beg Abyss to stop beating up Lethal.  He taunts Lethal, asking him to stand up.  Abyss holds Lethal up and forces him to shake Kazarian’s hand.

Up next, Mike Tenay’s sit down interview with Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson!  Commercials.

Genesis hype.

Mike Tenay’s sit down interview with Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson.  Same ol’ shit.

RVD vs. Jeff Jarrett is NEXT!  Commercials!

No DQ Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Rob Van Dam.  To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time these two have ever wrestled.  Tenay says it’s true, which means I’m probably wrong.  Jarrett runs around in circles like a geek.  RVD and the referee both insist that some contact be made.  Jarrett throws a kick.  RVD catches it and drops Jarrett with his “kick over the kick” move and does the “Rob Van Dam” thumb point.  Jarrett pokes RVD in the eye.  RVD drops him with another kick.  RVD beats up Jarrett in the corner.  RVD hits a springboard kick and goes for the Rolling Thunder.  Jarrett bails and runs around the ring.  RVD decks Jarrett again.  Murphy trips RVD, allowing Jarrett to get the advantage.  Jarrett applies a sleeper hold.  RVD escapes and makes his comeback.  One of the geeks runs in.  RVD throws him out of the ring and brings in a chair.  Other geeks run in.  RVD kicks their asses.  Gunner and Murphy beat down RVD and hold him for Jarrett.  Jarrett tells them to let him go.  RVD drops all of them with kicks.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy appears and gives RVD the Twist of Hate.  Jarrett gets the pin in 5:26.  Lame and overbooked.  Jarrett and Hardy beat down RVD.  Matt Morgan runs in to make the save.  Hardy tries to hit him with a chair.  Mr. Anderson appears, grabs the chair, and accidentally hits Morgan.  Oh noes!  Was it REALLY an accident?

As crappy as this show was, they’ve done WAY worse.

WCW SuperBrawl VIII (Repost)

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

The shows opens with a Sting/Hogan hype video.

Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Bobby Heenan are on commentary LIVE from the Cow Palace in San Francisco.  They talk about what’s going to happen TONIGHT, then send it to David Penzer to introduce the first match!

WCW World Television Championship Match:
Rick Martel (c) vs. Booker T.  The winner of this match will defend the title against Perry Saturn later tonight.  Martel offers a handshake, then tries to jump Booker.  He was at worst a tweener on the last PPV, so I’m going to make a wild assumption that he at least half ass turned heel to win the belt from Booker on TV between the PPVs.  Back and forth match early on.  The Flock is in the crowd watching.  They do a lot of the same stuff from their previous PPV match.  The audio on the show is kind of wonky, the commentary isn’t as loud as usual.  Martel sends Booker into the guardrail to get the advantage and builds the heat.  Booker hits a side slam.  He misses an elbow drop but Spinaroonies up and hits an elbow smash.  Martel fights back and gets a near fall off of a powerslam.  Booker fights back again, but Martel hits a spinebuster and locks in the crab hold.  Booker gets a rope break.  Martel hits a crossbody, but Booker rolles through and gets a near fall, then gets another with a reverse cradle.  Martel gets his own near fall with a lariat.  Booker bounces off the ropes and hits a big forearm, then the scissors kick and slam.  Booker goes up top and goes for a crossbody, but Martel ducks.  Martel dives off the top rope, but Booker catches him with the Harlem Side Kick to win the title at 10:33.  Saturn jumps in the ring, tosses Martel, and attacks Booker, which gives us…

WCW World Television Championship Match:
Booker T (c) vs. Perry Saturn.  Saturn locks in the Rings of Saturn, but Booker gets a rope break.  Saturn tries to get the pin with various cradles, then chokes Booker with his shirt.  Booker hits his rollup out of the corner for a near fall, but Saturn immediately goes back to kicking his ass.  Saturn beats up Booker on the outside of the ring.  Booker gets a brief second wind and reverses an Irish whip to send Saturn into the guardrail.  He can’t follow up though, and Saturn jumps on him again.  Back in the ring, Booker gets beat up some more.  Booker catches Saturn with a slam.  Saturn knocks him out of the ring again and hits a dive.  Saturn beats on Booker some more.  Booker ducks a shot and hits a forearm.  Saturn ducks a charging Booker, who takes a funny looking bump bouncing off the turnbuckle.  Saturn hits a backdrop suplex off of the middle rope.  Saturn keeps trying to pin Booker to close to the ropes.  Saturn goes for a superplex, but Booker counters it with a front suplex and hits his missile dropkick.  Everytime Booker hits a move, he has to take a moment to breathe and can’t finish Saturn off.  Saturn hits an Exploder, but now he’s sleepy too.  Saturn finally gets around to making the cover, but Booker kicks out.  Saturn hits a nice belly-to-belly for another near fall.  Saturn hits a springboard moonsault to knock Booker down.  They slowly make it back to their feet.  Saturn beats Booker down and chokes him.  Booker tries to climb the ropes but kind of stumbles back into a Saturn suplex.  Saturn wears down Booker with a chin lock.  Tenay announces that Martel’s knee was injured in the previous match.  Booker and Saturn run the ropes and crossbody each other.  Booker hits a slam, the scissors kick, and a sidewalk slam.  Booker goes for the Harlem Hangover, but Saturn moves.  Saturn hits a various suplexes for near falls.  Booker nails the Harlem Side Kick out of nowhere for the win at 14:24.  The Booker/Martel match was fine, though I liked their match from the previous PPV better.  Booker/Saturn was good too and worked well in the context of this whole thing.

I don’t know how true the details are, but according to Wikipedia, Martel was supposed to win these matches.  He injured his knee and broke his leg in the Booker match, so they improvised a new finish.  Then, Booker and Saturn called their whole match in the ring.  Martel would return in July and reinjure himself in his first match back before retiring for good.  I emailed Meltzer and he says it’s true.

La Parka vs. Disco Inferno.  Apparently, they’re feuding over who is the better dancer.  Naturally, the way to settle a disagreement over dancing is to have a wrestling match.  A minute in, La Parka sends Disco out of the ring with a kick and hits a suicide dive.  The audio on this show is very odd.  You can hear what’s going on where the cameras are shooting a lot louder than you can hear the announcers.  Parka controls the match for a while.  Disco has a brief comeback, then gets kicked in the face.  Parka headscissors Disco out of the ring, then hits a tope suicida.  Back in the ring, Disco starts fighting back.  The ref gets nailed somehow while my wife was blocking the TV.  Parka brings his chair in and politely lets Disco sit down.  Parka goes to the top rope.  Disco stops him and goes for a superplex, but Parka counters.  Parka ends up taking a bump facefirst into the chair.  Disco hits the Chart Buster to get the win at 11:41.  Not a bad match, but I thought it was about twice as long as a feud over dance moves deserves.

Mean Gene Okerlund is with JJ Dillon.  Dillon calls out referee Nick Patrick and reinstates him, but he’s not going to be the referee in the main event tonight.

Brad Armstrong vs. Bill Goldberg.  This is a special bonus match.  Armstrong tries, but Goldberg is too much for him.  Goldberg tosses him around a bit and no sells everything Armstrong tries.  Spear, Jackhammer, and the pin at 2:24.  Okay for what is, which wasn’t much.

WCW World Cruiserweight Championship vs. Mask Match:
Chris Jericho (c) vs. Juventud Guerrera (m).  Jericho loves the belt so much he wrestles with it on.  He gets hurt when Juventud spin kicks the belt, so he finally takes it off.  Juventud hits a neat rana off the apron on Jericho.  Jericho plays dead so he’ll get counted out and keep the belt.  Juventud brings him back in.  Jericho goes for a German, but Juventud lands on his feet.  Jericho hits his springboard dropkick the guy off the apron move.  They go outside a bit, then Jericho comes back in and catches a sprinboarding Juventud and Tombstones him for a near fall.  Juventud gets a near fall off of a victory roll.  Jericho locks in a backbreaker hold and thinks he got the win.  He gets angry when he realises he didn’t.  Juventud flies off the top rope and tries the victory roll again, but gets dropped.  Jericho climbs the ropes, but Juventud dropkicks him and he goes to the floor.  Juvi hits a dive to the outside and brings Jericho back to the ring.  Juvi hits a Michinoku Driver and the 450 splash for the pin… but Jericho’s hand was on the bottom rope!  Jericho clips Juvi’s leg.  Juvi counters a move with a front cradle but Jericho kicks out.  Stuff happens kinda quick.  Juvi hits a swank springboard avalanche Frankensteiner.  Jericho hits a reverse brainbuster, but misses the Lionsault.  Jericho goes for the Liontamer, but Juventud counters with a cradle for a near fall.  Juvi goes for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho counters and locks in the Liontamer for the win at 13:29.  Okay match.  It got better after the false finish.  Juvi slowly and sadly undoes his mask.  Jericho, the unsensitive bastard, yanks it off.

Steve McMichael vs. The British Bulldog.  Bulldog goes all out at Mongo to start.  Mongo fights back.  Back and forth power match.  Bulldog puts Mongo in the Sharpshooter.  Mongo gets a rope break.  They spill outside and Mongo kicks Davey Boy’s ass.  Bulldog starts working over Mongo’s arm.  Back in the ring, Mongo does his football tackle a couple of times.  He goes for the Tombstone, but Bulldog grabs a Fujiwara armbar for the win at 6:10.  Mongo gets mad at the referee because he didn’t submit.  I guess it was a referee stop.  Match wasn’t anything special, but not offensive.  At least it was kept short.

WCW United States Heavyweight Championship Match: Diamond Dallas Page (c) vs. Chris Benoit.  Page looks remarkably like a construction worker with elbow pads.  They trade hammerlocks.  Page takes some punishment.  Benoit goes for the Crippler Crossface early, but Page escapes before he can lock it in and bails.  He comes back in and they do a quick pinfall reversal sequence.  Benoit fires up with chops.  Page fights back and goes for the Diamond Cutter, but Benoit slips away and bails to take a breather.  Tempers flare and they start throwing punches.  Benoit works Page over, wearing him down with a sleeper.  Page finally hits a jawbreaker to get out if it.  Page gets a second wind and throws some punches, but Benoit suplexes him and goes back to the sleeper.  Page escapes again, Benoit locks it in again.  Page somehow throws Benoit out of the ring.  Benoit climbs to the top rope, but Page pushes the ropes to crotch him and hits a superplex.  Page hits his spinning lariat for a near fall, then a diving lariat for another.  Benoit locks in the Crippler Crossface, but Page gets a rope break.  Page gets an inside cradle for a near fall.  Benoit covers and gets a two count as well.  Benoit beats on Page in the corner.  Page hits a belly-to-belly for a two count.  Rolling Germans from Benoit for a near fall.  Page hits a big tornado DDT, but Benoit kicks out.  Page goes for the Diamond Cutter.  Benoit counters and goes for a backslide.  Page counters and hits the Diamond Cutter for the win at 15:49.  Really good match.

Cut to the announcers.  Tony announces that The Giant missed his flight and isn’t there tonight.  The Jackknife Powerbomb has been banned since Nash almost murdered The Giant last month.  Video package on the aforementioned Giant/Nash match last month.

No DQ Match:
Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Lex Luger.  There’s a production boo boo during the entrances, as the start of the Steiners’ music plays before Luger’s music.  Luger has taped ribs.  Luger tries a press slam but can’t do it because of the rib injury.  Savage, of course, works on the ribs.  Luger tries to get a quick pin with an inside cradle, but Savage kicks out and attacks the ribs again.  Luger eventually makes a comeback and gets Savage in the Torture Rack, but Elizabeth attacks him.  nWo jobbers run in to cause the DQ in the No DQ Match at 7:21.  Luger and Savage fight off Norton, Bagwell,  Brian Adams, and Vincent.  Hogan comes out and says he’s glad Savage got beat.  Luger is announced as the winner.  All the results sites say the result is Luger by submission, but that’s not how it looked.  Retarded fucking shit.  Ah, on replay you can see the referee signaling for the bell when Savage was in the rack, so the timekeeper is the fucking retard here.

WCW World Tag Team Championship Match: The Steiner Brothers (c) (w/ Ted Dibiase) vs. The Outsiders (w/ Dusty Rhodes).  Hall conducts his survey before the match.  For some reason, the Steiners wear the new tag belts while Dibiase carries the old belts.  Hall throws his toothpick in Rick’s face and Rick throws his fist in Hall’s face.  Rick punches Hall a bunch, then suplexes him.  Nash comes in and gets sent out of the ring.  The Outsiders take a breather as the Steiners do their pose in the ring, then Scott attacks Rick!  Dusty throws Dibiase into the ring post.  The Outsiders and Scott do the nWo sign.  Hall covers Rick… who kicks out!  Rick takes a beating, but then fights back!  Nash nails Rick from behind and Hall goes for the Outsider’s Edge.  He fails the first time, but then hits it and gets the win at 4:18.  Scott hands Hall and Nash the belts.

Uncensored, next month LIVE on PPV!

Michael Buffer is in the ring to introduce the main event.

WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: Hollywood Hogan vs. Sting.  Sting charges the ring and Hogan whips him with his belt.  Hogan uses various dirty tricks to get the better of Sting early on.  After about six minutes of being beaten by grandma Hogan, Sting makes a comeback.  Sting takes off Hogan’s belt and whips him with it.  Hogan tries to leave, but Sting follows and chokes him with the belt.  Sting accidentally Stinger Splashes the guardrail and Hogan goes to work on him again.  Sting fights back and hits the Stinger Splash, then locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hogan gets a rope break.  Referee Charles Robinson gets sandwiched between Hogan and Sting in another Stinger Splash.  Nick Patrick comes in as Hogan hits the leg drop.  Patrick makes a fair two count.  Hogan gets angry at Patrick for calling the match fairly.  Hogan goes for the pin about 348 times in a minute, but Sting keeps lifting a shoulder.  Sting powers out and Hogan stops on his hands.  Hogan throws Sting out of the ring, beats him up a bit, brings him back in the ring, and punches him in the balls.  Sting makes a comeback and hits some Stiner Splashes and Scorpion Death Drop, but Hogan kicks Patrick at the same time.  The nWo runs in and Sting fights them off while Savage comes in and nails Hogan with something.  Sting covers Hogan for the win at 16:34.  Sting spraypaints “WCW” on Hogan’s chest.  Long, boring match.

I was expecting good things after Souled Out was such a good show.  This one isn’t very good.  The great DDP/Benoit match is the only saving grace of this show.

WWE Royal Rumble 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package highlights preview Royal Rumbles, then the Orton/McMahon angle from Raw last Monday.  Short version: Orton kicked Vince in the head.  Hard.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole say that the McMahon family hasn’t released any info about Mr. McMahon’s condition.  Orton will be reprimanded… later.

Castrol GTX presents the Royal Rumble!  The Road to WrestleMania begins tonight!

Fireworks, then Cole and Lawler welcome us to the Royal Rumble, LIVE from Detroit, Michigan!  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker then take over announcing duties for the opening match.

ECW Championship Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  That big silver belt still looks ridiculous on anyone not named Mark Henry.  We call the World title the “Big Gold Belt.”  Can we call this one the “Big Ugly Belt?”  Wow, in-ring introductions for the ECW Title match?  They lock up to start, then Matt starts throwing punches.  Swagger responds by initiating some mat wrestling.  As soon as Matt gets away, though, he goes back to brawling.  Swagger works on Hardy’s arm.  Striker says Swagger is the second youngest ECW Champion ever.  Who was the youngest?  I’ll have to look it up later.  My guess is Mikey Whipwreck.  Swagger hits a big belly to belly suplex for a near fall.  Striker is the new Jim Ross as far as random old school references.  Matt hits a moonsault(!) for a near fall.  Swagger throws Matt into the post and hits the Doctor Bomb to retain the title at 10:28.  Fine match, and thier TV match was pretty good too.  Swagger might be the first guy to have his PPV debut be a successful title defense.  Something else for me to research later!  That’s good, I’m going to have a lot of time to kill this evening.  Matt looks very upset.

Earlier tonight: Randy Orton arrived and all the midcarders snubbed him.  Now: a shot of Detroit to segway into Cole and Lawler being back on commentary for the next match.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Beth Phoenix (c) (w/ Santino Marella) vs. Melina.  I still can’t buy Melina as a smiling babyface.  She needs to hurry up and get done with this “I just came back from injury” babyface run and turn into a bitch again.  They do some stuff, and most of it looks sloppy.  Beth hits a running butt in the corner.  Beth puts Melina in a modified half crab-type move, then uses Melina’s foot to kick her in the head!  That’s nifty.  I guess Melina is too flexible for her own good.  Beth gorrila presses Melina.  Melina tries to counter out of it, but just falls.  Melina wins with a sunset flip-style cradle at 5:57 to win the title.  Bad match with one neat spot saving it from being a complete waste of time.

Michaels/JBL video package.  Oh yeah, that Cena character is somewhere in there too, but he’s not what’s important.  Backstage, JBL tells Shawn that if JBL wins the title tonight, Shawn will get all the money he’s owed and a spot in the Royal Rumble.  JBL leaves and Undertaker comes in.  Taker tells Shawn, “Sometimes, it’s hell to get to heaven.”  Okay.

WrestleMania 25, live on PPV April 5th!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. JBL (w/ Shawn Michaels).  JBL and Shawn come out without the limo.  Ironic, the one time the ramp looks like a street, JBL decides to walk down.  In-ring intros, then the referee gets a cheap thrill by feeling them up.  A minute and a half in, JBL bails to say something to Michaels.  Boring match.  These two have had like 500 matches, and only one of them was good.  Everyone, including me, is just waiting for Michaels to interfere.  10 minutes it, Cena gets JBL in the STF (no U anymore since WWE is kid friendly).  JBL escapes somehow, then hits the Clothesline From Hell for a near fall.  Cena goes for the move with which he goes for the victory, but JBL escapes, then there’s a ref bump.  Both men are down as Shawn gets in the ring.  Shawn superkicks JBL, then superkicks Cena.  Shawn puts JBL in top of Cena and leaves.  Another referee runs down to make the count, but Cena gets a shoulder up at two.  Cena goes for the victory and gets the win at 15:30.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.  It looks cool.

Ross and Tazz take over commentary for the WWE Title match.  Hardy/Edge video package.

WWE Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Edge (w/ Chavo Guerrero).  Jeff enters first, then Vickie Guerrero comes with her awful “Excuse me!” voice and tells Jeff that the match is No DQ.  Edge comes out with Chavo Guerrero as his second.  In-ring intros, the Jeff jumps Edge as soon as the bell rings.  Jeff tries to bring in a chair early, but Edge stops him, so Jeff just beats him up some more.  Edge ends up on the outside and Jeff dives off the apron onto him.  Edge gets back in the ring and Jeff tries to springboard, but Edge knocks him off thanks to a distraction from Chavo.  They do some more stuff, then Edge hugs Jeff on the mat.  Edge tries to bring chairs in the ring, but Jeff spears him off the apron, then hits a suicide dive.  Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on the ring apron.  Jeff pulls a ladder from under the ring and sets Edge up on one of the announce tables.  Jeff climbs up, but Chavo climbs up to stop him.  Chavo gets knocked off, then Jeff dives off the ladder and clotheslines him.  Jeff puts Chavo on the announce table, then dives off the ladder onto him!  That should take care of Chavo!  Back in the ring, Edge exposes the top turnbuckle!  Jeff blocks Edge’s attempt to ram his head into it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for a near fall.  Edge hits (I think) I reverse DDT for a near fall.  Jeff gets a near fall with an inside cradle.  Jeff finally takes the exposed turnbuckle face first.  Edge goes for the spear, but Jeff counters in mid move with the Twist of Fate.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton bomb.  Vickie comes out and tries to prevent it, but Jeff hits it anyway.  Vickie pulls the referee’s leg to stop the count.  Matt Hardy runs down with a chair and tosses Vickie in the ring.  Matt sets up Edge for a one man conchairto from Jeff, then double crosses him and nails his brother with the chair!  SWERVE!  Edge gets the pin and wins his 7th World Title in 3 years.  He’s never won one clean, either.  Anyway, match went about 20 minutes and was pretty good.  Edge and Vickie leave happy, then Matt leaves, then Jeff is helped out by the referees!

No Way Out, live of PPV February 15, with Elimination Chamber matches!

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton.  Orton says he doesn’t know what the repercussions of his kick will be, but as far as he knows, he’s still in the Rumble match.  Jericho steps in and says he approves of what Orton did.  Jericho thinks Orton is going to get fired tomorrow.  He wishes him good luck.

Royal Rumble “by the numbers” match video package.  It’s Rumble time!  Justin Roberts runs down the rules of the Rumble.  If we don’t all know how it works by now, we never well.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is the 2006 Royal Rumble winner, Rey Mysterio!  Ross and Lawler are back together to do commentary for the Rumble.  #2 is John Morrison.  This should be a good opening minute.  They take turns almost being eliminated.  #3 is Carlito.  Carlito spits apple in Morrison’s face.  Carlito hits a nice springboard moonsault on Morrison.  #4 is MVP, who gets a big babyface reaction.  Morrison hits his springboard kick on Carlito, then MVP hits the Drive By on Morrison.  #5 is Great Khali.  Khali destroys everyone.  #6 is Vladimir Kozlov.  He and Khali go right at it.  Kozlov eliminates Khali!  Kozlov dumps MVP as well.  He tries to eliminate Carlito, but Carlito saves himself and eats a Kozlov spinebuster, then Kozlov tosses him anyway.  Kozlov and Mysterio go at it.  #7 is Triple H, the 2002 Royal Rumble winner!!  Triple H goes straight for Kozlov, who he’s been having issues with.  Triple H gives Kozlov the crotch chop, then tosses him.  Morrison goes after Triple H, but gets a knee to the face.  #8 is Randy Orton!  Orton goes for the RKO on Triple H.  Triple H shoves him away and goes for the Pedigree, but eats Morrison’s springboard kick.  Mysterio hits the Bombs Away on Orton, then the 619 on Morrison.  #9 is… Cryme Tyme.  Okay, they’ve got one spot between them so they flip a coin.  JTG wins the coin flip and heads to the ring.  Shad picks up the coin and sees that it was a two headed coin!  #10 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ awful new music).  Dibiase almost eliminates JTG and Morrison, but they both hold on and try to kick each other off of their hand holds.  Mysterio almost eliminates Orton.  #11 is Chris Jericho.  Jericho misses a Lionsault on Triple H.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Triple H prevents it, though.  #12 is Mike Knox (w/ beard).  Of course, he goes right after Mysterio first, then clocks JTG and Morrison for good measure.  #13 is The Miz.  The ring starting to fill up.  Ah, I see why.  Orton RKOs three guys, then gets Pedigreed.  Triple H tosses Morrison into Miz and they’re both eliminated.  #14 is Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Mysterio goes over the top, but uses Miz and Morrison as steps to get back in the ring.  Brilliant spot!  Finlay loves to fight, so he’s having a great time tonight.  #15 is Cody Rhodes (w/ awful music).  The three members of Legacy triple team Triple H, then Finlay.  Mysterio springboards off the ropes and Orton catches him in mid-air with the RKO!  #16 is The Undertaker!  Undertaker beats up everybody and tosses JTG.  Taker beats up Cody.  #17 is Goldust.  Goldust nails Dibiase, then smacks his little brother.  Goldust almost eliminates Cody, but Orton gives him the RKO.  At Orton’s direction, Cody eliminates Goldust.  #18 is CM PUNK!  He tries to do his springboard into the ring, but slips on the ropes.  Hey, those ropes are sweaty by this point!  Triple H goes for the Pedigree on Punk, but Punk counters and nails the Go 2 Sleep!  #19 is Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Henry beats on Taker and others. #20 is Shelton Benjamin.  As Punk and Jericho fight on the top rope, Shelton jumps up and hits a double Paydirt!  Triple H almost eliminates Punk.  #21 is William Regal (w/ Layla)  He goes straight for Punk, who beat him for the Intercontinental Title last Monday.  Mysterio low bridges Mark Henry, leading to the World’s Strongest Man being eliminated.  #22 is Kofi Kingston.  Undertaker eliminates Benjamin.  Jericho is trying hard to eliminate Mysterio.  #23 is Kane.  Taker is bleeding.  He and Kane united to chokeslam Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Kofi as well.  Punk eliminates Regal.  #24 is R-Truth.  #25 is ROB VAN DAM!  He looks out of shape and rusty, but he’s still super crazy over.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash on R-Truth, but doesn’t hit it as Triple H tries to stop him and RVD has to jump over.  #26 is The Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson), who eliminates Kingston, but is promptly eliminated himself by Triple H.  #27 is Dolph Ziggler.  He introduces himself to Kane, who tosses him.  #28 is Santino Marella.  He lasts approximately two seconds before being clotheslined over the top rope and eliminated by Kane.  “I WASN’T READY!” he protests.  Santino is awesome.  #29 is winner of the 1988 Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, to a big pop.  Hacksaw beats up everyone!  #30 is The Big Show!  Show and Undertaker go face to face, but Kane interjects himself and nails Show.  Duggan goes after Show and gets tossed for his trouble.  Duggan shockingly got a nice push in this Rumble and was crazy over.  Show press slams R-Truth out of the ring.  Undertaker tosses Cody, who holds on and saves himself.  Show fails three times to eliminate Punk, but finally nails him with the big punch and Punk falls off the apron to be eliminated.  Knox and Mysterio are eliminated.  Hornswoggle comes in and saves Finlay from getting chokeslammed by Kane.  Kane backdrops Finlay out of the ring to eliminate him.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Kane.  Orton hits his sick DDT on Triple H.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Orton, then gets eliminated by Jericho.  Jericho turns around into the Undertaker.  They go at it, then Taker eliminates Jericho.  Legacy eliminates Kane.  We’re down to six.  Triple H fight Shows as Legacy go after Undertaker.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Undertaker chokeslams Orton, Dibiase, and Rhodes in turn.  Undertaker and Big Show trade punches.  Taker hits the big boot and sends Show out, but Show holds on too!  There’s WAY too much of that in this Rumble.  Orton tries to RKO Taker, but Taker shoves him away.  Undertaker and Show goozle each other on the apron.  Orton RKO’s Show, who falls to floor for the elimination.  Show pulls Taker off the apron to eliminate him.  Taker and Show brawl into the crowd.  Final four: Triple H and Legacy.  Triple H gets triple teamed.  He counters an RKO attempt and goes on the offensive.  He hits the knee facebuster on Cody and the spinebuster on Dibiase.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and tosses Dibiase.  He tosses Cody, but Orton bundles Triple H out from behind to win the Royal Rumble at 58:38.  Orton celebrates his ticket to WrestleMania!

Not the best Rumble PPV by any means, but Edge and Hardy had a good match, and the Rumble itself is always fun.

TNA Genesis 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Opening (Cross The Line!), then a video package chronicling the rise of the Main Event Mafia, then hyping the important matches tonight.

Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us to Genesis LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina.  Time for our opening “These guys have nothing else to do and we want to throw them on the show” match.

Elimination Match: Sonjay Dutt, Jimmy Rave, & Kiyoshi vs. LAX & Eric Young.  During the entrances the announcers mention that the Awesome Kong/Christy Hemme match scheduled for tonight will not happen due to injuries and that Rhino has not arrived at the building yet. Anyway, Homicide and Dutt start, then Rave and Young go at it a bit.  The big man, Hernandez, comes in against Kiyoshi, who now has a red streak in his hair.  LAX double teams Kiyoshi.  We get a split screen with Jim Cornette knocking on the MEM’s locker room and nobody answering.  Back in the ring, Homicide hits a modified Tiger Driver on Dutt.  He goes for a splash or a headbutt, but Dutt moves and tags in Kiyoshi.  Kiyoshi plays “generic Japanese guy” well.  This is also your “match with lots of dives to the outside” TNA has at least one of on every show.  Split screen: the MEM is still ignoring Cornette.  Dutt pins Young with his feet on the ropes at 10:38.  Homicide goes for the Gringo Killer, but Dutt escapes and tags in Rave.  Rave pins Homicide with a school boy and a handful of tights at 11:29.  It’s 3 on 1 against Homicide now, but he has a World Title shot soon, so he smashes all of them.  Border Toss eliminates Kiyoshi at 12:49.  A sit-out powerbomb sends Dutt to the showers at 13:07.  A top rope splash eliminates Rave at 13:47, leaving Hernandez as your sole survivor.  It seems like they realized they didn’t book enough shit for the PPV, so they threw this on to kill some time.

Scott Steiner finally answers the door.  Cornette thinks the MEM have something to do with Rhino not being there yet.  Steiner says Rhino is probably drunk pissing himself in a gutter somewhere.

Highlights of the X Division Championship Tournament are shown.  Tonight, the Motor City Machine Guns face each other in the final.

TNA X Division Championship Tournament – Final: Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley.  Sabin beat Sonjay Dutt and Kiyoshi to make it here, while Shelley beat Jay Lethal and Eric Young.  Awesome “great workers starting a match” sequence.  They wrestle for nearly four minutes, then start nailing some strikes as well.  Sabin ends up on the outside and ducks back into the ring to avoid a diving from Shelley.  Shelley lands on his feet, but then takes a dive from Sabin.  Back in the ring, Shelley hits a cool cannonball leg drop back in the ring.  They both do neat submission holds at various points.  This is just an awesome match.  Even the announcers aren’t awful for a change.  Sabin hits a swank tornado DDT for a two count.  Sabin dives off the ropes, but Shelley catches him in an armbar and transitions into the crossface.  More cool stuff.  Sabin gets another near fall with a Tiger suplex hold.  My wife keeps walking in front of the TV and making me miss spots, but I did catch Shelley hitting a Schwein.  Shelley goes for a frog splash, but Sabin catches him with knees.  Shelley manages to hit a frog splash to the back, then another to the front, and Sabin kicks out!  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant.  For once, the morons are right.  Sabin nails a lariat and the Cradle Shock for a near fall.  Sabin goes for an avalanche Cradle Shock, but Sabin fights out and hits the Shiranui for the near fall.  Shelley feigns a foot injury and school boys a concerned Sabin for the win at 16:40.  Weak finish to a really good match.

Jim Cornette tells Jeremy Borash that not only is Rhino missing, but Kevin Nash is in the hospital with a staph infection, she he’s out of the main event.  Mick Foley instructs Cornette to tell the Main Event Mafia to find a suitable replacement.

Tenay and West run down the matches still to come tonight.

Bashir/Sewell video package.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Shane Sewell.  Sewell comes out to no reaction and Tenay puts over how the crowd is solidly on his side.  Sewell does a wrestling move here and there, but it’s essentially a brawl, which makes sense given the storyline.  Around the 9 minute mark, Sewell locks in a figure-four leglock, which gets a big reaction in Charlotte.  Bashir takes a swing at referee Earl Hebner and gets slapped for his trouble.  Sewell gets the win with a sunset flip and a fast count from Hebner at 10:18.  The other referees run out to celebrate with Sewell.  The match was fine, but I had a feeling it was longer than it needed to be.

Cornette interrogates Booker T (w/ Sharmell) about why Rhino is missing.  Booker threatest Cornette.  Sewell gets involved, leading to an altercation between Booker and Sewell.

Hype video for the Tag title match.

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed (c) vs. Beer Money (w/ Jacqueline) vs. Matt Morgan & Abyss.  Lethal & Creed cashed in their Feast or Fired briefcase and took advantage of an injury to Robert Roode to win the titles a month before… er, I mean three days before on iMPACT!.  Nothing interesting happens for a few minutes, then there’s a funny spot where Beer Money and Jacqueline fall in a way that looks like Storm and Roode are double teaming Jackie.  Double teaming in the adult film way, not the wrestling match way.  Morgan dives from the top rope onto all four of his opponents on the outside.  The match goes back to being not especially interesting after that, other than a cool double team spot from Beer Money on Creed.  At 14 1/2 minutes, Abyss accidentally nails Morgan with one of the tag title belts.  Roode covers, but the referee is busy ejecting Jacqueline.  Lethal comes off with the diving elbow, but Storm blasts him with the superkick.  Storm puts Roode on top of Morgan for the three count to regain the belts at 15:21.

Kurt Angle barges into Jim Cornette’s office.  Angle tells Cornette the MEM beat up Rhino, but they did leave him with cab fare.

Taylor Wilde, ODB, & Roxxi vs. The Kongtourage (Raisha Saeed, Rhaka Khan, & Sojourner Bolt).  If TNA needed a couple of big black women, why didn’t they call Jazz?  The faces all get their shine, then the heels get heat on Wilde.  Hot tag to ODB, who cleans house.  ODB hits a powerslam on Saeed, then Bolt completely misses making the save.  It looked like that to me anyway.  Wilde dives to the outside to take out Bolt and Saeed.  ODB pins Saeed with an inside cradle on 7:46.  Match wasn’t very good.  Lots of botches.  Awesome Kong comes out and chokeslams ODB, trying not to show that here back was hurt, which was half the reason the Kong/Hemme match didn’t happen.

Cornette asks Sting why he condones the MEM attacking his opponent for tonight.  Sting takes offense at Cornette assuming he had anything to do with it, since, ya know, they need an out in case they decide to turn him face again.

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett video package.  Man, I really need to watch their Bound For Glory match.  I bet it was good.

No DQ Grudge Match: Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett starts off with angry punches.  They fight at ringside.  Split screen: Rhino is here, mad and selling a back injury.  Jarrett throws beer in Angle’s face.  Alcohol abuse!  Tenay says the cup of beer was 24 ounces.  They are big cups.  I wish the beers at the Civic Center where I go to shows were 24 ounces.  Angle takes over on Jarrett in the ring.  Jarrett hits a nice armdrag to counter the Angle slam and hits a smooth backdrop to send Angle over the top rope.  Jarrett dives out onto Angle!  He botched it, though.  Angle throws Jarrett over the announce table.  Angle hits Jarrett with the bell.  Jarrett is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Angle is bloody too as they brawl on the stage.  ANGLE SLAM OFF THE STAGE THROUGH A TABLE!  On replay, it looks like Jarrett mostly missed the table and went straight to concrete.  They make it back to the ring.  They’re both bloody and full of hate.  Jarrett hits a Pedigree of all things.  Jarrett goes for the Stroke, but Angle counters and locks in the Ankle Lock.  Jarrett dropkicks a chair into Angle’s face and hits the Stroke for a near fall.  Angle hits a missile dropkick and the Angle Slam for a near fall of his own.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Angle kicks him in the balls to prevent it.  Angle asks the crowd if he should use the guitar or the chair.  He decides on the chair.  He blasts Jarrett with it, but Jarrett kicks out again.  Angle ducks an enzuigiri and locks in the ankle lock.  Jarrett rolls through and gets a near fall off a front cradle.  Jarrett counters another Angle Slam attempt with a DDT.  Jarrett picks up the guitar again, but it’s broken, so Jarrett blasts Angle with a chair shot instead.  Jarrett lays on the cover, but Angle counters into a crucifix hold for the win at 22:00.  Another great match with a weak finish.  Angle Pillmanizes Jarrett’s angle with the chair after the match.

Backstage, Cornette tries to persuade Rhino to not go through the match tonight.  Rhino says he’s wrestling.

Back in the arena, Jeff Jarrett is stretchered away.  They show replays of the post-match Angle.

Rhino/Sting video package.  Rhino has stepped up to the front line of, well… the Frontline.  Remember: Rhino pinned Sting clean in a non-title match to set this up.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Rhino.  Rhino is selling the off-camera beatdown we heard about earlier.  Rhino, who was already bleeding to sell the beating, gets his bandage ripped off and bleeds more.  After 6 minutes of not much happening, Rhino hits the Gore.  Sting rolls to the outside before he can get pinned.  Rhino goes for a frog splash back in the ring, but misses.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Rhino doesn’t tap, despite the fact that he’s selling a back injury.  Rhino makes it the ropes, but Sting pulls him back to the middle, so Rhino gets another rope break.  Rhino goes for the Gore again, but Sting moves and hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the victory at 8:24.  Really weak match.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley, Brother Devon, and AJ Styles.  Styles dedicates the match tonight to Samoa Joe and his newborn son.  Devon dedicates it to Brother Ray.  Foley gets his interview time next and is in full Cactus Jack mode.

Frontline/Main Event Mafia video package, and it’s main event time.  Booker and Steiner come out first.  Booker’s accent keeps getting more and more retarded.  Booker introduces their replacement: “Cutie” Kip.  WTF?  I guess they couldn’t find a suitable replacement after all.  Kip runs down his credentials.  He says he’s a two time Intercontinental Champion.  He’s not.  The MEM’s suitable replacement can’t even count to 1!

The Main Event Mafia of TNA Legends Champion Booker T (w/ Sharmell) & Scott Steiner and Kip James vs. Mick Foley and The Frontline of AJ Styles & Brother Devon.  Everybody pairs off and brawls to start the match.  The match settles down in the ring.  Nothing interesting happens.  Bell rings for a double count-out at 8:20.  Cornette comes out and orders the match restarted.  Booker says he doesn’t have the authority.  Foley says that Cornette doesn’t have the authority, but HE does.  Foley orders the match restarted as a Hardcore Match!  Now the match is a wild brawl WITH PLUNDER!  Styles puts Kip through a table with a dive.  Devon hits a diving headbutt on Steiner.  Booker blasts Devon with the scissors kick.  Foley puts Booker in the Socko Claw, but Steiner hits Foley with a trash can.  Foley gives Steiner a double arm DDT on a chair for the win at about 16 minutes.  Match was bad.  Fin.

I give the show as a whole thumbs in the middle.  Shelley/Sabin and Angle/Jarrett both had very good matches, but weak finishes.  The rest of the show was just plain bad.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/19/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open then the annual Martin Luther King Day video.

6 months ago: The set fell on Mr. McMahon.  Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Raw LIVE from Chicago!  Technically, Rosemont, but I’m nitpicking.  We’re kicking things off tonight with a Royal Rumble Preview: Six-man Battle Royal!

Battle Royal: Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Kane vs. Santino Marella vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes.  Priceless has had their music remixed.  It sounds awful.  There’s a brief malfunction with the lights.  Kofi and Santino go at it while Legacy goes after Kane.  Dibiase dumps Santino.  Rhodes dumps Kingston.  Kane eliminates Rhodes, then Dibiase.  No, wait, Dibiase hands on!  Kane tries to put Orton out, but Dibiase gets involved and all three go over.  Orton hangs on and prevents his feet from touching the ground at to win at 1:50.

TONIGHT: Cena and JBL sign on the dotted line for the Rumble title match.  Commercial.

Backstage, CM Punk is preparing for yet another Intercontinental Championship match with William Regal tonight.  If they don’t get a proper match this week, I’m going to be pissed.

Non-Title: WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly.  It’s quick and fairly painless, as Beth wins with the Glam Slam in 1:10.

Orton and Dibiase are chatting backstage.  Rhodes comes in and says that Manu and Sim Snuka were in Stephanie McMahon’s office, and the rumor is Stephanie is going to fire Orton tonight.

Cena/JBL Rumble hype, emphasis on Shawn Michaels.

They put over that today is Bush’s last day in office.  Still to come tonight: Mr. McMahon returns and Rey Mysterio faces Mike Knox.

Backstage, Santino informs Beth that he’s hired Rosa Mendez as their new intern.  I see a love triangle coming.

Stephanie is on the phone with her nanny when Orton comes in.  Stephanie says Orton isn’t getting fired, so he can stop sucking up.  They end up arguing.  Stephanie slaps him.  Commercial.

John Cena has a new movie coming out.  Oh dear.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match (No DQ): William Regal (c) (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  Punk is the hometown hero.  Hopefully that means he’s going over.  He also has a spot in the Royal Rumble.  Collar and elbow tie up to start.  Regal grabs a headlock.  Punk breaks away and hits a dropkick.  Punk blasts Regal with kicks.  The fight outside briefly.  Punk works Regal’s arm.  Regal makes it to the ropes as we take a commercial break.  Dammit.  Back from break, Punk has Regal in the Anaconda Vice on the ropes.  It’s No DQ, so he doesn’t have to break.  Layla forces him to break it.  Regal does that nasty “kick Punk’s head into the turnbuckle” bit he did in their match last summer.  Regal hits a drop toehold in the ring and goes for the Regal Stretch, then knees Punk in the head to try to weaken him.  Punk gets out and fires up with kicks.  Punk hits the corner knee and goes the bulldog, but Regal counters with a half-nelson suplex!  Regal blasts Punk with knees to the head.  They fight on the top rope, but Punk kicks Regal away.  Punk is FIRED UP!  He goes for a cross body off the top but Regal ducks.  Regal goes for the knee kick, but Punk dodges and NAILS the Go 2 Sleep to win the title at 9:47!  PUNK WINS!  Punk celebrates hard in front of his adoring hometown fans.

Last week: Cena and Michaels had an awesome match.  Tonight: I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m sure it was the Cena/JBL signing.

Back from commercial, Jerry Lawler is in the ring to moderate the contract signing.  JBL (w/ Michaels) comes out first.  Cena follows to a big pop.  Cena says Shawn isn’t broken, he’s still got it.  JBL talks about Shawn like he’s not even though.  Shawn finally has enough and tells JBL he despises him, but will continue to work for him to provide for his family.  They banter back and forth.  I don’t really pay attention.  It ends, of course, with JBL cheapshotting Cena.  Michaels goes to give Cena a superkick, but Cena ducks and JBL kicks Cena.  JBL lariats Cena and leaves him laying.

WWE Slam of the Week: Last week, Rey Mysterio finally fought back against Mike Knox.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox.  Rey comes out wearing one of those masks he likes to wear over his masks.  Sorry Rey, but no matter how many masks you wear, you will never match the awesomeness of Knox’s beard.  Todd Grisham tries to catch a word with Mike Knox on his way to the ring.  Knox says he doesn’t have anything against Mysterio and doesn’t have a reason for attacking him.  Well, at least they explained it.  Mysterio goes for the 619 early, but Knox catches his leg and does that slingshot move Albert used to do.  Knox attacks Mysterio in the corner and the ref calls for the DQ at 2:30.  Knox gives Rey his finish after the match.

Stephanie McMahon finds Chris Jericho in her office.  He tells her Vince said he can plead his case tonight.

Smackdown Rebound: Edge was happy Jeff Hardy wasn’t hurt in the car accident, but then Jeff’s pyro exploded!  If he had seen Ready To Rumble, he’d know to watch out for the pyro.  Jeff vs. Edge for the WWE Title this Sunday at the Rumble!

World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz are in the ring.  They want to commemorate this Royal Rumble by beating the winner of the very first Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!  Cryme Tyme come out instead and say Duggan is gone on a special assignment, but they have a counter offer.  They want a title shot.  Miz & Morrison say they’re not going to give them a title shot.  Cryme Tyme say they’ll earn their shot.  We have a non-title match!

Non-Title: World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad pins Morrison with a STO-type move at 1:22.  Geeze, 3 matches tonight under 2 minutes, one under 3, and the longest was under 10.

Earlier tonight: Stephanie slapped Randy Orton.

Lawler and Cole hype the Royal Rumble Match.

Cody Rhodes is chatting with Mickie James backstage.  His brother, Goldust, steps in and gives Cody a copy of the Starrcade DVD.  Cody says he doesn’t need it.  He joined with Orton so he wouldn’t waste his talents like Goldust did.  He says when they make a Cody Rhodes DVD, he’ll send his brother and dad a copy.  I’ll buy a copy, then sprinkle some salt on the spots where hell just froze over.

A limo arrives, presumably carrying Mr. McMahon.

Tomorrow night on ECW, a fatal four-way match!

Jillian sings.  Badly.  Again.  They show the beatdown she and Beth gave Melina last week, which leads to…

Jillian Hall vs. Melina.  Santino, Rosa, and Beth come out.  Jillian and Melina botch a sidewalk slam.  Melina wins in 1:23, I think with the Code Red, but I wasn’t paying attention.  Rosa attacks Melina after the match, then Beth gives Melina the Glam Slam.

Dolph Ziggler is backstage talking to Candice Michelle.  Mr. McMahon steps in and introduces himself, but Ziggler is star struck and can’t remember his name.  Heh.

Earlier tonight: Cena/JBL/Michaels stuff.

Mr. McMahon hits the ring!  He calls out Jericho to air his grievances.  He complains about the horrible job Stephanie has done running things.  Vince calls out Stephanie to retort.  Vince tells Jericho he’s not going to reinstate him or fire Stephanie, and that he and Steph will run Raw together.  Stephanie says Jericho can have his job back if he apologizes.  Jericho initially refuses, but then does.  Not good enough, though.  Steph wants him to apologize to the fans.  On his knees.  Jericho drops to his knees and gives a half-hearted apology to the fans.  Stephanie tells Jericho she’ll see him at the Rumble, then tells him to leave.  Vince and Steph hug as Orton’s music hits.  He’s still smarting from the slap.  Orton wants Steph to apologize.  Vince says no.  Orton says he’s worth more than Stephanie.  Stephanie gets angry and Vince tells her to leave.  Vince orders Orton to apologize, or he’s fired.  Orton tells Vince he doesn’t want to do that.  Vince says “YOU’RE…,” then Orton slaps him and kicks him in the head.  Vince is dead.  Stephanie and agents, among them DEAN MALENKO!, check on him.  They put Vince in a neckbrace as the show fades to black.