Archive for Nikolai Volkoff

WWF at Maple Leaf Gardens 10/21/84

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by Grappleholic

Jack Reynolds and Billy Red Lyons are on commentary.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (c) vs. “Special Delivery” S.D. Jones. Reynolds that there are a number of “Orientals” at ringside to cover the match. They trade hammerlocks. You’d think Valentine would be the master of that particular hold.  Jones shines a bit, throwing the champion around and beating him up. Jones works the arm and lands some headbutts to Valentine’s back. Valentine goes to work on the leg in order to soften up Jones for the figure-four. Jones escapes leg torture and makes his comeback. Valentine bails. Jones follows him out and sends him into the barricade. Back inside, Valentine hits a backdrop suplex for the pin in about 9 minutes. You can’t hear the bell on this show. The crowd is upset, but Valentine won clean as a sheet. Good match. I love me some Hammer Valentine. **3/4

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Rocky Johnson. Punches. Volkoff with a nerve hold. Johnson, the only one with any athleticism to contribute to this match, flies around a bit for Volkoff. Johnson gets a sunset flip that the announcer calls a small package. Johnson with a crab hold, but he almost put Volkoff on top of the ropes in the process. They do a test of strength, then Volkoff goes on the attack. Johnson avoids Volkoff in the corner, then spreads his legs and stomps on him. Looked like it was in the balls to me, but the referee says otherwise. Back and forth. Volkoff with a double axe handle off the middle rope for two. Volkoff hot shots Johnson into the top rope for the pin in about 9 minutes. **1/4

Goldie Rogers & Bobby Bass vs. Dynamite Kid & Davey Boy Smith. They aren’t even called The British Bulldogs at this point! Dynamite with some sweet maneuvering and dropkicking against Rogers to start. Smith shows his power against Bass, then rams Bass’ head into Dynamite’s. Bass tries to tag out. Rogers is reluctant, but eventually obliges. He probably shouldn’t have, as the Bulldogs put a beating on him. Bass comes in and takes a headbutt from iron-skulled Dynamite. Bass tries to make a save and hits his partner. Smith hits the running powerslam on Rogers for 2, then applies a rear chin lock. Rogers and Bass actually cut Smith off and get some heat on him. The interesting part of the match has concluded for the moment. Dynamite gets the hot tag and headbutts Rogers into next week. Bass refuses to tag in. Dynamite goes for a piledriver on the ramp, but gets backdropped. Back inside, Bass tags in and goes for a diving headbutt. Dynamite avoids it. Smith tags in, avoids a headbutt from Bass, and hits a pildedriver. Dynamite tags in. Rogers comes in. Smith gets him up a fireman’s carry. Dynamite comes off of Roger’s back with a diving headbutt on Bass for the pin in about 10 minutes. It was good except for the heat segment. Bulldogs looked great here. **1/2

Steel Cage Match: Kamala (w/ Kim Chee) vs. Andre the Giant. The announcers apparently don’t know Kim Chee’s name, as they keep calling him “Friday,” as in “Man Friday.” Andre beats up Kamala. Kamala rallies, lands a big splash, and doesn’t understand why the referee isn’t counting. The referee is not, in fact, inside the cage. This is a WWF cage match, in which the objective is to run away. Kamala beats up Andre. Andre beats up Kamala. Kamala beats up Andre. Andre is bleeding. Repeat ad nauseam. Andre chokes Kamala. They fight some more. Andre slams Kamala. Andre with an elbow drop. Andre with a really horrible looking failed diving ass drop. Andre leaves to end this in about 14 minutes. Really bad.

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WWWF at the Spectrum 3/25/78

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by Grappleholic

After the WWE Network opening, it’s straight to the ring for the first match.

Vince McMahon and Dick somebody are commentating.

WWWF Heavyweight Championship Match: Bob Backlund (c) (w/ Arnold Skaaland) vs. “The Golden Greek” Spiros Arion. It’s been a little over a month since Backlund won the title from Superstar Graham. Vince is positively gushing over his new champion. Arion declines to shake hands. Backlund wins the lock up, then they trade waist locks. Arion uses the ropes to escape danger. Backlund keeps going back to his vice-like waist lock. He gets a near fall off a backslide. Arion resorts to a choke hold to get the advantage, then slams the champion and hammers him with punches. Backlund gets an inside cradle for 2. Arion takes a powder. They do a test of strength. Arion throws a kick, but Backlund catches it and drops him. Arion gets the advantage briefly, until Backlund scores a sunset flip for a near fall. Backlund catches another kick and goes to work on the leg. The crowd responds very well to leg work. Stuff meant something back now, kids. Back on their feet, Arion exposes a turnbuckle and sends the champion’s head into it. For some reason, the referee is completely fine with this. Arion kicks Backlund in the balls and Backlund sells it appropriately. Backlund takes a spill outside and barely beats the count in. Arion finally has the initiative. Backlund escapes a backbreaker and horribly botches a backslide. The champ makes his comeback and hits a piledriver for 2. Backlund sort of bulldog-rams Arion’s head into the turnbuckle, then hits the atomic drop. The ref gets knocked out by Arion’s foot in the process, and is unable to make the count. Backlund goes to check on the ref, giving Arion an opening to jump him from behind. They brawl. Chief Jay Strongbow, Peter Maivia, Stan Stasiak, and another wrestler come out to break up the fight. Another referee comes in and calls for the bell. It’s a double DQ in 17:48. The time is announced at 16:28. This timekeeper was the shits. The match was kind of entertaining. **1/2

We’re back now after intermission.

Ken Patera vs. Bruno Sammartino. Patera jumps Sammartino before the bell. Sammartino rallies and Patera bails. Back inside, Patera misses a knee drop and Sammartino goes after the injured body part like a shark. Patera comes back and misses an elbow drop. Sammartino arm drags him, and Patera bails again. More desultory strong guy punch-kick. Sammartino works a head lock. I’m bored. Patera applies a bear hug. Bruno won’t give up, but I’m tempted to. Unfortunately, the keep fighting. This is my life. These are my choices. They brawl outside. They brawl inside. They brawl outside. Somebody throws a chair. The bell rings. They keep brawling. It’s a double count-out in 14:35 of my life I’ll never get back. They announce the time at 16 something. Could have been 14 minutes, 16 minutes, or 3 days. *

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Haystacks Calhoun. Calhoun is a very large man from Morgan’s Corner, Arkansas, so he’s a man after my own heart. The youngest Nikolai Volkoff I’ve ever seen gets the jump on the larger man. They fight a bit. Calhoun squashes Volkoff in the corner. Haystacks falls on Volkoff for the pin in 2:39. DUD. They actually get the time correct.

And that’s the end. Wow. This was a good use of my time.

If anyone actually reads this and thinks I should keep reviewing stuff, leave a comment or tweet me @TheRealChui.

WWWF at Madison Square Garden 6/27/77

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2014 by Grappleholic

WWE Old School intro.

Announcer Vince McMahon introduces the show.

Howard Finkel, sporting a powder blue suit and a full head of hair, is the ring announcer.

Jan Nelson vs. Jose Gonzalez.  I assume this is the same Jose Gonzalez who would murder Bruiser Brody in a dirty bathroom 11 years later.  He’s a big babyface here in New York.  An “Old School Flashback” in the bottom right corner informs me that Kanye West was born this month, June 1977.  That’s unfortunate for the world.  But I digress.  Gonzalez is the more experienced grappler, while Vince touts Nelson as a future star.  I don’t know that Nelson ever lived up to that.  Gonzalez makes the heel Nelson look foolish, and you can hear Nelson Muntz guffaw in the crowd more than a decade before The Simpsons debuted.  Lots of good ol’ fashioned arm work in this match. as Nelson works an arm lock for several minutes.  Gonzalez fights back with some arm wrangling of his own.  Nelson quickly cuts him off and then beats him  up.  Gonzalez avoids a charge in the corner and makes his comeback.  Gonzalez hits four dropkicks and scores the pin in 9:46.  *3/4

Rocky Tomayo vs. Larry Zbyszko.  Holy crap, Larry is young here.  I’ve never heard of Rocky Tomayo.  More basic, old fashined grappling.  They actually do a bit of chain wrestling, which always makes me giddy.  This is actually kind of fun.  Larry is a fiery young babyface here, very quick to take Tomayo down and grab a hold.  Of course, this is Larry Zbyszko, so there is some stalling.  Tomayo endures a lot of trauma to his hamstrings.  Larry catches Tomayo with an inside cradle for the pin in 7:30.  Man, this referee counts slow.  **1/4

Tony Garea vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  Fiery young babyface Garea is ready to fight, which befuddles the Animal.  Steele stalls a bit, then gets the advantage on Garea by wrestling heelishly.  Garea makes a fiery comeback.  The referee DQ’s Steele in 7:22 for hitting Garea with a foreign object.  Steele continues to lay the beating on.  Garea rallies and runs the big man off.  **

2/3 Falls: Ken Patera & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Captain Lou Albano) vs. Andre the Giant & Chief Jay Strongbow.  The babyfaces run Albano off during the introductions.  This seems to be a grudge match.  Patera stalls a long time before getting in the ring to start the match.  Vince calls Strongbow a “fired up redskin.”  The ’70s were a different time.  Strongbow gets Patera in his own hold, the full nelson.  Patera escapes.  Andre tags in and puts Patera in the full nelson.  Patera manages to make the ropes.  Volkoff tags in.  The heels try to cut off Andre in their corner, but Andre is a giant, so he’s like “fuck that.”  Strongbow comes in.  Volkoff puts a hurting on him briefly.  Andre tags in and bear hugs Volkoff.  Volkoff gets free, but Andre punches him the face.  Strongbow tags back in and gets caught on the wrong side of town.  Andre gets a hot tag at point, but the referee didn’t see it.  Heels continue getting the heat on Strongbow.  Andre finally gets the tag and runs… well, he doesn’t really run wild, but he wrecks shit like a destructive giant briefly.  Clusterfuck breaks out, largely involving Strongbow running into Andre, causing him to shoulder block both heels in the corner.  Andre goes for a big splash on Patera, but Patera avoids certain death and makes the tag.  Strongbow comes in with a big babyface flurry and locks Volkoff in a sleeper hold.  Patera saves, but gets his man DQ’d in 13:46.  My stream turns shitty, which is just lovely.  After I get it straightened out, Volkoff and Patera get into it at ringside.  Presumably, Volkoff is pissed that Patera cost them the fall.  Insta-commercials.  Strongbow and Volkoff start the second fall.  Andre hold Volkoff for Strongbow to hit him, which is illegal.  The heels are still not getting along.  Patera shoves Volkoff.  Volkoff takes a swing at him.  Volkoff goes to leave the ring, but Patera clubber his back from behind.  Patera leaves.  Andre gives Volkoff a big boot and a splash for the pin in a little over two minutes.  Finkel gives the total time as 16:25.  Fun match.  **3/4

Lenny Hurst vs. Stan “The Man” Stasiak.  This is Hurst’s MSG debut.  I wonder if he ever made it back.  Stasiak is a former WWWF Champion, and the father of a guy who would someday run into shit in backstage segments.  Stasiak is from Buzzard Creek, Oregon, which is a great name for a wrestling hometown.  Vince touts the 225 lb Hurst as the lightest wrestler in the WWWF.  I’ll bet he wishes that were still the case today.  Anyway, Stasiak is the ornery old heel, Hurst is the fiery young babyface, and they work the match accordingly.  Hurst delivers a dropkick that sends Stasiak to the apron.  Stasiak comes back in and puts a beating on the young man.  Hursts makes his comeback, then eats a boot to the face.  Stasiak lands the heart punch for the pin in 7:55.  **

Vince interviews WWWF Champion “Superstar” Billy Graham (w/ The Grand Wizard) in the ring prior to his match.  I’m almost certain I’ve seen this interview before.  “I am the man of the hour, the man with the power, the man too sweet to be sour.”

WWWF Heavyweight Championship Match: “Superstar” Billy Graham (c) (w/ The Grand Wizard) vs. Bruno Sammartino (w/ Arnold Skaaland).  Bruno has a mustache and a Jew fro here.  I think this is 2 months after Graham took the title from Bruno in Baltimore.  Graham taunts Bruno with the belt, and by god, Bruno wants that belt back.  The beauty of this is that Graham cheated Bruno out of his belt, so Bruno is PISSED OFF and wants it back.  He does not laugh it off and talk about how championships come and go.  Bruno attacks Graham to jumpstart the match and MSG comes UNGLUED.  Graham manages to subdue Bruno with a full nelson.  Vince notes that this hold is attacking Bruno’s neck, which was broken not all that long ago by Stan Hansen.  Bruno reverses it and almost puts the champ down with it.  Graham manages to avoid having his arm drop the third time and gets to his feet, but Bruno keeps the hold.  Graham finally manages to get free and takes a powder.  Graham comes back and manages to get the advantage, putting pressure on Bruno’s back and arms.  Bruno again reverses Graham’s hold and puts the pressure on him.  Graham manages to get some momentum going and puts the boots to Bruno.  They work a bear hug for a bit.  Bruno takes a spill to the outside, and Graham tries to keep him there.  Bruno gets back in and goes on the attack.  Graham begs off to no avail.  Graham rallies, but knocks down the referee in the process.  The guys brawl and the referee tries to break it up, only to get taken down repeatedly.  The ref finally calls for the bell in 18:15.  It’s a double DQ.  Fun strong guy match.  **3/4

Baron Von Raschke (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Ivan Putski.  Putski’s beer belly is a little bit less prominent here than on the last show I saw.  Raschke is announced as the “European Heavyweight Champion” 20 years before the WWF actually created a European Championship.  These two went to a 20 minute draw previously, so now we’ve got a 30 minute time limit.  Oh dear.  Blassie is taken to the back before the match starts, for some reason.  Raschke has a gimmick in his hand.  Putski informs the referee of such.  Raschke successfully conceals it on his person.  They finally lock up after a lot of stalling.  They also work the lockup for a long time.  This is going to be a long one.  Raschke with some desultory leg work.  Putski with a rear chin lock, then transitions into some kind of wonky head scissors hold.  Putski finally wakes up and shows some babyface fire.  They go back and forth a bit.  It goes to a 30 minute time limit draw in 19:13.  I don’t care if they lied about the time, I missed some editing, or what.  I don’t need to see these two wrestle for another minute ever.  Putski, that son of a bitch, calls for one more minute.  They brawl a bit.  Raschke takes a powder.  Long and boring.  *3/4

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs. “High Chief” Peter Maivia.  Maivia is making his MSG debut.  His now-five year old grandson would later go on to some success in pro wrestling and Hollywood.  Scicluna gets the jump on him.  Maivia quickly rallies and kicks some ass.  Scicluna tries to use an object, but fails.  Maivia avoids Scicluna in the corner and pins him with a prawn hold in 1:08.  It’s announced at 2:09, which is a lie.  DUD

2/3 Falls: Dominic Denucci & Haystacks Calhoun vs. Mr. Fuji & Professor Toru Tanaka.  Calhoun’s kayfabe hometown is Morgan’s Corner, Arkansas, which endears him to me.  I know of all of these guys, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of them wrestle.  Denucci and Tanaka brawl.  Denucci applies a full nelson and allows Calhoun to hit a lackadaisical punch.  Tanaka beats on Denucci a bit.  Denucci fires back with Mongolian chops.  Fuji tags in and hits a “Kamikazi Necktie” (think Sling Blade) for the pin in 3:06.  Denucci makes a comeback as the second fall starts.  Tanaka and Fuji double team Denucci in the corner.  Calhoun comes in to help out, but only distracts the referee.  We’ve got a curfew draw in 1:00 of the second fall!  Calhoun comes in to beat the heels up for a bit, having never actually tagged in to the match.  Fuji & Tanaka win the match, having won the only fall in a 2/3 falls match.  3/4*

And there’s another 1970s WWWF show from the Network.  There’s one more show from the 70s, then we’ll move into the 80s.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWF Survivor Series 1988

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

LIVE from the Richfield Coliseum in Richfield, Ohio!  Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  I’m sure that means this is going to be a happening.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

Elimination Match: WWF Intercontinental Champion The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, The Blue Blazer, Sam Houston, & Jim Brunzell vs. The Honky Tonk Man, Danny Davis, Greg Valentine, Ron Bass, & Bad News Brown (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Co-captains Warrior and Beefcake shake the ropes together.  Valentine and Beefcake start.  They trade blows.  Davis tags in and puts the boots to Beefcake.  Beefcake leap frogs him and locks in the sleeper to eliminate Davis in 1:18.  Valentine comes in and hammers Beefcake again.  Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Beefcake kicks him away.  Blazer tags in and does an awesome head scissors takeover.  Brunzell tags in and twists Valentine’s arm.  Brunzell lands a dropkick, but didn’t notice Bad News tag in.  Brown kicks Brunzell’s ass.  Brunzell tries to fight back, but it seems to just piss Bad News off.  Brown hits the Ghetto Blaster to pin Brunzell at 5:12.  Beefcake, followed quickly by Houston, go after Brown.  Brown kicks Houston in the face and hits a leg drop for 2.  Brown beats up Houston some more and tags in Valentine.  Valentine hammers him, then tags Brown back in.  Brown holds Houston for a shot, but Valentine accidentally nails Brown.  They argue.  The rest of the heel time tries to soothe things.  Bad News just leaves and gets counted out in about 7:50.  Houston gets a quick cradle on Valentine for 2.  Valentine blocks a sunset flip attempt, then tags in Bass.  Houston gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Bass boots him in the face, then hits a clothesline for 2.  Houston hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Bass knocks him down and drops an elbow for 2.  Houston fires back, tries a monkey flip, but gets powerslammed by Bass for the pin at 10:11.  Warrior comes in and runs wild on the remaining opponents.  Tag to Blazer.  Rocket launcher by Warrior and Blazer on Bass for 2.  Honky tags in and takes a cross body from The Blazer.  Blazer hits a monkey flip and a dropkick on Honky.  Tag to Valentine.  Awesome.  Blazer hits a gutwrench suplex and a knee drop for 2.  Blazer goes up top, but Honky pushes him off.  Blazer lands on his knees.  Valentine locks the figure-four on Blazer for the submission in 12:22.  Valentine attacks his former tag partner, Beefcake.  Bass tags in and beats up Beefcake.  Honky tags in and gets in on that, too.  Beefcake counters a Shake, Rattle, & Roll attempt.  Honky tags in Bass, who hot shots Beefcake into the ropes and covers, but Beefcake gets a foot on the ropes.  Tag to Honky, who comes off the top and gets caught with a shot to the middle.  Beefcake brawls with Honky, then hits an atomic drop and a clothesline.  Beefcake locks in the sleeper.  They both fall out of the ring.  Beefcake locks in the sleeper again.  They both get counted out in 15:42.  Valentine and Bass beat up Warrior.  Warrior rallies and drops them both with a double clothesline.  Warrior pins Bass with a double axe handle at 17:37.  Valentine meets the same fate in 17:50.  Very fun match.  It was a happening!

Tag Team Elimination Match: WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji), The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan), The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart), The Bolsheviks, & Los Conquistadors vs. The Powers of Pain, The Young Stallions, The Hart Foundation, The Rockers, & The British Bulldogs.  Davey Boy stats with one of the Conquistadors.  Jacques tags in and gets press slammed onto Raymond.  Shawn Michaels, in his PPV debut, gets beaten up by the Bolsheviks.  Jannetty tags in and The Rockers double team Zhukov.  Ax tags in and wails on Jannetty.  Arn Anderson beats up Jannetty, then gets backdropped and dropkicked.  Tully tags in and trades punches with Jannetty.  Jannetty hits an atomic drop, gets punched by the babyfaces, dropkicked, and tags in Jacques.  Jannetty avoids a cross body from Jacques and covers for 2.  Dynamite tags in and hits the snap suplex for 2.  Powers and Raymond tags in, but Davey Boy wasn’t done.  He comes in and gets 2 on Raymond off a Brisco roll.  Powers and Zhukov tag in.  Powers gets beaten up by the heels and tags in Bret Hart.  Hart pins Raymond with an inside cradle at 5:38.  Roma and Volkoff fight.  Sorry, these matches are hard to follow with so many guys and so much going on.  Smash hammers Neidhart, but gets caught with a clothesline.  Barbarian tags in and trades blows with Smash.  A Conquistador tags in and gets his head kicked off by Barbarian.  Warlord tags in and has his way with the Conquistador, then tags in Hart.  The Conquistador makes the tag to Smash.  Tag to Ax.  Demolition beats up Hart.  Tag to Blanchard.  This can’t be fun to read for you guys.  Every freakin’ sentence is “X tags Y” or some such.  The heels take turns beating up Michaels.  Anderson hits him with the spinebuster for 2.  Michaels makes the tag to Jannetty, who runs wild on the Conquistadors.  Volkoff tags in and Jannetty gets a 2 count on him.  Lots of quick tags.  I think we’ve established that, though.  Warlord press slams a Conquistador, who tags in Ax.  Ax and Warlord trade punches.  Smash tags in.  Barbarian tags in.  Tags everywhere!  Barbarian and Smash land some fierce blows on each other.  Barbarian press slams Blanchard into the ropes, then tags in Neidhart, who powerslams Blanchard for 2.  Dynamite tags in and drops Blanchard, then gets thrown out of the ring.  Anderson tags in, puts the boots to Dynamite, and tags a Conquistador.  Zhukov misses a knee drop on Dynamite.  Powers beats up Zhukov.  Powers hits a cross body on Zhukov, but Zhukov rolls through and gets the pin at 15:34.  Michaels hits a diving fist drop on Zhukov for 2.  Barbarian nails Zhukov with a shoulder black.  Blanchard tags in and tip toes over to tag in Volkoff.  Ax clobbers Barbarian with a flurry of fierce blows.  Volkoff comes back in.  Barbarian kicks his head off and tags in Michaels.  Michaels beats him up, then goes with Zhukov.  Jannetty tags in and pins Zhukov with a slingshot sunset flip at 18:20.  Jannetty almost pins one of the Conquistadors with a sunset flip.  The heels take turns beating up Jannetty.  Davey Boy tags in and backdrops a Conquistador, who tags in Blanchard.  Smith and Blanchard trade shots.  Blanchard is an awesome chickenshit heel.  Smash tags in and beats up Davey Boy.  Blanchard taunts the face team before going to the apron.  Conquistadors beat up Davey Boy.  Davey Boy makes the tag to Neidhart.  Harts double team the Conquistador.  Michaels hits a dropkick on the Conquistador.  Marty hits an elbow smash.  The Conquistador ends up in the wrong corner and gets beat up.  Dynamite treats him to a snap suplex and a diving knee drop for 2.  Dynamite hits a backbreaker for 2, then tags in Barbarian.  Barbarian beats the shit out of the Conquistador, who manages to tag out to Blanchard.  Blanchard plays chickenshit and gets the advantage with a cheap shot, then turns Barbarian over to Demolition.  The heel team takes turns beating up Barbarian.  Barbarian kicks the shit out of Arn and makes the tag to Jannetty.  Jannetty hits Arn with an elbow and tags in Neidhart.  Blanchard tags in and hits a cross body for 2.  Neidhart suplexes Blanchard and tags in Hart.  Hart hits a German suplex hold on Blanchard, but Blanchard gets a shoulder up and Hart gets pinned at 27:08.  Dynamite hits a Tombstone on Blanchard for 2.  Bulldogs double team Blanchard.  The Rockers brawl with the Busters and all four are DQ’d at about 29 minutes.  They keep brawling all the way backstage.  Smash beats up Dynamite.  Dynamite fights back.  More quick tags.  Powers of Pain beat up one of the Conquistadors.  Davey Boy hits the vertical suplex on the other Conquistador.  Davey gets a crucifix hold on Ax for 2.  Dynamite shines against Demolition.  Davey Boy press slams a Conquistador again and follows with the running powerslam.  Barbarian and Ax fight.  Smash throws Barbarian out of the ring.  The Conquistadors help beat up Barbarian.  Bulldogs beat up a Conquistador.  Dynamite hits the snap suplex on Smash and goes for the diving headbutt, but misses.  Smash hits Dynamite with a clothesline for the pin in 36:18.  Powers of Pain beat up a Conquistador.  Warlord spears the post.  Ax tags in and beats the shit out of the injured shoulder.  Fuji gets on the apron with his cane for no apparent reason as the heels beat up The Warlord.  He does it again a minute later.  Fuji low bridges Smash, his own man, out of the ring.  Smash gets counted out at 39:48.  Ax bitches at Fuji.  Fuji tells Ax he’s the boss, then whacks him with the cane.  Smash grabs Fuji and throws him to Ax, who slams Fuji at ringside.  The Powers of Pain go outside and help Mr. Fuji up and lead him to their corner.  Fuji trips one of the Conquistadors with the cane, allowing Barbarian to hit a headbutt for the pin in 42:25.  Powers of Pain celebrate with Mr. Fuji.  Demolition comes back out and brawls with the Powers of Pain.  Demolition kicks their asses and runs them off.  There’s your double turn that didn’t really make sense, and I don’t think it really got over.  The match was long and often a clusterfuck, but it was a lot of fun.

Sean Mooney interviews Bad News Brown.  He says his teammates were conspiring against him.  He wants a title shot.  Mooney asks why he deserves it.  Brown says it’s because he’s undefeated.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Mr. Fuji and the Powers of Pain.

Royal Rumble hype.

Gorilla and Jesse hype the matches still to come.

Mean Gene interviews Andre the Giant & Dino Bravo’s team.

Sean Mooney interviews the Mega Powers’ team.

This was all to kill time for intermission.

Elimination Match: Jake Roberts, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Tito Santana, Ken Patera, & Scott Casey vs. Andre the Giant, Dino Bravo, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, & Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan & Frenchy Martin).  Rude and Patera start.  Nothing of note happens.  Bravo tags in and wrestles with Patera a bit.  Perfect tags in and Patera drags him into the corner and makes the tag to Roberts.  Roberts has his second, then tags in Santana, who has a nice exchange with Perfect.  Jake and Bravo brawl.  Scott Casey (who?) tags in and tries a monkey flip on Bravo, but gets countered.  Race tags in and works over Casey.  Rude tags in and works over Casey.  Perfect tags in and works over Casey.  Casey realizes he’s boned and tags in Santana, who stays in for about a second before tagging Patera, who stays in for about a second before tagging Duggan.  Duggan takes Perfect’s head off with a clothesline.  Duggan punches Perfect out of the ring, gets into a confrontation with Andre, then tags in Casey.  Casey tries to pick the bones of Perfect, but fails.  Perfect tags Rude, who beats up Casey.  Tito tags in and hits a forearm on Rude for 2.  Duggan tags in and fails at clotheslining Rude, slams him, and fails at elbow drops.  Patera tags in and works over Rude.  Rude manages to hit the Rude Awakening for the pin at 8:21.  Casey, who never learns, tags in and gets his ass kicked.  He manages to get a 2 count on Bravo with a backslide.  Bravo avoids a reverse cradle and hits a side suplex to pin Casey at 9:29.  Tito and Perfect go at it again.  Tito gets an inside cradle for 2.  Duggan tags in.  Perfect catches him with a kick and beats him up.  Duggan Hacksaws up, but gets caught by Andre on the apron.  Andre headbutts Duggan.  Rude tags in and beats up Duggan some more.  Duggan drops Rude with a clothesline.  Race and Tito tag in.  Bravo tags in soon after and Tito hits him with a cross body for 2.  Tito gets a Brisco roll for 2 on Bravo.  Race tags in and hits a piledriver on Tito for 2.  Tito hits the flying jalapeno to pin Race at 13:19.  Andre comes in and ravages Tito.  Tito tries to sunset flip Andre.  Is he retarded?  Andre squashes him for the pin at 14:44.  Duggan comes in and attacks Andre, who gets tied up in the ropes.  Jake comes in and beats up the tied up Andre.  That dick.  Andre gets lose and tags in Rude.  Rude beats up Roberts, then tags in Perfect,who also beats up Roberts.  Andre chokes Roberts behind the referee’s back.  Perfect slaps Jake.  Jake fights back.  Bravo tags in and cuts off Jake from making the tag.  Roberts hits a short range lariat and goes for the DDT, but Rude clotheslines him from the apron.  Rude tags in and beats up Jake.  My video goes wonky because of the ancient VHS source material.  Bravo hits a piledriver on Roberts.  Duggan gets the hot tag and runs wild on Bravo.  Duggan goes for the 3 point clothesline, but Martin trips him from the outside.  Bravo knocks Duggan out of the ring and slams Bravo on the floor.  Duggan hits Bravo with the 2×4 to get DQ’d at 21:24.  Roberts is screwed.  Roberts and Perfect lock up.  Roberts hits a clothesline.  Crowd chants “DDT!”  Roberts and Perfect trade punches.  Roberts hits the knee lift.  Perfect tags out to Bravo.  Bravo over powers Roberts with a knuckle lock.  Bravo avoids a DDT attempt, misses an elbow drop, and tags in Rude.  Roberts bails for a moment, then comes back in.  He tries to stay as close to his corner as he can.  He and Rude brawl.  Bravo decks Rude from the apron.  Rude hits a gutbuster.  Rude works over Roberts.  Rude hits a diving… punch, I guess, then does his gay stripper dance over Roberts.  Rude saunters over to make the tag.  Roberts grabs him and hits the DDT for the pin at 28:47.  Andre tags in and chokes the shit out of Roberts.  Andre gets DQ’d for the choking at 29:40.  Perfect pins Roberts to win it 30:03.  Perfect and Bravo survive.  Finkel, you fucking moron, it’s not the SOLE SURVIVOR if TWO GUYS SURVIVED.  No complaints about the match.  Roberts brings the snake out after the match and scares Andre.

Mean Gene interviews The Big Boss Man and Akeem’s team.

Elimination Match: The Big Boss Man, Akeem, Ted Dibiase, King Haku, & The Red Rooster (w/ Slick, Virgil, & Bobby Heenan) vs. WWF Champion Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth), Hulk Hogan, Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie), Hillbilly Jim, & Hercules.  Savage and Dibiase start.  It’s good.  Dibiase nails Savage with a clothesline.  They reverse Irish whip attempts.  Savage hits a clothesline and tags in Hercules.  Dibiase bails and tags in Rooster.  Poor Terry Taylor.  Rooster goes for what looks like a Scorpion Death Lock of all things, but doesn’t get it.  Koko tags in and eats Rooster’s boot.  Akeem tags in for a second, then tags in Haku.  Haku slams Koko, but Koko avoids a leg drop and tags in Hercules.  Hercules hammers Haku.  Hogan tags in and beats up Haku.  Jim tags in and gets a 2 count after a double big boot.  Akeem tags in and hammers Jim, then quickly tags in Rooster.  Rooster fails at slamming Jim, who slams him instead.  Tag to Koko, who powerslams Rooster for 2.  Koko hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Hogan tags in and beats up Rooster.  Tag to Savage.  Hogan slams Rooster and Savage hits the diving elbow for the pin at 6:12.  Heenan bitches at Rooster.  Haku and Hogan trade blows.  Haku gets the better of it and puts a beating on Hogan.  Hogan reverses a whip into the corner and hits a clothesline, then a slam, then tags Hercules.  Hercules dances and hits an elbow drop for 2.  Herc grabs a headlock, but Haku hits a backdrop suplex and tags Haku.  Herc avoids an elbow and tags in Hillbilly Jim.  Big guy fight.  Akeem hits a clothesline and a big splash for the pin at 9:54.  Koko dropkicks Akeem from behind, gets his licks in, and tags Hogan, who quickly tags Savage.  Savage hits a diving double axe handle, tags Herc.  Herc beats up Akeem.  Nobody can take Akeem down.  Koko tags in.  He’s not gonna pull it off.  He dropkicks Akeem into the corner.  Akeem avoids a Stinger Splash and tags in Boss Man, who hits the sidewalk slam to pin Koko at 11:46.  Hogan comes in and squares off with Boss Man.  Hogan hits an atomic drop.  All of the babyfaces punch Boss Man.  Hogan clotheslines him in the corner.  Hogan hits a big boot, then slams Boss Man.  Boss Man hits a spinebuster, then tags out to Akeem.  Twin Towers double team Hogan.  Tag to Haku, who beats up Hogan some more.  Boss Man beats up Hogan some more.  Dibiase tags in and beats up Hogan too.  Who doesn’t want to beat up Hogan a little bit?  Dibiase lands a few fist drops and covers, but Hogan throws him off at 2.  Hogan hulks up, hits an atomic drop, then tags in Hercules.  Herc beats up Dibiase.  When Herc gets rolling, Virgil provides the distraction that lets Dibase schoolboy Herc for the pin at 16:36.  Savage schoolboys Dibiase for the pin at 16:59.  Haku hammers Savage.  Savage avoids a headbutt and fights back.  Tag to Hogan.  Hogan beats up Haku.  Haku lands a superkick and tags in Boss Man.  Boss Man clobbers Hogan.  Akeem tags in and does the same.  Haku tags in and suplexes Hogan for 2.  Haku slaps a nerve hold on Hogan.  Hogan revives.  Boss Man tags in and hits the sidewalk slam, and doesn’t cover because he’s an idiot.  Boss Man goes for a splash, but of course he crashes and burns.  Hot tag to Savage, who runs wild on everybody.  Slick trips Savage from the outside.  Slick grabs Elizabeth by the arm as Savage is being bear hugged by Boss Man.  Hogan saves Liz, but the Towers jump him in the aisle.  Boss Man handcuffs Hogan to the bottom rope.  Boss Man is counted out at around 23:30.  Since he already lost, be beats the shit out Hogan with the nightstick.  Savage tries to make a comeback on Haku, but Boss Man chokes him with the nightstick.  Akeem is DQ’d at around 25:10.  The Towers leave.  Haku beats up Savage.  Slick taunts Hogan with the keys to the handcuffs.  Slick holds Savage for Haku.  Savage ducks and Slick gets superkicked off the apron.  Hogan nails Heenan.  Liz takes the keys from Slick and unlocks Hogan.  Haku hits a diving splash on Savage for 2.  Hogan gets the hot tag, punches Haku.  Big boot, body slam, and the leg drop for the pin in 29:11.  The Mega Powers survive.  Dammit Howard, THEY’RE NOT SOLE SURVIVORS IF THERE’S TWO OF THEM, YOU FUCKING FUCK.  Like the last match, no complaints, it was just really long.  Hogan and Savage pose to close the show.  I’m not sure if this is relevant to the storyline or not, but I noticed a couple of things about the Mega Powers.  1.) The rest of the team came out together to Savage’s music, but Hogan had to have his own entrance.  2.) Savage wore his Mega Powers trunks on.  Hogan didn’t.

Four very long matches, but it was a fun show.

WWF SummerSlam 1988

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

The WWF: What The World Is Watching!  PPV opening video.  We’re LIVE from Madison Square Garden!  Gorilla Monsoon and “Superstar” Billy Graham are the announcers.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Matilda).  The Rougeaus are now pretending to be pro-America, which makes them heels.  Davey Boy goes to work on Jacques immediately.  Raymond tags in.  They lock up.  Davey Boy backs him into the corner.  Raymond cheap shots him.  Raymond does a monkey flip, but Smith lands on his feet and takes him over with an arm drag.  Dynamite tags in and works over Raymond.  Davey Boy tags in and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Bulldogs take turns working over Raymond.  Raymond and Davey do a cool quick little reversal sequences.  Jacques trips Davey Boy from the outside, then tags in and works his leg.  Rougeaus take turns working Davey Boy’s leg.  Davey manages to get a quick inside cradle on Jacques for 2.  Dynamite gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Snap suplex to Jacques!  Falling headbutt gets 2.  Brief clusterfuck.  Davey Boy hits the running powerslam on Raymond, but Jacques saves.  Dynamite tags in and gets backdrop suplexed off of Raymond by Jacques.  Jacques tags in and beats up Dynamite.  Jacques locks him in an abdominal stretch, prompting Davey to run in and break it.  Raymond comes in and puts it on as well.  Dynamite fights out and gets beaten up.  Jacques hits a big splash for 2.  Jacques puts Dynamite in a weird modified camel clutch.  Raymond tags in and applies the same hold.  Again.  Dynamite escapes, but Jacques cuts him off from making the tag.  Dynamite gets an inside cradle, but the referee takes too long to start the count, and only gets 2.  Jacques puts Dynamite in the abdominal stretch.  Raymond tags in and kicks him in the gut.  Dynamite struggles over and makes the hot tag… but the referee didn’t see it!  Jacques covers for a 2 count.  Dynamite fights back and makes the real hot tag.  Jacques holds onto the ropes and avoids a dropkick.  Davey Boy press slams Jacques into the top rope.  More stuff happens.  Davey Boy press slams Dynamite onto Jacques and the bell rings.  It’s a time limit draw at 19:05.  The fuck?  The Rougeaus cheap shot the Bulldogs and the Bulldogs chase them to the back.  The match was good in parts, but part of it seemed like they were just killing time.

They show Ron Bass injuring Brutus Beefcake.  A big red “CENSORED” X appears on the screen.  As a result, Beefcake won’t be able to challenge for the Intercontinental Championship tonight.  Gorilla says there will indeed be an Intercontinental Championship match tonight.

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera.  Brown jumps Patera immediately and kicks his ass.  Patera rallies and clotheslines Brown out of the corner and finally manages to take his ring jacket off.  Patera looks remarkably like a chunky old lady.  That chunky old lady kicks Bad News’ ass.  Brown avoids an elbow drop and beats up Patera some more.  Patera catches Brown with a knee lift, then elbows him in the head a couple of times.  Patera takes Brown down into a pinning combination, but only gets 1.  Patera drops Brown again and drops an elbow for 2.  Patera hits a backbreaker for 2.  Patera gets an inside cradle for 1.  Patera bear hugs Brown.  Brown escapes.  Patera goes for a full nelson.  Brown immediately gets to the ropes.  Repeat.  More stuff happens.  Patera spears the post.  Brown hits the Ghetto Blaster for the pin in 6:37.  Yeah, this wasn’t any good.

Hype for a boxing match.  Gorilla’s favorite line tonight is “It’s gonna be a happening.”

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews the Mega Powers (w/ Elizabeth).

Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Junkyard Dog.  Rude does his usual pre-match promo, and has JYD’s face on his tights.  Alrighty.  Rude jumps JYD immediately.  JYD backdrops him and headbutts him out of the ring.  JYD beats up Rude.  Rude beats up JYD.  Sorry, I really should be paying closer attention to the match.  Rude works a rear chin lock.  Whoops, I just checked out again.  JYD fights back and lands a big headbutt, then nails Heenan off the apron.  Rude hits a side Russian leg sweep goes to the top rope, pulls his pants down, and hits a diving punch.  The tights under the tights have Jake Roberts’ wife on then.  Roberts runs in and kicks Rude’s ass to cause the DQ in 5:31.  Roberts apologizes to JYD for getting him DQ’d.  JYD visibly mouths “Fuck.”

Mean Gene interviews the Intercontinental Champion The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.  Honky says he’ll defend the title against anybody.

The Bolsheviks (w/ Slick) vs. The Powers of Pain (w/ Baron Von Raschke).  Third straight match that starts with immediate brawling.  The Powers clean house.  Volkoff trips Barbarian and Zhukov tries to capitalize, but gets sent out of the ring.  Powers beat up Volkoff and sends him bailing, too.  Zhukov tries to get rolling on Barbarian, but nothing comes of it.  Warlord tags in and beats him up.  Volkoff breaks a cover.  Warlord hits a belly to belly, but Nikolai saves again.  Slick gets on the apron with his cane.  Nothing comes of that.  The Bolsheviks get heat on Warlord.  Slick threatens The Baron with his cane.  Barbarian tags in and beats up the Bolsheviks.  I refuse to call this “running wild.”  Tag to Warlord.  Double shoulder block to Zhukov.  Warlord hits a running powerslam.  Barbarian follows with a diving headbutt for the pin on Zhukov in 7:20.  Man, this sucked.

Survivor Series hype.  3 months beforehand.  Awesome.  Nowadays, they barely promote PPVs in the weeks before the show.  Gorilla promises that it will be a happening!

Brother Love comes out to do the Brother Love Show.  His guest is “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  Duggan calls him a phony.  Brother Love lectures Duggan on love.  They bicker.  Duggan threatens to stick his 2×4 up Love’s ass.  Love tries to convince him that he loves him.  Duggan swings the 2×4.  Love runs away.  This was kinda fun.

More hype for that boxing match.  It’s gonna be a happening!  Gorilla and Graham talk about it.

Honky Tonk Man comes out and calls for anyone to come out and wrestle him.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Ultimate Warrior.  Warrior kicks Honky’s ass.  Slam, shoulder block, clothesline, big splash, pin in 31 seconds.  And so ends the longest Intercontinental Championship reign of all time, a record that still stands almost 22 years later.

Regis Philbin is in the crowd.

Survivor Series hype!  They show highlights from the 1987 Survivor Series.  Gorilla says “It was a happening” twice in 30 seconds.  And it will be a happening once again!  I count 8 occurrences of the word “Happening” during that segment.

Mean Gene interviews Sugar Ray Leonard, one of the boxers in the fight they keep hyping.  They show some highlights of him boxing.  I don’t care.  This must be intermission.  They show a video interview with Leonard’s opponent, what’s-his-face.  Okerlund talks to Leonard some more.  I still don’t care.

They show the opening video hyping the main event again.

Bobby Heenan intrudes into the announcer’s booth.  Crowd chants “WEASEL!” at him.  He talks about whatever.

“The Rock” Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin).  They lock up.  They break.  They lock up again.  Gorilla, Heenan, and Graham argue about Bravo’s supposed bench press record.  It’s quite a happening.  Muraco throws Bravo around.  Bravo bails.  Bravo beats Muraco up a bit.  Muraco flips Bravo around some more.  Bravo beats him up some more.  Muraco hits a side Russian leg sweep, which Monsoon calls a neckbreaker.  Muraco backdrops Bravo, then decks Martin when he gets on the apron.  Muraco lifts Bravo and bumps the ref.  Bravo hits the side suplex for the pin in 5:30.  This wasn’t any good either.

SURVIVOR SERIES!  ON THANKSGIVING NIGHT!  IT’LL HAPPEN AT THE RICHFIELD COLISEUM!

Sean Mooney interviews Jesse “The Body” Ventura, who will be the special guest referee in the main event.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Demolition (c) (w/ Mr. Fuji & Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation.  The Hart Foundation turned babyface, so Jimmy turned on them.  Ax beats up Bret to start.  Bret avoids an elbow drop and starts fighting back.  He decks Smash for good measure, then gets a reverse cradle on Ax for 2.  Smash tags in and Bret hits him with a couple of arm drags.  Tag to Neidhart, who continues working Smash’s arm.  Ax catches Neidhart with a kick from the apron to let Demolition get the advantage.  Neidhart gets beaten up until Hart tags in against Ax.  Smash comes in and sends Hart into the turnbuckles.  Demolition beats up Bret.  Neidhart runs Jimmy Hart away, presumably because he’s as sick of that fucking megaphone as I am.  Demolition punishes Bret’s shoulder.  Bret manages to drop Ax with a clothesline and makes a hot tag that the referee didn’t see.  Neidhart finally gets the proper hot tag and cleans house.  Hart slingshots Neidhart outside onto Smash.  Back inside, Neidhart hits a powerslam for 2.  Hart tags in and whips Neidhart to smash Smash in the corner.  Heh.  Hart hits a backbreaker on Smash, but Ax saves.  Neidhart beats him up, then beats up Mr. Fuji on the apron.  Jimmy Hart runs back out and gives the megaphone to Ax, who nails Bret with it, allowing Smash to get the pin in 10:48.  Good match.

BOXING MATCH!  SUGAR RAY LEONARD VS. SOMEBODY!  IT WILL BE A HAPPENING!

Mean Gene is in the heel locker room to interview the defeated Honky Tonk Man.

The Big Boss Man (w/ Slick) vs. Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie).  Slick distracts Koko to allow Boss Man to jump him from behind.  Koko fights back and lands a dropkick that gets Boss Man tied up in the ropes.  Koko beats up a tied up Boss Man.  When Boss Man escapes, he starts wailing on Koko.  Boss Man with the Stinger Splash in the corner.  Boss Man continues abusing Koko.  Boss Man goes up and goes for a diving splash, but Koko avoids the worst of it.  Koko avoids Boss Man in the corner and Boss Man crotches himself on the middle rope.  Koko mounts his comeback, connecting with a missile dropkick that looks like it caught Boss Man in the face.  Koko hits a big splash, but Boss Man throws him off of the cover.  Boss Man hits the sidewalk slam for the pin in 5:57.  Fun little match.

SURVIVOR SERIES!  IT’S GONNA BE A HAPPENING!

Sean Mooney is in the babyface locker room to interview the NEW Intercontinental Champion, The Ultimate Warrior.  Typically insane Warrior promo.

Hercules vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They do nothing.  Jake goes for the snake bag, then Herc tries to jump him.  They fight.  Jake hits the knee lift and goes for the DDT, but Herc bails.  Roberts works a side headlock.  Herc backdrop suplexes him, but Jake holds on.  Herc gets out of it and beats up Roberts.  Herc works a rear chin lock.  Herc hits a clothesline for 2.  Herc goes back to the chin lock.  They trade hammerlocks.  Herc hits an elbow that sends Roberts out of the ring.  Roberts pulls Herc to the outside and goes back in.  Herc pulls Jake across the top rope.  Back inside, Herc hammers Jake.  Jake hits a jawbreaker to escape a rear chin lock.  Roberts connects with some punches and a short range clothesline.  Roberts goes for the DDT, but Herc backdrops him.  Herc avoids the knee lift and hits a slam and an elbow drop for 2.  Jake rallies and hits the DDT for the pin in 10:09.  This was boring and went WAY too long.  Jake puts the snake on Hercules.

They show the events leading up the Mega Powers/Mega Bucks match.

The Mega Bucks (Ted Dibiase & Andre the Giant) (w/ Bobby Heenan & Virgil) vs. The Mega Powers (WWF Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage & Hulk Hogan) (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  Jesse Ventura is the referee.  It’s gonna be a happening!  Jesse moves the tag ropes around to different corners for some reason.  Savage and Andre lock up.  Andre mauls Savage.  Quick tag to Dibiase.  Dibiase wants Hogan.  Savage tags out to Hogan.  Hogan and Dibiase lock up.  Dibiase rakes the eyes.  Hogan blocks all of his punches and hits an atomic drop.  The Mega Powers throw Dibiase back and forth, punching him.  Savage shoves Ventura in the process.  Mega Powers make some quick tags and work over Dibiase.  Hogan tries to deck Andre and gets headbutted.  Well, he deserved it.  Savage comes in and Andre headbutts him too.  Andre tags in and squashes Hogan and otherwise abuses him.  Dibiase tags in and beats up Hogan too.  Well, it does look like fun.  Dibiase works a rear chin lock.  Hogan fights out.  Double clothesline spot.  Hogan makes the tag to Savage.  Savage drops Dibiase across the top rope, then hits the diving axe handle.  Dibiase avoids Savage charging in the corner.  Savage stays in control and hits a cross body for 2.  Dibiase drops Savage with a clothesline and tags in Andre.  Andre sits on Savage in the corner.  That can’t be pleasant.  Dibiase tags in and beats up Savage some more.  Suplex gets 2.  Savage avoids a falling elbow drop from the middle rope.  Savage makes the tag to Hogan.  Hogan beats up Dibiase.  Hogan suplexes Dibiase, then decks Andre and drops him.  Savage goes for the diving elbow on Andre, but Andre boots him in the face.  Hogan puts Dibiase in a sleeper.  Andre grabs him from behind, headbutts him, and throws him out of the ring.  All of the corner people get on the apron.  Liz takes her skirt off.  HOT.  Savage and Hogan make it back in and run wild.  Hogan slams Dibiase.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop.  Hogan hits the leg drop.  Jesse counts 1, 2, but doesn’t want to count the 3.  Savage pushes his hand down for the 3 in 14:50.  Fun match.  Hogan and Savage pose.

There were some bad matches, but overall the show was a lot of fun.  SummerSlam ’88 was quite a happening!

WWF WrestleMania IV

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

“The World Wrestling Federation: What The World Is Watching!”  WrestleMania IV!  We are LIVE from the Trump Plaza Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey!

Mean Gene Okerlund welcomes us to WrestleMania IV!  He introduces Gladys Knight to sing “America The Beautiful.”

The referees carry a huge ass trophy to the ring.  It will be presented to the winner of the Battle Royal.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  They talk about what’s on tap for tonight.  Bob Uecker is back, too.

Battle Royal featuring The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, The Young Stallions of Paul Roma & Jim Powers, Sika, Danny Davis, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair & Jim Brunzell, Bad News Brown, Sam Houston, The Rougeau Brothers of Jacques & Raymond, Ken Patera, Ron Bass, Junkyard Dog, The Bolsheviks of Nikolai Volkoff & Boris Zhukov, Hillbilly Jim, King Harley Race, and George “The Animal” Steele.  Everybody brawls, except Steele, who is just wandering around at ringside.  Sam Houston gets eliminated, followed quickly by Sika.  Volkoff almost eliminates Brunzell, the one of the Rougeaus almost does too.  Steele keeps fucking with Neidhart, and pulls him out of the ring over the top to eliminate him.  Brunzell got eliminated somewhere in there.  Raymond Rougeau and Brian Blair get eliminated in the same motion.  JYD eliminates Bass.  Zhukov and/or Hart eliminate Hillbilly Jim.  Roma eliminates Davis.  Somebody eliminates Jim Powers.  Race and JYD trade headbutts.  Volkoff, Patera, and Zhukov get eliminated in short order.  Jacques gets eliminated.  JYD eliminates Race.  Brown eliminates Roma.  Hart holds JYD for Brown, but JYD ducks and Hart gets hit.  JYD does his headbutts on the ground.  Hart and Brown double team JYD, then talk strategy.  JYD fights them both, but he’s overcome by superior numbers.  Hart and Brown bundle JYD out.  They act like they’re going to split the win, then Brown drops Hart with a kick, kicks his ass, then throws him out to win it in 9:47.  Hart, pissed that Brown double crossed him, dropkicks him out of the ring and smashes the trophy.

Howard Finkel explains tonight’s tournament for the vacant WWF Championship.  He introduces Robin Leach from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous to read a scroll about it.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Ted Dibiase (w/ Andre the Giant & Virgil).  They lock up.  Dibiase backs Duggan into the corner and breaks clean.  Repeat, but this time Dibiase tries a cheap shot and Duggan cuts him off.  They trade punches.  Duggan hits an atomic drop and sends Dibiase out of the ring in a hilarious bump.  Dibiase goes on the offensive until Duggan drops him with a clothesline.  Duggan punches Dibiase in the corner, then runs into Dibiase’s boot in the opposite corner.  Dibiase goes to work.  Duggan fights back, but Dibiase rakes his eyes.  Duggan gets a sunset flip for 2.  Dibiase catches Duggan with a knee to the middle, then a fist drop.  Dibiase goes for a suplex, but Duggan reverses it.  Dibiase comes off the middle rope and gets caught with a shot to the gut.  Duggan gets rolling and goes for the three point clothesline, but Andre grabs his leg.  Dibiase hits him from behind, then finishes him with a fist drop in 5:03.  It was a fun little match.

Mean Gene interviews Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.  Gene admires his “package.”

WWE Championship Tournament – Round 1: Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. “The Rock” Don Muraco (w/ “Superstar” Billy Graham).  They lock up, break, lock up again.  Bravo shoves Muraco into the corner and wails on him.  Muraco comes back and hits a half assed Vader Bomb into an elbow drop.  Bravo hits a couple of elbow drops, then a gutwrench suplex.  Muraco fights back and works on Bravo’s leg some.  Muraco works a spinning toe hold.  Bravo kicks Muraco away and Muraco gets hung in the ropes.  Bravo hits a piledriver, takes too long to cover, and only gets 2.  Bravo goes for another one, but Muraco backdrops him.  Double clothesline spot.  Muraco makes a comeback, but accidentally kills the ref in the process.  Bravo hits his side suplex and covers.  The referee taps him on the back three times, so Bravo thinks he won.  The ref was calling for the DQ.  Muraco wins by DQ in 4:54 because Bravo pulled the referee in front of him.  This match was lame and had a lame finish to boot.

Bob Uecker talks about Vanna White, who is around somewhere, then talks to The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.  Honky will be putting the Intercontinental Title against Brutus Beefcake tonight.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (w/ baby Richie Steamboat).  Steamboat carrying his son to the ring will be something they show when Richie debuts on WWE TV in the future, I’m sure.  They lock up, break, repeat.  Lock up again and do some awesome stuff.  Man, Steamboat has the most glorious arm drags ever.  Steamboat moves fast.  Valentine throws him over the top, but Steamboat skins the cat back in, dropkicks him, then fails at a crucifix.  Valentine beats up Steamboat.  Valentine goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands his feet and rams Valentine into the turnbuckles.  Steamboat works on Valentine’s arm.  Valentine hits an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline, then elbows Steamboat in the head.  They show Donald Trump in the front row.  Steamboat goes for a body slam, but Valentine lands on top for 2.  Valentine hits a gut buster, then goes for the figure-four.  Steamboat kicks him into the turnbuckle.  They trade chops.  Valentine finally falls down.  Valentine hits a shoulder breaker for 2.  Valentine goes for the figure-four again, but Steamboat cuts him off, then rams his head into the mat.  Steamboat hits a diving chop, and Valentine takes a great delayed bump.  Cover only gets 2.  Steamboat rams Valentine’s head repeatedly into the turnbuckles, argues with the referee, then goes up top.  Steamboat hits a diving cross body, but Valentine rolls through and gets the pin in 9:11.  Good match.

Mean Gene interviews Koko B. Ware and The British Bulldogs, who have Matilda back after The Islanders and Bobby Heenan kidnapped her.  They say Matilda has been trained to go after weasels.  Heh.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: “The Natural” Butch Reed (w/ Slick) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  Nothing happens, then they do a little bit.  Reed slow beats up Savage.  Savage fights back, but Reed reverses his suplex attempt.  Reed hits an elbow drop for 2.  Reed ponderously beats up Savage some more.  Reed hits Savage with a clothesline, talks at Elizabeth, then goes up top.  He spent too long fucking around.  Savage throws him off the top, then hits the diving elbow for the pin in 4:08.  It was fine when Savage was on offense, but unfortunately that was maybe 30 seconds of the match.

Uecker is backstage, still talking about Vanna White.  He talks to Bobby Heenan, with the Islanders.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: The One Man Gang (w/ Slick) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Oliver Humperdink).  Gang jumps Bigelow and lumbers around, beating him up.  Bigelow hits a cartwheel splash for 2, then a cross body for 2.  Bigelow keeps rolling.  Bigelow hits a headbutt, then Slick low bridges him out of the ring.  Bigelow makes it to the apron, but that really ugly ref counts him out at 3:00.  Stupid.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.  His promo turns very wacky.  “Thank God Donald Trump’s a Hulkamaniac!”  Something about the Trump Plaza falling into the ocean.  I don’t know.

Another shot of Trump in the front row.  They show Slick screwing Bigelow again.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake Roberts.  Rude cuts a promo, saying what’s under his robe is why “the odds are in [his] favorite.”  They lock up as Damien wriggles around in the bag.  Roberts rams Rude’s face into the mat.  Rude slams Roberts, then hammers him.  Repeat.  Roberts slams Rude a couple of times.  Rude ends up the corner with Damien and freaks out.  Roberts cranks on Rude’s arm.  Rude punches Roberts, but Roberts holds onto the wrist lock and grounds him.  Roberts his a knee off the middle rope and goes for the DDT, but Rude bails.  Heenan hugs him.  Back inside, Roberts works on Rude’s arm some more.  The run the ropes.  Roberts slams Rude again and goes for the knee lift, but Rude avoids it and puts the boots to him.  Rude hits a clothesline, swivels his hips, and hits an elbow drop for 2.  Rude works a chin lock.  Heenan distracts the referee to give Rude the chance to choke Roberts.  Roberts finally works his way out of it.  Rude hits a diving chop, then swivels his hips some more.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Rude goes back to the chin lock.  Rude flapjacks Roberts and goes up top to hit a diving punch for 2, covers for another 2, then goes back to the chin lock.  Roberts backdrop suplexes him, but Rude keeps his old on, then covers for 2.  Rude stomps Roberts in the ropes.  I think I hear a “BORING!” chant developing.  Rude works the chin lock again.  This is boring.  Roberts finally breaks out with a jawbreaker, then makes his comeback.  Roberts hits a short range clothesline and goes for the DDT, but Rude runs him into the corner.  Roberts catches a charging Rude with a knee, then hits a gutbuster for 2.  Rude hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Rude gets a 1 count.  Rude goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but the bell rings after 2.  It’s a 15:00 draw at 15:14.  Roberts runs Rude and Heenan off with Damien.  The match was good in the beginning and the end.  The middle part where they were just stalling for time was boring.

Mean Gene and Vanna White are at the big fancy tournament bracket.  Vanna gives her predictions for the second round.

Hercules (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. The Ultimate Warrior.  Hercules tries a shoulder block, to no effect.  Repeat.  They stare at each other, then shove each other.  They lock up and lumber around.  Warrior backs Hercules into the corner.  The ref makes them break and Herc gets a cheap shot in.  They brawl.  It’s bad.  Hercules backdrops Warrior out of the ring.  Warrior pulls Herc out and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, more horrible brawling.  Warrior punches Herc in the corner.  Herc brings him out with an inverted atomic drop.  Herc avoids Warrior in the corner and locks in the full nelson.  Warrior kicks off the turnbuckles, then lifts his shoulder and gets the pin in 4:37.  Herc attacks Warrior after the match, then chokes him with his chain.  Warrior gets the chain and swings it around to run Herc off.  This sucked.  All of it.

Gorilla and Jesse talk, then we get an Andre/Hogan history package.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: Andre the Giant (w/ Ted Dibiase & Virgil) vs. Hulk Hogan.  Andre immediately goes on the attack.  He clobbers Hogan with huge blows.  Hogan fights back with forearms, then chokes DIbiase when he gets on the apron.  Hogan knocks Andre and Dibiase’s heads together.  Hogan chops Andre.  Andre gets tangled up in the ropes.  Hogan rips his shirt off and poses as Virgil and Dibiase free Andre.  Stupid Hogan.  Hogan knocks Andre down and hits 3 elbow drops for 2.  Andre chokes Hogan.  Andre chops Hogan, then clamps on a nerve hold.  Hogan fights back, then signals for the slam.  Virgil distracts the ref while Dibiase sneaks in and hits Hogan with a chair.  Hogan hits Andre with the chair IN FULL VIEW of the referee, who does NOTHING.  Andre hits Hogan with the chair, and the ref calls for the double DQ in 5:22.  This actively sucked.  Hogan chases Dibiase up the aisle.  Dibiase throws Virgil to Hogan.  Hogan suplex Virgil in the aisle.  Hogan comes back to the ring and body slams Andre.  Hogan does his posing routine.

Mean Gene interviews Randy Savage and Elizabeth.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: “The Rock” Don Muraco (w/ “Superstar” Billy Graham) vs. Ted Dibiase.  Dibiase doesn’t want to get in the ring.  Muraco brings him in the hard way.  Muraco hits a powerslam for 2.  Muraco hits a diving fist or chop for 2.  Muraco hits the Throwback, and generally continues beating up Dibiase.  Dibiase finally manages to defensively slingshot Muraco into the turnbuckles, then puts the boots to him.  Dibiase gets the heat on Muraco.  Except this crowd isn’t heated AT ALL.  Muraco avoids a falling elbow drop from the middle rope and makes his comeback.  Dibiase hot shots Muraco into the top rope for the pin in 5:36.  Fine little match.

Bob Uecker talks to Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji).

The One Man Gang and Slick are in the ring for Finkel’s announcement that Gang receives a BYE in this round because of the draw between Rude and Roberts.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  They lock up.  Valentine hammers Savage.  Savage fights back and hits a knee drop for 2.  Valentine beats up Savage some more.  Elbow drop gets 2.  Valentine hits a shoulder breaker for 2.  Valentine throws Savage out of the ring, then hits him with an elbow to the back of the head from the apron.  Valentine hits Savage with some chops.  Valentine continues to beat up Savage.  He goes for the figure-four, but Savage holds into the ropes.  Valentine hits a suplex for 2.  Savage starts fighting back and actually gets a small reaction from the crowd.  Savage slams Valentine, then hits a diving double axe handle.  Hart jumps on the apron to stop the count.  Savage lunges for him.  Valentine gets the offensive on Savage again, but Savage reverses a suplex attempt, then goes up and goes for another axe handle.  Valentine catches him with a blow to the middle.  Hart helps Valentine avoids a charging Savage in the ropes.  Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Savage turns it into an inside cradle for the pin in 6:07.  Good little match.

Mean Gene and Vanna White go over the brackets at the end of the second round.  Vanna still doesn’t know who Uecker is.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Honky Tonk Man (c) (w/ Jimmy Hart & Peggy Sue) vs. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.  They lock up.  Beefcake catches Honky’s foot, teases a punch, then hits an atomic drop.  Beefcake messes up Honky’s hair, so Honky bails.  Beefcake rams Honky’s head into the turnbuckles repeatedly.  He keeps doing a scissors motion with his fingers, I guess because he wants to cut Honky’s hair.  Beefcake hits a high knee and Honky bails again.  Beefcake pulls him back in and beats him up.  Honky avoids an elbow drop and puts the boots to Brutus.  Honky beats up Brutus.  Hart chokes Beefcake behind the referee’s back.  Honky grabs a front face lock, but decides to beat him up some more instead of going for his move.  Then he actually goes for the Shake, Rattle, & Roll, but Beefcake holds onto the ropes to avoid it and makes his comeback.  Beefcake locks in the sleeper hold.  Jimmy gets on the apron and nails the referee with the megaphone.  Beefcake puts Honky to sleep and thinks he won, then notices the referee is also sleeping.  Beefcake goes for his bag of barber equipment, but Hart gets it and tries to escape under the ring.  Beefcake drags him out and cuts some of Hart’s hair off.  Peggy Sue tries to wake Honky while some more referees try to wake the original referee.  Peggy throws water on Honky to wake him up.  Beefcake comes in with his shears, but referees hold him back.  Beefcake is announces as the winner by DQ in about 9 minutes (no bell).  Fun match.

Bob Uecker talks to Andre the Giant, then gets choked by Andre’s massive hands.

The Islanders & Bobby Heenan vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Matilda) & Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie).  Second missed bell in a row.  Is the time keeper in the toilet or something?  Dynamite schools Tama to start.  Davey Boy and Haku tag in.  Davey Boy hits a cross body for 2, then a body slam for 2.  Davey Boy gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Tama tags in and gets press slammed.  Haku tags in and beats up Smith.  Koko tags in and dropkicks Haku, then does an awesome headlock/leg scissors to the Islanders.  Haku beats up Dynamite, who tags in Heenan, wearing his silly dog proof suit.  Heenan puts the boots to Dynamite.  As soon as Dynamite responds, Heenan tags in Tama.  Tama slams Dynamite and goes for a Vader Bomb, but Dynamite gets his knees up.  Koko tags in and runs wild on the Islanders.  The Islanders get some heat on Koko, then tag in Heenan to get his licks in again.  Whatever letters are on the back of Koko’s tights are blurred out.  I think it’s “WWF.”  Koko whips Heenan into the turnbuckles, then dropkicks him.  The Islanders jump Koko and a clusterfuck ensues.  The Islanders slam Heenan on top of Koko for the pin in about 7 minutes.  Good little match.  Dynamite headbutts the Islanders, which is always a stupid move.  Davey Boy sicks Matilda on Heenan afterwards.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura.  It must have been in Jesse’s contract that he gets to pose at every WrestleMania.

Ted Dibiase is in the ring for Finkel’s announcement that he gets a BYE in the semifinals.  Why do they feel the need to bring the guys out for these announcements?

WWF Championship Tournament – Semifinal: The One Man Gang (w/ Slick) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  They lock up, with Gang overpowering Savage.  Savage grabs Gang by the beard and “clotheslines” him across the top rope.  Gang beats up Savage.  Gang gets a couple of 2 counts.  Gang slams Savage and goes for the splash, but Savage moves, avoids Gang in the corner, and makes a comeback.  Savage knocks Gang out of the ring and hits a diving axe handle to the outside.  Slick helps Gang get back in the ring.  Savage tries to slam Gang, fails, and gets choked.  Slick aggravates Elizabeth.  Savage chokes Slick.  Gang attacks Savage with Slick’s cane to cause the DQ in 4:12.  This was bad.  After the match, Savage hits a diving axe handle that causes Gang to squash Slick.

Flip over disc to continue!  I shall!

Mean Gene and Vanna White and the brackets board again.  Vanna leaves to go to ringside.  Bob Uecker shows up just after she left.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Strike Force (c) vs. Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji).  Smash smashes Martel.  My wit amuses me.  Tito comes in to dropkick Martel onto Smash.  Brief clusterfuck ensues.  Strike Force try to work over Smash’s arm.  Ax tags in and promptly gets arm dragged by Tito.  Strike Force tries their arm working strategy on Ax.  Smash tags in and gets his arm punished too.  Smash elevates Tito and Ax nails him.  Demolition gets the heat on Santana.  Martel gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Martel locks Smash in the Boston crab.  Santana stops Ax from interfering.  Mr. Fuji gets on the apron with his cane.  Tito chokes him.  Ax hits Martel with Fuji’s cane behind the referee’s back.  Smash pins Martel to win the titles in 8:02.  Fine match.

Finkel introduces the celebrities for the main event: Robin Leach, who will present the championship belt to the winner and guest ring announcer Bob Uecker, who introduces guest timekeeper Vanna White.

WWF Championship Tournament – Final: Ted Dibiase (w/ Andre the Giant) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  They lock up.  Crowd is dead.  Andre trips Savage behind the referee’s back.  They trade hammerlocks.  Savage hits a shoulder block, then Andre trips him again.  Dibiase works over Savage.  Savage blocks a sunset flip attempt and hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase beats up Savage some more.  Savage rallies.  The crowd pops a little bit when he hits a move.  Savage knocks Dibiase out of the ring and goes to the top, but Andre stands over Dibiase to protect him.  Savage confers with Elizabeth, who leaves.  Dibiase attacks Savage from behind and gives him a bunch of fist drops for 2.  Elizabeth comes back out with Hulk Hogan in tow.  Dibiase works a rear chin lock.  He lets go when he sees Hogan.  Hogan gets a chair and sits down in Macho’s corner.  Dibiase continues to beat on Savage.  Andre grabs Savage again and Hogan nails Andre.  Savage tries to fight back against Dibiase, but can’t get rolling.  Dibiase hits a suplex for 2.  Dibiase hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Dibiase goes up top, but Savage throws him off, then goes for the diving elbow drop, but Dibiase moves out of his way.  Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream.  Andre distracts the referee.  Hogan sneaks in and hits Dibiase with the chair.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop for the pin in 9:18.  Okay match, but I’m sure they had a lot of matches that were way better than this.  This was mostly storyline, which is fine, I guess.  Savage, Liz, and Hogan celebrate.

Fun show.  This was one of the few old school tapes that one of my local video stores had when I first became a fan, so it’s a sentimental favorite of mine.