Archive for Naomi Knight

WWE SummerSlam 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2012 by Chui

New WWE open, which debuted on the 1,000th Raw.  Intro video for the 25th SummerSlam, which isn’t the 25th anniversary, but is billed as such because WWE doesn’t know how anniversaries work.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream at us.  I guess that means Ziggler vs. Jericho is up first.  They show clips of Ziggler winning the Money In The Bank Ladder Match last month.  Jericho comes out and they show a clip of Ziggler injuring Jericho’s ribs this past Smackdown.  Justin Roberts is a ring announcer.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho is sporting taped ribs from the aforementioned attack.  Ziggler runs around the ring and Jericho gives chase.  Back inside, Jericho catches him with an elbow smash and beats him up a bit.  Ziggler does a drop down and a leap frog, but Jericho catches him with a chop.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and attacks the injured ribs.  Jericho gets a reprieve by back body dropping Ziggler to the floor.  He goes for his rebound dropkick to the apron, but fails and eats the floor as Ziggler makes it back into the ring.  Ziggler continues to punish the ribs.  Vickie is obnoxious at ringside.  Ziggler hits a Rude Awakening, complete with gyrating hips, then pulls a Jericho classic on foot cover for 2.  Jericho gets whipped into the ropes, but catches Ziggler with a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler charges Jericho in the corner, eats it, and Jericho gets a brief flurry.  Ziggler charges the corner again and eats Jericho’s boot.  Jericho follows with a diving elbow smash.  Ziggler sends Jericho into the post, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, fails, but lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Ziggler avoids Jericho in the corner, jumps on his back, and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Jericho backs Ziggler into the corner to escape.  Ziggler kicks him in the ribs and goes up top.  Jericho cuts him off, pounds on him, and hits a top rope Frankensteiner~!  Delayed cover gets 2.  Ziggler catches Jericho out of nowhere with a swank DDT for 2.  They trade shots.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault.  Ziggler catches him in the injured ribs with raised knees, then hits the Zig Zag, but Jericho kicks out!  Jericho catches Ziggler with the Codebreaker.  Ziggler rolls to the floor.  Jericho throws Ziggler back into the ring.  Vickie grabs Jericho’s leg, allowing Ziggler to get an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho sends Ziggler into the post and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Ziggler taps in 13:06.  Yes, Jericho won, but is this really “the big one?”  It made sense when Jericho did this angle with The Rock in 2001 and won the World title, but is the opening match of SummerSlam the same thing?  Good match, though.

Slim Jim commercial.

Los Angeles!

They show Brock Lesnar destroying Shawn Michaels on Raw last week.

Matt Striker interviews Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.  Well, Paul does all of the talking.

Lillian Garcia is also a ring announcer.  The Spanish announcers, Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez, are present as well.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Kane has his dukes up, which amuses me.  Bryan kicks at the larger man’s legs.  Kane catches a kick and throws him down.  Bryan avoids an elbow and kicks him some more.  Kane punches him a bit.  Bryan backflips off the top rope, then gets slammed for 2.  Kane stomps Bryan in the corner.  Fans are chanting for Bryan.  Bryan fails at a reverse cradle and eats a big boot.  Cover gets 2 for Kane.  Bryan kicks at Kane’s knee some more.  Kane nonchalantly choke throws Bryan out of the ring.  Bryan gets back in as Kane comes out and takes him out with a tope suicide.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan lands more kicks as the crowd chants “YES!”  Kane ducks a critical blow and lands a clothesline.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam.  Bryan counters out and rolls to the apron, pulls Kane’s head over the top rope, then comes back in to eat a punch.  Bryan slaps Kane defiantly.  Kane beats the crap out of him in the corner until the referee forces a break.  Bryan takes the opportunity and goes on the offensive.  He goes for the LeBell/Yes/No Lock, fails, and settles for kicking Kane in the chest.  He gets annoyed at the “YES!” chants and goes for the diving headbutt.  Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam.  Instead of covering, he signals for the Tombstone.  Bryan counters it into an inside cradle for the pin in 8:03!  Bryan wins!  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun little match.

Kane, pissed that lost, rampages around backstage.  Josh Matthews tries to interview him, but Kane grabs him by the throat, yells “WHERE?!  IS?!  HE?!” and throws him away, then continues his rampage.

Don’t drink and drive.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think Mysterio’s costume is supposed to be Batman.  They lock up.  Miz lands a shoulder block.  Mysterio sits up and kind of stares at him.  They do a bit of wrestling that ends in Rey getting a near fall and Miz taking a quick powder.  Miz comes back in and gets to stompin’.  Rey hits a flying headscissors.  Miz throws Rey out of the ring.  Rey slides back in as Miz slides out, then dropkicks Miz through the ropes.  Miz sends Rey torso-first into the barricade.  Back inside, Miz goes to work.  Rey counters a backdrop and gets a 2 count.  Miz catches Rey with that lucha-style backbreaker that Jericho does on Rey for 2.  Miz beats on Rey some more.  Rey tries to make a comeback, but eats a clothesline, which gets a 2 count for Miz.  Miz hits his corner clothesline and goes up top, but Rey dropkicks Miz, crotching h im on the top turbuckle.  Rey hits the diving seated senton and goes for a rana, but Miz catches him with a powerbomb for 2.  Rey ducks a kick and gets a cradle for 2, then kicks Miz in the head for another 2.  Combine the two, and he got a 4 count, so he almost won under Canadian rules.  Rey hits a whirly DDT for 2.  Rey goes up top again, but gets caught.  Rey fights Miz off and hits a diving headscissors, which puts Miz into 619 position.  Rey hits the 619 and goes for the diving splash, but Miz avoids it.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Rey turns it into a cradle for 2.  Miz launches Rey into the turnbuckles, then hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 9:10.  It was okay, but I never really got into it.

Plug for the WWE iPhone/Android app.  I downloaded it.  It’s not that interesting.

Teddy Long and Eve Torres walk out of the GM’s office and talk about how quirky AJ Lee is.  They walk away and WWE Champion CM Punk walks into the office.  He complains to AJ about being in a Triple Threat Match tonight.  She just cocks her head and stares off into space, ignoring him.

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio for the World Championship match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Sheamus into the corner.  Repeat.  They tumble out of the ring together and brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus hits the Finlay Roll for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but fails.  He ends up getting Del Rio up on his shoulders as Del Rio exposes the turnbuckle.  Sheamus counters the Minoru Special and misses the Brogue Kick.  Del Rio kicks Sheamus off the apron, then sends him knee first into the steps.  Back inside, Del Rio clamps on a rear chin lock.  Sheamus escapes and goes for another neckbreaker, but Del Rio kicks him in the knee, then in the head for 2.  They fight some more.  Del Rio is wearing black gear that looks reall weird on him for some reason.  He taunts Sheamus by doing the “Brogue!” taunt.  He teases a Brogue Kick, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Del Rio sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post.  Sheamus tries to go up top, but gets cut off.  Del Rio hits an arm breaker (pulling the knees into the arm) off the top for 2.  There has to be a better name for that move.  Del Rio goes for his move, but Sheamus counters.  Del Rio counters the counter and hits the Minoru Special.  Sheamus powers up and slams Del Rio down.  Sheamus hits the White Noise (Schwein) for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Del Rio avoids him.  Sheamus clubbers Del Rio in the chest.  Why hasn’t the referee fixed that exposed turnbuckle?  Oh, I see.  Del Rio drops Sheamus into the exposed buckle, then hits an enzuigiri, but Sheamus kicks out!  Del Rio roughs up Ricardo just because he’s a dick.  Sheamus hits Del Rio with Ricardo’s shoe, then hits the White Noise for the pin in 11:24, even though Del Rio’s foot was on the bottom rope.  That’s actually the finish?  Okay then.  Del Rio and Ricardo bitch at the referee, and rightfully so.  This match did not click with me at all.

Plug for the National Guard, or rather, how great WWE is for supporting the National Guard.

Cole and Lawler plug Night of Champions.

On the pre-show, Triple H told referee Scott Armstrong to not DQ or count anyone out tonight in his match with Brock Lesnar.

Last week on Raw, the Prime Time Players beat up R-Truth while Kofi Kingston was in China, then Touted about it.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (c) vs. The Prime Time Players.  Truth beats up Young to start.  O’Neil tags in and drops Truth with a boot, barks, and covers for 2.  Kofi tags in and keeps O’Neil off balance with his speed.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Young distracts him.  Heel chicanery on the outside leads to the Players getting the advantage.  Kofi plays face in peril.  Young looks like he’s trying to get Kofi in some retarded triangle choke.  It fails completely, but he continues to put a beating on Kofi.  O’Neil tags in and applies an abdominal stretch.  Kofi turns a spinning slam into a spike DDT.  Truth gets the hot tag and runs wild on Darren Young.  Truth hits a front suplex.  Cover, but O’Neil saves.  O’Neil throws Kofi out of the ring, but Kofi skins the cat, low bridges him out, and takes him out with a dive.  Truth thinks about a dive, but Young schoolboys him for 2.  Young goes for something and fails, and Truth hits the Paydirt, whatever he’s calling it this week, for the pin in 7:07.  Players are nothing without AW.  This match was pretty close to nothing, too.

Axxess clips.

Punk/Cena/Show hype video.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show.  Big Show beats up everyone to start.  Punk seems to be channeling Bret Hart with his pink gear.  Cena and Punk unite to try to suplex Show, but Show suplexes both of them at the same time.  Show wins on them some more.  Cena gets tossed out of the ring by Show and Punk makes a comeback until he stupidly goes for the Go 2 Sleep and fails.  Cena tries to give Show the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk pushes them over.  Punk covers Cena, but Show saves.  Show beats up Punk some more and throws Cena out of the ring again.  Punk avoids Show in the corner and goes for a springboard cross body, but Show catches him and hits the Final Cut.  Show signals for the KO punch, but Cena reappears and cuts him off.  Show spears Cena for 2.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb onto both opponents, but Punk avoids it and Cena takes the full brunt.  Punk breaks Show’s cover.  Show throws Punk out of the ring, then goes after Cena on the other side.  Punk tries a dive, but Show catches him and launches him into the ropes from the outside.  Awesome.  Show and Cena go at it in the ring.  Punk pulls Show’s head over the top rope, allowing Cena to hit a backdrop suplex.  LA crowd doesn’t like Cena.  Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk cuts him off.  Punk hits the diving elbow drop on Show.  Cover, but Show throws him across the ring at 2.  Punk kicks Show in the head and locks in the Koji Clutch, of all things.  Show breaks out.  Punk takes a powder.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block and locks in the STF.  Show stands and backs Cena into the corner.  Cena goes for a dive, but Show catches and slams him.  Punk drops Show with a diving lariat and hits him with 3 running knees to the corner, but Show counters the bulldog.  Cena hits Show with the diving Fameasser, but ends up on the apron.  Punk locks Show in the Koji Clutch.  Cena also applies the STF.  Show taps.  The referee calls for the bell, but there are 2 winners.  Cena and Punk argue with the referee.  Raw GM AJ Lee skips out and rules that the match must continue.  Show immediately chokeslams both me.  Cover on Cena gets 2.  Cover on Punk gets 2.  Cena ducks the KO punch and hits Show with the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring and pins Show in 14:28.  Very enjoyable match.  Punk celebrates.

Los Angeles!

Celebrities are here!  Including former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette and WrestleMania participant Maria Menounos (sporting a Bob Backlund shirt).

Trailer for WWE Films’ latest, The Day.

On the preshow, Antonio Cesaro beat Santino Marella for the WWE United States Championship, with help from Aksana.

Kevin Ruldolf (who?) performs the SummerSlam theme song.  People Dance like idiots.  The divas come out to dance: Tamina, Kaitlyn, Natalya, Aksana, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Cameron, Naomi, Layla, Rosa Mendez, and Alicia Fox.

Los Angeles.

Triple H/Lesnar hype video.

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Triple H.  Brock immediately powers Triple H into the corner.  Hunter comes back with punches.  Brock repeats and goes for the Kimura.  Triple H counters.  Brock beats him in the corner some more and goes for it again.  He gets a standing version, but Hunter is in the ropes.  Triple H fights back and clotheslines Brock out of the ring.  Brock comes back in and beats up Triple H in the corner some more.  Hunter lands a knee lift and clotheslines Brock out of the ring again.  Lesnar looks irked.  Brock comes back in and takes off his gloves.  It’s a bare knuckle fight now!  Brock gets a double leg takedown and pummels Triple H with a few punches.  Hunter bails, selling a punch to the back of the head.  They brawl outside.  Brock gives Hunter a hammerlock slam onto the announce table.  The brawl some more back inside.  Brock delivers another hammerlock slam.  Brock continues working the arm.  Triple H counters an F-5 attempt, but Brock hits him with a BIG German suplex.  Brock stomps Triple H’s arm again.  Triple H tries to bail, gets caught, and pulls Brock against the top rope.  Hunter manages to score with a DDT.  Brock immediately goes after the arm again.  I always enjoy a hammerlock slam, and Brock is dishing them out liberally tonight.  They go outside and Lesnar sends Triple H into the post.  They wreck the Spanish announce table.  Brock actually jumps off of it and hits Triple H with a big chop.  Back in the ring, Triple H tries to fight back.  Lesnar gets an inside cradle of all things for 2.  Lesnar hits a clothesline and goes for a suplex, but Hunter counters and suplexes him.  Lesnar clotheslines the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but fails, gets whipped into the corner, and does the Michaels flip out of the ring.  Brock takes a shot into the announce table on his stomach and starts dry heaving.  The announcers talk about his issues with diverticulitis.  Hunter goes after the midsection.  He hits some knee lifts to the stomach.  Triple H hits the spinebuster and goes for the Pedigree.  Lesnar counters and goes for the F-5.  Triple H counters and hits the Pedigree, but Lesnar kicks out.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Lesnar hits him square in the balls.  The referee, per Hunter’s request, is letting it go.  Lesnar hits the F-5, but Triple H kicks out.  Lesnar locks on the standing Kimura again.  Triple H tries to fight out, but Lesnar goes to the ground with it.  Triple H gets the ropes, but the ref isn’t enforcing the rules.  Hunter fights out of the hold.  Hunter hits the Pedigree and goes for the cover, but Lesnar gets the Kimura again.  Triple H taps in 18:45.  I’m absolutely shocked that they did the right thing and put Lesnar over.  The match was an intense brawl, but not on the level of Lesnar/Cena.  I’ll give it a thumbs slightly up.  Lesnar leaves.  Hunter refuses medical attention.  Fans chant “YOU TAPPED OUT!”, which is probably not what WWE was going for with this.  Hunter mouths “I’m sorry” and leaves to a mixture of boos and polite applause.

This show started well, dipped really low in the middle, peaked with the triple threat match, and ended okay.  I’d say the show as a whole is thumbs in the middle.


WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by Chui

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, pryo and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.  Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez are the Spanish announcers.

They show the shenanigans leading up to Kane vs. Randy Orton involving their respective fathers, Paul Bearer and Bob Orton Jr.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Kane vs. Randy Orton.  They brawl.  Orton gets punched off the top to the floor.  Cover on the floor gets 2.  Kane brings in a leg pipe.  Orton cuts him off and hits him with the pipe a few times, knocking him back to the floor on the last shot.  They fight in the crowd.  Orton knees Kane in the face for 2.  Kane slams Orton on the concrete for 2.  More crowd brawling.  They end up near the set.  Orton lands a dropkick for 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and boots Orton in the face for 2.  They brawl backstage.  They end up in a room with some geeks.  Zack Ryder attacks Kane, which only pisses him off.  Kane goozles Ryder, but Orton hits the 3.0 for 2.  Back into the hallway.  Kane throws something at Orton and covers for 2.  Back into the arena.  Back into the ring.  Orton drops Kane with a clothesline and hits a powerslam.  Orton retrieves a chair from underneath the ring and attacks Kane with it.  Back outside, where Orton clears off the announce table.  Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Orton prevents it.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER off the table to the floor!  Cover gets 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and sends Orton into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Back inside, Kane goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex.  Cover gets 2.  Orton humps the mat.  Kane hits the chokeslam, but Orton kicks out!  Kane bitches at the referee.  Kane goes for the Tombstone on the chair.  Orton counts out and hits the RKO sort of on the chair for the pin in 16:45.  Fun match.

John Laurinaitis and Eve Torres are backstage with the Raw Roulette wheel.  Teddy Long brings in champagne.  He’s being humiliated after he lost his GM job at WrestleMania.  Laurinaitis gets a phone call from Triple H.


“The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (w/ Hornswoggle, Cameron, & Naomi) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger).  They lock up.  Clay overpowers Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to take Clay down, but fails.  Swagger distracts Clay, allowing Ziggler to dropkick him out of the ring.  Ziggler distracts the referee while Swagger hits a shoulder block on the floor.  Back inside, Ziggler goes on the attack.  Clay goes for a knee lift, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 1.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Clay fights out.  Ziggler stays on the attack.  He goes for a suplex, but fails.  Clay throws him with a front suplex and makes his comeback.  Clay knocks Swagger on the apron.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but fails.  Clay hits a headbutt and a big splash for the pin in 4:18.  It was fine for what it was.

Earlier in the day, The Big Show and Cody Rhodes played Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal to determine the stipulation for their Intercontinental title match tonight.  It’s a Tables Match.

Lillian Garcia is the other ring announcer.

The show highlights of Show’s title victory over Rhodes at WrestleMania XXVIII.

Tables Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: The Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes.  Show beats up Rhodes.  Rhodes bails after taking a big back body drop.  Show sets up a table on the outside and picks up Rhodes.  Rhodes slips off and chop blocks Show’s knee.  Show rallies and continues to beat and toss Rhodes around.  Show throws Rhodes and a table in the ring.  He throws Rhodes at the table in the corner, but Rhodes rebounds off of it and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes charges, but Show shoulder blocks him.  Rhodes bails.  Show beats him up on the outside.  Show throws Rhodes back into the ring and gets in the apron.  Rhodes dropkicks Show, who steps through a table at ringside.  The referee rules Rhodes the winner in 4:35.  Stupid finish.  A pissed off Show drops Rhodes after the match, then chokeslams him through a table.  Crowd chants “One more time!”  Show press slams Rhodes out of the ring through another table.  Show leaves.  Rhodes is helped up and manages to hold up his belt while looking like he’s near tears.

Edge DVD plug.

Matt Striker interviews Daniel Bryan.  Will he become World Champion tonight?  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun interview.  He walks away and they show AJ sulking in the background.

Sheamus/Bryan hype video.

2/3 Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus is wearing a t-shirt with “18 seconds” written on it, the time in which he beat Bryan for the title at WrestleMania.  I timed it at 19 seconds, but that’s neither here nor there.  Sheamus grabs a headlock and lands a shoulder block.  They do a brief mat exchange.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Bryan avoids it.  Sheamus taunts Bryan with how close that was.  They trade arm locks.  Sheamus hits a Finlay Roll for 2.  For some reason, I don’t know the proper name for that move.  Sheamus rolls through a sunset flip and locks Bryan in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Bryan gets the ropes.  Sheamus goes for it again, but Bryan gets an inside cradle for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Bryan lands a lariat.  Sheamus rolls to the apron and Bryan dropkicks him to the floor.  Bryan dives off the apron, but Sheamus catches him and sends him into the barricade.  Back inside, Sheamus goes up top, but Bryan crotches him and goes on the attack.  Bryan goes to work on Sheamus’ shoulder.  They trade strikes.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  More arm and shoulder torture inflicted by Bryan.  Sheamus makes his comeback and beats up Bryan.  Sheamus hits a fall away slam for 2.  Bryan gets a schoolboy for 2.  Bryan goes for a top rope Frankensteiner, but Sheamus holds on, then hits Bryan with a diving shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bryan in from the apron, but Bryan lands on his feet, then low bridges Sheamus out of the ring on the other side.  He goes for a dive, but Sheamus nails him.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Bryan turns it into a cradle for 2.  Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, but Sheamus counters out repeatedly.  Bryan sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post repeatedly, then kicks the shit out of it while Sheamus is against the ropes.  This causes the referee to DQ Bryan, diving Sheamus the first fall at 14:30.  Bryan goes back on the attack and applies the Yes Lock.  Sheamus struggles, but goes out, and Bryan wins the second fall by referee stop at 16:39.  Bryan celebrates while the ringside doctor checks on Sheamus.  There are dueling “Yes!” and “No!” chants.  Sheamus tells the doctor he can continue.  Bryan charges Sheamus and eats a Brogue Kick.  Delayed cover gets 2.  They trade strikes.  Bryan lands a big kick to the head for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Sheamus cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Bryan fights him off  and goes for a diving headbutt.  Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus avoids Bryan in the corner and makes his comeback.  Sheamus lands another Brogue Kick for the pin in 22:55.  Very good match.

WWE YouTube channel plug.

Over the Limit commercial featuring Randy Orton.


Santino Marella is watching the monitor backstage.  2 jobbers are in the ring.  Great Khali comes over to watch too.

The jobbers are named Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton.  They cut a stupid promo about 2 being greater than one.

Handicap Match: Aaron Relic & Jay Hatton vs. Ryback.  There’s a smattering of “Goldberg!” chants.  The jobber with the ridiculous pants attacks Ryback to no avail.  Ryback kills him.  He orders the other jobber to tag in.  The fellow wisely demurs.  Ryback tosses him in anyway and kills him.  Ryback hits the second jobber with a backpack stunner.  Crowd chants “Finish him.”  Ryback kills ridiculous pants with sort of a Fisherman buster Samoan drop, then pins them both in 1:50.  Santino and Khali are impressed.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion CM Punk.  Tonight he faces Chris Jericho, who has been insulting his family, in a Chicago Street Fight.

Plug for the PPV theme song.

Punk/Jericho hype video.

Chicago Street Fight for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  This is Punk’s hometown, and members of his family are in the front row.  They brawl, because this is a street fight, see.  Punk throws some plunder into the ring.  He whacks Jericho with a Singapore cane.  Jericho drops Punk with a dropkick and gets hold of the cane.  He whacks Punk, then hits his trademark springboard dropkick to the apron, sending Punk to the floor.  Jericho beats up Punk on the outside.  Back inside, Jericho exposes a turnbuckle.  Punk fires back with chops.  Jericho avoids the running knee to the corner and Punk takes another spill outside.  Jericho beats up Punk right in front of his family.  He gets in Punk’s sister’s face and gets slapped.  Jericho lunges for her and Punk kicks his ass.  Punk slams Jericho through the announce table cover.  Punk goes for a piledriver, but Jericho back body drops him, then hits him with a monitor.  Jericho breaks the other announce table cover over Punk’s back.  Back inside, Jericho covers for 2.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Punk escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Punk pulls Jericho’s throat over the top rope and goes for his springboard lariat, but trips.  Jericho wails on him with the Singapore cane.  Jericho taunts Punk and gets caught with an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho responds with something that gets 2.  Jericho brings in a can of beer, which he pours on Punk.  He brings in another beer and starts drinking it.  Punk, meanwhile, starts kicking his ass.  Punk hits the running knee to the corner and the bulldog headlock, then pulls the Singapore cane into Jericho’s balls and signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Punk counters and hits a powerslam for 2.  Punk goes up top, but Jericho crotches him.  They fight on the top rope.  Punk sends Jericho to the mat with a Mongolian chop, then hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Jericho counts the Go 2 Sleep again and hits a bulldog.  He goes for the Lionsault, but Punk catches him, picks him up on h is shoulders, and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Jericho counters again and throws Punk into a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Jericho gets a schoolboy for 2.  Jericho catches Punk with the Codebreaker and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Punk manages to reach the ropes.  It’s a street fight, so the referee can’t force a break.  Punk somehow gets hold of a fire extinguisher and sprays Jericho with it to escape the hold.  Punk hits Jericho in the stomach with it and sends him to the floor.  Another shot to the gut followed by a kick to the head by Punk.  Jericho is on top of the Spanish announce table.  Punk goes to the top rope and hits the diving elbow through the table.  Punk throws Jericho back into the ring and covers for 2.  Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice.  Jericho whacks Punk with the Singapore cane to escape.  Punk hits Jericho with a chair.  Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker into the chair.  Cover only gets 2.  Jericho is getting frustrated.  He beats on Punk some more.  Jericho tries to give Punk the Go 2 Sleep, just to be a dick.  Punk catches Jericho’s leg and catapults  him into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 25:14.  This turned out to be a hell of a match.  Punk celebrates with his friends and family.

Don’t try this at home!

Earlier tonight on the pre-show, Santino Marella defeated The Miz with the Cobra to retain the United States Championship.

The Bella Twins and Beth Phoenix bicker backstage.  Eve Torres says Beth isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Whichever Bella is champion will now defend the title against a surprise opponent who isn’t Kharma.

The show Nikki Bella beating Beth for the Divas title last week on Raw after Beth injured her ankle.  The Bellas cut a promo.  The opponent is the returning Layla.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) (w/ Brie Bella) vs. Layla.  They lock up.  Lots of movement from Layla.  Brie trips Layla behind the ref’s back, allowing Nikki to get the advantage.  She DDTs Layla’s foot for 2.  I fucking hate that spot.  Layla gets an inside cradle for 1.  Nikki does whatever.  Layla hits a springboard cross body for 1, then knocks the other Bella off the apron.  Nikki gets the advantage.  Layla gets a wonky cradle.  Nikki counters.  The twins pull the switcheroo.  Brie goes for a facebuster, but Layla turns it into a hangman’s neckbreaker for the pin to win the title in 2:28.  This sucked.

Matt Striker asks John Laurinaitis what he and Triple H were talking about.  Johnny doesn’t tell him.


Lesnar/Cena hype video.

Extreme Rules Match: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena.  Lesnar takes Cena down and mauls him, then kills him with a lariat.  Cena is cut already.  The stop the match to check the cut.  I hate that shit, but I guess Brock is used to it now.  Cena charges Brock and gets taken down and mauled again.  Cena is sent outside.  He’s bleeding pretty bad.  Cena fights back as goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock will have none of that and gives him a couple of German suplexes.  Cena hits a shoulder block and knocks Brock into the referee.  The ref is dead, and Brock kills Cena some more.  Brock torments Cena’s arm with a Kimura, then tosses him from the ring again.  Brock follows Cena out and tortures his arm some more.  Back inside, Brock brings in Cena’s chain, then throws it aside because he’s Brock Lesnar and doesn’t need it.  He thinks again and uses it to chain Cena’s legs together.  Brock hangs Cena from the turnbuckle and massacres him for a while.  Cena gets loose and fights back until he’s thrown into the steps.  Brock throws the referee back into the ring and wakes him up.  Cena has the chain his hand, but Brock steps on it and takes it away.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock counters and hits the F-5, but kills the referee again in the process.  Another referee runs out, but the delay allows Cena to kick out.  Brock clotheslines the new referee.  Brock brings the steps into the ring.  Cena does his “you can’t see me” and first back.  Brock locks in a Kimura on top of the steps.  Cena manages to pick Brock up and slam him on the steps.  Cena goes for the diving Fameasser, but Brock avoids it.  Brock prances on top of the steps while Cena struggles his way back into the ring.  Cena makes it onto the apron and Brock launches himself at Cena, taking a bad tumble and injuring his knee in the process.  Brock gets up and laughs it off.  He charges Cena again, but Cena punches him with the chain.  Brock is bleeding now.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on the steps for the pin in 17:42.  Aside from the stupidity of putting Cena over in Brock’s first match back, this was awesome.

Cena takes the mic after the match and cuts a promo putting over Chicago.  He says he’s going home, which is a lie.

Good show.  There were a few really good matches.  The main event is soured by the stupidity of Brock losing so quickly.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2010 by Chui

WWE open.  We are LIVE from Orlando, Florida.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  They talk about John Cena being fired last night.

The Nexus come out: Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett tries to a cut a promo amidst heavy boos from the crowd.  He decides to turn it around and claim that Cena was biased against him last night.  He says an official has never been allowed to put his hands on a competitor.  That is a lie.  He wants another title shot with a neutral referee.  The iBooker 9000 dings in.  Cole reads that the match will happen TONIGHT!  Barrett says that he has allowed John Cena to appear tonight to say his goodbyes.

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!  Also, John Cena WILL be here.  Commercials!

Next week, King of the Ring returns!

The announcers chat.  Cole introduces the newest member of the announce team, CM Punk!  Awesome!

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Truth is back to using his old music, which Eve doesn’t dance nearly as well to.  Punk says “wrestling,” so I assume he’ll be removed from announcing immediately.  Sheamus wins the lock up and takes Truth over with a side headlock.  Sheamus controls with the headlock.  Truth escapes and dances.  He does the splits and lands a jumping side kick.  Sheamus bails and yells.  Commercials.  Sheamus works Truth’s arm for a while.  Truth escapes a long hold and makes his comeback.  Truth lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Truth goes for a front cradle, but Sheamus squashes it for 2.  Sheamus NAILS Truth with the brogue kick (yes, I’m going to call it that now) and follows with the Razor’s Edge (no, I’m still not calling it the High Cross or Pale Justice or whatever the name of the week for it is) for the pin in 11:04.  Boring match.

They air a clip from the new John Cena DVD, showing him preparing for WrestleMania XXVI.  Tonight, Cena will BE HERE!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Michelle McCool and Layla babble obnoxiously while heading into the building.  The security guy won’t let them in the building because they’re not allowed on Raw since they’re not champs anymore.  Then WHY THE HELL WAS NATALYA ON SMACKDOWN EVERY FUCKING WEEK FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS?  The NEW WWE Divas Champion Natalya walks up and claims to not know them, so they are shut out of the building.  Thank God.  My joy at not having to see LayCool anymore aside, this was retarded.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are backstage chatting about their loss last night.  Tamina plays Santino a song on a ukulele.  They kiss.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton about the title match tonight.

Up next, Ezekiel Jackson vs. The Miz in a King of the Ring Qualifying Match!  Commercials!

WWE Slam of the Week: Ezekiel Jackson being a BAMF.

Ezekiel Jackson comes out for the match.  Alex Riley comes out and says that Miz had an anxiety attack, so Riley will be wrestling on his behalf.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Alex Riley.  Riley tries a go behind.  Zeke reverses it.  Riley gets a rope break.  Riley avoids Zeke in the corner and hits a Stinger splash, then takes Zeke down with a headlock.  Cover gets 2.  Riley applies a rear chin lock.  Zeke escapes, mauls a bitch, and hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 1:54.  I’m all for a King Zeke reign!

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!

John Cena chats with R-Truth and Eve Torres backstage.  Gail Kim, Santino Marella, and Yoshi Tatsu show up to wish him well.  I’m sad that Yoshi never actually gets a match on Raw.  Commercials! plug.

John Cena comes out to cut his farewell promo.  He talks for a while about the usual stuff: loving his job, missing his family, etc.  He asks for the women and kids to chant “Let’s go Cena!” while the guys chant “Cena sucks!”  They, being a polite crowd, oblige his request.  Cena warns Wade Barrett to stop taking shortcuts.  He finally finishes up by thanking the fans.  I’m sure they appreciate it and will be happy to see him back next week.  They show some sad looking fans.  Cena walks backstage passing R-Truth, Eve, Goldust, The Bella Twins, Kozlov, Santino, Mark Henry, Primo, Ted Dibiase Jr., Maryse, Naomi, Kaitlyn, AJ, Natalya, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Daniel Bryan, Gail Kim, Melina, Alicia Fox, Tyson Kidd, referees and assorted backstage geeks.  He shakes hands with and hugs Randy Orton since they’re best friends now.  Cena walks out of the building.  Wade Barrett steps into frame and does the “You can’t see me” gesture at the back of Cena’s head.  Commercials.

The brand new Amway Center!

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Brie Bella).  Brie runs down the ramp to catch up to Bryan.  I’m taking the announcers’ word that it’s Brie, which means there’s a 99% chance it’s Nikki.  Dibiase jumps Bryan and beats him up.  Dibiase gets a couple of near falls, then applies a waist lock on the mat.  Bryan avoids Dibiase in the corner and drills him with a dropkick.  Dibiase hits a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Bryan turns his stupid cover into the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:53.  These two have had a really good match in the last 24 hours.  This wasn’t it.  Nikki Bella comes out to join Brie in celebrating with Bryan.  He has them hug each other for some reason.  Maybe they’re going to start calling him gay on top of everything else.

Orton vs. Barrett TONIGHT!  For the BELT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  Fox holds onto the ropes to avoid a front cradle.  Natalya gives her a monkey flip.  Fox works Natalya’s hair.  She pulls out a tuft of Natalya’s hair, which pisses her off.  Natalya throws Fox down by her hair a bunch, then hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Natalya does a bear hug.  Fox turns it into a cradle.  Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:16.  This was crap.

Tonight, Orotn vs. Barrett for the belt!

John Morrison and Melina chat backstage.  Are they still together?  Morrison is in action NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Hart Dynasty vs. Nexus from last week’s Raw, when Tyson Kidd TURNED on David Hart Smith.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd.  Kidd has new HEEL music.  They lock up and trade arm locks.  Morrison backs Kidd into the corner.  Kidd stomps Morrison in the corner, slides out of the ring, and drops him across the apron, then delivers a kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kidd applies a side headlock and yells.  Morrison fights back and lands a fancy kick.  Morrison lands a side kick for 2.  Kidd hits a twisting Fisherman buster for 2.  Kidd beats up Morrison a bit.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck.  Kidd tries to cut him off, but fails.  Morrison lands it and follows with the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:17.  It was okay.  Too short, like most things tonight.

Orton vs. Barrett is NEXT!  Commercials.

Hype for next week’s King of the Ring Tournament.

Randy Orton comes out for his title defense, but is jumped in the aisle by The Nexus and ASSAULTED!  Orton’s knee has been injured!  Commercials!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett.  They both make their entrances again, even though they were both out there 5 minutes ago.  Orton is selling the knee injury.  In ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton lands some punches.  Barrett attacks the injured knee.  Barrett rams the knee into the apron.  Cover gets 2.  Barrett works the knee.  Orton catches Barrett with the 3.0.  Across the injured knee.  Idiot.  Barrett hits the Wasteland and covers.  John Cena appears and pulls the referee out of the ring!  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus runs out.  Cena escapes through the crowd.  Orton hits Barrett with the RKO for the pin in 3:50.  Orton retains the title!  The Miz comes out!  He’s cashing in the Money In The Bank contract RIGHT NOW!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  Miz goes for the knee.  Orton clubbers his back.  Repeat.  Miz kicks Orton’s knee out from under him and sets to work on it.  Miz rams Orton’s knee into the post repeatedly.  Orton kicks him away and into the barricade.  Back inside, Orton makes his comeback.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz counters and takes his knee out.  Orton manages to hit the powerslam and starts humping the mat.  Miz counters the RKO and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 2:44!  THE MIZ IS WWE CHAMPION!  They show kids looking sad and angry in the audience.  Awesome!

This show was crap when it comes to wrestling, but it was still fun, entertaining, and eventful.

WWE Hell In A Cell 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, PPV open.  Paper Jamz presents Hell In A Cell!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel are the ring announcers.

Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match for the WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz.  Miz cuts a promo on the way to the ring bitching about having sand in his vagina or whatever he’s mad about.  He says neither of the opponents would be anything without him.  They try to put each other in holds.  Miz bails.  Morrison and Bryan chase Miz around.  Morrison grabs Miz’s leg and Bryan kicks Miz in the head.  Miz is sent outside again and Morrison and Bryan wrestle.  Bryan locks Morrison in a leg lock and they roll to the floor.  Miz breaks it and rams Morrison into the side of the ring.  Miz throws Bryan into the barricade, then throws Morrison back in the ring and beats him up.  Morrison avoids Miz in the corner and locks him in the Tarantula!  Bryan breaks it with a dropkick and sends Morrison to the floor.  Bryan locks Miz in the Cattle Mutilation~!  That, unfortunately, doesn’t last long.  Bryan proceeds to kick the crap out of Miz and lock him in a leg lock.  Miz tries to reverse it and they kick each other in the head.  Morrison comes back in and hits the Starship Pain on both of them.  Miz is sent outside.  Morrison locks Bryan in a modified Haas of Pain.  Miz saves.  Morrison sends him out of the ring and takes him out with a dive!  Miz backdrops Morrison into the crowd.  Miz and Morrison fight in the crowd.  Miz locks Morrison in a Dragon sleeper against the hand rail.  Bryan shows up and breaks the hold.  Miz beats up Bryan and rams him in to stuff in the crowd.  Bryan goes for a Fujiwara armbar, but Miz avoids it.  Morrison shows up and gets sent into the barricade by Miz.  They end up brawling near the stage.  Miz rams a cart into Morrison.  Miz drops Bryan across the top of the cart and runs it into the ramp.  Morrison jumps over the cart and dropkicks Miz.  Morrison goes for a triangle choke, but Bryan breaks it.  Miz rams Bryan into the barricade, then hits Morrison with the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  On the stage, Miz and Bryan counter each others’ finish, then do a double clothesline spot.  Morrison climbs up the set and hits Miz and Bryan with a dive.  Morrison locks Miz in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Cole mentions Dean Malenko, which makes me happy.  Alex Riley saves and takes out Morrison.  Bryan pushes Riley off the stage into a camera man.  Bryan locks Miz in the LeBell Lock on the ramp for the win in 13:35.  Fun match.

Legendary DVD plug.  Ugh.

Orton/Sheamus hype video.

Hell In A Cell Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Sheamus.  They show Orton taking out Chris Jericho on Raw.  Yeah, just keep rubbing it in!  They lock up and push each other around, then brawl back and forth for a while.  Orton clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Orton tries to ram Sheamus’ head into the cell, but Sheamus blocks it and gets back in the ring.  Orton stomps Sheamus and lands a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to ram Orton’s head into the cell, but Orton blocks it.  They brawl  at ringside.  Sheamus reverses Orton’s whip into the cell, then drops him with a clothesline.  Sheamus throws the steps at Orton, but Orton ducks and sends Sheamus into the post.  Orton rams Sheamus into the cell a couple of times, then hits him in the head with the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus blocks a suplex attempt and front suplexes Orton into the ropes, then shoulder blocks Orton off the ring into the cell.  Inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus stomps Orton in the corner.  Sheamus beats up Orton.  Sheamus lands a knee for 2.  Sheamus exposes the turnbuckle and tries to ram Orton into it, but Orton fights back.  Sheamus lands a Polish hammer to drop Orton.  Outside, Sheamus grinds Orton’s head into the cell.  Why do that shit with no blood?  Why even have a fucking Hell In A Cell match with no blood?  Sheamus front suplexes Orton into the steps.  Sheamus works Orton’s ribs.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus applies a scissored rear chin lock.  Orton fights out and hits a backdrop suplex.  Orton drops Sheamus with a dropkick, then sells his ribs.  They brawl some more.  Orton makes his comeback.  Orton hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Orton hits the 3.0 and humps the mat.  Sheamus counters the RKO and lands a knee to the ribs.  Sheamus brings the steps into the ring.  Orton counters Sheamus and powerslams him on the steps.  Ouch.  Cole calls it a scoop slam because he knows nothing about wrestling despite doing this shit for 12 years.  Cover gets 2.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on the steps, but Sheamus counters.  Orton pulls him across the top rope and hits the DDT OF MURDER from the apron to the floor.  Orton goes for the RKO, but Sheamus pushes him into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker on the steps, which is incredibly stupid since it doesn’t hurt Orton any more but does hurt Sheamus more.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for 2.  Sheamus finds a chair under the ring and pummels Orton with it a bunch for 2.  Orton ducks another chair shot and hits the RKO.  Sheamus rolls out of the ring.  Orton follows outside and goes for the punt, but Sheamus avoids it and drops Orton with the pump kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus tries to set up the Razor’s Edge off the steps, but Orton trips him.  Orton hits the RKO on the steps for the pin in 22:53.  Okay match, but it didn’t light my world on fire.  Orton climbs to the top of the cell to pose with the belt.

Bragging Rights hype.  Coming the night after a Lesnar fight on top of not mattering anyway, nobody is going to buy that PPV.


Josh Matthews interviews the NXT Season 3 divas: Jamie Keyes, Naomi, Maxine, AJ, Kaitlyn, & Aksana.  WHO THE FUCK CARES?  The Nexus show up and run them off.  THANK YOU!  Barrett says John Cena will have to join The Nexus tonight.  They have an “N” armband for him.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio says he wants to make his PPV debut special.  They show a picture of the chihuahua from Smackdown.  He wonders who his next opponent will be.  He trashes various Texans.  He “challenges anyone.”  Edge comes out.  He says he’s in a fight against stupidity and parts of Del Rio are stupid.  Del Rio says he’s going to hurt Edge, then winks.  Edge says the wink and the ring announcer are stupid.  Del Rio takes his coat off like he’s ready to fight.  Jack Swagger comes out, pissed off about these foreigners.  He says Edge will pay for his eagle’s medical bills.  Edge decks Swagger.  Del Rio jumps Edge from behind.  Swagger beats up Edge.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  FUCK!  THIS SHIT IS ON PPV NOW?  The iBooker wants Edge to apologize to it on Raw tomorrow night, and makes Swagger vs. Edge for RIGHT NOW!

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  A referee comes down to start the match.  Swagger beats on Edge.  Edge fights back.  Swagger whips him into the corner.  Swagger works Edge’s leg.  Edge tries to fight back, but Swagger hits a gut buster for 2.  Swagger sets Edge on the top rope.  Edge goes for a tornado DDT, but Swagger counters and drops him with an enzui clothesline for 2.  Swagger rolls Edge around on the mat.  Edge hot shots Swagger into the ropes, then runs at him.  Swagger avoids it and covers for 2.  Swagger either tries a German suplex or butt fucks Edge on the apron.  He locks in an abdominal stretch on the ropes briefly, then slingshots into the ring and gets dropped with a boot.  Edge hits a wonky facebuster for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Edge counters and goes for the Edgecution.  Swagger counters.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Edge gets a rope break.  Edge backdrops Swagger to the floor, when tries to spear him off the apron.  Swagger pulls Edge to the floor and locks him in the ankle lock.  Edge sends Swagger into the steps.  Back inside, Edge goes up top.  Swagger cuts him off.  Edge headbutts Swagger down and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Swagger sends Edge to the floor.  Edge pulls Swagger’s shoulder into the post.  Edge goes up up.  Swagger brings him down with a belly to belly throw from the top for 2.  Swagger hits a backdrop suplex, then goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Edge avoids it and hits the Edgecution, then goes for the spear.  Swagger counters and hits the Doctor Bomb for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Edge goes for an enzuigiri, but ends up getting his knee wrenched.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Edge gets the ropes.  Swagger pulls him back to the middle.  Edge sends Swagger into the ropes, then hits the spear for the pin in 11:31.  Fine match.

Don’t Try This At Home!

The 4 unimportant members of the Nexus chat backstage.  They want to make sure they aren’t forced to disband tonight.  Otunga has a plan to get around the iBooker’s rule that Cena wins if any of them interfere.

Cena/Barrett video.

Nexus Disbands vs. Cena Joins Nexus: Wade Barrett vs. John Cena.  They wrestle a bit.  Cena does a leapfrog and a hip toss, then a dropkick or something for 1.  Barrett pounds on Cena.  Cena pounds on Barrett.  Cole sounds “pound & ground” because he’s a moron.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus run out to distract him.  Barrett nails Cena from behind, then bitches at Nexus for coming out here.  Barrett whips Cena into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Barrett lands a punch for 2.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett puts the boots to Cena in the corner.  Cena fights back, but runs himself into the corner.  Barrett hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Barrett stretches Cena across his knee.  Cena tries to fight out, but gets dropped again.  Barrett catapults Cena into the ropes.  Cena fights back and makes his comeback.  Nexus surround the ring.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  The Big Show comes out and attacks Nexus.  He’s followed by Goldust, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters, Kofi Kingston, MVP, The Hart Dynasty, Evan Bourne, John Morrison, and R-Truth (I think I listed everyone).  The cavalry takes out Nexus.  Cena goes for the STF.  Barrett counters out and kicks Cena in the gut, then hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  Cena hits some sort of suplex for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett counters and hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Cena avoids it.  Cena goes up top.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for a superplex, but Cena overpowers him.  Cena headbutts Barrett down and hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett counters and hits the Wasteland.  CENA KICKS OUT!  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.  BARRETT KICKS OUT!  Cena locks in the STF.  Somebody comes out of the crowd and jumps in the ring.  With the referee distracted, somebody else hits Cena with something.  Barrett gets the pin 17:50.  Really, really good match.  Nexus celebrates.  Looking back at the video, I’m pretty sure the first guy was Michael McGillicutty and the second was Husky Harris.  They do the long, drawn out thing with Cena realizing he’s fucked and walking to the back.

Paper Jamz commercial featuring The Miz.

Josh Matthews walks down a purple hallway.  Paul Bearer comes up behind him.  Matthews asks him why he’s back.  He says he has a master plan and Kane will never be his favorite son.

American Airlines Center!

Wrestlers visiting sick kids for Make A Wish!

Unified WWE Divas Championship Match: Michelle McCool (c) (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya takes McCool down and wrestles her.  McCool gets to the ropes and bails.  Natalya chases her and knocks Layla down.  McCool cheap shots Natalya and sends her into the barricade.  McCool works over Natalya in the ring.  Natalya gets a reverse cradle for 2.  McCool hooks in a body scissors.  Natalya makes her comeback.  Natalya hits a clothesline for 2.  Layla gets on the apron.  Natalya pulls her hair.  McCool accidentally decks Layla.  Natalya schoolgirls girl, but the retarded ref takes too long to count and it only gets 2.  McCool hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  McCool goes for the Styles Clash.  Natalya counters and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool counters into the heel hook.  Natalya counters back into the Sharpshooter.  Awesome.  Layla throws a shoe at Natalya to cause the DQ in 4:53.  Natalya locks Layla in the Sharpshooter.  Shit happens.  LayCool bail.  Nattie wins, but doesn’t win the belt.  Garbage.

They plug the PPV theme song.

Kane/Undertaker video.

Hell In A Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer).  Bearer wants to come into the cell, but Taker won’t let him.  Bearer says “You need me in here!”  Kane jumps Taker and they brawl outside the cell, then inside the cell at ringside.  The bell finally rings.  Taker hits Kane with a chair and rams his head into the steps.  Finally in the ring, Taker hits a couple of running clotheslines to the corner.  Taker hits Snake Eyes and the big boot, then a leg drop for 2.  Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Kane gouges his eyes.  Kane hits Taker with the chair.  They brawl at ringside again.  Taker beats up Kane until Kane reverses an Irish whip and sends Taker into the steps.  Kane attacks Taker’s leg with the chair.  Kane wedges Taker’s leg between the post and the steps and kicks the steps into it.  Kane keeps working the leg.  Taker fights back with big punches.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP and I pop.  Back inside, Kane goes after Taker’s leg again.  Undertaker forearms his way out of a hold and lands some punches.  They trade punches.  Taker hits the jumping clothesline.  Taker goes for Old School, but gets crotched on the top rope.  Kane hits a superplex and the diving lariat.  He goes for the cover, but Taker goes for the Hell’s Gate.  Kane bails out of the ring to escape.  Kane comes back in and they do a double knockdown spot, then both sit up and trade punches.  Taker hits Kane with his running DDT for 2.  Taker hits the chokeslam for 2.  Kane hits the chokeslam for 2.  Kane splashes Taker in the corner a bunch and does some corner punches.  Taker hits the Last Ride out of the corner for 2.  Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Kane reverses it and Tombstones Undertaker.  TAKER KICKS OUT!  Kane is cut on the back of his head.  He punches out the referee, presumably to keep him from stopping the match because that shit pisses him off as much as it does me.  They open the cell door to retrieve the KO’d referee, which allows Paul Bearer to come into the cell.  Kane very slowly chases Bearer into the ring.  Kane yells at Bearer.  Taker sits up and chokeslams Kane.  Taker rolls his eyes back and signals for the Tombstone.  Pyro and lightning go off ont he set as Taker goes for the Tombstone.  Bearer opens the urn and a light comes out, which weakens Taker.  Bearer gives Kane the urn, which I assume contains Undertaker’s power.  Kane clocks Taker with the urn, then hits the chokeslam for the pin in 21:41.  Given that I’ve come to expect and be amused by this cartoony shit, this was fun.  Also, it makes perfect sense for Bearer to turn on Taker since the last time we saw Bearer, Taker buried him in concrete.  Bearer leaves with Kane.

Other than the opener and Barrett/Cena, this show kind of sucked.

WWE NXT 9/28/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, “last week on NXT…,” NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Pros Kelly Kelly, Primo, Alicia Fox, and Vickie Guerrero are already on the stage.  Matt Striker introduces the rookies: Aksana, AJ, Kaitlyn, Jamie Keyes, Naomi, and Maxine.  Voting starts tomorrow.  I don’t care.  They have to push a wheelbarrow containing Hornswoggle around the ring.  Kaitlyn wins.  She celebrates with Hornswoggle, who picks her up on his shoulders.  Vickie hugs her.  Commercials.

This Week In WWE History: The 9/20/1997 Raw in Madison Square Garden.

The announcers talk.

AJ hype video.

Tonight, Diss The Diva!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.  Commercials.

Next week, NXT moves to!  And I NEVER HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN!  Praise the lord.

Kaitlyn hype video.

Tonight, Diss The Diva!  Commercials!

Kane/Undertaker/Paul Bearer segment from Smackdown.  Go read that review.

Diss the diva is NEXT!

Diss the Diva happens!  They diss each other.  AJ wins.  Vickie Guerrero comes to the ring to be obnoxious.  She bitches at Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn tells her to shove it and challenges her to a match.  Thank God I won’t be seeing it.  Vickie agrees, then shoves Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn shoves Vickie down and they have a catfight.  The show ends.  Thank God.

I did it!  I survived 4 weeks of this garbage and I never have to watch it again!  I made it my goal to watch every WWE TV show this year, and I’ve done it (save for the first episode of Superstars this year, which I’ll get to eventually). is not TV, so fuck this garbage!

WWE NXT 9/21/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, “last week on NXT…,” NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews is alone as the announcer because Michael Cole quit last week.  CM Punk comes out with a blazer over his wrestling gear to do commentary.  Pros Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, Primo, and Kelly Kelly are already on the stage.

Matt Striker introduces the rookie divas: Kaitlyn, Maxine, Aksana, AJ, Naomi, and Jamie.  Striker says the first elimination is in 2 weeks.  They should just eliminate them all.  Vickie Guerrero makes my ears bleed and takes credit for Kaitlyn winning the obstacle course.  She says Kaitlyn will face Jamie tonight.  She brings out Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla because one of the NXT writers reads my blog and wants everyone I hate on this show.  They are obnoxious.  Layla says “deever.”  They obnoxiously bury the rookies.  This is brutal.  Kelly takes offense to LayCool insulting her.  They agree to LayCool & Kaitlyn vs. Kelly, Naomi, & Jamie tonight.  That’s gonna be a barn burner.  Commercials. plug.

They play musical chairs.  I fast forward.  AJ gets a controversial win over Naomi in the final.  I hate this show.

AJ vs. Maxine tonight.  Commercials.

Matthews and Punk banter a bit.

Aksana hype video.

Goldust tells Aksana how awesome that hype video was.  She’s upset.  There are problems with her work visa and she might be deported.  Please, let it happen.  Goldust consoles her and teaches her his breathing technique.

Raw Rebound.

Hell In A Cell hype.

Maxine and Alicia Fox come out.  Maxine vs. AJ is next.  Commercials.

Maxine (w/ Alicia Fox) vs. AJ (w/ Primo).  They show the catfight between them during the joke thing last week.  Punk makes a joke about girl scout cookies.  Maxine slowly shoves AJ down and rams her head against the mat softly.  AJ hits a shoulder block, an arm drag, and fuckes up a kick.  AJ knees Maxine in the face.  Maxine hits a drop toe hold into the ropes, then knees AJ into the ropes.  Maxine applies a rear chin lock.  Shit happens.  Maxine hits a suplex for 2.  AJ boots Maxine in the face and makes her comeback.  Maxine hits a brainbuster, then AJ rolls over and pins her in 2:28.  Seriously.  That was the fucking finish.  Worst match ever.

Michael Cole comes out to be obnoxious.  I thought he quit.  He’s returning.  Joy.

Six diva tag tonight.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Announcers talk.

Striker has the rookies in the ring.  It’s the promo contest.  I don’t care.  AJ is awarded the decision.

Six woman tag is next.  Commercials.

Kelly Kelly, Naomi, & Jamie Keyes vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla and Kaitlyn (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Kelly avoids a kick from Layla, slaps her, and hits a Thesz press.  Jamie tags in.  Layla steals the flower from her hair, gyrates, then throws it at her.  They lock up.  Jamie pushes Layla into the corner, then kicks her leg, then slams her.  Layla tags in Kaitlyn.  Jamie clamps her in a side headlock.  Kaitlyn hits a spear.  The announcers are funny.  Jamie avoids an elbow and wrings her arm, then tags in Naomi.  Kaitlyn carries Naomi to the corner and tags in McCool, who stomps the shit out of “Nadine,” as Punk calls her.  Naomi schoolgirls McCool for 2.  Naomi makes her comeback.  Naomi kicks Layla off of the apron.  McCool whips Naomi.  Layla interferes.  McCool hits a belly to belly suplex and tags in Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn covers, but Naomi reverses the cover for the pin in 3:30.  Yes, that was the finish.  I don’t care enough to get mad.  Kaitlyn shoves McCool, then McCool delivers an Akira Maeda shoot kick to the face.  Vickie yells at Kaitlyn.

This is the worst show I’ve ever seen.  I feel completely brain dead now.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 9/17/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, Smackdown open.  Tonight, Kane answers The Undertaker!  What suspense!  Also, Christian takes on CM Punk.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Christian is in the ring to do the Peep Show.  He starts to introduce his guest, but Ricardo Rodriguez protests in Spanish, as he is the exclusive ring announcer of the guest, Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio comes out and Christian talks about what a dick he is.  Del Rio still has nothing new to talk about since he injured Rey Mysterio, so he calls Christian a servant or something.  Christian challenges him to a match at Night of Champions.  Neither of them are champions.  Del Rio says no, because he’s a pussy.  Christian slaps him.  Del Rio leaves, because he’s a pussy.  He again says that he won’t face Christian, because he’s a pussy.

Next, the Hart Dynasty face Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre!


Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.  Smith and McIntyre start.  McIntyre cheap shots him.  Smith gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Smith hits a powerslam for 2.  McIntyre hits a jawbreaker and tags in Rhodes, who Smith promptly throws with a belly to belly suplex.  Kidd tags in.  Harts double team Rhodes for 2.  Rhodes throws Kidd out of the ring, but Kidd skins the cat back in and hits him with a dropkick.  Natalya slaps Rhodes.  Insta-commercials.  McIntyre has Smith in a headlock.  Kidd tags in and and hits a drop toe hold.  McIntyre applies an arm lock.  Kidd fights out and gets a reverse cradle for 2.  McIntyre knocks Kidd off the apron to the floor.  Heels get the heat on Kidd.  Rhodes hits Kidd with his springboard kick for 2.  McIntyre beats up Kidd some more.  Kidd hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Smith and Rhodes tag in.  Smith runs wild.  He goes for the Sharpshooter, but McIntyre intervenes.  Smith decks him.  Harts go for the Hart Attack, but McIntyre intervenes again.  Rhodes hits Smith with Cross Rhodes for the pin (8:35 shown).  Fine little match.

Tonight, Kane answers The Undertaker! plug.

Kofi Kingston comes out and cuts a promo about Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero.  He promises to rid WWE of them this Sunday.  If he does, he’ll be my hero.  Jack Swagger comes out.  They’ll meet next.

Tonight, Kane answers The Undertaker.  I care a little less every time they plug it.

Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger takes Kofi down and immediately goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi kicks him away.  Kofi avoids another take down and throws some kicks.  Swagger delivers some clubbing blows to Kofi’s back and takes him down and rolls around with him.  He goes for the ankle lock again and Kofi avoids it again.  Kofi lands a flying forearm for 2.  Swagger bails, then comes back in and beats up Kofi.  Swagger works Kofi’s arm.  Swagger catapults Kofi to the apron.  Kofi tries to springboard, but Swagger catches him with a slam.  Insta-commercials.  Swagger continues beating on Kofi.  He applies an abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex and a springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger beats up Kofi for a while.  Kofi goes for the corner rebound kick that he and Christian do, but Swagger counters it.  Swagger does something for a 2 count.  Swagger hits the bottom rope decapitator, then applies a grounded abdominal stretch.  Kofi finally fights back with some hard kicks and a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi makes his comeback and goes for the S.O.S.  Swagger counters and also ducks the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock, but Kofi gets a rope break.  Kofi bails.  Swagger dropkicks the steps, but Kofi moves and jumps over the steps to tackle and punch him.  Back inside, Kofi hits the corner punches.  Swagger comes out of it and goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi kicks free, but gets booted in the face.  Swagger goes for the springboard Vader Bomb, but Kofi gets his feet up.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (12:55 shown).  Okay match that felt way longer than it needed to be.


2 weeks ago, they did some stupid segment with Teddy Long having Hornswoggle undergo shock therapy.

Now, Teddy Long and Hornswoggle go to Catholic school.  Stupidity ensues.

Tonight, Kane… Undertaker… you know the deal.

Kelly Kelly & Rosa Mendez (w/ Naomi) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool (w/ Kaval).  LayCool are bitches to Naomi at ringside, so the faces jump them.  McCool refuses to wrestle Kelly because of her alleged body odor.  Kelly knocks Layla off the apron, then the fucking match finally starts.  Kelly beats up McCool.  McCool tags out at first opportunity.  Kelly hits them both with a double clothesline.  Kelly stomps Layla in the corner, then tags in Rosa.  McCool slaps Mendez from the apron, allowing Layla to get the advantage.  McCool chokes Rosa with her boot behind the referee’s back.  Layla beats up Rosa.  Rosa kicks Layla in the face.  Layla knocks Kelly off the apron.  Rosa goes for a suplex, but McCool sneaks in and kicks her.  Layla hits the neckbreaker on Rosa for the pin in 2:02.  The usual crap.

Tonight, CM Punk faces Christian.  Normally I would be excited, but this show has killed all semblance of joy in my heart.

Speaking of things that kill joy in my heart, tonight: Kane, Undertaker, etc.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Very cool video of the WWE Championship to hype the Six Pack Challenge Match at the PPV.

Grisham and Striker hype the Night of Champions card.

LayCool and Kaval are backstage.  They (minus Kaval) are obnoxious.  Kaval draws McCool’s name out of a hat, so she’ll face Melina at the PPV.  She leaves, then Kaval and Layla realize that McCool wrote her name on all of the slips of paper.  Hopefully that means they’ll split up soon.

CM Punk comes out.  He’ll face Christian next.

Alberto Del Rio has joined Grisham and Striker for commentary.

CM Punk vs. Christian.  Christian scores a shoulder block for 1.  Repeat.  Punk leap frogs Christian.  Christian kind of falls on Punk for 1 again.  They do a knuckle lock, then Punk kicks Christian in the gut and starts beating on him.  Christian slaps Punk in the face and does his “stand on the guys back as the guy lays against the ropes” bit.  Christian slides out of the ring and lands a palm strike.  Punk lands a knee to the middle and beats up Christian some more.  Punk hits a backbreaker for 2.  Punk applies a body scissors.  Punk lands a kick for 2.  Punk front suplexes Christian into the top rope, then knocks him off the apron with a springboard dropkick.  Insta-commercials.  Punk has Christian locked in the body scissors again.  Punk applies an abdominal stretch and grinds his elbow in Christian’s middle.  Punk drops Christian with a clothesline for 2.  Punk hits another backbreaker.  He goes for yet another, but Christian counters and drops him.  THey both make it to their feet at the count of 9 and trade shots.  Christian hits the diving European uppercut.  Punk kicks him in the middle and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Christian counters and hits the diving sunset flip for 2.  They reverse cradle attempts and Christian gets 2.  Punk hits the running knee and goes for the bulldog, but Christian counters with a reverse DDT for 2.  Del Rio gets on the mic to distract Christian.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin (8:50 shown).  Good little match.  Del Rio sits on a chair over Christian and says the answer is still no, because he’s still a pussy.  The Big Show comes out and runs off Punk.  Del Rio threatens him with a chair.  Punk jumps Show from behind.  Show kills him with the KTFO punch.

Kane is NEXT!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out to cut a promo.  With 9 minutes of TV time left.  I’m scared.  He talks about whatever Kane talks about and accepts the challenge for a No Holds Barred Match at Night of Champions.  The GONG sounds and The Undertaker comes out.  They fight for a while.  Kane hits Snake Eyes and the big boot.  Hey, those are Undertaker’s moves!  Kane hits the chokeslam and the Tombstone Piledriver to leave Undertaker laying.  Oh noes!  Kane really has Undertaker’s power now!  How will this further develop!  Pay for $49.95 or whatever it is this Sunday to find out!

Crappy show, but at least Punk/Christian was good.