Archive for Montel Vontavious Porter

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/15/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then cut to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler telling us that Mr. McMahon will be here tonight.  Replay of the Legacy beatdown and destruction of Batista’s arm last week, then Triple H’s return and yet another burial of Randy Orton.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina!  Matt Striker and Josh Matthews from ECW and Jim Ross and Todd Grisham from Smackdown are there too.  Justin Roberts introduces the first match, for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Jericho cuts his usual promo before the match.  Mysterio looks pissed.  I hope the belt doesn’t change, because I fucked up starting the timer.  Mysterio owns Jericho to start.  Mysterio crashes on the outside.  Commercials.  Jericho works over Mysterio and hits that swank spinning backbreaker drop from the PPV, then goes for the mask again.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Jericho.  Mysterio hits the flying headscissors, then the Bombs Away for 2.  Jericho gets dropkicked out of the ring, they Rey hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Jericho goes for a superplex, but Mysterio turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for a slow 2 count.  Rey goes for his flip bulldog, but Jericho squashes him and gets 2.  Rey avoids the Walls.  Jericho avoids the 619 and thinks of going for one himself.  Rey catches him with a moonsault for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and goes for the West Coast Pop.  Jericho rips the mask and NAILS the Codebreaker for 3 at about 9 minutes.  Good match, a short, compact version of their recent PPV matches.

Tonight, a Four-Way Match for the vacant WWE Championship!  Mr. McMahon is NEXT!

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  John Cena steps in and takes over the interview.  Cena reminds Orton that he and Big Show are in the Four-Way tonight too, so don’t get too focused on Triple H.

Last week: Vickie Guerrero quit as Raw GM.

Vince McMahon appears on screen.  He says he’s not going to announce a new GM, because he sold Monday Night Raw!  He’ll announce who the new owner is after the WWE Championship match.

Moments ago: What I just wrote.  Cole and Lawler are SHOCKED.

ECW Championship Match: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian.  They start.  Christian hits a swank elbow shot from the middle rope.  Dreamer fires up with punches, then face plants Christian.  Dreamer hits a reverse DDT, then NAILS Christian with a lariat for 2.  Dreamer squashes a sunset flip attempt for 2, then Christian turns the cradle over for 2.  Christian avoids the DDT.  Dreamer avoids the Killswitch and gets an inside cradle for the win at 3:24.

Tonight, CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy and Edge!  Plus, Orton vs. Triple H vs. Cena vs. Show for the WWE Championship is NEXT!

Please, don’t try this at home!

The Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly have some airheaded speculation about who bought Raw.

ANOTHER replay of the shit from last week.  Do we really need to see it again?  Pics of Batista’s surgery.  Gross.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena vs. Triple H.  Entrances, intros, and the going feuds pair off.  40 seconds in, we go to commercial.  Back, Cena and Triple H take out the heels, then go at it themselves.  Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Pedigree counter into an F-U attempt, but Show comes in and clotheslines them both.  Goes back to Cena vs. Show and HHH vs. Orton.  Orton comes in to break a Show’s cover.  Show goes for a double chokeslam on Triple H and Cena, but they suplex him.  Orton tries to put Show, but Show catches his foot, then kicks his ass.  Show dominates for a bit and tosses Orton and HHH from the ring.  Show slams Cena and hits the Vader Bomb, but Orton breaks the cover.  Show tosses Orton out of the ring again.  Show spears the shit out of Triple H for 2.  Triple H avoids the Vader Bomb.  Orton tries to RKO Show, but gets tossed away.  Pedigree to Show.  Attitude Adjustment to Triple H.  Cena covers Triple H, but gets tossed off the cover.  Attutude Adjustment to Show.  Orton brekas the cover and tosses Cean out.  Orton RKOs Show for the win at 11:14.  Lame at first, but the closing stretch was good.  Orton is champ again.  What was the fucking point of Batista winning the belt in the first place?

Mr. McMahon is headed our way!

Tomorrow night on ECW: Evan Bourne vs. Mark Henry!

Vince comes down and announces that Donald Trump is the new owner of Raw.  Trump appears on the big screen and says next week’s Raw will be commercial free, and he’ll be there to oversee it.  Vince says that he’s still in charge tonight, and there will be a 10 man battle royal to determine who will face Randy Orton for the title at The Bash.

World Title match is next!

Replay of what just happened.  Cole and Lawler discuss it.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez.  Beth comes out with Rosa, but Rosa tells her to leave.  The Divas Champion Maryse comes down to watch.  Rosa shows a lot of fire, but Mickie fights back and wins with the DDT at 2:50.  Maryse teases coming in the ring, then bails.

Goldust and Hornswoggle shoot t-shirts out to the crowd.  The Miz in anti-Cena garb, says he’s the new face of Raw, he’ll win the battle royal, speak in a British accent, etc.  He tells Goldust and Hornswoggle to leave.  Goldust tells Miz he doesn’t know how to play mind games, and makes an Ahmed Johnson reference!  Goldust tells Miz his interviews are piss break segments and that he’s a loser.  Miz retorts, then cheapshots Goldust and drops him with a DDT.  He threatens Hornswoggle with the t-shirt bazooka, then shoots him in the balls with it.  Now that’s a heel, folks.  Only a true bad guy would shoot a midget in the balls with a t-shirt gun.

World Title match is NEXT!  Wasn’t it supposed to be like 20 minutes ago?

Stills from the Hardy/Edge/Punk stuff from the PPV.

Josh Matthews interviews the World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.  Punk has “MISAWA” written on his wrist tape.  That’s a nice touch.  Matt Hardy interrupts and tells him he approves of what he did.  Punk tells Matt he’s never been World Champion.

Edge and Hardy enter for the title match.  Commercials!  Next, Donald Trump on a commercial-free Raw!

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy.  Within the first 90 seconds, Punk hits a tope suicida on Edge, then Hardy hits a dive outside onto both of them.  Punk and Jeff go at it in the ring for a minute, then Edge comes in and tosses Jeff out.  Edge sets up a superplex, but Jeff comes in and drops Edge, then tries to deliver it himself.  Edge sets up a Doomsday Device, but Hardy dodges Punk’s dropkick and gets a near fall on Edge with a victory roll.  Triple clothesline spot as we go to break.  Back from break, Punk works over Edge as Jeff is on the outside.  Jeff comes in, so Punk nails them both.  He covers them both after the corner bulldog/something to Jeff spot,  but both kick out.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Jeff, but Edge chop blocks his knee and applies the Sharpshooter.  It gets broken somehow.  Punk leapfrogs a spear and gets a sunset flip on Edge, when Hardy dropkicks Edge in to, then breaks the cover.  Jeff does some stuff and gets 2 on Punk.  Punk nails Hardy with a knee to the face.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but Edge pushes him off and tries to spear Punk.  Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Edge avoids the Go 2 Sleep and pushes Punk into Hardy.  Punk reversed the Twist of Fate into a Go 2 Sleep attempt.  Hardy escapes and leap frogs another spear, so Edge ends up spearing the shit out of Hardy.  Punk gets knocked out of the ring by Edge and injures his knee on the steps.  Officials check on Punk as Edge and Hardy hit a double cross body on each other.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind, but Punk makes it in to break the cover.  Hardy kicks the shit out of Punk’s leg.  Edge gets an inside cradle on Hardy for a close 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but Punk pulls him off the cover.  Punk sends Hardy into the ring steps and covers Edge for the win at 15:40.  Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out and tells Punk he’ll defend the title against Jeff Hardy at the Bash.

Earlier tonight: Orton wins the belt.  Later tonight: a 10 man battle royal!

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. are at ringside to do commentary on this next match.

Non-Title: The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natayla) vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon.  Colons will defend against Legacy at The Bash.  Primo and Smith start.  Primo tries to do a rana and lands on his head.  Ouch.  After a minute, Carlito tags in.  Primo hits a dive to the outside on Tyson Kidd.  Carlito hits the Backstabber on Smith, then Legacy runs in to cause the DQ at 2:23.  Legacy stands tall with their new awful music.  I was expecting a good match here, but it got cut way short.

Triple H is headed our way for the 10-man battle royal!

Replay of the Trump shit again.

Santino Marella seeks assurance from Vince that he and his “sister” will still have their jobs.  Vince tells him Trump will do whatever he wants.  Vince’s cell phone rings.  It’s Donald Trump.  Trump wants to make a big announcement after the battle royal.  Santino pisses off Vince and leaves.  Vince calls him a pervert.

Most of the entries for the battle royal come out.  Break, then they show a graphic for 2 matches for Smackdown, which Ross says is wrong.  FAIL.  The last 2 entrants come out so we can have our match.  Triple H enters to his rarely used King of Kings theme, which is awesome.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship:
Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. The Big Show vs. Triple H vs. John Cena.  Everybody brawls.  Orton comes out to watch.  Show tosses Matt for the first elimination 3 1/2 minutes in.  MVP lands the Yakuza kick on Show, then gets eliminated by him.  Show chokeslams Miz.  Everyone eliminates Show.  Miz is on the outside, but I don’t think he was eliminated.  Break.  Legacy almost dumps Triple H, but fails, thanks to Cena attacking Legacy.  Cena and Triple H ends up going at it.  Legacy stops them briefly, then the double clothesline each other.  Kofi has an impressive run against Legacy, but they eliminate him.  Regal kicks their ass, but they dump him too.  Down to Legacy, Triple H, and Cena.  Cena makes a big comeback against Legacy.  He eliminates Dibiase, then tosses Rhodes, who hangs on.  Triple H eliminates Rhodes.  Triple H Pedigrees Cena.  Legacy runs back in and beat down Triple H until the refs make them leave.  Miz sneaks back and charges them, but gets lowbridged out.  Triple H dumps Cena to win at 17:39.  Fuck, now we get to suffer another Triple H/Orton abortion.

Donald Trump appears on the screen and congratulations Triple H.  He tells him the title match won’t be at the PPV, but on next week’s commercial-free Raw in a Last Man Standing Match.  FUCK.

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WWE Extreme Rules 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by the PPV intro video.  Michael Cole welcomes us to the show as Lillian Garcia introduces the first match.

Fatal Four-Way Match for WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Cole and Lawler are on commentary, and put over Kingston beating MVP for the title this past Monday on Raw.  Typical double team/pair off and brawl stuff early on.  Kofi is awesome.  Cole gets in his “Controlled Frenzy” for the night.  Regal beats the shit out of Kingston, which is always good stuff.  Regal sets up a butterfly suplex on Kofi.  MVP tries to turn it into a Tower of Doom spot, but they botch it.  Kofi and Regal still take the bump, though.  Hardy comes in fresh after staying outside for a bit and tries to pin everyone.  Everyone kicks out.  Matt sets up the Twist of Fate on MVP, but Kofi gets back in the action and punishes Regal and Hardy.  Regal counters the Trouble In Paradise and T-bones Kofi right into Hardy, which Kofi uses to get a near fall.  The match turns into everybody hitting big moves and covering, then someone else breaking up the cover.  Regal hits Exploders on everyone until Kingston catches him the Trouble In Paradise for the pin at 6:42.  Short, but fun and exciting match, and a good way to kick off the show.

Josh Matthews interviews The Big Show, who says John Cena can’t put him in the STF.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham talk about the recent issues between Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio.  Justin Roberts is in the ring to introduce the match.  He introduces Jericho, but Jericho doesn’t come out.  He’s in the merchanidise stand bitching about Mysterio’s merchanidise.  He comes down to the ring through the crowd, talking the whole way.  Mysterio comes out, so now we can have our match.  Ross says that Mysterio is the first masked Intercontinental Champion.  Kane says hello.

No Holds Barred Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio jumps Jericho at the bell and kicks his ass all around the ringside area.  Rey hits a sweet rana off the apron and takes the match in the ring.  Jericho gets the advantage and holds it until Mysterio counters his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Rey hits a 619 around the ringpost to send Jericho off the apron and hits a diving splash on to him.  Back in the ring. Jericho avoids the 619.  Rey gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Jericho rolls it back for one of his own.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and tries a dropkick, but Jericho catches and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Rey turns it into a inside cradle, but can’t get the pin.  Jericho gets the advantage and goes for Rey’s mask.  Rey escapes, then avoids a charging Jericho, who spears the ring post and goes outside.  Rey hits a tope suicida.  Rey does his Speedy Gonzales routine back in the ring.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and does a swank spinning backbreaker for a near fall.  Rey avoids the Lionsault and hits the 619.  He goes for a diving something or other, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker for a very near fall.  Jericho brings a chair into the ring, but Mysterio dropkicks into his face and covers for a near fall.  Mysterio hits a leg drop with the chair for another near fall, then sets the chair up in the corner and hits a drop toehold onto it.  Mysterio uses the chair as a springboard for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio nails him with the chair and goes for the 619, but Jericho manages to yank his mask off.  Mysterio desperately covers his face and allows himself to be pinned with a schoolboy in 14:40, even though anyone who watched WCW from 1999 to 2001 has seen his face.  Jericho wins the Intercontinental Title for the unprecendented 9th time.  Good match.

Randy Savage DVD available this Tuesday!

New Orleans!

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.  Actually, they show the video of Randy Orton killing Ric Flair, then Batista comments on it.  He’s going to do various nasty things to Orton tonight.

Samoan Strap Match: Umaga vs. CM Punk. They show Umaga killing Punk on Smackdown a few weeks ago.  You win here by touching all four corners in succession… secession?  You know what I mean.  Umaga whips Punk with the strap and punishes him in various other nasty ways.  How the hell do you do PBP on a Strap Match?  “He whips the other guy, he uses the strap to hold the other guy back…”  Punk fights back and goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but doesn’t get it.  They both get near falls (I.E. touching 3 turnbuckles but being prevented from touching the fourth.  Umaga goes for the diving splash, but Punk uses the strap to pull him off the top rope.   Punk touches 3 corners, hits the Go 2 Sleep, and touches the fourth for the win at 8:58.  Meh.  Strap matches are kind of a stupid gimmick.

New Orleans again!

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews are ready to announce the ECW Championship match!

Gregory Helms interviews the ECW Champion, Christian.  Christian says he’s going to miss Tommy Dreamer, because he’s not losing his title.  Dreamer comes up and says Christian will indeed be losing the title.  Jack Swagger steps in to say his bit, but Dreamer and Christian leave.  Cut to Tony Chimel who is in the ring to introduce the match.

Triple Threat Hardcore Match for the ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger.  They get in-ring introductions.  They brawl a bit, then Christian and Dreamer bring the plunder in.  Dreamer utilizes the Singapore cane to great effect.  Dreamer is in his element here, and shows why he is called the Innovator of Violence.  Swagger finally gets the advantage on Dreamer and tries to superplex him into a pile of trashcans.  Christian comes in and adds a powerbomb to the equation.  I guess they had to do it since the guys in the four-way fucked up the Tower of Doom spot.  Christian ducks a crutch shot from Swagger and goes for the Killswitch.  Swagger counters and goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Dreamer nails Swagger with the crutch to break it, then bashes him with it again and hits a DDT.  Dreamer covers and gets the pin on Swagger at 9:37 to WIN THE ECW CHAMPIONSHIP!  With no Justin Credible to fuck up the moment. Tommy Dreamer finally gets to enjoy capturing the ECW Championship.  That’s my feel good markout moment of the night.

Chavo Guerrero prepare Vickie for her defense of the Miss WrestleMania crown.  Michael Cole talks about it for a bit, then throws it to Jerry Lawler, who is with the pigs.  “Santina” comes out, followed by Vickie, who says she’s making the match a Handicap Match.  A less than delighted Chavo will be her partner.

Handicap Hog Pen Match for the Miss WrestleMania Crown: Vickie Guerrero (c) & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Santina Marella.  Vickie sends Chavo in to fight while she stays outside in her gown.  Santina and Chavo fight in the muck.  Santina throws Chavo into the pen with the hogs.  Shouldn’t the match be over?  I guess it’s pinfall only.  Santina schoolgirls Chavo for a near fall.  Chavo beats down Santina and tags in Vickie.  Santina tries to slop her, but Chavo jumps him and tries to slop him.  He misses and slops Vickie.  Santina slops Chavo, then pins Vickie for the win at 2:43 to become Miss WrestleMania again.  Gross.  -50 stars.

SummerSlam, August 23 on PPV!

Orton/Batista video package.

Chavo and Vickie walk backstage while everyone in the vicinity holds their nose.  Goldust and Hornswoggle show up to bring the comedy, then run away from the smell.  They find Edge in Vickie’s office.  Vickie tells Edge he’s on his own tonight.  Edge says he wants a divorce.  Poor Vickie.  Divorces are no fun at all, and I don’t imagine being covered in pig shit is either.

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  In-ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton tries to escape immediately, but Batista stops him and goes to work kicking his ass.  Orton avoids a charge and tries to escape again.  Rinse, repeat.  Orton counters the Batista Bomb and tries to escape again, but then decided to go for the punt instead.  Batista avoids it.  Orton avoids the Batista Bomb again.  Batista avoids the RKO.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin at 7:03.  Seriously?  That’s it?  Ah well, at least it was too short to suck.  Fun fact: this is the first time the WWE Championship has changed hands in a Steel Cage match.

Show/Cena video package.

Submission Match:
The Big Show vs. John Cena.  The whole basis of this match is that Show is too big for Cena to put in the STF.  Of course, he goes for it in the first minute and fails.  Of all the Cena/Show matches… this is one of them.  Same old shit, except with more sleeper holds.  About 10 minutes in, Cena avoids the Vader Bomb and tries to slam Show.  Show lands on top and hugs Cena, which is apparently a submission hold.  Show beats up Cena some more and locks in an abdominal stretch.  Cena counters a chokeslam attempt with a DDT and tries the STF again.  He still doesn’t get it.  Show locks in a bearhug.  Cena escapes and drops Show with a neckbreaker.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena avoids it and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  STF fails again.  Show lands the KO punch and knocks Cena out of the ring.  Show goes out and picks him him, but Cena slips off and sends Show into the ring post.  Back in the ring, Cena misses a diving leg drop, then props up one of show’s legs against the ropes and locks in a crossface.  The leg doesn’t stay.  Show submits to this half assed STF at 19:05, even though Show’s feet were under the ropes.  Fucking retarded.

Edge/Hardy video package.

Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship:
Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  In-ring intros.  There are dozens of ladders placed around the ring.  First ouch moment comes 3 minutes in when Jeff backdrops Edge out of the ring and chest first onto a ladder.  Jeff makes the first attempt to climb up to the big gold belt, but Edge stops him, then drops him painfully on the ladder.  That’s one cheap aluminum ladder ruined.  Edge brings in another and sets it in a corner.  Jeff avoids a charging Edge, who spears the ladder.  Match goes on.  Edge creatively sandwiches Jeff in the ladder and locks in a Sharpshooter.  Later, Edge takes a painful front suplex into an open ladder.  Lots of creative painful looking things in this match.  Hardy brings in a really tall ladder.  He hits the Twist of Fate, then goes up the tall ladder with the intent of diving off.  Edge moves out of the way.  The ladder falls over but Jeff grabs hold of the belt.  Edge pulls him down before Jeff can take the belt down.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind off the ladder.  The carnage continues.  They take a huge bump off a ladder at ringside through another one set up on the ring apron and guardrail.  Back in the ring, Hardy climbs for the belt.  Edge climbs another ladder and tries to spear Hardy, but gets caught with a neckbreaker in mid air.  Hardy goes for the gold again.  Edge climbs up the other side and punches Hardy down.  Hardy pulls Edge’s legs through the ladder to trap him.  Edge can do nothing but look on as Hardy pulls the belt down and becomes World Heavyweight Champion at 20:06.  Pretty damn good ladder match.

But wait, it’s not over!  CM Punk comes down and cashes in the Money In The Bank contract!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the 1, 2, HARDY KICKS OUT!  Punk can’t believe it.  Hardy gets a quick inside cradle, but Punk kicks out.  Punk nails a big kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep again and pins Hardy to win the title at 1:02.  PUNK IS WORLD CHAMPION!

Pretty good show for the most part.  Punk and Dreamer winning the gold makes me happy.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE, open, Raw open, and we are joined by the WWE Champion, Randy Orton!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are on commentary and we are LIVE from Louisville, Kentucky.

Orton says he was about to take out Batista last night when Ric Flair interfered and prevented it.  Actually, Orton ran like a bitch and tried everything he could to get DQ’d or counted out.  He babbles for a while, then Flair comes out to retort.  They go back and forth for a bit, then Flair tells Orton he will be defending the title against Batista in a Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules.  Orton cheap shots Flair and stomps him.  Legacy stalks their way down the ramp, but Batista charges down.  Legacy does the 3 on 1 beatdown until John Cena makes the save.  Commercial.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena, who is now perfectly fine despite the fact that he was hurt going into his match last night and took a vicious beating during said match.  Cena says he’s going for the title after Extreme Rules.  He runs into Vickie Guerrero, who makes tonight’s main event: Legacy vs. Cena & Batista.

Divas Battle Royal:
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendez vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James.  Divas Champion Maryse is at the table with Cole and Lawler.  Mickie dumps Rosa.  Beth dumps one Bella, then the other.  Mickie eliminates Jillian.  Kelly dropkicks Beth out of the ring to elimiate her.  Beth tries to pull Kelly out of the ring and distracts the referee so Maryse can spray perfume in Mickie’s face.  Kelly eliminates Mickie to win it at 2:32.

Tonight, MVP defends the U.S. title against Matt Hardy!  Also, Cena & Batista vs. Legacy!

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Santino confrontation from Judgment Day.  After Miz dropped Santino with a DDT, Chavo Guerrero ran down to frog splash a downed Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo kicks Santino’s ass and makes him look like a joke.  Santino hulks up and decks Chavo, then elbows him down and looks shocked by it.  Santino, heartened by his achievement, runs into Chavo’s feet in the corner.  Santino avoids the frog splash and picks up the win at 3:34.  Chavo tells Santino that Santina has to defend the Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie Guerrero.

Mr. Kennedy returns… soon!

Maryse speaks French to The Miz, who doesn’t understand her.  He tries to come on to her anyway, but she blows him off.  Miz says he has something in store for Cena tonight.

Todd Grisham interviews Matt Hardy.  He cost his brother, Jeff, the World Title last night as revenge for Jeff breaking his hand.

Vickie is mad at Chavo for putting her in a match.  Orton storms in and bitches at her for putting him in a cage match.  Vickie reminds him that she is the boss.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. Brian Kendrick & Goldust.  That’s a delightfully random team.  Speaking of random, exactly WHY did Goldust run out on Superstars to save Hornswoggle from Big Show?  Kendrick repeatedly berates Goldust for not doing his job properly.  Fine little match.  Primo avoids The Kendrick and hits a diving cross body for the win at 2:26.  Kendrick yells at Goldust after the match, but Hornswoggle runs in to save him.  Apparently Goldust and Hornswoggle are friends now.

The Miz is headed our way in Cena apparel.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho this Thursday on Superstars!  I’ll watch that!

The Miz comes out to Cena’s old “Basic Thuganomics” theme.  He does a stupid rap.  He challenges Cena again, then declares himself 5-0 against Cena.  Lawler comes in the ring and explains to Miz that calling someone out who doesn’t come out doesn’t give him a victory.  He evidences this by calling out Batista, then calling out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin for a handicap match.  Lawler tells Miz that if he wants to face Cena, to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Big Show comes out and says despite what Cena thinks, he’s not done with him yet.  Show announces that he’ll face Cena in a submission match at Extreme Rules (because Cena couldn’t put Show in the STF last night).  Miz insults Show and runs away.  Show shoves down Lawler, then kicks his ass just to be a dick.

Last week: MVP & Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy & William Regal after Hardy walked out on his partner.

Jim Ross is at the announce table with Cole now, since Lawler just got destroyed, which they show a replay of.

WWE United States Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  They both for the quick victory with inside cradles.  MVP has the advantage early on.  Matt attacks MVP’s leg with his cast, then continues to work on the leg.  MVP gets mad and attacks the broken arm.  That’s not very babyface-like.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick and the Playmaker to retain the title at 5:16.

Santina vs. Vickie, TONIGHT!  Or is it NEXT?

Replay from the start of the show, then Batista walks into Flair’s locker room.  Flair says he’s going to call out Orton and kick his ass next week.  Batista tells Flair he doesn’t have anything to prove.  Flair gets mad and stomps out.

Chavo tries to teach Vickie how to do a frog splash.  She says the match is off.  Santina comes in and insults her, so the match is back on.

Finlay vs. D.H. Smith tomorrow night on ECW!  I’ll watch that!

Miss WrestleMania Crown Match: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.).  Santina takes the mic and insults Vickie, then gets slapped.  Santina kisses Vickie and is sickened by it.  The match is now No DQ.  The bell rings again, even though the match started like a minute and a half ago.  Chavo beats down Santina.  They roll around and trade punches until Santina backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Santina stalks Vickie, but William Regal runs and hits an Exploder on Santina, allowing Vickie to get the pin and win the crown at 3:01.  Vickie celebrates her big victory.

Legacy is headed our way.  The main event is NEXT!

Handicap Match: Legacy vs. John Cena & Batista.  Orton and Cena start (I think… wasn’t really paying attention).  When Batista tags in, Orton bails, so Batista mauls Dibiase.  Cena and Batista clear the ring.  Commercial!  When we return, Legacy is getting heat on Batista.  Cena finally gets the hot tag and cleans house.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Cody, but doesn’t see him tag out to Orton in mid move.  Orton comes in and attacks Cena.  Now Cena plays face in peril.  Rhodes hits a nice moonsault on Cena for a near fall.  Cena finally makes the hot tag, and now it’s Batista’s turn to come in and clean house.  Big Show comes out, but Cena chases him off with a chair.  Batista is now all alone… but wait, Flair comes out!  This gives Batista the boost he needs to spear Orton for the pin at 14:46.

WWE WrestleMania XXV (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.  I’m not even going to get into that today.  The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania!  “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania.  Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes.  Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match!  Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight.  Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table!  Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane.  Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd.  On TV, anyway.  According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something.  Enough of that, on to the match!  Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls.  Kane and Henry go at it.  Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down.  Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it.  “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole.  The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it.  Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders.  Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again.  Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other.  Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing.  Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out.  Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin.  Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi.  Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys.  “HOLY SHIT” chant.  Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick.  Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile.  The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly.  Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder.  Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in.  Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself.  Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over.  The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically.  Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder.  Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope.  Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb.  MVP climbs, Punk stops him.  Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk.  They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder.  MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant.  Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas.  Finlay and Benjamin both climb.  Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder.  Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin.  Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders.  They climb, but the ladder falls over.  Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again.  Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders.  Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds).  Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him.  Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29.  That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as.  Fucking awesome match.  Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert.  He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott.  During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring.  The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Layla, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendez, Maria, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Eve Torres, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Gail Kim, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Katie Lea, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Joy Giovanni, Torrie Wilson, Alicia Fox, Tiffany Terrell, Victoria, and Santino Marella (in drag).  The bell rings and they start fighting while Roberts introduces the match.  Mae Young is at ringside with Candice Michelle as the guest timekeeper.  Now this clusterfuck is impossible to call live, but from my earlier research, the order of elimination is Layla, Joy, Rosa, Alicia, Sunny, Torrie, Jackie, Maria, Gail, Jillian, Eve, Tiffany, Kelly, Molly, Maryse, Katie Lea, Natalya, Victoria, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Michelle McCool… then the finish is Beth going for the Glam Slam on Melina, but Santino bundles them both out to win the match at 6:10.  Pointless, but at least we got to look at a bunch of hot chicks for a few minutes.  I can say that my ridiculously jealous wife is gone.  Candice comes in the ring to present the Miss WrestleMania crown and sash to the winner.  He introduces himself as “Santina, Santino’s twin sister from Italy.”  The announcers don’t even actually acknowledge that it’s Santino.  Beth looks on, pissed.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke.  They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair).  Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting.  He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes.  Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg.  Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible.  Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME.  Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life.  Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in.  They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect.  Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45.  Thank God.  He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him.  There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second.  Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold.  Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45.  Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall.  Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome.  Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop.  More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it.  Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall.  Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall.  Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet.  Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57.  Snuka was awful.  Piper tried, but wasn’t good.  Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match.  Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker.  Jericho challenges Rourke.  Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring.  They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down.  Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke.  Another pointless waste of time.  The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy.  Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass.  Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.”  Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac.  I was amused.  Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall.  Ouch.  Matt sets up a table on the outside.  Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on.  Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him.  Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch.  Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb.  Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two.  Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier.  Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying.  Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table.  Told ya so.  “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer.  Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope.  Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it.  He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies.  Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15.  Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready.  At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years.  JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect.  Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit.  Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches.  The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle.  He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds.  Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold.  JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big.  He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline.  A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  Here we go.  Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage.  Bell rings.  Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows.  Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle.  Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop.  Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him.  Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down.  Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him.  Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow.  First cover of the match gets a one count.  Taker hits Old School.  Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four.  Taker throws some punches and manages to escape.  Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface.  Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it.  They trade blows.  Michaels hits the forearm and nips up.  Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle.  Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick.  He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata.  Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break.  Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again.  Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it.  Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive.  Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF.  I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck.  It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring.  Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count.  They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT!  They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker.  Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride.  Michaels counters.  Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref!  Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves.  When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope.  Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone!  Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red.  He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall.  Taker’s not done yet, though.  They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters.  Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner.  Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43.  Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd.  The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo.  At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday.  Edge makes his way out, then Show.  Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way.  Then the real Cena comes out.  I guess it’s the real Cena anyway.  In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down.  Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him.  Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena.  Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show.  Edge and Cena end up in the ring.  Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall.  Show makes it back in.  Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles.  Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge.  Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron.  Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time.  Show finally gets out and beats up everyone.  Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch.  Show and Edge fight outside.  Edge spears Show through the guardrail.  Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him.  Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it.  Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring.  Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot.  Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper.  Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster.  Edge falls of and Show takes the move.  Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43.  Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves.  He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt.  He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R.  Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash!  Backlash!  BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage.  He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon.  They exchange nods of the head.  Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Entrances and in-ring introductions here too.  Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover.  Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree.  He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover.  They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in.  Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway.  They end up outside again.  Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area.  Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him.  My DVD starts skipping again.  Must have been a bad burn.  It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall.  The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall.  Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick.  Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside.  Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it.  They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give.  Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in.  Orton punishes him some more.  Ref bump.  Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer.  Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him.  Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches.  The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches.  Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up).  Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WrestleMania highlight video.  Fin.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/30/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Here we are with the go home Raw for WrestleMania 25!

WWE open, then a hearse backs into the arena.  Raw open, then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.  Tonight, something with Undertaker, I wasn’t paying attention, and John Cena vs. The Big Show.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, & Tiffany Terrell vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Jillian Hall, Katie Lea, Nikki Bella, Layla, & Rosa Mendez.  18 woman clusterfuck.  Tiffany pinned Katie Lea with an inside cradle for the win in a couple of minutes.  Santino Marella comes down in a robe.  Santino said he went to WWE President Jack Tunney and found out he was dead.  He still wants to be in the Women’s battle royal at WrestleMania.  He disrobes to reveal some kind of gay outfit and does a gay dance around the ring.  He gets kicked out of the ring and Beth and Rosa pull him away.

Orton/Triple H replay #72,000,000,001.  Tonight: Orton’s address!  Haven’t we already been to his house?  Lawler takes on Chris Jericho NEXT!

Last week: Jericho killed Ric Flair and broke his watch.

Chris Jericho vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Apparently the Jericho vs. old guys WrestleMania match is elimination or gauntlet.  Jericho has to beat all of them, but only one of them has to beat Jericho.  Jericho and Lawler lock up, then shove each other.  King hammers Jericho with punches.  Jericho gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Jericho beats on King for a while.  King makes his comeback and lowers the strap so his man tits can flap freely.  Lawler blisters Jericho with punches.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win at 3:25.  Jericho prepares to beat down Lawler some more, but Lawler lands a punch and Jericho bails.  Jericho takes the microphone and says he beat Lawler so he’s not getting back in the ring.  He says he’ll beat the old guys at WrestleMania, it’s just a matter of how.

12 Rounds hype.  I don’t care, nor will I ever.  Cena takes on Big Show TONIGHT!

Hall of Fame hype.  Commercials!

Toasty Torpedo Takedown… huh?  Cena wrestled Edge a few weeks ago and Big Show interfered.

Todd Grisham interviews John Cena.  Or tries to.  Edge steps in and recommends that he and Cena unite to take out Big Show.  Cena declines.

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. talk to Cole about Randy Orton.  Rhodes has on a new Legacy t-shirt.  Orton’s WrestleMania Address tonight will CHANGE WWE FOREVER!

Some people pull a casket out of the hearse.  Shawn Michaels pops out and mouths something.  Commercial.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield.  Yeah, lots of people are going to buy WrestleMania to see the exact match they just saw on TV.  JBL cuts a promo saying he wants this match for some kind of psychological advantage or something.  Rey tries to use his speed, but JBL overwhelms him with his size.  Commercial!  Back from break, JBL continues to overwhelm Mysterio.  Mysterio takes a fall away slam and roles out of the ring.  JBL goes out and puts the boots to him.  JBL brings him back in the ring and Mysterio makes a comeback.  Bombs Away and an enzuigiri from Mysterio.  JBL avoids a 619 attempt, but Mysterio hits it on the second try and follows with the frog splash for the win at 6:45.  That means JBL is winning at WrestleMania.

Replay of the Cena’s promo from Smackdown.  He’ll face Big Show NEXT!

WrestleMania XI video.

John Cena vs. The Big Show.  I’m not paying much attention, but Show has the advantage in the early minutes.  Big Show does a baseball slide dropkick of all things as we go to commercial.  Back from break, Show has Cena in a Camel Clutch like move.  Cena counters a chokeslam and hits that weird DDT/suplex Show always takes.  Cena goes for the STF, but Show blasts him with an elbow.  Cena goes for the F-U, but his back is hurt.  Show hits the chokeslam for the clean win at 10:37.  Edge shows up and pounds on Cena.

Orton’s WrestleMania address TONIGHT!

Replay of the Undertaker/Michaels stuff from Smackdown.  Michaels leads the pall bearers our way.  Commercial.

WrestleMania Axxess video.  Looks like lots of awesome stuff to do.

Moments ago: Cena/Show.

Shawn Michaels cuts his usual promo on Undertaker in the ring.  The ring is set up to look like a funeral or something.  The lights go out and Taker appears in the ring.  Michaels has disappeared.  Taker throws all the shit in the ring around.  Michaels appears from under the casket and lands the Sweet Chin Music.  Michaels runs away, Taker is mad, same old shit.

12 Rounds hype again.

Moments ago: Michaels/Undertaker stuff.

Hall of Fame hype: The awesome Steve Austin video plays.

WrestleMania hype I think.  I wasn’t paying attention.

Dibiase and Rhodes are with security guards.

Time for another Money In The Bank preview match!  CM Punk and Kane come out.  Commercial break, then Hardy vs. Hardy hype video.  That’s stupid.  Can’t it wait until after the match?

Battle Royal: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Everybody fights.  Henry eliminates Finlay.  Hornswoggle distracts Henry and everyone dumps Henry out.  MVP and Benjamin fight on the apron.  Kane knocks them both to the floor to eliminate them.  Punk (I think) eliminates his former tag team parter Kofi Kingston.  Christian tries to eliminate Punk, but Punk fights back and hits his running knee in the corner.  Christian counters the bulldog and throws Punk out, but Punk holds on.  Kane throws Christian into Punk and they both go to the floor to give Kane the win at 3:38.  I think Punk hit first, if it matters.  Kane climbs the ladder and takes down the briefcase.  The build to this match has been retarded and repetitive.

Dibiase and Rhodes come with security to escort Orton to the ring.  Orton’s WrestleMania address is NEXT!

Randy Orton comes out and talks for a while.  They show Triple H turning on Orton back in 2004, Orton eliminating Triple H to win the Royal Rumble this year, and Orton’s various attacks on the McMahon family.  Orton says the IED was bullshit, which everyone knew.  He threatens the fans to shut up and listen to him talk or else.  They show the beatdown from last week.  He says he talked to Vickie Guerrero and she decreed that Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out and if Triple H brings a sledgehammer to the ring it’s an automatic DQ.  Orton calls for Dibiase and Rhodes to bring the security out.  He calls out Triple H because there’s an empty limo in the parking lot.  Mr. McMahon comes out instead!  Orton looks shocked.  Vince gets ready to fight.  Shane comes out next, followed by Triple H.  The McMahon men kick the shit out of Orton’s security detail, then brawl with Legacy.  Orton and Triple H end up brawling in the ring as the show fades to black.

WrestleMania 25 this Sunday on PPV!

I apologize for this review being so shitty.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/27/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Cool Smackdown open, then the show opens with CM PUNK!  Jim Ross and Tazz welcome us to Smackdown.  All of the other MITB participants are in the ring.  How many freakin’ preview matches are they going to do?

CM Punk, WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas), & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, & Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  So it’s a Parajes Incredibles match… except it’s quartets instead of pairs.  Kingston and Christian start.  Christian has really been working his ass off since returning.  Christian hits his reverse DDT for a near fall.  Kingston fights back and tags out to Punk, he hilos in onto Christian.  Christian ducks one of Punk’s strikes.  Punk ends up tying up Christian in an Anaconda Vice on the ropes, then hits a diving crossbody for a near fall.  Finlay comes in and goes at it with Punk.  I want a singles match between those two.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Kane big boots Punk.  Kane goozles Finlay for no apparent reason.  Insta-commercial.  Punk reaches for the tag, but is held back by Benjamin.  He manages to tag Henry.  Benjamin steps out and lets Kane take over, so we have a battle of the two least talented guys in the match.  That doesn’t last long, as MVP comes in.  He gets the better of Kane, but then gets punched in the face.  Benjamin comes in and attacks MVP.  They announce that Benjamin will get a rematch for the title next week.  Benjamin works over MVP.  Kane tags in and beats on MVP.  Lukewarm tag to Punk, who attacks Kane with his various kicks.  Kane counters the corner bulldog attempt but gets kicked in the face.  Punk springboards off the ropes but gets caught and chokeslammed by Kane, who gets the pin for his team at 7:26 shown.  Clusterfuck brawl after the match.  Christian brings in a ladder and climbs for the briefcase, but Hornswoggle goes after him.  Finlay and Hornswoggle push the ladder over and send Christian crashing into the pile of guys at ringside.  The match wasn’t very good, but sadly it was the best of these Money In The Bank preview matches I’ve seen.

Orton/Triple H replay #72 billion TONIGHT!

Handicap Match: Jesse & Festus vs. The Big Show.  They show Show’s KO punch to Edge from this past Raw.  The bell rings, Festus goes crazy, and Big Show destroys both of them.  Festus finally lands a bicycle kick to knock Show off his feet, which just pisses Show off.  KO punch to Festus and a chokeslam to Jesse.  Show KO punches Jesse for good measure and pins him at 2:26.  Remember when this act actually got pushed?  Festus is a great character.

12 Rounds hype.  Bleh.

Jeff Hardy interview TONIGHT!

Hardy vs. Hardy history video.

Matt Hardy is in the locker room with his dog.  He cuts his usual promo on Jeff.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  These two always have good matches.  It’s not often that Rey gets to work with a guy he can do his shit with, and it’s not often Chavo works with a guy who gives him anything.  Nice stuff to start, then Chavo takes a neat bump out of the ring and Mysterio follows him with a baseball slide into a headscissors.  Chavo hits an avalanche Frankensteiner for a near fall.  Chavo clamps in a rear chinlock, but Mysterio kicks him in the head to get out of it.  Mysterio kicks Chavo a bunch.  Chavo catches a springboarding Mysterio and ties him in the tree of woe.  Mysterio dodges a charge hits the Bombs Away and springboard crossbody for a near fall.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and kicks Chavo.  Chavo hits the Gory Bomb for a believable false finish.  Mysterio ranas Chavo into the 619 position.  Chavo somehow avoids it and goes for the Three Amigos.  He counters the third, but Chavo hits a backdrop suplex and goes for the frog splash.  Rey avoids it and hits a headscissors, then the 619 and his own frog splash for the win at 5:28.  JBL comes out of nowhere and blasts Mysterio with a big boot.  Really good little match.

For some reason, they feel the need to replay Cena’s reading of his get well card for Vickie.  Cena is headed to the ring!

Cena comes down to the ring and talks about WrestleMania.  Big Show comes out to talk about how much he loves Vickie Guerrero.  They agree to have a match on Raw I think.  Cena grabs Show’s leg as he leaves the ring and makes him tumble to the ground.

Hype for the Triple H/Orton hype.

R-Truth vs. Matt Hardy.  Matt shows lots of aggression and busts out some moves I don’t recall ever seeing him do.  Matt wins with the Twist of Fate at 3:07.

Replay of the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels segment from Raw.  Tonight: Shawn Michaels’ tribute to the Undertaker.

The Colons and their Bella come to the ring for their match.  Commercial!

2 weeks ago: the challenge for the double title at at WrestleMania and the breakup of the Bella Twins.

WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon & Brie Bella vs. World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz & Nikki Bella.  Primo and Miz start.  Morrison gets a cheap shot in to let Miz get the advantage.  Morrison tags in and beats up Primo.  Hot tag to Carlito, he cleans Morrison’s clock.  Carlito hits a swinging neckbreaker and covers, but Miz saves.  Primo takes out Miz and the Bellas get into a cat fight.  Morrison gets a quick near fall with a schoolboy, then goes for a suplex.  Carlito counters in mid air with the Backstabber for the win at 2:26.

Hype for the Michaels/Undertaker and Triple H/Orton hype.

Jeff Hardy is in a dark room.  He cuts the usual promo on Matt.  They’ll go to war at WrestleMania!

Ross and Tazz run down the WrestleMania card.

They finally show the obligatory replay of the Legacy beatdown on Triple H and Orton’s DDT and kiss to Stephanie from Raw.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Maryse (c) vs. Michelle McCool.  Michelle finally gets her rematch for the title nobody cares about.  They lock up and roll out of the ring.  They break, crawl slowly back into the ring, and lock up again, then finally do some holds.  They fight outside the ring again, then come back in.  Maryse hits a lazy thrust kick for a near fall.  Michelle hits some kicks.  GAIL KIM appears and dropkicks Michelle to cause the DQ at 2:59.  She takes down Maryse too, then poses with the belt.

12 Rounds.  I don’t care.

Shawn Michaels’ tribute to the Undertaker is NEXT!

A bunch of druids dressed in white come out, then Shawn Michaels enters in an all-white version of Undertaker’s entrance attire.  He quotes some scripture and cuts a promo on Undertaker.  Then his music plays and he does a strip tease.  Undertaker pops out from under the ring and goes for the chokeslam, but Michaels escapes.  Michaels dances on the stage as Taker stands in the ring and looks angry.  Fade to black.

Okay show all in all.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/20/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

This is the 500th Episode of Smackdown and for whatever reason it is titled “Heartbreakers.”

Short video package of great Smackdown moments from years past, then a hype video for the Triple H/Randy Orton WrestleMania match that I will never care about.

Triple H heads to the ring to start the show.  Tonight, Shawn Michaels faces Kane.  Jim Ross and Tazz are on commentary and I think we’re in Corpus Christi, Texas.  Also tonight, Undertaker faces JBL!  Triple H cuts a boring promo.  Blah blah me and Steph are married blah blah Orton shouldn’t have hurt her blah blah I don’t care if you have diarrhea because you’re chicken shit blah blah I’m going to kill you at WrestleMania.  I fast forward a bit because I’m trying to finish this show before Raw starts at 8.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Boring start.  Kozlov is strong, Triple H is clever.  Insta-commercial.  Triple H has Kozlov in the figure-four leglock, but Kozlov gets a break.  Kozlov beats up Triple H, Triple H makes a comeback.  Kozlov headbutts the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree but gets backdropped out.  Triple H hits a spinebuster and the Pedigree to end this boring shit.  About 4 minutes shown.

Vickie/Edge/Big Show/Cena shit from Raw.  They’re all here TONIGHT!

WrestleMania 23 video.

WWE United States Championship Match: Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  No entrances for a title match.  That’s shameful.  Back and forth action early on.  Shelton ducks a Yakuza kick, then Porter catches him with it anyway.  MVP hits the Ballin’ thing and gets a two count.  MVP ducks the Dragon Whip and goes for a suplex, but Shelton turns it into a neckbreaker.  MVP gets a near fall with a backslide out of nowhere.  Shelton hits a backbreaker and his old Exploder Powerslam finish, but MVP kicks out.  Shelton goes for the Paydirt,  but MVP hotshots him into the ropes and hits the Playmaker to win the title at 5:19.  They tried, but the match was slow and dragging.

12 Rounds hype.  Don’t get me started.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane, tonight!  They show the Shawn/Undertaker stuff from Raw.

Vickie Guerrero and Edge argue backstage.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane.  Michaels jumps on Kane to start, then Kane punches him in the face.  Awesome.  Kane beats up Shawn for a moment, then Shawn punches Kane a few times.  Kane whips Shawn into the turnbuckle.  Shawn does the Flair flip out of the ring.  Insta-commercial.  Kane has the advantage when we return.  Kane hits a swank low-altitude dropkick for a near fall.  Michaels takes the beating for a while, then makes his comeback.  Michaels counters the chokeslam and hits an inverted atomic drop.  Michaels drops the big elbow and may have been caught by Kane’s knee on the way down.  Kane hits the diving lariat.  Kane sets up for the chokeslam, but Michaels nails the superkick for the win.  About 8 minutes shown, and a shockingly decent match.  Kane normally sucks hard.

Vickie and Big Show are backstage.  Show and Edge want to hurt each other, or something like that.

12 Rounds commercial AGAIN.  Grr…

Hardy vs. Hardy at WrestleMania will be an Extreme Rules Match.  So will the next match here tonight.

Extreme Rules Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  No entrance for Kendrick.  Jeff sends Zeke out, but gets jumped by Kendrick.  Hardy dives outside onto Zeke.  Zeke and Kendrick double team Hardy.  Hardy kills Zeke with a chair and chases Kendrick into the ring.  Kendrick uses his speed to beat up Jeff.  Jeff throws a chair at Kendrick, then uses it as a catapult for the Poetry In Motion.  Jeff, for some reason, does that Alley-Oop move Big Show used to do like 8 years ago.  Jeff hits the Twist of Fate on the chair, then the Swanton Bomb for the win at 3:33.  Poor Kendrick, he’s a total jobber now.

More Triple H/Orton and WrestleMania hype.

New Hall of Fame inductees: The Von Erich Family, to be inducted by Michael Hayes.

ANOTHER FUCKING 12 ROUNDS TRAILER.  I AM SO SICK OF THIS MOVIE.

Taker comes out.  Insta-commercial.  Taker cuts a promo on Michaels.  JBL comes out.  Ross announces that JBL vs. Rey Mysterio for the Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania is official.

Non-Title: The Undertaker vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion JBL.  Taker hammers JBL with punches.  JBL fights back.  Taker kicks JBL’s ass some more.  In other words, a back and forth brawl.  Insta-commercial, then Taker hits the LEG DROP ON THE APRON!  More brawling.  JBL works on Taker’s leg a bit and does a figure-four leglock of all things.  Takers sits up out of a pinning predicament and chokes JBL to make the escape.  JBL clips Taker’s leg and covers.  Well that makes no sense.  Taker comes back and hits snake eyes, big boot, and leg drop for a near fall, brother.  Taker goes for the chokeslam.  JBL escapes and hits the Clothesline From Hell and covers, but Taker kicks out.  Taker locks in the Gogoplata (called the Devil’s Gate this week) for the win (8:14 shown).  Alright match.

Cena, Edge, and Show are here tonight, and there’s not much time left, so I guess they’re going to do something NEXT!  Ah yes, Show and Edge are HEADED OUR WAY!

Big Show comes down and calls out Edge.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and they yell at each other.  Vickie comes out and begs them to stop.  Vickie loves them both, so whoever wins at WrestleMania gets her.  She convinces them to call a truce and shake hands.  John Cena comes out.  He says he’ll win at WrestleMania, but doesn’t want Vickie.  He talks on for a while.  Edge thinks Vickie farting is cute.  Edge and Show argue some more and push each other.  Edge slaps Show.  Show goozles him and pushed down Vickie, then shoves Edge away and checks on Vickie.  Edge goes to spear Show, but accidentally spears Vickie instead.  Show picks Vickie up to carry her away and Show clips his knee.  Show chokeslams Edge and carries Vickie out.  This segment was about 12 years too long.

This is a prime example of how a show can look really good on paper and be really shitty in execution.