Archive for Miss Tessmacher

TNA iMPACT! 8/5/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

The usual video package of recent goings on.

“There’s No Place Like Home”

iMPACT! open.  They don’t play that often.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer take on Abyss & Raven.  Taz promises surprises tonight.  That’s TNA for “letdown” and Russo for “swerve.”

Tommy Dreamer comes out and calls out Raven to explain himself.  Raven comes out to the stage.  Dreamer asks Raven why he turned on him last week.  Dreamer says his kids call Raven “Uncle Scotty.”  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “Uncle Scotty.”  Raven is mad at Dreamer for stealing his woman.  Yes, they’re playing off a feud that started in another company 15 years ago.  Raven says Dreamer’s kids should be calling him “daddy.”  Raven says he’s going to cripple Dreamer and nail his woman.  Dreamer goes up the ramp and kicks Raven’s ass.  Abyss jumps Dreamer and tries to chokeslam him off the stage.  Rob Van Dam makes the save with a steel chair.  Raven DDTs Dreamer on the stage.  Mick Foley appears and hits Raven in the gut with a barbed wire bat.  Foley says he’s going to referee their match at Hard(core) Justice.

Tenay and Taz run down what’s on tap for TONIGHT!

The Beautiful People put the Knockouts Tag Team Championship on the line NEXT!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People of Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich (c) vs. Taylor Wilde & Hamada.  Yay, Hamada is back!  Lacey shows her ass to Wilde, so Wilde schoolgirls her for 0.  They do some shit.  Hamada tags in and does as well as she can with rocks for brains Lacey.  Lacey nails a kick for 2.  In WWE, she’d be fired for having a jiggly ass.  Velvet comes in and works over Hamada.  BPs double team Hamada.  Lacey covers for 2.  Lacey does a back flip and misses an elbow.  She misses again.  Because she’s stupid.  Hamada lands some headbutts and tags in Wilde.  Wilde hits a German suplex hold and kind of loses her bridge.  Velvet saves.  Clusterfuck ensuses.  Do si do spot.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and biker chick come out to distract every one.  BPs jump Wilde and Hamada.  Hamada and Velvet do some shit while Wilde and Lacey fight outside.  Velvet accidentally slaps the referee.  Hamada takes her outside.  Lacey and Wilde come in.  Biker chick hands Lacey a chair.  Wilde dropkicks it into her face for the pin in 4:17.  Even though this sucked, I’m glad Hamada is back, and even better, is a champion again!  Commercials.

TNA Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Kazarian) vs. “The Freak” Rob Terry.  Earl Hebner ejects Kazarian before the match starts.  Terry clotheslines Styles and Kazarian both to the outside, press slams Styles back inside, then chases Kazarian to the back.  Styles tries a cheap shot, but Terry destroys him.  Terry throws Styles across the ring by the neck.  Styles throws some ineffective chops, then pokes Terry in the eye and shoves Hebner.  Styles grabs Hebner, then kicks Terry in the balls and lands the Pele kick.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash for the pin in 2:49.  Neat little face big man vs. heel little man match.  Kazarian comes back out to celebrate with Styles.

Kurt Angle talks about his quest to go through the top 10.

Jay Lethal talks about his feud with Ric Flair while eating lunch.  They meet in a Street Fight TONIGHT!

Beer Money vs. Machine Guns in an Ultimate X Match is NEXT!

Hype for next week’s SUPER iMPACT! “The Whole F’N Show.”

Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne fight backstage while security tries to hold them apart.  Velvet accidentally KTFO’s Lacey in the process and shows concern.  It’d be hilarious if the bump to the head made her smarter.

Beer Money and The Motor City Machine Guns come out and Roode and Sabin cut promos on each other.  The match is next for real this time!  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 4th – Ultimate X Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns try to climb the structure immediately, but Beer Money cut them off.  Guns get their shine anyway.  Guns send Beer Money outside and hit dives on them.  Sabin goes for the win, but Storm cuts him off.  Guns double team Storm.  Shelley holds them both on a hold while Sabin climbs.  Beer Money cut him off again, but Shelley goes for it.  Beer Money hit him with the awesome catapult into a DDT.  Beer Money argue over who is going to climb.  Storm claims he’s been drinking, so Roode tries to climb.  Guns double team Storm and cut off Roode again.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick on Beer Money in the corner.  Shelley stands on Roode’s balls en route to climbing.  Storm hits a backdrop suplex on Sabin.  Beer Money pull Shelley down and go for the DWI.  He counters them and goes for the Shiranui on Roode.  He fails, but Storm hits a lung blower on Shelley.  Beer Money hit a double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Roode is bleeding.  Beer Money send Sabin outside and double team Shelley.  Shelley hits Roode with an atomic drop off the top.  Roode goes for the X, but Shelley pulls him down and SPIKES him with a DDT.  Shelley jumps over Storm and hits Roode with a Ghetto Stomp.  Shelley gouges Roode’s eyes on the top rope, then goes for the X.  Storm pulls him down and hits a whirlybird neckbreaker.  Sabin coems back and in goes for the X.  Storm tries to cut him off, but Sabin hits a Frankensteiner off the top rope.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Sabin.  Storm tries to help Roode go for the prize.  Guns cut them both off.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant breaks out.  Shelley hits Storm with a Shiranui on the apron.  Fucking ouch.  Storm tries to hold onto the structure and walk the cable.  Sabin meets him in the middle.  Roode falls, crotches himself on the cable, and falls to the mat.  Sabin grabs the X to win it in 9:55.  The series is tied at 2-2.  Pretty good match.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher are headed our way!  Commercials.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff talks about the card for next week’s special: Abyss vs. RVD for the World Title in a Stairway to Janice Match with Bischoff as the referee, Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in the final of the series for the Tag titles, Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles, Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love for the Knockouts Title, Jeff Hardy’s open challenge, and Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. The Pope.  Kevin Nash comes out to bitch at them for whatever.  Hogan says they’re past their prime and it’s time for the young guys to shine.  If he would have had that thought 10 or 12 years ago, WCW may still be alive.  They talk about politics and whatever.  Nash quotes some movie and attacks Bichoff.  Hogan beats up Nash.  In 2010.  Nash kicks Hogan in the balls and knees him in the thigh a bunch.  Nash brings in a chair and teases powerbombing Hogan.  Bischoff tries to stop Nash, fails, but Nash decides not to anyway.  Nash prepares to hit Hogan with the chair, but Jeff Jarrett runs in and attacks Nash.  STING shows up (in Wolfpac face paint) and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash clotheslines Jarrett with the bat and Sting clobbers Hogan with the chair.  Yay!  Commercials.

House show plugs.

Christy Hemme tries to talk to Sting and Kevin Nash, but they both blow her off.

Moments ago, all of that stuff a couple of lines up happened.

Orlando Jordan comes out being freaking with a lollipop.  He tries to put it So Cal Val’s mouth, but she escapes it this week.

Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  “POPE IS PIMPIN”! chants.  Jordan sucks on his finger and tries to touch Pope with it.  Pope shoves him away.  They lock up and do some mat wrestling.  Jordan grinds on Pope int he corner.  Pope kicks his ass.  Jordan catches Pope with a punch and grounds and pounds him.  Eric Young comes out and grabs some of the fake money that falls during Pope’s entrance.  This distracts Jordan for some reason.  Pope makes his comeback and hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 3:27.  Ugh.  Just… ugh.  Matt Morgan jumps Pope and lays him out.  Mr. Anderson runs out with a steel chair to run Morgan off.  Pope and Anderson argue.  Gunner and Murphy (the security geeks from last week) come out and threaten Anderson while the Pope just leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair.  Flair will be suspended if any member of Fortune interferes in his match tonight, but Flair is ready to go on his own.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair.  Flair is SUITED UP! for the street fight.  Flair pokes Lethal in the eye and goes on the attack.  Flair hits Lethal in the balls and works his leg a bit.  Flair throws in some plunder.  Lethal goes under the ring, then surprises Flair with a springboard missile dropkick.  Lethal strips off Flair’s jacket and shirt and chops him.  Lethal hits a big backdrop, then hits him with a Singapore cane.  Lethal hammers Flair with chops and punches.  Flair is BUSTED WIDE OPEN and does a Flair flop.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out for no apparent reason.  Flair gets hit with something and Flair does the flop again.  Flair gets his pants ripped to reveal ridiculous underwear.  Lethal whips Flair with his belt and throws Flair’s pants and sock to the crowd.  Flair his now in underwear, one sock, and one show.  Flair gets nailed with a trash can and does a third Flair flop.  Flair goes up top, but Lethal hits him with a metal cookie sheet and hits a superplex for 2.  Williams pulls Lethal out of the ring and gets nailed.  Lethal fucks up a diving sunset flip and pulls Flair’s drawers down.  Thankfully then pixelate Flair’s ass.  Williams nails Lethal with the belt behind the referee’s back.  Why the fuck do you need a referee distraction in a street fight?  Flair gets the pin in 6:41.  This was pretty fun.

Abyss & Raven are ready for action!  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam, who has a hellish week ahead of him.  Jerry Lynn shows up and says he’ll be RVD’s opponent at the PPV.

Abyss & Raven vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer.  They brawl on the ramp before the match ever starts.  Abyss and Dreamer make it in the ring to start the match.  Dreamer hits Abyss from out of nowhere.  Dreamer suplexes RVD onto Abyss.  Raven chop blocks Dreamer’s knee.  Abyss squashes Dreamer in the corner.  It’s broken down into a tag match now.  Raven tags in and puts his snot rag in Dreamer’s face.  Raven works Dreamer’s face.  Ouch.  Abyss beats up Dreamer on the outside.  Raven covers for 2.  Abyss tags in and works over Dreamer.  Raven and RVD tag in.  RVD runs wild.  RVD kicks Abyss off the apron, then rams Raven’s head into the turnbuckle and hits the Rolling Thunder.  Abyss saves and tries to chokeslam RVD and Dreamer, but they clothesline him out of the ring.  Dreamer DDTs Raven.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Raven for the pin in 3:57.  That was a short main event, but fun while it lasted.

Abyss attacks RVD and Dreamer after the match.  Abyss chokeslams RVD, then tries to chokeslam Dreamer, but Stevie Richards makes the save.  He gets dropped, then Rhino makes the save and goes for the Gore, but Abyss drops him too.  Team 3D come out and go for the 3D, but Raven attacks them with a chair.  The lights go out and THE SANDMAN appears!  Sandman canes Raven, then canes the shit out of Abyss.  Mick Foley comes out and brings Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and Jerry Lynn with a cooler of beer.

Hardcore Justice hype video.

Hype video for next week’s special iMPACT!

This show was actually kind of fun.  I have no real complaints to make this week, so a good show by TNA standards.

TNA iMPACT! 7/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2010 by Grappleholic

Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Mick Foley, Raven, and Brother Devon are in the ring.  Dreamer says they’re called EV2.0, since they can’t legally be called ECW.  Dreamer asks Devon what’s up with Brother Ray.  Devon calls Brother Ray out to the ring.  Devon wants to know of Bubba is going to be on the PPV.  Bubba turns around to leave.  Dreamer and Foley try to talk Bubba into it.  Taz encourages Bubba to get into the ring and make peace with everyone.  Bubba asks Devon if they’re going to light someone on fire.  The Impact Zone mutants actually chant “EV2.0.”  Bubba says he’s in and hugs Devon and Dreamer.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Ugh.  Hogan puts over “the hardcore thing.”  He says he didn’t see ECW in the 90’s so he’s excited to see it now… 10 years after it mattered.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  Abyss comes out and bitches about whatever.  I think he wants Dreamer.  Hogan says Dreamer isn’t wrestling until the PPV.  Dreamer says he’ll face Abyss tonight.  Joy.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich bicker backstage.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes in offers a bitchy olive branch.  They bitch at each other.  Velvet reluctantly agrees to the truce.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Knockouts Championship #1 Contender Match: Sarita vs. Angelina Love.  They try to do some mat wrestling.  Sarita hides behind the referee and sucker punches Love.  Love gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Sarita hits a sweet drop toe hold.  Sarita beats up on Love.  Love gets a schoolgirl for nothing.  Sarita hits a clothesline and some stomps, then chokes Love.  Sarita hits a suplex for 2.  Sarita beats on Love some more and argues with the referee.  Love hits a spear and punches Sarita.  Love hits the superkick for the pin in 3:47.  They tried, but failed at not sucking.

Eric Young is backstage with Orlando Jordan being bizarre.  Yes, in that combination, Young is the one being weird.  Commercials.

They show Eric Young taking a bump to the floor and hitting his head to make him goofy recently on Xplosion.

Ink Inc. vs. Orlando Jordan & Eric Young.  Jordan  puts his gum in So Cal Val’s mouth.  Disgusting.  Young comes out with a mannequin.  Jordan beats on Neal for a while.  Moore finally makes the save.  Young wants Jordan to tag the mannequin.  Moore and tags in.  Young throws in the mannequin and it gets broken.  Ink Inc. hit the Mooregasm on Jordan and Moore gets the pin in 2:46.  This was fucking retarded.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, TNA Global Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, and Beer Money are in the ring.  Flair says he’ll face Jay Lethal in a Street Fight next week, then inducts Beer Money into Fortune.  Storm says they’ll win the Tag titles tonight.  Kazarian takes a shot at The Nexus, saying Fortune isn’t “a gang of angry rookies.”  Styles says the Global title is now the Television title.  Flair implies that they will be partying later tonight.  Kurt Angle comes out and tells Styles that he’s next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 3rd – Steel Cage Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns climb into the cage behind Beer Money and hit them with diving cross body blocks.  Guns double team Beer Money.  Roode is BUSTED WIDE OPEN, so naturally, it breaks down into a tag team match.  Storm blocks Shelley’s Shiranui and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker.  Beer Money get the heat on Shelley.  Shelley hits Roode with an avalanche-style Frankensteiner.  Sabin gets the tag and runs wild.  Sabin hits a tornado DDT on Storm, but Roode saves.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui and fails.  Roode nails Sabin with a clothesline.  Shelley Complete Shots Roode into the cage and hits a Ghetto Stomp.  Storm hits a wacky move on Shelley.  Roode powerbombs Shelley into the cage.  Storm hits a Lung Blower out of the powerbomb for 2.  Beer Money try to climb out of th ecage, but Shelley cuts them off.  Shelley hits Storm with a jawbreaker off the top rope.  Sabin hits Beer Money with a diving cross body off the top of the cage.  Guns go for their finish.  Storm accidentally hits Roode with the beer bottle.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body combo on Storm and Sabin gets the pin in 8:16.  They did a lot of shit, but it wasn’t as good as their previous matches.  The series is now 2-1 Guns.

Matt Morgan comes out to Mr. Anderson’s music.  He gets mad at the mic drop guy for not dropping the mic from him.  He does a ridiculous intro for himself.  Anderson comes out and does silly shit with the mic.  Anderson gets in the ring.  Morgan taunts him and challenges Anderson to punch him.  Anderson punches Morgan in the balls and kicks his ass.  Morgan squeezes Anderson’s head, then chokes him with the microphone cord.  Jeff Hardy makes the save.  A couple of security guys come out… and help Morgan.  D’Lo Brown, Al Snow, and Pat Kenney come out to break it up and bitch at the security guards.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Christy Hemme interviews Anderson and Hardy.  Anderson says the security guards want to be wrestlers, but could only make TNA security.  Anderson challenges Morgan and security guys to a match.

Kazarian (w/ TNA Television Champion AJ Styles) vs. Rob Terry.  The referee sends Styles to the back.  Kazarian jumps Terry from behind.  Terry hits a chokeslam for the pin in 26 seconds.  Well that was pointless.

Next, Eric Bischoff makes an ANNOUNCEMENT!  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Matt Morgan, Murphy, & Gunner vs. Jeff Hardy & Ken Anderson.  Hardy and Murphy start… but Morgan tags himself in before any contact is made.  Morgan wants Anderson, so… Morgan and Anderson start.  Except that Morgan tags in Murphy before any contact is made.  Gunner tags in and he and Anderson finally lock up.  Anderson hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Murphy tags in.  Anderson schoolboys him for 2.  Hardy tags in.  They try the Poetry In Motion, but Murphy hits a clothesline.  Gunner counters the Twist of Fate.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Anderson tags in.  Murphy does something to Anderson behind the referee’s back.  Hardy decks him.  Morgan drops off the apron and leaves… WHILE HIS TEAM HAS THE ADVANTAGE.  Anderson hits Gunner with the Mic Check.  Hardy hits Gunner with the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:04.  This retarded shit sucked.

Christy Hemme tries to interview Hulk Hogan.  She wants to know what Bitchoff’s announcement is.  Hogan’s going to a meeting in New York.  10:30 PM on a Thursday night?

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are in the ring.  Bischoff takes 80 years to say that the August 12th Impact will have big matches.  Abyss comes out again.  Abyss says “they” want Abyss vs. RVD in some convoluted ladder match.  Bischoff agrees.  Abyss threatens him with the nail board.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam comes out to save Bischoff.  Why?  RVD dropkicks a chair into Abyss’ face.  RVD tries a dive or something, but Abyss side steps him and sends him into the post.  Brown, Snow, and Kenney come out with chairs to make the save with chairs.  Snow takes the nail board away from Abyss and… gives it to Tommy Dreamer.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Hardcore Match: Abyss vs. Tommy Dreamer.  JIP.  Dreamer hits Abyss with a trash can lid.  Abyss sends Dreamer’s crotch into the guardrail.  Abyss wedges a chair between the turnbuckles.  Dreamer hits Abyss with a trash can.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam onto the trash can for 2.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a cookie sheet.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a Singapore cane.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Dreamer fights out.  Dreamer hits a clothesline.  Dreamer hits a second clothesline for 2.  Abyss sends Dreamer into the chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Abyss goes up top for some reason.  Dreamer crotches him and ties him to the tree of woe.  Dreamer hits Abyss in the balls with a cane, then dropkicks a trash can into his face.  Dreamer brings in a barbed wire board.  Dreamer goes for the Death Valley Driver, but can’t get Abyss up.  Abyss goes for the chokeslam but Dreamer counters.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a clothesline.  Abyss brings in the nail board.  Dreamer side steps him and gets a cradle for like 1.  Dreamer sets up the board in the corner.  Abyss punches a trash can into Dreamer’s face and chokeslams him onto the barbed wire board for the pin in 6:59.  Stupid garbage match.  Raven comes in with a chair.  Swerve.  He hits Dreamer, then DDTs him on the chair.

Fucking lousy show with fucking retarded TNA booking.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.

TNA Slammiversary VIII

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

The sixth annual Slammiversary, Slammiversary XVIII!  No, that’s not a typo.  It is the 8th anniversary of TNA, but the first Slammiversary was in 2005.

Opening video package highlighting the history of TNA, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kazarian vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle takes Kazarian down with a side headlock.  They do some running and jumping around.  Kazarian hits a pair of arm drags.  They trade arm locks.  The crowd chants “USA!”  Both of these guys are Americans.  Kazarian hits a springboard dropkick.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Kazarian kicks him in the balls.  The referee wants to DQ Kazarian, but Angle tells him not to.  Kazarian goes on the attack.  He throws Angle out of the ring and hits a slingshot hilo.  Back inside, Kazarian hits his slingshot leg drop for 2.  Kazarian applies a front face lock.  Kazarian hits a clothesline, then chokes Angle with his shin.  Angle fights back and hits a release German suplex.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO, YAY!” responses from the crowd.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Kazarian counters a move and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Angle hits a powerbomb for 2, then goes for the ankle lock.  Kazarian rolls through with a front cradle for 2.  Kazarian hits a dropkick for 2.  Kazarian goes up top.  Angle springs up and hits an arm drag for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam.  Kazarian rolls through it, but Angle rolls through the roll through and goes for the ankle lock again.  Kazarian escapes and hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans again.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam again and gets countered again.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver!  Fucking ouch.  Angle kicks out!  Angle fights back, but eats a lariat for 2.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes up top, but Kazarian powerbombs him out of the corner and puts his feet on the ropes for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver again, but Angle counters and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 14:14.  Very good opener.

Tenay and Taz talk about the anniversary of TNA.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.   The crowd is pro-Kendrick.  They chant “YOU’RE A WANKER!” at Williams.  Good back and forth wrestling to start.  Williams sends Kendrick to the floor and follows him out.  Williams avoids Kendrick, who crashes into the barricade, then backdrop suplexes him on the floor.  They trade blows back in the ring.  Williams hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Williams applies a bow & arrow lock, turns it into a pinning predicament for 2, the applies a cravat headlock.  Kendrick tries a springboard, but Williams avoids him by going outside.  Kendrick connects with a dive.  Back inside, Kendrick hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Kendrick hits a running knee strike for 2.  Another kick and another 2 count by Kendrick.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh, then hits a lariat.  Kendrick tries a sunset flip, but Williams sets on him for 2.  They do a cradle reversal bit.  Williams hits a snap suplex and a side suplex, then an Exploder for 2.  Kendrick slaps Williams.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Kendrick bits his hand.  Williams hits a jumping tornado DDT for the pin in 9:35.  Good little match.  The announcers put over Williams being a hypocrite for using a top rope move to win.

Christy Hemme talks to Eric Bischoff (w/ Miss Tessmacher).  Bischoff is rooting for RVD tonight.

Knockouts Tale of the Tape.  Roxxi and Madison Rayne come out for the match.  Madison cuts a promo that the crowd hates.  She challenges Roxxi to put her career on the line.  Roxxi agrees, then Madison hits her in the head with the mic.

TNA Knockouts Championship vs. Roxxi’s Career: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Roxxi.  Rayne covers for off of the pre-match microphone shot.  Roxxi is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Roxxi fights back.  Polish hammer gets 2.  Rayne knocks Roxxi to the outside.  Roxxi is bleeding heavily.  Roxxi rams Rayne into the turnbuckle, then heads up top, but Rayne pulls her down.  Cover gets 2.  Rayne applies an arm hold.  Roxxi connects with an enzuigiri.  Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop, but Rayne kicks out at 2.  Roxxi hits it again, but Rayne falls out of the ring.  Rayne comes back in and hits her move (the reverse Playmaker thing) for the pin in 4:16.  It was fine.  The last minute stip was random.

Brother Ray/Jesse Neal video package.  They come out for the match.  Ray calls for Brother Devon to come out.  Shannon Moore also comes out.  Brother Ray apologized to everyone for being a douchebag.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG!”  Moore leaves as Ray puts Neal over.  Ray apologizes again and hugs Neal.  Team 3D raise Neal’s hands.  As they head up the ramp, Ray decks Neal from behind and throws him into the ring.

Jesse Neal vs. Brother Ray.  Devon is like “WTF?” as he’s held back by security.  Ray kicks Neal in the face.  Moore comes back out.  The referee tells everyone to leave.  Neal tries to fight back, but Ray kicks his ass.  Neal finally makes a comeback and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb.  Tommy Dreamer walks through the crowd.  Ray gets distracted, but avoids Neal’s spear.  Neal avoids a diving senton and spears Bubba for the pin in 5:53.  Not much of a match.  Ray is pissed.

Christy Hemme interviews Hernandez.

Matt Morgan/Hernandez video package.  Morgan comes out in street clothes and a neck brace.  He says he can’t wrestle tonight because Hernandez jumped him from behind “again.”  He gives the referee a doctor’s note.  Morgan tries to leave, but Hernandez jumps him and throws him in the ring.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez.  Hernandez chokes Morgan with a towel.  Hernandez politely sits the referee on the top rope to keep him out of the way.  Morgan begs off, then sends Morgan to the outside.  Morgan hits a shitty discus lariat.  Morgan beats up Hernandez for a little while.  Hernandez makes his comeback.  He rips Morgan’s shirt off and chokes him with it.  The referee tries to make him stop.  Hernandez tires of this shit and tosses the referee across the ring.  The ref DQ’s Hernandez in 5:19.  Hernandez tries to kick Morgan’s head into the post like Morgan did to him a few months ago, but Morgan pulls the ref in front of him.  Morgan runs away.  Earl Hebner runs out to check on the original referee, his son Brian.  Another promising match turning into a stupid angle.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan, who is also rooting for RVD tonight.

Monster’s Ball Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Chelsea is back with Wolfe even though Abyss won her for 30 days 28 days ago.  So not only is Vince Russo a horrible booker, he also can’t count.  Abyss throws a bunch of weapons into the ring.  Wolfe swings a Singapore cane, but Abyss ducks it and kicks his ass.  Wolfe kicks a chair into Abyss.  Wolfe wedges the chair between the top and middle turnbuckles, then wails on Abyss with the Singapore cane.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss brings in a barbed wire board from under the ring.  Abyss sends Wolfe into the chair between the turnbuckles.  Abyss goes outside to get a trash can.  Wolfe kicks the middle rope into his balls on the way back in, then hits him with the trash can a couple of times.  Wolfe looks in a trash can and finds a teddy bear wrapped in barbed wire.  Awesome.  Abyss rams into Wolfe in the corner, then gives the barbed wire bear to Chelsea.  Abyss pours broken glass into the ring.  Wolfe says “Fuck this” and bails. using Chelsea was a shield.  Wolfe cheap shots Abyss with the Singapore cane, then chokes him with it.  They fight up to the announcers’ table.  Wolfe tries to hit Abyss with the cane again, but Abyss chokeslams him through the platform the announce table is on.  Abyss carries Wolfe back to the ring and covers, but Wolfe gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Abyss lays out the barbed wire board and tries to set up a superplex, but Wolfe hits a sunset flip powerbomb.  Cover gets 2.  Wolfe tees off with the Singapore cane again.  Abyss ducks a shot and hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss’ arms are cut up from the barbed wire.  Wolfe attacks the arm, then hits Abyss in the back of the head with the cane.  Abyss falls face first into the broken glass.  Chelsea looks concerned or disgusted.  Wolfe covers for 2.  Crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  It’s not.  Wolfe calls for Chelsea’s purse.  He’s mad that the brass knuckles aren’t in it.  Chelsea throws the knuckles to Abyss.  Abyss decks Wolfe with the knuckles, then hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 11:46.  Okay for a garbage match.

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champon, Rob Van Dam.

Ric Flair/Jay Lethal/AJ Styles video package.

AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal chops Styles.  Styles bails.  Back inside, Styles works a side headlock.  Lethal turns it into a head scissors.  Styles turns it back into a headlock.  Styles kicks Lethal in the knee.  They trade chops.  Lethal hits a monkey flip, but Styles lands on his feet.  Lethal takes Styles down and lands a basement dropkick.  Lethal hits a backbreaker for 2.  Lethal hits a spinning head scissors.  Styles bails.  Lethal dives, but Styles slips back into the ring to avoid it.  Styles goes for a dive, but Lethal avoids it and pulls Styles down, causing Styles to smack his face on the apron.  Flair checks on Styles.  Back inside, Lethal ducks a chop and chops Styles.  Styles counters a head scissors attempt by crotching Lethal on the top rope.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  Some other stuff happens.  Lethal hits a dropkick for 2.  Styles hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Styles sends Lethal outside.  Flair chokes Lethal with his jacket.  Back inside, Styles covers for 2.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash and some running elbows.  Lethal hits a diving kick and a moonsault body block for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal tries to springboard, but Styles catches him and hits a fireman’s carry into a neckbreaker across the knee for 2.  Flair argues with Earl Hebner.  Lethal ducks a discus lariat and hits a backdrop into a neckbreaker for 2.  Styles locks Lethal in the figure-four leglock.  Nothing comes of that.  Styles hits a brainbuster for 2.  Styles for the Styles Clash, but Lethal counters and hits a release Dragon suplex.  Cover, but Flair puts Styles’ foot on the bottom rope.  Lethal locks Styles in the figure-four.  Lethal hits a backbreaker and goes for the diving elbow drop, but Styles avoids it.  Styles hits the Pele kick.  Styles tries to climb to the top, but slips and hits his face ont he top turnbuckle.  He tries a half assed something, but Lethal catches him with a half assed Northern Lights suplex hold for the pin in 17:10.  Very good match, but the finish was kind of weird.  Flair yells at Styles.  Kazarian runs out to try to make peace.  Flair and Kazarian leave Styles behind.

Sting cuts a promo up in his clubhouse.

Hardy & Anderson/Beer Money video package.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson.  They decide that their team is called “Extreme Enigmatic Assholes.”

Beer Money vs. Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson.  Anderson and Roode start.  Both teams make quick tags early.  Hardy and Anderson hit the old Hardy Boyz double leg drop on Roode at one point.  Anderson and Storm brawl.  Roode low bridges Anderson out of the ring and drives him into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Storm covers for 2.  Storm chokes Anderson.  Beer Money double team Anderson.  Anderson catches Storm with a clothesline and makes the tag to Hardy.  Hardy runs wild.  Front suplex on Roode.  Storm saves.  Anderson comes in just to get sent outside by Storm.  Beer Money hit the catapult into the DDT on Hardy.  Roode covers Hardy for 2.  Storm sets up the superkick, but Anderson pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy drops Roode and hits the Swanton Bomb.  Storm pulls the referee out of the ring.  The referee blames Anderson for it, stupidly.  Storm tags in and beats up Hardy.  Beer Money double team Hardy again.  Anderson comes in to save and gets reprimanded by that retarded ref again.  Storm hits a modified DDT OF MURDER on Hardy for 2.  Roode tags in and hits a backbreaker on Hardy for 2.  Anderson gets bitched at for making the save again.  Beer Money keep the heat on Hardy.  BEER!  MONEY!  Hardy inside cradles Storm for 2 while Anderson and Roode argue.  Roode tags in and beats up Hardy.  Hardy misses the Whisper In The Wind.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate out of nowhere.  Anderson gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Lambeau Leap on Roode for 2.  Hardy takes out Storm with a dive, using Anderson as a springboard.  Roode counters the Mic Check and hits a spinebuster, but Hardy saves.  Hardy kicks Roode.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm on Hardy.  Beer Money set up the DWI, but Hardy sends Storm out of the ring and helps Anderson counter it.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Roode for the pin in 13:56.  Pretty good match.  Anderson’s face is bloody.  Anderson and Hardy introduce each other as winners of the match.

RVD/Sting video package.  They say it’s a first time ever match when they technically had a match when RVD debuted in TNA.  Tale of the Tape.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Sting.  They lock up.  Sting takes RVD outside and into the crowd.  They brawl in the crowd, which is a great way to have a match without actually doing anything.  They go back to the ring side of the barricade, then Sting back body drops RVD back into the crowd, giving them an excuse to do more meaningless crowd brawling.  Sting finally brings RVD back in the ring and slowly puts the boots to him.  Sting hits a Stinger Splash for 2.  RVD lands a big kick, some other moves, and his diving kick for 2.  RVD slams Sting and hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  RVD goes for a diving cross body, but Sting moves and referee Earl Hebner takes it.  Sting attacks RVD with his bat.  Jeff Jarrett comes out, takes the bat away, and nails Sting with it a couple of times.  Jarrett leaves.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Sting avoids RVD in the corner.  RVD avoids the Stinger Splash and lands a kick and the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 10:53.  Well this was kind of lame.

Pretty decent show for a TNA PPV, with the worst only being mediocre.

TNA iMPACT! 6/10/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

“Last week on iMPACT!..” music video.

“A Flair For The Dramatic.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Kurt Angle returns to the ring!  Also, they’ll show “never before seen footage” of Sting’s attack on Jeff Jarrett of Sacrifice.  Probably the exact same footage they showed last week, but now it’s never been seen.

AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, Kazarian, and Beer Money come out.  Styles says that he’s in charge in Flair’s absence.  He says they’re in an 8-man tag, then does some first grade math.  He says 5 guys in a group doesn’t work, and makes reference to the Beatles, the Fantastic 4, and the Four Horsemen.  He tries to kick Kazarian out of the group.  Jay Lethal comes out, this week playing the role of Ric Flair.  He does do a great Flair impersonation.  Lethal introduces his team for the 8-man tag: Abyss and Mr. Anderson.  Styles notes that that’s only 3.  Lethal says Abyss counts as 2.  The faces rush the ring and brawl with the 5 heels.  To the shock of absolutely no one, Jeff Hardy makes the save (running in through the crowd).  Man, this show is horribly written.

Weird backstage video promo with Brian Kendrick.

Brian Kendrick vs. Homicide.  Yes, Homicide is still employed.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out to do commentary.  They lock up.  Homicide lands some punches that Kendrick sells like shotgun blasts.  Kendrick fights back.  Homicide goes for the Cop Killa, but Kendrick counters.  Homicide beats up Kendrick some more.  Homicide hits an Exploder for 2.  Homicide hits a Michinoku Driver II for 2.  Homicide continues beating up Kendrick.  Homicide unwraps his wrist tape to use.  The referee takes it away, so Homicide uses the tap from the other wrist to choke Kendrick.  Kendrick makes a comeback.  He knocks Homicide out to the ramp and ramps his head into the ramp.  Homicide empties out a toolbox from under the ring and grabs a screwdriver.  The referee takes it away.  Kendrick kicks Homicide in the face for the pin in 6:02.  Very oddly structured match.  At least Kendrick didn’t do the job right before his PPV title shot.

Ink Inc. and Team 3D are in the back.  Apparently Moore, Devon, and security are trying to hold Ray and Neal back from fighting.

Ink Inc. are in the ring.  Neal calls out Brother Ray.  Team 3D come out.  Agents (including Terry Taylor and Pat Kenney) try to keep order.  Neal accuses Bubba of laying them out and putting cards on them.  Bubba cuts a promo about how great he is and how Neal is nothing, just to show what a big prick he is.  Bubba calls more a bitch.  Moore calls Bubba a bully and a douchebag.  Well, he’s right.  Moore calls Devon Bubba’s puppet.  Devon cuts a promo on Moore, then tells Bubba to get his head straight and leave Neal alone.  Devon leaves.  Ray cheap shots Neal and runs away.

Slammiversary commercial.

They show Sting’s beat down of Jeff Jarrett from Sacrifice.  Fast forward.

Jeff Jarrett comments NEXT!

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are with Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan wants to know who his partner is at Slammiversary.  Bischoff says he has a partner for Morgan and his tag title rematch is next.

Jeff Jarrett talks about Sting destroying him.

Matt Morgan comes out.  Hulk Hogan follows and talks about Morgan being a prick.  He introduces Morgan’s partner, the returning Hernandez.  Hernandez kicks Morgan’s ass.  Hogan joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Hernandez chokes Morgan with his towel.  Hogan books Hernandez vs. Morgan for Slammiversary.  Geeks come out to put Morgan on a stretcher.  Wasn’t there supposed to be a tag title match somewhere in here?  Ah, here comes The Band.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, & Eric Young (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Young pins Morgan on the stretcher in 17 seconds.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Sting jumps RVD from behind and chokes him out, then steals the belt.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

People check on RVD.  He realizes his belt is gone and he’s pissed.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo.  He asked his X Divison friend to wrestle him tonight, and to hold nothing back.

Kurt Angle vs. Amazing Red.  They shake hands and lock up.  Red does his stuff and Angle hangs with him.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex and a European uppercut.  Red side steps Angle and sends him outside.  Red goes for a dive, but Angle avoids it.  Red jumps off the apron and hits a rana.  Back inside, Angle NAILS Red with a clothesline.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Red hits a DDT.  Red hits a jumping DDT for 2.  Angle hits a German suplex.  Red arm drages out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a sick rana head drop and the Red Star Press for 2.  Angle avoids the Infra Red and hits the Angle Slam for the pin in 3:44.  Fun little match.  I wish Angle would stop getting dropped on his head and shit, though.  Angle helps Red up, raises his hand, and hugs him.

Sting talks to or about the World Championship belt.  He has “Deception” written on the belt.

Slammiversary hype video.

RVD goes to look for Sting in his clubhouse, or wherever the fuck Sting hangs out up there.

AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson, Abyss (w/ Chelsea), & Jay Lethal.  Roode and Lethal brawl to start.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash.  All of the faces deck Roode.  Abyss tags in.  Beer Money try to double team Abyss, but get fought off.  Anderson tags in against Storm.  Anderson and Hardy make quick tags and work over Storm’s arm.  Wolfe gets the tag and wrestles with Hardy.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Styles tags in to work over Hardy.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  The heels isolate Hardy on their side of the ring and work him over.  Hardy reverses Wolfe into Beer Money’s boots.  Clusterfuck ensues briefly.  Hardy gets beaten up by the heels.  Double suplex by BEER!  MONEY!  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Roode hits the bottom rope decapitator thing for 2.  Lethal gets the tag, but the referee misses it and doesn’t allow it.  The heels continue beating up Hardy.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker on Styles, then drops him with a kick.  Hardy makes the hot tag to Lethal, who runs wild.  Lethal hits a move on Styles and covers, but Wolfe saves.  Everybody starts hitting signature moves.  Nigel hits the jawbreaker lariat on Abyss, then asks Chelsea for the chair she’s sitting in.  She hesitates, but Wolfe gets the chair.  Abyss punches it into his face.  Styles hits Abyss with the springboard forearm.  Lethal goes for a rana, but Styles catches him and hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 10:50.  Pretty good match.  I’m shocked they actually got some time and it wasn’t mostly commercials.

Sting isn’t in his clubhouse, he’s somewhere else.  Commercials.

RVD shows up at wherever Sting is.  Sting jumps him from behind and kicks his ass.  RVD fights back.  They brawl all over backstage and throw each other into shit.  They eventually make it to the ring.  RVD takes off Sting’s coat and the belt and continues to beat him up.  RVD wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles.  They fight some more.  RVD lands a superkick.  Sting sends RVD’s head into the chair, then hits him in the back with the chair.  Sting says the belt is RVD’s until Sunday.  This whole thing was stupid.

There was some good stuff on this show, but as always, there was a bunch of crap and the writing is just fucking horrible.

TNA iMPACT! 6/3/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

Music video.

“Smoke & Mirrors.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  10 days until Slammiversary.  Tonight, Jay Lethal faces AJ Styles and Frankie Kazarian.  They don’t bother to specify if it’s a Three-Way or a Handicap Match.  Last week, some shit happened.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Sting comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about how confuckled TNA is.  Crowd chants “WHY STING WHY?”  I don’t give a fuck at this point.  The lights go out and a video of Sting beating the fuck out of Jeff Jarrett, Rob Van Dam, and Eric Bischoff plays.  Eric Bischoff comes out with Miss Tessmacher.  Bischoff cuts a promo on Sting.  He says Sting will have a  match tonight, and his opponent is behind him.  It’s Samoa Joe.

Sting vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe jumps Sting and kicks his ass.  Matt Morgan attacks Sting, which the referee is totally cool with.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam makes the save.  He kind of fucks up his springboard kick on Morgan, but manages.  Bischoff comes back out and says later tonight, it’ll be Sting & Morgan vs. RVD & Joe.  This match is presumably a no-contest in like 30 seconds.  I already hate this show.  RVD says it should be a Four-Way instead.  Bischoff says he doesn’t have the authority.  He doesn’t?  Hulk Hogan comes out, puts over RVD’s stroke, and makes the match.  Ugh.

Christy Hemme interviews AJ Styles.  Ah, so the match is a three-way.  He just found out about it.  Well, so did we.  Ric Flair comes in.  Styles complains to him.  Kazarian comes in.  Flair gave him a watch.  Styles is upset by this.

Rosie Lottalove vs. Roxxi.  Rosie is a big woman who dresses naughtily.  Rosie uses her superior size to dominate Roxxi.  Roxxi avoids a running ass to the corner and fights back.  Madison Rayne appears from somewhere and hits Roxxi in the back with the Knockouts Championship belt from the outside.  Rosie takes too long and Roxxi pins her with an inside cradle in 1:44.  Rayne yells at Rosie.  Rosie gives her a choke bomb.  This was stupid.

Jeremy Borash interviews Rosie Lottalove on the ramp.  She’s going to take out the Beautiful People on behalf of ugly people, or something.  She kisses JB.

Styles vs. Kazarian vs. Lethal next.

Three-Way Match: AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal.  Styles goes outside to let Kazarian and Lethal go at it.  They go for a few seconds, then Styles attacks Lethal.  Lethal avoids a blow in the corner and hits a head scissors.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Combination, the Kazarian dropkicks Lethal.  Kazarian and Styles both call to Flair, then argue.  Lethal decks Styles, then bulldogs Kazarian while clotheslining Styles.  Styles backdrops Lethal to the apron.  He goes for a springboard, but Kazarian pushes Styles away and catches Lethal with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Styles hits a backbreaker on Lethal.  They’re playing “Can you top this?”  Kazarian hits a huge hip toss.  They argue and try to set up a double team, but Lethal fights back.  Styles hits the nip up rana on Lethal, which is awesome.  Styles and Kazarian try to work together, but go for opposite suplexes and argue.  Kazarian causes Styles to miss a springboard.  Lethal gets Styles with a reverse cradle for the pin in 4:42.  Flair bitches at Styles.  He tells Styles to go home and regroup.  Kurt Angle appears on the ramp.  Styles mumbles, or something, and leaves.  This was stupid.

Kurt Angle is still in the ring with Ric Flair and Kazarian.  Angle says he’ll face Kazarian at Slammiversary.  Flair is insulted that Angle didn’t address him.  Flair talks about Angle helping his son Reid with amateur wrestling, but pro wrestling is Flair’s world.  Flair says he’s God, which bothers me.  He tells Angle to go away, and threatens to take off his sport coat.  Flair wants Angle to hold the ropes open for him.  Angle does, then throws Flair off the ramp.  Kazarian jumps Angle from behind, just like Angle just did to Flair.  Kazarian throws Angle back in the ring.  Angle makes a comeback and Kazarian bails.  What was the point of this stupid segment?  I hate this show.

In one of those shitty, horribly shot backstage segments, Matt Morgan talks to Sting.  Sting doesn’t reply.

Sting vs. Morgan vs. RVD vs. Joe tonight.

AJ Styles throws a temper tantrum outside the building.  He says he has to kill Jay Lethal, so he’ll challenge him to a match at Slammiversary.

Video of the confusion going on with Ken Anderson lately.

Christy Hemme is in the ring.  She introduces Mr. Anderson.  He checks out her boobs.  She slaps him.  He checks out her ass.  She says “Really?”  He does it just because he’s an asshole.  He says the fans are assholes for hoping for a wardrobe malfunction.  Crowd pops.  They chant “WE ARE ASSHOLES!”  He says it’s going to be himself & Jeff Hardy vs. Beer Money at Slammiversary.  Hardy comes out.  Hardy says Anderson is a funny asshole.  They’re friends now.  Hardy babbles about whatever.  Beer Money come out.  They’re having singles matches tonight.  Roode cuts a long promo about tag teams.  Anderson asks Roode why his hair is always wet and why Storm is wearing sunglasses.  Roode laughs, then decks Anderson.  Everybody brawls.  Security breaks them up.

Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm.  They’re brawling outside when the show comes back on.  Hardy removes the floor padding and hip tosses Storm on concrete.  They finally get inside to start the match.  Storm hits a modified DDT OF MURDER, I think, for 2.  Storm beats up Hardy.  Storm hits a really half assed uranage for 2.  Storm brings a chair in.  The ref takes it away.  That was pointless.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits his shitty clotheslines, which for some reason look better than usual.  Hardy uses the chair as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion for 2.  Hardy hits a front suplex and goes up top.  Storm cuts him off and goes for a Frankensteiner.  Hardy blocks it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Storm spits beer at Hardy and hits the Eye of the Storm for 2.  Good.  That’s got no  impact to be a finish.  Hardy avoids a chair shot and it bounces off the ropes and hits Storm.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton bomb for the pin in 5:56.  This was kind of okay.  Commercials.

Robert Roode vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson looks to be all business.  They lock up.  Roode pushes Anderson into the corner.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO ASSHOLE!”  Anderson clamps on a side headlock.  Roode drops down to avoid something and gets hit in the back.  Roode connects with some punches.  Anderson hits a running back to the back, or something, then a schoolboy for 2.  Roode bails.  Anderson chases him.  The referee gets in Anderson’s way getting back in the ring.  Roode cheap shots Anderson to get the advantage.  Roode works over Anderson.  Anderson fights back and goes for the Mic Check, fails, but back body drops Roode.  Anderson goes for the Lambau Leap, but Roode rakes his eyes.  Kennedy goes for a diving sunset flip, but Roode crushes it and grabs the ropes to get the pin in 4:54.  It was okay.  Anderson calls for his hanging mic.  He says people can only beat him by cheating, because He’s Mr. Asshole.  Or whatever.  I hate this show.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams talks backstage.

Abyss, Rob Terry, and Chelsea are headed our way.

Abyss/Terry vs. Wolfe/Jordan video package.  Seriously.

Desmond Wolfe & Orlando Jordan vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry & Abyss (w/ Chelsea).  Tenay says Wolfe and Chelsea got probation and community service for the false police report thing.  They fuck around, then Wolfe jumps Abyss and attacks the damaged arm.  Jordan tags in and works the arm too.  Abyss fights back and throws Jordan out of the ring “like a pink torpedo.”  Jordan checks out Chelsea, then shakes his head.  She slaps him.  Wolfe bitches at both of them.  Abyss beats up Wolfe.  Jordan has Rob Terry pasties on his nipples this week.  Terry beats up Jordan.  Terry hits the Freak Buster for the pin in 2:52.  This blew.  Shock, right?

Team 3D/Ink Inc. video.  Devon things Bubba is overreacting.

The Four-Way is next.

Jesse Neal is laid out backstage with an Ace of Spades on his chest, just like Shannon Moore was last week?  The fuck?  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Entrances for the main event.  They show Sting’s fucking up of Jeff Jarrett again.  They show Joe costing Morgan the tag titles.  New stupid camera play for RVD’s entrance music, but I love the music.

Non-Title, Four-Way Match: Matt Morgan vs. Sting vs. Samoa Joe vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Morgan and Joe brawl on the inside while Sting and RVD brawl on the outside.  The faces end up clearing the heels out of the ring.  Joe and RVD tease going at it, but Sting and Morgan jump them.  Crowd boos.  I don’t blame them.  I’d dig seeing Joe vs. RVD too.  Joe and Morgan go outside.  RVD hits the Rider kick and the Rolling Thunder on Sting.  Morgan breaks the cover.  Sting and Morgan go at it.  Morgan hits a discus lariat.  Joe breaks the cover.  Joe kicks Sting for 2, as Morgan breaks the cover.  Morgan hits a spinning slam on RVD.  Morgan’s revolving elbows on RVD.  Morgan sees somebody in the crowd.  Who was it supposed to be?  Oh, Hernandez.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Morgan.  RVD hits the Rider kick on Joe, then hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Morgan for the pin in 4:58.  Clunky mess with no flow.  I went back and looked.  It may or may not have been Hernandez.  RVD and Joe go nose to nose.  End of show.

This show sucked.

TNA iMPACT! 5/20/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

Sacrifice highlight video.

“10 Card Stud”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, the Top 10 Contenders will be announced!  Tonight, there will be an announcement regarding the main event of tonight’s show.  Well I fucking hope so.  Also, Kurt Angle returns.

Eric Bischoff comes out with Miss Tessmacher.  Bischoff introduces the top 10 contenders.  Each guy comes out to the ramp and they show a brief video package.  #10 is Samoa Joe.  #9 is TNA Global Champion Rob Terry.  #8 is Desmond Wolfe.  #7 is “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  #6 Abyss.  #5 is Mr. Anderson.  #4 is Jeff Hardy.  #3 is AJ Styles.  #2 is Kurt Angle (who doesn’t come out).  Crowd chants “WE WANT ANGLE!”  #1 is Sting.  WHAT THE FUCK?  These rankings are motherfucking retarded.  Sting comes to the ring.  Crowd chants “WE WANT A RECOUNT!”  Bischoff books Sting vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight.  Sting smashes the stupid poster things in the ring, the hits Abyss with the bat.  Abyss tries to make the save, but gets owned.  Hardy takes the bat from Sting.  Hardy slaps Sting.  Sting kicks Hardy in the balls and takes his bat back.  TNA World Champion Rob Van Dam comes out.  Hardy clips Sting’s leg and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Sting leaves.  Just to recap, Sting vs. Hardy tonight and Sting vs. RVD for the World Title at Slammiversary.  This was all stupid.

Moments ago, some shitty booking was played out.

Matt Morgan bitches to Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff.  “They” want “their” rematch for the tag titles.

Roxxi, who looks totally different from the last time I saw her, comes out.  They show her breaking her ankle in a match against Ayako Hamada on New Years’ Eve.

Non-Title: Roxxi vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Roxxi seems freakishly tall.  She’s all over Rayne to start.  Rayne avoids a shot and attacks her.  Knee lift gets 1.  Rayne works Roxxi’s face.  Seriously.  Roxxi hits the Voodoo Drop for the pin in 2:42.  Whatever.  Rayne is pissed.

Chelsea bitches at Desmond Wolfe about having to be Abyss’ property for 30 days.  Wolfe reassures her.

Kurt Angle arrives with a goatee and refuses to answer some geek’s questions.

Kurt Angle music video.

Kurt Angle comes out and talks for a while.  He says he’s taking himself out of the #1 contender spot and he’s going to wrestle every one of the top contenders.

Christy Hemme talks to Ric Flair and Beer Money.  Beer Money are facing Jay Lethal and a partner tonight.  Kazarian comes in.  He wants to talk to Flair.

Tonight, Sting vs. Hardy.

Rob Terry says he has a knee injury, and he’s wrestling with it tonight.

Jeremy Borash is still doing ring announcing.

Non-Title: TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Orlando Jordan.  Why the fuck are we doing this again?  Jordan goes on the attack.  Terry fights back.  Earl Hebner gets knocked down.  Jordan gets back dropped.  Cover gets 2.  Jordan attacks the injured knee and works it over.  Jordan locks in a knee bar.  Terry refuses to tap, but Hebner stops it and gives Jordan the win in 2:58.  It served its purpose, so I have no complaints.  Jordan attacks Terry again after the match and puts the hold back on.

Jay Lethal talks about his issues with Ric Flair.  Rob Van Dam offers to be his partner.  Lethal agrees.

Jeff Hardy applies his makeup and talks about idolizing Sting when he was a child.

Ink Inc. barge into Team 3D’s locker room.  Neal bitches at Bubba about the shit he pulled at the PPV, which was a dick move.  Neal and Bubba come to blows.

Beer Money vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam & AJ Styles.  Lethal has his own music and gear and is no longer doing the Black Machismo gimmick.  Roode Pearl Harbors Lethal to start the match.  Lethal fights back.  Lethal goes up top, but Roode shoves him off.  Beer Money put the boots to Lethal.  Roode tags in and works him over.  Lethal gets turned inside out by a clothesline.  Beer Money hit a double back body drop on Lethal.  Roode takes over the punishment.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash and makes the tag to RVD.  RVD runs wild briefly, then gets cut off by Roode.  RVD rallies and hits the flying kick.  Cover, but Roode saves.  Lethal blind tags in and hits a missile dropkick on Roode.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder.  Lethal locks Roode in the figure-four leglock.  RVD takes Storm out with a dive.  Roode submits to Lethal’s figure-four in 3:56.  Fun little tag match.  Ric Flair comes out and brawls with Lethal.  They brawl to the back.  RVD celebrates some more and slaps hands with fans.  A fan in a Sting mask hits RVD with a chair.  He takes off the mask to reveal… Sting!  Okay, that was fucking awesome.  Sting hits RVD again and leaves.

Recap of the shit Sting has pulled so far tonight.

Jeff Hardy is in the ring.  He cuts a promo on Sting and leaves.

Security tells Desmond Wolfe “It’s time.”  Wolfe tells Chelsea it’s going to be okay and bitches out the security guards.

Abyss comes to the ring and calls for Desmond Wolfe to bring him his new property.  Security brings Chelsea out, with Wolfe trailing behind and still acting all pissed off.  Abyss says he made Wolfe his bitch at Sacrifice, and tonight he’s taking his bitch.  Wolfe says Abyss will take Chelsea over his dead body.  He kicks Abyss and the security guards in the balls, then beats up the security guards.  I think they need better security.  Wolfe takes a glass bottle from Chelsea, breaks it, and threatens Abyss with it.  Wolfe cuts Abyss’ arm, then bitches at Chelsea.  Abyss’ arm is bleeding.  He knocks the bottle away and hits the Black Hole Slam on Wolfe.  Abyss carries Chelsea away, presumably to fuck repeatedly.

House show plugs.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Band are in the ring.  Eric Young cuts a promo about having joined The Band.

Eric Young (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champions Kevin Nash & Scott Hall) vs. Shannon Moore (w/ Jesse Neal).  Young attacks.  Moore responds with lots of moves.  Young beats up Moore some more.  Diving elbow drop gets 2.  Young keeps the heat on.  Hebner catches Nash trying to interfere and stops him, but Young is doing fine on his own.  Young makes his comeback.  Brother Ray comes out.  Jesse Neal attacks him on the ramp.  Brother Devon comes out to break it up.  Hall hits Moore in the back with the belt.  Young hits a piledriver for the pin in 3:41.  It’s nice to see someone using the piledriver as a finish again.  Brother Ray attacks Neal again, just because he’s a dick.  He and Devon argue.

Sting vs. Hardy is still to come.

Taz and Tenay talk about the situation with Team 3D and Jesse Neal.

X Division Battle Royal featuring The Motor City Machine Guns of Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley, Generation Me of Max Buck & Jeremy Buck, Kazarian, Homicide, and Amazing Red.  No entrances, everyone is just in the ring and start brawling.  The winner becomes #10 contender since Angle gave up his spot so everyone else moves up a spot.  Kazarian eliminates Red.  Bucks double team the Guns.  Sabin eliminates Max by dropkicking him off the apron.  Shelley gets eliminated by Jeremy.  Sabin eliminates Jeremy.  Ric Flair comes out.  Kazarian eliminates Sabin.  Homicide attacks Kazarian.  Brian Kendrick comes in and eliminates Homicide.  He’s in the match, but nobody knew it until now, because there were no entrances on TV and he wasn’t in the ring when the match started.  Kazarian withstands Kendrick’s attack and throws him out to win it in 2:52.  There’s some sort of connection with Flair and Kazarian now.

Sting vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Sting vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Sting is the aggressor early.  Hardy fights back.  Sting bails.  After a minute, Hardy hits a baseball slide dropkick.  He goes for a dive, but Sting avoids it.  Sting rams Hardy’s knee against the ramp a couple of times, then continues beating Hardy up back in the ring.  FUCKING ALTERNATING CHANTS AGAIN.  Hardy avoids the Stinger Splash and makes his comeback.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Sting avoids the Whisper In The Wind and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Ref bump.  Sting goes for the Scorpion Death Drop.  Mr. Anderson sneaks in and hits a Scorpion Death Drop on Sting.  It’s sloppy.  Hardy pins Sting in 5:40.  Not much of a match.  Anderson tries to make friends with Hardy again.  Sting kills them both with the bat.

Not the worst iMPACT! ever by any means.