Archive for Million Dollar Championship

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are TAPED from Manchester, England.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

John Cena is behind a Nexus podium in the ring.  He reads a scroll introducing Manchester’s own Wade Barrett.  Barrett comes out along with the rest of Nexus: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett thanks Cena for reading the intro that he wrote for him.  He says they’re going to do a preview celebration for his title win at Survivor Series tonight, but first he has business to tend to.  They show video of the Nexus getting beaten up by Edge, Kane, and The Big Show on Smackdown last week.  Barrett bitches at Otunga for failing, then bitches at Cena for his refereeing in the Barrett & Otunga vs. Randy Orton & R-Truth match on Raw last week.  Cena starts babbling about the beginnings of his rapper gimmick.  Barrett asks what happened in the match.  Cena replies “You guys lost.”  Barrett says Cena is free or fired at the PPV.  Cena says either way, he’s going to beat up Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett orders Cena to announce him as the new WWE Champion to practice for Survivor Series.  Wouldn’t that be Justin Roberts’ job?  Cena says “Whatever.”  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out and says he’s still WWE Champion and he’ll beat Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett says he has goons with him.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Couldn’t they have left that thing in the states?  iBooker cancels Barrett’s preview celebration, says the match at Survivor Series can only be won by pinfall or submission (It’s not a No DQ match, it just can’t be won by DQ) and the Nexus geeks will be banned from ringside, and books Nexus vs. Team Orton with Cena as the referee for tonight.  Cena shoves the Nexus podium over, shoves Otunga over, and leaves.

Next, a stupid divas soccer something or other.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Manchester!

Divas Cup Match: Eve Torres & The Bella Twins vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Tamina.  The teams are wearing different color soccer uniforms and both get booed.  Eve and Tamina lock up.  Tamina wins the lock up.  Eve fights back.  Tamina hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Maryse tags in and works over Eve.  Boringly.  Eve fights her off.  Fox and one of the Bellas tag in.  The Bella runs wild, counters a backbreaker attempt, and lands on top for 2.  The Bella gets another 2.  Clusterfuck.  Maryse gives the legal Bella a DDT.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The illegal Bella gets Fox with an inside cradle for the pin in 3:09.  Terrible.

David Otunga gives the Nexus a pep talk in the locker room.  Wade Barrett comes in and tells Otunga that he won’t be in the tag match tonight, but he will face John Cena.  He orders Otunga to give it his all and says he’s going to tell Cena the same thing.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Natalya beat Michelle McCool after miscommunication between LayCool.

The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  Smith beats up Jimmy to start.  Jimmy bails.  Kidd tags in and hits one of the Usos with a DRAGONRANA SUICIDA!  Back inside, Kidd misses a springboard elbow drop.  The Usos get the heat on Kidd.  Jimmy misses a diving splash or a diving headbutt.  Jey and Smith tag in.  Smith runs wild and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Jimmy saves.  Smith throws him out of the ring.  Kidd misses a baseball slide and gets kicked in the face.  Smith knocks Jimmy off the apron.  Jey drops Smith with a kick and hits the Superfly splash for the pin in 3:36.  Okay little match.  Dysfunction between the Harts continues.

Tonight, Santino Marella has invited Sheamus to a tea party… Huh?

Cena vs. Otunga tonight.  Commercials.

Nest Monday, WWE goes old school!  I’m not sure what that means, but I’m mildly excited.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton.  The Miz shows up to tell him that he’s one of the members of Orton’s team tonight.

The announcers talk.

Various chatter goes on in the Nexus locker room.  David Otunga comes in.  The others are mad at him.  He wants them to help him tonight.  Gabriel is scared of doing anything without Barrett’s permission.  Otunga says they don’t need his permission.  The others are skeptical.  Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: The Goldust/Aksana wedding from last week on NXT, after which Aksana turned on Goldust.

Million Dollar Champion Goldust vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Goldust shines and looks awesome.  He clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring, chases him back in, and gets clotheslined.  Dibiase beats up Goldust for a bit.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker for 2.  Maryse retrieves the Million Dollar belt from the ringside belt holding geek.  Goldust makes his comeback and hits a bulldog for 2.  Goldust hits a powerslam for 2.  Aksana comes out and takes the belt from Maryse.  Dibiase Pearl Harbors Goldust.  Goldust gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:24, then chases after his estranged bride.  I have no idea what’s going on here, and the match wasn’t much either.

Tonight, Team Orton vs. Team Barrett!  Commercials!

John Cena vs. David Otunga (w/ Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris).  Nexus come out with Otunga, then leave.  Otunga immediately bails and tries to run away.  Cena catches him on the stage, throws him into the car that’s on the stage, and brings him back in the ring.  Cena kicks Otunga’s ass.  Otunga sends Cena’s shoulder into the post to get the advantage.  Otunga beats up Cena for a while.  Cena avoids an elbow drop and makes his comeback.  Cena hits the AA, then locks in the STF for the win 3:59.  Meh.  Commercials.

David Otunga ices his boo boos backstage.  Wade Barrett lectures him about being a loser and tells him to go wrestle Edge on Smackdown.  If he doesn’t win, he’s done.

Manchester!

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out in British looking suits.  Santino looks JUST LIKE Mr. Fuji in that getup.  Santino talks about movies with silly British characters, then invites Sheamus out for a tea party.  Sheamus comes out and actually shakes hands with Santino.  They sit down.  Santino offers him green tea, ginger tea, or a picture of Mr. T.  Sheamus looks amused.  He calls Santino a village idiot.  Santino misunderstands, then offers him “milky” tea.  This goes on for a while.  At least the crowd is amused.  It’s like a fucking British sitcom.  They can’t remember what their issue is until Kozlov reminds them that Santino beat Sheamus.  Santino accidentally pours tea in Sheamus’ lap.  Sheamus is pissed.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker, which books Sheamus vs. Santino.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella.  Santino takes his fancy shirt off and has his ring gear on under it.  Sheamus goes after him, but he hides in the ropes.  Santino bails.  Sheamus goes after him.  Santino bails into the crowd.  iBooker sends Cole another fucking email.  If Santino doesn’t get back into the ring, he’s suspended.  He does, and after almost 2 1/2 minutes, the first contact of the match is made.  Sheamus kicks Santino’s ass.  Santino begs off, then hits Sheamus in the balls to get DQ’d in 3:01.  Retarded shit.  Santino celebrates losing.  Sheamus kills him with the pump kick and knees him in the head a bunch.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  John Morrison makes the save and hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Is this stupid shit going to go anywhere?

John Cena watches a WrestleMania commercial on TV.  Wade Barrett sneaks up behind him and reminds him that if he doesn’t make Barrett champion at Survivor Series, he won’t experience WrestleMania again.  Yeah, we all believe that.  Commercials.

Manchester!

Stand up for WWE!  This one is actually a cool video with the second and third generation wrestlers talking about their families.

WWE Champion Randy Orton, R-Truth, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry, & The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris of The Nexus.  John Cena is the referee.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Danielson and Gabriel start.  Awesome!  Gabriel tries a leapfrog and gets kicked in midair.  Gabriel gets a shot in and tags in McGillicutty.  Danielson gives him an arm drag and tags in Miz.  Miz Pearl Harbors McGillicutty and works him over.  Orton tags in and continues the work.  Orton demands that Barrett tag in.  Barrett orders Slater to tag in instead.  Orton kicks his ass and tags in Truth.  Truth beats up Slater.  Truth hits his splits kick.  Gabriel saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Team Orton clears the ring.  David Otunga comes out.  Commercials.  Truth and Gabriel lock up.  Truth wins the lock up.  Gabriel cheap shots him coming out of the corner to get the advantage.  Truth fights back.  Gabriel flips over him and drops him with a kick for 2.  Harris tags in and beats up Truth.  Henry tags in.  FAT GUY FIGHT!  Henry slams Harris like he’s nothing and goes for a big splash.  Harris avoids getting squashed and hits a corner clothesline.  McGillicutty tags in and gets clotheslined.  Danielson tags in and blasts McGillicutty with European uppercuts and kicks.  Danielson hits a release German suplex and running dropkick to the corner for 2.  Danielson lands some more kicks.  Harris blind tags in.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock on McGillicutty, but Harris saves.  Harris hits a 360 short range lariat for 2.  Barrett finally tags in and gets the heat on Danielson.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett drives his knee and foot into Danielson’s spine while pulling him back by the arms.  Danielson fights out.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Nexus make quick tags and keep the heat on Danielson.  Danielson drops Slater with a kick.  Barrett tags in.  Orton gets the tag from Danielson and runs wild on Barrett.  DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and hits the 3.0 for 2.  McGillicutty saves.  Truth hits McGillicutty with a front suplex.  Gabriel drops Truth with a kick.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Gabriel.  Harris and Slater bundle Henry out of the ring.  Danielson hits them with a double missile dropkick.  Barrett goes for the Wasteland again.  Orton counters into 3.0 again.  And humps the mat again.  Otunga distracts Cena.  Miz and Riley attack Orton.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton.  Barrett pins Orton in 15:18.  Really good match.

The main event was really good.  The rest of the show was fucking terrible.

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, PPV open.  Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 presents, for the only time this year (that is a blatant lie), Raw vs. Smackdown!  It’s Bragging Rights.  For the record, it took 2 1/2 minutes to get the first outright lie of the show.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Minneapolis.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett for the WWE Championship!  Plus, the Bragging Rights trophy is on the line!  They show the Buried Alive grave site, then something worse that being buried alive happens…

…Vickie Guerrero speaks.  She introduces her man, the Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.

Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel are the ring announcers.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Big “DANIEL BRYAN!” chants.  Ziggler scores a takedown.  Bryan gets him in a heel hook.  Ziggler reaches the ropes and bails.  Ziggler takes Bryan down again and scores a 2 count.  Ziggler gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan attacks Zigglers arm.  Ziggler bails and hides behind Vickie.  Bryan jumps over her and hits Ziggler with a flying knee.  Back inside, Bryan hits a running dropkick to the corner.  Ziggler tries to bail again.  Vickie screams at Bryan.  Ziggler pulls Bryan’s arm into the top rope.  Back inside, Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler chokes Bryan against the ropes, so he should be fired soon.  Cover gets 2.  Ziggler applies an arm lock.  Ziggler goes for a neckbreaker, but Bryan turns it into a backslide for 2.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Ziggler hits a reverse body slam for 2.  Ziggler clamps on a rear chin lock.  Bryan tries to fight out.  Ziggler throws him down and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler applies a scissored chin lock.  Bryan fights out and charges Ziggler in the corner, but Ziggler avoids the shot and covers for 2.  Ziggler hits some elbows to the neck for 2.  Ziggler hits a quick fireman’s carry for 2.  Ziggler applies a body scissors.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO BRYAN!”  Bryan escapes with a jawbreaker.  They avoid each other in the corner.  Bryan lands a bunch of kicks and a knee to the face.  Bryan backflips over Ziggler and hits a running clothesline.  Bryan drops Ziggler again and covers for 2.  Ziggler kicks Bryan in the head.  Bryan responds in kind.  Bryan hits a springboard kick for 2.  Ziggler ducks a Buzzsaw kick and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler kicks Bryan in the face HARD for 2.  Bryan holds on to the top rope to avoids the Zig Zag and hits the Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Ziggler crotches him and tries to set up a superplex, but Bryan slips under Ziggler and crotches him.  Bryan goes for a backdrop suplex off the top, but Ziggler lands on top for 2.  Bryan turns it over for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold, but Bryan counters.  They nail each other with cross body blocks.  Vickie screams obnoxiously.  They trade headbutts on their knees.  Bryan kicks Ziggler in the face.  Ziggler gets a schoolboy for 2.  Pinfall reversal sequence.  Fuck yeah!  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 3, but Bryan’s foot was on the bottom rope!  Ziggler argues with the referee.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Bryan tries to roll out and fails.  He does manage to reach the bottom rope.  Ziggler yells at Bryan.  Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win in 16:16.  Fucking awesome match.  Minneapolis LOVES Daniel Bryan.  Vickie and Ziggler argue with the referee, who tells them to leave.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”

The Miz and Alex Riley are watching backstage.  Miz is actually happy to see Bryan win.  Sheamus and CM Punk come in.  They argue about who should be Team Captain.  Santino Marella comes in looking for snacks and beverages.  They argue about who is taking orders.  Santino orders Sun Chips.  Sheamus says if anyone gets in his way, he’ll kick their head off.  Miz tells Punk that Team Raw is awesome.  Punk says some of them are awesome.  Riley tells Miz to get his shit together.  Miz tells Riley that the chaos means Team Raw is ready.

Minneapolis!

Soldiers are here!

WWE Tag Team Champions “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre come out to cut a promo.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  I hate how they’re doing this horseshit on PPV now.  iBooker says there is a Raw team there to challenge them to night.  Wade Barrett comes out and introduces their opponents: David Otunga and… John Cena!

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre (c) vs. John Cena & David Otunga of The Nexus.  Otunga and Rhodes start.  Rhodes hits a drop toe hold and immediately tags in McIntyre.  The champs take turns beating on Otunga.  Otunga finally gets away and chops/tags Cena.  Cena locks up with Rhodes.  Cena gives a clean break.  Rhodes cheap shots him.  Cena hits the Fisherman suplex for 2.  Cena hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Otunga bitches at Cena for not tagging him in when hold.  Rhodes Pearl Harbors Cena.  Rhodes and McIntyre work over Cena.  Cena tries to fight back, but McIntyre hits him with a Complete Shot for 2.  Rhodes tags in and locks Cena in an arm trap camel clutch.  Cena picks up Rhodes and drops him to escape it.  Cena starts his comeback.  McIntyre tags in.  Cena continues his comeback.  He still refuses to tag in Otunga.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock, but Cena sends him outside.  Rhodes blind tags in and goes for the Cross Rhodes.  Cena counters and locks in the STF for the win in 6:28.  Otunga celebrates with both belts like he played a part in the victory.  Cena hits him with the Attitude Adjustment and leaves with both belts.  So shouldn’t he be fired now?  Wasn’t that the deal?  The match was just there.

Knucklehead trailer.

They show Goldust stealing the Million Dollar belt from Ted Dibiase Jr. 3 weeks ago.

Josh Matthews interviews Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse.

Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. Million Dollar Champion Goldust (w/ Aksana).  Two observations: 1.) Dibiase’s music is fucking terrible.  2.) Holy shit, Goldust gets a match on PPV!  Dibiase beats up Goldust in the corner.  Goldust fights back.    Goldust hits a butt butt, then clotheslines Dibiase to the floor.  Goldust follows and throws Dibiase into the barricade.  Back inside, Goldust goes up top.  Dibiase nails him with a big boot, then grounds & pounds him.  Dibiase lands an elbow smash and a dropkick for 2.  Dibiase grinds his forearm into Goldust’s face.  Dibiase grabs a chin lock.  Goldust fights out.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase hits some fist drops and a knee drop.  Goldust fights back.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker for 2.  Dibiase lands a head kick for 2.  Dibiase grabs a rear chin lock.  Goldust escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Goldust makes his comeback.  Bulldog headlock gets 2.  Goldust misses a cross body and flies out of the ring.  Goldust pulls Dibiase’s head into the top rope, then dives from the top rope.  Dibiase catches him with a dropkick for 2.  Goldust hits a powerslam for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street.  Goldust counters.  Dibiase hits a spinebuster for 2.  Goldust kind of hits Dibiase with a shoulder block, but it incapaciates both of them.  Maryse Pearl Harbors Aksana.  Aksana ends up in the ring crying.  Goldust goes to check on her.  Dibiase Pearl Harbors Goldust and hits a DDT for the pin in 7:28.  Good match.  Maryse retrieves the Million Dollar belt, but Aksana kicks her ass and takes it.  She flirts with Dibiase or something.  Goldust hits Dibiase with the spinning brainbuster.  Goldust and Aksana leave with the belt.

Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 commercial.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be the most obnoxious people on the planet.

Unified WWE Divas Championship Match: Layla (c) (w/ co-Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool) vs. Natalya.  They actually do some wrestling.  That’s good.  Layla is approximately 1,000,000,000,000 times better in the ring than McCool.  Natalya hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Layla kicks her out of the ring.  Layla follows.  Natalya kicks her and throws her back in.  McCool tries to attack Natalya, but gets rammed into the barricade.  Layla distracts the referee and McCool finally manages to get her cheap shot in.  Back inside, Layla hits a basement dropkick to the back for 2.  Layla applies a sweet bow & arrow type double arm lock.  Natalya turns around.  Layla scissors her.  Natalya slams Layla.  Layla kicks Natalya in the head.  Natalya hits a short clothesline for 2.  Natalya hits a butterfly suplex and some clotheslines.  Layla boots Natalya in the corner.  Natalya lands a dropkick for 2.  Natalya hits a discus lariat and goes for the Sharpshooter.  Layla gets the ropes, bails, grabs her belt, and tries to leave.  Natalya shoves McCool, then throws Layla back into the ring.  Natalya yells at McCool to stay out of it.  McCool kicks Natalya in the head.  Layla gets the pin in 4:49.  Decent little divas match.

Survivor Series commercial.

Minneapolis!

Josh Matthews is in the grave to hype the Buried Alive Match.

Undertaker/Kane hype video.

Buried Alive Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. The Undertaker.  Undertaker meets Kane in the aisle and they brawl.  Undertaker beats up Kane at ringside and in the ring.  Crowd chants “WE WANT BLOOD!”  They’re not going to get it.  They brawl in the crowd.  Back at ringside, Undertaker throws some chairs into the ring.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP~!  VINTAGE UNDERTAKER~!  Taker also throws the top piece of the announcers’ table into the ring.  Kane bails.  They brawl in the crowd again.  They brawl in the ring again.  Kane hits Taker with a chair, then chokes him with it, then hits him with it some more.  Kane hits the chokeslam.  Twice.  He carries Undertaker toward the grave site near the entryway.  Taker slips out and decks him.  They brawl in the aisle.  Alternating “BOO!” and “YAY!” as they trade punches.  Taker wins the punch off.  Taker tries to chokeslam Kane into the grave.  Kane counters, then tries to pull Undertaker into the grave.  Taker locks him in the Hell’s Gate.  Taker rolls Kane into the grave.  Taker spots Paul Bearer behind the tombstone and pushes his head into the mound of dirt.  Kane tries to put Bearer in the grave.  The Nexus (minus Cena) randomly come out and attack Taker.  He fights them and tries to chokeslam Barrett, but Slater cuts him off.  They beat Taker down.  Kane clocks him with the urn and knocks him into the grave.  Nexus start shoveling dirt onto Taker.  Kane runs them off and does his pyro.  The Caterpillar dumps dirt onto Taker to give Kane the win in 16:58.  Long brawl.  I didn’t hate it or anything.  I don’t understand the logic of Nexus helping Kane win, though.  After Kane leaves, Taker’s music plays and the old Ministry symbol appears on the tombstone.  So I guess Taker is dead.  Again.

The announcers are in shock.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton.

It’s time for the Bragging Rights match!  This year everyone gets individual entrances, unlike last year.  Roberts introduces the Raw guys.  Chimel introduces 6 of the Smackdown guys.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Bragging Rights Elimination Match: Team Raw: The Miz (w/ Alex Riley), CM Punk, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, Santino Marella, R-Truth, & Sheamus vs. Team Smackdown: The Big Show (w/ Hornswoggle), Rey Mysterio Jr., Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, Kofi Kingston, Alberto Del Rio, & Edge.  Morrison and Reks start.  Reks gets the better of him briefly.  Morrison uses his fancy movements to rally and get a jackknife hold for 2.  Reks hits a shoulder block, then an elbow drop for 2.  May have been 1.  Morrison dropkicks Reks into the corner.  Morrison hits a jumping kick, then tags in Santino.  Morrison dropkicks Reks.  Santino hits his jumping headbutt for 2.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Reks decks him.  Reks hits hits Torture Rack drop for the pin in 2:37.  Big Zeke comes in ready to fuck some blue guys up.  He slams Reks.  Reks tags in Show.  Jackson attacks, but gets beaten down and thrown around.  Mysterio tags in and hits a springboard dive for 2.  Kofi tags in.  They try to whip Zeke, but Zeke throws them away, then drops them both.  Sheamus tags in and beats up Kofi.  Kofi hits the corner rebound kick and a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits a clothesline and the Boom Drop.  He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Punk intervenes.  Kofi knocks Punk off the apron, then hits the S.O.S. on Sheamus.  Sheamus reaches the bottom rope to to break the count.  Kofi hits counter punches.  Sheamus slips out and hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin at 6:52.  Mysterio comes in and tries to be abusive and elusive.  Sheamus drops him and tags in Punk.  Punk beats up Mysterio.  The crowd is actually pro-Punk.  Bizarre, considering he’s in there against Mysterio.  Punk hits a powerslam for 2.  Sheamus tags in and mauls Mysterio some more.  Sheamus hits a short clothesline for 2.  Punk tags back in.  Mysterio kicks him in the face and hits the ropes.  Del Rio tags himself in.  They argue.  Punk knocks Del Rio into Mysterio.  Del Rio kicks Punk out of the ring.  He throws Punk back in, then throws Mysterio into the barricade.  He’s your teammate!  Back inside, Del Rio covers Punk for 2.  Show yells at Del Rio.  Del Rio shrugs.  Mysterio is helped to the back.  Del Rio hits Punk with a German suplex hold for 2.  Swagger tags in and suplexes Punk.  At least he didn’t bring the stupid eagle tonight.  Swagger hits Punk with a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger locks in a double arm lock.  Crowd chants for Punk again.  Punk drops Swagger with a kick and makes the tag to Morrison.  Morrison runs wild on Swagger.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck for 2.  Swagger avoids the running knee and schoolboys Morrison for 2.  Morrison gets a sunset flip for 2.  Swagger hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Swagger goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Morrison gets his feet  up.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Morrison counters out and drops Swagger with a kick.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain for the pin in 13:08.  Reks comes in and beats up Morrison.  Morrison hits a front flip dropkick and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus runs wild on Reks.  Reks catches him with a boot and a clothesline.  Reks knocks Morrison off the apron.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 14:31.  Show comes in and beats up Sheamus.  Sheamus takes his knee out.  Show knocks Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus shoves Hornswoggle.  Show beats up Sheamus on the outside.  They’re both counted out in 15:27.  It’s 5 Raw guys against 2 Smackdown guys.  Edge and R-Truth go at it.  Edge runs wild.  R-Truth break dances and lands a kick for 2.  Edge avoids the scissors kick and spears Truth for the pin in 16:42.  Morrison comes in and goes for Starship Pain.  Edge avoids it and hits the spear for the pin in 17:10.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Punk leapfrogs the spear.  Del Rio tags himself in and beats on Punk.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special, but Punk gets a backslide for the pin in 18:05.  Edge is all alone.  But wait!  Rey Mysterio reappears, decks Del Rio, and gets in the corner.  Edge drops Punk with an enzuigiri.  Miz tags in and stops Edge from making the tag.  Crowd chants “MIZ IS AWESOME!”  Minneapolis is very pro-Raw.  Jackson tags in and beats up Edge.  Miz tags in and locks Edge in a rear chin lock.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Punk puts the boots to Edge.  Edge avoids Punk in the corner and hits an electric chair drop.  Mysterio goes the hot tag and runs wild on Punk.  Kick to the head gets 2.  Punk rolls through a rebound cross body for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Mysterio counters into a sunset flip for 2.  Cradle reversal sequences.  Sweet!  Mysterio hits a headscissors and the 619.  Mysterio hits the springboard splash for the pin in 24:08.  Jackson beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio kicks Jackson from the corner.  Jackson nails him with a shoulder block.  Mysterio comes back and and goes for the 619, but gets dropped.  Jackson picks Mysterio up, but Myzterio hits a DDT.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a botched springboard splash for the pin in 26:12.  Miz jumps Mysterio.  Mysterio hits a rana and goes for the 619.  Riley trips him.  Mysterio hits the 619 on Riley (who jumped in to save Miz).  Mysterio goes for the springboard splash, but Miz gets his knees up and covers Mysterio for 2.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Mysterio rolls out, ducks under, and makes the tag to Edge.  Edge spears Miz for the pin in 27:46.  Great match.  Smackdown wins 2 years in a Raw.  It’s weird.  Raw is clearly the A show, but Smackdown always wins the big showdowns.  Edge, Mysterio, and Hornswoggle celebrate with the trophy.

Knucklehead trailer.  Again.

John Cena sits in the locker room.

Orton/Barrett hype video, which is mostly about Barrett/Cena.

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett (w/ WWE Tag Team Champion John Cena).  Orton’s music starting got probably the biggest pop of the night.  I love that song too.  Intros.  Barrett takes the mic and tells Cena he’s fired if Barrett doesn’t win the match.  Orton and Barrett lock up.  Barrett wins the lock up and tries to cheap shot Orton.  Orton ducks and beats up Barrett.  Crowd chants “FIRE CENA!”  Barrett throws Cena out of the ring.  Orton and Cena stare at each other.  Orton gets back in the ring.  Barrett goes outside to look at Cena.  A sad dude just standing there in a purple shirt isn’t that interesting to look at.  Barrett beats up Orton.  Orton beats up Barrett.  Orton lands a couple of knee drops for 2.  Barrett boots Orton from the corner and stomps on him.  Barrett goes outside to yell at Cena again.  Orton decks Barrett from behind and rams his head into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Orton grabs a chin lock.  Barrett escapes and locks Orton a sleeper hold.  Orton escapes via a backdrop suplex.  They go outside again.  Barrett reverses Orton into the steps.  Back inside, Barrett beats on Orton some more.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett works a rear chin lock.  Orton fights out.  Barrett hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  They go outside yet again.  Barrett rams Orton’s back into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Barrett locks Orton in a rear chin lock again.  Barrett goes for another pumphandle slam, but Orton slips out and fights back.  Orton lands a dropkick.  Barrett rolls to the apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Barrett counters, knocking the ref down in the process.  Seeing how referees are so fragile, he’s going to be out cold for several minutes.  Barrett orders Cena onto the apron.  Orton knocks Barrett into Cena, then hits Barrett with the 3.0.  The rest of the Nexus come out and attack Orton.  Cena comes in and attacks Nexus.  Slater gets RKO’d.  Cena throws the others out.  Barrett asks him WTF?  Cena says Barrett will lose if he gets DQ’d.  Duh.  The referee wakes up.  Barrett goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters out and makes his comeback.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Cena sneaks in and gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett wins by DQ in 14:34.  Cena tries to hand Orton the belt.  Orton drops him with the RKO and poses with the belt.  Barrett gets up.  Orton drops him with the RKO too, then poses some more.  Boring match that only picked up in the last couple of minutes.  I don’t like having a fuck finish close out the PPV.  They should have put the Bragging Rights match on last.

Pretty good show aside from the two boring title matches.

WWE Monday Night Raw 10/18/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes out and says he’s taking over Raw tonight.  Cole immediately gets an email from the iBooker 9000 telling Long to get out of its ring.  Long has a referee bring out the Bragging Rights trophy that Smackdown won last year.  iBooker says “get out of my ring, or else.”  Long argues with Cole.  iBooker sends more emails.  Long says he’s disconnecting it.  YES!  Long introduces Team Smackdown: Captain Big Show, Edge, Alberto Del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio Jr.  I’m still flabbergasted at the inclusion of Tyler Reks.  Raw Captain The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Cole mizzes in his pants.  Miz compares the Smackdown team to smurfs.  He introduces his team: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella (seriously), Ezekiel Jackson (Yay!  Zeke is back!), and Sheamus.  Miz tells Smackdown to leave or they’ll make them leave.  Team Raw hits the ring and they brawl.  Miz ends up bailing and calls the Raw team back.  Miz tells them to save it for Sunday.  Wait, I just noticed R-Truth is missing.  He can’t enter Canada.  Show challenges Miz to a match tonight.  His teammates agree for him.  ShowMiz EXPLODES tonight!

They show highlights of the Miz/John Cena match from last week and Wade Barrett’s subsequent taunting of Cena.

Tonight, Randy Orton & John Cena vs. Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris!  Commercials.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  Kidd and Rhodes start.  Kidd attacks McIntyre on the apron instead.  Rhodes hits a bulldog headlock, then pounds on his face.  McIntyre tags in and beats up Kidd.  McIntyre takes Kidd outside and throws him into the barricade.  Back inside, Kidd continues to play face in peril.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Smith hits a leg drop on McIntyre for 2.  Smith hits the running power slam, but Rhodes saves.  Kidd kicks Rhodes from the apron.  Harts set up the springboard Hart Attack.  Smith goes for the Sharpshooter instead.  They argue.  McIntyre hits Smith with the Future Shock for the pin in 3:17.  Fine little match as always.  Kidd is pissed off that Smith’s selfishness cost them the match.

John Cena comes face to face with Randy Orton in the locker room.  Orton warns Cena that he’ll kick him in the head of he gets in Orton’s way.  Cena says he’ll break Orton’s leg off if he tries it.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

R-Truth hype video.  I guess to remind people he exists, since he couldn’t be there this week.

Million Dollar Champion Goldust (w/ Aksana) vs. Zack Ryder.  Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out to watch.  Ryder beats up Goldust.  Goldust fights back and hits the spinning brainbuster for the pin in 28 seconds.  Dibiase jumps Goldust.  Maryse tries to steal the Million Dollar belt back, but Aksana grabs it and runs away.  Maryse chases her.  Dibiase gets distracted by this, so Goldust hits him with the spinning brainbuster too.

Tonight, Big Show vs. Miz!  Commercials.

WWE encourages kids to read!

Calgary… Alberta, Canada!

The Nexus are in their locker room.  John Cena comes out.  Barrett directs him to test McGillicutty and Harris tonight.  Cena asks if this means he should give it his all.  Barrett confirms this, then orders Cena to get him a glass of water.

That kid from the PSP commercials is playing Smackdown vs. Raw 2011.  He knocks out Miz using Big Show.  Miz comes in and threatens him.  Show comes in to rescue him.  The kid tells him to KO Miz tonight.  The kid’s name is Bobb’e J. Thompson.  I had to IMDB it.  What the hell kind of spelling is Bobb’e?

John Cena brings Wade Barrett his glass of water.  Barrett throws it in Cena’s face.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Cena match they already showed clips of tonight.

WWE Champion Randy Orton & John Cena vs. Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris.  The Nexus come out to watch from the stage.  Cena and McGillicutty lock up.  Cena kicks his ass.  Cena hits the fisherman suplex.  McGillicutty bails, selling his back.  Cena yells “That good enough for ya?” at Barrett.  Commercials.  Orton hits McGillicutty with a dropkick for 2.  Cena tags in and gets cut off by McGillicutty.  Harris tags in and beats up Cena.  Harris hits a corner splash for 2.  McGillicutty tags in and hits a DIVING PERFECT NECK SNAP for 2!  Harris tags in and hits a really half assed cross body for 2.  Harris applies a rear chin lock.  Harris slams Cena and goes for a splash, but Cena avoids it.  Orton gets the hot tag and runs wild on McGillicutty.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER, points at Barrett, and humps the mat.  Harris comes in, but Cena hits him with the Attitude Adjustment.  Orton hits McGillicutty with the RKO for the pin in 7:54.  Okay match.  Cena offers Orton a handshake.  Barrett orders him to withdraw the handshake and leave the ring.  The rest of Nexus surround Orton.  Cena looks pained.  Orton goes on the attack and gets the better of it briefly, but is soon overcome by the 4 on 1 attack.  Orton fights back, but gets mauled.  The crowd chants for Cena.  Slater hits Orton with the Zig Zag.  Otunga hits the spinebuster.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  Barrett orders Cena into the ring, then orders him to give Orton the Attitude Adjustment.  Cena picks Orton up, but Barrett orders him to hand Orton over.  Barrett hits the Wasteland.  Cena leaves, disgusted.  Nexus follows, pleased.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Vickie Guerrero comes out, because the Wrestling Gods hate me.  She introduces her man, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler babbles for a while.  WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan comes out to insult them.  He busts out an “If I can be serious for a minute…” since they’re in Calgary.  Bryan challenges Ziggler to a match at Bragging Rights.  Ziggler accepts, then challenges him to fight RIGHT NOW!  He slaps Bryan.  Vickie gets between them.  Bryan darts around her, tackles Ziggler out of the ring, and kicks his ass.  Awesome!  Bryan locks Ziggler in the LeBell Lock.  Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Melina, Gail Kim, and Kelly Kelly come out and surround Vickie.  They dump red glitter on her.  Vickie runs away.  Yay!  Bryan dances with the divas.  LOL!  He tries to do the splits and hurts his balls, then dances with the hot women some more.  Awesome segment.

Show vs. Miz TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  They lock up and push each other against the ropes.  Referee forces a break.  Fox slaps Natalya a bunch, then kicks her in the face.  Natalya makes her comeback and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 1:03.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out, because there haven’t been enough obnoxious bitches on my TV in the past 10 minutes.  They insult Canada and the Harts, then jump Natalya.  McCool locks Natalya in the Sharpshooter while Layla takes pictures.  Natalya counters and tries to put Layla in the Sharpshooter.  McCool pulls Layla out of the ring.  At least they put somebody from Calgary over tonight.

They show CM Punk destroying Evan Bourne last week.

Teddy Long and Big Show are backstage with Hornswoggle.  Josh Matthews shows up ask him stupid questions.  Long reveals that the whole Smackdown roster is there: Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio Jr., Edge, Kaval, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Curt Hawkins, Luke Gallows, Chris Masters, JTG, The Dudebusters,Vance Archer, and MVP.  Commercials.

“What WWE is all about” video package with celebrity testimonials.  Take that, Democrats!  Go to WWE.com to stand up for WWE!

John Cena runs into Wade Barrett backstage.  Barrett says he’s not finished with Cena yet.

Show vs. Miz is NEXT!

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest star, Bobb’e J. Thompson.  He’s obnoxious for a bit, then introduces Big Show.

The Big Show (w/ Hornswoggle, Tyler Reks, Kofi Kingston, Edge, Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio Jr., Kaval, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Luke Gallows, JTG, Chris Masters, WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre, & Montel Vontavious Porter) vs. The Miz (w/ Alex Riley, Sheamus, CM Punk, Mark Henry, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, William Regal, Vladimir Kozlov, Ted Dibiase Jr., Primo, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson, Santino Marella, & John Morrison).  Show beats up Miz.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Miz fights him off and throws him outside.  Show attacks some Raw guys.  Teddy Long comes out and orders a Smackdown vs. Raw Battle Royal RIGHT NOW!  So the match is a no-contest in about a minute.  Commercials.

Battle Royal featuring The Big Show, Tyler Reks, Kofi Kingston, Edge, Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio Jr., Kaval, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Luke Gallows, JTG, Chris Masters, WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre, Montel Vontavious Porter, The Miz, Alex Riley, Sheamus, CM Punk, Mark Henry, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, William Regal, Vladimir Kozlov, Ted Dibiase Jr., Primo, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson, Santino Marella, and John Morrison.  Raw vs. Smackdown!  Everybody brawls.  An Uso and JTG get eliminated.  Riley gets eliminated.  Hornswoggle attacks Michael Cole at ringside and takes his headset.  I’m pretty sure this is an upgrade.  MVP got eliminated.  Masters gets eliminated.  Henry eliminates Tyler Reks.  Show, Gallows, and Rhodes eliminate Henry.  Morrison backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Regal gets eliminated.  Primo got eliminated, according to Lawler.  Kozlov gets eliminated.  Santino gets eliminated.  Gallows gets eliminated.  Morrison and Del Rio fight on the turnbuckles.  They both fall off and get eliminated.  Swagger, Dibiase, and Punk get eliminated by Edge.  Swagger pulls Edge out of  the ring and puts him in the ankle lock.  They’re teammates!  Zeke eliminates Mysterio, then both Rhodes and McIntyre.  It’s down to Sheamus, Bryan, and Zeke vs. Big Show.  Where did Miz go?  Show eliminates Bryan.  Miz is hiding outside.  Zeke and Sheamus hit a double suplex on Show.  Zeke and Sheamus double team Show.  Show eliminates Zeke.  Miz sneaks in.  He and Sheamus try to eliminate Show.  Edge comes back in and spears Sheamus.  Show eliminates Miz.  Edge clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Show and Edge win in 8:31.  What a mess.  I really hope I successfully identified everyone in here.

Cut to the Nexus locker room.  Barrett wants to practice being crowned WWE Champion.  He orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena does, then leaves.  Barrett smiles.  Fade to black.

I like battle royals and all, but that one was a real mess.  Besides that, this was a pretty fun show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 10/11/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Seattle, Washington.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out to cut a promo.  He’s still allowed to cut promos on his own?  He promises to never give up.  He talks about his plight.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz says he’s going to captain Team Raw.  He offers Cena a spot on the team.  Cena thinks Miz being captain is ridiculous.  He says he’ll captain Team Raw.  Miz says he called dibs.  Wade Barrett comes out.  He says Cena will be in his corner for the WWE Title match at Bragging Rights, so he can’t be on Team Raw.  Cena says he can do both.  Barrett disagrees.  Riley says Cena needs to be in Barrett’s corner in case Miz decides to cash in Money In The Bank.  Miz bitches at him for ruining the surprise, but says it’s possible.  Cole gets an email from the fucking iBooker.  Crowd hates that shit and so do I.  iBooker has arranged a series of qualifying matches tonight.  It says there can only be one captain even though last year, both teams had co-captains.  iBooker books Miz vs. Cena tonight with the winner being the captain of Team Raw.  Miz is fine with this.  He talks shit to Barrett.  Barrett goes after Miz.  Miz and Riley beat up Barrett.  Barrett calls for help, so Cena makes the save and hits the Attitude Adjustment on Riley.  Barrett bitches at Cena for not saving him fast enough.  Commercials.  I enjoyed the segment.

Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse are in the ring.  They show Dibiase getting jumped by Goldust last week.

Team Raw Qualifying Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Eve dancing to R-Truth’s crappy music makes me love it.  They brawl.  Truth does some splits and hits a big kick for 2.  Dibiase lands a clothesline and a knee drop, then grounds & pounds Truth.  Cover gets 2.  Dibiase hits a swank backbreaker for 2.  Truth makes his comeback and hits a powerslam for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Dibiase avoids the scissors kick and hits a sweet sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Dibiase goes for his finish.  Goldust and Aksana come out with the Million Dollar Belt.  Truth schoolboys Dibiase for 2.  Truth hits the Lie Detector for the pin in 3:23.  Not a bad little TV match.  Eve dances some more, so this is a win.

Tonight, Cena vs. Miz!  Commercials.

Seattle!

Team Raw Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd.  This should be good.  Cole says this was supposed to be a triple threat match with David Hart Smith, but Smith is MIA.  They wrestle a bit.  Kidd gets sent outside.  Morrison goes for a dive, but Kidd kicks him in the head.  Back inside, Kidd works a rear chin lock.  Morrison gets out and lands a dropkick.  Morrison gets pissed off and pounds on Kidd in the corner, then lands a side kick for 2.  Kidd h its a Russian leg sweep from the second rope for 2.  Kidd locks in the Sharpshooter.  Morrison counters out and kicks Kidd out of the ring.  Kidd hits his swank springboard reverse cradle for 2.  They each get 2 counts off of cradles.  MORRISON HITS THE MOTHERFUCKING C4 FOR THE PIN in 3:19.  Good little TV match and an awesome finish.

Team Raw so far is R-Truth and John Morrison!  Black Magic and the White Shadow will lead Team Raw to victory!

David Otunga, Heath Slater, and Justin Gabriel ask Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty what their deal is.  Wade Barrett comes in, sends Harris and McGillicutty away, then bitches at Otunga for being nice to Cena last week.  He wants one of them to volunteer to face Randy Orton tonight.  Otunga volunteers Gabriel.  It’s agreed, then.

Cena vs. Miz TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Team Raw Qualifying Match: Santino Marella vs. Zack Ryder.  Vladimir Kozlov comes out with Santino, then goes to the back and sends Santino to do battle alone.  He’s facing the Woo Woo guy.  Surely he can handle that.  Santino hits an arm throw.  Neither of these geeks belong on Team Raw.  Ryder beats up Santino.  Ryder covers for 2 a bunch of times in a row.  Santino avoids the Rough Ryder and hits a sliding clothesline.  Santino hits the Cobra for the pin in 1:45.  Silly comedy match.  Are they REALLY going to have Santino on Team Raw?  Tamina comes out, hugs Santino, and knocks him over.  This kiss cobra, then she throws him around.  Stupid match.  Stupid segment.

Team Raw so far is Morrison, Truth, and… Santino?

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: Justin Gabriel (w/ Heath Slater & David Otunga) vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton.  Gabriel throws some leg kicks.  Orton throws a gut kick and a clothesline.  Gabriel bails.  Orton throws his ass back in the ring.  Otunga tries to Pearl Harbor him, but gets his ass kicked.  The referee ejects Otunga and Slater.  Commercials!  Gabriel throws some more leg kicks.  Orton dropkicks him in the face for 2.  Orton stomps on Gabriel.  Cover for 2.  Orton whips Gabriel into the corner.  Cover gets 2.  Gabriel jumps around and lands a spin kick.  Gabriel hits the Eddie hilo for 2.  Gabriel works Orton over in the corner.  Orton fights back.  Gabriel hits a jawbreaker and a basement dropkick for 2.  Gabriel works a rear chin lock.  Orton fights out.  Gabriel catches him with a knee lift for 2.  Gabriel chokes Orton with his own arm.  Orton hits a backdrop suplex to escape.  Orton ducks a spin kick and hits the 3.0 for 2.  Gabriel flips over Orton’s back and eats a clothesline.  Orton hits the powerslam.  Orton hits a belly to belly suplex of all things for 2.  Gabriel kicks Orton in the head.  Gabriel goes for the 450 splash.  Orton tries to roll out of the way, but gets caught in the back.  Uh oh, Orton’s going to throw a fit on live TV now.  Or he’ll just hit the RKO for the pin in 11:03.  Yeah, that one.  Okay match, but kind of slow and plodding.  They show a graphic for the title match at Bragging Rights with characters from the 2011 video game and I’m pretty sure some 15 year old made a Barrett CAW for it.  Either that, or those body scanner things are defective.

Tonight, Cena/Miz!

Sheamus is headed our way!  Commercials.

Seattle!

“Knucklehead” trailer.  It actually looks kind of funny, but by the time they show this trailer 399 times in the next week, I won’t want to see it.

Team Raw Qualifying Match: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus.  Danielson goes on the attack because he’s pissed that Sheamus MURDER DEATH KILLED him last week.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus grabs the ropes and bails.  Danielson hits a baseball slide dropkick and goes for a slingshot dive.  Sheamus catches him and tries to post him.  Danielson slips out and dropkicks Sheamus into the post.  Back inside, Bryan covers for 2.  Bryan backflips over Sheamus, then gets caught with the uranage backbreaker.  FUCKING COLE SAYS TEAM WWE LOST AT SUMMERSLAM WHEN THEY FUCKING WON.  FUCKING IDIOT.  AND LAWLER IS TOO STUPID TO KNOW HE’S WRONG TO CALL HIM ON IT.  Sheamus hits a clothesline for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Danielson fights back and lands some hard kicks.  Danielson lands a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Danielson goes for a half crab.  Sheamus counters out and hits a Polish hammer.  Sheamus starts kneeing Danielson in the head like last week.  The referee makes him break.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but DANIELSON COUNTERS INTO A SUNSET FLIP FOR 2.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 5:18.  Good little TV match.  That seems to be the theme for tonight.  At least Danielson looked strong this week.

John Cena is sitting in the locker room looking sad.  R-Truth comes in to give him a pep talk.  Truth tells Cena there’s another way out of this: he can quit.  Yeah, that’ll work well.  Commercials.

Cole verbally fellates The Miz.  Then they plug a Goo Goo Dolls song.

WWE loves the troops!

Team Raw Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk.  Punk is who Raw got in the trade that sent Edge to Smackdown.  Bourne eludes Punk and lands some leg kicks, then sends Punk to the floor with a jumping knee.  Bourne tries a rana off the apron, but Punk catches him and throws him into the barricade!  Back inside, Punk works over Bourne.  Bourne fights back and NAILS Punk with a kick to the head.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but Punk crotches him on the top rope.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 2:18.  As awesome a 2 minute match as you’re gonna get.  I approve of trading Edge for Punk.  Punk attacks Bourne and throws him into barricade again and again.  Just to be a dick.  Punk javelins Bourne shoulder first into the post, then locks him in the Anaconda Vice.  How dastardly!  Bourne must be injured.

Tonight, Cena vs. Miz!  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  During the break, Evan Bourne was helped to the back.

Natalya is hot.  She’s also in the ring.  She cuts a promo on LayCool and says she’ll win the title at Bragging Rights.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious.  FYI Michelle, Nattie is WAY hotter than you.  They insult her, even though she’s the hottest one in the ring.  They show a picture of Nattie with her dad’s goatee.  Nattie calls them obnoxious and too skinny.  They take this as a compliment.  They’re obnoxious some more, then leave.  Awful segment.  Because everything they do with LayCool is awful.  The Bella Twins, Melina, Gail Kim, and Eve Torres come out to kick their asses.  Nattie beats up Layla and goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool pulls her out of the ring and they bail through the crowd.

Miz is headed our way!  Commercials.

Justin Roberts announced that the main event will by No DQ!

No DQ Team Raw Qualifying Match: The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Cena leapfrogs Miz and hits a hip toss.  Miz bails.  Cena chases him back into the ring.  Riley pulls Cena out of the ring and clotheslines him.  It’s No DQ!  Commercials.  Cena hits a bulldog for 2.  Miz catches Cena with an elbow smash and a boot to the face.  Miz grounds & pounds Cena, then throws him out of the ring.  Riley nails Cena again.  Miz rams Cena’s head into the announce table.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Cena breaks out and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz pushes Cena into the barricade.  Riley goes after Cena again and gets his ass kicked.  Miz exposes a portion of the barricade and sends Cena into it.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena avoids the running clothesline to the corner and makes his comeback.  Miz breaks out of the Attitude Adjustment and boots Cena in the face for 2.  Cena goes for the STF, but Miz counters.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker combo for 2.  Riley hands Miz the Money In The Bank briefcase.  Cena avoids the shot and locks Miz in the STF.  Why doesn’t Riley save?  Oh, there he is.  Cena shoulder blocks Riley, then locks him in the STF.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty come in and jump Cena.  Harris hits his senton splash.  Miz covers Cena for the pin in 10:30.  Fun match.  Miz beat Cena!  He needed 3 people to help him do it, but he did it!  Miz captains Team Raw at Bragging Rights!  Cena attacks Harris and McGillicutty.  Wade Barrett comes in to break it up.  Cena comes dangerously close to decking him.  iBooker sends another email.  I hate that shit.  Cole reads the announcement of Harris & McGillicutty vs. John Cena & Randy Orton next week.  Barrett tells Cena that if he loses, Harris and McGillicutty will be inducted into Nexus.  He tells Cena to do the right thing next week.  Barrett riles up Cena and calls him a coward.  Barrett turns his back on Cena and talks shit.  Cena is impotent and can’t do anything about it.  The shit at the end went on for too long.

Really fun show this week with lots of fun (if short) matches.  They needed a decent show after that fucking abortion last week.

WWE Monday Night Raw 10/4/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Nexus come out.  Barrett says he won last night, so John Cena has to join the Nexus.  He says that Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris interfered last night without his asking and they are not part of The Nexus.  He says he didn’t need any help to beat Cena.  That being the case, he’s pissed off at Nexus for coming out last night.  Barrett calls out the newest member of The Nexus, John Cena.  Cena comes out with no music or fanfare.  Tarver bitches at Cena for kicking his ass a while back, then presents Cena with a Nexus armband.  Cena puts on the armband.  Slater gives him a prepared statement to read to the people.  Cena reads that he’s a member of the Nexus, their enemies are his, etc.  Barrett says tonight, Cena will team with a Nexus member of his choice against Mark Henry & Evan Bourne.  Cena picks Tarver.  Barrett says the match will be RIGHT NOW!

John Cena & Michael Tarver (w/ Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, & David Otunga) vs. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne.  They show the beating that Nexus gave Henry & Bourne last week.  Cena and Bourne shake hands.  Tarver bitches at Cena.  Cena tags in Tarver.  Tarver talks shit to Bourne, then cheap shots him and goes on the attack.  Commercials.  Henry beats up Tarver and works his arm.  Bourne tags in and continues to work.  Cena sarcastically reaches out for a tag.  Henry tags back in.  Tarver goes for the tag, but Cena makes no great effort to reach him.  Henry works over Tarver some more.  Bourne tags in.  Henry slams Tarver.  Bourne hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Tarver hits Bourne with a belly to belly suplex.  Cena refuses to tag in again and drops off the apron to sign autographs.  Tarver turns around to fight Mark Henry, who hits him with the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 8:56.  Crappy match, but fun in terms of the storyline.  The rest of Nexus disappeared at some point.  Cena says he’s going to make his own statement: That he’s going to destroy Nexus from within.  “You can be Nexus AND against us.”  He decks Tarver with the microphone, then kills him with a clothesline on the floor.  Cena sets up the steps and slams Tarver onto them twice.  Cena throws Tarver back into the ring, takes his knee out, and locks him in the STF.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker saying that Cena has to let Barrett boss him around or be fired.  Cena is upset by this.  Commercials.

Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  No entrances.  Fox attacks Natalya and goes for a diving cross body.  Natalya catches her and goes for a powerslam, but gets sent into the corner.  Natalya lands a clothesline and locks Fox in the Sharpshooter for the win in 42 seconds.  Better than most women’s matches because it wasn’t long enough to start sucking.

They show Edge beating up the laptop last week.  Tonight, the iBooker wants an apology.

That douchebag Johnny Knoxville will be on next.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Johnny Knoxville is an idiot.  Also, he talks to Gail Kim and Melina.  Zack Ryder comes up and gets slapped by a giant hand.  I hate wrestling.

John Cena wanders around sadly.  Josh Matthews interviews him.  He doesn’t know what to do.  He sees Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris and chases them into the Nexus locker room.  Barrett says he his big plans for Cena’s future.  Commercials.

The dudes who did the crappy Hell In A Cell song are here.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus.  Bryan gets the jobber entrance.  Sheamus sees this and destroys him like a jobber.  Sheamus murders Bryan with knee drops until the ref DQ’s him in 30 seconds.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge.  Way to make your U.S. Champion look like a total geek, retards.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

Moments ago, the Cena chased McGillicutty and Harris into the Nexus locker room.

Michael Cole has the iBooker podium set up in the ring.  Cole brags about being the GM’s voice.  They show the angle where Edge beat up the laptop last week.  Again.  Cole calls out Edge.  Edge says he’s not going to apologize.  He’s on a crusade against stupidity.  He rips Michael Cole’s shitty announcing and says he’ll show some serious attitude after he becomes WWE Champion again.  iBooker says there will be a 20-man battle royal tonight for the title shot at Bragging Rights, but Edge won’t be in it because he’s traded to Smackdown.  Edge is happy with this.  He rips Cole’s stupid catchphrase, “And I quote.”  Cole gets all indignant and demands respect.  Edge threatens to spear him.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out to defend Cole for some reason.  Edge calls Miz an Edge wannabe, giving some valid points.  Miz says there’s nothing alike.  Edge says Miz is a loser and implies that he and Riley are gay.  Riley comes to his boyfriend’s defense.  Edge makes fun of Miz for tapping out to Daniel Bryan.  Haha, Miz got tapped twice by a jobber!  That’s the message WWE is sending here.  Miz says he’ll either wrestle for the WWE Title or lead Team Raw.  Edge calls him a jackass and kicks his and Riley’s ass.  He throws Miz into the iBooker podium, then spears Riley.  Miz comes from behind and gives Edge the Skull Crushing Finale.  Fun segment.  Edge is now the biggest babyface in the world to me.

The Nexus and Cena are backstage.  Barrett is happy Cena took out Tarver, because he was going to kick him out anyway.  Good!  I’m glad that worthless fuck is gone.  Barrett orders Cena to help him win the battle royal tonight, and he has to do it or he’s fired!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

The Bella Twins vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  UGH.  FUCKING LAYCOOL HAVE LIVE MICS FOR THEIR MATCH.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.  I HATE THIS SHOW.  FUCK.  THEY’RE DOING COMMENTARY ON THEIR OWN FUCKING MATCH.  They have the worst, most obnoxious segment I’ve ever seen on a wrestling show.  One of the Bellas pins McCool with a crucifix hold in 1:04.  I hate wrestling.

Maryse accuses Johnny Knoxville of sending those stupid messages.  Ted Dibiase Jr. comes at him and gets slapped by the giant hand.  Maryse throws her shoes at Knoxville.  She gets slapped by the hand too.  This is the worst fucking show I’ve ever seen.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: R-Truth & Eve Torres beating Dibiase & Maryse 2 weeks ago and the message on the Tron.

Jackass 3 trailer.  Fast forward.

Johnny Knoxville comes out to be obnoxious.  He plugs his movie.  Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. & Maryse come out to Dibiase’s fucking awful new music.  Knoxville implies that Dibiase has a small wang.  Dibiase puts him down with the Million Dollar Dream.  Yay!  The words “You are mine” come up on the tron.  Goldust appears in the ring and gives Dibiase the spinning brainbuster.  He says he doesn’t want either of them.  He wants the Million Dollar belt!  He… hugs the belt, then puts it over his shoulder.  Okay, this turned out to be fucking awesome.

Tonight, 20 man Battle Royal!  Commercials!

Wichita!  Sponsors!

Make A Wish!

They show Cena beating the shit out of Tarver again.

Cena looks at his Nexus armband.  David Otunga offers to be his shoulder to cry on.  They seem to be planting a seed of discontent between Barrett and Otunga.

They show Randy Orton punting Chris Jericho last week.

Entrances for the Battle Royal.  They make a big deal out of Cena being forced to come out with Nexus instead of to his own music.  The Battle Royal is NEXT!  Commercials.

20-Man Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship featuring John Morrison, R-Truth, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Sheamus, John Cena, Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, William Regal, David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, Ted Dibiase Jr., Zack Ryder, Evan Bourne, The Miz, Darren Young, and Primo.  Everyone else gangs up on Nexus. for like a second  Sheamus boots Bourne off of the apron to eliminate him, then dumps David Hart Smith.  Cena eliminates Regal.  Everybody brawls.  Santino gets eliminated.  Henry press slams Zack Ryder out of the ring.  Primo gets the same treatment.  Henry tries to eliminate Barrett, but Cena saves.  Nexus (minus Cena) dump Henry, then bitch at Cena for not helping.  Otunga talks shit, so Cena eliminates him.  Barrett bitches at Cena.  Commercials.  During the break, Barrett eliminated Kozlov and Gabriel & Slater eliminated Young.  Everybody brawls.  Cena throws people off of Barrett.  Morrison eliminates Slater.  Cena saves Barrett from being eliminated by Morrison and Truth.  Morrison eliminates Tyson Kidd with the Flying Chuck.  Miz hits the running clothesline to the corner on Morrison.  Miz tries to eliminate Morrison, but Morrison turns the tables and eliminates Miz.  Dibiase and Sheamus attack Barrett and Cena.  Truth eliminates Gabriel with a big kick.  Dibiase backdrops Truth out of the ring.  Barrett beats up Dibiase as Cena stays close to protect his master.  Barrett tosses Dibiase.  It’s down to Cena, Barrett, Sheamus, and Morrison.  Morrison and Barrett attack Cena.  Barrett comes to his aid.  Morrison brawls with Barrett as Sheamus works over Cena.  Morrison lands a big kick on Barrett from the apron, but falls to the floor to eliminate himself.  Cena makes his comeback on Sheamus.  Sheamus counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits the Irish Curse backbreaker.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Cena avoids it and eliminates him.  Barrett orders Cena to eliminate himself.  Cena teases manning up and fighting Barrett, but does as he’s told like a good boy.  Barrett wins in 19:35.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to pose with the belt in front of Barrett.

Horrible fucking show.  I liked maybe 3 minutes out of a freaking 2 hour show.  What a piece of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/20/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The NEW WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out.  Sheamus immediately follows.  He says the title was stolen from him both times he lost it, even though he lost clean as a sheet both times.  Orton says Sheamus has never beat him, he’s pathetic, etc.  He says Sheamus could get his rematch quick or Orton is going to punch him in the skull.  Sheamus says he’ll kick Orton’s head off.  Orton dares him to try.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000 announcing Orton vs. Sheamus for the title at Hell In A Cell.  Sheamus is fine with this, they tells Orton to give him the belt.  Understandably, Orton looks at Sheamus like he’s retarded.  Sheamus says Orton will give him the belt back if he’s an honorable man.  Orton says he’s not an honorable man and talks about RKOing grandmothers.  He throws the belt to Sheamus, then drops him with the RKO. Orton starts to leave, then comes back and teases the PUNT OF DOOM, but Sheamus rolls out of the ring and runs away.  Great segment if your goal is to make your challenger look like a loser.  Of course, you’d only do that if you knew nothing about how to draw money.  Wait… that was probably exactly what they meant to do.

Tonight, John Cena vs. Wade Barrett!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

The Hart Dynasty have joined Cole and Lawler for commentary.  Cole immediately starts antagonizing them.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Rhodes treats Santino like a totally joke… because Santino wrestles like a total joke.  Rhodes easily avoids everything he tries to do and drops him with a punch.  McIntyre tags in and urges Santino to tag in Kozlov.  Santino obliges.  Kozlov hits a Sambo arm drag.  They fuck around with some Greco-Roman shit.  Kozlov hits a fireman’s carry, then tags in Santino.  Santino beats up McIntyre, hits a hip toss, and goes for the Cobra.  McIntyre boots him in the face for 2.  Rhodes and McIntyre get the heat on Santino.  Kozlov gets the hot tag and runs wild on McIntyre.  Kozlov hits a powerslam, but Rhodes saves.  Rhodes throws Santino out of the ring.  Kozlov drops Rhodes with a boot.  McIntyre hits Kozlov with the Future Shock for the pin in 4:13.  There’s your obligatory lame comedy match.  The Harts say they’re taking their rematch next week.  The champs pose with their fugly belts.  Cole is an idiot.

Cole and Lawler plug the Legendary DVD, which comes out next Tuesday because the movie bombed like Hiroshima in the theaters.

They show highlights of the John Morrison/Sheamus match from last week.

John Morrison does his weird workout backstage.  He’ll face Chris Jericho NEXT!  So I guess Jericho isn’t gone yet.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Indianapolis!

Edge is in the locker room.  Zack Ryder comes in to be a tool.  Edge tells him off.  Daniel Bryan asks them to keep it down so he can read.  Edge challenges Bryan to a match tonight.  Bryan agrees!  Ryder is an idiot some more.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison.  Morrison is pissed off because Jericho screwed him last week.  Morrison beats up Jericho.  Jericho bails.  Morrison chases him back into the ring and kicks his ass some more.  Jericho hits the corner HARD and takes a bump out of the ring.  Morrison takes him out with a dive that looked like he hit more floor than Jericho.  Commercials.  Morrison is still pounding on Jericho.  Jericho cheap shots him and lands an enzuigiri.  Jericho knocks Morrison off the apron and into the barricade.  Jericho picks up Morrison and drops him across the barricade.  Jericho suplexes Morrison back into the ring, then stomps and kicks him.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Morrison punches Jericho in the face.  Jericho replies with a dropkick to the face.  Morrison catches Jericho with an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline for 2.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Morrison gets out of it and makes his comeback.  Jericho boots Morrison in the face and hits the bulldog.  Morrison avoids the Lionsault and goes for the Flying Chuck.  Jericho catches him and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Morrison reaches the ropes.  The crowd boos.  They do a cradle reversal sequences.  Jericho goes for the Walls again, but Morrison counters out.  Morrison hits a knee strike and the Starship Pain for the pin in 10:19.  Pretty good little match.  Jericho sulks over the loss.

John Cena speaks NEXT!  Commercials.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  Typical Cena comedy promo about The Nexus.

The Miz comes out.  He denies tapping out to Daniel Bryan last night, even though he totally did.  He says some medical words, claiming he only lost because he was injured.  He says he’ll regain the U.S. title because he’s the Miz and he didn’t tap out.  Even though he totally did.  Fine little promo.  Commercials.

The Miz has joined Cole and Lawler for commentary.  Cole verbally fellates him.

Non-Title:
Edge vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Bryan has new music.  Something opera-ish that actually kind of fits his character.  Edge looks befuddled by the music choice, then jumps Bryan at the bell and kicks his ass.  Edge takes Bryan outside and throws him into the barricade.  Back inside, Bryan lands some kicks, but Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to shut the hell up.  Miz says he’s signed Alex Riley, who is not there, to be his manservant.  Bryan catches Edge with a knee to the middle.  Bryan backflips over Edge and drops him with a clothesline.  Bryan does some fancy arm stuff, hits a jawbreaker and a running knee for 2.  Bryan comes off the top, but Edge catches him with a boot.  Edge goes for the spear, but Bryan sidesteps him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Alex Riley comes out and distracts the referee.  Miz pulls Bryan against the ropes.  Edge spears Bryan for the pin in 4:02.  Fine little match.  I can’t believe how well they’re protecting Bryan.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000 reversing the decision due to outside interference, so Bryan wins by DQ!  More of the GM fucking with Edge.  Edge says he’s sick of this shit.  He leaves, then Miz and Riley jump Bryan and beat him down.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”  They beat the shit out of him for a long time.  Miz delivers the Skull Crushing Finale.  This went on way longer than necessary, but I’m glad they’re keeping this feud going.  It’s pretty much the best thing they have going right now.

Tonight, Cena vs. Barrett!  Commercials.

Plug for the Hell In A Cell theme song, “Sacrifice.”

LayCool are now co-Unified WWE Divas Champions and both have Divas Championship belts, so I guess they’re done with the Women’s title.

Unified WWE Divas Championship Match: Layla © (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Melina.  McCool joins Cole and Lawler for commentary.  Ugh.  Melina, mad that she got screwed last night, kicks Layla’s ass.  Layla throws Melina out of the ring.  She follows and Melina drops her ass, then threatens McCool.  McCool jumps the barricade to escape.  Layla tries to attack her, but gets her ass kicked.  Back inside, Melina does the Matrix and an elbow smash, then hits her hair Stroke.  Thankfully, that’s not a finish anymore.  McCool is back on commentary.  Ugh.  Layla cools Melina in the face and hits a MOTHERFUCKING DIAMOND DUST!!!! for the pin in 2:02.  This match gets points from me just for the awesome finishing move.

Tonight, Cena vs. Barrett!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Nexus plot and scheme backstage.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  Jericho plugs his DVD, then says he found the IP address to the iBooker, so he’ll be finding out who the GM is soon.  Randy Orton steps in and challenges him to a match next week, and if Jericho wins, he can have a title shot whenever he wants it.  Jericho agrees.

R-Truth and Eve Torres come out to Truth’s new song.  Eve dances, which makes it tolerable.  Commercials.

R-Truth & Eve Torres vs. Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. & Maryse.  Dibiase has new music that is TNA level bad.  Truth dances at Dibiase, then ducks a punch and kicks his ass.  The divas tag in.  Truth dances at Maryse.  Maryse slaps him.  Eve tackles Maryse.  CATFIGHT!  Maryse slaps Eve and works her hair.  Eve ducks a kick and leg sweeps Maryse, then hits her senton flip thing.  Dibiase pulls her off the cover.  Truth kicks Dibiase’s ass and knocks him out of the ring, then h its him with a dive.  Eve counters Maryse’s DDT and hits a swinging neckbreaker for the pin in 2:36.  Nothing you need to see at all here.  Well, Eve dances some more, so there’s always that.  Dibiase and Maryse argue.  Some music plays and the words “I will have you” come up on the Titan Tron.  Ugh.

Cena vs. Barrett is NEXT!  Commercials.

Indianapolis!

Indianapolis Colts!

Next week, Orton vs. Jericho!

John Cena and The Nexus come out.  Barrett challenges Cena to face the rest of Nexus in a gauntlet match, since he wants to take them out one by one.  If he beats them, he’ll face Barrett.  The other option is yet another Nexus beatdown.  Cena says “fuck it.”

Gauntlet Match: John Cena vs. The Nexus (w/ Wade Barrett).  Heath Slater is first.  Cena ducks a punch and takes Slater down with a headlock.  Cena hits a side suplex for 2.  Slater beats up Cena a bit.  Slater hits Cena with a corner charge for 2.  Slater hits an inverted atomic drop and a neckbreaker for 2.  Cena fights back, but Slater hits a flapjack for 2.  Slater hits a diving cross body, but Cena rolls through and hits the Attitude Adjustment for the pin in 2:24.  Otunga is next.  Commercials.  Otunga beats up Cena.  Otunga hits a suplex, then fucks around instead of going for the kill.  He hits another suplex for 2.  Cena catches Otunga with an inside cradle for the pin in 6:54.  Michael Tarver is next.  He beats on Cena in the corner.  The referee gets in the way a bunch.  Cena locks Tarver in the STF for the submission in 7:58.  Justin Gabriel is next.  He drops Cena with a kick for 2.  Gabriel lands some more kicks for 2.  Gabriel hits the Eddie hilo for 2.  Cena lands a dropkick for 2.  Cena goes up top.  Gabriel cuts him off and hits a superplex for 2.  Gabriel hits a top rope Lionsault for 2.  Gabriel goes for a suplex, but Cena reverses it.  They trade punches.  Gabriel hits a sloppy STO for 2.  Gabriel goes for a springboard, but Cena ducks him and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but the rest of Nexus jump Cena for the DQ in 13:46.  Cena grabs a chair that Barrett brought into the ring and chases them off.  Parts of the match were fun.  Cena says he wants Barrett right now.  Barrett says he’ll face Cena at Hell In A Cell, with the stipulation that Cena joins Nexus if he wins.  Cena agrees, with the provision that Nexus ends if he wins.  Barrett agrees.

Pretty mediocre show, but there were a few good moments.