Archive for Mike Tyson

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 1/15/10 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, highlights of last week’s main event, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker welcome us TAPED to Green Bay, Wisconsin!  Tonight, Batista will take on Rey Mysterio in a Steel Cage to determine the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title!  Also, tonight, The Undertaker will TALK!

Chris Jericho comes out.  He’s sporting a big bruise from Mike Tyson’s punch Monday night on Raw.  He talks a while, says he’s not done, he’s the best, he’ll win the Royal Rumble, win the World Title at WrestleMania, etc. etc.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison.  Jericho shoves Morrison.  Morrison slaps his bruise, then clotheslines him out of the ring.  Morrison goes to the top rope.  The Intercontinental Champion, Drew McIntyre, comes out.  Insta-commercial.  Morrison drops Jericho with a clothesline and puts the boots to him.  McIntyre is sitting ringside, watching the match.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Jericho pushes him off and out of the ring.  Jericho with something of a springboard splash for 2, then grounds Morrison with a half nelson.  Morrison comes back and knees Jericho in the face for 2.  Jericho hits the running bulldog.  Morrison avoids the Lionsault and hits the Flying Chuck for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Morrison counters.  Jericho avoids the Starship Pain and goes for the Walls again.  Morrison turns it into a cradle for 2.  Jericho counters a Moonlight Drive attempt into the Walls of Jericho.  McIntyre taunts Morrison with the Intercontinental Championship belt as Morrison suffers in the Walls.  Morrison crawls towards McIntyre and reaches the ropes.  Morrison stares at McIntyre some more and allows Jericho to hit the Codebreaker for the pin (7:25 shown).  Good match.  They had a couple last year that got great reviews that I still haven’t watched.  Shame on me.  McIntyre steps on Morrison’s face after the match.

The Steel Cage Match is still to come!  Another creepy CM Punk segment is NEXT!

Shot of a Vince Lombardi statue somewhere in Green Bay.  Strike says it looks more like Dusty Rhodes.

CM Punk comes out with Luke Gallows.  Last week, he talked for a while, convinced a “fan” to commit to straight edge, then shaved the “fan’s” head.  Same shit this week, the added bonus of Gallows’ testimonial.

Fatal Four-Way Match for a shot at the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: CM Punk & Luke Gallows vs. Matt Hardy & Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Cryme Tyme.  DH Smith beats up Hardy to start.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker and tags in Khali.  Khali knocks Smith out of the ring and follows him out.  Natalya and Tyson Kidd guard him from Khali.  Insta-commercial.  Khali and Gallows go at it.  Khali hits the big chock.  JTG makes the blind tag and covers for 2.  Tag to Punk.  JTG gets the better of Punk.  JTG hits the facebuster out of the corner.  Kidd saves.  A bunch of people end up outside.  Matt Hardy dives onto the pile.  JTG and Punk go in the ring.  Blind tag to Gallows.  JTG tries to pin Punk.  Gallows hits a big boot and the 12 Step (choke bomb) for the pin (3:37 shown).  The guy whose head they shaved (Trevor) gets in the ring and celebrates with them.

Josh Matthews tries to interview Batista.  Batista has nothing to say about Rey Mysterio or The Undertaker.  He just plain doesn’t want to talk to Matthews.

The Undertaker is NEXT!

Hall of Fame plug.

The World Heavyweight Champion, The Undertaker, comes out and talks.  He says he’ll destroy whoever he faces at the Royal Rumble, and he’ll appear on Raw this Monday to answer Shawn Michaels’ challenge for WrestleMania.

The Steel Cage!  Tonight! plug.

Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix.  Beth is pissed because Mickie kicked her last week, which was quid pro quo for Beth giving Mickie the Glam Slam 2 weeks ago.  Beth wails on Mickie, then cranks on a rear chin lock.  Beth gets a few 2 counts.  Mickie fights back.  She dropkicks Beth’s knee.  Beth hot shots Mickie into the ropes, slams her into the tree of woe, and beats on her.  The ref keeps telling her to break, but she doesn’t, so the ref DQ’s her at 3:04.  The Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, and Layla run in.  Beth stares them down, leaves, and lets them give Mickie the sloppiest beat down ever.  Mickie fights back, but McCool takes her knee out.  McCool gives Mickie the Styles Clash.

Mysterio vs. Batista in a cage TONIGHT!

Raw hype.

Smack of the Night: The recent Dolph Ziggler/Kane battles.

Kane comes out for the match.  Matthews interviews Dolph Ziggler in the back.  He says he’ll beat Kane again tonight, then win the Royal Rumble.

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Striker geeks out over Ziggler’s recent sleeper hold use.  Kane’s pissed, so he beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fights back and clamps the sleeper on again.  Kane sends Ziggler out of the ring, having finally learned his lesson.  Insta-commercial.  Ziggler beats on Kane.  Kane finally swats him away and goes for the chokeslam.  Ziggler grabs the ropes to prevent it, lands a blow, and runs into Kane’s big boot.  Kane hits a powerslam for 2.  Match goes on.  Ziggler dropkicks Kane off of the ring apron.  Ziggler clamps the sleeper hold on outside the ring.  Kane rams him into the post a couple of times to break it.  Kane barely beats the count, rolls out and in, and goes for the diving clothesline off the top.  Ziggler avoids it and hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag.  Kane tries to turn it into a sidewalk slam.  Ziggler counters it.  Kane hits the chokeslam for the pin (8:59 shown).  Another good match between these  two.

The Steel Cage is TONIGHT!  Tonight?  That’s TONIGHT!

Royal Rumble hype.

Striker and Grisham segway into the Cena doing stuff on Phoenix video from Raw.

Rey Mysterio ties his boots and puts his mask on.  He’s ready for action!  Maria, Jimmy Wang Yang, and Slam Master J wish him luck.  Matthews interviews him.  Mysterio says tonight, his dream will come true.

Tony Chimel introduces the main event.

Steel Cage Match to determine the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Batista.  Mysterio immediately tries to escape.  Batista doesn’t let him.  Rey puts Batista into 619 position.  Batista tries to goad him into trying the 619 in the cage.  Rey scampers over Batista’s back and tries to escape again.  Batista tries to powerbomb him.  Mysterio avoids that, so Batista throws him into the cage.  Batista launches Mysterio into the cage again.  He tries it a third time, but Mysterio catches the fence and tries to escape again.  Batista stops him.  Rey kicks him away and hits the Bombs Away, then runs into Batista’s boot.  Mysterio keeps fighting.  The crowd gets super quiet for a moment for some reason.  Rey hits the springboard leg drop for 2.  Mysterio with an inside cradle for 2.  Mysterio tries his flippy bulldog, but Mysterio drops him face first.  Batista hits a spear, the a spinebuster, then does some push ups.  He shakes the ropes, stomps his feet, and signals for the Batista Bomb.  Mysterio tries to escape through the door.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Mysterio holds onto the cage.  Mysterio kicks Batista away and escapes over the top.  He kicks the cage door into Batista’s face and drops to the floor to win it at 7:13.

And that puts the cap on another pretty good Smackdown!

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/11/10 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

I’m out of town on a borrowed laptop, so this is going to be the Reader’s Digest version of a Raw review.

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo, Cole and Lawler are the announcers, and we’re live from Minneapolis.

After much bickering, guest host Mike Tyson makes tonight’s main event: John Cena vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton in a Triple Threat Match with the winner facing Sheamus for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Round 1: Alicia Fox beat Kelly Kelly in 2:00 with a powerbomb.  It was what it was.

John Cena did stuff in Phoenix last week.

Legacy argues about which of them will win the Royal Rumble.  My bet is neither.

Legacy beat Mark Henry & Evan Bourne in 4:17 when Rhodes pinned Bourne with the Cross Rhodes in a good little match.

DX is backstage.  Shawn wants to make peace with Mike Tyson after Tyson punched him out at WrestleMania XIV.  Triple H discourages this, claiming that Tyson is crazy.  Michaels thinks Tyson is a changed man and aims to prove it.

Shawn tells Tyson he forgives him.  Tyson says he doesn’t regret it, he enjoyed it, and he’d like to do it again.  Chris Jericho comes in.  They talk while I get distracted.  Tonight, it’s DX vs. Jericho & Tyson, and if Jericho’s team wins, he can be on Raw.

Last week, Bret Hart returned to Raw and got kicked in the nuts by Vince McMahon.

Jack Swagger claims he’ll win the Royal Rumble.  He issues an open challenge for anyone to throw him over the top rope.

Over The Top Rope Challenge: Santino Marella beat Jack Swagger in 55 seconds.  Swagger went to throw Santino out, but Santino hung on to the ropes and won it.

Triple Threat Match to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton defeated Kofi Kingston and John Cena in 11:15 with the RKO on Kingston after Legacy interfered to seal the win for Orton.

Josh Matthews tries to interview Tyson.  Hornswoggle interrupts.  Tyson tells Horny that if Horny gets involved in the match tonight, he’s going to do various nasty and probably lethal things to him.

Last week, MVP became #1 Contender for the U.S. Title.  Now, The Miz walks around backstage talking.  He comes out to the ring and keeps talking.  Miz’s new music is awful.  MVP comes out and talks.  Random “THIS IS AWESOME” chant.  They scuffle and MVP gets the better of it.

Hall of Fame hype.  Isn’t it early for that?

They show Tyson knocking out Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XIV.  Tonight, DX vs. JeriTyson.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Round 1: Eve Torres beat Katie Lea Burchill in 1:55 with a schoolgirl.  Maryse did commentary because she’ll face the winner next week in the Semifinals.

Mike Tyson can punch hard.

Carlito hits on Gail Kim.  Vince McMahon is headed our way!

Earlier, Orton won the Triple Threat Match to get a WWE Championship Match against Sheamus at the Royal Rumble.

Vince comes out and talks about Bret Hart.  He says Bret will never be seen in WWE again.

Tyson and Jericho are getting ready for their match.  It’s next!

DX comes out.  Triple H does the pre-match spiel.  Michaels says next week, he wants Undertaker to answer his challenge for WrestleMania.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions DX defeated Chris Jericho & Mike Tyson in 4:44 when Michaels pinned Jericho.  Hornswoggle came out in boxing gear.  Tyson took off his shirt to reveal a DX shirt and punched out Jericho leading to the pin.  DX, Hornswoggle, Tyson, and Tyson’s son celebrate.

Well this show kinda sucked.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/4/10 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Bret Hart video, then cut to the arena, where Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest host, BRET “THE HITMAN” HART!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are the commentators, per usual.

Bret Hart comes to the ring and talks about stuff.  He brings up winning the first King of the Ring in this arena and getting jumped by Jerry Lawler.  He kindly acknowledges Lawler at the table.  Bret calls out Shawn Michaels.  Shawn tells Bret he deserved what he got in Montreal, and he did have a hand in it.  Bret says he rests his case.  Shawn says he doesn’t regret it.  Shawn babbles on some more.  They eventually shake hands and bury the hatchet.  Shawn starts to leave, then comes back and hugs Bret.  As Shawn leaves, Bret calls out Vince McMahon.

Tonight, Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton and DX vs. Jerishow for the tag titles!

Hall of Fame 2010 plug.

Josh Matthews asks Vince McMahon if he’s going to respond to Bret Hart calling him out.  Vince says he was in a meeting and didn’t know it.  Vince says he’ll call Bret out later tonight.

Cole and Lawler explain that Melina was injured over the weekend and had to vacate the Divas Title, so an eight-diva tournament begins tonight to crown a new champion.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Round 1: Maryse vs. Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella).  They lock up.  Maryse tries to bail, but Brie brings her back into the ring and throws some kicks at her and throws her around a bit.  Maryse bails and Nikki rams her head into the announce table.  Brie schoolgirls Maryse for 2.  Maryse throws Brie down for 2.  The Bellas pull the old switcharoo behind the referee’s back.  Maryse hits the DDT on Nikki for the 3 count.  That was stupid.  The replay shows that Maryse saw the switch.

The Miz comes out to really shitty new music and hits on Maryse.  He babbles on and heads to the ring to scout his next opponent.  Miz joins Cole and Lawler for commentary.

Fatal Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE United States Championship: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Mark Henry.  JIP.  Swagger and Carlito put the boots to MVP as Henry sells getting pushed headfirst into the post during the break.  Swagger and Carlito fight each other.  MVP breaks a cover.  Swagger hits a belly to belly on MVP and covers.  Carlito saves.  Henry wakes up and clotheslines Swagger, throws MVP out of the ring, then clotheslines Swagger again.  Henry bear hugs Carlito.  Swagger breaks it.  Henry puts Swagger in a reverse Torture Rack.  MVP hits a Yakuza kick on Henry to break it.  MVP sends Henry and Carlito out of the ring, then hits the Playmaker on Swagger for the pin.

Show and Jericho talk in the back.  They somehow got another title shot, but it’s their last chance.  Jericho says he has a proposition for Bret Hart.

“Martyr No More” by Fozzy is the theme song for the Royal Rumble.

Bret is talking to some dude in his office.  Jericho comes in.  He asks Bret to be the guest referee for the DX/Jerishow match and screw DX as revenge for Montreal.  Bret says he’s tired of Montreal and wants it over this.  Bret says he’s not going to help Jericho, then says Jericho screamed louder than anyone in the Dungeon.

Triple H shows Hornswoggle the new line of WWE toys.  Triple H says Horny can only play with the toys if DX wins tonight.  Michaels asks Hunter why he talks to Horny like a child, since he has a beard.  Hunter says leprechauns are born with beards.  Santino comes in and parodies Jericho.  Hornswoggle jumps him.  Santino screams like a girl.  Triple H gives Horny a cookie.  Marella says “Good luck at the sucking it.”

Tag title match is NEXT!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: DX (c) (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. Chris Jericho & The Big Show.  Michaels and Show start as Hornswoggle hides under the ring.  Tag to Hunter.  DX tries a double suplex, but Show suplexes them both.  Commercials!  Jerishow works over Hunter.  Hunter hits the knee facebuster on Show, then Show hits a sidewalk slam, then steps on him.  Jerishow continues to work over Hunter.  Hunter hits a spinebuster on Jericho.  Jericho manages to tag out to Show, who prevents Hunter from tagging out.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb, but Hunter moves.  Hot tag to Michaels, who throws forearms and nips up twice, then finally takes Show down with dropkicks.  Shawn goes up for the diving elbow, but Jericho knocks him off.  Hornswoggle comes in and butt splashes Show.  Shawn covers, but gets thrown off.  Shawn goes for the superkick, but Show hits the chokeslam.  Shawn kicks out!  Tag to Jericho, who goes for the Lionsault.  Michaels gets the knees up.  Jericho goes for the Walls.  Shawn fights out.  Tag to Hunter.  Pedigree.  Show breaks the cover.  Show tries to chokeslam Shawn again.  Hunter stops him.  Assisted Pedigree to Show.  Jericho shoves Hunter into Shawn and schoolboys Hunter for 2.  Codebreaker.  After ages, Jericho makes the cover.  Shawn saves.  Hornswoggle comes in and goes for Sweet Shin Music.  Jericho boots him in the face.  Hunter goes for the Pedigree.  Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Shawn superkicks Jericho and Hunter gets the pin at 12:00.  Fun match.  DX and Hornswoggle celebrate.  Triple H tells Jericho that he’s done on Raw.  Shawn with the obligatory “If you’re not down with that…”  Show snubs Jericho and leaves.  Crowd sings the “Na na na, goodbye” song to Jericho as he leaves.

Randy Orton knocks on Vince McMahon’s door.  Vince wants to know what he wants.  Orton wants to put the past behind them.  Vince says what Bret did to him is nothing compared to what Orton did to him.  Orton wants to kick Bret in the head, then have Vince make him #30 in the Rumble.  Vince tells Orton to piss off in so many words.  Orton walks on and meets up with Legacy.  They tell him that they’ll be watching tonight, and if he loses to Kofi Kingston tonight, they’re going to kick him out of Legacy and kick his ass.

Next week’s guest host will be Mike Tyson!

Last week, Sheamus intentionally got DQ’d in his WWE Championship defense against John Cena, then dropped Cena with a kick to the face.

Sheamus says Cena couldn’t beat him last week.  His next title defense won’t be against Cena.  Nobody can beat him, and if anyone wants to try… Evan Bourne comes out and snatches Sheamus’ mic.  He wants an opportunity.  Sheamus agrees and calls for a referee, who is conveniently at ringside.  Sheamus says if Bourne can beat him tonight, he’ll give him a title shot at the Rumble.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Bourne goes on the attack immediately and hits a Shooting Star press, but Sheamus kicks out.  Bourne goes for a diving cross body, but Sheamus catches him with a fall away slam and commences to kicking his ass.  Sheamus hits the bicycle kick and the Razor’s Edge for the pin at 1:44.

Still to come, Orton vs. Kingston and Vince confronting Bret Hart!

Cole and Lawler discuss the passing of Steve “Dr. Death” Williams.  They throw up an “In Memory of…” graphic.  Commercials.

Another Bret Hart video, including video of the Survivor Series ’97 finish.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton.  Legacy sits ringside.  They go at it.  Kofi springs around a bunch, clotheslines Orton out of the ring, hits him with a baseball slide dropkick, and throws him back in.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Kofi backdrops him out of the ring.  Commercials.  Of course, Orton has the advantage when we return.  During the break,  Orton pushed Kofi off the top rope into the barricade.  Orton works Kofi over.  They cross body into each other.  Kofi makes a comeback.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and gets ready for the Trouble In Paradise.  Orton bails.  Kofi dives out onto him and throws him back in.  Orton with a diving cross body for 2.  Orton goes for the RKO.  Kofi avoids it and hits the SOS for 2.  Kofi avoids the RKO and goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Orton blocks it with his arms and hits the RKO for the pin at 11:00.

Vince McMahon is headed our way!

Mike Tyson!  Next week!

Justin Roberts introduces Mr. McMahon.  Vince says he sees no reason to call out Bret Hart.  He tries to talk about Mike Tyson instead.  Bret walks down to the ring.  Vince runs down all the times Bret offended him.  Vince expects Bret to apologize.  Bret says the 2 words he’d like to say to Vince aren’t “I’m sorry.”  He says he got closure with Shawn, now he wants it with Vince.  Vince babbles on for a while and says he wants to put Stu Hart in the WWE Hall of Fame this year.  Bret approves.  Vince thanks Bret for everything he’s done for WWE.  They shake hands.  Vince raises Bret’s arm as they posture around the ring, then kicks Bret in the nuts and leaves.  Bret stands up and glares up the ramp at Vince as the show closes.