Archive for Mark Henry

WWE Money In The Bank 2011

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 18, 2011 by Chui

It’s been a bit.  Let’s see if I remember how to do one of these.

WWE open, AWESOME PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Chicago.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcer.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich are the Spanish announcers.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Sin Cara vs. Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel vs. Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Heath Slater vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Everybody brawls.  The big guys (Kane, Barrett, and Sheamus) clear the ring and brawl amongst themselves.  Kane clotheslines the others out of the ring, then tries to bring in a ladder.  Bryan dropkcks it into him.  Slater and Gabriel do the same to Bryan.  Cara tries to do the same to them, but they duck and nail him with the ladder.  Slater gets the ladder in the ring and sets it up.  Gabriel knocks him off and walks the ladder toward the center.  Bryan dropkicks him off.  Rhodes throws Bryan into the ladder.  He tries to climb, but Sheamus cuts him off and goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Rhodes counters, goes for the Beautiful Disaster, and hits Slater with it.  Sheamus uses the ladder to beat up Rhodes.  Kane throws Sheamus and Rhodes out of the ring.  Barrett jumps Kane.  Kane rallies and disposes of Barrett, then beats up Slater.  Kane goes up top, but Cara knocks him down with a kick.  Gabriel drops Cara.  Bryan ducks Gabriel and hits a tope suicida on somebody.  Gabriel, Slater, and Cara all hit dives too.  Cara, Gabriel, and Slater do stuff in the ring.  Cara gets rid of both of them.  Bryan appears on the top rope.  Cara hits him with a kick, then hits a one-man Spanish Fly off the top rope.  Cara goes out for a ladder, but Barrett boots him down.  Barrett builds a ladder bridge from the apron to the Spanish table.  Uh oh.  Barrett misses Sin Cara and accidentally clotheslines the post.  Cara goes back in the ring and eats a brogue kick from Sheamus.  Sheamus powerbombs Cara off the apron through the ladder bridge.  Fucking ouch.  Sheamus beats up more people with a ladder.  Cara is stretchered out.  Kane and Sheamus brawl in the ring.  Bryan, Kane, and Rhodes all bring in ladders, then drop them and start brawling.  Kane takes them both out and climbs the ladder.  The former members of The Corre cut him off.  Rhodes takes advantage of the distraction to climb the ladder.  The ex-Corre cut him off too.  Bryan climbs and gets the same treatment.  Barrett climbs the ladder.  His former teammates cut him off and beat him up, then throw him out of the ring.  Gabriel and Slater climb the ladder and fight over the briefcase.  Rhodes knocks the ladder over and gives Slater the Cross Rhodes.  Rhodes climbs the ladder.  Barrett cuts him off.  Rhodes gives him the Cross Rhodes too.  Rhodes climbs the ladder again.  Sheamus cuts him off and hits the uranage backbreaker.  Bryan cuts off Sheamus and rams his head into the ladder.  Sheamus and Kane hit Bryan with a Doomsday Device!  Sheamus and Kane brawl.  Kane eventually takes him out, then chokeslams Rhodes, then chokeslams Gabriel.  Kane climbs the ladder.  Bryan cuts him off.  Kane tries to chokeslam him, but Bryan turns it into some kind of arm lock.  Bryan dives at Kane, gets caught, but somehow turns it to his advantage.  Slater climbs the ladder.  Bryan cuts him off too.  Slater hits a neckbreaker off the ladder.  Slater climbs again, but Barrett cuts him off.  Barrett crotches Slater on the top turnbuckle, then beats up Sheamus.  Barrett brings a third ladder into the ring.  Barrett and Sheamus hit Slater with it, then launch him to the floor.  Sheamus hits Barrett and Rhodes with brogue kicks, then hits Gabriel with a Polish Hammer.  Sheamus drops Gabriel face first across the ladder, then gives him a brogue kick.  Sheamus climbs the ladder.  Kane comes up the other side and brawls with him.  Kane chokeslams Sheamus off the ladder into another ladder.  Ouch.  Barrett, Rhodes, and Bryan attack Kane.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Barrett hits the Wasteland.  Gabriel hits Kane with the 450 splash in an impressively small space.  Barrett gives Gabriel the Wasteland out of the ring onto Slater.  Barrett drops Bryan and gives Rhodes a pumphandle slam.  Barrett climbs the ladder.  Rhodes pulls him down and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Bryan climbs the ladder.  Rhodes tries to stop him, but gets elbowed in the face.  They fight up the ladder.  Barrett climbs up the other side and tries to take the briefcase.  Bryan guillotines Rhodes, then elbows Barrett in the face.  Barrett sets up Bryan for the Wasteland.  Bryan counters with the elbow flurry, then drops Barrett with a kick.  Bryan gets the briefcase in 24:26.  BRYAN WINS~!  HOLY SHIT!  Great match.  Bryan gets the honor of being the first guy to cash in and fail.

Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon, Johnny Ace, and some lawyer arrived.

Chicago!

WWE Divas Championship Match: Kelly Kelly (c) (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella).  Kelly slaps Brie and goes on the attack.  Kelly tries a headscissors, fucks it up horrible, and sort of recovers.  Brie goes to confer with her twin.  Kelly hits them both with a dive.  Back inside, Kelly sort of goes for a tarantula and gets sent face first into the floor.  Nikki puts the boots to Kelly behind the referee’s back.  Back inside, Brie goes beats up Kelly for a while.  Kelly makes her comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Brie blocks the Rocker Dropper.  Kelly blocks a backslide.  Cover gets 2.  Brie DDTs Kelly’s foot.  Cover gets 2.  I’m fucking serious.  Kelly hits the Rocker Dropper for the pin in 4:48.  It wasn’t the worst match I’ve ever seen.

SummerSlam commercial.

Big Show/Mark Henry hype video.

Mark Henry vs. The Big Show.  The two big bruisers tear into each other.  Show hits Henry with a shoulder block and Henry rolls to the floor.  They brawl at ringside.  Henry dropkicks the steps into Show’s knee.  Back inside, Henry goes to work on the knee.  Show fight out of a half crab.  Henry squashes Show in the corner.  He tries it again, but is met with a boot.  Show dives off the bottom rope and hits Henry with a shoulder block.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Henry takes out his knee and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Henry hits another World’s Strongest Slam and 2 big splashes for the pin in 5:58.  It was okay.  After the match, Henry gets a chair and Pillmanizes Show’s leg with a Vader Bomb.  Show is driven out on a letter stretcher cart thingy.

Vince McMahon complains to Johnny Ace backstage.  Josh Matthews comes in and asks him of he’s resigned CM Punk.  Vince says no, then bitches about Punk being an ingrate.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. R-Truth vs. Alex Riley vs. The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Everybody grabs a ladder during their entrance and brings it into the ring, so we start with a ladder fight.  Del Rio is buried under ladder at ringside.  They even have mini ladders.  Bourne and Kofi brawl atop a mini ladder, then used it to hit people.  Rey takes Swagger out of the ring with a rana.  Riley drops Truth’s balls in a ladder, then hits him with a knee.  Riley climbs up the midget ladder.  Miz cuts him off.  This is stupid.  Riley takes out Miz and Swagger with a dive.  Truth break dances and hits a Space Flying Tiger Drop onto the pile.  Mysterio and Kofi hit stereo dives off the top rope.  Bourne hits a Shooting Star press off of a ladder onto everyone.  Bourne goes back into the ring and climbs a proper ladder.  Miz cuts him off.  They fight on top.  Del Rio pushes the ladder over.  Miz starts selling his knee.  Medics come out to check on him.  Del Rio climbs the ladder.  Truth stops him.  Miz is helped to the back.  Truth climbs the ladder.  Del Rio climbs the other side.  Bourne and Mysterio climb over them, but are pulled down.  They both hit Frankensteiners.  Swagger drops Bourne and Truth.  Kofi springboards over Swagger and climbs the ladder.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Riley climbs the ladder.  Swagger notices and brawls with him top of the ladder.  Truth pushes it over.  A ladder bridge gets set up in the corner.  Kofi, Truth, and Rey do some stuff with it.  Kofi comes off of it with a Boom Drop onto Truth.  Del Rio charges Kofi, but ends up diving under the ladder to the floor.  More ladder spots.  Swagger gets hit in the face with one.  Mysterio gives Truth a 619.  Riley and Mysterio fight on top of the ladder.  There are a bunch of ladders in the ring now.  Everybody climbs up and tries to get the briefcase.  Del Rio takes a face bump into the ladder bridge.  Guys continue brawling up top.  Bourne takes a bump off a ladder to the floor.  Kofi ends up on top alone.  Swagger makes it back in to cut him off.  They both fall to the floor.  Miz hobbles back down to a big pop and goes for the briefcase.  Mysterio cuts him off and gets booed.  Mysterio powerbombs Miz to the crown.  Del Rio cuts off Mysterio from getting the briefcase.  Mysterio says “fuck that” and knocks him down.  Del Rio climbs the opposite side of the ladder.  Mysterio hits him with the briefcase.  Del Rio takes Mysterio’s mask off.  A bunch of ladders fall over.  Del Rio climbs back up and takes it in 15:52.  Fun match, but nowhere near the Smackdown ladder match.

WrestleMania travel package advertisement.

Chicago!

Randy Orton/Christian hype video.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio, who is mad that he had to be in Money In The Bank after winning a #1 Contender Match a couple of weeks ago.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian.  Orton can lose the title by DQ.  Christian brings a chair into the ring in an attempt to get Orton to get himself DQ’d.  Orton teases it, then throws the chair out of the ring.  Christian shaves Orton.  Orton decks him and kicks his ass.  Christian fights back, but eats a clothesline.  This is a heel crowd tonight.  They’re booing Orton.  Orton slides back into the ring to avoid a dive, then throws Christian into the steps.  Back inside, Christian rallies and hits the diving elbow smash for 2.  Christian beats on Orton for a time.  Orton awesomely avoids Christian in the corner and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Christian hits a spinebuster for 2.  Orton counters the Killswitch and clotheslines Christian, sending them both to the floor.  Back inside, Orton gets a jackknife hold for 2, then hits a Lou Thesz press.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Christian counters.  Christian dives at Orton, but gets caught with a dropkick.  Cover gets 2.  Orton goes for a superplex, but Christian knocks him down and hits a diving headbutt for 2.  Orton makes a comeback, but Christian cuts him off and hits the Killswitch for 2.  Christian goes for a spear, but Orton leapfrogs him and hits a swank gutwrench into a neckbreaker.  Orton goes for the punt, misses, and hits a powerslam.  He hits the DDT OF MURDER on the second try, then humps the mat.  Christian spits in Orton’s face.  Orton gets pissed off and beats on him.  Orton kicks Christian straight in the balls to cause the DQ and lose the title in 12:19.  Christian is crowned champion.  Orton kicks his ass at ringside.  Teddy Long comes down to try to settle Orton down.  Orton gives Christian the RKO on the Spanish announce table.  Orton starts to leave, then comes back down to a big pop and gives Christian another RKO on the table.

Skittles commercial.

SummerSlam commercial again.

John Cena/CM Punk hype video.

CM Punk comes out to an insanely loud hero’s welcome in his home town.  Cena comes out to the loudest fucking boos I’ve ever heard.  He’s all business tonight and even has the belt around his waist.

WWE Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. CM Punk.  They lock up and trade holds.  Cena ducks a high kick.  Man, this crowd is hot.  Cena gets a takedown.  They trade holds some more.  Punk hits a big hip toss and gets a side headlock takeover.  They counters each others’ finish.  Punk lands some kicks.  Cena hits a bulldog headlock for 2, then grabs a headlock and works it.  Punk escapes and gets a 2 count.  There’s a high pitched “LET’S GO CENA” chant alternating with a much deeper “CENA SUCKS!” chant.  Cena hits a Fisherman suplex for 2.  Lawler just said he didn’t think there was a single Cena fan in the arena, so he didn’t just hear those loud ass chants.  Punk hits a DDT for 2, then applies a headscissors.  Punk escapes an Attitude Adjustment predicament and throws Cena to the floor.  Punk sets Cena in the apron and hits a diving enzui knee drop!  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena goes for the STF and fails.  Punk clamps on a rear chin lock.  Punk hits a diving cross body to Cena’s knee for 2.  Cena sells the knee.  Punk tries to suplex Cena in from the apron, but Cena suplexes Punk to the floor!  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Cena hits an elbow drop for 2.  Cena hits a nifty suplex/powerslam for 2.  Punk lands some punches to big cheers.  Cena locks in an abdominal stretch to boos.  Punk escapes with a hip toss.  Double knockdown spot.  Cena starts his comeback, but Punk catches him with a schoolboy for 2.  Cena concludes his comeback and goes for the “You can’t see me” gesture, but Punk kicks him in the head, knocks him to the floor, and hits a tope suicida!  Back inside, Punk goes for the springboard lariat, but Cena avoids it.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk sort of lands on his feet and lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Punk counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits 2 knee strikes and a bulldog headlock.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for 2.  Punk lands more kicks.  Cena locks in the STF.  Punk gets a rope break.  Punk kills Cena with a high kick for 2.  Punk hits a diving cross body.  Cena rolls through, lifts him, and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk counters and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into the STF again.  Punk escapes and locks in the Anaconda Vice!  Cena fights out and hits the Attitude Adjustment for 2.  Cena comes off the top rope, but Punk sort of counters into a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  Punk signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Cena drops to the apron and pulls Punk’s head across the top rope.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment again, and PUNK KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Cena tries to set up a SUPER ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, but Punk clubbers Cena’s head with elbows!  Punk hits a top rope Frankensteiner.  Cena rolls to the ropes.  Punk hits the running knee and the Go 2 Sleep, but only catches Cena in the middle.  Cena falls out of the ring.  Punk throws Cena back in the ring.  Vince McMahon and Johnny Ace come out.  Cena locks Punk in the STF.  Vince tries to call for the bell.  He sends Ace to do his bidding, but Cena decks him.  Cena yells at Vince that he can win this himself.  He goes after Punk, but Punk catches him and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin to win the title at 33:44.  Great pro wrestling match right here, kids.  Punk celebrates with the belt.  Vince looks almost as morose as Dana White did after Brock Lesnar lost the UFC Heavyweight title.  Vince takes King’s headset and yells at someone to send Alberto Del Rio out here.  Del Rio runs out.  Punk kills him with a high kick.  Punk blows Vince a kiss and leaves through the crowd with his belt.  What will happen next as the WWE Universe Turns?

Really good show with a couple of great matches.

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WWE Superstars 3/10/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, Superstars open.  Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  They promise more Raw replays.

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks.  This is coming off of Reks’ attack on Masters last week after Masters beat Curt Hawkins.  Masters has 2 straight wins over Reks.  Masters kicks ass and goes for the Master Lock.  Reks escapes from the ring.  They brawl back in the ring.  Reks gets the advantage and puts a beating on Masters.  Reks hits a short lariat for 2, then applies a neck and shoulder hold.  Reks whips Masters down and continues the vicious attack.  Masters comes back with a diving shoulder block, then clotheslines Reks out of the ring again.  They brawl outside.  Reks sends Masters face first into the post, then hits a Final Cut.  Insta-commercials.  Reks has Masters in a half crab.  Masters gets a rope break.  Reks hits a backbreaker for 2.  Reks keeps the heat doing.  Masters gets a backslide for 1, then counters Reks and hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters makes his comeback.  Sky High gets 2.  D’Lo Brown represent!  Reks hits a Complete Shot for 2.  Reks goes for the Burning Hammer.  Masters escapes and locks in the Master Lock  for the referee stop (7:21 shown).  Good little match.  It’s a shame that Masters finally becomes a good wrestler and he’s relegated to Superstars.

Up next, Raw replays!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers.

From Raw: Michael Cole introduced John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.

Tonight, Khali, Henry, & Natalya vs. Regal, Kidd, & Melina!  That’s quite the mess.

Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella & Tamina) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Primo).  Ryder hides in the ropes.  Kozlov throws him around.  Kozlov gets a leg lock.  Ryder gets the ropes.  Ryder grabs a headlock.  Kozlov catches a cross body and hits a fall away slam.  Ryder rolls to the floor.  Kozlov throws him back in.  Ryder gets the jump on Kozlov coming back in.  For a second.  Kozlov does the battering ram headbutts and a judo throw, and continues to smash Ryder.  Primo gets on the apron.  Santino pulls him off.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for the pin in 3:00.  There ya go.

From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaking on the Triple H/Undertaker WrestleMania match.

Still to come, MORE Raw replays!

From Raw: The Rock/John Cena/The Miz shit talking.

Main event is NEXT!

Great Khali, Mark Henry, & Natalya vs. William Regal, Tyson Kidd, & Melina.  Natalya and Melina do some stuff.  It breaks out into a cat fight.  Kidd tags in and tells Natalya to get out.  Natalya tags in Henry.  Kidd slaps him, runs away, and tags in Regal.  Henry smashes Regal and tags in Khali.  Regal takes Khali down to a knee.  Kidd tags himself in and slaps Khali.  Khali no sells it.  Kidd tries to tag out, but neither Regal nor Melina are interested.  Kidd tries to make friends.  Khali delivers the crown chop and the tree slam for the pin in 3:09.  At least that’s over.  Or not.  Henry splashes Kidd.  Natalya puts him in the Sharpshooter.  Regal just stands back and watches.  The faces celebrate.  Regal puts Kidd in the Regal Stretch.  Melina slaps him.  Haha, man, they buried Tyson under the earth here.

Aside from the opener, a very mediocre show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/21/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2011 by Chui

WWE open.  The 2/21/11 mystery will be revealed in one hour!  Raw open, pryo and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Fresno!  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about going to WrestleMania, then addresses the comments made about him by The Rock last week.  They show video of Rock making said comments.  Cena says he still has a degree in Thuganomics, so he goes old school and does a freestyle!  Fun stuff.

Cole is going to interview Jerry Lawler tonight.  Morrison vs. Punk is up next!

46 minutes until the big reveal!  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: CM Punk spraying stuff into John Morrison’s eyes, then kicking him in the head 2 weeks ago.

John Morrison vs. CM Punk.  Punk’s leg is cut up from a bump on the chamber floor last night.  Morrison goes on the attack.  Punk goes to work on Morrison’s knee and viciously tortures it.  Morrison escapes a hold and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes for the running knee, but Punk kicks him in the injured knee and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 2:51.  It was fine while it lasted.  After the match, Punk cuts a promo on Randy Orton.  Orton comes in through the crowd and attacks Punk.  Punk avoids the RKO and runs away.  The New Nexus comes out to protect Punk.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Kofi Kingston jumps Del Rio in the aisle.  Rodriguez gets involved, allowing Del Rio to get the jump on him.  Del Rio beats the hell out of Kofi and attacks his injured arm.  Del Rio locks in the cross armbreaker, and afterward sends the injured arm into the post again.  That dick!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way!

2/21/11 reveal in 23 minutes!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out to the stage.  Miz cuts a promo on The Rock.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that tonight, The Miz & John Cena will challenge for the tag titles.

Tonight, Cole interviews Lawler.  Commercials.

Fresno.

WWE All Stars Plug, featuring Abraham Lincoln vs. George Washington.  Seriously?

They show the TNA-style divas backstage brawl from last week.

The Bella Twins vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Gail and one of the Bella start.  They do some shit.  Everyone brawls outside.  Gail beats up the Bella back in the ring.  Gail hits a cross body for 2.  The illegal Bella causes Gail to take a bump to the floor.  Eve and the other Bella tag in.  Eve runs wild.  Eve hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Eve gets a reverse cradle.  Bellas pull the switcheroo and the other Bella pins Eve with an inside cradle in 2:28.  This was crap.

2/21/11 reveal in 3 minutes!  Commercials!

The clock counts down.  The video reveals The Undertaker, who then comes out to the ring.  Before he can speak, Triple H comes out.  Fucking ugh.  After H poses for a while, they look at each other and at the WrestleMania sign.  Undertaker smiles, teases leaving, then turns back to give Triple H the throat slash.  Triple H responds with the “Suck it.”  Well, there ya go.  Commercials.

WrestleMania is 41 days away!

Moments ago, The Undertaker and Triple H looked at each other.

King Sheamus vs. Mark Henry.  Sheamus goes on the attack.  Henry bear hugs him, then throws him out of the ring.  Henry throws him back inside.  Sheamus begs off, then cheap shots Henry.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2, then wails on Henry some more.  Sheamus hits his slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Henry sandwiches Sheamus into the corner and makes his comeback with clotheslines and headbutts.  Sheamus avoids a big splash and kicks Henry in the head.  Sheamus exposes a turnbuckle.  Henry splashes him into it, then hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 3:49.  Well that’s kind of an upset.

Tonight, Miz & Cena vs. The Corre for the tag titles!  Commercials!

Tough Enough hype.

Daniel Bryan and Gail Kim chat backstage.  Sheamus talks shit to Bryan.  Bryan stares him down.  Sheamus leaves.

Latest inductee for the Hall of Fame Class of 2011: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan!

Michael Cole gets in the ring and puts himself over.  He’ll interview Jerry Lawler next.  Commercials.

Michael Cole introduces Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Cole taunts Lawler about losing to The Miz, then douches it up big time and talks about the death of Lawler’s mother.  Lawler grabs Cole and threatens to kick his ass if he ever talks about his mother again.  He challenges Cole to a match at WrestleMania!  Cole says no.  Lawler calls him a coward.  Cole throws water in Lawler’s face, then runs out of the arena.

The Corre is headed our way!  Commercials!

Moments ago, Michael Cole ran away like a little bitch.

Lawler has joined Matthews on commentary.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & John Cena.  Miz and Slater lock up and wrestle a bit.  Gabriel tags in and is met with a drop toe hold.  Miz beats up Gabriel and tags in Cena.  Cena runs wild on Gabriel for a bit.  Miz requests the tag and Cena obliges.  Miz hits the corner clothesline and the Skull Crushing Finale on Gabriel for the pin in 3:11.  Miz & Cena win the tag titles!  Miz celebrates as Cena looks on in surprise.  Cena joins in on the celebration.  Barrett says The Corre is invoking their rematch clause RIGHT NOW!  iBooker dings in.  Matthews reads that it’s on!

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & John Cena (c) vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson).  Bell, commercials.  Back to action as Miz works over Gabriel.  This match is already longer than the first one and it’s been on commercials the whole time.  Cena and Slater tag in and go at it.  Cena hits a cross body block for 2.  Miz tags in and beats up Slater.  Zeke trips Miz from the outside, allowing Slater to gain the advantage.  Slater sends Miz outside.  Barrett and Zeke convince Riley to not get involved, but Gabriel gets in some cheap shots behind the referee’s back.  Back inside, The Corre go to work on Miz.  Barrett cheap shots Miz behind the referee’s back.  Miz continues to play the de facto face in peril.  Slater hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Gabriel tags in and continues the beating.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker, but Slater tags in and cuts him off from making the tag.  The Corre keep the heat going on Miz.  Cena gets the hot tag and runs wild.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Slater, but Miz gives Cena the Skull Crushing Finale!  Slater pins Miz 11:10 to regain the tag titles.

Fairly mediocre show, but not awful.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/14/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Anaheim, California!  Tonight, we’ll find out who’s going to host WrestleMania XXVII!  Randy Orton vs. Sheamus!  John Morrison vs. R-Truth!  John Cena vs. CM Punk, there must be a winner!  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

John Cena comes out and talks for a while about who might be the WrestleMania host, then makes fun of Michael Cole.  He starts to talk about The Nexus, but CM Punk comes out to interrupt.  They banter, and now it’s match time.

John Cena vs. CM Punk.  Cena wins the lock up and peppers Punk with body shots.  Cena charges the corner, but Punk avoids it and Cena hits the turnbuckles, then rolls out of the ring.  Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron.  Commercials.  Punk knees Cena in the face for 2.  Punk hits a snap suplex for 2.  Punk boots Cena and gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Punk applies a body scissors.  Cena fights out and goes for the STF, but Punk gets the ropes.  Punk puts a beating on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk counters and hits a dropkick for 2.  Punk applies a headscissors.  Cena escapes and hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Cena goes up top, but Punk drops him with a kick.  Punk hits the running knee.  Cena counters the bulldog, hit a drop toe hold, and goes for the STF.  Punk counters and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into a schoolboy for 2.  Punk drops Cena with a high kick for 2.  Punk goes for a cross body.  Cena catches him and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk fights it and ends up taking a bump out of the ring.  A Nexus member hands Punk a chair from under the ring.  Punk throws the chair in the ring and the referee turns to get rid of it.  The Nexus member hands Punk a wrench, with which he hits Cena in the face.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 10:37.  Pretty good match.

Cole explains that Jerry Lawler isn’t here because his mother passed away.  Our best to the King.

Who’s the host going to be?  Commercials!

Slam of the Week: Alberto Del Rio’s attack on Edge’s arm 2 weeks ago.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio cuts his usual promo about destiny.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts.  He talks for a bit, then kicks Del Rio’s ass.  He goes for the spear, but Ricardo distracts him and gets decked.  Edge bumps Del Rio off the apron into the barricade.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and screeches.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler as the new World Heavyweight Champion, presumably since Edge used the dreaded illegal running hug of doom on Smackdown.  She says Ziggler will be coronated on Smackdown.  This is fucking stupid.  She says he has proof that Edge took out Teddy Long, then cackles.  Again, this is fucking stupid.

Eve vs. Natalya is next.  Commercials.

Tonight, WrestleMania host.  Plus, The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  I’m so pissed at the stupidity in the last segment that I’m not even excited.

The Divas title match is a lumberjill match for some reason.  The Bella Twins, Tamina, Gail Kim, Maryse, Melina, and Alicia Fox are at ringside.

Lumberjill Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Eve Torres (c) vs. Natalya.  They lock up and do a bit of chain wrestling.  They both throw dropkicks, then slap hands and do some more stuff.  Natalya rocks a surfboard.  Eve manages to turn it into a cradle for 2.  Natalya grabs a headlock.  Eve hits a flip splash for 2.  Natalya hits a discus lariat.  Eve throws Natalya out of the ring.  The Bellas attack her.  Fight breaks out with all the women at ringside.  Eve hits a cross body into a pile of them.  Maryse looks hurt.  Cole is laughing.  Back inside, Eve and Natalya conk heads.  Natalya goes for a la magistral, but Eve counters and gets the pin in 3:37.  They tried, but this sucked.  They shake hands.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Rev Theory is in the front row.

The Bella Twins talk shit to Eve backstage, the jump her.  Gail Kim and Natalya make the save.  Referees try to break it up.

Chaperone trailer.  Ugh.

Mark Henry comes out.  Sheamus jumps him in the aisle and drops him with the brogue kick.  Sheamus says that’s a message for the “fellas” in the Elimination Chamber.  Henry makes it up and Sheamus gives him another brogue kick.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way.  Miz shoves down some geek backstage.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Miz & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Jerry Lawler & Daniel Bryan from last week.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Riley joins Cole and Matthews for commentary.  They lock up.  Miz gets the obligatory headlock and shoulder block, then talks shit.  They lock up again.  Bryan hits some arm drags and the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Miz boots Bryan in the face and puts the boots to him.  Miz applies a camel clutch.  Bryan fights out and locks in a rear naked choke.  Miz gets the ropes.  Bryan kicks the crap out of him.  Miz hits an elbow smash for 2.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  They trade punches.  Cole ridiculously compares Miz to the Crusher.  Bryan gets rolling.  A dropkick to the corner gets 2.  Bryan back body drops Miz to the floor and goes for a dive.  Miz avoids it.  Bryan hits a flying knee off the apron.  Back inside, Bryan goes up top and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz is in the ropes.  Miz connects with a knee lift and a neckbreaker on the apron!  Commercials.  Miz goes for a superplex, but Bryan counters and hits a sunset flip powerbomb for 2.  Bryan lands some vicious kicks.  Miz gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz gets an inside cradle for 2.  Miz hits the backbreaker and goes for the neckbreaker, but Bryan counters into a German suplex.  Bryan lands a head kick for 2.  Miz counters the LeBell Lock and eats an elbow.  Bryan goes for something, but Miz faceplants him.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 11:57.  Awesome match.  My mood has improved.  Miz cuts a promo after the match.

Who will host Mania?!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty of the New Nexus (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  This was supposed to be Morrison vs. Truth, but iBooker changed it.  Truth jumps around with McGillicutty.  Ryan trips Truth.  McGillicutty sends Truth outside.  Ryan gets in his cheap shot.  McGillicutty rams Truth’s back into the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Otunga tags in and keeps the heat going on Truth.  Otunga hits a suplex for 2, then applies a rear chin lock.  Truth hits a backdrop suplex and makes the hot tag.  Morrison runs wild and stomps the shit out of Otunga and McGillicutty, then kicks Mason Ryan and hip tosses Truth out of the ring onto him.  Morrison hits McGillicutty with the running knee strike for the pin in 4:16.  There ya go.  Morrison and Truth brawl with Ryan after the match and send him out of the ring.

Plug for Chris Jericho’s new book, which I just started reading.

Anaheim!

Tonight, Orton vs. Sheamus!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces Ariel Winter, who plays Triple H’s daughter in that shitty movie.  She screeches for a while.  Great Khali and Ranjin Singh come out for the stupid Kiss Cam.  The cam is going backstage too.  Fans kiss.  Santino Marella and Tamina kiss.  Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler kiss.  More fans kiss.  Maryse refuses to kiss Ted Dibiase Jr. and kisses Yoshi Tatsu instead.  William Regal kisses Zack Ryder on the cheek.  More fans.  Hornswoggle sneaks in the ring and gives Ariel a box of chocolates.  She kisses him on the cheek.  Hornswoggle celebrates.

Who’s going to host Mania?

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

2/21/11!  Hey, that’s next week!  Something’s gonna happen!

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They start with a very aggressive lock up, then brawl for a while.  Sheamus gets the advantage and puts a beating on Orton.  Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder.  Orton fights back and gets rolling with clotheslines and a powerslam.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Sheamus hits a superplex.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin in 5:04.  Well that was abrupt.  The New Nexus jump Orton.  John Morrison, R-Truth, and John Cena make the save.  Orton RKOs Otunga and McGillicutty.  Orton and Cena clothesline Ryan out of the ring.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Orton, but fails.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Punk.

A limo arrives.  A woman gets out.  The Mania host will be revealed next!

The host of WrestleMania XXVII is… they do a really big, dramatic build up with the lights going out and shit.  IT’S THE ROCK!  Finally, The Rock has come back to Anaheim!  To Monday Night Raw!  Home!  He lists off his various nicknames.  He says he’s back for the fans and he’s never going away again.  He makes jokes about Justin Bieber.  He talks a little shit about The Miz.  The iBooker dings in.  Rock tells Cole to sit down and STFU just like old times.  Rock plugs his Facebook page and threatens to stick the iBooker laptop up Cole’s candy ass.  Rock talks A LOT of shit about John Cena, having taken offense to comments Cena made about Rock in the past.  He says “ass” a lot, so apparently he didn’t get the PG memo.  He finishes with the “If ya smell what The Rock is cookin’.”  Rock poses while his music plays as the show closes.

Some parts of this show really sucked, and some were really good.  I’m still pissed about the retarded way Ziggler got the title, but the Miz/Bryan match and the Rock stuff were pretty great.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/7/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our announcers LIVE from Milwaukee.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Vince McMahon comes out to the stage.  He congratulates Wisconsin on their SuperBowl win, then talks about WrestleMania.  He says that next week, the guest host of WrestleMania will be introduced.

Randy Orton comes out.  They show him punting Husky Harris in the head last week.  He tells CM Punk that they’re not done yet.  Punk comes out to retort.  He shows the Legacy attack and Orton head punt that cost Punk the World Heavyweight Championship at Unforgiven 2008.  Holy shit!  2 1/2 years of continuity in a WWE storyline!  Punk has a better memory than the WWE writers.  Punk and the rest of the remaining New Nexus head to the ring.  David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Mason Ryan jump Orton.  Orton fights back, but is overcome by numbers.  Punk gets a bloody nose in the process.  Orton kicks Punk in the face despite behind held back.  They eventually beat him down.  Punk delivers the Go 2 Sleep.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

During the break, Cole got an email from the iBooker announcing a series of matches between the New Nexus and Elimination Chamber participants, ending in Punk vs. Cena.

Mason Ryan vs. R-Truth.  Truth gets booed for greeting Green Bay when they’re in Milwaukee.  Cole throws a fit.  Crowd chants “MILWAUKEE!”  Idiot Cole leads the chant.  Ryan throws Truth around.  Truth injures his knee.  Ryan attacks it, slamming Truth and causing his knee to hit the ropes.  Ryan keeps the heat going.  Ryan applies a modified stretch muffler thing for the submission win in 2:27.  It was there.  Ryan attacks Truth’s knee again after the match.  The crowd is still chanting “MILWAUKEE!”  The referee reverses the decision, so Truth wins by DQ.  Ryan doesn’t care.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Also, something with The Miz and Lawler.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Backstage, CM Punk pretends to be mad at Mason Ryan, but then tells him “well done.”  He tells McGillicutty and Otunga to injure their opponents tonight too.  Otunga is scared because he has to face Sheamus.

Natalya has joined Cole and Lawler at the table.  She’s getting her rematch against Eve next week.

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, & Tamina vs. Melina & The Bella Twins.  Bellas beat up Gail.  Melina tags in and takes her turn.  Gail clotheslines Melina and makes the tag to Eve.  Eve runs wild on Melina and hits a standing moonsault.  Bellas save.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Eve hits a sweet neckbreaker drop on Melina for the pin in 2:23.  There ya go.  Tamina wasn’t trusted to do anything after that awful match on Superstars last week.

2/21/11!  Commercials!

Milwaukee!

Some Packers player celebrated his SuperBowl win with a WWE replica belt.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

John Morrison is in action NEXT!  Commercials.

John Morrison vs. Michael McGillicutty.  Morrison lands some punches.  McGillicutty drops him with an enzui lariat and beats on him.  McGillicutty pulls Morrison’s shoulder into the post, then beats on it.  McGillicutty dropkicks the steps like a fucking idiot.  There was no way he was going to hit Morrison with that.  Morrison makes his comeback.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 2:31.  This was nothing.  The dropkick to the steps spot was fucking stupid.  CM Punk appears on the stage, sprays something into Morrison’s eyes, and kicks him in the head.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Jerry Lawler won the Raw Rumble!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  They show Punk’s attack on Morrison again.  Miz cuts a promo.  He invites Lawler into the ring and tells Riley to get out of the ring.  They banter.  Miz says he patterned his career after Lawler’s.  Lawler makes fun of Miz’s haircut.  He says he didn’t pattern his career after anyone, he’s an original.  Miz says Lawler is a cheapshot artist.  They show Lawler decking Ted Dibiase Jr. last week.  Miz calls it a sucker punch.  Lawler calls Miz a sucker.  Lawler says he’ll finally become WWE Champion and get his chance to compete at WrestleMania.  Lawler gets the crowd to chant “awful” at Miz.  Miz goes for a cheap shot, but Lawler decks him.  Riley tries to jump Lawler.  Lawler decks him too, then throws him out of the ring and decks Miz again.  Lawler pounds and stomps on Miz.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and jumps Lawler.  DANIEL BRYAN makes the save!  iBooker dings in and makes a tag match!

WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler & WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Riley joins Cole on commentary.  Dibiase beats up Bryan.  Bryan catches him with a knee lift and kicks the crap out of him.  Cover gets 2.  Bryan hits a running dropkick for 2.  Lawler tags in and beats up Dibiase.  Miz tags in.  Lawler hip tosses and slams him.  Miz begs off, then throws Lawler out of the ring.  Commercials.  Miz has Lawler in a rear chin lock.  Lawler escapes.  Maryse has appeared at ringside.  Bryan tags in and looks awesome against Miz.  Bryan goes up top, but Dibiase crotches him.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Dibiase tags in and beats up Bryan.  Miz tags in and charges into a dropkick from Bryan.  Lawler and Dibiase tag in.  Lawler runs wild and hits a DDT for 2, as Miz saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Bryan takes out Miz with a missile dropkick and a tope suicida.  Lawler avoids Dibiase in the corner and Dibiase charges into the post.  Lawler hits the diving fist drop for the pin in 9:06.  Fun match.

Tonight, Punk vs. Cena!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Lawler and Cole bicker at the table.

King Sheamus comes out for his match.  Josh Matthews comes out and tells him that Mark Henry was talking shit about him, saying he doesn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber.  Sheamus talks shit about Henry in return.  David Otunga comes out for the match.  Mark Henry comes out and brawls with Sheamus.  Otunga tries to sneak in and gets decked by Sheamus.  Henry avoids the brogue kick and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Twice.  Otunga stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.  New Nexus watches this on TV, pleased.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.  He’ll be in action NEXT!  Commercials.

Alberto Del Rio cuts a promo on Santino Marella, who was, believe it or not, the runner up in the Royal Rumble Match.  Santino hits the ring fighting and throws Del Rio over the top rope 8 days too late.

Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella.  Marella throws Del Rio out of the ring again.  Back inside, Del Rio gets the jump on him and throws his shoulder into the post.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio works Santino’s arm.  Santino ducks an enzuigiri and makes his comeback.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  Del Rio ducks and hits a Codebreaker to the arm.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special for the win in 2:58.  Fun times.

Recap of the New Nexus fucking people up tonight.

John Cena is headed our way!  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Hype for this week’s Smackdown, with Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler for the World title with Vickie Guerrero as the referee.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out.  Vickie screeches at me for a while.  John Cena thankfully interrupts.  I don’t care about what he says either, but at least it’s not Vickie talking.  There are some football references.  Vickie and Dolph leave.  Cena cuts a promo about the New Nexus.  He promises to kick their elimination chambers.  Funny.  Commercials.

2/21/11!

John Cena vs. CM Punk.  They lock up.  Punk beats on Cena.  Punk actually throws a Mongolian chop, which makes me smile.  Cena avoids the running knee to the corner and fights back.  Cena hits a bulldog.  Punk lands some kicks and sends Cena outside.  Punk hits a diving lariat off the apron.  Back inside, Punk hits the running knee and the bulldog headlock.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters and punches Punk a bunch.  Cena blatantly punches Punk in the balls and gets DQ’d in 4:52.  New Nexus hit the ring.  Jerry Lawler hands Cena a chair.  Cena cleans house and stands tall as the show ends.

Fun show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/31/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Tonight, Edge vs. Miz again!  This time, there MUST be a winner.  Justin Robers is the ring announcer.

Ricardo Rodriguez brings out a mariachi band.  He introduces the WINNER of the 2011 Royal Rumble, Alberto Del Rio!  There’s a big celebration in the ring.  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He teases that he’ll announce which champion he’s going to challenge at WrestleMania.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  He congratulates Del Rio on his victory.  He tries to manipulate Del Rio into facing Edge at WrestleMania instead of him by telling him Edge was talking shit about him like this is 10th grade.  Del Rio isn’t buying it.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and tells Del Rio how he doesn’t like him.  Del Rio says he’s coming for the World title at Mania.  Edge decks him.  Miz, Riley, and the mariachis leave.  Del Rio decks Edge and gives him the ol’ el kabong with a guitar.  Del Rio locks Edge in a cross armbreaker.  Del Rio poses with the belt.  Good segment.

Up next, Santino & Kozlov against McGillicutty & Harris for the Tag titles!  Commercials.

Providence!

Moments ago, ^^^ happened!

The iBooker dings in.  Cole announces a 7-man Raw Rumble for a WWE title shot at Elimination Chamber, with the six losers being the competitors in the Raw Elimination Chamber Match.  The participants are Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry Lawler, and John Cena.

WWE Tag Team Title Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (c) (w/ Tamina) vs. Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris of The New Nexus.  2011 Royal Rumble runner-up Santino locks up with McGillicutty.  McGillicutty beats down Santino in the corner.  Santino avoids a charge in the corner and tags in Kozlov.  Kozlov beats up McGillicutty.  McGillcutty cuts him off and tags in Harris.  Kozlov takes him down and tags in Santino.  Harris cuts Santino off and attacks him with his large body.  Nexus get the heat on Santino.  McGillicutty throws Santino out of the ring.  Commercials.  Nexus continue working over Santino.  Kozlov headbutts McGillicutty from the apron.  Santino hits an arm drag.  Harris and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov runs wild.  Santino tags back in, disposes of McGillicutty, and hits Harris with the Cobra for the pin in 8:10.  Well, there ya go.

Randy Orton comes out and drops both Nexus members with RKOs, then warms up to give Harris the PUNT OF DOOM.  CM Punk, David Otunga, and Mason Ryan come out.  Punk tells Orton not to do it, promising repercussions.  Orton does it anyway.  The rest of Nexus rush the ring.  Orton escapes through the crowd.  Commercials.

Moments ago, Randy Orton killed Husky Harris!

Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out.  Dibiase asks Lawler to give him his spot in the Raw Rumble.  Cole says Lawler won’t do it because he’s selfish.  Lawler says he’s never competed at WrestleMania, and his road to WrestleMania starts tonight.  He says he would already be WWE Champion of Cole hadn’t screwed things up.  Dibiase cheap shots Lawler.  Lawler goes to kick Dibiase’s ass, but he hides behind Maryse.  Maryse is like “WTF?” and slaps him.  Maryse leaves.  Lawler decks Dibiase.  I can’t wait for him to deck Cole too.

Tonight, Edge vs. Miz!  Plus a Raw Rumble Match!  Commercials.

2/21/11.  Something is going to happen.

The Bella Twins have joined Cole and Lawler for commentary.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Tyson Kidd.  No entrances.  They lock up and do some awesome chain wrestling.  After some pimp chain wrestling, Bryan kicks the crap out of Kidd.  Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter.  Bryan counters and locks in the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:49.  Good while it lasted.  Bryan and Gail hug.  The Bellas get in the ring and start shit.  A CAT FIGHT erupts.  Bryan and referees break it up.

Miz vs. Edge is NEXT!  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Miz eliminating John Cena from last night’s Royal Rumble.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge.  No entrances, but we get in-ring intros.  They lock up, break, lock up again.  Edge puts the boots to Miz in the corner.  Riley pulls Miz out of the ring.  Miz pulls Edge’s injured arm across the top rope, then sends his injured shoulder into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz goes to work on Edge’s arm.  Miz hits an arm stunner for 2.  Riley gets in a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Miz keeps the arm torture going.  Edge rallies and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Miz hits an armbreaker for 2.  Edge rallies and hits his face plant thing for 2 while Lawler and Cole talk about Toby Keith songs.  Edge hits an O’Connor Roll out of the corner for 2.  Miz drops Edge for a 2 count of his own.  Miz goes up top.  Edge catches him with a boot and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes for the spear.  Miz side steps it and sends Edge into corner.  John Cena appears in the crowd to taunt Miz.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 8:53.  Fine little match.  Cole goes to check on his lover, Miz.

Tonight, Raw Rumble Match!  Commercials!

Lawler and Cole announce that Stone Cold Steve Austin will host the new Tough Enough.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to be obnoxious.  She says that Edge will defend the World title on Smackdown in a way that it has never been defended before.  Uh oh, she’s getting booking ideas from Vince Russo.

WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Natalya vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  They show LayCool bitching at each other backstage before making up.  Natalya and McCool do some ground wrestling.  Natalya hits a back body drop.  Layla tags in and cowers from Natalya.  Natalya tries to do a Dominator or something.  Layla escapes and hugs McCool for dear life.  Natalya hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Eve tags in and kicks Layla a bunch, then hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Eve goes for a superplex.  McCool kicks her in the face.  Layla hits a DIAMOND DUST~! for the pin in 2:42.  I like this match just for the finish.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.

Great Khali & Mark Henry (w/ Ranjin Singh) come out for a tag match against the Usos.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the Usos don’t have a chance, so he makes it a dance off.  Fucking UGH.  They dance.  It’s fucking stupid.  The Usos jump the huge guys, which is also fucking stupid.  They get tree slammed and World’s Strongest Slammed.  Fucking ugh.  Did the writers say “Hey, we don’t have anything REALLY STUPID on the this show!  We better correct that!”

Earlier tonight, Randy Orton killed Husky Harris.

Raw Rumble tonight.  Commercials.

2/21/11!  Something’s gonna go down!  I’m sure it’s gonna be a happening.

Trailer for Triple H’s shitty looking new movie.

Justin Roberts explains the Raw Rumble stipulations.  #1 is John Morrison, who had an awesome moment in the Royal Rumble Match last night.  #2 is King Sheamus.  Commercials.

This Friday on Smackdown, Edge & Kelly Kelly vs. Dolph Ziggler & LayCool for the World Heavyweight Championship.  Seriously.

Raw Rumble Match: Morrison and Sheamus go at it.  Morrison hits some arm drags and cranks on Sheamus’ arm.  Morrison lands corner punches.  Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker.  #3 is John Cena.  Cena and Sheamus tear into each other.  Cena runs wild.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Morrison, but Morrison lands on his feet and drops Cena with an enzuigiri.  Everybody brawls for a bit.  #4 is CM Punk.  He runs wild on everyone.  Sheamus tries to dump Cena while Morrison and Punk try to eliminate each other.  Everyone fails.  #5 is R-Truth, who gets his moment to shine.  Truth throws Morrison, but Morrison skins the cat back in and flips Truth into a similar predicament.  Both save themselves from being eliminated.  Punk spikes Cena with a DDT.  Sheamus tries to eliminate Truth.  #6 is Jerry “The King” Lawler!  Lawer runs wild and punches the shit out of everyone!  Crowd chants “JERRY!”  Sheamus stops Lawler from eliminating Punk.  Sheamus tries to dump Lawler.  Punk bails under the bottom rope and hides under the ring because #7 is Randy Orton.  Orton looks drags Punk out from under the ring and kicks his ass.  They make it into the ring and Orton runs wild.  Orton eliminates Punk!  Truth eliminates Orton!  Commercials!  The five remaining guys brawl.  Cena makes his comeback on Sheamus.  He gets Morrison and Truth on his back and tries to eliminate them.  Truth goes out, but Morrison hangs on and guillotines Cena to the apron.  Cena and Morrison brawl on the apron.  Sheamus comes at them and they low bridge him to the apron.  Sheamus and Cena make it back into the ring.  Sheamus drops Lawler.  Sheamus and Morrison try to suplex each other.  Morrison almost gets eliminated, but hangs on by his feet.  Morrison slides back in and tries to eliminate Sheamus again.  Sheamus hits the slingshot shoulder block.  Cena locks Sheamus in the STF.  Sheamus taps a bunch, but it’s a Rumble.  Morrison hits them with the Starship Pain.  Lawler dumps Morrison, but Morrison keeps his feet on the apron again.  Dude is a Rumble Ninja.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck on Cena.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Sheamus catches him and puts him in the apron again.  Sheamus finally eliminates Morrison with the brogue kick.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Sheamus.  Lawler dropkicks Cena and tries to eliminate him.  Sheamus breaks it up and hammers Cena on the apron.  Sheamus throws Lawler into Cena, which knocks Cena to the floor.  Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Cena low bridges Sheamus out of the ring just to be a dick.  Lawler wins in 18:18.  Fun match.  Lawler gets a title shot an Elimination Chamber!

Fun show aside from the stupid bullshit dance thing.

WWE Royal Rumble 2011

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2011 by Chui

WWE open, cool PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Boston!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Todd Grisham are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Edge can’t use the spear because Vickie is a bitch.  She comes out to remind us of that in her nails on a chalkboard voice.  She then chants “spear” and cackles.  She then introduces Ziggler.  Chimel gives in ring intros.  They lock up.  Edge lands some punches and puts a beating on Ziggler.  Edge hits a gut buster for 2.  Edge connects with a knee lift for 2.  Ziggler rolls to the apron.  Edge slips out, pulls him down face first onto the apron, then throws him into the barricade.  Ziggler catches Edge with a shot on the way back into the ring and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler puts a beating on Edge and applies a rear chin lock.  Afterward, Ziggler hits a diving sunset flip.  Edge rolls through and catapults him into the corner for 2.  Ziggler always takes that like a champ.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2, then reapplies the rear chin lock.  Edge takes a bump off the apron into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Back to the chin lock.  Edge fights out.  Double cross body spot.  Edge avoids a charge in the corner and Ziggler eats turnbuckle again.  Edge hits a flapjack and gets the momentum going.  Weird faceplant thing gets 2.  Ziggler hits a chin breaker for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Fameasser, but Edge turns it into a powerbomb for 2.  Edge goes up top.  Ziggler cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and hits a diving cross body.  Ziggler rolls through for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Edge holds into the ropes to avoid it.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator.  Haven’t seen that one in years.  Ziggler reaches the ropes.  Ziggler avoids a charge against the ropes, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Edge drops Ziggler with a big boot.  He teases going for the spear, then realizes he can’t.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Vickie grabs the referee to stop the count.  Vickie screams at Edge and slaps him.  Ziggler almost collides with Vickie.  Edge cradles him for 2.  Vickie slaps at Edge some more.  Shouldn’t that be a DQ, referee moron?  Kelly Kelly comes out, yanks Vickie off the apron, and kicks her ass.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for 2.  Ziggler locks in the sleeper hold.  Edge manages to stand up.  They collide with the referee.  Edge hits a backpack stunner.  With Vickie and the referee dead, Edge says “fuck it” and hits the spear, then does the old Eddie Guerrero “play dead” trick.  The referee wakes up.  Edge gives a nod to his old buddy Christian and hits the Killswitch for the pin in 20:46.  Pretty decent match.

WrestleMania commercial.

Boston!

Miz/Orton hype video.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley.

WWE Championship Match: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Randy Orton.  Orton beats down Miz in the corner, then chucks him out of the ring and kicks his ass at ringside.  Back inside, Orton beats the shit out of Miz some more.  Riley interferes behind the referee’s back to allow Miz to get the advantage.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz finds his stride and gets the heat going on Orton.  Orton goes for a sleeper hold.  Miz counters and goes for a German suplex.  Orton counters and hits a backdrop suplex.  Miz lands a big boot for 2.  Miz goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton hits some clotheslines and the 3.0.  Miz rolls to the apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz back body drops him the floor.  Riley puts the boots to Orton behind the referee’s back.  Back inside, Miz covers for 2.  Miz hits a diving double axe handle for 2.  Miz stretches Orton’s neck with a chin lock.  On the outside, Miz catapults Orton into the post.  Orton barely beats the count back into the ring and immediately tackle punches Miz.  Orton gives Miz the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for 2.  Orton goes for a powerbomb.  Riley distracts him.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  They counter each others’ finish.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Miz bails, grabs the belt, and tries to leave.  Orton clotheslines him and throws him back into the ring.  Cover gets 2.  Orton ducks a basement kick and schoolboys Miz for 2.  Miz bails to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  The 4 lesser members of the New Nexus come out.  The referee goes to tell them to leave.  Riley tries to attack Orton, but Orton tosses him out of the ring and onto Nexus.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton counters and hits the RKO.  CM Punk appears and gives Orton the Go 2 Sleep, then puts Miz on top of Orton.  Miz gets the pin in 19:50.  Good match.  Cole mizzes his pants again.

Elimination Chamber commercial.

Todd Grisham reads a statement from “Dashing’ Cody Rhodes.  They show Rhodes getting his face broken by Rey Mysterio 2 weeks ago on Smackdown.

A bunch of fans give their Royal Rumble picks.  One guy actually picks Santino Marella.  I LOL’d.

We’re now set for a handicap match for the Divas Championship.  The iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that it will now be a Fatal Four-Way Match.  Eve Torres comes out to join Natalya and LayCool.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Natalya (c) vs. Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Eve Torres.  They pair off and brawl.  LayCool work together.  They actually hit a double Stroke on Eve.  I’ll keep my dirty comments to myself.  Natalya fights back and catapults Layla into McCool.  Cover on Layla, but McCool pulls her to safety.  LayCool end up face to face in the ring with both of the babyfaces down outside.  Natalya trips Layla.  Eve schoolgirls McCool.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Natalya and Eve go at it.  Layla intervenes.  Natalya puts them in a double Sharpshooter.  McCool drops Natalya with a kick.  McCool covers Eve for 2.  Eve gets an inside cradle on McCool.  Layla saves.  Layla gives Eve the Lay Out.  Eve rolls to the floor.  Natalya makes her comeback on LayCool.  Natalya hits a Michinoku Driver II on McCool.  Layla saves.  Natalya beats her up in the corner.  McCool accidentally boots Layla in the face.  Natalya schoolgirls McCool for 2, then throws her outside.  Eve throws out Natalya, then hits a moonsault press on Layla.  McCool schoolgirls Natalya at the same time, but the referee doesn’t see and counts Eve’s pin over Layla in 5:12.  Eve regains the title.  Any match with a moonsault press finish gains points with me.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Gail Kim).  The Bella Twins interrupt to apologize for last week.  They start arguing and a catfight breaks out.  Bryan gets slapped again.

WrestleMania commercial.

Boston!

Rumble “By The Numbers” video.

Justin Roberts gives us our annual explanation of how the Royal Rumble works.  I miss Howard Finkel.

CM Punk comes out as #1.  The Corre come out and jump Punk.  The New Nexus come out to save their master.  The Nexus and The Corre brawl.  iBooker dings in at the same time I get a text message on my iPhone.  That always trips me out.  Cole calls for the officials to restore order and orders everyone but Punk to the back.  And NOW it’s Rumble time!

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is CM Punk.  #2 is WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Punk grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Punk does a drop down.  Bryan catches him with a dropkick, then lands a clothesline.  They fail to eliminate each other.  Bryan hits a missile dropkick.  Punk avoids a charge in the corner.  #3 is Justin Gabriel.  He immediately goes after Punk.  Punk sends him to the apron.  Punk and Bryan clothesline each other.  Gabriel says “fuck it” and goes for the 450 splash.  Punk avoids it.  Bryan backdrops Gabriel out of the ring to eliminate him.  #4 Zack Ryder.  He runs wild and hits face washes on Bryan and Punk.  Bryan elevates Ryder, who hits Punk with the Rough Ryder.  Bryan hip tosses Ryder out of the ring.  Bryan lands some kicks on Punk.  They fight over eliminating each other again.  #5 is William Regal!  Regal mauls some fuckers.  It’s awesome.  Regal blasts Punk with the knee trembler.  Bryan and Regal trade European uppercuts.  Punk drops Regal with a head kick.  Bryan drops Punk with a head kick, then gives Regal another head kick just to make sure he’s good and dead.  #6 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Dibiase runs wild briefly.  Bryan kicks Regal to death some more while Dibiase tries to eliminate Punk.  Bryan tries to eliminate Dibiase, but fails.  #7 John Morrison.  Morrison runs wild.  Flying Chuck to Punk.  C4 to Bryan.  Regal knocks Morrison off the apron.  Morrison grabs onto the barricade, walks along it, and leaps to the steps!  Dibiase eliminates Regal.  Morrison drops Regal with a kick for good measure.  His feet never touched the ground, so he’s still in the Rumble!  #8 is Yoshi Tatsu!  Yoshi brawls with Dibiase and Punk while Morrison beats up Bryan in the corner.  Morrison lands on his feet from a German suplex attempt by Bryan.  #9 Husky Harris.  He attacks everyone and guards Punk.  Punk gives Bryan a backdrop suplex.  #10 is Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo gets his moment to run wild.  He hits Two Amigos on everybody, but only manages to complete the 3 on Bryan.  Chavo hits Harris with a missile dropkick.  #11 is Mark Henry!  Somebody gone get they ass kicked!  Henry eliminates Chavo.  Yoshi tries to chop Henry to no avail.  Henry clotheslines Yoshi out of the ring.  Boo!  Punk and Harris beat down Henry.  #12 is JTG.  He gets his moment to shine.  Harris tries to eliminate Bryan.  #13 is Michael McGillicutty, so there are three New Nexus guys in now.  McGillicutty eliminates JTG.  Everybody brawls.  Harris and McGillicutty back body drop Dibiase to the floor.  #14 is Chris Masters.  He goes after Nexus, which isn’t that bright, because there are three of them.  He hits a spinebuster on McGillicutty, then gets Punk in the Master Lock and tries to eliminate him.  McGillicutty saves Punk and stomps on Masters in the corner.  #15 is David Otunga.  Four Nexus guys in.  Punk (I think) eliminates Bryan.  Boo!  Nexus eliminates Masters and Morrison.  I think I missed Dibiase getting eliminated somewhere.  Nexus team up to dump Henry.  It’s all Nexus now.  #16 is Tyler Reks.  He charges right in like an idiot.  Nexus beats him down.  Punk drops him with a head kick and eliminates him.  #17 is WWE Tag Team Champion Vladimir Kozlov.  Nexus beat him down.  Punk tosses him.  #18 is R-Truth.  Another Nexus beatdown.  Another elimination by Punk.  Why don’t these guys just wait for a few more entrants to come in so they have a fighting chance?  #19 is Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh)!  Khali beats up everybody.  Khali eliminates Harris.  Punk begs off.  Khali beats him up.  #20 is Mason Ryan.  We’re back to having four Nexus guys.  Ryan and Khali brawl.  Ryan eliminates Khali!  #21 is BOOKER T!  Big pop for Booker.  Ryan immediately jumps him.  Booker rallies and runs wild.  Ryan gets a Harlem side kick.  Otunga gets a scissors kick.  McGillicutty gets a Book End.  The epic return of the SPINAROONIE!  Punk attacks Booker.  Booker tries to eliminate him.  Ryan saves Punk and tosses Booker.  Aww.  #22 is John Cena!  Cena runs wild on Nexus.  Cena low bridges Ryan out of the ring, then clotheslines Otunga and McGillicutty to the floor.  Punk’s all alone now!  They go at it.  Cena counters the Go 2 Sleep.  They do a double clothesline spot.  #23 is… Hornswoggle.  Fucking Hornswoggle.  Punk knocks him down and goes back after Cena.  Cena eliminates Punk with the Attitude Adjustment out of the ring.  All of that build just for Super Cena to eliminate all of Nexus?  Cena and Hornswoggle are working together now.  #24 is Tyson Kidd.  Cena and Hornswoggle double team him.  Of course I’m serious.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.  He helps Horswoggle hit one as well.  Tyson is probably seriously rethinking his career choice right now.  Cena dumps Kidd.  #25 is Heath Slater.  Cena gives him shoulder blocks.  Hornswoggle gives Slater a stunner.  Cena and Hornswoggle do a double Five Knuckle Shuffle.  So a Ten Knuckle Shuffle?  Hornswoggle hits the tadpole splash.  Cena tosses Slater.  #26 is WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  Cena and Kofi look up at the big WrestleMania sign, then lock up.  Kofi leapfrogs Cena and connects with an elbow.  Kofi hits corner punches.  Cena hits a clothesline.  #27 is Jack Swagger.  Swagger runs wild.  He’s not playing nice.  Swagger hits Vader Bombs on Cena and Kingston.  Swagger stalks Hornswoggle after he starts some shit.  Kofi hits Swagger with a diving cross body.  Kingston uses Hornswoggle as a springboard to hit the Boom Drop.  #28 is Sheamus!  Sheamus beats up everyone.  Hornswoggle wants to fight.  Sheamus casually shoves him down.  Hornswoggle hits Sweet Shin Music.  Sheamus tries to toss him, but is saved by Cena.  Hornswoggle goes for the tadpole splash, but Sheamus recovers and eliminates him with the brogue kick.  Thank God.  #29 is Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio runs wild and hits lots of flippy twirly moves.  He goes for the 619 on Swagger, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Kofi hits Sheamus with the Trouble In Paradise.  Mysterio sends Swagger to the apron, then eliminates him with the 619.  #30 is Wade Barrett.  Barrett beats up everyone.  #31 is Dolph Ziggler.  So he gets a title shot and a Rumble spot?  He looks sore from earlier, but he sucks it up and beats up everyone.  There are a few near eliminations.  #32 is DIESEL!  Motherfucking Diesel!  The crowd LOVES him.  Diesel runs wild in his slow, plodding way.  A fucking “DIESEL!” chant in 2011!  #33 is Drew McIntyre.  McIntyre and Sheamus beat down Diesel, who the crowd still LOVES.  Mysterio finally gets revenge for that lawn dart thing and hits Diesel with a 619.  Barrett and Diesel brawl.  Sheamus and McIntyre are working together.  #34 is Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Cole marks out.  Diesel misses a big boot, crotches himself, and gets eliminated by Barrett.  The crowd DOES NOT like that.  Cole does like it when Miz joins the commentary team.  #35 is The Big Show.  He and Diesel stare at each other in the aisle.  Show hits the ring and runs wild.  Show chokeslams Barrett, then tosses Ziggler.  #36 is Ezekiel Jackson.  Show eliminates Ziggler.  Zeke runs wild and eliminates Big Show!  Zeke kicks ass.  He and Barrett work together.  #37 is WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella.  Marella tries to beat up Zeke.  Zeke yells at him.  Sheamus drops Santino the the brogue kick.  Santino rolls under the bottom rope to the floor.  Zeke and Barrett try to eliminate Cena.  #38 is Alberto Del Rio, introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez.  He’s in no hurry to get in the ring.  #39 is Randy Orton.  He attacks Del Rio in the aisle and throws him into the steps, then into the ring.  RKOs to Del Rio, Sheamus, and Kofi.  Orton tosses Kofi, then clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Orton and Sheamus face off.  #40 is Kane.  He runs wild until he’s cut off by Big Zeke.  Kane low bridges Zeke out of the ring.  Mysterio eliminates Kane.  Barrett eliminates Mysterio.  Final four are Cena, Barrett, Del Rio, and Orton.  They pair off and brawl.  Cena and Orton beat up the heels, then face off again.  They brawl.  They counters each others’ finishes.  Barrett attacks Cena again.  Barrett beats up Orton while Del Rio beats up Cena.  Cena gives Del Rio the Attitude Adjustment.  Alex Riley comes back.  Cena decks him.  Miz sneaks in and eliminates Cena!  Cena is pissed.  Barrett and Del Rio beat down Orton.  Orton makes his comeback.  Powerslam on Barrett.  3.0 on Del Rio.  Orton humps the mat.  Orton eliminates Barrett.  Del Rio dumps Orton to win the Rumble in 1:08:42.  BUT WAIT!  SANTINO IS UP!  And he was never eliminated!  Santino hits the Cobra!  Santino dances around like a goof.  Del Rio throws him out to win the Rumble for real in 1:09:54.  Ricardo goes crazy.  Funniest Rumble finish ever!  Del Rio points at the WrestleMania sign as some pyro goes off behind it.  Ricardo keeps yelling “ALBERTO DEL RIO!”  Awesome.

Good show.  The Rumble is always good times.