Archive for Mae Young

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 11/19/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video package of shit that went down last week, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio cuts a promo about Survivor Series.  They show Del Rio beating Sergeant Slaughter on Monday’s Raw.  MVP comes out to his horrible entrance music and cuts a promo on Del Rio about having respect for legends.  Del Rio says MVP will never be a legend, but Del Rio already is one.  Them’s fightin’ words to MVP, but Del Rio bitches down because he has a match with Mysterio tonight, but says MVP couldn’t handle him anyway.  He books MVP vs. Drew McIntyre, so apparently Del Rio has booking power now.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Drew McIntyre.  They brawl.  MVP hits a crappy belly to belly suplex.  McIntyre bails.  MVP follows.  McIntyre reverses MVP into the barricade.  MVP hot shots McIntyre into the barricade, then throws him back in the ring.  Commercials.  Less than a minute into the match.  MVP front suplexes McIntyre into the ropes.  McIntyre bails and tries to hide under the ring.  MVP goes after him.  McIntyre pulls MVP’s arm into the metal part of the ring, then rams his arm into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre works MVP’s arm.  MVP makes his comeback and hits a misplaced Yakuza kick for 2.  MVP hits his weak Exploder, then the Ballin’ elbow.  McIntyre boots MVP in the bad arm and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  McIntyre beats up MVP in the corner.  The referee separates them.  MVP hits the Shining Yakuza kick for the pin in 7:28.  It was fine.  His music is still awful.

Edge is backstage ranting about Kane to Paul Bearer, who is still bound and gagged.  How did Edge get him all the way from England to Virginia?  Edge pulls the tape off of Bearer’s mouth.  Bearer screams for Kane.  Edge says nobody knows where they are.  Except for, you know, the camera guy.  Edge wants to race wheel chairs.  Bearer refuses to participate.  This is retarded.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. complains to Teddy Long in the office.  Kane storms in.  Chavo leaves.  Kane sits down and asks where Paul Bearer is.  Teddy doesn’t know.  Kane doesn’t believe him, so he screams a lot and wrecks Teddy’s office.

Survivor Series Showdown Match: Chris Masters vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger takes Masters down.  Masters punches Swagger in the face.  Swagger rams Masters into the corner, then hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger applies an abdominal stretch.  Masters hip tosses his way free, hits a Samoan drop, and gets rolling.  Masters hits a diving shoulder block for 2.  Swagger kicks Masters in the knee.  Masters goes for the Master Lock.  Swagger steps over the ropes to the apron to break it.  Neat!  Swagger rams Masters’ ankle into the post.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:58.  Fine.

Edge talks to Paul Bearer some more, then throws a ball at him.  This is TNA levels of stupid.  Commercials.

Moments ago, that ^ retarded shit happened.

Kaval is in the ring for a match against Dolph Ziggler.  They show Ziggler beating Mark Henry on Raw.  Ziggler comes out, cuts a promo, and insults Kaval, calling him a “nobody.”

Non-Title: Kaval vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Ziggler beats up Kaval.  Cole goes on his usual tirade about the internet.  Kaval sends Ziggler’s shoulder into the post.  Kaval gets rolling and hits a handspring cross body for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag.  Kaval holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  They trade cradles.  Kaval rolls through one and gets the pin in 1:57.  Kaval finally won a match!  He looks as shocked at winning as Ziggler does at losing.  Kaval celebrates, then says that he’s taking his PPV title shot (that he got for winning NXT) to face Ziggler for the Intercontinental title at Survivor Series.

Tonight, Del Rio vs. Mysterio!  Next, Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Edge pushes Paul Bearer around in the wheelchair.  This shit is so fucking stupid.

Survivor Series Showdown Match: Kofi Kingston vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  They lock up.  Rhodes hides in the ropes, then cheap shots Kofi.  Kofi hits Rhodes in the face.  Rhodes bails and throws a fit, then looks at himself in the mirror on his ring jacket.  Commercials.  Less than a minute into the match.  Rhodes beats up Kingston.  He’s good and pissed off.  Kofi takes Rhodes down with a headlock.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  Rhodes bails again.  Kofi hits a baseball slide dropkick and throws Rhodes back into the ring.  Rhodes hits a couple of front suplexes and a knee drop for 2.  Rhodes pulls Kofi’s middle into the ring post.  Cover gets 2.  They brawl a bit.  Kofi gets the better of it and beats Rhodes down in the corner.  The referee makes his break.  Kofi gets rolling.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner, then a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop, then goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Rhodes easily avoids it and misses his slingshot kick.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 10:19.  This didn’t do anything for me.

Kane rants at Rosa Mendez backstage.  Random.

Tonight, Del Rio vs. Mysterio!  Commercials.

Smack of the Night: Tthose “little bitches” LayCool talking shit to Mae Young on Raw.

WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Natalya & Kelly Kelly.  The title is no longer being referred to as “Unified.”  Layla and Kelly lock up.  Kelly hits a Thesz press and rams Layla’s head into the mat.  I fucking hate that shit.  Natalya tags in and Irish whips Layla.  McCool tags in.  Natalya hits a wheelbarrow German on McCool for 2.  Natalya gets a reverse cradle just after Layla blind tags in.  LayCool hit a double big boot.  Layla pins Natalya in 1:12.  That was… flat.  This was pointless.  I guess LayCool had to get their heat back after losing to an 87 year old woman on Raw.

Edge has pizza, bread sticks, and wings.  He abuses Paul Bearer with a bread stick, pours marinara sauce on him, shoves a brownie into his ear, throws hot wings on him, and hits him in the head with a pizza.  I’m starting to hate wrestling again.  Edge says it’s time to go see Kane and wheels Bearer away.

The Big Show is headed our way!  Commercials!

Kane is sulking somewhere outside.  He breaths like he’s about to ejaculate, then gets up and yells, then sits down and cries.

Survivor Series Showdown Match: The Big Show vs. Tyler Reks.  Reks tries.  You have to give the guy credit.  Show grabs him by the throat.  Reks fights out and drops Show with a lariat for 2.  Reks goes for a kick, but Show catches his foot.  Show makes his comeback and hits the chokeslam for the pin in 1:19.  Lots of really short matches tonight.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio.

Update: Mean Gene Okerlund plugs merchandise!  Commercials.

John Cena video package.

Survivor Series hype.

Edge and Paul Bearer has arrived to the arena.  They both call for Kane.  Edge goes to put Paul back in the van.  Ugh.

Kane has heard Paul Bearer’s cry.  He walks past Caylen Croft and some geek with a tattoo on the side of his neck.  That ends up being Croft’s last hurrah in WWE.  Kane finds Paul in the van.  Edge jumps off the top of the van, beats Kane up, then leaves to throw Paul Bearer into the river or something.  This shit is awful.  Commercials.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez (again) to introduce Alberto Del Rio (again).

Survivor Series Showdown Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Del Rio wins the lock up and the cheap shot.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio fights back.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Del Rio in the head for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio bails.  Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, and Tyler Reks run in and attack Mysterio to cause the DQ in 1:51.  Kofi Kingston, Chris Masters, MVP, and The Big Show make the save.  Teddy Long comes out and orders a 10-man Battle Royal NEXT!  Commercials.

Survivor Series Showdown Battle Royal featuring Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, Tyler Reks, Rey Mysterio Jr., The Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Chris Masters, and Montel Vontavious Porter.  Everybody brawls for a long time.  Masters eliminates Rhodes.  Kofi and Masters try to eliminate Reks, but fail.  Mysterio fails to eliminate Del Rio.  Reks eliminates Masters.  More brawling.  Kofi eliminates Reks.  Mysterio fails to eliminate McIntyre.  MVP drops a knee on Del Rio’s face.  McIntyre eliminates Kingston.  Del Rio dumps MVP.  Show tosses McIntyre.  Mysterio eliminates Del Rio with a head scissors.  Mysterio hits Swagger with the Bombs Away.  Swagger locks him in the ankle lock.  Mysterio counters out.  Show kicks Swagger.  Mysterio hits the 619.  Show eliminates Swagger.  Show and Mysterio win in 5:17.

Pretty lame Smackdown this week.  Let’s hope Survivor Series is better.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE WrestleMania XXVI

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

Justin Roberts welcomes us to WrestleMania, then Fantasia sings “American The Beautiful.”  After that, we get the usually awesome WrestleMania opening video.

Slim Jim and WWE present WrestleMania!  AWESOME pyro and ballyhoo.  The University of Phoenix Stadium is a big fucking building.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announce team.  Justin Roberts is ring announcer for the first match.  Also, the Spanish announce table is back!  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Former partners Miz and Morrison start.  Morrison lands a big dropkick for 2.  Morrison slams Miz and makes the tag to R-Truth.  Morrison hits a flippy leg drop and Truth hits a diving leg drop for 2.  Truth does his big side kick, then Big Show tags in.  R-Truth tries, but Show hits a big fall away slam.  Show shoves Morrison off the apron and goes for the Vader Bomb on R-Truth.  Morrison springs back up and hits a kick from the apron.  Truth covers for 2.  Morrison and Miz tag and do their thing.  Morrison hits a flap jack.  Miz gets a Brisco Roll out of the corner, but Morrison rolls through and knees Miz in the face.  Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, but misses when Show pulls Miz out of the ring.  Truth dives at Show, but gets caught and posted.  Miz comes back in and covers Morrison for 2.  Miz goes for his finish, but Morrison neatly turns it into a cradle for 2.  Show makes the tag.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck while Show is still on the apron, but Show catches him with the KO punch for the pin in 3:24.  Good little match while it lasted.

Clips of Axxess and other happenings of WrestleMania week.

Triple Threat Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton.  They square off, with Rhodes and Dibiase on the same page.  Orton takes the fight to both of them.  Dibiase cuts him off with a dropkick and they double team him.  Orton fights back, but gets cut off again.  Rhodes lands a knee drop and goes up top for a moonsault.  Dibiase covers Orton behind Rhodes’ back.  Rhodes breaks the cover and throws Dibiase out of the ring, then hits the Alabama Slam on Orton for 2, as Dibiase makes it back it to save.  Dibiase decks Rhodes and they fight.  Orton makes a comeback on both of them.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Rhodes and goes into his mat humping routine.  Dibiase pulls him out of the ring.  Rhodes does a dive, but Orton avoids it and only Dibiase gets hit.  Orton catches them both coming back in and hits a DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat again, preparing to hit the RKO on Rhodes.  He rethinks it and hits the PUNT OF DOOM instead.  Dibiase comes back in and goes for the Dream Street, but Orton counters and hits the RKO for the pin in 9:01.  It had its moments, but it was mostly pretty meh.  There’s this awesome round video screen that lowers to the ring and shows the guy’s logo at various points in the show.

Please, Don’t Try This!

Josh Matthews interviews Vickie Guerrero, with Michelle McCool, Maryse, Layla, and Alicia Fox.  Vickie talks to massive heat.  Jillian Hall steps in and sings horribly.  The other women leave her and Santino Marella steps in.  He bites into a Slim Jim and Jillian turns into Mae Young, who kisses him.  He bites it again and Mae turns into Mean Gene Okerlund.  He bites it again and Gene turns into Melina.  Santino seems satisfied with this.  That was stupid.

Savannah gets on the show as the ring announcer for Money In The Bank.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane vs. Christian.  Everybody brawls.  Somebody throws in a ladder and McIntyre immediately sets it up and climbs.  Hardy knocks it over.  McIntyre takes Bourne’s knees, Hardy’s Twist of Fate, and MVP’s Yakuza kick in short order.  Everybody tries to climb the ladder and everybody cuts everybody else off.  Kane chokeslams Bourne out of the ring onto MVP and Benjamin.  Hardy and Swagger fight on top of the ladder, but Kingston uses another ladder to knock that ladder over.  Christian whips Hardy into Swagger in the corner, throws a ladder against them, and monkey flips Kofi into the ladder.  Christian tries to climb the other ladder, but Ziggler cuts him off with a fucked up Zig Zag off of the ladder.  Ziggler climbs, but MVP cuts him off.  MVP clips, but Kane cuts him off, rams him into the ladder, and goes for a chokeslam, but Kofi hits Kane with a ladder.  Kofi, Shelton, and MVP ram a ladder into Kane.  Kofi runs up it and punches Kane, then takes a bump into the ladder.  MVP Yakuza kicks Kane.  Benjamin hits the Paydirt on MVP.  McIntyre gets hit by somebody/something.  Shelton climbs a ladder, but Swagger hits him with the other ladder, then hits Kane and MVP with the ladder.  Bourne comes off the top with the double knees on Swagger.  Bourne puts the boots to Swagger, then Christian and Hardy ram two ladders into Swagger, who is stuck between the original ladder.  There’s now a crazy ladder platform thing.  Hardy takes a bump off the ladder.  Christian goes for the Killswitch on Bourne off of the horizontal ladder.  Bourne counters him and hits a Shooting Star press!  Bourne goes for the prize, but Hardy cuts him off and hip tosses him off the ladder.  BIG BUMP.  Swagger cuts Hardy off and sends him for another BIG BUMP into the remaining horizontal ladder.  Man, trying to describe these matches is difficult.  MVP and Shelton fight on top of a ladder.  MVP takes a bump, then tries to powerbomb Shelton, but Shelton turns it into a rana that takes them both of the ring.  Kane clotheslines them with a ladder.  Kane climbs the ladder in the ring, but Ziggler climbs over him.  Kane pushes the ladder over, sending Ziggler into the ropes.  Kane throws the ladder at Ziggler, who ducks.  Shelton brings another ladder in.  Kane chokeslams Ziggler onto the ladder.  Fucking OUCH.  Kane sandwiches Ziggler in the ladder and kills him with it, breaking the ladder.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise on Kane.  Instead of getting a functional ladder, Kofi uses the two ladder halves as stilts.  Funny, but stupid.  McIntyre cuts him off and sends him into the top rope and out of the ring.  McIntyre brings in a working ladder and climbs for the prize.  Hardy comes in to cut him off, but McIntyre rams his face into the ladder.  Hardy pushes the ladder over and McIntyre crotches himself on the top rope.  Hardy sets the ladder back up as Kane tries to set up another ladder.  Hardy kicks him away.  Christian climbs Kane’s ladder and rides it over to fight Hardy.  Kane climbs up the other side of the 2 ladders and goozles them both, but they fight him off.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Christian hits the reverse DDT off the top of the ladder.  Christian climbs again, but Swagger cuts him off.  Christian climbs the other ladder, but Swagger climbs up the other side and swings the briefcase into Christian’s face to knock him off.  Swagger takes forever to unhook the briefcase, but eventually does, and wins it in 13:44.  Surprise winner of the night.  The match was the typically fun crazy spotfest.

Extreme Rules, LIVE on PPV April 25!

The announcers talk about the Hall of Fame.  They show clips from last night’s ceremony.

Howard Finkel(!) is out to introduce the Hall of Fame Class of 2010: Stu Hart (represented by the Hart family), Wendi Richter, Mad Dog Vachon (escorted by one of the Bella Twins), Antonio Inoki, Bob Uecker, Gorgeous George (represented by former wife, Betty, who was escorted by the other Bella), and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase!  Feel good moment.

Plug for the horrible WrestleMania theme.

Triple H/Sheamus video package.

Outside shot of the big ass stadium.  Man, I’d had trying to get out of that parking lot after the show.

Sheamus vs. Triple H.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Triple H into the corner, shoves him, and yells at him.  They lock up again .  Triple H backs Sheamus into the corner and slaps him.  Triple H goes for an early Pedigree, but Sheamus scampers to the relative safety of the corner.  Triple H hits a suplex and a knee drop (prefixed by a crotch chop) for 2.  Sheamus bails.  Triple H follows and sends him into the barricade, then back into the ring.  Triple H clips Sheamus’ leg and locks in a figure-four leglock.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus bails again.  Triple H follows and gets thrown into the steps.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker.  Twice.  Sheamus keeps the heat on Triple H, then poses to get one of the first crowd reactions of the night.  They brawl and the dead crowd livens up a bit.  Sheamus hits a Polish hammer for 2.  Sheamus hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus works Triple H’s shoulder.  Triple H rallies and spikes Sheamus with a DDT.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO, YAY!” from the crowd.  Triple H hits the high knee and the facebuster for 2.  Sheamus counters a Pedigree attempt, but Triple H hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge off the middle rope.  They counter each other’s moves until Sheamus lands the pump kick, but Triple H kicks out.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge again, fails, and Triple H hits the spinebuster for 2.  Sheamus hits the pump kick from the apron.  Sheamus picks up a limp Triple H to go for the Razor’s Edge again, but Triple H springs to life and hits the Pedigree for the pin in 12:09.  Good match.  Triple H celebrates.

Edge’s Slim Jim commercial.

Mysterio/Punk video package.

Tony Chimel makes his first appearance… er, first… speaking role!  …of the night.

CM Punk cuts his usual promo as the Straight Edge Society make their way to the ring.  Mysterio’s music plays, but he takes a while coming out because the elevator thing that was supposed to shoot up for his entrance didn’t work and he had to climb out of the hole in the stage.  He finally makes his way out in a weird looking blue Avatar outfit.

CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio has to join the Straight Edge Society if he loses.  Gallows and Serena distract Mysterio to let Punk jump him for the early advantage.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the bottom turnbuckle, then tries a moonsault, but ends up getting stomped in the tree of woe.  Serena chokes him behind the referee’s back.  Mysterio avoids a baseball slide dropkick and Punk crotches himself on the post.  Outside, Punk wheelbarrows Mysterio into the steps.  Back inside, Punk clamps on a rear chin lock.  Mysterio escapes and fires some kicks and forearms.  Mysterio hits a springboard Bombs Away and tries a springboard cross body, but Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip, but Punk avoids the kick and schoolboys Mysterio for 2.  Punk NAILS Mysterio with a kick to the head for 2.  Punk tries to hold Mysterio on the mat for a series of 2 counts.  Mysterio hits the crazy rope walk DDT that he used to do to Eddie Guerrero for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Punk catches him.  Mysterio counters the Go 2 Sleep twice and goes up top.  He does the Eddie shimmy and goes for the frog splash, but Punk moves.  Punk covers for 2.  Punk hits the knee to the corner, but Mysterio avoids the bulldog.  Mysterio counters a powerbomb and goes for the 619, but Serena covers Punk to save him.  Gallows gets on the apron to distract Mysterio.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep again, but Mysterio ranas him into the ropes and hits the 619 and the diving splash for the pin in 6:30.  Really good match for the time they had.  Another 5-10 minutes they might have stolen the show.

Bret Hart/Vince McMahon video package.

Bret comes out first to a great reaction. Vince comes out and says that Bret deserves a WrestleMania sized screwing.  He shelled out a bunch of money to buy himself some lumberjacks and a guest referee… Bret’s family!  The Hart Dynasty and Bret’s brothers and sisters come out with Vince.  Bruce Hart takes off his jacket to reveal a referee shirt.  Bret says he knows the Harts all got paid up front.  Bret says there’s nothing sweeter than a good double cross.  He tells Vince that the Harts are all together, and tonight will be the night Bret screwed Vince.  Vince realizes that he is, in fact, screwed.

No Holds Barred Lumberjack Match: Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon.  Bret beats up Vince.  Vince goes outside to get beaten up by some of the ringside Harts.  David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and one of Bret’s brothers beat up Vince.  The Hart Dynasty hold Vince so Natalya can slap him.  The Hart Dynasty hits Vince with a Hart Attack on the outside, then they throw Vince back into the ring, where Bret kills him some more.  Bret attacks Vince’s leg.  Vince grabs a crowbar from under the ring and scares all of the ringside Harts into stepping back.  He tries to attack Bret with it, but Bret kills him some more, gets the crowbar, and kills him with that.  This goes on for a long time.  Bret teases the Sharpshooter, but kicks Vince in the balls a few times instead.  Bret gets tired and sits down in a chair for a bit as Vince tries to make it to his feet.  Bret hits Vince with the chair 18 times.  I counted.  Bret finally locks Vince in the Sharpshooter for the submission victory in 11:09.  This went WAY too long.  They could have accomplished the same thing in 5 minutes.  At least they had the right ending.  The Hart family celebrates.

WrestleMania XXVII will be April 3, 2011 in the Georgia Dome in Atlanta!

Justin Roberts announces the attendance at 72,219.

Edge/Jericho video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Edge.  They lock up and do some basic wrestling.  That’s a good way to start any match.  Edge gets the advantage and pounds Jericho in the corner.  Jericho responds in kind.  Edge hits a flapjack and goes for an early spear, but Jericho bails.  They fight on the outside for a minute.  Jericho makes it back inside first and lands a baseball slide dropkick that knocks Edge off of the apron.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex for 2, then applies a neck/shoulder lock.  Edge fights out and avoids Jericho in the corner, causing Jericho to spear the post.  Edge hits a big kick.  Jericho slingshots Edge into the top rope, then goes for his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Edge avoids it, sends Jericho to the floor, and hits a shoulder block off of the apron.  Back inside, Edge hits a front suplex off the top rope for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Edge avoids it.  Jericho avoids Edge in the corner, but Edge hits a diving cross body.  Jericho rolls through for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho again, but fails again.  Edge hits a diving sunset flip for 2.  Jericho reverses it into a pinning predicament for 2, then kicks Edge in the face.  Edge avoids the Codebreaker and goes for the spear, but Jericho avoids it and schoolboys Edge into the Walls of Jericho.  Edge escapes.  Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Edge avoids it and hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Jericho rocks Edge with an enzuigiri.  Edge rallies and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Jericho boots Edge in the face and comes off of the second rope with a forearm to the back of the head.  Jericho sets up for a spear.  Edge boots him in the face and goes for the spear himself, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker!  Jericho takes too long to cover and only gets 2.  Jericho stomps Edge’s previously injured leg, then locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Edge struggles to reach the ropes, but Jericho pulls him back to the middle and turns it into a half crab on the bad leg.  Edge manages to reach the ropes and surprises Jericho with a front cradle for 2.  Edge clotheslines Jericho and takes them both of the ring.  Jericho grabs the championship belt.  Edge cuts him off and throws him back to the apron.  Edge accidentally bumps the ref.  Jericho hits Edge with the belt for 2.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin 15:47.  REALLY good match, but the finish felt a bit anticlimactic.  Jericho tries to injure Edge’s leg after the match, but Edge goes crazy and kicks his ass.  Edge clears off the announce tables and runs across them, spearing Jericho into the barricade.

They show highlights of the pre-show 26-man Battle Royal, won by Yoshi Tatsu!  He knocked Zack Ryder off of the apron with a head kick to win it.

WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, & Layla vs. Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres.  Vickie pushes into Gail with her bulk.  Beth tags in and beats up Vickie.  Eve, Gail, Mickie, and Kelly each take a turn doing the same.  Vickie screams at Kelly and hits her fucked up Fameasser.  McCool saves Vickie and hits the Styles Clash on Kelly.  Everybody takes turns hitting there moves, half of them botched.  Beth goes for Vickie, but McCool saves her again.  With everybody else out, McCool and Layla help Vickie up top to hit the most horrible looking frog splash ever on Kelly Kelly.  Vickie fucks up her cover and takes 2 tries to pin her, but finally does to end this abortion in 3:24.  Fucking awful.  Vickie does the Eddie shimmy.  I have to believe Eddie Guerrero is turning over in his grave.

Batista/Cena video package.  On first viewing, I HATED this match, but for the most part I’ve liked these matches more on second viewing.  Except for that divas clusterfuck.  Fuck that.

Batista has a lone spotlight for his entrance, while Cena has a bunch of soldier types doing rifle tricks for his.

WWE Championship Match: Batista (c) vs. John Cena.  They fuck around a bit, then Cena works a headlock takedown.  Cena beats up Batista, then gets walloped with a clothesline to the back of the head.  Batista beats up Cena in the corner.  Cena blocks a suplex and hits one of his own.  Batista lands awkwardly on his ass and legs.  Cena hits a bulldog-like facebuster for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Batista spikes him with a botched looking DDT.  Batista locks in a scissored sleeper.  Cena fights out.  They do the “BOO, YAY!” punch exchange, with Cena getting booed.  Batista hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Cena starts his comeback and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Batista catches him with the spinebuster.  He goes for the Batista Bomb, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Batista gets a rope break, then spears Cena for 2.  Batista goes for a superplex, but they end up doing a test of strength on the middle ropes.  Cena fights Batista off and hits a diving Five Knuckle Shuffle, then goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Batista counters and hits the Batista Bomb for 2.  They counter each other’s finishers until Cena manages to hit the Attitude Adjusment for 2.  Cena comes off the top, but Batista catches him mid-air with what I guess was a horribly botched Batista Bomb.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb again, but Cena locks him in the STF for the win in 13:30 to regain the WWE Championship.  Batista hilariously keeps tapping after Cena releases the hold.  I didn’t hate it as much as I did the first time, but I still don’t think it was very good.  Slow, plodding, and they botched a lot of stuff.

Extreme Rules!  NEXT MONTH!

Undertaker/Shawn Michaels video package.

Streak vs. Career Match: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels.  They start with a staredown.  Michaels does Undertaker’s throat slash gesture.  The bell rings and they go at it.  Michaels hits Undertaker with a bunch of chops.  Taker whips Michaels into the corner, then hits Snake Eyes and the big boot.  Taker clotheslines Shawn in the corner, then goes for Old School.  Michaels fights it, but Taker manages to hit it.  He immediately regrets it, because he injures his knee upon landing.  Michaels avoids the chokeslam and kicks at Taker’s leg.  Undertaker rallies and goes for the Tombstone, but Michaels counters and goes for the crossface.  Taker avoids it and twists Shawn’s arm a bit.  Shawn throws a superkick, but Taker avoids it.  Shawn kicks the shit out of Undertaker’s knee some more.  Taker fires back with his big punches and clotheslines Shawn out of the ring.  Taker thinks about a dive, but Michaels rushes back in and clips the bad leg.  Michaels goes for a figure-four, but Taker kicks him out of the ring.  Taker follows and rams Shawn into the post.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP!  “VINTAGE!”  Back inside, Michaels locks Undertaker in the figure-four leglock.  Taker suffers for a bit, but manages to reverse it, so Michaels releases the hold.  I’ve never understood how that works.  They trade blows.  Michaels realizes how dumb an idea that is and goes back to chopping Taker.  Well, Taker was still punching him, so it’s a moot point.  Michaels hits the flying forearm and nips up, only to get chokeslammed.  Taker covers for 2.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters and locks him in an ankle lock.  Taker fights out.  Michaels clotheslines him, which sends them both out of the ring.  Michaels goes for a springboard cross body, but Undertaker catches him and Tombstones him on the floor!  Trainers come out to check on Michaels, but Taker picks him up, puts him back in the ring, covers, and Shawn kicks out!  Taker goes for the Last Ride, but Michaels turns it into a facebuster for 2.  Michaels goes for the diving elbow drop, but Taker catches him with his knees.  It hurts Michaels, but also worsens Taker’s injured knee.  Taker locks int he Hell’s Gate, but Michaels turns it into a jackknife hold for 2.  Sweet counter.  Michaels NAILS the superkick, covers, and TAKER KICKS OUT!  Michaels tunes up the band.  This time, Taker catches him and DRIVES him to the mat with the last ride.  Cover, but MICHAELS KICKS OUT this time.  Taker throws Michaels out of the ring.  Taker clears off the announce table and goes for the Last Ride again.  Michaels escapes and superkicks Taker onto the table.  Michaels goes to the top rope and hits a MOONSAULT to Taker’s knees THROUGH the announce table!  Michaels takes Undertaker back into the ring as Lawler speculates that Taker’s leg is broken.  Michaels NAILS another superkick, covers, and TAKER KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Michaels goes for another one, but Taker hits a BIG chokeslam.  Taker sells his leg, then picks Michaels up and hits a second Tombstone Piledriver.  1, 2, MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers his straps and begins the throat slash.  He’s got a nasty cut on his arm.  He stops mid-slash and looks down at Michaels, appearing to have some sort of sympathy for this man who has fought him so valiantly.  Michaels struggles to get up.  Taker yells at him to stay down.  Michaels gets to his knees and does the throat slash, then SLAPS Taker.  Taker gets pissed and FUCKING SPIKES Michaels with a JUMPING Tombstone Piledriver for the pin in 24:00.  Fucking amazing match.  It wasn’t quite the match they had last year, but still fucking amazing.  They do a HUGE pyro display on the stage and outside of the stadium as the big screen reads “18-0.”  Undertaker helps Michaels to his feet and they shake hands and hug.  Taker leaves to let Michaels have his farewell moment.  Michaels walks up the ramp, slapping hands with fans.  He yells “I’ll drive my kids nuts in 3 weeks!”  He gets the top of the ramp and does his entrance pose, then goes to the back as we fade to black.

There were some things on this show I thought were terrible, and many more that I thought were good, but deserved more time.  The main event was just… fucking… great.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  It’s Presidents’ Day, so they have a color guard and some teenage girl singing the national anthem.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts LIVE from Des Moines, Iowa.  Jerry Springer is the guest host tonight.  Bret Hart will address the fans tonight.  Also, Batista will be in the house to respond to John Cena.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up, fight, stall, lock up, fight.  Sheamus beats up Orton.  Orton avoids the pump kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and bails.  Commercials.  Orton stomps Sheamus.  Legacy comes out.  Sheamus hits a uranage backbreaker.  Sheamus beats up Orton as Legacy looks on from ringside.  Orton fights back.  He stomps Sheamus in the gut.  Ouch.  Orton hits the 3.0 and does the stalking RKO setup.  Sheamus avoids the RKO.  Orton kicks him out of the ring.  Sheamus picks up Orton on the outside but Orton sends him into the post.  Dibase goes after Sheamus, but gets decked.  The ref catches Rhodes attack Sheamus and gives him the DQ win in 8:33.  Legacy argues.  Orton RKOs Rhodes.  Sheamus hits the pump kick on Dibiase.  Orton RKOs Sheamus.

Bret Hart is headed our way!

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

Shot of Des Moines.  There’s more there to see than I expected.

Video of what went down between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon last week.

Justin Roberts introduces Bret Hart.  Bret says he came here to finish things with Vince McMahon, but Vince wasn’t here tonight.  Bret talks about what a scumbag Vince is.  He thanks John Cena for being his friend.  Bret says “goodbye” and leaves.  Backstage, he encounters Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Alicia Fox, Primo (“Say ‘Hi’ to your dad for me.”), Gail Kim, and Evan Bourne, who all show him respect.  He tells Cena there’s nothing left for him to do here (since Vince won’t face him at WrestleMania).  As Bret is getting into his limo, a random blond woman backs her car into the limo door and fucks Bret’s leg up.  Women drivers, I swear.  Bret is taken away in an ambulance.  Commercials.

Moments ago, some bimbo backed her car into Bret Hart’s leg.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  MVP kicks Miz’s ass.  Miz kicks MVP in the face.  MVP flapjacks Miz and Yakuza kicks him out of the ring.  Commercials.  MVP takes a little heat from Miz and tags in Henry.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, but Big Show saves with a leg drop.  Show tags in and brawls with Henry.  Henry squashes Show in the corner and tries to slam him, but Show stops it and DDTs Henry.  Show trips over Henry going to the corner, where he tries a Vader Bomb, but Henry avoids it.  MVP tags in and runs wild on Show.  MVP charges Show in the corner and runs into a boot.  Miz tags and covers MVP.  MVP turns it into a crucifix hold to pin Miz in 6:33.  Meh.

The Jerry Springer Show comes to Raw NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

Jerry Springer comes out to do his bit, “WWE Superstars’ Most Intimate Relationships Revealed.”  Kelly Kelly is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is.  Santino Marella (who thinks Jerry is Maury Povich), Michael Cole, and Jerry Lawler are all possibilities.  The Bella Twins come out next.  Nikki claims that Brie is a man.  They get into a cat fight.  Chris Masters also fucked Kelly on that crazy night.  She can’t resist the pecs.  Eve Torres comes out and gets into with Kelly for fucking her man.  Eve has been cheating on the Masterbate with Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Santino wants to know who the father is.  Jerry has paternity test results.  Santino wants to know how that’s possible since it happened 3 days ago.  Jerry says “I’m Jerry Springer.”  Hornswoggle is the father.  Springer says “Fuck this” and leaves.  Lawler tells Springer that they put on this charade to mess with Jerry.  Lawler “reveals” that Springer is having a relationship with Mae Young, who comes out and kisses on him.  Hilarious stuff.  I couldn’t transcribe the whole thing, but definitely go YouTube this.

They show the parking lot where Batista is expected to show up.  It doesn’t look like the same parking lot Bret got ran over in earlier.  Tonight, Batista is to explain himself to Cena, then Cena takes on Triple H!

Kofi Kingston vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They lock up.  Dibiase is aggressive this week, having gotten his ass handed to him last week by John Cena.  Dibiase gets knocked loopy by a big dropkick.  Kofi hits a big diving chop, two more chops, a dropkick, clothesline, and the Boom Drop.  Dibiase avoids Kofi in the corner and hits the Dream Street for the pin in 2:58.

The next inductee to the Hall of Fame class of 2010: Antonio Inoki!  It’s surreal seeing New Japan footage on WWE TV again.

Replay of Bret’s leg jobbing to a car earlier tonight.  They show security camera footage.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

Jerry Springer’s “Final Thought.”

John Cena is headed our way!

WWE Slam of the Week: That utterly pointless Batista segment from last week’s Smackdown.

John Cena comes out.  They show Batista’s beatdown of him 2 weeks ago.  Cena talks, then calls out Batista.  Batista appears “Live via satellite.”  They banter.  Batista says he’ll be at Raw next week live and in person.  So this was pointless?  Well of course it was.  Anyway, main event time… NEXT!

Next week’s guest hosts are Jewel and Ty Murray.  Who the fuck is Ty Murray?

John Cena vs. Triple H.  Lock up, headlock, trip.  Seriously, they hit the ropes while Cena had the headlock on and Cena tripped.  Up, shoulder block, back to the headlock.  Triple H fights back.  Shoulder blocks to Cena in the corner.  Cena hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Hunter avoids Cena’s bulldog.  Cena blocks Triple H’s knee drop and goes for the STF.  Triple H fights out.  Cena whips Triple H out of the ring.  Cena dives off the apron, but Hunter avoids it and Cena hits the barricade.  Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Cena backdrops him.  Commercials.  Hunter has Cena in a sleeper hold.  Cena makes his comeback.  “VINTAGE CENA!”  Hunter avoids the Attitude Adjustment and hits a clothesline for 2.  Hunter tries for a superplex, but Cena fights him off.  Hunter hits the ropes to make Cena crotch himself.  Hunter tries the superplex again, but Cena uses his power to block it and headbutss Triple H down.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena goes for the STF again, but Triple H counters and locks in a half crab.  Cena counters it and locks in the STF.  Triple H reaches the ropes to break it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Triple H holds onto the ropes to counter it.  Triple H catches Cena with the high knee, then hits the knee to the face and the spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree.  Sheamus runs in and hits the pump kick on Triple H to cause the DQ in 11:49.  Cena avoids the pump kick, goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Sheamus counters it and drops Cena with the pump kick.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge on Triple H.  Man, Sheamus came out of this show looking like a beast.

Pretty lackluster Raw, but it wasn’t actively bad and the Springer stuff was fun.