Archive for Lockdown

TNA iMPACT! 4/26/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week…” video.

“Mr. Monday Night”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, AJ Styles & Sting face Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy, plus Ric Flair takes on Abyss!  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  David Penzer is the ring announcer.

Hulk Hogan comes out and babbles for a while, then introduces the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.  Damned if that belt doesn’t look good on him.  Van Dam tells “Hulkie” that from now on, he is to be known as “Mr. TNA.”  Hogan seems to approve.  RVD makes some pot references and talks about how awesome he is.  AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out.  Hogan says they weren’t invited.  Is anyone ever?  Crowd chants “EX WORLD CHAMP!” at AJ.  Styles talks shit to both of them and raises some valid points.  Flair cuts a typically great promo on Hogan.

The Beautiful People bitch about Madison Rayne having to defend the Knockouts Title tonight.  Lacey is stupid.  I’m pretty sure that’s the point.

Tara/Angelina Love/Beautiful People video.

Three-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich) vs. Angelina Love vs. Tara.  The Beautiful People are ejected by the referee before the match.  Tara clotheslines Rayne.  Love and Tara stare at each other, then fight.  Rayne comes in and tries to steal the pin, but gets beaten up by Love.  Tara attacks Love again.  Love gets hurt.  Rayne knocks Tara out of the ring.  Commercials.  Love beats up Rayne.  Tara is still selling on the outside.  Rayne tries to bail, but Love pulls her back in and hits a World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Tara comes back in and throws Love into the post and out of the ring.  Rayne schoolgirls Tara for 2.  Tara hits a snap suplex into a guillotine.  It sure looked like Rayne was tapping.  Rayne hits a shitty face plant.  Love comes back in and fights them both.  Tara hits an airplane spin into a side slam on Love.  Rayne knocks Love into Tara, then schoolgirls Love for the pin in 8:19 (including commercials).  This sucked.  Tara and Love brawl after the match.

Sting & Styles vs. The Jeffs TONIGHT!  Plus, Flair vs. Abyss!

Shannon Moore is getting ready!

ShopTNA.com!

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Shannon Moore.  Kaz is still belt-less.  They lock up and wrestle.  Nice exchange of arm drags.  Kazarian avoids a leg a drop.  Moore hits a rana and an atomic drop, then a leg drop for 2.  Kazarian hits a cool slingshot arm drag and a spinning neckbreaker for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Moore counters.  Kazarian shoves Moore into the referee.  Moore goes up top.  Kazarian rocks him with a kick and goes for a Frankensteiner, but Moore knocks him off.  Matt Morgan runs out and shoves Moore off the top rope, then throws him back in the ring.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver for the pin in 4:20.  It was an alright little match.  Not as good as the match from a few weeks ago, though.  SAMOA JOE comes out and MURDER DEATH KILLS Kazarian and gives him the Muscle Buster.  Bad ass.

Abyss cuts a promo in some darkened backstage area.

TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan asks Jesse Neal to defend the titles with him.  Neal says no, based on how Morgan treats his tag partners.  Morgan brings up Neal’s Navy buddy who died, which makes Neal start to reconsider.

AJ Styles is headed our way!

Jeff Jarrett and Jeff Hardy are also headed our way!

Falls Count Anywhere Match: AJ Styles & Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy.  Everybody brawls.  Hardy and Styles brawl outside.  Sting and Jarrett brawl in the ring.  Hardy suplexes Styles on the ramp for 2.  Sting and Jarrett brawl in the crowd.  This match has 2 referees.  That’s smart.  Everybody comes back to the ring and breaks down into a tag match.  Why?  Styles low blows Jarrett to escape a sleeper.  Jarrett tags Hardy, but the referee doesn’t allow it because he didn’t see it IN A FUCKING NO DQ MATCH.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKERS?  Jarrett and Sting do a double down.  Jeff gets the tag again, but the referee STILL DIDN’T SEE IT.  Jeff says “Fuck this shit” and kicks Styles’ ass anyway.  Sting leaves.  Just fucking leaves.  Hardy goes up top, but Styles cuts him off.  Styles goes the Styles Clash on the stage on Hardy, but gets reversed.  Jarrett goes to the back and brawls with Sting.  Hardy puts Styles on a table and sets up a ladder on the stage.  Sting hits Jarrett with a bat.  Sting pins Jarrett on the steps in 6:15.  Hardy has reached the top of the ladder, but since the match is over, the fucking referee pulls AJ off the table.  This match was the worst fucking match in the history of terrible fucking matches.

Jesse Neal talks to Team 3D about teaming with Matt Morgan against them tonight.  They discuss it for a while, then 3D give their blessing.

The Pope is headed our way!

ShopTNA.com!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  They show highlights of the match with AJ Styles at Lockdown.  Pope has his arm in a sling and a studded eye patch.  Pope cuts a promo.  Mr. Anderson interrupts and babbles for a while, then challenges Pope to a match at Sacrifice.  Pope pimp slaps Anderson.  Anderson kicks his ass, rips off his eye patch, and thumbs Pope in the injured eye.  Security breaks it up.

Team 3D has put Syxx-Pac through a table backstage.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Jesse Neal vs. Team 3D.  Devon and Neal do stuff while the crowd does some stupid chant.  Ray tags in and bear hugs Neal.  Kevin Nash and Scott Hall come out.  3D meets them and brawls with them on the ramp.  Neal joins to help 3D.  It’s a no-contest in 1:08.  Morgan drops Neal and takes him back to the ring.  Morgan chokeslams Neal, then poses with the belts.  Commercials.  This was pointless.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal are in the ring.  Neal calls Morgan out because he wants to kick his ass.  Christy Hemme talks to Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan says he’s off the lock.  Hulk Hogan tells Morgan to go the ring, or deal with Hogan.  Hogan’s like 107 years old, so Morgan could easily take him out.  Instead, he goes back out.  Neal meets him on the ramp and kicks his ass.  3D has disappeared.  Neal goes to hit Morgan with the belt, but Morgan low blows him.  Moore hits Neal with the belt.  Shannon Moore comes out and hits Morgan with a missile dropkick.  Neal and Moore shake hands.  Team Mohawk!  Retarded segment.

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are in the office.  Bischoff says the fans will vote for the #1 Contender.  Jay Lethal comes in and lists a bunch of 80s guys.  Stupid.

AJ Styles pumps up Ric Flair for the main event, which is NEXT!

Orlando Jordan, in the gayest get up I’ve ever seen, cuts a promo about Rob Terry.  Tenay and Taz are like WTF?

They show a low key Ric Flair talking backstage, presumably earlier today.

Kevin Nash and Scott Hall talk.  Nash is pissed.

Abyss/Flair video package.

Ring vs. Ring: Ric Flair vs. Abyss.  They lock up.  Abyss overpowers Flair.  Flair chops Abyss.  Abyss punches Flair.  Abyss back body drops Flair.  Flair takes a walk around the ring.  Abyss follows.  Flair chops Abyss.  Abyss punches Flair.  Flair is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair goes up top, but Abyss throws him off, just like in every other Flair match you’ve ever seen.  Flair gets knocked loopy and face flops.  Flair kicks Abyss and Earl Hebner in the balls, then punches Abyss with brass knuckles.  ABYSS FUCKING NO SELLS BRASS KNUCKLES, so Flair hits him in the balls with them and gets the pin in 4:40.  Except that Hebner finds the knuckles.  They get into a shoving match.  Hebner resumes the match.  Flair punches Abyss.  Abyss hulks up.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 5:20.  This match fucking blew.  Hulk Hogan comes out to pull Flair’s ring off.  Hogan says he knows who he’s giving Flair’s ring to next week.  So TNA’s only drawing card is WWE Hall of Fame rings.

This show was fucking horrible in every way.  Whoever put this piece of shit together should be fired.  I don’t mean fired from their job.  I mean set on fire.

TNA iMPACT! 4/19/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Lockdown highlights.

“What We All Fight For.”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles comes to the ring and cuts a promo.  He says he’s “pound for pound, the best wrestler in the world.”  He talks about being the best and beating everybody.  Rob Van Dam comes out and cuts a promo on AJ.  Jeff Hardy comes out and spouts off a bunch of jibberish.  Hulk Hogan comes out and cuts a promo putting over the importance of the title.  Hogan books RVD vs. Hardy in a #1 Contender match, with the winner challenging AJ for the title.  Styles says he won’t be ready by Sacrifice.  Hogan says the match is TONIGHT!  Long segment.  I gave you the short version.

Ric Flair arrives.  Somebody tells him about the match Hogan just booked.  Flair isn’t happy.

Tenay and Taz cream themselves over the matches Hogan booked.  Also, Ric Flair will be barred from ringside for the title match.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People (c) (w/ TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne) vs. ODB & Daffney.  The BP team is announced as Velvet & Rayne, but Lacey is the one that’s wrestling, so I guess they’re using the Freedbird rule.  Of course, nobody bothers to explain that.  Daffney runs wild to start, literally.  Lacey tags in and does her stupid backflip elbow drop.  Velvet tags in and beats up Daffney.  Daffney catches Velvet coming off the top with a shot to the gut.  ODB gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Madison distracts the referee.  Lacey sprains hair spray in ODB’s eyes and Velvet schoolgirls her for the pin in 2:42.  Well this sucked.

Jeremy Borash eavesdrops of AJ Styles bitching at Ric Flair about the situation he’s in tonight.  Flair encourages AJ, saying he’ll beat whoever he faces tonight.  Flair says he wants a rematch from Lethal Lockdown.  JB comes in and questions Flair about it.  Flair says if Team Hogan doesn’t accept the challenge in 5 minutes, he’ll claim the win by forfeit.  I give TNA major credit for not doing the invisible camera shit here.

Abyss and Jeff Jarrett come to the ring.  Abyss says the war between Team Hogan and Team Flair is over since the babyfaces won at Lockdown.  I agree.  Abyss says they would accept the challenge if RVD and Hardy weren’t already booked tonight.  Ric Flair comes out with Sting, Beer Money, and Desmond Wolfe.  Flair says “Kiss my ass.”  Team Flair comes to the ring and gangs up on Abyss and Jarrett.  “The Freak” Rob Terry makes the save for Team Hogan and cleans house.  He takes 2 tries to press Desmond Wolfe and trips while trying to do his jumping kick on Sting in the process.  Flair starts babbling.  Eric Bischoff comes out and agrees to the rematch, with Team Flair vs. Abyss, Jarrett, Terry, and a mystery man.

RVD vs. Hardy TONIGHT!

Stupid commercial inset: Jeff Hardy!

TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan asks Shannon Moore to defend the tag titles with him next week, referring to himself in plural form the whole time.  Moore says he has an X Division Title shot next week, so Morgan can “kiss [his] tattooed ass.”

Tenay and Taz wonder who the mystery man is going to be.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff talk about the double cross they pulled on Flair last night and the matches they’ve booked tonight.  Hogan asks if “he” is for sure going to be there tonight.  Bischoff assures Hogan that “he” will be there.  Hogan asks Bischoff about his supposed rankings system.  Bischoff sends Miss Tessmacher’s ass to go get some files for him.  Bischoff says “she takes great dictation.”  I bet she does…

RVD is walking backstage.  This is shot in shitty documentary style.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam.  They shake hands, then start feeling each other out.  In a wrestling way, not a homoerotic way.  Well…  Nevermind.  They trade holds.  Hardy goes for a surprise Twist of Fate, but that shit’s not happening.  Match goes to commercial a minute in.  Fuck.  They show a random few seconds in the middle of the break.  I motherfucking hate when those motherfuckers do that shit.  RVD hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP!  They show RVD getting bumped into the barricade during the break.  RVD hits a slingshot apron leg drop.  Awesome.  I seem to pop for any unusual leg drop variation.  RVD hits a diving cross body for 2.  RVD’s head wound from Lockdown opens up again.  He’s BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Hardy makes his comeback and gets some near falls.  Hardy catches RVD’s splits monkey flip move and does his weird leg drop to the legs pinning predicament move for 2.  Hardy goes up top.  RVD cuts him off, sets him up on the top rope, and hits his springboard kick.  Hardy takes a bump out of the ring.  RVD hits a twisting leg drop and a Rolling Thunder-style splash for 2.  RVD avoids Hardy’s corner dropkick and hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  They go at it some more.  Hardy hits his front suplex and goes up top.  RVD catches him with a kick.  Hardy fights RVD off the top and goes for the Swanton Bomb.  RVD avoids it and hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 13:30.  Really good match.

Christy Hemme is with RVD and Jeff Hardy.  They do commentary over clips of their match.  It’s funny.  They shake hands and hug.  RVD is ready for his title shot.

Abyss gives Jeff Jarrett and Rob Terry a pep talk.

They show Sting and Jarrett brawling last Monday.

Lethal Lockdown Rematch… Except that there’s no cage: Team Flair (Sting, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Team Hogan (Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, TNA Global Champion “The Freak” Rob Terry, & Mystery Partner).  Sting and Jarrett are the first two entrants.  Commercials before the opening bell, then Sting and Jarrett are brawling in the crowd.  The referee says “Fuck it” and calls for the opening bell.  They brawl in the crowd and hit each other with chairs for the first 4 minutes, then finally make it to the ring.  Jarrett avoids the Stinger Splash and hits some awful looking punches and a clothesline.  Right after, they do a double clothesline spot.  Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) comes in for Team Flair and tags in.  Yeah, apparently it’s tag team rules.  Jarrett and Wolfe wrestle.  Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, but Jarrett counters and hits a backdrop suplex.  Rob Terry comes in for Team Hogan, tags in, and runs wild.  Orlando Jordan comes out in a bubble wrap vest to check out Terry.  Commercials.  Robert Roode and Abyss, who both entered during the break, go at it.  James Storm enters for Team Flair and kicks Abyss in the head, allowing Roode to hit a Blockbuster.  Beer Money double teams Abyss.  Wolfe and Jarrett tag in.  Jarrett fights off Wolfe and Roode until Storm kicks Jarrett in the gut.  Beer Money and Wolfe tripe team Jarrett, but Jarrett fights them all off.  SAMOA JOE enters for Team Hogan!  And the stupid face paint and pajama pants are gone!  Joe tags in and MURDER DEATH KILLS Team Flair.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Roode for the pin in 16:40.  JOE IS BACK!  He refuses to celebrate with his partners and leaves.  Apparently Joe was kidnapped by Weight Watchers and the Fashion Police.  Ric Flair comes out and starts to talk.  Commercials!

TNA has no fucking idea how to work their show around commercials.

During the break, Ric Flair challenged Abyss to a Ring vs. Ring match next week.  Abyss accepted.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Rob Van Dam.  Styles throws his robe at RVD and jumps him to start the match.  Styles sends RVD out of the ring and wipes him out with a suicide dive.  Commercials!  Styles works over RVD.  They do the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick but with RVD tripping in the process, but they recovered nicely.  Styles works RVD’s leg.  RVD makes his comeback, monkey flips Styles across the ring, and hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Styles locks RVD in the figure-four leglock.  RVD gets a rope break.  Styles goes for it again, but RVD gets him with an inside cradle for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick and goes for the Styles Clash.  RVD backdrops him to the apron.  Styles goes for a springboard rana, but RVD powerbombs him and hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 10:33 to WIN THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!  Pretty good match.  Confetti falls.  Jeff Hardy comes out to raise RVD’s hand.  Hulk Hogan, Dixie Carter, Abyss, Team 3D, Rob Terry, Jeff Jarrett, and Eric Bischoff come out to join in the celebration.  Hogan presents RVD with the belt.  3D raises RVD up on their shoulders.  Styles looks on, very upset.  Great feel good moment.

This was a really good TV show by TNA standards, and MUCH better than the horrible Raw we suffered through this week.  They still need to work on pacing their show better so the commercial breaks aren’t at such retarded fucking times.

TNA Lockdown 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Lockdown video package.

TNA presents the most dangerous PPV of the year, Lockdown!

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers, LIVE from St. Louis (St. Charles), Missouri!  They announce that Douglas Williams couldn’t get out of the UK because of the volcano in Iceland, so he’s been stripped of the title.  That’s no fair.  Also, Syxx-Pac no-showed.  Eric Bischoff is also MIA.

Steel Cage Match: Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm.  The winner gets the man advantage for his team in Lethal Lockdown.  Before Storm gets in the cage, RVD kicks the cage door into his face.  They brawl outside.  Yes, in a cage match.  RVD hits THE MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP OFF OF THE CAGE.  I hereby apologize for my previous bitching.  Storm rams RVD’s head into the ring steps and spits beer on him.  RVD is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  They finally get inside the cage to start the match, after brawling outside for several minutes.  RVD beats up Storm.  He sets up Storm on the top rope and and knocks him down with his diving kick.  Storm manages to hit a hangman’s style neckbreaker and gets rolling, until RVD drops him with a spin kick.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO,” “YAY!” chants.  RVD sends Storm into the cage, slams him, and hits the split-legged moonsault for 2.  Storm spits beer in RVD’s face and spikes him with a DDT for 2.  Storm warms up the band as he readies for his superkick.  Seriously.  They both duck some kicks, then RVD hits one and follows with the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 6:37.  So the babyfaces have the advantage in Lethal Lockdown.  WHY?  Fucking morons don’t know the first thing about wrestling.  The match was okayish.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan.  He talks about all of the atrocities committed by Team Flair on the members of Team Hogan.  He says if Team Flair wins, he’ll leave TNA.  GO TEAM FLAIR!

Steel Cage Xscape Match: Homicide vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley.  The winner gets to the the third guy in the X Division Championship match tonight.  Homicide tries to escape immediately.  The Guns kick his ass while Kendrick tries to escape.  The Guns cut him off too.  The Guns run wild and double team both opponents.  Kendrick is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Homicide and Kendrick start working together to counteract the Guns.  The Guns make a comeback and do some more double teaming.  Sabin hits Kendrick with an awesome jumping tornado DDT.  Shelley hits a one legged Codebreaker on Homicide.  Shelley tries to escape, but Kendrick cuts him off.  Guns try to set up the Made In Detroit on Kendrick, but Kendrick fights them off and beats the shit out of Shelley.  Kendrick superkicks Sabin into Homicide, who hits him with the Gringo Killer.  Homicide tells Kendrick they’ll work together, then double crosses him and goes to escape the cage.  Kendrick goes after him, but Homicide gets to the floor first to win it in in 5:00.  It was fun while it lasted.  Homicide advances to the title match tonight.

Kevin Nash/Eric Young video package.

Steel Cage Match: Eric Young vs. Kevin Nash.  Young starts out being abusive and elusive, and does well until Nash gives him a low blow.  Nash hammers Young, but Young is a pugnacious little bastard and just challenges Nash to beat him more.  Nash chokes Young with his foot in the corner.  Young starts fighting back.  Nash chokeslams him.  Young keeps fighting back anyway until he eats Nash’s big boot.  Nash sends Young into the cage like a javelin, drops the straps, and hits the Jackknife Powerbomb for the pin in 4:49.  It was kept short and it wasn’t awful, and Young was a fighter, so I have few complaints.  The referees help Young to the back.  Nash takes the mic and says he’ll be Scott Hall’s partner against Team 3D tonight.

Video package of all of the recent retardedness in the Knockouts division lately.

Knockouts Tale of the Tape.  David Penzer explains the rules.  If Tara or Angelina get a pin, then become Tag champions.  If one of the Beautiful People get the pin, she becomes Knockouts Champion.

Steel Cage Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship vs. the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Angelina Love (c) & Tara vs. The Beautiful People (c) (w/ Lacey Von Erich).  Love spears Sky and beats the crap out of her.  Sky begs off and tags out.  Love hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Rayne for 2.  Rayne hits a jawbreaker on Love.  Tara tags in and beats up Rayne.  Sky tags back in and Tara puts her in the Muta Lock, then hits a float over suplex for 2.  Rayne cheap shots Tara from the apron to let Sky get the advantage.  Rayne puts Tara in a head scissors and humps the mat.  Hot.  Sky tags in and covers for 2, then gets beaten up.  Tara goes for a moonsault, but Sky moves to avoid it.  Rayne and Love tag in.  Love runs wild.  Tara tags herself in and hits the Widow’s Peak on Rayne.  Sky saves.  Lacey opens the cage door and hits Tara with one of the belts.  Rayne pins Tara to win the Knockouts Title in 4:52.  It was okay.  Love is mad that Tara just lost her title, which she took from Tara in a really convoluted situation to begin with.  Love shakes Tara’s head and goes to leave, then Tara turns on her and rams her into the cage.

Jeremy Borash is with Ric Flair, his team, and the World Champion AJ Styles.  Flair cuts a promo, looking completely crazy.  Styles cuts a promo on the Pope.

Three-Way Steel Cage Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Homicide vs. Kazarian vs. Shannon Moore.  Kazarian and Moore double team Homicide.  Poor guy, he’s been getting that a lot tonight.  Homicide gets destroyed and bumped into the cage a bunch.  Kazarian goes for a cover, but Moore breaks it, then they double team Homicide some more.  They start to wrestle each other and doe a series of pinfall reversals.  Homicide makes a comeback and the crowd kinda gets behind him. Homicide hits an Exploder on Moore.  Kazarian covers him.  Homicide breaks it.  They all fight.  Homicide’s skull hits the cage again.  Ouch.  Kazarian and Moore set up a double superplex, but Homicide counters them and hits a double Ace Crusher off the top!  Cover on Moore gets 2.  Cover on Kazarian gets 2.  Cover on Moore gets 2 again.  Kazarian reverse cradles Homicide, then Northern Lights suplexes Moore.  Covers get 2.  Moore hits a corkscrew moonsault on Homicide for 2.  Kazarian hits a missile dropkick on Moore for 2.  Homicide sets up Moore for an Ace Crusher off the top.  Moore pushes him away.  Moore and Kazarian fight on the top rope.  Moore drops Kazarian and hits a moonsault body block on Homicide for 2.  Kazarian powerbombs Moore into the cage.  Kazarian goes for the Flux Capacitor on Homicide, but Homicide fights him off and hip tosses him off the top rope.  Moore covers Kazarian, but Homicide breaks the cover with a diving headbutt.  They fight some more.  Moore misses a Blockbuster.  Homicide goes for the Gringo Killer on Moore.  Kazarian prevents it and hits an Axe Guillotine Driver on Homicide for the pin in 9:09.  Pretty awesome little match.  Kazarian wins the title, but the actual belt is in the UK.

Christy Hemme interviews The Pope.

Team 3D comes out.  Brother Ray says the match is going to a Saint Louis Street Fight, Falls Count Anywhere.  Yes, a Falls Count Anywhere Steel Cage Match.

Steel Cage St. Louis Street Fight: Team 3D vs. Kevin Nash & Scott Hall.  3D meets The Band on the ramp and they start brawling.  They brawl on the ramp, in the crowd, and at ringside.  Ray gets knocked down at ringside.  Hall and Nash get Devon in the cage and double team him.  Hall and Nash hold the door closed to keep Ray from getting in.  Ray throws a chair at the door, then rams the door into Nash’s head.  Ray comes in and beats up Hall and Nash.  WASSUP headbutt to Hall.  “GET THE TABLES!”  Hall gets 3D’d through the table.  Devon gets the pin in 6:51.  It wasn’t awful.

Angle/Anderson video package.  You can only win by escaping the cage door, and Anderson has the key.

Steel Cage Match: Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  Anderson lands the first punch and gets the early advantage, then immediately goes to unlock the door.  Angle cuts him off, then Anderson wraps the key chain around his fist and punches Angle.  He goes for the door again, but Angle backdrop suplexes him.  The key is now in the padlock.  Anderson flapjacks Angle into the cage.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Anderson rams Angle’s head repeatedly into the cage, then spreads Angle’s blood on his chest.  Kurt is bleeding like a mofo.  Anderson beats down Angle and goes for the door again, but Angle cuts him off.  Anderson THROWS Angle into the cage door.  Anderson beats up Angle.  Anderson looks to be busted open too.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex off of the top rope!  Anderson chokes Angle with his wrist tape.  Angle being a bloody mess makes the visual even greater.  Angle fights out and hits another backdrop suplex.  They trade punches.  Angle drops Anderson with some clotheslines.  They counter finishes.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap, goes for a pin, realizes he can’t, and goes for the Mic Check.  Angle counters and hits several rolling Germans.  Angle considers leaving, then decides to put Anderson in the ankle lock instead.  Anderson fights free and hits the Mic Check.  Anderson opens the door, then gets Angle Slammed.  Angle re-locks the door and throws the key out of the cage.  Why?  That’s the only way you can win, idiot!  Anderson realizes he’s fucked.  Anderson tries to climb out of the cage, even though “you can’t win the match that way,” says Tenay.  Angle FUCKING GERMAN SUPLEXES ANDERSON OFF THE TOP ROPE!  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chants.  Angle climbs to the top of the cage and HITS A FUCKING MOONSAULT.  IT LOOKED LIKE HE LANDED ON ANDERSON’S FUCKING HEAD!  Angle opens the cage.  The fuck?  Was there an extra key nobody knew about?  Anderson flips him the double bird.  Angle goes after Anderson, but gets hit with the Mic Check.  Anderson tries to crawl out the door, but Angle locks him in the ankle lock.  Anderson taps out, but it doesn’t count.  Anderson flips out and sends Angle into the cage.  Anderson tries to escape again, but Angle chokes him out with a chain of some sort.  Crowd chants “CHOKE HIM OUT!”  Angle steps out to win it in 20:54.  Fucking crazy match, and really good, key questions aside.  Angle takes the mic and says he’s going to be taking some time off, but when he comes back, he’ll regain the World Championship.

Pope/AJ Styles video package, followed by the Tale of the Tape.

Steel Cage Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Earl Hebner forces Flair to go to the back before the match starts.  JB does introductions, including a ridiculously over the top intro for The Pope, and we’re off!  They lock up and Styles throws Pope across the ring.  They do some nice chain wrestling.  Dueling chants of “POPE IS PIMPIN’!” and “LET’S GO AJ!”  Pope slams Styles around.  Styles chops Pope in the corner.  Pope turns it around a punches him.  Styles goes for an inverted atomic drop out of the corner, but Pope clotheslines him.  Styles drops Pope with a shoulder block.  Pope drops Styles with a forearm and hits some Dusty Rhodes-style elbows.  Styles sends Pope into the cage.  Styles does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick bit, then locks Pope in a rear chin lock.  Styles works Pope’s leg.  Pope avoids the Phenomenon, ramps Styles into the cage, and hits a DDT.  Pope is selling his shoulder.  He gets his offense rolling anyway.  Styles goes for the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick again, but Pope catches him with a powerslam.  Styles pokes Pope in the eye and hits a diving forearm smash for 2.  Pope fights Styles off on the top rope and hits a diving headbutt for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  Styles hits a backbreaker and the springboard 450 for 2.  Styles climbs to the top of the cage and goes for a cross body, but Pope avoids it!  Pope schoolboys AJ for 2.  Pope hits the Codebreaker for 2.  Styles avoids the Elijah Express, then reaches through the camera hole in the cage and grabs a pen from the camera man.  Styles jabs Pope in the eye with the pen and hits a discus lariat and the Styles Clash for the pin in 13:35.  Really good match.

Eric Bischoff arrives at the building and refuses to speak to Jeremy Borash.

David Penzer explains the rules of Lethal Lockdown.

Lethal Lockdown Match: Team Hogan (Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, Jeff Hardy, & Rob Van Dam) vs. Team Flair (Sting, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea).  Abyss and Robert Roode start.  Taz says Abyss has a hairline fracture in his hip from being hit by the car on Impact.  Abyss and Roode brawl.  Abyss totally wiffs a big boot.  Abyss tosses Roode around a bit.  Roode catches Abyss with a boot in the corner and hits a Blockbuster.  After 5 minutes, Rob Van Dam comes in, because TNA is retarded and the babyfaces have the man advantage.  RVD beats up Roode.  RVD monkey flips Roode out of the corner, then points his thumbs at himself.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder.  The cut on RVD’s head from the opener starts bleeding again.  Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) comes in for Team Flair to make it a fair fight for the heels.  The heels manage to make a comeback.  Jeff Jarrett enters and beats up the poor overwhelmed heels.  Roode powerbombs Jarrett, then catapults him into the cage.  Wolfe tries to take Abyss’ ring.  James Storm comes in to even it up for the heels.  He spits beer in Abyss’ face, then wails on Jarrett and RVD.  RVD is bleeding badly again.  When it’s time for Jeff Hardy to come out, they reveal that Sting has KTFO’d him backstage.  The six guys in the ring brawl.  Sting comes in for Team Flair and beats the finally disadvantaged babyfaces with his bat.  Sting calls for the ceiling of weapons to be lowered onto the cage.  Lethal Lockdown begins!  The heels beat up the faces with weapons.  BEER!  MONEY!  They do their pose, then knocks Jarrett into the door and out of the cage.  Beer Money beats up Jarrett on the outside IN A FUCKING CAGE MATCH.  Abyss spreads thumbtacks on the mat and tries to chokeslam Sting, but Storm comes in and breaks a beer bottle over Abyss’ head.  Team Flair celebrates their not yet attained victory.  Jeff Jarrett finally comes out, wielding a Singapore cane.  He wails on Beer Money outside of the cage.  Jarrett comes off the top rope and nails Wolfe with a guitar.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Wolfe.  Sting tries to knock Abyss onto the tacks, but Abyss catches him and chokeslams him on the tacks.  Hardy climbs to the top of the cage.  Beer Money go up to meet him.  Hardy fights them with the remains of his cane and a trash can lid.  Beer Money then start to beat up Jeff, because there’s 2 of them up there.  Hardy fights them both off, drops Roode with the Twist of Fate, lays out Storm on a table, and sets up a fucking ladder.  Hardy comes off the ladder and splashes Storm through the table on top of the fucking cage.  Ric Flair comes out and attacks Abyss.  Flair tries to take the ring from Abyss.  Man, that ring must be really small on Abyss for it to be so stuck on there.  Hulk Hogan comes out and grabs the bat.  Eric Bischoff runs out and bitches at Hogan.  Bischoff teases handing a pair of brass knuckles to Flair, then hands them to Hogan instead.  Hogan decks Flair repeatedly with the knucks.  REALLY?  Once and he should have been fucking knocked out.  Hogan throws a bloody Flair into the cage a bunch of times.  Flair hulks up and takes his shirt off.  Hogan punches Flair, who flops around and takes a bump into the thumbtacks.  Hogan kills Flair some more.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Wolfe for the pin in 30:15.  This match was horribly booked and the action wasn’t that great, so fuck it.

Sacrifice, next month on PPV!

There were a few good matches, but the Russoriffic retard booking and inconsistencies hurt it a lot for me.

TNA iMPACT! 4/12/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

Jeff Jarrett comes out.  They show Sting dropping him with the Scorpion Death Drop last week.  Jarrett says he’s going to kick Sting’s ass.  He leaves the ring and goes up into the rafters to look for him.  He jumps Sting up in Sting’s little world above the Impact Zone and they fight.  They fight down into the arena and into the ring.  The lights turn off.  Sting magically acquires his bat and beats Jarrett down with it.  Jeff Hardy, Abyss, and Rob Van Dam run out.  Sting bails.

Jeremy Borash interviews Ric Flair, the World Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They hype tonight’s matches.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal come out.  Brother Ray takes the mic and says it’s going to be a six-man New York City Street Fight.  Commercials!

Lockdown!

New York City Street Fight: Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs. The Band.  JIP.  Everybody fights.  There is lots of plunder.  3D and Neal kick ass for a while.  Neal wears out a Singapore cane on Syxx-Pac.  Syxx-Pac makes a little comeback on Neal as 3D beat up Hall and Nash.  Crowd chants “TABLES!”  Bubba puts a trash can on Nash’s head and whacks it with a cane.  Devon hits Hall with a trash can lid.  Nash falls out of the ring, which is probably dangerous for him.  Bubba kills him with another trash can shot.  Hall gets the WASSUP headbutt.  Devon knocks Syxx-Pac off the apron.  Devon and Neal bring in a table.  Bubba beats up Syxx-Pac, then sets him on a table.  Bubba the Love Sponge runs in to provide the distraction.  Fuck him.  Syxx-Pac hits Bubba in the balls, the hits the X Factor off the top through a table for the pin (about 6 minutes shown).  Total garbage match.  Waltman does push ups over Bubba’s head.  Eric Young makes the save with a hockey stick and challenges Nash to a match at Lockdown.  Nash nods in agreement.  That’s gonna suck.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan about how his team has been getting their ass kicked recently.  Hogan eavesdrops on Eric Bischoff talking to Ric Flair.  He questions Bischoff about it.  Bischoff tells him to not jump to conclusions.

Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian.  They lock up aggressively.  Kazarian denies a clean break.  They do some chain wrestling, which is always good to see.  Kazarian works a headlock.  They go back and forth working a hammerlock and do some flippy stuff.  Moore hits a couple of arm drags and cranks on Kazarian’s arm some more.  Moore hits a leg drop for 1.  Moore hits a cross body for 2.  Kazarian low bridges Moore out of the ring and follows him outside.  Kazarian whips Moore into the side of the ring, then throws him back inside and hits his springboard leg drop for 2.  The X Division Champion Douglas Williams comes out to watch the two guys who will challenge him at Lockdown.  Kazarian hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Williams joins the announce team.  Kazarian catches Moore with a gutbuster for 2.  Kazarian hits a move I missed because they keep showing the announcers instead of the match for 2.  Moore fights back and hits what looked like a botched version of Rey Mysterio’s flippy bulldog.  Moore connects with some big blows and sends Kazarian out of the ring.  Kazarian avoids a baseball slide dropkick and elevates Moore to the apron.  Moore hits a diving moonsault body block to the outside.  Back inside, Moore hits a diving rana for 2.  Kazarian hits a swank electric chair suplex hold for 2.  Kazarian tries to set up a super backdrop suplex.  Moore fights him off and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Kazarian gets a Brisco roll for 2.  They do some cradle reversals.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw at 10:01.  Time limit?  Seriously?  Really good match, though.  Williams makes fun of them after the match.  They chase Williams to the back.

JB interviews Velvet Sky.  She explains that the Knockouts title isn’t on the line tonight because it’s in the line in a tag match at Lockdown.

ShopTNA.com!

Hulk Hogan bitches at Eric Bischoff backstage.  Bischoff said he was trying to gain Flair’s confidence to help Hogan.  Bischoff leaves.  Jay Lethal comes in.  He wants to book the Mega Powers vs. The Band.  Hogan says they’ll do it after Lockdown if he can find his tights.  I hope those tights were burned and buried.

Tenay and Taz talk about Bischoff’s shenanigans.

JB interviews the Knockouts Champion, Angelina Love.  Tara interrupts, mad about the retarded way she lost the title last week.  Tara says “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” which is exactly what Bischoff just said.  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss and The Pope.  Abyss says that Wolfe failed to take him out with a fire extinguisher last week, and suggests next time he brings the whole fire truck, or a bazooka, or a rocket launcher.  I’d be down for that.

The girls come out for the Leather & Lace Match.  Velvet says it’s not going to be a leather & lace match, it’s going to be a match with Love handcuffed.  Well, the deal was any stipulations she wanted.  Commercials!

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Velvet Sky.  Love jumps Sky immediately with kicks and stomps.  Well, she can’t really do anything else.  Sky hits her with the title belt.  I guess it’s no DQ.  Sky says it’s now an I Quite Match.  Sky chokes Love and yells at her to quit.  Love says no, so Sky beats her up some more.  Sky whips her with a riding crop, then yells at her to quit again.  Love still won’t quit.  Fuck.  Sky beats her up some more and threatens to strip her naked.  Sky rips Love’s shirt off.  Love still won’t quit.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run out and beat on Love.  Tara makes the save and runs off the Beautiful People, then unlocks the handcuffs.  It’s a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Whatever.  Tara and Love have an awkward staredown.  Love offers a handshake, but Tara refuses.

Christy Hemme is outside, where Abyss has been jumped.  Commercials!

Christy Hemme is still outside.  She says Abyss got ran over by a car!

JB interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan.  Morgan says he can handle it himself, but he’s been forced to find a partner.  He’s chosen Amazing Red.  Red looks like a midget next to Morgan.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Amazing Red vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Morgan overpowers Shelley to start.  Sabin comes in and gets dropped too.  Morgan does his sidewalk drop and drops Shelley on top of Sabin.  Morgan clears the ring of Machine Guns.  Insta-commercials.  Red and Sabin go at it.  Lots of flippy stuff.  Shelley comes in for another good exchange with Red.  Red falls out of the ring.  Sabin teases a dive, then kicks Red in the face and causes Red to do a complete flip.  Cover gets 2 back inside.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Red for 2.  Morgan pulls Red to the corner and tags himself in.  Morgan sort of reverse chokeslams Sabin into the turnbuckles.  Guns fight back and get a double cover on Morgan for 2.  Morgan begs off and tags in Red.  Red goes some more flippy stuff.  Guns knock Morgan off of the apron.  Morgan comes in and turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Morgan sets up Sabin for the Hellavator.  Red hits the Code Red on Shelley for the pin (5 minutes shown).  Pretty decent little match.  Morgan and Red celebrate, then Morgan kicks Red in the balls and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan tries to give Red the Carbon Footprint into the post, but the Guns save him.

Christy Hemme hypes a security tape that shows Abyss’ attack.  Commercials.

They show a security tape of Abyss getting hit by a car driven by Desmond Wolfe.

Robert Roode vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Tenay announces that Storm vs. RVD will be the opener at Lockdown, with the winner getting the numbers advantage in Lethal Lockdown.  They do some stuff.  Roode misses a dropkick, the Hardy hits hits leg drop through the legs and a dropkick for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Roode bails and pulls Hardy out of the ring.  Roode throws Hardy into the steps, then back into the ring.  Roode slams Hardy and hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Roode wears down Hardy with a rear chin lock.  Hardy fights out and hits a jawbreaker, then drops Roode with a kick.  My video freezes for a second.  They trade punches.  Hardy hits some clotheslines and a front suplex.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Roode counters the Twist of Fate and hits a spinebuster for 2.  They counter each other and Hardy hits a stunner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb.  James Storm comes out to stop him, but gets kicked away.  Roode tries to cut off Hardy, but Hardy knocks him down and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:20.  Alright little match.  Storm attacks Hardy after the match and blows a fireball in his face.  It was edited out of my video, so I had to watch it on YouTube.  RVD runs out to make the save.  Beer Money gives him the DWI.

JB says the fireball was censored, and to watch it online.  Way ahead of ya, JB.  They show Hardy being tended to backstage.

Tenay and Taz hype the Lockdown card.

Kurt Angle/Mr. Anderson video package.

JB interviews The Pope, who no longer has a partner, but still has a job to do.  Jay Lethal comes in, calls JB “Mean Gene,” calls Pope “Slick,” and says “Tonight, you take care of The Model, and I’ve got Dynamite Kid!”  The Pope seems cool with this.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in the crowd!

The Pope comes out for the main event.  Jay Lethal’s music plays, then they show him getting destroyed by Beer Money in the back.  Lethal makes a comeback, but Storm hits him in the head with a beer bottle.  Styles comes out and says it’s a handicap match, but Hulk Hogan appears and hits Desmond Wolfe with a chair on the ramp, leaving us with…

Non-Title: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  Pope jumps Styles on the ramp and beats him up on the outside.  I never heard a bell, but I guess it’s a match.  Styles drops Pope with a kick and beats him up.  Pope fights back and goes for the Elijah Express.  Flair gets out of his wheel chair and hits Pope with the belt to cause the DQ in about a minute.  Beer Money comes out to help AJ and Flair beat down The Pope.  Flair whips the Pope with a belt.  Hogan comes back out and stands on the ramp to close the show.

Typical TNA shenanigans aside, I enjoyed this more than I did the very mediocre Raw this week.

TNA iMPACT! 4/5/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video package.

Christy Hemme is in the locker room explaining some convoluted womens’ match they’re doing tonight.  There’s gonna be four keys that unlock four boxes.  In the respective boxes are Poison (Tara’s spider), a contract for a match of their choice, something that will compel a woman to do a striptease, and the Knockouts Title.  Christy interviews the Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  Velvet says they’re going to crush the spider.  Lacey wants to do the walk around in her underwear.  She has to win a match for that?

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Hulk Hogan, Abyss, and Jeff Jarrett come out.  Hogan and Abyss cut promos.  Ric Flair is wheeled out by Chelsea.  Sting, Desmond Wolfe, and Beer Money come out with him.  I assume that’s his team for Lockdown.  Flair cuts a typically great promo.  Crazy Ric Flair is awesome.  Hogan says Flair will find out who the rest of Team Hogan is “when the time is right.”  Team Flair heads to the ring.  Jarrett wants to ask Sting a question, “Friend to friend, or is it foe?”  I think it’s pretty fucking obvious he’s a foe when you’re on opposite sides of a blood feud, you fucking moron.  Jarrett asks Sting “Why now?” then slaps him.  Sting slaps him back and drops him with the Scorpion Death Lock.  Wolfe jumps Abyss with Sting’s bat.  Beer Money comes in and they corner Hogan.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam make the save.  I guess who know who the other two guys on Team Hogan are.  Commericials.

Rob Van Dam vs. James Storm.  JIP.  RVD has the advantage.  He hits a monkey flip out of the corner for 2.  RVD knocks Storm off of the apron with his flying kick, fails a baseball slide dropkick, and gets rammed into the barricade.  Storm hits the DDT OF MURDER! on RVD for 2.  RVD is the first guy I ever remember seeing take that move from Randy Orton.  Storm hits a suplex.  BEER!  Cover gets 2.  Storm clamps on a rear chin lock.  RVD fights out and gets a quick schoolboy for 2.  RVD hits a bunch of his fancy kicks.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Storm hits an enzuigiri and the Eye of the Storm for 2.  RVD wallops Storm with a kick to the head, then slams him and hits the split legged moonsault for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  Not a bad little match.  I fear this is as good as this show is going to get, though.  Storm smashes a beer bottle in RVD’s face.  Guys come out to check on him.  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The guys help RVD as Storm does RVD’s taunt on the ramp.  Jeff Hardy runs out and decks him from behind.  Storm bails.  Hardy checks on RVD.  Robert Roode sneaks in through the crowd and gives Hardy a spinebuster.

Christy Hemme interviews one of the teams in the convoluted women’s match tonight: Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, and Hamada.  Tara thinks TNA is doing this to get ratings.  Hah!  Like ANYTHING TNA does is going to get ratings.  Angelina wants the title.  They argue stupidly.  ODB wants the contract so she can wrestle AJ.  Hamada speaks Japanese.  Hemme says “What she said.”  I agree.

TNA Global Championship Match: “The Freak” Rob Terry (c) vs. Homicide.  Holy shit, Homicide is still employed!  Homicide tries, but Terry no sells everything he does and destroys him.  Terry press slams Homicide and otherwise tosses him around.  Homicide fails at building momentum.  Terry hits the over the shoulder powerslam for the pin in 1:57.  Whatever.  Homicide attacks Terry with a chair.  He gives Terry a chair shot RIGHT TO THE FUCKING HEAD, COMPLETELY UNPROTECTED.  Terry no sells it and chokeslams Homicide.  Terry is bleeding.  Orlando Jordan appears on the stage and shoots white cream all over himself.  … the fuck?  I saw this segment during the live airing and went on quite a tirade about it, but I’ve lost some of my venom since then.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle in a Ladder Match is still to come!  The stupid Knockouts match is NEXT!

The Beautiful People are getting ready.

Lock Box Showdown Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, ODB, & Hamada vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney.  They do some shit.  Who cares?  Rayne puts Tara in a head scissors and humps the mat.  Tara gives her the Window’s Peak for the pin at 1:13, so they’re both eliminated and Tara gets a key.  Daffney attacks somebody.  Insta-commercials.  ODB fights Velvet.  Daffney pinned Hamada after a failed moonsault during the break.  ODB hits a fall away slam on Velvet, nips up, and covers for 2.  Velvet pins ODB after a DDT to win key #3.  Angelina beats up Lacey.  Lacey fails the moonsault elbow drop.  Love hits a Flatliner for the pin (4:28 shown).  Tara, Daffney, Velvet, and Love win.  It doesn’t make sense to me either.  I give this whole concept -***** and I don’t even give star ratings.

They show the locked boxes in the back, except they’re all unlocked.  They’ll be (presumably) re locked and unlocked again later.

Angle/Anderson video package.

Ladder Match: Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  The prize is the key to the cage at Lockdown.  What is it with all of the fucking keys tonight?  Entrances, insta-commercials.  The match starts with Angle immediately going for the Angle Slam.  Anderson counters.  Anderson brings in a ladder and suplexes Angle onto it.  Angle belly to belly suplexes Anderson onto the ladder.  The ladder gets set up.  Angle gets whipped, ducks under it, and gets it thrown in his face.  Anderson goes for the key.  Angle hits the Angle Slam off of the ladder.  Angle throws Anderson out of the ring and goes for the key.  He climbs too slow.  Anderson comes back in and pushes the ladder over.  Angle takes a bump out of the ring.  Crowd chants “HOLY SHIT!” and they bleep it.  Anderson slowly climbs the ladder.  Angle climbs to the top rope and dropkicks the ladder over.  Angle lays out Anderson out the ladder, pounds his face in, goes up top, and hits a MOONSAULT onto Anderson ON THE LADDER!  Angle climbs the ladder.  Anderson steals the dog tag again and chokes Angle with it.  Angle still manages to touch the big wooden plank attached to the key, but finally passes out.  Anderson climbs up and grabs the key to win it in 9:11.  Actually a good match, but unnecessary.  Anderson says he’s going to drink some bubbly to celebrate his victory at Lockdown, because he just secured it.  He’s going to party by himself.

Jeremy Borash interviews Hulk Hogan.  JB asks him about Eric Bischoff.  Hogan says his business with Eric is private.  Bubba the Love Sponge comes up to talk to Hogan.  I wish that fuck would fuck off and fucking die.  He leaves.  Jay Lethal comes up to talk to Hogan and silliness ensues.

The Band shows up and meets Bubba.  Fuck that guy.

Later tonight, the unlocked boxes will be locked and unlocked again!

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan.  Seriously.  He’s champions by himself now.  Christy is confused.  That’s not a new sensation for her.

TNA World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D.  They wrestled to a double pin on Xplosion last week.  Sabin and Ray start.  Ray wrings Sabin’s arm and Sabin does his flippy stuff to escape.  He wrings Bubba’s arm, and Bubba does Sabin’s flippy stuff to escape.  Sabin throws some kicks.  Bubba mows him down with a boot.  Sabin hits a NICE springboard cross body for 2.  Shelley tags in.  Guns double kick Bubba.  Bubba chops Shelley down.  Devon tags in and beats up Shelley.  Shelley catches Devon with a knee and makes the tag.  Sabin hits 3D with elbow smashes.  Sabin drops 3D with a double dropkick.  Sabin ducks Bubba, who accidentally clotheslines Devon.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri to drop Bubba.  Guns double team Devon.  The cross body/neckbreaker combo gets 2.  3D hit the WASSUP  on Sabin.  “GET THE TABLES!”  Why do they do that in every match?  You’ll be DQ’d, morons.  Devon sets up a table on the outside.  The Band comes out and jumps 3D to cause the DQ in 4:03.  Really fun little match while it lasted.  Syxx-Pac hits the X Factor on Bubba.  Hall hits the Razor’s Edge on Sabin.  Nash teases powerbomb Shelley, then just clotheslines him.  Can Nash even do a powerbomb anymore?  Pac spray paints Shelley’s back, then pounds on Bubba some more.  Commercials.

The Band is still in the ring.  Bubba the worthless fuck comes out to join them.  Nash says they might not be signing the checks, but they’re running the show.  Nash cuts a promo on Hogan.  They learned how to be bad from him, etc. etc.  The Wolfpac rip off theme plays.

JB interviews The Pope.  Desmond Wolfe interrupts “The Poop.”  That’s what it sounded like he said, anyway.  Wolfe says he should be getting the title shot.  He could pull double duty at Lockdown.  Pope says Wolfe can have the title shot if he beats him tonight.

Tara is stressing about the key.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out.  Crowd chants “USA!”  Williams talks about the flippy floppy guys in the X Division.  He wants to called Douglas Williams from now on.  He’s going to face Generation Me in a Gauntlet Match tonight.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. Jeremy Buck.  Jeremy gets a near fall with a moonsault body block.  Jeremy hits a slingshot X Factor for 2.  Williams avoids another moonsault and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 1:22.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. Max Buck.  Max hits a slingshot clothesline into the ring, does some flippy stuff, and gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Max keeps the pressure on and hits a leg drop for 2.  Max goes up top.  Williams cuts him off and locks in a guillotine for the submission win in 1:17.  He refuses to break the hold.  Shannon Moore makes the save and tries to put makeup on Williams.  Williams bails.  Moore calls Williams a boring ass wrestler.  Fuck him.  He wants a title shot at Lockdown.  Ugh.

Angelina Love has a key.

House Show plugs.

Christy Hemme interviews Team 3D.  Bubba is like “WTF man?”  Bubba challenges “the Wolfpac” to a match next week.  Devon says they’ll kick their asses.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Wolfe gets a jobber entrance.  He meets Pope on the stage and they brawl.  Pope throws Wolfe into the ring, takes his entrance gear off, and gets jumped trying to get into the ring.  Pope fights back.  Crowd chants “POPE IS PIMPIN’!”  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court and goes for the Tower of London.  Pope counters.  Pope drops his knee pads and hits a Codebreaker(!) for the pin in 2:04.  Too short to amount to anything.  The World Champion AJ Styles jumps Pope, kicks his ass, and gives him the Styles Clash.  Abyss comes out.  Styles bails.  Wolfe jumps Abyss and gets his ass kicked.  Styles clips Abyss’ leg.  Styles taunts Pope.  Wolfe hits Abyss with a fire extinguisher.

Tenay and Taz talk about how Team Flair has picked off Team Hogan.

JB is on stage with the locked boxes and chicks who won keys.  Velvet Sky wins the open contract.  Tara wins her spider.  She’s happy, then realizes that means she lost the title.  Angelina wins the Knockouts Title and Daffney has to strip.  JB tells Daffney she has to do the striptease or be fired.  They play stripper music.  Daffney walks to the ring looking nothing at all like a chick I want to see strip.  She takes off her hat and collar.  She lowers hear straps a little bit.  Lacey Von Erich runs out, whacks Daffney with the ugly stick, and starts to do the strip tease.  Tara and Angelina start brawling over the title.  Lacey just prances around while Tara and Angelina roll around the mat.  Velvet says next week, she’s using her contract to face Angelina in a Leather & Lace Match.  Tara and Love go after Lacey.  Security holds them back.  The show ends.

Seriously, fuck this show.

TNA iMPACT! 3/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week…” video with Mick Foley losing to Jeff Jarrett in a match set up by a vindictive Eric Bischoff and being fired.

“V For Vigilant.”

Jeff Jarrett and Hulk Hogan talk.  Hogan apologizes for Bischoff and gives Jarrett a match with AJ Styles tonight where Jarrett will be #1 Contender after Lockdown if he wins.  Jay Lethal comes in and does his Randy Savage bit with Hogan.  Hogan does a Savage impersonation of his own.  The Mega Powers 2.0!  Hogan is leaving for New Year for unknown reasons.  I assume it’s because he doesn’t want to watch this show.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, there’s a women’s First Blood match.  Gross.  Plus some other matches.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The Band comes out with Bubba the worthless fuck who needs to fuck off and fucking die Love Sponge.  Crowd chants “FIRE BUBBA!”  For once I agree with these mutants.  The Band is wearing Bubba Army shirts.  Bubba cuts a pseudo shoot promo on the fans.  He says he doesn’t need this job.  I wish to God he would leave, then.  Crowd chants “THANK YOU FOLEY!” since he KTFO’d Bubba last week.  Kevin Nash calls for Eric Young to come out.  Nash says he and Young are friends, and invited Young to join the Band.  Nash says the six-man isn’t going to happen because Jeff Hardy and RVD aren’t in their league.  Crowd chants “DON’T SELL OUT!”  Young attacks the Band and gets his ass kicked.  Nash tells him he made a big mistake.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam come out and run the heels off.  Hardy says the match tonight will be the main event, and “in honor of Lockdown,” it will be a Steel Cage Match.  Hardy horribly sings his horrible entrance them.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian & Shannon Moore.  More attacks Williams to start.  Hit him with another brick, Doug!  Kazarian tags in and dropkicks Williams for 2, then hits his slingshot legdrop for 2.  Kendrick tags in and gets arm dragged.  The heels get heat on Kazarian.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Fuck him.  Moore hits a diving rana on Williams, but Kendrick saves.  Kendrick eats a spin kick from Moore, then gets German suplexed by Kendrick.  Moore hits a Blockbuster on Kendrick for the pin in 4:30.  A guy I hate wins with a move ripped off from another guy I hate.  Moore puts makeup on Kendrick.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hulk Hogan in the phone, then calls in his new hot chick, Miss Tessmacher (the former Brooke Adams).  Jay Lethal comes in with a booking sheet featuring a bunch of 80s guys.  Funny.  Bischoff tells him to think of something for the main event, then sends Brooke to find Beer Money.

Matches tonight!  The Pope is NEXT!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts a promo about AJ Styles, Ric Flair, the match at Lockdown.  Chelsea comes out asks Pope to make her a ho.  Crowd chants “WE’VE GOT MONEY!”  They do some more sexual innuendos.  Desmond Wolfe sneaks in and tries to jump Pope from behind, but Pope was ready and kicks his ass.  Pope kisses Chelsea, then stuffs money in her top.

The Knockouts Champion Tara is headed our way!

A weird, grainy video of Samoa Joe, who hasn’t been seen in weeks after being kidnapped, plays.

Tenay and Taz don’t make a big deal out of it, they just re-hype the matches.

Orlando Jordan, covered in yellow “TNA Cross The Line” type, is lowered to the ring.  He goes to a weird little set to join his bisexual lovers.  … the fuck?

Jeremy Borash interviews Tara.  Danney jumps her.  They awkwardly brawl backstage.  Commercials.

First Blood Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Tara (c) vs. Daffney.  They brawl onto the stage from the back and the match officially starts.  They brawl all over and throw each other into the things.  It sucks.  They finally make it to the ring.  It still sucks.  Daffney tries to use a broken broomstick as a spike.  Tara fight it off and hits the Widow’s Peak.  Tara hits Daffney with a toolbox to give Daffney a cut a band-aid could have taken care of to win this abortion at 3:26.  Daffney likes bleeding.  Gross

AJ Styles is on his way, with Ric Flair and Chelsea.

Same video from the beginning of the show.

Jeff Jarrett has his music and pyro back!

Non-Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  There’s the sound of a girl SCREAMING during AJ’s entrance.  I want to find that girl and strangle her.  Now it sounds like several girls screaming.  They lock up and the regular mutants do their chants.  Styles does a nice arm drag.  They trade hammer locks.  Styles counters Jarrett and hip tosses him.  Styles is awful cocky now.  He does a half assed Flair strut.  I WANT TO FUCKING KILL THESE FUCKING GIRLS THAT KEEP FUCKING SCREAMING.  Jarrett fights back and hits an inverted atomic drop, then clotheslines Styles out of the ring and does the Jarrett strut.  Jarrett beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles goes back on the offensive back inside.  Jarrett avoids a corner splash and rocks Styles with an enzuigiri for 2.  Styles catches Jarrett with a shin breaker and applies the figure-four leglock.  Flair lets Styles grab his cane for leverage.  The ref admonishes him.  Jarrett puts Styles in the figure-four.  Styles immediately reverses it.  Jarrett gets a rope break.  Flair does stuff again and referee Brian Hebner sends Flair and Chelsea to the back.  Jarrett decks Styles on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Styles works a rear chin lock.  During the break, Styles kicked Jarrett in the balls, then hit a nice dive to the outside.  Jarrett attempts a sunset flip, but Styles cuts him off and hits a BIG knee drop.  Styles goes back to his rear chin lock.  Jarrett fights out and makes a comeback.  Jarrett hits a backdrop suplex and a Pedigree, of all things, for 2.  Jarrett goes for a diving double axe handle, but Styles catches him and suplexes him down.  Styles hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Jarrett counters and hits an Alabama Slam.  Chelsea and Flair come back out.  The referee yells at Flair on the apron, then gets bumped to the floor.  Jarrett sends Styles into the turnbuckles and hits the Stroke off the middle rope.  Cover, but the referee is dead.  Eric Bischoff comes in with a guitar and tries to hit Jarrett.  Jarrett catches him and takes the guitar.  Bischoff begs off.  Styles hits Jarrett in the balls and hits the Styles Clash.  Styles got a nasty cut on his hand somehow.  Bischoff throws the referee back in to make the 3 count (12:59 shown).  Looks like Styles cut his hand of Jarrett’s guitar when he did the low blow.  Really good match.

JB interviews Eric Young, RVD, and Jeff Hardy.  The cage match is still to come!

Jay Lethal references more 80s guys.  He tells Bischoff he wants to book Brutus Beefcake vs. Rick Martel in the main event.  Heh.  Bischoff tells Lethal he’s in the main event, and to head to the ring.  I thought the cage match was the main event.  Apparently not.  Apparently it’s Jay Lethal’s match RIGHT MEOW!

Handicap Match: Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money.  Beer Money destroy Lethal.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Lethal tries to make a comeback, but gets shut down.  Storm turns his back to drink his beer.  Lethal pins Roode with an inside cradle in 2:15, then drinks Storm’s beer.  Bischoff is not pleased!

The cage match is still to come!  Next, Desmond Wolfe takes on The Pope!

Tenay and Taz talk about Hernandez getting killed by Matt Morgan last week.  Morgan will answer for his actions next week.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Wolfe jumps Pope and takes him down with a collar hold.  Pope escapes and grabs a hammer lock.  Wolfe backs him into the ropes and elbows him in the face.  Wolfe busts out an Indian Death Lock.  Pope reverses it, forced Wolfe to get a rope break.  That move works that way, too?  Wolfe beats up Pope a bit.  Pope fights back.  Pope hits his Vader Bomb-style elbow drop.  Chelsea gets on the apron as Pope sets up his finish.  Wolfe pulls a chain out of his trunks and punches Pope with it for the pin in 6:20.  Good little match, as usual between these two.  Wolfe says “What Chelsea wants, Chelsea gets.”

The Cage is NEXT!

They lied.  Kurt Angle comes out.  He gets in the cage and cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  Anderson comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on Angle.  Anderson informs Angle that, per Eric Bischoff, they’ll have a Ladder Match next week.  The prize will be the key to the cage door at Lockdown.  Whatever.  I like the matches, but this feud has been stupid.  Anderson says Kurt is a nice guy, but nice guys finish last.  Anderson says “Thank God I’m an asshole… asshole.”  It’s bleeped both times.  Again, whatever.

The Band comes out as Angle leaves.  Angle and Nash give each other the old Main Event Mafia hand sign.  Yay for continuity!  The main event is next FOR REALS THIS TIME!

Steel Cage Match: The Band vs. Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, & Eric Young.  Syxx-Pac slams the door into Young’s face before he can get in.  Everybody brawls in the ramp.  Syxx-Pac drops RVD with a spin kick.  Nash gets Hardy into the cage and the match starts.  Syxx-Pac locks the cage, making it a 3-on-2 since Young is still on the floor.  TNA’s new cage is neat.  It’s a big black chain link cage, but the walls go all the way to the floor.  Pac delivers the Bronco Buster to Hardy.  Hardy and RVD make a comeback.  Hardy counters a rana and powerbombs Waltman.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Waltman, then Hardy hits his leg drop through the legs.  Hall hammers RVD in the corner.  Nash whips Hardy, who uses RVD as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion into Hall.  Young climbs to the top of the cage.  Waltman tries to stop him, but RVD knocks him off.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb on Nash and RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Hall.  Young hits a diving elbow drop on Waltman for the pin in 3:59.  Whatever.  They celebrate.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss, who reveals the next member of his team for Lockdown: Jeff Jarrett!  They cut a promo.

RVD, Hardy, and Young slap hands with fans.

Okay show.  There were a couple of really good matches in between a lot of crap I didn’t care about.

TNA iMPACT! 3/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with Eric Bischoff in the ring playing guitar.  The fuck?  He calls out Jeff Jarrett because he wants Jarrett to play the guitar.  Jarrett says Bischoff isn’t going to humiliate him anymore.  Bischoff says Jarrett has no guts, or whatever.  Jarrett takes the guitar, puts it down, and leaves.  Bischoff talks about him having “no stones” again.  Jarrett comes back and CLOBBERS Bischoff with the guitar!  YES!

Jarrett comes backstage and hugs Mick Foley.  Jarrett says that felt good.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Bischoff finally struggles to his feet and books Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley for tonight, with the loser getting fired and winner being Bischoff’s bitch.

Foley and Jarrett are pissed backstage.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  After the heels’ entrances, Tara comes out and begs Daffney not to hurt her spider.  The heels jump Tara, but her partners make the save.  Insta-commercials, JIP.  Lots of quick tags and some decent exchanges.  The bad girls get heat on Tara.  Daffney taunts Tara with her spider.  Love tags in and hits a Flatliner on Daffney.  Velvet hits a DDT on Love.  Wilde gets a Northern Lights suplex hold on Rayne.  Who the fuck is legal?  Sarita hits a sit-out powerbomb on Rayne.  Lacey hits a chokeslam on Sarita.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Lacey, then goes to retrieve her spider.  Daffney hits a swank spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker (the Lobotomy) for the pin.  Total clusterfuck.

AJ Styles and Ric Flair arrive, all banged up.  Flair is still in the wheelchair and Styles is on a crutch and has his arm in a sling.

Still to come, Jarrett vs. Foley.  Hulk Hogan makes an announcement about Lockdown NEXT!

Styles and Flair are hobbling/wheeling in backstage.

Destination X highlight package.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan talks for a while, then announces that Abyss will be the captain of Team Hogan at Lockdown.  Abyss talks for a while.  Ric Flair (wheeled by Chelsea) and AJ Styles come out and yell.  Flair says the captain of Team Flair will be Sting.  The lights go out.  Sting appears sitting on a top turnbuckle.  Styles whacks Abyss with his crutch.  Hogan is magically handcuffed to the ropes.  Sting leaves as Styles puts the boots to Abyss.  D’Angelo Dinero makes the save and hits the Elijah Express on Styles, when unlocks Hogan’s cuffs.  Hogan pushes Flair’s wheelchair down the ramp and Abyss clotheslines Flair.  Those dicks.  This was stupid.

Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore arrive.  Christy Hemme talks to them.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Tomko.  Terry no sells everything and kills Tomko.  Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, the spin kick, and the chokeslam/spinebuster for the pin in 1:02.  Whatever.

They show Foley shaving Bischoff’s head and Jarrett whacking him with the guitar.

Foley and Jarrett will meet NEXT!  Beer Money are going to be the special guest referees!

Foley & Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett.

Loser Is Fired: Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Beer Money are the special guest referees.  They lock up and break.  They lock up again.  Foley backs Jarrett into the corner and Storm forces a break.  Storm is the inside referee while Roode is on the outside.  Foley hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett gets a sunset flip for 2.  FOLEY DOES A BACKSLIDE.  Now I’ve seen everything.  They counter each other’s finishers.  Roode trips Jarrett.  Foley and Jarrett fight outside.  Bischoff comes out to the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Jarrett and Foley brawl on the stage.  Jarrett suplexes Foley on the stage, which actually holds up this week.  They go at it back in the ring.  Jarrett drops Foley with a punch for a 2 count.  Beer Money have switched places now, with Roode being in the ring and Storm being outside.  If it matters.  It doesn’t.  Jarrett hits a DDT for 2.  Jarrett brings in a chair.  Foley boots him in the gut and hits the double arm DDT for 2, as Jarrett gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Foley pulls out the sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw.  Roode doesn’t something I missed.  Foley turns it into a Mandible Claw body scissors or something.  Jarrett gets free and hits the Stroke onto the chair for the pin (8:02 shown).  Pretty good match.  Jarrett is upset at getting his friend fired, but Foley raises Jarrett’s hand.  Jarrett returns the gesture and they shake hands.  Bischoff tells Beer Money to beat up Jarrett, and they oblige.  They wedge a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles and ram Jarrett into it.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in and chase of Beer Money.  RVD takes the mic and challenges Beer Money to a match tonight.  They accept.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

They show Mick Foley saying his goodbyes as he leaves.  Bubba the Love Sponge is back.  FUCK.  Even the Impact Zone mutants boo him.  Foley doesn’t want to talk to him.  Bubba insults him, so Foley fucking decks him.  YES!  ***** segment.  Foley says “BANG BANG!” and leaves.  That makes my day.

Bischoff talks to Hogan backstage.  They discuss their various personal issues.  Hogan tells Bischoff do drop the personal vendetta against Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff agrees, asks Hogan if he set up the RVD and Hardy deal, says “nevermind,” and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Beer Money.  They meet RVD & Jeff Hardy TONIGHT!

Up NEXT, the battle of Tag champions!

House show plugs!

JB interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Hernandez video package.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Hernandez jumps Morgan in the aisle and kicks his ass.  Morgan begs off, but Hernandez doesn’t buy it and keeps kicking his ass.  He does the shirt throw thingy, a Stinger Splash, and a spinebuster.  Hernandez charges Morgan in the corner again, but Morgan backdrops Hernandez out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor, but Hernandez accidentally hits the post.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and sandwiches Hernandez’s head into the post.  Fucking OUCH.  It’s a no contest in about 3 1/2 minutes as referee Slick Johnson calls for medics.  Insta-commercials.

They stretcher Hernandez out.  Homicide makes his first appearance in weeks as he comes out to check on his former partner that he turned on months ago.  They put Hernandez in an ambulance.  Hogan tells somebody to call Hernandez’s wife.  Taz and Tenay talk about what happened.

They show what happened with The Band and Eric Young at Destination X.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy.  Storm and Hardy start.  Hardy backdrops Storm out of the ring and onto Roode, then gets a ladder and sets it up between the apron and the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Rob Van Dam hits an apron leg drop on Roode.  Insta-commercials.  Seriously.  I hate those.  RVD hits a moonsault body block on Roode for 2.  Tag to Storm.  RVD wipes him out with a kick and tags in Hardy.  Hardy hits his legs spread leg drop and a front suplex on Storm for 2, as Roode saves.  RVD comes in and takes Roode out.  Hardy goes up top, but Roode trips him.  Beer Money gets heat on Hardy.  Taz gets in his weekly “Vintage” jab.  Roode hits a BIG spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money continues to beat up Hardy while taunting Van Dam.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  Roode and RVD get the tags.  RVD runs wild.  RVD monkey flips Roode and hits his diving kick for 2.  Storm saves.  RVD kicks Storm in the head, slams him, and hits the split legged moonsault.  He’s not the legal man, Rob!  Roode nails RVD with a clothesline.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hits a double suplex on Hardy.  Beer Money hit their AWESOME catapult into a DDT on RVD.  Roode covers for 2.  Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy takes his shirt off, then Roode pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy slides under the ladder, then sends it into Storm.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Roode.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and Van Dam follows with the Five Star Frog Splash on Roode for the pin (10:52 shown).  Really good tag match.

As RVD and Hardy celebrate, Eric Young comes in through the crowd and says that next week, it’ll be The Band vs. Young, RVD, & Hardy.  They all hold hands in the middle of the ring as the show closes.  I jest.  Kind of.

Better show than Raw this week, I thought.