Archive for Kaitlyn

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/3/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight, Edge vs. Kane!  The winner picks the stipulations for the PPV title match!  Smackdown open.  We are TAPED from Norfolk, Virginia!  There are tables, ladders, and chairs at ringside!  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out to cut a promo amongst all the plunder.  They show Alberto Del Rio costing Mysterio his King of the Ring Qualifying Match against Cody Rhodes last week and Mysterio returning the favor by costing Del Rio his tournament match against John Morrison on Raw.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to talk shit to him.  Mysterio climbs a ladder.  They talk at each other.  Del Rio climbs the other side of the ladder and calls him a chihuahua.  Mysterio says they’ll meet at TLC.  Del Rio says no, because he’s a pussy.  Mysterio punches him off the ladder.  Del Rio pushes the ladder over and beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio monkey flips Del Rio out of the ring and gives him a leg drop through a table.  Commercials. plug.

Earlier today, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero walked around backstage.  They encountered Kaitlyn, who is now on Smackdown.  Vickie is mad, but Ziggler congratulates her on winning NXT.

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Drew McIntyre vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Kaval.  MVP and McIntyre lock up.  MVP hits a shoulder block and a knee (maybe) drop for 1.  Kaval tags in.  MVP lifts him up to McIntyre a boot for 2.  McIntyre throws Kaval down, then misses a leg drop.  MVP tags in and hits a sliding Yakuza kick for 2.  McIntyre catches MVP with a kick to the gut.  Ziggle tags in.  MVP beats him up, then decks McIntyre off the apron and throws Ziggler out onto him.  Kaval uses MVP as a step and takes out Ziggler and McIntyre with a dive.  Commercials.  Ziggler beats up MVP.  MVP rallies and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  McIntyre distracts MVP, allowing Ziggler to take out his knee.  McIntyre and Ziggler get the heat on MVP, working the injured leg.  Kaval gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kaval hits a springboad flying knee.  Cover, but McIntyre saves.  MVP goes after McIntyre and gets sent face first into the announce table.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Kaval counters a suplex and locks in a Dragon sleeper.  Vickie distracts the referee.  McIntyre breaks the hold.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 11:23.  Fine little match.  That’s MVP’s last hurrah in WWE.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and chokeslams MVP.  THAT is MVP’s last hurrah in WWE.  Kane Tombstones Kaval.  Kane says the show won’t continue until Edge returns his father.  Edge appears on the big screen.  More of this bullshit.  Ugh.  Paul Bearer is still bound and gagged.  He invites Kane to come retrieve Paul from the loading dock.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Raw Rebound.

Kane searches the loading dock for Paul Bearer.  Something big and heavy falls out of a truck and crushes another mannequin Paul Bearer.  ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.  Smackdown has been worse than TNA lately.  Kane sees Edge wheeling the real Paul Bearer away.  This shit is fucking horrible.  Commercials.

Tonight, Edge vs. Kane, just to make sure we give away every match that we expect to draw on the PPV!

WWE Intercontinental Championship #1 Contender Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger does amateur stuff.  Kofi gets the ropes.  They stare at each other.  Kofi tries to lock up in the corner, but the referee won’t allow it.  They lock up properly and work the lock up.  Kofi hits a monkey flip.  They lock up again.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi breaks free.  Swagger avoids the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger works over Kofi.  Kofi fights back and hits a running dropkick for 2.  Swagger sends Kofi to the apron.  Kofi kicks him and goes up top.  Swagger meets him and throws him off the top rope.  Cover gets 2.  Kofi rolls outside.  Commercials.  Swagger works Kofi over and applies that double arm hook deal.  Swagger takes out Kofi’s leg twice.  Cover gets 2.  Weird.  Swagger beats up Kofi.  He works the arm again instead of working the leg, which would actually help when he goes for his finish.  I thought Swagger was supposed to be smart.  Swagger applies an abdominal stretch.  Swagger does a gator roll and pulls Kofi against the ropes.  I don’t get it.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Kofi kicks him away and hits a rolling kick thingamafucker to knock Swagger down.  Swagger tries to push Kofi into the steps, but Kofi leapfrogs them.  Kofi hits a diving chop off the steps.  Grisham calls it a Superman punch because he’s mentally retarded.  He’s probably retarded enough to be an MMA judge.  They barely beat the count back into the ring.  Kofi beats up Swagger.  Kofi hits the S.O.S. for 2.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb, fails, but lands a big boot for 2.  Swagger throws Kofi across the ring and goes for the Vader Bomb, but Kofi trips him.  Kofi hits corner punches.  Swagger throws him away.  Kofi hits something from the corner, then hits a diving cross body for 2.  Swagger ducks the Trouble In Paradise.  Kofi tries again.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi blocks it and falls out of the ring.  Kofi hits a Trouble In Paradise from the outside through the ropes and gets the pin in 15:49.  I hated this.  I like both guys.  I think both are good wrestlers, and they have good matches against other people.  In spite of this, and in spite of the fact that they wrestle each other for more than 10 minutes often on TV, none of their matches are any good.

Kane looks for Paul Bearer in the concession area.  Another fake Paul Bearer falls down the stairs.  Edge runs away with the real Bearer again.  This shit is so fucking awful.  Commercials.

Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes attacks, then flinches when Masters tries to throw a punch.  Masters locks in the Master Lock against the ropes.  Rhodes pulls the back of Masters into the ropes.  Rhodes hits a side Russian leg sweep and does a great transition into the cover for 2.  Rhodes applies a camel clutch.  Rhodes works Masters’ arm.  Masters make his comeback.  Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disasters followed by the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 2:56.  Not bad.

Tonight, Edge vs. Kane.  That WILL be bad.  Commercials.

Video package of the extremely horrible Kane/Edge feud that they’re so proud of.

Rosa Mendez vs. Layla (w/ Michelle McCool).  Layla mocks Rosa by pretending to jump rope.  Rosa attacks her.  Layla attacks back.  Rosa fights back.  McCool distracts everyone.  Rosa shoves Layla into her, then gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Fucking ugh.  Layla hits the neckbreaker for the pin in 1:04.  Ugh.  LayCool attack Rosa after the match.  Hornswoggle makes the save.  They get on their knees to fight Hornswoggle, then horse ass around.  Beth Phoenix comes out and kicks their asses.  Much stupidity in this segment.  The Swagger Soaring Eagle comes out to fight Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle shakes the ropes and gets booted in the face.  Beth gives the eagle the Glam Slam.  Hornswoggle hits a tadpole splash on the eagle.  Yes, much stupidity in this segment.

Speaking of stupidity, Edge vs. Kane tonight.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.  Different one from earlier.

The main event is next.  Commercials.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Kane vs. Edge.  Edge bails.  Kane follows.  Edge hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Edge dives off the apron.  Kane catches him and rams him into the apron.  Back inside, Kane beats up Edge.  Edge beats up Kane.  They fight outside.  They fight inside.  Kane hits a basement kick for 2.  Kane hits some elbow drops.  Shit happens.  Edge low bridges Kane out of the ring, then spears him off the apron.  Commercials.  Thank God.  Can we just stay on commercials until the finish?  Kane crotches Edge on the top rope and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and dives.  Kane catches him with a punch for 2.  Kane beats up Edge some more.  They go outside.  Edge sends Kane into the steps, then hits a clothesline off the steps.  Kane goes for a chokeslam with Edge on the apron, but Edge pulls his arm down across the top rope.  Edge hits a diving lariat for 2.  Edge hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits a diving lariat.  Kane goes for the chokeslam.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes for the spear, but Kane clotheslines him.  Kane signals for the chokeslam.  Paul Bearer appears on the screen and screams for Kane to come find him.  Kane goes outside and barely beats the count back in.  Edge spears him for the pin in 13:21.  Awful.  Edge says the PPV match will be Tables, Ladders, & Chairs, to the surprise of absolutely no one.  Edge says he’ll give Paul Bearer back now.  Edge brings out a fake Paul Bearer in the wheelchair and leaves.  Kane beats up the fake.  The real Paul Bearer appears on the screen.  He’s on a flat bed truck.  Kane goes backstage to get him, but Edge drives away.  This is the worst fucking storyline ever.

Fucking horrible show.  Whoever came up with this storyline should be set on fire.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are LIVE from Orlando, Florida.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  They talk about John Cena being fired last night.

The Nexus come out: Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett tries to a cut a promo amidst heavy boos from the crowd.  He decides to turn it around and claim that Cena was biased against him last night.  He says an official has never been allowed to put his hands on a competitor.  That is a lie.  He wants another title shot with a neutral referee.  The iBooker 9000 dings in.  Cole reads that the match will happen TONIGHT!  Barrett says that he has allowed John Cena to appear tonight to say his goodbyes.

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!  Also, John Cena WILL be here.  Commercials!

Next week, King of the Ring returns!

The announcers chat.  Cole introduces the newest member of the announce team, CM Punk!  Awesome!

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Truth is back to using his old music, which Eve doesn’t dance nearly as well to.  Punk says “wrestling,” so I assume he’ll be removed from announcing immediately.  Sheamus wins the lock up and takes Truth over with a side headlock.  Sheamus controls with the headlock.  Truth escapes and dances.  He does the splits and lands a jumping side kick.  Sheamus bails and yells.  Commercials.  Sheamus works Truth’s arm for a while.  Truth escapes a long hold and makes his comeback.  Truth lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Truth goes for a front cradle, but Sheamus squashes it for 2.  Sheamus NAILS Truth with the brogue kick (yes, I’m going to call it that now) and follows with the Razor’s Edge (no, I’m still not calling it the High Cross or Pale Justice or whatever the name of the week for it is) for the pin in 11:04.  Boring match.

They air a clip from the new John Cena DVD, showing him preparing for WrestleMania XXVI.  Tonight, Cena will BE HERE!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Michelle McCool and Layla babble obnoxiously while heading into the building.  The security guy won’t let them in the building because they’re not allowed on Raw since they’re not champs anymore.  Then WHY THE HELL WAS NATALYA ON SMACKDOWN EVERY FUCKING WEEK FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS?  The NEW WWE Divas Champion Natalya walks up and claims to not know them, so they are shut out of the building.  Thank God.  My joy at not having to see LayCool anymore aside, this was retarded.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are backstage chatting about their loss last night.  Tamina plays Santino a song on a ukulele.  They kiss.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton about the title match tonight.

Up next, Ezekiel Jackson vs. The Miz in a King of the Ring Qualifying Match!  Commercials!

WWE Slam of the Week: Ezekiel Jackson being a BAMF.

Ezekiel Jackson comes out for the match.  Alex Riley comes out and says that Miz had an anxiety attack, so Riley will be wrestling on his behalf.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Alex Riley.  Riley tries a go behind.  Zeke reverses it.  Riley gets a rope break.  Riley avoids Zeke in the corner and hits a Stinger splash, then takes Zeke down with a headlock.  Cover gets 2.  Riley applies a rear chin lock.  Zeke escapes, mauls a bitch, and hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 1:54.  I’m all for a King Zeke reign!

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!

John Cena chats with R-Truth and Eve Torres backstage.  Gail Kim, Santino Marella, and Yoshi Tatsu show up to wish him well.  I’m sad that Yoshi never actually gets a match on Raw.  Commercials! plug.

John Cena comes out to cut his farewell promo.  He talks for a while about the usual stuff: loving his job, missing his family, etc.  He asks for the women and kids to chant “Let’s go Cena!” while the guys chant “Cena sucks!”  They, being a polite crowd, oblige his request.  Cena warns Wade Barrett to stop taking shortcuts.  He finally finishes up by thanking the fans.  I’m sure they appreciate it and will be happy to see him back next week.  They show some sad looking fans.  Cena walks backstage passing R-Truth, Eve, Goldust, The Bella Twins, Kozlov, Santino, Mark Henry, Primo, Ted Dibiase Jr., Maryse, Naomi, Kaitlyn, AJ, Natalya, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Daniel Bryan, Gail Kim, Melina, Alicia Fox, Tyson Kidd, referees and assorted backstage geeks.  He shakes hands with and hugs Randy Orton since they’re best friends now.  Cena walks out of the building.  Wade Barrett steps into frame and does the “You can’t see me” gesture at the back of Cena’s head.  Commercials.

The brand new Amway Center!

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Brie Bella).  Brie runs down the ramp to catch up to Bryan.  I’m taking the announcers’ word that it’s Brie, which means there’s a 99% chance it’s Nikki.  Dibiase jumps Bryan and beats him up.  Dibiase gets a couple of near falls, then applies a waist lock on the mat.  Bryan avoids Dibiase in the corner and drills him with a dropkick.  Dibiase hits a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Bryan turns his stupid cover into the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:53.  These two have had a really good match in the last 24 hours.  This wasn’t it.  Nikki Bella comes out to join Brie in celebrating with Bryan.  He has them hug each other for some reason.  Maybe they’re going to start calling him gay on top of everything else.

Orton vs. Barrett TONIGHT!  For the BELT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  Fox holds onto the ropes to avoid a front cradle.  Natalya gives her a monkey flip.  Fox works Natalya’s hair.  She pulls out a tuft of Natalya’s hair, which pisses her off.  Natalya throws Fox down by her hair a bunch, then hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Natalya does a bear hug.  Fox turns it into a cradle.  Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:16.  This was crap.

Tonight, Orotn vs. Barrett for the belt!

John Morrison and Melina chat backstage.  Are they still together?  Morrison is in action NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Hart Dynasty vs. Nexus from last week’s Raw, when Tyson Kidd TURNED on David Hart Smith.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd.  Kidd has new HEEL music.  They lock up and trade arm locks.  Morrison backs Kidd into the corner.  Kidd stomps Morrison in the corner, slides out of the ring, and drops him across the apron, then delivers a kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kidd applies a side headlock and yells.  Morrison fights back and lands a fancy kick.  Morrison lands a side kick for 2.  Kidd hits a twisting Fisherman buster for 2.  Kidd beats up Morrison a bit.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck.  Kidd tries to cut him off, but fails.  Morrison lands it and follows with the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:17.  It was okay.  Too short, like most things tonight.

Orton vs. Barrett is NEXT!  Commercials.

Hype for next week’s King of the Ring Tournament.

Randy Orton comes out for his title defense, but is jumped in the aisle by The Nexus and ASSAULTED!  Orton’s knee has been injured!  Commercials!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett.  They both make their entrances again, even though they were both out there 5 minutes ago.  Orton is selling the knee injury.  In ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton lands some punches.  Barrett attacks the injured knee.  Barrett rams the knee into the apron.  Cover gets 2.  Barrett works the knee.  Orton catches Barrett with the 3.0.  Across the injured knee.  Idiot.  Barrett hits the Wasteland and covers.  John Cena appears and pulls the referee out of the ring!  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus runs out.  Cena escapes through the crowd.  Orton hits Barrett with the RKO for the pin in 3:50.  Orton retains the title!  The Miz comes out!  He’s cashing in the Money In The Bank contract RIGHT NOW!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  Miz goes for the knee.  Orton clubbers his back.  Repeat.  Miz kicks Orton’s knee out from under him and sets to work on it.  Miz rams Orton’s knee into the post repeatedly.  Orton kicks him away and into the barricade.  Back inside, Orton makes his comeback.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz counters and takes his knee out.  Orton manages to hit the powerslam and starts humping the mat.  Miz counters the RKO and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 2:44!  THE MIZ IS WWE CHAMPION!  They show kids looking sad and angry in the audience.  Awesome!

This show was crap when it comes to wrestling, but it was still fun, entertaining, and eventful.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 11/5/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 8, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  We’re TAPED from Bridgeport, Connecticut!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Edge comes out.  Ricardo Rodriguez gets in the ring to introduce Alberto Del Rio, but Edge scares him out of the ring.

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio.  They show Edge pinning Del Rio in the Triple Threat Match to become #1 Contender last week.  They lock up.  Del Rio goes behind Edge.  Edge sends him out of the ring.  Edge beats up Del Rio outside.  Back inside, Edge continues beating up Del Rio.  Del Rio side steps Edge and sends  him into the post.  Del Rio beats up Edge on the outside.  Commercials.  Del Rio works Edge’s arm for a while, inside and outside of the ring, through both legal and nefarious means.  Edge tries to fight back, telegraphs a back body drop, and kicks kicked in the face.  Edge avoids a charging Del Rio, who slides through the ropes and out of the ring.  Why has that never (to my memory) been a Rumble elimination spot?  Back inside, Del Rio tries to set something up on the top rope.  Edge knocks him down and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge makes his comeback and hits a flapjack for 2.  Del Rio tries to set up the Minoru Special and ends up hitting a nice German suplex hold for 2.  Edge hits the Edgecution for 2.  Edge goes up top.  Del Rio jumps up and hits him with an enzuigiri for 2.  Edge boots Del Rio in the face and sets up the spear.  The Nexus ( the 5 minor, non Cena and Barrett members) come out, surround the ring, and jump Edge and Del Rio.  It’s a no-contest in about 13 minutes.  A fuck finish to an otherwise good match.

David Otunga says Nexus are taking over.  The Big Show comes out, followed by Rey Mysterio Jr., and World Heavyweight Champion Kane.  Those guys plus Edge run off Nexus.  Commercials.


Moments ago, SHIT WENT DOWN with the Nexus and some Smackdown dudes!

Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes out and announces that TONIGHT, Nexus will face Kane, Alberto Del Rio, The Big Show, Edge, & Rey Mysterio in a 10-man tag!  At least he does shit in person instead of sending fucking emails.

Dolph Ziggler comes out.  They show Kaitlyn hitting Vickie Guerrero on the face with a cake on NXT.  Sure am sorry I don’t have to watch that show anymore.  The internet doesn’t convey sarcasm well.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler vs. JTG.  Ziggler beats up JTG.  JTG fights back and takes him down.  The referee separates them.  Ziggler boots JTG in the face and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler grinds JTG’s face into the mat.  JTG fights back.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… the pulling JTG up at 2.  Ziggler locks in the sleeper hold for the win in 2:15.  Kaitlyn comes out to flirt with Ziggler.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and screams in her nails on a chalkboard voice.  She slaps Kaitlyn, then screams some more.  I fucking hate this angle.

Tonight, MVP vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre!  Winner gets an Intercontinental title match!  Also, Team Smackdown vs. The Nexus!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Moments ago, that stupid Vickie/Kaitlyn shit happened.

Hornswoggle rants and raves at Teddy Long.  Vickie Guerrero invades the office, rapes my ears, and demands justice.  Long books Vickie vs. Kaitlyn tonight.  NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.  Fuck.

The Nexus beat the shit out of Rey Mysterio backstage.  Commercials.

The Nexus chat backstage.  Josh Matthews comes up to interview them.  Otunga says they’re showing that Nexus isn’t all about John Cena and Wade Barrett.  Yes, David, it is.

Triple Threat Match to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre.  They show the Dashing Ones breaking up last week.  MVP beats up Rhodes.  He goes after McIntyre, who backs away.  The former Dashing Ones decide to work together against MVP, then settle it amongst themselves.  They beat up MVP.  McIntyre turns on Rhodes, sends him outside, and slams him on the ramp.  Commercials.  McIntyre beats up MVP.  Rhodes comes back in and hits McIntyre with a missile dropkick.  Rhodes hits a knee drop on MVP for 2.  Rhodes hits a front suplex and another knee drop for 2.  Rhodes locks MVP in a wonky arm & chin lock, then transitions into a chin lock with body scissors.  MVP escapes via an electric chair drop.  Rhodes hits MVP with a side Russian leg sweep and gets a jackknife hold for 2.  MVP whips Rhodes into the corner.  Rhodes avoids the Yakuza kick and hits a NECKBREAKER OF MURDER for 2.  MVP rolls outside.  Rhodes goes outside and throws McIntyre into the barricade.  Rhodes wants to win by count-out, but there are no count-outs in a triple threat match.  Rhodes goes to the top rope.  McIntyre crotches him.  McIntyre beats up Rhodes and goes for a superplex.  MVP springs up and adds a backdrop suplex to the mix.  MVP covers McIntyre for 2, then Rhodes for 2 as well.  MVP makes his comeback on McIntyre.  He drops Rhodes and goes for the Ballin’ elbow, but McIntyre cuts him off.  MVP throws McIntyre into the corner.  Rhodes rolls out of the ring.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow on McIntyre, then goes for the Playmaker.  McIntyre counters and hits a lariat.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock, but Rhodes cuts him off with a springboard kick.  MVP throws Rhodes out of the ring and hits McIntyre with a Yakuza kick for the pin in 13:15.  Pretty good match.

Tonight, Team Smackdown vs. The Nexus!  With no announcement at all, Kofi Kingston has replaced Rey Mysterio.  Commercials.

Vickie Guerrero vs. Kaitlyn.  They have the worst looking fake fight ever.  Vickie bails and screams.  Vickie does a football shuffle.  Kaitlyn attacks her on the outside.  Vickie screams as she gets beaten up and thrown back into the ring.  Kaitlyn kicks Vickie int he gut and almost trips over.  Vickie looks ill.  Kaitlyn softly rams her had into the turnbuckles and gives her some horrible looking kicks.  Vickie groans.  Kaitlyn pulls her out of the corner and hits a leg drop for 2.  FUCK.  Vickie slaps Kaitlyn.  Vickie tries a body slam, but Kaitlyn lands on top for 2.  Kaitlyn horribly beats up Vickie in the corner.  Vickie trips her up and pins her with her feet on the ropes in 3:07.  This was, without hyperbole, the worst wrestling match I’ve ever seen.

Stand up for WWE!  They waste time on NATIONAL TV having untrained women try to wrestle and disgracing the business that they pretend they’re not in after it made them millions and millions of dollars!

Tonight, Team Smackdown vs. The Nexus!  Commercials!

MVP and Kaval chat backstage.  They walk by Kelly Kelly, who congratulates MVP on his win.  Nexus jump them and kick their asses.  Those dicks!

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks.  Reks beats up Masters.  Masters beats up Reks.  Masters sends Reks outside, chops him on the floor, and throws him back in.  Reks cuts off Masters and rams his back into the post.  Back inside, Reks works over Masters’ back.  Masters makes his comeback and hits a spinebuster for 2.  Masters goes for the Master Lock.  Reks avoids it and hits his half assed Burning Hammer for the pin in 2:55.  Not as good as their match on Superstars last week.

Tonight, Team Smackdown vs. The Nexus.  Commercials.

WWE Smack of the Night: The Nexus interference and subsequent running off from earlier tonight.

WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris of The Nexus vs. Edge, Kofi Kingston, Alberto Del Rio, The Big Show, & World Heavyweight Champion Kane (w/ Paul Bearer).  Entrances, commercials, bell!  Kofi Kingston starts against his NXT Season 2 rookie, Michael McGillicutty.  They lock up.  McGillicutty beats up Kingston.  Kingston rallies and beats up McGillicutty.  Show tags in and beats up McGillicutty while randomly bitching at Heath Slater.  Nobody likes the ginger.  Edge tags in and beats up McGillicutty.  McGillicutty fights back and tags in Gabriel.  Gabriel and Edge go at it.  Edge ducks a kick and nails Gabriel with one of his own for 2.  Gabriel throws Edge into the ropes and covers for 2.  Harris tags in and beats up Edge.  Angry fat man FTW!  Harris hits a cross body block for 2.  Slater tags in and works over Edge.  Edge flapjacks Slater and makes the tag to Show.  Show destroys Slater, accidentally knocking Del Rio off the apron in the process.  Kingston tags in and hits corner punches on Slater.  Slater bails.  Del Rio angrily leaves.  Commercials.  Slater beats up Kofi.  Kofi catches him with a dropkick out of the corner and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi goes for the Boom Drop.  Gabriel tries him up, but gets kicked in the head.  Kofi sends Slater crashing into Harris and Gabriel on the outside, then takes them all out with a dive.  Kofi rolls Slater back in.  Otunga distracts Kofi on the apron and Slater knocks Kofi into the announcers’ table.  Back inside, Gabriel covers Kofi for 2.  Nexus keep the heat on Kofi.  Otunga beats up Kofi and applies a rear chin lock.  Nexus make quick tags and beat up Kofi.  Kofi has been the face in peril for a long time now.  Kane finally gets the tag and starts kicking ass.  Kane hits Otunga with the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam.  Slater and Gabriel cut him off.  Show disposes of them.  Kane chokeslams Big Show for some reason, then sets up for a chokeslam to Otunga.  Edge tags himself in and beats up Otunga.  He goes for the spear, but Otunga avoids it.  Kane and Edge get into it.  Edge spears Kane, then spears Otunga for the pin in 18:49.  Pretty good match.  The Smackdown team wins despite not getting along.

Decent show aside from the horrible Vickie/Kaitlyn shit.  Whoever came up with that shit should be fired.

WWE Monday Night Raw 10/25/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Green Bay!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Nexus come out: Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions John Cena & David Otunga.  Barrett introduces all of them.  They show photos of the Nexus interfering in the Buried Alive Match last night.  Barrett says their motives are none of our business.  He orders Cena to explain what happened in the WWE Title match.  Cena explains that he helped Barrett win by DQ because he was about to get beat.  They bicker about specifics.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  It announces Randy Orton vs. any member of Nexus for tonight, with the winner getting to pick the referee for the Barrett/Orton rematch at Survivor Series.  Barrett says it will be Cena.  Cena/Orton round 32,000.  Joy.  Otunga bitches about Cena winning the tag titles for them last night.  Barrett says since they can’t get along, they’ll defend the titles against Gabriel and Slater.  He calls for a referee.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: John Cena & David Otunga (c) of the Nexus vs. Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of the Nexus.  Barrett says the Nexus doesn’t fight amongst itself, so somebody has to lie down.  He orders Otunga to do the job.  Otunga complains, tags in, and sulks for a while.  He finally lays down.  Slater pins him in 2:50 to win the titles.  Way to bury the titles.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton.  Joy.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last Monday, Daniel Bryan locked Dolph Ziggler in the LeBell Lock!

Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlyn come out, just to make sure I don’t start to enjoy this show.  Vickie says Dolph got screwed by the referee, but tonight he will correct Smackdown’s one Bragging Rights blemish.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Kaitlyn) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  CM Punk comes out to do commentary.  Ziggler takes Bryan down, then gets up.  Bryan tries to sucker him into getting on the ground with him, but Ziggler wants none of that.  Bryan hits Ziggler with a running kick, then does the ROCKING SURFBOARD!  Ziggler beats up Bryan and does a sweet cradle for 2.  Bryan lands a dropkick for 2.  Bryan sends Ziggler outside lands a tope suicida!  Commercials!  Boo commercials!  Why can’t we save the commercials for matches that suck?  Bryan is still rolling, hitting a lariat and a dropkick for 2.  Bryan hits a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Ziggler reaches the ropes.  Bryan hits a Frankensteiner off the top rope!  Ziggler rolls through for 2!  Ziggler ducks a Buzzsaw kick and goes for the sleeper hold.  Bryan escapes, but Ziggler hits a superkick for 2.  Bryan avoids the Fameasser and goes for a cradle.  Ziggler cuts it back for 2.  They trade shots from their knees, then on their feet.  Ziggler hits a reverse powerslam for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper again.  Bryan counters into the LeBell Lock.  Vickie pulls Ziggler’s foot under the bottom rope, but the referee doesn’t see it.  Ziggler taps in 11:03.  Really good match.  Ziggler tries to jump Bryan from behind, but Bryan catches him first, so he runs away. plug.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton #489034.  Commercials.

Green Bay!

Green Bay Packers!

WWE encourages kids to read!

The Bella Twins give Toby Keith some kind of toy WWE title belt.  Santino Marella comes in dressed like a sheriff and sings horribly.  Sheamus comes in, insults Santino, and challenges him to a match tonight.  Santino agrees.

John Cena yells at Wade Barrett about the bullshit from earlier.  Barrett says he’s the boss.  Cena bitches about having to be Barrett’s bitch.  Barrett says if Cena beats Orton tonight, he’ll make Cena an offer he can’t refuse.  Commercials.

Last week, LayCool dressed up as members of the Hart Family and were obnoxious.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Melina & Gail Kim.  Melina runs wild on Layla.  Stupid hair takedown thing gets 2.  Layla kicks her in the face, then decks Gail on the apron.  Layla and Melina cross body each other.  McCool tags in and kicks Melina in the head for the pin in 1:04.  Garbage.  Pointless garbage.

The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz bitches about how the Raw team lost last night.  They show the cover of Smackdown vs. Raw 2011, which features Miz.  He blames everyone but himself for losing and challenge Rey Mysterio to face him on Raw next week.  Eve Torres comes out.  Miz talks shit about R-Truth.  Eve insults Miz a loser (with lots of adjectives).  Miz insults the Packers.  They go back and forth some more.  This is stupid.  Miz says he wants to fight a member of the Raw team.  R-Truth comes out.  Eve dances, so that’s a win.  Truth babbles some.  The iBooker 9000 sends an email that says “ding, ding, ding.”  The bell rings.

The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Truth beats up Miz.  He hits a hip toss, then clotheslines Miz out of the ring.  Commercials.  See, THIS is when we need a long commercial break.  Too soon, Miz covers for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth gets a schoolboy for 2.  Miz hits a clothesline, then beats on Truth.  Miz beats up Truth for a while.  Truth slaps Miz a bunch, then makes his comeback.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Miz goes for his finish, but Truth turns it into kind of a backpack stunner for 2.  Truth sends Miz outside into the announce table.  Truth throws Miz back in the ring.  Riley cheap shots Miz.  Eve slaps Riley.  Miz tries to suplex Truth back in the ring, but Truth lands on his feet.  Something happens to Riley.  Truth gets a cradle for 2.  Miz avoids the scissors kick and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 10:26.  Okay match I guess, it just didn’t excite me.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton.  Commercials.

Guest star Toby Keith comes out, escorted by the Bella Twins.  Keith sucks up to the crowd, then plays ring announcer for the next match.

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella.  Santino is scared, but Keith psyches him up.  Santino tries a hip toss, but Sheamus blocks in and mauls him.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Santino just falls.  Sheamus calls for him to get up.  John Morrison randomly comes out to encourage Santino.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Santino falls down again.  Sheamus and Morrison argue.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick in the corner, but Morrison trips Santino to save him.  Santino kind of falls on top of Sheamus for the pin in 1:43.  Santino pinned Sheamus.  The fuck?  Commercials.

Green Bay!

Stand up for WWE!

Wade Barrett congratulates the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions, Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater.  David Otunga comes in.  He wants to cry to Wade Barrett… ALONE!  So he does.  Otunga says he made Barrett lay down because he’s jealous that he won gold and Barrett didn’t.  Otunga threatens to tell people why they attacked Undertaker.  Barrett calls in Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris and says their officially in Nexus.  He implies that Otunga can get his ass in line or get it kicked.  Otunga says he’s Nexus.

Cena vs. Orton is NEXT!  Commercials.

Next week’s guest star is Pee Wee Herman.  Really?

Non-Title: John Cena (w/ Wade Barrett) vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton.  They look at each other for a while, then lock up.  Cena grabs a side headlock.  Orton drops Cena with a shoulder block.  Cena grabs the side headlock again.  This time, Cena hits the shoulder block.  Cena goes for a bulldog headlock, but Orton pushes him away.  Orton stomps on Cena.  Cena fights back.  Orton avoids a shoulder block and Cena sails out of the ring.  Orton stalks Cena.  Barrett stalks Orton.  Orton decks Barrett.  Commercials.  Orton has Cena in a rear chin lock.  SHOCK!  Cena powers out.  DOUBLE SHOCK!  Cena goes for the AA, which is easier to type than Attitude Adjustment.  Orton counters into a DDT for 2.  Orton beats up Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the AA.  Orton counters and goes for the RKO.  Cena counters and goes for the STF.  Orton counters and makes his comeback.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Cena backdrops him out of the ring.  Barrett tries to fuck with Orton, but Cena shoulder blocks him.  Cena says he has this shit.  Apparently he doesn’t, because Orton starts kicking his ass.  Cena reverses Orton into the barricade.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Orton counters the AA yet again and pulls Cena’s head across the top rope.  Cena locks Orton in the STF.  Barrett pulls the bottom rope away so Orton can’t reach it.  Cena releases the hold to bitch at Barrett.  Cena comes back in.  Orton dropkicks him to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Cena counters the RKO and hits the AA for the pi…2!  Orton kicks out!  Cena picks Orton up.  Orton hits the RKO.  Cena rolls out of the ring.  Orton puts him back in.  Orton goes for the PUNT, but Barrett pulls Cena out of the ring and clotheslines him to cause the DQ in 15:36.  Cena wins!  Orton beats the shit out of Barrett!  The rest of Nexus run out and maul Orton!  Cena makes the save.  Barrett orders him to stop and orders Nexus out of the ring.  Barrett says Cena will be the referee of the match at Survivor Series.  If Barrett doesn’t win the title, Cena is fired.  If he does win the title, Cena can leave Nexus.  CONFLICT!  The match was pretty good.

The good stuff was good, but there was a lot of stupid crap on this show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open.  Portland, Oregon!

The Undertaker is standing on an upper level of the Rose Garden looking out at whatever is there.

Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Paul Bearer has a challenge for The Undertaker!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Smackdown GM Teddy Long is in the ring to talk about Bragging Rights.  He announces a series of qualifying matches for tonight.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Tag Team Champion “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  They lock up as Striker makes up some bullshit about what you get if you win Bragging Rights.  Rey tries to do his speedy stuff, but Rhodes drops him with a shot and beats him up.  Rhodes kicks Mysterio in the head for 2.  Rhodes keeps the heat on Mysterio.  Mysterio gets Rhodes into 619 position, but Rhodes bails.  Commercials.  Rhodes has Mysterio in a chin lock on the mat.  I definitely wasn’t expecting that when we returned from commercials.  Mysterio escapes and gets a cradle for 2.  Rhodes hits a dropkick for 2.  Rhodes applies a neck and shoulder lock.  Mysterio gets a rope break.  Rhodes hits an enzui knee drop for 2.  Mysterio tries to do his wheelbarrow bulldog thing, but he fucks it up.  Rhodes saves it by hitting a wheelbarrow suplex for 2.  Rhodes goes for a diving knee drop to the knee, but Mysterio avoids it.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the turnbuckles and makes his comeback.  Rhodes rolls through a cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Rhodes in the head for 2.  Mysterio hits a springboard guillotine leg drop to the back of Rhodes’ head for 2.  Rhodes goes for the Alabama Slam, but Mysterio counters out and hits a headscissors.  Mysterio follows with the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin in 10:35.  Fine match here.  This is way better than the garbage on Impact.

Paul Bearer challenges The Undertaker NEXT!  Commercials.

Green Day plug, because they do the horrible new SD theme.


The Big Show is backstage with Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle stole Big Show’s candy bar.  Kaval comes in.  He wants to be on Team Smackdown.  Show doesn’t think he’s good/big/experienced enough.  He says Kaval wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the ring with him.  Kaval challenges Show to a 5 minute match tonight, where if he lasts, he’s on the team.  Show agrees.  Hornswoggle and Show bicker some more.

In a pre-taped video, Paul Bearer challenged The Undertaker to face Kane in a Buried Alive Match at Bragging Rights.  Of course, it’s unnecessarily long and complicated.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The Big Show comes out to do commentary for a while.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Ugh, these two again?  MVP beats up Swagger.  MVP hits a Yakuza kick to the side of the head for 2.  MVP grounds & pounds Swagger.  Swagger throws MVP’s shoulder into the post.  MVP misses a corner Yakuza kick.  MVP hits a knee face buster and the Ballin’ elbow.  Swagger bails.  MVP follows.  The eagle gets in the way, so MVP throws it over the announce table.  Swagger throws MVP into the steps, then back into the ring.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:14.  Short and inoffensive.  It was fine while it lasted.

The Undertaker is still looking outside from the upper level of the Rose Garden.  Everyone assumes he heard the challenge, but as far as we know he’s been out there the whole time and there’s probably not a TV out there.  Commercials.

WWE does stuff for Make A Wish!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Chris Masters.  They lock up.  Del Rio beats on Masters.  Masters h its a Jackhammer for 2.  Masters goes for the Master Lock.  Del Rio gets the ropes, then pulls Masters’ arm across the top rope.  Del Rio attacks Masters’ arm.  Masters hits a Samoan drop and makes his comeback.  Masters hits a powerslam for 2.  Masters for the Master Lock again, but Del Rio counters with an awesome Codebreaker to the arm.  Del Rio locks in the Minoru Special for the win in 2:24.  Fun little TV match.  Show offers Del Rio a handshake, but Del Rio just winks at him.

Knucklehead trailer.

Edge is headed our way.  He encounters Rosa Mendez, who is randomly exercising backstage as usual.  Commercials.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Edge vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  They show the stupid shit with Dolph, Kaitlyn, and Vickie Guerrero from last week.  Ugh.  Anyway, they lock up and wrestle.  Big Show, great man that he is, tells Striker to shut up about the stupid storyline and focus on the match.  Unfortunately, they ruin that by showing Vickie and Kaitlyn watching backstage.  After some other stuff happened, Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Cover again for 2.  Ziggler grabs a chin lock.  Edge fights out.  Ziggler slides out of the ring and eats a baseball slide dropkick.  Back inside, Ziggler beats on Edge.  Ziggler tries to set up a tornado DDT and takes a bump to the floor.  Edge tries to spear Ziggler on the floor, but hits the barricade.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag into the steps.  Edge barely beats the count into the ring.  Ziggler beats on him.  Commercials.  Ziggler has a hold locked in.  Of course.  Edge avoids a corner splash and hits a flapjack.  Edge makes his comeback.  He hits a weird takedown thing for 2.  Edge rolls through a diving sunset flip and catapults Ziggler into the post.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Ziggler sends Edge into the post and goes for the Zig Zag, but Edge holds on to the ropes, then goes for the spear.  Ziggler leapfrogs him and tries to come off the top, but Edge spears him in midair for the pin in 12:56.  Fine match.  Show shakes Edge’s hand.  Edge signs an autograph on the way to the back.  See, he’s a good guy now!

Undertaker is STILL outside!  Commercials!


Raw Rebound!

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match (for Kaval): The Big Show vs. Kaval.  They shake hands.  Kaval tries to throw some kicks and gets swatted down.  Show hits him with the big chop, then stands on his back.  Show picks Kaval up and headbutts him, then stands on his chest.  Show hits a body slam.  Show keeps beating up Kaval.  Kaval tries to fight back.  Big Show looks mildly annoyed and chops the shit out of him again.  Show throws him across the ring and just keeps destroying him.  Show throws Kaval out of the ring, then palms his head and pulls him back in.  Kaval finally starts to make his comeback and knocks Show to a knee.  Show gets Kaval up for the chokeslam, then the time limit expires in 5:01.  Kaval qualifies for Smackdown by surviving being massacred for 4 1/2 minutes.  Show gives Kaval props.  Commercials.

Kaval is still in the ring.  Tyler Reks comes out to talk shit about Kaval.  Nobody knows who he is.  I barely remember who the fuck he is.  He wants to fight Kaval for his spot.  Teddy Long comes out and says no, because Kaval just got his ass kicked.  Kaval stupidly volunteers to put his spot on the line anyway, so Teddy makes the match.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: Kaval vs. Tyler Reks.  Kaval lands some kicks and goes up top.  Reks avoids the Warrior’s Way and kicks his ass.  Reks hits sort of a reverse F-U (like a Burning Hammer into a side drop) for the pin in 54 seconds.  Tyler Fucking Reks?  Are you serious?  Commercials.

Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips.

Team Smackdown Qualifying Match: WWE Tag Team Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  McIntyre beats up Kofi in the corner.  Kofi responds in kind.  He charges McIntyre in the corner, but McIntyre catches him with raised boots for 2.  McIntyre beats up Kofi on the outside and suplexes him onto the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre goes for a backdrop suplex, but Kofi lands on top for 2.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise out of nowhere for the pin in 2:18.  Not much of a match.  Kofi is the last man on the Smackdown team, which includes Tyler Fucking Reks.  I’m still flabbergasted at that.

The Undertaker finally came in from the cold!  Commercials!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane and Paul Bearer come out.  Kane cuts a promo.  The Undertaker comes out and beats up Kane.  Kane runs away.  Undertaker makes lightning strike at Kane and Bearer on the ramp.  Seriously.  Striker assumes this means that Taker accepts the challenge.

Okay show.  Nothing awful aside from the fact that Tyler Freaking Reks is on the Bragging Rights team.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Alberto Del Rio/Rey Mysterio hype video.

Awful new Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, Kane has a message for the Undertaker!  Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Why the fuck is Cole doing Raw AND Smackdown now?  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes out to introduce Smackdown’s newest superstar, Edge!

Edge vs. Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle).  Swagger cuts a promo on Edge.  The eagle is now an actual eagle instead of being a mascot.  I’m already annoyed at this show.  Edge is sick of this stupid shit.  So am I.  They finally lock up to start the match.  Swagger takes Edge down and does some amateur shit, then some push-ups, then runs around.  The eagle gets on the apron.  Swagger high fives it.  Edge spears the eagle off of the apron.  Swagger frantically checks on the eagle.  Commercials.  Edge hits a spin kick.  Edge beats up Swagger as they STRETCHER OUT THE FUCKING EAGLE.  Swagger backdrops Edge to the floor, then pulls his shoulder into the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Swagger works Edge’s shoulder.  Swagger hits an armbreaker for 2.  Swagger rings Edge’s arm.  Edge fights back, hits a drop to hold into the ropes, then hits a cross body against the ropes.  Edge gets a schoolboy for 2.  Swagger hits a backbreaker and goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Edge avoids it and hits a tornado DDT for 2.  Edge comes off the top, but Swagger catches him with a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Edge slides out of the ring and pulls Swagger’s head into the top rope.  Edge goes for the spear, but Swagger catches him.  Swagger rolls through a sunset flip.  Edge counters the ankle lock.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but Edge rolls through with a cradle for 2.  Swagger goes for a powerslam, but Edge pushes him into the corner, then hits the spear for the pin in 10:17.  Okay match.  Nothing special.  Nothing much different from the PPV match except for the stupid fucking eagle being involved.  Edge says he “flipped the bird.”  BOO.

They show Alberto Del Rio’s debut, where  Mysterio gave him the 619.  They’ll meet tonight!  Commercials.

Cody Rhodes gives tips on how to brush your teeth.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly (w/ Natalya).  Why the fuck is Natalya on Smackdown?  See, this is why Bragging Rights does NO BUYS.  They make a BIG FUCKING DEAL out of it being Raw vs. Smackdown, but they have people showing up on the other show ALL THE FUCKING TIME FOR NO REASON.  Layla actually looks good, which is normal lately.  I could get down with Layla vs. Natalya, but they insist on having McCool work the important matches despite that she can’t wrestle.  McCool gets involved, so Natalya goes over… and stops when the referee looks at her.  Layla beats up Kelly.  Kelly makes her comeback, so there goes the match.  Kelly lightly shakes Layla’s head and covers for 2.  Kelly does a handspring to the corner and gets caught by a kick.  Layla hits the neckbreaker for the pin in 2:18.  Thank God.  This shit is awful.  Layla tries to cheap shot Natalya.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool pulls her out of the ring.

Tonight, MVP vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship.  Again.  Commercials. plug.

The Big Show runs to the ring like the Ultimate Warrior.  He plugs the movie he has coming out soon and says he’s the Smackdown Team Captain at Bragging Rights.  He introduces Hornswoggle as the team mascot.  Ugh.  He says he’ll start putting the team together over the next week.  The Dudebusters come out.  They want to be on the team.  They threaten to go to Raw and take off their Smackdown shirts to reveal Raw shirts.  Show double chokeslams them, then Hornswoggle charges the red shirt like a bull because he has horns on his head.  Stupid shit.

They show Alberto Del Rio breaking Rey Mysterio’s arm.  They meet tonight!  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston & Kaval.  Rhodes beats up Kingston.  McIntyre beats up Kingston.  Cole calls Striker on his bullshit.  The announcing is insufferable.  Kofi gets a sunset flip after Rhodes tags in, so Rhodes breaks it and beats him up some more.  Rhodes for the Alabama Slam, but Kaval gets the tag and runs wild.  He’s awesome.  Kaval knocks McIntyre off the apron and hits Rhodes with some kicks.  Kaval locks in the Dragon Sleeper.  McIntyre saves.  Kofi takes out McIntyre.  Rhodes takes out Kofi.  Rhodes hot shots Kaval into the ropes, then hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 3:08.  Other than Kaval looking awesome for a minute, this wasn’t any good.

Tonight, Kane has a message for The Undertaker.  Commercials.

Paul Bearer is in the ring.  He introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Kane.  Striker talks about Bearer’s betrayal of Undertaker, failing to acknowledge that UNDERTAKER BURIED BEARER IN CONCRETE.  Kane cuts a promo with stupid lighting and music.  I hate that shit.  I have no idea what his message was.

They show Del Rio’s post arm breaking celebration.  Del Rio vs. Mysterio tonight!  MVP vs. Ziggler NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They show Vickie getting beaten by Kaitlyn on NXT.  Thank God I didn’t see that.  She’s mad because Dolph hugged Kaitlyn after the match.  They lock up.  I rather like it when guys work the lock up a bit.  MVP hits a running knee to the back of the head for 2.  MVP hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Ziggler rallies and beats up MVP.  Ziggler lands an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler sets it up for Vickie to interfere.  She doesn’t.  Vickie leaves.  Dolph is sad.  He should be overjoyed.  MVP knocks Ziggler down, then goes to throw him back in the ring.  Commercials.  Ziggler has MVP in a hold on the mat.  No surprise there.  Ziggler kicked MVP’s knee and head to gain the advantage during the break.  Ziggler elbows MVP in the head and covers for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler hits a fireman carry into a arm lock for 2.  Ziggler applies a camel clutch.  MVP fights out and makes his comeback.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but MVP counters and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Another schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler works a rear chin lock.  MVP gets out and hits a belly to belly overhead throw.  MVP kind of face plants Ziggler for 2.  MVP hits an Exploder for 2.  MVP hits a big boot for 2.  Kaitlyn comes out.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and locks in the sleeper hold.  MVP backs him into the corner to escape.  MVP hits a half assed powerslam or something, then goes for the Ballin’ elbow.  Kaitlyn trips him.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 12:07.  Boring match.  The love triangle continues.  Vickie Guerrero comes out to the stage to look pissed off.

WWE loves the troops.

They show Rey Mysterio returning last week after Del Rio kissed a dog.  They’ll meet TONIGHT!  IS THE POINT DRILLED IN YET?  COMMERCIALS!

Raw Rebound.

Josh Matthews interviews Alberto Del Rio, who does half of the promo in Spanish.  Commercials.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio’s car of choice tonight is a Rolls Royce.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Del Rio over powers Mysterio to start and beats on him in the corner.  The referee gets in the way, giving Mysterio the opening to fight back.  Del Rio charges Mysterio and falls out of the ring.  Mysterio goes for the Bombs Away off the apron.  Del Rio avoids it, but Mysterio hits him with a drop toe hold into the steps.  Mysterio knocks Del Rio’s arm against the post, then stomps it into the steps.  Mysterio hits the diving cross body to the outside.  Commercials.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Del Rio bails.  Mysterio dropkicks him through the ropes, then kicks him in the gut on the floor.  Back inside, Mysterio kicks Del Rio’s legs.  Mysterio hits a running dropkick to the corner, then hits an Arabian press for 2.  Mysterio goes up top, but Del Rio springs up and hits him with an enzuigiri to send him to the floor.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Del Rio works Mysterio’s arm.  Mysterio fights back  and boots Del Rio down.  Mysterio goes up top, but Del Rio cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Mysterio hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top for 2.  Mysterio hits a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away.  Del Rio catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio goes for an enzuigiri in the corner, but Mysterio avoids it and hits a diving rana.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but gets distracted by Ricardo Rodriguez.  Del Rio cheap shots Mysterio.  Ricardo gets on the apron.  Mysterio sends Del Rio into him with a headscissors.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a frog splash for the pin in 13:21.  Pretty good match.

The main event was decent.  The rest of the show was fucking horrible.  This whole week of TV has been shit with only 2 or 3 matches that I enjoyed.