Archive for John Bradshaw Layfield

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/14/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

The Rock appears on the screen pretending to talk to President Obama on the phone.  John Cena’s music plays.  A kid dressed like Cena appears in Rock’s office.  Rock has a talk with “Cena,” makes him cry, and gives him some Fruity Pebbles.  Rock then cuts a serious promo on The Miz.

Trish Stratus chats with Snooki backstage.

Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Cole is in a plexiglass box.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion The Miz comes out.  They show his various recent attacks on John Cena.  Miz cuts a promo on The Rock.  iBooker dings in.  Cole leaves the Cole Mine to read it, so what’s the point of the Cole Mine?  Lawler punks him down and reads it himself.  Tonight, there are to be 2 never before seen matches: Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio and Miz vs. Great Khali, the latter of which is next.  Commercials

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Miz goes on the attack.  Khali lightly shoves him down.  Khali beats up Miz, who looks like a midget by comparison.  Khali applies the head vice.  Miz gets a rope break.  Alex Riley appears and attacks Khali to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Khali gives Riley the crown chop and the tree slam.  Miz wears out Khali with a chair.  So let me get this straight: THE WWE CHAMPION, 3 WEEKS BEFORE WRESTLEFREAKINGMANIA, COULDN”T BEAT THE GREAT FUCKING KHALI?  It’s not like Khali has any fucking credibility anyway, since the last time he was on Raw he was doing the stupid kiss cam.  Miz DDTs Khali on the chair.

Cole promises to “expose” Jerry Lawler tonight.  Also, Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

From Smackdown: Triple H cut a promo on The Undertaker.

Saint Louis!

John Morrison hits on Snooki backstage.  Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupt.  Vickie talks shit to Snooki.  Snooki slaps her.  Vickie throws a fit.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Sheamus.  Sheamus promised to quit if he lost, but he seems to be having second thoughts about that.  They lock up and wrestle a bit.  Sheamus hits a shoulder block for 0.  Bryan back flips over Sheamus and hits a drop toe hold.  He goes for the LeBell Lock, but Sheamus rolls to the apron.  Bryan kicks him off and lands a tope suicida.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Sheamus bails.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Bryan in a neck crank, having gained the advantage during the break.  Sheamus beats on Bryan.  Sheamus lands a knee lift for 2.  Bryan catches an inside cradle for 2, then back body drops Sheamus to the floor.  Sheamus sells a leg injury like he did last week.  Sheamus makes it back in.  The referre stands in Bryan’s way.  Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Bryan ducks and locks in the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Bryan counters into a cradle for 2.  They trade elbows.  Bryan lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Bryan goes up top and dives.  Sheamus kills him in midair with the brogue kick for the pin in 8:59 to win the title.  Fun match, even if the Bryan mark in me is a little bummed he lost the title.

Cole promises to interview someone from Lawler’s past next.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Last week, Michael Cole introduced JBL as his WrestleMania referee, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.  Also, beer was poured on Michael Cole, which was awesome.

Michael Cole is obnoxious, then introduces his guest, Lawler’s son Brian Christopher.  Christopher comes out dancing to the old Too Cool music and looking older than his dad.  The crowd does not give a fuck.  Christopher talks about what a shitty dad Lawler was.  Lawler retorts about what a fuck up Christopher is.  Christopher asks Lawler how he feels about Christopher competing at WrestleMania before him, then shoves and slaps his dad.  He says he never used Lawler’s name because he’s ashamed of him.  Cole starts to shit talk Lawler again.  “Boomer Sooner” plays and Jim Ross comes out!  Cole shit talks JR.  They banter for a bit.  Cole continues talking shit, then Ross acts like he wants to fight.  Jack Swagger appears from somewhere and jumps Lawler, then beats up JR and puts him in the ankle lock.  Lawler wakes up to make the save.  Cole jumps on his back.  Swagger knocks Lawler down and puts him in the ankle lock.  Cole puts JR in the ankle lock.

Tonight, Cena vs. Del Rio!  It could be a big money drawing match in 6 months to a year, so of course they’re giving it away free with no build!  Orton vs. Ryan is next.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Randy Orton punting Michael McGillicutty 2 weeks ago, and David Otunga last week.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan (w/ CM Punk).  Punk watches from the stage since he isn’t allowed at ringside.  They lock up, then brawl.  Ryan hits a backbreaker for 2.  Ryan hits 2 more backbreakers for 2, so an extra backbreaker does not equal an extra count.  Ryan applies a bear hug.  Ryan hits a side Rock Bottom for 2.  He goes for it again.  Orton hits the RKO for the pin in 3:00.  At least it’s over.  Punk can’t have Nexus fight his battle for him at WrestleMania.  Orton stares at Punk for a while, then returns to the ring and punts Ryan, then humps the mat while glaring at Punk.  Punk backs away in fear.

Earlier tonight, Snooki/Vickie Guerrero stuff.  Commercials.

Saint Louis.

New Hall of Famer: Drew Carey.  Are you fucking serious?  I hate WWE.

Michael Cole decides he hasn’t been obnoxious enough tonight, so he’s obnoxious some more.

Cena vs. Del Rio tonight.

Trish Stratus and Snooki are walking backstage.  Zack Ryder hits on Snooki, who approves of his abs.  Commercials.

Snooki comes out.  She’s not nearly as obnoxious as that parody of her in TNA.  She says Trish Stratus will shut up Vickie Guerrero.  She leaves to sit at ringside.  Vickie comes out and is obnoxious.

No DQ Match: Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus.  Vickie does jumping jacks and football exercises.  Trish schoolgirls her for 2.  Dammit.  Trish pie faces Vickie.  Vickie bails and runs around the ring.  Trish chases her back in.  Vickie cackles and tries to use a shoe as a sword, then throws it.  Who throws a shoe, honestly?  Trish spanks Vickie with her own shoe.  Dolph Ziggler runs in.  John Morrison hits the ring and takes him out, then hits him with a dive.  Michelle McCool and Layla appear and attack Trish.  Michelle kicks Trish with the loaded boot.  Vickie covers and gets the pin while LayCool sit on her back in 2:27.  So Vickie has a job.  Fuck.  All of the obnoxious women are obnoxious together.  McCool talks shit to Snooki, who is very short.  McCool shoves Snooki.  Snooki pulls her down face first into the apron, then attacks Layla in the ring.  Trish stops McCool from making the save.  Vickie throws a fit.  The heels escape.  Ugh.  Vickie challenges Morrison, Trish, & Snooki to face Ziggler & LayCool at WrestleMania.  Snooki agrees.  Joy.

Cena vs. Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Video of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay) vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Del Rio takes Cena down with a side headlock.  Del Rio hits a shoulder block.  Cena makes a comeback.  Cole insists that The Rock is here.  Commercials 5 minutes into the overrun.  Del Rio lands a dropkick for 2.  Cena turns a headlock in a backdrop suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  Cena makes his standard comeback and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brodus Clay attacks Cena to cause the DQ in 7:19.  The Rock’s music plays, but it’s The Miz wearing a very believable skin cap.  Miz, Del Rio, and Clay beat down Cena.  Miz hits the Rock Bottom.  Okay, now I can see the outlines on the skin cap.  Del Rio gives Cena an enzuigiri.  Clay delivers a fall away slam.  Miz does The Rock’s corner pose, then takes off the stupid skin cap and goes outside to ram Cena’s back into the post.  Miz hits Cena with a microphone and talks shit to him.  Miz suplexes Cena on the stage, then picks him up.  Cena fights back and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz counters and DDTs Cena on the stage, then throws him into the set, then gives him the Skull Crushing Finale.

Parts of the show were passable, but mostly… just fucking ugh.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/11/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are TAPED from Houston!  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Booker T are the announcers.  Triple H will be here tonight.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out.  They show the contract signing and brawl with Alberto Del Rio last week, with Christian making the save for Edge and beating the piss out of Del Rio.  Edge says he wants to fight Del Rio tonight.  Alberto Del Rio and Brodus Clay come out.  Del Rio and Edge talk shit to each other.  Edge attacks them both.  That’s stupid, because there are two of them, and they quickly overcome Edge and put a beating on him.  Christian makes the save.  Big Brodus Clay drops him too.  Referees come out to break it up.  Teddy Long comes out and books a tag match with Del Rio & Clay against the 7-time Tag Team Champions, Edge & Christian!

Michael Cole says he’s going to interview John Cena tonight.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Kane comes out.  They show the stuff with Kane, Big Show, and The Corre from last week.  Wade Barrett comes out and cuts a promo on him.

Kane vs. Wade Barrett.  Barrett goes on the attack.  Kane rallies and beats up Barrett.  The rest of The Corre hit the ring to cause the DQ in 42 seconds.  The Big Show makes the save with a steel chair.  Insta-commercials.

The Big Show & Kane vs. Wade Barrett & WWE Tag Team Champion Heath Slater of The Corre.  JIP.  Show beats up Slater.  Barrett tags in.  Show beats him up too.  Barrett counters the choke slam and chop blocks Show’s knee, then drops him with a big boot and stomps on him.  Slater tags in to continue the work.  Show stands up with Slater on his back and drops him.  Kane gets the tag and hits Slater with the diving lariat.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam, then knocks Barrett off the apron.  Kane hits a big boot and goes for the chokeslam.  Gabriel and Zeke run in to cause the DQ again (3:19 shown).  Big Show cleans house with a chair, then hits Kane with it for good measure because of what happened last week.

Rey Mysterio is backstage getting ready for action.

From Raw: Michael Cole introduces John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin signed on for the job instead!

Tonight, Edge & Christian vs. Del Rio & Clay!

Cody Rhodes is headed our way!

From Smackdown 2 weeks ago: Cody & Dusty Rhodes set up Rey Mysterio!

Cody Rhodes vs. JTG.  Rhodes wrestles in his suit for some damn reason.  Maybe the airline lost his gear.  He attacks JTG and beats the hell out of him.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 52 seconds.  SQUASH.

From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker.

Tonight, Triple H responds to The Undertaker!  Next, Cole interviews John Cena!

Houston!

Michael Cole interviews John Cena in the ring.  The show WWE Champion The Miz attacking Cena on Raw.  Cena tells Cole to shut up, then cuts a promo on Miz.  He says he’s done with the BS with The Rock and he’s going to focus on Miz.  He goes to leave, but Cole says he’s not done.  He talks about how gay he is for Miz.  Cena goes to kick his ass.  Jack Swagger hits the ring and attacks Cena, with Cole cheering him on.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Cena kicks him out of the ring and picks Cole up for the Attitude Adjusment.  Swagger saves him and takes it himself.

Tonight, Edge & Christian vs. Del Rio & Clay!

Sin Cara vignette.

Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kaitlyn.  “Shucky ducky quack quack,” Booker T says.  I have no fucking clue.  I can make a good guess about how awful this match will be.  They lock up.  Kaitlyn shoves Layla, then pulls her off the ropes onto her back.  McCool gets on the apron.  Kaitlyn tussles with her.  Layla lands a kick and hits the Lay Out for the pin in 55 seconds.  Thank God.  They beat up Kaitlyn after the match.

Mysterio in action next.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Cole is back on commentary.  Ugh.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Drew McIntyre.  McIntyre boots Mysterio in the face early and keeps the heat going for a bit.  Mysterio hits a headscissors and goes for the 619.  McIntyre bails.  Mysterio gives him a drop toe hold into the apron.  McIntyre sends Mysterio into the post, then gives him a sidewalk slam into the apron.  Insta-commercials.  McIntyre does a bow & arrow lock.  McIntyre tries to set up a superplex.  Mysterio knocks him down, hits the senton, then misses a high cross body.  McIntyre gets an Oklahoma Roll for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin (4:30 shown).  Good little match.  Cody Rhodes comes out.  He wants an answer to his WrestleMania challenge.  Mysterio agrees to the match.

Next, Triple H responds to The Undertaker!

Triple H comes to the ring and introduces a video package on himself.  He cuts a long promo about his match with the Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Over the years, it’s become habit for me to zone out when he talks.

Matt Striker interviews Christian.  Edge comes in.  The main event is NEXT!

Houston!

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Brodus Clay, who is already in the ring, and Alberto Del Rio, who comes out in his car.

Alberto Del Rio & Brodus Clay vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Christian.  Christian beats up Clay, who is a fucking awesome big man and sells like a big man should.  Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Del Rio distracts him.  Clay hits a fall away slam.  On the outside, Del Rio sends Christian into the barricade.  Edge chases Del Rio, who bails into the crowd.  Clay hits an elbow drop on Christian for 2.  Clay slams Christian and tags in Del Rio.  Del Rio hits like a running stomp for 2.  Del Rio works Christian’s arm for a while.  Christian hits the diving European uppercut.  Clay and Edge tag in.  CLay catches a cross body and powerslams Edge for 2.  Edge gives Clay a drop toe hold into the bottom turnbuckle, knocks Del Rio off the apron, and goes for the spear.  Clay catches him with a clothesline, then sets him in the corner and goes for a running ass.  Edge avoids it.  Del Rio attack Edge.  Christian attacks Del Rio and backdrops him to the floor.  Christian plants Clay with a tornado DDT.  Edge comes off the top with a diving elbow drop on Clay for the pin in 5:49.  Very fun match.  Brodus Clay is wildly entertaining.

Besides the matches being really short, this was a pretty fun show.

WWE Superstars 3/10/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open.  Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  They promise more Raw replays.

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks.  This is coming off of Reks’ attack on Masters last week after Masters beat Curt Hawkins.  Masters has 2 straight wins over Reks.  Masters kicks ass and goes for the Master Lock.  Reks escapes from the ring.  They brawl back in the ring.  Reks gets the advantage and puts a beating on Masters.  Reks hits a short lariat for 2, then applies a neck and shoulder hold.  Reks whips Masters down and continues the vicious attack.  Masters comes back with a diving shoulder block, then clotheslines Reks out of the ring again.  They brawl outside.  Reks sends Masters face first into the post, then hits a Final Cut.  Insta-commercials.  Reks has Masters in a half crab.  Masters gets a rope break.  Reks hits a backbreaker for 2.  Reks keeps the heat doing.  Masters gets a backslide for 1, then counters Reks and hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters makes his comeback.  Sky High gets 2.  D’Lo Brown represent!  Reks hits a Complete Shot for 2.  Reks goes for the Burning Hammer.  Masters escapes and locks in the Master Lock  for the referee stop (7:21 shown).  Good little match.  It’s a shame that Masters finally becomes a good wrestler and he’s relegated to Superstars.

Up next, Raw replays!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers.

From Raw: Michael Cole introduced John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.

Tonight, Khali, Henry, & Natalya vs. Regal, Kidd, & Melina!  That’s quite the mess.

Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella & Tamina) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Primo).  Ryder hides in the ropes.  Kozlov throws him around.  Kozlov gets a leg lock.  Ryder gets the ropes.  Ryder grabs a headlock.  Kozlov catches a cross body and hits a fall away slam.  Ryder rolls to the floor.  Kozlov throws him back in.  Ryder gets the jump on Kozlov coming back in.  For a second.  Kozlov does the battering ram headbutts and a judo throw, and continues to smash Ryder.  Primo gets on the apron.  Santino pulls him off.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for the pin in 3:00.  There ya go.

From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaking on the Triple H/Undertaker WrestleMania match.

Still to come, MORE Raw replays!

From Raw: The Rock/John Cena/The Miz shit talking.

Main event is NEXT!

Great Khali, Mark Henry, & Natalya vs. William Regal, Tyson Kidd, & Melina.  Natalya and Melina do some stuff.  It breaks out into a cat fight.  Kidd tags in and tells Natalya to get out.  Natalya tags in Henry.  Kidd slaps him, runs away, and tags in Regal.  Henry smashes Regal and tags in Khali.  Regal takes Khali down to a knee.  Kidd tags himself in and slaps Khali.  Khali no sells it.  Kidd tries to tag out, but neither Regal nor Melina are interested.  Kidd tries to make friends.  Khali delivers the crown chop and the tree slam for the pin in 3:09.  At least that’s over.  Or not.  Henry splashes Kidd.  Natalya puts him in the Sharpshooter.  Regal just stands back and watches.  The faces celebrate.  Regal puts Kidd in the Regal Stretch.  Melina slaps him.  Haha, man, they buried Tyson under the earth here.

Aside from the opener, a very mediocre show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/7/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of last week’s happenings.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Undertaker comes to the ring and talks about his match with Triple H at WrestleMania.  They show a very cool video package of the 2 Undertaker/Shawn Michaels WrestleMania match.  He wants the match at Mania to be No Holds Barred, because apparently someone is going to die.  He says Triple H will “rest in peace” at WrestleMania.

Tonight, John Cena talks shit about The Rock!  Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Raw!

Randy Orton brawls with the three remaining members of the New Nexus backstage.  Nexus get the better of it since it’s 3-on-1.  Punk sends Orton’s head into a wall repeatedly, then delivers the Go 2 Sleep.  Punk orders Otunga and Ryan to drag Orton to the ring.  Commercials.

The New Nexus are beating down Randy Orton in the ring.  Referees come out to break it up.  Otunga wants his match with Orton.  Orton drags himself up and agrees.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga.  Otunga beats on Orton.  Otunga hits a fancy elbow drop for 2.  Orton hits a body slam for 2.  Otunga hits a spinebuster for 2.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the pin 1:59.  Otunga is banned from ringside at WrestleMania too.  Mason Ryan attacks Orton and drops him with a big boot.  He picks Orton up and gets dropped with an RKO.  CM Punk tries to hit the ring, but Orton scares him away, then punts Otunga in the head, then humps the mat.

Tonight, Cole reveals his special guest referee for WrestleMania.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: John Cena overpowering The Miz to defeat Alex Riley in a Steel Cage Match last week, then getting dropped with the Skull Crushing Finale.

Dallas!

The Miz is apparently boycotting Raw tonight.

Christian and Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay and introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez) come out for a match.  I have know idea why this happening on Raw, since they’re both Smackdown guys.  Del Rio sends his NXT rookie Brodus Clay to wrestle Christian instead.

Christian vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Alberto Del Rio).  Clay is a big fat dude.  He shoves Christian down and steps on his back.  Clay blocks the Killswitch and drops Christian with a punch.  Christian tries to fight back and gets dropped with a headbutt.  Clay huts some elbow drops for 2.  Clay cranks on Christian’s previously injured arm, then hits a fall away slam.  Christian avoids a big splash and hits an ineffective missile dropkick.  A second missile dropkick drops Clay.  Cover gets 2.  Clay hits a lariat for 2.  Christian avoids a powerslam and hits a tornado DDT for the pin in 2:41.  Good little match.  I rather like this Brodus Clay fellow.  Del Rio immediately attacks Christian.  Christian fights back.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special.

Replay of The Rock’s live via satellite promo from last week.  Cena responds tonight!

Also tonight, Stone Cold returns!  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Newest Hall of Fame inductee is… Sunny!

Divas title match next.  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: One of the Bellas won a Battle Royal last week.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Eve Torres (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella).  They lock up.  Eve throws Nikki across the ring, then rams her face into the turnbuckle, then throws her around some more.  Cover gets 2.  Nikki beats up Eve and throws her around.  Cover gets 2.  Nikki works the hair, of course.  Michael Cole shouts for them to get this over with, and for once I agree with the turd.  Cole babbles on and on and says “I’m the main event” 7,000 times.  Eve hits a flash kick.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The referee catches them.  Eve throws Nikki back in and hits a neckbreaker drop for the pin in 3:07 to mercifully end this.  Cole reveals his referee next.  Commercials.

Snooki from Jersey Shore will be here next week.  UGH.  WWE, if you’re going to rip off TNA, rip off SOMETHING THAT ISN’T COMPLETELY FUCKING HORRIBLE AND MAKES ME WANT TO PUT A BULLET IN MY FUCKING HEAD.

Last week, Jack Swagger fucked Lawler’s ankle up while Cole humped the mat in joy.

Michael Cole is in the ring being a cocksucker.  He has a contract of the referee to sign.  Cole spazzes out for a while, then talks about his referee.  He fakes like it’s going to be Steve Austin, then introduces John Bradshaw Layfield!  I fully expected something stupid like Alex Riley, but JBL is pretty cool.  JBL shit talks the crowd, then puts over Cole.  Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out.  JBL and Cole bitch at him.  Cole hides behind JBL, of course.  Austin stuns JBL.  Cole scampers out of the ring.  Austin drinks beer.  Cole all but cries on commentary.  Austin pours beer on JBL, then signs the contract to become the referee for Lawler/Cole at Mania.  By this point, I think Cole IS crying.  Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours beer on him.  Yay!  Austin sarcastically wishes Cole good luck.  JBL gets  up.  Austin gives him a beer, toasts him, then stuns him again.  Yay again!  Jack Swagger comes out to watch Cole throw a temper tantrum.  This segment was awesome.

Another replay of Rock’s promo from last week.  Tonight, Cena talks shit back.  Commercials.

Michael Cole whines to Jack Swagger backstage.  Swagger says he’ll break Austin’s ankle.  Cole goes to take a shower.

Jerry Lawler, having been missing all show for no apparent reason, comes out to join Matthews for commentary.  They show Austin signing the contract and pouring beer on Cole again.  That never gets old.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. King Sheamus.  They show Sheamus getting beaten up by Triple H and losing to Evan Bourne last week.  Sheamus attacks Bryan and stomps him down in the corner.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2.  Bryan dropkicks Sheamus to the apron, then dropkicks him off the apron.  Sheamus sells a leg injury and gets counted out in 1:12.  Sheamus throws a fit.  Well this was lame.  Sheamus says he’ll end his losing streak next week.  He challenges Bryan to put up the title against Sheamus’ job.  Bryan accepts.

Up next, Shawn Michaels speaks SOME MORE about Undertaker/Triple H.  Commercials.

CM Punk (w/ Mason Ryan) vs. R-Truth.  Truth gets a schoolboy for 2.  Punk throws Truth into 3 posts.  Truth tries to fight back, but Punk stomps him down.  Punk hits a snapmare for 2, then works Truth’s shoulder.  Truth makes his comeback.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Truth counters and hits a jumping kick for 2.  Punk pulls Truth’s arm across the top rope, then takes him down, pounds the shoulder, and locks in the Anaconda Vice for the submission in 2:32.  Ryan gives Truth a powerslam afer the match.

More video of Shawn Michaels talking about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

Vickie Guerrero comes out.  Joy.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Snooki next week.  Kill me now.

Vickie Guerrero is in the ring being obnoxious.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler, who has been signed to Raw.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. John Morrison.  Vickie on commentary.  Ugh.  They lock up.  Ziggler gets a headlock and a shoulder block.  Morrison goes for a leap frog, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee.  Commercials.  Ziggler works a headlock.  Morrison avoids Ziggler in the corner and makes his comeback.  Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive for 2, as Ziggler gets a foot on the rope.  Ziggler rakes Morrison’s face and hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 5:33.  The less than half they showed of it was fine.  Vickie gets in the ring to celebrate.  iBooker dings in.  Lawler reads that Ziggler has been hired, but Vickie hasn’t.  Vickie will have to win her match next week against… Trish Stratus.  Security comes out to take Vickie out.  She’s pissed that Dolph doesn’t help her.

Another replay of Rock’s promo.  Cena responds next.  Commercials.

Dallas.

Yet another Rock reply.

John Cena comes out, talks for a bit, then raps about The Rock not actually showing up to do his shit talking.  He reveals a parody of The Rock’s shirt that says “I bring it via satellite.”  WWE Champion The Miz appears and clocks Cena with the title belt.  Twice.  Miz cuts a promo on Cena, then stares at the camera to talk shit to The Rock.  Miz gives Cena the Skull Crushing Finale, then the People’s Elbow.

Besides the Christian match and the Austin segment, I pretty much hated this show.

WWE WrestleMania XXV (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.  I’m not even going to get into that today.  The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania!  “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania.  Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes.  Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match!  Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight.  Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table!  Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane.  Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd.  On TV, anyway.  According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something.  Enough of that, on to the match!  Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls.  Kane and Henry go at it.  Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down.  Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it.  “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole.  The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it.  Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders.  Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again.  Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other.  Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing.  Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out.  Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin.  Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi.  Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys.  “HOLY SHIT” chant.  Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick.  Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile.  The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly.  Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder.  Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in.  Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself.  Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over.  The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically.  Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder.  Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope.  Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb.  MVP climbs, Punk stops him.  Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk.  They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder.  MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant.  Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas.  Finlay and Benjamin both climb.  Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder.  Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin.  Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders.  They climb, but the ladder falls over.  Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again.  Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders.  Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds).  Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him.  Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29.  That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as.  Fucking awesome match.  Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert.  He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott.  During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring.  The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Layla, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendez, Maria, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Eve Torres, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Gail Kim, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Katie Lea, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Joy Giovanni, Torrie Wilson, Alicia Fox, Tiffany Terrell, Victoria, and Santino Marella (in drag).  The bell rings and they start fighting while Roberts introduces the match.  Mae Young is at ringside with Candice Michelle as the guest timekeeper.  Now this clusterfuck is impossible to call live, but from my earlier research, the order of elimination is Layla, Joy, Rosa, Alicia, Sunny, Torrie, Jackie, Maria, Gail, Jillian, Eve, Tiffany, Kelly, Molly, Maryse, Katie Lea, Natalya, Victoria, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Michelle McCool… then the finish is Beth going for the Glam Slam on Melina, but Santino bundles them both out to win the match at 6:10.  Pointless, but at least we got to look at a bunch of hot chicks for a few minutes.  I can say that my ridiculously jealous wife is gone.  Candice comes in the ring to present the Miss WrestleMania crown and sash to the winner.  He introduces himself as “Santina, Santino’s twin sister from Italy.”  The announcers don’t even actually acknowledge that it’s Santino.  Beth looks on, pissed.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke.  They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair).  Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting.  He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes.  Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg.  Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible.  Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME.  Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life.  Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in.  They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect.  Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45.  Thank God.  He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him.  There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second.  Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold.  Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45.  Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall.  Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome.  Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop.  More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it.  Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall.  Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall.  Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet.  Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57.  Snuka was awful.  Piper tried, but wasn’t good.  Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match.  Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker.  Jericho challenges Rourke.  Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring.  They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down.  Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke.  Another pointless waste of time.  The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy.  Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass.  Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.”  Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac.  I was amused.  Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall.  Ouch.  Matt sets up a table on the outside.  Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on.  Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him.  Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch.  Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb.  Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two.  Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier.  Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying.  Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table.  Told ya so.  “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer.  Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope.  Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it.  He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies.  Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15.  Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready.  At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years.  JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect.  Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit.  Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches.  The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle.  He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds.  Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold.  JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big.  He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline.  A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  Here we go.  Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage.  Bell rings.  Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows.  Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle.  Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop.  Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him.  Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down.  Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him.  Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow.  First cover of the match gets a one count.  Taker hits Old School.  Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four.  Taker throws some punches and manages to escape.  Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface.  Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it.  They trade blows.  Michaels hits the forearm and nips up.  Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle.  Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick.  He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata.  Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break.  Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again.  Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it.  Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive.  Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF.  I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck.  It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring.  Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count.  They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT!  They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker.  Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride.  Michaels counters.  Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref!  Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves.  When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope.  Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone!  Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red.  He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall.  Taker’s not done yet, though.  They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters.  Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner.  Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43.  Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd.  The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo.  At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday.  Edge makes his way out, then Show.  Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way.  Then the real Cena comes out.  I guess it’s the real Cena anyway.  In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down.  Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him.  Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena.  Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show.  Edge and Cena end up in the ring.  Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall.  Show makes it back in.  Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles.  Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge.  Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron.  Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time.  Show finally gets out and beats up everyone.  Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch.  Show and Edge fight outside.  Edge spears Show through the guardrail.  Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him.  Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it.  Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring.  Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot.  Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper.  Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster.  Edge falls of and Show takes the move.  Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43.  Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves.  He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt.  He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R.  Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash!  Backlash!  BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage.  He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon.  They exchange nods of the head.  Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Entrances and in-ring introductions here too.  Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover.  Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree.  He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover.  They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in.  Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway.  They end up outside again.  Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area.  Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him.  My DVD starts skipping again.  Must have been a bad burn.  It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall.  The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall.  Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick.  Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside.  Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it.  They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give.  Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in.  Orton punishes him some more.  Ref bump.  Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer.  Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him.  Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches.  The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches.  Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up).  Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WrestleMania highlight video.  Fin.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/30/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Here we are with the go home Raw for WrestleMania 25!

WWE open, then a hearse backs into the arena.  Raw open, then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.  Tonight, something with Undertaker, I wasn’t paying attention, and John Cena vs. The Big Show.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, & Tiffany Terrell vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Jillian Hall, Katie Lea, Nikki Bella, Layla, & Rosa Mendez.  18 woman clusterfuck.  Tiffany pinned Katie Lea with an inside cradle for the win in a couple of minutes.  Santino Marella comes down in a robe.  Santino said he went to WWE President Jack Tunney and found out he was dead.  He still wants to be in the Women’s battle royal at WrestleMania.  He disrobes to reveal some kind of gay outfit and does a gay dance around the ring.  He gets kicked out of the ring and Beth and Rosa pull him away.

Orton/Triple H replay #72,000,000,001.  Tonight: Orton’s address!  Haven’t we already been to his house?  Lawler takes on Chris Jericho NEXT!

Last week: Jericho killed Ric Flair and broke his watch.

Chris Jericho vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Apparently the Jericho vs. old guys WrestleMania match is elimination or gauntlet.  Jericho has to beat all of them, but only one of them has to beat Jericho.  Jericho and Lawler lock up, then shove each other.  King hammers Jericho with punches.  Jericho gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Jericho beats on King for a while.  King makes his comeback and lowers the strap so his man tits can flap freely.  Lawler blisters Jericho with punches.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win at 3:25.  Jericho prepares to beat down Lawler some more, but Lawler lands a punch and Jericho bails.  Jericho takes the microphone and says he beat Lawler so he’s not getting back in the ring.  He says he’ll beat the old guys at WrestleMania, it’s just a matter of how.

12 Rounds hype.  I don’t care, nor will I ever.  Cena takes on Big Show TONIGHT!

Hall of Fame hype.  Commercials!

Toasty Torpedo Takedown… huh?  Cena wrestled Edge a few weeks ago and Big Show interfered.

Todd Grisham interviews John Cena.  Or tries to.  Edge steps in and recommends that he and Cena unite to take out Big Show.  Cena declines.

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. talk to Cole about Randy Orton.  Rhodes has on a new Legacy t-shirt.  Orton’s WrestleMania Address tonight will CHANGE WWE FOREVER!

Some people pull a casket out of the hearse.  Shawn Michaels pops out and mouths something.  Commercial.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield.  Yeah, lots of people are going to buy WrestleMania to see the exact match they just saw on TV.  JBL cuts a promo saying he wants this match for some kind of psychological advantage or something.  Rey tries to use his speed, but JBL overwhelms him with his size.  Commercial!  Back from break, JBL continues to overwhelm Mysterio.  Mysterio takes a fall away slam and roles out of the ring.  JBL goes out and puts the boots to him.  JBL brings him back in the ring and Mysterio makes a comeback.  Bombs Away and an enzuigiri from Mysterio.  JBL avoids a 619 attempt, but Mysterio hits it on the second try and follows with the frog splash for the win at 6:45.  That means JBL is winning at WrestleMania.

Replay of the Cena’s promo from Smackdown.  He’ll face Big Show NEXT!

WrestleMania XI video.

John Cena vs. The Big Show.  I’m not paying much attention, but Show has the advantage in the early minutes.  Big Show does a baseball slide dropkick of all things as we go to commercial.  Back from break, Show has Cena in a Camel Clutch like move.  Cena counters a chokeslam and hits that weird DDT/suplex Show always takes.  Cena goes for the STF, but Show blasts him with an elbow.  Cena goes for the F-U, but his back is hurt.  Show hits the chokeslam for the clean win at 10:37.  Edge shows up and pounds on Cena.

Orton’s WrestleMania address TONIGHT!

Replay of the Undertaker/Michaels stuff from Smackdown.  Michaels leads the pall bearers our way.  Commercial.

WrestleMania Axxess video.  Looks like lots of awesome stuff to do.

Moments ago: Cena/Show.

Shawn Michaels cuts his usual promo on Undertaker in the ring.  The ring is set up to look like a funeral or something.  The lights go out and Taker appears in the ring.  Michaels has disappeared.  Taker throws all the shit in the ring around.  Michaels appears from under the casket and lands the Sweet Chin Music.  Michaels runs away, Taker is mad, same old shit.

12 Rounds hype again.

Moments ago: Michaels/Undertaker stuff.

Hall of Fame hype: The awesome Steve Austin video plays.

WrestleMania hype I think.  I wasn’t paying attention.

Dibiase and Rhodes are with security guards.

Time for another Money In The Bank preview match!  CM Punk and Kane come out.  Commercial break, then Hardy vs. Hardy hype video.  That’s stupid.  Can’t it wait until after the match?

Battle Royal: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Everybody fights.  Henry eliminates Finlay.  Hornswoggle distracts Henry and everyone dumps Henry out.  MVP and Benjamin fight on the apron.  Kane knocks them both to the floor to eliminate them.  Punk (I think) eliminates his former tag team parter Kofi Kingston.  Christian tries to eliminate Punk, but Punk fights back and hits his running knee in the corner.  Christian counters the bulldog and throws Punk out, but Punk holds on.  Kane throws Christian into Punk and they both go to the floor to give Kane the win at 3:38.  I think Punk hit first, if it matters.  Kane climbs the ladder and takes down the briefcase.  The build to this match has been retarded and repetitive.

Dibiase and Rhodes come with security to escort Orton to the ring.  Orton’s WrestleMania address is NEXT!

Randy Orton comes out and talks for a while.  They show Triple H turning on Orton back in 2004, Orton eliminating Triple H to win the Royal Rumble this year, and Orton’s various attacks on the McMahon family.  Orton says the IED was bullshit, which everyone knew.  He threatens the fans to shut up and listen to him talk or else.  They show the beatdown from last week.  He says he talked to Vickie Guerrero and she decreed that Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out and if Triple H brings a sledgehammer to the ring it’s an automatic DQ.  Orton calls for Dibiase and Rhodes to bring the security out.  He calls out Triple H because there’s an empty limo in the parking lot.  Mr. McMahon comes out instead!  Orton looks shocked.  Vince gets ready to fight.  Shane comes out next, followed by Triple H.  The McMahon men kick the shit out of Orton’s security detail, then brawl with Legacy.  Orton and Triple H end up brawling in the ring as the show fades to black.

WrestleMania 25 this Sunday on PPV!

I apologize for this review being so shitty.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/27/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Cool Smackdown open, then the show opens with CM PUNK!  Jim Ross and Tazz welcome us to Smackdown.  All of the other MITB participants are in the ring.  How many freakin’ preview matches are they going to do?

CM Punk, WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas), & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, & Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  So it’s a Parajes Incredibles match… except it’s quartets instead of pairs.  Kingston and Christian start.  Christian has really been working his ass off since returning.  Christian hits his reverse DDT for a near fall.  Kingston fights back and tags out to Punk, he hilos in onto Christian.  Christian ducks one of Punk’s strikes.  Punk ends up tying up Christian in an Anaconda Vice on the ropes, then hits a diving crossbody for a near fall.  Finlay comes in and goes at it with Punk.  I want a singles match between those two.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Kane big boots Punk.  Kane goozles Finlay for no apparent reason.  Insta-commercial.  Punk reaches for the tag, but is held back by Benjamin.  He manages to tag Henry.  Benjamin steps out and lets Kane take over, so we have a battle of the two least talented guys in the match.  That doesn’t last long, as MVP comes in.  He gets the better of Kane, but then gets punched in the face.  Benjamin comes in and attacks MVP.  They announce that Benjamin will get a rematch for the title next week.  Benjamin works over MVP.  Kane tags in and beats on MVP.  Lukewarm tag to Punk, who attacks Kane with his various kicks.  Kane counters the corner bulldog attempt but gets kicked in the face.  Punk springboards off the ropes but gets caught and chokeslammed by Kane, who gets the pin for his team at 7:26 shown.  Clusterfuck brawl after the match.  Christian brings in a ladder and climbs for the briefcase, but Hornswoggle goes after him.  Finlay and Hornswoggle push the ladder over and send Christian crashing into the pile of guys at ringside.  The match wasn’t very good, but sadly it was the best of these Money In The Bank preview matches I’ve seen.

Orton/Triple H replay #72 billion TONIGHT!

Handicap Match: Jesse & Festus vs. The Big Show.  They show Show’s KO punch to Edge from this past Raw.  The bell rings, Festus goes crazy, and Big Show destroys both of them.  Festus finally lands a bicycle kick to knock Show off his feet, which just pisses Show off.  KO punch to Festus and a chokeslam to Jesse.  Show KO punches Jesse for good measure and pins him at 2:26.  Remember when this act actually got pushed?  Festus is a great character.

12 Rounds hype.  Bleh.

Jeff Hardy interview TONIGHT!

Hardy vs. Hardy history video.

Matt Hardy is in the locker room with his dog.  He cuts his usual promo on Jeff.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  These two always have good matches.  It’s not often that Rey gets to work with a guy he can do his shit with, and it’s not often Chavo works with a guy who gives him anything.  Nice stuff to start, then Chavo takes a neat bump out of the ring and Mysterio follows him with a baseball slide into a headscissors.  Chavo hits an avalanche Frankensteiner for a near fall.  Chavo clamps in a rear chinlock, but Mysterio kicks him in the head to get out of it.  Mysterio kicks Chavo a bunch.  Chavo catches a springboarding Mysterio and ties him in the tree of woe.  Mysterio dodges a charge hits the Bombs Away and springboard crossbody for a near fall.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and kicks Chavo.  Chavo hits the Gory Bomb for a believable false finish.  Mysterio ranas Chavo into the 619 position.  Chavo somehow avoids it and goes for the Three Amigos.  He counters the third, but Chavo hits a backdrop suplex and goes for the frog splash.  Rey avoids it and hits a headscissors, then the 619 and his own frog splash for the win at 5:28.  JBL comes out of nowhere and blasts Mysterio with a big boot.  Really good little match.

For some reason, they feel the need to replay Cena’s reading of his get well card for Vickie.  Cena is headed to the ring!

Cena comes down to the ring and talks about WrestleMania.  Big Show comes out to talk about how much he loves Vickie Guerrero.  They agree to have a match on Raw I think.  Cena grabs Show’s leg as he leaves the ring and makes him tumble to the ground.

Hype for the Triple H/Orton hype.

R-Truth vs. Matt Hardy.  Matt shows lots of aggression and busts out some moves I don’t recall ever seeing him do.  Matt wins with the Twist of Fate at 3:07.

Replay of the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels segment from Raw.  Tonight: Shawn Michaels’ tribute to the Undertaker.

The Colons and their Bella come to the ring for their match.  Commercial!

2 weeks ago: the challenge for the double title at at WrestleMania and the breakup of the Bella Twins.

WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon & Brie Bella vs. World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz & Nikki Bella.  Primo and Miz start.  Morrison gets a cheap shot in to let Miz get the advantage.  Morrison tags in and beats up Primo.  Hot tag to Carlito, he cleans Morrison’s clock.  Carlito hits a swinging neckbreaker and covers, but Miz saves.  Primo takes out Miz and the Bellas get into a cat fight.  Morrison gets a quick near fall with a schoolboy, then goes for a suplex.  Carlito counters in mid air with the Backstabber for the win at 2:26.

Hype for the Michaels/Undertaker and Triple H/Orton hype.

Jeff Hardy is in a dark room.  He cuts the usual promo on Matt.  They’ll go to war at WrestleMania!

Ross and Tazz run down the WrestleMania card.

They finally show the obligatory replay of the Legacy beatdown on Triple H and Orton’s DDT and kiss to Stephanie from Raw.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Maryse (c) vs. Michelle McCool.  Michelle finally gets her rematch for the title nobody cares about.  They lock up and roll out of the ring.  They break, crawl slowly back into the ring, and lock up again, then finally do some holds.  They fight outside the ring again, then come back in.  Maryse hits a lazy thrust kick for a near fall.  Michelle hits some kicks.  GAIL KIM appears and dropkicks Michelle to cause the DQ at 2:59.  She takes down Maryse too, then poses with the belt.

12 Rounds.  I don’t care.

Shawn Michaels’ tribute to the Undertaker is NEXT!

A bunch of druids dressed in white come out, then Shawn Michaels enters in an all-white version of Undertaker’s entrance attire.  He quotes some scripture and cuts a promo on Undertaker.  Then his music plays and he does a strip tease.  Undertaker pops out from under the ring and goes for the chokeslam, but Michaels escapes.  Michaels dances on the stage as Taker stands in the ring and looks angry.  Fade to black.

Okay show all in all.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/20/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

This is the 500th Episode of Smackdown and for whatever reason it is titled “Heartbreakers.”

Short video package of great Smackdown moments from years past, then a hype video for the Triple H/Randy Orton WrestleMania match that I will never care about.

Triple H heads to the ring to start the show.  Tonight, Shawn Michaels faces Kane.  Jim Ross and Tazz are on commentary and I think we’re in Corpus Christi, Texas.  Also tonight, Undertaker faces JBL!  Triple H cuts a boring promo.  Blah blah me and Steph are married blah blah Orton shouldn’t have hurt her blah blah I don’t care if you have diarrhea because you’re chicken shit blah blah I’m going to kill you at WrestleMania.  I fast forward a bit because I’m trying to finish this show before Raw starts at 8.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Boring start.  Kozlov is strong, Triple H is clever.  Insta-commercial.  Triple H has Kozlov in the figure-four leglock, but Kozlov gets a break.  Kozlov beats up Triple H, Triple H makes a comeback.  Kozlov headbutts the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree but gets backdropped out.  Triple H hits a spinebuster and the Pedigree to end this boring shit.  About 4 minutes shown.

Vickie/Edge/Big Show/Cena shit from Raw.  They’re all here TONIGHT!

WrestleMania 23 video.

WWE United States Championship Match: Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  No entrances for a title match.  That’s shameful.  Back and forth action early on.  Shelton ducks a Yakuza kick, then Porter catches him with it anyway.  MVP hits the Ballin’ thing and gets a two count.  MVP ducks the Dragon Whip and goes for a suplex, but Shelton turns it into a neckbreaker.  MVP gets a near fall with a backslide out of nowhere.  Shelton hits a backbreaker and his old Exploder Powerslam finish, but MVP kicks out.  Shelton goes for the Paydirt,  but MVP hotshots him into the ropes and hits the Playmaker to win the title at 5:19.  They tried, but the match was slow and dragging.

12 Rounds hype.  Don’t get me started.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane, tonight!  They show the Shawn/Undertaker stuff from Raw.

Vickie Guerrero and Edge argue backstage.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane.  Michaels jumps on Kane to start, then Kane punches him in the face.  Awesome.  Kane beats up Shawn for a moment, then Shawn punches Kane a few times.  Kane whips Shawn into the turnbuckle.  Shawn does the Flair flip out of the ring.  Insta-commercial.  Kane has the advantage when we return.  Kane hits a swank low-altitude dropkick for a near fall.  Michaels takes the beating for a while, then makes his comeback.  Michaels counters the chokeslam and hits an inverted atomic drop.  Michaels drops the big elbow and may have been caught by Kane’s knee on the way down.  Kane hits the diving lariat.  Kane sets up for the chokeslam, but Michaels nails the superkick for the win.  About 8 minutes shown, and a shockingly decent match.  Kane normally sucks hard.

Vickie and Big Show are backstage.  Show and Edge want to hurt each other, or something like that.

12 Rounds commercial AGAIN.  Grr…

Hardy vs. Hardy at WrestleMania will be an Extreme Rules Match.  So will the next match here tonight.

Extreme Rules Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  No entrance for Kendrick.  Jeff sends Zeke out, but gets jumped by Kendrick.  Hardy dives outside onto Zeke.  Zeke and Kendrick double team Hardy.  Hardy kills Zeke with a chair and chases Kendrick into the ring.  Kendrick uses his speed to beat up Jeff.  Jeff throws a chair at Kendrick, then uses it as a catapult for the Poetry In Motion.  Jeff, for some reason, does that Alley-Oop move Big Show used to do like 8 years ago.  Jeff hits the Twist of Fate on the chair, then the Swanton Bomb for the win at 3:33.  Poor Kendrick, he’s a total jobber now.

More Triple H/Orton and WrestleMania hype.

New Hall of Fame inductees: The Von Erich Family, to be inducted by Michael Hayes.

ANOTHER FUCKING 12 ROUNDS TRAILER.  I AM SO SICK OF THIS MOVIE.

Taker comes out.  Insta-commercial.  Taker cuts a promo on Michaels.  JBL comes out.  Ross announces that JBL vs. Rey Mysterio for the Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania is official.

Non-Title: The Undertaker vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion JBL.  Taker hammers JBL with punches.  JBL fights back.  Taker kicks JBL’s ass some more.  In other words, a back and forth brawl.  Insta-commercial, then Taker hits the LEG DROP ON THE APRON!  More brawling.  JBL works on Taker’s leg a bit and does a figure-four leglock of all things.  Takers sits up out of a pinning predicament and chokes JBL to make the escape.  JBL clips Taker’s leg and covers.  Well that makes no sense.  Taker comes back and hits snake eyes, big boot, and leg drop for a near fall, brother.  Taker goes for the chokeslam.  JBL escapes and hits the Clothesline From Hell and covers, but Taker kicks out.  Taker locks in the Gogoplata (called the Devil’s Gate this week) for the win (8:14 shown).  Alright match.

Cena, Edge, and Show are here tonight, and there’s not much time left, so I guess they’re going to do something NEXT!  Ah yes, Show and Edge are HEADED OUR WAY!

Big Show comes down and calls out Edge.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and they yell at each other.  Vickie comes out and begs them to stop.  Vickie loves them both, so whoever wins at WrestleMania gets her.  She convinces them to call a truce and shake hands.  John Cena comes out.  He says he’ll win at WrestleMania, but doesn’t want Vickie.  He talks on for a while.  Edge thinks Vickie farting is cute.  Edge and Show argue some more and push each other.  Edge slaps Show.  Show goozles him and pushed down Vickie, then shoves Edge away and checks on Vickie.  Edge goes to spear Show, but accidentally spears Vickie instead.  Show picks Vickie up to carry her away and Show clips his knee.  Show chokeslams Edge and carries Vickie out.  This segment was about 12 years too long.

This is a prime example of how a show can look really good on paper and be really shitty in execution.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, replay of last week’s Cena/Edge/Show/Vickie angle, Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to San Antonio.  Tonight: Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as the special guest referee, an update on the Triple H/Orton situation, and will Ric Flair break his retirement to face Chris Jericho tonight?

The Undertaker & Shawn Michaels vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield & Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov overpowers Michaels to start.  Michaels tags out to Taker, who comes in swinging.  Taker clotheslines Kozlov out of the ring.  Commercial.  Believe it or not, the faces have the advantage when we return.  Taker wrenches JBL’s arm and tags in Michaels, who knocks JBL down and hits the diving elbow.  He sets up for the superkick, but Kozlov distracts him and allows JBL to knock him down with a boot.  Kozlov tags in and goes to work on Michaels.  Bad guys take turns dealing out the punishment to Michaels.  Michaels finally makes the hot tag and Taker comes in to clean house.  Taker goes for the chokeslam on JBL, but Michaels makes the blind tag and superkicks JBL for the win at 9:19.  Michaels bails and Taker chases him up the ramp.  Michaels disappears into the entrance way and Taker’s music hits.  Michaels sneaks back in and lands the superkick to leave Taker laying.  Commercial.

Moments ago: Read above, I’m not going to type it again.

Edge confronts Vickie in her office.  He says he forgives her.  Vickie says Show forced himself on her.  Edge says he blames Cena for the whole thing.  Vickie tells Edge to destroy Cena tonight, and if Cena lays a finger on her, he’s out of the title match at WrestleMania.

Last week: Triple H broke into Orton’s “house” and got “arrested”.  Tonight: Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes.  Right now: Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton (w/ Rhodes and Dibiase).  Orton says he didn’t press charges because he wants to deal with Triple H himself at WrestleMania.

Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, & Layla (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly.  Santino joins Cole and Lawler for commentary!  Beth and Mickie start, with Beth getting the better of it.  Mickie tags out to Melina, who hits a really shitty handspring elbow.  Beth fights back and goes for a pin, but Mickie saves.  Santino tries to interfere and gets kicked in the balls by Mickie.  Melina pins Beth with a schoolgirl in about 3 minutes.  Melina, Beth, and Mickie worked the whole match.

Plug for Cena’s movie.  I still don’t care, not will I ever.

Last week: Triple H got arrested!  They’ve shown that like 37 times already.

WrestleMania hype.

Triple H and Cody Rhodes come out for their match.  Rhodes comes out alone, but it soon followed by the rest of Legacy.  Triple H destroys Cody before the bell rings and pulls out his sledgehammer.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and motions upward.  A Steel Cage descends!  The bell finally rings, so we’ve got…

Non-Title, Steel Cage Match: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes (w/ Randy Orton & Ted Dibiase Jr.).  Triple H kicks Cody’s ass, and there’s nothing Legacy can do about it.  Sledgehammer to the face, and Triple H gets the pin at 2:18.

Still to come, Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as referee!  Plus, Jericho vs. Flair… maybe.

ANOTHER plug for Cena’s movie.

Evan Bourne returns to ECW tomorrow night!  Dammit, now I have to watch ECW again.

Earlier tonight, Ric Flair arrived!

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to introduces himself.  Rey doesn’t seem interested, and they lock up.  Rey does some flippy shit.  Cole says that Mysterio has challenged JBL to an IC title match at WrestleMania.  Ziggler gets the advantage and locks in a full nelson, but Rey escapes with a jawbreaker and makes a comeback and hits a rana and his missile splash for the win at 2:16.

Will Flair accept Jericho’s challenge?  It’s next… maybe!

Jericho comes out.  He’s mad about Flair costing him his match last week and a spot on WrestleMania.  He calls out Flair, who comes out not dressed to wrestle.  Flair says he won’t break his retirement, but he’s found some guys who will wrestle Jericho: Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper.  The legends surround the ring, then step in and surround Jericho.  Jericho tries to bail, but the legends jump on him.  He slithers out of the ring and Flair decks him.  He backs up the ramp and yells at the legends.

WrestleMania video: WrestleMania XV.

This Friday: Smackdown’s 500th Episode!

Grisham interviews an angry Jericho.  Jericho challenges Snuka, Steamboat, and Piper to a match at WrestleMania, and demands that Flair be in their corner.  He says he’s going to buy Mickey Rourke a front row ticket.

CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin, & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Christian and Finlay are on commentary as Hornswoggle plays with King’s crown.  This a Money In The Bank preview match.  Some stuff happens for a couple of minutes and we go to commercial.  When we come back, Kane is working over Kofi.  Shelton tags in and goes to work on Kofi.  Punk gets the hot tag and hits the Go 2 Sleep on Benjamin for the win at 8:35.

Another plug for Cena’s movie.  WHEN WILL THEY LEARN THAT I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK?

Big Show confronts Vickie in her locker room.  Show says Vickie is the one who came onto him.  Show says Edge doesn’t love Vickie, but Show does.  He says she looks sexy in the referee shirt.  Ick.  Commercial.

Earlier tonight: Shawn superkicked Taker.

Cole and Lawler run down the WrestleMania card.

Grisham tries to interview Triple H, who ignores him and leaves in his hummer with Stephanie!

Lillian Garcia introduces Vickie Guerrero for the main event.  Commercial!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena (Vickie Guerrero is the Special Guest Referee).  Edge clamps on a headlock.  Cena fights back and gets nailed with a shot.  Cena hits his swinging Fisherman buster and covers, but Vickie doesn’t count.  Cena confronts her and Edge attacks him from behind.  Cena takes a spill outside.  Edge follows and rams his head on the announce table.  Back in the ring, Edge misses a spear and gives Cena the opening for his usual comeback.  He goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Vickie covers Edge.  She gets up and Cena hits it anyway.  He goes for the F-U or whatever it’s called this week, but Vickie pulls Edge off.  Cena locks in the STF and Vickie puts him in a chinlock.  Big Show comes down and brawls with Cena.  Edge and Show double team Cena.  They tie him up in the ropes.  Edge spears him.  Vickie slaps him.  Show slugs him in the gut and hits his knockout punch.  Edge spears Show and celebrates.  Fade to black.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/9/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Okay, so I started watching the show and 10 minutes in my computer crashed from trying to burn a DVD and rip a VHS at the same time.  So, quick rundown of the first 10 minutes from memory:

WWE open, replay of the Triple H/Orton angle from last week, then Legacy going after him on Smackdown.  They show a shot of “Orton’s house in Saint Louis,” where he’ll be giving a live interview from tonight.  Triple H vs. Rhodes and Dibiase in a Handicap Match tonight.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to Jacksonville, Florida as Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring.  He talks about facing The Undertaker at WrestleMania, then they play the video of all of Taker’s WrestleMania wins.  Taker appears behind them and they banter back and forth.

What did Cena say to Vickie on Smackdown last week?  Commercial, and I get my computer back up.

Hall of Fame hype.

Lillian Garcia announces that the following contest is for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: CM Punk (c) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield.  They go back and forth, then JBL ends up on the outside and Punk hits a weak dive onto him.  Commercial.  Back from break, JBL has Punk in an abdominal stretch.  JBL continues to wear down Punk and tries to get the victory, but Punk won’t go down without a fight.  Punk manages to hit a Tornado DDT for a near fall and starts building his usual comeback.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but JBL rakes his eyes and hits the Clothesline From Hell for the win and the title at 9:32.  Sucks that Punk lost, but at least the finish didn’t make him look weak.

Randy Orton is shown in his “house” with his “wife.”

Vickie Guerrero tells JBL that she did him a favor by giving him the title match, now he has to a favor for her.  Edge wants to know what Cena said to Vickie on Smackdown last week.  Vickie says it doesn’t matter,  Edge agrees, because it’s more important that he is signing his WrestleMania contract tonight.

Lawler and Cole are at the table.  I have that WWE Crest t-shirt that Lawler is wearing.  They interview Orton from “his house.”  They replay the angle from Smackdown, with Orton kicking Triple H in the head repeatedly.  Orton babbles on some more.  Cole says they’ll be asking him more questions throughout the night.  Women’s Champion vs. Divas Champion match, next!

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Maryse vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina.  All of the other divas are at ringside.  It’s not officially a Lumberjack Match, but when Melina gets through out of the ring, the Smackdown divas throw her back in.  Maryse gets the pin at 2:13, then all the divas get into a big brawl.  The face divas stand tall at the end.

Last Friday: Cena interrupted the Edge/Big Show contract signing for WrestleMania, then he whispered something in Vickie’s ear that upset her.  Tonight, the contract signing FOR REAL!  It’s NEXT!

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania VI!

Vickie Guerrero is in the ring being obnoxious.  She announces a 25 Diva battle royal for WrestleMania.  She introduces Show, then Edge.  Edge makes references to WrestleMania VI.  They sign, then Cena comes out.  Edge and Show decide to dispose of him, but Vickie says she invited him out there.  Cena signs the contract too, so I guess that means a Triple Threat Match.  Cena says he told Vickie he loves her on Smackdown.  Edge says he doesn’t.  Cena admits that he doesn’t, then shows a video of Show and Vickie kissing.  Vickie tells Show she hopes he wins at WrestleMania, then slaps his ass.  Cena makes an I Love Lucy reference, Edge gets mad, and we go to commercial.

WWE Rewind: Last week’s Jericho/Snuka angle.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston.  I guess Kofi didn’t drop off the face of the earth after being attacked by Edge at No Way Out.  Fine little athletic match.  Jericho powebombs Kofi out of the corner for a near fall and stomps on him.  Commercial!  I bet when we come back, Jericho has Kofi in a submission hold.  I win!  Jericho has Kofi in a sleeper on the ground.  Kofi escapes and makes a comeback.  He hits a crossbody, but Jericho rolls through it for a near fall.  He goes for his weird ground move, but Jericho punches him in the wang or something and goes for the Walls.  Kofi counters and Jericho hits an enzuigiri for a near fall.  Jericho hits the bulldog and misses the Lionsault.  Kofi hits the move he was going for earlier (his version of the Five Knuckle Shuffle, I guess).  He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Ric Flair’s music hits and he comes out to the stage.  Jericho breaks the hold and looks at Flair.  He turns around and Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise for the victory at 7:47.  Good little match.  Kofi does well when he’s working with someone good, and Jericho is pretty fucking good.

They show Orton in “his house” again.  I still don’t care.  Tonight, Triple H vs. Legacy!  Commercial!

Todd Grisham interviews Jericho.  Jericho challenges Flair to a match next week.

Next Hall of Fame inductee is… Koko B. Ware!  He sure did hit a nice dropkick.  He’s going to be inducted by the Honky Tonk Man!

Rey Mysterio, Christian, & Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. Kane & World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz.  I bet Vince laughs his ass off at the marks who thought Christian was going to return to WWE and be a big star.  His big return to Raw is in a throwaway six-man match and from what I heard he didn’t get much of a reaction.  Christian and Miz start.  Kane tags in and massacres Christian, then Morrison takes his turn.  Christian makes the tag to Finlay, who cleans house.  He tags in Mysterio, who hits the Bombs Away on Miz, and an AVALANCHE FRANKENSTEINER on Morrison.  He covers, but Miz saves.  Mysterio sends Miz out of the ring and sets up Morrison for the 619.  Kane catches him and goes for a chokeslam, but he escapes.  Finlay and Christian take Kane out.  Mysterio hits the 619 and the West Coast Pop(!) on Morrison for the win at 3:53.  Damn, Mysterio’s been working his ass off lately.  They must have something good for him at Mania that nobody knows about yet.

Dibiase and Rhodes are headed to the ring!

Tomorrow on ECW, BATTLE ROYAL!

Next week, The Undertaker & Michaels vs. JBL & Vladimir Kozlov!

Plug for Cena’s movie.  I don’t care.

Dibiase and Rhodes come out of the main event.  Triple H doesn’t.  They do the big where Lillian announces him and they play his music twice, but still no HHH.  Dibiase and Rhodes are announced as winners by forfeit.  Orton babbles on the big screen.  The doorbell rings.  He sends “his wife” to answer it, then thinks better of it.  Triple H opens the door with his slegehammer and looks all over the house for him.  Orton finally emerges from the cupboard under the stairs and casts Expelliarmus on Triple H, sending the slegehammer flying.  Just kidding, he hits him with a golf club.  They brawl, then Triple H throws Orton out of a window and kicks the shit out of him.  The cops show up and arrest him.  Of couse, Orton attacks Triple H and the cops just pull him away instead of arresting him too.  Triple H goes to spend the night in lock up as we fade to black.