Archive for Joey Mercury

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 9/10/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video recapping recent goings on, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.  Tonight, The Undertaker takes on CM Punk!

The Undertaker appears in the ring and cuts a promo about Kane.  He wants a No Holds Barred Match at Night of Champions.  CM Punk comes out.  He mockingly puts Taker over, then says Kane will take him out at the PPV.  They banter for a while about who has more power and stuff.  Undertaker says Punk will Rest In Peace.  They’ll meet TONIGHT!

Jack Swagger vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They show the stupid segment from last week with Swagger’s daddy.  Swagger takes MVP down and hits him with some cross faces.  MVP comes back and hits a float over suplex into ground & pound punches.  MVP knocks Swagger out of the ring.  Back inside, MVP goes for Rolling Germans.  Swagger counters the third, but gets taken down with a drop toe hold.  MVP hits a running knee to the back of Swagger’s head for 2.  Swagger hits a lariat and gets back on offense.  Insta-commercials.  MVP fights back, but gets mowed down with a big boot.  Swagger goes for the springboard Vader Bomb, but MVP gets his knees up.  MVP hits the corner Yakuza kick for 2.  MVP hits a flapjack and some clotheslines, then a knee facebuster and the Ballin’ elbow.  MVP gets ready to go for the finish, but Swagger bails.  MVP follows and Swagger dropkicks the steps into his knees.  Swagger rams MVP’s leg into the post.  Back inside, Swagger takes out the leg again and locks in the ankle lock for the win (5:39 shown).  Fine match.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla and Michelle McCool are obnoxious while Kaval looks on.  His face says “I’m so sick of these broads.”  They argue about who will face Melina at Night of Champions.  He basically tells them to shut it and they make fun of his stern face and deep voice.

Next, the history of the Kane/Undertaker feud.  That could take the rest of the show.

Baltimore.

As threatened, they show a Kane/Undertaker history package.

Tonight, Undertaker vs. Punk!

Matt Hardy is in action NEXT!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  Del Rio makes his entrance as they show the segment from last week where Christian interrupted his fiesta.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Matt Hardy.  They lock up.  Hardy backs Del Rio into the corner.  The referee gets between them and Del Rio cheap shots Hardy’s injured ankle.  Hardy hits a bulldog headlock for 2.  Hardy side steps Del Rio, who sails to the ropes to the floor.  Hardy slides through the ropes with a dropkick.  Hardy rams Del Rio’s head into the apron, then rolls him back into the ring.  Del Rio lands an enzuigiri that knocks Hardy off the apron.  Insta-commercials.  Del Rio cranks on a rear chin lock.  Whoda thunk it?  Del Rio works Hardy over.  Del Rio hits a spinebuster for 2, then goes back to the rear chin lock.  Hardy gets a sunset flip for 2.  Del Rio drops him with a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio hits a body slam for 2.  Back again to the rear chin lock.  Hardy fights back and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Del Rio blocks a bulldog and kicks Hardy in the midsection.  Hardy hits a Final Cut for 2.  Hardy slams Del Rio and hits a moonsault press for 2.  Del Rio counters the Twist of Fate and shoves Hardy into the turnbuckles.  Del Rio goes up top, but Hardy cuts him off.  They fight on top.  Del Rio pulls Hardy down across the top rope by his arm.  Del Rio throws Hardy’s shoulder into the post, then locks in the Minoru Special for the win (7:53 shown).  Good little match.  Del Rio wants to further injure Hardy, but Christian runs down to run him off.  Del Rio says Christian will pay for this.

The same fucking long Legendary video package they’ve wasted my time with on every fucking show this week.

Undertaker vs. Punk TONIGHT!

Drew McIntyre vs. Kaval.  They lock up.  Striker mentions Kaval as having a “low key” demeanor.  Heh.  Kaval lands a hard kick.  McIntyre tries to beat him up, but Kaval gets the advantage with his educated feet.  Kaval lands a hard slap and tries to springboard, but McIntyre knocks him to the floor.  McIntyre suplexes Kaval onto the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre applies a neck and shoulder hold.  McIntyre goes for a suplex, but Kaval knees his way free and lands some kicks.  McIntyre elevates Kaval,who balances himself on the top rope and lands a diving kick for 2.  Kaval goes up top, but McIntyre bails.  Kaval goes for a rana off the apron, but McIntyre catches him and powerbombs him into the barricade.  Back inside, McIntyre hits the Future Shock for the pin in 3:57.  Great little TV match.  Kaval looked awesome here.  Kaval sells it like death.  Layla and McCool come out to help him to the back.

Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips about facials.  LOL.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to be obnoxious.  She makes her NXT rookie, Kaitlyn, introduce her.  Vickie then introduces Dolph Ziggler.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler & Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Kaitlyn) vs. Kofi Kingston & Chris Masters.  Ziggler will face Kofi for the title at the PPV and can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Ziggler tries to take Masters down, but Masters overpowers him.  Masters hits a press slam for 2.  Chavo tags in.  Masters immediately goes for the Master Lock, but Chavo gets to the ropes.  Masters decks Ziggler on the apron.  Chavo decks Masters to get the advantage.  Ziggler tags back in to work over Masters.  Masters kicks free of Ziggler and takes in Kofi, who runs wild on Ziggler.  Grisham pisses me off again by not knowing what a Superman punch is.  Kofi does the corner punches, then gets kicked in the face.  Double clothesline spot.  Chavo tags in, but the idiot ref didn’t see it even though they’re the heels.  Kofi hits Ziggler with the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 2:47.  Good little match while it lasted.  I think that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a ref being out of position fuck the heels.

Undertaker vs. Punk TONIGHT!

Grisham and Striker hype the Night of Champions card.

The Big Show pretends to be Josh Matthews and interviews himself.  Kelly Kelly shows up and makes fun of him for being silly.  Matthews shows up looking for his microphone.  Show makes Kelly smell his armpit.  Silly segment.

The Straight Edge Society come out… but Punk sends Gallows and Mercury to the back.  What was the point of them coming out, then?

CM Punk vs. The Undertaker.  Punk is cocky, thinking Undertaker isn’t what he used to be.  Punk lands some leg kicks.  Undertaker drops him with a big right hand.  Taker works Punk’s arm.  Leg drop to the arm gets 2.  Taker keeps putting the pressure on Punk’s arm.  He goes for Old School, but falls and crotches himself on the top rope.  Punk dropkicks Taker off the apron.  Insta-commercials.  Punk beats up Taker’s arm and asks “How do you like it?”  Punk applies a figure-four headscissors and grinds his elbow into Taker’s head.  Punk starts throwing elbows and Taker escapes.  Punk knocks Taker out of the ring again.  Punk drives Taker into the barricade.  Taker fights back and knocks Punk down and an elbow smash.  Taker hits the apron leg drop, which I always pop for.  Back inside, Punk avoids Taker in the corner and hits a dropkick for 2.  Punk works the arm again.  Punk lands some MMA elbows for 2, then applies a rear chin lock.  Taker hits a backdrop suplex to escape.  Punk avoids an elbow drop and hits the running knee to the corner and the bulldog for 2.  They trade strikes.  Taker gets the better of it.  Taker hits Snake Eyes and goes for the running boot, but Punk drops him with a kick.  Punk goes for the springboard lariat, but Taker catches him and hits the chokeslam for 2.  Taker goes for the Tombstone.  Punk counters and hits the Go 2 Sleep.  Punk crawls over for the cover, but Taker catches him in the Hell’s Gate for the submission win (11:23 shown).  Awesome match.  As Taker celebrates, Kane’s music plays and Kane laughs.  I’m so sick of that laugh.

Fucking awesome show this week.  No bad matches and an awesome main event.  There were a few stupid things, but nothing bad enough to take away from the show.

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WWE Superstars 9/9/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the first announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.  Tonight, The Big Show takes on Luke Gallows!

R-Truth vs. William Regal.  Regal tells R-Truth that anyone can rap and proves it by rapping himself.  It’s awesome.  The match starts and the crowd chants “USA!”  They lock up.  Regal backs Truth in to the corner and nails him with a forearm.  Truth retaliates with punches, then takes him down with a side headlock.  They do a tiny bit of sweet wrestling, but Truth wants to brawl.  He hits Regal with a crappy monkey flip.  Truth hits Regal with corner punches, then hits a clothesline for 2.  Regal lands a European uppercut.  Truth dances around and drops Regal with a kick.  Regal bails.  Insta-commercials.  Regal holds Truth in a full nelson, having gained the advantage during the break.  Truth fights out and tries a sunset flip, but Regal knees him in the head.  Regal sets out to maul and stretch a fucker.  They trade shots.  Truth mounts a comeback.  Regal avoids the scissors kick and gets an inside cradle, but Truth turns it over to get the pin (5:00 shown).  Good little match.

NXT recap.  Here’s my recap: It was the worst thing to ever happen ever.

Goldust, Gail Kim, and Aksana are headed our way!

Goldust & Gail Kim (w/ Aksana) vs. Primo & Jillian Hall (w/ AJ).  Goldust and Primo start.  Goldust hits a butt butt and catapults Primo into the ropes, then tags in Gail.  Jillian comes in and Gail beats her up.  Primo comes in and Gail hits him with a missile dropkick.  Primo and Jillian try to double team Gail, but Goldust pulls Primo out of the ring.  The referee decides to be an idiot and bitch at Goldust for no good reason, so he doesn’t see Gail cover Jillian.  Primo cheap shots Gail to let Jillian get the advantage.  Jillian works Gail’s hair.  I hate that shit.  Jillian beats up Gail.  Jillian goes for a powerbomb, but Gail turns it into a hurricanrana.  The men tag in and Goldust runs wild.  Goldust hits a bulldog for 2.  Goldust hits the snap powerslam, but Jillian saves.  Jillian slaps Goldust.  Gail hits Jillian with the Eat Defeat.  Primo goes for the Backstabber, but Goldust counters and hits the spinning brainbuster for the pin in 4:36.  Fine little match.

Tonight, Show vs. Gallows!

WWE.com plug.

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the second announcers.  Tony Chimel is the second ring announcer.

Curt Hawkins & Vance Archer vs. The Dudebusters.  Do we really need to see this match again?  Archer and Croft start.  Archer wails on Croft.  Hawkins tags in to continue the beating.  Hawkins hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Archer tags back in and hits a short lariat for 2.  Archer hits a belly to belly overhead for 2.  Archer works a rear chin lock.  Croft escapes with a jawbreaker.  Croft makes the hot tag to Barreta, who runs wild.  Barreta hits a running knee, but Hawkins saves.  Croft cleans Hawkins’ clock.  Archer nails Croft.  Barreta goes for a diving cross body, but gets caught.  Croft knocks Archer off balance, allowing Barreta to hit a spinning DDT for the pin in 3:49.  Fine little match.

Show vs. Gallows TONIGHT!

Kane hype video.

Legendary plug.  I’m so fucking sick of that movie.

Grisham and Striker hype the Night of Champions card.

Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury of the Straight Edge Society come out.  They show the handicap match from last Smackdown where Big Show beat Gallows and CM Punk, then Punk gave Gallows the Go 2 Sleep.  Gallows cuts a promo.

Luke Gallows (w/ Joey Mercury) vs. The Big Show.  Gallows tries to kick Show, but Show catches his leg and chops him.  Show just beats the crap out of him, not allowing him to get anything going.  Gallows bails and Show hits a baseball slide dropkick, of all things.  Show hits Gallows with more big chops.  Back inside, Gallows manages to land a boot and tries to get something going.  Show cuts him off immediately and kicks his ass some more.  Show lands the KO punch for the pin in 2:12.  Fun little squash.  Show takes the mic after the match and says he’s going to rid WWE of the SES.  Good.

Fun show this week.  Another in a string of good Superstars.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 9/3/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video package of this Undertaker/Kane angle that just won’t die, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers TAPED from Albany, New York.  Tonight, Kane will announce something.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez, who introduces Alberto Del Rio.  The ring is set up for a celebration, complete with servants.  They show the video of Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio last week.  Del Rio talks shit about Mysterio, then smashes a pinata.  Christian comes out and makes a bunch of jokes at Del Rio’s expense, then reveals that he’s pissed off because Del Rio is a dick.  They banter.  Christian wants to fight.  Del Rio teases obliging, then leaves because he is a big pussy in addition to being a big dick.  Drew McIntyre attacks Christian from behind and sends him outside so Del Rio can taunt him.

During the break, Drew McIntyre threw Christian into the steps.

Drew McIntyre vs. Christian.  Christian still wants to fight, so they fight.  McIntyre throws him around and beats him up, targeting his injured midsection.  McIntyre says Christian should have given up.  Christian fires some palm strikes.  McIntyre locks him in a bear hug.  McIntyre comes off the top, but Christian catches him in the face with raised boots.  Christian tries to make his comeback.  He goes for a diving cross body, but McIntyre catches him and hits a backbreaker for 2.  Outside, McIntyre tries to set up something on the announce table, but Christian trips him on the table.  Back inside, Christian goes for the Killswitch.  McIntyre counters with a gut buster.  Christian surprises McIntyre with a jackknife hold for the pin in 4:14.  Fine little match.

Tonight, Big Show vs. CM Punk & Luke Gallows!

WWE.com plug.

Kelly Kelly vs. Michelle McCool (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla).  Layla does commentary.  Striker is obnoxious.  McCool beats up Kelly and does push-ups.  Kelly hits a spinning headscissors and makes her comeback.  Kelly tries a Frankensteiner, but McCool hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 2:17.  Usual diva crap.

Tonight, Kane announces something.

China clips.

Teddy Long and Hornswoggle are backstage with a psychologist.  They’re trying to get Hornswoggle to speak English.  The psychologist wants to do shock treatment.  Long talks Hornswoggle into it.  Stupidity ensues.  Hornswoggle shocks the doctor.  Long and Hornswoggle leave the doctor to fry.  Ugh.

Non-Title: Chris Masters vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Last week, Kofi Kingston got fucked out of the title by that hog yet again.  Ziggler beats up Masters.  Masters rallies and press slams Ziggler.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker against the middle rope for 2.  Ziggler attacks Masters’ neck, then hits an jumping elbow drop for 2.  Masters catapults Ziggler intot he turnbuckles.  Masters goes for the Master Lock, but Ziggler climbs the turnbuckles and falls back to break it.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 2:04.  It was what it was.

The Big Show is headed our way!

Handicap Match: The Big Show vs. CM Punk & Luke Gallows (w/ Joey Mercury).  They show Show making fun of and beating up the Straight Edge Society on Raw.  Show shadow boxes in Punk’s direction.  Punk throws some leg kicks, then tags in Gallows.  Show takes Gallows down, then nails him with the heavy chop.  Gallows fights back, but Show nails him with an elbow smash.  Gallows bails and confers with Mercury.  Show gives Mercury the Vulcan nerve pinch.  Punk hits Show with a baseball slide dropkick, then throws some forearms.  Show headbutts him, then lays him on the apron and goes for a chop.  Punk moves and Show chops the apron.  Gallows nails Show from behind.  Show makes it back and Hulks up.  Punk avoids Show in the corner and goes for a springboard clothesline, but Show catches him with a clothesline of his own.  Show covers, but Gallows saves.  Punk bails.  Show follows and charges, but Punk moves and Show runs into the steps.  Insta-commercials.  Punk puts the boots to Show.  Gallows tags in and drops some elbows.  Gallows hits a pair of big splashes for 2.  Show slams Gallows to escape a rear chin lock.  Show makes his comeback on Gallows, shoves him into Punk to knock Punk off of the apron, then hits the Alley Oop and locks Gallows in the camel clutch for the win (6:42 shown).  This was mediocre.  Punk, tired of repeated failures, gives Gallows the Go 2 Sleep.

Tonight, Kane announces something!

Jack Swagger and his daddy are in the ring for the V.I.P. Lounge, which Swagger won the right to host last week.  Why does Swagger need to host MVP’s talk show?  Why can’t he just do his own?  They let anybody have one that wants it.  They show clips of the stupid match with MVP from last week.  Swagger’s guest is his daddy.  Daddy asks Jackie to do push-ups.  He does.  MVP comes out.  What the fuck took him so long?  He makes fun of this stupidity.  He and Swagger banter.  MVP says the V.I.P. lounge is closed, then knocks shit over.  Swagger hides behind his daddy’s wheelchair.  MVP gives daddy the Paydirt, then low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  MVP gives daddy the Ballin’ elbow, then throws the wheelchair at Swagger.  Retarded shit.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Matt Hardy vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes cuts a promo on the way to the ring about how Hardy actually likes like a man instead of an ugly girl like him, because that’s what’s attractive to women these days, apparently.  Hardy takes Rhodes’ ring jacket.  The match finally starts.  Hardy beats up Rhodes.  Rhodes bails.  Insta-commercials.  Rhodes beats up Hardy.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy beats up Rhodes on the outside, then back inside.  Hardy works Rhodes’ knee.  Hardy applies a half crab.  Rhodes takes forever to reach the ropes when they’re like 4 inches in front of his face.  Hardy beats up Rhodes some more.  Rhodes comes back and tries a superplex or something, but Hardy headbutts him down and goes for a diving elbow smash.  Rhodes avoids it and Hardy re-injures his ankle.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin (4:16 shown).  This was lame.

Kane announces something NEXT!

World Heavyweight Champion Kane’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out.  He’s in his creepy weird promo cutting place backstage.  He says he’ll defend the title against Undertaker at Night of Champions.  He talks on for a while.  Druids bring a casket to ringside.  Stupid video effects.  Kane is in the casket.  A swerve that Russo would be proud of.  Kane keeps cutting his promo.  I zone out like I do with every single one of these long, retarded Kane promos.  Undertaker comes out to the ring.  The lights go out.  Kane disappears.  Undertaker looks in the casket, but it’s empty.  Kane is back in his weird room.  He says he’ll destroy Taker at Night of Champions, then laughs.  Pyro.  Fin.  I hate this show.

Aside from a couple of tolerable segments at the beginning, this show fucking sucked.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/30/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight is Raw’s 900th episode!  Cool opening video featuring various Raw highlights from years past.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  We’re LIVE from Boston.  Tonight, The Nexus vs. Sheamus, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, & Chris Jericho in an Elimination Match!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out and talks about how long this show has been going on.  He says the only wrestler there now besides him who was at the first Raw is Undertaker.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and says there is no Undertaker anymore.  Now he’s just a man, as opposed to being a Phenom or whatever.  Kane starts to insult Bret.  He babbles on.  Bret says Taker will come back and beat Kane like always.  Kane says no, etc. etc.  Kane says since Taker ended Shawn Michaels’ career, he needs to take out an icon too.  Kane goozles Bret.  The Hart Dynasty run out to make the save.  Kane cleans house and goozles Bret again.  The lights go out and the GONG sounds.  Undertaker appears in the ring.  Kane stares at him for a minute and bails.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker books Bret vs. Taker for the night.  That thing needs better programming.  Why the fuck do they keep doing this stupid bullshit?  Dammit.  I’m so sick of the stupid iBooker thing and I’m REALLY sick of them advertising matches they know good and damn well that they aren’t going to deliver.

Highlights from the very first episode of Raw.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Stone Cold Steve Austin driving a Zamboni to the ring and beating up Vince McMahon.

Triple Threat Match: Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty vs. Daniel Bryan & Kaval vs. WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley.  Fuck yes.  Danielson argues with Miz.  Riley attacks Danielson from behind and beats him up.  Kofi lands a dropkick on Riley for 2.  Danielson and Kofi go at it.  Danielson decks Miz, then beats up Riley.  Kofi gets a wonky cradle on Danielson, but Riley saves.  Riley hits something on Kofi for 2.  Danielson hits Riley with a knee lift.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop on Riley, but Danielson saves.  Danielson and Kofi hit each other with cross body blocks.  Kaval and McGillicutty tag in.  McGillicutty does well until Kaval locks on a Dragon sleeper.  Riley saves and beats up McGillicutty.  Miz tags in and gets knocked off the apron with a hard dropkick by Kaval.  McGillicutty schoolboys Kaval for 2.  Kaval drops McGillicutty and hits the Warrior’s Way.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for the pin in 3:22.  Great little TV match.  Danielson still wants him some of Miz.  Riley tries to get Danielson from behind, but gets dropped.  Miz hits Danielson with the briefcase.

Tonight, Bret vs. Taker and the 10-man elimination match!  Well, one of those might happen.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Melina beating Jillian Hall to retain the Divas Championship last week.  Afterward, LayCool threatened to show up this week.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool vs. WWE Divas Champion Melina & Eve Torres.  McCool and Melina do some shit while Lawler talks about Jersey Shore.  I do not care.  Layla tags in and beats up Melina.  Melina cradles Layla for the pin in 51 seconds.  Whatever.  LayCool act obnoxious and challenge Melina to a title unification match at Night of Champions.  Melina agrees under the condition that it’s a lumberjack match.  They agree.  At least now they can get rid of one of those fucking belts.  Kelly Kelly, the Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendez, Maryse, Jillian Hall, Tamina, and Alicia Fox come to signify that they’ll be lumberjills.

Classic Clip: The original Nexus attack on John Cena.

The 5 remaining members of The Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Wade Barrett has a big idea for something unforgettable they can do tonight.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Boston!

Classic Clip: Bob Barker hosting the Price is Raw.  Fun times.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he doesn’t win the WWE Championship at Night of Champions, he’s leaving WWE.  Damn shame.  He will be missed.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: John Morrison & R-Truth vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.  Rhodes and Truth start.  Rhodes does a kick to the gut to piss me off.  Truth hits a hip toss.  Rhodes decks Morrison.  Clusterfuck ensues.  It’s a double DQ in 52 seconds.  Truth hits a dive on Rhodes.  Morrison tries to injure Morrison and gets knocked into the GM podium.  Morrison and Truth hug, having won a moral victory.  This was utterly pointless.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels burying the hatchet on January 4, 2010.

Bret Hart and The Undertaker come out for their match.  Wade Barrett comes out and says it’s not going to happen.  Well, somebody had to say it.  He says he’s going to beat them up or something.  Undertaker kicks Barrett’s ass and clotheslines him out of the ring.  The lights go out and the gong sounds.  Bret disappears and is replaced by Kane.  Kane and Taker brawl.  Taker goozles Kane.  The lights go out again.  Kane disappears.  David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and Michael Tarver come out.  Nexus surround Taker and attack.  Taker fights them off and goozles Barrett.  THE FUCKING LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN.  Barrett has Taker up in a fireman’s carry and hits his shitty move (now called the Wasteland).  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  Kane looks on from the ramp.  Taker tries to sit up, but his magic powers are gone now.  That was the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen.  That’s it, I’m done.  I don’t like wrestling anymore.

Tonight, Nexus vs. some dudes.  Why the fuck am I still writing this?

Boston.

Moments ago, the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen happened.  I’m still pissed off about it, but they’re so proud of it they want to show it again.

Jack Swagger comes out and talks about returning to Raw as a former World Champion and insults Boston.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne.  Swagger, the great catch as catch can wrestler, starts the match with a kick to the gut.  Swagger beats up Bourne.  Bourne fights back.  Alberto Del Rio comes out in his Rolls Royce, announced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The match is still going on.  Bourne slips out of a powerslam attempt and drops Swagger with a spin kick, then goes for the Shooting Star press.  Swagger avoids it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:17.  More pointless bullshit.  Del Rio cuts a promo about taking out Rey Mysterio.  Del Rio says since the Raw viewers missed it, he’s going to recreate the moment with “a different chihuahua.”  Del Rio locks Bourne in the cross armbreaker, then kicks him out of the ring.  Del Rio tries to Pllmanize Bourne’s arm with a chair.  Mark Henry comes out and chases Del Rio off.  Henry challenges Del Rio to pull that shit on him.

Highlights from WWE’s recent trip to China.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

Classic Clip: “This is your life” featuring The Rock and Mankind.

The Straight Edge Society come out.  CM Punk says he’s better than The Rock, then goes on to trash said Rock.  He says Raw promotes poor family values, mentioning Kate Vick.  Punk says that will drive you to drink.  It almost drove me to quit watching wrestling.  He says he’s going to show the 4 most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw.  A.) The retarded Triple H/Randy Orton house brawl.  B.) John Cena throwing Edge off of a bridge.  C.) DX invades WCW!  D.) Stone Cold Steve Austin giving beer baths to the Corporation in 1999 and Santino Marella in 2007.  Austin’s music plays.  The SES act scared, then laugh, because they were playing a prank, see?  Punk says he’s going to show a clip from a good show, Smackdown.  They show the Brock Lesnar superplex on Big Show that made the ring cave in.  Punk talks shit about Show’s weight.  Big Show comes out.  He SUITED UP!  Show talks about more embarrassing things that have happened to him, like having the shits from a tainted burrito, being in a Sumo diaper, and kissing Vickie Guerrero.  He says fat jokes are just lame, which is true.  I find that they lack creativity.  Show does a Hulk Hogan impression to make fun of the SES.  Punk says nobody likes Show.  Show says that was just mean.  Even worse, Punk denies Show’s high five.  Show chops Punk down and beats up Gallows.  Punk and Mercury run away while Gallows gets sent out the hard way.  Alright segment.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Boston!

Classic Clip: Triple H’s return from his first quad tear in January 2002, when he kicked Kurt Angle’s ass.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus on the stage.  Sheamus talks about taking out Triple H and being Irish or whatever.  He complains about having to team with his Night of Champions opponents tonight.  Edge comes out and talks about all of the shit that has happened to him on Raw and about his accolades.  He says he’ll win the title at Night of Champions.  Commercials.

Elimination Match: WWE Champion Sheamus, Edge, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, & John Cena vs. The Nexus.  Jericho tells Cena that he wants to start.  Jericho and Tarver circle each other, then Jericho just leaves and gets counted out in 1:17.  Edge comes in and shoves the referee to get DQ’d in 1:44.  Those dicks.  Cena beats up Tarver and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus hits a short lariat on Tarver for 2.  Slater tags in and gets beaten up by Sheamus for a while.  Sheamus covers for 2, then Slater scampers away and tags in Otunga.  Sheamus beats up Otunga.  Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner and ground & pounds him.  Nexus make quick tags and work over Sheamus.  Sheamus counters a backslide attempt from Slater and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Gabriel pulls Slater out of it.  Sheamus fights against Nexus, but gets kicked in the head by Gabriel from the apron.  Slater hits Sheamus with a shitty sleeper drop for the pin in 7:11.  Cena comes in and beats up Slater.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Slater for the pin in  7:55.  Barrett comes in and attacks Cena.  Gabriel, Otunga, and Tarver maul Cena on the outside.  Barrett rams Cena’s head into the announce table, then throws him back in and covers for 2.  Gabriel tags in and drops Cena with a spin kick.  The eventual cover gets 2.  Gabriel hits a splash in the corner for 2.  Otunga comes in.  Cena reverses a suplex and suplexes Otunga.  Otunga knocks Orton off of the apron.  Cena locks Otunga in the STF for the submission in 10:30.  Gabriel hits Cena with the 450 splash for the pin in 10:40.  Orton RKOs Gabriel for the pin in 10:55.  Orton RKOs Tarver for the pin in 11:05.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Orton for the pin in 11:17.  Man, that finishing sequence was fast.  Fun main event.

Parts of the show were good and parts of it were really horrible.  Only 3 segment pissed me off.  That stupid Undertaker/Kane segment pissed me off beyond belief.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Rey Mysterio vs. Kane in a No DQ Match and Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship, and Dolph can lose the title by DQ!  Also, The Undertaker returns!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Non-Title No DQ Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. World Heavyweight Champion Kane.  Mysterio’s strategy is to be abusive and elusive.  Kane’s is to beat the crap out of him and throw him around.  Kane throws Mysterio outside and slams him into the barricade.  Kane brings in a Singapore cane.  Mysterio gets it and hits Kane’s legs with it.  Kane mows Mysterio down with a big boot for 2.  Kane beats up Mysterio and locks him in a cravat.  Mysterio fights back and tries a springboard, but gets dropped all the way to the floor.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the steps, then hits the Bombs Away off of the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Mysterio dives off the top right into an uppercut from Kane.  Cover gets 2.  Kane applies a rear chin lock.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane brings in a chair.  Mysterio lands a dropkick  and a springboard Bombs Away, then a headscissors.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Kane catches him and goes for a chokeslam.  Mysterio counters and goes for a rana, but Kane blocks that.  Mysterio chop blocks Kane’s knee, then attacks it with the chair.  Mysterio hits the 619 and goes for the springboard again, but Kane catches him with a chokeslam onto the chair for the pin (6:12 shown).  Fun match.

Alberto Del Rio comes out and feigns concern for the injured Mysterio.  He attacks Mysterio and throws his injured arm into the barricade, then locks him in a cross armbreaker.  That dick.  He comes back, then puts Mysterio’s arm in a chair and rams it into the post.  Del Rio is an all around unpleasant individual.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows, Joey Mercury, & Serena) vs. JTG.  JTG goes for quick pinning combinations.  Punk kicks his ass and elbows him in the shoulder while yelling at the SES that this is how it’s done.  Punk hits the running knee and the bulldog, then the Go 2 Sleep.  Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice for the first time in ages to get the submission win in 1:56.  Total squash.  After the match, Punk makes the SES get on their knees so he can bitch at them.  He tells them to be better or be gone.

Teddy Long and Rosa Mendez are backstage.  Rosa is exercising as usual.  She leaves, then Teddy sits down to enjoy WWE Magazine.  Hornswoggle is hiding in a plant again.  Hornswoggle scares Teddy, then they play charades until Teddy figures out that Hornswoggle has been spying on LayCool.  Hornswoggle can’t write or talk.  Teddy has some sort of plan.  This was stupid.

Raw Rebound.

Tonight, The Undertaker returns!

Last week, Vickie Guerrero was a bitch and cost Kofi Kingston the Intercontinental title, then Dolph Ziggler was a dick and beat the shit out of him.  Kofi gets another shot NEXT!

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes gives tips about shaving.  Fuck that.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  Ziggler can lose the title by DQ.  Kofi goes on the attack.  Ziggler bails immediately.  Kofi hits him with a big chop coming off the apron.  Back inside, Kofi gets an Oklahoma roll for 1, then a clothesline for 2.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Ziggler holds the ropes to avoid it.  Kofi hits the S.O.S. for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Ziggler avoids a diving leg drop from Kofi.  They trade punches.  Ziggler drops Kofi with a boot to the face for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler avoids the Trouble In Paradise again.  Kofi hits the S.O.S. again and gets the pin, but then the referee notices Ziggler’s hand was on the rope.  Kofi is annoyed.  He covers again for 2.  Ziggler avoids Kofi in the corner and Kofi spears the post.  Ziggler covers for 2.  Ziggler hits the Hennig neck snap for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler cranks on Kofi’s shoulder.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold, but Kofi gets the ropes.  Vickie slaps Kofi behind the referee’s back.  Ziggler yells at her, then hits Kofi with something for 2.  Ziggler pounds on Kofi, then hits a big elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Kofi fights out and makes his comeback.  Diving chop gets 2.  Idiot Grisham calls it a Superman punch AGAIN.  Kofi hits the corner rebound kick and a diving cross body for 2.  Ziggler hits a fireman carry for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Kofi holds onto the ropes to block it and dropkicks Ziggler to the floor.  Kofi goes for a dive and has to dive over Vickie to hit a cross body to the floor.  Double clothesline spot on the floor.  Kofi beats the count back into the ring, but Vickie holds Dolph back.  Kofi wins the match, but Ziggler keeps the title (10:45 shown).  Okay match, but not as good as I expected from these two.  Kofi chases Ziggler through the crowd.

Tonight, Undertaker returns!

Last week, Kane talked for 82 months about this stupid Undertaker angle.

I don’t know if you’ve heard yet, but The Undertaker is returning tonight.

Jack Swagger Sr. Invitational Shootout: Jack Swagger vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  If Swagger wins, he gets to host the V.I.P. Lounge.  If MVP wins, he gets to throw a big party that Swagger has to pay for.  First one to score five takedowns wins.  Swagger wears amateur headgear.  He practices takedowns, then taunts MVP, so MVP slaps him.  They do this bullshit.  Swagger gets 3 takedowns in a row, then MVP punches him in the face to get DQ’d, so Swagger wins this stupid thing in 2:12.  Swagger jumps MVP from behind in the aisle and locks in the ankle lock.  If I haven’t made it clear by now, this was stupid.

WWE Women’s Champions Layla & Michelle McCool pose for pictures backstage with Kaval looking on.  They talk shit about Melina.  I hate them and I feel sorry for Kaval to have to breathe the same air as them.

Photos from the show in China.

Last week, Christian beat Drew McIntyre, then McIntyre and Cody Rhodes beat the shit out of him.  Matt Hardy tried to save, but got his ass kicked too.

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Carlos Sanchez.  Sanchez is erstwhile known as Alex Koslov.  So Russians are Mexicans now in WWE land.  They lock up.  Del Rio beats up Sanchez.  Del Rio hits a short lariat and a nice release German suplex.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Sanchez tries to fight out, but gets beaten up some more.  Sanchez avoids a charge in the corner and tries to make a comeback, but is quickly cut off.  Del Rio shoves Sanchez off the top rope to the floor, then throws him back in and locks in the Minoru Special for the win in 2:30.  Fun little squash.  I’m happy Koslov got to get in a little bit of offense.

The Big Show and Kelly Kelly are headed our way!

The Big Show (w/ Kelly Kelly) vs. Luke Gallows (w/ Joey Mercury & Serena).  Show kicks Gallows’ ass all over the ring.  CM Punk watches backstage, looking displeased.  Show chops Gallows in the back, then throws him out of the ring.  Show follows and chops Gallows chest over the announce table.  Show yells at Serena, then Kelly tackles her.  Show goes for another chop, but Gallows lands some elbows and punches.  Gallows tries to get going and manages to knock Show to a knee.  Show kills him with a punch, then nails him with the KO punch for the pin in 2:23.  Lots of squashes tonight.

The Undertaker returns NEXT!

The Undertaker comes out.  He says he’s still the Deadman and the ring is still his yard.  He will never pardon the guilty.  He talks about Kane’s treachery.  He wants his holy grail, the World Heavyweight Championship.  Kane, holder of said championship, comes out to the stage.  He babbles about whatever.  Something about him being the dominant one now.  Undertaker says he built the devil’s house and the devil calls him sir.  He says Kane is not worthy of being World Champion or being his brother.  Taker says he taught Kane everything Kane knows about being evil, but not everything Taker knows.  Taker says he’ll win like always.  Kane says this time, it’s going to end like it did at SummerSlam.  Kane vows on the grave of their mother that Taker will never rest in peace.  This was actually kind of entertaining.

Okay show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/20/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2010 by Grappleholic

New Smackdown open, it looks like.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.  Sunday at SummerSlam, SHIT WENT DOWN between Kane and The Undertaker.  Tonight, Kane cuts yet another long, confusing promo!

Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out to cut a promo.  He’s happy his name has been cleared with the revelation that Kane turned Undertaker into a potato.  The debuting Alberto Del Rio comes out.  He feigns being a fan of Mysterio, then reveals himself to be a rich jerk.  They banter for a while.  Mysterio says Del Rio hasn’t earned respect.  Del Rio calls Mysterio a little peasant.  Mysterio challenges him to a match tonight.  Del Rio says he will destroy Mysterio like a cockroach.  That’s hard to do.  Mysterio slaps him and hits the 619.

Dolph Ziggler defends the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston NEXT!

Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips about skin care.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  This is a rematch from SummerSlam since those Nexus dicks interrupted that match.  They lock up aggressively.  Kofi backs Ziggler into the corner.  Ziggler throws a cheap shot and Kofi sends him running out of the ring.  Ziggler beats up Kofi back inside.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kofi fires back, but Ziggler stays on the offensive.  He clamps on a rear chin lock.  As Kofi starts to fire back, Vickie grabs his leg.  Ziggler sends Kofi to the outside.  Insta-commercials.  Ziggler has Kofi back in the rear chin lock.  Kofi fights out.  Ziggler splashes him in the corner for 2.  Ziggler keeps the heat on Kofi.  Kofi avoids a splash in the corner and gets a cradle for 2.  Kofi makes his comeback.  Ziggler tries to roll out of the ring to avoid the Boom Drop.  Kofi brings him back in, hits the rebound kick in the corner, and goes up top.  Vickie shoves Kofi off of the top to cause the DQ (6:02 shown).  That bitch.  Are these 2 never going to get the chance to have a proper match?  Ziggler goes after Kofi after the match.  Kofi fights back and Ziggler runs away.  Kofi stalks Vickie.  Vickie screams, then laughs because Kofi can’t hit her.  Come on Kofi, slug her!  Ziggler attacks Kofi from behind, then throws him back in the ring and hits the Zig Zag, then locks in the sleeper hold.  Ziggler leaves Kofi laying, then goes back after him yet again.  Ziggler stomps on Kofi’s chest.  Various geeks try to wake up Kofi.

Tonight, Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio!

SummerSlam Axxess highlights.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla and Michelle McCool act obnoxious backstage.  They don’t like Melina.  At least I can agree with that.  Hornswoggle is hiding behind a plant.

Grisham and Striker talk about what went down between Kane and The Undertaker at SummerSlam.  Tonight, Kane explains!

The Straight Edge Society talk backstage.  Gallows and Mercury are pissed about Punk walking out on them at SummerSlam.  Serena defends Punk.  Tonight it’s Gallows & Serena vs. Big Show & Kelly Kelly.  Punk comes in and tells them if they lose, they’re out of the SES.  It’s NEXT!

Bullshit WWE fact of the night.

Luke Gallows & Serena (w/ Joey Mercury) vs. The Big Show & Kelly Kelly.  Show beats up Gallows.  Gallows tags out to Serena, which requires Kelly to come in as well.  Kelly does her horrible looking offense.  Serena catches her with an elbow smash for 2.  Serena works over Kelly.  Kelly hits a jawbreaker and a Thesz press, then pulls Serena’s head back and forth.  Ugh.  Kelly hits a headscissors and a facebuster.  Gallows saves.  Show takes out Gallows and kicks his ass on the outside.  Serena avoids the Fameasser and hits a gut buster for the pin in 3:06.  This was awful.

Tonight, Mysterio vs. Del Rio!

Kane’s explanation is NEXT!

WWE.com plug.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane is in the ring laughing.  There is red lighting and stupid sound effects.  He says the sin of pride has weakened the Undertaker, allowing him to be turned into a cucumber and all of that shit.  He goes on with his long, confusing promo.  They show lots of video clips.  In the WWE world of retcon, it is now Undertaker who took Kane’s mask (showing the clip from SummerSlam 2000, even though no one saw his face and he kept the mask for 3 more years).  As usual with these promos, I spaced out after a couple of minutes.

Tonight, Mysterio vs. Del Rio!

WWE Smack of the Night: Christian vs. Drew McIntyre from 3 weeks ago.

Christian vs. Drew McIntyre.  Cody Rhodes comes out in a suit to do commentary.  McIntyre tries to go after the shoulder.  Christian hits a rana and McIntyre bails.  Christian tries to dive, but McIntyre pulls his foot to send him face first into the apron.  McIntyre beats up Christian on the outside.  McIntyre says he’s going to snap Christian’s arm, then rams said arm into the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre works the arm.  Rhodes gives Grisham some q-tips.  Insta-commercials.  McIntyre keeps working the arm.  Christian hits a jumping DDT out of nowhere.  Sweet.  Christian makes his comeback with one arm.  Christian hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Christian hits the corner rebound kick and goes for the diving European uppercut, but McIntyre avoids it.  McIntyre attacks the arm again.  Christian counters the Future Shock.  McIntyre counters the Killswitch.  McIntyre goes for an Oklahoma Stampede.  Christian gets a crucifix hold for the pin (8:22 shown).  Fine match.  McIntyre and Rhodes attack Christian after the match.  Matt Hardy runs out to make the save, but they attack is injured foot.  McIntyre hits Hardy with the Future Shock.  Rhodes hits Christian with the Cross Rhodes.

Tonight, Mysterio vs. Del Rio!

Jack Swagger whines to Rosa Mendez about how far his stock has fallen.  She’s not even listening to him.  MVP shows up to make fun of him for being… well, Jack Swagger.  They agree to a match.  If Swagger wins, he gets to host the V.I.P. lounge.  If MVP wins, he gets to throw a big party that Swagger has to pay for.

Paper Jamz presents Night of Champions!

Raw Rebound.

Teddy Long tells Kane that The Undertaker  will be there next week.

Mysterio vs. Del Rio is NEXT!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  He looks like a chunky Mexican Cody Rhodes.  Del Rio drives out in a Rolls Royce.  His ring announcer does the whole thing in Spanish.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Del Rio grins, offers a handshake, then cheap shots Mysterio and goes on the attack.  Mysterio fights back with leg kicks, then hits a headscissors, then sends Del Rio to the outside.  Insta-commercials.  Mysterio beats up Del Rio.  Del Rio rams Mysterio’s arm into the turnbuckle, then into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Del Rio works Mysterio’s arm.  Del Rio hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Del Rio hits a World’s Strongest Slam and goes up top.  He goes for a diving senton, but Mysterio avoids it.  Mysterio lands a knee to the face for 2.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away and the rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio catches his legs and catapults him into the corner.  Mysterio grabs on to save himself and tries to do something, but Del Rio knocks him down onto the bad arm.  Del Rio locks in a Minoru Special cross armbreaker for the win (6:19 shown).  Alright match.  Del Rio goes back to the cross armbreaker after the match.  Mexican Cody announces Del Rio as the winner.  Big debut for Del Rio.

Alright show, but nothing great.

WWE SummerSlam 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, 7 Eleven and Slim Jim present SummerSlam!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

The PPV gets off to a very obnoxious start, as Vickie Guerrero says “EXCUSE ME!” approximately 23,000 times in a row.  I’d rather be punched in the face than have to listen to her awful voice.  Thank God Kofi Kingston’s music interrupts.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  Kofi is still pretty pissed off over the whole being fucked out of the title thing.  He clotheslines Ziggler to the floor and goes for a tope suicida, but Vickie pulls Ziggler out of the way so Kofi kills himself.  Kofi makes it back into the ring and Ziggler pounds on him.  Ziggler applies an aggressive rear chin lock.  Kofi fights out.  Ziggler chokes him against the bottom rope.  Shouldn’t he be fired for that?  Kofi fights back, but Ziggler sends his face into the middle turnbuckle for 2.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Ziggler continues beating and stretching Kofi.  Kofi avoids a corner splash and fights back.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop.  Kofi hits a rebound cross body, but Ziggler rolls through for 2.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Kofi hits a diving chop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Ziggler ducks it and clamps on the sleeper hold.  The Nexus run in and attack both of them!  It’s a no-contest in about 7 minutes.  Skip Sheffield clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring, then all 7 of them beat the fuck out of Kofi.  Darren Young and Wade Barrett hit their shitty finishers on Kofi.  Barrett says that’s just a taste of what’s in store for Team WWE tonight.  He says no matter who the 7th man is, they won’t be able to form a cohesive unit, while The Nexus is unified.  “You’re either Nexus, or you’re against us.”  The match was okay.  They could have had a really good match if they were given some time.

Backstage, Chris Jericho and Edge try to convince The Miz to be the 7th man on Team WWE.  Miz says he isn’t sure.  It’s about time to get off of your ass and make a decision, buddy!  Despite Miz’s noncommittal reply, Edge and Jericho think they have him.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Alicia Fox (c) vs. Melina.  Melina is dressed like an Indian or some shit.  Despite what idiot Cole says, Melina isn’t an all time great at anything unless it’s running the train on the locker room.  They lock up.  Fox takes Melina down with a side headlock.  Melina hits a sliding leg trip thing, then surfboards the legs and pulls Fox’s hair.  Melina beats up Fox.  Melina hits a double knee drop when Fox propped up on the middle rope.  Fox does a Thesz press, then Melina gets 2.  Not sure what happened there.  Melina jumps over a charging Fox and sells that she hurt her knee.  Fox attacks her and sends her shoulder into the post.  Fox works Melina’s arm.  Melina gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Melina screams and beats up Fox.  Melina hits that hairmare Stroke she’s been doing for the pin in 5:23.  This sucked.  Melina is awful.  Thank God it was short.  Josh Matthews gets in the ring to interview Melina.  Because this show apparently hasn’t had enough obnoxious bitches on it yet, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool come out and be fucking obnoxious.  Melina tires of this shit and attacks them.  LayCool beat Melina down.  Alicia Fox comes back in and they kick her ass too.  McCool knees Melina in the face against the announce table.  Fucking pointless crap.

Night of Champions hype!

Los Angeles!

Trace Adkins and Marlon Wayans are in the house tonight!

They show Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off and the Straight Edge Society’s retaliatory breaking of Big Show’s hand.

Handicap Match: The Straight Edge Society (w/ Serena) vs. The Big Show.  For some reason, the trainer waits until match time to cut the cast off of Show’s hand.  Mercury and Gallows attack Show and completely fail.  Show uses the bad hand to hit Gallows with the big chop.  Show throws Gallows out of the ring and hits a choke bomb on Mercury.  Mercury tries to pull Show out of the ring like an idiot.  Show pulls Mercury back in and press slams him out of the ring onto Gallows.  Serena distracts Show so Punk can try to jump him, but Show kicks Punk’s ass.  Outside, Punk tries to stomp Show’s hand into the steps again, but fails.  Show tries to chop Punk on the steps, but Punk moves and the step gets all of it.  The Straight Edge Society triple team Show on the outside, then in the ring.  They take turns splashing Show in the corner until Show explodes and kicks their asses.  He squashes Gallows and Mercury int he corner, then hits them with a double shoulder block.  Punk comes off the top, but Show catches him by the throat.  Punk kicks his way free and avoids S Show in the corner, then hits the running knees to the corner.  Punk and Mercury hit Show with a double diving bulldog.  Mercury covers, but Show throws him off.  Punk attacks Show’s hand.  Show rallies, sends Punk outside, and hits Gallows and Mercury with a double clothesline.  Punk and Serena leave.  Show hits Gallows with the KO punch, then chokeslams Mercury on top of him and pins them both in 6:48.  It was fine for what it was.

Edge Slim Jim commercial.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane cuts  his usual creepy backstage promo with the casket.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes in.  He says the casket is too big for Rey Mysterio, but asks to borrow it to put Randy Orton in.  Kane says no.  Sheamus says he’s the real Big Red Monster.  Kane says Sheamus has guts, which he’ll spill on the floor if Sheamus ever interrupts him again.

WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out to cut a promo.  He says Team WWE have been begging him to join and saying or doing various things to suck up to him.  He talks about how big of a decision this is, then finally says yes, he will join Team WWE.  He yells at the crowd that they’re not allowed to say his catchphrase.  Great promo by Miz.  Cole mizzes in his pants.

Sheamus/Orton hype video.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner, then poses and yells.  Repeat.  Orton hammers Sheamus with punches, then stomps and kicks the crap out of him.  Cover gets 2.  They go outside and Orton rams Sheamus’ head into the table, then clotheslines him into the crowd and beats him up in the front row.  Orton realizes he’s being counted out and brings Sheamus back into the ring.  Orton delivers the Garvin Stomp.  Orton hits the bottom rope decapitator.  Sheamus rolls to the floor.  Orton follows and whips Sheamus into the barricade.  Sheamus reverses Orton into the steps.  Sheamus puts the boots to Orton back in the ring, then pounds his face in.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits a short lariat and a knee drop for 2.  Orton reverses a suplex attempt and hits one of his own.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus backdrops him to the floor.  Sheamus rams Orton into the barricade twice.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2.  Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder.  Sheamus hits the reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Orton tries to fight back, but Sheamus drops him with another Polish Hammer.  Sheamus goes back to working Orton’s shoulder.  Orton hits a backdrop suplex.  Orton hits the 3.0 backbreaker for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton lands a European uppercut and a lariat, then hits the snap powerslam.  Orton avoids Sheamus in the corner, causing him to spear the post.  Orton hits a superplex for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton avoids the pump kick and Sheamus crotches himself on the top rope, then falls to the floor.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat.  He goes for the RKO, but Sheamus kind of counters somehow for 2.  He pushed Orton away, but took the bump anyway.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton counters and goes for the RKO again.  Sheamus counters and lands the pump kick for 2.  Sheamus brings a chair into the ring.  The referee tries to take it from him.  Sheamus yanks it away and the referee falls out of the ring, then DQs Sheamus in 18:56.  Pretty decent match.  Orton ducks the post-match chair shot and kicks Sheamus square in the balls.  Orton clears off the announce table and gives Sheamus the RKO on top of the table, which doesn’t break.  Orton leaves, then the refs and trainers wake up Sheamus.  Why the fuck isn’t Miz coming out right now?  I may be wrong, but I think I hear a “We Want Miz” chant.

“Legendary” trailer.

The SummerSlam song is “Rip It Up” by Jet.

Kane/Mysterio hype video.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Kane pushes a casket to the ring and opens it to reveal that it’s empty.  Mysterio tries to be abusive and elusive.  Kane tries to pound a midget.  Mysterio lands a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane avoids the 619, boots Mysterio in the gut, and throws him out of the ring.  Mysterio slides back in to avoid Kane, then hits him with a baseball slide dropkick and a Bombs Away off of the apron.  Mysterio avoids being chokeslammed off the top by dropping down and pulling Kane’s arm across the top rope.  Mysterio goes up top again, but Kane trips him.  Kane sends Mysterio’s back into the post repeatedly.  Kane front suplexes Mysterio onto the top rope, then knocks him off of the apron with a big boot.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kane bear hugs Mysterio.  Mysterio escapes that and hits a headscissors.  He goes for the 619, but Kane nails him with a clothesline for 2.  Kane throws Mysterio outside again.  Mysterio comes back to the apron and tries to springboard, but gets booted to the floor again.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a diving battering ram-style headbutt.  Striker mentions Mysterio’s “lucha libreness.”  Kane drops Mysterio for 2.  Kane does a backbreaker hold.  Mysterio fights free.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Mysterio tries a Frankensteiner off the top rope, but Kane holds on to avoid it.  Mysterio avoids Kane’s diving lariat and hits a tilt-a-whirl reverse DDT for 2.  Mysterio hits the diving Bombs Away.  Kane goes for a powerslam, but Mysterio turns it into a tilt-a-whirl DDT for 2.  Mysterio pounds on Kane and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio comes off the top, but Kane catches him with a right hand for 2.  Kane opens the still empty casket and goes for a chokeslam.  Mysterio counters and goes for the 619.  Kane counters and puts Mysterio in the casket.  Mysterio escapes and hits a springboard dropkick.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Kane counters and goes for the chokeslam again.  Mysterio counters yet again and hits the 619.  He goes for the diving splash, but Kane gets his knees up, so Rey improvises a prawn hold for 2.  Kane drops Mysterio, then hits the chokeslam for the pin in 13:32.  Decent match with a really good finishing stretch.  Kane says Mysterio is going to pay by being in the casket forever or something.  He opens the casket and it’s still empty.  Mysterio fights back.  Kane closes the casket, then chokeslams Mysterio twice more and gives him the Tombstone Piledriver.  Kane opens the casket again.  The Undertaker is now magically in the casket!  Kane looks scared, then feigns joy and tells Taker to get Mysterio.  Mysterio is down in the corner.  Undertaker kneels down and coughs sickly into his face.  Undertaker asks Rey why he did it.  Rey professes his innocence.  Taker says “I believe you,” then grabs Rey by the throat.  Taker does the throat slash, then looks at Kane.  Taker goozles Kane while Mysterio gets the fuck out of there.  Kane goozles Undertaker, then Tombstones him!  Kane is now stronger than the Undertaker!

Smackdown to SyFy this fall!

Los Angeles!

SummerSlam Axxess footage.

The Nexus are headed our way!

Nexus/Team WWE hype video.

It’s main event time!  The Nexus make their entrance together, then Team WWE get their individual entrances: Cena, Edge, R-Truth, Jericho, Morrison, Bret, and The Miz.  Why the hell does Miz get top billing?  Wait!  Cena tells Miz that he waited too long to join the team.  They needed someone they could rely on, so they found a guy who hates Nexus as much as anyone… DANIEL BRYAN!

Elimination Match: The Nexus vs. John Cena, Edge, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, Bret Hart, & Daniel Bryan.  Team WWE hit the ring for a big brawl.  They clear The Nexus out of the ring before the bell even rings.  Cole immediately goes into Danielson hate mode.  The Nexus discuss matters, then Young and Danielson start.  Danielson kicks the shit out of Young.  Danielson locks in a guillotine, then turns it into a crossface!  Young submits at the 44 second mark!  Gabriel comes in and gets kicked in the guy by Danielson.  Jericho tags in and beats up Gabriel.  R-Truth tags in and does his stuff with Gabriel.  Truth hits a suplex stunner for 2.  Gabriel fights back and drops Truth with a kick, then tags in Tarver.  Tarver hits Truth with shitty punches.  Morrison tags in and shines on Tarver.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:36.  The Nexus is down 2!  They bail to regroup.  Sheffield awesome yells “I CAN FIX THIS!  I CAN FIX THIS!”  Sheffield comes in against Morrison and overpowers him.  Sheffield yells at Morrison, so Morrison slaps him.  Sheffield hits a powerslam and proceeds to destroy Morrison while Truth tries to get the crowd behind him.  Crowd chants “WE WANT BRET!”  Why?  Bret can’t do shit.  Sheffield hits a suplex for 2.  Morrison fights back.  Gabriel kicks him from the apron.  Sheffield hits the killer lariat for the pin in 7:33.  Truth comes in and takes it to Sheffield.  Sheffield kills him with the lariat for the pin in 8:00.  5 on 5 now.  Sheffield DID fix it!  Jericho comes in and takes it to Sheffield.  Sheffield press slams him and tags in Barrett.  Barrett and Otunga take turns beating up Jericho.  Jericho manages to drop Barrett with a dropkick.  Bret and Slater tag in.  Bret beats the shit out of Slater.  Bret hits a slam and an elbow drop, and inverted atomic drop and a clothesline.  Bret locks in the Sharpshooter.  Somebody throws in a chair.  Bret nails Sheffield with the chair and gets DQ’d in 12:07.  Slater made Bret look awesome there for a minute.  Jericho hits Sheffield with the Codebreaker.  Edge tags in a spears Sheffield for the pin in 13:15.  It took a lot to put Sheffield down.  He’s a beast.  Gabriel comes in and gets his ass kicked by Edge.  Edge hits a flapjack for 2.  Gabriel lands a roundhouse kick for 2.  Slater tags in and puts the boots to Edge.  Slater sends Edge outside for no reason, then brings him back in and tags in Barrett.  Barrett beats up Edge and hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett grabs a rear chin lock.  Edge drops Barrett with a spin kick.  Barrett hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Otunga tags in and goes for his spinebuster, but Edge counters into the Edgecution.  Jericho tags in and runs wild on Otunga.  Jericho hits the bulldog and the Lionsault, then locks in the Walls of Jericho for the submission in 19:17.  Jericho knocks Slater off the apron to the floor, then throws him across the announce table and back into the ring.  Jericho hits a diving elbow smash, then accidentally collides with Cena on the apron.  Slater hits his Zig Zag like move for the pin 20:07.  Edge argues with Cena, then slaps him.  Cena decides to turn the other cheek.  Slater schoolboys Edge for the pin in 20:40.  Edge knocks Cena off of the apron, then Jericho kicks Cena in the gut.  Jericho yells “STUPID STUPID!” and slaps Cena.  Cena and Danielson are left against Barrett, Slater, and Gabriel.  Cole bitches about Daniel Bryan and verbally blows Miz while The Nexus beat the shit out of Cena.  Cena tries to fight back, but Barrett kills him with a clothesline for 2.  Gabriel tags in and works Cena’s arm.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Gabriel plants him with a DDT for 2.  Cole is insufferable.  You know it’s bad when Lawler and Striker are on the same page.  Alternate “LET’S GO CENA!” and “CENA SUCKS!” chants as Cena fights back against Barrett.  Barrett plants him with a sidewalk slam.  Cena manages to suplex Barrett.  Slater tags in and cuts Cena off from making the tag.  Slater beats up Cena.  Double clothesline spot.  CENA MAKES THE HOT TAG TO DANIEL BRYAN!  Bryan runs wild and German suplex Slater, then hits a running dropkick.  Danielson kicks the crap out of Slater, then lands a lariat.  Slater bails and Danielson hits him with a tope suicida.  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkcik, then dropkicks Gabriel and Barrett off of the apron.  Slater gets a schoolboy for 1.  Danielson locks in a crossface for the submission in 29:04!  The Miz runs out and hits Danielson with the Money In The Bank briefcase!  Barrett pins Danielson in 29:35.  Fucking Miz!  Barrett and Gabriel administer a shit kicking to John Cena.  Cena makes his comeback on Gabriel.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett blind tags himself in and prevents it.  They kick Cena’s ass some more.  Barrett boots Cena out of the ring.  He and Gabriel pull up the floor mats.  Barrett DDTs Cena on the concrete floor!  Barrett sets Cena’s lifeless body up for Gabriel to hit the 450 splash.  Cena avoids it and pins Gabriel in 34:53!  Barrett goes after Cena, but Cena immediately locks him in the STF for the win in 35:21!  Awesome match, even though I don’t understand the logic of Team WWE winning.  If Gabriel had hit the 450 and pinned Cena, that would have been great.  If Barrett had immediately pounced and pinned Cena, that would have been perfect.  Superman Cena winning against all odds makes no sense if they’re serious about pushing The Nexus.  Cena stands tall to close the show.

Good show overall.  There was nothing offensive besides the usual divas garbage.