Archive for Jim Ross

The Chuiresu Diaries 10/17/12: Chicken Soup for the Wrestling Geek’s Soul

Posted in ECW, WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2012 by Grappleholic

I’m trying something different here.  I don’t get to write reviews often anymore due to being a very stressed college senior, but every now and then I get the chance to watch a little bit of Pro Wrestling and would like to share my thoughts on it.  So, from time to time, I may post what I’m calling a diary with short thoughts on whatever I happen to watch that day.  Full show reviews may still happen in the future, if I ever have free time again.

I picked the the ECW Unreleased Vol. 1 Blu-ray recently, and this evening I’m taking a few hours off from stressing about life, the universe, and everything to enjoy it for a bit.

Former ECW announcer and current WWE.com guy Joey Styles is hosting this thing.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Final: ECW Heavyweight Champion “The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. 2 Cold Scorpio (Hardcore TV, August 27, 1994).  This was the night Extreme Championship Wrestling was born.  Douglas and Scorpio had a very watchable little back and forth wrestling match, which Douglas won with a belly to belly suplex in 12:52 after Scorpio missed a moonsault.  But the post-match promo is where it’s at.  Douglas refuses the title, saying the NWA is a dead organization.  He instead declares his ECW title to be a World title.  Soon after, Eastern Championship Wrestling became Extreme Championship Wrestling.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Raven (w/ Stevie Richards & Beulah McGillicutty) (Hostile City Showdown, April 15, 1995).  Fun little brawl.  Raven gives Dreamer 3 consecutive DDTs, but Dreamer kicks out.  Dreamer DDTs Raven on the floor, but Stevie interferes.  Dreamer DDTs Stevie and the referee, then Beulah runs in.  Dreamer gives her a piledriver and Philadelphia, apparently big fans of domestic violence, love it.  Raven is announced as the winner by DQ.  Joey Styles puts it over as a moral victory for Dreamer.  Stevie carries Beulah to the back instead of allowing her to be stretchered.

Joey Styles puts over the workrate guys like Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero who got their first shot in the United States in ECW.

2 Cold Scorpio & Dean Malenko vs. ECW World Television Champion Eddie Guerrero & Taz  (w/ Paul E. Dangerously) (Heat Wave, 7/15/95).  The audio on some of these is pretty bad.  You can hear the announcer, but not the guys talking on the microphone.  So the banter before this match is completely lost on me.  This reminds me, I used to love Taz.  There’s something awesome about a short, stout guy who’s a total ass kicker.  If this isn’t the match where Taz broke his neck, it’s the same configuration of guys.  3 minutes in Eddie and Malenko tag in and start chain wrestling and I vomit rainbows in joy.  Scorpio and Taz have an awesome mat exchange that ends with Scorpio getting suplexed out of his boots.  For that matter, every combination of these guys is awesome, but Malenko and Eddie are two of my favorite wrestlers of all time.  Malenko puts Taz in a Sharpshooter that Joey Styles misidentifies as a Texas Cloverleaf.  I expect better from you, Joey!  I love how they’re working a really good wrestling match, but not at such a fast pace that you can’t digest anything.  Eddie hits a brainbuster that Malenko sells awesomely by convulsing like he just had a seizure.  He apparently still has feeling in his body, because he managed to kick out of the frog splash that followed.  Determined to paralyze Malenko, Eddie dropkicks him off the top turnbuckle to the floor.  Taz and Eddie hit a dropkick Doomsday Device.  That’s kind of neat.  Another Malenko/Eddie exchange with another misidentified Sharpshooter.  Have I forgotten what a Texas Cloverleaf is?  Okay, I googled it.  Looks like I’m the idiot.  Sorry, Joey.  Scorpio hits a dive to the floor.  Malenko tries to do one, but appears to lose his nerve and goes with an elbow smash off the apron.  More dives.  Paul E. hits Scorpio with the cell phone.  Taz hits a head-arm suplex for the pin.  State appointed referee Bill Alfonso orders the match restarted.  Scorpio superkicks Taz and Malenko hits the Tiger Driver on Eddie.  Alfonso fast counts the double pin to give it to Malenko and Scorpio in about 20 minutes.  This was pretty damned good, much to the surprise of no one.

ECW World Television Championship Match: “The Shooter” Dean Malenko (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero (Hardcore TV, July 28, 1995).  This match is great.  Seeing wrestlers of this caliber bust their asses for the sake of having a good match reminds me why I love professional wrestling.  Guerrero catches Malenko with a jackknife hold for the pin to recapture the title 11:47.

Joey Styles puts over Cactus Jack, always my favorite face of Foley.

Cactus Jack vs. “The Franchise” Shane Douglas (CyberSlam, 2/17/96).  Douglas jumps Cactus, who is wearing a jacket and tie for some reason.  That quickly goes, but Cactus is wearing a shirt underneath.  Good.  I’ve never seen Mick Foley shirtless, and I never want to.  The referee is Brian Hildebrand (aka Mark Curtis), God rest him.  Cactus is wearing the “Forgive me, Uncle Eric” shirt that I remember reading about in his first book.  Joey notes that Cactus didn’t come to wrestle tonight, hence the jacket, tie, and cowboy boots.  They brawl.  Crutches, guardrails, and chairs come into play.  Douglas hits a dive from the top rope into the crowd onto Cactus.  I’ve never seen that out of him.  Cactus does the “spit in the air and catch it in his mouth” bit, which is disgusting.  Joey Styles calls it “Vintage Cactus Jack” here in 1996, so fuck you, Michael Cole.  The referee hands Douglas an international object, which Douglas clocks Cactus with.  They’re handcuffs!  Douglas handcuffs Cactus and picks up a chair.  Cactus tries to fight back, but gets murdered in the face with a chair not as badly as he did with The Rock at Royal Rumble 1999, but still…  Cactus calls for help from Vince McMahon (this was right before Foley went to the WWF).  Since Vince doesn’t come out to help, Cactus calls for Mikey Whipwreck.  Douglas is trying to make Foley say “I Quit.”  So this really IS like Rumble ’99.  Douglas locks in a figure-four leglock.  Mikey Whipwreck runs in with a chair and… murders Cactus in the face with it.  Hildebrand counts the pin while Cactus is still in the figure-four in 15:42.  This was fun.

“Lion Heart” Chris Jericho vs. 2 Cold Scorpio (The Doctor Is In, 8/3/96).  There’s too much dancing in Scorpio’s entrance for my enjoyment.  I don’t know anything about dancing, so I don’t know if it’s even good or not.  This must have been one of Jericho’s last matches before going to WCW.  Good wrestling here.  Jericho goes a really wonky submission hold that even Joey can’t identify.  Crowd chants “This show sucks!”  I have no idea why.  They do some near falls.  Scorpio kicks Jericho out of the ring to the floor and says he’s going to finish him.  Jericho stays in the game, though.  Jericho tries to spring off the top and hit Scorpio on the apron, but eats the floor instead.  Scorpio hits a diving leg drop that I thought might be the finish, but Jericho’s got some fight left.  Jericho hits his rebound from the turnbuckle into a dropkick to the apron deal.  There should be an easier way to say that.  Scorpio hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the top that wins i… NO!  OMGWTF JERICHO KICKED OUT.  More counters and near falls.  They do some mildly crazy bumps, such as when Jericho powerslams Scorpio off the top rope.  Scorpio hits a Tombstone Piledriver and a Shooting Star press for the pin in 19:58.  Okay, yeah, this was pretty good.

Joey Styles talks about Sabu.

Tables & Ladders Match for the ECW World Tag Team Championship: The Eliminators (c) vs. Sabu & Rob Van Dam (CyberSlam, 2/22/97).  Saturn says the winners of this match will be the best team in the world.  That’s a stretch.  Tables and ladders are legal in this match, so of course, RVD and Saturn start with back and forth wrestling while the partners stand politely on the apron.  They start bringing in the plunder and taking crazy bumps at around the 7 minute mark.  With these bumps into ladders, it’s no wonder Perry Saturn has always been a bit touched in the head.  Saturn splashes Van Dam off a ladder.  Sabu kicks the ladder into Kronus, then puts him through a table at ringside.  Joey with the classic “OH MY GOD!”  The Eliminators keep the title when Kronus pins RVD after 2 Total Eliminations in 20:40.  Wild and fun.

And now, a brief digression.  I was chatting with a friend on Facebook (shout out, Shawn!) about memories of early 2000s wrestling and the time that Triple H defended the WWF title against TAKA Michinoku on Raw popped into my head.  I searched YouTube, and…

WWF Championship Match: Triple H (c) (w/ Shane McMahon & WWF Women’s Champion Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. TAKA Michinoku (w/ Funaki & The Acolytes) (RAW IS WAR, 4/10/00).  TAKA is a mystery opponent.  He hires the Acolyte Protection Agency to watch his back and they immediately run off Shane McMahon.  This match is all kinds of fun.  TAKA gets his shine and Jim Ross convinces you that he has a shot to win the WWF title.  It doesn’t help that Hunter is being a real shit ass to referee Earl Hebner.  Earl lets it go when Funaki dropkicks Triple H into the APA and the APA beat the hell out of him.  Vince and Shane McMahon come out and distract the Acolytes.  The Big Boss Man and Bull Buchanan Pearl Harbor TAKA’s protectors, and Hunter hits the Pedigree for the pin in 5:53.  The dastardly heels put the boots to The Acolytes.  Man, this was fun and brought back fond memories of being a 12 year old WWF mark.

I’ve had a rough week and felt pretty miserable about life a few hours ago.  This heaping does of pro wrestling nostalgia was exactly what I needed.  I hope to find some free time again soon to watch the rest of the ECW set and the new CM Punk release.

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NWA Clash of the Champions VI: Ragin’ Cajun

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2012 by Grappleholic

This is my first review in nearly 11 months.  I hope I’ve still got it.

Jim Ross and Michael Hayes introduce the show.  Apparently it’s some kind of legends night.  The show Terry Funk, Lou Thesz, Gene Kiniski, Sam Muchnick, and Pat O’Connor arriving.  They had dinner with NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ricky Steamboat had dinner with them.  Buddy Rogers, Dory Funk Jr., and Harley Race are also there.  Jim Herd says some kind words about them.

Opening video.

They play the national anthem.  Pyro and ballyhoo.

Commercials.  There’s a plug for the Wrestling Hotline.  1-900-909-9900.  Not that I recommend trying that number in 2012.

Gary Michael Cappetta is the ring announcer.

The Samoan Swat Team (w/ Paul E. Dangerously) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette).  Samu beats up Lane to start.  Lane scores a shoulder block.  They do some drop down and leap overs.  Lane ends up getting a cross body for a 1 count.  Samu accidentally knocks Fatu off the apron.  Fatu recovers quickly and tags in to put a hurting on Lane.  Lane is having none of that and tags in Eaton.  Eaton hits a diving dropkick.  I’m not going to dignify it with the name of missile dropkick.  MX make quick tags and work over Fatu.  Cornette hits Samu with the tennis racket on the outside, which pisses Samu off.  MX continue working over Fatu.  Fatu chops Lane in the throat and tags out.  Lane gets a sunset flip on Samu for 2.  The Samoans try to double team Lane in the corner, but Samu ends up accidentally decking Fatu again.  Hayes on commentary calls this “a main event in any arena.”  He must have hit the nose candy before they went on the air.  MX work over Samu.  The Samoans cut Lane off briefly, but Eaton gets the tag and cleans house.  MX switch behind the referee’s back without making a tag, but they’re babyfaces so it’s okay.  The match continues to drag.  Lane gets a near fall off a jackknife hold.  The referee took a while to count because everyone was in the ring.  Samoans get the heat on Eaton.  Lane gets the hot tag and runs wild.  The Samoans conk heads, which we know has no effect on Samoans.  Paul E. trips Lane.  Cornette hits Fatu with the tennis racket.  Samu kicks Lane.  Fatu covers for 2.  Fatu beats up Lane for a while.  Fatu knocks Eaton off the apron.  This pisses Eaton off, so he comes in to distract Tommy Young while the Samoans double team Lane.  Fatu goes for a diving headbutt, but Lane avoids it.  Samu and Eaton tag in.  Eaton runs wild.  He bonks the Samoans’ heads together.  They shrug it off and headbutt him.  One of the Samoans accidentally hits the other when Eaton moves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  MX hit the Rocket Laucher while Cornette decks Paul E.  Fatu hits Eaton with Paul E’s cell phone and puts Samu on top.  Samu pins Eaton in 20:33.  Solid formulaic tag match, but felt long.

Next, The Great Muta!

Great Muta (w/ Gary Hart) vs. Steve Casey.  Man, Muta is young here.  He meditates, then blows mist into the air, the blows mist into Casey’s face and kicks his ass.  Muta hits a handspring elbow to the corner, then hits a snapmare and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Casey manages to hit an arm drag and works Muta’s arm a bit.  Muta hits a nifty dropkick in the corner, then sends Casey outside and teases a dive.  Hart throws Casey back into the ring and Muta hits a diving dropkick.  Muta rakes Casey’s eyes and continues beating on him.  Casey works Muta’s arm a bit more.  Muta flips around and works on Casey’s leg.  Muta drops Casey with a sweet roundhouse kick, then puts a claw on his armpit.  Not a typo.  Casey makes his comeback and runs wild briefly.  Muta avoids a dropkick and sends Casey out of the ring with the kick that Shelton Benjamin would call the Dragon Whip 15 years later.  Muta then wipes Casey out with a cross body to floor and throws him into the barricade.  Back inside, Muta hits a backbreaker and finishes Casey with the moonsault press in 8:12.  Fine little showcase for Muta.  I love Muta, I love moonsaults, and I love Muta’s moonsaults.

Junkyard Dog comes out with a New Orleans marching band.

Junkyard Dog vs. “Hacksaw” Butch Reed (w/ Hiro Matsuda).  Ross puts over that these two are old rivals from the Mid-South territory, appropriate since we’re in the Superdome in New Orleans.  JYD lands a punc and Reed bails for a moment.  They want to fight, but Teddy Long insists that they open up the hands.  JYD grabs a side headlock, then some shoulder blocks.  He does the doggie headbutting deal and sends Reed outside again.  Reed dicks around for a bitm then comes back in.  JYD works Reed’s arm some.  JYD hits a hip toss and a body slam and continues to beat up Reed.  Reed finally gets the advantage and beats up JYD.  Reed drops some elbows for 2, then clamps on a chin lock.  JYD almost goes down, but rallies and makes his comeback.  BIG back body drop by JYD gets 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Reed hits  a diving shoulder block and covers, but JYD gets his foot on the ropes.  Reed stupidly celebrates.  Matsuda distracts the ref.  Reed collides with Matsuda.  For some reason, this knocks Reed out and allows JYD to get the pin in 8:54.  It wasn’t completely horrible.

Bob Orton Jr. (w/ Gary Hart) vs. “Captain Redneck” Dick Murdoch.  Lock up.  Orton hits a couple of fireman’s carrys.  Spell check doesn’t like that word.  Murdoch hits a fireman’s carry of his own.  They trade arm wringers.  I approve.  The work around arm locks for some time, and I’m perfectly fine with that.  Murdoch escapes a rough spot and they lock up again.  Orton puts a hurting on the back of Murdoch’s head.  Murdoch fights back on spaghetti legs (term stolen from Jim Ross).  Murdoch lands a dropkick and Orton takes a front bump into the turnbuckles.  Murdoch drops Orton with a BIG right hand.  Murdoch rolls to the floor and beats up Orton on the apron.  Orton rallies and goes for the superplex.  Murdoch fights him off and lands some blows.  Orton rakes the eyes.  Murdoch catches Orton coming into the corner and drops him.  Murdoch goes for the brainbuster, but Hart trips him and Orton lands on top for the pin in 9:47.  I dug the hell out of this.

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Road Warriors (c) (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. Mike Rotunda & “Dr. Death” Steve Williams of The Varsity Club (w/ Kevin Sullivan).  Hawk and Rotunda start.  Hawk gets the better of it and Rotunda bails.  Hawk gives chased, but is blocked by referee Teddy Long.  Animal tags in.  He gets whipped towards the enemy corner and drops Doc with an elbow smash.  Animal press slams Rotunda.  Doc runs in and gets the same treatment.  Hawk and Doc tag in and brawl.  Hawk hits an atomic drop and a clothesline.  Cover, but Rotunda pulls him off.  Doc hits a clothesline and taunts Animal.  Rotunda tags in and hits an elbow drop for 2.  Hawk kicks out with authority.  Animal tags in and grabs a headlock.  Doc tags in and Animal gabs him too.  They go for a backdrop suplex, but Animal flips out and dropkicks them, then hits a double clothesline.  Animal gets low bridged out of the ring.  Doc drops him in the hard floor.  Back inside, the heels get the heat on Animal.  Hawk gets the tag, but the referee didn’t see it.  Animal continues to play face in peril.  He eventually drops Rotunda with a lariat.  Doc prevents him from making the tag.  Animal clotheslines Doc.  Hawk gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Animal shoves the ref.  Doomsday Device on Rotunda.  Sullivan and Ellering brawl on the floor.  Long refuses to count for the Road Warriors.  Doc schoolboys Hawk and Long makes a fast count to give the Varsity Club the titles in 11:37.  Okay match.  This must be the beginning of Teddy’s heel turn and becoming a manager.

Jim Ross interviews some pissed off Road Warriors and Paul Ellering at ringside.

Ranger Ross vs. The Iron Sheik (w/ Rip Morgan).  America vs. Iran.  Sheik sings the Iranian national anthem, then jumps Ross and chokes him with his robe.  Sheik hits a side suplex, then chokes Ross with his own shirt.  Ross hits a suplex for 1.  Rosss beats up Sheik.  Sheik applies an abdominal stretch.  Ross rallies and kicks Sheik in the head.  Cover.  Morgan hits Ross with the flag to cause the DQ in 1:55.  Sheik and Morgan attack Ross.  Junkyard Dog makes the save.

Bob Caudle interviews Ric Flair, who is going for his 6th World Championship tonight.

NWA United States Tag Team Championship Match: Rick Steiner & Eddie Gilbert (c) of The First Family (w/ Missy Hyatt) vs. Kevin Sullivan & Dan Spivey of The Varsity Club.  The heels attack the champs before the bell and get the jump on them.  The much larger Spivey beats up Gilbert.  The much shorter Sullivan tags in and provokes Steiner, who kindly distracts referee Tommy Young so Spivey can beat up Gilbert on the outside.  Gilbert continues to take abuse from the Varsity Club.  Steiner gets the tag and runs wild on Spivey.  Powerslam gets 2.  Steiner hits a belly to belly.  Sullivan breaks the cover.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Steiner clotheslines Spivey and both tumble out of the ring.  Gilbert nails Sullivan with Hyatt’s Gucci bag and cradles him for the pin in 3:51, even though neither were legal.  The Varsity Club beat up Gilbert, but Steiner makes the save with a chair.  It was short.

Wrestling Hotline!

2/3 Falls Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (c) (w/ Bonnie & Richie Steamboat) vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.  Terry Funk has joined Jim Ross for commentary on this match.  Flair and Steamboat lock up.  Steamboat pushes Flair into the corner and slaps him.  They trade holds and do some amateur-type stuff o the mat.  Steamboat slaps the piss out of Flair again, then wins a power arm lock contest.  Flair gets the ropes to break and bails.  They lock up again.  Steamboat hits a hip toss and gets a side headlock takeover.  They work around the headlock for a bit.  I always enjoy that.  They trade chops.  Back to the headlock.  Flair forces Steamboat into the corner and chops him.  Steamboat replies with a chop that knocks Flair off his feet.  Steamboat hits a big back body drop.  Flair lands a closed fist punch.  Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then hits a clothesline and goes back to the headlock.  Steamboat beats up Flair a bit.  Flair face plants and Steamboat covers for 2.  Flair hits an inverted atomic drop.  Steamboat drops Flair with another chop for 2.  Steamboat hits a shoulder block for 2.  Another chop gets 2 for Steamboat.  Flair bails and face plants at ringside.  Back inside, Flair lands some chops.  Steamboat responds in kind.  Steamboat gets another near fall.  Steamboat hits a vertical suplex and goes for a splash, but Flair gets his knees up.  Flair goes to work on Steamboat.  Flair hits a butterfly suplex and tries to hold Steamboat down, but gets only a series of 2 counts.  Steamboat fires back, but whiffs a dropkick.  Flair goes for the figure-four, but Steamboat cradles him ala Chi-Town Rumble.  Flair cuts back the cradle and pins Steamboat to win the first fall in 19:35.  Commercials.  They go at it again.  Steamboat hits a diving chop for 2.  Flair hits a backdrop suplex and a knee drop.  He misses a second knee drop and Steamboat attacks his leg.  Steamboat locks in the figure-four.  Flair suffers for a moment, but gets the ropes.  Steamboat locks on a crab hold.  Flair gets another rope break and hides out in the corner.  Steamboat goes back on the attack anyway.  They do some more sweet mat wrestling, then end up outside.  Flair sends Steamboat into the barricade and slams him on the floor.  Coming back inside, Flair jerks Steamboat’s neck down across the ropes.  Flair suplexes Steamboat back inside for 2.  Flair applies an abdominal stretch and turns it into a ground Cobra Twist for 2.  Flair tries to pin Steamboat with his feet on the ropes, but fails.  Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then a jackknife hold for 2.  Flair goes back on the offensive.  He goes up top, but Steamboat cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Steamboat applies a double chickenwing armlock and Flair submits to give Steamboat the second fall in 35:03.  Insta-commercials.  They keep going hard at it.  Flair hits a shin breaker and applies the figure-four.  Steamboat quickly gets the ropes.  Flair argues with the referee.  They do some stuff.  Flair does the Flair flip in the corner and runs into a chop from Steamboat on the apron.  Flair begs off, then trips up Steamboat and goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but only gets 2.  Steamboat misses Flair in the corner and gets hung their briefly, injuring his knee.  Flair goes to work on the leg and reapplies the figure-four.  Steamboat suffers for a while, but finally roles into the ropes.  Flair sends Steamboat’s bad leg into the apron.  Flair hits a diving cross body for 2.  Steamboat goes for a slam, but his leg gives out and Flair gets another 2 count.  Steamboat hits a flying headbutt and a chop, then comes off the top with the diving cross body for 2.  Steamboat hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Steamboat goes for a springboard sunset flip.  Flair fights it, but Steamboat gets him over for 2.  Flair clamps on a sleeper hold.  Steamboat nearly goes out, but rallies and manages to send Flair outside.  Back inside, Steamboat lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Steamboat comes off the top rope, but Flair avoids it and goes back to work on Steamboat’s leg.  They trade chops.  Steamboat wins the exchange and beats up Flair int he corner.  Flair goes for an inverted atomic drop, but Steamboat blocks it and chops him.  Cover, but Flair gets his foot on the rope.  Flair elbows Steamboat on the head and hits a backdrop suplex.  Flair goes up top again.  Steamboat throws him off.  Steamboat gets the chickenwing armlock again.  Steamboat’s leg gives out and they fall back, putting both mens’ shoulders on the mat.  Steamboat lifts his at the last second and gets the pin in 55:30, even though Flair’s foot is under the rope.  Steamboat retains the title.  Great match, but I disagree with those who say this is better than Chi-Town Rumble.  Insta-commercials.

Jim Ross interviews NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ricky Steamboat.  He’s ready to move on from Ric Flair.  They examine the video and see that Flair’s foot was on the bottom rope.  Steamboat agrees that Flair deserves another shot.

Enjoyable show.  Flair/Steamboat is a classic and I really dug the Orton/Murdoch match and the Muta showcase.

NWA Clash of the Champions V: St. Valentine’s Massacre

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2011 by Grappleholic

Cool opening video.  Clash of the Champions open.  We’re LIVE from Cleveland, Ohio.  Jim Ross and Magnum T.A. hype up the show.  The ring announcer is… a guy I don’t recognize.

The Russian Assassins (w/ Paul Jones) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette).  Lane feigns some of his hokey karate crap.  The Russian pushes him across the ring.  They lock up.  Lane does his hokey karate crap.  Eaton tags in and works the Russian’s arm.  The Russian slams Eaton and tags in the other Russian.  Ross says it’s #2.  Lane tags in and heats a weak clothesline.  MX double team Russian Assassin #2.  We get an inset promo from Paul E. Dangerously while the match is going on.  Jones takes his coat off and acts like he wants to fight Cornette.  Lane hits Jones with hokey karate kicks.  The Russians console Jones.  Paul E. joins Ross and Magnum for commentary.  The MX clean house.  Cornette hits one of the Russians with the tennis racket on the outside.  The Russians fail to get any heat going.  They pull the switcheroo and get the advantage on Lane.  Lane is sent outside.  Cornette threatens Jones with the tennis racket to keep him from getting in a cheap shot… just like Cornette got in a few minutes ago.  The Russians get the heat on Lane.  It’s boring.  Lane catches one of them with a cross body for 2.  That’s called a hope spot, kids!  The Russians keep the heat on Lane.  The legal one tries to apply a crab hold, falls over, and grabs the ropes to apply a half crab.  Eaton makes the save.  Russians try to double team Lane, but Eaton prevents it again.  Eaton gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Paul E. leaves the booth.  MX hit the Rocket Launcher on one of the Assassins.  Eaton gets the pin in 13:15.  This wasn’t any good.  I normally like the MX, so the Russians must have sucked.

Bob Caudle interviews Ricky Steamboat, who is holding the baby who would grow up to be Richie Steamboat.  They show video of Steamboat beating up Ric Flair.

Steve Casey vs. “Hacksaw” Butch Reed.  They lock up.  Reed pushes Casey into the ropes, then poses.  Reed hits an arm drag and dances a bit.  They lock up again.  Reed pushes Casey into the ropes again.  This time he doesn’t give a clean break.  Casey hits a dropkick and an arm drag.  Casey cranks on Reed’s arm.  They trade arm locks.  Casey wins that exchange and takes Reed down the mat, where he keeps working on the arm.  Reed powers his way to his feet and backs Casey in the corner.  Casey hits another arm drag.  Reed slams Casey, but Casey holds on to the arm.  Reed gets a rope break.  Reed hides in the safety of being near the ropes for a bit.  Reed gives Casey a taste of his own medicine by working his arm.  Reed pulls Casey’s hair.  Casey hits an arm drag to reverse the momentum in the battle of who can hurt whose arm more.  Reed pushes Casey into the ropes.  Casey hits… another arm drag.  Casey works the arm some more.  Reed bails.  After a bit of time wasting, Reed calls for a test of strength.  Casey stupidly obliges.  Reed wins the test of strength, of course.  Casey finally escapes and gets a hammerlock.  Reed gouges his face.  Reed throws Casey out of the ring and poses.  Casey gets back to the apron.  Reed pulls his head across the top rope.  Casey fights his way back into the ring and makes his comeback.  Reed cuts him off with a forearm to the back of the head and applies a camel clutch.  It transitions into a rear chin lock.  Said rear chin lock continues for some time.  Casey tries to fight back again, but Reed throws him out of the ring again.  This match has officially gone on longer than the MX match.  Reed hits a suplex for 2.  Reed argues with the referee.  Casey tries to make his comeback, but Reed avoids a dropkick.  Reed applies a rear chin lock again.  He has a foot on the bottom rope just to be a dick.  I’m pretty sure that would actually decrease your leverage, Magnum.  Teddy Long accuses Reed of using the ropes.  Nothing comes of that.  Casey fights out of the rear chin lock and makes his comeback.  Casey hits corner punches, a hip toss, and a monkey flip.  Casey lands a couple of dropkicks.  He goes for a cross body, but Reed catches him and press slams him.  Reed goes up top and hits a diving shoulder block for the pin in 17:42.  This would have been fine at 5 minutes.  At almost 18, it was WAY too long and boring.

NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair comes out to the ring with Hiro Matsuda and a bunch of random women.  Bob Caudle interviews him.  Flair puts himself over and calls out Ricky Steamboat.  He offers Caudle his pick of the women.  Caudle isn’t interested.  Steamboat comes out.  Flair talks about how boring monogamy is and says he’ll beat Steamboat at the PPV on Monday.  Steamboat talks about what a scumbag Flair is.  Flair tells Steamboat to “go home and help the missus with the dishes.”  Steamboat attacks Flair and they begin to fight.  Caudle and women awkwardly stay in the ring.  Steamboat rips off Flair’s suit and gives him a press slam and a back body drop, then hits the diving cross body and gets a phantom three count.  Hiro Matsuda wakes up after being decked earlier and he and Flair double team Steamboat.  Steamboat makes his own comeback, sends Flair out of the ring, and knocks him into the crowd.  Steamboat comes back to the ring and puts on the tattered remains of Flair’s suit.  The crowd approves.  Steamboat rips it off and throws the pieces to the crowd, who still approve.

Coming up, The Road Warriors!  The Total Package!

The Blackmailer (w/ Hiro Matsuda) vs. “The Total Package” Lex Luger.  They lock up.  Luger shoves Blackmailer across the ring.  Repeat.  Luger blocks a wrist lock.  Blackmailer grabs a headlock.  Luger throws him off and absorbs a shoulder block.  Luger grabs a headlock, then drops Blackmailer with a shoulder block.  Blackmailer bails.  Back inside, the lock up again.  Luger grabs a headlock again.  Blackmailer tires of this shit and hits a backdrop suplex.  Luger no-sells it.  They stare at each other.  They lock up again.  Luger grabs another headlock.  Blackmailer backs Luger into the corner and beats on him a bit.  Luger reverses a whip, hits a back body drop, and does… a side headlock takeover.  Luger lets go and the walk around and look at each other.  They lock up again.  Blackmailer lands some blows.  Luger hits a powerslam.  Luger does… another side headlock takeover.  He works it for a while, then hits a press slam.  Luger charges, but Blackmailer ducks and Luger tumbles out of the ring.  Blackmailer pulls Luger’s neck into the top rope to keep him out of the ring.  This match will never end at that rate.  He chokes Luger against the ropes, then knocks him off the apron again.  Luger hits a slingshot sunset flip for 2.  They trade punches.  Blackmailer scrapes Luger’s eyes and goes on the offensive.  Blackmailer grabs a rear chin lock.  Luger escapes and gets caught in the balls.  Luger blocks a suplex attempt and hits one of his own.  Blackmailer beats on Luger.  Luger hulks up and makes his comeback.  Luger hits a superplex for the pin in 13:02 to end it.  That was a message to Barry Windham, who Luger will challenge for the United States title at Chi-Town Rumble.  This pretty much sucked.

Still to come, the Varsity Club vs. The Fantastics.

Michael Hayes delivers NWA World Television Champion Rick Steiner to Bob Caudle for an interview.  I’m pretty sure Steiner’s early gimmick was that he was borderline retarded.

NWA United States Tag Team Championship Match: Mike Rotunda & “Dr. Death” Steve Williams (c) of The Varsity Club (w/ Kevin Sullivan) vs. The Fantastics.  Sullivan & Williams won the titles, but the Varsity Club is using the Freebirds rule.  Rotundo and Rogers lock up.  Rotundo hits a fireman’s carry.  Rotundo takes him down.  Rogers gets back to his feet.  They stare at each other for a while.  Rogers hits an arm drag.  They stare at each other again.  Rogers grabs a side headlock.  Rotundo pulls his hair.  Rotundo does the drop down, leap frog, and is met with a clothesline, which gets 2 for Rogers.  Doc tags in and beats up Rogers, which is probably the most enjoyable thing on this show so far.  Rogers avoids an elbow drop and tags in Fulton.  The Fantastics hit a double dropkick.  Fulton swivels his hips.  They lock up.  Doc hits a shoulder block, then takes Fulton down.  We get an inset promo from Rick Steiner, who just had an interview 5 minutes ago.  Fulton fights back, but Doc takes him down again.  Rotundo takes in.  Fulton gets a sunset flip for 2.  Doc tags in.  Rotundo takes Fulton down to keep him from making the tag.  Fulton ducks some clotheslines and hits a cross body for 2.  Rogers tags in and hits a dropkick.  Doc recovers immediately and pounds on Rogers.  Rogers takes a rough looking bump off of a back body drop.  Rotundo tags in and lands an elbow smash on Rogers, then slaps Fulton.  Rogers fights back and tags in Fulton.  Fulton hits a knee lift for 2.  Fulton hits corner punches.  Doc decks Fulton and sends him to the floor.  With the referee distracted, Williams drops Fulton across the guardrail.  Fulton plays face in peril as the Varsity Club put a beating on him.  Fulton gets his knees up to block a splash from Rotundo.  Williams tags in and keeps Fulton from making the tag.  Rogers comes in the ring to attack Doc and is immediately forced out by the referee.  Fulton stays in the pressure cooker.  Doc hits an impressive press slam  and a football tackle.  Fulton holds onto the ropes to avoid the Oklahoma Stampede and lands on top of Doc.  Rogers gets the hot tag and RUNS WILD~!  Rotundo trips Rogers from the outside.  Rogers avoids an elbow drop and fights back, but gets sent to the floor.  Fulton makes a comeback.  Rogers hits a diving cross body on Doc.  Rotundo stomps Rogers in the back of the head.  Doc gets the pin on Rogers in 13:25.  For the first time all show, I can say I enjoyed this match.

Up next, The Dragon in action!

Bob Bradley vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (w/ Bonnie & Richie Steamboat).  Bradley talks trash.  They shove each other.  Steamboat ducks a punch and hits an atomic drop and some punches and a chop.  Bradley bails.  They lock up.  Bradley hit a hip toss.  They lock u p again.  Bradley hits a body slam.  Bradley hits an arm drag.  Steamboat hits a hip toss and a few slams, then a pair of the best arm drags in the history of professional wrestling.  Bradley bails.  Steamboat slingshots him back into the apron and rams his face into the mat.  Bradley bails again.  Steamboat joins him and gets slammed on the floor and sent into the barricade.  Back inside, Bradley rakes Steamboat’s eyes and hits a body slam.  Bradley lands an elbow smash and another body slam, and a clothesline.  Steamboat avoids Bradley in the corner.  Bradley does the Flair flip.  Steamboat hits an arm drag into an arm lock.  Bradley telegraphs a back body drop.  Steamboat succeeds with one, then hits another arm drag.  The leap frog each other.  Steamboat hits a hip toss and another arm drag.  I will never complain about Ricky Steamboat doing arm drags.  Bradly does a drop down, leap frog, leap frog, elbow smash.  Bradley hits a sidewalk slam.  Steamboat avoids a diving headbutt and drops Bradley with a chop.  Steamboat hits a diving chop and a diving cross body for the pin in 6:24.  See, kids?  In the magical land of 1989, a guy getting a title shot on the next PPV wins matches to build himself up!  What a novel concept.  The match was okay.

Coming up, JYD, Sting, & Michael Hayes!  Also, Rick Steiner.

Non-Title: Rip Morgan vs. NWA World Television Champion Rick Steiner.  Morgan stomps the mat.  Steiner bites his leg.  We get an inset promo from Mike Rotundo while Morgan beats up Steiner.  Steiner hits a Steiner Line and sends Morgan out of the ring.  They lock up.  Morgan beats up Steiner in the corner.  Steiner no sells blows to the head.  Because he’s too dumb to feel them, see?  Morgan hits a clothesline.  Steiner hits a powerslam, then barks and gets on all fours.  Morgan stomps around some more.  They lock up again.  Morgan beats on Steiner.  Morgan hits an elbow smash for 2, then grabs a rear chin lock.  Morgan hits a body slam.  Steiner avoids a diving splash and makes his comeback.  Morgan avoids an elbow drop and bear hugs Steiner.  Dumb move.  Steiner hits a belly to belly suplex for the pin in 4:41.  Steiner drinks something a fan throws in the ring.  It was okay.

Bob Caudle interviews Sting, Junkyard Dog, & Michael Hayes, who are going for the Six-Man Tag Team titles tonight.  They go back down into their dressing room.  Kevin Sullivan comes in and locks the gate leading to the babyface dressing room.  They can’t get out and they’re in the main event NEXT!  What will they do?

The Road Warriors and Genichiro Tenryu come out for the main event.  The Varsity Club hit the ring and attack them.  The bell rings, so I guess this is the main event now.

NWA World Six-Man Tag Team Championship Match: NWA World Tag Team Champions The Road Warriors & Genichiro Tenryu (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. NWA United States Tag Team Champions The Varsity Club.  They brawl while we get an inset of Doug Dillinger trying to open the door for Sting, JYD, & Hayes.  Animal clotheslines everybody.  They keep cutting to the back and interrupting the match.  Hawk beats up Sullivan.  Tenryu and Rotundo lock up.  Tenryu lands a chop and a dropkick.  Rotundo begs off.  Cut to the back again.  Don’t these fuckers know what bolt cutters are?  Tenryu drops Doc with an enzuigiri.  Hawk tags in and gives Doc a clothesline.  Cut to the back, where Sting, JYD, and Hayes are finally released.  Animal and Doc lock up.  Animal powers Doc into the heel corner.  Doc and Rotundo double team Animal.  Rotundo sends Animal’s shoulder into the post and the barricade.  Varsity Club get the heat on Animal.  Hawk gets the hot tag, but the referee didn’t see it.  The Varsity Club hit a spike piledriver on Hawk.  Sting, Hayes, and JYD hit the ring for a three-way brawl.  It’s a double DQ in 5:47.  And this was lame.  Folks are bawling all over the place.  Cut to commercials.

People are still brawling.  Ross and Magnum hype Chi-Town Rumble.  Roll credits.

I think I enjoyed one match on this show.  The rest of it was pretty suckish.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/18/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews and Booker T are the announcers.  Tonight, The Big Show & Kane take on The Corre for the Tag Team Championship!  Wait a second… didn’t they announce The Corre vs. Edge & Christian for the titles during Raw?  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Geeks at ringside are putting together the Cole Mine.  Michael Cole gets his own entrance.  Fucking ugh.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Brodus Clay (w/ Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez).  Edge hammers Clay with punches, who takes them like a big man should.  Edge comes off the top rope, but Clay catches him and gives him an Exploder.  Clay goes to work on Edge’s arm.  Edge fails a tornado DDT.  Clay succeeds with a clothesline, then fails with a headbutt.  Edge fails the Edgecution, but gives Clay a drop toe hold into the turnbuckles.  Edge hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge goes for a sunset flip.  Clay sits on him for 2.  Edge avoids a running ass to the corner and hits a diving bulldog headlock.  Edge goes for the spear.  Ricardo distracts the ref.  Del Rio trips Edge.  Clay does something to him for 2.  Christian comes out and attacks Del Rio.  Clay headbutts Christian off the apron.  Edge spears Clay for the pin in 5:09.  Fun match.  I greatly enjoy Brodus Clay.  Del Rio attacks Edge after the match.  Christian makes the save.  They brawl outside the ring and over the announce table.  Referees break it up.  Teddy Long comes out and books Del Rio vs. Christian for tonight inside a Steel Cage~!

Next, Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus, Champion vs. Champion!  Matthews says Champion vs. Champion is rare.  He is blatantly lying to you, because it’s WWE doctrine to shamelessly and unapologetically lie to their fans.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Sheamus vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Sheamus attacks Kofi’s arm.  Cole is fucking obnoxious and should fuck off and die.  Kofi fights back and hits corner punches.  Sheamus drops Kofi’s face into the top turnbuckle.  Sheamus hits a short lariat for 2.  Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2, then applies a hold.  Kofi fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick in the corner, then hits the diving cross body.  Sheamus rolls through and goes for a powerslam.  Kofi escapes and lands some blows.  Kofi hits a side Russian leg sweep, a big chop, and the Boom Drop.  He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Sheamus bails to the apron and pulls Kofi’s neck across the top rope.  Kofi fights out of the Irish Curse and hits the S.O.S. for 2.  They go outside and Kofi hits a clothesline off the steps.  Sheamus kicks the steps into Kofi’s leg.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the brogue kick for the pin in 5:16.  It was okay.

They show the recent happenings with Kane, The Big Show, and The Corre.

The Big Show and Kane chat backstage.  Show wants to bury the hatchet and win the tag titles.  Kane goozles him.  Show goozles Kane back.  They break their goozles.  Kane says “You complete me.”  I’m confused.

Trent Barreta vs. Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes has new music, a towel over his head, and is still wrestling in his suit.  Rhodes beats up Barreta and heatbutts him with the face mask for the pin in 48 seconds.  Well… there ya go.

They show Alberto Del Rio injuring Christian back in September.  They meet in a cage TONIGHT!

Kansas City!

Replay of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Layla in action next.  Ugh.

Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kelly Kelly.  McCool on commentary does not make this better.  They shove each other.  Kelly rams Layla’s face into the turnbuckle, then stomps on her.  Kelly  does a tarantula headscissors thing, then hits a Lou Thesz press.  Kelly hits an X-Factor for 2.  Kelly goes for the handspring to the corner, but Layla dropkicks her.  Kelly rams Layla’s head into the mat, then gets on her shoulders, then falls off, then dropkicks her.  Kelly goes up top, but McCool yells at her.  Layla pulls her down and pins her in 2:05.  This was terrible.

Tag titles are NEXT!

Sin Cara vignette.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre vs. The Big Show & Kane.  Kane beats up Gabriel.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Gabriel flips over Kane’s back and tags in Slater, who promptly gets beaten up by Kane.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Slater takes out Kane’s leg.  The Corre go to work on it.  Gabriel dives at Kane, but gets caught with an uppercut.  Show tags in and runs wild on Slater.  Show hits the chokeslam  on Slater.  Gabriel pulls the referee out of the ring to cause the DQ in 3:03.  Kane throws Gabriel into the ring.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Wade Barrett and Ezekiel Jackson appear and attack Show and Kane.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Show.  Kane tries to fight back, but gets beaten down as well.  Show tries to make the save, but gets beaten down again.  The Corre put one section of steps on top of Kane and hit it with the other one.  Jackson and Barrett drop Show on the announce table, which awkwardly doesn’t break.

Todd Grisham, who is still employed, interviews Alberto Del Rio, who is not an animal.

Jack Swagger vs. Chris Masters.  Jobber entrance for Masters, who I’m sure will be doing the job.  They show Swagger and Cole beating up Jim Ross on Raw.  Swagger beats up Masters while Cole practically masturbates at ringside.  Masters hits a Samoan Drop.  Masters goes for the Master Lock, but Swagger backs him into the corner and goes for the ankle lock.  Masters kicks Swagger out of the ring.  Swagger rams Master’s ankle into the post, then locks in the ankle lock for the win 1:56.  Well, that’s done.  Cole gets in the ring and puts Masters in the ankle lock and screams “COME ON LAWLER!” repeatedly.  I can not wait for Lawler to punch Cole in the face at WrestleMania.

Rey Mysterio is headed our way.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  2 Raw guys on the show for no apparent reason.  Mysterio slides under Dibiase, but Dibiase pounces and pounds on him.  Rey sends Dibiase into the turnbuckles, then dives off the top.  Dibiase meets him with a dropkick for 2.  Rey goes for a rana, flips out, lands on his feet, and eats a clothesline.  Cover gets 2 for Dibiase.  Dibiase applies a chin lock.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker.  Mysterio goes to the apron and goes for a springboard something.  Mysterio ends up planting Dibiase with a DDT.  Dibiase hits a weird reverse powerbomb for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Mysterio counters it.  Mysterio hits the 619 and the diving splash for the pin in 3:35.  This felt way longer than 3:35.  I wasn’t into it.

They show Christian returning at Elimination Chamber to save Edge from Alberto Del Rio.  They meet in a cage TONIGHT~!

WrestleMania hype.

The cage is being lowered.  The main event is NEXT!

I’m watching the UK version of Smackdown, which includes a random “From The Vault” with part of a Triple H & Undertaker vs. Edge & Big Show match.  Jim Ross and Tazz are the announcers, so this must be from 2008 or 2009.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Steel Cage Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian.  They tear into each other immediately, which is the way and grudge match in a steel cage should start.  Del Rio counters the Killswitch and sends Christian to the corner, then clotheslines him.  Christian reverses Del Rio’s whip and Del Rio climbs up the cage.  Christian follows and they fight on the top rope.  Del Rio either goes for a German suplex or some prison rape.  Christian avoids both unpleasant fates, but does suffer a top rope Samoan Drop that looked like it sucked for both guys.  Insta-commercials.  Don’t try this at home!  Del Rio kicks Christian in the face and stomps on him.  Del Rio telegraphs a back body drop and gets kicked in the face, but avoids a charge and throws Christian into the cage, then pushes Christian’s face into the fence with his foot.  Del Rio hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio tries to climb out of the cage, but Christian pulls him down by the foot.  Del Rio kicks Christian in the leg, then tries to harpoon him into the cage.  Christian saves himself with his hands, then hits a reverse DDT for 2.  Christian beats up Del Rio and launches him into the cage.  Cover gets 2.  Christian tries to get out through the door, but Del Rio prevents it.  Christian tries to climb out of the cage.  Del Rio tries to prevent that, gets knocked down with an elbow, then jumps up to the top rope and drops Christian with an enzuigi for 2.  Del Rio tries to get out through the door, but Christian isn’t having that shit.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special, but Christian counters and hits the Killswitch for 2.  Christian climbs again.  Del Rio pulls him down and beats him up against the cage.  Del Rio climbs to the top of the cage.  Christian joins him.  They fight on top of the cage.  Del Rio rams Christian’s face into the steel.  He starts to go down the side, but Christian climbs on his back.  They fight, and Del Rio knocks Christian to the floor.  Christian wins the match (9:36 shown).  Good match.  Del Rio attacks Christian afterward and says he’s going to destroy him with a chair.  Edge appears in Del Rio’s entrance car and honks the horn to get Del Rio’s attention.  Edge teases vandalizing the car.  Del Rio begs him not to.  Brodus Clay appears and attacks Edge, putting him down with a chair shot.  Del Rio delivers a con-chair-to to Edge’s arm.

Besides the opener and the main event, this show was pretty lame.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/14/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

The Rock appears on the screen pretending to talk to President Obama on the phone.  John Cena’s music plays.  A kid dressed like Cena appears in Rock’s office.  Rock has a talk with “Cena,” makes him cry, and gives him some Fruity Pebbles.  Rock then cuts a serious promo on The Miz.

Trish Stratus chats with Snooki backstage.

Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Cole is in a plexiglass box.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion The Miz comes out.  They show his various recent attacks on John Cena.  Miz cuts a promo on The Rock.  iBooker dings in.  Cole leaves the Cole Mine to read it, so what’s the point of the Cole Mine?  Lawler punks him down and reads it himself.  Tonight, there are to be 2 never before seen matches: Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio and Miz vs. Great Khali, the latter of which is next.  Commercials

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz vs. Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Miz goes on the attack.  Khali lightly shoves him down.  Khali beats up Miz, who looks like a midget by comparison.  Khali applies the head vice.  Miz gets a rope break.  Alex Riley appears and attacks Khali to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Khali gives Riley the crown chop and the tree slam.  Miz wears out Khali with a chair.  So let me get this straight: THE WWE CHAMPION, 3 WEEKS BEFORE WRESTLEFREAKINGMANIA, COULDN”T BEAT THE GREAT FUCKING KHALI?  It’s not like Khali has any fucking credibility anyway, since the last time he was on Raw he was doing the stupid kiss cam.  Miz DDTs Khali on the chair.

Cole promises to “expose” Jerry Lawler tonight.  Also, Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

From Smackdown: Triple H cut a promo on The Undertaker.

Saint Louis!

John Morrison hits on Snooki backstage.  Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupt.  Vickie talks shit to Snooki.  Snooki slaps her.  Vickie throws a fit.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) (w/ Gail Kim) vs. Sheamus.  Sheamus promised to quit if he lost, but he seems to be having second thoughts about that.  They lock up and wrestle a bit.  Sheamus hits a shoulder block for 0.  Bryan back flips over Sheamus and hits a drop toe hold.  He goes for the LeBell Lock, but Sheamus rolls to the apron.  Bryan kicks him off and lands a tope suicida.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Sheamus bails.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Bryan in a neck crank, having gained the advantage during the break.  Sheamus beats on Bryan.  Sheamus lands a knee lift for 2.  Bryan catches an inside cradle for 2, then back body drops Sheamus to the floor.  Sheamus sells a leg injury like he did last week.  Sheamus makes it back in.  The referre stands in Bryan’s way.  Sheamus goes for the brogue kick, but Bryan ducks and locks in the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Bryan counters into a cradle for 2.  They trade elbows.  Bryan lands a flurry of kicks for 2.  Bryan goes up top and dives.  Sheamus kills him in midair with the brogue kick for the pin in 8:59 to win the title.  Fun match, even if the Bryan mark in me is a little bummed he lost the title.

Cole promises to interview someone from Lawler’s past next.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Last week, Michael Cole introduced JBL as his WrestleMania referee, but Stone Cold Steve Austin intervened and signed on for the job.  Also, beer was poured on Michael Cole, which was awesome.

Michael Cole is obnoxious, then introduces his guest, Lawler’s son Brian Christopher.  Christopher comes out dancing to the old Too Cool music and looking older than his dad.  The crowd does not give a fuck.  Christopher talks about what a shitty dad Lawler was.  Lawler retorts about what a fuck up Christopher is.  Christopher asks Lawler how he feels about Christopher competing at WrestleMania before him, then shoves and slaps his dad.  He says he never used Lawler’s name because he’s ashamed of him.  Cole starts to shit talk Lawler again.  “Boomer Sooner” plays and Jim Ross comes out!  Cole shit talks JR.  They banter for a bit.  Cole continues talking shit, then Ross acts like he wants to fight.  Jack Swagger appears from somewhere and jumps Lawler, then beats up JR and puts him in the ankle lock.  Lawler wakes up to make the save.  Cole jumps on his back.  Swagger knocks Lawler down and puts him in the ankle lock.  Cole puts JR in the ankle lock.

Tonight, Cena vs. Del Rio!  It could be a big money drawing match in 6 months to a year, so of course they’re giving it away free with no build!  Orton vs. Ryan is next.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Randy Orton punting Michael McGillicutty 2 weeks ago, and David Otunga last week.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan (w/ CM Punk).  Punk watches from the stage since he isn’t allowed at ringside.  They lock up, then brawl.  Ryan hits a backbreaker for 2.  Ryan hits 2 more backbreakers for 2, so an extra backbreaker does not equal an extra count.  Ryan applies a bear hug.  Ryan hits a side Rock Bottom for 2.  He goes for it again.  Orton hits the RKO for the pin in 3:00.  At least it’s over.  Punk can’t have Nexus fight his battle for him at WrestleMania.  Orton stares at Punk for a while, then returns to the ring and punts Ryan, then humps the mat while glaring at Punk.  Punk backs away in fear.

Earlier tonight, Snooki/Vickie Guerrero stuff.  Commercials.

Saint Louis.

New Hall of Famer: Drew Carey.  Are you fucking serious?  I hate WWE.

Michael Cole decides he hasn’t been obnoxious enough tonight, so he’s obnoxious some more.

Cena vs. Del Rio tonight.

Trish Stratus and Snooki are walking backstage.  Zack Ryder hits on Snooki, who approves of his abs.  Commercials.

Snooki comes out.  She’s not nearly as obnoxious as that parody of her in TNA.  She says Trish Stratus will shut up Vickie Guerrero.  She leaves to sit at ringside.  Vickie comes out and is obnoxious.

No DQ Match: Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus.  Vickie does jumping jacks and football exercises.  Trish schoolgirls her for 2.  Dammit.  Trish pie faces Vickie.  Vickie bails and runs around the ring.  Trish chases her back in.  Vickie cackles and tries to use a shoe as a sword, then throws it.  Who throws a shoe, honestly?  Trish spanks Vickie with her own shoe.  Dolph Ziggler runs in.  John Morrison hits the ring and takes him out, then hits him with a dive.  Michelle McCool and Layla appear and attack Trish.  Michelle kicks Trish with the loaded boot.  Vickie covers and gets the pin while LayCool sit on her back in 2:27.  So Vickie has a job.  Fuck.  All of the obnoxious women are obnoxious together.  McCool talks shit to Snooki, who is very short.  McCool shoves Snooki.  Snooki pulls her down face first into the apron, then attacks Layla in the ring.  Trish stops McCool from making the save.  Vickie throws a fit.  The heels escape.  Ugh.  Vickie challenges Morrison, Trish, & Snooki to face Ziggler & LayCool at WrestleMania.  Snooki agrees.  Joy.

Cena vs. Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Sin Cara vignette.

Video of Shawn Michaels talking about The Undertaker.

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.

Alberto Del Rio (w/ Brodus Clay) vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Del Rio takes Cena down with a side headlock.  Del Rio hits a shoulder block.  Cena makes a comeback.  Cole insists that The Rock is here.  Commercials 5 minutes into the overrun.  Del Rio lands a dropkick for 2.  Cena turns a headlock in a backdrop suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  Cena makes his standard comeback and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brodus Clay attacks Cena to cause the DQ in 7:19.  The Rock’s music plays, but it’s The Miz wearing a very believable skin cap.  Miz, Del Rio, and Clay beat down Cena.  Miz hits the Rock Bottom.  Okay, now I can see the outlines on the skin cap.  Del Rio gives Cena an enzuigiri.  Clay delivers a fall away slam.  Miz does The Rock’s corner pose, then takes off the stupid skin cap and goes outside to ram Cena’s back into the post.  Miz hits Cena with a microphone and talks shit to him.  Miz suplexes Cena on the stage, then picks him up.  Cena fights back and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz counters and DDTs Cena on the stage, then throws him into the set, then gives him the Skull Crushing Finale.

Parts of the show were passable, but mostly… just fucking ugh.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 1/28/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video of recent goings on.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero is already in the ring screaming in her nails on a chalkboard voice.  She says Teddy Long won’t be there tonight, so she’s gonna run the show into the ground.  Randy Orton comes out.  He says he’s only here to show his appreciate for being invited here tonight.  He says she’ll have to excuse him for what he does to her boyfriend tonight, just like Miz will have to excuse him for taking the WWE title on Sunday.  He creepily puts his arm around her and compliments her hair.  Everyone so badly wants to see Vickie get RKO’d.  He looks at her threateningly.  Dolph Ziggler comes out and gets all emo.  He and Orton banter.  Ziggler demands respect.  Orton says respect has to be earned, then drops Ziggler with an RKO.

Tonight, Edge & Randy Orton take on The Miz & Dolph Ziggler!

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Michelle McCool & Layla vs. Kelly Kelly & Kaitlyn.  Team KKK jump LayCool in the aisle and kick their asses.  The match finally starts.  Kaitlyn eats a boot from MCCool, but rallies and beats her up some more.  Layla intervenes.  McCool boots Kaitlyn in the face for the pin in 40 seconds.  I guess it served its purpose and was thankfully short.

Kofi Kingston insists that we don’t try this at home.  There’s always random shit like that on the UK broadcasts.

Speaking of random shit from the UK broadcasts, we get part of an Undertaker/Big Show Steel Cage Match from 2008.  Jim Ross and Tazz are doing commentary.  I fast forward for a bit.  Undertaker wins with the Hell’s Gate.

Drew McIntyre vs. JTG.  Kelly Kelly is at ringside, probably because she couldn’t find her way back to the locker room.  Cole calls her on her hypocrisy, having just participated in a pre-match attack after bitching at McIntyre for kicking ass last week.  JTG beats up McIntyre and dropkicks him to the floor.  McIntyre drags JTG out of the ring and kicks his ass.  Back inside, McIntyre gives JTG a bunch of neckbreakers for 2.  McIntyre beats JTG’s ass some more.  McIntyre hits a nice dropkick for 2.  McIntyre applies a shoulder hold.  JTG gets a crucifix hold out of nowhere for 2.  McIntyre takes offense and stomps on JTG’s face.  McIntyre gets some 2 counts, then goes back to the shoulder hold.  JTG fights out and gets a backslide for 2.  JTG makes his comeback.  McIntyre rolls through another backslide attempt and hits the Future Shock for the pin in 4:36.  Fun little match.  Kelly gets in the ring.  McIntyre wisely blows her off and leaves.

Tonight, Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO!

Cincinnati!

They show Rey Mysterio breaking Cody Rhodes’ face last week.

Todd Grisham interviews Cody Rhodes, who won’t face the camera.  He says that since his face is broken, he can’t wrestle and he’ll have to have reconstructive courtesy.  He’s all emo because he’s not Dashing anymore.

Jack Korpela interviews World Heavyweight Champion Edge.  He talks about The Corre, then moves onto his tag match tonight.

Alberto Del Rio is headed our way.  He meets Michael Tarver, who is randomly hanging around backstage again.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio comes out and says he’s going to do a Royal Rumble Exhibition with 39 fighters from all over the world.  Really?  Some guy named Seth Allen comes out.  Del Rio kicks his ass and tosses him.  Mike Stevens is next.  Del Rio kicks his ass.  Kane comes out and kicks Del Rio’s ass.  Del Rio rallies and rocks Kane with an enzuigiri.  Kane recovers and goes for a chokeslam.  WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston comes out and bundles both of them over the top rope.  So I guess he wins.  Or not.  Del Rio and Kane surround him.  Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out to even the odds.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and books them in a tag match RIGHT NOW!  Insta-commercials.

Kane & Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston & Rey Mysterio Jr.  Kane beats up Kofi.  Kofi dropkicks Kane’s knee, then kicks him in the face.  Del Rio tags in and beats up Kofi.  Kofi rallies and makes the tag.  They double team Del Rio.  Mysterio is rocking wonky half gold/half silver gear tonight.  Del Rio avoids Mysterio in the corner, causing him to tackle the turnbuckle.  Kane tags in.  Mysterio gets him into position and goes for the 619.  Kane bails.  Mysterio hits him with a baseball slide dropkick.  Kofi tags in.  Kofi and Mysterio hit stereo baseball slide dropkicks.  Kofi hits Del Rio with a tope suicida.  Mysterio hits Kane with the Bombs Away to the floor.  Back inside, Kofi goes up top.  Del Rio pushes him off.  The heels get the heat on Kofi for a while.  Mysterio gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Mysterio tries to springboard, but Kane boots him to the floor.  Insta-commercials.  Heels get the heat on Mysterio.  Mysterio plants Kane with a whirling DDT.  Kofi and Del Rio tag in.  Kofi runs wild.  Del Rio catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and a diving cross body.  Kane saves.  Del Rio argues with Kane for being knocked off the apron a minute ago.  Kane boots him in the face and leaves.  Mysterio hits the 619.  Kofi follows with the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (12:23 shown).  Good match.

Highlights of Edge/Miz from Raw.

Tonight, Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO!

The Big Show comes out, all smiling and happy.  They show him being jumped by The Corre 2 weeks ago.  He turns from happy to pissed off.  He likens the attack to being in the Royal Rumble.  The Corre come out.  They have t-shirts now.  They surround the ring.  Show challenges any of them to fight one on one.  Slater jumps Show from behind.  A referee appears and rings the bell.

The Big Show vs. Heath Slater (w/ Wade Barrett, Ezekiel Jackson, & Justin Gabriel).  Show kicks Slater’s ass.  Slater takes out Show’s knee.  Show caves on Slater’s chest with a chop and makes his comeback.  Show hits the chokeslam for the pin in 1:17.  The rest of the Corre jump Show.  R-Truth, Chris Masters, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, and Daniel Bryan hit the ring and clear out The Corre.

Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO is TONIGHT!

Beth Phoenix warns us to not try this at home, school, or anywhere else.

Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” video and hype.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Cole mizzes his pants.  Miz cuts a promo about the Truman Doctrine of all things.  He says this has nothing to do with the Royal Rumble, then talks about Randy Orton.  Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero come out.  The main event is NEXT!

WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Rated RKO (World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Randy Orton).  Orton wants Miz, but of course, Ziggler starts.  They lock up.  Ziggler backs Orton into the corner and cheap shots him instead of giving a clean break.  Orton explodes with a clothesline and beats up Ziggler.  Miz annoys him from the apron, so Orton goes after him.  Orton chases Miz right into Ziggler, who beats him up.  Orton hits a Lou Thesz press with punches, then tags in Edge.  Edge hits a diving clothesline on Ziggler for 2.  Ziggler hits a face buster for 2.  Miz tags in and beats up Edge.  Orton tags in and beats up Miz.  He hits the powerslam and humps the mat.  Insta-commercials.  Ziggler beats up Orton.  The announcers blame the random cut away on technical difficulties.  Heels get the heat on Orton.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Miz goes for the corner clothesline, but Orton explodes with a clothesline of his own.  Edge and Ziggler tag in.  Edge runs wild.  Edge goes for the spear.  Riley gets on the apron.  Edge decks him.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic on Ziggler.  Miz saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Orton takes Miz outside.  Edge avoids the Zig Zag and spears Ziggler for the pin (7:42 shown).  Fine match.  Vickie Guerrero screams that the spear is banned.  That’s fucking stupid.  She says if Edge uses the spear at the Rumble, Ziggler automatically wins the title.  I hate stupid stipulations like that.  So does Edge.  He spears Ziggler off the apron, then spears him twice more for good measure.  Man, they buried Ziggler six feet under tonight.

Pretty fun show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/22/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then the “this stuff happened last week” video.  New Raw open, featuring Donald Trump.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Trump Raw, LIVE and commercial free from Green Bay, Wisconsin!  Tonight, Triple H vs. Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship!

Lillian Garcia introduces Donald Trump, who comes out escorted by either Kelly Kelly or some other generic blond bimbo.  He plays a total babyface, talking about how Vince is a taker, but he is a giver.  He says he’s going to refund everyone’s ticket money.  I could rant here, but I digress…

John Cena comes out and basically repeats what Trump just said, but adds that he has a match with Big Show tonight.  They show a video package of The Miz making fun of Cena recently, then Cena calls him out.  Miz calls him a coward from the stage.  Cena challenges him to come to the ring and say that, so Miz does.  Cena vs. Miz is made for the Bash.  Cena talks about all the stuff he’s been through and he’s never been rattled.  Cena completely tears him down.  I hope he doesn’t job him out that bad at the PPV.  Miz cheap shots Cena and runs away.

Earlier today: Vince McMahon’s limo broke down.  Vince tries to make the driver give him a piggy back ride to the arena (a short walk from where they were standing).  Funny segment.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham are at the commentary with Kentucky Grilled Chicken.  Tonight is Mr. McMahon’s farwell address.  Now, we have a Smackdown match!

Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio Jr., & Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Edge, WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho, & Dolph Ziggler.  World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk comes down to do commentary.  Khali destroys Ziggler, who quickly tags Jericho.  Khali throws the heel team out of the ring.  Jeff takes them all out with a cannonball dive, then Mysterio dives off of Khali’s shoulders onto them.  Khali heads up top, but Jericho attacks him.  23 minutes until the Last Man Standing Match!  Mysterio tags in against Jericho.  He goes for the 619, but Edge prevents it.  Jericho drops him with a lariat.  Rey plays face in peril for a minute or so, then makes the hot tag to Hardy.  Hardy hits the front suplex on Ziggler, then Edge spears him.  Khali goes for the choke bomb, but Jericho prevents it.  Jericho hits a half assed Codebreaker.  Mysterio hits a double 619 on Edge and Jericho, then an Asai moonsault on Jericho.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb on Ziggler for the win at 5:11.  Punk comes in and raises Jeff’s hand.  Jeff, the poor sport he is, gets pissed and leaves.

Vince tries to go into Trump’s locker room, but it’s locked.  Santina Marella introduces his/her/itself to him.  Funny segment.  Trump comes out.  Vince is mad Trump took his office.  Trump says Vince’s office is down the hall.  Trump fires Santina.  She runs away as Santino steps into frame.  He is initially upset, but gets over it.  Clever.

The Colons come out and make fun of Ted Dibiase Jr. and Cody Rhodes and say they’ll beat them at The Bash.

Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Primo Colon (w/ Carlito) vs. Cody Rhodes (w/ Ted Dibiase Jr.).  They trade armlocks, then Rhodes kicks Primo’s ass.  Primo makes a comeback.  Jackknife hold gets 2.  Rhodes hits a Russian leg sweep for 2.  Primo gets an inside cradle for 2.  Primo hits a diving cross body, but Rhodes rolls through and pulls the tights for the pin at 3:54.

Vince finds Goldust and Hornswoggle and the locker room.  Goldust reminds Vince that Horny was once his bastard son.  Goldust puts his wig on Vince.  Vince yells at him, then finds his office: a toilet, which Festus was using.

Triple H/Orton video package.  I’m so sick of these two.

Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Triple H. They fight.  I’m bored.  Orton attacks Triple H’s knee.  Orton nails him with the ring steps, then keeps working the knee.  Orton tries to use a chair, but Triple H kicks it into his face.  Orton nails him in the head with the chair.  Triple H makes it up at 8.  Orton tries to set up something on the announce table, but Triple H hits him with a low blow.  Triple H sets up the Pedigree, but Orton counters and drops him with the RKO on top of the table.  Triple H makes to his feet at 9, then backdrops Orton on the table.  They both make it up at 8.  Triple H nails Orton with a monitor.  They fight up the ramp.  Spinebuster on the ramp by HHH.  Ouch.  Orton makes it up at 9.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton backdrops him out of it.  Hunter miraculously makes it to h is feet.  They’re down off the ramp now.  HHH counters an RKO attempt and pushes Orton over the barricade.  Up again.  Triple H goes for Orton with a ladder.  Orton ducks and and some poor bystander gets murdered.  HHH falls and knocks over another production guy too.  Orton grabs the ladder.  They’re on the stage now.  Orton hits HHH’s injured leg with the ladder, then nails him in the face, then Pillmanizes the leg with it.  Orton tells the ref to stop the count so he can punish Triple H some more.  Orton sets up the ladder.  Orton goes for an RKO off the ladder.  Triple H counters and hits him with the ladder.  Pedigree on the stage.  Triple H can’t make it to his feet because of the bad knee, so it’s a draw at 20:03.  Weak.  Orton retains.  Triple H gets another lick in after the match.  This whole thing was fucking lame.

Punk/Hardy Bash hype.

Another Miz/Maryse segment.

This Friday on Smackdown, Hardy & Mysterio vs. Edge & Jericho in a Steel Cage Match!

Trump comes out again, this time escorted by Maria and Eve.  Trump says instead of a General Manager, he’s going to appoint a celebrity host every week.  He says something about WrestleMania XXVI, then Vince comes out.  Trump wants to make Raw free and with no commercials every week.  Ricockulous.  Vince wants to buy back Raw.  Trump says no.  Vince keeps offering more money, but Trump keeps shooting him down.  Trump finally agrees with Vince offers him double what he paid.  Vince fires Trump, then Trump slaps him.  This whole fucking angle was pointless.

Clips of the Cena/Show feud, which I’m every bit as sick of as I am Triple H vs. Orton.

Vince tells Dibiase and Rhodes to leave, then tells Orton he’s facing Triple H at the Bash in a 3 Stages of Hell 2/3 Falls Match (Regular match, Falls Count Anywhere match, and Stretcher match).

This Thursday on Superstars: Kofi Kingston defends the United States Championship against MVP and Matt Hardy in a Triple Threat Match.

Mickie James & The Bella Twins vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, & Rosa Mendez.  Heels get heat on one of the Bellas.  Hot tag to Mickie, who hits a neckbreaker on Rosa.  Beth saves.  Bellas dropkick her.  Maryse distracts Mickie and Rosa tries to hit her from behind, but Mickie nails her with a superkick for the pin at 5:06.

Clips of Cena and a Cubs game.

Cole and Lawler are in the ring to run down the Bash card.

The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block that sends him out of the ring.  Show hot shots Cena into the barricade.  Back in the ring, Show spears him.  I love the Show spear.  Show works Cena over.  Cena fights back with… a headlock.  Show backdrops him.  I cringe.  Cover gets 2.  Show keeps killing him.  Cena makes a comeback and bitches the diving Fameasser, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show gets the chokeslam out of nowhere, but Cena kicks out.  Boo.  Show’s Vader Bomb gets 2.  Cena avoids the camel clutch and locks in the STF with no problem, even though they just had a long boring PPV match based on the fact that Cena couldn’t put it on Show.  Miz runs down.  Cena decks him.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz pushes them down and Show gets the pin at 10:25.  Miz poses over Cena.

Triple H jumps Orton in the parking lot and slams the trunk of Orton’s car on his back.  Triple H tells Orton he’s going to hell this Sunday.  Fin.  And thank God.  This show sucked.